HEY, YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE SOMETHING FUNNY?
OH, IF THIS IS WHERE YOU LIFT YOUR SHIRT UP
AND MAKE YOUR BELLY BUTTON SING-- NO, THANK YOU.
EVEN BETTER. CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO I MADE OF CHARLIE.
( upbeat music playing )
P.J.: Being a baby stinks.
Food's too mushy, gross and too juicy,
and the TV shows they make me watch are insulting.
( farting )
Ahh, much better.
Life is good.
P.J., YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO PUT THAT ONLINE SO GRANDMA CAN SEE IT.
GRANDMA KNOWS HOW TO GO ONLINE?
P.J., YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PUT THAT ON A D.V.D. SO GRANDMA CAN WATCH IT.
GRANDMA GOT A D.V.D. PLAYER?
OKAY, P.J., YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO GO OVER TO GRANDMA'S HOUSE
AND ACT IT OUT FOR HER.
( rock music playing )
* TODAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST
* RUNNING LATE, AND DAD SAYS *
* HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY LEFT SHOE? *
* I CLOSE MY EYES, TAKE A BITE *
* GRAB A RIDE, LAUGH OUT LOUD *
* THERE IT IS UP ON THE ROOF *
* I'VE BEEN THERE, I'VE SURVIVED *
* SO JUST TAKE MY ADVICE *
* HANG IN THERE, BABY
* THINGS ARE CRAZY
* BUT I KNOW YOUR FUTURE'S BRIGHT *
* HANG IN THERE, BABY
* THERE'S NO MAYBE
* EVERYTHING TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT *
* YOUR LIFE IS UP AND DOWN *
* BUT TRUST ME, IT COMES BACK AROUND *
* YOU'RE GONNA LOVE WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE *
* HANG IN THERE, BABY.
OKAY, WHERE IS THE LIBRARY?
DONDE ESTA LA LIBRARIA?
( laughs )
OKAY, YOU'RE REALLY CUTE WHEN YOU ROLL YOUR Rs,
BUT IT'S "BIBLIOTECA."
- BIBLIOTECA. - BUT SAY "LIBRARIA" AGAIN.
LIBRARIA.
YOUR RRRs MAKE ME ALL MMM.
HEY, LISTEN, I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.
OOH, THAT SOUNDS INTERESTING. WHAT IS IT?
WELL...
( game playing )
GABE, DO YOU MIND?
NO, YOU CAN STAY.
LET'S GO UPSTAIRS.
GOOD IDEA. I WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING,
BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO BE RUDE.
OKAY, NOW WHAT DID YOU WANT TO ASK ME?
I WAS WONDERING IF--
- IT WAS EMBARRASSING. - IT WAS A SIMPLE QUESTION.
YOUR FATHER SHOUTS AT ME FROM TWO AISLES AWAY,
"HEY, AMES, WHAT KIND OF TOILET PAPER YOU LIKE--
QUILTED OR SUPER-QUILTED?"
HEY, LOOK, SPENCER'S HERE.
SO WHAT, THE WORLD DOESN'T KNOW
THAT THE GREAT AMY DUNCAN USES TOILET PAPER?
NICE TO SEE YOU, MR. AND MRS. DUNCAN.
AFTER ALL THAT SHOUTING, YOU GOT THE WRONG KIND.
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT BOB THE TOILET PAPER PSYCHIC.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
WELL, ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,
YOU GOT THE WRONG TRASH BAGS TOO.
SORRY ABOUT MY PARENTS.
WOW, I SAY THAT A LOT.
SO WHAT I WANTED TO ASK YOU WAS--
I'M GONNA GET YOU! I'M GONNA GET YOU!
YES, I AM. YES, I AM.
( giggling )
OKAY, LET'S GO OUTSIDE.
IT USUALLY TAKES HIM A WHILE TO GET HER.
OKAY, I THINK I'M ALL OUT OF FAMILY MEMBERS,
BUT YOU'D BETTER TALK FAST.
OKAY, I WAS WONDERING
IF YOU WOULD WEAR MY FOOTBALL JERSEY ON FRIDAY.
IT'S SORT OF A TRADITION THAT THE PLAYERS' GIRLFRIENDS
WEAR THEIR JERSEYS ON GAME DAY.
SO THAT WOULD MAKE ME
YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
- YEAH. - COOL.
