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00:00:01,573 --> 00:00:03,895
Hello, I'm America's Jane Lynch.
2
00:00:03,928 --> 00:00:06,289
In October 2012,
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00:00:06,347 --> 00:00:08,383
on the Paramount soundstages,
4
00:00:08,416 --> 00:00:10,427
the cast and crew of Glee
5
00:00:10,460 --> 00:00:12,648
filmed a Christmas episode
6
00:00:12,681 --> 00:00:16,416
entitled "Rough Trade Santa."
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00:00:16,457 --> 00:00:17,885
Upon viewing the director's cut,
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00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:20,826
Fox executives
recoiled in horror,
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00:00:20,860 --> 00:00:22,703
and then locked the episode
in a lead vault,
10
00:00:22,744 --> 00:00:26,113
where it languished
for an entire year.
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00:00:26,146 --> 00:00:29,196
A new, less-controversial
Christmas episode containing
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00:00:29,229 --> 00:00:31,952
an entire act dedicated
to biracial Judaism
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00:00:31,985 --> 00:00:35,059
was rushed into production
and aired in its place.
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00:00:36,865 --> 00:00:39,611
After a year of pleas
from fans all over the world,
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00:00:39,644 --> 00:00:41,113
the episode will now air...
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00:00:41,154 --> 00:00:43,385
with several edits.
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00:00:43,419 --> 00:00:45,324
Gone is an entire subplot
18
00:00:45,357 --> 00:00:48,169
involving Blaine and his
obsession with Yule logs.
19
00:00:48,202 --> 00:00:51,171
Lost forever are
several scenes explaining
20
00:00:51,204 --> 00:00:54,050
why Will Schuester abandoned
his Washington dreams
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00:00:54,083 --> 00:00:56,018
to come back
and teach his merry band
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00:00:56,051 --> 00:00:58,158
of miscreants and losers.
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So, sit back, relax,
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00:01:02,069 --> 00:01:04,369
have some eggnog and enjoy,
25
00:01:04,410 --> 00:01:05,844
if you dare--
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00:01:05,878 --> 00:01:08,814
the never-aired
Glee Christmas episode.
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00:01:10,419 --> 00:01:11,594
(Glee Club whooping, applauding)
28
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We're going green, guys.
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00:01:12,899 --> 00:01:14,403
(all cheering, whooping)
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00:01:14,436 --> 00:01:16,237
I refuse to give up my wig
31
00:01:16,270 --> 00:01:17,914
and weave-aerosolized
luster spray!
32
00:01:17,947 --> 00:01:19,381
Okay, you're fine, Unique.
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00:01:19,414 --> 00:01:20,952
This year's theme
for the 50th Annual
34
00:01:20,985 --> 00:01:24,120
McKinley Classroom
Decorating contest is...
35
00:01:24,161 --> 00:01:25,258
"Green is Good."
36
00:01:25,291 --> 00:01:26,799
(all whooping)
Sam, Tina.
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00:01:26,832 --> 00:01:29,302
All right, well, as seniors,
Mr. Shue asked us
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00:01:29,335 --> 00:01:31,336
to take over the, uh,
decorating committee this year,
39
00:01:31,369 --> 00:01:33,445
so we're gonna need everyone's
help in order to win this thing.
40
00:01:33,481 --> 00:01:34,554
Oh, and we will win.
41
00:01:34,587 --> 00:01:35,987
Because first prize is
42
00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:37,091
an antique glass angel,
43
00:01:37,124 --> 00:01:39,257
hand-blown thousands
of years ago.
44
00:01:39,291 --> 00:01:41,492
This holy glass ornament is
said to have magical powers
45
00:01:41,526 --> 00:01:43,463
to bring good luck,
and possibly a boyfriend
46
00:01:43,506 --> 00:01:45,403
or prom queen dreams
to whoever she oversees.
47
00:01:45,436 --> 00:01:47,141
And that person will be me.
48
00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:48,817
Um, don't we all get
to share the prize?
49
00:01:48,850 --> 00:01:50,517
We're going au naturel
this year.
50
00:01:50,558 --> 00:01:52,529
We're gonna get pine cones,
L.E.D. lights.
51
00:01:52,563 --> 00:01:54,793
Are we getting those
from the L.E.D. bush out back?
52
00:01:54,826 --> 00:01:56,667
This is exactly
the kind of in-fighting
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00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,331
that will make us lose, and
I'm not gonna stand for it.
54
00:01:58,372 --> 00:01:59,772
Guys, this is serious!
55
00:01:59,805 --> 00:02:01,110
Cancel your plans
for the entire month.
56
00:02:01,143 --> 00:02:02,515
I don't want to hear
about any of you
57
00:02:02,548 --> 00:02:03,612
caroling in nursing homes
58
00:02:03,653 --> 00:02:04,652
or feeding the homeless
59
00:02:04,685 --> 00:02:05,949
or giving toys to tots.
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00:02:05,990 --> 00:02:07,657
Every waking thought will
be spent figuring out
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00:02:07,690 --> 00:02:09,291
how to win me that stupid angel.
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00:02:09,332 --> 00:02:10,334
Got it?
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00:02:11,433 --> 00:02:12,971
Well.
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00:02:13,004 --> 00:02:15,046
Merry Christmas, everyone.
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♪ Joy to the... ♪
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ALL:
Shut up, Blaine!
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00:02:17,356 --> 00:02:18,097
Okay.
68
00:02:18,124 --> 00:02:21,198
Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com
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The McKinley High
Non-Denominational
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00:02:23,803 --> 00:02:26,213
Christmas Club meeting
is now called to order.
71
00:02:26,246 --> 00:02:28,514
Vice President Artie Abrams
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00:02:28,547 --> 00:02:29,883
has the floor.
73
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:32,052
This Christmas club looks
an awful lot like Glee Club.
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00:02:32,094 --> 00:02:33,526
ARTIE:
Nobody panic.
75
00:02:33,559 --> 00:02:34,959
But Principal Figgins
just informed me
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00:02:34,992 --> 00:02:36,968
that McKinley's outdoor manger
scene has been defaced
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00:02:37,001 --> 00:02:40,437
with swastikas
and with Satanic symbols.
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00:02:40,470 --> 00:02:43,379
And Baby Jesus was found stuffed
down Figgins' chimney.
79
00:02:43,420 --> 00:02:45,252
Oh, my God, that's horrible!
80
00:02:45,285 --> 00:02:47,285
Christmas is canceled!
81
00:02:47,326 --> 00:02:49,761
Not quite yet, Tina.
82
00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:52,134
Figgins asked
the Christmas Club to step in...
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00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:54,173
and do a living nativity.
84
00:02:54,206 --> 00:02:56,006
Christmas is saved.
85
00:02:56,039 --> 00:02:57,943
And Artie and I have decided
86
00:02:57,976 --> 00:02:59,607
that Jake should play Joseph.
I mean...
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00:02:59,648 --> 00:03:02,314
Joseph was a darkly tanned Jew.
88
00:03:02,347 --> 00:03:03,915
Thank you?
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00:03:03,956 --> 00:03:06,190
I call dibs on arguably
the most important female role
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00:03:06,223 --> 00:03:08,160
in the history of the world.
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00:03:08,193 --> 00:03:09,665
The Virgin Mary.
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00:03:09,698 --> 00:03:11,701
You can't. You're black,
and you'd crush the donkey.
93
00:03:11,734 --> 00:03:12,701
I'm a virgin!
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00:03:12,742 --> 00:03:14,574
That's a shocker.
95
00:03:14,607 --> 00:03:15,679
To think nobody's tickled
96
00:03:15,712 --> 00:03:17,546
inside of your musty,
mildewed granny panties
97
00:03:17,579 --> 00:03:19,621
except for the family
of crickets that nest in there.
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00:03:19,654 --> 00:03:21,255
Yeah, well...
99
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:22,959
you wear
a smaller bra than me!
100
00:03:22,992 --> 00:03:24,329
RYDER:
All right, girls, come on, okay?
101
00:03:24,362 --> 00:03:26,162
It's Christmas, and
we've got a show to do.
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00:03:26,195 --> 00:03:28,898
Wait, are manger scenes even
allowed on school property?
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Auditions are tomorrow.
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(blows whistle)
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00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:35,417
KURT:
Mmm, what is it? What is it?
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(gasps)
107
00:03:36,619 --> 00:03:38,589
Oh, my gosh!
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00:03:38,622 --> 00:03:40,160
It's My Pretty Princess
109
00:03:40,193 --> 00:03:42,696
Deluxe-All-Jazzed-Up
Styling Head!
110
00:03:42,729 --> 00:03:45,033
Aw, Santana, I love it!
Thank you so much.
111
00:03:45,066 --> 00:03:47,206
Oh, I had one of these
when I was ten.
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00:03:47,239 --> 00:03:49,111
And I was obsessed with her.
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I-I gave this lady
smoky eyes every day.
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00:03:51,912 --> 00:03:53,344
Well, merry Christmas,
Lady Hummel.
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Now you can relive all
your Jeffrey Dahmer fantasies
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00:03:55,921 --> 00:03:57,417
in the privacy of your own home.
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00:03:57,450 --> 00:04:00,226
But that's not it because
additionally I am giving you
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00:04:00,259 --> 00:04:01,555
an all-expense-paid trip
119
00:04:01,596 --> 00:04:03,060
to Dildo Island.
120
00:04:03,093 --> 00:04:04,395
It's a real place,
it's in Canada.
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00:04:04,428 --> 00:04:06,426
I got you the deluxe
bachelor package.
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00:04:06,467 --> 00:04:09,130
I think this calls for another
glass of my world-famous eggnog.
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00:04:09,163 --> 00:04:10,370
- Huh?
- Yes.
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I'm using Giada's recipe,
125
00:04:11,540 --> 00:04:13,708
but you tell me if it's
too much all-spice.
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00:04:13,742 --> 00:04:15,744
You know what I will tell you
is that I think
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00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,378
that you've actually
become more of a Grandma Moses
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since moving to New York.
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00:04:18,651 --> 00:04:20,281
I mean, you just had
a traumatic break-up
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00:04:20,314 --> 00:04:22,090
with Princess Valiant,
and you're single,
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00:04:22,123 --> 00:04:23,459
you should be living it up.
132
00:04:23,492 --> 00:04:24,556
Oh, like you?
133
00:04:24,589 --> 00:04:26,196
Breezing through here
unannounced,
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00:04:26,229 --> 00:04:27,860
with a sleigh full
of Christmas decorations
135
00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:29,629
and presents
à la Auntie Mame?
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00:04:29,662 --> 00:04:31,966
By the way, all of these
aren't for us, are they?
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Oh, no, no, no, I mean,
you got your decapitated head.
138
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:35,535
And one of these
is for Berry.
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00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:37,239
A gallon jug of
ProActiv solution
140
00:04:37,272 --> 00:04:38,975
and a booklet of
JetBlue vouchers.
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00:04:39,008 --> 00:04:40,342
The rest are for me.
