All right, everyone, here's the schedule.
For today's trip to Super Adventure Land.
I planned everything to the minute.
Okay, depart promptly at 8:57 A.M.;
Arrive S.A.L. parking lot, 9:33 A.M.
Question. S.A.L. Stands for "Super Adventure Land."
Thank you.
I don't want to take Charlie to Kiddie Kingdom.
Kids there always think I'm a giant and try and climb me.
Okay, 10:41 A.M.... Mom throws up
in Wally Walrus trash receptacle.
That's kind of specific.
That's the trash can that's right outside the Super Spinner.
Which we'll be riding at 10:39.
Then I guess this is right.
Hey, I don't see Patriotic Plaza on this thing.
I want to see the new founding-fathers exhibit.
Dad, when the founding fathers
can go zero to 90 in five seconds,
and make Mom barf, they'll make the schedule.
Hi, guys, what's going on? Hey, honey.
Why aren't you dressed? We're going to Super Adventure Land.
Oh, man, that's today? I was gonna look for a job.
Well, do it tomorrow. Today's a big day.
I want the whole family together.
You just want me there for the big-family discount, right?
And there's that. Yep.
All right, can we move this along?
I only budgeted three minutes for an argument about Dad's cheapness.
Oh, hey, with the time we save, maybe a visit to Patriotic Plaza...
We're not going!
♪ Today's all burnt toast ♪
♪ Running late, and Dad jokes ♪
♪ Has anybody seen my left shoe ♪
♪ Close my eyes, take a bite ♪
♪ Grab a ride, laugh out loud ♪
♪ There it is up on the roof ♪
♪ I've been there, I survived ♪
♪ So just take my advice ♪
♪ Hang in there, Baby, things are crazy ♪
♪ But I know your future's bright ♪
♪ Hang in there, Baby ♪
♪ There's no maybe ♪
♪ Everything turns out all right ♪
♪ Sure life is up and down ♪
♪ But trust me, it comes back all around ♪
♪ You're gonna love who you turn out to be ♪
♪ Hang in there, Baby ♪
I can't believe we're finally here.
All right. Time for some family fun.
Right.
See ya.
That frog is staring at you.
I know. A weird feeling.
Me too. What? Go, Charlie.
Hey.
Dah! Oh. Hi, Teddy bear.
Hi, Emmett. I'm working here now.
Oh good.
So you're not just cruising around Super Adventure Land
in a frog costume? Nope.
I'm actually Hoppy the frog. Hoppy?
Every time somebody says my name, I have to hop.
Other than that it's a great job.
I just walk around, do a five minute show once and hour,
and it pays really well.
Oh hey, are there any openings?
Because I've been trying to save up for a car.
Actually someone just quit. Want me to see if I can get you in?
Yeah. Thanks, Emmett. That would make me "Hoppy."
Would you please stop following me? I am not a giant.
That was awesome!
This has been the best day ever.
What are you doing?
Honey, I stood in line for six hours.
I've been upside down three times.
I'm sitting.
All right. I want to go on one more ride before we go home.
I love Super Adventure Land!
Hey. Um, excuse me. I'm Danny Flufferman.
I'm the director of marketing here for Super Adventure Land.
How would you like to be in a commercial?
Really? But I'm not an actor.
Yeah, no, no, we don't want actors.
We want real kids who really love Super Adventure Land.
And if you do it, I could throw in a free one-year pass,
not good on weekends, holidays; rides not included.
All right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on?
Mom, this guy wants me to be in a commercial for Super Adventure Land.
Whoa, whoa. Slow down, everybody.
Okay look, I'm not agreeing to anything
now I've had some experience in show business,
and I don't want my son anywhere near it.
Oh, that's too bad really,
because it was going to be a commercial about the boy and his mother.
I'll do it.
Wait, we'll do it.
Whatever. Where do I sign?
Oh.
Hey, P.J., what smells so good?
Mom's meat loaf. Seriously, what smells so good?
Go on, try it.
Whoa. Whoa, this is not your mother's meat loaf.
I mean, this has got, um um um... what's the word?
Flavor. Flavor! Yes.
Mom was working late at the hospital.
The ingredients were all here, so I gave it a shot.
You gave it a shot?
Kid, you just hit a home run.
A home run?
Come on, Dad, I think you're exaggerating.
I helped.
Yes. Yes, you did.
I did most of the work.
P.J., you... you have a real gift.
Hey, you think you can do this again? Well, I don't know.
Because I'm pretty sure your mother's going to be working late again,
especially if I call her supervisor.
Oh, my brownies are done.
Brownies?
Be right back, I'm calling the hospital.
Welcome to the Super Adventure Land family!
I got the job? Hug?
Answer the question.