BECAUSE I WASN'T EXACTLY SURE OF OUR STATUS
AND I WAS TOO NERVOUS TO ASK. AND I DIDN'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE GIRLS
THAT MADE YOU TALK ABOUT IT. BUT THEN AGAIN--
SO THAT'S A YES ON THE JERSEY?
OF COURSE IT'S A YES, BOYFRIEND.
BACK TO THE STORE,
WHERE THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS SUPER-QUILTED!
WHOA, THIS IS AMAZING. THAT CHARLIE VIDEO HAS GONE VIRAL.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
THAT IT'S GOTTEN A MILLION HITS SINCE LAST TUESDAY.
AND NOW I'LL ANSWER YOUR NEXT QUESTION.
THAT MEANS OVER A MILLION PEOPLE HAVE SEEN IT.
SO WHAT, YOU PUT THAT ON THE FACETUBE?
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, DAD-- THE FACETUBE.
I'M GONNA BE ON TV.
- WHAT? - THE CHANNEL 8 NEWS JUST CALLED
AND NOW THAT THIS VIDEO IS ALL OVER THE INTERNET,
THEY WANT TO DO AN EXCLUSIVE ON THE "FARTY CHARLIE" FAMILY.
SO WE'RE ALL GONNA BE ON TV.
THAT'S WHAT I MEANT.
AND THIS IS OUR FAMILY ROOM.
YOUR FAMILY WHAT?
OUR FAMILY RRROOM.
OH, IT'S SO NICE AND PEACEFUL HERE.
WELL, IT'S A BIG HOUSE AND IT'S JUST ME, MOM AND DAD.
OH, HOW WONDERFUL.
MOM, DAD, THIS IS TEDDY.
HI, NICE TO MEET YOU, MR. AND MRS. WALSH.
OH, PLEASE, I'M LINDA. THIS IS PAUL.
SPENCER HAS TOLD US SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.
YOU'RE EVEN PRETTIER THAN HE SAID.
DAD, STOP.
OH, NO, IT'S OKAY. I DON'T MIND BEING PRETTY.
OH, SPENCE, BEFORE I FORGET,
YOUR MOM DID THE CUTEST THING IN THE STORE TODAY.
SHE POINTED OUT AN EGGPLANT IN THE SHAPE OF A HEART
AND SAID IT REMINDED HER OF ME.
WELL, IT DID.
THEY MUST SHOP AT A DIFFERENT STORE THAN MY PARENTS.
WELL, LET ME PUT THESE AWAY AND I'LL FIX YOU KIDS A QUICK SNACK.
OH, THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL GUITAR.
OH, THANK YOU. I PICKED THIS UP ON OUR LAST TRIP TO SPAIN.
DO YOU MIND IF I PLAY?
NO, GO AHEAD.
YEAH, MY BROTHER-- HE PLAYS GUITAR AND HE...
SOUNDS NOTHING LIKE THAT. OH, THAT IS SO PRETTY.
THANK YOU. TEDDY, HAVE A SEAT, RELAX.
OKAY.
OH, MASSAGE CHAIR.
NI-I-I-CE.
SMOKED SALMON AND DILL ON TOAST POINTS.
THAT'S A SNACK?
I DABBLE IN THE CULINARY ARTS.
MM, YOU MORE THAN DABBLE IN THAT.
OH WAIT, CAN I HAVE ONE MORE?
YOU WANT TO START STUDYING?
IN A MI-I-INUTE.
WELL, I'M NOT SURPRISED. ONCE YOU'RE ON TOP,
THEY JUST WANT TO KNOCK YOU DOWN.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
LISTEN TO SOME OF THESE COMMENTS ABOUT THE CHARLIE VIDEO.
FRED R5178 SAYS,
"CUTE, BUT YOU GOT LUCKY, ONE-HIT WONDER."
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE-- "YOU'RE A PATHETIC, NO-TALENT LOSER!"
WITH ABOUT 19 EXCLAMATION POINTS.
THAT ONE'S FROM GABE D.
WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW.
GABE HONEY, COME HERE.
I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING VERY EXCITING FROM MOMMY'S PAST.
TEDDY TOLD ME IF I EVER HEARD THOSE WORDS,
I SHOULD JUST KEEP WALKING.
PARK IT.
NOW IN PREPARATION FOR OUR TELEVISION APPEARANCE
I'M STUDYING SOME OF MY PREVIOUS BROADCAST WORK.
I USED TO BE A REPORTER
FOR THE SOUTHWEST DENVER COMMUNITY COLLEGE
ACTION NEWS TEAM.
