1
00:00:02,086 --> 00:00:03,127
Here's what you missed.

2
00:00:03,212 --> 00:00:06,339
Will's dating the hot substitute,
Holly Holliday.

3
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,549
- She's sassy.
You can see why he's into her.
- Sexy!

4
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:11,219
Quinn and Finn are back together
in a big way, and so is the Glee Club.

5
00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:13,096
They did original songs,
and now they're headed to New York.

6
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:15,306
- Get out!
- Sue thinks Will made her lose at nationals,

7
00:00:15,391 --> 00:00:17,975
and she's gone over the edge,
even for her, and that's saying something.

8
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,769
And that's what you missed on Glee.

9
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,149
[School Bell Rings]

10
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:32,115
All right, we need $5,000 to pay
for our trip to nationals in New York.

11
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,242
What happened to the money
that we got from the Cheerios?

12
00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:37,662
I guess Sue was hiding it
in offshore accounts
in the Cayman Islands,

13
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:41,165
and we're having some trouble
accessing some of it.

14
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,792
Any of it.

15
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:48,089
- This is saltwater taffy.
- I love saltwater.

16
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:52,635
When I was a student here,
we paid for our entire trip
to nationals selling this...

17
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,929
classroom to classroom,
door to door.

18
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,974
We pushed this stuff
like crack.

19
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,851
And so will we.

20
00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:03,730
So to make $5,000
at 25 cents apiece,

21
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:06,941
we need to sell
20,000 pieces of taffy.

22
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,861
Wait. Do you honestly think
that we can sell 20,000 anythings?

23
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:13,990
We won regionals for the first time
since dinosaurs roamed the planet,

24
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,784
and I still got
a freakin' cherry ICEE facial.

25
00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:20,621
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

26
00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:23,624
Yeah, Santana's right.
Nobody cares about us.

27
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,668
I can't listen to this.

28
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,337
Mike, are you okay?
No.

29
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:31,048
You guys complain all the time
about being mistreated,

30
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,968
but you have no idea
what it's like to work
your butt off for something...

31
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,721
and have everyone,
even your friends, ignore you.

32
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,681
I'm so trying
to remember his name right now.

33
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,725
Artie, Tina, Brittany and I
are on the Brainiacs.

34
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:42,727
Isn't that
the Academic Decathlon team?

35
00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,896
- We have one of those?
- Yes, we do.

36
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:47,106
And the four of us
went on the Smarty Pants Show...

37
00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:50,318
and beat Carmel High to go
to the Academic Decathlon finals
in Detroit next week.

38
00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:52,111
You guys were on TV?

39
00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:54,781
- Why didn't you tell us about it?
- [All] We did.

40
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:58,534
Wait. I... I get the three of you
being on the team.

41
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,912
Is it because two of them are Asian
and Artie wears glasses?

42
00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:02,330
No.

43
00:02:03,499 --> 00:02:04,665
But Brittany?

44
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,667
Liz Schneider was our fourth,
but she got rubella.

45
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,462
Her parents are hippies
Who don't believe in vaccinations.

46
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,714
Brittany was the only person
we could find on short notice.

47
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,258
We bribed her with Dots.

48
00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:16,928
That Sunshine Corazon
that Rachel sent to a crack house...

49
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:19,430
was on the other team.
I'll take Deadly Cyclones, please.

50
00:02:19,515 --> 00:02:22,391
Right on, soul sister. In 1970...

51
00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:24,977
[Bell Dings]
The Bhola cyclone.

52
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,687
Correct again.
[Applause]

53
00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:29,524
Luckily, we had our own secret weapon.

54
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:32,443
I'll take Cat Diseases.

55
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,946
I won't.
[Audience Laughing]

56
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,657
The first known case of this disease
was first diagnosed...

57
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,742
in Calcutta in 2001.

58
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,828
[Bell Dings]
Feline AIDS?

59
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,454
[Beeping]

60
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:45,873
Correct. Bonus question.

61
00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:48,376
Ringworm. Conjunctivitis.

62
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:50,044
Kidney failure.

63
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,295
[Applause]

64
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,756
Now, on to our final
speed round question.

65
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:57,134
Whoever buzzes in first
and answers correctly...

66
00:02:57,219 --> 00:03:00,388
will win the title and go on to our finals
next week in Detroit.

67
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:04,517
Our final category: White Rappers.

68
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:07,353
Sadly, we can't afford to go to the finals,
so we're gonna have to forfeit.

69
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:10,314
- Why don't you just have
your parents pay for it?
- Because we shouldn't have to.

70
00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:13,484
We're a school club.
The school should pay for it.
It's a matter of pride.

71
00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:16,904
You guys are absolutely right.
How much do you need to make the trip?

72
00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:21,576
With gas and motels,
if we only ate Funyuns, uh, $250.

73
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,412
Which means...

74
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:29,333
we just need to sell more taffy.

75
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:38,467
I'm sure you're wondering why I called you
all together here in the dead of night...

76
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,262
when I'm normally out
bow-hunting for hoboes.

77
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,264
Dustin Goolsby,
coach of Vocal Adrenaline.

78
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:46,893
Sandy Ryerson, defrocked educator
and legendary friend of Dorothy.

79
00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:49,896
- Terri Schuester, shrew.
- I'm also an assistant manager.

80
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:53,566
We all have one very
important thing in common.

81
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,943
We all hate Will Schuester.

82
00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:59,280
I have a question. Are you single?

83
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,282
- Uh, I'm not gay.
- I don't care.

84
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,493
- You're hunky and I'm what
they call "predatory gay."
- [Chair Scrapes Floor]

85
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,537
I'll admit I've been
on a bit of a losing streak,

86
00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:08,372
having lost regionals.

87
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,374
And if Will Schuester wins at nationals,

88
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:14,420
my role as reigning champion
at this school will be usurped.

89
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:17,089
I'm asking you for your help.
Our mission:

90
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,258
To destroy the Glee Club.

91
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:22,011
We'll target their
fragile sense of self-esteem...

92
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:25,389
so that they implode long before
they can make it to nationals.

93
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:27,934
And I call this union...

94
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,685
the League of Doom.

95
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:32,480
Ooh!
First of all,
that is a ridiculous name.

96
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:35,399
And second of all, what kind of a meeting
doesn't have bagels or something?

97
00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:37,234
Wow. It would be hard
to be married to you.

98
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:38,945
And for the record...
And mixed nuts.

99
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,948
I am trying to move on with my life.
I don't hate Will Schuester.

100
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:44,867
- But you do hate the Glee Club.
- That's true. I do.

101
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,661
And I am looking for a new hobby.

102
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:49,497
Henceforth, you will be known
by the following super villain nicknames.

103
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:52,124
- Sandy Ryerson, you are the Pink Dagger.
- Yes!

104
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:55,127
You are the Honey Badger,
nature's most ferocious animal.

105
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:56,671
Look it up on YouTube.

106
00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,674
Dustin Goolsby? Sergeant Handsome.

107
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,176
My code name will be General Zod.

108
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:05,012
Hold up. I coach
the winningest Glee Club in history.

109
00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:07,098
We're a lock to beat
McKinley at nationals as it is.

110
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,141
- Why would I wanna get involved in this?
- Because, Sergeant,

111
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,143
you strike me as a bit of a tool...

112
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,270
who enjoys playing mind games
with your opponents.

113
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:15,523
- I really do like doing that.
- Legion of Evil?

114
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:17,817
- League of Doom.
- You can count me in.

