- [insects chirping] - [frogs croaking]
[murmur of voices]
[helicopter blades whirring overhead]
- [whooshing, zaps] - [Klaus yells]
- Damn it! [gasps] - [helicopter flying low]
[panting]
[bombs whistling]
- [explosion] - [yells]
[man] Incoming!
[man 2] No time, ladies! Charlie's on the wire!
- [man 3] Move it! All right, go! Come on! - [siren wailing]
You got mud in your ears, boy? Get dressed!
No, I'm... I'm not...
War's not gonna wait for you to get pretty!
Chaz, get this man operational. And get him a pair of pants! Let's go!
Do you think I have time to waste? Get him a gun!
- Don't look at me, get those pants on! - [explosion]
- You just get in country? - Oh, uh...
Yeah.
[both chuckle softly]
- Yeah, shit's crazy. I know. - Yeah!
You'll adjust.
I'm Dave.
Klaus.
["Soul Kitchen" by The Doors playing]
♪ Well, the clock says It's time to close now ♪
♪ I guess I'd better go now ♪
♪ Let me sleep all night In your soul kitchen ♪
♪ Warm my mind near your gentle stove ♪
♪ Turn me out and I'll wander, baby ♪
♪ Stumblin' in the neon grove ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
[bombs whistling]
[water splashes]
[toilet flushes]
- [knocking at door] - [Klaus] Busy. [sniffs]
- [sighs] - [Luther] Oh, good. You're up.
We need to talk.
You, me, and the others. So meet me in the living room.
Like, now-ish.
Yeah, that sounds like a real rager, but my schedule's already chock-full.
Yeah, no time for that. The world's ending in three days.
- [Allison] Three days? - That's what Five said.
The old bastard did mention the apocalypse, come to think of it.
He just left out the part about how soon.
But can we trust him? I don't know if you've noticed,
- but Five's a little... [whistles] - [chuckles] Our little psycho.
He was pretty convincing.
If he wasn't trying to stop an apocalypse,
- those lunatics wouldn't be chasing him. - That's why they were after him?
- Yeah. - What did Five even see?
Uh... Apparently,
we all fought together against whoever was responsible.
[clicks tongue] Okay. So, here's the plan.
- Uh, we go through Dad's research... - [Allison] Wait, what?
- Hold on, hold on. - Wait a tick, wait a tick, wait a tick.
What actually happened the first time around?
Yeah. What are you not tellin' us?
Come on, big boy, spit it out.
[sighs] We died.
What was that?
[coughs] I said, uh, we died.
[Klaus screams]
[lock clicks]
[sighs]
Don't say it.
Say what? Pinch me, I must be dreamin'.
Mwah!
[Cha-Cha] Quit your bellyaching, Hazel. It's only one more day.
See, that's a relief. I was worried it was too good to be true.
[pneumatic tube whooshes]
- Well, it gets worse. - [whooshing]
[scoffs]
"Contract to kill Number Five terminated. Await further instruction."
Obviously, Number Five cleared things up with the Commission.
You think they let that little shit off so easy?
It doesn't make any sense.
Sure it does. He's a legend.
And what are we? Chopped liver?
- Worker bees. - [Cha-Cha] Well, we better get buzzin'.
Because the next job that comes down that pipeline, we need a win.
Gotta show headquarters we still got it.
What?
You see, that's your problem right there. Next tube, next job, next...
Right, but there won't be a next anything if we don't find the briefcase.
- End of story. - Whatever.
- Whatever. Whatever.
I need a hit of sucrose.
- I'm heading to the vending machine. - Fine.
Fine.
[pneumatic tube whooshes, clunks]
[Cha-Cha] "Terminate Hazel."
- [indistinct chatter] - [Handler] I must admit, Number Five,
in all the time that I've been here,
- I've never met anyone quite like you. - [man] Hello, Handler.
Hazel and Cha-Cha, for example, are talented, certainly, but...
they can't see the big picture.
Your spunk, your enterprising spirit,
well, it reminds me a great deal of myself, if...
I may be so vainglorious.
If things work out for you here,
you could potentially make a fine successor, Five.
[Five] I'd like to discuss the logistics of my family's safety
at your earliest convenience.
