OH, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
LISTEN TO SPENCER'S LATEST STATUS UPDATE.
"JUST CHILLING AT HOME." WHO CARES?
APPARENTLY YOU DO.
MOM. NO NO, I DO NOT.
I COULD CARE LESS WHAT MY EX-BOYFRIEND IS UP TO.
OH, HE HASN'T EVEN CHANGED HIS ONLINE STATUS YET.
IT STILL SAYS "IN A RELATIONSHIP."
- HE JUST CAN'T LET ME GO. - WELL, MAYBE HE FORGOT TO CHANGE IT.
UH, MOM, HOW COULD HE FORGET? HE'S ONLINE ALL THE TIME.
AND YOU KNOW THIS HOW?
I CHECK HIS STATUS EVERY HOUR.
WELL, THE IMPORTANT THING IS YOU'VE MOVED ON.
GABE HONEY, YOU HAVE A PLAYDATE THIS AFTERNOON.
- ( chuckles ) NO, I DON'T. - YES, YOU DO.
A NEW FAMILY MOVED IN DOWN THE STREET
AND THEY HAVE A SON YOUR AGE,
SO I MADE PLANS FOR THE TWO OF YOU TO GET TOGETHER.
OH, MOM, LET ME EXPLAIN WHERE YOU WENT WRONG.
I'M 11. I DON'T HAVE "PLAYDATES" ANYMORE.
I HANG.
HIS NAME IS AUSTIN AND I THINK HE'LL BE
A VERY GOOD INFLUENCE ON YOU. HE'S VERY WELL-BEHAVED.
YOU KNOW THAT WELL-BEHAVED AND I ARE NATURAL ENEMIES.
COULD YOU JUST BE NICE?
OKAY, BE CIVIL.
IT'S TOO LATE TO CANCEL.
( rock music playing )
* TODAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST
* RUNNING LATE, AND DAD SAYS *
* HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY LEFT SHOE? *
* I CLOSE MY EYES, TAKE A BITE *
* GRAB A RIDE, LAUGH OUT LOUD *
* THERE IT IS UP ON THE ROOF *
* I'VE BEEN THERE, I'VE SURVIVED *
* SO JUST TAKE MY ADVICE *
* HANG IN THERE, BABY
* THINGS ARE CRAZY
* BUT I KNOW YOUR FUTURE'S BRIGHT *
* HANG IN THERE, BABY
* THERE'S NO MAYBE
* EVERYTHING TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT *
* YOUR LIFE IS UP AND DOWN *
* BUT TRUST ME, IT COMES BACK AROUND *
* YOU'RE GONNA LOVE WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE *
* HANG IN THERE, BABY.
( low droning tones playing )
PLEASE DON'T BE A PLUMBING PROBLEM.
PLEASE DON'T BE A PLUMBING PROBLEM!
THANK YOU. WE'LL BE IN TOUCH.
WHAT IS-- WHAT IS GOING ON?
WE'RE HAVING AUDITIONS FOR A NEW BAND MEMBER.
P.J. AND THE VIBE NEED START GETTING GIGS.E CAN
AND THAT FULLER SOUND A DIDGERIDOO? FROM
IS THAT WHAT THAT THING IS CALLED?
ALL RIGHT, LOOK. AUDITIONS GONNA GO ON?ESE
- FOR A FEW MORE HOURS. - OH MAN.
I REALLY GOTTA GET MY OWN PLACE.
( music playing )
NEXT.
( classical music playing )
( beatboxing )
THANKS. UH, YOU CAN KEEP THE MICROPHONE.
( music playing )
WAIT. STOP.
- THAT WAS AWFUL. - EMMETT, DON'T BE RUDE.
I'M SORRY, BUT I'M NOT GONNA SUGARCOAT IT,
EVEN IF SHE IS MY GRANDMA.
( rock music playing )
- WHAT DO YOU THINK? - WELL, HE'S PRETTY GOOD,
BUT I'M NOT SURE IF HE HAS THE RIGHT LOOK.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, YOU AND ME ARE SO HOT.
AND HE'S SO...
NOT.
I CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT.
LISTEN, JIMMY.
- WE'RE GONNA THINK ABOUT IT AND LET YOU KNOW. - COULD YOU LET ME KNOW SOON?
'CAUSE MY BROTHER'S HAVING A PARTY THIS WEEKEND
AND HE WANTS LIVE MUSIC. HE'S WILLING TO PAY.