115
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:20,152
Although I am enjoying
my second career...

116
00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:22,238
as a small-time
medical marijuana dealer...

117
00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,156
Okeydokey.
It doesn't change the fact...

118
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,950
that William took my job.

119
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:29,203
Here are your beepers.
You will await further instructions.

120
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:32,957
And until then, we will be known only as...

121
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:35,126
Legion of Evil.
I don't think I was listening
when you said our name.

122
00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:36,627
Is it league
or legion?
[Thunderclap]

123
00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:38,254
Worst henchmen ever.

124
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,926
I missed you so much last week.

125
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,680
What do you wanna do
tomorrow night?
Whoa there, cowboy.

126
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:50,891
We haven't even had our pizza.
I'm just trying to get you
when I can.

127
00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,688
[Laughs]
You know,

128
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,566
this is actually the first
relationship I've had...

129
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:01,569
where the girl hasn't been all over me
to spend more time with her.

130
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:05,156
Well, get used to it.
I'm a sub. I'm a rolling stone.

131
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,158
I warned you that being
in a relationship with me...

132
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:09,201
meant being
in a constant state of wanting.

133
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:13,039
I am both awesome and
unavailable at the same time.

134
00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:15,416
Yeah, kind of awesome.
[Laughs]

135
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:19,378
What do you think
about my taffy sale plan
to send the Brainiacs to Detroit?

136
00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:23,466
Um, I think it's as terrible
as the word "brainiacs," but...

137
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,844
Okay, here's your problem, all right?
You're thinking too small.

138
00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:30,639
Okay? That crazy ex-wife of yours
messed with your brain...

139
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,892
and now you think you can't dream.

140
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:34,518
Okay. What's your idea?

141
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:37,438
A night of neglect.

142
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,858
- That actually sounds
like life with my ex-wife.
- Hilarious.

143
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:43,069
No, seriously,
here's what you need to do.
Oh! Ah!

144
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,779
Have a benefit.

145
00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:47,615
You know how they do on TV
when there's an earthquake...

146
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:51,327
or they wanna raise money
for, like, a sad disease?

147
00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:54,413
That's actually
a really good idea.
I know it is.

148
00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:57,124
See, your kids are
feeling really neglected, right?

149
00:06:57,209 --> 00:07:00,169
So you fill the auditorium with people who
are there to hear them sing, and poof!

150
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,797
Oh! I'm loving this.
[Laughs]

151
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,757
And we can sell tickets.

152
00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:09,220
And it is a perfect place
to practice for nationals.
And you know the best part?

153
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,889
We're only gonna do songs
by neglected artists.

154
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,601
Because it's a night of neglect.

155
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:18,104
Can you define what you mean
by neglected artists?

156
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:21,357
Um, someone whose brilliance
isn't always appreciated.

157
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,401
- Oh, so you mean like me?
- I mean like all of us.

158
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:27,738
All right, everyone,
next Saturday night in our auditorium,

159
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:32,827
McKinley High's First Annual Night of Neglect
fund-raiser benefit is officially a go.

160
00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:38,374
[School Bell Rings]

161
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,127
Sergeant Handsome, walk with me.

162
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:44,171
I'm surprised you even saw me.
I was blending in pretty well back there.

163
00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:45,756
Here's your mission.
Word on the street...

164
00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:49,009
is that Schuester and that substitute,
Holly Holliday, are official.

165
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:52,513
Break them up. She's looser
than a thrift store turtleneck...

166
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,641
and probably
just as diseased.
Just my type.

167
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,810
Psst.
Ready for my close-up, "General Zog."

168
00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:01,438
Sandy, how do you manage
to enter a building
without setting off all of the fire alarms?

169
00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:05,109
I have to say,
with all this sneaking around,
I've never felt more alive.

170
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,861
What's my assignment?

171
00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:09,822
Pink Dagger, I just learned
that the Glee Club
is performing a benefit concert.

172
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:13,617
It's just the opening we need.
There's a student club I want you to sponsor.

173
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:17,413
- [School Bell Rings]
- Heckling... the world's
second oldest profession.

174
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,623
- Hell am I doing in here?
- Good. Louder.

175
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:23,502
In olden times, hecklers
provided a needed service
to the medieval community.

176
00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,004
Pink Dagger, if I may.

177
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:27,965
Welcome to the very first meeting
of the Heckling Club.

178
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:31,093
You set me up.
You told me I was supposed to
come here to get homework help.

179
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,137
Congratulations. You're all in.

180
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,640
I'm really confused.

181
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,767
- [School Bell Rings]
- I'm totally doing Lykke Li.

182
00:08:38,894 --> 00:08:42,479
She's Björk
meets Florence and the Machine,
and a promising new talent.

183
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,064
What about you, Mike?

184
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:46,150
Mike Chang, Dance Dance Revolution.

185
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:49,278
I'm tired of my dancing
being overshadowed
by all of you guys' singing.

186
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:53,532
It's gonna be just me
and my sweet moves on that stage.

187
00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:57,203
You're forgetting about
the most neglected artist
this Glee Club's ever seen...

188
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,746
Aretha Franklin.

189
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,789
Neglected?
She's, like, the Queen of Soul.

190
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:04,084
I auditioned for this club
singing "Respect,"

191
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,837
and she's got none since,
so I'm doing Aretha.

192
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:08,881
Awesome, Mercedes.
Awesome, all of you guys.

193
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:11,258
Those songs are great appetizers
to my main course.

194
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:14,803
Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On."
It's gonna be our finale.

195
00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:17,973
[Screeches]
That's, like,
the biggest song of all time.

196
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:21,477
No, you don't understand.
Celine isn't the neglected artist. I am.

197
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,896
I was kind of hoping
to do the closing number.

198
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:27,983
- Hey, you guys remember Sunshine Corazon?
- You are a terrible spy.

199
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,444
Seriously, with your size,
you easily could have stayed
in the air ducts for days.

200
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,529
- Right.
- I'm not a spy.

201
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:36,200
I heard about your benefit concert
on Facebook, and I wanted to perform.

202
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,869
I know what it feels like
to be in Academic Decathlon.

203
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:41,580
No one pays attention to you.
No one cares.

204
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,290
It's not right. We study so hard.

205
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,793
But you're in Vocal Adrenaline.
How do we know we can trust you?

206
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:48,295
Because I have
nothing against any of you.

207
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:51,757
I have 600 Twitter followers.
I can get all of them to come.

208
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:54,718
- How many tickets have we sold so far?
- Four. No one's interested.

209
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:58,555
- It's just sad.
- Please, just let me show you what I can do.

210
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,850
I would like to sing the perfect song
about neglect- "All By Myself."

211
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:05,562
I'm such a better singer
than everyone else,
so I know how it feels.

212
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:08,649
I'm all alone at the top.
Also I'm really short.

213
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,901
So even when I'm
in a group of people,

214
00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:12,987
it feels like I'm wandering alone
through a forest.

215
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:17,366
There's no way that she's singing
in our auditorium. She's the enemy.

216
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,119
I say we give her a chance.
You owe her, Rachel.

217
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,204
You sent her
to a frickin' crack house.

