本字幕由 ShinY 深影字幕組 原創翻譯製作
深影字幕組論壇地址 http://shinybbs.com
翻譯： 散步的孩子 符號看象限 jimbert HTC YU 翻炒番茄
校對： 被Poop打敗了 後期： 榆木腦袋
好的 你開始錄了嗎? Good. Are you on?
電影四十三
是的 開始了 Yeah, we're ready.
我是卡爾文·卡特勒 My name is Calvin Cutler.
諸位將見證史上最惡搞 What you're about to witness is the most badass,
最奇葩的一幕 fucked-up thing you'll ever see.
我們稱之為"正中靶心" We call this the "Bull's Eye."
噢 對了 千萬別自己在家嘗試 Oh, yeah. Don't try this at home.
你準備好了嗎? 好的 預備 You're good? You ready, buddy? All right. Right, ready?
一... 二... 三! One... two... three!
告訴我成功了 Tell me we got it. Just...
成功了嗎? 不 不可能 我們成功了! Did we? No! No way, we got it!
怎麼可能 夥計! No fucking way, dude!
- 我們成功了! 成功了! - 天啊! - We got it! We got it! We got... - Oh, shit!
看哪! 看啊! 夥計 正中靶心 兄弟! Look at that! Look at that! Dude. Bull's eye, bro!
太棒了! Awesome!
我們要把它傳到網上去! 快去! We're putting it on YouTube! Let's go! Yeah!
夥計 有一個人瀏覽了! Dude, we got a view!
夥計 那是我們自己上傳時留下的 Yeah, buddy, that was us when we uploaded it.
那就再上傳一遍 能有漲到兩次瀏覽 Well, then upload it again so we can have two views.
我... 我覺得這樣做沒用 I... I don't think that's how it works.
- 點"刷新" 夥計 - 好的 - Hit "refresh," dude. - Oh, yeah.
- 不會吧 - 不可能吧 - No way. - That can't be right.
- 再點一下 - 我點刷新了 - Do me a favor. - I just refreshed it.
看看是不是有漲 Let's see if it pulls up.
天哪 兩萬五千次瀏覽 夥計! No way. Twenty-five thousand views, man!
五十萬! Five hundred thousand!
- 一百萬? 帥! - 點擊率爆棚了! - One million? Yes! - You're too money!
我就說我們會出名的 I told you we're gonna be famous.
我們出名了... We're gonna be famous and...
愚人節快樂 蠢貨們! April fools, suckers!
我擅自仿製了視頻網 虛報視頻瀏覽量 I took the liberty of cloning YouTube and hyper-inflating your views.
你... 你這小混蛋! ...You... You little shit!
你剛剛想通過電腦屏幕打我? Did you just try to hit me through your computer screen?
是的 沒錯 Yeah, I did!
你為什麼不過來直接讓我揍 娘炮! Why don't you come in here so I can hit you like a real man, pussy!
我還有科學項目要做 你們慢慢欣賞點擊率吧 Working on my science project. Enjoy your page views.
天哪 他真是個熊孩子! God, he's such a little spaz!
- 我們要報仇 - 是的 - We need revenge. - We do.
- 我們得用惡作劇整他 - 沒錯 - We need to April fools prank him. - Yeah!
- 痛擊他的要害 - 好好調教他 - Hit him where it hurts. - Square in his balls.
不! 我們得更狠一點 No! We gotta do something better.
我們去偷他的電腦 把它裝滿病毒 We steal his computer and load it full of viruses.
等等 去哪找病毒? Wait, where do we get viruses?
二貨! 上黃網啊 Uh, duh! Porn sites.
你也不想想我電腦為什麼這麼慢? Why do you think my computer's so slow?
還不都是因為病毒太多 It's full of 'em.
好吧 電腦在他的房間 我們怎麼搞到手? Oh, okay, but how-how do we get his laptop if it's in his room?
我們不能直接闖進去把電腦偷出來 We can't just-just kick in the door and steal it.
你該怎麼引蛇出洞? How do you lure a dragon out of a lion's den?
我不知道 I don't know.
- 給他個挑戰 - 挑戰? - You present him with a challenge. - Challenge?
挑戰 看我眼色行事 A challenge. Jus... Follow my lead.
巴克斯特! 巴克斯特 夥計! Baxter! Baxter, my man!
什麼事? What?
我和J.J.有個電腦方面的問題 Uh, me and J.J., we have this computer problem.
網上有一部電影我們找不到 There's this movie on the Internet and we can't find it.
你能來幫我們嗎? Can you help us?
你想為了剛才那事整我 是嗎? You're trying to get back at me for that prank, right?
- 不! 這事過去了! - 過去了 - No! Truce! - Truce.
說真的 我們... Seriously, we just, uh...
我們想在聯邦調查局封殺之前找到它 we need to find it, uh, before the FBI takes it down.
你說聯邦調查局? You said the FBI?
該死的聯邦調查局 中情局 Fucking FBI, the CIA...
犯罪現場調查科 海軍罪案調查處... The CSI, NCIS...
我的意思是 這部電影是非法的 I mean, this video is so illegal,
全世界每個國家都把它列為禁片 it has been banned by every country in the world.
阿姆斯特丹也不例外 Including Amsterdam.
就那個警察被人猥褻欺辱後 Where you could slap a cop in the face with your penis,
都要說"謝謝"的地方 and they'd say, "danka."
阿姆斯特丹不是個國家! Amsterdam is not a country!
阿姆斯特丹不是個國家? Amsterdam's not a country?
什麼時候的事? Since when?
這電影在那裏總歸是個禁片 夥計 The shit's still banned there, dude.
是的 你想想 它...它就像... Yeah. Think about it. They... it's... it's like it's the... the... the fucking...
世界上最危險的電影 It's the most dangerous film in the world.
- 是的 - 這電影叫什麼? - It is. - What's it called?
其實 你知道嗎 巴克斯特? 你是對的 Actually, you know what, Baxter? You're right.
這確實是愚人節惡作劇 It was an April Fool's prank.
很抱歉耍了你 I'm sorry we brought you into this.
你還是... You know, you should probably just...
該幹嘛幹嘛去 別再想這事 求你了 go on with your life and never think about this again. Please.
等等 Wait.
這電影為什麼這麼危險? What's so bad about it?
你不會想知道的 You don't wanna know.
為什麼這麼危險? What's so bad about it?
嘿 兄弟! 這電影為什麼這麼危險? Hey, slim! What's so bad about it?
- 能害死你 - 怎麼害死我? - It can kill you. - How?
能嚇得你屎尿橫流 It can make you shit out your intestines.
還能讓你七竅流血 It can make you bleed out of your eyes.
有個人看了之後 You know, one guy saw it,
就跑進一座教堂猥褻那裏的修女 and he ran into a church, and he just started humping the nuns.
幾年前 這可是樁大事 That was a huge story a few years back.
這電影能讓人恨不得自殘 It can make you pull off your own dick.
好吧 如果它會讓人自殘 Okay, why would you want to watch it...
你們為什麼還要看? if it can make you pull off your own dick?
那是因為... Because...
如果你從頭到尾看完整部電影 If you can watch it all the way through from the beginning to end,
你就會得到意想不到的獎賞 you're rewarded beyond your wildest dreams.
金錢 性 女人 With money. And sex. And women.
就像午夜兇鈴那個電影 但會有個好的結局 It's like that movie The Ring, but with a good ending.
- 是 還有美胸 - 各種波濤胸涌 - Yeah. And boobs. - Lots of boobs.
那這電影叫什麼? So what's this movie called?
電影 Movie.
- 四十三 - 電影四十三 - Forty-three. - Movie forty-three.
祖歌上搜不到 It's not on Zwoogle.
是啊 祖歌當然搜不到 它被禁了! Yeah, of course it's not on Zwoogle. It's banned!
好吧 那我猜我們得深入挖掘了 Okay. Then I guess we'll need to dig deeper.
訪問一些互聯網上的陰暗角落 Visit some dark corners of the Internet.
恩 是的 陰暗角落 夥計 Mm, yeah, the dark corners, dude.
是的 深入挖掘 我們得找到它 Yeah, get in there. We gotta find this thing.
我找到一個有很多禁片的隱藏服務器 I found a cloaked server that houses banned videos.
先試試列表的第四十三個電影 怎麼樣? Start out with the forty-third one on the list. Sound good?
好的 你們繼續找 Yes! Yeah, you guys keep working on this.
我去望風 看看有沒有聯邦調查局 I'm gonna go guard the door for the uh, FBI,
中情局 老媽什麼的 the CIA, and Mom.
看這個 我們看看 Look at this. Check it out.
噢! 你真美 Hey. Ooh! You look good.
但願你快準備好了 他隨時都有可能到 Hope you're almost ready. He's gonna be here any second.
我不知道我為什麼要這麼做 帕姆 I don't know why I'm doing this, Pam.
我不相信朱莉 I don't trust Julie.
如果這傢伙是個廢物怎麼辦? I mean, what if this guy's a loser?
他不是廢物 He's not a loser.
他二十八歲的時候 He made senior partner at his law firm by the time he was,
就成了他律師事務所的高級合夥人 like, twenty-eight.
所以他只在乎他的工作和錢 So all he cares about is his career and money.
朱莉可沒這麼說 他是特奧會的志願者 Mm, not according to Julie. He's a volunteer with the Special Olympics,
他是紐約愛樂樂團的董事會成員 he's on the board of the New York Philharmonic...
他和德瑞克·基特合夥開了一家新的餐廳 He's opening a new restaurant with Derek Jeter!
但他可能長著一副令人尷尬的呆板臉 But he's probably got one of those awkward character faces...
就是你有幾分偏愛的那種 是嗎? that sort of really has to grow on you, right?
"呆板臉"先生上歌譚雜誌的封面了 Mr. "Character Face" is on the cover of Gotham Magazine.
- 那就是他? - 是的 - That's him? - That's him.
就是他 Yeah.
他來了 去吧 And he's here. Go.
- 我看上去還好? - 美極了 - Do I look okay? - Gorgeous.
- 真的? - 玩的開心! - You sure? - Have fun!
再見! Bye!
- 你開玩笑吧 - 其中幾個 - I mean, you gotta be kidding. - Several of them.
要我說 沒試過就沒資格批評電視購物 I'm telling you, don't knock shopping on TV until you've tried it.
貝思 我想你是我見過的第一個 Beth, I think-I think you're the first person I've ever met...
真會去電視購物的人 who actually buys stuff off television.
- 不可能! 別騙人了! - 不 是真的 - No! Come on! - No, it's true.
噢 那你覺得我從哪買的這條圍巾? Oh, well where do you think I got this scarf?
知道嗎? 我敢打賭肯定比你的那條柔軟 And you know what? I bet it's softer than yours.
好吧 這可是我的底線 Okay. See, that's where I draw the line.
決不允許貶低我的圍巾(不許摘下圍巾) Do not start putting down the scarf.
來 你摸摸看 百分百帕什米納山羊絨 Here. Feel this. One-hundred percent pashmina.
至少街上那傢伙是這麼告訴我的 Well, at least that's what the guy on the street told me.
那我看看 哇哦 確實挺軟的 可我... Come on, then. Wow, that is soft. Well, you know, I...
嘿 H先生 餐桌準備好了 先生 Hey, Mr. H. Table's ready, sir.
很好 Great.
- 我來保管這些吧 - 謝謝 - I'll take those. - Thank you.
- 請 - 我們的桌子準備好了 - Please. - Our table's ready.
謝謝 Thank you.
你先請 After you.
凱莉告訴我你給孩子設計衣服 是嗎? So, um, Carrie tells me you design clothes for kids. No?
是的 童裝 我設計... Yes. Clothes for kids. I design...
衣服... 給孩子穿 童裝 clothes... for kids. Kids clothes.
很好 很好 Awesome. Awesome.
今夏如果我看到有孩子穿著古怪 So, if I see some kids looking weird this summer,
也許就是你的錯 是不? it may be your fault, huh?
我開玩笑的 開玩笑 I'm just joking. I'm just joking.
你的俄式標準伏特加 先生 Your Russian Standard Vodka, sir.
你這麼容易就能猜到我要什麼嗎 艾比? Am I that predictable, Abby?
你喝這個嗎? 還是喝紅酒什麼的? Eh... Yeah, you good with that? Or would you prefer a glass of wine or...?
不 不用 我... 是需要來一杯 No. No, I... I could, use it.
謝謝 Thank you.
那麼 敬這個美妙的夜晚 乾杯 So, here's to a, Here's to a wonderful evening. Cheers.
乾杯 Cheers.
俄羅斯人的酒真不錯 Those Russians know something.
這裏... 挺不錯的 This is... a nice place.
噢 這裏很棒 這裏... Oh, it's great. This pl...
噢 你應該看看這裏的天花板 Oh, you gotta check out the ceiling.
這些橫樑是取自於... Those beams were taken out...
賓夕法尼亞郊外的老教友會林場 of this old Quaker meetinghouse out in rural Pennsylvania.
你看 都是橡木的 挺不錯的吧? 很漂亮 I mean, look. It's all oak. Isn't that something? It's gorgeous, huh?
哇哦 傑克 這是什麼? Oh, wow, Jake. What's this?
H先生 比利主廚獻上的奶油濃湯 Well, Mr. H, this is a vichyssoise courtesy of Chef Billy.
他聽說你們今晚要來 Now, he heard that you guys were coming in tonight,
所以他為你們專門準備了四道大餐 so he's put together a special four-course meal for you.
龍蝦沒問題吧? Lobster okay tonight?
我當然沒問題 只要你覺得好就行 That's okay with me if it's okay with you,
除非你還想看看菜單另點 un-unless you wanna check out the menu.
貝思? 你要看一下菜單嗎 還是...? Beth? Unless you wanna check out the menu, or...?
- 不用 這挺好的 - 好的 - No, that's sounds lovely. - Right.
很好 Terrific.
請你替我謝謝主廚 謝謝 Please thank the chef. Thank you.
祝你好胃口 Bon Appetit.
噢 你 脖子上... Oh, you've, got something on your...
有東西? 第一次約會就出醜 我自己來吧 Something on my neck? Leave it to me to embarrass myself on a first date.
我來... Here...
這裏? 還是這裏? 是嗎? There? There? I got it?
還有一點... 在你左蛋.. 左邊... A little bit... bit more on-on the left b... ball... One.
在左邊 還有一點點 Uh, left side. Of... Dribbly bit.
謝謝 沒事 Thanks. I mean, no biggie.
相信我 我還碰上過更糟糕的情況 Trust me, I've been through worse. I mean, as...