As well as this body replacement.
[Handler] Such chutzpah.
It's refreshing, I'll admit.
Slow down, Five. All in good time.
In fact, now that you've finally agreed to work with us,
we've got all the time in the world.
[Handler] The Commission works in support of a delicate balance
between the time line of events and mankind's free will.
The briefcase is no longer part of your kit, Five. Free your mind.
You're management now.
One of us.
All the people on this floor are case managers,
each one responsible for one major event at a time.
- [Five] So many of them. - [Handler] Impressive, isn't it?
Being part of something...
so grand.
- [indistinct chatter] - [phones ringing]
Come along.
Whenever someone chooses the wrong path
and the time line is changed, the Commission gets a report
from field agents on the ground.
These field reports are sorted and assigned to a case manager.
They determine if anyone needs to be...
removed from the equation to assure that their event happens as it should.
Based on that determination, the case manager sends instructions
via pneumatic tube to...
temporal assassins like you formerly were, Number Five.
Any queries so far?
Yeah.
Who was the case manager handling me?
Ah.
You mean the apocalypse.
Five, meet Dot.
- Oh, hi. - Dot is responsible
for all apocalypse matters.
In fact, it was Dot here who first flagged your appearance in 2019.
No hard feelings.
Well, you certainly put us through the ringer.
Outsmarting two of our so-called best temporal assassins.
[loudly] If that doesn't spell leadership material...
[silence falls]
...I just don't know. [chuckles]
- [typing resumes] - I suspect...
you like a challenge, Five.
- [chair squeaks] - [taps chair]
Which is why I've given you a particularly complex first case.
It's too bad Joseph Späh decided against sabotaging the fuel tank.
It would've been so much easier. [chuckles]
Anyhoo...
if you have any questions...
I'll be right behind you.
[keys jangle]
Why am I doing this?
- Because it's important. - [sighs]
I just feel like every time I see them,
I come away feeling like there's less of me.
Things are different now. You got me.
The Sonny to your Cher, the, um, peanut butter to your jelly.
Vanya, you getting first chair is a huge accomplishment.
You did it all by yourself.
So it's the right thing to invite them to the concert.
They need to see how talented you are, okay?
Hmm?
- Okay, Sonny. - [pats shoulder]
Let's do this.
Maid's day off?
Growing up, we called her "Mom."
But where is everybody?
[Leonard] How come you're not in any of these?
It's always about the Umbrella Academy. I just didn't make the cut, so...
- Wow. - [indistinct chatter]
- [Diego] Just now, you're telling... - [Vanya] Leonard. Hey, Leonard, come on.
[Diego] No, we need to figure this out.
- Is it just us? - It's everybody.
- In the house? - The whole planet?
- No, outside the house. Everyone died. - Hey.
[Allison] Hmm?
What's going on?
It's a family matter.
[Vanya] A family matter.
- So you couldn't bother to include me. - No, it's not like that. We were...
- Don't let me interrupt. - [Allison] Wait.
- I'll fill you in later when we're alone. - Please, please, don't bother.
And I won't either.
- Vanya, that's not fair. - Fair?
There's nothing fair about being your sister.
I have been left out of everything for as long as I can remember.
And I used to think it was Dad's fault, but he's dead.
So it turns out you're the assholes.
[Klaus] Ouch.
Vanya, wait. I left my jacket.
I can't go back there.
Okay, go ahead, I'll catch up to you.
- I'm gonna go find Vanya and explain. - No, wait, there isn't time.
We need to figure out what causes the apocalypse.
- [door closes] - Now, there are loads of possibilities.
Nuclear war, asteroids.
But I'm thinking this is about the Moon. Right?
Dad must have sent me up there for a reason.
And I was giving him daily updates on the conditions, I sent field samples.
The first thing we need to do
- is find his research. - Hold on. Hold the phone.
We all died fighting this thing the first time around. Remember?
Klaus, shockingly, has a point. What gives us a win this time?
- Five. Last time we didn't have him. - [gagging]
- We weren't all together. - [groans]
[Luther] This time, we'll have the full force
of the Umbrella Academy. That's what we need.
So, where's Five now?
