1
00:00:59,239 --> 00:01:01,867
All things are intrinsically connected,

2
00:01:01,908 --> 00:01:04,308
no matter how different
they may appear.

3
00:01:04,344 --> 00:01:07,370
Hi. You know me... Robert Axle.

4
00:01:07,414 --> 00:01:10,178
As a fabricator, I bring existing,

5
00:01:10,217 --> 00:01:12,913
often very different items together,

6
00:01:12,953 --> 00:01:16,548
maximizing their atomic
and molecular potential,

7
00:01:16,590 --> 00:01:18,615
making ordinary inventions

8
00:01:18,658 --> 00:01:20,853
infinitely more prolific.

9
00:01:28,902 --> 00:01:31,336
Thank you very much.
We've got a big show today.

10
00:01:31,371 --> 00:01:33,362
I've got lots of new items
to tell you about.

11
00:01:33,407 --> 00:01:36,604
In fact, you all remember
the Robert Axle Light-O-Saurus.

12
00:01:36,643 --> 00:01:40,135
Part humidifier, part night light,

13
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:44,082
the Light-O-Saurus connects
a child's need to feel safe at night

14
00:01:44,117 --> 00:01:46,608
with a parent's need
to keep them healthy.

15
00:01:46,653 --> 00:01:50,180
Then of course there was
the Robert Axle Pepper-Cam,

16
00:01:50,223 --> 00:01:53,158
enabling us to pepper-spray
our assailants

17
00:01:53,193 --> 00:01:56,162
and photograph them
at the same time.

18
00:01:59,499 --> 00:02:01,899
And now introducing

19
00:02:01,935 --> 00:02:05,029
my most inspired fabrication to date...

20
00:02:05,071 --> 00:02:07,733
the Robert Axle Ab Clicker.

21
00:02:07,774 --> 00:02:10,607
You can channel-surf,
watch your favorite programs,

22
00:02:10,644 --> 00:02:12,111
adjust the volume...

23
00:02:12,145 --> 00:02:14,477
all at the same time
that you are getting

24
00:02:14,514 --> 00:02:16,607
that six-pack of abs.

25
00:02:16,650 --> 00:02:19,244
You call the number right below
on the screen here...

26
00:02:19,286 --> 00:02:21,516
1-800-AXLES-ARMY.

27
00:02:21,555 --> 00:02:25,992
You'll get 10% off on the Robert Axle
revolutionary Ab Clicker!

28
00:02:28,061 --> 00:02:30,552
Thank you. Thank you for coming.
Thank you.

29
00:02:32,365 --> 00:02:36,028
Thank you. Thank you.

30
00:03:36,096 --> 00:03:38,792
17, 18, 19, 20.

31
00:03:43,303 --> 00:03:47,899
There's your change.

32
00:04:03,557 --> 00:04:08,085
Hey, Robert Axle!
I see you!

33
00:04:11,698 --> 00:04:15,634
Stupid Ab Clicker piece of crap!
Robert Axle!

34
00:04:18,505 --> 00:04:20,939
"Depraved indifference
to human life."

35
00:04:20,974 --> 00:04:23,499
What the hell
does that even mean?

36
00:04:23,543 --> 00:04:25,636
It means that people
are too lazy to do sit-ups

37
00:04:25,679 --> 00:04:27,670
so they stick their fingers
in places

38
00:04:27,714 --> 00:04:29,682
they shouldn't have stuck
their fingers.

39
00:04:29,716 --> 00:04:31,308
All right.

40
00:04:31,351 --> 00:04:33,876
The good news there, Bob...

41
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,218
I got you a job.
Family Mart...

42
00:04:36,256 --> 00:04:39,350
the fourth-largest discount
consumer retailer in the nation.

43
00:04:39,392 --> 00:04:42,054
The assistant general manager
is Troy Coangelo.

44
00:04:42,095 --> 00:04:43,995
You're to see him tomorrow
at 9:00 AM sharp.

45
00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:47,056
You do realize
that I built my own

46
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:50,467
$1.6 billion company
from scratch?

47
00:04:50,503 --> 00:04:52,698
You're still a felon, hmm?

48
00:04:52,739 --> 00:04:55,799
A felon who's had nothing
but eight years to brainstorm.

49
00:04:55,842 --> 00:04:59,471
And all I need is one good idea
that puts me right back on top.

50
00:04:59,512 --> 00:05:03,505
62% of ex-cons wind up back in prison
within five years.

51
00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:05,984
I just got out early
for good behavior.

52
00:05:06,019 --> 00:05:08,920
Could you let me enjoy that for two
minutes before you start your buzzkill?

53
00:05:10,457 --> 00:05:13,358
Claire Elizabeth Axle...
that your daughter?

54
00:05:13,393 --> 00:05:14,553
Yes.

55
00:05:14,594 --> 00:05:16,357
And she knows you're gonna be
staying with her?

56
00:05:16,396 --> 00:05:19,490
Yes. And it's Claire Elizabeth now.

57
00:05:19,532 --> 00:05:21,227
Smart...

58
00:05:21,267 --> 00:05:24,202
dropped the name.

59
00:05:57,303 --> 00:05:59,294
There you go, sir.

60
00:05:59,339 --> 00:06:01,330
Thanks.

61
00:06:32,605 --> 00:06:35,039
Daddy!

62
00:06:38,978 --> 00:06:40,707
Daddy.

63
00:06:41,748 --> 00:06:44,239
Daddy, it's perfect.

64
00:06:45,585 --> 00:06:47,849
- It's perfect. It's perfect.
- I'm so glad you like it.

65
00:06:47,887 --> 00:06:49,946
- How did you know?
- How did I know?

66
00:06:49,989 --> 00:06:52,514
I'm your father. I'm supposed to know
what to get you for your birthday.

67
00:06:52,559 --> 00:06:55,892
I have an idea.
Will you ride with me?

68
00:06:55,929 --> 00:06:58,329
Honey, I can't right now.
I'm in the middle of doing some work.

69
00:06:58,364 --> 00:07:01,197
Come on, just one ride.
You have time for one ride, Dad.

70
00:07:01,234 --> 00:07:03,794
Honey, you know I'm not much
of a bike guy, all right?

71
00:07:03,837 --> 00:07:06,533
So you ride your bike and I'll come
and find you a little bit later.

72
00:07:12,579 --> 00:07:14,137
Go on, go on, go on.

73
00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:18,741
Happy birthday, baby.

74
00:07:57,090 --> 00:07:59,115
I'm recording.

75
00:08:04,864 --> 00:08:08,561
Jesus Christ,

76
00:08:08,601 --> 00:08:10,592
you look like hell.

77
00:08:10,637 --> 00:08:12,537
When did you start smoking?

78
00:08:12,572 --> 00:08:15,370
Around the same time you became
a total self-absorbed prick.

79
00:08:15,408 --> 00:08:19,003
You feel good frolicking around
with $362 million of my money?

80
00:08:19,045 --> 00:08:21,946
It's not your money.
It's half your money.

81
00:08:21,981 --> 00:08:25,883
The rest went to the poor innocent
victims whose fingers you chipped off.

82
00:08:25,919 --> 00:08:28,911
You wouldn't have this house
or this life if it weren't for me.

83
00:08:28,955 --> 00:08:31,321
If you think Jerry and I
are gonna give you jackshit

84
00:08:31,357 --> 00:08:34,121
after all you did
and did not do for me and Claire...

85
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,821
Whoa whoa, who's Jerry?

86
00:08:35,862 --> 00:08:37,955
Jerry King...
Lorraine's new husband

87
00:08:37,997 --> 00:08:40,727
and a huge fan of yours.

88
00:08:43,169 --> 00:08:44,636
Axle's Army?

89
00:08:44,671 --> 00:08:47,037
I'm a soldier.

90
00:08:47,073 --> 00:08:49,041
- Hey, baby.
- Hey, baby.

91
00:08:50,310 --> 00:08:52,301
Jerry's a forest ranger.

92
00:08:52,345 --> 00:08:54,939
He protects the land from the people
and the people from the land.

93
00:08:54,981 --> 00:08:56,972
Well, that is such a coincidence,

94
00:08:57,016 --> 00:09:00,452
'cause I made about $40 million
on the Robert Axle Swing 'n' Whack.

95
00:09:00,486 --> 00:09:02,511
Part weed-whacker,
part sand wedge.

96
00:09:02,555 --> 00:09:04,284
- Now you can...
- Trim your lawn

97
00:09:04,324 --> 00:09:06,588
and shots off your short game
with the same device.

98
00:09:06,626 --> 00:09:08,617
Yes, sir.

99
00:09:08,661 --> 00:09:11,858
So, Ranger Jerr,

100
00:09:11,898 --> 00:09:14,162
since you're the new
man of the house,

101
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,760
you think you could let me
crash here for a couple of nights?

102
00:09:16,803 --> 00:09:18,998
- Uh...
- Blow me.

103
00:09:20,573 --> 00:09:22,063
Sorry.

104
00:09:22,108 --> 00:09:25,202
Yeah, it's all right.
Just let me take my car and go.

105
00:09:25,245 --> 00:09:28,942
Can I have the keys, Lorraine?

106
00:09:30,149 --> 00:09:33,550
Don't tell me she gave you my car.
Did she give you my car?

107
00:09:33,586 --> 00:09:35,178
It was a birthday present.

108
00:09:36,556 --> 00:09:38,183
I could give you a ride.

109
00:09:38,224 --> 00:09:40,215
Whee.

110
00:09:40,260 --> 00:09:43,195
I love this sweet bitch.

111
00:09:43,229 --> 00:09:45,663
Oh baby.

112
00:09:45,698 --> 00:09:48,064
Come on, bring it to Daddy. Yeah.

113
00:09:48,101 --> 00:09:50,695
Hey, look,

114
00:09:50,737 --> 00:09:54,229
your boy got you
a little mini storage, all right?

115
00:09:54,274 --> 00:09:56,640
It's on Fifth and Plymouth...

116
00:09:56,676 --> 00:09:58,200
some old prototypes,

117
00:09:58,244 --> 00:10:00,474
Axle memorabilia,
personal effects and such.

118
00:10:00,513 --> 00:10:04,040
Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.

119
00:10:04,083 --> 00:10:06,415
You're living in my house.
You're humping my ex.

120
00:10:06,452 --> 00:10:10,388
You're driving my car. And you
risk everything for my memorabilia?

121
00:10:10,423 --> 00:10:13,051
Do you know why most people
hate buzzards, Axle?

122
00:10:13,092 --> 00:10:14,582
No, I don't.

123
00:10:14,627 --> 00:10:17,027
Because they feed
on carcasses...

124
00:10:17,063 --> 00:10:20,226
a fact that brings blame
for a killing

125
00:10:20,266 --> 00:10:22,632
that they weren't even
responsible for.

126
00:10:23,736 --> 00:10:26,296
The buzzard
is unjustly persecuted.

127
00:10:29,976 --> 00:10:31,967
Right.

128
00:10:42,822 --> 00:10:44,756
Aww.

129
00:10:44,791 --> 00:10:48,090
You guys, there's a homeless man
at the door.

130
00:10:50,596 --> 00:10:53,588
All I have is two ones and a 20.
Should I just give him the 20?

131
00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:55,760
- We're not letting a nutjob in.
- We're not letting him in.

132
00:10:55,802 --> 00:10:57,531
- I'm gonna slide it under the door.
- Guys, don't.

133
00:10:57,570 --> 00:11:00,767
Calm down. Just 'cause he's homeless
doesn't mean he's dangerous.

134
00:11:08,047 --> 00:11:11,039
Guys, I can handle it.
Just give me a minute, okay?

135
00:11:11,084 --> 00:11:12,483
Let him in.

136
00:11:12,518 --> 00:11:14,611
It's my father.

137
00:11:16,055 --> 00:11:17,750
Just give me a minute.

138
00:11:31,938 --> 00:11:33,428
Wow, look at you.

139
00:11:33,473 --> 00:11:35,202
Wow.

140
00:11:35,241 --> 00:11:36,731
Look at you.

141
00:11:40,313 --> 00:11:43,373
L... I read about your girls' home.

142
00:11:43,416 --> 00:11:46,112
Center for Women's Employment.

143
00:11:46,152 --> 00:11:48,985
Anyway, I just thought
I'd come by and tell you...

144
00:11:49,022 --> 00:11:50,250
Where are you staying?

145
00:11:50,289 --> 00:11:53,190
A shelter.

146
00:11:53,226 --> 00:11:55,660
A shelter, a halfway home?

147
00:11:55,695 --> 00:11:58,858
It's a shelter-home... a hybrid thing.

148
00:11:58,898 --> 00:12:00,923
Well, it must be that one
on Fulton and Sixth.

149
00:12:00,967 --> 00:12:03,902
I heard it's supposed to be nice.
They got new cots last year.

150
00:12:03,936 --> 00:12:06,268
This is stupid.

151
00:12:06,305 --> 00:12:08,899
I shouldn't have come here at all.
I don't know why I did.

152
00:12:08,941 --> 00:12:11,239
Obviously you've got your own life,
your own career.

153
00:12:11,277 --> 00:12:12,801
Wait.

154
00:12:13,846 --> 00:12:15,336
Wait here.

155
00:12:39,338 --> 00:12:41,806
Does he need a place to stay?
'Cause he could stay here.

156
00:12:41,841 --> 00:12:44,435
He's not gonna stay here.
He does not deserve to be around you.

157
00:12:44,477 --> 00:12:46,672
You gotta shut him down,
wall him off.

158
00:12:46,712 --> 00:12:49,146
I mean, he loves you.
He came to see you.

159
00:12:49,182 --> 00:12:52,345
How does that mean he loves her?
He's a user.

160
00:13:00,793 --> 00:13:03,660
Take this.
It's the rainy season.

161
00:13:03,696 --> 00:13:05,288
You'll need it.

162
00:13:05,331 --> 00:13:08,198
Thanks.

163
00:13:57,216 --> 00:14:00,617
I'll give you one month.
Let's go.

164
00:14:11,597 --> 00:14:14,430
- I can pay rent. It's not a problem.
- I don't want rent money.

165
00:14:14,467 --> 00:14:16,560
Okay, well, at least let me
pay for some groceries.

166
00:14:16,602 --> 00:14:19,833
I don't want your grocery money.
You'll get a job... a real job,

167
00:14:19,872 --> 00:14:22,898
'cause at the end of 30 days
you're on your own.

168
00:14:35,421 --> 00:14:37,651
Hi. I'm Donna.

169
00:14:37,690 --> 00:14:39,749
It's so nice to meet you.

170
00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:41,953
Claire and I have been roommates
since freshman year

171
00:14:41,994 --> 00:14:44,121
and I feel like I know
nothing about you.

172
00:14:44,163 --> 00:14:46,028
Well, I wish I could sit
on my couch, but I can't,

173
00:14:46,065 --> 00:14:47,999
'cause Captain Caveman's on it.

174
00:14:48,034 --> 00:14:49,899
- Who's that?
- That's just Phoebe.

175
00:14:49,936 --> 00:14:52,461
You know, I'm studying for my LSATs.
Dad wants me to be a lawyer.

176
00:14:52,505 --> 00:14:54,439
He says it doesn't matter what kind.
What do you think?