218
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:29,670
♪ When I was young ♪

219
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,717
♪ I never needed anyone ♪

220
00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:41,765
♪ And making love was just for fun ♪

221
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:46,729
♪ Those days are gone ♪

222
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:51,984
♪ Living alone ♪

223
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:57,781
♪ I think of all the friends I've known ♪

224
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:04,413
♪ When I dial the telephone ♪

225
00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:09,043
♪ Nobody's home ♪

226
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:22,806
♪ All by myself ♪

227
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:29,521
♪ Don't wanna be all by myself ♪

228
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:32,441
♪ Anymore ♪

229
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:38,947
♪ All by myself ♪

230
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,449
♪ Don't wanna live ♪

231
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:45,204
♪ All by myself ♪

232
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:52,169
♪ Anymore ♪

233
00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:53,712
Whoo!

234
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:57,299
♪ Ohh ♪

235
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,385
[Artie]
Go on now!

236
00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:05,724
♪ Don't wanna live
by myself, by myself ♪

237
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:10,854
♪ Anymore ♪

238
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:17,653
♪ By myself ♪

239
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,155
♪ Anymore ♪

240
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:29,081
♪ Whoa, oh, oh-oh ♪♪

241
00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:32,334
[Whooping]
All right!

242
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:37,089
So, can I perform with you guys?

243
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,884
Absolutely not. She's just trying to get on
our good side so she can spy on us.

244
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:44,596
You're one to talk.
We told you the same thing
about Jesse St. James last year.

245
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,181
And you were right.

246
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,183
This whole thing isn't about us.
It's about helping the Brainiacs.

247
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:51,019
We need Sunshine's Twitter followers
to come and pay for tickets,

248
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:54,189
or there's no point
in having a benefit at all.

249
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,568
Fine. Mercedes, you're okay
with being bumped...

250
00:12:57,652 --> 00:13:00,863
to the decidedly less glamorous
middle spot, right?

251
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:04,366
Um, sure, I guess.

252
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:08,829
Absolutely.

253
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:17,463
- [School Bell Rings]
- Hey, Mercedes. Can I have your shoes?

254
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:20,799
I promise to give you a dirty pair
of my flip-flops in return.

255
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:24,178
Do you know how hard it is to find high-top
yellow patent leather sneakers?

256
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:26,972
Really? I'm surprised you didn't
just give them to me...

257
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:29,057
considering how little
you think of yourself.

258
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,143
You're the most
talented singer in Glee Club,

259
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:33,479
yet you're constantly
taking the backseat to everyone.

260
00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,481
Well, what am I supposed to do?

261
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,691
I'm tired of fighting
with Rachel all the time.

262
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:40,652
Okay. You're always singing
about R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

263
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:44,198
But respect isn't
something you can ask for.
You have to demand it.

264
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:47,367
And you deserve it.
You don't seem to have trouble
in that department.

265
00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:52,164
Right. But you know what?
Neither does Aretha or J. Lo or Mariah.

266
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:55,250
You know why?
Because they get proof every day.

267
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,252
I heard Mariah makes
appointments at 9:00 a. M...

268
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,254
and shows up
at 4:00 in the afternoon...

269
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:02,090
because she knows people will wait.

270
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,301
But those kinds of demands are ridiculous.

271
00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:07,971
Exactly. But once you see
that no matter how ridiculous your
demands, people will meet them,

272
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,598
you know you have it.
Have what?

273
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,016
Respect.

274
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:14,353
And, as your manager,
I'd say you're thinking too small.

275
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,480
Wait a minute.
Since when are you my manager?

276
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:20,400
Since you agreed
to give me 10% of whatever
we can come up with to ask for.

277
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,948
Sister, you've got yourself a deal.

278
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:31,620
[Whirring]

279
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,543
Are you okay?
Yeah.

280
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:40,045
I will be as soon
as this counter's really clean.

281
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:43,715
I hear that O.C. D. Symptoms
tend to get worse...

282
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,884
when the person
is under great stress.

283
00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:47,553
[Whirring Stops]

284
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:51,181
[Sniffles]
Carl's gone.

285
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,522
He asked for an annulment,

286
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:01,608
which I guess he's legally entitled to...

287
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:04,611
considering we never actually
consummated the marriage.

288
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,947
You guys never...

289
00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:14,788
At what age are you allowed to look back on
your life with nothing but regret?

290
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,373
Is 32 too young?

291
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:27,551
I actually believed that I'd have a handle
on my O.C. D. By now.

292
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:30,679
It's just been so long, and...

293
00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:34,308
I'm so tired.

294
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,815
This your lunch?

295
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:43,859
Yeah.

296
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,535
What are you doing?

297
00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:58,498
One day you're gonna find
a way to beat this thing.

298
00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:00,042
Until then,

299
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,128
I'm here for you.

300
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,631
No judgment. Just...

301
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:08,175
a friend that you can count on.

302
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,221
Cheers.

303
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,312
- [School Bell Rings]
- So, uh,

304
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:23,231
the Brainiacs asked us to be benefit heads
for the Night of Neglect.

305
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,984
And we would like to select you
head of talent relations.

306
00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:29,196
We figured you're probably used to relating
to talent because you're so talented.

307
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,948
Well, first, I'm honored
that you came to me.

308
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,368
But I think it's a little
insensitive of you...

309
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:36,620
to be flaunting
your dating in my face.
Fantastic.

310
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:39,665
'Cause we are having problems
with one of our performers.

311
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:43,460
A... I need a bowl of green M&Ms.
And by bowl, I mean large bowl.

312
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:45,629
- Really a small barrel.
- O-kay.

313
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:50,050
Two... I need humidifiers...
lots of humidifiers, a team of humidifiers...

314
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:53,679
whose only job is to make
the air that Mercedes breathes more humid.

315
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,597
- We'll try our best.
- Shh. I'm not finished.

316
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,266
Before every performance,
I'd like to wash my hands.

317
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:01,853
And after doing so,
I'd like to dry them on a fresh puppy.

318
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:04,022
- Excuse me?
- I believe you heard Ms. Jones.

319
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:07,192
In fact, if I were you, I'd probably get
a whole litter of fluffy puppies...

320
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:10,320
- just in case she decides
to take a post-show shower.
- [Fingers Snap]

321
00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:12,698
Stars make demands the way
that babies make messes in their diapers.

322
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:16,076
They can't help it.
What a star wants is to just
feel appreciated and respected.

323
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,328
They just wanna feel
like they're being heard.

324
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:20,372
Well, she seemed
pretty serious about the puppy.

325
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:23,250
Well, obviously, hers is a talent
that we have neglected.

326
00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:26,837
I can relate.
So leave it to me. I'll take care of it.

327
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,089
[Locker Door Shuts]

328
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,632
[British Accent]
Hello, class.

329
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:35,011
I am the world's most famous
and stylish divorcée, Wallis Simpson.

330
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:37,013
I was married a bunch of times,

331
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:40,809
and then I fell in love with Edward VI I I
and made him abdicate the throne.

332
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:45,480
I had giant hands, so a lot of people
thought I was a hermaphrodite.

333
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:49,067
But that wasn't true.
Others said I was a Nazi sympathizer.

334
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,736
That was true.

335
00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,280
Boy, did I think that Hitler
showed promise.

336
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:55,907
- [School Bell Rings]
- Tomorrow we're gonna do
Catherine the Great...

337
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:59,161
and her pet stallion Fred, so come early.

338
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:07,169
We haven't been introduced.
I'm Dustin Goolsby,
coach of Vocal Adrenaline.

339
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:10,881
Oh. So you're
the big competition at nationals.

340
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:14,885
Well, thank you very much for volunteering
your star for our Night of Neglect benefit.

341
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,596
What are you talking about?
I never approved that.

342
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:21,433
Let me cut to the sexy chase.

343
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:24,436
Think about how many more years
you have left
of productive ovulating.

