Hey, Charlie, check this out.
Here's something nobody has ever seen before.
Gabe is brushing his hair.
Do you have to videotape everything we do?
This isn't a reality show.
Oh, I know it's not reality without being asked.ower
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK YOU LIKE SOMEONE.
WHAT IF I DO? NO BIG DEAL.
ARE YOU KIDDING? YOUR FIRST CRUSH IS A HUGE DEAL.
LOOK, SHE IS A GIRL. I'M A GUY.
THESE THINGS HAPPEN EVERY DAY.
NOT TO YOU.
I KNOW. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
HEY, KIDS, COME ON, LET'S GO.
P.J. HONEY, CAN YOU WATCH CHARLIE AFTER SCHOOL?
I HAVE TO WORK.
I CAN'T. I'M WORKING TOO.
I CAN TAKE CHARLIE WITH ME IF YOU WANT.
YOU WANT TO HELP YOUR BIG BROTHER DELIVER CHICKEN?
OR YOU COULD COME TO THE HOSPITAL
AND HELP MOMMY CHANGE BEDPANS.
YOU TAKE HER.
GABE, ARE YOU WEARING AFTERSHAVE?
A LITTLE.
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? YOU'RE NOT SHAVING YET.
AS LONG AS WE'RE BEING LOGICAL, WHY DO YOU STILL HAVE A COMB?
GET IN THE CAR.
( rock music playing )
* TODAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST
* RUNNING LATE, AND DAD SAYS *
* HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY LEFT SHOE? *
* I CLOSE MY EYES, TAKE A BITE *
* GRAB A RIDE, LAUGH OUT LOUD *
* THERE IT IS UP ON THE ROOF *
* I'VE BEEN THERE, I'VE SURVIVED *
* SO JUST TAKE MY ADVICE *
* HANG IN THERE, BABY
* THINGS ARE CRAZY
* BUT I KNOW YOUR FUTURE'S BRIGHT *
* HANG IN THERE, BABY
* THERE'S NO MAYBE
* EVERYTHING TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT *
* YOUR LIFE IS UP AND DOWN *
* BUT TRUST ME, IT COMES BACK AROUND *
* YOU'RE GONNA LOVE WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE *
* HANG IN THERE, BABY.
Gabe's voice: OKAY, THIS IS MY CHANCE.
DON'T BLOW IT.
SAY SOMETHING TO HER.
H-H-HI, KIT.
HELLLLOOO, KIT!
YO YO YO, KIT!
MY MOUTH'S SO DRY.
I NEED JUICE.
IT'S JUICE. THIS IS NOT PEE.
THAT WENT WELL.
( doorbell rings )
IS YOUR SISTER HOME?
YES.
WHO WAS THAT?
MRS. DABNEY WITH HER STUPID QUESTIONS.
( doorbell rings )
I HAVE A FOLLOW-UP QUESTION--
MAY I SPEAK TO YOUR SISTER?
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, MRS. DABNEY?
I'M GOING OUT OF TOWN FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS
AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU'D BE KIND ENOUGH
TO LOOK AFTER MY CAT CABOODLE.
OH, I DON'T KNOW. I'M AWFULLY BUSY.
I'LL PAY YOU $20 A DAY.
MY SCHEDULE JUST OPENED UP.
MM-HMM.
- I CAN TRUST YOU, RIGHT? - OF COURSE.
YOU DO SEEM TO BE THE LEAST DISTURBED OF ALL THE DUNCAN KIDS.
WHAT AN ALMOST SWEET THING TO SAY.
YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT CABOODLE
IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD TO ME.
HOW'S MR. DABNEY DOING?
LIKE I SAID, LOVE THAT CABOODLE.
- ( rings doorbell ) - Woman: WHO IS IT?
KWIKKI CHIKKI.
- OH, HELLO. - HI, IT'S $21.07.
OH, OKAY. WHO IS THIS CUTIE PIE?
I'M P.J.
I MEANT THE OTHER CUTIE PIE.
OH, THIS IS CHARLIE. SHE'S MY BABY SISTER.
WHY, ISN'T SHE THE MOST PRECIOUS THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD?
YEAH, MY MOM'S AT THE HOSPITAL, SO I'M LOOKING AFTER HER.
OH, YOU POOR DEAR.