177
00:14:54,473 --> 00:14:56,737
I don't know.
Where's Phoebe from?

178
00:14:56,776 --> 00:14:59,404
She's from Craigslist, back when
we were looking for a roommate.

179
00:14:59,445 --> 00:15:01,845
Now not so much.

180
00:15:03,382 --> 00:15:05,213
She's a lesbian.

181
00:15:05,251 --> 00:15:07,219
- Really?
- Yeah.

182
00:15:07,253 --> 00:15:08,845
I wouldn't have guessed that.

183
00:15:10,223 --> 00:15:13,954
Oh, Claire, these eggs
are so good...

184
00:15:13,993 --> 00:15:16,325
not too hard, not too soft.
They're right where you want to be.

185
00:15:16,362 --> 00:15:18,091
You really think that you can
come in here

186
00:15:18,130 --> 00:15:20,291
and you can compliment her eggs,
and that makes up for the fact

187
00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:22,198
that you've been MIA
for the better part of her life?

188
00:15:22,235 --> 00:15:24,533
Phoebe, can we not get into
the whole MIA thing right now? Okay?

189
00:15:24,570 --> 00:15:27,971
Do you need a bike? 'Cause if you do,
you could totally borrow mine.

190
00:15:28,007 --> 00:15:29,998
Donna, it's okay.
He doesn't need your bike.

191
00:15:32,178 --> 00:15:35,443
So, Phoebe, what do you do
for a living?

192
00:15:35,481 --> 00:15:38,006
- She's a gym teacher.
- Oh, that's interesting.

193
00:15:38,050 --> 00:15:40,780
You know, you don't meet
that many lesbians who teach gym.

194
00:15:40,820 --> 00:15:42,981
I'd rather be a lesbian gym teacher
than the world's

195
00:15:43,022 --> 00:15:45,490
preeminent infomercial douchebag.

196
00:15:45,524 --> 00:15:47,515
Hey, enough. Enough.

197
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,653
You know, I love inventions.

198
00:15:49,695 --> 00:15:52,425
The Ped Egg, the ThighMaster,
the George Foreman Grill...

199
00:15:52,465 --> 00:15:54,057
I mean, they're amazing.

200
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:55,795
Donna, he didn't invent those.

201
00:15:55,835 --> 00:15:59,498
Also I'm not really what you call
an inventor, so to speak.

202
00:15:59,538 --> 00:16:02,029
It's more... the term is
"fabricator."

203
00:16:02,074 --> 00:16:03,598
You mean liar?

204
00:16:03,643 --> 00:16:05,474
Actually, according to Webster,

205
00:16:05,511 --> 00:16:08,105
"liar" is the fourth definition
of "fabricator."

206
00:16:08,147 --> 00:16:10,047
I can't believe you remember that.

207
00:16:10,082 --> 00:16:12,016
Well, what's the first?

208
00:16:12,051 --> 00:16:14,849
Well, the first definition is
"someone who creates

209
00:16:14,887 --> 00:16:19,347
by combining existing,
very often diverse standardized parts

210
00:16:19,392 --> 00:16:21,860
and brings them together."
That's what I do.

211
00:16:21,894 --> 00:16:23,759
Keep telling yourself
that bullshit, Bob.

212
00:16:25,364 --> 00:16:26,888
Thanks for breakfast.

213
00:16:26,932 --> 00:16:29,400
And I'd love to stay here
and have this pleasant chat,

214
00:16:29,435 --> 00:16:32,666
but the world's most famous
infomercial douche

215
00:16:32,705 --> 00:16:35,196
doesn't want to be late
for his first day on the job.

216
00:16:35,241 --> 00:16:38,108
- You have a job?
- Yeah, Family Mart.

217
00:16:38,144 --> 00:16:41,545
What do they have you doing? Mopping
the floors or cleaning the toilets?

218
00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:43,571
Phoebe.

219
00:16:49,021 --> 00:16:52,752
Robert Axle, as I live and breathe.

220
00:16:52,792 --> 00:16:54,760
Uh, Troy.

221
00:16:54,794 --> 00:16:57,194
Troy Coangelo.

222
00:16:57,229 --> 00:17:00,027
Hey, you're 19 minutes late,
but don't sweat it, man.

223
00:17:00,066 --> 00:17:02,534
I can rig the time stamp
on the punch-in clock

224
00:17:02,568 --> 00:17:04,593
to make sure you get credit
for a full shift.

225
00:17:04,637 --> 00:17:06,935
Great. Thanks.

226
00:17:06,972 --> 00:17:09,668
Oh, and here is a pen and a pad

227
00:17:09,709 --> 00:17:11,802
in case you get
one of your great ideas.

228
00:17:13,946 --> 00:17:16,506
Oh, and we got guys
in the break room

229
00:17:16,549 --> 00:17:20,076
to get you a foot massage, latte...
whatever you need.

230
00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:22,178
I thought this was
a felon reform program.

231
00:17:22,221 --> 00:17:25,247
- You know what "felon reform" means?
- Apparently not.

232
00:17:25,291 --> 00:17:28,283
It means you represent
a monumental risk to my company.

233
00:17:28,327 --> 00:17:30,522
And it also means
if you show up late,

234
00:17:30,563 --> 00:17:32,861
forget to shave or so much
as breathe at the wrong time,

235
00:17:32,898 --> 00:17:35,332
I have full authority
to terminate your employment,

236
00:17:35,368 --> 00:17:37,359
no warning, no cause,
no pink slip,

237
00:17:37,403 --> 00:17:39,394
just sayonara, kemosabe.

238
00:17:39,438 --> 00:17:42,373
Wait, I'm confused.
Am I fired?

239
00:17:42,408 --> 00:17:44,638
No, but you're sure as hell
not starting today.

240
00:17:44,677 --> 00:17:47,669
So when am I starting?

241
00:17:47,713 --> 00:17:51,615
Whenever you can show up on time.
Presumably tomorrow.

242
00:17:56,489 --> 00:17:58,821
Whoa, what are you doing?

243
00:17:58,858 --> 00:18:00,849
Hi honey.
Well, you know what?

244
00:18:00,893 --> 00:18:04,158
I saw this leaning up against the wall
and I decided to hang it up for you.

245
00:18:04,196 --> 00:18:06,790
Well, did it ever occur to you
that I didn't want it hung?

246
00:18:06,832 --> 00:18:08,527
No, I didn't think about that fact.

247
00:18:08,567 --> 00:18:10,262
You know what?
I can take it down just as easily.

248
00:18:10,302 --> 00:18:12,998
Oh my God, you got fired,
didn't you?

249
00:18:13,038 --> 00:18:15,802
Fired? Good Lord, no.

250
00:18:15,841 --> 00:18:18,002
As a matter of fact,
this is the first day

251
00:18:18,043 --> 00:18:20,739
that I feel I've done an honest
day's work in a long long time.

252
00:18:20,780 --> 00:18:23,772
In fact, I still had enough time
to come home, reconfigure the fish tank

253
00:18:23,816 --> 00:18:25,807
and look at this...
something I learned in prison...

254
00:18:25,851 --> 00:18:28,786
I taught one of these guys
how to shoot a basket. Which one is he?

255
00:18:28,821 --> 00:18:30,311
Where is my mail?

256
00:18:30,356 --> 00:18:34,952
Oh, well, I made you a terrific new
mail recycling station right over there.

257
00:18:34,994 --> 00:18:37,656
Now you can open your mail,
drop in the bits you don't want

258
00:18:37,696 --> 00:18:41,462
right into that basket without having
to walk all the way to the kitchen.

259
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:44,128
Yeah, it's probably more comfortable
for you to be in your own room.

260
00:18:44,170 --> 00:18:47,731
But, you know, I can bring the whole
mail opening system into your bedroom.

261
00:18:47,773 --> 00:18:50,207
- Would you stop?
- Stop what?

262
00:18:50,242 --> 00:18:52,005
Stop trying to be Joe Dad.

263
00:18:53,679 --> 00:18:55,670
I'm sorry. You're right.

264
00:18:55,714 --> 00:18:58,148
I'm done. I'm done.
I'm sorry.

265
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,420
What was that?

266
00:19:03,456 --> 00:19:05,720
It's the carbon monoxide detector
I installed.

267
00:19:06,725 --> 00:19:08,090
What was that?

268
00:19:08,127 --> 00:19:11,563
Our new carbon monoxide detector.

269
00:19:11,597 --> 00:19:15,089
Carbon monoxide?
Nobody smokes in this house.

270
00:19:25,544 --> 00:19:28,570
- Donna.
- Yeah?

271
00:19:28,614 --> 00:19:30,605
- Donna.
- Yeah, come in.

272
00:19:33,452 --> 00:19:36,319
Well, it's official.
Everyone in this house hates me.

273
00:19:36,355 --> 00:19:38,346
No, I don't hate you.

274
00:19:38,390 --> 00:19:40,051
Actually I've been looking
at your case

275
00:19:40,092 --> 00:19:41,753
and you gotta help me
understand something.

276
00:19:41,794 --> 00:19:44,092
You were charged for depraved
indifference to human life,

277
00:19:44,129 --> 00:19:45,619
which requires recklessness.

278
00:19:45,664 --> 00:19:48,030
Wasn't it the victims
who were reckless, not you?

279
00:19:48,067 --> 00:19:50,262
I mean, they are the ones
who stuck their fingers in this...

280
00:19:50,302 --> 00:19:52,293
Whoa whoa whoa,
where did you get that?

281
00:19:52,338 --> 00:19:54,329
Dad had one in the attic.

282
00:19:56,475 --> 00:19:58,739
What the hell, Axle?

283
00:20:11,657 --> 00:20:13,648
Argh!

284
00:20:57,469 --> 00:21:00,029
Face or nuts?

285
00:21:00,072 --> 00:21:02,063
- What?
- You violated my fish,

286
00:21:02,107 --> 00:21:04,371
so I get a free shot.
Where do you want it? Face or nuts?

287
00:21:04,410 --> 00:21:06,537
I didn't violate your fish.
I reconfigured the fish tank.

288
00:21:06,579 --> 00:21:08,570
- Then I hung up the paint...
- Face or nuts?

289
00:21:08,614 --> 00:21:10,673
Face.

290
00:21:10,716 --> 00:21:13,082
Oh!

291
00:21:53,859 --> 00:21:56,293
Excuse me, can you point me
to the bathroom?

292
00:21:59,331 --> 00:22:01,663
You look like a smart guy.

293
00:22:01,700 --> 00:22:04,669
Were you aware that these
Steve Leslie discoveries

294
00:22:04,703 --> 00:22:06,603
were in fact discovered
by someone else?

295
00:22:06,639 --> 00:22:09,130
And they're not discoveries at all.
They're fabrications.

296
00:22:09,174 --> 00:22:11,768
So there's very little
discovering going on.

297
00:22:11,810 --> 00:22:13,801
Dude, I just want to know
where the bathroom is.

298
00:22:15,247 --> 00:22:18,512
It's in the back left corner
of the store, behind Housewares.

299
00:22:22,154 --> 00:22:23,314
What are you doing?

300
00:22:23,355 --> 00:22:26,654
I'm just trying to think of ways
that we can add value

301
00:22:26,692 --> 00:22:28,216
and make the customer
more informed.

302
00:22:28,260 --> 00:22:30,125
We? There's no we.

303
00:22:30,162 --> 00:22:32,392
There's us... Family Mart,

304
00:22:32,431 --> 00:22:35,161
and you... felon who should not
be talking to customers.

305
00:22:37,803 --> 00:22:40,067
Oh my God.

306
00:22:40,105 --> 00:22:42,096
Whoa.

307
00:22:48,881 --> 00:22:50,815
You're...

308
00:22:50,849 --> 00:22:53,784
I'm fried?

309
00:22:53,819 --> 00:22:56,253
You're fired!

310
00:23:25,951 --> 00:23:28,784
Axle.

311
00:23:30,289 --> 00:23:31,620
You know me?

312
00:23:31,657 --> 00:23:32,954
It's on your shirt.

313
00:23:35,828 --> 00:23:37,455
Want to play some handball?

314
00:23:37,496 --> 00:23:38,963
I'm a little busy right now.

315
00:23:38,997 --> 00:23:40,726
You don't look so busy to me.

316
00:23:40,766 --> 00:23:42,495
Where's your mother?

317
00:23:42,534 --> 00:23:45,503
- Go talk to her.
- Please, I'm so bored.

318
00:23:45,537 --> 00:23:47,767
You look like a nice kid, but I'm right
in the middle of something.

319
00:23:47,806 --> 00:23:50,206
I'm sure handball would be
a lot of fun, but...

320
00:23:53,145 --> 00:23:54,476
Okay.

321
00:24:01,487 --> 00:24:03,045
Argh!

322
00:24:03,088 --> 00:24:04,419
Oh.

323
00:24:05,424 --> 00:24:08,552
- You're too fancy with your feet.
- All right, all right.

324
00:24:09,895 --> 00:24:11,260
Oh, interference.

325
00:24:11,296 --> 00:24:14,231
- Are you accusing me of being a cheat?
- Just serve.

326
00:24:19,238 --> 00:24:21,934
Oh, whoa whoa whoa.
What is that?

327
00:24:21,974 --> 00:24:24,033
- A kickie.
- Since when are kickies allowed?

328
00:24:24,076 --> 00:24:26,067
- George.
- Gotta go. Bye.

329
00:24:44,163 --> 00:24:46,427
My mom says
you need a haircut.

330
00:24:46,465 --> 00:24:48,490
What's the matter with my hair?

331
00:24:48,534 --> 00:24:52,129
You look somebody
I'm not supposed to talk to.

332
00:25:20,866 --> 00:25:24,529
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Robert Axle Air Cutter...

333
00:25:24,570 --> 00:25:26,629
part clippers, part vacuum,

334
00:25:26,672 --> 00:25:29,607
salon-caliber haircuts
in the privacy of your own home

335
00:25:29,641 --> 00:25:31,632
without the hairy mess

336
00:25:31,677 --> 00:25:33,577
or the heavy prices.

337
00:25:48,260 --> 00:25:51,093
Whoa, check out the new Axle.

338
00:25:51,129 --> 00:25:53,120
Well, do you like it?

339
00:25:53,165 --> 00:25:55,395
I was hoping it's all right. It's...

340
00:25:55,434 --> 00:25:56,992
Yeah, you look
distinguished,

341
00:25:57,035 --> 00:25:59,060
like a college professor.

342
00:26:00,672 --> 00:26:03,163
You know, what would go good
with that midlife crisis

343
00:26:03,208 --> 00:26:05,904
is an earring
or maybe a Mazda Miata.

344
00:26:05,944 --> 00:26:09,175
You know what would go great
with that winning personality of yours?

345
00:26:09,214 --> 00:26:10,841
A therapist.

346
00:26:10,883 --> 00:26:13,716
- Claire, where are you going?
- My mom's.

347
00:26:13,752 --> 00:26:15,686
Wait up.
I'll walk out with you.

348
00:26:15,721 --> 00:26:17,712
Don't we have our own
washer and dryer?

349
00:26:17,756 --> 00:26:20,850
We have a washer and dryer. She doesn't
want to be around you, douchebag.

350
00:26:23,662 --> 00:26:26,062
You realize you're playing
a plastic guitar?

