1 00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:52,202 - Do it! - No way. 2 00:00:52,237 --> 00:00:54,437 I'm not smashing a beer bottle over your head. You're an idiot. 3 00:00:54,671 --> 00:00:56,639 - Come on, you owe me! - For what? 4 00:00:57,073 --> 00:00:59,041 For fingering vicky underneath the bleachers. 5 00:00:59,076 --> 00:01:01,232 That was in middle school. Get over it. 6 00:01:01,267 --> 00:01:03,180 Oh, I'm sorry. 7 00:01:03,214 --> 00:01:05,236 I didn't realize there was a time limit on broken hearts. 8 00:01:05,271 --> 00:01:07,664 - What was her last name? - Mmm... 9 00:01:07,698 --> 00:01:09,425 Mmm...? 10 00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:13,882 College college college... 11 00:01:13,916 --> 00:01:17,350 College college college college! 12 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,045 Are you... Are you all right? 13 00:01:21,879 --> 00:01:24,443 - Yeah. - Yeah? 14 00:01:24,477 --> 00:01:25,675 Yeah! 15 00:01:28,209 --> 00:01:30,209 Hi. We're here courtesy 16 00:01:30,243 --> 00:01:32,339 of the Blue Mountain State football boosters. 17 00:01:32,372 --> 00:01:34,339 We're looking for Alex Moran. 18 00:01:34,371 --> 00:01:35,971 - I'm Alex Moran. - I'm Alex Moran. 19 00:01:41,838 --> 00:01:44,703 Sweet jesus, yes. Come in. 20 00:01:44,737 --> 00:01:45,836 The newcomer at camp is 21 00:01:45,871 --> 00:01:48,503 someone everyone is excited about... Craig Shilo. 22 00:01:48,537 --> 00:01:50,403 - Yes! - Absolutely. Anytime you have success 23 00:01:50,437 --> 00:01:52,169 - on the field... - You hear that, baby? 24 00:01:52,204 --> 00:01:54,503 They're already talking about me. 25 00:01:54,537 --> 00:01:58,370 Of course they are, baby. You are gonna own this town. 26 00:01:59,504 --> 00:02:01,003 Okay, so here's what I'm thinking. 27 00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:03,404 We play here for three years, 28 00:02:03,438 --> 00:02:05,937 Then we get a heisman... 29 00:02:05,972 --> 00:02:09,005 Sign our endorsement deals, turn pro, 30 00:02:09,039 --> 00:02:12,473 - get marrie. - I like where is is going. 31 00:02:14,674 --> 00:02:16,109 Not until we're married. 32 00:02:16,110 --> 00:02:18,176 How many times I got to say it? Seriously Craig... 33 00:02:18,211 --> 00:02:20,445 That remids me... we've got to get married before you turn pro. 34 00:02:20,479 --> 00:02:22,680 Otherwise people gonna think I marrie you for your money. 35 00:02:24,482 --> 00:02:26,783 Hi, we're looking for Craig Shilo. 36 00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:35,953 Oh my God, Sammy, this is awesome! 37 00:02:35,987 --> 00:02:38,455 This is the best. You know what make it better? 38 00:02:38,489 --> 00:02:40,689 - Let me in! - No! 39 00:02:40,724 --> 00:02:43,924 - Who is that guy? - I'm gonna be the mascot on the team... 40 00:02:43,958 --> 00:02:45,990 Well, I'm gonna try out. It doesn't matter. 41 00:02:45,991 --> 00:02:47,958 - Just let me in. - No! 42 00:02:47,992 --> 00:02:50,193 Come on! He's not even the starting quarterback! 43 00:02:50,244 --> 00:02:52,194 I'm the backup quarterback, okay? 44 00:02:52,427 --> 00:02:54,061 And it's working out great so far. 45 00:02:54,095 --> 00:02:55,729 Come on, man, just let me in! 46 00:02:55,764 --> 00:02:57,630 You know I'm not gonna do anything but watch! 47 00:02:57,664 --> 00:02:59,396 I think she broke my nose! 48 00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:01,898 Damn it! 49 00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,098 Those bitches got blood on my shirt! 50 00:03:05,801 --> 00:03:07,700 Oh well. 51 00:03:08,635 --> 00:03:09,601 At least they didn't get you... 52 00:03:09,636 --> 00:03:11,937 - Yeah. - Cause you're mine. 53 00:03:11,971 --> 00:03:13,871 - Right? - Yeah. 54 00:03:16,307 --> 00:03:18,808 Just move it like... Yeah! 55 00:03:26,849 --> 00:03:28,849 - Sammy! - Hi. 56 00:03:30,851 --> 00:03:33,118 Yes! First one done! 57 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:59,000 Sync by fant0m www.addic7ed.com 58 00:04:03,634 --> 00:04:05,468 Once upon a time, 59 00:04:05,902 --> 00:04:08,102 some weak, pathetic pussy 60 00:04:08,736 --> 00:04:12,438 coined the phrase "winning isn't everything." 