[Luther] Well, he had a plan to change the time line. He'll be back soon.
[Diego] I'm going after Hazel and Cha-Cha.
- What, right now? - Hell, yeah.
Three days. I'm losing light by the minute.
[Luther] Wait, Diego.
Look, I know you wanna avenge your friend,
- but we got a bigger problem here. - [Diego] She wasn't just some friend.
If I'm gonna die, I need to know I killed those bastards first.
- You don't look so hot. - [Diego] It's not about Dad.
- It's not about me. - What makes you say that? I feel great.
- [Diego] The longer I wait, Hazel... - You don't have to do this alone.
- I know how important this is to you. - [Diego] Stop making it about you.
- [sighs] - Klaus?
Klaus?
- Klaus! - Yeah! Sorry.
So, what? You're giving up on the world, too?
Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
So that's it.
You're cool with us all dying in three days?
[groans]
I can't believe it.
It's just us.
Oh, please, not you, too.
I have to book a flight back to LA.
If this happens I have to be with my daughter, custody be damned.
And you said it yourself...
we need the full force of the Academy to even stand a chance.
I'm sorry, Luther.
[thunder rumbles]
[Vanya] I can't believe I was stupid enough to go back there.
[Leonard] I shouldn't have made you do it.
No, it's my fault.
- [metal creaking] - I just wanted them to be proud of me.
And how could I presume to be worthy of their attention?
Nothing's ever big enough next to their holier-than-thou,
- weight of the world bullshit. - [crashing]
- Vanya! - What?
- [car alarms wailing] - [horns blaring]
What the hell is happening?
You happened.
Oh, come on.
Th... That's crazy.
I mean, it... it was like this before.
That's a coincidence.
- [scoffs] - Leonard, it's impossible.
Come on. My place is close.
Ah, shit. [groans]
- Hey. - Hey. You, uh... you mind?
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. I'll... I'll tie that up.
If you tie me up after.
Come again?
You know, last time I was sober was that roaring good time
when those freaks had me tied up in the motel room.
Wow. You are one twisted bonehead.
Why? You're the one who's always like, "Klaus, you need to get sober, bro."
- There's better ways to get clean, bro. - [Klaus] Not for me, no.
I need someone to take away my options.
- Fine. - Okay. Thank you.
- Okay, can you help me? - Yeah. Yeah.
Okay.
Hiya, Five. How's it going?
I must have utter silence in order to complete this task.
[stammers] Oh, okay.
Hey, a few of us are having lunch, and I was wondering if you...
- [clears throat] - ...you're doing something.
Oh. Bye... Bye!
I'm afraid that's not procedure.
Five, meet Gloria.
Gloria is perhaps the single most vital cog in our machine.
- Oh! [chuckles] - Gloria, this is Number Five.
Look at you.
Deadly little thing.
So happy we decided to close the contract on your life. [chuckles]
I'm afraid your reputation precedes you.
And it looks like you're building on it here.
Oh. Karl Weber.
Now tell me, why unfortunate Karl?
Karl Weber is the butcher at the shop where Captain Ernst A. Lehmann
acquires his weekly roast.
So, if Karl dies, his butcher shop is passed on to his son Otto, who...
never washes his hands, which is disgusting.
So he's the one who gives the captain his roast.
And that gives him food poisoning.
Which makes him late for work.
Which delays the takeoff.
And to make up for lost time,
the Hindenburg flies through a weather front
of high electrical charge and humidity.
And the static electricity inside the aircraft makes it a virtual tinderbox.
Tiny engine sparks...
And just like that, we have...
[mimics explosion]
- Oh! [mimics explosion] - [Handler laughs]
I'm sure you've all heard that Mr. Five has proven
to be as adept with a pen as he was with a sword.
Let his effort serve as inspiration
to you all.
Herb! How long have you been on the Lusitania?
- Oh, ah... Well, let's see, I, uh... I... - Sorry?
- When I first started... - Sorry? I can't hear you.
- Still can't hear you. - [buzzer sounds]
[indistinct chatter]
[Handler] Oh, Gene, a word before you go to lunch.
Gutenberg seems to be having second thoughts about the printing press.