我小時候 我一直被嘲笑 As a kid, I used to get made fun of all the time.
是不是因為你的... Was it, because of your...
我口吃...我... 我原來有嚴重的口吃 My stutter. I... I used to have a really bad stutter.
經過了九年的語言治療才治好 Actually took probably nine years of speech therapy to get rid of it.
那 你還有什麼別的事... So, was there anything else they...
被別人取笑嗎? may have made fun of?
- 我不知道 - 沒有了? - I don't know. - Anything at all?
噢 是的 有些孩子取笑我的脖子 Oh, yeah, some kids used to talk a little smack about my neck.
噢 感謝上帝! Oh, thank God!
- 怎麼了? - 我還以為我瘋了 - What's up? - I thought I was going crazy. I...
怎麼會? What?
我是說... 沒什麼 .... I mean... not a big deal... at all.
具體是怎麼回事? It's just, what is the story there?
當時我只有六歲 我從自行車上摔下 Well, when I was six, I fell off my bike
倒在一個噴水頭上 and I landed on a sprinkler head...
醫生不得不給我縫了幾針 and they had to stitch me up at the hospital.
看見沒 有道疤 是吧? See, it's, it's just a scar. Right?
孩子也會很刻薄 他們以前叫我科學怪人 I mean, kids could be mean. They used to call me Frankenstein.
他們會像這樣說"他還活著" "他還活著" They're like, "He's alive. He's alive!"
可我不在乎 孩子們會取笑任何事 不是嗎? Well, I don't care, you know. Kids make fun of everything, right?
是我錯覺 還是這裏確實有點冷? Is it just me or did it suddenly get a little chilly in here?
我想可能是因為那個出風口 I think it may be that vent there.
- 你們的菜來了 - 天哪 看看這份量 - Here we are. - Man! Look at the size of those things.
噢 傑克 夥計 能把溫度稍微調高一些嗎? Oh, Jake, buddy, would you mind turning up the heat just a tad?
我覺得那個出風口一直在吹... I think that, that vent's blowing right on...
沒問題 not a problem.
謝謝 Thank you.
先讓我忙完... And, uh, just let me go ahead and...
- 可以 - 把這個端走 - Sure. - Get this out of your way here.
噢 天哪! 你...你還好嗎? Oh, God! Are you... Are you okay?
我的胃 它... It's my stomach. There's...
終於喘上這口氣了 Just get my breath back, you know.
他在那! 那傢伙在那! There he is! There's the stud!
嘿 安琪! 雷! Hey! Angie! Ray!
嘿 你們近來如何? 還好嗎? Hey, how the hell are you guys? You're good?
顯然沒你好 Apparently not as good as you.
嗨 我是安琪 這位是我的丈夫雷 Hi, I'm Angie and this is my husband Ray.
- 嗨 - 這位是我的新朋友 貝思 - Hi. - This is my new friend, Beth.
她慢慢讓我對相親恢復了信心 She's slowly restoring my faith in blind dates.
向你致敬 貝思 Well, kudos to you, Beth,
你竟然能把這工作狂從辦公室裏拖出來 for getting this old workaholic out of his office for once.
得了 得了 雷 Come on. Come on, Ray.
幹的漂亮! 你可是釣到大魚了! Nice work! You caught the big one!
是嗎? Did I?
可是... 你難道沒發現... But... Do you not notice the...
- 看小埃文長得多快 - 是嗎 小傢伙? - Look how big little Evan's getting! - Yeah. Little?
是的 他長得巨快 Yeah. He's growing like crazy.
- 別 - 看這大胖小子 - No. - Who's a big boy?
看這大胖小子 Who's a big boy, huh?
哇哦 雷 他真沉 長大肯定是員球場猛將 Wow, Ray, he's a monster. You got yourself a little linebacker here.
准後衛要上床睡覺了 A little linebacker that needs to go to bed!
好的 你該睡覺了 去吧 Okay. You're off to bed. There you go.
- 真不小心 - 又掉了個奶嘴 - Fumble. - Another pacifier down.
我來撿 I got it.
謝謝你 夥計 謝謝 Thanks, buddy. Thanks bud.
給你 夥計 安琪? Here, bud. Angie?
你們真般配 我得拍張照 You guys look so cute. I gotta take a picture.
真要拍照? Really?
安琪 別鬧 Angie, please.
讓他們吃飯吧 親愛的 Hey, let-let the man eat, honey.
別這樣 雷 我們第一次約會時就合影了 Come on, Ray. We have a picture of our first date.
他們也該留個影 They should have a picture of theirs.
快 起來去站在她身後 別害羞 Come on, get your fanny over there behind her and don't be shy.
- 好吧 好吧 - 好的 - All right. Okay, okay. All right. - Okay.
- 真抱歉 - 湊近些 - I'm sorry about this. - Get in close.
貝思 坐著別動 Beth, I'm gonna need you to hold still.
噢 天哪 他們看起來真是... Oh, God, they look so...
蹲低點! 把臉湊過去! 快點! Get down! Get your face down next to hers! Come on!
快拍 快拍 快拍 Take it. Take it. Take it, take it, take it, take it.
- 太棒了 - 怎麼樣? - So good! - How's that?
現在你們親一下對方吧? Now why don't you give each other a little kiss?
別這樣 安琪 我們才剛認識 Oh, come on. Angie, we just met.
行了 讓他們吃飯吧! Come on, let 'em eat! Let the man eat!
- 來嘛! 就親一下 - 好吧好吧 - Come on! Just a little kiss. - All right, all right.
就一下 親額頭 We'll do one, one kiss on the forehead.
- 就在額頭上親一下 - 用不著吧 - One peck on the forehead. - We don't need to.
- 準備好了? 好的 - 真的用不著 - Ready? Okay. - We really don't.
不用這樣... We don't need...
搞什麼! 繼續找 The fuck, man! Keep looking.
我們來看看四十二號好了 Let's try the forty-second one.
對 對 好主意 Yeah, yeah, good idea.
咪咪 Boobs.
帶病毒毛片 Pornography with viruses.
巴克斯特 你死定了 Yeah, Baxter, you're going down.
繼續找 Keep looking.
這是炙烤蘇門答臘咖啡 我們自己磨的 It's uh, roast Sumatra. I grind the beans myself.
再次感謝你的晚餐 你真的不用這樣客氣 Hey, thanks again for dinner. You really didn't have to do this.
應該的 Oh, please.
連此喬遷歡迎宴都不給你們準備 What kind of neighbors would we be...
我們算哪門子鄰居? if we didn't have you over for a welcome dinner?
西恩 薩曼莎剛還說 Sean, Samantha was just saying
他家孩子全程在家接受教育 that they homeschool their son.
有意思 Oh, that is interesting.
我們只是覺得只有這樣才能確保... Well, we just think it's the only way to make sure...
他接受到最好的教育 that he gets the best education possible.
你真的應該為你兒子考慮一下 You should really consider it for your kids.
知道吧 凱文正在樓上寫作業呢 Hey, you know, Kevin's upstairs doing his homework right now.
我敢肯定他很願意和你們聊天 I'm sure he'd love to talk to you guys about it.
等等 你兩位親自在家教兒子 Wait. He... So you homeschool your son
還給他留作業? but he still gets homework?
凱文能有個正常完整的高中生活經歷 It's very important to us that Kevin has...
對我們來說是很重要的 a normal and complete high school experience.
用黑色墨水完成家庭作業 Written assignments are to be done in black ink.
不許用綠色 藍色或者粉色的筆寫 Not green or blue or pink.
你那榆木腦袋 When are you gonna get that
怎麼什麼時候才能記住 莫裏斯先生? through your thick skull, Mr. Morris?
我是米勒 It's Miller.
你被留堂了 That's a detention.
快 快點! 撿起來! 撿起來! 撿起來! Move, move, move, move, move! Pick it up! Pick it up!
加油 娘炮 動作快點! Come on, girlfriend, pick your knees up!
噢 我...我明白了 就是... Oh, I... I see. It's...
但你們有沒有發覺 我也說不好哈 But don't you feel like maybe he's, I don't know,
他會懷念外面的世界? missing out?
是啊 高中生活不僅僅只有課程和作業 Yeah, high school is about more than just classes and homework.
可不是麼 還可能被人疏遠或者孤獨難耐 Absolutely. There's the alienation, the loneliness.
高中就該是男孩子們一生中的低谷期 It should be the unhappiest time in a boy's life.
所以我們才盡可能確保... That's why we try to make sure...
凱文不錯過任何一段重要的... that Kevin doesn't miss out on any of those essential...
正規學校的青少年們該嘗到的磨難 emotionally scarring experiences that he'd get at a regular school.
凱文是基佬
基佬! Fag!
死基佬! Faggot!
醜八怪 你的書掉了! You dropped your books, fuckface!
天啊! 爸爸 搞什麼! Jesus! Dad, what the fuck!
哇哦 你的陰毛長的好奇怪 Whoa. You've got weird pubes.
大家來看啊! 這孩子陰毛夠奇葩! Hey, guys! Come check out this kid's weird pubes!
儘管如此 你們倆肯定做了不少工作 Still, it must be an awful lot of work for you guys, though.
噢 那是當然 但我們樂此不疲 Oh, sure, there is. But we love it.
我們一起想出個全面規劃... I think we've put together a pretty comprehensive plan...
各種青春期關鍵經歷 凱文一個都不會少 that provides Kevin with every important adolescent experience.
比如 和其他孩子交往... You know, socializing with other kids...
嗨 凱文 對吧? Hey. Kevin, right?
我可以進去嗎? Can I please come in?
黛比·克拉克來啦 Look, Debbie Clark's here,
你之前約過人家 會有些尷尬 the girl you asked out before. It's gonna be awkward.
抱歉 不給進 抱歉 不可以 Sorry. No. Sorry, sorry. No.
抱歉 就這樣吧 Sorry. Okay, okay.
媽 別這樣 等等 Mom. Mom, please no, wait.
聽我說... 如果我... Mom, just... if I...
課外活動 Extracurricular activities.
噁心小菜鳥
你做了什麼? What do you do?
噁心事 I suck.
什麼噁心事? What do you suck?
- 口交 - 大聲點! - Dicks. - Louder!
- 我玩口交! 口交! - 態度端正點! - I suck dicks! I suck dicks! - Like you mean it!
我玩口交 我無時無刻不想著口交! I suck dicks, I suck dicks, I suck 'em all the time!
如果你是個超級英雄 你想要什麼超能力? If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be?
我的超能力就是玩口交! My superpower would be sucking dicks!
兄弟 看你現在那狼狽樣 Dude. You have so much poop on you right now.
當然 初吻... And of course the first kiss...
應該是任何一個男孩一生中最尷尬的時刻 that should be the most awkward moment in any boy's life.
艾米莉和卡拉說我們應該玩全套 Emily and Kara said we should go all the way.
你覺得呢? What do you think?
額 你有保護措施嗎? Um, do you have protection?
所以 兄弟 So, dude.
別告訴傑夫那些人 但... Don't tell Jeff or any of those guys, but...
我只是想說... I just wanted to say that...
如果我真的喜歡男人... if I did like guys...
你真的是我所喜歡的類型 you'd totally be the kind of guy that I'd like.
說起來很奇怪 This is weird.
我不是當真的 I didn't mean any of that.
就是隨便說說 Just talking, you know?
哇哦 Wow.
我想我不會忘記凱文第一次告訴我們... I don't think I'll ever forget the first time Kevin told us that...
他希望他沒被生出來 he wished he'd never been born.
- 那時他才十二歲 - 早熟孩子 - He was only twelve. - Precocious kid.
研究表明 一般來說 You know, studies show that the average child...
孩子直到十五歲時才會表現出自我厭惡 doesn't express that kind of self-loathing till they're fifteen.
我相信 I bet.
他來了 Here he comes.
親愛的 來見見鄰居 Hey, honey. Meet the neighbors.
凱文 這是西恩和克萊爾 Kevin, this is Sean and Clare.
他們剛搬來 就住和我們隔三戶的那棟房子 They moved into the house three doors down.
噢 伊戈斯家的老房子 很好 Oh, the Yeagers' old place. Great.
對啊 額 我...我叫凱文 Yeah, I'm, um, I'm... I'm Kevin.
很高興見到你們 歡迎入住同一小區 Uh, pleased to meet you. Welcome to the neighborhood.
我也很高興見到你 Nice to meet you, too.
謝謝 太有禮貌了 Thank you. That's so polite. That's...
我要出去了 有些朋友約好在格林家見面 I'm heading out. A bunch of us are gonna meet up at The Green.
噢 格林家 Ooh, The Green.
對 我做完作業了 And, uh, yes, I finished my homework.
還有 珍和我稍後要去看場電影 Oh, and Jen and I are gonna catch a movie afterwards,
我可能會回來的晚點 so I won't be home until late.
沒問題 記得給我們帶個好 Oh, that's fine. Just make sure you say hello from us.
珍 和我媽打招呼 Jen, my mom says hi.
你好 珍 Hello, Jen.
你好 米勒夫人 我是個漂亮女孩 Hello, Mrs. Miller. I'm the pretty girl.
沒錯 She is.
- 你倆今晚玩的開心 - 好的 - You guys have fun tonight.- All right.
很高興見到你! Nice meeting you!
那麼 誰要蛋糕? So. Who wants cake?
太恐怖了 我們看看別的 Creepy. Let's move on.
老兄 繼續搜索 Keep searching, dude.
嗨 Hi.
看 There.
開始野餐吧 Now it's a picnic.
你喜歡巧克力脆皮草莓嗎? Would you care for a chocolate-covered strawberry?
天啊 親愛的 說到浪漫 Oh my gosh, sweetie. Talk about romantic.
太完美了! This is perfect!
朱莉 我們在一起一年多了... Julie, we've been together for over a year...
十六個月兩個星期 Sixteen months and two weeks.
這段交往時期 我意識到你對我來說很重要 And in that time, I've come to realize that you mean everything to me.
道格 你也是 Oh, Doug. You, too.
有些話我想問你 And there's something I want to ask you.
我也有些話想問你 There's something I'd like to ask you.
好吧 你先 Okay, uh, you go first.
- 不 你先 - 不 你先 - No, you go first. - No, you first.
不 你先嘛 No, you first.
不然我們同時說出來好了? How about we say it at the same time?
好啊 Okay.
- 一 二... - 一 二 - One, two... - One, two.
你願意和我來幾炮嗎? Will you poop on me?
- 什麼? - 你願意和我來幾炮嗎? - What? - Will you poop on me?
什麼 你什麼意思... What? What are you...
等等 你在說什麼? Wait, what did- what did you say?