61 00:04:14,107 --> 00:04:16,539 Well, for most people in most situations 62 00:04:16,573 --> 00:04:18,272 he was right, 63 00:04:18,307 --> 00:04:20,271 but I'm not one of those people. 64 00:04:20,305 --> 00:04:23,939 And this is not one of those situations. 65 00:04:23,974 --> 00:04:26,507 Blue Mountain State has won 66 00:04:26,542 --> 00:04:29,876 17 national championships right on this field... 67 00:04:29,910 --> 00:04:31,810 Six on my watch alone. 68 00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:36,080 Because we don't just beat our opponents, gentlemen. 69 00:04:36,115 --> 00:04:38,715 We crush their will to live. 70 00:04:38,749 --> 00:04:41,784 We suck the milk out of their mothers' tits. 71 00:04:41,818 --> 00:04:44,419 And use it as mouthwash. 72 00:04:44,453 --> 00:04:47,521 We rip off their dicks and invite them to an orgy. 73 00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:49,789 Use their vagisil as lip balm. 74 00:04:51,223 --> 00:04:53,391 You got something to say, son? 75 00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:58,128 No, coach. No, I'm just studying the playbook. 76 00:04:58,162 --> 00:05:02,101 - Where do you come from? - Cheyenne, Wyoming. 77 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,437 Wrong. Shilo, same question. 78 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,272 Columbus, Ohio, sir. 79 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,974 No, God damn it! 80 00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:11,076 Mountain goats, where do we come from? 81 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,378 From our fathers' balls, sir! 82 00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:16,014 From our fathers' balls. 83 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:19,818 Most men think they just dropped out of their mothers' womb 84 00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:21,920 like some glorified jellyfish, 85 00:05:22,454 --> 00:05:24,223 But champions know 86 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:27,025 they came from their fathers' balls. 87 00:05:27,059 --> 00:05:29,559 Now I want you to go home tonight and think about that 88 00:05:29,593 --> 00:05:33,726 And think hard about what category you fall into. 89 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:39,228 All right, ladies, bring it in on three. 90 00:05:39,263 --> 00:05:41,431 - One two three! - Go, goats! 91 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,766 All freshies stay right where you are. 92 00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:47,035 Welcome to freshman hell week. 93 00:05:47,069 --> 00:05:50,004 Welcome to my world. 94 00:05:50,038 --> 00:05:51,472 I want to see every one of you freshies 95 00:05:51,507 --> 00:05:54,607 - as hairless as the day you were born. - Boom-shaka-laka! 96 00:05:54,642 --> 00:05:56,509 We don't have to shave inside the crack, do we? 97 00:05:56,543 --> 00:05:58,277 Don't go near my crack, man. 98 00:05:58,312 --> 00:06:01,046 - I want you screaming for your mom. - This is bullshit. 99 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,748 I was the national high school player of the year last year. 100 00:06:03,783 --> 00:06:07,752 Do I see armpit hair? Why did you not shave his armpits? 101 00:06:07,786 --> 00:06:10,087 - Are you looking at me? - I'm Alex, by the way. 102 00:06:10,121 --> 00:06:12,889 - Craig Shilo. - Yeah, I know. 103 00:06:12,924 --> 00:06:15,624 This is only the beginning, you pieces of shit. 104 00:06:15,659 --> 00:06:18,427 Pay close attention to what I hold in my hand. 105 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,428 It's a notebook. 106 00:06:20,462 --> 00:06:22,897 Each one of you will be given one of your own. 107 00:06:22,931 --> 00:06:25,598 It contains secrets about each member of this team. 108 00:06:25,633 --> 00:06:28,434 You will protect these secrets with your lives. 109 00:06:28,468 --> 00:06:30,536 Any freshie who loses contact with their notebook 110 00:06:30,570 --> 00:06:32,805 at any time over the next week 111 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:34,540 will be in a world of pain. 112 00:06:34,575 --> 00:06:36,309 Okay, hold on a second. 113 00:06:38,311 --> 00:06:41,280 This is freshman hell week? Really? 