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00:04:40,375 --> 00:04:41,710
After what happened
with Brittany,
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00:04:41,743 --> 00:04:44,312
I prescribed myself a
little retail therapy.
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00:04:44,353 --> 00:04:46,617
Mm-hmm.
Couldn't be in Lima
right now, you know?
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00:04:46,650 --> 00:04:48,489
Not with her there,
it's too soon.
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00:04:48,523 --> 00:04:50,858
But now I have to
book myself a hotel.
147
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,724
In New York City
during the holidays?
148
00:04:52,765 --> 00:04:54,364
Are you crazy? Do you know
how expensive that will be?
149
00:04:54,397 --> 00:04:56,499
Calm down, Joyce DeWitt.
150
00:04:56,532 --> 00:04:57,835
Okay? It's gonna be fine.
151
00:04:57,868 --> 00:04:58,900
Don't you remember that money
152
00:04:58,933 --> 00:05:00,268
that my mom gave me
for graduation?
153
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:01,700
Your college fund?
Mm-hmm.
154
00:05:01,741 --> 00:05:03,109
Please tell me
you didn't spend it all
155
00:05:03,142 --> 00:05:04,142
on post-breakup gifts
for yourself.
156
00:05:04,175 --> 00:05:05,510
No, no, just half.
157
00:05:05,543 --> 00:05:07,376
(door opens)
RACHEL: Kurt?
158
00:05:07,417 --> 00:05:08,911
Oh, my God, Santana!
159
00:05:08,945 --> 00:05:09,950
What are you doing here?
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00:05:09,983 --> 00:05:12,287
We have our first
holiday house guest.
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00:05:12,321 --> 00:05:14,088
Feliz Navidad!
162
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I decided that I wanted to do
something a little different
163
00:05:15,889 --> 00:05:17,119
for the holidays this year.
164
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In that case, you're in luck.
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Because I just
got Kurt and I
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00:05:20,191 --> 00:05:21,295
the greatest gig,
and you can get in
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00:05:21,328 --> 00:05:22,296
on it, too, if you want!
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00:05:22,329 --> 00:05:25,663
We are gonna be
Christmas elves
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00:05:25,696 --> 00:05:27,000
in Santa Land at
the Midtown Mall!
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I know what you're thinking,
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00:05:28,169 --> 00:05:29,402
but I've done my research.
172
00:05:29,435 --> 00:05:30,841
And this is where all
of the Broadway luminaries
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bring their children,
so we'll have tons of exposure.
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It's gonna be great, please
say you're in! Are you in?
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00:05:35,041 --> 00:05:37,179
Come on, we'll all
do it together.
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00:05:37,981 --> 00:05:38,949
- Sure, yeah.
- Yeah!
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00:05:38,982 --> 00:05:40,180
Yay!
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ALL:
Cheers!
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00:05:41,588 --> 00:05:44,653
I am gonna be
the best Jewish elf ever.
180
00:05:44,686 --> 00:05:45,852
I'm serious, okay?
181
00:05:45,893 --> 00:05:47,325
What could be greener
than foraging
182
00:05:47,356 --> 00:05:48,658
in the woods
for Christmas decorations?
183
00:05:48,691 --> 00:05:51,225
Our Christmas tree will have,
like, a zero carbon footprint.
184
00:05:51,257 --> 00:05:53,129
Except for cutting down
a perfectly healthy tree
185
00:05:53,162 --> 00:05:54,394
and throwing it away
two weeks later.
186
00:05:54,427 --> 00:05:55,530
Well... (stammers)
exactly!
187
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,267
I'll go into
the West Lima Forest Preserve
188
00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:59,434
and get pine cones,
deer antlers,
189
00:05:59,467 --> 00:06:00,833
fallen branches
and make them into wreaths,
190
00:06:00,866 --> 00:06:02,936
and you'd be surprised
at how many Hispanic families
191
00:06:02,969 --> 00:06:04,368
throw birthday parties in there.
192
00:06:04,401 --> 00:06:05,567
I'm even gonna collect
all the, uh,
193
00:06:05,608 --> 00:06:08,508
deflated mylar "feliz
cumpleaños" balloons
194
00:06:08,541 --> 00:06:09,938
and then I'm gonna make
tinsel out of it.
195
00:06:09,971 --> 00:06:10,969
- Perfect.
- Yeah.
196
00:06:11,002 --> 00:06:12,611
Hold it right there, sluts!
197
00:06:12,644 --> 00:06:13,611
Hey, Becky.
198
00:06:13,644 --> 00:06:14,937
This is mistletoe.
199
00:06:14,978 --> 00:06:17,607
I'm super horny, so you
better give me some tongue!
200
00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:18,838
- What?
- Whoa!
201
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,207
I mean it, bitch!
202
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,280
I want to lick
those Asian tonsils!
203
00:06:22,313 --> 00:06:24,448
And then once she's
got me all warmed up,
204
00:06:24,481 --> 00:06:25,752
I'm gonna make you French me
205
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:27,382
because it's Christmas
and I'm loose.
206
00:06:27,415 --> 00:06:28,582
Oh, dear God.
207
00:06:28,623 --> 00:06:30,624
Becky, you can't just make us
French kiss you.
208
00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:32,223
Yes, I can, stripper!
209
00:06:32,256 --> 00:06:34,589
I have special needs,
and one of my special needs
210
00:06:34,622 --> 00:06:37,193
is mouth sex with your face!
211
00:06:37,234 --> 00:06:38,233
No, Becky!
This is not okay.
212
00:06:38,266 --> 00:06:39,697
You get away with murder
at this school
213
00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:40,898
because Sue has made you believe
214
00:06:40,938 --> 00:06:42,001
that the rules
don't apply to you!
215
00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:43,167
It's discrimination!
216
00:06:43,199 --> 00:06:44,438
SUE:
Ah-ah-ah, no, it's not, honey.
217
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:45,871
Becky?
218
00:06:45,904 --> 00:06:47,243
That's poison sumac.
219
00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:48,545
That's not mistletoe.
220
00:06:48,578 --> 00:06:50,112
Get your little butt
to the nurse's office
221
00:06:50,145 --> 00:06:52,111
for a Silkwood shower, stat!
222
00:06:52,144 --> 00:06:53,210
Can I take the LeCar?
223
00:06:53,251 --> 00:06:55,451
Of course you can take
the LeCar.
224
00:06:55,484 --> 00:06:58,123
Oh, Asian Number One.
225
00:06:58,156 --> 00:07:00,618
Stupid Trouty Joe
the Happy Strippin' Hobo.
226
00:07:00,659 --> 00:07:02,994
You're exactly right.
I have been treating
227
00:07:03,027 --> 00:07:05,023
Becky differently than all
the other kids at this school
228
00:07:05,056 --> 00:07:06,255
when I probably should've
just treated her
229
00:07:06,288 --> 00:07:07,959
like everybody else.
230
00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:10,191
You've made your point,
fair is fair.
231
00:07:10,232 --> 00:07:11,863
And I will adjust
my behavior accordingly.
232
00:07:11,896 --> 00:07:13,063
Geez, I just think she needs
233
00:07:13,096 --> 00:07:15,063
to be treated for some
sort of sex addiction.
234
00:07:15,104 --> 00:07:16,934
Yeah, okay, I got it, got it.
235
00:07:16,967 --> 00:07:18,901
I'm here to inform you
that Principal Figgins
236
00:07:18,934 --> 00:07:20,700
has made me
in charge of judging
237
00:07:20,733 --> 00:07:23,337
the 50th Annual Christmas Tree
Decorating Contest.
238
00:07:23,370 --> 00:07:26,675
A longstanding tradition
here at McKinley High
239
00:07:26,708 --> 00:07:28,780
even though
we didn't do it last year.
240
00:07:28,813 --> 00:07:30,178
Or the year before.
241
00:07:30,875 --> 00:07:32,880
Or the year before that.
242
00:07:32,913 --> 00:07:34,946
Anyhoo, I'm just thrilled
to be able
243
00:07:34,979 --> 00:07:35,985
to judge the Glee
Christmas tree
244
00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:38,317
so I can rank it dead last.
245
00:07:38,350 --> 00:07:40,014
Because I'm sure
it's covered
246
00:07:40,047 --> 00:07:41,751
with condoms and dental dams
247
00:07:41,784 --> 00:07:44,056
and suicide hotline
pamphlets
248
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,655
and at-home-sex-change kits.
249
00:07:45,688 --> 00:07:47,958
I know that sounds harsh.
250
00:07:47,991 --> 00:07:49,463
But maybe it's just
the motivation
251
00:07:49,496 --> 00:07:50,495
that poor little
Christmas tree needs
252
00:07:50,528 --> 00:07:52,295
to go out and conquer its dreams
253
00:07:52,328 --> 00:07:54,895
to hop out of that
Christmas tree stand,
254
00:07:54,936 --> 00:07:57,872
fly to New York
and audition for NYADA.
255
00:07:57,905 --> 00:07:59,672
(grunts) Huh?
256
00:07:59,705 --> 00:08:01,302
(laughs)
257
00:08:01,335 --> 00:08:03,342
(singing indistinctly)
258
00:08:10,845 --> 00:08:13,980
KIDS (chanting):
We want Santa! We want Santa!
259
00:08:14,012 --> 00:08:17,390
We want Santa!
We want Santa!
260
00:08:17,423 --> 00:08:19,325
(sighs)
261
00:08:19,358 --> 00:08:21,260
I'm seriously regretting
these tights.
262
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:22,957
They smell like Williamstown,
263
00:08:22,990 --> 00:08:24,662
and they're giving me
serious mangina.
264
00:08:24,695 --> 00:08:26,029
And I am seriously sensing
265
00:08:26,062 --> 00:08:28,657
some workplace sexism
happening over here.
266
00:08:28,698 --> 00:08:30,161
All these little lady
elves are dressed
267
00:08:30,193 --> 00:08:32,127
like candy-striped hookers.
268
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,631
Do you think they'll let me
keep this when we're done?
269
00:08:34,664 --> 00:08:37,670
Because I am loving
this look on me.
270
00:08:37,703 --> 00:08:39,400
Lord of the Bling.
271
00:08:39,441 --> 00:08:41,810
We want Santa! We want Santa!
272
00:08:41,843 --> 00:08:43,503
Has anyone seen Santa?
273
00:08:43,544 --> 00:08:45,437
These Manhattan kids aren't
gonna wait much longer.
274
00:08:45,478 --> 00:08:46,573
Uh, there he is.
275
00:08:46,606 --> 00:08:49,340
Merry Christmas!
(laughs)
276
00:08:49,381 --> 00:08:51,546
Oh, ho, ho, oh! Calm down.
277
00:08:51,579 --> 00:08:53,178
Calm down, here I am!
278
00:08:53,211 --> 00:08:54,811
(laughing)
279
00:08:54,851 --> 00:08:58,715
No flash photos before I get
on my throne, though, okay?
