- CRACKER. - YES.
PICKLE, DILL.
GOOD. AND?
COTTAGE CHEESE,
LOW FAT, SMALL CURD,
A TOUCH OF FUZZ.
EXPIRATION DATE?
THREE WEEKS AGO.
- AMAZING. - YES!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WE'RE PLAYING "GUESS THAT SNACK."
AND NEXT YEAR YOU CAN VOTE.
HEY, LISTEN, P.J., I RAN INTO A FRIEND OF MINE TODAY.
HE'S OPENING UP A NEW CHICKEN RESTAURANT
AND HE NEEDS A DELIVERY GUY.
DAD, YOU ALREADY HAVE A JOB.
I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU.
OH, THANKS, BUT I'M ALREADY BOOKED SOLID
BETWEEN THE SCHOOL, THE BAND, OUR SNACKING COMPETITIONS.
I CAN'T DO IT ALL. I'M JUST ONE GUY.
ONE GUY WHO DELIVERS CHICKEN. HERE'S THE NUMBER.
HEY, EMMETT, IF YOU WANT, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET YOU A JOB TOO.
OH, NO, THANKS, MR. D. I ALREADY GOT A JOB.
- DOING WHAT? - MY DAD PAYS ME TO STAY OUT OF THE HOUSE.
WORKING RIGHT NOW.
( rock music playing )
* TODAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST
* RUNNING LATE, AND DAD SAYS *
* HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY LEFT SHOE? *
* I CLOSE MY EYES, TAKE A BITE *
* GRAB A RIDE, LAUGH OUT LOUD *
* THERE IT IS UP ON THE ROOF *
* I'VE BEEN THERE, I'VE SURVIVED *
* SO JUST TAKE MY ADVICE *
* HANG IN THERE, BABY
* THINGS ARE CRAZY
* BUT I KNOW YOUR FUTURE'S BRIGHT *
* HANG IN THERE, BABY
* THERE'S NO MAYBE
* EVERYTHING TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT *
* YOUR LIFE IS UP AND DOWN *
* BUT TRUST ME, IT COMES BACK AROUND *
* YOU'RE GONNA LOVE WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE *
* HANG IN THERE, BABY.
Hey, Charlie, I want to show you something pretty adorable.
You and Mommy are doing yoga together.
Okay, Charlie, this next move
is called The Warrior.
( flatulence )
Charlie.
Mom likes to blame her farts on other people,
but we love her anyway.
Uh, excuse me, Mom doesn't fart, no.
She toots.
That was quite a toot you just cut.
HEY, HONEY, HOW WAS SCHOOL?
GOOD.
WHY ARE YOU WEARING YOUR HAT LIKE THAT?
OH, NO REASON. IT'S HOW I ROLL.
OH MY GOSH, GABE, WHAT HAPPENED?
CHARLIE AND I WERE PLAYING PATTYCAKE
AND THINGS WENT BAD.
WHO DID THIS TO YOU?
THIS NEW KID IN MY CLASS-- JO SOMETHING.
POOR THING. WHY DO THE BIG KIDS ALWAYS PICK ON THE LITTLE KIDS?
ISN'T THAT THE ICE PACK DAD PUTS ON HIS BUTT?
EWW.
ACTUALLY, I THINK IT'S THAT ONE.
EWW.
WHAT ABOUT BROCCOLI? DAD HATES BROCCOLI.
WHICH IS WHY HE'D USE IT ON HIS--
EWW!
OH, NO.
IS DAD'S BUTT ACTING UP AGAIN?
( rings doorbell )
- Woman: WHO IS IT? - KWIKKI CHIKKI,
WHERE EVERY PIECE OF CHICKEN IS GRILLED WITH LOVE.
HI.
( dramatic music playing )
HELLO?
UH, HERE YOU GO.
THANKS.
KEEP THE CHANGE.
ENJOY YOUR KWIKKI CHIKKI.
I THINK I WAS JUST GRILLED WITH LOVE.
WOULD YOU MIND ANSWERING A FEW QUESTIONS
FOR A CUSTOMER SATISFACTION SURVEY?
OKAY.