114 00:06:41,314 --> 00:06:44,149 First you ask us to shave each other's nuts 115 00:06:44,183 --> 00:06:47,152 and then ask us to protect each other's secrets. 116 00:06:47,187 --> 00:06:49,288 Have you got a problem with that? 117 00:06:49,322 --> 00:06:51,558 Can't you just beat us up or something? 118 00:06:51,592 --> 00:06:54,960 This just seems a little... Gay. 119 00:06:54,994 --> 00:06:57,963 - Gay? - Gay. 120 00:06:57,997 --> 00:07:01,100 It's called "hazing," asshole. Look it up. 121 00:07:01,134 --> 00:07:03,168 Okay. 122 00:07:04,537 --> 00:07:06,672 And what about you? 123 00:07:06,706 --> 00:07:08,674 - I didn't say anything. - Oh, no! 124 00:07:08,708 --> 00:07:10,675 Top recruit? 125 00:07:10,710 --> 00:07:13,077 You thk you're the captain of this team already? 126 00:07:13,112 --> 00:07:16,314 You think you've got the heisman 127 00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:18,749 all locked up. 128 00:07:18,783 --> 00:07:20,617 Bromigo? 129 00:07:20,652 --> 00:07:22,252 You think you and your friend can come in here 130 00:07:22,287 --> 00:07:24,921 - and say whatever you want? - No, I didn't... 131 00:07:24,955 --> 00:07:27,189 Wrong! I'm the captain of this team 132 00:07:27,224 --> 00:07:28,924 and I get to say whatever I want! 133 00:07:28,959 --> 00:07:31,193 And I say... 134 00:07:34,364 --> 00:07:36,866 Party at the goat house! 135 00:07:41,039 --> 00:07:44,174 B.M.S.! Go goats! 136 00:07:44,208 --> 00:07:45,775 Yeah! Nice one! 137 00:07:45,810 --> 00:07:47,343 Sorry I'm late, everybody. Sorry I'm late. 138 00:07:47,377 --> 00:07:49,045 Where am I going? What am I doing? 139 00:07:49,079 --> 00:07:52,549 - Late for what? - For the mascot tryouts. 140 00:07:52,583 --> 00:07:54,984 I'm gonna love this place. 141 00:07:55,018 --> 00:07:56,652 There aren't any tryouts. 142 00:07:56,686 --> 00:08:00,322 We already have our mascot... Chester. 143 00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:11,968 No. No! 144 00:08:12,003 --> 00:08:13,870 Please, you've got to just give me a shot. 145 00:08:13,904 --> 00:08:16,041 I swear to God... you guys are gonna love me. 146 00:08:16,075 --> 00:08:18,880 You heard the lady. The position's filled. 147 00:08:18,914 --> 00:08:21,016 Okay. Okay. 148 00:08:21,050 --> 00:08:22,584 I see what's going on here. 149 00:08:24,020 --> 00:08:25,520 You're afraid of me. 150 00:08:25,554 --> 00:08:28,657 You're afraid of a little competition. 151 00:08:28,691 --> 00:08:31,926 I'm 6'4". I ain't afraid of nothing. 152 00:08:31,961 --> 00:08:34,996 I'm gonna rip your ears off! 153 00:09:12,698 --> 00:09:14,932 Yes, please. 154 00:09:16,801 --> 00:09:19,602 - No, thank you. - No, thank you. 155 00:09:22,138 --> 00:09:23,439 - No, thank you. - Yes, please. 156 00:09:23,473 --> 00:09:24,540 - Really? - What? Yeah. 157 00:09:24,574 --> 00:09:25,842 She's like a mother of four. 158 00:09:25,876 --> 00:09:28,680 I'll make her a mother of five. 159 00:09:28,714 --> 00:09:30,817 - Shilo! - What's up, man? 160 00:09:30,852 --> 00:09:32,687 - Let's grab a beer. - Oh no no no no. 161 00:09:32,721 --> 00:09:35,391 I'm not drinking tonight. I promised my girlfriend. 162 00:09:37,694 --> 00:09:40,496 - That's a good one. - That's really funny. 163 00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:42,498 - That's great. - I am gonna puke tonight. 164 00:09:42,532 --> 00:09:44,968 Okay, so you have a girlfriend? 165 00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:47,869 - Yes. - That's cute. That's cute. When's the wedding date? 166 00:09:47,904 --> 00:09:50,437 No no, we've only been together a year and a half. 167 00:09:51,071 --> 00:09:52,206 Oh, you're serious? 168 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:53,840 - Yes. - You brought a girlfriend to college? 169 00:09:53,875 --> 00:09:55,809 - Yes. - Word of advice: 170 00:09:55,844 --> 00:09:58,878 Make sure this guy doesn't try to finger your girlfriend underneath the bleachers. 171 00:09:58,912 --> 00:10:00,880 - What? - Really? Really? 172 00:10:00,914 --> 00:10:03,616 I'm sorry. It's hard for me. 173 00:10:03,650 --> 00:10:06,719 - This is my roommate Sammy. - Best friend. 