351
00:26:27,633 --> 00:26:30,033
- Guitar or drums?
- What?

352
00:26:30,068 --> 00:26:32,593
You rag on my Rock Band, I'm gonna
kick your ass. Guitar or drums?

353
00:26:32,638 --> 00:26:34,902
I didn't rag on your Rock Band.
I was making an obser...

354
00:26:34,940 --> 00:26:36,771
Guitar or drums?

355
00:26:36,808 --> 00:26:38,105
Guitar?

356
00:26:38,143 --> 00:26:41,670
I want to play guitar.
You can play the drums.

357
00:26:41,713 --> 00:26:45,149
It makes no sense to me that you would
invite him to your fundraiser.

358
00:26:45,183 --> 00:26:47,208
I cannot not invite him.

359
00:26:47,252 --> 00:26:50,050
He lives with us.
That's just rude.

360
00:26:50,088 --> 00:26:52,852
Well, you live with the fish
and you didn't invite the fish.

361
00:26:52,891 --> 00:26:55,451
I did not come here
to talk about Robert Axle.

362
00:26:55,494 --> 00:26:58,054
Well, that's too bad, because
Robert Axle is gonna be the only thing

363
00:26:58,096 --> 00:27:00,462
that people are talking about
if you invite him to the gala.

364
00:27:00,499 --> 00:27:02,558
And no one is gonna be writing
a check for you

365
00:27:02,601 --> 00:27:04,296
if they know you're affiliated
with that.

366
00:27:04,336 --> 00:27:05,701
I get it.

367
00:27:05,737 --> 00:27:08,069
Oh, I forgot. I have clothes.

368
00:27:08,106 --> 00:27:10,336
I have clothes to donate
to the women's center.

369
00:27:10,375 --> 00:27:12,366
Ma, it's really okay.

370
00:27:12,411 --> 00:27:14,743
Do you remember that single mother
that you introduced me to?

371
00:27:14,780 --> 00:27:18,216
I know she's got that job interview,
so what about this for her?

372
00:27:18,250 --> 00:27:21,879
Doesn't it just say,
"Hire me," "Power" and...?

373
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:23,751
- Oh, and you could pair it...
- Mom. Mom.

374
00:27:23,789 --> 00:27:25,552
...with this fantastic leopard.
Just look.

375
00:27:25,590 --> 00:27:28,388
- Mom.
- Just look. Watch.

376
00:27:28,427 --> 00:27:31,885
If we don't raise
the money we need to raise,

377
00:27:31,930 --> 00:27:33,864
can I count on you for a loan?

378
00:27:33,899 --> 00:27:37,062
I swear to God, I'll pay you back.

379
00:27:37,102 --> 00:27:41,061
I mean, you have offered
a thousand times.

380
00:27:41,106 --> 00:27:43,097
And you know what?

381
00:27:43,141 --> 00:27:46,474
I'm really proud of myself
that I'm not afraid to ask you for help.

382
00:27:46,511 --> 00:27:49,742
It's a big step for me.

383
00:27:49,781 --> 00:27:52,341
- It's gone.
- What's gone?

384
00:27:52,384 --> 00:27:55,717
The money's gone.
I'm filing for bankruptcy.

385
00:27:55,754 --> 00:27:59,884
You spent $362 million?

386
00:27:59,925 --> 00:28:02,052
Well, you know,

387
00:28:02,094 --> 00:28:04,562
there were funds.

388
00:28:04,596 --> 00:28:06,587
There were mutual things.

389
00:28:06,631 --> 00:28:08,326
And you know what?

390
00:28:08,367 --> 00:28:10,631
There's a lot of causes
that I feel very strongly about,

391
00:28:10,669 --> 00:28:12,330
like that elephant rescue.

392
00:28:12,371 --> 00:28:15,966
What about your album?
It went gold. You sold 500,000 copies.

393
00:28:16,008 --> 00:28:18,374
I bought 498,000 copies myself.

394
00:28:18,410 --> 00:28:20,537
You're kidding me.

395
00:28:20,579 --> 00:28:24,879
I wanted a gold record, okay?
Is that the crime of the century?

396
00:28:25,884 --> 00:28:27,249
You're right.

397
00:28:27,285 --> 00:28:29,014
What do you mean, I'm right?

398
00:28:29,054 --> 00:28:32,285
I'm a horrible horrible mother...

399
00:28:32,324 --> 00:28:33,848
horrible.

400
00:28:33,892 --> 00:28:35,883
Mom.

401
00:28:37,496 --> 00:28:39,521
Yellow is coming.

402
00:28:39,564 --> 00:28:41,896
Yellow yellow yellow yellow,

403
00:28:41,933 --> 00:28:44,868
red red, blue blue.

404
00:28:44,903 --> 00:28:46,894
Oh, this is incredible.
This is like,

405
00:28:46,938 --> 00:28:49,236
feel like a rock star
in the comfort of your own home.

406
00:28:49,274 --> 00:28:51,742
This is one fabrication
I wish I could call my own.

407
00:28:51,777 --> 00:28:55,645
I know. It's like a drug, isn't it?
The crowd is screaming for us.

408
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:58,808
Imagine this with a microphone.

409
00:29:02,654 --> 00:29:04,588
Eight years
with nothing to do but think,

410
00:29:04,623 --> 00:29:06,682
and I don't come up with one
single good idea.

411
00:29:06,725 --> 00:29:09,592
Dude, don't be so hard on yourself.
I mean, you got a good job.

412
00:29:09,628 --> 00:29:12,995
No, actually I don't anymore.
I got fired from Family Mart.

413
00:29:13,031 --> 00:29:14,293
Blue blue, red.

414
00:29:14,332 --> 00:29:17,460
Wow, that's impressive. They have
some real derelicts working there.

415
00:29:17,502 --> 00:29:20,437
And then I bust myself
trying to fix up this house.

416
00:29:20,472 --> 00:29:22,337
I even hung that painting
for Claire.

417
00:29:22,374 --> 00:29:24,968
She hated it so much,
I wish I'd never done it.

418
00:29:25,010 --> 00:29:28,309
She wasn't mad. She's been trying
to hang that thing since I moved here.

419
00:29:38,156 --> 00:29:40,249
All right, tell me something
about yourself

420
00:29:40,292 --> 00:29:42,590
besides the fact
that you're an angry lesbian.

421
00:29:42,627 --> 00:29:45,425
- That's all I got.
- I got that part. Something else.

422
00:29:48,500 --> 00:29:50,695
I got fake tits when I was 30.

423
00:29:52,938 --> 00:29:54,929
They look real to me.

424
00:29:54,973 --> 00:29:57,032
That's 'cause I had
a take-back-the-night moment

425
00:29:57,075 --> 00:29:59,600
and I had them yanked out
three months later.

426
00:30:00,946 --> 00:30:03,380
Wow, that just totally
threw me off rhythm.

427
00:30:04,783 --> 00:30:07,513
Lorraine baby, come down.
You're scaring us.

428
00:30:07,552 --> 00:30:10,350
My daughter finally needs me
and I'm broke.

429
00:30:10,388 --> 00:30:13,016
It's only two stories.
She won't kill herself.

430
00:30:13,058 --> 00:30:14,491
The worst she could do
is break her leg.

431
00:30:14,526 --> 00:30:16,084
No, I could crack my neck.

432
00:30:16,128 --> 00:30:17,789
Mom, I'll be okay.

433
00:30:17,829 --> 00:30:19,524
I see this all the time
in the forest:

434
00:30:19,564 --> 00:30:22,328
Baby bird wants to leave the nest;
mama bird gets all antsy,

435
00:30:22,367 --> 00:30:23,766
pacing, pecking.

436
00:30:23,802 --> 00:30:25,667
She thinks baby bird
doesn't know how to fly.

437
00:30:25,704 --> 00:30:27,001
And she flies.

438
00:30:27,038 --> 00:30:28,505
Does she?

439
00:30:28,540 --> 00:30:30,132
Actually no.

440
00:30:30,175 --> 00:30:34,271
A lot of times she dive-bombs
into the ground, beak first.

441
00:30:34,312 --> 00:30:36,246
Okay, that's not helping.

442
00:30:36,281 --> 00:30:38,112
I don't care about the money, Mom.

443
00:30:39,151 --> 00:30:40,778
Okay, but if I come down,

444
00:30:40,819 --> 00:30:43,310
you have to promise
you're not gonna invite him.

445
00:30:43,355 --> 00:30:46,381
I will not invite him.
I promise.

446
00:30:49,861 --> 00:30:52,022
All right.

447
00:31:22,260 --> 00:31:24,728
Stop, okay? I heard you.
What do you want?

448
00:31:24,763 --> 00:31:27,561
Hi!

449
00:31:27,599 --> 00:31:29,032
Claire!

450
00:31:29,067 --> 00:31:31,558
Yeah, I heard you.
What do you want?

451
00:31:31,603 --> 00:31:33,264
I thought we could
go for coffee.

452
00:31:33,305 --> 00:31:36,797
What?
No, you're not coming with me.

453
00:31:36,841 --> 00:31:38,176
What?

454
00:31:51,790 --> 00:31:54,486
So what is it with your mother
and this music crap?

455
00:31:54,526 --> 00:31:57,893
It's not crap.
It's her thing.

456
00:32:02,300 --> 00:32:04,564
So Phoebe tells me
that you sew clothes

457
00:32:04,603 --> 00:32:07,003
for the women at the center.
How long have you been doing that?

458
00:32:07,038 --> 00:32:10,530
Is it okay if we don't talk?

459
00:32:10,575 --> 00:32:13,271
Just trying to start a conversation.

460
00:32:20,852 --> 00:32:24,811
I like magazines more than books.

461
00:32:24,856 --> 00:32:26,881
And I really enjoy bingo.

462
00:32:28,593 --> 00:32:29,958
I like bingo.

463
00:32:31,696 --> 00:32:35,996
And I've been having
rabid erotic sex since I was 15.

464
00:32:36,034 --> 00:32:38,867
I don't need any of the details.

465
00:32:38,903 --> 00:32:40,666
The guy was 39.

466
00:32:40,705 --> 00:32:42,400
Oh, stop it.

467
00:32:47,512 --> 00:32:49,002
You are kidding.

468
00:32:49,047 --> 00:32:51,277
Yes, I'm kidding.

469
00:32:56,087 --> 00:32:58,578
Did you give me this jacket
because it's rainy season

470
00:32:58,623 --> 00:33:00,386
or because you wanted me
to look like a tool?

471
00:33:00,425 --> 00:33:02,518
A little bit of both.

472
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:04,391
Huh.

473
00:33:09,367 --> 00:33:12,268
- Thanks.
- You're very welcome.

474
00:33:12,304 --> 00:33:14,602
Hey, are you hungry?

475
00:33:14,639 --> 00:33:16,630
I could eat.

476
00:33:16,675 --> 00:33:18,404
Yeah, me too.

477
00:33:18,443 --> 00:33:21,105
See, some people think
jumping jacks don't do anything.

478
00:33:21,146 --> 00:33:24,240
Well, I'll tell you what, Abby... you do
these jumping jacks for 30 minutes,

479
00:33:24,282 --> 00:33:27,217
you're gonna sweat your balls off.
This shit is hard.

480
00:33:27,252 --> 00:33:30,187
All right, now we're doing windmills.
I'll tell you what, Savannah...

481
00:33:30,221 --> 00:33:32,348
you want a boy to text you,
you do these windmills.

482
00:33:32,390 --> 00:33:34,824
You want a date to the prom,
do windmills.

483
00:33:34,859 --> 00:33:38,192
Andre, you want the girls
to think you're hot, do windmills.

484
00:33:38,229 --> 00:33:40,823
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?

485
00:33:40,865 --> 00:33:43,800
Sorry. I hate to disturb you
in the middle of your class,

486
00:33:43,835 --> 00:33:47,271
but I just... I need your help.

487
00:33:47,305 --> 00:33:49,466
I'm really busy
enriching these kids' lives.

488
00:33:49,507 --> 00:33:51,498
No, that's great.
I just need...

489
00:33:51,543 --> 00:33:55,035
Andre, toes. Toes, not shins. Toes.

490
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,412
I need a new outfit.

491
00:34:02,921 --> 00:34:05,048
Are you sure this is
the right store for me?

492
00:34:05,090 --> 00:34:07,149
I'm trying to make you cooler,
you see,

493
00:34:07,192 --> 00:34:09,956
not go to the stores that you
usually go to... the uncool ones.

494
00:34:09,994 --> 00:34:12,792
I haven't been to a store
in quite a long time, frankly.

495
00:34:18,236 --> 00:34:20,796
- Hey.
- Hey.

496
00:34:20,839 --> 00:34:22,466
Hey.

497
00:34:22,507 --> 00:34:24,498
He needs to exchange his suit.

498
00:34:26,611 --> 00:34:28,101
Six bucks.

499
00:34:28,146 --> 00:34:30,273
Six bucks?
This cost me four grand.

500
00:34:30,315 --> 00:34:33,341
I sold my first fabrication in this.
This is my lucky goddamn suit.

501
00:34:33,385 --> 00:34:35,819
I don't think it's lucky anymore,
do you?

502
00:34:35,854 --> 00:34:38,516
Don't sell it then.
Use your parolee money. I don't care.

503
00:34:38,556 --> 00:34:41,719
I don't have any more, all right?
I had to buy stuff.

504
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,057
What did you buy?

505
00:34:43,094 --> 00:34:47,030
You know, taxis, donuts,
deodorant.

506
00:34:47,065 --> 00:34:49,863
I'll go up to seven bucks.

507
00:34:49,901 --> 00:34:51,892
- Looks good.
- I feel like an asshole.

508
00:34:51,936 --> 00:34:53,665
You are an asshole,
but you look better.

509
00:34:53,705 --> 00:34:56,105
- I look like a lesbian.
- You look gender-neutral.

510
00:34:56,141 --> 00:34:58,974
Gender-neutral? That wasn't exactly
the look I was going for.

511
00:34:59,010 --> 00:35:01,706
It's cool.
It's like urban DJ.

512
00:35:01,746 --> 00:35:03,680
Right.

513
00:35:03,715 --> 00:35:05,580
Lily!

514
00:35:06,618 --> 00:35:09,314
Lily!

515
00:35:09,354 --> 00:35:11,584
- Lily!
- Did you lose your dog, ma'am?

516
00:35:11,623 --> 00:35:14,421
No, it's my daughter.
I can't find my daughter.

517
00:35:14,459 --> 00:35:18,156
- Oh, is that her? Hey.
- Lily, Lily.

518
00:35:18,196 --> 00:35:20,494
Don't ever do that.

519
00:35:20,532 --> 00:35:22,523
Don't ever run away from me
again like that.

520
00:35:22,567 --> 00:35:25,161
You scared Mommy. Do you understand
what could happen to you?

521
00:35:27,705 --> 00:35:30,435
Oh yeah, saving the day.

522
00:35:53,832 --> 00:35:56,960
Steven Leslie.

523
00:35:57,001 --> 00:35:59,492
Robert Axle.

524
00:35:59,537 --> 00:36:01,698
How's the family?
How's Claire?

525
00:36:01,739 --> 00:36:04,708
Fine. How's my
$1.6 billion company?

526
00:36:06,711 --> 00:36:10,010
It's 2.7 now.