我信任你 我覺得你就是我的靈魂伴侶 I... I trust you. I feel like you're my soul mate.
我想送你份厚禮 把我的第一次給你 I want to give you this gift. I want you to be my first.
拉一泡... To poop...
- 在我身上 - 什麼? - On me. - What?
你不想嗎? You don't want to?
不是 我...我是說... No, I... I mean...
你對我沒感覺了嗎? Are you not attracted to me anymore?
寶貝 當然有感覺 Of course I'm attracted to you, honey.
那你願意? 對我來一炮嗎? So will you? Poop on me?
哥們 你算是中獎了 Ah, man. You just hit the fucking lottery, man.
你不覺得要在她身上拉屎很奇怪嗎? You don't think it's a little weird for wanting him to shit on her?
慢著 哥們 尊重下這位兄弟 可以嗎? Slow down, man. Have some respect for this guy, okay?
她不是要他來一發 She did not ask him to shit on her.
來一發只是找妓女逢場作戲 Shitting is something you do on a whore.
- 對 - 對? - Right. - Right?
屎交是獻給靈魂伴侶的禮物 Pooping is a gift you give to your soul mate.
- 必須的 - 我從沒這麼想過 - of Course. - I never looked at it like that.
說吧 兄弟 有啥煽情菜? So tell me, man, what's on the menu?
在你行動之前告訴我嘛 Before you do the big deed.
我不...我不知道 有那麼重要嗎? I don't... I don't know. Does it fucking matter?
- 她是素食主義者? - 不是 - Is she a vegetarian? - No.
多好的機會! 你個大傻蛋 真愚蠢到不行 Boom! Big beef burrito, with extra beans on that bad boy.
放些調味汁和鱷梨色拉醬來調色嘛 Put some salsa, some guacamole for color.
便出來的話 會充滿節日氣氛 你懂的吧? When it come out of you, it's a festival. You know what I'm saying?
為了心上人就豁出去吧 聽見沒有? You went the extra yard for your lady. You hear me?
不了 我還是弄點有品位的東西 好嗎? No, I'm doing something classy, okay?
我會烤黃鰭金槍魚牛排 做份沙拉 開瓶紅酒 I'm doing seared ahi tuna steaks, a salad, and red wine.
- 不 不! 不能這樣 - 不錯 - No. No, no, no! Fuckin' no! - Nice.
重點不在於吃上去怎麼樣 而在於產生的效果 It's not about how fancy it goes in. It's about how fancy it comes out.
相信我 墨西哥菜真的催便能力超強 Well... And believe me, Mexican food makes a fuckin' mess.
可別吃沙拉 And don't mess with fuckin' salads.
你知道沙拉有什麼作用嗎? 會讓你便秘 You know what salad does? It locks down your bowels.
你不希望上壘的時候腸子不給力吧? 當然不 You don't want your bowels all locked down, do you? No.
喝酒還不錯 喝上幾杯 Drinks are cool. Have a few fuckin' drinks.
會讓你挺得更持久 Makes you last longer.
更持久? Last longer?
拜託 你不想成為擠便先生 對吧? You don't want to be Mr.Two Squeeze, Thank-You Please, right?
- 你肯定不想的 - 比利 該死的 - You really don't want to be that. - Billy, goddamn, Billy.
我倆大人談話你就不能走遠點啊 Why don't you go over there while grown people are talking over here.
去一邊玩你的美國大兵玩具吧 Go over there and play with your GI Joes or some shit, man.
恩 我去就是了 Yeah, I'll go over there.
記著 用我的建議試試 Look it. Take my advice on this one.
今晚就出去找人試試 好嗎? You go out tonight and you shit on a few skanks. Okay?
馬力全開 Get it all out your system.
你明天一準兒做回真男人 Fuckin' tomorrow, you are a one-poop man.
懂嗎? Understand?
這是毛東西? What the fuck is this?
兄弟 瀉藥界偉哥啊 幫你一洩(瀉)千里 Viagra, brother. Poop Viagra. Yeah.
- 你隨身攜帶? - 對啊 就是隨身攜帶 - Just carry that on you? - Yeah, I carry that shit around on me.
- 戶外烤肉也帶著? - 還真被你說對了 - At barbecues? - You goddamn right.
我吃不慣葷腥的東西 I got a meat problem.
各種肉類都是 我得去方便一下 All your fuckin' meat, I gotta clean that shit out.
- 好吧 - 好吧? 隨便 - Okay, yeah. - Okay? Fine, then.
- 我準備好了 寶貝 - 噢 不是吧 - I'm ready, sweetie. - Oh, fuck.
馬上 One second.
瀉藥
我愛她 我愛她 I love her. Hey, I love her.
- 噢! 你看起來真美 - 謝謝 - Oh, oh! You look nice. - Thank you.
那麼 我們就... Okay. Let's go...
哇哦 哇哦親愛的 你要幹嘛? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Honey. What are you doing?
我要幹嘛? 我... 你知道我在幹嘛 What am I doing? I'm... You know what I'm doing.
我盡力... I'm trying to, you know.
還不是時候 猛男 我想慢慢享受 Not yet, tiger. I wanna savor this.
好吧 我有點... 額... Oh, okay. Well, I kinda... I kinda got to, uh...
不 不 不 不 來 來吻我 No, no, no, no. Come here. Come here and kiss me,
然後給我你的特別禮物 and then you can give me your special present.
- 快說你有多愛我 - 我很愛你 - Tell me how much you love me. - Oh, I love you so much.
- 有多愛? - 愛你愛到肯為你殺人 - How much? - I love you so much I'd kill a man.
現在開始吧 拜託? Can we do this, please?
- 我買了瓶特製薰衣草潤膚露 - 好吧 - I bought this special lavender lotion. - Okay.
給我脖子擦擦乳液咯 Why don't you get my neck ready.
你想塗在脖子上? You want it on your neck?
怎麼了? 你不願意嗎? Why? Does that not work for you?
願意 願意 來吧 It's fine, it's fine. Here we go.
很不錯 That's nice.
好吧 好吧 我們來吧 讓我們... Okay, okay. There we go. Let's get it and...
- 不 不 還沒到 - 什麼? - No. No. Not yet. - What?
- 不 過來 - 幹嘛? - No. Come here. - What?
- 你太興奮了 - 我知道 我把持不住了 - You're so excited. - I know. I can't stand it.
還記得我們相遇的那天麼? Gosh. Remember the day that we met?
記得 Yes.
你有沒有想過有天你會... Did you ever think that someday you'd be able to...
- 你懂的? - 老實說 不 不 我不懂 - you know? - Honestly, no. No, I didn't.
還記得我那天穿了什麼嗎? Do you remember what I was wearing that day?
寶貝 我穿了什麼? Baby, what was I wearing?
記得我那天穿了什麼嗎? Do you remember what I was wearing?
一件黃色夏裝! A yellow sun dress!
快點! 轉過去 讓我拉你身上吧! Come on! Roll over and let me shit on you, please!
你說什麼? Excuse me?
抱歉 拉一泡 拉在你身上 I'm sorry. Poop on you. I meant poop on you.
寶貝 我絕不是有意對你不敬 Honey, I would never shit on you.
寶貝 我絕不會拉你身上? I would never shit on you. Honey?
回來 我愛你! 操! Come here. I love you! Fuck!
真不敢相信 Oh, I can't.
朱莉! 回來! Julie! Come back!
寶貝! 我愛你! 我想向你求婚! Oh, baby, please! I love you! I want you to marry you!
我的天啊! 道格 不! Oh, my God! Doug, no!
上帝啊! Oh, jeez!
噢 上帝! 我的上帝! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- 道格! 趕緊叫救護車 - 馬上! - Doug! Doug! Call a fucking ambulance! - I'm on it!
堅持住 寶貝 好嗎? 堅持住 你會沒事的 Hold on. Hold on, baby, okay? Hold on. You're gonna make it.
朱莉 我愛你 Oh, Julie, I love you.
我愛你 I love you.
這些都是給我準備的? All of this was for me?
是的 我想是吧 Yeah, I guess so.
是嗎? 太美了 這是我見過的最美場面 Oh, yeah? It's so beautiful. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
是的...我願意嫁給你 Yes... I will marry you.
道格 我願意嫁給你 I will marry you, Doug.
熟女當道
網上最火辣的熟女會出現在哪裏 CougarCrate, where the web's hottest cougars hang out.
熟女當道 太牛逼了 CougarCrate. Perfect.
準備好了呦 熟女們已蓄勢待發 Prepare yourselves, because the cougars are on the prowl.
看看你 太正點了 我喜歡那個反戰標誌 Look at you. You are nice. I like that peace sign.
開始熱身...什麼事? Just warmin' up... What?
卡爾文? Calvin?
發... 發生什麼事了? Wh... What's going on?
Beautiful Mind: <美丽心灵>裏的克勞叔犯過這毛病
他開始鑽牛角尖了 He's gone all Beautiful Mind on us.
他已完全失控 He's off the fuckin' grid.
- 拜託 巴克斯特 想想法子! - 兄弟 - Come on, Baxter. Think! - Dude,
他把這玩笑當真 要搞出大事了 he's taken this shit to a whole new level.
所有東西...除以九... Everything... divided by nine...
卡爾文 太棒了 Calvin, great.
J.J.和我試圖限定我們的搜索條件 J.J. and I were trying to delineate our search protocols.
你能多提供些關於這個視頻的信息嗎? Can you tell me anything more about this video?
你從哪裏得知的? Where'd you hear about it?
聖史蒂夫·施瑞德 St-Stevie Schraeder.
史蒂夫·施瑞德 史蒂夫 Stevie Schraeder. Stevie.
就是它! 是時候大顯身手了 Got it! It's time to bring out the big guns.
"鷹眼特狙網"? 這是什麼? "Falcontron"? What's this?
這是網上最牛的搜索引擎 It's the most elite search engine on the Internet.
只有五十個人有使用權限 Only fifty humans have access.
其中十二人是國家領袖 Twelve are heads of state.
那你怎麼進去的? So how do you have access to it?
我黑了BND的主機 I hacked into the mainframe of the Bundesnachrichtendienst.
別編詞了 巴克斯特 又開玩笑了 Stop making up words, Baxter. Seriously.
他總這樣 他只是在騙人... He does that all the time. He just makes up...
是德國情報局 It's the German intelligence bureau.
- "情報局"? - 別廢話了 - "Bureau"? - It's not a word.
尊敬的顧客朋友們 Attention P-Town shoppers
請看看我們刊在<时尚女刊>上的宣傳單 Be sure to check out our insert in Sassy Lass magazine...
科爾博士旗下產品特惠驚喜價 for killer deals on the Dr. Cole family of products.
另有"舞會必備"減價特賣 We're now offering a buy one get one "Senior Prom" special...
羔羊皮安全套和瓶裝酒買一送一 on lambskin condoms and boxed wine.
當然還有"賴賬老爹"優惠 And don't forget our "Deadbeat Dad" discount.
所有一次性相機和兒童棒球組合打折出售 On all disposable cameras and whiffle ball bats.
親們 陰部干癢嗎? Got a dry, itchy vag?
今天 飛逸乳液特惠 買一送一 Today, we are offering a two-for-one deal on Beave Lotion.
這款乳液保濕效果大受廣大女士的青睞 That's lotion for your beave by Moisture Maid, ladies...
現在第四通道打折出售中 請惠顧... now on sale on aisle four. Be sure to check out...
尼爾 Neil.
維羅尼卡 Veronica.
尼爾 Neil.
你憔悴萬分啊 You look pale.
你孕味十足 You look pregnant.
你像是睡廚房餿水池的 You look like you slept in a soup kitchen urinal.
你像是在那流產診所後廢墟裏泡過澡的 You look like you bathed in a Dumpster behind the abortion clinic.
你就是那聖誕節得癌癥的倒霉孩子 You look like the kid who got cancer for Christmas.
The Golden Girls:<黄金女郎> 幾位老奶奶住在一起回憶過去
你就是混跡夜總會的老蕩婦 You look like the slutty one on The Golden Girls.
<黄金女郎>裏角色名
- 你說桃樂茜? - 布蘭奇. - Dorothy? - Blanche.
收回那話! 你他媽婊子養的! You take that back! You son of a bitch!
收回那話! 收回那話! You take it back! Take that back!
我想好好品嚐你 I want to taste you.
慢慢舔到你濕得不行 I want to lick you till you weep.
你胃酸反流怎麼樣了? How's your acid reflux?
你的瘤病毒病怎麼樣了? How's your HPV?
是你發病了 維羅尼卡 我只是攜帶者 It's your HPV, Veronica. I'm just carrying it.
我們還是別來爭論先有雞還是先有蛋了 尼爾 Let's not have another chicken or the egg debate, Neil.
不行 開始 No. Let's.
- 雞 - 蛋 - Chicken. - Egg.
你那塗滿 Your flesh...
可可油的肌膚 slick with cocoa butter...
讓我魂牽夢繞 it haunts me.
維羅尼卡怎麼樣了? How's Veronica?
維羅尼卡很好 維羅尼卡 Veronica's fine, Veronica.
真不敢相信你居然把你的狗叫做維羅尼卡 I can't believe you named your dog Veronica.
無法想像你居然會去 Can't believe you sucked off
和魔法豆遊樂場的流浪漢搞口交 that hobo from Magic Bean.
他是男巫 尼爾 He was a wizard, Neil.
噓 我想推倒你 Shh. I wanna be on you.
上你 In you.
我想... I wanna be...
吻遍 all...
你的下巴 over your chin.
你還喜歡法式焦糖布丁嗎? Do you still like crme brle?
你還喜歡被爆菊嗎? Do you still like fingers in your butthole?
你明知故問 You know the answer is yes.
噢 尼爾 Oh, Neil.
維羅尼卡 Veronica.
- 尼爾 - 維羅尼卡 - Neil. - Veronica.
我想忘記你 I wanna get over you.
我想在你陰部留下愛的印記 I wanna give you a hickey on your vagina.
你已經做到了 尼爾 You already have, Neil.
你已經做到了 You already have.
教堂見 I'll see you in church.
我要先去找你... Not if I see you f...
我說兩句? May I?
我不是羅密歐 諸位 但我知道什麼是愛 I'm no Romeo, folks, but I know what love is.
愛情就是在你首次互戒會上隔著褲子擼一發 It's an over-the-chinos rub and tug during your first AA meeting.
對 對 沒錯 Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
如果我是你 And if I was in your shoes,
我會不惜低聲下氣奮力把她挽回 I would climb Dick Mountain mouth first just to get her back!
對的 先生 Yes Sir!
我們會讓那小狐貍精 Are we gonna let that foxy little thing...
