1
00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:02,460
{\pos(192,235)}I have a kid.
2
00:00:02,629 --> 00:00:03,753
{\pos(192,235)}His name is Jabbar.
3
00:00:03,921 --> 00:00:05,671
{\pos(192,235)}- {\Hey, }Did you take the test?
- The test?
4
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:08,424
- The paternity test.
- I want to get a paternity test.
5
00:00:08,593 --> 00:00:11,594
- I'm Mark Cyr, 11th-grade english.
- My daughter's teacher.
6
00:00:11,763 --> 00:00:14,847
- {\You know what? }I'm trying to impress you.
- It worked.
7
00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:17,072
- You must be Julia.
- This is Racquel.
8
00:00:17,197 --> 00:00:18,539
You are so amazing.
9
00:00:19,491 --> 00:00:20,491
All right.
10
00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:31,488
Honey.
11
00:00:39,638 --> 00:00:41,791
{\pos(192,240)}Honey, I have to wash Max's bandana.
12
00:00:42,804 --> 00:00:43,704
{\pos(192,240)}It's filthy.
13
00:00:43,829 --> 00:00:46,476
{\pos(192,240)}If he's gonna be a pirate,
at least he's gonna be a clean pirate.
14
00:00:46,601 --> 00:00:49,632
{\pos(192,240)}It's like ring around the neck.
My god, {\and }his behavior aide gonna be here
15
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,642
{\pos(192,240)}at 10:00, and we both need to be
on the same page with all this stuff.
16
00:00:52,767 --> 00:00:55,597
{\pos(192,240)}I have a thousand questions that I want
to ask her, {\and }you know whatelse?
17
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:58,255
I forgot to tell you that Haddie
has a biology test, you know,
18
00:00:58,380 --> 00:01:00,309
{\and }she has not even studied for it.
Not once.
19
00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:02,770
Really getting me mad.
She doesn't even{\, like,} care about it.
20
00:01:02,939 --> 00:01:04,230
{\Hey, }We just had morning sex.
21
00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:05,773
Like, free, bonus,
22
00:01:05,942 --> 00:01:08,543
unadulterated,
like, pre-kid morning sex.
23
00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:09,568
It was nice.
24
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,040
- It was...
- Nice?
25
00:01:11,165 --> 00:01:13,815
- It was amazingly nice.
- Amazingly nice?
26
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,165
{\Yeah.}Chop-chop. Let's go.
27
00:01:16,290 --> 00:01:17,686
Just meet me downstairs.
28
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:23,400
Nice?
29
00:01:26,642 --> 00:01:29,088
Why does school start so early?
8:30,
30
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,256
so dumb.
31
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:34,510
- And Monday. Why not start Tuesday?
- Shouldn't we be the ones complaining{\, no}?
32
00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:37,638
- {\Well, I'm just saying,}Why start on Monday? {\Why}Not {\start }on Tuesday?
- Can you pull over up here?
33
00:01:38,060 --> 00:01:39,515
- {\Why? }What do you mean?
- Just stop{\ right here, please}.
34
00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:40,914
School's over ther.
35
00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:44,521
Are you kidding me? I'm so embarrassing
that I can't drop you off
36
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,332
- in from of school?
- Kind of.
37
00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:49,078
- Morning.
- Hi.
38
00:01:49,683 --> 00:01:50,860
Don't mondays suck?
39
00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:53,200
I was just saying that.
I literally just said that.
40
00:01:53,325 --> 00:01:54,625
That's so weird.
41
00:01:55,752 --> 00:01:56,990
I'll see you in class.
42
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,073
- Bye.
- Bye, Mr. Cyr.
43
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,301
We {\just }lost our key witness
in our Downey-Smith trial.
44
00:02:15,695 --> 00:02:17,751
- What are you doing here?
- Don't know...
45
00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:19,554
I got the results
of the paternity test.
46
00:02:19,934 --> 00:02:22,322
I didn't really want
to open it by myself.
47
00:02:22,962 --> 00:02:25,059
So maybe you could help out.
48
00:02:25,399 --> 00:02:26,604
That's really sweet,
49
00:02:27,017 --> 00:02:28,916
and it's also kind of pathetic.
Here.
50
00:02:29,041 --> 00:02:31,692
There's no pictures of me at all
in this whole office.
51
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,611
You're embarrass to have me
in the family?
52
00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:37,239
By the way, I got you and Jabbar
into Joel's Wednesday playgroup.
53
00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:39,784
- Wait, you got us in?
- There's a three-month wait list.
54
00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:42,453
- For a playgroup?
- How long is this gonna take? Open it.
55
00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:45,039
{\Well, }I mean, can't we work up to it?
56
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:46,582
Can you... Open it.
57
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,542
{\What are you... }What are you in such a hurry for?
58
00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:50,620
Are you afraid of being a father
or not{\ being a father}?
59
00:02:50,745 --> 00:02:51,545
{\Yeah }Both.
60
00:02:51,714 --> 00:02:53,404
- You're a wimp.
- You're a tyrant.
61
00:02:53,529 --> 00:02:54,757
You're welcome.
Open it.
62
00:03:14,935 --> 00:03:15,935
He's mine.
63
00:03:18,109 --> 00:03:19,259
I'm a father.
64
00:03:22,025 --> 00:03:23,025
So...
65
00:03:23,607 --> 00:03:24,607
So...
66
00:03:26,515 --> 00:03:27,581
{\Whoo, whatat...}What do I do now?
67
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:28,874
{\I mean, }What's the...
68
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,792
I'm supposed to got to...
69
00:03:31,020 --> 00:03:32,320
buy a microwave,
70
00:03:33,198 --> 00:03:34,898
and move to the suburbs?
71
00:03:36,305 --> 00:03:39,430
- {\My god, }We got to tell Mom and Dad.
- Yes, you do.
72
00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:42,074
- No, we'll go together, you and I.
- Grow up.
73
00:03:42,199 --> 00:03:45,015
Growing-up means asking for help,
which I'm doing.
74
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:48,018
That's king for very mature of you,
but also grow up and do it yourself.
75
00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:51,063
I don't think you've read one of those
books. I think that's all for show.
76
00:03:53,342 --> 00:03:56,360
You want to frame this for your office?
'cause this might be the document
77
00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,416
that made me grow up.
It'd look great here.
78
00:03:58,541 --> 00:04:01,115
{\ I mean, }I know you don't want any pictures
of me, so maybe just this.
79
00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:02,282
You'll be fine!
80
00:04:05,116 --> 00:04:06,286
Hi, I'm Gaby.
81
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,455
Hi.
82
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:09,789
I'm Max's behavioral aide.
83
00:04:12,910 --> 00:04:14,252
- Come in.
- Thanks.
84
00:04:21,721 --> 00:04:24,775
So how do you usually start
with a kid like Max?
85
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,628
Well, you guys tell me.
86
00:04:26,753 --> 00:04:29,094
What would be most helpful
to get started with?
87
00:04:29,219 --> 00:04:30,219
Thank you.
88
00:04:30,359 --> 00:04:32,438
Honey? {\what... }What do you think?
89
00:04:32,869 --> 00:04:33,869
God...
90
00:04:34,996 --> 00:04:37,610
I don't even know where to begin.
There's so many things{\ I mean}...
91
00:04:37,779 --> 00:04:39,689
{\Well, }If the were a behavior of Max's
92
00:04:39,814 --> 00:04:42,448
you could wave a wand
and change, what would it be?
93
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,158
How much'd a wand like that cost?
94
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,160
Gosh, in the mornings,
95
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,679
it takes him a really long time
to get ready,
96
00:04:49,804 --> 00:04:50,997
like a really long time.
97
00:04:51,369 --> 00:04:52,419
His diet...
98
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,877
He's got a very limited diet.
He'll only eat certain things,
99
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:58,328
- cooked in certain ways.
- {\Right, like, }He'll only eat eggs if they're cooked.
100
00:04:58,453 --> 00:04:59,673
In the orange frying pan.
101
00:05:00,059 --> 00:05:02,843
That sort of behavior normal
for a kid with Asperger's?
102
00:05:03,232 --> 00:05:04,720
The orange frying pan is new.