527
00:36:10,048 --> 00:36:13,415
Oh, you feel good about that, huh?
Sucking off the Robert Axle teat?

528
00:36:13,451 --> 00:36:16,249
Your name on the product... you take
the fall when it disfigures people.

529
00:36:16,287 --> 00:36:17,777
My name was the product.

530
00:36:17,822 --> 00:36:20,290
Face it, we could have put
birdshit in a box

531
00:36:20,325 --> 00:36:21,986
and we would have moved
three million units

532
00:36:22,026 --> 00:36:24,017
as long as it was
a Robert Axle fabrication.

533
00:36:24,062 --> 00:36:25,290
What do you want, Axle?

534
00:36:25,330 --> 00:36:27,025
Steve, we live in the world

535
00:36:27,065 --> 00:36:29,431
where parents are so paranoid
about losing their children

536
00:36:29,467 --> 00:36:31,958
that they're willing to put a leash
on them just to keep track of them.

537
00:36:32,003 --> 00:36:35,166
Now imagine if that leash
were wireless.

538
00:36:35,206 --> 00:36:36,639
The kid doesn't feel like a dog;

539
00:36:36,674 --> 00:36:39,234
the parents know the instant
the kid wanders out of a certain range;

540
00:36:39,277 --> 00:36:42,007
they get a vibration on a receiver;
they know where their kids are.

541
00:36:42,046 --> 00:36:46,483
Wireless child leashes
already exist, Axle... not big sellers.

542
00:36:46,518 --> 00:36:47,815
- And you know why?
- Why?

543
00:36:47,852 --> 00:36:52,289
Because nobody's ever thought
to market them to kids.

544
00:36:52,323 --> 00:36:55,656
Say we bury
the leash technology

545
00:36:55,693 --> 00:36:58,526
inside of a kid's watch,

546
00:36:58,563 --> 00:36:59,894
but not just any watch.

547
00:36:59,931 --> 00:37:01,865
I mean, this is like the coolest,
the greatest,

548
00:37:01,900 --> 00:37:04,027
the grooviest gadget watch
ever invented.

549
00:37:04,068 --> 00:37:06,059
It's... are you ready for it?

550
00:37:06,104 --> 00:37:07,696
- Watchdawg.

551
00:37:07,739 --> 00:37:10,367
Right? It plays music,
video games,

552
00:37:10,408 --> 00:37:12,808
emails. It takes pictures.

553
00:37:12,844 --> 00:37:16,177
Everything plays music and video games
and takes pictures these days.

554
00:37:16,214 --> 00:37:18,307
What, have you been living
under a rock?

555
00:37:18,349 --> 00:37:20,715
Steve, you're missing the point.

556
00:37:20,752 --> 00:37:22,720
This is about bringing together

557
00:37:22,754 --> 00:37:24,915
a child's need to be entertained

558
00:37:24,956 --> 00:37:27,424
with a parent's need
to keep them safe.

559
00:37:29,193 --> 00:37:32,458
All things are intertwined, Steve.

560
00:37:32,497 --> 00:37:34,328
And all we gotta do
is step out of the way

561
00:37:34,365 --> 00:37:37,630
and let atoms and molecules
show us how easy it is...

562
00:37:37,669 --> 00:37:41,765
Wait, did you just say
the atoms and the molecules?

563
00:37:44,075 --> 00:37:47,306
You know how hard it was for us
to distance ourselves from you?

564
00:37:48,346 --> 00:37:51,975
Do you know how hard it is for me
to distance myself from me?

565
00:37:52,016 --> 00:37:55,679
Axle, from my heart,
I would love to help you, but I can't.

566
00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:59,451
Jesus Christ, Steve.
I gave you your first job.

567
00:38:01,793 --> 00:38:05,422
- Good luck.
- You're gonna regret this.

568
00:38:05,463 --> 00:38:07,454
This is Robert Axle.

569
00:38:07,498 --> 00:38:09,625
Can I speak to Mr. Johnson, please?

570
00:38:09,667 --> 00:38:11,658
- Edward?
- Yeah, Ed.

571
00:38:11,703 --> 00:38:14,263
- Who did you say was calling?
- Robert Axle.

572
00:38:14,305 --> 00:38:17,570
The Robert Axle?
The infomercial guy?

573
00:38:17,609 --> 00:38:19,577
Yes, that Robert Axle.

574
00:38:19,611 --> 00:38:21,511
Well, listen...

575
00:38:24,749 --> 00:38:26,341
Mickey, is this you
joking around again?

576
00:38:26,384 --> 00:38:28,409
No, look, the whole...

577
00:38:28,453 --> 00:38:31,786
Yeah. Yeah, formerly...
hello?

578
00:38:31,823 --> 00:38:33,916
Bob Agzel.

579
00:38:33,958 --> 00:38:37,485
- Robert Axle?
- Agzel.

580
00:38:49,540 --> 00:38:50,700
Hello.

581
00:38:50,742 --> 00:38:53,506
Yeah, hi. Somebody just
called me from this number.

582
00:38:53,544 --> 00:38:55,944
They left a message about a pitch,
but I didn't get a name.

583
00:38:55,980 --> 00:38:59,347
Oh, sorry about that.
No my name is...

584
00:38:59,384 --> 00:39:01,909
- Troy Coangelo.
- Troy Coangelo.

585
00:39:01,953 --> 00:39:03,944
Troy Coangelo.

586
00:39:03,988 --> 00:39:06,047
Okay, and how do you spell that?

587
00:39:06,090 --> 00:39:08,217
T-R-O-Y.

588
00:39:08,259 --> 00:39:10,250
Yeah, no, I got that part.

589
00:39:10,294 --> 00:39:16,824
Oh, C-O-A-N-G-L-O.

590
00:39:16,868 --> 00:39:20,099
- Really? No E after the G?
- Nope.

591
00:39:20,138 --> 00:39:22,003
And you do have
a working prototype?

592
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:24,201
Ha. I wouldn't be calling
if I didn't.

593
00:39:24,242 --> 00:39:26,574
Oh, now is really not a good time.

594
00:39:26,611 --> 00:39:29,307
Matt leaves for Dubai
on Wednesday.

595
00:39:30,648 --> 00:39:33,242
We're gonna have to get you in
on Tuesday. How's 9:00 AM?

596
00:39:33,284 --> 00:39:36,481
Uh, let me just look for a second.

597
00:39:36,521 --> 00:39:38,182
Mr. Coanglo?

598
00:39:38,222 --> 00:39:39,951
Yeah, I can make Tuesday work.

599
00:39:39,991 --> 00:39:42,323
Okay. All right, great.
We'll see you then.

600
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:44,590
Okay, thank you very much.

601
00:39:56,507 --> 00:39:58,441
Excuse me.
I wonder if you could help me.

602
00:39:58,476 --> 00:40:00,273
I'm looking for Sam Bergman's
room, please.

603
00:40:00,311 --> 00:40:02,802
You're new around here.

604
00:40:02,847 --> 00:40:04,815
Yes, I guess you could say that.

605
00:40:04,849 --> 00:40:06,942
- Well, let me show you.
- Okay, thank you.

606
00:40:06,984 --> 00:40:10,420
Now you can't have Sam's room,
'cause Sam ain't passed yet.

607
00:40:10,455 --> 00:40:11,615
I'm sorry?

608
00:40:11,656 --> 00:40:14,750
But I can see why you'd want it,
because it's got a good view,

609
00:40:14,792 --> 00:40:17,022
it's close to everything, but...

610
00:40:17,061 --> 00:40:19,894
Yeah, I think you misunderstood.
I'm just here to visit Sam.

611
00:40:19,931 --> 00:40:21,228
I'm not actually moving in.

612
00:40:21,265 --> 00:40:24,393
But Sam ain't passed yet,
so you can't have his room.

613
00:40:24,435 --> 00:40:27,768
Now this room here...
this will suit you just fine.

614
00:40:27,805 --> 00:40:29,966
As a matter of fact,
I tried to get this room,

615
00:40:30,007 --> 00:40:33,374
because across the hall here...
this is Miss Miller's room.

616
00:40:33,411 --> 00:40:36,107
And ooh-ee,

617
00:40:36,147 --> 00:40:39,378
Miss Miller... she is all right.

618
00:40:39,417 --> 00:40:42,352
Great. Harold, hold that thought.
I'll be right back.

619
00:40:59,904 --> 00:41:01,769
Not a bad place.

620
00:41:04,108 --> 00:41:05,268
It sucks.

621
00:41:05,309 --> 00:41:06,970
Yeah? Try prison.

622
00:41:07,011 --> 00:41:11,209
Prison is avoidable.
Senility is not.

623
00:41:13,718 --> 00:41:15,549
Well, what the hell do you want?

624
00:41:15,586 --> 00:41:18,885
I can't just come by and visit
the best engineer I know?

625
00:41:18,923 --> 00:41:22,120
I told you people would get tired
of doing crunches.

626
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,855
You should have listened to me.

627
00:41:23,895 --> 00:41:26,056
You didn't tell me people would
get sick of doing crunches.

628
00:41:26,097 --> 00:41:28,065
You told me we needed
more testing.

629
00:41:28,099 --> 00:41:29,691
And you were right.

630
00:41:29,734 --> 00:41:33,363
Again I ask, what do you want?

631
00:41:35,072 --> 00:41:36,369
A prototype.

632
00:41:36,407 --> 00:41:39,001
I'm retired.

633
00:41:39,043 --> 00:41:41,238
This is a gadget watch for kids.

634
00:41:41,279 --> 00:41:44,248
Combined with what?
A garden hose?

635
00:41:44,282 --> 00:41:47,740
How about a catcher's mitt?

636
00:41:47,785 --> 00:41:50,652
How about child leash technology?

637
00:41:50,688 --> 00:41:53,316
There are so many kids
getting lost out there these days, Sam.

638
00:41:53,357 --> 00:41:54,847
We gotta do something about it.

639
00:41:54,892 --> 00:41:57,383
What makes you think
that I will work with you again?

640
00:41:57,428 --> 00:42:00,693
'Cause you need this
as bad as I do.

641
00:42:06,671 --> 00:42:09,265
Five grand, five days.

642
00:42:09,307 --> 00:42:11,605
- Done.
- You do have the money?

643
00:42:11,642 --> 00:42:14,076
No, but I'll get it.

644
00:42:14,111 --> 00:42:18,013
No money, no prototype.
I mean it, Axle.

645
00:42:21,118 --> 00:42:24,610
This is a brilliant concept. I can't
believe someone else hasn't done it yet.

646
00:42:24,655 --> 00:42:26,816
And it's not like you're asking
for a lot of money here.

647
00:42:26,858 --> 00:42:29,588
I mean, five grand's nothing
when it comes to prototypes.

648
00:42:29,627 --> 00:42:32,255
Neil, you cannot
possibly know

649
00:42:32,296 --> 00:42:34,093
how relieved I am
to hear you tell me that.

650
00:42:34,131 --> 00:42:37,396
Can I interrupt you for a second?
Okay, you know how people

651
00:42:37,435 --> 00:42:39,596
always blow out the candles
on a birthday cake

652
00:42:39,637 --> 00:42:43,733
and then they expect everyone to want
to eat it with their germs all over it?

653
00:42:43,774 --> 00:42:46,641
Introducing the Neilster.

654
00:42:46,677 --> 00:42:49,612
Okay?
I could have bronchitis

655
00:42:49,647 --> 00:42:51,672
and be blowing
on your birthday cake.

656
00:42:51,716 --> 00:42:53,047
May I?

657
00:42:56,821 --> 00:42:58,118
It's good, right?

658
00:42:58,155 --> 00:43:02,353
Showed my boss the business plan...
signed off on a deuce that afternoon.

659
00:43:02,393 --> 00:43:03,553
A deuce?

660
00:43:03,594 --> 00:43:05,323
Yeah, it's loan officer talk
for 20K.

661
00:43:05,363 --> 00:43:07,331
You know what K means, right?

662
00:43:07,365 --> 00:43:09,856
I don't have a business plan.

663
00:43:09,901 --> 00:43:12,165
- You don't have a business plan?
- Shh.

664
00:43:12,203 --> 00:43:16,264
My business plan is
the $1.6 billion empire I built.

665
00:43:18,009 --> 00:43:19,306
Don't write that down.

666
00:43:21,512 --> 00:43:24,379
Just give me one moment here.

667
00:43:24,415 --> 00:43:26,406
What are you d...?

668
00:43:26,450 --> 00:43:29,942
Okay, anything else I should know
before I run this up the flagpole?

669
00:43:29,987 --> 00:43:32,046
No, that's it.

670
00:43:32,089 --> 00:43:34,489
Good. My boss hates surprises.

671
00:43:38,362 --> 00:43:40,956
I am also a convicted felon.

672
00:43:40,998 --> 00:43:42,056
I'm sorry?

673
00:43:42,099 --> 00:43:44,499
I'm a convicted felon.

674
00:43:44,535 --> 00:43:46,526
Oh.

675
00:43:46,570 --> 00:43:49,596
I'm not sure if we give loans

676
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:51,972
to convicted felons.

677
00:43:55,947 --> 00:43:58,575
I've got a gut feeling
about you though.

678
00:43:58,616 --> 00:44:01,084
And my boss is big
on gut feelings.

679
00:44:03,154 --> 00:44:05,884
Neil, thank you.

680
00:44:05,923 --> 00:44:08,187
Thank you.
Thank you so much.

681
00:44:08,225 --> 00:44:11,854
And this... it's a great idea.

682
00:44:11,896 --> 00:44:15,263
- Give me just a moment, okay?
- Okay.

683
00:44:20,604 --> 00:44:23,038
Okay, we've got
a new customer... 5K.

684
00:44:23,074 --> 00:44:25,099
I've got a good feeling
about this one.

685
00:44:27,345 --> 00:44:29,370
This gentleman right over here.

686
00:44:49,633 --> 00:44:52,033
Jerry!

687
00:44:53,804 --> 00:44:56,170
Ranger Jerry!

688
00:44:58,976 --> 00:45:00,967
Jerry!

689
00:45:04,882 --> 00:45:07,180
- Hey.
- Punks!

690
00:45:07,218 --> 00:45:09,618
Upsetting my fritillary butterflies.

691
00:45:09,653 --> 00:45:11,678
That's an endangered species, Axle.

692
00:45:13,357 --> 00:45:15,723
You'd better not come back!

693
00:45:17,328 --> 00:45:18,659
Jesus!

694
00:45:18,696 --> 00:45:21,028
Shit, my fault.

695
00:45:21,065 --> 00:45:22,828
Well, I hate to bother you
while you're working,

696
00:45:22,867 --> 00:45:24,858
but I need to borrow five grand.

697
00:45:24,902 --> 00:45:27,462
Axle, you're my boy, man.

698
00:45:27,505 --> 00:45:29,405
I'd hook you up just on principle.

699
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:32,739
But me and Lo... we're a little
strapped for cash at the moment.

700
00:45:32,777 --> 00:45:35,507
Strapped for cash?
That's impossible.

701
00:45:35,546 --> 00:45:37,776
How can you go through $362 million
in eight years?

702
00:45:37,815 --> 00:45:39,646
It's easier than you think, man...

703
00:45:39,683 --> 00:45:43,483
charity, bidding wars on eBay, trips.