隨便就與這男孩不相往來嗎? run willy-nilly out of this boy's life?
不會! 不會! No! No!
我們要幫助這年輕人 Are we gonna help this youngster...
挽回那甜妞嗎? take that sweet ass to pound town?
- 你什麼時候換班? - 凌晨五點 - When's your shift up? - Five a.m.
- 我代班到三點 - 三點到五點我來! - I'll take it till three. - I got three to five!
謝謝 Thank you.
無需多說 Don't be a bitch about it.
去追她回來 孩子! Go get her, son!
這是什麼? What's that?
音樂新暢享
愛寶
沒你想的那麼激動人心 也就是... It's not as exciting as you might think. It's... It's...
對我來說 也就是助人為樂 For me, I like to say it's more about, just like, helping people, you know.
- 不是處罰不法分子 - 是的 我懂的 - It's not about punishing criminals... - Right, yeah, I totally understand.
- 幫助人會讓我覺得開心 - 羅賓! - It's just, it makes you feel good... - Robin!
- 不是吧 - 羅賓! - Oh, no. - Robin!
羅賓 你去哪啦? 嗨 你好啊 Hey, Robin. Where you been? Hi, how you doing.
你竟敢和假釋官爽約 You missed your meeting with your parole officer.
什麼? 假釋官? What? Parole officer?
不是 他開玩笑的 No. He's kidding.
是啊 這傢伙前陣子惹了點麻煩 Yeah, yeah, this guy got in some trouble a while back for...
在操場上玩弄他的小雞雞 whipping out his little Dick Grayson on a playground.
沒有 我才沒有 No, I didn't.
但是 沒事的 But, it's all good.
我是說 反正你老婆都原諒你了 是吧? I mean, your wife forgave you, right?
- 什麼? - 你結婚了? - What? - You're married?
- 誤入婚途了啊 - 不是 我沒有! - Married pervert. Yeah. - No, I'm not!
史黛西 我沒有結婚! 他開玩笑的! Stacey, I'm... I'm not married! He's kidding!
兄弟 你這可是躲過一劫啊 Oh, man. Dodged that bullet.
你他媽想幹什麼 蝙蝠俠! 都被你給毀了! The hell are you doing here, Batman! You're gonna ruin this!
淡定啦! 聽著 我剛刷微博看到 Calm down! Hey, look, I read on Twitter...
一超級混蛋要來炸場子 that a super-villain's gonna bomb this loser meet and greet.
所以我來拯救拯救啦 我不是向來如此嘛 So I'm here to save the day, like I do, all the time.
你懂啦 這是我的職責 I mean, you know, it's my thing.
- 誰要我是蝙蝠俠! - 胡說八道 - I'm the Batman! - Yeah, baloney!
你就是一如既往地妨礙我勾搭妹子 You're here to ruin my chances with women like you do all the time.
怎麼可能 兄弟 不是啦! 我可是很挺你的 No way, brother! No way! No, I'm-I'm in support of this.
再讓你相一場 我們再去排查炸彈 Get one more speed date, okay, then we gotta find that bomb.
這坑爹呢 Ah, this sucks.
wonder boy: 神奇小子 動畫裏稱讚羅賓的話
小提示 男人點 奇跡多 知道吧? Uh, little tip. Uh, less boy, more wonder, right?
這點子好 Ah, that's very clever.
- 亮瞎她們! - 好 多謝 - Dazzle them! - Yeah, okay. Thanks.
嗨 Hi.
- 嗨 - 我是洛伊斯 洛伊斯·萊恩 - Oh, hi. - Lois. Lois Lane.
不 我認識 我... No, I... l know. I've... I've...
我是羅賓 我們以前見過幾次 it's... it's me, Robin. We... We've met several times.
- 哪個羅賓? - 羅賓 就是羅賓 - Robin what? - Ro... Robin. That's it.
我幫忙從萊克斯·盧瑟手裏救你出來 I helped save you from Lex Luthor.
不記得了 Sorry.
你說 "我永生不忘你的救命之恩" You were like, "I'll never forget this as long as I live."
還是沒印象 Sorry again.
- 我以為你在和超人約會 - 沒有 - I thought you were dating Superman. - No, no.
- 我們六個月前分手了 - 我不知道 - We broke up about six months ago. - I didn't-l didn't know that.
- 從那以後他就一直跟蹤我 - 真的? - He's been stalking me ever since. - Really?
昨晚 我從我臥室窗望去 Last night, I look out my bedroom window,
他就在窗口飄著呢 and there he is just floating there,
就在那兒擼管自慰! just stroking that nasty little curl, and masturbating!
然後射到我窗戶上! Blew his wad all over my window!
窗戶都被他弄壞了! He broke the window!
從他那... The, the... From the...
他的精液像獵槍一樣兇猛 Uh, his jizz is like a shotgun blast!
你知道他頭髮上塗的粘狀物嗎? You know that shiny stuff in his hair?
那可不是髮膠 It's not hair gel.
- 洛伊斯! 天啊 - 不會吧! - Lois! Oh, my God! - Oh, no!
真高興見到你! Nice to see you!
很高興被你見到啊 真是開心啊! Nice to be seen! Oh, my goodness!
別 我們在... No, no, no. Yeah, we're in the...
- 你們認識? - 是啊 我們是同事 - Do you know each other? - Yeah, we work together.
- 是嗎? - 超人怎麼樣了? - You do? - Hey, how's Superman?
我現在給他個電話 實際上 我得... I'm gonna give him a call right now, actually. I need...
- 不要 別這麼干 - 才不 這就聯繫他 - No, no! Don't do that! - Oh, no, I'm gonna do it.
- 蝙蝠俠 不要 求你啦 - 已經接通啦 - Batman, don't. Please. Please. - It's already ringing.
超人! 在幹嗎呢 兄弟 我是黑暗騎士 Hey, Soups! What's up, brother! It's the Dark Knight.
老兄 我剛好想起你 Hey, man, I was just thinking about you here...
因為我正和洛伊斯在一起呢 cause I'm sitting with Lois...
她正和我小弟羅賓約會呢 and she's on a date with my boy, Robin.
- 不 - 他掛了 掉線啦 - No! - Oh, he hung up. I lost him.
離洛伊斯遠點 否則我用我的熱力... Stay away from Lois or I'll use my heat vision...
把你兩蛋蛋烤得不像樣 to fuse your balls into one big ridiculous uniball.
超人 你誤會了 Superman, you don't understand.
我不是來這泡你女友的 那才是瘋了! I'm not here to hit on your girlfriend. That's crazy!
蝙蝠俠和我是臥底 我們在找炸彈 Batman and I are undercover and we're looking for a bomb.
炸彈? Bomb?
我才不管什麼炸彈的事 I don't give two super-shits about a bomb.
只要我和洛伊斯嘿咻 就能容光煥發 As long as I'm balls-deep in Lois, I'm solid gold.
離洛伊斯遠點 賤人 Stay away from Lois, bitch!
- 該死的! - 他就那樣! - Goddammit! - That's his thing!
不是 我告訴他 No, so I told him, you know,
"我們要去打擊犯罪 兄弟 所以..." "I mean, we're gonna be fighting crime, buddy, so..."
噢 他來了 Oh, there he is.
"你應該穿上褲子 " "Uh, you know, you should put on some pants."
但是他就喜歡他那裝束 所以 But he liked the costume the way it is, so,
所以 拿他沒辦法啦 孩子都那樣 you know, what are you gonna do. Kids.
- 星期四? - 沒錯 - Well... Thursday? - Thursday it is!
- 回見 - 好 - See you then. - All right, now.
美腿啊 And, nice legs.
是你讓我穿成這樣的 是他讓我這樣穿的! You make me wear this. He makes me wear this outfit!
不公平啊! 我不喜歡穿成這樣! So unfair! I hate it!
她真有趣! 好啦 約會結束啦 我們走 She's a hoot! All right, that was your date. Let's go.
- 胡扯 真根本不算! - 怎麼不算了? - Bullcrap! That doesn't count! - What do you mean that doesn't count?
有妹紙 那就是約會啦 That was a girl, this was a date.
現在 動起來 找炸彈去吧 Now, let's boogie. We gotta go find that bomb.
求你啦 讓我再來一次 那次不算 拜託 Please, just let me do one more. That doesn't count. Please.
天啊 你這孩子 來吧 坐下 Oh, my God, you're such a baby. Go! Sit down. Fine.
- 真好! - 好 開始吧 - Yes! - Fine. Go ahead.
玩得開心 但這次你不能單槍匹馬 Have fun. But you're not gonna do it on your own.
- 把這塞你耳朵裏 - 什麼東西? - Pop that in your ear. - What's that?
我的任務就是藏在桌子下 What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna get underneath the table,
在下面教你說話 幫你搞定 hide down there and feed you lines to help bag this next gal.
明白 就像電影<大鼻子情圣> Oh, right, like Cyrano de Bergerac.
我不知道那個電影 更像是<爱上罗珊> I don't know what that is. It's more like Roxanne.
但我更想我自己搞定 Okay, but look, I... I'd really rather do this on my own.
我聽到了 我也很是欣賞你的話 Okay, and I hear you, and I appreciate what you're saying,
- 但是 我還是決定幫忙 - 拜託不要 - but I, you know, I'm gonna do it. - Please don't.
我決定做 I'm gonna do it.
蝙蝠俠 不要啊 拜託 不要 Batman, don't. Please, please, don't...
很抱歉 我遲到了 衛生間人真多 Hi. Sorry, sorry I'm late. There's a line in the bathroom.
你好 我是女超人 Hi. I'm Supergirl.
- 我的名字... - 我叫羅賓 - My name... - I'm Robin.
你好 我叫羅賓 Hi, I'm Robin.
你打哪來? Um, so where you from?
那 你打哪來? So, where you from?
我... 克萊普頓星 I... Um, Krypton.
克雷普頓 哪... 那個 Krypton, eh. Where... That's, that's, uh...
- 媽呀 - 媽的! - Oh, shit. - Oh, shit!
兄弟 我看到她下面啦 Dude, I can see her snatch.
兄弟 我可以... Dude, I can sn...
天啊! 無法置信這大尺寸啊 Oh, my God! I can't believe the size of this thing.
這他媽的像片巨大的麥地 深不可測啊 It's like a giant fucking cornfield. It's enormous down here.
瘋啦 看著這個 我... 感覺隨時 It's crazy. Look at that. I... I... I feel like at any moment,
赤腳喬·傑克遜可能從中跑出來 Shoeless Joe Jackson could walk out of it
和我一起玩傳球 and I could play catch with him.
克萊普頓星 感覺是個好地方 Krypton. I... I hear it's really nice.
我從沒去過... I... I have never been...
你沒聽說太陽新星毀了我們整個種族嗎? You didn't hear that the Sun supernova and destroyed our entire race?
我想要用它洗盤子 I wanna wash dishes with it.
是嗎? 我沒... Did it? I did not...
下面真是個大場面啊 It's a huge, bushy catastrophe down here.
西恩·潘與麥當娜結過婚 曾家暴
感覺西恩·潘真該幫忙打理下 Feel like Sean Penn should do a benefit for this thing. It's...
什麼? 你能聽到他說話 是吧? What? Oh, no. You can hear him, can't you?
當然 能聽到 Yeah, I can hear him.
我也看到蝙蝠俠在桌底下 I can also see Batman underneath the table.
你有透視眼 我懂 Cause of the x-ray vision. Of course.
不是 我直接就可以看到他 No, I can just see him.
這是咖啡桌 過於明顯了 It's a cafe table. I mean, it's really obvious.
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hi. - Hi.
關於你家人的死我很是抱歉... Ah, dude. I'm so sorry about your family dying and...
兄弟 那讓我回到了七十年代啊 Oh, man! That took me back to the seventies, huh?
等下 看到我們要找的罪犯 就是那企鵝 Hold on. There's our culprit. It's the Penguin.
恕我失陪 我要去做些該做的俠義事 Excuse me. I'm gonna go do some Batman-ing.
你要...我幫忙嗎? Do you need any... Can I help?
用手套撿起來有點困難 給你 Oh, it's hard to pick up with gloves. There you go.
不好意思 小甜心 你好啊 Excuse me, sweetie. How you doing.
你介意走遠點嗎? You mind fucking off for a little bit?
多謝 感激不盡 Thank you. I appreciate it. Thanks.
- 回見 好公民 - 好大膽子啊你! - See you later, citizen. - How dare you!
你個婊子養的! 炸彈在哪 你個肥仔? You son of a bitch! Where's the bomb, you fat fucker?
- 嗨 蠢貨! - 糟糕 - Hey! Asshole! - Oh, shit.
你們在自以為是什麼人? 純爺們? What do you think you are? Some big man?
欺負個小胖子? Picking on a little fat guy?
放輕鬆! 這位是企鵝 我們的老對頭 Take it easy! That's the Penguin. That's what I do.
你幹嘛不聯繫我? Why didn't you call me?
我...不是...我... I... No... I...
你說過你會打給我的 You said that you were gonna call me.
等下 我沒打嗎? Wait a minute. Did I not?
我撥了號的 我沒按接通嗎? I know I dialed a number... Did I not hit "send"?
你說過無論怎樣你都會對我不離不棄的 You said that you were gonna stick by me no matter what happened.
然後你的小蝙蝠避孕套破了 你就消失了 And then your little Bat-condom breaks, and then you just disappear!
你明白作為一個神奇女俠要獨自去搞 Do you know what it's like going to Planned Parenthood by yourself,
計劃生育是什麼感受嗎? when you're Wonder Woman?
好吧 談話主題不是那麼浪漫 Okay. Not very romantic talk.
羅伊訴韋德案: 美國墮胎法案
相了次親竟扯出墮胎法案 Roe v. Wade here at a speed dating situation.
聽著 我那時正在打擊犯罪行為 Uh, look, I was fighting crime!
問羅賓 羅賓快為我擔保 Ask Robin. Robin, vouch for me.
滾完床單他就會哭 你知道嗎? He cries after sex. Do you know that?
我幹嘛要知道? Why would I know that?
哭的跟個小孩 在滾完床單 你說什麼來著? Like a baby. After sex, what do you say?
"噢 我的靈魂真是黑暗" 就因為你小時候 "Oh, my soul's so dark." Because you saw some bats...
看見些變態(蝙蝠)? 你個娘炮! when you were little? You pussy!
看這啦 忙著把妹拉郎的諸位 Attention, Gotham City speed daters:
他媽的他是怎麼過去的? How the fuck did he get over there?
我這辦法真是高明 我不是來相親的 It was all a clever ruse. I'm not speed dating.