280
00:08:58,756 --> 00:09:01,323
Ah!
281
00:09:01,356 --> 00:09:03,218
Ho, ho, ho! Oh!
282
00:09:03,259 --> 00:09:05,626
Lady elves.
283
00:09:05,659 --> 00:09:08,592
Santa, great.
284
00:09:08,625 --> 00:09:10,361
Uh, well, can we get
this line moving for you?
285
00:09:15,435 --> 00:09:18,140
A) Don't ever look directly
at me again, Keebler.
286
00:09:18,173 --> 00:09:19,340
Ever!
287
00:09:20,372 --> 00:09:21,506
I don't like you
288
00:09:21,539 --> 00:09:23,811
and your Equity card attitude.
289
00:09:23,844 --> 00:09:26,718
So I'm gonna hit the men's room
and craft services,
290
00:09:26,751 --> 00:09:29,748
aka my flask.
291
00:09:29,789 --> 00:09:33,326
Why don't you take care
of keeping these kids busy?
292
00:09:33,359 --> 00:09:36,893
Huh? Maybe you could do
that Rent medley
293
00:09:36,926 --> 00:09:40,595
that you learned at the last
open mic cabaret night, huh?
294
00:09:40,628 --> 00:09:43,425
(laughs)
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
295
00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:45,603
Okay, this crowd
is about to get fugly.
296
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:48,098
Do we have a plan?
297
00:09:48,139 --> 00:09:49,771
There is always a plan.
298
00:09:49,804 --> 00:09:51,338
We are gonna work
some NYADA magic.
299
00:09:51,372 --> 00:09:52,370
Santana, grab
a candy cane.
300
00:09:52,403 --> 00:09:53,674
Kurt, hit it.
301
00:09:53,707 --> 00:09:56,240
(Gene Autry's
"Here Comes Santa Claus" begins)
302
00:09:59,317 --> 00:10:01,948
♪ Here comes Santa Claus,
here comes Santa Claus ♪
303
00:10:01,981 --> 00:10:04,919
♪ Right down Santa Claus Lane ♪
304
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,959
♪ Vixen and Blitzen
and all his reindeer ♪
305
00:10:07,992 --> 00:10:10,462
♪ Are pulling on the reins ♪
306
00:10:10,495 --> 00:10:13,230
♪ Bells are ringing,
children singing ♪
307
00:10:13,263 --> 00:10:16,133
♪ All is merry and bright ♪
308
00:10:16,166 --> 00:10:18,931
♪ Hang your stockings
and say your prayers ♪
309
00:10:18,964 --> 00:10:21,739
♪ 'Cause Santa Claus
comes tonight ♪
310
00:10:21,772 --> 00:10:24,435
♪ Here comes Santa Claus,
here comes Santa Claus ♪
311
00:10:24,476 --> 00:10:26,972
♪ Right down Santa Claus Lane ♪
312
00:10:27,013 --> 00:10:29,811
♪ He's got a bag
that's filled with toys ♪
313
00:10:29,844 --> 00:10:32,883
♪ For the boys and girls again ♪
314
00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:35,450
♪ Hear those sleigh bells
jingle jangle ♪
315
00:10:35,483 --> 00:10:38,248
♪ What a beautiful sight ♪
316
00:10:38,281 --> 00:10:40,920
♪ Jump in bed,
cover up your head ♪
317
00:10:40,953 --> 00:10:44,087
♪ 'Cause Santa Claus
comes tonight, tonight ♪
318
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,757
♪ Santa Claus comes tonight ♪
319
00:10:45,790 --> 00:10:47,989
♪ Happy days, happy times ♪
320
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,422
♪ Listen to the bells
and chimes ♪
321
00:10:49,463 --> 00:10:52,763
♪ As Santa Claus comes
your way today ♪
322
00:10:52,797 --> 00:10:55,290
♪ Here comes Santa Claus,
here comes Santa Claus ♪
323
00:10:55,331 --> 00:10:57,963
♪ Right down Santa Claus Lane ♪
324
00:10:57,996 --> 00:11:00,573
♪ He doesn't care
if you're rich or poor ♪
325
00:11:00,606 --> 00:11:04,174
♪ For he loves you
just the same ♪
326
00:11:04,207 --> 00:11:06,445
♪ Santa knows
that we're God's children ♪
327
00:11:06,478 --> 00:11:09,506
♪ And that makes
everything right ♪
328
00:11:09,547 --> 00:11:11,641
♪ Fill your hearts with
the Christmas cheer ♪
329
00:11:11,674 --> 00:11:14,746
♪ 'Cause Santa Claus comes
tonight ♪
♪ Tonight ♪
330
00:11:14,779 --> 00:11:16,345
♪ Santa Claus comes tonight ♪
331
00:11:16,386 --> 00:11:17,649
♪ Stand by ♪
332
00:11:17,682 --> 00:11:20,922
(humming melody)
333
00:11:25,426 --> 00:11:26,426
Whoo!
334
00:11:28,830 --> 00:11:34,170
♪ Peace on Earth
will come to all ♪
335
00:11:34,203 --> 00:11:37,202
♪ If we just follow the light ♪
336
00:11:37,235 --> 00:11:39,307
(Kurt hums melody)
337
00:11:39,340 --> 00:11:44,841
♪ Let's give thanks
to the Lord above ♪
♪ To the Lord above ♪
338
00:11:44,874 --> 00:11:47,879
♪ 'Cause Santa Claus
comes tonight ♪
339
00:11:47,912 --> 00:11:49,681
♪ Happy days, happy times ♪
340
00:11:49,714 --> 00:11:52,284
♪ Listen to the
bells and chimes ♪
341
00:11:52,325 --> 00:11:54,858
♪ Here comes Santa Claus. ♪
342
00:11:54,891 --> 00:11:56,228
(song ends)
343
00:11:56,261 --> 00:11:58,659
Ah, just goes to show you,
even in New York,
344
00:11:58,692 --> 00:12:00,995
all you need is just
a little magic.
345
00:12:01,028 --> 00:12:03,867
Let's go already!
You guys suck eggs!
346
00:12:05,332 --> 00:12:06,404
Oh, my God!
347
00:12:06,437 --> 00:12:08,141
(screaming)
348
00:12:10,685 --> 00:12:12,019
Hey.
349
00:12:12,055 --> 00:12:14,796
Us girls were talking and
we figured that since all of us
350
00:12:14,829 --> 00:12:16,395
obviously want to play
the Virgin Mary
351
00:12:16,428 --> 00:12:18,529
in the nativity scene,
we should all audition together.
352
00:12:18,562 --> 00:12:19,530
No, thanks.
353
00:12:19,563 --> 00:12:21,531
Okay. I was just
trying to be nice.
354
00:12:21,564 --> 00:12:25,038
I have a very low tolerance
for nice.
355
00:12:25,071 --> 00:12:26,975
I may seem really cool
and loving for a week or two,
356
00:12:27,008 --> 00:12:29,173
but then my body rejects it
like a virus
357
00:12:29,214 --> 00:12:30,982
and I move back
into my natural state
358
00:12:31,015 --> 00:12:32,077
of cruel, selfish
insensitivity.
359
00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:34,079
The fact is,
that between lady-man
360
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,687
and his junk flapping
around on stage,
361
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,782
you probably passing out at
some point during the audition,
362
00:12:37,823 --> 00:12:39,684
and the basic truth
that there is no way
363
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,555
they're going to let
a Chinese girl play Mary.
364
00:12:41,588 --> 00:12:42,989
I think Tina's Korean.
365
00:12:43,022 --> 00:12:45,662
I would get that part hands down
if I wanted it.
366
00:12:45,695 --> 00:12:47,199
But I don't.
367
00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:52,565
(sighs)
368
00:12:52,598 --> 00:12:55,778
(phone buzzing)
369
00:12:58,040 --> 00:12:59,006
(annoyed):
What?
370
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,877
Where are you?!
371
00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:02,780
I'm taking
a much-needed break, okay?
372
00:13:02,813 --> 00:13:04,711
It is exhausting
playing a slutty elf.
373
00:13:04,752 --> 00:13:05,752
KURT:
Get back here!
374
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,216
Santa passed out
in his own vomit
375
00:13:07,249 --> 00:13:08,320
and probably
crapped his pants.
376
00:13:08,353 --> 00:13:09,886
And until the mall can find
a replacement,
377
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:11,886
we need you to come back
and play Mrs. Claus!
378
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,791
No, no, you play Mrs. Claus,
Lady Hummel.
379
00:13:14,825 --> 00:13:18,190
You were born to play
Mrs. Claus and Mrs. Butterworth
380
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:19,927
and Bea Arthur
and Barbara Bush.
381
00:13:19,968 --> 00:13:21,864
(sighs)
The mob's getting
restless out there.
382
00:13:21,897 --> 00:13:23,431
Oh, my God,
we are begging you!
383
00:13:23,464 --> 00:13:24,702
Please come here
and help us!
384
00:13:24,735 --> 00:13:26,071
(sighs)
385
00:13:28,304 --> 00:13:30,773
(all cheer)
386
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:35,712
♪ Rocking around
the Christmas tree ♪
387
00:13:35,745 --> 00:13:38,280
♪ At the Christmas party hop ♪
388
00:13:39,753 --> 00:13:42,455
♪ Mistletoe hung
where you can see ♪
389
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:45,824
♪ Every couple tries to stop ♪
390
00:13:45,857 --> 00:13:49,096
♪ Rocking around
the Christmas tree ♪
391
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:53,000
♪ Let the Christmas
spirit ring ♪
392
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,905
♪ Later we'll have
some pumpkin pie ♪
393
00:13:55,938 --> 00:13:59,673
♪ And we'll do some caroling ♪
394
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:04,039
♪ You will get
a sentimental feeling ♪
395
00:14:04,072 --> 00:14:06,311
♪ When you hear ♪
396
00:14:06,344 --> 00:14:10,648
♪ Voices singing,
"Let's be jolly ♪
397
00:14:10,681 --> 00:14:13,351
♪ Deck the halls with
boughs of holly" ♪
398
00:14:13,384 --> 00:14:16,182
♪ Rocking around
the Christmas tree ♪
399
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:20,356
♪ Have a happy holiday ♪
400
00:14:20,389 --> 00:14:23,092
♪ Everyone dancing merrily ♪
401
00:14:23,125 --> 00:14:26,934
♪ In the new
old-fashioned way ♪
402
00:14:31,335 --> 00:14:33,640
(cheering)
403
00:14:35,547 --> 00:14:36,945
(cheering)
404
00:14:43,078 --> 00:14:45,149
(cheering)
405
00:14:54,256 --> 00:14:57,959
♪ You will get
a sentimental feeling ♪
406
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,663
♪ When you hear ♪
407
00:15:00,696 --> 00:15:04,000
♪ Voices singing,
"Let's be jolly ♪
408
00:15:04,041 --> 00:15:07,302
♪ Deck the halls with
boughs of holly" ♪
409
00:15:07,335 --> 00:15:10,508
♪ Rocking around
the Christmas tree ♪
410
00:15:10,541 --> 00:15:12,570
♪ At the Christmas party hop ♪
411
00:15:14,241 --> 00:15:17,173
♪ Mistletoe hung
where you can see ♪
412
00:15:17,206 --> 00:15:19,541
♪ Every couple tries to stop ♪
413
00:15:20,944 --> 00:15:23,384
♪ Rocking around
the Christmas tree ♪
414
00:15:23,417 --> 00:15:26,688
♪ Have a happy holiday ♪
415
00:15:26,721 --> 00:15:27,856
♪ Happy-happy-hap ♪
416
00:15:27,890 --> 00:15:31,194
♪ Everyone dancing merrily ♪
417
00:15:31,227 --> 00:15:35,163
♪ In the new old-fashioned... ♪
418
00:15:35,196 --> 00:15:40,172
♪ Way... ♪
419
00:15:40,205 --> 00:15:41,204
(song ends)
420
00:15:41,237 --> 00:15:43,937
(all cheer)
421
00:15:45,569 --> 00:15:48,604
KIDS:
We want Santa! We want Santa!