704
00:45:43,521 --> 00:45:46,922
It costs 86 grand a day
just to rent your own submarine.

705
00:45:48,692 --> 00:45:52,458
Tell me how much she blew
on this so-called music career of hers.

706
00:45:52,496 --> 00:45:56,398
Let's just say she made
a lot of videos,

707
00:45:56,434 --> 00:45:58,800
a couple
at Mount Rushmore.

708
00:45:58,836 --> 00:46:02,135
Oh man, I gotta go to this fundraiser
thing, man, before Lorraine kills me.

709
00:46:02,173 --> 00:46:04,971
You see? That's another reason
you're broke... too much philanthropy.

710
00:46:05,009 --> 00:46:06,533
What is it now?
Oh, let me guess...

711
00:46:06,577 --> 00:46:09,637
the Indigenous Giraffes'
Sperm Foundation

712
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:12,911
for the Pigmies
Who Have Lung Cancer

713
00:46:12,950 --> 00:46:15,680
and Don't Have Mosquito Nets
Foundation?

714
00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:17,880
It's Claire's event, Axle.

715
00:46:25,830 --> 00:46:29,664
We teach them interview skills
and how to build a resume.

716
00:46:29,700 --> 00:46:33,295
The women are really using
the resources we provide for them

717
00:46:33,337 --> 00:46:36,795
to go out into the world
and find jobs on their own.

718
00:46:36,841 --> 00:46:39,867
This is an amazing project.
You should be very proud.

719
00:46:39,910 --> 00:46:42,538
Thank you.
Oh, this is my roommate Phoebe.

720
00:46:44,582 --> 00:46:45,776
I'm a lesbian.

721
00:46:45,816 --> 00:46:49,912
Oh, isn't that wonderful for you?

722
00:46:49,954 --> 00:46:51,945
It is actually.

723
00:46:51,989 --> 00:46:54,184
Well, have you guys seen
the silent auction?

724
00:46:54,225 --> 00:46:56,386
No, I haven't seen it yet.
I would love to.

725
00:47:16,313 --> 00:47:18,747
Don't you take
one more step, Axle.

726
00:47:21,519 --> 00:47:23,453
You have to leave now.

727
00:47:23,487 --> 00:47:25,455
Hey, it's a fundraiser, Medusa.
I'm here to raise funds.

728
00:47:25,489 --> 00:47:28,754
Medusa.
It's like Madonna, but it's...

729
00:47:28,792 --> 00:47:30,089
Hi Axle.

730
00:47:30,127 --> 00:47:32,755
- Hi.
- Somehow, someway

731
00:47:32,796 --> 00:47:34,991
none of these people know
you're associated with Claire.

732
00:47:35,032 --> 00:47:37,262
Then it shouldn't be a problem
that I'm here.

733
00:47:37,301 --> 00:47:39,166
You're a piece of work,
you know that?

734
00:47:39,203 --> 00:47:42,263
I'm a piece of work?
You're the one that blew $362 million.

735
00:47:42,306 --> 00:47:45,639
At least I lost my half giving it
to my victims. What's your excuse?

736
00:47:45,676 --> 00:47:48,338
My excuse is that money was cursed.
It took me eight years

737
00:47:48,379 --> 00:47:50,313
and every fiber of my being
to get rid of it,

738
00:47:50,347 --> 00:47:52,281
and now that it's gone,
I'm so glad...

739
00:47:52,316 --> 00:47:55,843
Hi Axle. I'd like you to meet my
parents... Howard and Penny Camp.

740
00:47:55,886 --> 00:47:58,013
- Hello.
- Hello.

741
00:47:58,055 --> 00:48:01,513
How nice that you and Lorraine
can put aside your differences

742
00:48:01,559 --> 00:48:03,823
to support Claire
on her special night.

743
00:48:03,861 --> 00:48:06,489
Well, Claire has always
come first in our family.

744
00:48:06,530 --> 00:48:09,499
Listen, Axle, l...

745
00:48:09,533 --> 00:48:11,865
I'll admit that when I found out

746
00:48:11,902 --> 00:48:14,962
that my daughter Donna was gonna be
living with a convicted felon,

747
00:48:15,005 --> 00:48:18,497
that I was... I'm sorry...
rather uncomfortable.

748
00:48:18,542 --> 00:48:20,772
But then

749
00:48:20,811 --> 00:48:23,473
we started going through
some of Donna's old stuff.

750
00:48:23,514 --> 00:48:26,210
Getting ready to convert her bedroom
into a guest room.

751
00:48:26,250 --> 00:48:28,741
And they found my old
Light-O-Saurus.

752
00:48:28,786 --> 00:48:31,778
And when we heard
that you had designed that

753
00:48:31,822 --> 00:48:33,881
for Claire back in the day,

754
00:48:33,924 --> 00:48:36,484
well, we were damn near
moved to tears.

755
00:48:36,527 --> 00:48:38,188
He is good.

756
00:48:38,229 --> 00:48:42,757
Isn't this wonderful... this event?
Just wonderful.

757
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:45,826
Penny Camp,

758
00:48:45,869 --> 00:48:48,201
what is it about this event

759
00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:51,003
that's so wonderful?

760
00:48:52,610 --> 00:48:54,805
People helping people.

761
00:48:54,845 --> 00:48:56,745
Bingo. You said it.

762
00:48:56,780 --> 00:48:58,907
That's it.
In a word... community.

763
00:48:58,949 --> 00:49:02,544
Culture and community.

764
00:49:02,586 --> 00:49:05,384
Ladies and gentlemen,
if all of us could do just that...

765
00:49:05,422 --> 00:49:08,949
come together
as a community, as a culture...

766
00:49:08,993 --> 00:49:11,257
I mean,
ask yourselves this question:

767
00:49:11,295 --> 00:49:14,492
How many women
has this center helped

768
00:49:14,531 --> 00:49:16,431
get off drugs just this year?

769
00:49:16,467 --> 00:49:19,163
- God, he thinks it's a drug center.
- Community, culture.

770
00:49:19,203 --> 00:49:20,670
Culture, community.

771
00:49:20,704 --> 00:49:22,194
Believe me,

772
00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:25,037
when I started my company
I hadn't a pot to piss in.

773
00:49:25,075 --> 00:49:27,066
Look at these women
on these walls,

774
00:49:27,111 --> 00:49:30,774
putting things in their bodies
that just harm them.

775
00:49:30,814 --> 00:49:32,873
And this place helps that.

776
00:49:32,916 --> 00:49:35,476
Well, all of you should
get out your checkbooks right now

777
00:49:35,519 --> 00:49:37,180
and write a big check
for my daughter.

778
00:49:37,221 --> 00:49:39,485
There's no reason she should
have to do this for herself.

779
00:49:39,523 --> 00:49:41,457
We've all got to get on
this bandwagon.

780
00:49:41,492 --> 00:49:44,017
Let's make that wall of success
a world of success.

781
00:49:44,061 --> 00:49:45,358
What do you say?

782
00:50:03,247 --> 00:50:04,509
Hi.

783
00:50:04,548 --> 00:50:06,413
What the hell was that?

784
00:50:06,450 --> 00:50:09,283
Well, I don't know. You tell me.
Seems to be some big event

785
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:11,288
that everybody got invited to tonight
except me.

786
00:50:11,322 --> 00:50:13,586
That's exactly why
I didn't invite you... that speech.

787
00:50:13,624 --> 00:50:15,489
What's the matter with my speech?
I was doing my bit.

788
00:50:15,526 --> 00:50:17,084
I had them eating
out of the palm of my hand.

789
00:50:17,127 --> 00:50:19,493
It's a center for women's employment,
not a drug rehab.

790
00:50:19,530 --> 00:50:21,430
That's how blind you are.

791
00:50:21,465 --> 00:50:23,592
Well, what difference does it make?
Drugs, employment...

792
00:50:23,634 --> 00:50:25,602
it's all about helping p...
all right, never mind.

793
00:50:25,636 --> 00:50:27,763
You don't have to worry about me
anymore, 'cause you know what?

794
00:50:27,805 --> 00:50:29,966
I've got a whole new thing happening,
and come Tuesday...

795
00:50:30,007 --> 00:50:32,771
Let me guess...
the great Robert Axle will be back

796
00:50:32,810 --> 00:50:35,176
in all his glory.

797
00:50:37,214 --> 00:50:39,614
God, it's like you want me
to stay like this...

798
00:50:39,650 --> 00:50:42,016
homeless, without a job.

799
00:50:42,052 --> 00:50:45,419
Would it really be so bad
if I started to do well again

800
00:50:45,456 --> 00:50:47,447
after what I've been through?

801
00:51:30,167 --> 00:51:33,796
My parents thought
you were awesome.

802
00:51:33,837 --> 00:51:36,431
And that speech was amazing.

803
00:51:40,477 --> 00:51:42,468
Don't give up, Axle.

804
00:51:42,513 --> 00:51:44,538
You guys will figure it out.

805
00:52:29,426 --> 00:52:31,951
Okay, item one...

806
00:52:31,995 --> 00:52:35,055
one-of-a-kind Light-O-Saurus

807
00:52:35,098 --> 00:52:37,532
signed by Robert Axle,

808
00:52:37,568 --> 00:52:41,470
as seen in the original infomercial,

809
00:52:41,505 --> 00:52:44,668
2500 bucks...

810
00:53:24,448 --> 00:53:27,246
Daddy, you did it.
You sold it.

811
00:53:27,284 --> 00:53:30,117
No no, baby, we did it.

812
00:53:30,153 --> 00:53:32,621
We sold it.

813
00:53:32,656 --> 00:53:34,283
And you know why?

814
00:53:35,826 --> 00:53:38,920
You brought my picture with you?

815
00:53:38,962 --> 00:53:40,953
Yes, I did.

816
00:53:43,166 --> 00:53:44,997
Oh goodness. Oh goodness.

817
00:53:45,035 --> 00:53:46,730
Oh my goodness,
what happened?

818
00:53:46,770 --> 00:53:49,330
It's unbelievable
how cute you are.

819
00:53:49,373 --> 00:53:51,364
Oh, you think she's giggling?

820
00:53:51,408 --> 00:53:53,933
You're gonna like what I have
to give you even better.

821
00:53:56,947 --> 00:53:59,507
Oh.

822
00:54:18,402 --> 00:54:20,768
You should have grabbed yourself
a raincoat, Axle.

823
00:54:20,804 --> 00:54:23,102
Oh thanks.
I would have never thought of that.

824
00:54:23,140 --> 00:54:24,698
How are things going
with your daughter?

825
00:54:24,741 --> 00:54:26,504
Uh, good.

826
00:54:26,543 --> 00:54:29,706
Yeah? So she's getting past
her abandonment issues?

827
00:54:29,746 --> 00:54:32,806
I mean, most kids never really forgive
their parents for going away to prison.

828
00:54:32,849 --> 00:54:36,182
I'm sorry, who are you?

829
00:54:36,219 --> 00:54:39,552
Part parole officer, part uncle,
part therapist.

830
00:54:39,590 --> 00:54:43,253
Yeah, well, why don't we just stick
to the part parole officer part?

831
00:54:43,293 --> 00:54:47,320
Okay, how are things going
at Family Mart?

832
00:54:47,364 --> 00:54:50,128
You know, what can I say?
Family Mart is Family Mart.

833
00:54:50,167 --> 00:54:52,328
Troy told me
he had to let you go.

834
00:54:53,470 --> 00:54:57,133
You know, a big part of this program
is keeping a steady job, Axle.

835
00:54:57,174 --> 00:55:00,610
67% of felons
wind up going back to prison...

836
00:55:00,644 --> 00:55:04,410
Whoa whoa whoa, you just
told me last week it was 62%.

837
00:55:04,448 --> 00:55:07,178
Did I?
Well, there's a new report.

838
00:55:07,217 --> 00:55:09,549
The numbers have gone up.

839
00:55:11,054 --> 00:55:12,255
Oh great.

840
00:55:32,976 --> 00:55:36,070
- Phoebe. Phoebe!
- What?

841
00:55:36,113 --> 00:55:38,445
- Phoebe!
- What?

842
00:55:38,482 --> 00:55:40,109
Where's Rock Band?

843
00:55:41,985 --> 00:55:45,716
Son of a bitch. Ooh.

844
00:55:47,424 --> 00:55:48,652
What happened?

845
00:55:48,692 --> 00:55:50,683
My ex...

846
00:55:50,727 --> 00:55:52,718
that bitch stole my shit!

847
00:55:52,763 --> 00:55:55,231
Wow, things are nasty
when chicks break up.

848
00:55:55,265 --> 00:55:57,256
Oh, it's gonna get really nasty!

849
00:55:57,300 --> 00:55:59,427
Oh shit.

850
00:55:59,469 --> 00:56:00,629
- Hi.
- Hi.

851
00:56:00,671 --> 00:56:04,198
- I'm here to make a deposit.
- Okay.

852
00:56:04,241 --> 00:56:06,471
Oh, you're with the center.

853
00:56:06,510 --> 00:56:09,479
I love that. I was just
telling my sister all about it,

854
00:56:09,513 --> 00:56:12,004
- how they help the women...
- That's right.

855
00:56:12,049 --> 00:56:14,279
...with jobs and everything.
That's great.

856
00:56:14,317 --> 00:56:16,308
Oh.

857
00:56:16,353 --> 00:56:19,481
Do you know you've bounced
a couple of checks this week?

858
00:56:22,759 --> 00:56:26,786
Hey, have you applied
for any grants?

859
00:56:26,830 --> 00:56:29,799
Yes, grants are really hard...

860
00:56:29,833 --> 00:56:31,926
- sorry, hold on one second.
- Well, maybe...

861
00:56:31,968 --> 00:56:34,630
- One second, sorry. Donna.
- Claire, I have to tell...

862
00:56:34,671 --> 00:56:36,605
- I'll call you back, okay?
- No no no no.

863
00:56:36,640 --> 00:56:39,871
- Just don't do anything stupid.
- I'm not gonna do anything stupid.

864
00:56:39,910 --> 00:56:41,935
I'm just gonna march up to the door
and I'm gonna be like,

865
00:56:41,978 --> 00:56:43,946
"Give me back
my Rock Band, bitch!"

866
00:56:45,816 --> 00:56:47,807
- Donna, I'm busy.
- Wait, Phoebe...

867
00:56:51,488 --> 00:56:55,424
- What up, Phoebe?
- Bitch, give me back my Rock Band.

868
00:56:55,459 --> 00:56:57,359
Whoa, what's with
the Louisville Slugger?

869
00:56:57,394 --> 00:56:59,259
What, did you join the all-dyke
softball league?

870
00:56:59,296 --> 00:57:02,129
- Hey!
- Give me back my Rock Band.

871
00:57:02,165 --> 00:57:04,895
Then give me back the $4200
that I spent on your fake titties!

872
00:57:04,935 --> 00:57:09,133
Stop talking shit about my tits.
They're great, asshole.

873
00:57:09,172 --> 00:57:13,541
You want your game?
You want your game?

874
00:57:13,577 --> 00:57:16,512
Your ex is a guy?
I thought you were a lesbian.

875
00:57:16,546 --> 00:57:17,638
I am.