某些人應該記得 我婚後生活美滿 Some of you should remember I'm happily married.
- 對哦 - 我婚禮你們都有去 - That's right! - You were all there at the wedding.
這炸彈還在我胸上捆著呢 Okay, bomb strapped to my chest.
對哦 無論怎樣 Oh, yes. In any case,
你們得給我一大筆錢 you all have to give me some unimaginable sum of money...
否則我就炸死這女超人 or else I'm going to blow up Supergirl with this bomb.
想不到吧! 引爆裝置在這傘裏 Dat dat dat dat! The detonator is in this umbrella.
- 去搞定它 - 不 你去搞定 - Cool it. - No, you cool it.
我的好眼睛! 你人呢? My non-monocled eye! Where are you?
解除! Disarm!
贊! Yes!
- 你還好嗎? - 是的 - Are you okay? - I think so.
是你救了我! You saved my life!
我只是做我應做的 Just-Just doing my job.
吻她 Kiss. Kiss her.
撬開她的嘴 舌吻 Open her mouth and touch tongues.
把你的舌頭伸進她的嘴裏 Put your tongue inside her mouth...
然後慢慢引誘她的舌頭進入你的嘴裏 and that'll coax her tongue to go into your mouth!
對! 摸咪咪 Yeah! You, uh, squeeze her boobies.
對的 摸屁股 Yeah, and touch her butt.
- 這很有愛吧? - 好有愛啊 - Doesn't that look nice? - It looks so nice.
等下 不要這麼快! Oh, yeah. Hold on! Not so fast!
噢 天啊! Oh, God!
- 謎妖! - 謎妖! - Riddler! - Riddler!
沒錯!就是謎妖! That is right! The Riddler!
這計劃就惡毒在借口拆除炸彈 In a diabolical scheme to get Robin and me
讓我跟羅賓來這裏參加相親 to this speed date to stop a bomb,
其實只是想把引誘羅賓到某個破倉庫裏 only to lure Robin away to some seedy warehouse...
然後你想把他掛在一個填滿圖釘的大桶上 where you're gonna hang him above a vat filled with thumbtacks...
或者裝滿蜥蜴什麼的操蛋玩意兒! or lizards or some fucking bullshit!
你不會得逞的 小癟三! Well it didn't work, muchacho!
太厲害了 你怎麼做到的? That was amazing. How did you do that?
你怎麼看出來她是假扮的? I mean, how'd you know that she was a fake?
那種陰毛尺寸只便於做一件事 Bush that size is only good for one thing,
就是藏好他的老二! 你懂我的意思嗎? and that one thing is hidin' the wang! You know what I'm saying?
等一下 先讓我搞清楚情況 Wait. Let me get this straight.
所以你早就知道了嗎? So you knew all the way back then?
你早就知道她是個男的? You knew that she was a dude?
我一直都知道 Whole time.
為... 為什麼你還讓我親她? Wh... Why'd you make me kiss her?
...他 這檔子事 ...Him. This.
我不知道 I don't know.
我猜是今早的床氣爆棚吧 I guess I woke up this morning with a little case of the fuck-arounds.
我就是在找樂子 兄弟! 嗷! You know I'm just having fun. My buddy! Woo!
還記得這樣的場景嗎? Remember this?
很討人厭是嗎? Ugly isn't it?
請想想他們的感受 But think how they feel.
為了讓你生活得更好 不圖回報地工作 Working without thanks to make your life better.
孤獨 沒人關愛 常受傷害 Lonely, unloved, hurt.
承受著身體 言語 情感上的虐待... Physical, verbal, emotional abuse...
去完成你想做的事 to get what we want done.
你難道不明白他們已經盡力了嗎? Can't you see they're doing their best?
他們不想佔領你的世界 They're not trying to take over your world.
他們只希望在你心裏能有一席之地 They're just trying to find a little place in your hearts.
請謹記 機器中住滿了孩子 Remember, machines, they're full of kids.
夥計 點那個按鈕 Dude, click the button.
不要點那個按鈕 Do not click the button.
- 你他媽是誰啊? - 我是牛頭怪 - Who the fuck are you? - I am the Minotaur.
你們正在我的迷宮裏 You are in my maze.
你知道在哪能找到電影四十三嗎? Do you know where we can find Movie 43?
電影四十三? 電影四十三? Movie 43? Movie 43?
你做好腦袋被剁成小碎塊的準備了嗎? Are you prepared to have your brains butchered into tiny pieces?
你做好被飢餓的老鼠啃掉眼珠 Are you prepared to have a starving rat nibble out your eyeballs,
還要被憤怒的發情公狼干的準備了嗎? and then have the holes fucked by angry, thick-dicked wolves?
哥們兒 冷靜點 Dude, calm down.
我覺得... 你只是誤會了 I think you're... I think you're just confused.
我們是在講電影四十三 你都沒聽說過吧 We're... we're talking about Movie 43. You've never heard of that.
噢耶 找到她啦 Oh, yeah. She's here.
我覺得我們真是有緣 I think we have a connection.
據我們所知 It is the one movie
這是一部可以使社會文明完全崩塌的電影 that can bring down society as we know it.
不 哥們兒 它不是這樣的 我保證 No, dude. That's something different. I guarantee it.
我已立誓阻止任何人觀看這部電影 I have taken a vow to keep anybody from viewing this film.
哥們兒 哥們兒 Dude, dude.
這傢伙說的是真的 他用的防火牆我從沒見過 This guy's for real. He's protected by firewalls I've never even seen.
我們要按這個按鈕 We gotta click this button.
不要按下去 Do not click the button.
不要按... Do not click the...
去死吧! Suck it!
泰勒·迪·薩托 十五歲 Tyler De Soto. Fifteen.
住在弗羅裏達聖露茜港 Port St. Lucie, Florida.
他只失去了一根手指 He only lost a finger.
太可怕了 It's horrific.
可我還是不清楚有什麼問題 I'm still not seeing what the problem is, though.
布萊恩? Brian?
愛寶搭載了最先進的3.2Ghz處理器 The iBabe has an advanced 3.2 gigahertz processor.
上面預留有散熱口 其中配置了一台高效 We left an opening for a vent and then we placed a highly-efficient,
大馬力的微型風扇 super powerful micro-fan in the opening.
- 然後呢? - 散熱口就在她的 - And? - The vent is in her,
下腹部 Lower quadrant.
私處 Vagi-port.
- 陰道 - 私處 - Vagina. - Vagi-port.
散熱口就在陰道部位 The vent is in the vagina.
相當一部分的年輕買家 A certain percentage of our younger demographic...
把那什麼... 你知道的 插到散熱口裏 are sticking their you-know-what in the vent.
我不知道 No, I don't know what.
孩子們把陰莖插到了散熱口裏 Kids are sticking their penises in the vent.
然後風扇就會把陰莖割碎 The fan then mangles their penises.
真噁心! Disgusting!
先生 愛寶是一台... Sir, the iBabe is a...
高保真音樂播放器 High fidelity music player.
沒錯 但它在視覺上和觸覺上都像極了裸女 Yes, it also looks and feels exactly like a naked woman.
生理上講 青少年會不由地被裸女吸引 Teenage boys are physically attracted to naked women.
我們的調研結果並非如此 先生 Our research doesn't support that, sir.
至少 我們要在包裝盒上貼個警告標識 Look, at the very least, we need to put a warning sticker on the box.
其他Mp3都沒有 Other MP3 players don't have a warning
"不准和它做愛"的警告 是吧? not to have sex with it. Right?
薯片包裝上不會貼著這樣的警告 A bag of potato chips doesn't have a warning,
"請不要操薯片" Please don't fuck these potato chips.
我是瘋了嗎? Am I crazy here?
真想不到會有人這樣做 None of us could have seen this one coming.
我會 I did.
艾琳·布勞科維奇: 出演電影<永不妥协>
放輕鬆 死較真兒 Take it easy, Erin Brockovich.
研發小組 你們做過大量試驗 R and D team. You did extensive testing here.
各位預料下 會有人破壞冷卻系統嗎? Did you anticipate anybody breaching the cooling system?
有沒有反對意見? Any red flags?
戴夫? Dave?
而且 我們把問題分解成了三步 Also, we've broken down our problem into three steps.
第一 孩子們購買愛寶 Step 1: Kid buys iBabe.
第二 孩子們和愛寶亂搞 Step 2: Kid fucks iBabe.
第三 孩子們的老二被切壞了 控告我們 Step 3: Kid mangles dick and sues us.
我們的目標是 杜絕第二步和第三步 Our goal is to eliminate step two and step three.
現在我知道問題出在哪了 Now I know what the problem is.
為什麼不把風扇移走? Why don't we just move the fan?
為什麼不放在她的耳朵裏? Why don't we just put it in her ear?
不不不不不不 先生 No. No, no, no, no, no, sir.
我們花了兩年才取得這些成果 Uh, my team spent two years doing the impossible,
你這樣幾乎就是命令我們從頭開始 and you're pretty much just telling us to go back and start from scratch.
你懂的 就是打自己的臉 You know, to go fuck ourselves!
聽我說 愛寶重達一百多磅 知道嗎? Okay, look. The iBabe weighs over a hundred pounds, okay?
把它帶到公共場合是違法的 It's basically illegal to take it out in public.
婦女組織正在呼籲聯合抵制我們公司 Women's organizations are calling for the boycott of our entire company.
我們的股價直線下跌 Our stock is plummeting
而且孩子們的小弟弟時刻都可能受重傷 and kids' dicks are getting horribly mangled!
進來 進來 進來 Uh, come in, come in, come in.
先生 請允許我為您介紹特版愛寶 Sir, may I introduce you to the iBabe Special Edition.
天啊 Oh, my God.
更快的處理器 雙倍內存 Faster processing, double storage capacity,
還有這優雅的外形 and how about that elegant finish.
真是太美了 太美了 太美了! Just gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous!
- 恭喜你! - 謝謝 - Congratulations! - Thank you.
終於可以為顧客提供膚色選擇了 Finally we can give our customers a choice of color.
天啊 我怎麼覺得它爛到不能再爛了呢 Oh, my God. Just when I thought it couldn't get more offensive.
饒了我吧 Oh, for Christ's sake.
啊 現在我懂了 Yeah. Now I understand.
愛寶 只可遠觀 不可褻玩
夠了! 夠了! Enough! Enough!
你們想要什麼? 錢? 女人? What do you want? Money? Women?
不要再找電影四十三了 Just stop looking for Movie 43.
嗨! 你們是誰? Hey! Who are you?
電影四十三 電影四十三在哪? Movie 43. Where is Movie 43?
我不知道你在說什麼 I don't know what you're talking about.
電影四十三在哪? 不許說謊! Where is Movie 43? Don't lie!
放開我! 別碰我! 不要! Get away from me! Get off me! No!
他媽的! The fuck, man!
那麼你們知道一定電影四十三在哪裏 So you know where Movie 43 is.
不! No!
能讓你預見未來的電影 The movie that allows you to see into the future.
不要! 它會毀了全社會! No! It will destroy society!
按照協議 會使死人復活的! He will unleash the dead up in protocol!
史蒂夫·施瑞德跟你說過這些嗎? Did Stevie Schraeder tell you any of this?
史蒂夫·施瑞德是誰? Who is this Stevie Schroeder?
史蒂夫·施瑞德是誰? Who is Stevie Schroeder?
史蒂夫·施瑞德是誰? Who is this Stevie Schraeder?
我不認識史蒂夫·施瑞德! I don't know Stevie Schraeder!
- 你在說謊! - 搞什麼? - You lie! - What the fuck?
操! Fuck you!
史蒂夫·施瑞德是誰? Who is Stevie Schroeder?
快告訴我史蒂夫·施瑞德是誰! You tell me where Stevie Schroeder is!
那混賬是誰? Who is this motherfucker?
媽的 他是我駕駛課的同學! He's a kid in my fucking Driver's Ed class!
J.j.和巴克斯特 You will find us Movie 43,
你們要為我找到電影四十三 J.J. and Baxter.
麻痹的 What the fuck, man!
繼續找! Keep looking!
- 我在找! - 不要找! - I'm looking! - Don't look!
我想去參加薩米成人禮 在等答覆 I'm, uh, RSVP...ing to Sammy's Bar Mitzvah.
我也是 Yeah, me too.
只去聚會 不去成人禮現場 The party, not the service.
我媽逼我兩個都參加 太遜了! My mom always makes me go to both. Sucks.
是啊 Yeah.
哇哦! Yeah!
內森這次終於找到妹子約會了! Nathan on a date for once!
天啊 米奇 閉嘴! Jesus, Mikey, shut up!
什麼? 媽媽讓我看著你們的 What? Mom told me to watch you guys.
我只是按她說的做 I'm just doing my job.
我是認真的 米奇 走開! I mean it, Mikey. Leave!
我在盯著你哦! I'm watching you.
抱歉 我哥哥是個白癡 Sorry, my brother's an idiot.
沒事的 Whatever.
- 這有衛生間嗎? - 當然 就在那後面 - You have a bathroom? - Totally. It's right back there.
- 呸! - 內森? - Yuck! - Nathan?
內森 我... Nathan, I...
我哥哥把果汁噴趣酒灑在沙發上了 My brother spilled fruit punch on the couch.
染了好大一塊紅色 There's a big red stain.
我 我 嗯... 我要走了 I, I, um... I need to go.
但是再過半小時才會有人來接你啊 But you're not getting picked up for another half hour.
要再坐一會兒看看電視嗎? Wanna sit and watch some more TV?
好 我... 我就... Yeah. I'll... I'll just...
我就在這邊站著看吧 I'll just watch it from back here.
好棒 我喜歡站著 That's cool. I like standing.
哇! 米奇還把果酒噴到牆上了! Whoa! Mikey spilled fruit punch on the wall, too!
我媽會氣瘋的! My mom is gonna be so pissed!
內森 我真的要走了 Nathan, I really need to go!
嗨 小情侶 希望我沒有... Hey, lovebirds, I hope I'm not...
天啊 你流血了! 噢 天啊! Holy shit, you are covered in blood! Oh, my God!
- 什麼? - 噢 天啊! - What? - Oh, my God!
- 天啊! - 天啊! - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God!
天啊! 你一定是... Oh, my God! You must've s...
坐在釘子或者什麼東西上了! sat on a nail or something!
你個白癡! 她這是來大姨媽了! You idiot! She's having her period!
天啊! Oh, my God!
我該做什麼? What do I do?
你不知道該做什麼? You don't know what to do?
你之前沒有來過大姨媽? You've never had your period before?