174 00:10:06,753 --> 00:10:08,787 - I'm his best... - Oh, there you are. 175 00:10:08,821 --> 00:10:10,388 - Excuse me. Hey, baby. - Oh my God! 176 00:10:10,423 --> 00:10:12,855 - Mmm, can I get two? - Mmm, yes. 177 00:10:13,590 --> 00:10:15,857 Okay look, I want to introduce you 178 00:10:15,891 --> 00:10:18,425 to Al and Gary. 179 00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:21,261 They are accounting majors. 180 00:10:21,296 --> 00:10:24,364 So I thought maybe we could sit down to... 181 00:10:24,398 --> 00:10:25,765 Are you drinking? 182 00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:27,000 - I am. - Me too. 183 00:10:27,035 --> 00:10:30,102 No, I'm not drinking. I just was talking to some of the guys... 184 00:10:30,136 --> 00:10:33,105 And drinking, but it's fine. 185 00:10:33,139 --> 00:10:35,607 You guys'll be just all hung over tomorrow for practice, 186 00:10:35,641 --> 00:10:38,276 but I guess that's what champions do. 187 00:10:38,310 --> 00:10:40,943 That won't affect me much. I'm a backup. 188 00:10:40,978 --> 00:10:43,146 Okay, you say that like you're proud. 189 00:10:43,180 --> 00:10:45,214 - I think it's cool. - Backup q.B. is 190 00:10:45,248 --> 00:10:47,716 the best position in sports. 191 00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:50,285 Fact: I get drunk all the time, 192 00:10:50,319 --> 00:10:52,487 I don't have to show up to class 193 00:10:52,521 --> 00:10:55,323 and it's just like being a real q.B. But without all the pain. 194 00:10:55,357 --> 00:10:58,793 Fact: You can't get a hot girl like this like that. 195 00:10:58,827 --> 00:11:01,062 Thank you, baby. 196 00:11:01,096 --> 00:11:03,665 Well, I will get all your leftovers. 197 00:11:03,699 --> 00:11:05,800 I call it "trickle-down banging." 198 00:11:06,635 --> 00:11:09,571 - Trickle-down banging? - That's trademarked, by the way. 199 00:11:09,605 --> 00:11:11,140 - Well done. - Thank you. 200 00:11:11,174 --> 00:11:12,841 Real motivated friends you've made, Craig. 201 00:11:12,876 --> 00:11:14,143 - Thank you. - If you want to find me, 202 00:11:14,178 --> 00:11:16,312 I will be in the pool house. 203 00:11:16,347 --> 00:11:17,981 Discussing our financial future. 204 00:11:18,015 --> 00:11:19,149 Baby, I barely even know these guys. 205 00:11:19,184 --> 00:11:20,284 - Sure. - See you later. 206 00:11:20,319 --> 00:11:23,320 - Baby. Denise! - I'm sorry. 207 00:11:23,354 --> 00:11:25,089 - Forget her. - Seriously. 208 00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:27,392 Do you really think she's gonna risk you dumping her 209 00:11:27,426 --> 00:11:28,827 for a quickie with a couple of accounting majors? 210 00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:31,763 - Those guys were dorks. - No, she doesn't do that. 211 00:11:34,299 --> 00:11:36,165 She doesn't... She doesn't do what? 212 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,900 - What, accounting majors? - No no no! 213 00:11:38,935 --> 00:11:41,568 I don't think he's talking about accounting majors at all. 214 00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:45,069 What is it that Denise doesn't do? 215 00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:50,038 - Have sex. - What? 216 00:11:50,072 --> 00:11:51,940 Are you freaking kidding me? 217 00:11:51,974 --> 00:11:53,775 You could get with any girl here. 218 00:11:53,809 --> 00:11:55,510 I don't want to get with any girl here. 219 00:11:55,544 --> 00:11:57,611 - Help me then! - Denise just wants 220 00:11:57,645 --> 00:11:59,812 her first time to be special and I don't blame her. 221 00:11:59,847 --> 00:12:02,348 Wow, I don't know whether to pat you on the back or choke you out. 222 00:12:02,382 --> 00:12:03,849 - I do. - Come on, man. 223 00:12:03,883 --> 00:12:06,218 What's the frequency, losers? 224 00:12:06,252 --> 00:12:09,954 - Puke session. - Notebooks... let's see 'em. 225 00:12:09,989 --> 00:12:12,857 Still think this place is gay, Shilo? 226 00:12:14,427 --> 00:12:16,728 Actually, that's... that's really gay. 227 00:12:16,763 --> 00:12:18,797 It's two chicks making out. 228 00:12:18,831 --> 00:12:20,331 No, I don't think he's saying that's a bad thing. 229 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:22,832 That's just actually gay. 230 00:12:22,866 --> 00:12:25,835 Yeah, and my face actually just looks like your ass. 231 00:12:25,869 --> 00:12:28,838 You can't talk to him that way. 232 00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,840 He challenges you to a game of beer pong. 233 00:12:30,874 --> 00:12:32,642 - No, I don't! - You're on! 234 00:12:32,676 --> 00:12:34,811 Beer pong right now. Let's go, Larry. 