344
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,272
Those aren't eggs
in those fallopian tubes.

345
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,357
They're rare exotic pearls.

346
00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:32,819
Oh, so you're
trying to seduce me.
Jackpot.

347
00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:36,072
This hairline is 85% my own
and my sperm count is off the charts.

348
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:40,494
Well... [Chuckles]
As tempting as that sounds,
I have a boyfriend.

349
00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:44,414
You do now.
Admit it, I'm handsome,

350
00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:47,417
I'm good-looking
and I'm easy on the eyes.

351
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:51,838
- Also I'm gorgeous.
- And I'm dating Will Schuester.

352
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:55,008
Let me tell you
something about Will Schuester.
That guy has tiny baby hands.

353
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:57,177
Seriously, it's weird.

354
00:18:57,261 --> 00:19:00,514
Once I saw him try to pick up
a Big Mac, and he couldn't do it.

355
00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:02,474
He had to eat it layer by layer.

356
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:05,060
Teeny, tiny, wee baby hands.

357
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,229
They're big enough
to knock your teeth out.

358
00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:12,734
Well, this is awkward.
Consider my offer.

359
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,113
What offer?

360
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:19,699
He was just hitting on me.
Isn't that silly?

361
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,079
What's wrong?

362
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,289
Well, we were supposed
to have lunch and you don't show,

363
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,834
and now you're getting hit on
by the coach of our arch rival.

364
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:30,710
How is that my fault?

365
00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:32,712
And by the way,
I did show up for lunch,

366
00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:35,507
and you looked like you were actually
having a pretty good time.

367
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,510
I kind of felt like I was intruding.

368
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:42,472
So... Oh, man.
I am not the jealous type, Will.

369
00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:44,307
Neither am I.

370
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:48,645
Look, how about instead
of a pointless argument,

371
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,689
we rehearse our duet for the benefit?

372
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:54,818
[Sighs] I really don't, uh, feel
in the mood to do a duet right now.

373
00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:58,446
I think I just have to clear my head.

374
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,744
No problem.

375
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:09,583
I'll see you at the benefit.

376
00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:14,421
[School Bell Rings]

377
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:19,175
Well, as you can see,
we have followed your exact specifications.

378
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,886
[Humidifier Whirring]
Wait. Where's my puppy?

379
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:22,554
She specifically asked for a puppy.

380
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:26,016
This is unbelievable.
How am I supposed to work like this?

381
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:29,978
Don't worry. Puckerman is
out right now scouring pounds
for the perfect Pomeranian.

382
00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:34,482
Good. This is almost
worthy of the artist doing
the closing number at the benefit.

383
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:38,486
Well, actually, um, Sunshine
is gonna be doing the last number...

384
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:41,406
because she's bringing in
hundreds of people.

385
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:44,743
And so I'll go on before Sunshine
because I'm, well, me.

386
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:47,329
And Miss Holliday and Mercedes
will go on before me.

387
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:52,375
Fine. But Ms. Jones
isn't happy about it.

388
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:55,337
And in exchange, she's demanding
that during the day of the benefit,

389
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:57,339
her feet never touch the ground.

390
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:59,215
- Excuse me?
- Did you not see Celine's wedding?

391
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:00,800
- Carried in.
- Cher's comeback tour.

392
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:02,510
- Carried in.
- Gaga at the Grammys.

393
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,763
Carried the hell in.

394
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:09,893
Um, I'm sorry.
Are you saying that you want
to be carried in in a giant egg?

395
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,857
We'll get back to you.

396
00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:20,362
And that was the Spanish classroom.

397
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:22,447
And, of course, you know the choir room.

398
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,991
Hey, you guys,
you better get in the auditorium.
The show's about to start.

399
00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:28,119
It's gonna be a full house.
Gotta get there early
to get a good seat.

400
00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:30,246
We'll be there in a minute.
I'm just showing Blaine around.

401
00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:32,958
Thanks for coming
and supporting us, guys.
It's really cool.

402
00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:34,376
[Brittany]
Bye.

403
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,630
Aw, you miss them.

404
00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:40,799
What the hell
are you two doing here?

405
00:21:40,883 --> 00:21:44,219
- We're here for the benefit.
Don't tell me you're going.
- I wouldn't be caught dead.

406
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:47,681
I was pumping iron in the gym,
and one of the guys told me
you two were here...

407
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:50,809
spreading your fairy dust
all over the place.
Will you just give it up.

408
00:21:50,893 --> 00:21:54,437
Live whatever lie you want,
but don't pretend the three of us
don't know what's going on.

409
00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:56,773
You don't know squat, butt boy.

410
00:21:56,857 --> 00:21:58,483
Hey, no, you guys. Stop.

411
00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,986
Real brave with your fists,
but you're a coward
when it comes to the truth.

412
00:22:01,112 --> 00:22:04,197
Truth about what?
It's none
of your business, J. Lo.

413
00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:08,326
First of all, anything you do
became my business...

414
00:22:08,411 --> 00:22:10,745
when you decided to toss
that slushee up in my grill.

415
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:13,123
I think I can take
a couple of queers and a girl.

416
00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:16,710
[Laughs] Okay. See,
here's what's gonna go down.
Two choices.

417
00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:20,255
You stay here
and I crack one of your nuts,
right or left- that's your choice...

418
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:23,842
or you walk away and live
to be a douche bag another day.

419
00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:27,220
And also, I have razor blades
hidden in my hair.

420
00:22:27,304 --> 00:22:30,390
- Mm-hmm. Tons. Just all up in there.
- [Grunts]

421
00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:32,142
Mm-hmm.

422
00:22:32,226 --> 00:22:33,643
We could've handled that.

423
00:22:33,728 --> 00:22:35,812
It was more fun doing it together.

424
00:22:35,896 --> 00:22:36,938
[Buzzing]

425
00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:42,277
- Oh, crap.
- [Chorus]
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

426
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:44,487
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

427
00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:46,948
This just in. According to Sunshine's
Twitter, she's not coming...

428
00:22:47,074 --> 00:22:50,577
and neither
are any of her followers.
I told you. She's evil.

429
00:22:50,661 --> 00:22:52,912
I was just in the auditorium.
There's, like, six people in there.

430
00:22:52,997 --> 00:22:55,457
I say we blow this whole thing off
and hit the arcade.

431
00:22:57,418 --> 00:22:58,877
No. No. Screw that.

432
00:22:58,961 --> 00:23:01,004
These people paid to see us sing.

433
00:23:01,088 --> 00:23:04,466
What's that saying?
"The show's gotta go all
over the place" or something.

434
00:23:04,550 --> 00:23:06,926
- You mean, "The show must go on."
- Yeah.

435
00:23:07,011 --> 00:23:08,720
Finn's right, you guys.

436
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:12,098
Whether there's six
or 6,000 people out there,
we still have to give it our all.

437
00:23:12,183 --> 00:23:14,517
Okay, Tina, you're up first.

438
00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:29,991
♪ Oh, I beg you ♪

439
00:23:31,452 --> 00:23:33,661
♪ Can I follow? ♪

440
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:34,829
You suck!
Where's Rachel Berry?

441
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:37,040
♪ Be my only ♪

442
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:39,250
Show tunes!
Show tunes! Show tunes!

443
00:23:39,335 --> 00:23:42,670
♪ Be the water where I'm wading ♪

444
00:23:42,755 --> 00:23:44,464
You're making me barf!