- 沒有 - 噢 天啊! - No, I haven't. - Oh, my God,
米奇 她已經流了好多血了! Mikey, she's already lost a lot of blood!
好吧 嗯 聽好了? Okay. Um, you know what?
媽媽在這邊存放過一些衛生棉條 知道吧? Mom's gotta have some tampons around here somewhere, right?
天啊! 真不敢相信! Oh, my God! This is not happening!
媽的! 你比媽媽瘦小多了! Fuck! You are way skinnier than Mom!
那... 那東西絕不適合你用! There... There's no way they're gonna fit you!
我想走回家去! Look, I'm just gonna walk home!
不 不 不! 你不能就這樣走回家 傻瓜! No, no, no, no! You can't walk home in your condition, silly!
米奇 快! Mikey, hurry!
只能找到塑料袋! There's just plastic bags!
我不知道我他媽還能幹什麼! I don't know what the fuck you want me to do!
- 幹嘛? - 自己擦一擦! - What? - Wipe yourself!
嗨 嗨 嗨! 孩子們 我提前回來了 Hey, hey, hey! Guys, I'm home early.
爸 幫幫我們! Dad, help us!
怎麼回事 我是內森的爸爸 我叫史蒂夫 Pardon me, I'm Nathan's father, Steve.
先塞住止血好了 我找到了這個 還有這個 Oh, we're just gonna have to plug it up. I found this and this.
出什麼事了? All right, what's going on here?
內森這次約會正趕上她第一次來大姨媽 Nathan's date is on her period for the first time,
她的血流得到處都是! and she's bleeding everywhere!
- 噢 真噁心 - 什麼? - Oh, disgusting. - What?
我是說 恭喜你 小姐 I mean, congratulations, young lady.
"恭喜"? 她要流血致死了! "Congratulations"? She's bleeding to death!
天啊! 我的肚子好疼! Oh, my God! My stomach hurts!
她在宮縮了! She's having contractions!
不要! 噢 不! No! Oh, no!
好吧 All right.
9-1-1? 我朋友的陰道在流血! 9-1-1? Yeah, my friend is bleeding out of her vagina!
內森 內森 聽我說! Nathan, Nathan, listen!
為什麼你在嘲笑我? Why are you laughing at me?
就是... 阿曼達的內臟內膜... It's just... it's... The... The lining of Amanda's...
從身體裏排出來 internal organs just spilling out of her.
天啊! Oh, my God!
我不會死的! Look, I'm not dying!
我找到了凍豆子和一塊海綿! I got frozen peas and a sponge!
如果要保持內膜完整 If you wanna keep the lining intact,
男人需要把勃起的陰莖插入她的陰道 the man has to insert his erect phallus into her vagina.
什麼? A what?
你們猜我找到什麼好東西了? You know what? I got a perfect thing.
插在棍子上的衛生棉 Maxi pad on a stick.
天啊! 我死了算了! Oh, my God! I wanna kill myself!
你們好! 寶貝兒 你準備好要走了嗎? Hello! Hey, baby, you ready?
- 麻痹的出什麼事了? - 爸! - What the hell's going on here? - Dad!
天啊! 寶貝兒! Oh, my God! Honey!
你家得多變態 What the hell kind of sick family
才會把這麼大一個西紅柿砸到 squashes a large tomato...
我女兒褲子上? on my daughter's pants?
哇 看看你是怎麼暗諷我們家的 Whoa. Watch what you're implying about my family.
有什麼好看的 傑克! Oh, I don't gotta watch anything, Jack!
- 是嗎? - 是的! - Yeah? - Yeah!
你推我? You touching me?
是的 是的 傻逼 我推你了! Yeah, yeah, bitch, yeah!
- 你還推我? - 你不准推我! - You touching me? - You're not to touch me!
- 我們出去練 傻逼! - 我們走! - Let's go, bitch! - Let's go!
打他! 照喉嚨打! Sucker punch him! Sucker punch him in the throat!
都給我閉嘴! Everybody shut up!
只是個普通的七年級女孩來大姨媽而已 Look, I'm just a regular seventh-grade girl getting my period,
被你們這群白癡撞到 真是太差勁了 and it really sucks that it had to be in front of all you idiots.
爸 給我媽打電話 讓她回家等我們 Dad, call Mom and tell her to meet us at home.
她來大姨媽了? She's got her period?
真噁心 So disgusting.
你沒有那種防水布能借我用用 是吧? You don't have a camping tarp I could borrow, do you?
發生這些事我很抱歉 Sorry about all that.
嗨 寶貝兒 不要坐在車裏! Hey, honey, don't sit in the car!
陰道真是太複雜了! Vagina is way too complicated!
是啊 絕不是蓋的 Yeah, no shit.
真的? Really?
爸 太威武了 Dad, that was epic!
我從早上開會的時候起就一直攢著這個屁呢 I've been trying to push that puppy out since this morning's conference call.
哇! 我要去拉屎 然後我們看比賽 Woo! I gotta take a massive dump, and then we're watching the game.
- 嗯 - 好的! - Yeah. - Yes!
真棒! Oh, nice!
丹碧絲月經棉塞 全方位防漏
快點 過來 過來 Come on, come on, come on, come on.
看我們找到誰了 Look who we found.
J.J.? J.J.?
- 史蒂夫·施瑞德? - 我就說吧 - Stevie Schraeder? - I freaking told you.
靠.. 媽的! 怎麼找到他的? Wh... What the fuck! How'd he get there?
史蒂夫 跟他們說電影四十三的事! Stevie, tell them about Movie 43!
什麼電影四十三? 他們一直在問我這個 What's Movie 43? They keep asking me that.
把史蒂夫·施瑞德的手指切下來 Cut off Stevie Schraeder's finger.
什麼! What!
不 不要切史蒂夫·施瑞德的手指! No, don't cut off Stevie Schraeder's finger!
不要切我的手指! 求你了! Don't cut off Stevie Schraeder's finger! Please!
電影四十三不是真的 Movie 43 isn't real.
只是我和卡爾文編出來耍你的! It's just something Calvin and I made up to prank you!
顯然它一定是存在的 Well, apparently it is real,
我們要找到它 and we need to find it
不然你那傻逼朋友就死定了! or else your stupid friend dies!
- 除非... - 除非什麼? 什麼? - Unless... - Unless what? Unless what?
我可以做一個91-F-西塔箱 I can fashion a ninety-one-F-Theta Box.
不要 不要用西塔箱 拜託! 不要那樣做! No. Not the Theta Box. Please! Do not do that!
快去! 弄個西塔箱 管它是什麼呢 Go! Make a Theta Box, dude. Whatever that is.
好吧 不用等我 Okay. Don't wait for me.
檢索"電影四十三"+"是否存在"
電影四十三在哪 在哪? Movie 43. Wh... Where is it? Where is it?
混蛋 滾開 Go fuck yourself, asshole!
別這樣 Don't do this.
布萊恩 我們是最好的朋友啊 別搬走 Brian, we're best friends, man. You can't move out.
你干了我的女友 老兄 You fucked my girlfriend, dude.
才一次 One time.
連續幹了一周 For a week.
- 什麼? - 但我想補償你的 - What? - But I want to make it up to you.
我能幹你女友嗎? Can I fuck your girlfriend?
可以 但是她發現我睡了你女友之後 Yes, but she broke up with me...
就和我分手了 when she found out I slept with your girlfriend...
所以這事我辦不了 so I can't arrange it.
但布萊恩 我有驚喜給你 But Brian, I got you something.
最好的生日禮物 你一定會喜歡的 Best birthday present ever. You are going to love this.
- 有必要嗎? - 相信我 - Is this really necessary? - Trust me.
最好是... It's better if it's a...
一 二 三 想不到吧 One, two, three, surprise!
吃驚吧 老兄 生日快樂 I know, right, buddy? Happy birthday.
你綁架了一個愛爾蘭小矮子 You kidnapped an Irish midget.
小矮妖:愛爾蘭精靈 喜歡搞惡作劇
不 這是小矮妖 No, I caught you a leprechaun.
笨蛋 根本就沒有小矮妖 Moron. There's no such thing as leprechauns.
老兄 看著 Dude, watch this.
嘿 小兄弟 Hey, little buddy.
跟我朋友說 你會給我們一大罐黃金 Tell my friend you're going to give us a big pot of gold.
我要切掉你蛋蛋然後餵你們吃掉 I'm going to cut off your balls and feed them to you!
天啊 Good Lord.
他在開玩笑 他會給我們黃金的 He's just joking. He's got to give us the gold.
這是行規 是吧? That's the rules. Right?
你等著看我操死你! The last thing you'll ever see is my cock, skull-fucking you!
我再問他一次 Let me ask him again.
你他媽的把黃金交出來 Give us the fucking gold!
我拿一把破剪刀操翻你時 Do you want the lights on or off...
你喜望開著燈還是關燈呢? when I fuck you with a pair of rusty scissors?
住手 住手 冷靜 冷靜 Stop, stop! Chill! Chill!
你在幹什麼? 你這樣會弄死他的 What are you doing? You're going to kill him!
當心 放鬆 我來處理 好嗎? 我來處理 Watch out! Relax! I'll handle this, okay? I'll handle this.
嘿 小矮妖先生 Hey, Mr. Leprechaun.
我為此感到非常抱歉 I am super sorry about this.
這是個誤會 It's just a misunderstanding,
我馬上就給你鬆綁 把你放了 so what I'm going to do... is untie you and let you go.
這樣如何? How does that sound?
好的 但首先 Okay... but first...
先給我口爆一下 你這狗娘養的雜種 Lick my crusty Irish taint, you yeast-breeding cunt hole!
去死 去死 你這小混球 Die! Die, you little magical fuck!
哇 停 停 好好想想 Whoa, stop! Stop! Think!
他死了 就無法告訴我們黃金藏在哪 If he's dead, he can't tell us where the gold is!
該死的巨人 不要臉的混蛋 Fucking giants. Motherfucking full-growns!
一結束 我馬上干破你媽的私穴 When all this is over, I'm going to crawl up your mother's cunt...
再在上面插棍點篝火 and start a fucking campfire!
閉嘴 你什麼也做不了 Hey! No! Shut up! You can't do anything...
你這麼個矬樣 被綁在椅子上 because you're tiny and tied to a chair,
沒人知道你在哪 and nobody knows where you are.
沒人知道 No one!
此言差矣 I wouldn't bet on that.
誰打過來? Who's calling?
喂 Hello?
快死之人就是這麼說話的 So this is what a dead man sounds like.
- 又一個小矮妖 - 操 - It's another leprechaun. - Fuck!
是我哥哥打來的話 If that's my brother...
做好老二被綁到消防栓上的準備吧 prepare to have your dickhole stretched over a fucking fire hydrant!
- 你怎麼那麼嘴賤? - 封住他嘴 - What's wrong with your fucking mouth? - Gag him.
你的蛋蛋 Your balls...
聽著 你這個臭婊子 Listen, Cookie O' Puss...
小矮妖在我這 把金子交出來 不然我殺了他 I got a leprechaun and I want some gold or we're going to kill him.
我把你的蛋蛋切了怎麼樣? How do you feel about having your balls cut off?
靠 他們那麼喜歡蛋蛋 Jeez, they're so into balls.
我是認真的 最好把金子交出來 I'm serious. You better make with the gold...
不然你的小矮妖就要被大卸八塊 or your little green man will be pushing up four-leaf clovers!
你的語氣夠強硬 很好 That was so good. You sounded so tough.
好吧 Okay.
他說什麼? What did he say?
他說好吧 He said "Okay."
不可能 他怎麼來得這麼快? No way. How did he get here so fast?
太好了 Sweet!
- 金幣 - 金的 - Gold coins! - Gold!
- 老兄 生日快樂 - 太好了 - Happy birthday, dude! - Holy crap!
我們得到金幣了 還留著這個小賤貨? So, we get the gold and we keep this little fucker?
你聽見沒? 看來你的護身符失效了啊 Did you hear that? Looks like your lucky charms just ran out.
現在是誰的魔法管用啊 臭婊子? Who's magically delicious now, bitch?
什麼? 你說什麼? What? Did you say something?
有個這麼大個金盆 聽不見你講什麼 I couldn't hear you over my giant pot of leprechaun gold!
今早的高潮來了 婊子們 Top o' the morning, ladies!
他打中了我的眼睛 He shot me in the eye!
他打中了我的乳頭 He shot me in my nipples!
我一隻眼瞎了 I'm half goddamn blind!
讓你知道凱爾特人的厲害 Taste Celtic steel!
老兄 就是這樣 干死他 That's right, brother! Fuck him up good!
這就是拿走小矮妖的黃金的下場 This is what happens when you take a leprechaun's gold!
用你的小妖刀捅他 切掉他蛋蛋 Stab him with your leprechaun knife! Cut off his balls!
快上啊! Go leprechauns!
- 見天國去吧 - 什麼? - Walk to the rainbow. - What?
- 切掉他蛋蛋 - 救命 皮特 救命! - Cut off his balls! - Help! Pete! Help!
我要把你蛋蛋剁碎! I'm going to mangle your balls!
開槍打死這個死小矮妖 Shoot him! Shoot the fucking leprechaun!
你個笨蛋 不是那個小矮妖 是這個! You moron! Not that leprechaun! This leprechaun!
聖帕特裏克:愛爾蘭守護神
跟聖帕特裏克說這樣爽死了 Tell St. Patty you like it up the ass!
現在怎麼辦? What now?
這些小矮妖也太小了嘛 Not much to these guys.
是啊 比我想像中的還小 Yeah. I thought they'd be bigger.
嘿 皮特 我要對你說聲謝謝 Hey, Pete, I just want to say thank you.
- 是啊 黃金很多 - 不僅僅是因為黃金 - Yeah, it is a lot of gold. - Nah, it's more than gold.
抓住小矮妖肯定也費了不少工夫 Catching that leprechaun must have been hard work.
只有真正的朋友才會為我這麼做 Something that only a true friend would do for me.
我要是沒有睡過你女友就好了 Yeah, well, I should have never slept with your girlfriend.
沒關係 再買個新女友就好了 Whatever. We can buy new girlfriends.
老兄 我都把你的第二份生日禮物給忘了 Dude, I totally forgot the second part of your gift!
不是吧? Really?
- 她是誰? - 僊女 童話書中的僊女 - Who is she? - She's a fairy. Storybook fairy.
要個僊女有什麼用? What the hell am I supposed to do with a fairy?
你給我金幣 我幫你吹簫 I suck cock for gold coins.
J.J. 騰個地方出來! J.J., make some space!
我能做點什麼? What can I do?
找點金屬來 現在就要 I need metal. Right now! Go!