KEEP THE CHANGE.
ARE YOU SURE? THIS IS ALMOST A $20 TIP.
OH, YOU NEED IT MORE THAN I DO,
WHAT WITH YOUR MOM BEING IN THE HOSPITAL AND ALL.
OH, YOU THINK MY MOM IS IN--
I'M NOT GONNA LIE TO YOU. IT'S BEEN HARD.
ENJOY YOUR CHICKEN.
CHARLIE, WELCOME TO THE CHICKEN DELIVERY BUSINESS.
GIVE HIM DRY FOOD TWICE A DAY
AND MAKE SURE HIS WATER BOWL IS ALWAYS FILLED.
OH, AND MY SISTER VIRGINIA IS COMING BY LATER FOR A PLAY DATE.
YOU WANT ME TO HAVE A PLAY DATE WITH YOUR SISTER?
NOT YOU-- CABOODLE.
VIRGINIA BRINGS HER CAT STANLEY OVER.
WHAT A RIDICULOUS NAME FOR A CAT.
- CABOODLE? - STANLEY.
OH, I SHOULD GO.
BUT SO MY LITTLE CABOODIE WON'T MAKE A SCENE,
YOU NEED TO DISTRACT HIM.
SHOULD I PRETEND TO BE A MOUSE?
YES.
- I WAS JOKING. - I WASN'T.
- THE CAT SEEMS FINE TO ME. - I'M PAYING YOU.
NOW PUT HIM DOWN AND ACT LIKE A MOUSE.
SQUEAK SQUEAK.
YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT. BARE YOUR TEETH, WIGGLE YOUR NOSE
AND ACT LIKE YOU'RE EATING A PIECE OF CHEESE.
NOW KEEP DOING THAT FOR 20 MINUTES,
AND HE SHOULD BE FINE. GOODBYE, MY CABOODLE.
TEDDY HONEY, DID YOU LOSE SOMETHING?
ONLY MY DIGNITY.
MOM, CAN YOU HELP ME WITH SOMETHING?
SURE, HONEY. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
WELL, I HAVE THIS FRIEND
AND HE NEEDS TO KNOW HOW TO TALK TO GIRLS.
DOES THIS FRIEND HAVE A NAME?
NO-ORMAN.
THAT'S AN ODD NAME.
WELL, I THINK HE'S FROM NO-ORWAY.
GABE HONEY, I'M YOUR MOM.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE EMBARRASSED
ABOUT TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR FIRST CRUSHY-WUSHY.
I'M JUST GONNA GO LOOK IT UP ON THE INTERNET.
NO NO NO, IT'S OKAY.
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
OKAY, SO WHAT HAVE YOU SAID TO HER SO FAR?
UM, I SAID,
"THAT WAS JUICE, NOT PEE."
AND THEN SHE WALKED AWAY.
OH, NO-ORMAN.
EVERY TIME I GET NEAR HER,
MY HEART STARTS POUNDING, MY HANDS GET ALL SWEATY
AND I CAN'T SPEAK.
OH, YOU'VE GOT IT BAD.
I REMEMBER MY FIRST CRUSH.
WAS IT DAD?
SURE, WHY NOT?
SO WHAT DO I DO? HOW DO I TALK TO HER?
WELL, WHEN YOU START TO GET A LITTLE NERVOUS,
JUST ASK HER QUESTIONS. LET HER DO THE TALKING.
FIND THINGS YOU HAVE IN COMMON.
SO JUST ASK HER STUFF AND LISTEN TO THE ANSWERS?
THAT SOUNDS EASY.
SURE.
RELATIONSHIPS ARE A PIECE OF CAKE.
THAT'S WHY MARRIED PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS SO HAPPY.
DID DAD EVER GET NERVOUS TALKING TO YOU?
OH, WHEN YOUR DAD AND I FIRST STARTED DATING
WE DIDN'T DO A LOT OF TALKING. MOSTLY WE JUST--
JUST WHAT?
PLAYED CHECKERS--
LOTS AND LOTS OF CHECKERS.
- P.J.: HEY, DAD. - HEY.
YOU'RE TAKING CARE OF CHARLIE TOMORROW AFTERNOON, RIGHT?
I BELIEVE I AM.
YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING MAYBE SHE SHOULD COME TO WORK WITH ME.