Yes, you got the job.
Oh yay!
You're gonna be playing a princess.
Ooh! A princess? I like it.
Actually we do a little show together, just the two of us.
Why would they put a princess in a show with a frog?
Oh yeah.
Emmett, please tell me this isn't the story,
where the princess kisses the frog and turns him into a prince.
Eight times a day.
And nine on Sundays.
Why didn't you tell me I'd have to kiss you?
I thought it would affect your decision.
Well yeah, it totally would affect my decision.
Is this why the last girl quit?
Oh yeah.
Gabe, they just sent over the script for the commercial.
Cool, let's read it. Okay.
"A boy and his mother
walk through Super Adventure Land."
Then I say, "I love the new Super Adventure Land.
"The rides are faster and the lines are shorter."
"The mom smiles and nods."
Then I say, "the new Super Adventure Land is awesome."
And I say, "and safer too."
What?
What, that's it? That's my only line?
Well, Mom, the commercial's for kids.
And kids kind of start zoning out when the adults start talking.
That is not true. Adults can be very...
Gabe!
I think we need to make a few changes.
Wait. Hold on, Mom. Can we do that?
Of course. Everyone knows the script is just an outline.
We'll just make a couple of small tweaks.
Hi, I'm Amy Duncan,
Real-life mother of four.
And these days, when your entertainment dollar
is stretched tighter than a drum,
it's important to make the right choice for your family's fun.
That's why I, Amy Duncan,
always choose Super Adventure Land.
♪ When you're looking to smile ♪
♪ Let me give you a hand ♪
♪ It's Super Adventure Land. ♪.
And safer too.
That is so much better.
Hey, P.J. Hey, Dad.
Whatcha doin'?
Homework.
Homework?
Before dinner? That doesn't sound right.
Well, I've got a lot to do.
Ah, got it.
Got it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm sorry. Did you hear that?
Hear... hear what?
Tummy's grumbling.
You know, what with your mother working late and all...
Okay, Dad, I'd cook something for you,
But I've really gotta finish.
Or you could cook
and I could do your homework.
And you know what? I happen to be very good at "trigometry."
It's my second love.
Dad, your second love
is pronounced "trigonometry."
And even if I wanted to cook, we don't have anything to make.
Oh, man, I wish I had stopped off at the store on the way home.
Oh, wait a minute.
I did.
Okay, come on, you get up there and you start cooking.
And I will hit the books.
Dad, are you sure about this? Absolutely.
Wow.
Number and letters, huh?
It's fun.
If you kiss me, I'll turn into a prince.
The princess wasn't sure what to do.
No kidding.
But at last she decided to kiss the frog.
Emmett?
You're a prince. You finally noticed.
I've never felt this way before.
That's because you've been looking at me like a frog.
When all along I've really been your prince.
Whoa!
I had the craziest dream last night.
Well, I'd love to hear about it.
While you help me fold the boys' undies.
Uh, I dreamed that I kissed this guy
and I fell instantly in love with him...
A guy that I could never possibly be in love with.
Is it the guy who delivers our water?
My... my dream, Mom, not yours.
Batman. Oh, the Lone Ranger.
It was Emmett.
Oh.
Well, but that's ridiculous, right?
I can't possibly be in love with Emmett.
I've known him since we were kids and he's always been super annoying.
I don't know, Teddy. Life can be pretty funny.
Yeah, but not that funny, right?
Okay, I'm gonna tell you a little story.
All through school, there was this really annoying kid who liked me
and I wanted nothing to do with him.
Then in high school I agreed to go out with him.
After a few dates, we kissed.
And suddenly everything changed.
You know who that fellow was?
Please say Batman.
It was your father. No! That's not what I wanted to hear.
Well sorry, that's what happened.
What, so Emmett might be my true love?
And future father of your four children.
Ah!
Something smells good.
I'm making chili. It'll be ready in a minute.
Ah. That... that all the chili you made?
Yeah. It's just the two of us, right?
Well actually...
It's the five of us.
This is Billy, Joe, Barney, and they are mighty hungry.
Okay. Okay.
Bobby, Jim, Barbie, could you excuse us?
Dad! What?
So I'm supposed to magically turn chili for two into chili for five?
Thank you.
This is gonna take hours.
And I have a book report due on "Wuthering Heights."
Anybody read "Wuthering Heights"?
Anybody see the movie? Barney.
You got a book report due. I need five pages by dessert.
Bob Duncan, you are so lucky I bought extra beans.
I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Flufferman.
Yeah, about that, I got your email,
saw that you made some changes to the script.
You're welcome. Yeah.
Actually we also made some changes... some casting changes.
What? Oh.
Oh, give me a minute.