用你的拆裝玩具 Use your Tinker Toys.
獎盃 勺子 Trophies! Spoons!
別再衝我喊了 馬上就好 Stop yelling at me! I'll do it!
- 好 - 開始 啟動序列 - Right. - I'm go. Initiate sequence.
這樣有效嗎? Is this going to work?
但願行 It better!
好了 Here we go!
怎麼搞呢? How do you do this?
快好了 We're getting close!
看到沒? Yeah?
是啊 快成功了 Yes, we're getting very close!
一杯瑪格麗塔 謝謝 Uno marguerita, por favor?
加鹽嗎? You want salt?
嗯 很好 Si, bueno.
- 你呢? - 朗姆雞尾酒 謝謝 - And for you? - Whynatte and rum, please.
好的 Got it.
問你個問題好嗎? 私人問題 Do you mind me asking a question? It may seem personal.
我很吃驚 I'm quite surprised
您有這麼一張漂亮的臉蛋還要求助於 that a lady with your face needs to resort to...
- 婚戀網? - 是啊 - Match dot com? - Right.
說真的 我身邊的備選者全部都很無趣 Truth is, I have completely exhausted all of my options.
- 是嗎? - 是啊 - Really? - Yeah.
真可惜 你的生活圈子真的那樣? Oh, dear. That's a shame. And are you from the area?
不 我們別這樣 好嗎? No. Let's not do that, okay?
這些年我相親無數 I've been on so many blind dates in the past year,
他們總是問同樣的問題 and they're all the same.
"你住哪? 你姐妹是做什麼的?" "Where are you from? What does your sister do?
你的父親..." 一堆廢話 What does your father..." Blah, blah, blah.
就算我父親是清潔工 你真的在乎嗎? Do you really care if my father is a garbage man?
你的父親是清潔工嗎? Is your father a garbage man?
不是 這不是重點 No, he's not! That's the point.
- 管他呢? - 無關緊要 - Who cares? - Not important.
所以別再那樣問了 這次約會我們玩點新花樣 So let's not do that. Let's have this date be different.
- 說點切實際的 好嗎? - 好 - Let's talk about real things, okay? - Great.
- 直接了當地說話 - 我一向如此 - Real, straight conversations. - I'm all about that.
你父親到底是做什麼的? So what does your father do for a living?
好吧 來玩個遊戲 Okay. Let's play a game.
- 好 - 你玩過真心話大冒險嗎? - Okay. - Have you played Truth or Dare?
沒玩過 但我聽說過 I haven't played it, but I'm aware of it.
那你先吧 你先問我 "真心話還是挑戰" Well, you start first. You ask me, "Truth or Dare."
- 真心話還是挑戰? - 真心話 - Truth or Dare? - Truth.
在這個神奇的宇宙 Is there any possibility in this noble cosmos...
或其他的平行宇宙裏 or any alternative parallel cosmos where you might...
有沒有可能 我是你的菜? Is there any chance I'm your type?
當然有 你長得高 Yeah. Yeah. You're tall.
- 高個子好? - 我喜歡高個子 - And that's good? - I like tall.
好吧 真心話還是挑戰? Okay, Truth or Dare?
真心話 Truth?
就知道你會這麼說 我說的會有點過哦 I knew you'd say that. I am going to push the limits just a little bit.
- 你切過包皮嗎? - 我切包皮了嗎? - Are you circumcised? - Am I circumcised?
這是隱私 That's personal.
在我住的地方 沒有切包皮的習慣 Circumcision has never really taken off, to be honest, where I'm from.
這個不是 不是很流行 It's not... it's not the vogue.
我覺得只有猶太人會這麼做 I tend to associate it with Jewish people...
在歐洲又沒有多少猶太人 and we don't have many Jewish people in Europe anymore...
因為他們攤上點... 小麻煩 because of the... trouble.
所以 我沒有切 So, no, I'm not.
但如果你想讓我切 我可以切的 But if you would need me to get circumcised, I'm sure I could.
- 真心話還是挑戰? - 真心話 - Truth or Dare? - Truth.
你最後一次親男人是什麼時候? When was the last time you kissed a man?
二十六天前 在普拉提工作室後的小巷裏 Twenty-six days ago in an alley behind a Pilates studio.
真心話還是挑戰? Truth or Dare?
挑戰 我試試挑戰 Dare. I'm going to go with a Dare.
好的 終於來點給力的了 Here we go. Now we're cooking. Okay.
我向你挑戰 你要去那邊 I dare you to go over there.
看到穿黑夾克的那個猛男了嗎? See that man with the black jacket? The husky guy?
我向你挑戰 去捏他屁股 I dare you to go and pinch his ass.
- 要做什麼? - 去捏他屁股 - Do what now? - Just cup it.
抓住他屁股 捏捏 Grab his cheeks and cup it.
- 不了吧 - 去吧 - No. - Yeah.
是你說挑戰的 不是我 挑戰就是要這樣 You said Dare, not me. That's what Dare is.
- 你看看他 他那麼... - 我見了 - Have a look at him. He's quite... - I see him.
去他身後 捏他屁股 Go back there and cup his ass.
他那麼強壯 He's quite a stocky man.
- 他可能帶著把刀 - 看來我白來了 - He might have a knife. - I don't even have to be here.
你不想玩的話 I can go home and watch Family Guy
我還是回家看<居家男人>好了 if you don't want to play.
我要買單了 打擾一下! I'll get the check. Excuse me!
- 買單 - 她暫時先不買單 - Can I have the check? - She doesn't need the check.
開玩笑而已 She's joking.
- 那去捏他屁股 - 好吧 馬上去 - Then go cup his ass. - Okay, I will.
我打電話給他 他從來不接 真受夠了 I call him, and he never answers the phone. I'm sick of it.
- 直接去看他 - 你打個電話給他 - Go pay him a visit. - You call him.
我煩透了 真是... I'm sick and tired of it. It's...
- 搞毛啊? - 是我 對不起 - What the fuck? - I did. Sorry.
你他媽的摸我屁股幹嘛 你腦子進水啊 You touching my fucking ass! What's the matter with you!
- 你什麼意思? 靠 - 對不起 對不起 - What do you mean, you? Fuck you! - Sorry. Sorry.
- 你摸錯屁股了 混蛋 - 沒事 - You touch the wrong ass, asshole! - It's all good.
你腦子進水了是吧 What's the matter with you?
對不起 很抱歉 對不起 Sorry. Apologies. Sorry.
真不錯 That was great!
真心話還是挑戰 真心話還是挑戰? Truth or Dare? Truth or Dare?
等等 我還沒笑夠... Wait a minute. Can I enjoy the...
真心話還是挑戰? 快點 Truth or Dare? Come on.
好吧 挑戰 Okay. Dare.
好 你去捏他的屁股 Right. You go and cup his ass.
不 你不能挑戰我同樣的事 No. You can't dare me to do the same thing I just dared you to do.
- 真心話還是挑戰 - 自己想個點子 - Truth or Dare. - Come up with your own dare.
要有原創性 Be original.
看見那邊的失明兒童了嗎? See that blind kid over there?
搶在他前面把蠟燭吹滅 Blow out his candles before he can.
我做不來 這太殘忍了 I can't do that! That's cruel!
真心話大冒險 規則就是這樣 It's Truth or Dare. That's the rule.
那我走了 我回家去了 I could take off if you want. I could go home.
我還是回家看本尼·希爾的影碟好了 I'll probably get home in time to put Benny Hill DVDs on.
- 真的要這樣嗎? - 看你的表現 - You're doing that? - It's up to you.
好吧 我馬上就過去 吹滅蠟燭 I'll go over there and blow out the candles,
但是你要明白 but you need to know something.
戰爭開始了 This is war.
若是我的生日 我也可以開個派對 I wish it was my birthday So I could party, too
生日快樂 祝你心想事成 Happy, happy birthday May all your dreams come true
我們所有人 都祝你生日快樂 Happy, happy birthday From all of us to you
嘿 Hey!
打擾一下 我出二百刀 Excuse me. I got $200.
把你這身衣服賣我好嗎? Can you give me the whole thing?
我向你挑戰 把鱷梨醬塗滿你右咪咪 I dare you to make guacamole with your right breast.
節選自赫爾曼·麥爾維爾<白鲸记>
"闡明一些以後將會詳細描述的 "...elucidate several most important, however...
複雜但最為重要的航程及沿途景致" intricate passages and scenes hereafter to be painted."
第六十四章 塔布的晚餐 Chapter 64: Stubb's Supper.
"塔布的鯨魚在遠離船隻的地方被殺害" "Stubb's whale had been killed some distance from the ship."
消腫的時候 就會好看很多 艾米莉 When the swelling goes down, you're going to look great, Emily.
謝謝 Thanks, sweetie.
- 很好玩 是不? - 是啊 我非常開心 - That was fun, huh? - Yes. I had a really great time.
是嗎? 我也是 Yeah? Me, too.
- 十分有趣 - 我們玩了很多花樣 - It was definitely interesting. - Yeah. We did a lot.
是啊 是啊 的確是 Yes. Yeah. We did. We did.
- 好玩死了 - 是啊 - We did it up. - Yes.
真好玩 你真是... It was enchanting. You're really a...
很可愛 very delightful woman.
- 謝謝 - 嗯 - Well, thank you. - Yeah.
現在有點尷尬吶 This is that slightly awkward moment.
呃... Well...
抱歉 No. I'm sorry.
你很好 我玩得真是很開心 You're sweet, really, and I really did have a good time...
但是我對亞洲人實在沒有興趣 but I'm just not that attracted to Asian men.
笨蛋 快進來 姚明 Psych! Get in here, Yao Ming!
這兩個大咪咪怎麼能浪費 We don't want these puppies to go to waste.
老兄 Dude...
快好了 We're getting closer!
- 再來一次 - 我快瘋了 老兄 - I need one more! - I'm freaking out, man!
水龜協議啟動 Terrapin Protocol initiated.
我失敗了 I have failed.
你找到電影四十三了 You have found Movie 43.
- 你都做了什麼啊 - 電影四十三 - What the fuck did you do? - Movie 43.
我在俄羅斯的時候是個攝影師 I used to be great cameraman in Russia.
老兄 怎麼停電了? Dude, what's up with the power?
任務完成 Mission accomplished.
- 時間不多了 - 你這個混蛋 - We don't have much time. - You little shit!
我們找到電影四十三了 老兄 We found Movie 43, buddy.
很好 終於找到了 Good. We found it.
搞什麼啊? 老兄 那個是你 The fuck? Dude, that's you!
我是巴克斯特 卡特勒 My name is Baxter Cutler.
自黑暗降臨以來已經一百四十一天了 It has been 141 days since The Darkness.
J.J. 卡爾文還有巴克斯特 J.J., Calvin and Baxter,
這就是你們找的電影四十三! this is Movie 43!
你們倆二逼要我找電影四十三的過程中 You see, when you idiots made me search for Movie 43...
我們不當心觸發了水龜協議 we triggered the Terrapin Protocol,
這可是冷戰時期的極密 the top-secret Cold War initiative...
用來控制全美人民的思想 to control the mind of every American citizen.
這樣一來 在蘇聯進攻的時候 So that in the event of a Soviet attack...
所有的男人 女人還有孩子們 every man, woman and child
都能被轉換為殺戮機器 would be converted into fighting machines.
問題在於現在蘇聯已經不存在了 Only there were no more Soviets to fight.
所以大家開始自相殘殺 國家已成為一片廢墟 So everyone turned on each other and now the country is in ruins.
中國? 沒了! 俄羅斯? 沒了! China? Gone! Russia? Gone!
阿姆斯特丹? Amsterdam?
仍舊不算一個他媽的國家! 沒了! Still not a goddamn country! Gone!
這就是我向過去傳遞這條消息的原因 That is why I'm sending this message back in time.
巴克斯特 聽著 你得入侵... Baxter, listen to me. You need to hack into...
老大 周圍已肅清! Boss, the perimeter's clear!
你妹的 J.J.! 我正嘗試著改寫歷史! Son of a bitch, J.J.! I'm trying to rewrite the fucking past!
是嗎? 有幾個感染者剛差點要了你的命! Yeah? Some Infecteds were trying to rewrite your fucking existence!
逃了兩個 Two got away.
逮到一個 One did not.
哥們 這太牛叉了! 這是在哪兒啊? Oh, man, this is sick! Where am I?
餵過瘸瘸了沒? Has the cripple been fed?
對不起 媽媽! 對不起 媽媽! I'm sorry, Mommy! I'm sorry, Mom!
雨人: 電影<雨人> 主人公患有自閉癥
為毛我是個智障? Why am I Rain Man?
讓西塔拉餵他吃飯 Make Sitara feed him.
你他媽的餵他去! 我要外出殺敵 You fucking feed him! I need to be out slaughtering.
不行! 你懷著我的種 No! You carry my seed.
你必須呆在安全的地方 讓我時刻能保護你 You must stay here where it's safe, where I can protect you.
- 我很抱歉! - 過來 美人兒 - I'm sorry! - Come here, Mama.
- 媽媽 對不起 - 言歸正傳 - Sorry, Mommy. - Back to business.
安全漏洞! 安全漏洞! 開始撤離 Security breach! Security breach! Commence evasive maneuvers.
- 撤離! - 媽的 他們跳線跨接了! - Defensive maneuvers! - Dammit, they jumped the wire!
萬科維奇! 對著我 你個毛子傻叉! Vrankovich! On me, you dumb Ruskie!
巴克斯特! 你能阻止這一切的發生! Baxter! You can prevent this from happening!
用德國情報局的M-7斯巴達程序 Hack into the Department of Defense security mainframe...
入侵國防部的安全主機 using a Mark-7 Spartan from the Bundesnachrichtendienst...
- 不可能! - 我勒個去! - No way! - Oh, shit!
- 這太牛叉了! - 不可能! - That was awesome! - No way!
哥們! 牛叉啊! Dude! No way!
我再也不開你的玩笑了 完畢 I'm never making fun of you again. Period.
我們本想著惡整你來著! 你反過來... We were trying to prank you! You turned that around...
我發誓這不是惡整! I swear it wasn't a prank!
我的天 你覺得我會相信... Oh, my God. You're expecting me to believe...
六個月後這個世界會毀滅... that somehow in the next six months the whole world ends...
而我成了個流著口水的瘸子? and I'm a drooling cripple?
又不是我做的! I didn't do it!
你到底...? What are you...?
燈是怎麼了? 真是詭異 What's with the lights? That was weird.
話說我要去超市了 有誰要帶什麼嗎? So, I'm going to the supermarket. Does anyone need anything?
不會吧 No.