DID YOU FIND KWIKKI CHIKKI SERVICE
TO BE GOOD, REALLY GOOD OR SUPER GOOD?
REALLY GOOD.
IF A GOOD-LOOKING KWIKKI CHIKKI DELIVERY DUDE ASKED YOU ON A DATE,
WOULD HIS CHANCES BE GOOD, REALLY GOOD OR SUPER GOOD?
COULD YOU TAKE OFF THAT CAP FOR A SECOND?
SUPER GOOD.
FREEZE.
BACK IT UP AND BRING IT HERE.
OH, GABE, AGAIN?
YES, AGAIN.
WELL, DID YOU AT LEAST HIT HIM BACK THIS TIME?
I CAN'T DO THAT.
WHY NOT? YOU GOTTA TAKE THIS BULLY DOWN,
GIVE HIM A TASTE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE.
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GET HIM TO STOP.
JUST LET ME HANDLE IT.
ALL RIGHT. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF YOU WON'T DO IT, THEN I WILL.
I WILL SCHOOL THIS KID TEDDY-STYLE.
WHOO!
WHOA, I NEED A MANICURE.
HEY, P.J., EMMETT'S CALLED A FEW TIMES.
YEAH, I'LL CALL HIM LATER. OH, DAD, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU
MY GIRLFRIEND-- I LOVE SAYING THAT--
SHE TOLD ME SOMETHING INTERESTING.
SHE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND ALREADY? YOU'VE HAD ONE DATE.
ONE AMAZING DATE.
ONE AWESOME, MAGICAL, FUN--
WHAT DID SHE SAY?
- WHO? - YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU SAY IT TOO.
SHE SAID HER MOM AND YOU KNOW EACH OTHER.
HER NAME USED TO BE KATHERINE DAVIS.
KATHERINE DAVIS?
UM...
THAT'S NOT RINGING A BELL.
BOY, I'D SURE LIKE TO SEE YOUR REACTION
WHEN SOMEONE DOES RING A BELL.
WHO IS SHE?
SHE'S THE LAST GIRL I DATED BEFORE YOU.
I'M DATING YOUR OLD GIRLFRIEND'S DAUGHTER?
I HOPE THAT'S NOT GONNA BE A PROBLEM FOR ME.
SEEMS LIKE IT MIGHT BE FOR ME.
I'D LIKE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT HER, BOB.
OH, LOOK, DID I DATE A LOT OF GIRLS BEFORE YOU?
YES, SURE.
DID I LEAVE A TRAIL OF BROKEN HEARTS?
ABSOLUTELY.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? IT WAS ALL WORTH IT
BECAUSE I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST.
OH.
ME TOO.
AND I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET HIM.
( phone rings )
EH.
YOU DID NOT JUST SEND ME TO VOICEMAIL.
SORRY.
I'M EXPECTING A CALL FROM MY GIRLFRIEND.
YOU'VE BEEN DODGING MY CALLS ALL DAY.
HEY, GOOD NEWS, EMMETT. WE JUST PUT IN A DOORBELL.
- WHAT WERE YOU CALLING ABOUT? - TO SEE IF YOU WANTED TO HANG OUT.
WISH I COULD, BUT I'M KIND OF BUSY RIGHT NOW.
( phone rings )
HEY, GIRLFRIEND.
NO, I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
YEAH, OF COURSE I CAN COME OVER.
YOU WANT TO HANG OUT, MR. D?
WE COULD PLAY "GUESS THAT SNACK."
I BROUGHT MY BLINDFOLD.
( bell ringing )
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- BROUGHT YOU LUNCH. - I ALREADY HAVE MY LUNCH.
WELL, GIVE THIS TO THE NERDY KID WHO DOES YOUR HOMEWORK-- YAY!
- HEY, GABE. - HI, JO.
WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?
THAT'S JO?
GOTTA GO.
YOU'RE THE KID WHO'S BEEN POUNDING MY BROTHER?
BUT YOU'RE A GIRL.
YES, AND THAT'S A CHAIR. AND THAT'S A BOOK.
ARE WE DONE NOW?