422
00:15:48,637 --> 00:15:50,806
Merry Christmas, shoppers!
423
00:15:50,839 --> 00:15:52,976
Well, it turns out
Santa has got a bit
424
00:15:53,009 --> 00:15:54,015
of a drinking problem.
425
00:15:54,048 --> 00:15:55,446
Got into the schnapps
last night,
426
00:15:55,479 --> 00:15:57,878
and he was a little hard
to get out of bed.
427
00:15:57,918 --> 00:16:00,383
But-but... but it is actually
Mrs. Claus
428
00:16:00,416 --> 00:16:01,783
who's been writing the list
429
00:16:01,824 --> 00:16:04,719
of who's been naughty
and who's been nice
430
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,823
and forcing us elves
to work at the sweatshop,
431
00:16:06,856 --> 00:16:09,294
and she has made
a special trip to Santa Land,
432
00:16:09,327 --> 00:16:12,027
and you guys get to tell her
what you want for Christmas!
433
00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:13,091
Who's excited?
434
00:16:14,734 --> 00:16:16,469
Who's excited?!
435
00:16:16,502 --> 00:16:18,605
So here she is,
Mrs. Claus!
436
00:16:20,734 --> 00:16:22,637
(kids cheer)
437
00:16:25,973 --> 00:16:28,214
Merry Christmas!
438
00:16:28,247 --> 00:16:30,183
Who's ready to sit on my lap?
439
00:16:30,216 --> 00:16:31,183
Whoo!
440
00:16:31,216 --> 00:16:33,453
And what would you
like for Christmas?
441
00:16:33,486 --> 00:16:35,819
I want a Doc McStuffins
Time-for-Your-Check-up Doll.
442
00:16:35,852 --> 00:16:37,252
Ooh, so cute.
443
00:16:37,285 --> 00:16:38,725
Well, that sounds
a little molesty.
444
00:16:38,758 --> 00:16:41,188
I mean, I didn't start
playing doctor till I was nine.
445
00:16:41,221 --> 00:16:42,556
I'll see what
I can do.
446
00:16:42,589 --> 00:16:46,334
I think that somebody needs
to freeze the fat for Christmas
447
00:16:46,367 --> 00:16:49,198
because somebody weighs
more than Mrs. Claus.
448
00:16:49,231 --> 00:16:50,197
Whoa, stop right there.
449
00:16:50,238 --> 00:16:52,333
You look a little
Jewish, right?
450
00:16:52,366 --> 00:16:53,836
Rachel, you think?
451
00:16:53,869 --> 00:16:54,900
Okay, bye.
452
00:16:54,941 --> 00:16:56,268
I think...
Did you...?
453
00:16:56,309 --> 00:16:57,803
I think he pooped
in his pants.
454
00:16:57,836 --> 00:17:01,241
I want a Kinder College
Learning Laptop.
455
00:17:01,274 --> 00:17:02,903
Why don't we just
get you an iPad?
456
00:17:02,944 --> 00:17:04,110
You can't even
get porn
457
00:17:04,143 --> 00:17:05,806
on whatever you just
asked me for, okay?
458
00:17:05,846 --> 00:17:08,814
Ah!
459
00:17:08,847 --> 00:17:10,349
Hey, how's it going?
460
00:17:10,382 --> 00:17:13,012
You look exactly
like a young
461
00:17:13,045 --> 00:17:15,284
Brittany S. Pierce,
doesn't she?
462
00:17:15,317 --> 00:17:17,956
Brittany is my ex-girlfriend,
and she just dumped me,
463
00:17:17,989 --> 00:17:20,451
which is why I'm even here
and why I have this job.
464
00:17:20,492 --> 00:17:21,754
And we're lesbians.
465
00:17:21,787 --> 00:17:23,458
You know, and, like,
I'd never been with...
466
00:17:23,491 --> 00:17:25,961
Okay, great job!
467
00:17:25,994 --> 00:17:27,592
What would you like
for Christmas?
468
00:17:27,625 --> 00:17:28,759
I'd like...
469
00:17:28,792 --> 00:17:30,159
Oh, no, you know what?
470
00:17:30,192 --> 00:17:31,789
I think that you
should ask Santa
471
00:17:31,830 --> 00:17:34,492
to get your daddy a job
with some dental benefits,
472
00:17:34,526 --> 00:17:36,261
because your grill
is freaking jacked up.
473
00:17:36,302 --> 00:17:37,830
Do you see this?
474
00:17:37,871 --> 00:17:39,734
I think that Mrs. Claus
needs a break.
475
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:40,934
This is going well, right?
476
00:17:41,870 --> 00:17:43,837
You guys, she's coming!
477
00:17:46,142 --> 00:17:47,476
And one, two...
478
00:17:47,509 --> 00:17:50,105
(humming "O Tannenbaum")
479
00:18:09,161 --> 00:18:11,296
What's this ornament made of?
480
00:18:11,329 --> 00:18:14,032
It's a suet cake
for migratory songbirds,
481
00:18:14,064 --> 00:18:16,402
and it's loaded
with wildflower seeds
482
00:18:16,435 --> 00:18:18,542
for the birds to poop out
in their deforested
483
00:18:18,575 --> 00:18:20,174
wintering grounds
in the Amazon River Basin.
484
00:18:20,207 --> 00:18:21,909
- What species?
- BOTH: Douglas fir!
485
00:18:21,942 --> 00:18:23,046
Which is the primary habitat of?
486
00:18:23,079 --> 00:18:25,247
Red tree vole.
487
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,117
And what happened to the vole
you left homeless
488
00:18:27,150 --> 00:18:28,316
when you cut down this tree?
489
00:18:28,349 --> 00:18:30,286
Um, do you mean Richie?
490
00:18:30,319 --> 00:18:33,485
Because he came here
to live with us.
491
00:18:34,589 --> 00:18:37,093
(humming continues)
492
00:18:37,127 --> 00:18:39,230
Well, Glee Club,
I gotta hand it to you.
493
00:18:39,263 --> 00:18:41,495
I thought Becky Jackson
was going to take
494
00:18:41,536 --> 00:18:44,335
first prize this year, but she
didn't really get the concept
495
00:18:44,368 --> 00:18:45,870
of "green decorations."
496
00:18:45,903 --> 00:18:47,206
Here it is, Coach!
497
00:18:50,404 --> 00:18:52,441
See? Everything's green!
498
00:18:52,474 --> 00:18:55,869
Green apples,
green bananas, peas,
499
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:57,604
an Apple Jacks box,
500
00:18:57,635 --> 00:19:01,073
grass clippings, moldy bread.
501
00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:02,504
I won't be announ...
502
00:19:02,537 --> 00:19:03,840
You're still humming.
503
00:19:05,305 --> 00:19:07,578
Okay.
504
00:19:07,611 --> 00:19:10,285
I won't be announcing the winner
until tomorrow morning,
505
00:19:10,318 --> 00:19:13,991
but I have to admit,
for once, Glee Club,
506
00:19:14,024 --> 00:19:16,666
you haven't totally screwed
everything up.
507
00:19:18,034 --> 00:19:19,432
Happy holidays.
508
00:19:19,465 --> 00:19:21,462
(humming continues)
509
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:35,073
(vocalizing)
510
00:19:35,106 --> 00:19:36,104
(whooping)
511
00:19:37,845 --> 00:19:39,595
Since this year's
living nativity
512
00:19:39,628 --> 00:19:40,864
has a singing element to it,
513
00:19:40,897 --> 00:19:43,558
and since I'm no expert
when it comes to judging
514
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:44,765
show choir star power...
515
00:19:44,798 --> 00:19:46,929
I am, in fact,
sitting right here.
516
00:19:46,962 --> 00:19:49,632
...I asked Mr. Shue
to help out with our auditions
517
00:19:49,665 --> 00:19:51,159
- for the Virgin Mary.
- Thanks, Coach.
518
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,333
I'm happy to help judge
your potential virgins.
519
00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:55,059
And it looks like
first up we have
520
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:56,867
- a group audition.
- Yes.
521
00:19:56,900 --> 00:19:57,867
Ladies, whenever
you're ready,
522
00:19:57,899 --> 00:19:59,066
the manger is yours.