WE REACHED DOZENS OF VIEWERS ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
THIS IS ONE OF MY HARDEST-HITTING PIECES.
In my hand I'm holding
something new to our campus--
a cell phone.
"Cell" is short for "cellular"
Believe it or not,
you can use this phone wherever you go.
I know it sounds crazy,
but as Paula Abdul would say,
"I'm tellin' ya straight up."
IT WAS GOOD. IT WAS REALLY GOOD.
- OH, UNBELIEVABLE. - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THAT'S THE WORST THROW!
HI.
HEY, TEDDY. HEY, WHAT YOU GOT THERE?
LEFTOVERS FROM SPENCER'S HOUSE.
- ( yelling ) - COME ON!
I CAN'T WATCH THIS. I'M TURNING IT OFF.
NO NO, WAIT WAIT. THE COMMERCIAL WITH THE TALKING FOOT.
Amy: DINNER!
GRAB YOUR BUNS. IT'S SLOPPY JOE NIGHT.
MOM JUST SAID, "GRAB YOUR BUNS."
- TEDDY. - I'M FINE, THANK YOU.
- OOH, WHAT ARE YOU HAVING? - TOAST POINTS WITH SALMON AND DILL.
TOAST POINTS? I SAY WHAT'S-THE-POINTS.
HEY, CHECK OUT CHARLIE.
SHE PUT SLOPPY JOE ON HER FACE
BECAUSE SHE'S A BABY. WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
IT'S NOT JUST FUNNY 'CAUSE SHE'S A BABY.
SEE, THIS WORKS ON ALL AGES.
NOW GABE, YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
YEAH, IT SHOULD BE MORE LIKE THIS.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, CUT IT OUT.
NEXT PERSON WHO THROWS SLOPPY JOE--
GUYS, YOU KNOW, AT SPENCER'S HOUSE
THE FOOD GOES DIRECTLY FROM THEIR PLATES TO THEIR MOUTHS.
HOW IS THAT FUN?
I'LL LET YOU KNOW TOMORROW NIGHT BECAUSE I'M GOING OVER THERE FOR DINNER.
HIS MOM IS MAKING QUAIL. NOT SLOPPY QUAIL-- QUAIL.
YOU CAN'T GO OVER THERE TOMORROW NIGHT.
THE CHANNEL 8 NEWS CREW IS COMING OVER. THEY'RE GONNA INTERVIEW THE WHOLE FAMILY.
YEAH, I THINK I'LL PASS.
WHAT, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ON TV WITH ME?
- Men: US. - US?
NO, I DON'T WANT TO BE A PART OF THE "FARTY CHARLIE" FAMILY.
IT'S EMBARRASSING.
IT'S EMBARRASSING
OR WE'RE EMBARRASSING?
YES.
- MORE FOR US. - YEP.
NOBODY CALLS P.J. DUNCAN A ONE-HIT WONDER.
BEHOLD "FARTY CHARLIE II."
( upbeat music playing )
Hey, I'm Charlie. I'm feeling extra gassy today.
Uh-oh, here comes.
( farts )
( screaming )
Ahh, that's better.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHERE DO I BEGIN?
THAT WASN'T EVEN CHARLIE. THAT WAS A DOLL.
BECAUSE CHARLIE HAD TO TAKE A NAP.
PLUS, YOU CAN ONLY TELL 'CAUSE YOU'RE HER BROTHER.
NO, I COULD TELL BECAUSE HER FOOT WAS FACING THE WRONG DIRECTION.
WELL, DID YOU LIKE ANYTHING ABOUT IT?
WELL, I LIKED--
NO.
MAN, THE PEOPLE ARE RIGHT. I AM A ONE-HIT WONDER.
LOOK, YOU HAD A GOOD RUN.
30 SECONDS?
LOOK, I'M TRYING TO PUT LIPSTICK ON A PIG HERE.
YOU'RE A FAILURE.
( laughing )
LIPSTICK ON A PIG-- THAT'S HILARIOUS.
I JUST GOT AN IDEA FOR MY NEXT FILM.
IF ANYONE NEEDS ME,
I'LL BE AT THE DRUGSTORE, THEN THE ZOO.
( doorbell rings )
OH, HONEY, IT'S TEDDY. WHERE'S SPENCE?
OH, HE WON'T BE BACK FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.
OH, AM I EARLY?
DID I ACCIDENTALLY COME HERE TOO EARLY
BY MISTAKE SOMEHOW?