HAVE A SEAT, JO. YOU AND ME ARE GONNA HAVE A LITTLE TALK.
( clears throat ) OKAY.
JO, I'M HERE BECAUSE I'M NOT HAPPY.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY I'M NOT HAPPY?
NO, BUT I BET YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME.
OH, YES. I'M NOT HAPPY
BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN BULLYING MY BROTHER.
HE'S A BOY, SO HE CAN'T HIT BACK.
BUT I'M NOT A BOY.
YOU DON'T SCARE ME.
REALLY? WELL,
DO I SCARE YOU NOW?
NO.
FAIR ENOUGH.
HOW ABOUT NOW?
I CAN DO THAT WITH PENS.
OKAY, I WANT YOU TO LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE,
OR THE NEXT THING THAT GETS SNAPPED WILL BE YOU.
NOW GET OUT OF MY FACE.
DOES GABE EVER TALK ABOUT ME?
EVER SINCE YOU GAVE HIM THAT FAT LIP,
HE'S HAD TROUBLE TALKING ABOUT ANYONE.
DOES HE HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
NO, AND WHY WOULD YOU--?
WAIT A MINUTE. DO YOU LIKE GABE?
EWW, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
OKAY, MAYBE A LITTLE.
OH, SO I HAD A CHAT WITH YOUR LITTLE FRIEND JO.
- DID SHE PUNCH YOU? - NO.
- KICK YOU? - NO.
OKAY, WELL, GET THIS-- TURNS OUT SHE HAS A CRUSH ON YOU.
SHE DOES? WHY DOES SHE KEEP HITTING ME?
WELL, SHE HAS TROUBLE EXPRESSING HER FEELINGS
AND THEN SHE GETS FRUSTRATED AND LASHES OUT.
SO I GET PUNCHED FOR BEING A HUNK?
YEP, THAT'S IT.
SHE REALLY SAID SHE LIKES ME?
WHOA, WAIT, DO YOU LIKE HER TOO?
EWW, THAT'S JUST DISGUSTING.
OKAY, MAYBE A LITTLE.
( doorbell rings )
- HI, MR. DUNCAN. - HI, MADISON.
- P.J.'S DOWNSTAIRS. - THANKS.
- BOBBY. - KITTY-KAT.
( both laugh )
- LOOK AT YOU. - LOOK AT YOU.
LOOK AT ME.
HEY, HONEY. I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET KITTY-- KATHERINE.
I'M MADISON'S MOM.
HI, I'M AMY, P.J.'S MOM
AND BOB'S FIRST WIFE.
CAN YOU BELIEVE OUR KIDS ARE DATING EACH OTHER?
THAT'S A CRAZY TWIST, ISN'T IT?
WHOO!
WELL, I'VE GOT TO RUN. IT WAS SO NICE TO MEET YOU
AND SO GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, BOBBY.
YEAH. OKAY.
KITTY-KAT, HUH?
WELL, I COULD COME UP WITH A NICKNAME FOR YOU.
LIKE...
YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY FUNNY
'CAUSE I'M THINKING OF A LOT OF NICKNAMES FOR YOU.
( playing loudly )
- HI, BOYFRIEND. - HI, GIRLFRIEND.
HI, EMMETT.
GIRLFRIEND.
YOU GUYS ARE REHEARSING. SHOULD I COME BACK LATER?
- YES. - NO.
NO, WE'RE JUST FINISHING UP.
- AREN'T WE? - WE STARTED FIVE MINUTES AGO.
IT WAS A GOOD FIVE MINUTES.
I FEEL LIKE I'M INTRUDING.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT. - YES, YOU ARE.
I'LL BE UPSTAIRS.
OKAY, ONE, TWO, ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR--
- NO, EMMETT, STOP. - WHAT?
I DON'T LIKE THE WAY YOU WERE TALKING TO MY GIRLFRIEND.
I DON'T LIKE THE WAY SHE'S INTERRUPTING OUR REHEARSAL.
SHE HAS NO RESPECT FOR THE PROCESS.
WE DON'T HAVE A PROCESS.
- SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT. - EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU-- YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR THIS BAND?