235 00:12:34,845 --> 00:12:36,612 Get off me, Larry. 236 00:12:39,913 --> 00:12:42,714 What the hell is wrong with you? You know I can't get drunk tonight. 237 00:12:42,748 --> 00:12:45,449 You won't have to get drunk tonight. I'm really good at this. 238 00:12:48,186 --> 00:12:50,554 Look out, Billy. 239 00:12:50,589 --> 00:12:53,657 - Look at that jackass. - What? I wasn't... 240 00:12:53,691 --> 00:12:56,860 - Puking. - Oh, it's you. 241 00:12:56,894 --> 00:13:00,763 - I must've ate something bad. - Yeah, probably a dick. 242 00:13:00,797 --> 00:13:03,733 Hey, this is my fight. I'll say the insults. 243 00:13:03,767 --> 00:13:05,601 Yeah, you probably ate a dick. 244 00:13:05,635 --> 00:13:08,603 Later, dickbreath. 245 00:13:08,638 --> 00:13:10,306 I'll kill you. 246 00:13:12,908 --> 00:13:15,843 Line it up and put some backspin on it. 247 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,779 - Hold on. - Put it there. 248 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:21,749 I thought you said you was amazing? 249 00:13:21,784 --> 00:13:24,952 Congratulations, Craig. You caught me. 250 00:13:24,986 --> 00:13:27,621 - I'm a liar. - You want to see amazing? 251 00:13:27,655 --> 00:13:29,756 I'll show you amazing! 252 00:13:33,894 --> 00:13:37,029 Oh! That one's yours, 253 00:13:37,063 --> 00:13:38,531 'cause you didn't put the backspin on it. 254 00:13:38,565 --> 00:13:41,266 - Drink drink drink. - I'm going to. 255 00:13:41,301 --> 00:13:45,370 Just say yes and mummy will make it all better. 256 00:13:50,442 --> 00:13:51,812 Yes, please. 257 00:13:51,846 --> 00:13:55,116 - Hold that. - Dirty dog. 258 00:14:07,334 --> 00:14:09,202 Is that piss? 259 00:14:12,507 --> 00:14:14,375 Is that piss? 260 00:14:16,945 --> 00:14:18,679 That's... that's piss. 261 00:14:18,713 --> 00:14:22,415 That's piss. That's piss. 262 00:14:29,922 --> 00:14:32,089 - Hello? - Sammy, 263 00:14:32,124 --> 00:14:33,924 I've got a little bit of a situation here. 264 00:14:33,959 --> 00:14:36,360 I pissed my bed last night or she did... I don't know. 265 00:14:36,394 --> 00:14:38,395 I have practice in 10 minutes. 266 00:14:38,429 --> 00:14:41,129 I need you to go in my room and grab my notebook 'cause I can't go in there 267 00:14:41,164 --> 00:14:43,063 'cause the cougar's still in there and it's under my mattress. 268 00:14:43,098 --> 00:14:45,800 Who is this? 269 00:14:55,808 --> 00:14:57,775 I know it was you. 270 00:15:03,048 --> 00:15:05,382 I know it was you. 271 00:15:07,084 --> 00:15:09,184 You came in here last night, 272 00:15:09,219 --> 00:15:11,953 you pulled out that little cock of yours 273 00:15:11,987 --> 00:15:14,553 and pissed all over me. 274 00:15:14,588 --> 00:15:16,655 You don't remember, do you? 275 00:15:19,459 --> 00:15:21,394 I've been waiting 276 00:15:21,428 --> 00:15:24,630 for a big strong man 277 00:15:24,665 --> 00:15:26,933 like you to come along... 278 00:15:28,569 --> 00:15:32,304 And put this naughty little girl in her place. 279 00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:40,452 No one is going to believe this. 280 00:15:43,324 --> 00:15:45,426 - Go, blue 18! - Side, left side! 281 00:15:45,460 --> 00:15:46,762 Go, blue 18! Hike! 282 00:15:53,667 --> 00:15:55,836 Get that guy! Stop him! 283 00:15:59,371 --> 00:16:00,474 9/11, baby! 284 00:16:00,508 --> 00:16:03,209 - 9/11! - Never forget! 285 00:16:06,314 --> 00:16:08,315 God damn it! I can't believe 286 00:16:08,350 --> 00:16:10,451 they're making us practice with these stupid notebooks. 287 00:16:10,485 --> 00:16:12,687 I don't even have mine. 288 00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,322 Wait till you hear this. You're not gonna 289 00:16:14,356 --> 00:16:15,690 believe where it is. I was with... 290 00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:18,926 Stop. I don't want to know. 291 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,094 Second team! 292 00:16:21,128 --> 00:16:23,095 See you at dinner. 293 00:16:28,834 --> 00:16:31,868 Move back! Let's move 'em back! 294 00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:34,371 54 is the mike! 295 00:16:34,405 --> 00:16:36,673 Blue 18! Set! Hike! 296 00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:45,446 That a boy, Moran. 