WHY?
BECAUSE I FEEL I DIDN'T DO ENOUGH TO HELP OUT
WHEN TEDDY AND GABE WERE BABIES.
ENOUGH? YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
I KNOW.
AND IT HAUNTS ME.
IT HAUNTS YOU?
YES.
THAT'S WHY I HAVE TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU WITH CHARLIE.
OKAY.
LOVE YOU, DAD.
OH, THAT BOY'S UP TO SOMETHING.
I SHOULD PROBABLY GET INTO THIS.
EH, HE'S ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS.
Gabe's voice: LISTEN AND FIND THINGS IN COMMON.
LISTEN AND FIND THINGS IN COMMON.
- HI. - HI.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF.
WHY?
I MEAN, ONLY IF YOU WANT TO.
OKAY, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FAMILY.
OH, THE FAMILY.
ACTUALLY THERE'S NOT MUCH TO TELL. I'M AN ONLY CHILD.
ME TOO.
COOL.
WHAT ELSE?
WELL, MY PARENTS ARE DIVORCED.
MINE TOO.
- WHO DO YOU LIVE WITH? - WHO DO YOU LIVE WITH?
- MY MOM. - ME TOO.
WOW, WE REALLY HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
YOU KNOW, I HAD A FEELING WE MIGHT.
WANT HALF OF A PEANUT-BUTTER SANDWICH?
NO, THANKS. I'M ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS.
ME TOO.
YOU DON'T DO MUCH, DO YOU?
HEY HEY, CATCH.
OR STAY.
GOOD CAT.
( doorbell rings )
MRS. DABNEY, WHY ARE YOU BACK HERE?
OH, I'M NOT ESTELLE. I'M HER SISTER VIRGINIA.
WOW, YOU REALLY LOOK LIKE MRS. DABNEY.
EXCEPT FOR MY LAUGH LINES. ESTELLE DOESN'T HAVE ANY OF THOSE.
GABE, THIS IS MRS. DABNEY'S TWIN SISTER VIRGINIA.
THIS IS MY BROTHER GABE.
OH, YOU LOOK LIKE A NICE LITTLE BOY.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME CANDY?
ONLY IF YOU EAT ONE FIRST.
YOU'RE AS CUTE AS THE DICKENS.
OKAY, THIS IS DANG FREAKY.
OKAY, STANLEY.
LET'S GO PLAY WITH CABOODLE.
HERE WE GO.
- UH-OH. - WHAT'S WRONG?
CABOODLE ALWAYS GETS EXCITED WHEN STANLEY ARRIVES.
HE'S JUST BEEN LYING ON THE COUCH ALL DAY. DO YOU THINK HE'S SICK?
YOU'D BETTER HOPE NOT. I'D HATE TO BE IN YOUR SHOES
IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO MY SISTER'S BABY.
WELL, IT'S NOT MY FAULT. SHE'D UNDERSTAND THAT, RIGHT?
OH, YEAH. SHE'S VERY UNDERSTANDING.
COME ON, CABOODLE, PERK UP.
THIS DOES NOT LOOK GOOD.
OH, I KNOW WHAT WILL CHEER YOU UP--
MR. MOUSE, RIGHT?
THIS DOES NOT LOOK GOOD EITHER.
THE WHOLE FAMILY'S PITCHING IN TO HELP OUT WITH CHARLIE,
BECAUSE MY MOM'S IN THE HOSPITAL.
THANK YOU.
AND THANK YOU.
USED TO BE HER HALLOWEEN COSTUME,
BUT WITH MOM IN THE HOSPITAL,
WE CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY HER A WINTER COAT--
A NEW WINTER COAT.
- IS YOUR MOM ANY BETTER? - THE SAME,
BUT WE'RE TRYING TO BE BRAVE.
YOU POOR THING.
AWW.
IT'S HARDEST ON THE LITTLE ONES.
WHENEVER WE VISIT MOM IN THE HOSPITAL,
CHARLIE DOES THIS.
MAMA MAMA MAMA.
WARREN, GET OUT HERE!
AND BRING YOUR WALLET!
THANKS FOR COMING ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE, DR. TUSHY.
IT'S PRONOUNCED "TUSHY." YOU DON'T HAVE TO THANK ME.