445
00:23:44,548 --> 00:23:46,925
♪ You're my river running high ♪

446
00:23:47,009 --> 00:23:50,553
♪ Run deep, run wild ♪

447
00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:52,847
♪ Oh, I'll follow ♪

448
00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:54,307
♪ I'll follow you ♪

449
00:23:54,391 --> 00:23:57,060
♪ Deep sea, baby ♪♪

450
00:23:57,144 --> 00:23:59,604
- [Jacob] Boo!
- [Azimio] Hell, is this even music?

451
00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:01,564
Boo! Kiss my ass!

452
00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:03,024
[Azimio]
I can't take this!

453
00:24:03,109 --> 00:24:06,152
- I can't stand this!
- [Shouting]

454
00:24:06,237 --> 00:24:09,989
[Slow, Distorted]
Boo!

455
00:24:10,074 --> 00:24:12,033
[Blowing Raspberry]

456
00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:14,119
[Crying]

457
00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:19,290
This is the worst I've
ever felt in my entire life.

458
00:24:19,375 --> 00:24:21,960
I didn't think it was possible
for people to hate us even more.

459
00:24:22,044 --> 00:24:23,461
We're calling this off.

460
00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:26,673
Guys, I hate to say it,
but I think we have to buck up.

461
00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:28,800
Tina, I'm sorry you had
to go through that,

462
00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:30,802
but it's actually
a really good lesson for us.

463
00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:34,597
That's a part of show business, guys.
Sometimes people can be really mean.

464
00:24:34,682 --> 00:24:38,309
Think about what's gonna happen
if we have an unfriendly crowd
at nationals in New York.

465
00:24:38,394 --> 00:24:41,437
And I'm sure there's gonna be
some Vocal Adrenaline hecklers there too.

466
00:24:41,522 --> 00:24:44,440
We need to find some strength
and barrel through this.

467
00:24:44,525 --> 00:24:48,111
I think I may know a way to shut
those hecklers up for a number or two.

468
00:24:48,237 --> 00:24:51,990
Take as much
as you want.
Thanks, babe. I'll take two.

469
00:24:52,074 --> 00:24:55,952
And remember,
vote Quinn Fabray for prom queen.

470
00:24:56,036 --> 00:25:00,623
[Sam] And now please enjoy
the dance stylings of Mr. Mike Chang...

471
00:25:00,708 --> 00:25:04,002
as he busts some moves
to Jack Johnson's "Bubble Toes."

472
00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:09,382
♪ It's as simple as something
that nobody knows ♪

473
00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:12,010
♪ That her eyes are as big
as her bubbly toes ♪

474
00:25:12,094 --> 00:25:14,846
♪ On the feet of a queen
of the hearts of the cards ♪

475
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:19,309
- ♪ And her feet are all covered
with tar balls and scars ♪
- Boo! Boo!

476
00:25:23,230 --> 00:25:25,106
♪ Well, I was eating lunch at the D.L.G. ♪

477
00:25:25,191 --> 00:25:28,276
♪ When this little girl came
and she sat next to me ♪

478
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:30,528
♪ Never seen nobody
move the way she did ♪

479
00:25:30,613 --> 00:25:32,989
♪ Well, she did and she does
and she'll do it again ♪

480
00:25:33,073 --> 00:25:35,825
♪ When you move like a jellyfish
rhythm is nothing ♪

481
00:25:35,910 --> 00:25:39,454
♪ You go with the flow
You don't stop, mmm ♪

482
00:25:43,417 --> 00:25:45,543
♪ It's as common as something
that nobody knows ♪

483
00:25:45,628 --> 00:25:48,421
♪ That her beauty will follow
wherever she goes ♪

484
00:25:48,505 --> 00:25:51,049
♪ Up the hill, in the back
of her house, in the wood ♪

485
00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:53,509
♪ She'll love me forever, I know
She ♪

486
00:25:53,594 --> 00:25:56,429
♪ La, da, da, da, da-da ♪

487
00:25:56,513 --> 00:26:00,266
♪ La, da-da, da, da, da, da, da ♪

488
00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:07,941
♪ If you would only listen
you might just realize what you're missing ♪

489
00:26:08,025 --> 00:26:09,609
♪ You're missing me ♪

490
00:26:13,864 --> 00:26:16,199
♪ It's as simple as something
that nobody knows ♪

491
00:26:16,283 --> 00:26:18,785
♪ That her eyes are as big
as her bubbly toes ♪

492
00:26:18,869 --> 00:26:21,704
♪ On the feet of a queen
of the hearts of the cards ♪

493
00:26:21,789 --> 00:26:23,998
♪ Her feet are infested with tar balls and ♪

494
00:26:24,083 --> 00:26:26,918
♪ La, da, da, da, da-da ♪

495
00:26:27,002 --> 00:26:29,420
♪ La, da-da, da, da, da, da ♪

496
00:26:29,505 --> 00:26:32,173
♪ La, da, da, da, da-da ♪

497
00:26:32,258 --> 00:26:35,260
♪ La, da-da, da, da, da, da, da ♪♪

498
00:26:35,344 --> 00:26:37,512
Whoo!
Bravo!

499
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:39,681
Whoo!
Yeah!

500
00:26:39,765 --> 00:26:41,557
[Gags]

501
00:26:41,684 --> 00:26:43,518
I was all kinds of awesome.
Yeah!

502
00:26:43,602 --> 00:26:45,561
[Cheering]

503
00:26:45,646 --> 00:26:47,689
- Terrific job, Mike.
- Whoo!

504
00:26:47,773 --> 00:26:49,899
Hey, sounds like the Heckling Club
loved our refreshments.

505
00:26:49,984 --> 00:26:52,026
Yeah, but we're
almost out of that taffy.

506
00:26:52,111 --> 00:26:54,529
How are we gonna keep them
from going after us again
after the intermission?

507
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,531
By being so good
that they can't heckle us.

508
00:26:56,615 --> 00:27:00,159
And I know just the person for the job.
Where's Mercedes?

509
00:27:00,244 --> 00:27:02,412
- She's up.
- [Door Shuts]

510
00:27:02,496 --> 00:27:05,540
I'm sorry. Ms. Jones has not appreciated
the way she's been treated...

511
00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:07,083
and is refusing to go on.

512
00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:09,252
[Sighs]
Let me talk to her.

513
00:27:09,336 --> 00:27:10,837
Don't bother.

514
00:27:11,714 --> 00:27:13,881
Mercedes has left the building.

515
00:27:13,966 --> 00:27:15,967
Okay, you guys go find Mercedes.

516
00:27:16,051 --> 00:27:18,094
I'm gonna go deal with the haters.

517
00:27:25,060 --> 00:27:27,812
- Are we in trouble?
- Oh, no, not at all.

518
00:27:27,896 --> 00:27:29,856
I was just taking the opportunity
of intermission...

519
00:27:29,940 --> 00:27:32,150
to tell you guys
what great hecklers you are.

520
00:27:32,234 --> 00:27:33,901
You must practice a lot.

521
00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:35,903
Nah, not that much.
Just on the Internet only.

522
00:27:35,988 --> 00:27:40,116
My posts on NCIS
and CSI... Miami chat rooms are legendary.

523
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,493
- You're kidding.
I've never seen you on there.
- You wouldn't.

524
00:27:42,578 --> 00:27:45,163
Because I post
as "NCISucks" or "NCIStupid."

525
00:27:45,247 --> 00:27:49,625
I'm "The Beckster" on
the Entertainment Weekly chat room.