103
00:05:05,247 --> 00:05:07,014
It's weird,
even for a kid with Asperger's.
104
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:08,766
Great.
105
00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,434
And he has tantrums,
106
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:13,604
temper tantrums, sometimes severe.
107
00:05:13,992 --> 00:05:15,689
- {\I don't know if }I wouldn't call them severe.
- Biting,
108
00:05:16,094 --> 00:05:17,566
- the fish tank.
- All right.
109
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,317
- There was an incident.
- Okay.
110
00:05:19,442 --> 00:05:21,499
Okay, tell me...
How's he doing socially?
111
00:05:21,624 --> 00:05:23,906
Does he have a lot of friends?
Does he have playdates?
112
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,639
Max doesn't really have any friends.
113
00:05:35,167 --> 00:05:37,086
Okay. Why don't we start there?
114
00:05:40,192 --> 00:05:41,292
That's good.
115
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,638
United Team
116
00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:53,247
Blackart
117
00:05:54,241 --> 00:05:56,096
Lafeelicita
118
00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,918
Lestat
119
00:06:00,043 --> 00:06:02,161
Lili B
120
00:06:03,244 --> 00:06:05,280
MiniBen314
121
00:06:05,542 --> 00:06:07,375
Salomon
122
00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:09,478
valpi
123
00:06:28,585 --> 00:06:30,305
{\pos(192,225)}1x06 - The big "O"{\pub}
124
00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:34,766
A horned lizard can squirt
blood from its eyes.
125
00:06:34,891 --> 00:06:37,478
The armadillo lizard can curl
itself up into a tight ball,
126
00:06:37,603 --> 00:06:39,100
to protect itself from attack.
127
00:06:39,225 --> 00:06:42,232
The sungazer lizard has spikes
that cover its whole body.
128
00:06:42,357 --> 00:06:44,051
And lots of lizards
can change colors.
129
00:06:44,176 --> 00:06:45,580
That's very cool, Max.
130
00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:49,100
{\pos(192,225)}So we've been doing
what you want for 20 minutes.
131
00:06:49,225 --> 00:06:51,660
{\pos(192,225)}- It's time to try one of my games.
- No way.
132
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,218
{\pos(192,235)}Hey, Max, be polite.
133
00:06:53,343 --> 00:06:55,699
{\pos(192,235)}Max, you get to choose
whichever one you want.
134
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,293
He doesn't like board games at all.
We've tried.
135
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:02,212
{\pos(192,235)}When you make a deal, he has to hold up
his end of the bargain.
136
00:07:04,732 --> 00:07:06,425
{\pos(192,235)}All right, Max, check this out.
137
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:10,679
- Cool.
- This is the deal, okay?
138
00:07:11,041 --> 00:07:14,324
Every minute you play one
of these games, you get a sticker.
139
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,894
I have a whole bunch of them
in my bag here, all right?
140
00:07:17,190 --> 00:07:20,022
{\pos(192,225)}So you get up to 20 stickers,
cash them in,
141
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:22,344
{\pos(192,225)}you get the book.
What do you say?
142
00:07:22,955 --> 00:07:25,819
How about I get the book first,
143
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,216
{\pos(192,225)}then we play the game?
144
00:07:27,986 --> 00:07:29,623
{\pos(192,225)}I know how you feel, {\'cause }you know what?
145
00:07:29,748 --> 00:07:32,652
{\pos(192,225)}I used to always want
my dessert before my dinner,
146
00:07:33,686 --> 00:07:36,958
{\pos(192,225)}and it always turned out
I had to have my veggies first, so...
147
00:07:38,733 --> 00:07:41,543
- Forget it, then.
- Max! Honey, you know what?
148
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,087
Why don't we go get a cookie?
149
00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:45,881
{\pos(192,225)}No{\, no, no} cookies.
You got to stick with the plan.
150
00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,716
- Okay.
- You gotta be firm. Okay?
151
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:48,801
{\pos(192,225)}I'm sorry.
152
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:50,761
{\pos(192,225)}Max, no cookie today.
The reward is the book.
153
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:51,845
I want {\the book}it.
154
00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:54,780
- So we're gonna have to play a game.
- No. I want the book.
155
00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:57,017
{\When he has that tone...}When he has that tone,
156
00:07:57,290 --> 00:07:58,887
{\pos(192,185)}all bets are off.
He's gonna lose it.
157
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,709
{\pos(192,185)}- That's okay.
- He's gonna lose it.
158
00:08:01,138 --> 00:08:03,545
Listen, Max,
nothing here is gonna change,
159
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,776
unless you put Guacamole
back in the cage.
160
00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:09,073
You make the choice.
161
00:08:12,439 --> 00:08:13,690
Sorry, Guacamole.
162
00:08:20,986 --> 00:08:22,084
{\pos(192,225)}{\Okay, }Let's pick a game.
163
00:08:31,266 --> 00:08:32,586
Hey, Amber, what's up?
164
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,038
{\pos(192,225)}I was just wondering...
165
00:08:36,094 --> 00:08:38,577
{\pos(192,225)}I know I didn't seem
very excited about it in class,
166
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:42,590
but I was just wondering
if you were still trying to get people
167
00:08:42,715 --> 00:08:46,900
to join that weird literary magazine
thingy, the spectrum?
168
00:08:47,636 --> 00:08:49,069
Yeah{\, yeah}. Are you interested?
169
00:08:49,330 --> 00:08:51,729
{\I mean, }Sure, I guess,
'cause I have to have, like,
170
00:08:52,269 --> 00:08:54,992
extracurricular activities anyway,
so I might as well, like, right?
171
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,202
{\Well, }With a passionate plea like that,
172
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,927
how can I say no?
Yeah, {\that's... }that's great.
173
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:03,744
That's fantastic. So I guess
the next step is we are formatting,
174
00:09:03,869 --> 00:09:05,627
tomorrow after school
in the computer lab.
175
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,084
- So just go there.
- Cool.
176
00:09:08,422 --> 00:09:10,783
Formatting in computer labs.
177
00:09:11,116 --> 00:09:12,968
And here I thought
it would be nerdy and lame.
178
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,440
Not at all.
179
00:09:14,565 --> 00:09:16,768
And then we're gonna be
footnoting and endnoting,
180
00:09:16,893 --> 00:09:18,693
and it's gonna be so cool.
181
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:21,121
- Great.
- Bunch of cool people.
182
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,054
You have chalk on your...
183
00:09:24,771 --> 00:09:28,025
It's an occupational hazard.
I put it there on purpose.
184
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,404
{\All right, }See you around. Thanks, Amber.
185
00:09:37,311 --> 00:09:38,411
This is new.
186
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:40,905
Has it been washed before?
187
00:09:42,247 --> 00:09:43,582
I don't think so.
188
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,343
- {\Well, }I should wash it separately.
- {\No, }You can wash it with {\all }the other tees.
189
00:09:46,468 --> 00:09:49,379
{\Well, }It's red, you know. It'll bleed
if it hasn't been washed before.
190
00:09:49,626 --> 00:09:51,843
- {\All right, well, }If you don't mind, Then I guess...
- I don't mind.
191
00:09:51,968 --> 00:09:52,991
Better. Okay.
192
00:09:53,116 --> 00:09:55,969
Jeez, didn't you do, like,
eight loads here last week?
193
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,305
- {\Jeez, }Get in a fight with a leaf blower?
- He just wants
194
00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:00,224
to visit us,
and this is a good excuse.
195
00:10:01,792 --> 00:10:03,685
Hey, I'm glad you're both here.
There's...
196
00:10:05,284 --> 00:10:08,774
{\There's }Something I've been meaning to tell you.
Somebody's come into my life recently.
197
00:10:09,671 --> 00:10:11,828
- Boy, here we go again.
- What happened to Katie?
198
00:10:11,953 --> 00:10:13,803
She was a nice girl, Katie.
199
00:10:14,109 --> 00:10:15,558
{\Yeah, }Nothing happened to Katie.
200
00:10:16,269 --> 00:10:17,908
You know, this is kind of serious.
201
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:19,644
{\Well, }Isn't it always serious?