Both: WELCOME TO THE BAND.
( doorbell rings )
HEY, AUSTIN. COME ON IN.
GABE HONEY, AUSTIN'S HERE.
WHAT A LOVELY HOME, MRS. DUNCAN.
SO COMFORTABLE LOOKING.
WHAT A NICE WAY OF SAYING MESSY.
GABE, THIS IS AUSTIN.
- HOW DO YOU DO? - HOW DO I DO WHAT?
- HE'S SAYING HELLO. - WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT?
WELL, I WASN'T SURE WHAT ACTIVITIES YOU HAD PLANNED,
SO I SETTLED ON DAYTIME CASUAL.
REALLY, MOM?
THIS IS HOW YOU WANT ME TO SPEND MY AFTERNOON?
WELL, YOU BOYS HAVE FUN. I'LL BE UPSTAIRS WITH CHARLIE.
POOR LITTLE BABY'S NOT FEELING WELL.
POOR LITTLE GABY'S NOT FEELING SO HOT EITHER.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO, PLAY VIDEO GAMES?
- OH, I'M NOT ALLOWED. - WATCH TV?
I'VE ALREADY EXCEEDED MY ALLOTTED ONE HOUR OF THE WEEK.
- GO TO THE PARK? - I'M NOT WEARING SUNSCREEN.
HOW DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOING?
HEY, GUYS.
- ( door closes ) - ( breathlessly ) HI.
I DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE MET.
TEDDY, AUSTIN; AUSTIN, TEDDY.
- NICE TO MEET YOU, AUSTIN. - THE PLEASURE IS ALL MINE.
WELL, AREN'T YOU A LITTLE GENTLEMAN?
SHE'S GLORIOUS.
WHAT AN EXQUISITE CREATURE.
LOOK, WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THROUGH THIS.
SO EITHER YOU STOP BEING WEIRD OR--
YEAH, THAT'S THE ONLY WAY.
* THAT'S WHY MONKEYS SHOULDN'T FLY *
- * PLANES! - YEAH!
- YES! - YEAH!
- ( laughs ) - YEAH! THAT WAS AWE-TEOUS!
- "AWE-TEOUS"? - YEAH.
I TOOK "AWESOME" AND MASHED IT WITH "RIGHTEOUS."
"AWE-TEOUS."
DUDE, I LOVE THAT.
- HEY, CAN I GET SOMETHING TO DRINK? - YEAH, THE KITCHEN'S UPSTAIRS.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF JIMMY? - HE'S "GNA-TEOUS."
- WHAT? - I MASHED "GNARLY" AND "AWE-TEOUS."
"AWE-TEOUS" IS ALREADY A MASH-UP.
JUST LET HIM DO IT.
CHARLIE HONEY, DRINK YOUR JUICE.
- IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. - NO NO.
I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD ARGUE WITH ME.
I KNOW A LOT MORE WORDS.
MAY I HAVE SOME WATER, PLEASE?
SURE, JIMMY, COMING RIGHT UP.
WELL, AREN'T YOU A CUTIE-PIE?
I'D BE LYING IF I SAID I HADN'T HEARD THAT BEFORE.
- I-- I MEANT THE BABY. - RIGHT. HUH.
OH, JIMMY, I WOULDN'T GET TOO CLOSE TO CHARLIE. SHE'S...
- ( sneezes ) - ...SICK.
WHOA.
SHE BLASTED ME WITH SNOT.
WHICH WAS ALSO THE NAME OF MY LAST BAND.
- ( doorbell rings ) - ( lasers firing on TV )
IT'S AUSTIN. TELL HIM I'M NOT HERE.
SORRY, AUSTIN, GABE'S NOT HERE.
HE'S HIDING UNDER THAT BLANKET.
ACTUALLY, I CAME TO SEE YOU.
- YOU DID? - WELL, THIS JUST GOT INTERESTING.
I BROUGHT YOU SOME PRESENTS.
AN AFRICAN ORCHID. I CULTIVATE THEM MYSELF.
I ALSO MADE YOU SOME SOAP.
- ( laughs ) - THANK YOU.
I WAS RUNNING LOW ON ORCHIDS AND SOAP.
ANYTHING ELSE?
I ALSO WANTED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.
- OKAY. - WILL YOU GO WITH ME?
GO WITH YOU WHERE?
I'M ASKING YOU TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND.
WAIT. I-- I'M SORRY, WHAT?
I'M ALMOST 16 AND YOU'RE 11.