THIS BAND WAS JUST A WAY TO GET GIRLS,
WHICH I DID.
FINE.
THEN THIS BAND IS THROUGH.
I'LL TAKE MY DRUMS AND GET OUT OF YOUR LIFE.
SOMEONE WILL BE BY TO COLLECT MY THINGS.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?
JUST THINKING.
P.J. AND THE VIBE BROKE UP TODAY.
OH, WELL, SON, IT'S HARD TO KEEP A BAND TOGETHER.
AND YOU GUYS DID HAVE SOME CHALLENGES,
MOST OF THEM MUSICAL.
WE'D STILL BE TOGETHER IF EMMETT WASN'T JEALOUS OF MY GIRLFRIEND.
SON, YOU'VE BEEN SPENDING AN AWFUL LOT OF TIME WITH MADISON.
NOW DID YOU EVER CONSIDER THAT MAYBE EMMETT FEELS REJECTED?
BY MY GIRLFRIEND?
BY YOU.
BECAUSE I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN IGNORING HIM.
BECAUSE OF MY GIRLFRIEND.
P.J., I'M READY TO BREAK UP WITH YOU.
SON, YOU CAN'T LET A GIRL
COME BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BEST FRIEND.
BUT MADISON'S SOFTER
AND SMELLS BETTER THAN EMMETT.
LOOK, TRUST ME ON THIS, OKAY?
I NEARLY MADE THE SAME MISTAKE
WHEN I WAS DATING MADISON'S MOM.
REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED?
KATHERINE WAS TOO CLINGY,
TOO DEMANDING.
SHE CAME BETWEEN ME AND MY FRIENDS,
SO I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO--
LET HER GO,
SAID GOODBYE,
NO MORE BOBBY LOVE FOR HER.
BOBBY LOVE? THAT'S WHAT SHE CALLED YOU?
OH, YOU KNOW IT.
UM, THAT ONE WE DON'T NEED TO SHARE WITH YOUR MOM.
THIS IS WEIRD. I DON'T USUALLY GET INVITED
TO PLAY DATES WITH THE KIDS I BEAT UP.
ABOUT THAT-- I TALKED TO GABE
AND TURNS OUT HE KINDS OF LIKES YOU TOO.
HE DOES?
WHY ARE YOU CLENCHING YOUR FIST?
I FEEL LIKE PUNCHING SOMEONE.
OKAY, WELL, WE NEED TO WORK ON HOW YOU EXPRESS YOURSELF WITH BOYS.
WHY DON'T WE TRY A LITTLE ROLE-PLAYING, OKAY?
- I'LL BE GABE. YOU'LL BE YOU. - OKAY.
SO LET'S PRETEND WE RUN INTO EACH OTHER AT SCHOOL.
- HI, JO. - HI, GABE.
I LIKE YOUR JACKET.
( grunts )
WELL, SOMEBODY KNOWS KARATE.
SORRY. IT WAS A REFLEX.
- LET ME TRY AGAIN. - OKAY, BUT THIS TIME
LET'S KEEP OUR HANDS TO OURSELVES, OKAY?
GOT IT.
OKAY. HI, JO.
HI, GABE.
WANT TO SIT WITH ME AT LUNCH?
YAH!
I SEE YOU FOUND A LOOPHOLE.
YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE FEET.
AND NOW YOU'VE LEARNED THE WORD "LOOPHOLE."
NOW TRY THIS TIME
WITH NO HANDS AND NO FEET
OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU COULD HIT ME WITH.
GOT IT.
HI, JO. YOU LOOK NICE.
VERY GOOD, JO.
YOU CLENCHED YOUR FIST AND THEN YOU UNCLENCHED.
THAT IS CALLED PROGRESS.
FEELS WEIRD WITHOUT HITTING,
- BUT I KIND OF LIKE IT. - ( door opens )
WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?
NO NO, IT'S OKAY. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
- RIGHT, JO? - RIGHT.
HEY, GABE. YOU LOOK NICE.
WHAT?
SHE GAVE YOU A COMPLIMENT. SAY SOMETHING NICE BACK.
UH...
YOUR HAIR LOOKS SOFTER THAN YOUR FISTS?