202
00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:21,967
For the first week and a half.
203
00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:25,290
I'm so glad I can entertain you.
204
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,405
Come on, we're only joking.
205
00:10:28,392 --> 00:10:29,867
Tell us all about her.
206
00:10:35,437 --> 00:10:38,023
You know what?
I got to run to the studio.
207
00:10:38,943 --> 00:10:41,616
I'll tell you when
I get through with that.
208
00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:01,867
Sorry.
209
00:11:02,459 --> 00:11:04,193
Can you grab them in the corner?
210
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,448
- What will you have?
- I'm okay.
211
00:11:09,829 --> 00:11:11,420
Can we talk for just one second,
212
00:11:11,787 --> 00:11:13,042
maybe, over here?
213
00:11:13,463 --> 00:11:15,884
- Sorry. One second.
- Is...?
214
00:11:16,491 --> 00:11:19,052
- Very short.
- Is everything okay with Amber?
215
00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:22,723
Yeah, she's fine. No, I'm actually...
I'm here on my own behalf.
216
00:11:22,892 --> 00:11:24,523
I just wanted to...
217
00:11:26,295 --> 00:11:27,295
say...
218
00:11:27,829 --> 00:11:31,132
and, this is really lame
and probably embarrassing for me,
219
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,075
but I'm gonna say it.
220
00:11:36,799 --> 00:11:38,196
I really like you,
221
00:11:38,321 --> 00:11:40,407
Sarah, can I get
another drink down here{\, please}?
222
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,639
Just one second.
I'm sorry, go on.
223
00:11:42,764 --> 00:11:45,780
{\No, }That fine. I've been thinking about you
since we've met,
224
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:48,790
and you make me laugh,
and you make me feel good.
225
00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:50,959
And I just feel like there's...
226
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,280
Something that I'll tell you
in a second...
227
00:11:53,592 --> 00:11:55,456
After you take care
of your customer.
228
00:11:56,484 --> 00:11:57,584
Another one?
229
00:11:58,427 --> 00:12:00,527
- That's on the house.
- Sweet.{\ - Enjoy that.}
230
00:12:07,572 --> 00:12:09,448
I just sense
that there's a connection,
231
00:12:09,573 --> 00:12:11,752
even though, you know, I...
232
00:12:13,418 --> 00:12:15,901
- Whatever.
- Fall asleep when you {\try to }count to my age?
233
00:12:18,427 --> 00:12:19,977
No, despite that I...
234
00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:24,826
- Teach your daughter.
- I have a daughter?
235
00:12:28,283 --> 00:12:30,699
So I wanted to give you this.
236
00:12:32,299 --> 00:12:34,509
I know that texting is the thing
237
00:12:34,634 --> 00:12:36,842
that most of the kids
are doing nowadays,
238
00:12:37,091 --> 00:12:38,799
but {\I think }there's something more romantic
239
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,704
about pen and paper.
240
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:45,680
But don't open it right now.
I'm gonna go.
241
00:12:49,270 --> 00:12:52,058
It was nice to see you.
And just follow the directions.
242
00:12:52,753 --> 00:12:54,903
- All right, teach.
- All right.
243
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,401
{\I'm }Gonna go.
I like your seahorse.
244
00:12:57,874 --> 00:13:00,099
Thanks.
Nice to see horse you.
245
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,826
- You forgot the ice.
- Yeah?
246
00:13:16,252 --> 00:13:17,442
Ice, ice.{\pub}
247
00:13:22,833 --> 00:13:24,587
You're asking for my advice?
248
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:27,123
- It's true.
- This is so great.
249
00:13:27,308 --> 00:13:29,323
- I know.
- You never come to me.
250
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,059
Well, you know...
251
00:13:32,217 --> 00:13:35,354
There's a first for everything.
What's next? You asking me for advice?
252
00:13:35,713 --> 00:13:36,897
Yeah, maybe.
253
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,267
Sorry, go.
What is it?
254
00:13:38,732 --> 00:13:39,932
{\pos(192,235)}I met someone.
255
00:13:43,457 --> 00:13:44,674
{\pos(192,235)}He's great.
256
00:13:44,799 --> 00:13:46,740
{\pos(192,235)}He's Amber's teacher,
257
00:13:48,668 --> 00:13:50,780
{\pos(192,235)}- and he's kind of young.
- Is he legal?
258
00:13:51,286 --> 00:13:52,448
{\pos(192,235)}- Age?
- Yeah.
259
00:13:53,937 --> 00:13:55,646
He's 26, gross.
260
00:13:57,643 --> 00:13:59,712
- He's married.
- What? No.
261
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:02,873
Then what are you asking me about?
You're all systems go, is that it?
262
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:05,485
Do you not understand
the subtlety of the situation?{\ What about Amber?}
263
00:14:05,610 --> 00:14:07,846
The guy's younger than Julia.
He's younger than me,
264
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,614
- by a lot.
- Look...
265
00:14:11,832 --> 00:14:13,723
- You want to say yes.
- I do?
266
00:14:13,848 --> 00:14:15,371
That's why you're asking me.
267
00:14:15,496 --> 00:14:16,772
If you wanted to say no,
268
00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:18,939
you'd ask Dudley do-right
or judge Julia.
269
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:21,130
- You don't think it's weird?
- No way.
270
00:14:21,255 --> 00:14:22,655
- No rules.
- No.
271
00:14:23,143 --> 00:14:24,570
I didn't read a rulebook.
272
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:26,780
Thank you so much.
I feel much better.
273
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,282
This went pretty good.
274
00:14:28,452 --> 00:14:30,752
- I know.
- Right? For a trial run?{\- Pretty good.}
275
00:14:31,065 --> 00:14:32,953
{\Maybe }I'll start asking you
for all kinds of advice.
276
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:34,991
So, you know,
anytime you want advice...
277
00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:36,993
Really?
All right. Okay.
278
00:14:38,113 --> 00:14:40,630
And just, you know,
maybe to make it even,
279
00:14:41,122 --> 00:14:43,899
I'm just throwing this out there,
but what if you came with me
280
00:14:44,155 --> 00:14:46,155
to tell mom and dad about Jabbar?
281
00:14:46,467 --> 00:14:47,635
What? No.
282
00:14:47,805 --> 00:14:50,530
Wait, then you owe me one,
something else. Think about it.
283
00:14:51,792 --> 00:14:54,540
Thanks for your advice.
Tell them yourself, you freak.
284
00:14:54,665 --> 00:14:58,014
The standard-issue gun in the military
is the M4A1.
285
00:14:58,139 --> 00:15:00,922
Now, that's one of the most
famous assault rifles there is.
286
00:15:01,047 --> 00:15:02,405
This is great.
287
00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:04,387
I canceled a meeting to find out
288
00:15:04,512 --> 00:15:06,799
that we're paying $30 an hour
for a babysitter.
289
00:15:06,924 --> 00:15:08,737
- This is costing us lot of money.
- I know.
290
00:15:08,862 --> 00:15:11,158
I understand.
I just want to see some results{\, that's all}.
291
00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:13,786
- Well, do you have a gun?
- I do not have a gun, Max.
292
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:16,081
If you were gonna get a gun,
the AK-47 is...
293
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,234
This is great.
294
00:15:18,419 --> 00:15:20,544
She's playing ball with him
and looking up the hill.
295
00:15:21,778 --> 00:15:24,004
It looks like that girl{\ over there}
wants to play some four square...
296
00:15:24,379 --> 00:15:25,741
Over there by the tree.{\- Why?}
297
00:15:26,097 --> 00:15:29,045
- {\Why don't you }Go ask her if she wants to play?
- I'll just play with you.
298
00:15:29,170 --> 00:15:31,489
- Actually...
- I'll just play with you.
299
00:15:31,986 --> 00:15:34,683
She's gonna try to get him to play
with that {\kid...- Right. - That }girl by the tree.
300
00:15:34,852 --> 00:15:35,852
Good luck.
301
00:15:36,437 --> 00:15:38,436
A blizzard's coming in
later today too.
302
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,684
And you get a lizard
on the way home.
303
00:15:40,984 --> 00:15:43,225
- What kind of lizard?