526
00:27:49,710 --> 00:27:53,713
And my "CurlyHairinCairo" Twitter account
helped bring down Mubarak.

527
00:27:53,797 --> 00:27:56,841
Technology has allowed us
to be brutally cruel...

528
00:27:56,925 --> 00:27:59,093
without suffering any consequences.

529
00:27:59,178 --> 00:28:01,220
In the past if I wanted
to tell someone they sucked,

530
00:28:01,305 --> 00:28:03,014
I'd have to say it to their face,

531
00:28:03,098 --> 00:28:05,850
which would usually result
in them kicking me in the groin.

532
00:28:05,934 --> 00:28:08,728
I get it. We live in a culture of insults.

533
00:28:08,812 --> 00:28:12,982
We're constantly bombarded
with these images of people
who are richer than us...

534
00:28:13,067 --> 00:28:16,903
and happier than us and have
more interesting sex than us,

535
00:28:17,029 --> 00:28:19,155
and it makes us
feel terrible.
Preach.

536
00:28:19,239 --> 00:28:21,532
We tear them down
to feel better about ourselves.

537
00:28:21,617 --> 00:28:24,535
And we don't just stop with the people
who are on TV or in magazines.

538
00:28:24,620 --> 00:28:27,789
We do it to everybody.
And we think that because
it's done anonymously,

539
00:28:27,873 --> 00:28:29,582
there are no ramifications.

540
00:28:31,460 --> 00:28:33,461
But there are ramifications, guys,

541
00:28:33,545 --> 00:28:36,881
because it makes you comfortable
with insensitivity.

542
00:28:36,965 --> 00:28:41,886
Do you know that one of the girls you
heckled tonight has been crying for an hour?

543
00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:44,430
Are you saying
you never ragged on anybody?

544
00:28:44,515 --> 00:28:48,476
Oh, of course I did. I spent three years
sending hate mail to Debbie Gibson...

545
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:52,605
until she wrote me back and said that the
stress of my letters is giving her alopecia.

546
00:28:52,689 --> 00:28:56,067
And then I felt terrible because
I realized it was just my jealousy...

547
00:28:56,151 --> 00:28:59,153
that she could fill a mall
with her adoring fans.

548
00:28:59,238 --> 00:29:01,155
You guys are great kids.

549
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:04,325
Some of those insults were rad.

550
00:29:04,410 --> 00:29:06,577
But just think about how
you could lift up the world...

551
00:29:06,662 --> 00:29:09,247
if you turn some
of those barbs into roses.

552
00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:11,416
Intermission's almost over.

553
00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:15,503
Why don't you get back in there
and turn some of that jeering into cheering?

554
00:29:17,172 --> 00:29:19,590
Nah, nah. I think I'm just gonna go home.

555
00:29:19,675 --> 00:29:22,301
Probably do a new post
about how handsome Mark Harmon is.

556
00:29:23,178 --> 00:29:24,762
Me too. I'm out.

557
00:29:24,847 --> 00:29:26,806
I'm splitting too.

558
00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:29,392
They say if you have nothing nice to say...

559
00:29:31,979 --> 00:29:33,896
I'll be 18 in three years.

560
00:29:34,022 --> 00:29:35,523
Wait for me?
[Laughs]

561
00:29:36,567 --> 00:29:39,193
Let me in.
Let me in.
[Knocking]

562
00:29:39,278 --> 00:29:40,570
Come on. It's raining.

563
00:29:41,905 --> 00:29:44,031
We've all been looking for you.

564
00:29:44,116 --> 00:29:48,077
Don't bother with the pep talk.
I'm not going back in there.
My demands were not met.

565
00:29:48,162 --> 00:29:50,204
Have you read anything
about Aretha Franklin?

566
00:29:51,415 --> 00:29:53,374
She was a gospel singer.

567
00:29:53,459 --> 00:29:55,418
And one day she went to this show.

568
00:29:55,502 --> 00:29:57,795
Nothing fancy. It was just a state fair.

569
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:00,798
And the master of ceremonies
hands her a tiara...

570
00:30:00,883 --> 00:30:02,884
and calls her the Queen of Soul.

571
00:30:04,094 --> 00:30:06,095
And that's how she earned her crown.

572
00:30:06,180 --> 00:30:08,473
That's how she gained all of her respect.

573
00:30:08,557 --> 00:30:12,602
Not by-by requesting
for special pillows or food,

574
00:30:12,686 --> 00:30:16,105
but for doing
what she does best- singing.

575
00:30:16,190 --> 00:30:18,524
I just don't get it.

576
00:30:18,609 --> 00:30:20,776
Why are you a bigger star than me?

577
00:30:22,321 --> 00:30:24,572
You always get the big solos,

578
00:30:24,656 --> 00:30:27,909
the best songs, the moments in the sun.

579
00:30:27,993 --> 00:30:29,952
Why is it never me?

580
00:30:31,121 --> 00:30:32,622
I don't know.

581
00:30:33,957 --> 00:30:37,126
You're just as good of a singer as I am.

582
00:30:37,211 --> 00:30:40,338
- Yeah, and everyone actually likes me.
- That's your problem.

583
00:30:40,422 --> 00:30:42,757
Because I would rather
be a star than be liked.

584
00:30:42,841 --> 00:30:45,968
And I'm not saying that it's healthy,

585
00:30:46,053 --> 00:30:48,095
and I'm not saying
that it's better than being loved.

586
00:30:48,180 --> 00:30:52,850
But there's nothing, nothing
that I wouldn't do...

587
00:30:52,935 --> 00:30:55,186
for the chance to be in the spotlight.

588
00:30:55,270 --> 00:30:59,565
I just... really wanted that closing slot.

589
00:30:59,650 --> 00:31:02,693
Well, if you want that closing slot,

590
00:31:02,778 --> 00:31:06,656
then go in there and take it from me.

591
00:31:10,327 --> 00:31:13,079
Where is everybody? Let's get on with it!

592
00:31:13,163 --> 00:31:15,206
You're a really horrible person,
you know that?

593
00:31:15,290 --> 00:31:18,376
You sound like my court-appointed therapist.

594
00:31:18,502 --> 00:31:22,588
Pink Dagger, I'm gonna need
to speak with you right now.
Yes, General.

595
00:31:22,673 --> 00:31:24,799
I had a feeling
you might be behind this.

596
00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:26,467
You have no proof.

597
00:31:28,053 --> 00:31:29,845
[Sighs]

598
00:31:29,930 --> 00:31:34,100
[Sam] And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Holly Holliday.