876
00:57:17,681 --> 00:57:19,672
Here's your game.
Here you go.

877
00:57:19,716 --> 00:57:22,446
Don't break it.

878
00:57:26,089 --> 00:57:29,183
How about some drums, huh?
You want some drums?

879
00:57:29,226 --> 00:57:31,353
Yeah? Yeah?

880
00:57:33,396 --> 00:57:35,387
Who the hell is he?

881
00:57:35,432 --> 00:57:38,026
You're worthless, Phoebe.
You are worthless.

882
00:57:38,068 --> 00:57:40,502
You're never gonna get a man like me.
What are you gonna settle for?

883
00:57:40,537 --> 00:57:43,631
You don't even know who you are.
You're nobody without me.

884
00:57:43,673 --> 00:57:46,164
Come on, let's go.

885
00:57:46,209 --> 00:57:48,200
Drive. Drive.

886
00:57:49,946 --> 00:57:52,540
Bye.

887
00:57:58,955 --> 00:58:01,423
Oh, look, forget about him.
He's an idiot.

888
00:58:01,458 --> 00:58:03,323
I had to shut him down.
Somebody had to stop him.

889
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:04,987
He's an idiot.
And he's a liar too.

890
00:58:05,028 --> 00:58:07,462
'Cause anybody who looks at him
can tell he's still in love with you.

891
00:58:07,497 --> 00:58:10,466
He thinks you're more beautiful now,
more attractive, more intelligent.

892
00:58:10,500 --> 00:58:14,266
I mean, look at you. You're funny.
You've got this great style about you.

893
00:58:14,304 --> 00:58:17,432
And he's a total idiot for thinking...
you know what? He's probably feeling

894
00:58:17,474 --> 00:58:20,341
like a total fool... the fact that
he used to have you and now...

895
00:58:57,314 --> 00:58:59,305
How was your day, Claire?

896
00:58:59,349 --> 00:59:01,840
Horrible.
I'm so over everyone.

897
00:59:01,885 --> 00:59:04,683
I hate people.

898
00:59:04,721 --> 00:59:06,916
You know what?
Everywhere I go

899
00:59:06,957 --> 00:59:08,754
people go on and on
about the center,

900
00:59:08,792 --> 00:59:11,317
and when push comes to shove,
nobody wants to pony up.

901
00:59:14,064 --> 00:59:16,328
- What's wrong with you?
- I didn't say anything.

902
00:59:16,366 --> 00:59:18,061
- I know.
- What am I supposed to say?

903
00:59:18,101 --> 00:59:21,070
- It's weird. You're acting weird.
- I'm not acting weird. I'm acting...

904
00:59:21,104 --> 00:59:23,436
Tonight I'm having a date
with my friend Jack,

905
00:59:23,473 --> 00:59:25,065
if anybody wants to join me.

906
00:59:25,108 --> 00:59:27,736
Donna, where are you going?

907
00:59:27,777 --> 00:59:29,972
I'm going to your mom's house.

908
00:59:30,013 --> 00:59:31,241
You're going to my mom's?

909
00:59:31,281 --> 00:59:33,340
Yeah, well, she picked up
my phone calls.

910
00:59:33,383 --> 00:59:35,283
Wait,
did I miss something?

911
00:59:35,318 --> 00:59:38,845
My parents are getting divorced,
but things happen.

912
00:59:38,889 --> 00:59:41,687
Divorced? Since when?

913
00:59:41,725 --> 00:59:46,355
Since my father started cheating
on my mom with her friend.

914
00:59:46,396 --> 00:59:48,921
- My God.
- See you.

915
00:59:48,965 --> 00:59:50,990
Donna, if you're going
to my mom's house,

916
00:59:51,034 --> 00:59:53,628
- we're all going to my mom's house.
- We're all going?

917
00:59:53,670 --> 00:59:55,900
Oh, like you have
something better to do?

918
00:59:55,939 --> 00:59:58,339
I, on the other hand...
I have a date with a woman.

919
00:59:58,375 --> 01:00:00,240
She's a lesbian.

920
01:00:00,277 --> 01:00:01,801
Ugh.

921
01:00:01,845 --> 01:00:05,144
We're gonna have hot lesbo sex
all night long.

922
01:00:14,124 --> 01:00:16,115
Would you rather lick
a public toilet seat

923
01:00:16,159 --> 01:00:18,525
or chew gum from the floor
of the New York City subway?

924
01:00:18,561 --> 01:00:20,893
Gum. You know what?
No matter how disgusting it is,

925
01:00:20,931 --> 01:00:23,229
- it's better than a toilet.
- By the way,

926
01:00:23,266 --> 01:00:25,063
how were the toilets
in prison, Axle?

927
01:00:25,101 --> 01:00:27,501
Not very good,
kind of like your last album.

928
01:00:27,537 --> 01:00:29,528
Okay,

929
01:00:29,572 --> 01:00:33,008
you see some unsightly Porta Potties
in my line of work, okay?

930
01:00:33,043 --> 01:00:35,671
So I would chew that subway floor gum
all day, every day.

931
01:00:35,712 --> 01:00:37,703
How do you call this a game?

932
01:00:37,747 --> 01:00:40,910
Monopoly, Scrabble... those are games.
This... this is disgusting.

933
01:00:40,951 --> 01:00:42,942
- Hey.
- Hey.

934
01:00:42,986 --> 01:00:44,977
- This is my friend Steak.
- Hi.

935
01:00:45,021 --> 01:00:48,354
- What's up?
- Steak, a chicken wing?

936
01:00:48,391 --> 01:00:50,416
Nah, dude, I'm a vegetarian.

937
01:00:50,460 --> 01:00:52,860
Really? How is that
gonna work out

938
01:00:52,896 --> 01:00:55,262
since Phoebe likes your meat?

939
01:00:55,298 --> 01:00:58,699
There's other things I like to eat
besides meat.

940
01:01:00,804 --> 01:01:04,740
Would you rather spend
30 years

941
01:01:04,774 --> 01:01:06,799
happily married
to the love of your life

942
01:01:06,843 --> 01:01:09,471
only to find out that he's been
cheating on you the whole time,

943
01:01:09,512 --> 01:01:13,448
or spend 20 years taking care
of your deadbeat husband

944
01:01:13,483 --> 01:01:15,474
who finally hits the big time

945
01:01:15,518 --> 01:01:17,713
only to emotionally abandon
you and your daughter?

946
01:01:21,391 --> 01:01:23,723
I'll talk to her.

947
01:01:25,128 --> 01:01:26,789
- Awkward.
- All right.

948
01:01:26,830 --> 01:01:28,320
I thought this was
supposed to be a party.

949
01:01:39,642 --> 01:01:41,940
How could he do this to me?

950
01:01:43,546 --> 01:01:46,014
Donna, I think in the moment
he wasn't doing it to anybody.

951
01:01:46,049 --> 01:01:48,381
I think he was doing it
for himself.

952
01:01:50,053 --> 01:01:52,954
I don't care.
When you decide to start a family,

953
01:01:52,989 --> 01:01:55,184
you make a commitment to them.

954
01:01:55,225 --> 01:01:58,490
You don't turn your back
on the people who love you.

955
01:02:01,464 --> 01:02:04,956
Fathers are human too.

956
01:02:05,001 --> 01:02:07,469
You know, you put
a piece of cake in front of us,

957
01:02:07,504 --> 01:02:10,337
and that's all we can see.
Family, children... what?

958
01:02:10,373 --> 01:02:13,035
No, we forget everything.
We get tunnel vision.

959
01:02:13,076 --> 01:02:15,806
But you never cheated
on Lorraine.

960
01:02:15,845 --> 01:02:18,871
No, I didn't.

961
01:02:18,915 --> 01:02:20,974
I left her for my job.

962
01:02:23,420 --> 01:02:25,786
I'm just so angry at him.

963
01:02:29,526 --> 01:02:31,892
Yeah, there's a lot of anger
in the air.

964
01:02:35,965 --> 01:02:38,297
Think it does any good?

965
01:03:15,171 --> 01:03:18,834
Phoebe, you know,
are you and my dad friends

966
01:03:18,875 --> 01:03:21,537
or what's... what's the deal?

967
01:03:21,578 --> 01:03:24,445
No. I mean, he helped me get
my guitar back from Eddie...

968
01:03:24,481 --> 01:03:27,780
you know, my game...
and that's it.

969
01:03:27,817 --> 01:03:29,842
Wait, he met Eddie?

970
01:03:29,886 --> 01:03:32,878
Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't call it
a formal "Hi, how are you doing?"

971
01:03:32,922 --> 01:03:35,220
But he did crack Eddie
in the nads for me

972
01:03:35,258 --> 01:03:37,249
from behind, like mm!

973
01:03:37,293 --> 01:03:39,989
You know, I think your dad's
pretty great, Claire.

974
01:03:41,965 --> 01:03:44,456
What makes him so great?

975
01:03:44,501 --> 01:03:48,369
He just made me realize
that my father isn't perfect

976
01:03:48,404 --> 01:03:50,429
and I need to accept that.

977
01:03:54,544 --> 01:03:58,173
No, Daddy, don't leave.
I'm afraid of the dark.

978
01:03:58,214 --> 01:04:00,774
Okay, honey. Okay.

979
01:04:00,817 --> 01:04:03,251
I'll stay for just a bit, okay?

980
01:04:05,021 --> 01:04:07,251
How's that?

981
01:04:07,290 --> 01:04:09,451
Shh, it's okay.

982
01:04:10,460 --> 01:04:12,928
You can watch the steam.

983
01:04:16,733 --> 01:04:18,997
Look at that.

984
01:04:19,035 --> 01:04:21,731
We can make animals.

985
01:04:21,771 --> 01:04:23,762
Shh, it's okay.

986
01:04:42,158 --> 01:04:45,650
Does my heart good,
makes me feel young, you know?

987
01:04:45,695 --> 01:04:47,686
I tell you, my mind's sharp.

988
01:04:47,730 --> 01:04:50,062
As a matter of fact, I don't know

989
01:04:50,099 --> 01:04:53,000
if they could really run this place
around here if it weren't for me.

990
01:04:53,036 --> 01:04:55,027
Hello, Sam.

991
01:04:55,071 --> 01:04:56,561
You brought my check, right?

992
01:04:56,606 --> 01:04:58,130
Of course I did.

993
01:04:58,174 --> 01:05:01,166
I had to go into my own pocket
on this thing.

994
01:05:01,211 --> 01:05:04,612
You won't believe
how many watches,

995
01:05:04,647 --> 01:05:07,878
MP3 players and video games
I tore apart

996
01:05:07,917 --> 01:05:10,147
before I figured this sucker out,

997
01:05:10,186 --> 01:05:12,814
not to mention carving
the faceplate.

998
01:05:12,855 --> 01:05:14,846
I cut that son of a bitch

999
01:05:14,891 --> 01:05:17,257
out of medium-density foam.

1000
01:05:17,293 --> 01:05:20,319
Well, you know, I don't have
any more money. $5000 is all I have.

1001
01:05:20,363 --> 01:05:22,923
Don't worry about it.
It was my pleasure.

1002
01:05:22,966 --> 01:05:25,127
I haven't felt this useful
in years.

1003
01:05:27,203 --> 01:05:28,830
There it is.

1004
01:05:28,871 --> 01:05:31,897
Now the speaker is in the ear.

1005
01:05:31,941 --> 01:05:34,535
The camera is in the nose.

1006
01:05:34,577 --> 01:05:36,568
The gaming wheel
goes in the wristband

1007
01:05:36,613 --> 01:05:38,604
for optimal gaming control.

1008
01:05:41,484 --> 01:05:44,510
Oh, Sam, this is awesome.

1009
01:05:46,256 --> 01:05:48,850
- And what is that?
- That's a built-in compass.

1010
01:05:48,891 --> 01:05:52,122
- Do kids still use compasses?
- They did in my day.

1011
01:05:52,161 --> 01:05:54,493
I just thought
with the wireless child leash

1012
01:05:54,530 --> 01:05:56,930
we wouldn't need a compass.

1013
01:05:56,966 --> 01:05:59,434
A wireless child leash?

1014
01:05:59,469 --> 01:06:01,767
That's a good idea.

1015
01:06:04,540 --> 01:06:06,531
The kid wanders off...

1016
01:06:06,576 --> 01:06:09,511
the parent feels a buzz
or something, huh?

1017
01:06:09,545 --> 01:06:11,274
You're kidding, right?

1018
01:06:11,314 --> 01:06:13,874
No, I'm not kidding.
That's a great idea.

1019
01:06:13,916 --> 01:06:15,406
Sam.

1020
01:06:15,451 --> 01:06:17,851
I did good, right?

1021
01:06:19,422 --> 01:06:21,413
I did good.

1022
01:06:23,526 --> 01:06:25,619
Sam, you did great.

1023
01:06:47,083 --> 01:06:49,415
How are you holding up, Troy?

1024
01:06:49,452 --> 01:06:52,751
I have four titanium rods
in my tibia.

1025
01:06:52,789 --> 01:06:54,313
How do you think?

1026
01:06:55,358 --> 01:06:59,454
I'm sitting on another
great idea, Troy.

1027
01:06:59,495 --> 01:07:01,520
Congratulations.

1028
01:07:01,564 --> 01:07:03,589
Yeah, but I can't do it alone
this time.

1029
01:07:03,633 --> 01:07:04,998
I need a partner.

1030
01:07:08,071 --> 01:07:10,596
I make $32,700 a year.

1031
01:07:10,640 --> 01:07:13,336
I drive a Toyota Scion loaded.

1032
01:07:13,376 --> 01:07:15,105
You're barking up
the wrong tree, Axle.

1033
01:07:15,144 --> 01:07:17,806
I just need you to come with me
to one meeting.

1034
01:07:19,449 --> 01:07:21,280
- When?
- Tomorrow morning?

1035
01:07:21,317 --> 01:07:23,683
Oh, tomorrow morning?
Thanks for the notice.

1036
01:07:23,720 --> 01:07:25,312
Look, I was gonna go
on my own,

1037
01:07:25,355 --> 01:07:28,085
but now that the prototype doesn't work,
it makes no sense for me to go...

1038
01:07:28,124 --> 01:07:30,957
What's the point of the prototype
if it doesn't work?

1039
01:07:30,993 --> 01:07:33,427
Troy, no one is going to
buy a product

1040
01:07:33,463 --> 01:07:36,489
from a guy who cuts
people's fingers off.

1041
01:07:36,532 --> 01:07:41,128
But Troy Coangelo...
that's a different story.

1042
01:07:45,475 --> 01:07:46,806
No can do.

1043
01:07:46,843 --> 01:07:49,107
Come on, just help me
on this one, please.

1044
01:07:49,145 --> 01:07:51,670
I'm on from 7:00 to 7:00 tomorrow.

1045
01:07:51,714 --> 01:07:54,080
What difference does that make?
So Family Mart goes without

1046
01:07:54,117 --> 01:07:56,915
an assistant GM for a couple of hours.
What's the worst that can happen?

1047
01:07:56,953 --> 01:07:58,511
- A lot.
- Oh, come on.

1048
01:07:58,554 --> 01:08:00,146
- A lot can happen.
- Come on.