- IT'S FINE. - BECAUSE I COULD WAIT OUTSIDE.
OH, DON'T BE SILLY. GO ON, HAVE A SEAT. MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.
OH, DOES THAT ONE VIBRATE TOO?
- NO, JUST THAT ONE. - OH.
WOULD YOU PREFER THAT ONE?
HEY, THERE'S AN IDEA.
( chair whirring )
SO HOW ARE YOU, DEAR?
WELL, NOW THAT YOU ASK,
I'M A LITTLE SNACKY.
AHH.
P.J. DUNCAN, DIRECTOR; THIS IS GABE, ENTOURAGE.
HI, I'M RICK COLEMAN, CHANNEL 8 NEWS.
LISTEN, I'VE GOT A LOT OF EXCITING NEW PROJECTS COMING UP,
SO IF YOU COULD MENTION THE WORDS "PIG" OR "LIPSTICK,"
YOU MIGHT GET YOURSELF AN EXCLUSIVE.
HI, THIS IS CHARLIE. I'M BOB.
OF "BOB'S BUGS BE GONE."
YEAH. YOU'VE SEEN MY TRUCKS AROUND TOWN?
AND THE BIG BUG ON YOUR SHIRT.
OH, DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE I WAS WEARING THIS.
OR THAT SHE'S WEARING THE EXACT SAME SHIRT.
HEY, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
HI, EVERYBODY.
I'M AMY, CHARLIE'S MOM
AND FORMER ANCHOR FOR "GOOD MORNING CAMPUS TODAY."
LISTEN, IF YOU RUN INTO ANY PROBLEMS
DURING YOUR SEGMENT, JUST THROW IT TO ME.
I'LL BE YOUR GO-TO GAL.
HONEY, HAVE YOU REHEARSED WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS?
REHEARSED? I'M JUST GONNA WING IT.
NO NO, BOB, YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT WINGING IT.
REMEMBER YOUR WEDDING VOWS?
"I LIKE HER."
HONEY, I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS.
AND THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. I'M GONNA BE FINE.
HEY, MOM, YOU HAVE SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE.
- OH, WHERE? - EVERYWHERE.
( laughs )
HONEY, YOU NEED TO WEAR A LOT OF MAKEUP ON TELEVISION
SO THAT YOU'RE NOT WASHED OUT UNDER ALL THE LIGHTS.
THE KIDS DON'T KNOW THIS BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT IN THE MEDIA ARTS.
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN
SINCE YOU'VE BEEN IN THE MEDIA ARTS,
BUT WITH HI-DEF YOU DON'T NEED A LOT OF LIGHT.
OH, WELL, HOW WILL MY MAKEUP LOOK IN HI-DEF?
SHOULD BE INTERESTING.
OKAY, LET'S DO THIS.
THIS IS RICK COLEMAN,
AND I'M HERE WITH DENVER'S NEWEST CELEBRITY
WHO'S BEEN SEEN BY, WELL, WITH A COMPUTER.YONE
SHE'S CUTE. SHE'S FUNNY.
SHE'S FARTY CHARLIE!
BACK TO YOU, RICK.
AND HERE WE ARE ON OUR FAMILY REUNION LAST SUMMER IN ASPEN.
YOU WERE STAYING IN A LODGE?
NO, THAT'S OUR CABIN.
OUR LODGE IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF OUR MOUNTAIN.
DAD, STOP. YOU'RE MAKING US SOUND LIKE WE'RE RICH.
WE DON'T HAVE OUR OWN MOUNTAIN.
WE SHARE IT WITH ANOTHER FAMILY.
SPEAKING OF FAMILIES, TEDDY, WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET TO MEET YOURS?
UH, THEY'RE KIND OF BUSY,
SO MAYBE NEXT SUMMER
OR THE ONE AFTER THAT.
OKAY, EVERYONE, I HAVE THE NEWS ON IN THE KITCHEN.
YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE THESE PEOPLE.
And when they saw what great work I was doing
out in the field, they said,
"Hey, we need her on 'Good Morning Campus Today.'"
Rick, you might say
it was an offer I couldn't refuse.
If we could get back to Charlie--
Why don't we talk to the proud papa?
Whew.
Whoa, look, Dad, through your shirt.ht
Uh...
You know, Rick,
something I find very interesting
is that cell phones have gotten so much smaller.
Back to you, Rick.
So, PJ, you're the director of this little epic.
That's right, Rick-- editor and voice.