- Any lizard you want.
304
00:15:46,523 --> 00:15:48,431
You know how many times
I've tried this?
305
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,915
Remember, look her in the eye, okay?
306
00:15:51,338 --> 00:15:53,228
Don't forget to give her a smile.
307
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,603
Hi, I'm Max.
308
00:15:55,378 --> 00:15:56,478
I'm Jessica.
309
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,354
- Do you want to play four square?
- Sure.
310
00:16:06,297 --> 00:16:07,840
- I did it.
- You'll get it.
311
00:16:08,588 --> 00:16:09,883
You'll get your lizard.
312
00:16:15,071 --> 00:16:16,321
How about that?
313
00:16:24,842 --> 00:16:26,792
You know, she just got lucky.
314
00:16:28,327 --> 00:16:29,577
No, she didn't.
315
00:16:39,770 --> 00:16:41,624
The dragon is hungry!
316
00:16:44,839 --> 00:16:46,189
Isn't he amazing?
317
00:16:46,541 --> 00:16:48,791
All kids should have
a male role model like Joel.
318
00:16:49,113 --> 00:16:51,293
Yeah, he's really great with them.
319
00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:52,795
It's a gift.
320
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:54,571
He's like a rock star.
321
00:16:54,948 --> 00:16:55,948
Big-time.
322
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,828
It looks like the princess
323
00:17:01,953 --> 00:17:04,730
- has some ants on a log for all of you.
- Look what Joel made{\ everybody}.
324
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,600
Who wants some of those?
325
00:17:07,812 --> 00:17:09,011
There they are.
326
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,294
- You wanna do that?
- Absolutely.
327
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,016
- Do you need anything?
- I'm good.
328
00:17:14,722 --> 00:17:15,784
Look at this.
329
00:17:16,099 --> 00:17:17,910
She's the president of his fan club.
330
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,411
- You okay?
- I think so.
331
00:17:26,775 --> 00:17:28,225
He's having a ball.
332
00:17:28,799 --> 00:17:31,000
I don't know how you did it.
333
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:34,125
I mean, I've been trying to do this
for so long,
334
00:17:34,295 --> 00:17:35,295
and I'm...
335
00:17:35,796 --> 00:17:37,096
I'm just amazed.
336
00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:40,543
Do you want a snack,
an apple or something?
337
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,267
- I have tons.
- How are you?
338
00:17:43,919 --> 00:17:45,438
- How am I?
- Yeah{\, how are you doing?}.
339
00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:46,398
I'm good.
340
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,483
- But I mean, like...
- I'm good, I promise.
341
00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:54,810
It's just so nice to see Max
play with other kids, you know.
342
00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:57,693
And you helped him do it.
343
00:17:58,224 --> 00:17:59,224
You did.
344
00:18:01,444 --> 00:18:02,865
None of this is easy{\, you know}.
345
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:06,741
I'm sorry. I just feel like a loser.
I feel like a total loser.
346
00:18:07,058 --> 00:18:09,572
I've been trying to do this
for so long,
347
00:18:09,851 --> 00:18:11,797
and you make it seem so easy.
348
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,691
I mean, just watching.
349
00:18:14,345 --> 00:18:15,345
It's not.
350
00:18:15,484 --> 00:18:18,814
It's hard, and I only work with him
a few hours a day.
351
00:18:18,939 --> 00:18:20,339
This is your life{\ you know?}.
352
00:18:22,895 --> 00:18:25,495
- I don't know how you it.
- I know. I...
353
00:18:27,025 --> 00:18:29,758
That's what nobody gets.
I try to explain...
354
00:18:30,415 --> 00:18:33,062
Just the worry...
The worry never goes away.
355
00:18:34,044 --> 00:18:37,666
Like, I find myself up late at night
just worrying about Max, and...
356
00:18:37,791 --> 00:18:40,102
Is there something
we should have tried?
357
00:18:40,227 --> 00:18:43,288
Something we should try?
When I'm not worried about him,
358
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:46,209
I'm worried about the fact
that I'm not worried about Haddie.
359
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:48,752
When I'm not worried about {\Haddie}her...
It's just like it never stops{\, you know?}.
360
00:18:49,903 --> 00:18:51,947
Adam and I...
Maybe we get a chance
361
00:18:52,072 --> 00:18:54,283
to spend some time alone,
just together...
362
00:18:55,025 --> 00:18:56,175
Some miracle chance.
363
00:18:56,345 --> 00:19:00,022
{\It's like }I cannot stop worrying long enough
to enjoy anything.
364
00:19:00,223 --> 00:19:03,423
Anything, like a movie
or a nice dinner or sex, if...
365
00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:07,595
My God, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't...
366
00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,044
I'm so sorry.
367
00:19:09,169 --> 00:19:11,100
- It's okay.
- Don't tell him I said that.
368
00:19:11,381 --> 00:19:12,381
I won't.
369
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:15,471
- 'Cause he does satisfy me a lot.
- I'm sure he does.
370
00:19:15,656 --> 00:19:17,100
He's got a good one.
371
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:22,836
Never mind.
372
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:25,412
You need to relax.
373
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:26,349
My God.
374
00:19:26,474 --> 00:19:28,924
Honestly,
you're too hard on yourself.
375
00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:31,920
You need to {\just }cut yourself some slack
and relax.
376
00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:38,327
Then I'm gonna go Hawaii,
and you can raise my son.
377
00:19:38,512 --> 00:19:40,260
I'll babysit.
How about that?
378
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:41,830
- Okay.
- Thanks.{\pub}
379
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:49,765
{\I don't think that }They're not gonna spring anything{\ on you}.
The deposition is {\now set for }Thursday morning.
380
00:19:51,037 --> 00:19:52,987
We're gonna go over all of it
381
00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:55,360
at the briefing beforehand.
{\- Thank you. - }You know what?
382
00:19:55,485 --> 00:19:57,864
Can I call you back about this?
{\Just }Give me a couple minutes.
383
00:19:57,989 --> 00:20:00,532
Something has come up in the family.
I'll call you right back.
384
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:04,320
Thank you.
385
00:20:04,445 --> 00:20:05,954
- For what?
- The playgroup...
386
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:07,855
was inspirational.
387
00:20:08,305 --> 00:20:09,305
I mean.
388
00:20:09,855 --> 00:20:11,459
Your husband is a rock star.
389
00:20:12,335 --> 00:20:13,635
He is, isn't he?
390
00:20:14,565 --> 00:20:15,565
I mean...
391
00:20:15,725 --> 00:20:19,675
No disrespect to Dad, but it's like
I finally have a role model now.
392
00:20:19,915 --> 00:20:22,175
You know, someone
I want to be like as a dad.
393
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:23,300
Oh, my God.
394
00:20:23,425 --> 00:20:24,514
Adam's a good dad.
395
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,976
Well, yeah, he's a great dad,
but he's not a rock star.
396
00:20:28,245 --> 00:20:30,895
Joel, on the other hand, wow.
397
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,481
- What do you mean by rock star?
- Well, he's worshipped.
398
00:20:34,905 --> 00:20:37,240
- Like a deity.
- Yeah, the kids love him.
399
00:20:37,365 --> 00:20:39,470
Well, not just the kids, believe me.
400
00:20:39,595 --> 00:20:40,945
What do you mean?
401
00:20:42,936 --> 00:20:44,600
- Nothing.
- You said "worshipped".
402
00:20:44,725 --> 00:20:47,175
- Who worships him?
- You know, the...
403
00:20:48,272 --> 00:20:49,272
The kids,
404
00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:53,257
and the two gay dads, Timmy and Tony,
or whatever, and me.
405
00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,336
- And the other moms.
- Which {\other moms}ones?
406
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,171
- All the other moms.
- All the {\other }moms?
407
00:20:57,635 --> 00:21:00,675
- Well, no, not all of them.
- Racquel? Is it Racquel?
408
00:21:01,015 --> 00:21:03,303
- I really couldn't say.
- You're such a bad liar.
409
00:21:04,635 --> 00:21:05,635
I know.
410
00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:07,899
So come on.
411
00:21:08,145 --> 00:21:09,976
So what is she like
when I'm not around?