523
00:19:59,099 --> 00:20:04,076
♪ Mary's boy child
Jesus Christ ♪
524
00:20:04,110 --> 00:20:09,138
♪ Was born on Christmas Day ♪
525
00:20:09,171 --> 00:20:11,303
(Boney M.'s
"Mary's Boy Child" playing)
526
00:20:16,999 --> 00:20:20,232
♪ Long time ago in Bethlehem ♪
527
00:20:20,273 --> 00:20:23,303
♪ So the Holy Bible said ♪
528
00:20:25,007 --> 00:20:28,907
♪ Mary's boy child
Jesus Christ ♪
529
00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:32,303
♪ Was born on Christmas Day ♪
530
00:20:33,947 --> 00:20:38,016
♪ Hark now, hear
the angels sing ♪
531
00:20:38,050 --> 00:20:42,280
♪ A king was born today ♪
532
00:20:42,321 --> 00:20:46,181
♪ And man will live
forevermore ♪
533
00:20:46,222 --> 00:20:50,692
♪ Because of Christmas Day ♪
534
00:20:50,725 --> 00:20:53,929
♪ For a moment
the world was aglow ♪
535
00:20:53,963 --> 00:20:58,367
♪ All the bells rang out, there
were tears of joy and laughter ♪
536
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,132
♪ People shouted,
"Let everyone know ♪
537
00:21:01,165 --> 00:21:05,065
♪ There is hope
for all to find peace" ♪
538
00:21:06,137 --> 00:21:09,673
♪ Hark now, hear
the angels sing ♪
539
00:21:09,706 --> 00:21:13,871
♪ A king was born today ♪
540
00:21:13,904 --> 00:21:17,478
♪ And man will live
forevermore ♪
541
00:21:17,511 --> 00:21:21,947
♪ Because of Christmas Day ♪
542
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:25,848
♪ Oh, my Lord, you sent
your son to save us ♪
543
00:21:25,881 --> 00:21:29,815
♪ Oh, my Lord,
your very self you gave us ♪
544
00:21:29,848 --> 00:21:33,585
♪ Oh, my Lord, that sin
may not enslave us ♪
545
00:21:33,618 --> 00:21:37,824
♪ And love may reign once more ♪
546
00:21:37,858 --> 00:21:39,760
♪ Oh, my Lord ♪
♪ Oh, praise the Lord ♪
547
00:21:39,793 --> 00:21:41,864
♪ You sent your son
to save us ♪
548
00:21:41,897 --> 00:21:45,233
♪ Oh, my Lord ♪
♪ This day will live forever ♪
549
00:21:45,266 --> 00:21:46,698
♪ Oh, my Lord ♪
550
00:21:46,738 --> 00:21:49,273
♪ So praise the Lord ♪
♪ And full of admiration ♪
551
00:21:49,306 --> 00:21:51,906
♪ They realized what they had ♪
552
00:21:51,939 --> 00:21:53,241
♪ Until the sun falls
from the sky ♪
553
00:21:53,274 --> 00:21:55,041
♪ Oh, my Lord ♪
554
00:21:55,074 --> 00:21:57,514
♪ So praise the Lord ♪
♪ And full of admiration ♪
555
00:21:57,547 --> 00:22:00,345
♪ They realized what they had. ♪
♪ Until the sun falls
from the sky. ♪
556
00:22:01,682 --> 00:22:02,754
(cheering)
557
00:22:02,787 --> 00:22:04,887
Oh, yeah!
(whooping)
558
00:22:04,921 --> 00:22:05,888
Wow.
559
00:22:05,921 --> 00:22:08,091
Ladies, I'm breathless.
560
00:22:08,124 --> 00:22:09,629
And I've got a little
Jamaican in me,
561
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:10,861
and that
touched home
562
00:22:10,894 --> 00:22:12,564
in a very real way.
563
00:22:12,597 --> 00:22:15,532
Are there any other last-minute
auditions for the Virgin Mary?
564
00:22:20,777 --> 00:22:22,479
(sighs)
565
00:22:26,048 --> 00:22:27,415
No, but I'm afraid
we're gonna get killed.
566
00:22:27,448 --> 00:22:29,249
There's, like, a mob
of angry parents out there.
567
00:22:29,282 --> 00:22:32,027
We're never gonna get hired
as holiday retail temps again.
568
00:22:32,060 --> 00:22:33,195
It's over,
it's all over.
569
00:22:33,228 --> 00:22:35,162
No, it's not.
570
00:22:35,195 --> 00:22:36,329
How you doing?
571
00:22:36,362 --> 00:22:38,590
Cody Tolentino.
572
00:22:38,623 --> 00:22:40,293
But you can just
call me "Sexy Claus."
573
00:22:40,327 --> 00:22:42,062
Heard some
chatter about
574
00:22:42,095 --> 00:22:43,063
there was some
trouble over here?
575
00:22:43,096 --> 00:22:44,231
Us Santas
tend to keep
576
00:22:44,264 --> 00:22:46,397
pretty close ranks.
SANTANA:
Okay, listen.
577
00:22:46,430 --> 00:22:48,600
Even I'll admit that
my girl-loving vagina
578
00:22:48,641 --> 00:22:50,240
is feeling a little
jingle bell from you,
579
00:22:50,273 --> 00:22:51,671
but, uh, we don't
need your help.
580
00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:53,237
Okay, well, then...
581
00:22:53,270 --> 00:22:55,139
I'll just go.
582
00:22:55,172 --> 00:22:56,603
But if I were you guys,
I would...
583
00:22:56,643 --> 00:22:57,975
I would leave out the back door.
584
00:22:58,008 --> 00:22:59,872
I mean, these places tend
to turn people into animals
585
00:22:59,905 --> 00:23:02,041
when 'tis
the season.
586
00:23:02,082 --> 00:23:03,209
You mess with somebody's Yule,
587
00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:04,409
and they will trample your ass.
588
00:23:04,450 --> 00:23:06,216
Okay, no, please.
I'm sorry, we-we don't...
589
00:23:06,249 --> 00:23:07,681
we don't want to be
trampled, so...
590
00:23:07,714 --> 00:23:08,753
what do we
need to do?
591
00:23:08,786 --> 00:23:10,050
KURT:
Yes. Anything. Truly.
592
00:23:10,091 --> 00:23:11,923
Uh, I'm Kurt, by the way.
Newly single.
593
00:23:11,956 --> 00:23:13,356
Well, it's not a one-day fix.
594
00:23:13,389 --> 00:23:14,492
I can calm things down
595
00:23:14,525 --> 00:23:16,596
for today, but if
you truly want
596
00:23:16,629 --> 00:23:17,964
to save Christmas
for this store
597
00:23:17,997 --> 00:23:19,133
and all of you,
598
00:23:19,166 --> 00:23:20,798
it's gonna take
the rest of the week.
599
00:23:20,839 --> 00:23:23,176
I hereby deputize
each of you
600
00:23:23,209 --> 00:23:24,375
as my elves.
601
00:23:24,408 --> 00:23:26,207
Ooh, we're deputized.
Sounds fun.
602
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:27,480
What are our
responsibilities?
603
00:23:27,513 --> 00:23:29,447
Well, let's not get
into that just yet.
604
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:30,943
I like to get to know
my elves first.
605
00:23:30,984 --> 00:23:32,081
So what do
you guys say?
606
00:23:32,114 --> 00:23:33,852
Maybe dinner?
607
00:23:33,885 --> 00:23:34,852
Your place?
608
00:23:34,893 --> 00:23:35,852
How's 8:00?
609
00:23:35,893 --> 00:23:37,020
Right on.
610
00:23:37,061 --> 00:23:38,660
Merry Christmas, everybody.
611
00:23:38,694 --> 00:23:39,693
Ho ho ho.
612
00:23:41,631 --> 00:23:43,163
And that's why
ancient Egyptians
613
00:23:43,196 --> 00:23:45,067
regarded dung beetles
as sacred.
614
00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:46,195
(chiming over P.A. system)
615
00:23:47,268 --> 00:23:48,331
Attention, McKinley idiots.
616
00:23:48,372 --> 00:23:49,739
Come on.
617
00:23:49,772 --> 00:23:51,307
Here are your morning
announcements that were
618
00:23:51,340 --> 00:23:53,402
obviously too unimportant
to be mentioned until now.
619
00:23:53,443 --> 00:23:54,674
The three runners-up
620
00:23:54,707 --> 00:23:56,340
in the politically-correct
621
00:23:56,381 --> 00:23:58,311
green-themed Christmas Tree
622
00:23:58,352 --> 00:24:00,181
Decorating Contest are...
623
00:24:00,214 --> 00:24:01,212
the Biology Club...
624
00:24:03,182 --> 00:24:04,149
...the 420 Club...
625
00:24:04,190 --> 00:24:05,718
Oh, sick.
626
00:24:05,759 --> 00:24:07,791
...and Beiste
and the football team.
627
00:24:07,824 --> 00:24:08,864
(whoops)
628
00:24:08,897 --> 00:24:10,192
BECKY:
What about me, Coach?
629
00:24:10,233 --> 00:24:12,130
What about me?
630
00:24:12,163 --> 00:24:14,203
Inside voice, Becky.
631
00:24:16,373 --> 00:24:17,572
And the winner
632
00:24:17,605 --> 00:24:19,912
of the tacky plastic angel
made in the Philippines
633
00:24:19,945 --> 00:24:22,018
by a 12-year-old child slave
634
00:24:22,051 --> 00:24:23,850
is...
635
00:24:23,884 --> 00:24:26,220
bah, humbug...
the glee club.
636
00:24:26,261 --> 00:24:28,461
(cheering, screaming)
637
00:24:30,568 --> 00:24:33,535
(panting)
Don't, Becky.
Becky, don't.
638
00:24:33,568 --> 00:24:35,737
(screams)
Becky, no.
Don't, don't...
639
00:24:35,770 --> 00:24:36,738
Whoa!
640
00:24:36,771 --> 00:24:38,211
(P.A. goes silent)
641
00:24:39,245 --> 00:24:41,047
Everything's fine.
642
00:24:43,618 --> 00:24:46,154
(school bell rings)
Okay.
643
00:24:46,195 --> 00:24:47,763
(sighs)
644
00:24:47,796 --> 00:24:49,027
(sighs)
Yeah.
645
00:24:49,060 --> 00:24:50,562
- That's it.
- Yep.
646
00:24:50,595 --> 00:24:51,728
Thanks, Will.
647
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:54,661
(sighs)
648
00:24:56,365 --> 00:24:57,661
(growls)
649
00:25:00,641 --> 00:25:02,206
KITTY:
Shocker.
650
00:25:02,239 --> 00:25:03,573
The virgin Marley
651
00:25:03,607 --> 00:25:05,006
gets to play
the Virgin Mary.
652
00:25:05,039 --> 00:25:07,343
Aren't you worried
about typecasting?
653
00:25:07,376 --> 00:25:08,846
What's with the snark?
654
00:25:08,879 --> 00:25:09,974
I asked you to audition,
655
00:25:10,015 --> 00:25:11,710
and you said...
I didn't want it.
656
00:25:11,743 --> 00:25:13,583
You obviously do.
657
00:25:13,616 --> 00:25:15,751
I don't get it.
658
00:25:15,784 --> 00:25:17,551
If this is something
that is important to you,
659
00:25:17,584 --> 00:25:18,551
maybe we can talk
660
00:25:18,592 --> 00:25:19,655
to Mr. Shue...
661
00:25:19,688 --> 00:25:21,425
Don't you get it?
662
00:25:21,458 --> 00:25:23,128
I'm a Christian,
and I know what it means
663
00:25:23,161 --> 00:25:25,162
to have the Virgin Mary's
spirit in your heart.
664
00:25:26,964 --> 00:25:28,971
I don't have it.
665
00:25:30,140 --> 00:25:32,801
And I don't deserve
to be her.
666
00:25:32,834 --> 00:25:34,410
To tell you
the truth,
667
00:25:34,443 --> 00:25:36,379
I'm more like
Mary Magdalene.
668
00:25:36,412 --> 00:25:38,316
Hey...
669
00:25:44,321 --> 00:25:46,328
Do we really have to take down
all of the ornaments?
670
00:25:46,361 --> 00:25:48,456
Rachel, yes.
671
00:25:48,497 --> 00:25:50,191
I thought it'd be nice
to have a tree-trimming party
672
00:25:50,231 --> 00:25:51,695
to, you know, get us in
673
00:25:51,728 --> 00:25:53,367
the holiday spirit.
We all set in there?