1049
01:08:00,189 --> 01:08:03,625
If you don't let go of this obsession
you have with Family Mart, Troy,

1050
01:08:03,659 --> 01:08:05,820
no one is gonna ever
take you seriously.

1051
01:08:05,862 --> 01:08:07,796
Hmm.

1052
01:08:07,830 --> 01:08:10,697
Haven't you ruined
enough people's lives?

1053
01:08:34,290 --> 01:08:36,315
Hey.

1054
01:08:37,360 --> 01:08:39,794
Hi.

1055
01:08:39,829 --> 01:08:44,528
It might be a little snug,
but I think we can make it work.

1056
01:08:47,670 --> 01:08:49,661
That's for me?

1057
01:08:49,705 --> 01:08:51,730
Here, try it on.

1058
01:08:58,648 --> 01:09:00,673
Let me see.

1059
01:09:03,553 --> 01:09:06,215
Yeah, it's a little snug.
Let me fix it.

1060
01:09:09,258 --> 01:09:11,886
Is this like the pink coat
or you really want me to...?

1061
01:09:11,928 --> 01:09:14,328
I want you to look great.

1062
01:09:20,336 --> 01:09:23,032
Okay, let me finish it.

1063
01:09:36,786 --> 01:09:38,811
Why are you doing this?

1064
01:09:41,491 --> 01:09:44,392
I was the one
that believed in you,

1065
01:09:44,427 --> 01:09:47,157
not Mom.

1066
01:09:47,196 --> 01:09:49,528
It was me.

1067
01:09:53,002 --> 01:09:55,436
And I still believe in you.

1068
01:10:02,478 --> 01:10:05,379
Um, I'm not really a hugger.

1069
01:10:06,382 --> 01:10:08,373
Okay.

1070
01:10:22,565 --> 01:10:24,157
Jesus, Troy.

1071
01:10:25,468 --> 01:10:27,459
I blew my knee out
on their nickel.

1072
01:10:34,677 --> 01:10:38,204
Not a card,
not a "Hey, Troy, how's your leg?"

1073
01:10:38,247 --> 01:10:41,273
I've been assistant GM for three years
and you know what?

1074
01:10:41,317 --> 01:10:43,285
There's no GM.
I'm the guy.

1075
01:10:43,319 --> 01:10:45,514
They just don't want to give me
the title and have to shell out

1076
01:10:45,555 --> 01:10:47,648
an extra $1631 a year.

1077
01:10:47,690 --> 01:10:49,749
Where are you going
with this, Troy?

1078
01:10:49,792 --> 01:10:51,316
- Shame on you.
- Shame on me?

1079
01:10:51,360 --> 01:10:53,225
Not you... Family Mart.

1080
01:10:53,262 --> 01:10:55,423
I'm confused.
Are you gonna help me out or not?

1081
01:10:55,464 --> 01:10:57,830
Oh, I'm gonna help you,
but it's not for the money,

1082
01:10:57,867 --> 01:11:00,062
it's not for the ladies
and it's not for the bling.

1083
01:11:00,102 --> 01:11:01,626
This is for principle.

1084
01:11:01,671 --> 01:11:03,935
How many painkillers
have you had?

1085
01:11:03,973 --> 01:11:05,804
One.

1086
01:11:05,841 --> 01:11:08,901
Well, I may have had
an extra Xanax or two.

1087
01:11:08,945 --> 01:11:13,109
I just get really nervous in meetings,
especially big ones.

1088
01:11:13,149 --> 01:11:16,118
Okay, I'm gonna put my bike in the back
and I'll drive, okay?

1089
01:11:31,067 --> 01:11:33,126
- Can I help you?
- Troy.

1090
01:11:33,169 --> 01:11:35,160
Hmm?

1091
01:11:35,204 --> 01:11:37,900
- Hi. We're here to meet Mike James.
- Matt James.

1092
01:11:37,940 --> 01:11:39,703
Matt James.

1093
01:11:39,742 --> 01:11:41,710
Aren't you Robert Axle?

1094
01:11:41,744 --> 01:11:43,405
This is my partner
Troy Coangelo.

1095
01:11:43,446 --> 01:11:45,778
I think you spoke to him on the phone
and set up the appointment.

1096
01:11:45,815 --> 01:11:47,680
I sure did.
I made an appointment with Troy.

1097
01:11:47,717 --> 01:11:49,844
I did not make an appointment
with Robert Axle.

1098
01:11:49,885 --> 01:11:51,853
We're partners.
What difference does that make?

1099
01:11:51,887 --> 01:11:54,151
The difference is that I had
no idea that you were coming.

1100
01:11:54,190 --> 01:11:56,886
I'm sorry,
is there some problem?

1101
01:11:56,926 --> 01:12:00,089
Robert Axle. Wow.

1102
01:12:01,564 --> 01:12:03,225
Come on in.

1103
01:12:03,265 --> 01:12:05,426
- It's good to meet you guys.
- Great to meet you, Matt.

1104
01:12:05,468 --> 01:12:09,131
Troy Coangelo. Where did you get that
receptionist? She's really on the ball.

1105
01:12:09,171 --> 01:12:11,264
Oh yeah, Sheila?
She's amazing.

1106
01:12:11,307 --> 01:12:13,571
Yeah, you don't want your receptionist
being too hot...

1107
01:12:13,609 --> 01:12:15,577
makes things complicated.

1108
01:12:15,611 --> 01:12:16,805
She's my wife.

1109
01:12:19,448 --> 01:12:21,939
Hey, Sheila, would you be a doll
and get me a diet soda?

1110
01:12:21,984 --> 01:12:24,612
Yeah, I'll get right on that.

1111
01:12:27,857 --> 01:12:31,657
Ta-dah!
Presenting the Watchdawg.

1112
01:12:31,694 --> 01:12:33,355
Wow, that is awesome.

1113
01:12:33,396 --> 01:12:35,387
This thing plays MP3s,

1114
01:12:35,431 --> 01:12:37,592
music videos,
also takes photographs,

1115
01:12:37,633 --> 01:12:39,624
but here's the most unique
thing about it...

1116
01:12:39,669 --> 01:12:41,330
It's also a wireless child leash.

1117
01:12:41,370 --> 01:12:44,828
- Does the prototype work?
- Does a bear shit in the woods, Sheila?

1118
01:12:44,874 --> 01:12:46,933
Send it a test to

1119
01:12:46,976 --> 01:12:50,173
watchtest@watchdog.org.

1120
01:12:50,212 --> 01:12:51,577
Let him hear the music.

1121
01:12:51,614 --> 01:12:54,549
Actually I think I might have
forgotten to load the music, Troy.

1122
01:12:54,583 --> 01:12:56,107
Email just bounced back.

1123
01:12:56,152 --> 01:12:59,781
We're not gonna lie to you,
the prototype is a little shaky.

1124
01:12:59,822 --> 01:13:02,052
Look, I'm not gonna say
that this is in perfect shape,

1125
01:13:02,091 --> 01:13:05,652
but this can be improved upon.
It is a great idea and l...

1126
01:13:05,695 --> 01:13:09,028
I don't know how to tell you this,
but honesty is the best policy here.

1127
01:13:09,065 --> 01:13:10,965
I met with Steven Leslie
two days ago.

1128
01:13:11,000 --> 01:13:13,434
He pitched something
practically identical to that.

1129
01:13:13,469 --> 01:13:15,801
He's coming out with it.
It's called Watch Pal...

1130
01:13:15,838 --> 01:13:18,864
fast-tracking it,
wants it in play for the holiday season,

1131
01:13:18,908 --> 01:13:20,398
wants us to co-finance.

1132
01:13:20,443 --> 01:13:21,967
I met him a few days
before you did.

1133
01:13:22,011 --> 01:13:23,535
I pitched him this
and he turned it down.

1134
01:13:23,579 --> 01:13:25,672
I'm sorry to hear that.

1135
01:13:30,986 --> 01:13:34,149
You know why Family Mart
is the fourth-largest

1136
01:13:34,190 --> 01:13:37,216
discount consumer products
retailer in the nation?

1137
01:13:37,259 --> 01:13:38,920
No, I do not.

1138
01:13:38,961 --> 01:13:41,987
Because it's not Target
and it's not Kmart

1139
01:13:42,031 --> 01:13:44,465
and it sure as hell
not Walmart.

1140
01:13:44,500 --> 01:13:46,934
It's Family Mart...

1141
01:13:46,969 --> 01:13:48,766
the copycat,

1142
01:13:48,804 --> 01:13:52,467
the poser, the wannabe.

1143
01:13:52,508 --> 01:13:54,567
So if you want to invest

1144
01:13:54,610 --> 01:13:56,669
in the Family Mart version
of Watchdawg,

1145
01:13:56,712 --> 01:14:00,273
be my freakin' guest.

1146
01:14:09,358 --> 01:14:12,088
Oh, in case anybody
was wondering

1147
01:14:12,128 --> 01:14:14,187
who might have gotten
a six-figure advance

1148
01:14:14,230 --> 01:14:17,393
for the invention of a brand-new
groundbreaking fabrication,

1149
01:14:17,433 --> 01:14:19,799
that would be me... Robert Axle.

1150
01:14:19,835 --> 01:14:21,996
Yes, the same Robert Axle

1151
01:14:22,037 --> 01:14:25,200
who went to prison for eight years,
but now...

1152
01:14:26,609 --> 01:14:29,237
did I mention
the six-figure advance?

1153
01:14:29,278 --> 01:14:32,941
Anyway, I'm back.
Things are looking better than ever.

1154
01:14:32,982 --> 01:14:34,916
Of course I'm gonna have to share
some of that money

1155
01:14:34,950 --> 01:14:36,815
with my new partner
Troy Coangelo.

1156
01:14:36,852 --> 01:14:39,787
Somebody stole
Donna's identity.

1157
01:14:39,822 --> 01:14:43,656
Yeah, and then they racked up
a credit card bill for $5000.

1158
01:14:43,692 --> 01:14:46,820
Yeah, and then had the card sent to
a mailbox place right around the corner.

1159
01:14:52,101 --> 01:14:54,831
Look, girls,

1160
01:14:54,870 --> 01:14:57,134
this is not a problem,
all right?

1161
01:14:57,173 --> 01:15:01,633
I've got a check in my pocket
for $125,000.

1162
01:15:01,677 --> 01:15:05,374
Let's not let a $5000 check
get us upset, all right?

1163
01:15:05,414 --> 01:15:09,043
I'm gonna pay off that credit card
before the first bill comes in.

1164
01:15:09,084 --> 01:15:12,281
You are a liar and you are a fake
and you are a phony.

1165
01:15:12,321 --> 01:15:14,983
I was rooting for you
this whole time

1166
01:15:15,024 --> 01:15:16,582
and you steal from me?

1167
01:15:16,625 --> 01:15:18,855
No, I didn't steal from you.
I borrowed from you.

1168
01:15:18,894 --> 01:15:21,624
Claire, don't let them do this,
all right? Listen to me. Trust me.

1169
01:15:21,664 --> 01:15:23,131
I did trust you.

1170
01:15:23,165 --> 01:15:26,032
Look, baby, you want to fund
your center?

1171
01:15:26,068 --> 01:15:29,367
Give me six months. We'll have
enough money to fund 10 centers.

1172
01:15:29,405 --> 01:15:31,270
There's no we.
There's no we.

1173
01:15:31,307 --> 01:15:33,798
It's only you.
It's always been only you.

1174
01:15:36,011 --> 01:15:39,674
I give you five minutes
to get the hell out of here

1175
01:15:39,715 --> 01:15:41,740
or I'm calling the police.

1176
01:16:53,389 --> 01:16:55,914
There's just that sense
of security that you have

1177
01:16:55,958 --> 01:16:58,483
when you're wearing Watch Pal.

1178
01:16:58,527 --> 01:17:00,961
I mean, what do kids love?
A pal, a friend.

1179
01:17:00,996 --> 01:17:03,260
I mean, this is the product
that a kid can say,

1180
01:17:03,299 --> 01:17:05,733
"Hey, this is my pal.
I have my pal with me."

1181
01:17:05,768 --> 01:17:08,828
Please tell me this is
gonna be okay, Axle.

1182
01:17:08,871 --> 01:17:10,862
- We're gonna be fine.
- We're gonna be fine?

1183
01:17:10,906 --> 01:17:12,931
I don't know if you noticed,
but it's the same price.

1184
01:17:12,975 --> 01:17:15,466
He has got more games, and to be honest,
it looks a hell of a lot cooler.

1185
01:17:15,511 --> 01:17:17,604
- None of that matters.
- Kids love robots.

1186
01:17:17,646 --> 01:17:20,615
- They don't have compasses.
- Kids don't use compasses.

1187
01:17:20,649 --> 01:17:22,412
Maybe they need to.

1188
01:17:22,451 --> 01:17:25,614
- Maybe you should shut your mouth.
- Hey, guys, enough.

1189
01:17:27,056 --> 01:17:29,456
Now look, I'll admit
he's got a great product.

1190
01:17:29,491 --> 01:17:32,289
It's futuristic.
It's got a personality.

1191
01:17:32,328 --> 01:17:34,819
That's not making me
feel any better.

1192
01:17:34,863 --> 01:17:36,797
But what he doesn't have is me,

1193
01:17:36,832 --> 01:17:41,201
the first invention from Robert Axle
since the one that maimed 3000 people.

1194
01:17:41,236 --> 01:17:44,228
Nobody has more to prove.
Nobody's got more eyes on them.

1195
01:17:44,273 --> 01:17:47,265
An invention? I thought
we were calling them fabrications.

1196
01:17:47,309 --> 01:17:48,640
We're gonna get rid of that word,

1197
01:17:48,677 --> 01:17:50,076
'cause that word
is just tripping people up.

1198
01:17:50,112 --> 01:17:52,842
Let's call it an invention.
Call it whatever people need to call it

1199
01:17:52,881 --> 01:17:54,712
to know that this is the answer,

1200
01:17:54,750 --> 01:17:57,844
that this is what one of the most
prolific inventors in modern history

1201
01:17:57,886 --> 01:17:59,649
has been thinking about
for the past decade...

1202
01:17:59,688 --> 01:18:01,622
an idea with so much promise,

1203
01:18:01,657 --> 01:18:04,421
that's gonna so profoundly
impact child safety

1204
01:18:04,460 --> 01:18:07,156
that everyone's gonna forget
about all their missing fingers.

1205
01:18:07,196 --> 01:18:08,686
- Write that down.
- Write what down?

1206
01:18:08,731 --> 01:18:11,131
What he just said. It's important.
Before we forget, write it down.

1207
01:18:11,166 --> 01:18:13,600
- Isn't that Sheila's job?
- Write it down.

1208
01:18:15,704 --> 01:18:17,968
No, whoa whoa,
don't write on that.

1209
01:18:18,007 --> 01:18:21,602
- Okay. What is it?
- It's just my good luck charm.

1210
01:18:21,643 --> 01:18:23,543
All right, look... ooh.

1211
01:18:23,579 --> 01:18:25,376
Ow, that hurt.
Knee to the head... not good.

1212
01:18:25,414 --> 01:18:27,507
Look, in life you have to help
your partner.

1213
01:18:27,549 --> 01:18:29,540
Percy, way to get up high.

1214
01:18:29,585 --> 01:18:33,146
Look at Conner Ann, man.
Wow, you guys are doing good.