412
00:21:10,485 --> 00:21:11,686
Look, I don't know.
413
00:21:14,115 --> 00:21:16,015
- Does she flirt?
- Well...
414
00:21:16,395 --> 00:21:18,610
You know, how does one
define flirting these days?
415
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:22,030
Gazing, smiling, touching, smiling
again, providing multiple beverages.
416
00:21:22,415 --> 00:21:23,415
Check.
417
00:21:24,585 --> 00:21:25,617
And ants on a log.
418
00:21:25,875 --> 00:21:28,745
But it's totally harmless.
I mean, Joel would never...
419
00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:31,210
No, I know. It's fine.
It's completely fine.
420
00:21:31,335 --> 00:21:33,374
- Okay, good.
- So give me details.
421
00:21:34,915 --> 00:21:35,915
Look...
422
00:21:36,055 --> 00:21:38,212
I don't really want to go
down this road with you.
423
00:21:38,615 --> 00:21:40,882
I'm new to the playgroup,
and it's just, like...
424
00:21:41,205 --> 00:21:44,455
the first rule of playgroup,
is there is no playgroup.
425
00:21:45,165 --> 00:21:47,265
You're gonna have to find
another source.
426
00:21:49,195 --> 00:21:51,255
- That's cool. I got what I need{\, Crosby}.
- Good luck.
427
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:53,939
- I've never played that.
- {\Yeah, }It's not that hard to play, though.
428
00:21:54,064 --> 00:21:56,537
- Yeah, {\I mean, }he's actually pretty good at it.
- Will you teach me?
429
00:21:56,662 --> 00:21:57,857
Hey, sorry I'm late.
430
00:21:58,025 --> 00:21:59,025
Come on.
431
00:21:59,355 --> 00:22:02,055
- There's no way.
- He did. I swear to God.
432
00:22:03,305 --> 00:22:04,621
- Hi, honey.
- Hi.
433
00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:09,035
Hey, Dad?
434
00:22:10,545 --> 00:22:12,830
- Is it okay if I go over to Jenna's?
- Yeah, sure.
435
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:14,475
- Okay, thanks.
- Hey, buddy.
436
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,841
I played with a girl at the park today,
{\and }so I got a lizard,
437
00:22:16,966 --> 00:22:18,252
and tomorrow {\I'm gonna}I'll get bugs.
438
00:22:18,903 --> 00:22:20,578
- That's great.
- He did so good.
439
00:22:23,805 --> 00:22:25,343
- Good day?
- Very good day.
440
00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:26,552
Thank you so much.
441
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,347
- And everything's working out?
- Yeah, everything's good.
442
00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:30,890
Got a plan for tomorrow?
443
00:22:31,058 --> 00:22:32,684
Should I get {\some }more {\of those }index cards?
444
00:22:32,809 --> 00:22:33,893
- Sure.
- {\Okay, }Perfect.
445
00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:36,446
- Everything is progressing all right?
- {\Yes. }Everything's {\going }great.
446
00:22:36,571 --> 00:22:37,605
You {\guys just }need to relax.
447
00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,392
- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
448
00:22:39,517 --> 00:22:41,372
- You're a gem.
- You relax tonight.
449
00:22:41,497 --> 00:22:42,797
You gotta relax.
450
00:22:46,085 --> 00:22:47,782
- Thank you.
- Mum's the word. Bye.
451
00:22:48,805 --> 00:22:52,120
She's working out great. {\I mean, }It looks like
everything's getting a lot better.
452
00:22:52,288 --> 00:22:55,999
Yes, they went so much better,
you don't even understand.
453
00:22:56,285 --> 00:22:57,385
Oh, my gosh.
454
00:23:02,375 --> 00:23:04,674
That early-morning shoulder massage
is paying off.
455
00:23:04,842 --> 00:23:07,920
Honey, Max played with this little girl
for hours...
456
00:23:08,045 --> 00:23:09,045
and hours.
457
00:23:09,956 --> 00:23:12,641
Is that what's making you all frisky...
Max's playdate?
458
00:23:12,766 --> 00:23:15,114
Not that there's
anything wrong with that.
459
00:23:15,239 --> 00:23:18,855
I was so wrong about her.
{\I mean, }She is, like, the best thing ever.
460
00:23:19,185 --> 00:23:21,357
I can't even...
Oh, she's great.
461
00:23:22,005 --> 00:23:23,105
She's great.
462
00:23:24,534 --> 00:23:26,612
What was that little wink-wink,
nudge-nudge all about?
463
00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:27,580
Where?
464
00:23:27,705 --> 00:23:30,408
You know, the little
"just relax tonight", and the little...
465
00:23:30,955 --> 00:23:33,070
- Wink she gave you there.
- Just had a little...
466
00:23:33,195 --> 00:23:34,730
had a little meltdown earlier.
467
00:23:34,855 --> 00:23:37,079
- Nothing big.
- Are you doing okay?
468
00:23:37,204 --> 00:23:40,501
I just, you know,
sort of ended up unloading on Gaby
469
00:23:40,669 --> 00:23:44,505
about how stressed I am, we are,
and how worried I am all the time,
470
00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:47,967
and how sometimes, you know,
it's hard for us to connect
471
00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:51,018
in certain ways,
and she was really helpful.
472
00:23:51,143 --> 00:23:52,180
What do you mean?
473
00:23:52,348 --> 00:23:54,128
How when we have...
474
00:23:54,735 --> 00:23:57,351
certain times together,
and I can't relax.
475
00:23:57,519 --> 00:24:00,322
We're keeping our private life private{\, right?}.
You're not talking to her about sex.
476
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:01,522
{\Honey, }Of course.
477
00:24:02,224 --> 00:24:03,983
{\Kristina, }Are you talking{\ to her} about our sex life?
478
00:24:04,264 --> 00:24:06,106
It's a natural thing. It was...
479
00:24:06,231 --> 00:24:08,531
It came up once, and it was just it.
480
00:24:09,031 --> 00:24:11,834
- She brought it up.
- {\Well, }What exactly are you telling her?
481
00:24:11,959 --> 00:24:14,281
I mean, you're not saying
that you're not enjoying it.
482
00:24:15,615 --> 00:24:18,204
Why would I tell her that?
That's so dumb.
483
00:24:18,329 --> 00:24:20,709
{\But I mean, }You are, aren't you?
I mean, you've been enjoying it.
484
00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:23,127
I mean, you've been satisfied?
I'm relaxed.
485
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:26,095
- I'm enjoying it. A lot.
- You're satisfied?
486
00:24:27,675 --> 00:24:28,800
- You sure?
- Yes.
487
00:24:28,925 --> 00:24:30,400
- Wait a minute.
- Feeling sexy.
488
00:24:30,525 --> 00:24:32,428
- What'd you tell her?
- What'd I tell her when?
489
00:24:34,245 --> 00:24:36,682
What?
Why are you looking at me like that?
490
00:24:36,850 --> 00:24:38,434
I'm starting to get sweaty. What?
491
00:24:38,602 --> 00:24:39,902
Have you been...
492
00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:42,605
Faking it?
493
00:24:45,335 --> 00:24:48,240
- Well, that doesn't look good. Clearly.
- I did not say that.
494
00:24:48,365 --> 00:24:50,405
- I did not say that.
- Clearly you have been.
495
00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:52,698
- Why would you do that?
- Honey, once in a while, I do.
496
00:24:52,866 --> 00:24:56,369
- You know, I don't want you to think...
- {\I don't want you to}Don't fake it, I want you to have...
497
00:24:56,537 --> 00:24:59,372
I don't want you to think
that I don't appreciate the effort.
498
00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:01,457
The effort?
What, like it's a science project?
499
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:04,043
- 'cause you do a good job.
- {\I don't need you to}Don't comfort me by faking it.
500
00:25:04,211 --> 00:25:06,504
Honey, I feel good.
Why don't you sit down and eat?
501
00:25:06,672 --> 00:25:08,624
Or drink?{\ Drink.}
Why don't you drink something?
502
00:25:08,749 --> 00:25:10,949
Why would you tell her about that?