THANKS.
WHY DON'T YOU TWO HANG OUT FOR A WHILE?
I'LL BE UPSTAIRS TRYING TO DECIDE
IF I SHOULD APPLY ICE OR HEAT.
SO WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?
I LIKE MONSTER TRUCKS,
MIXED MARTIAL ARTS AND DOLLS.
- YOU LIKE VIDEO GAMES? - WHAT DO YOU GOT?
- "GALAXY OF DEATH." - IS IT VIOLENT?
LEVEL TWO COMES WITH THE BARF BAGS.
IT'S REALLY FUN.
YOU HAD ME AT BARF BAG.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I'M BETWEEN DELIVERIES,
BUT I REALLY WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU.
FIRST, I'M LIKE TOTALLY PSYCHED THAT YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND.
GREAT. ANYTHING ELSE?
WELL, YEAH. I WAS JUST THINKING
THAT WE SHOULD BE SPENDING A LITTLE LESS TIME TOGETHER,
YOU KNOW, SO WE STILL HAVE TIME FOR FRIENDS.
WORKS FOR ME.
NOT STARTING RIGHT NOW. MADISON, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- NOTHING. - Man: GOTTA GET TO WORK, BABE.
- WHO'S THAT? - NOBODY.
SEE YOU LATER, BABE.
NICE HAT.
THANKS.
YOU TOO.
WHO WAS THAT?
JUST THE PIZZA DELIVERY GUY.
REALLY? DON'T THEY USUALLY DELIVER PIZZAS
TO YOUR HOUSE, NOT FROM YOUR HOUSE?
I DON'T--
AND DON'T THEY USUALLY NOT KISS THE CUSTOMERS
AND CALL THEM "BABE"?
YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME WITH PIZZA PIRATE.
NO, ACTUALLY I WAS CHEATING ON PIZZA PIRATE
WITH KWIKKI CHIKKI.
THAT'S IT. WE'RE THROUGH.
ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME?
UNLESS YOU PROMISE NEVER TO SEE HIM AGAIN.
YEAH, WE SHOULD PROBABLY BREAK UP.
HE GAVE ME A WHOLE BUNCH OF COUPONS.
GET OFF ME! HELP! OW!
JO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO EXPRESS YOURSELF.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME LIKING GABE.
THIS IS ABOUT HIM CHEATING AT "GALAXY OF DEATH."
I DIDN'T CHEAT.
GET THIS WHACKO OFF ME!
COME ON, JO, GET OFF HIM.
LET GO. LET GO.
WHOA!
( squeals )
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
Hey, Charlie.
Well, today was a bad day for the Duncan kids.
We learned that sometimes love hurts.
No kidding. Jo dislocated my shoulder.
Madison dislocated my heart.
Well, maybe love gets easier as we get older.
Honey, it's no Kitty-Kat, but at least it's a nickname.
Amy-potomus?
Well, when you say it like that...
Or maybe love never gets easier.
Then again, to figure that out.e
Good luck with that, Charlie.
( doorbell rings )
- HI. - HEARD ABOUT YOUR BREAKUP.
WHO TOLD YOU?
I SAW YOU CHANGE YOUR ONLINE STATUS
FROM "IN A RELATIONSHIP" TO "DUMPED."
BRING IT HERE.
IT HURTS SO MUCH.
I KNOW. EMMETT'S HERE.
LET IT OUT.
AND IGNORE MY LAST VOICEMAIL.
- WHAT? - NO NO NO NO.
HEY, GABE. NICE BACKPACK.
WHAT DO YOU WANT, JO?
I THINK I WAS PRETTY CLEAR. I WANT YOUR BACKPACK.
NO.
I'M SORRY, DID YOU JUST SAY NO?
YOU HEARD ME.
YOU'RE NOT BULLYING ME ANYMORE.
WHAT, YOU'RE GONNA SIC YOUR SISTER ON ME AGAIN?
I'M NOT AFRAID OF HER.
I HAVE MORE THAN ONE SISTER.
AND THAT'S AFTER ONLY ONE KARATE LESSON.
( squeals )
( kick thuds )