- [Five sighs] - [lock clicks]
[door opens]
Shit.
- [door closes] - [Handler] So, how's your first day going?
Couldn't be better.
- [Handler] Glad to hear it. [coughing] - [urinating]
[coughs loudly]
Ah.
I burned my rugae.
Ever burn your rugae?
[continues urinating]
- Rugae. - [sighs]
[Handler] The ridges on the hard palate that help pass food to the esophagus.
Anyway, I'm on a liquid diet for two days, hence the marathon of urination.
One faulty cog, and nothing works as it should.
You know, we value integrity at the office above all else.
Trust is essential, and that trust is... built over time.
But in the event of a breach,
the Commission will act swiftly and without mercy.
An efficiency I'm sure you above all people can appreciate, Number Five.
[toilet flushes]
[Handler] I'm feeling peckish.
Have you had your lunch?
Not yet.
[Handler] Great. How would you like to lunch with me in my office?
You can eat solid foods, and I can live vicariously...
through you.
Sounds great.
[motor sputtering]
- The briefcase is here? - [Cha-Cha] It's where Commission said.
All righty.
[gun cocks]
[birds singing]
[woodpecker pecking]
[Hazel] Sure are in the middle of nowhere.
[clicking]
- [Cha-Cha] What are you doing? - [Hazel] Just tying my shoe.
[click]
Can I ask you a cuckoo bananas question?
Sure, shoot.
Would it really be so bad...
- if we didn't find the briefcase? - [Cha-Cha] Uh, yeah.
You know what happens to people who step out of line.
We'd be hunted down like dogs. What's the matter with you?
[Hazel] I guess I'm just tired of all this being told what to do, where to go.
Wouldn't it be nice to kill who you want for a change,
not who the Commission tells us to?
Let's forget the stupid briefcase.
Why not just stay here?
In case it fell out of your head, there won't be a "here" in a few days.
Well, then, maybe we should help stop it.
- Stop what? - [Hazel] You know.
- [faint boom] - [Cha-Cha] That's impossible.
- [Hazel] Why? Number Five came back. - And he failed.
He's back at the Commission. There's no way around this, Hazel.
Our only choice is to do what they say.
One way or another, they always get you.
- [loud blast] - [engine sputters]
Home sweet home.
Yep.
Hey, uh...
- You hungry? - I could eat.
Why don't you go relax?
I'll bring us some, uh, takeout.
That, uh, Chinese place, Samurai Gardens.
Kung Pao chicken, extra spicy.
Okay. Sounds great.
Thanks.
Great.
Back in a jiff.
- Uh, keys. - [keys jangle]
[engine starts]
[car pulls away]
[grunts]
[panting]
Everything all right, Master Luther?
Where are they?
The boxes, the reports, the samples?
All the correspondence I sent down from the Moon?
I, uh... I'm not sure.
- Your father was a very private person... - [Luther] Stop it, Pogo!
You know everything our dad did.
What?
[creaking]
Clever old man.
He never even looked at them.
Why not?
[yelling] Why not?
Your father was many things.
Forthright was not one of them.
After your accident,
he wanted to give you purpose, Master Luther.
He felt that this was the only way.
What? Shanghaiing me on the Moon for four years?
I wasn't a good enough Number One?
That's what it was?
I couldn't cut it?
So he sent me away?
- No, no, that's not... - [Luther] Pogo...
[crying softly] Please leave me alone.
- Master... - Now, please! [yelling] Get out!
[sobbing]
[door creaks]
- [Luther] Allison! - [Allison] Shh!
[door creaks]
[in British accent] I have prepared a...
feast.
[Luther] Whoa, where'd you get those?
My methods must remain mysterious.
Well, you're not the only one with secrets.
Just in case.
Ah. Oh, and, uh...
one more thing.
It's, um... It's for you.
Do you, um... Do you like it?
- [in normal voice] I'll never take it off. - [chuckles]
Oh.
I almost forgot. I brought one more thing.
[player clicks]
[record needle scratches]
[piano music playing]
Luther Hargreeves,
will you dance with me?
- Number One? - [record scratches]
Number Three!
This is highly unacceptable behavior.