Gabe, honey, they're replacing you.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
No, we're not replacing him. We're replacing you.
What? Me?
Me?
I'm the star of the commercial.
Uh, you may be the star of your commercial.
He's the star of our commercial.
Go easy on her, Danny. She means well.
Well, good luck finding someone
who can replace this.
Um, hey, you speak English?
Yes. You've been replaced.
Wow, you actually look more like my mom than she does.
Okay.
Come on in.
Is something wrong?
Why would you think something's wrong?
'Cause you called and invited me over.
You've never done that before.
Why don't you have a seat?
Oh no, something is wrong.
Okay.
I had a dream.
And you were in it.
And your glasses are fogging up so...
Anyway, in... in the dream,
we kissed.
And it was a good kiss.
There go your glasses again.
Anyway, I thought
since we have to kiss in the show,
maybe it might be a good idea if we kiss here first.
You know, like a... like a rehearsal.
That way we can find out if it means anything.
What are you doing?
Trying to say okay.
All right, okay.
Well, let's get this over with then.
I can't believe this is really happening.
I've been dreaming about this since I was nine years old.
I'm really gonna kiss Teddy Duncan. And it's gonna be perfect.
Here goes nothing.
Wait. What?
What if it isn't?
What if what isn't? The kiss... what if it isn't perfect?
Well, then we'll know that there's nothing between us. Now pucker up.
No, Teddy.
If the kiss isn't perfect, I lose my dream.
Less yakking, more smacking.
No, no, no! I'm not gonna kiss you.
Yes you are! I need to know.
And I need to not know.
Kiss me! No! Leave me alone!
Well, you're gonna have to kiss me at work.
No I won't. I quit. Ah!
Get back here and kiss me, you little wimp!
Hi, Mrs. Dabney.
All right, Super Adventure Land commercial take one.
And action!
I love the new Super Adventure Land!
The rides are faster and the lines are shorter.
The new Super Adventure Land is awesome.
Cut!
Uh...
What... what are you doing?
Walking.
Okay, we said that you could be an extra.
And that means you walk, all right? And not in place.
Okay, everybody back to one. Let's go. From the top.
Here we go.
And action.
I love the new Super Adventure Land!
The rides are faster and the lines are shorter.
The new Super Adventure Land is awesome.
And safer too.
Cut!
What... what are you doing?
I'm sorry. Um, did you not want me to say that anymore?
No, I didn't.
Okay, well, you should be more clear about that.
One more time.
Please, everybody, here we go.
Okay. Not rocket science.
And action.
I love the new Super Adventure Land!
The rides are faster and the lines are shorter.
The new Super Adventure Land is awesome.
And safer too.
And how!
Cut. Security.
What? Guys, put me down.
Ah, thank goodness that is over.
It's gonna be a lot easier without her.
And safer too.
Great news... I am getting an "F"
in "trigometry."
What? And I'm not doing so hot in English either.
Please tell Barney that no one in "Wuthering Heights"
carried a lightsaber.
Oh, P.J., come on. Dad, I'm sorry,
But I can't cook for you anymore.
My grades are suffering and it's not healthy for you.
How much weight have you put on since I've been cooking?
Two pounds. Dad?
Nine pounds.
We gotta get back to the way it was.
When you were slim and I was getting solid D's.
I guess you're right.
Charlie, can you cook for daddy?
No, Daddy.
Oh hi. Hi. You must be the new frog.
I'm the princess.
I just... I wanted to say hello since we'll be working.
And kissing together.
I'm so glad they brought someone new in here.
Things got kind of complicated with the old frog.
So with you and me, it's gonna be nice and simple.
Hey, Teddy.
Spencer?
Aw, you gotta be kidding me.
Well, Charlie, it's been a strange week.
Um, I had a dream that my frog was a prince.
And then my ex-prince showed up as a frog.
And now I have to kiss him over and over.
Stay tuned.
Hey, Mom, what'cha doin'?
Just walking.
In place?
Don't you ever do that?
Keep moving.
Go on.
Well, that's our mom.
She sees a camera and she can't help herself.
Good luck, Charlie.
And how.
Hey, what is that thing?
I bought it at the Super Adventure Land gift shop.
It's a time machine. Oh, for heaven's sakes, Bob.
Why would you waste your money on something as stupid as that?
The guy said it works. Hey, you know what?
I'm gonna set it back for a couple of days ago.
All right, everyone, here's the schedule.
For today's trip to Super Adventure Land.
I planned everything out to the minute.
Depart promptly at 8:57 A.M.;
9:33 A.M. S.A.L. parking lot,
Oh my gosh.
Question. S.A.L. Stands for "Super Adventure Land."
It really works.
What're you doing?
Setting this to before we had kids.
Go, Go!