297 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:48,148 You keep making throws like that, you'll be a starter. 298 00:16:48,183 --> 00:16:50,117 No, thanks, coach. I'm good. 299 00:16:50,151 --> 00:16:52,618 - What did you say? - I said "thank you... 300 00:16:52,652 --> 00:16:55,353 Coach." thanks. 301 00:16:55,387 --> 00:16:58,189 Run it again. 302 00:16:58,223 --> 00:16:59,657 Right now? 303 00:16:59,691 --> 00:17:01,325 Run it again! 304 00:17:05,163 --> 00:17:08,031 Blue 18! Blue 18! 305 00:17:08,066 --> 00:17:10,333 Set! Hut! 306 00:17:15,438 --> 00:17:17,038 What are you doing?! 307 00:17:17,872 --> 00:17:19,040 Good times. 308 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:27,211 "Darren Larson: My parents are first cousins"?! 309 00:17:27,245 --> 00:17:30,010 That's horrible. 310 00:17:30,044 --> 00:17:33,708 "Larry Summers: I've never been to Disneyland"?! 311 00:17:33,742 --> 00:17:36,977 - Lame! - That's not even a secret. 312 00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:39,212 "Chester Tam..." 313 00:17:41,215 --> 00:17:43,985 What is it, silly? Who's Chester? 314 00:17:44,020 --> 00:17:46,321 He's the soon-to-be ex-mascot 315 00:17:46,355 --> 00:17:48,056 of the mountain goats. 316 00:17:48,090 --> 00:17:50,525 Notebook. 317 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,227 Hey, look, I'm gonna show thad my notebook, 318 00:17:53,262 --> 00:17:55,162 then I'm gonna pass it to you behind my back. 319 00:17:56,197 --> 00:17:57,131 No! 320 00:17:57,165 --> 00:17:58,265 No way. 321 00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,767 I am tired of letting that prick ruin our good times, 322 00:18:00,801 --> 00:18:03,169 so I'm gonna tell the guy he sucks 323 00:18:03,203 --> 00:18:04,570 and I don't have my notebook. 324 00:18:04,604 --> 00:18:06,638 And then I'm gonna get my ass kicked, not you. 325 00:18:06,672 --> 00:18:08,472 Look, this is not a negotiation, all right? 326 00:18:08,507 --> 00:18:10,808 I listened to you last night and everything went to shit. 327 00:18:10,842 --> 00:18:12,976 Now I'm hung over and Denise won't talk to me. 328 00:18:13,611 --> 00:18:15,978 Well, you should be thanking me. 329 00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:18,013 That girls sucks. 330 00:18:18,048 --> 00:18:19,715 What'd you say? 331 00:18:19,749 --> 00:18:21,683 I said your girlfriend sucks. 332 00:18:21,717 --> 00:18:24,485 Look, she introduces you to a couple of accounting majors 333 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,154 at your first goat house party. 334 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,123 And then gives you shit about drinking a beer? 335 00:18:28,157 --> 00:18:30,626 - Notebook. - Hold on. Plus, there is no way 336 00:18:30,660 --> 00:18:32,895 that that girl is a virgin. 337 00:18:32,929 --> 00:18:34,696 Virgins don't go to state colleges. 338 00:18:34,730 --> 00:18:38,400 - Wake up! - I said "notebook," buttmunch. 339 00:18:38,434 --> 00:18:40,035 Say that again. 340 00:18:40,070 --> 00:18:41,971 Say that shit again. I dare you. 341 00:18:43,006 --> 00:18:44,106 All of it? 342 00:18:47,911 --> 00:18:49,644 Dog pile! 343 00:18:50,178 --> 00:18:51,579 Get 'em! 344 00:18:51,613 --> 00:18:53,748 No! Don't break 'em up! 345 00:18:53,782 --> 00:18:55,882 That moran kid seems to have a problem 346 00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,549 that needs correcting. 347 00:18:57,584 --> 00:19:00,550 He was gonna punch him in the face! Come on! 348 00:19:03,619 --> 00:19:05,787 Yeah. 349 00:19:07,824 --> 00:19:09,858 Well, at least they didn't ask for my notebook. 350 00:19:13,096 --> 00:19:14,764 I'm sorry. 351 00:19:14,798 --> 00:19:16,399 I know it's hard 352 00:19:16,433 --> 00:19:18,768 without me running off my mouth 353 00:19:18,802 --> 00:19:22,337 - and with all the pressure and the scholarships... - Forget all that. 354 00:19:22,371 --> 00:19:24,572 I just want to have sex with Denise. 355 00:19:24,606 --> 00:19:27,641 I've had blue balls for two years. 