You both know that fun and games are restricted to Saturdays
- between noon and half past noon. - But we were just...
You will never come up here again. Do you understand me?
Never!
- [Klaus] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - [Diego sighs] I hate this room.
[Klaus] Oh, it got me high enough.
I picked it clean of anything of value after Daddy kicked the bucket.
That's it, tighter and higher.
Ooh. Ouf! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Fine. - Ooh! Aah!
- Aah! - If I see a boner, I'm out.
[Klaus chuckles]
End of the world and you wanna get sober all of a sudden.
Don't get me wrong, man.
- [groans] - Good by you.
But I'd think you'd wanna pop every pill on the planet.
Oh, the thought did cross my mind, believe me, but...
there's something I need to do,
and the whole pesky thing doesn't seem to work unless I'm sober.
Is this is about conjuring the one you lost?
- [sighs] - [Diego] What was her name?
His name was Dave.
We soldiered together in the A Shau Valley...
in the Mountain of the Crouching Beast.
Well, Dave must have been a very special person...
- to put up with your weird-ass shit. - [Klaus snorts]
Yeah. [chuckles] Yeah, he was...
He was kind, and strong, and vulnerable, and...
beautiful.
Beautiful. And I was...
foolish enough to follow him all the way to the front line.
- You fought in the shit? - Oh yeah, baby.
- [sighs] - How'd they let you do that?
Let me? War couldn't take enough bodies. Please. [chuckles]
Including his.
[sighs] Hey, look at us.
Loggin' in some quality bro time before the end of the world.
Yeah, might as well.
Everyone I like is already dead.
- [grunts] - Ah, yes.
The lady cop.
[Diego] Yeah.
Mom, too.
[grunts]
I let them both down.
So here I am.
Alone with you.
Ah, shit!
What?
I need to pee.
Thanks, guys. Well, as you can see, mysterious damage
to multiple vehicles and light posts occurred earlier today
here in the midtown area.
Authorities suspect a drunk driver.
We'll have the full details for you
- tonight at five. - Thanks.
[Leonard] Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Okay.
[sighs]
- [TV switches off] - Look, I...
I'm sure this is a lot to deal with.
You know, the idea that you've always had these powers lying dormant.
[scoffs] What, the ability to bend lampposts?
Your mood changed things.
- The rain stopped. I saw it. - [groans]
That wasn't me. I'm so sorry to disappoint you.
Disappoint? You couldn't disappoint me if you tried.
But if you did do this, if it was you,
that's beautiful, it's powerful.
Look, if this was even true,
everything I know about myself would be different.
Everything I've ever been told.
- Do you think maybe your father knew? - [scoffs] Come on. No way!
Look, if I was special, I would have been in the Umbrella Academy.
I'm so sorry you got stuck with the ordinary one.
Ordinary is not a word I'd use to describe you.
Look, we'll figure it out...
as a team.
My life is so weird.
I like weird.
Clearly.
[slurps]
And that's how Phil determined that the archduke just had to go.
Care for dessert?
I had a bad Twinkie in the apocalypse once.
It kind of put me off desserts.
Please, indulge me.
[Five sighs]
[lighter clicks]
What's that taste like to you?
The 1950s?
[Handler] Precisely right.
Our clever metaphysics division concocted a way
to perfectly distill an entire decade into a single candy.
This one's modeled after the Fudge Mutt,
- America's favorite in 1955. - Remarkable.
You'll be happy to know it's the very division
that's building your new body.
Oh, that reminds me. I have something for you.
- Carla? - [Carla over intercom] Yes?
- Would you bring the box in, please? - Certainly.
- [intercom clicks] - [footsteps approaching]
Go ahead. Open it.
Clothes make the man, Five.
Won't it be nice when you can actually wear it?
Very soon, I assure you.
They're perfecting your body as we speak.
Thank you.
It's a very kind gift.
Is that a Chinese flamethrower?
[Handler] Good eye.
War.
Such a fascinating concept.
A temporary salve for a permanent human flaw.
Course, it's a bit easier to see from 30,000 feet.
[chuckles]
These are just some of the things I've collected in my travels.
M26 grenades from the Vietnam War.
And this,
the most noteworthy, perhaps.