674
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:54,695
If, by "all set," you mean
675
00:25:54,736 --> 00:25:56,938
did I light the candy-cane
scented candles on the toilet,
676
00:25:56,971 --> 00:25:58,337
then yes, we are all set.
677
00:25:58,370 --> 00:26:00,168
Good, perfect.
678
00:26:00,209 --> 00:26:01,537
Now, here.
Try this.
679
00:26:01,577 --> 00:26:03,547
I added some nutmeg.
680
00:26:03,580 --> 00:26:04,548
No.
681
00:26:04,581 --> 00:26:05,548
I think that
needs some kick.
682
00:26:05,581 --> 00:26:06,546
I mean, come on, Kurt.
683
00:26:06,579 --> 00:26:07,848
Don't all you gays
love Julia Child?
684
00:26:07,881 --> 00:26:09,216
Didn't she, like,
spike everything?
685
00:26:09,249 --> 00:26:10,648
Well, I guess
I could add
686
00:26:10,681 --> 00:26:11,984
- some cooking sherry in here.
- Yes.
687
00:26:12,017 --> 00:26:13,520
(knock at door)
688
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,225
Ho. Ho. Ho.
689
00:26:22,699 --> 00:26:23,962
Merry Christmas.
690
00:26:23,995 --> 00:26:25,329
Merry Christmas.
691
00:26:30,184 --> 00:26:31,751
God, this is unbelievable.
692
00:26:31,784 --> 00:26:33,750
(Santana giggles)
693
00:26:33,783 --> 00:26:34,919
I mean...
694
00:26:34,952 --> 00:26:36,151
for struggling actors,
695
00:26:36,192 --> 00:26:39,927
geez, you guys got
a great apartment.
696
00:26:42,661 --> 00:26:43,796
Is that vintage?
697
00:26:43,829 --> 00:26:45,396
Uh-huh, yeah.
698
00:26:45,429 --> 00:26:47,334
- I-I love vintage.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
699
00:26:47,367 --> 00:26:48,534
Albums.
700
00:26:48,567 --> 00:26:50,302
KURT: Well, you gotta
have vintage.
701
00:26:50,335 --> 00:26:51,671
- Wow!
- Yep.
702
00:26:51,704 --> 00:26:54,406
So, uh...
you got any tricks
703
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,109
- in that bag, Santa?
- Oh...
704
00:26:56,143 --> 00:26:57,942
Well, you know, I do
705
00:26:57,975 --> 00:26:59,677
do all kinds of parties.
706
00:26:59,710 --> 00:27:01,278
Kids, bachelorette...
707
00:27:01,311 --> 00:27:02,312
bachelor...
708
00:27:03,113 --> 00:27:04,287
Well, let's see.
709
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,319
I got balloons
710
00:27:05,352 --> 00:27:07,016
and helium...
711
00:27:07,057 --> 00:27:09,426
Costumes.
712
00:27:09,459 --> 00:27:10,691
All kinds of stuff.
713
00:27:10,724 --> 00:27:11,995
So how did you guys all meet?
714
00:27:12,028 --> 00:27:13,627
We were in, um,
high school glee club together.
715
00:27:13,668 --> 00:27:14,627
Kurt and I first,
716
00:27:14,668 --> 00:27:15,635
and then...
it's just...
717
00:27:15,668 --> 00:27:17,467
it's complicated.
(laughs)
718
00:27:17,500 --> 00:27:19,268
Glee club, huh?
Mmm.
719
00:27:19,301 --> 00:27:21,070
Do you guys take requests?
720
00:27:22,312 --> 00:27:24,312
'Cause I just thought
of something
721
00:27:24,344 --> 00:27:28,184
truly amazing.
722
00:27:28,217 --> 00:27:30,985
(The Chipmunks' "Christmas
Don't Be Late" begins)
723
00:27:31,018 --> 00:27:32,585
All right, you chipmunks.
724
00:27:32,626 --> 00:27:33,720
Ready to sing your song?
725
00:27:33,753 --> 00:27:34,960
(high-pitched voice):
I'll say we are!
726
00:27:34,993 --> 00:27:36,257
(high-pitched voice):
Yeah, let's sing it now!
727
00:27:36,290 --> 00:27:37,257
Okay, Rachel?
728
00:27:37,298 --> 00:27:38,496
(high-pitched voice):
Okay.
729
00:27:38,529 --> 00:27:39,496
CODY:
Okay, Santana?
730
00:27:39,529 --> 00:27:40,496
Okay!
731
00:27:40,529 --> 00:27:41,528
Okay, Kurt?
732
00:27:42,664 --> 00:27:43,630
Kurt!
733
00:27:43,663 --> 00:27:45,460
Kurt!
734
00:27:45,501 --> 00:27:46,865
Okay!
735
00:27:46,898 --> 00:27:51,769
♪ Christmas,
Christmas time is near ♪
736
00:27:51,802 --> 00:27:53,936
♪ Time for toys ♪
737
00:27:53,969 --> 00:27:57,037
♪ And time for cheer ♪
738
00:27:57,070 --> 00:28:01,040
♪ We've been good
but we can't last ♪
739
00:28:01,073 --> 00:28:05,177
♪ Hurry, Christmas,
hurry fast ♪
740
00:28:05,217 --> 00:28:10,849
♪ Want a plane
that loops the loop ♪
741
00:28:10,889 --> 00:28:14,688
♪ Me, I want a hula hoop ♪
742
00:28:14,721 --> 00:28:19,224
♪ We can hardly stand the wait ♪
743
00:28:19,265 --> 00:28:23,691
♪ Please, Christmas,
don't be late ♪
744
00:28:23,724 --> 00:28:25,857
♪
745
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:51,719
Okay, fellas,
take it away.
746
00:28:51,752 --> 00:28:53,216
Very good.
My turn.
747
00:28:53,257 --> 00:28:54,689
Very good, Santana.
748
00:28:54,722 --> 00:28:56,521
Now, Kurt, you were
a little flat.
749
00:28:56,562 --> 00:28:57,529
Watch me.
750
00:28:57,562 --> 00:28:59,159
Kurt.
751
00:28:59,192 --> 00:29:00,820
Kurt...
752
00:29:00,861 --> 00:29:02,186
- Kurt!
- Okay!
753
00:29:02,227 --> 00:29:07,362
♪ Want a plane
that loops the loop ♪
754
00:29:07,395 --> 00:29:12,034
♪ I still want a hula hoop ♪
755
00:29:12,067 --> 00:29:16,237
♪ We can hardly stand the wait ♪
756
00:29:16,278 --> 00:29:20,740
♪ Please, Christmas,
don't be late ♪
757
00:29:20,781 --> 00:29:25,750
♪ We can hardly stand the wait ♪
758
00:29:27,655 --> 00:29:33,390
♪ Please, Christmas,
don't be late. ♪
759
00:29:33,423 --> 00:29:34,557
(high-pitched giggling)
760
00:29:34,590 --> 00:29:38,132
- That is good...
- Oh, my gosh...
761
00:29:38,165 --> 00:29:39,164
Tickle me.
762
00:29:39,197 --> 00:29:40,229
(giggling)
763
00:29:40,262 --> 00:29:42,333
This is the best
Christmas present ever.
764
00:29:42,366 --> 00:29:43,564
Besides curing cancer
765
00:29:43,605 --> 00:29:44,902
and peace on Earth,
of course.
True.
766
00:29:44,935 --> 00:29:46,741
Hey, Trouty Mouth.
767
00:29:46,774 --> 00:29:48,340
Hey,
Tokyo Rose.
768
00:29:48,373 --> 00:29:49,506
Merry Christmas.
769
00:29:55,404 --> 00:29:58,602
Are these teeth?
(rattles)
770
00:29:58,642 --> 00:30:00,508
Not any teeth.
My baby teeth.
771
00:30:00,541 --> 00:30:01,982
To remind you
772
00:30:02,015 --> 00:30:03,550
of the pure, innocent love
773
00:30:03,583 --> 00:30:04,885
of Baby Jesus.
774
00:30:04,918 --> 00:30:05,884
Thanks, Becky.
775
00:30:05,917 --> 00:30:07,716
That's... very
sweet of you.
776
00:30:07,749 --> 00:30:09,588
We were sorry you
didn't, you know,
777
00:30:09,621 --> 00:30:10,926
win the contest.
778
00:30:10,959 --> 00:30:12,327
Tell me about it.
779
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:15,558
I'm still recovering from
Coach Sue's critique.
780
00:30:15,591 --> 00:30:18,426
Well, I appreciate your literal
interpretation of "green,"
781
00:30:18,459 --> 00:30:19,997
but it looks like
782
00:30:20,029 --> 00:30:21,100
you fished
all this stuff
783
00:30:21,133 --> 00:30:22,228
right out of
the school Dumpster.
784
00:30:22,269 --> 00:30:24,835
It's recycled!
785
00:30:24,868 --> 00:30:25,836
What it is, is lazy.
786
00:30:25,869 --> 00:30:27,836
Okay, okay.
787
00:30:27,869 --> 00:30:29,475
I wanted to go home
788
00:30:29,508 --> 00:30:32,107
and watch Gigolos
on Showtime.
789
00:30:32,140 --> 00:30:34,474
So I did it half-assed.
790
00:30:34,507 --> 00:30:36,209
I feel like you guys.
791
00:30:36,874 --> 00:30:38,281
Losers.
792
00:30:39,610 --> 00:30:41,586
Anyways, happy holidays.
793
00:30:46,391 --> 00:30:48,390
♪
794
00:30:49,527 --> 00:30:51,492
- I love Christmas.
- Me, too.
795
00:30:51,533 --> 00:30:53,861
- And I love New York.
- Me, too.
796
00:30:53,902 --> 00:30:54,870
You know what?
797
00:30:54,903 --> 00:30:56,805
You should totally
move here.
798
00:30:56,838 --> 00:30:58,100
- No. No way.
- Yeah.
799
00:30:58,133 --> 00:30:59,668
I mean, what about
my scholarship
800
00:30:59,701 --> 00:31:01,340
to the University
of Louisville?
801
00:31:01,373 --> 00:31:02,741
There's no way that
I could just leave
802
00:31:02,774 --> 00:31:04,245
in the middle of
the school year
803
00:31:04,278 --> 00:31:06,446
for no good reason
and come here.
804
00:31:06,479 --> 00:31:08,478
Look, I know that
it's impossible,
805
00:31:08,519 --> 00:31:10,719
but you could, like,
live here with me
806
00:31:10,752 --> 00:31:12,119
and Kurt...
807
00:31:12,152 --> 00:31:13,119
Where?
808
00:31:13,152 --> 00:31:15,223
Where's Kurt?
809
00:31:15,256 --> 00:31:17,159
- Yeah, and Studly Claus?
- Kurt. Kurt?
810
00:31:17,192 --> 00:31:19,293
RACHEL:
Kurt?
811
00:31:19,326 --> 00:31:20,828
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, hell no.
812
00:31:20,861 --> 00:31:23,195
That is not happening.