怎麼了? What is it?
不會吧! No!
抱歉 媽媽! 我很抱歉! I'm sorry, Mommy! I'm sorry!
你在抱歉些什麼? What are you sorry about?
- 出什麼事了? - 我擦! - What's happening? - Shit!
神啊! God!
我能搞定這個! M-7斯巴達! I can fix this! Mark-7 Spartan!
那台電腦已經燒了 把我的手提從房間拿來! That computer's fried. Go get my laptop out of my room!
好的 我去! 我去 別著急 All right, I got it! I got it. Don't worry.
- 別讓他自殘 - 他為什麼會自殘? - Don't let him pull his own dick off. - Why would he pull his own dick off?
我他媽的拿到了! 我拿到了! I fucking got it! I got it!
我的電腦怎麼反應這麼慢? Why is my computer so slow?
我電腦裏怎麼會有毛片? Why is there porn on my computer?
愚人節快樂 April Fools.
我擦! Oh, shit!
兩年三個月又四天後
真難以置信! I can't believe it!
- 是否撤銷水龜協議?
- 使世界恢復正常?
- 確定?
- 真的確定?
- 百分百確定?
- 真遺憾那是不可能的 看個電影如何?
一九五九年 肯尼·傑克遜執教的 In 1959, Kenny Jackson coached
埃裏森高中的旅行者籃球隊 the Ellison High Journeymen...
是打進國家級賽事的 to become the first Negro high school team...
首支黑人球隊 ever to compete for a state title.
並獲得勝利的榮光這一頭銜 Theirs was victory's glory.
大傢伙兒快動起來 你們怎麼還傻坐著? Come on, y'all. Why y'all still sitting here?
比賽馬上就要開始了 The game's all about to start.
我們很害怕 教練 Coach, we scared.
外面有上萬的白人覺得我們不夠出色 There's 10,000 white people out there that think that we ain't good enough.
你知道嗎? 可能我們確實不夠出色 You know what? Maybe we ain't.
你們都這麼覺得? All of y'all feel like that?
五百年來 這個國家的黑人 Four hundred years in this country...
一直被唾棄 被毆打 the black man has been spit on, kicked...
被詆毀 drag through the mud.
但是有兩件事情是我能確定的 But I've got two things I can tell you.
第一 不管是輸是贏 Number one, win or lose...
我都以你們為傲 I am so proud of y'all.
第二... Number two...
你們一定會贏的 You're going to win.
就是那麼讓人蛋疼的簡單 It's just that plain and fucking simple.
你們一定會贏的! You're going to win!
但是海克利技校來的那些白人男孩... But them white boys from Hickory Tech...
我們打的是什麼比賽? What game are we playing?
是籃球 教練 Basketball, Coach.
他們的膚色是什麼? What color is their skin?
- 白色 - 正是! - White. - Exactly!
他們是白人 你們是黑人 They're white, you're black.
這是籃球比賽... This is basketball...
我他媽說的話你們聽不懂嗎? Am I speaking fucking Chinese?
你們可是二十五戰全勝啊 孩子們 Come on, people. You guys are 25 and 0.
是的 教練 但那是面對全黑人的球隊 Yeah, Coach, but that was against all-black teams.
這就是了! That's the point!
你們會把那些高加索小鬼虐出翔的! Y'all are going to kill those Caucasians!
但是 教練 看看他們的基本素質 But, Coach, look at their fundamentals.
基本素質! 這不是問題! The fundamentals! It doesn't matter!
哪怕是個白種鐵腳板人猿 It's all the same when you're some cement-foot troglodyte white boy...
被人騎在胯下 頭頂黑蛋蛋的時候 getting dunked on with a big pair of black fucking nuts...
也就那麼個熊樣! hanging on your forehead!
說到蛋蛋... 盧西斯 Speaking of nuts... Lucious.
站到前面來 盧西斯 Come on up here, Lucious.
告訴大家 你的雞雞有多長? Tell them. How long is your dick?
我也不知道 教練 大概有一英尺 I don't know, Coach. Like a foot.
一尺半吧 Foot and a half.
一尺半... Foot and a ha...
一尺半? Foot and a half?
他們的胳膊都沒那麼長! Their arm ain't even that long!
我們來給他們點顏色瞧瞧 害怕了吧? All right, let's kick some butt. You scared?
嘖 嘖 嘖 Well, well, well.
你們這幫黑鬼倒是打球不打? You Negroes going to play basketball, or what?
就是 你們這幫黑鬼怎麼了? Yeah, you Negroes. What's the matter?
明白你們玩不了白人的遊戲了 黑鬼? Did you realize you didn't belong in a white man's game, you Negroes?
那是 這可不是黑鬼的遊戲 That's right. This isn't a game for Negroes.
這是正直 優秀的白人間的比賽 It's a game for good, honest white people,
沒黑鬼的事兒 not for Negroes.
聽到沒 黑鬼? You understand, Negroes?
- 白色騎士! - 白色騎士! - White Knights! - White Knights!
娘勒 教練 他們看著真橫 Man, Coach, they looked tough.
"他們看著真橫"? 我好怕怕哦! "They looked tough"? I'm so scared!
你知道他們會幹些什麼? You know what they might do?
其中一個可能會左手運球 One of them might dribble with his left hand...
一路運到罰球區 然後來個左手上籃 all the way down the lane and then go up for a left-handed layup...
你知道之後會發生些什麼嗎? and you know what's going to happen then?
你們這些小黑就會來個重重的蓋帽 Your black ass is going to swat that shit...
一步蹦過他們身邊 jump over his cracker ass,
讓他們眼睜睜看著你們把球灌進籃裏! and dunk in his goddamn face!
我他媽的到底還要重複幾次? How many fucking times do I have to tell you?
你們是黑人 他們是白人 這不是曲棍球! You're black, they're white, this ain't hockey!
兄弟們 我覺得教練想表達的是關鍵在於合作 Guys, I think what Coach is trying to say is that the key word is "teamwork."
不是 關鍵在於你們是黑人 他們是白人! No, the key word is "you're black, they're white"!
那麼 教練你是說 如果上帝與我們同在 So, Coach, what you're saying is, if we just walk with the Lord...
上帝? 小黑 上帝早已安排好了! The Lord? Nigger, the Lord done did his part already!
他把你造成了黑人 把他們造成了白人 He made you black. He made them white.
他賜予了你一尺半長的雞雞! He gave you a foot-and-a-half dick!
都能拿來運球了! Dribble with that motherfucker!
只要你們都肯去上場 As long as y'all are out there on the floor...
就能比他們拿更多分 you're going to score more points than them.
籃球就是這麼打的! That's just how basketball works!
別他媽一起緩緩鼓掌了! Cut that goddamn slow clap shit out!
老子耐心都快磨沒了! Dries my motherfucking patience!
滾出去打贏比賽! Go out there and win!
- 我們上! - 走起! - Let's go! - Come on!
你們是黑人!
這是一場榮譽之戰 It was a glorious game.
但在第四小節末... But late in the fourth quarter...
盧西斯·威廉姆斯晃蕩著他一尺半的雞雞 when Lucious Williams dribbled the entire length of the court...
運球過了整場 with his foot-and-a-half penis...
裁判只好判他技術犯規 the referees had no choice but to call a technical foul...
將小博比·李·美孚拉爾送上了罰球線 sending young Bobby Lee Mayflower to the line...
本場比賽最戲劇性的一幕由此上演 for the most dramatic moment of the contest.
大家好啊 Hey, guys. Hello.
你旁邊的那個女人是誰? Who is that woman you are with?
那是我媽 That's my mother.
我要找你媽(那啥) I want your mother.
- 巴克斯特 把那鬼東西關掉 - 知道了 - Baxter, turn that shit off, man. - Okay.
我得上個廁所 行嗎? I'm going to go to the bathroom, all right?
我他媽做不到啊 I can't fucking do it.
我沒試過 但聽說過 I don't know, but I been told
體育課能讓你的蛋蛋變大 Gym class gives you great big balls
體育課能... Gym class gives you...
來扯扯皮 Out here shooting the shit.
有些人拉別人一身 Some guys shoot the shit,
有些人被別人拉一身 對吧? and some people get shot with shit. Right?
- 我說的對吧? - 我不知道他在說什麼 - Am I right? - I don't know what he's talking about.
你知道我在說什麼的 You know what the fuck I'm talking about.
我想推倒你 I want to be on you.
進入你體內 In you.
- 對不起 我操 - 沒事 - Sorry. Fuck. - Not a problem.
不行 No.
不是 我能看見他躲在桌子下邊 No, I can just see him underneath the table.
而且他拿手指插我下面已經五分鐘了 And he's had his fingers in my pussy for the last five minutes.
阿特·加芬克爾:一位髮型狂野的歌手
太可怕了 It's monstrous.
她像是坐在了阿特·加芬克爾的肩上 It looks like she's sitting on Art Garfunkel's shoulders.
想出解決辦法前誰都不許走 No one leaves this room till we figure this out.
絞壞的雞雞 絞壞的... Mangled dicks. Mangled...
雞雞 雞雞 雞雞 雞雞... Dicks, dicks, dicks, dicks...
絞壞的雞雞 Mangled dicks.
絞壞的雞雞 絞壞的... Mangled dicks. Mangled...
- 雞雞復雞雞 - 雞雞復雞雞 - Dicks. - Dicks.
我找到一袋凍豌豆 還有一塊海綿 I got frozen peas and a sponge.
不行 米奇 有一面有鋼絲絨 No, Mikey, there's steel wool on one side.
媽的 你說的沒錯 Shit, you're right.
阿曼達 你最好保持黃色面朝上 Okay, Amanda, you're going to want to keep the yellow side up.
要不然非但止不了血 還會流更多血 Otherwise, there's going to be lots more blood.
給個金幣 我就給你吹蕭 I suck cock for gold coins.
我也是 So do I.
所以你的意思是 要是我們盡十一分的力 So what you're saying is, if we go out there and give 110 percent...
十一分的力! 五分! 三分! A hundred and ten percent! Fifty percent! Three percent!
我覺得教練想說的是 關鍵在於合作 I think what Coach is trying to say is that the key word here is "teamwork."
盧西斯 你能甩出你的雞雞抽丫不? Lucious, will you whip out your dick and smack this motherfucker with it?
- 怎麼? - 我更愛你了 - What? - I love you even more.
- 哦 安森- 真的 - Oh, Anson. - I do.
- 我也是 - 是嗎? - Me, too. - You do?
他是美國人民的最愛... 畢祖爾 He's America's favorite cat... Beezel
膠著狀態
雖然不太好意思 但我還是要說... I'm embarrassed to even say this, but...
怎麼? What?
艾米 自從你搬來住之後 我... Amy, ever since you moved in here, I...
- 怎麼? - 我更愛你了 - What? - I love you even more.
- 哦 安森- 真的 - Oh, Anson. - I do.
- 我也是 - 是嗎? - Me, too. - You do?
畢祖爾! 你好啊 Beezel! How are you?
我的小帥哥怎麼樣啊? How is my handsome little boy?
安森你有沒有覺得你和畢祖爾的感情... Hey, Anson, do you ever feel like your relationship with Beezel...
有些奇怪嗎? is a little strange?
艾米! Amy!
別告訴我你竟會吃 Please don't tell me you're one of those girls...
男朋友寵物的醋 that gets jealous of a guy's pet!
雖然這寵物超級蠢! Even if that pet is thuper thilly!
沒有沒有 我只是覺得他不怎麼喜歡我 No, no. I just don't think he likes me very much.
怎麼會 艾米 他很喜歡你! Come on, Amy. He loves you!
- 真的? - 當然 - Really? - Yeah.
坐這兒 There we go.
我們進行到哪兒了? Now, where were we?
怎麼了? What's wrong?
沒什麼 Nothing.
滾開! Get off of me!
- 怎麼了? - 畢祖爾... - What happened? - Beezel...
尿了我一身! pissed all over me!
哦 不對 他只是噴了你一下 Oh, no, he just sprayed you.
公貓有時候是會這樣的 這表示他喜歡你 It's something male cats do sometimes. It means he likes you.
- 他喜歡我? - 是啊 - He likes me? - Yeah.
或者說明他病了 兄弟你病了嗎? Or it could mean that he's sick. Buddy, are you sick?
安森他是故意的! Anson, he did this on purpose!
我逮著他在自擼 I caught him masturbating.
他可能只是在搞清潔 He was probably just cleaning himself.
對著你的泳裝照自擼! It was to pictures of you in a swimsuit!
貓根本不可能會看照片 Cats can't even process images in that way.
但他並不是普通的貓 But he is not a normal cat.
他當然普通 Of course he is.
他剛剛含了根溫度計進嘴裏 He just put a fucking thermometer in his mouth!
他拿那當玩具呢 He thinks it's a toy.
哦 畢祖爾 Oh, Beezel.
安森我是愛你 Anson. I love you.
我很愛 但是只要那隻小混蛋還在... I do, but as long as that little fucker is around...
我不會和你在一起的 I cannot be with you.
別啊 艾米 艾米 聽著 No, Amy, Amy. Look.
只要你高興 我會把畢祖爾送去別家養 If it'll make you happy, I'll find another home for Beezel.
他只是一隻貓 He's just a cat.
但是你... But you...
你是我愛的女人 you're the woman that I love.
- 你真的會處理掉他? - 我會的 - Really, you'd get rid of him? - I will.
- 我愛你 - 我愛你 - I love you. - I love you.
不 我更愛你 No, I love you.
畢祖爾 你在哪兒啊 孩子? Beezel, where are you, boy?
出來 快出來 你個搞老鼠的小賤人 Come out, come out, you little rat-fucker.
畢祖爾! Beezel!
慘了 我跟我媽說我會在一小時內送他過去的 Shit, I told my mother we'd have him there in an hour.
她願意代我們照顧他就很不錯了 She was nice enough to take him off our hands.
- 你能不能去外面找找? - 沒問題 - Do you mind checking outside for him? - Absolutely.
我上樓去找找 I'm going to go upstairs.
畢祖爾? Beezel?
你死定了 你個小賤人! That's it, you son of a bitch!
屁精... Cock-sucking...
操蛋... motherfucking...
被加菲貓甩了的混球! Garfield reject piece of shit!
去死吧 你這... Die, you...
地獄來的基佬貓! dick-loving devil cat!
怎麼了? What?
別看 Don't look.
媽媽 她在虐待那隻小貓... Mommy, she's beating that cat...
它都快死了! to death!
他想弄死我 He tried to kill me.
不 你們不瞭解 No, you don't understand.
你們不瞭解 You don't understand.
求你了 Please.
抓住她! Get her!