My Walther pistol.
The very one Hitler used to kill himself.
We're not supposed to take these kind of things, but...
he wasn't gonna use it anymore.
Feel... how perfectly balanced that is.
Hm?
I had some thoughts I wanted to run by you.
Some suggestions to improve Commission protocol.
Mm! Shaking things up already.
I admire that.
Go on.
Do tell!
Gloria.
- [Handler] Mm. - The tube operator.
Wouldn't it be simpler if case managers were to send their own messages?
I appreciate the thought. I really do.
But everyone loves Gloria.
I... I would never hear the end of it. [chuckles]
She's been with the Commission family for years,
and she's this close to making pension.
[knock at door]
[panting] Sorry to interrupt. May I have a moment alone?
Of course.
Duty calls.
We'll continue this discussion later, Five.
Sure. May I?
Please.
Hey.
So, I couldn't get a flight out until tonight,
and I don't know what to do.
I can't just sit here.
So I'm gonna head to the airport and wait.
I just... I wanted to say goodbye.
Luther?
[inhales sharply]
I found Dad's research from my mission on the Moon.
Every single package was still sealed.
- Why would he... - [Luther] He never opened them
because he never cared what I was doing up there.
Four years of my life.
A lie.
What an asshole.
I'm not the right person to stop this apocalypse, Allison.
Hey, Luther. Don't say that.
No, the world needs a leader and I'm not it. I'm not.
Dad knew it, and now I know it.
I'm done.
Can I show you something?
- What? What is it? - Just... Just come with me.
What? You got something better to do?
- [clatters] - [laughs]
[Luther] I can't believe it's still here.
Me neither.
I can't believe he didn't take it down after he caught us up here.
- [giggles] - [Luther] Oh.
Why are we here?
To finish the feast. [giggles]
- [Allison] Oh, God! Oh! - Shoot. Hang on...
[Allison] Oh, oh, oh... Okay...
- [Luther] I... just... - Yeah. Oh... Oh.
[laughs] Just gotta get in there.
- [sighs] - [laughing] Easy, easy!
- Ah. - Okay.
[sighs]
[laughs]
Guess we're not kids anymore.
Could you just for one second turn off that cynical brain of yours?
I mean, this could be the last time we ever...
Ta-da!
- Wow. - [chuckles]
Are these...?
Yep, the very same.
[chuckles]
Cheers.
- [grunts] Oh, my God... - [gags]
- I am so sorry. - No, I'm sorry.
Oh, no, shit!
God.
[chuckles] Oh!
Ah! [sighs]
[coughs]
Oh. Yeah.
We're not kids anymore. [laughs]
[sighs]
Held up better than those sodas, huh?
- [chuckles softly] - You said you'd never take it off.
Yeah. But I did.
You know, now that Dad's not here to catch us,
we can go anywhere we want, in the house, in the courtyard...
The real world.
You're right.
You wanna get outta here?
Yeah. I think I could squeeze you in.
[chuckles]
Come on.
- Oh, boy. - Oh, my God.
[laughs]
[groans]
Oh, gosh. Okay.
I guess I'm just tired of all this being told what to do, where to go.
Let's forget the stupid briefcase. Why not just stay here?
[sighs deeply]
[waitress] It should only be a couple more minutes on the jelly-filled.
I'll call you when they're ready.
- [laughter] - [Hazel chuckles, speaking indistinctly]
[both sighing]
[Cha-Cha] That son of a bitch!
- [sighs] - Get you goin' here. A quick...
You know, no, I... I think... I think this was...
- Whoa. Wait. - I think this was a bad idea. No. I just...
I should have had just one last hit to ease me into it. That's all I need.
- Mm-hmm. No, no, no. - I'll be right back.
- I don't think so. - [Klaus] No...
- That's not how it works. Diego. - Nope. Sit down.
- [Klaus] Diego, listen. Just listen. - Sit.
Just listen. [groans]
- Sit your ass down. - [groans]
- [coughs] - [Diego] Sit down. Sit down.
[gasping, coughing]
Damn it, Diego!
- Damn it! Stop it! - Nope.
- Stop it! - [Diego] Nope!
[yells] Get off! Get... Get off!