356 00:19:27,676 --> 00:19:30,277 Do you have any idea what that feels like? 357 00:19:30,312 --> 00:19:32,680 I can't say that I do, no. 358 00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:35,649 But Denise says that 359 00:19:35,684 --> 00:19:37,484 all the pent up testosterone 360 00:19:37,519 --> 00:19:40,153 makes me play better. 361 00:19:42,823 --> 00:19:44,423 Okay, listen. 362 00:19:44,457 --> 00:19:46,091 All I'm saying is 363 00:19:46,125 --> 00:19:48,126 that you can be king of this school. 364 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:51,429 But what's the point of being king if you can't enjoy it? 365 00:19:51,463 --> 00:19:54,431 Me? I'm gonna end up a middle-school gym teacher 366 00:19:54,466 --> 00:19:56,499 Just like my dad and I'm okay with that. 367 00:19:56,534 --> 00:19:59,836 But I owe it to myself to get drunk and laid 368 00:19:59,870 --> 00:20:02,972 as often as possible over the next four years... 369 00:20:03,007 --> 00:20:04,840 And so do you. 370 00:20:04,875 --> 00:20:06,709 - All right? - Yo, you gonna cheat on your wife 371 00:20:06,743 --> 00:20:08,844 - like your dad did too? - See, I told you he'd show up. 372 00:20:08,879 --> 00:20:10,880 - Here's your notebook. - Thank you. 373 00:20:10,914 --> 00:20:13,848 Hey, asshole! Get off the field, this is a closed practice! 374 00:20:15,518 --> 00:20:17,950 Okay. Do you guys know where the trophy room is? 375 00:20:17,985 --> 00:20:19,618 What's in the trophy room? 376 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,819 Trophies, Alex... 377 00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:23,819 And revenge. 378 00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:56,786 I wonder which one turns you on more, Chester. 379 00:20:57,120 --> 00:21:00,589 The 1982 men's basketball team trophy 380 00:21:00,623 --> 00:21:01,856 or the team photo? 381 00:21:01,991 --> 00:21:03,424 What are you talking about, idiot? 382 00:21:03,459 --> 00:21:04,992 I dropped my ring in my pants. 383 00:21:05,027 --> 00:21:06,360 Sure, you did. 384 00:21:06,494 --> 00:21:10,030 Page 26 of the goat book! Chester Tam: 385 00:21:10,064 --> 00:21:12,132 "I jerk off in the trophy room 386 00:21:12,166 --> 00:21:14,567 every morning in full mascot gear." 387 00:21:14,602 --> 00:21:18,070 It's for good luck, okay? Some people carry around a lucky rabbit's foot... 388 00:21:18,104 --> 00:21:21,507 And some people jerk off in trophy rooms, I get it. 389 00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:23,708 I get it. Listen. 390 00:21:23,743 --> 00:21:25,645 I've drawn up your resignation, 391 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,348 all you gotta do is sign it 392 00:21:27,382 --> 00:21:30,052 and we can forget all this ever happened. 393 00:21:30,087 --> 00:21:32,657 You think you can just blackmail me? 394 00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:35,494 I'm untouchable. I'm just gonna blackmail you right back. 395 00:21:35,529 --> 00:21:37,163 The camera's still on, bitch. 396 00:21:37,198 --> 00:21:39,099 I just videotaped you saying that. 397 00:21:39,133 --> 00:21:41,068 You also just videotaped yourself 398 00:21:41,102 --> 00:21:42,836 saying that you're blackmailing me. 399 00:21:42,871 --> 00:21:45,038 I'm gonna erase that part. 400 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,720 - Oh, Shilo. - Go to hell. 401 00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:07,523 Gentlemen, we're assembled here today because these two pricks 402 00:22:07,558 --> 00:22:09,458 lost contact with their notebooks. 403 00:22:09,493 --> 00:22:11,627 What?! 404 00:22:11,661 --> 00:22:14,062 - I didn't lose my notebook. - Oh, no? 405 00:22:14,096 --> 00:22:17,732 - No. - I know someone who would disagree. 406 00:22:19,901 --> 00:22:21,803 Thank you, Thad. 407 00:22:21,837 --> 00:22:25,473 As many of you know, I like to have sex 408 00:22:25,507 --> 00:22:28,911 with football players. 409 00:22:28,945 --> 00:22:32,247 I do it because I care about this team. 410 00:22:32,282 --> 00:22:34,983 A team is only as strong 411 00:22:35,018 --> 00:22:36,952 as its weakest player. 412 00:22:36,986 --> 00:22:38,987 And right now 413 00:22:39,022 --> 00:22:41,089 your weakest player is Alex. 414 00:22:43,192 --> 00:22:45,594 Alex didn't have his notebook with him yesterday. 