503
00:25:11,216 --> 00:25:13,380
She listened to me,
and she opened up.
504
00:25:13,505 --> 00:25:16,556
So just now, I mean, just this...
You were faking it just before.
505
00:25:16,724 --> 00:25:18,146
Honey, understand something.
506
00:25:18,271 --> 00:25:20,689
I feel better today
than I have felt in so long.
507
00:25:20,814 --> 00:25:23,212
What about that time
after the Jon Stewart Daily Show?
508
00:25:23,337 --> 00:25:25,439
That was pretty intense.
That was the real deal, right?
509
00:25:26,915 --> 00:25:29,325
- {\I mean, }You weren't faking it then, were you?
- No. I swear.
510
00:25:29,450 --> 00:25:30,950
- You sure?
- Yeah.
511
00:25:34,598 --> 00:25:37,027
I just, you know,
I wanna be able to know that you're...
512
00:25:37,152 --> 00:25:37,952
really...
513
00:25:38,505 --> 00:25:39,505
satisfied.
514
00:25:45,146 --> 00:25:46,546
You're home early.
515
00:25:46,755 --> 00:25:47,755
I am.
516
00:25:52,835 --> 00:25:55,191
Crosby said he had a good time
at the playdate.
517
00:25:55,945 --> 00:25:57,295
Yeah, it was fun.
518
00:25:57,965 --> 00:25:59,710
He called you a rock star.
519
00:25:59,835 --> 00:26:00,835
Really?
520
00:26:01,495 --> 00:26:03,840
Crosby said something nice
about me, huh?
521
00:26:03,965 --> 00:26:05,215
That's a first.
522
00:26:05,795 --> 00:26:08,295
In fact, he used
the word "worshipped".
523
00:26:12,275 --> 00:26:14,925
Why does that not sound
like a good thing?
524
00:26:22,995 --> 00:26:24,248
Did Racquel hit on you?
525
00:26:26,255 --> 00:26:28,544
- Is that what Crosby said?
- He didn't have to. I inferred.
526
00:26:28,975 --> 00:26:30,671
No, she did not hit on me.
527
00:26:33,365 --> 00:26:34,926
She didn't, I swear.
528
00:26:35,355 --> 00:26:37,511
So {\you're saying }I have nothing to worry about?
There's nothing{\ to worry about}?
529
00:26:38,065 --> 00:26:39,465
She didn't hit on you.
530
00:26:39,932 --> 00:26:41,582
She's never hit on you?
531
00:26:47,015 --> 00:26:48,015
All right.
532
00:26:52,285 --> 00:26:53,635
Nothing happened.
533
00:26:53,855 --> 00:26:56,405
A couple months ago,
she got a little...
534
00:26:58,385 --> 00:27:00,326
And I shut it down...
535
00:27:00,775 --> 00:27:02,525
Totally. And that was it.
536
00:27:04,615 --> 00:27:07,465
How could she... How could...
You're a father.
537
00:27:07,668 --> 00:27:10,836
Our daughters are best friends.
How could she... What did she do?
538
00:27:11,265 --> 00:27:14,840
Her husband was out of town on work.
You were working late.
539
00:27:15,008 --> 00:27:16,217
The girls fell asleep.
540
00:27:16,565 --> 00:27:19,415
And I guess
she started talking to me about...
541
00:27:20,165 --> 00:27:22,265
troubles in her marriage, and...
542
00:27:22,415 --> 00:27:24,015
I listened, and she...
543
00:27:25,335 --> 00:27:26,785
She misinterpreted.
544
00:27:27,535 --> 00:27:28,935
- And...
- And...
545
00:27:29,431 --> 00:27:30,231
What?
546
00:27:35,095 --> 00:27:36,345
She kissed you.
547
00:27:39,075 --> 00:27:40,408
Joel, did she kiss you?
548
00:27:40,655 --> 00:27:41,655
She tried.
549
00:27:42,255 --> 00:27:43,405
I stopped it.
550
00:27:44,163 --> 00:27:45,313
End of story.
551
00:27:54,275 --> 00:27:55,847
How come you didn't tell me?
552
00:27:57,065 --> 00:27:58,676
I didn't want things to get weird.
553
00:27:58,844 --> 00:28:01,207
I thought I was insane
for being jealous of her.
554
00:28:01,645 --> 00:28:03,791
You let me think that I was insane.
555
00:28:03,916 --> 00:28:06,100
Harmony is Sydney's
best friend, Julia.
556
00:28:06,665 --> 00:28:09,149
{\And }You're using our daughter
as your excuse for not telling me?
557
00:28:09,274 --> 00:28:10,479
Because it's the truth.
558
00:28:25,365 --> 00:28:27,621
I don't want that woman
in our lives.
559
00:28:28,155 --> 00:28:30,124
- Come on, Julia.
- Is that too much to ask?
560
00:28:33,935 --> 00:28:36,270
You take away Racquel,
you take away Harmony,
561
00:28:36,395 --> 00:28:38,512
and our daughter is left
without her best friend.
562
00:28:38,637 --> 00:28:40,760
{\Our daughter}She is five years old,
and she will make new friends{\, right?}.
563
00:28:41,405 --> 00:28:44,638
What if I was at work every day
with a guy who hit on me?
564
00:29:00,145 --> 00:29:01,145
So...
565
00:29:02,535 --> 00:29:05,085
Do you want to tell Sydney,
or should I?
566
00:29:05,945 --> 00:29:07,145
I'll tell her.
567
00:29:17,065 --> 00:29:18,715
I'll tell her tomorrow.
568
00:29:26,205 --> 00:29:27,205
Sorry.
569
00:29:28,585 --> 00:29:29,585
Thank you.{\pub}
570
00:29:39,775 --> 00:29:41,530
- What are you doing?
- Nothing. {\What are you doing}You?
571
00:29:41,655 --> 00:29:43,072
Dropping this stuff off for dad.
572
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,579
{\pos(192,235)}- Where is everybody?
- Oh, God, I don't know.
573
00:29:45,704 --> 00:29:48,285
{\pos(192,235)}Crosby went somewhere with Mom and Dad,
Drew's avoiding me like always,
574
00:29:48,410 --> 00:29:50,625
{\pos(192,235)}Amber's really, really late
coming home from school,
575
00:29:50,750 --> 00:29:53,500
{\pos(192,235)}and she's probably
smoking or drinking or...
576
00:29:54,585 --> 00:29:57,085
{\pos(192,235)}stealing something.
I don't know, so...
577
00:29:57,275 --> 00:29:59,036
{\pos(192,235)}Have you ever faked an orgasm?
578
00:29:59,798 --> 00:30:02,383
- Just address the question{\, please}.
- I don't know {\that it's a question }if I wanna answer.
579
00:30:02,551 --> 00:30:04,135
You're my sister. Just answer{\ the question, would you?}.
580
00:30:04,395 --> 00:30:05,945
No, I haven't had to.
581
00:30:09,174 --> 00:30:09,974
Cool.
582
00:30:12,561 --> 00:30:15,211
- Wait... Why are you asking?
- No reason.
583
00:30:16,231 --> 00:30:20,151
- All right, I'm out of here.
- Unless... No, wait. I'm just kidding.
584
00:30:20,319 --> 00:30:23,671
Of course I have. And if someone
in your life has, that's okay too.
585
00:30:23,796 --> 00:30:25,948
- You have? When?
- Yes, of course. Everybody has.
586
00:30:26,116 --> 00:30:28,923
I don't know. Couple different times.
Couple different reasons.
587
00:30:29,048 --> 00:30:31,651
Can you name them?
I mean... I just don't get it.
588
00:30:33,595 --> 00:30:34,695
It's like...
589
00:30:35,503 --> 00:30:36,959
We don't want you to feel bad.
590
00:30:37,127 --> 00:30:39,420
God, this is just horrible.
Are you all in on this? {\- It's not horrible.}
591
00:30:39,588 --> 00:30:41,523
It's not horrible.
We're not all in on it.
592
00:30:41,648 --> 00:30:44,300
She shouldn't have told you{\, first of all}.
That breaks the code{\ right there}.
593
00:30:44,468 --> 00:30:47,595
- How am I supposed to tell?