Get off! [grunting] Listen, listen. Listen to me.
Listen to me.
I can conjure her for you.
- Stop. Stop. - Patch! I can...
- Don't use her name like that, okay? - [Klaus] Let me...
- Just let me go. - [Diego] You can't conjure shit
until you're clean.
- [Klaus] Please... - I don't wanna see her
until I can tell her that I buried the bastards that killed her.
[gasping] Please. Please, Diego.
Please. [groaning]
Please, Diego.
This is for next time.
Puke, pee, whatever you need. Multipurpose. See?
[groans] Diego!
Diego, please come back! You prick!
[bombs whistling]
- [gunfire] - [Klaus] Lock and load, Charlie's away!
[soldier] Fire up those Claymores!
Whew! Christ on a cracker, that was a close one, huh, Dave?
- [soldier 2] I'm out of ammo! - Dave?
[soldier 3 yells] Wounded!
[soldier 2 shouting]
[yells] Medic!
Medic!
Hey!
- Dave, look at me. Look at me. Okay? - [chokes]
Oh, damn it.
- Medic! - [bomb whistles]
[explosion]
- Okay. Look at me. Hey, hey, hey. Hey. - [gasps]
Hey. It's okay. Hey.
- [choking] - Hey.
Please, please...
Please stay with me, Dave.
[sobbing] Stay with me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no.
Damn it, I need a medic!
[inaudible]
[humming]
Mom?
Oh! Hello, Diego, dear.
How are you...
walking around?
One foot in front of the other. [chuckles] Why? How do you do it?
Mom, I...
- What's the last thing you remember? - Oh, let's see...
March 21st. Sunset was 7:33 p.m.
Moon was waxing crescent.
- Dinner was Cornish hen, rice, carrots. - Mom, that happened over a week ago.
Do you remember anything else?
[door opens]
No.
[Mom chuckles] I suppose that's odd.
I wonder what the weather is like today.
It would be nice to go to the park.
Dad never let you off the grounds.
[chuckles]
Your father isn't here anymore.
You can do whatever you want, Mom.
Hm.
[munching loudly]
That's more like it. See?
[laughing] That's the guy I know.
What? The guy who just ate ten hot dogs?
No, a guy who doesn't need a mission to exist.
- Oh. - [laughs]
You know, a part of me just wishes that...
I could tell everyone here to enjoy this while they still can.
Yeah, a part of me wishes I didn't know.
Yeah. Sorry about that.
No, no, it's just...
all the what-ifs start to haunt you, you know?
I wonder how different things would've been if I hadn't left.
I wonder how different things would have been if I had.
I can't believe how much time I just wasted believing Dad,
thinking that I could save the world.
I mean, we can't go back.
And despite everything, I'm...
I'm grateful for him.
I mean, without him, we never would have met.
- [chuckles] I... - Right.
I think maybe you're the only person who really knows who I am
and still likes me anyway.
I need to get to the airport and get home to Claire.
Goodbye, Luther.
- Allison, wait. - Luther, I can't. My plane.
Allison Hargreeves...
will you dance with me?
[Toploader's "Dancing in the Moonlight" playing]
♪ We get it almost every night ♪
♪ When that Moon is big and bright ♪
♪ It's a supernatural delight ♪
♪ Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight ♪
♪ Everybody here is out of sight ♪
♪ They don't bark and they don't bite ♪
♪ They keep things loose They keep it tight ♪
♪ Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight ♪
♪ Dancin' in the moonlight ♪
♪ Everybody's feelin' warm and bright ♪
♪ It's such a fine and natural sight ♪
♪ Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight ♪
♪ We like our fun and we never fight ♪
♪ You can't dance and stay uptight ♪
♪ It's a supernatural delight ♪
♪ Everybody was dancin' in the moonlight ♪
♪ Dancin' in the moonlight ♪
♪ Everybody's feelin' warm and bright ♪
♪ It's such a fine and natural sight ♪
♪ Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight ♪
- [music swells] - [orchestra playing]
You're the sweetest, kindest man I've ever known.
If it wasn't completely obvious,
I've compared every man I've ever met to you.
Oh, we should have done that a long time ago.