1215
01:18:33,188 --> 01:18:36,351
Good rope climbing, impressive.

1216
01:18:36,392 --> 01:18:38,952
All right, you're disgusting.
You smell.

1217
01:18:38,994 --> 01:18:40,825
Get the hell out of here.

1218
01:18:40,863 --> 01:18:43,559
Good work. Good job.

1219
01:18:55,477 --> 01:18:57,138
What do you want?

1220
01:18:57,179 --> 01:18:58,806
Could you give this
to Claire for me?

1221
01:18:58,847 --> 01:19:00,337
What is that?

1222
01:19:00,382 --> 01:19:02,646
It's an invitation
to the Watchdawg launch.

1223
01:19:02,684 --> 01:19:04,743
Well, why don't you
give it to her yourself?

1224
01:19:04,787 --> 01:19:06,277
'Cause she won't take it
from me.

1225
01:19:06,321 --> 01:19:09,051
She won't even answer her phone,
return my calls.

1226
01:19:09,091 --> 01:19:11,082
I wonder why.

1227
01:19:11,126 --> 01:19:13,594
Hey, I didn't steal that money,
all right? I was borrowing it.

1228
01:19:13,629 --> 01:19:16,257
I was doing everything I could
to save her business.

1229
01:19:16,298 --> 01:19:18,163
You were trying
to help yourself.

1230
01:19:18,200 --> 01:19:20,293
Well, the two aren't
mutually exclusive.

1231
01:19:20,335 --> 01:19:22,200
What you did is not some sort
of Robin Hood thing.

1232
01:19:22,237 --> 01:19:24,171
I mean, it was selfish.
It was wrong.

1233
01:19:24,206 --> 01:19:27,334
And frankly, it's the same shit you've
been doing to her since she was a kid.

1234
01:19:27,376 --> 01:19:29,367
Look, I'm a father
and I'm not gonna apologize

1235
01:19:29,411 --> 01:19:32,847
for trying to give my daughter
a great life.

1236
01:19:35,417 --> 01:19:38,284
You could have just mailed that.

1237
01:19:39,888 --> 01:19:41,185
What?

1238
01:19:41,223 --> 01:19:43,248
Your stupid invite...
you could have mailed it.

1239
01:19:43,292 --> 01:19:45,692
You didn't have to come here
to launder it through me.

1240
01:19:45,727 --> 01:19:48,491
I mean, this isn't seventh grade.

1241
01:19:48,530 --> 01:19:50,521
Um...

1242
01:19:57,473 --> 01:19:59,134
I wanted to see you.

1243
01:19:59,174 --> 01:20:02,075
It's the tits, right?

1244
01:20:02,111 --> 01:20:03,408
Excuse me?

1245
01:20:03,445 --> 01:20:05,106
Are they too low?

1246
01:20:05,147 --> 01:20:06,910
What are you talking about?

1247
01:20:06,949 --> 01:20:09,247
Well, 'cause, you know,
we kissed a few months ago

1248
01:20:09,284 --> 01:20:11,684
and I thought it was
really good.

1249
01:20:11,720 --> 01:20:13,711
And I don't know
what you thought,

1250
01:20:13,755 --> 01:20:16,724
but you got to my tits
and you shut down.

1251
01:20:16,758 --> 01:20:19,090
Would you stop saying
that word?

1252
01:20:19,128 --> 01:20:21,460
- Tits?
- Yeah.

1253
01:20:21,497 --> 01:20:23,863
Phoebe, I think you're terrific,

1254
01:20:23,899 --> 01:20:26,925
but the tough guy talk...
it just sells you short.

1255
01:20:29,171 --> 01:20:31,571
And I shut down
because you're my daughter's friend.

1256
01:20:37,880 --> 01:20:40,110
And the tits are fine, all right?
They're not too high.

1257
01:20:40,149 --> 01:20:44,085
They're not too low.
They're just right where you want them.

1258
01:20:58,233 --> 01:21:01,100
Can I meet you guys at the table
in one second?

1259
01:21:01,136 --> 01:21:03,661
- Okay, happy birthday. Love you.
- Happy birthday. We'll be right here.

1260
01:21:03,705 --> 01:21:06,230
We've got news.

1261
01:21:06,275 --> 01:21:08,266
Big news.

1262
01:21:08,310 --> 01:21:10,301
You're pregnant?

1263
01:21:10,345 --> 01:21:12,973
No, we're moving to Tampa.

1264
01:21:13,015 --> 01:21:15,210
- Tampa?
- I just want to relax

1265
01:21:15,250 --> 01:21:18,310
enjoying my husband
for a while.

1266
01:21:18,353 --> 01:21:20,514
Wait, what's this really about?

1267
01:21:20,556 --> 01:21:22,547
We got an offer on the house...

1268
01:21:22,591 --> 01:21:25,526
furniture, cars, everything as-is.

1269
01:21:25,561 --> 01:21:27,688
So the only thing left
is your little blue house.

1270
01:21:27,729 --> 01:21:29,720
And with any luck,
we're gonna sell that today.

1271
01:21:29,765 --> 01:21:32,290
- Wait, to who?
- To you.

1272
01:21:32,334 --> 01:21:34,325
The price is $1.

1273
01:21:34,369 --> 01:21:36,963
Make the check payable
to Jerry King.

1274
01:21:39,474 --> 01:21:42,773
Guys, this is really
not necessary.

1275
01:21:44,313 --> 01:21:47,646
Sweetie, I think it's adorable
that you're working in a coffee shop,

1276
01:21:47,683 --> 01:21:50,982
but you had a career,
and a good one.

1277
01:21:51,019 --> 01:21:53,544
I will get back
to saving the world at some point,

1278
01:21:53,589 --> 01:21:56,183
but right now
I just need a break.

1279
01:21:56,225 --> 01:21:59,251
This is not a break.
This is a cop-out.

1280
01:22:00,429 --> 01:22:02,420
Claire, your mother loves you.

1281
01:22:02,464 --> 01:22:05,262
She just doesn't want to see you make
the same mistake she did.

1282
01:22:05,300 --> 01:22:08,497
Letting Robert Axle ruin her life?

1283
01:22:08,537 --> 01:22:10,937
Not forgiving him.

1284
01:22:17,546 --> 01:22:19,571
I'd better go back to work.

1285
01:22:32,127 --> 01:22:34,960
G54.

1286
01:22:36,698 --> 01:22:39,690
- L26.
- Oh, this is for you.

1287
01:22:39,735 --> 01:22:41,896
It's from your dad.
He came by my school.

1288
01:22:41,937 --> 01:22:44,064
You still talk to my dad?

1289
01:22:44,106 --> 01:22:46,870
G49.

1290
01:22:50,012 --> 01:22:51,377
I kissed him, okay?

1291
01:22:51,413 --> 01:22:53,074
You kissed him?

1292
01:22:53,115 --> 01:22:55,140
I'm sorry.
I really feel like crap. I just...

1293
01:22:55,183 --> 01:22:57,481
- You should feel like crap.
- Donna, you're not helping.

1294
01:22:57,519 --> 01:23:00,215
I'm not trying to help. After everything
he's done, she's being nice to him?

1295
01:23:00,255 --> 01:23:02,382
O61.

1296
01:23:03,925 --> 01:23:06,359
It's just that he makes me feel,

1297
01:23:06,395 --> 01:23:10,092
like, funnier than I thought I was
and less hideous.

1298
01:23:10,132 --> 01:23:12,123
B5.

1299
01:23:12,167 --> 01:23:14,465
I don't know, it just felt good
not to be pissed off.

1300
01:23:14,503 --> 01:23:15,765
I'm sorry.

1301
01:23:15,804 --> 01:23:18,432
Bingo!
I got bingo.

1302
01:23:19,441 --> 01:23:20,669
Bingo.

1303
01:23:20,709 --> 01:23:23,337
What's next
for one of the most prolific

1304
01:23:23,378 --> 01:23:27,109
and unpredictable inventors
in modern history?

1305
01:23:27,149 --> 01:23:30,243
In the room today,
financial movers and shakers,

1306
01:23:30,285 --> 01:23:32,981
also the tech-savvy
parents and kids

1307
01:23:33,021 --> 01:23:35,251
who are just excited
to see this latest invention.

1308
01:23:35,290 --> 01:23:37,656
Did I tell you
we're having a boy?

1309
01:23:38,860 --> 01:23:40,725
No, Matt, you didn't.
Congratulations.

1310
01:23:40,762 --> 01:23:42,525
Thank you.
I really wanted a boy.

1311
01:23:42,564 --> 01:23:46,591
You know, Matt, I haven't said it.
I really ought to before I go out there.

1312
01:23:46,635 --> 01:23:49,035
Not a lot of people would have
taken a second chance on me.

1313
01:23:49,071 --> 01:23:51,062
It means a lot to me.
Thank you so much.

1314
01:23:51,106 --> 01:23:53,131
I won't let you down.

1315
01:23:53,175 --> 01:23:55,905
Axle, I didn't take
a second chance on you

1316
01:23:55,944 --> 01:23:58,412
'cause I'm a good guy.

1317
01:23:58,447 --> 01:24:00,176
I did it because
I honestly believe

1318
01:24:00,215 --> 01:24:03,048
that you're gonna make me
one of the richest men in the world.

1319
01:24:07,723 --> 01:24:10,021
Sorry I'm late.
Hey, Sheila.

1320
01:24:10,058 --> 01:24:11,685
The traffic was brutal.

1321
01:24:11,727 --> 01:24:15,288
I had to go back by the office
and pick up your lucky picture.

1322
01:24:28,777 --> 01:24:32,770
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Mr. Robert Axle.

1323
01:24:45,961 --> 01:24:48,156
Thank you very much.
Good afternoon.

1324
01:24:50,265 --> 01:24:52,631
From the moment
they are conceived,

1325
01:24:52,667 --> 01:24:54,692
our greatest fear as parents

1326
01:24:54,736 --> 01:24:57,136
is losing our child.

1327
01:24:57,172 --> 01:24:59,333
We do everything we can
to keep them near us

1328
01:24:59,374 --> 01:25:01,001
and keep them safe.

1329
01:25:06,982 --> 01:25:09,746
But sometimes they slip away.

1330
01:25:09,785 --> 01:25:13,653
It can happen in shopping malls,

1331
01:25:13,688 --> 01:25:16,054
airports.

1332
01:25:25,634 --> 01:25:29,035
You know, the...

1333
01:25:29,070 --> 01:25:32,335
the truth is
it's not always the kids that get lost.

1334
01:25:36,144 --> 01:25:38,510
Sometimes it's us...

1335
01:25:38,547 --> 01:25:42,313
the grown-ups, the parent.

1336
01:25:42,350 --> 01:25:46,343
And that's certainly true for me.

1337
01:25:47,355 --> 01:25:49,983
You see, I was convicted

1338
01:25:50,025 --> 01:25:52,289
of gross negligence
because of a product.

1339
01:25:52,327 --> 01:25:53,919
I mean, you all know that.

1340
01:25:56,064 --> 01:26:00,000
But what I'm really guilty of

1341
01:26:00,035 --> 01:26:03,334
is gross negligence
as a father.

1342
01:26:05,740 --> 01:26:07,435
And so here I am

1343
01:26:07,476 --> 01:26:11,606
giving you another
Robert Axle fabrication,

1344
01:26:11,646 --> 01:26:14,137
which is the last thing
I should be doing.

1345
01:26:14,182 --> 01:26:17,083
I mean, don't get me wrong.

1346
01:26:17,118 --> 01:26:19,416
Watchdawg is a good product.

1347
01:26:19,454 --> 01:26:22,912
It serves a purpose.
I'm sure a lot of people will enjoy it.

1348
01:26:25,026 --> 01:26:27,494
But it's a Band-Aid.

1349
01:26:29,798 --> 01:26:33,632
It's not gonna solve
the disconnect I have with my daughter

1350
01:26:33,668 --> 01:26:36,432
or the disconnect that any of us
have with our kids.

1351
01:26:36,471 --> 01:26:39,702
I mean, do we really need
another toy

1352
01:26:39,741 --> 01:26:41,834
to keep our kids distracted

1353
01:26:41,877 --> 01:26:45,335
so that we can feel free
to take our eye off the ball?

1354
01:26:51,853 --> 01:26:54,651
We have to learn
to connect to our kids

1355
01:26:54,689 --> 01:26:57,749
without the need for this

1356
01:26:57,792 --> 01:27:00,283
or the thousands
of other gadgets that we use

1357
01:27:00,328 --> 01:27:04,196
to distract ourselves from being
the best parent we can be.

1358
01:27:08,970 --> 01:27:11,461
'Cause this...

1359
01:27:15,210 --> 01:27:17,838
this isn't the answer
for me anymore.

1360
01:27:52,180 --> 01:27:55,980
Sorry I missed your birthday.
How was it?

1361
01:27:56,017 --> 01:27:57,507
Good.

1362
01:27:57,552 --> 01:28:00,214
But I'm not
much of a birthday girl.

1363
01:28:00,255 --> 01:28:03,782
I see. I keep learning new things
about Claire Elizabeth every day...

1364
01:28:03,825 --> 01:28:05,816
not much of a birthday girl.

1365
01:28:05,860 --> 01:28:07,851
It's Claire Axle.

1366
01:28:07,896 --> 01:28:11,491
I'm kind of over the whole
Claire Elizabeth thing.

1367
01:28:14,202 --> 01:28:16,534
I'm glad to hear that.

1368
01:28:16,571 --> 01:28:18,334
Axle!

1369
01:28:25,380 --> 01:28:28,315
You gotta get back there, man.
Matt's going out of his mind.

1370
01:28:28,350 --> 01:28:29,874
Why? Does he want to sue me?

1371
01:28:29,918 --> 01:28:31,647
Sue you?
He wants to back you.

1372
01:28:31,686 --> 01:28:33,085
Back me for what?

1373
01:28:33,121 --> 01:28:35,646
Ideas, inventions, consulting.
He doesn't care.

1374
01:28:35,690 --> 01:28:38,318
The buyers are going crazy.

1375
01:28:38,360 --> 01:28:40,828
Well, you tell Matt
I appreciate the gesture,

1376
01:28:40,862 --> 01:28:43,854
but I've got to get a job...

1377
01:28:43,898 --> 01:28:45,763
a real job.

1378
01:28:45,800 --> 01:28:49,361
You've got a real job, Dad.

1379
01:28:49,404 --> 01:28:52,339
You're a fabricator.

1380
01:28:59,180 --> 01:29:01,842
Okay, I'm in.
But you tell him

1381
01:29:01,883 --> 01:29:05,182
that at the moment
I'm taking a walk with my daughter.

1382
01:29:05,220 --> 01:29:07,484
So you go back and work that room
for me, partner,

1383
01:29:07,522 --> 01:29:09,513
and I'll join up with you
as soon as I can.

1384
01:29:09,557 --> 01:29:11,548
I'm on it.

1385
01:29:14,029 --> 01:29:15,929
No, you're going b...

1386
01:29:33,415 --> 01:29:36,407
Does that guy Troy
have a girlfriend?

1387
01:29:36,451 --> 01:29:39,386
Are you serious
or are you just trying to freak me out?

1388
01:29:39,421 --> 01:29:41,956
A little of both.