AND A HALF.
I BELIEVE THERE'S A QUESTION ON THE TABLE.
TEDDY, LOVE KNOWS NO AGE.
BUT IT DOES KNOW HEIGHT.
AUSTIN, I'M FLATTERED, BUT I JUST CAME OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP.
"I HAVE LOVED, LET US SEE IF THAT'S ALL."
E.E. CUMMINGS.
"I'M NOT INTERESTED." T.R. DUNCAN.
YOUR WORDS SAY ONE THING, BUT YOUR EYES SAY ANOTHER.
OKAY. FOCUS ON MY HANDS.
THEY'RE PUSHING YOU OUT THE DOOR.
THIS IS NOT OVER. I SHALL RETURN!
YOU KNOW, HE'S GROWING ON ME.
- I GOT YOUR MESSAGE. WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS? - JIMMY'S SICK.
CHARLIE SNEEZED ON HIM. NOW HE CAN'T MAKE THE GIG THIS WEEKEND.
- MAN, THAT'S "AWF-ABLE." - STOP THAT!
DUDE, WE HAVE GOT TO FIND A NEW BASS PLAYER AND FAST.
- BUT WHERE? - I DON'T KNOW.
( bass music playing )
- DAD? - HEY.
OH SORRY.
I SAW IT HERE. I COULDN'T RESIST.
- HOW'D YOU LEARN TO DO THAT? - WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL,
I HAD MY OWN BAND-- THE BOB DUNCAN EXPERIENCE.
YOU WERE IN A BAND? HOW COME I NEVER KNEW THAT?
BECAUSE WHENEVER I START A STORY
WITH "WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL," YOU ZONE OUT.
I'M SORRY. WHAT?
WELL, MR. D., YOU ARE THE ANSWERS TO OUR PRAYERS.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE-- ( mumbles )
BAND MEETING.
BAND MEETING?
THAT'S NOT GOOD.
THAT'S HOW I GOT THROWN OUT
OF THE BOB DUNCAN EXPERIENCE.
EMMETT, I DON'T WANT TO BE THE LOSER WHO'S IN A BAND WITH HIS DAD.
A LITTLE QUIETER, GUYS.
( whispering ) I KNOW HE'S OLD,
BUT WHAT CHOICE DO WE HAVE?
STILL HEARING IT.
I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
DAD...
DO YOU WANT TO DO THE GIG WITH US?
YES! THE EXPERIENCE CONTINUES!
I'M BACK!
FOR ONE GIG ONLY.
FOR ONE GIG ONLY!
( chatting )
"YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE. AUSTIN.
P.S., NOT TO BE USED IN NON-VENTILATED AREAS."
YEP, THAT'S MY SPECIAL FELLA.
- HEY. - HEY.
OKAY. SPENCER, UH,
THIS IS AWKWARD, BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
- SURE, WHAT IS IT? - WELL, I HEARD YOUR ONLINE STATUS
SAYS YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP--
SOMEBODY TOLD ME, I DON'T REMEMBER WHO--
SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CHANGE THAT.
- I'M JUST SAYING. - ACTUALLY, I DID CHANGE IT
- AND THEN I CHANGED IT BACK. - HUH. OKAY LOOK,
I KNOW YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME.
I GET IT. I HAVE THAT EFFECT ON PEOPLE.
BUT REALLY, IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON, OKAY?
TEDDY, MY STATUS ISN'T ABOUT YOU.
I-- OH.
HER NAME'S NICOLE. WE'VE HAD A FEW DATES.
SHE DOESN'T GO TO OUR SCHOOL.
WELL, THAT'S-- THAT'S GOOD FOR YOU.
I MEAN IT'S GOOD FOR BOTH OF US, ACTUALLY,
BECAUSE I'M ALSO IN A RELATIONSHIP.
- YOU ARE? - YES.
- COOL. WHO IS IT? - UH, AUSTIN...
IS HIS NAME.
AUSTIN DOESN'T GO TO OUR SCHOOL.
HE...
GOT ME THIS CANDLE. WHATEVER.
AH. THAT'S NICE.
YEAH, HE'S THOUGHTFUL LIKE THAT.
( cell phone playing tune )
AH. IT'S NICOLE.
- I SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE THIS. - OH SURE. GO FOR IT.
( shouts ) I HAVE TO CALL AUSTIN ANYWAY...
( mutters ) ONCE HE'S OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE A PHONE.
HEY, TE-- OH.
PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE NOT STILL OBSESSING ABOUT SPENCER.
NO NO, I'M OBSESSING ABOUT SOME GIRL NAMED NICOLE
WHO HE'S SUPPOSEDLY DATING.
BUT I DON'T THINK SHE EXISTS.
I JUST SCROLLED THROUGH ALL 452 OF HIS FRIENDS
AND THERE'S NOT ONE NICOLE.
YOU THINK HE MADE UP A FAKE GIRLFRIEND
JUST TO GET A RISE OUT OF YOU?
OH, THAT IS SAD AND PATHETIC.
WELL, IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS
IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE.
WHAT'S YOUR FAKE BOYFRIEND'S NAME?
AUSTIN.
- OH TEDDY. - I PANICKED!
AT LEAST HE'S A REAL GUY.
- Austin: FOR YOU, MY LOVE! - ( folk music playing )
IS THAT THE LUTE?
OH, I LOVE THE LUTE.
( sighs )
SORRY, AUSTIN. NOW'S NOT A GOOD TIME.
TEDDY, GO OUT WITH ME.
- NO. - THEN I WILL CONTINUE TO SERENADE YOU
WITH EVERY INSTRUMENT AT MY DISPOSAL.
BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW
MY FATHER OWNS A MUSIC STORE.
SO WHAT'S IT GONNA TAKE TO MAKE YOU GO AWAY?
ONE DATE.
OKAY, FINE. LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
WELL, NOT NOW. I'M NOT DRESSED.
I SHALL RETURN SATURDAY AFTERNOON.
- SHALL WE SAY 1:00-ISH? - SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT.
OUR RELATIONSHIP ENDS AT 3:00-ISH.
UNTIL THEN I BID YOU A GENTLE GOOD MORROW.
YAHOO!
DAD! COME ON, LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT YOU.
HUH? LOOK AT THAT.
CAN I PASS FOR A TEENAGER?
ABSOLUTELY.
JUST STAY OUT OF DIRECT LIGHT...
OR ANY LIGHT. ( laughs )
- IS THAT A ZIT? - YEP, DREW THAT ON MYSELF.
MAKES ME LOOK YOUNGER, HUH?
UGH. PUTTING A LOT OF PRESSURE ON ONE LITTLE ZIT, DAD.
OKAY. DAD.
- LET'S GO OVER IT ONE MORE TIME. - OH, ALL RIGHT.
MY NAME IS BO. I GO TO NORTH HIGH
AND, IF ANYBODY ASKS, I HAVE A BIZARRE MEDICAL CONDITION
- THAT MAKES ME LOOK OLDER. - CALLED?
OLD-MAN-ITUS.
WE'RE GOOD.
OH, HONEY.
WANT TO GO OUT WITH A TEENAGER TONIGHT?
NOT WITH THAT ZIT.
- THIS IS OUR DATE? - ( party horn blows )
YOUR SIX-YEAR-OLD COUSIN'S BIRTHDAY PARTY?
I COULDN'T SHOW UP WITHOUT A DATE.
THAT WOULD BE EMBARRASSING.
WE WOULDN'T WANT ANYONE HERE TO BE EMBARRASSED.
OH, NO, I'VE ARRANGED A PRIVATE TABLE FOR US.
HOW ROMANTIC.
I SLIPPED THE CLOWN A FEW DOLLARS.
HE'LL BE BY SHORTLY.
COME ON, SWING LIKE YOU MEAN IT!
SHE'S GONNA BE SEVEN BY THE TIME WE GET OUT OF HERE.
IT WON'T TAKE THAT LONG.
AFTER THE PINATA, WE HAVE CAKE
- THEN WE KISS AND IT'S OVER. - WHAT DID YOU SAY?
WE HAVE CAKE.
UH, IT'S YOUR TURN.
AH. LET'S DO THIS.
OPEN YOUR BAGS, GIRLS. THIS PRETTY RAINBOW'S GOING DOWN.
( girls cheer )
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! WHOO!
- TEDDY? - OH! SPENCER.
THAT IS YOU, UH, TIGER.
- HOW DO YOU DO? - OH MY GOSH.
HOW DO I DO WHAT?
- I'M AUSTIN. - THIS IS AUSTIN?
THE GUY YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH?
WELL, IT'S JUST OUR FIRST DATE.
WE'RE TAKING THINGS SLOW.
UM, WELL, I SHOULD GO. NICOLE'S WAITING FOR ME.
- IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU. - AND YOU, SIR.
( horn blows )
ARE YOU OKAY?
NOT REALLY.
THAT WAS MY EX-BOYFRIEND.
- OH. - HE'S HERE WITH NICOLE,
WHO IS PRETTY AND REAL.
AND YOU'RE HERE WITH AN 11-YEAR-OLD.
PRETTY MUCH.
WELL, YOU KNOW, TEDDY,
I MAY BE ONLY 11,
BUT I'M OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW YOU DESERVE SOMEONE
WHO WILL APPRECIATE HOW WONDERFUL YOU ARE.
AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, SPENCER AIN'T IT.
- DID YOU JUST SAY "AIN'T"? - LISTEN TO ME.
I'M SO PASSIONATE, I'M THROWING GRAMMAR TO THE WIND.
YEAH THANKS, AUSTIN.
AND YOU KNOW, AS FIRST DATES GO,
THIS WASN'T ALL THAT BAD.
- NOT NOW, SLAPPY. - ( squeaks )
ANYWAY, YOU REALLY--
YOU DESERVE SOMEBODY GREAT TOO.
I MEAN, SOMEBODY WHO'S SMART
KIND AND, WELL, 11.
SHALL WE GRAB OUR GOODY BAGS, QUICK KISS
- AND GET OUT OF HERE? - WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I SAID LET'S GRAB OUR GOODY BAGS.
* THAT'S WHY MONKEYS SHOULDN'T FLY *
* PLANES!
( chatting )
THIS IS AWFUL. WE'RE TOTALLY BOMBING.
THEY'RE NOT EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO US.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS. CALM DOWN.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING I LEARNED FROM THE BOB DUNCAN EXPERIENCE,
IT'S THAT IF YOU WANT TO GET PEOPLE TO NOTICE YOU,
- YOU GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO NOTICE. - HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
BAND MEETING. OKAY, GUYS, FOLLOW MY LEAD.
THIS CROWD'S ABOUT TO GET FIRED UP.
( rock music playing )
( cheering )
* MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE!
* MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE! *
* MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE!
- * FIRE! - ( cheering )
Well, Charlie,
thanks to a strange little dude named Austin,
I think I'm finally over Spencer.
In fact, I'm about to defriend him right now.
- ( chimes ) - Whoo! Moving on.
- Feel good. - ( chimes )
Ooh, looks like I have an email from...
Austin.
Oh, he posted the Teddy the tiger pictures
all over the internet.
Wish me good luck, Charlie.
- ( chuckles ) - WHOA! WHAT HAPPENED?
DAD BREATHED FIRE. IT WAS SO AWESOME...
THE FIRST TIME.
THE SECOND TIME THERE WERE SOME PROBLEMS.
NO BIG DEAL.
TOMORROW MORNING I'LL GO DOWN TO THE MUSIC STORE
AND GET JIMMY A NEW BASS,
THEN GO OVER TO THE LUMBER YARD
AND GET JIMMY'S PARENTS A NEW DECK.
WAIT. DAD, YOU PLAYED IN P.J.'s BAND?
- I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE INTO MUSIC. - OF COURSE I AM.
WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I HAD MY OWN BAND.
I'M SORRY, WHAT?
I REALLY GOT TO GET MY OWN PLACE.
HEY! ( laughs )
LOOK AT THAT. AIN'T SHE A BEAUTY?
I THOUGHT YOU ALREADY BOUGHT JIMMY A BASS.
- THIS IS FOR ME. - DAD, UM,
I THOUGHT WE MADE IT PRETTY CLEAR
YOU BEING IN THE BAND WAS JUST A ONE-TIME THING.
- I'M SORRY. - I'M NOT.
I'VE GOT MY OWN BAND NOW.
( rock music playing )
ALL RIGHT. OKAY WHOA.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. STOP STOP STOP.
LET'S TRY IT AGAIN, ALL RIGHT?
LET'S BRING THE ACCORDION DOWN A LITTLE BIT.
A LITTLE MORE FROM YOU. A LITTLE LESS FROM YOU.
AND AS FOR EMMETT'S GRANDMA...
YOU SOUND GREAT.
AHEM. ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.
ONE MORE TIME FROM THE TOP. OKAY, ON THREE.
( drums playing energetically )
- ( drums stop ) I SAID, "ON THREE." ON.
( giggles )
OH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU--
YOU CAN'T COUNT TO THREE YET.
( theme music playing )