599
00:31:46,947 --> 00:31:51,826
♪ Close enough to start a war ♪

600
00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:55,037
♪ All that I have ♪

601
00:31:55,122 --> 00:31:57,498
♪ Is on the floor ♪

602
00:31:59,501 --> 00:32:04,213
♪ And God only knows
what we're fighting for ♪

603
00:32:04,298 --> 00:32:07,091
♪ All that I say ♪

604
00:32:07,175 --> 00:32:11,596
♪ You always say more ♪

605
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:16,517
♪ I can't keep up
with your turning tables ♪

606
00:32:16,602 --> 00:32:22,440
♪ Under your thumb
I can't breathe ♪

607
00:32:23,358 --> 00:32:26,611
♪ So I won't let you ♪

608
00:32:26,695 --> 00:32:28,988
♪ Close enough to hurt me ♪

609
00:32:29,072 --> 00:32:32,700
♪ No, I won't ask you ♪

610
00:32:32,784 --> 00:32:35,036
♪ You to just desert me ♪

611
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:38,748
♪ I can't give you ♪

612
00:32:38,832 --> 00:32:41,542
♪ What you think you gave me ♪

613
00:32:41,627 --> 00:32:45,463
♪ It's time to say good-bye ♪

614
00:32:45,547 --> 00:32:58,934
♪ To turning tables ♪

615
00:32:59,019 --> 00:33:02,104
♪ Next time I'll be braver ♪

616
00:33:02,189 --> 00:33:05,232
♪ I'll be my own savior ♪

617
00:33:05,317 --> 00:33:11,364
♪ When the thunder calls for me ♪

618
00:33:11,448 --> 00:33:14,450
♪ Next time I'll be braver ♪

619
00:33:14,534 --> 00:33:17,578
♪ I'll be my own savior ♪

620
00:33:17,663 --> 00:33:23,918
♪ Standing on my own two feet ♪

621
00:33:25,170 --> 00:33:28,214
♪ I won't let you ♪

622
00:33:28,298 --> 00:33:30,633
♪ Close enough to hurt me ♪

623
00:33:30,717 --> 00:33:34,178
♪ No, I won't ask you ♪

624
00:33:34,262 --> 00:33:36,681
♪ You to just desert me ♪

625
00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:40,351
♪ I can't give you ♪

626
00:33:40,435 --> 00:33:43,020
♪ What you think you gave me ♪

627
00:33:43,105 --> 00:33:47,149
♪ It's time to say good-bye ♪

628
00:33:47,234 --> 00:33:59,620
♪ To turning tables ♪

629
00:33:59,705 --> 00:34:05,459
♪ Turning tables, yeah, yeah ♪

630
00:34:06,294 --> 00:34:09,839
♪ Turning, yeah ♪

631
00:34:09,923 --> 00:34:12,967
♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

632
00:34:24,146 --> 00:34:27,565
Frankly, I resent your implication.
I'm a fantastic super villain.

633
00:34:27,649 --> 00:34:30,609
Sandy, I just saw
Jacob Ben Israel, Azimio
and Becky Jackson...

634
00:34:30,694 --> 00:34:32,611
leave the benefit
they were supposed to be ruining...

635
00:34:32,696 --> 00:34:35,698
together in a car
with the license plate "JEW FRO."

636
00:34:35,782 --> 00:34:37,742
I lost track of 'em.

637
00:34:37,826 --> 00:34:40,411
I went into the bathroom.
When I came out, they were gone.

638
00:34:40,495 --> 00:34:42,747
I was applying a light coat of powder...

639
00:34:42,831 --> 00:34:45,875
and practicing catch phrases to use
when I really take someone down a peg.

640
00:34:45,959 --> 00:34:47,585
Like?

641
00:34:47,669 --> 00:34:51,630
You just got poked...
poked by the Dagger.

642
00:34:53,675 --> 00:34:56,260
Your job was to crush their spirit.

643
00:34:56,344 --> 00:34:59,847
And had you done that,
they would've closed up shop
by intermission.

644
00:34:59,931 --> 00:35:01,891
Now get back in there...

645
00:35:01,975 --> 00:35:04,935
and question the whole purpose
of arts education.

646
00:35:05,020 --> 00:35:09,607
I'm getting back in there.
That Glee Club's
not gonna know what hit 'em!

647
00:35:09,691 --> 00:35:11,984
I tried, but I don't think she's coming.

648
00:35:12,068 --> 00:35:14,278
I need to start warming up.

649
00:35:14,362 --> 00:35:17,615
Lauren, you're her manager.
Why don't you do something?

650
00:35:17,699 --> 00:35:20,242
My client, Ms. Jones,
is not picking up her phone.

651
00:35:20,368 --> 00:35:22,203
Oh.
So...
[Clears Throat]

652
00:35:22,287 --> 00:35:24,580
Ms. Jones is fine.

653
00:35:24,664 --> 00:35:26,999
Wait. Shouldn't one of us
be carrying you in?

654
00:35:27,083 --> 00:35:30,169
[Sucks Teeth]
I have only one more demand.

655
00:35:31,713 --> 00:35:35,925
I demand that all of you get
your butts out there and watch me sing.

656
00:35:36,051 --> 00:35:39,637
Yeah! Holla!
You heard the woman.
Let's go.

657
00:35:39,721 --> 00:35:41,347
[Chattering]

658
00:35:41,431 --> 00:35:45,351
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Ms. Mercedes Jones.

659
00:35:45,435 --> 00:35:49,104
♪♪ [Soul: Ballad]

660
00:35:54,486 --> 00:35:56,570
Oh, dear God, I love this song.

661
00:35:58,406 --> 00:36:01,784
♪ Ain't no way ♪

662
00:36:03,203 --> 00:36:08,707
♪ For me to love you ♪

663
00:36:08,792 --> 00:36:11,836
♪ If you won't ♪

664
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:16,173
♪ Let me ♪

665
00:36:16,258 --> 00:36:17,758
♪ Oh, no ♪

666
00:36:19,261 --> 00:36:23,055
♪ I know that a woman's duty ♪

667
00:36:24,224 --> 00:36:30,020
♪ Is to help and love a man ♪

668
00:36:30,105 --> 00:36:35,734
♪ And that's the way it was planned ♪

669
00:36:35,819 --> 00:36:40,698
♪ Oh, oh
It ain't no way ♪

670
00:36:40,782 --> 00:36:44,743
[Choir]
♪ Ain't no way ♪

671
00:36:44,828 --> 00:36:47,705
♪ It ain't no way ♪

672
00:36:47,789 --> 00:36:50,916
♪ Ain't no way ♪

673
00:36:51,001 --> 00:36:54,336
♪ It just ain't no way, baby ♪

674
00:36:54,421 --> 00:36:56,589
♪ Ain't no way ♪

675
00:36:56,673 --> 00:36:59,383
♪ Ain't no way, baby ♪

676
00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:01,427
♪ Ain't no way ♪

677
00:37:01,511 --> 00:37:06,515
♪ It ain't no way ♪

678
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:11,353
♪ For me to love you ♪

679
00:37:11,438 --> 00:37:15,274
♪ If you won't ♪

680
00:37:15,358 --> 00:37:17,943
♪ Let me ♪
♪♪ [Vocalizing]

681
00:37:22,574 --> 00:37:25,284
♪ Stop trying to be ♪

682
00:37:25,368 --> 00:37:31,457
♪ Someone you're not ♪

683
00:37:32,751 --> 00:37:35,502
♪ And if you need me ♪

684
00:37:35,629 --> 00:37:37,254
♪ To love you ♪
♪ Say ♪

685
00:37:37,339 --> 00:37:40,758
- ♪ Say, say you do ♪
- ♪ Say, say, say you do ♪

686
00:37:40,842 --> 00:37:45,346
♪ Oh, then, baby, baby, baby ♪

687
00:37:45,430 --> 00:37:47,932
- ♪ Don't you know that I ♪
- ♪ Don't you ♪

688
00:37:48,058 --> 00:37:50,768
♪ Need you? ♪
♪ Know that I need ♪

689
00:37:50,852 --> 00:37:52,561
♪ Oh-oh ♪

690
00:37:52,646 --> 00:37:56,774
♪ Ain't no way ♪

691
00:37:56,858 --> 00:37:58,859
♪ I'll tell you that it ain't no way ♪

692
00:37:58,944 --> 00:38:01,987
♪ It ain't no way,
it ain't no way, baby ♪

693
00:38:02,072 --> 00:38:05,115
- [Mouthing Words]
- [Choir]
♪ Ain't no way ♪

694
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,743
♪ It just ain't no way ♪

695
00:38:07,827 --> 00:38:09,703
[Choir]
♪ Ain't no way ♪

696
00:38:09,788 --> 00:38:13,832
♪ It sure ain't no way ♪

697
00:38:13,917 --> 00:38:15,542
♪ Ain't no way ♪

698
00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:18,921
♪ It ain't no way ♪

699
00:38:20,507 --> 00:38:24,635
♪ For me to love you ♪

700
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:26,720
♪♪ [Vocalizing]

701
00:38:26,805 --> 00:38:30,849
♪ If you won't ♪

702
00:38:30,934 --> 00:38:38,482
♪ Let me ♪♪

703
00:38:38,566 --> 00:38:41,568
[Cheering]

704
00:38:42,946 --> 00:38:46,281
[Cheering Continues]

705
00:38:48,910 --> 00:38:51,286
[Exhales]
All right, girl.