I don't know what a producer does,
but I probably did that too.
What are you doing?
Well, you just give it to me and I'll throw it back to you.
No, let go.
At least let me throw it back to Yolanda in the studio.
No, I do that. Back to Yolanda in the studio.
What is wrong with you people?
- ( laughing ) - I THOUGHT YOU'D ENJOY THAT.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
WHAT A FAMILY. THE WOMAN--
SHE LOOKS LIKE A CIRCUS CLOWN.
CLOWNS ARE FUN.
WHAT ABOUT THE BIG SWEATY OAF? HE WAS A PIECE OF WORK.
OAFS ARE FUN.
WHERE DID THEY FIND THESE PEOPLE?
MOM, DAD, STOP, OKAY? THAT'S TEDDY'S FAMILY.
- ( laughing ) - THAT'S A GOOD ONE, SPENCE.
NO, HE'S NOT KIDDING.
OH, BUT TEDDY, YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE THOSE PEOPLE.
YOU'RE SO POISED AND SOPHISTICATED AND--
( belches )
EXCUSE ME?
I SAID... ( belches )
I CAN DO THAT BECAUSE I'M A DUNCAN.
I'M THE PRODUCT
OF THE SWEATY OAF AND THE CRAZY CLOWN.
OH TEDDY, I'M SORRY. WE DIDN'T KNOW.
OH, NO NO, IT'S OKAY. YESTERDAY I WAS EMBARRASSED BY THEM TOO.
AND I EVEN TOLD THEM THAT. AND THEN I CAME OVER HERE
SO I COULD PRETEND THAT I WAS ONE OF YOU.
BUT I'M NOT. I'M ONE OF THEM.
I SWEAT, I FART AND I BURP.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO THAT AGAIN, ARE YOU?
NO.
IN FACT, I SHOULD PROBABLY GET BACK TO MY FAMILY
IN THIS, THEIR DARKEST HOUR.
( farts )
- PAUL! - OH, I'M SORRY, DEAR.
I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES.
OH.
- ( all laughing ) - Oh, man.
Hey, Charlie, was on the news tonight,e
and now they're on the internet.
That's right-- the Duncans have gone viral.
Oh my gosh I look like a clown.
Well, at least you talked.
And talked and talked...
Hey.
I look cool.
( laughing )
See, that's the great thing about this family--
we can laugh at ourselves.
And hopefully you feel the same way
when you're older and realize
"Everyone in the world has seen me pass gas."
( doorbell rings )
I'LL GET IT.
- HI. - HEY.
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE OKAY.
YEAH, I'M FINE.
I'M SO SORRY ABOUT MY PARENTS.
WOW, IT IS REALLY NICE
TO HEAR THAT COMING OUT OF SOMEBODY ELSE'S MOUTH.
I WAS THINKING MAYBE TOMORROW WE COULD STUDY HERE.
IT'S A LOT MORE FUN THAN MY HOUSE.
REALLY? OR ARE YOU JUST SAYING THAT TO BE NICE?
NO, I MEAN IT. IT'S ALWAYS SO QUIET AT MY HOUSE.
OVER HERE IT'S LOUD AND FUN
AND FULL OF DIFFERENT SMELLS.
OKAY, MY HOUSE IT IS.
ANY CHANCE OF A SLOPPY JOE NIGHT?
OH, IT'LL BE A SLOPPY SOMETHING NIGHT.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
OH HEY, HOLD ON A SEC.
Hey, Charlie, this is my boyfriend Spencer.
Hi, Charlie.
Isn't he cute?
I hope someday you find somebody as great as him,
but it might be tough. So good luck, Charlie.
Uh, nuh-uh.
( playing classical guitar )
OH, FATHER, THAT WAS LOVELY.
YOUR FINGER-PICKING IS SO DELICATE.
ALMOST AS DELICATE AS THAT POMEGRANATE
THAT YOU'RE PAINTING, DEAR.
( bell ringing )
DINNER IN 15 MINUTES.
TONIGHT WE'RE HAVING COQ AU VIN AND WHITE ASPARAGUS.
OH MY, I STILL HAVE ON MY AFTERNOON PEARLS.
MOTHER, THE TABLE IS SET.
HOW ELSE MAY I HELP YOU?
FATHER, THE HORSES HAVE BEEN GROOMED AND FED.
( farts )
( all laughing )
IT WOULD SEEM OUR CHILD IS FULL OF BEANS.
FATHER, HOW YOU MAKE US TITTER.