(squeals)
813
00:31:23,228 --> 00:31:24,732
Oh, don't worry, ladies.
814
00:31:24,765 --> 00:31:25,861
Santa swings both ways.
815
00:31:25,902 --> 00:31:27,030
What?
816
00:31:27,071 --> 00:31:28,101
What's the matter,
Santana?
817
00:31:28,134 --> 00:31:29,100
Jealous?
818
00:31:29,133 --> 00:31:31,302
No, I am disgusted
819
00:31:31,335 --> 00:31:33,241
and also impressed.
820
00:31:33,274 --> 00:31:35,241
Who knew the Queen of England
could be so trashy?
821
00:31:35,282 --> 00:31:36,778
(gasps)
Aren't you the one
822
00:31:36,811 --> 00:31:38,146
who's always calling
me Miss Priss?
823
00:31:38,179 --> 00:31:40,755
And telling me that I need
to live it up a bit?
824
00:31:40,788 --> 00:31:41,987
Well, you're right.
825
00:31:42,020 --> 00:31:43,323
I'm in New York,
826
00:31:43,356 --> 00:31:44,820
I'm single,
I'm available,
827
00:31:44,861 --> 00:31:47,093
and your hot buttered
rum concoction
828
00:31:47,126 --> 00:31:49,533
is dangerously
lowering my inhibitions.
829
00:31:50,931 --> 00:31:52,530
So why not throw caution
to the wind?
830
00:31:52,563 --> 00:31:54,563
In that case,
let's drink up.
831
00:31:54,604 --> 00:31:55,699
Let's do it.
832
00:31:55,732 --> 00:31:57,298
CODY:
Ladies, join us for a toast.
833
00:31:57,339 --> 00:31:59,803
Here's to being naughty
this Christmas.
834
00:31:59,836 --> 00:32:01,939
To being naughty.
Oh...
835
00:32:01,972 --> 00:32:03,874
(Santana laughs)
836
00:32:11,975 --> 00:32:12,975
Santana?
837
00:32:15,608 --> 00:32:17,375
Santana, wake up.
838
00:32:17,408 --> 00:32:18,878
Oh, my God.
839
00:32:18,911 --> 00:32:20,477
(groans)
840
00:32:20,510 --> 00:32:21,812
Oh, my God.
841
00:32:21,845 --> 00:32:23,316
Oh, the last time
I felt like this
842
00:32:23,349 --> 00:32:24,983
was when I was roofied
at Lilith Fair.
843
00:32:25,016 --> 00:32:26,320
Oh, my God.
844
00:32:26,353 --> 00:32:27,656
- Oh, my God, help me up.
- Come here.
845
00:32:30,191 --> 00:32:32,190
(groans)
846
00:32:36,696 --> 00:32:39,167
Oh, my God,
Rachel...
847
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,031
Oh, my God..
Where's all our nice things?
848
00:32:41,072 --> 00:32:42,303
I don't know,
I don't know.
849
00:32:42,336 --> 00:32:43,642
The last thing I remember
was Lady Hummel
850
00:32:43,675 --> 00:32:44,906
bouncing quarters
off of Santa's abs.
851
00:32:44,939 --> 00:32:46,780
(muffled grunt)
852
00:32:46,813 --> 00:32:47,782
- Kurt.
- Kurt.
853
00:32:47,815 --> 00:32:49,485
(grunting)
(gasps)
854
00:32:49,518 --> 00:32:51,317
Oh, my God!
855
00:32:51,350 --> 00:32:52,683
Take that out
of his mouth.
856
00:32:52,716 --> 00:32:53,819
What happened?
857
00:32:53,852 --> 00:32:55,322
Are you okay?
What is this?
858
00:32:55,355 --> 00:32:57,720
It was rough-trade Santa,
that's what happened!
859
00:32:57,753 --> 00:32:59,685
Oh, God!
We were role-playing,
860
00:32:59,718 --> 00:33:01,115
and he wanted
me to be his Rudolph,
861
00:33:01,156 --> 00:33:03,282
and when I said no, well,
he stopped being so jolly.
862
00:33:03,323 --> 00:33:05,088
Oh, God, he took off
his suspenders
863
00:33:05,121 --> 00:33:06,457
and he tied me up.
864
00:33:06,490 --> 00:33:08,522
And-And, well, he did say
it was sexy kissing me
865
00:33:08,555 --> 00:33:10,160
because it was like
I had no teeth.
866
00:33:10,193 --> 00:33:12,298
That's disgusting.
This is disgusting.
867
00:33:12,331 --> 00:33:14,794
But then he just admitted
that-that he was only here
868
00:33:14,835 --> 00:33:16,266
to rob us blind anyway.
869
00:33:16,299 --> 00:33:17,970
Oh, I think I'm
gonna be sick.
870
00:33:18,003 --> 00:33:19,203
(groans)
871
00:33:19,236 --> 00:33:22,607
Wait... Did Kitty
really say she wasn't worthy?
872
00:33:22,647 --> 00:33:24,111
You sure she wasn't just
being snarky?
873
00:33:24,144 --> 00:33:25,544
Or body-snatched?
874
00:33:25,584 --> 00:33:28,385
No. In that moment, she was
totally, like, a real person.
875
00:33:28,418 --> 00:33:30,091
If we can get Kitty to take
876
00:33:30,124 --> 00:33:31,555
the role of the Virgin Mary,
get into
877
00:33:31,588 --> 00:33:32,954
those vestments
and stand in the middle
878
00:33:32,995 --> 00:33:34,162
of that nativity scene
879
00:33:34,195 --> 00:33:35,731
holding the Baby Jesus,
maybe she'll realize
880
00:33:35,764 --> 00:33:37,162
she is worthy,
881
00:33:37,195 --> 00:33:39,465
and she'll stop being
so insanely horrible.
882
00:33:39,498 --> 00:33:41,128
Oh, a Christmas present
to us all.
883
00:33:41,161 --> 00:33:42,697
I tried to offer her
the part,
884
00:33:42,730 --> 00:33:44,338
but she wouldn't
take it.
885
00:33:44,371 --> 00:33:46,635
I know how to
make her take it.
886
00:33:46,676 --> 00:33:48,844
Sam, the Christmas angel
is not like the Stanley Cup.
887
00:33:48,877 --> 00:33:50,180
You can't take it home with you.
888
00:33:50,213 --> 00:33:52,379
Oh, this?
Yeah, um...
889
00:33:52,412 --> 00:33:54,208
we decided
to give it away.
890
00:33:54,241 --> 00:33:56,707
Uh, to Becky. Becky's
like a sad little...
891
00:33:56,740 --> 00:33:59,044
Hermey the Elf waddling
aimlessly into a snow drift,
892
00:33:59,077 --> 00:34:00,977
and we thought
that giving her the angel
893
00:34:01,011 --> 00:34:02,640
might light her up
like Rudolph's nose.
894
00:34:02,681 --> 00:34:04,480
Well, that walks
a dangerously fine line
895
00:34:04,514 --> 00:34:07,019
between being really sweet
and horribly condescending.
896
00:34:07,052 --> 00:34:08,724
Don't worry, Artie, we've got
something else for her, too.
897
00:34:10,053 --> 00:34:11,357
(blows whistle)
898
00:34:11,390 --> 00:34:12,758
Remember, guys, you're
tired, you're hungry
899
00:34:12,791 --> 00:34:14,262
but ironically excited.
900
00:34:14,295 --> 00:34:16,265
All right, dress rehearsal.
Places. Let's go.
901
00:34:16,298 --> 00:34:19,337
KITTY:
Wait, Marley, why aren't
you dressed as the Virgin Mary?
902
00:34:19,370 --> 00:34:21,337
We all decided
that the only girl
903
00:34:21,370 --> 00:34:23,578
who could do the part
justice is...
904
00:34:23,612 --> 00:34:25,412
The black one.
(giggles)
905
00:34:25,445 --> 00:34:29,113
UNIQUE (whoops):
Joseph, honey, get me
to the stable. I'm about to pop!
906
00:34:31,082 --> 00:34:33,884
(Diana Ross & the Supremes'
"Love Child" begins)
907
00:34:37,834 --> 00:34:42,901
♪ Ooh... ♪
908
00:34:42,934 --> 00:34:44,427
♪ Hey ♪
909
00:34:44,468 --> 00:34:47,373
♪ You think that
I don't feel love ♪
910
00:34:47,406 --> 00:34:49,606
♪ But what I feel for you
is real love ♪
911
00:34:49,639 --> 00:34:51,477
♪ In others' eyes
I see reflected ♪
912
00:34:51,510 --> 00:34:54,246
♪ A hurt, scorned,
rejected ♪
913
00:34:54,279 --> 00:34:56,144
♪ Love child ♪
914
00:34:56,185 --> 00:34:58,353
♪ Never meant to be ♪
915
00:34:58,386 --> 00:35:00,920
♪ Love child ♪
916
00:35:00,953 --> 00:35:02,985
♪ Born in poverty ♪
917
00:35:03,025 --> 00:35:05,289
♪ Love child ♪
918
00:35:05,322 --> 00:35:07,593
♪ Never meant to be ♪
919
00:35:07,626 --> 00:35:09,297
♪ Love child ♪
920
00:35:09,330 --> 00:35:11,962
♪ Take a look at me ♪
921
00:35:12,003 --> 00:35:14,436
♪ I started my life ♪
922
00:35:14,469 --> 00:35:16,476
♪ In an old, cold, run-down ♪
923
00:35:16,509 --> 00:35:19,140
♪ Tenement slum ♪
♪ Tenement slum ♪
924
00:35:19,173 --> 00:35:20,580
♪ My father left, he never ♪
925
00:35:20,612 --> 00:35:25,083
♪ Even married Mom, I shared
the guilt my mama knew ♪
926
00:35:25,116 --> 00:35:26,946
♪ So afraid that others knew ♪
927
00:35:26,979 --> 00:35:29,481
♪ I had no name ♪
♪ Ah ♪
928
00:35:29,514 --> 00:35:31,878
♪ This love
we're contemplating ♪
929
00:35:31,919 --> 00:35:34,852
♪ Is worth the pain of waiting,
we'll only ♪
930
00:35:34,885 --> 00:35:36,915
♪ End up hating
931
00:35:36,948 --> 00:35:38,648
♪ The child we may be creating ♪
932
00:35:38,681 --> 00:35:41,117
♪ Love child ♪
933
00:35:41,150 --> 00:35:43,345
♪ Never meant to be ♪
934
00:35:43,378 --> 00:35:45,814
♪ Love child ♪
♪ Scorned by ♪
935
00:35:45,847 --> 00:35:47,350
♪ Society ♪
936
00:35:47,383 --> 00:35:50,149
♪ Love child ♪
937
00:35:50,182 --> 00:35:52,653
♪ Always second best ♪
938
00:35:52,686 --> 00:35:57,090
♪ Love child,
different from the rest ♪
939
00:35:57,124 --> 00:36:01,191
♪ Hold on, hold on,
just a little bit longer ♪
♪ Mmm, baby♪
940
00:36:01,224 --> 00:36:03,726
♪ Hold on, hold on ♪
941
00:36:03,759 --> 00:36:05,728
♪ Just a little bit longer ♪
♪ Mmm, baby ♪
942
00:36:05,761 --> 00:36:08,465
♪ Don't think
that I don't need you ♪
943
00:36:08,498 --> 00:36:10,968
♪ Don't think
I don't want to please you ♪
944
00:36:11,001 --> 00:36:13,200
♪ No child of mine'll
be bearing ♪
945
00:36:13,233 --> 00:36:14,969
♪ The name of shame
I've been wearing ♪
946
00:36:15,002 --> 00:36:17,381
♪ Love child, love child ♪
947
00:36:17,414 --> 00:36:18,989
♪ Never quite as good ♪
948
00:36:19,022 --> 00:36:21,856
♪ Afraid, ashamed ♪
949
00:36:21,897 --> 00:36:24,393
♪ Misunderstood ♪
950
00:36:24,434 --> 00:36:28,802
♪ But I'll always love you ♪
♪ Love child ♪
951
00:36:28,835 --> 00:36:34,175
♪ Hold on ♪
♪ Always love you ♪
952
00:36:34,208 --> 00:36:36,143
♪ Love child ♪
♪ Love child ♪
953
00:36:36,176 --> 00:36:37,640
♪ Wait just a little bit ♪
954
00:36:37,681 --> 00:36:40,813
♪ I'll always, I'll always ♪
955
00:36:40,846 --> 00:36:44,245
♪ I'll always love you,
love child ♪
♪ Love child. ♪
956
00:36:44,278 --> 00:36:46,082
- Yes. All right.