706
00:38:51,371 --> 00:38:53,455
Time for the closing number.
Go bring the house down.

707
00:38:53,540 --> 00:38:55,541
Are you kidding me?

708
00:38:55,625 --> 00:38:59,795
Nobody could follow that.
The house has been brought down.

709
00:38:59,879 --> 00:39:01,880
That was the closing number.

710
00:39:03,883 --> 00:39:05,342
[Laughs]

711
00:39:05,427 --> 00:39:08,012
[Speaking French]

712
00:39:08,096 --> 00:39:09,304
Bye.

713
00:39:09,431 --> 00:39:10,848
Hey, hot stuff.
Hey.

714
00:39:10,932 --> 00:39:13,851
How are the kids doing?
They were amazeballs tonight, right?

715
00:39:13,935 --> 00:39:15,936
They're good.
Everyone's in the choir room.

716
00:39:16,021 --> 00:39:18,939
They all wanna thank you
for helping out with the benefit
and the hecklers.

717
00:39:19,024 --> 00:39:22,317
Why were you in the janitor's closet
with the door closed?

718
00:39:22,402 --> 00:39:25,571
Oh. 'Cause I'm a sub,
and that's the office that Figgins gives me.

719
00:39:25,655 --> 00:39:27,072
Guess what.

720
00:39:27,157 --> 00:39:30,784
I just got offered a job
to teach French in Cleveland.

721
00:39:30,869 --> 00:39:32,661
Isn't that great?

722
00:39:32,746 --> 00:39:34,705
Uh... Full time?

723
00:39:34,789 --> 00:39:37,082
No. Who are you talking to?
Four months, tops.

724
00:39:37,167 --> 00:39:39,918
Don't you have any feelings
about leaving?

725
00:39:40,003 --> 00:39:41,920
Didn't you listen to my song?

726
00:39:42,005 --> 00:39:45,924
I told you while I live the glamorous life
of a substitute teacher,

727
00:39:46,009 --> 00:39:48,010
I'm deathly allergic to commitment.

728
00:39:48,094 --> 00:39:51,096
You knew that this
was gonna end this way.

729
00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:57,102
Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

730
00:39:57,187 --> 00:39:59,271
You're too nice for me.

731
00:39:59,355 --> 00:40:02,566
But you broke my record... five dates.

732
00:40:02,650 --> 00:40:05,736
You counted that one
we had in the janitor's closet yesterday?

733
00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:08,072
That was my favorite one.

734
00:40:08,156 --> 00:40:10,199
Mine too.

735
00:40:11,117 --> 00:40:12,951
[Chuckles]

736
00:40:13,036 --> 00:40:15,120
You think you're
ever gonna settle down?

737
00:40:16,623 --> 00:40:18,123
Maybe.

738
00:40:20,835 --> 00:40:22,836
But not with you.

739
00:40:24,380 --> 00:40:26,548
You're in love with somebody else.

740
00:40:26,633 --> 00:40:30,094
And thanks to my counseling,
she's available now.

741
00:40:39,938 --> 00:40:44,108
And by the way, she's totally into you too.

742
00:40:44,192 --> 00:40:45,692
Holly.

743
00:40:48,530 --> 00:40:50,989
Will you come back and visit?

744
00:40:51,074 --> 00:40:53,200
[Sighs]

745
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:56,328
I thought you'd never ask.

746
00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:09,383
[Sighs]

747
00:41:13,429 --> 00:41:15,889
Sandy. What are you doing in here?

748
00:41:15,974 --> 00:41:18,851
I tried to be a hater,
but I just couldn't do it.

749
00:41:18,935 --> 00:41:21,728
That song and the weed
I smoked immediately prior,

750
00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:24,606
it gave me a change of heart.

751
00:41:24,732 --> 00:41:28,110
Mr. Ryerson offered
to pay for our trip.
Bring it!

752
00:41:28,194 --> 00:41:30,487
It's drug money, but, you know,

753
00:41:30,572 --> 00:41:33,282
it's actually a fantastic way to launder it.

754
00:41:34,576 --> 00:41:36,743
Good-bye, William.

755
00:41:36,828 --> 00:41:39,580
I miss the arts. I really do.

756
00:41:44,002 --> 00:41:45,586
You just got poked...

757
00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:48,380
poked by the Dagger.

758
00:41:50,592 --> 00:41:52,050
Thank you!
Whoo!

759
00:41:52,135 --> 00:41:55,929
[Chanting]
Detroit! Detroit! Detroit!
Detroit! Detroit! Detroit!

760
00:41:57,348 --> 00:41:59,474
This is a disaster.

761
00:41:59,559 --> 00:42:04,104
Pink Dagger, not only
did you fail to disrupt the Night of Neglect,

762
00:42:04,189 --> 00:42:05,606
you funded it in full.

763
00:42:05,690 --> 00:42:07,983
In fact, you were its only donor.

764
00:42:08,067 --> 00:42:09,735
Aretha's my kryptonite.

765
00:42:09,819 --> 00:42:13,405
Sergeant Handsome,
what do you have to say for yourself?

766
00:42:13,489 --> 00:42:15,574
Hey, I did get them to break up.

767
00:42:15,658 --> 00:42:18,577
Who knew it was gonna be amicable
and sort of have nothing to do with me?

768
00:42:18,661 --> 00:42:21,205
I pulled Sunshine out of the benefit.
Don't I get credit for that?

769
00:42:21,289 --> 00:42:25,959
No. In my hour of need,
Honey Badger, I turn to you.

770
00:42:26,044 --> 00:42:28,295
Your time has come.

771
00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:35,344
- [Applause]
- At the end of regulation,
we're all tied up.

772
00:42:35,428 --> 00:42:37,012
Excuse me. Mr. Remington?

773
00:42:37,096 --> 00:42:39,556
We would just like to say hi
to our friends in Glee Club.

774
00:42:39,641 --> 00:42:41,266
- We love you guys.
- Love you.

775
00:42:41,351 --> 00:42:42,267
- And now...
- Love you.

776
00:42:42,352 --> 00:42:44,436
The tiebreaker question.

777
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:47,689
The category:
Hermaphrodite Nazi Sympathizers.

778
00:42:52,987 --> 00:42:55,614
♪♪ [Vocalizing]

779
00:42:55,698 --> 00:43:02,496
♪♪ [Harmonic Vocalizing]

780
00:43:16,261 --> 00:43:17,844
♪♪ [Ends]

781
00:43:27,855 --> 00:43:28,855
English - US - PSDH