- I'm an idiot. - [laughs] No you're not.
You know, if we leave now, we can make that flight.
- We? - [chuckles softly]
[typewriters clacking]
Gloria, the Handler knows that Five is up to something.
Get this to Hazel and Cha-Cha immediately.
Uh...
- Immediately. - Okay. Yeah.
["Kill of the Night" playing]
- Uh... - ♪ My cold ♪
Who are they?
♪ Desire ♪
- [groans] - ♪ To hear the boom boom boom ♪
♪ Of your heart ♪
♪ Oh, oh-ah, oh ♪
♪ I'm gonna catch ya ♪
♪ I'm gonna get ya, get ya ♪
♪ Oh, ah, oh ♪
♪ I wanna taste the way that you bleed ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ You're my kill of the night ♪
♪ This is a bad town ♪
♪ For such a pretty face ♪
♪ This is a bad town ♪
♪ For such a pretty face ♪
♪ This is a bad town ♪
♪ For such a pretty face ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I'm gonna catch ya ♪
♪ I'm gonna get ya, get ya ♪
- ♪ Oh, ah, oh ♪ - [typewriter dings]
♪ I wanna taste the way that you bleed ♪
- ♪ You're my kill of the ♪ - [thuds]
- [pneumatic tubes whoosh] - ♪ Night ♪
You know that's not how we do things here.
Where's Gloria?
Don't know. Couldn't find her anywhere.
[Gloria groaning]
You're a great disappointment to me.
You can't change what's to come, Five.
I truly find it so odd that you can't shed this fantasy.
You're a first-rate pragmatist.
You belong here with us.
I don't belong anywhere, thanks to you.
- You made me a killer. - [Handler] You were always a killer.
- I just pointed you in a direction. - [whooshes]
[Diego] Dad was wrong for keeping you locked up all those years.
I should have said something. We all should have.
There's something else that needs to be said, Diego.
Pogo and I... we've been lying.
Lying to all of you.
- [gunfire] - [whimpers]
[gasps]
[woman on PA] Security.
- It's Dot! - Security to tube room.
- [alarm blaring] - Security breach in tube room.
- [all whimpering] - Security...
- I'm gonna throw this stuff in the dryer. - Okay.
Oh...
[woman on PA] Security breach in tube room. Security to tube room.
What's the rush, Five?
- We're just getting started. - Security to tube room.
[Dave] Klaus.
[Klaus whimpers]
Oh, my God.
[laughing] I did it. It worked.
Dave!
[Handler] Is this how you want the last line
of your report to read?
[Five] When I'm done, I'm done, I guess.
You can't keep this up, Five. We both know that even you have a limit.
I saved you from a lifetime of being alone.
- You owe me. - [pneumatic tube whooshes]
- [gun clicking] - Please evacuate.
- Remain calm. - [gun clicking]
- Do not panic. - I do owe a debt.
[whooshes]
- But it's not to you. - Please evacuate.
Remain calm.
- Do not panic. - Shit.
- [glass shattering] - [people screaming]
[pin clicks]
- Hey, what are you doing... [screams] - [glass shattering]
[whooshes, zaps]
[electricity crackling]
[clock ticking]
[ticking speeds up]
- [ticking resumes normally] - [Klaus] Hold the phone.
We all died fighting this thing the first time around.
Remember?
Klaus, shockingly, has a point. What gives us a win this time?
[electricity crackles]
[Allison] Je... Jesus!
[Klaus groaning]
You guys, am I still high, or do you see him, too?
Five, where have you been?
- Are you all right? - [Luther] Who did this?
[Five] Irrelevant.
[slurping]
[sighs]
So, the apocalypse is in three days.
The only chance we have to save our world is, well, us.
- The Umbrella Academy. - Yeah, but with me, obviously.
So if y'all don't get your sideshow acts together
and get over yourselves, we're screwed.
Who cares if Dad messed us up?
Are we gonna let that define us?
No.
And to give us a fighting chance to see next week, I've come back with a lead.
I know who's responsible for the apocalypse.
This is who we have to stop.
[Allison] Harold Jenkins?
- Who the hell is Harold Jenkins? - [slurping]
[rock violin music playing]