- Yes.
957
00:36:46,115 --> 00:36:48,575
- Not bad, not bad, guys.
Uh, just a few notes.
- Wow.
958
00:36:48,615 --> 00:36:50,510
Um, Ryder,
deliver the baby
959
00:36:50,543 --> 00:36:52,215
- a few bars earlier.
- You got it.
960
00:36:52,248 --> 00:36:53,414
Wait. N-No.
961
00:36:53,448 --> 00:36:55,285
That was
the most sacrilegious
962
00:36:55,318 --> 00:36:59,361
and profane horror show
I have ever seen.
963
00:36:59,394 --> 00:37:00,857
Racist.
964
00:37:02,194 --> 00:37:04,296
Mr. Shue, you cannot let
this abomination happen
965
00:37:04,329 --> 00:37:07,061
to the most beautiful story
ever told.
966
00:37:07,094 --> 00:37:09,799
We have to do this the right way
or not at all.
967
00:37:11,232 --> 00:37:13,136
- I'll play the Virgin Mary.
- WILL: Not so fast.
968
00:37:13,169 --> 00:37:15,643
Um, is that okay
with you, Unique?
969
00:37:15,676 --> 00:37:18,316
Happy holidays.
You get the part.
970
00:37:18,349 --> 00:37:20,116
(cheering)
971
00:37:20,149 --> 00:37:20,948
Oh, Kitty.
972
00:37:20,981 --> 00:37:23,250
Oh!
(chuckles)
973
00:37:24,729 --> 00:37:26,696
(indistinct chatter)
974
00:37:32,399 --> 00:37:34,039
Hey, Becky, there you are.
975
00:37:34,072 --> 00:37:36,837
- Uh, didn't you hear the news?
- What are you talking about?
976
00:37:36,870 --> 00:37:38,571
There was a recount
on the tree decorating contest,
977
00:37:38,604 --> 00:37:40,641
and it turns out
you actually won.
978
00:37:40,674 --> 00:37:43,438
But my tree was a bag
of diapers.
979
00:37:43,471 --> 00:37:44,772
It's Ohio, Becky.
It's a swing state.
980
00:37:44,805 --> 00:37:46,307
You know, the votes
can always go either way.
981
00:37:46,340 --> 00:37:47,475
The point is:
the angel's yours.
982
00:37:47,508 --> 00:37:49,844
Merry Christmas.
Congratulations.
983
00:37:49,877 --> 00:37:52,510
I love you, plastic angel.
984
00:37:52,550 --> 00:37:54,846
Oh, and there's something else.
There's a, um, part left
985
00:37:54,887 --> 00:37:56,785
in the living nativity
that no one else can play.
986
00:37:56,818 --> 00:37:58,322
Do you think
you can help us out?
987
00:38:02,699 --> 00:38:05,327
(groans)
Santana, I feel
like such a fool.
988
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,767
I just wanted to get outside
of myself, you know,
989
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:10,200
let myself be free for once,
and look what happened.
990
00:38:10,233 --> 00:38:12,032
Everything, including
my collection
991
00:38:12,073 --> 00:38:14,504
of Broadway Playbills,
was stolen.
992
00:38:14,537 --> 00:38:16,336
(sighs)
I've never felt so ashamed.
993
00:38:16,376 --> 00:38:17,805
That's why I could
never live here.
994
00:38:17,838 --> 00:38:19,107
Bushwick is worse
than Lima Heights.
995
00:38:19,140 --> 00:38:20,308
You can't tell
anyone about this.
996
00:38:20,341 --> 00:38:21,909
Even though Blaine
and I are broken up,
997
00:38:21,942 --> 00:38:24,246
you can never tell
him. Promise me.
I promise.
998
00:38:24,279 --> 00:38:27,185
RACHEL:
Hey. Okay, so I just
got back from the mall.
999
00:38:27,218 --> 00:38:30,386
Turns out that Cody
ransacked Santa Land as well.
1000
00:38:30,426 --> 00:38:33,257
He even took all of the money
from the Salvation Army bucket.
1001
00:38:33,290 --> 00:38:35,424
The police said that we were
lucky that we weren't hurt.
1002
00:38:35,457 --> 00:38:37,390
(scoffs)
Uh...
More hurt.
1003
00:38:37,423 --> 00:38:39,725
But, needless to say,
our services at the Midtown Mall
1004
00:38:39,758 --> 00:38:40,926
are no longer required.
1005
00:38:40,967 --> 00:38:42,737
(sighs)
This is gonna follow us.
1006
00:38:42,770 --> 00:38:45,202
The fact that we were fired from
our jobs as Christmas elves
1007
00:38:45,235 --> 00:38:47,213
is gonna be a black mark
on our acting résumés
1008
00:38:47,246 --> 00:38:49,216
- for the rest of our lives.
- Not if we have
1009
00:38:49,249 --> 00:38:51,281
something else to make up
for it, which I do.
1010
00:38:51,322 --> 00:38:53,489
So, I was getting off
of the subway and I was passing
1011
00:38:53,522 --> 00:38:55,550
Fifth Avenue...
No, Rachel, another one
of your crazy jobs?
1012
00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:56,990
We barely survived
the first one.
1013
00:38:57,023 --> 00:38:59,254
Trust me, Santana. This job
will not only test our mettle
1014
00:38:59,287 --> 00:39:01,422
as performers, but we will be
protected by the safety
1015
00:39:01,463 --> 00:39:02,790
of bulletproof glass.
1016
00:39:05,598 --> 00:39:07,894
This is obviously myrrh,
not frankincense.
1017
00:39:07,935 --> 00:39:09,734
- No, no, no.
That's-that's frankincense.
- Um...
1018
00:39:09,767 --> 00:39:12,205
(overlapping arguing)
Guys, can we just talk about
how great everybody looks?
1019
00:39:12,238 --> 00:39:14,269
Look at you guys. You guys
look phenomenal. Where's Becky?
1020
00:39:14,302 --> 00:39:17,941
BECKY: This hay is making me
have a rash.
1021
00:39:17,974 --> 00:39:20,711
BLAINE:
Becky, you're a genius!
1022
00:39:20,744 --> 00:39:22,551
- Genius!
- All you have to do is just kneel right here.
1023
00:39:22,584 --> 00:39:23,983
- It's gonna look perfect.
- Yes!
1024
00:39:24,016 --> 00:39:25,648
- You look amazing.
- Great job!
1025
00:39:25,669 --> 00:39:27,074
How did you think of that?
1026
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:28,855
Kitty...
1027
00:39:28,888 --> 00:39:31,159
Virgin in the house,
bitches.
1028
00:39:31,192 --> 00:39:32,654
You look beautiful.
1029
00:39:32,687 --> 00:39:35,662
(cheering)
1030
00:39:35,696 --> 00:39:38,199
Places, everyone!
1031
00:39:38,232 --> 00:39:40,904
("Away in a Manger" begins
with a cappella humming)
1032
00:39:45,841 --> 00:39:50,009
♪ Away in a manger ♪
1033
00:39:50,042 --> 00:39:53,681
♪ No crib for a bed ♪
1034
00:39:53,714 --> 00:39:58,020
♪ The little Lord Jesus ♪
1035
00:39:58,053 --> 00:40:02,294
♪ Lay down his sweet head ♪
1036
00:40:02,327 --> 00:40:05,829
♪ The stars in the sky ♪
♪ Ooh... ♪
1037
00:40:05,862 --> 00:40:10,165
♪ Looked down where he lay ♪
1038
00:40:10,206 --> 00:40:15,141
♪ The little Lord Jesus ♪
1039
00:40:15,174 --> 00:40:19,344
♪ Asleep on the hay ♪
1040
00:40:19,385 --> 00:40:23,017
♪ The cattle are lowing ♪
1041
00:40:23,050 --> 00:40:26,820
♪ The poor baby wakes ♪
1042
00:40:26,853 --> 00:40:30,486
♪ But little Lord Jesus ♪
1043
00:40:30,526 --> 00:40:33,559
♪ No crying he makes ♪
1044
00:40:33,592 --> 00:40:37,699
♪ I love thee, Lord Jesus ♪
1045
00:40:37,740 --> 00:40:41,907
♪ Look down from the sky ♪
1046
00:40:41,940 --> 00:40:45,341
♪ And stay by my cradle ♪
1047
00:40:45,374 --> 00:40:50,374
♪ Till morning is nigh ♪
1048
00:40:50,408 --> 00:40:54,384
♪ Be near me,
Lord Jesus ♪
♪ Ooh... ♪
1049
00:40:54,416 --> 00:40:58,485
♪ I ask thee to stay ♪
1050
00:40:58,518 --> 00:41:03,014
♪ Close by me forever ♪
1051
00:41:03,047 --> 00:41:07,148
♪ And love me, I pray ♪
1052
00:41:07,181 --> 00:41:11,853
♪ Bless all the dear children ♪
1053
00:41:11,894 --> 00:41:15,228
♪ In thy tender care ♪
1054
00:41:15,261 --> 00:41:20,830
♪ And take us to Heaven ♪
1055
00:41:20,871 --> 00:41:28,549
♪ To live with thee there. ♪
(cheering)
1056
00:41:28,575 --> 00:41:31,668
Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com