CABOODLE DABNEY IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE PATIENTS.
I DIDN'T KNOW VETERINARIANS MADE HOUSE CALLS.
OH, THEY DON'T. I'M A THERAPIST.
A THERAPIST FOR CATS?
AND BIRDS. BUT NEVER AT THE SAME TIME.
YOU ONLY MAKE THAT MISTAKE ONCE.
UH-HUH. HUH.
OH.
( sighs )
SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH CABOODLE?
WELL, HIS AURA IS OFF. HIS CHAKRAS ARE OUT OF LINE.
HOW'S HIS POOP?
FINE. HOW'S YOURS?
WELL, THAT'S A LITTLE PERSONAL,
BUT SINCE YOU ASK, SUPER GOOD AND GETTING BETTER.
MAYBE WE SHOULD GET BACK TO THE CAT, DR. TUSHY.
IT'S "TUSHY."
TUSHY.
- HUH-UH, TUSHY. - TUSHY?
TUSHY TUSHY TUSHY.
- DO YOU HAVE A FIRST NAME? - TISH.
TISH TUSHY?
"DOCTOR."
ANYWAY, CAN YOU FIX HIM?
NO.
BUT YOU CAN. CABOODLE IS FEELING ABANDONED.
HE NEEDS TO KNOW HE'S SAFE AND SECURE.
NOW CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SEND HIM A THOUGHT
TO LET HIM KNOW YOU CARE.
CAN'T YOU GIVE HIM A SHOT OR--?
SEND HIM A THOUGHT.
DO YOU HAVE A THOUGHT?
OH, I'M HAVING A FEW OF THEM.
( doorbell rings )
- KIT. - HI, GABE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - I TOLD MY MOM ALL ABOUT YOU
AND WE JUST WANTED TO SAY HI.
YEAH, IT IS SO WONDERFUL THAT KIT MET SOMEONE
WITH A FAMILY JUST LIKE OURS.
OKAY.
DO YOU MIND IF WE COME IN?
YEAH, SURE, I GUESS.
OKAY.
YOU KNOW, I'LL ACTUALLY BE RIGHT BACK.
OKAY.
I HAVE A BIG PROBLEM. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M READJUSTING CABOODLE'S AURA. DUH.
- I'M IN BIG TROUBLE. - WHAT'S WRONG?
- THE GIRL I LIKE IS HERE WITH HER MOM. - WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
I TOLD HER MOM AND DAD ARE DIVORCED
AND I'M AN ONLY CHILD. WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
OKAY, THE FIRST THING YOU'RE GONNA DO IS CALM DOWN.
YOUR NEGATIVE ENERGY IS UPSETTING THE CAT.
YOU GOTTA HELP ME.
OKAY, RELAX,
OR LATER YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TROUBLE WITH YOUR POOP.
TEDDY.
FINE, I'LL GO AND GET RID OF THEM.
WAIT, THEY CAN'T KNOW YOU'RE MY SISTER.
RIGHT, SO I WILL BE SOMEBODY ELSE.
HI, I'M TEDDY, THE HOUSEKEEPER. SEE?
HI, I'M DANA. THIS IS KIT.
WHY ARE YOU WEARING A CAT?
BECAUSE IN MY COUNTRY WE HAVE A SAYING
"THE HOUSE LOOKS ITS BEST WHEN A CAT'S
ON YOUR CHEST."
WHAT COUNTRY IS THAT?
CANADA.
MRS. DUNCAN ISN'T HOME AND I HAVE A HOUSE TO CLEAN,
SO AS WE SAY IN MY COUNTRY, "OOT."
"OOT OOT."
OKAY, COULD YOU JUST TELL HER WE STOPPED BY?
YOU BETCHA.
HEY, EVERYBODY.
- WHO'S THAT? - THAT'S THE CHICKEN DELIVERY GUY.
- DUDE, WHAT'S WITH THE CAT? - NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
AND DON'T CALL ME "DUDE," CHICKEN DELIVERY GUY.
NOW COME OUT TO THE PORCH
WHERE I WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO USE A DOORBELL.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S WEIRD? HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY CHICKEN.
HE'S JUST HERE TO TAKE OUR ORDER.
THEN ANOTHER GUY COMES AND DELIVERS IT.
IT'S NOT A GOOD SYSTEM.