- You can't tell, honey. It's fake.
594
00:30:48,865 --> 00:30:50,583
- Sorry.
- Well, I don't get it.
595
00:30:50,708 --> 00:30:52,600
I really don't get it.
{\I mean, w}Why fake it at all?
596
00:30:52,725 --> 00:30:54,602
'Cause it's too long
to explain in the moment.
597
00:30:54,770 --> 00:30:56,937
It's like you just kind of,
you know,
598
00:30:57,105 --> 00:31:00,316
put on a happy face and just,
you know, better luck next time.
599
00:31:00,484 --> 00:31:02,293
But it's a lie.
It's an act.
600
00:31:02,418 --> 00:31:04,534
But it's not a lie.
It is an act,
601
00:31:04,659 --> 00:31:06,670
but it's an act
of something positive.
602
00:31:06,795 --> 00:31:09,295
It's an act of generosity.
It's a gift.
603
00:31:10,010 --> 00:31:11,187
- A gift?
- Yes.
604
00:31:11,312 --> 00:31:14,384
- How is faking it a gift?
- Because it says to you,
605
00:31:14,509 --> 00:31:18,083
"Thank you so much for trying.
Please come again soon.
606
00:31:18,251 --> 00:31:20,252
Come again as soon
as you possibly"...
607
00:31:22,316 --> 00:31:24,490
Okay, thanks.
Just tell dad shoes, lightbulbs...
608
00:31:24,615 --> 00:31:27,576
So come back again next time,
and I'll just give him those. Okay.
609
00:31:28,188 --> 00:31:29,970
- Where have you been?
- School.
610
00:31:30,931 --> 00:31:33,673
- Where were you? Just tell me.
- I was seriously at school this time.
611
00:31:33,798 --> 00:31:34,848
Doing what?
612
00:31:35,529 --> 00:31:38,925
Extra-credit stuff.
I was formatting in the computer lab{\, if you must know}.
613
00:31:39,050 --> 00:31:40,834
I don't {\even }understand{\ that}.
What does that mean?
614
00:31:40,959 --> 00:31:42,997
It's extra credit for school, okay?
615
00:31:43,122 --> 00:31:45,736
- Mr. Cyr, my english teacher.
- For Mr. Cyr?
616
00:31:46,585 --> 00:31:47,738
That's great.
617
00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:50,035
- Extra credit, that's good.
- No big deal.
618
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:51,810
No, I know. I'm just...
619
00:31:53,511 --> 00:31:56,811
I'm proud of you. You know,
extra credit, that's extra.
620
00:31:56,936 --> 00:31:58,374
You don't have to do that.
621
00:31:58,542 --> 00:32:00,792
- Don't be weird.
- I'm not weird.
622
00:32:20,981 --> 00:32:22,392
- {\Little }Scoop of ice cream.
- Right.
623
00:32:22,517 --> 00:32:24,624
- You know, like...
- You want it 50/50.
624
00:32:24,749 --> 00:32:25,999
At least 50/50.
625
00:32:26,270 --> 00:32:27,767
Maybe even more ice cream.
626
00:32:29,239 --> 00:32:30,300
This is on me.
627
00:32:31,116 --> 00:32:32,241
{\I got this. }I got this one.
628
00:32:33,569 --> 00:32:36,016
- That's unprecedented.
- It's my way of saying thank you
629
00:32:36,141 --> 00:32:38,080
for all the nice things
you guys do for me.
630
00:32:38,248 --> 00:32:39,623
That's very sweet of you.
631
00:32:40,373 --> 00:32:42,173
Man, this is embarrassing.
632
00:32:42,919 --> 00:32:45,254
Can you float me 40... Dad, dad.
633
00:32:45,422 --> 00:32:47,548
- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
- Really?
634
00:32:47,716 --> 00:32:49,016
Yeah, I have it.
635
00:32:49,509 --> 00:32:52,535
Listen, you know, the care packages
and the laundry
636
00:32:52,660 --> 00:32:56,183
and the boat repairs, I know you think
I take it for granted, but I don't.
637
00:32:56,308 --> 00:32:58,308
I appreciate it.
I really do.
638
00:33:02,567 --> 00:33:03,647
You feeling okay?
639
00:33:04,718 --> 00:33:05,868
I feel great.
640
00:33:06,249 --> 00:33:07,776
I also want to say that
641
00:33:07,901 --> 00:33:10,237
I'm not gonna be
such a burden anymore to your guys.
642
00:33:10,654 --> 00:33:14,074
Well, I wouldn't say
you've been a burden.
643
00:33:14,242 --> 00:33:15,442
Define burden.
644
00:33:16,653 --> 00:33:19,936
I've been working more hours,
and I've been putting away some cash.
645
00:33:20,061 --> 00:33:21,561
I'm preparing for...
646
00:33:22,584 --> 00:33:24,168
The next stage in my life.
647
00:33:24,485 --> 00:33:26,754
Crosby, you're starting
to scare the hell out me.
648
00:33:27,114 --> 00:33:28,297
Us, actually.
649
00:33:28,465 --> 00:33:30,115
It's not bad. It's a...
650
00:33:30,759 --> 00:33:32,940
It's a good thing.
It's a really good thing.
651
00:33:33,748 --> 00:33:36,598
You know,
people would say it's a great thing.
652
00:33:39,017 --> 00:33:40,167
I have a son.
653
00:33:41,392 --> 00:33:43,292
- You what?
- I'm a father.
654
00:33:46,191 --> 00:33:48,442
You and Crazy-Katie hit the jackpot,
655
00:33:48,610 --> 00:33:50,960
- then, right?
- No, no, it's not...
656
00:33:51,085 --> 00:33:52,941
Crazy-Katie.
You shouldn't call her that.
657
00:33:53,066 --> 00:33:55,491
- That's a little rough.
- You call her that.
658
00:33:55,659 --> 00:33:59,009
It's another woman
from a few years ago who's a dancer,
659
00:33:59,733 --> 00:34:02,858
and she was touring
the bay area, and we...
660
00:34:03,381 --> 00:34:04,531
had some fun.
661
00:34:04,996 --> 00:34:07,064
And you know how I feel
about dancers.
662
00:34:07,189 --> 00:34:09,235
- She's an exotic...
- {\No, }She doesn't dance with a pole.
663
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:12,535
She's like... You know, ballet.
Anyways, look,
664
00:34:12,660 --> 00:34:14,590
I didn't know she got pregnant.
665
00:34:14,715 --> 00:34:17,815
And then she showed up
a few months ago with a boy.
666
00:34:18,227 --> 00:34:19,727
He's five years old.
667
00:34:27,658 --> 00:34:28,691
You're serious?
668
00:34:28,859 --> 00:34:31,151
- Yeah. Yes.
- You're sure he's yours?
669
00:34:31,319 --> 00:34:33,255
I mean, you've had the test
and everything?
670
00:34:33,380 --> 00:34:35,530
Yeah, I'm sure he's mine. He's...
671
00:34:36,656 --> 00:34:39,406
He's amazing.
I mean, you're gonna love him.
672
00:34:39,661 --> 00:34:41,061
He's really great.
673
00:34:46,093 --> 00:34:47,167
You're a dad.
674
00:34:48,155 --> 00:34:50,305
I know it's... It's crazy, but...
675
00:34:50,672 --> 00:34:53,018
I'm really taking
this thing seriously.
676
00:34:53,143 --> 00:34:55,829
That's what I meant
about a new stage in my life.
677
00:34:55,954 --> 00:34:58,204
This is me now...
Crosby, the dad.
678
00:34:58,329 --> 00:35:00,848
And I'm gonna be
more responsible and independent.
679
00:35:02,656 --> 00:35:05,018
Mom, please say something.
You look like you're gonna...
680
00:35:06,098 --> 00:35:09,606
Does he look like you?
'cause you were {\just }the cutest kid ever.
681
00:35:10,625 --> 00:35:12,985
He looks...
Yeah, he looks like me.
682
00:35:14,369 --> 00:35:15,696
I'm just so happy for you,
683
00:35:16,321 --> 00:35:17,489
for all of us.