415 00:22:46,963 --> 00:22:49,130 I know this because I had it. 416 00:22:50,533 --> 00:22:54,836 Alex is a bad bad bad bad boy. 417 00:22:54,870 --> 00:22:59,240 - Yeah. - I think he deserves to be punished. 418 00:22:59,274 --> 00:23:02,343 - Okay. - Gratzi, Pauline. 419 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,514 So, Thad, why am I here? 420 00:23:06,549 --> 00:23:08,584 I never lost my notebook. 421 00:23:08,618 --> 00:23:12,588 Oh, that's right, Mr. Perfect. 422 00:23:13,022 --> 00:23:14,925 You never lose anything. 423 00:23:15,959 --> 00:23:16,960 Well, let me introduce you 424 00:23:16,994 --> 00:23:19,530 to the first thing you'll ever lose. 425 00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:22,333 It's a chocolate cookie race! 426 00:23:25,636 --> 00:23:28,338 Yes! Yes! Yes! 427 00:23:28,372 --> 00:23:29,973 Who are you? 428 00:23:30,007 --> 00:23:33,207 I'm your new mascot. This is for you. 429 00:23:33,241 --> 00:23:35,540 It's Chester's letter of resignation. 430 00:23:35,575 --> 00:23:38,376 And this is for you. 431 00:23:40,179 --> 00:23:42,647 Who's fingering whose girlfriend now? 432 00:23:42,681 --> 00:23:43,982 Is that my bed? 433 00:23:44,016 --> 00:23:46,483 Yeah, and that's piss all over... 434 00:23:46,517 --> 00:23:48,184 That's sick. What's wrong with you? 435 00:23:48,219 --> 00:23:50,486 What's wrong with you? 436 00:23:50,521 --> 00:23:53,689 - So you're the new mascot? - Yes, I am. 437 00:23:53,723 --> 00:23:56,524 - Where's your notebook? - I didn't get a notebook. 438 00:23:56,558 --> 00:23:58,159 You... yeah, you need a... 439 00:23:58,693 --> 00:24:00,628 Get this guy a jockstrap and a cookie! 440 00:24:19,778 --> 00:24:22,680 - Thad's racing with us? - Wouldn't miss it. 441 00:24:24,416 --> 00:24:26,350 I am so sick of this shit. 442 00:24:26,385 --> 00:24:28,252 I'm winning this race. 443 00:24:28,287 --> 00:24:30,588 Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it, moron. 444 00:24:30,622 --> 00:24:32,689 - Okay. - Okay. 445 00:24:32,724 --> 00:24:35,725 The rules are: We each put a cookie between our butt cheeks 446 00:24:35,759 --> 00:24:37,894 then we race to the finish line. 447 00:24:37,928 --> 00:24:39,862 If you drop your cookie, you lose. 448 00:24:39,896 --> 00:24:43,198 Then the losers... a.k.a. you a-holes... 449 00:24:43,332 --> 00:24:44,600 Will have to eat your cookies. 450 00:24:45,534 --> 00:24:47,703 This seems very gay. 451 00:24:47,737 --> 00:24:49,571 It's not gay! Stop saying that! 452 00:24:51,708 --> 00:24:53,875 Okay. On your mark, 453 00:24:55,510 --> 00:24:56,544 get set... 454 00:24:59,115 --> 00:25:01,716 Go! 455 00:25:20,435 --> 00:25:22,102 I'm not winning. I'm not winning. 456 00:25:22,137 --> 00:25:23,737 I'm not winning. 457 00:25:27,608 --> 00:25:29,575 Why? Why? Why? 458 00:25:39,019 --> 00:25:40,987 Why the hell is Thad racing? 459 00:25:43,290 --> 00:25:46,091 That's dedication. 460 00:25:46,126 --> 00:25:48,327 You want to do this? Let's do this. 461 00:25:51,766 --> 00:25:53,834 Come on! 462 00:26:12,184 --> 00:26:15,784 - Yes! I knew you were gonna win! - Enjoy that cookie, asshole! 463 00:26:15,819 --> 00:26:19,120 Not so fast. 464 00:26:19,154 --> 00:26:20,854 I think you forgot something. 465 00:26:25,692 --> 00:26:27,659 It fell out your ass 10 yards back! 466 00:26:27,694 --> 00:26:30,029 I was watching the whole time! 467 00:26:31,863 --> 00:26:33,264 Yeah! 468 00:26:34,066 --> 00:26:38,269 Yeah! Yes! Yes! Eat it! 469 00:26:38,303 --> 00:26:40,304 Mess with the bull, you get the horns. 470 00:26:42,908 --> 00:26:45,275 - Yeah! - What? Hell, yeah! 471 00:26:46,977 --> 00:26:48,611 We had that asshole beat. 472 00:26:48,645 --> 00:26:53,282 - Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! - Yeah, we did. 473 00:26:53,316 --> 00:26:55,183 Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! 474 00:26:55,217 --> 00:26:58,686 Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! 475 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,788 - Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! - To college... 476 00:27:00,822 --> 00:27:02,789 - Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! - To college! 477 00:27:02,823 --> 00:27:05,858 Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! 478 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:51,600 Sync by fant0m www.addic7ed.com