I'M THE CHICKEN DELIVERY GUY.
SEE?
THAT IS SUCH AN ADORABLE BABY. IS SHE--?
PART OF THE PROMOTION. RIGHT, P.J.,
WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE YOUR NAME?
THAT'S RIGHT. A PROMOTION.
KWIKKI CHIKKI IS INTRODUCING
BABY BACK RIBS.
AND THEY MAKE YOU CARRY AROUND A BABY?
THAT COMES FROM CORPORATE.
THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE OUT IN THE FIELD.
LOOK WHO'S HERE. WHO IS HERE?
- HI, I'M BOB. - THE EXTERMINATOR.
YEAH, I'M A LITTLE MORE THAN THAT. WHY ARE YOU WEARING A CAT?
OH, FORGET THE CAT. THERE IS A SKUNK IN THE BACKYARD
AND I DEMAND YOU GO EXTERMINATE IT RIGHT NOW.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SKUNKS DON'T COME OUT DURING THE DAY.
WELL, THEN GO OUT AND TELL HIM THAT.
SORRY ABOUT THAT. HE DOES GOOD WORK, BUT HE'S A LITTLE CHATTY.
MOM? NO!
WELL, HELLO TO YOU TOO.
- HELLO. - HI, I'M DANA. I'M KIT'S MOM.
- I'M AMY. - THIS BABY IS SO CUTE.
ISN'T SHE?
SHE SURE MAKES ME WANT SOME BABY BACK RIBS.
BEG PARDON?
- NO SKUNK BACK THERE. OH, HEY, SWEETIE. - HEY.
WOW, YOU'RE VERY FRIENDLY WITH THE EXTERMINATOR.
I DO SLEEP NEXT TO HIM EVERY NIGHT.
- I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU HAD A BOYFRIEND. - SHE'S GOT A WHAT?
THE EXTERMINATOR IS YOUR BOYFRIEND.
THE EXTERMINATOR IS MY HUSBAND.
- SO YOU REMARRIED? - I WAS NEVER DIVORCED.
WELL, KIT TOLD ME YOU WERE.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT GABE TOLD ME.
I MAY HAVE TOLD A TEENY LITTLE LIE.
SORRY. I JUST WANTED YOU TO LIKE ME.
GABE, YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME THE TRUTH.
I KNOW. AND I PROMISE,
FROM NOW ON I'LL ALWAYS BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU.
- I'M BACK. - NOW WHO'S THIS?
THAT'S EITHER VIRGINIA WHO'S NICE AND GIVES OUT CANDY
OR MRS. DABNEY-- HER EVIL TWIN.
WE'RE OUT OF HERE.
Well, Charlie, the good news is Caboodle's fine.
Turns out all he needed was a trip to the litter box.
But the bad news is Gabe's romance with Kit is over.
Well, the good news is I don't have to shower anymore.
That's really good news.
So if your brother Gabe goes to give you a hug,
well, good luck, Charlie.
Don't worry. That won't happen.
HEY, MOM, CHARLIE AND I HAVE TO WORK A DOUBLE TOMORROW.
WHAT? WHY DO YOU KEEP TAKING CHARLIE TO WORK?
BECAUSE I LOVE HER.
( doorbell rings )
NOBODY?
- MAY I HELP YOU? - I JUST WANTED TO DROP OFF THIS CASSEROLE.
EXCUSE ME?
WELL, WITH P.J.'S MOM BEING IN THE HOSPITAL
AND HIM PRACTICALLY HAVING TO RAISE CHARLIE ON HIS OWN--
IT'S JUST SO SAD.
YOU THINK--
GOSH, THAT SMELLS GOOD.
IT IS SAD.
- I FIND WHEN PEOPLE ARE IN NEED-- - THANK YOU.
KIDS, DINNER'S READY.
- ( doorbell rings ) - IT'S OPEN.
THERE'S ANOTHER ONE?
FIVE IN ALL.
WE'RE THE WORLD-FAMOUS QUINTS OF SHEBOYGAN, WISCONSIN.
WE WERE THE BIGGEST NEWS STORY OF 1958.
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FAMILY REUNION.
- WHAT HAPPENED? - ESTELLE KICKED US OUT.
THAT WOMAN'S NOT RIGHT.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.