684
00:35:18,667 --> 00:35:20,242
When do we get to meet him?
685
00:35:20,410 --> 00:35:22,536
- I'll ask his mom when he has {\some free }time.
- What's his name?
686
00:35:28,128 --> 00:35:30,919
- What kind of name is Jabbar?
- What the hell kind of name is Zeek?
687
00:35:31,087 --> 00:35:34,089
- The name doesn't matter.
- What's his last name? Is it Braverman?
688
00:35:34,497 --> 00:35:35,883
It better be Braverman.
689
00:35:36,051 --> 00:35:38,701
- Jabbar Braverman?
- I'm working on that.
690
00:35:40,597 --> 00:35:43,147
- Where are you going?
- You're a daddy.
691
00:35:44,309 --> 00:35:46,769
- I can't believe it.
- I know. Me neither.
692
00:36:04,697 --> 00:36:06,991
I was just...
I've been thinking about the note.
693
00:36:07,116 --> 00:36:09,370
- I know. I'm sorry.
- No need to apologize.
694
00:36:09,495 --> 00:36:12,044
I think you're right.
Maybe it was a little...
695
00:36:13,797 --> 00:36:16,715
Too complicated. I mean,
three options is a lot of...
696
00:36:17,065 --> 00:36:18,465
options. That's...
697
00:36:19,761 --> 00:36:21,261
That's overwhelming.
698
00:36:21,907 --> 00:36:23,057
I understand.
699
00:36:25,543 --> 00:36:27,434
I'm just not good
with multiple choice.
700
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:31,772
This is my fault. I mean,
these choices are ridiculous.
701
00:36:32,191 --> 00:36:35,114
Maybe... What the hell's that?
That's not a real choice.
702
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:37,151
- Confusing.
- I don't know what I was thinking.
703
00:36:37,276 --> 00:36:39,026
I was just trying
to write something.
704
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:41,949
So I was thinking that
I should just be more direct...
705
00:36:43,177 --> 00:36:44,177
Next time.
706
00:37:00,277 --> 00:37:01,677
Will you go out with me?
707
00:37:20,779 --> 00:37:22,406
That is the correct answer.
708
00:37:26,572 --> 00:37:28,572
I won't interrupt you anymore.{\pub}
709
00:37:45,559 --> 00:37:48,459
- You ready, buddy?
- Yeah. Let's go. Let's go.
710
00:37:50,908 --> 00:37:52,686
{\pos(192,240)}- Hey, guys.
- They're here.
711
00:37:54,612 --> 00:37:55,662
{\pos(192,240)}We're here.
712
00:38:05,704 --> 00:38:06,904
{\pos(192,240)}This is Jabbar
713
00:38:08,558 --> 00:38:09,870
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Braverman.
714
00:38:12,778 --> 00:38:13,916
He has your smile.
715
00:38:15,286 --> 00:38:17,036
This is grandma, Camille.
716
00:38:18,258 --> 00:38:20,297
- Hello, Jabbar.
- And that tall sucker
717
00:38:20,465 --> 00:38:22,633
- is grandpa Zeek.
- Jabbar, how are you?
718
00:38:22,801 --> 00:38:24,137
You got a good handshake.
719
00:38:24,959 --> 00:38:26,720
- You can call me grandma.
- Okay.
720
00:38:27,584 --> 00:38:28,722
Come here. You hungry?
721
00:38:29,958 --> 00:38:31,308
We're barbecuing.
722
00:38:32,811 --> 00:38:34,861
We're gonna grill some chicken.
723
00:38:38,085 --> 00:38:39,905
- What do you think?
- Oh, boy.
724
00:38:40,030 --> 00:38:42,653
- It's really hard to put it into words.
- I bet.
725
00:38:42,821 --> 00:38:45,489
Would you mind
if I borrowed your toothbrush?
726
00:38:45,614 --> 00:38:47,115
Why? Why do you need my toothbrush?
727
00:38:47,750 --> 00:38:50,577
I ran out of eggs this morning,
so I ate my gym sock.
728
00:38:51,106 --> 00:38:52,506
Eat your gym sock?
729
00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:55,165
That's amazing.
730
00:38:55,733 --> 00:38:57,283
He looks so grown-up.
731
00:38:59,323 --> 00:39:01,073
Yeah. Who'd have thought?
732
00:39:01,297 --> 00:39:03,799
- I got it from my grandpa.
- Well, who's that?
733
00:39:03,967 --> 00:39:05,567
Orville Redensocker's.
734
00:39:07,116 --> 00:39:09,225
Now, if you don't eat popcorn,
what do you eat?
735
00:39:09,350 --> 00:39:12,849
I like the softer foods...
Pears, plums, toothpaste.
736
00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:16,076
- Toothpaste? Who eats toothpaste?
- All the people with great breath
737
00:39:16,201 --> 00:39:18,188
- are eating toothpaste.
- This is amazing.
738
00:39:18,563 --> 00:39:21,743
Would you look at that?
Does that just melt your heart or what?
739
00:39:21,868 --> 00:39:24,770
I was thinking of signing Harmony up
for a pottery class.
740
00:39:24,895 --> 00:39:28,245
Working with the clay,
it just grounds you to the Earth.
741
00:39:31,238 --> 00:39:33,898
- They're not hard to get.
- There's no credit check?
742
00:39:38,805 --> 00:39:41,452
- Maybe the girls can do it together.
- Harmony would love that.
743
00:39:41,577 --> 00:39:43,377
I'm sure Sydney would too.
744
00:39:55,466 --> 00:39:58,020
- My name is...
- Okay, close your eyes.
745
00:39:58,188 --> 00:40:00,144
- Close your eyes.
- That was my mouth, but okay.
746
00:40:00,269 --> 00:40:01,648
All right, open them now.
747
00:40:06,086 --> 00:40:07,586
You still have that?
748
00:40:08,611 --> 00:40:10,866
That was your dad's
when he was your age.
749
00:40:11,493 --> 00:40:13,744
- It's for me?
- You betcha. Hop on.
750
00:40:13,912 --> 00:40:16,309
Maybe your dad'll teach you
some tricks on it.
751
00:40:16,434 --> 00:40:18,505
Yeah, but I don't want you
doing any wheelies,
752
00:40:18,630 --> 00:40:21,102
'cause your dad broke three teeth
and a lot of brain cells.
753
00:40:21,227 --> 00:40:23,211
- Don't remind me.
- I gained glory, though.
754
00:40:24,339 --> 00:40:26,789
Can you do this?
You already know how?
755
00:40:27,175 --> 00:40:28,633
Okay. I'm gonna help you out
756
00:40:28,801 --> 00:40:31,011
- to the street, all right?
- Easy does it.
757
00:40:32,625 --> 00:40:33,959
You look good on that.
758
00:40:34,084 --> 00:40:37,184
- Grandpa, grandma, you watching?
- We're watching.
759
00:40:37,874 --> 00:40:39,424
All right, you ready?
760
00:40:39,549 --> 00:40:41,071
All right, let's do it.
761
00:40:41,196 --> 00:40:42,939
- Pedaling.
- Come on, Jabbar.
762
00:41:03,919 --> 00:41:04,919
Holy crap.
763
00:41:15,620 --> 00:41:18,720
That definitely beat the time
after The Daily Show.
764
00:41:20,053 --> 00:41:21,753
And the time after Leno.
765
00:41:47,421 --> 00:41:49,921
So I'm just gonna say
that felt like...
766
00:41:50,883 --> 00:41:52,083
the real deal.
767
00:41:52,635 --> 00:41:54,935
- Am I right?
- Yeah. You're right.
768
00:41:56,425 --> 00:41:57,625
You are right.
769
00:42:00,059 --> 00:42:02,525
But even if it wasn't,
you'd probably say that it was.
770
00:42:03,641 --> 00:42:05,741
But it was the real deal, honey.
771
00:42:05,866 --> 00:42:07,568
- It was.
- Definitely?
772
00:42:08,304 --> 00:42:09,904
Definitely definitely?
773
00:42:11,946 --> 00:42:14,265
I haven't felt this relaxed
in two months.
774
00:42:14,390 --> 00:42:15,940
Please don't ruin it.