1
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,839
All right, folks.
Can we all settle down for a sec?
2
00:02:10,548 --> 00:02:12,008
I know that you...
3
00:02:12,091 --> 00:02:13,634
- Hey, you settle down.
- No.
4
00:02:13,718 --> 00:02:16,345
Come on, everybody, settle down.
Sandy, come on.
5
00:02:16,429 --> 00:02:17,680
So... No, none of that.
6
00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:21,559
This is not a time to make silly jokes.
It's the time for a little bit of talking
7
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,519
before we really get to the important part.
8
00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:26,230
Here we go. Well, it's been
another great year here at JAMS.
9
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:29,275
Who can forget
Mr. Pinkus' Haunted Classroom?
10
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:32,236
- Thank you, Sandy, for that.
- Yeah, I ain't afraid of no ghost.
11
00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:37,616
Or the wild success of the book drive
for the women's prison,
12
00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:40,328
which Miss Pavicic's class sponsored?
13
00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:44,165
Thank you, Beth.
But, as summer draws upon us,
14
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:47,084
it's time not only to say goodbye
to another school year,
15
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:50,796
but, sadly, also to say goodbye
to one of our faculty members.
16
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,340
Yes. Elizabeth?
17
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,259
Is Elizabeth Halsey here? There she is.
18
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:56,510
Elizabeth, can you come on up here?
19
00:02:57,511 --> 00:03:00,765
Yes, that's appropriate, applause, I think.
20
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:06,187
Elizabeth, even though you were
only with us for one short year,
21
00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:11,275
please know that we will always consider you
part of the JAMS family.
22
00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:13,736
- That's sweet.
- And we got you a little something.
23
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:16,489
Thank you.
24
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,743
Almost $40.
25
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:23,371
- Thank you.
- You're very welcome. Speech.
26
00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:28,459
Okay, well, I'm really terrible at these
types of things, so I'll make it quick.
27
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:33,214
I know I've only been here a year,
but there's so much I will miss.
28
00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:34,882
My students probably most.
29
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:43,974
And I wish that I had gotten to know
all of you better.
30
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:50,523
Happy birthday!
31
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:54,860
But between four classes
and planning a wedding, my plate was full.
32
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:57,655
Still, I know our students are in good hands.
33
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:03,160
And even though
I'll never teach again professionally,
34
00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:07,123
We realized that I don't need a blackboard
or a classroom
35
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,834
to set an example.
36
00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:29,937
Adiós, bitches.
37
00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:44,243
Baby doll? I'm home.
38
00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:45,536
In here.
39
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:49,623
Get yourself hard, 'cause I'm gonna suck
your dick like I'm mad at it.
40
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:55,296
Look, your mom's here. Hi, Mom.
What a fun surprise.
41
00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:57,882
Suitcases. Honey, are we going on a trip?
42
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:01,594
- Elizabeth, we need to talk.
- Sure.
43
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:05,055
I'm starting to think that maybe
we need to take a break.
44
00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:06,432
- Forever.
- Mom.
45
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:08,684
- Tell her what the accountant said.
- Mom.
46
00:05:09,602 --> 00:05:13,647
Steven said that you spent
$16,000 last month.
47
00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:15,733
He thinks you're bad news.
48
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,152
- I know women like you.
- Damn it, Mom.
49
00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:21,947
- I told you I could handle this.
- I just want to ask her something.
50
00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:24,200
You truly love my son?
51
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,077
I love him so much it hurts.
52
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:31,207
- All right, then. When is his birthday?
- Mom.
53
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:37,588
I'm not, you know... That is just offensive
that you would even ask me that.
54
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:38,923
It's today.
55
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,677
I know. God.
56
00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,847
That's why I got you this.
57
00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:49,391
Okay? Honey, happy birthday.
58
00:05:50,059 --> 00:05:52,353
- Boston Market?
- And I was gonna suck his dick.
59
00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:53,521
So two presents.
60
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,316
Okay, fine. I'll sign the prenup.
61
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,735
It's over, Elizabeth.
62
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:01,695
Mark, I'm pregnant.
63
00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:03,197
- Bullshit.
- No, you're not.
64
00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,824
Okay, fine, I'm not actually pregnant.
65
00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:08,160
You know what, I'm starting to wonder
66
00:06:08,244 --> 00:06:10,871
whether this has always been
about the money.
67
00:06:10,955 --> 00:06:13,207
- You never loved me.
- I don't love you?
68
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:16,710
I have been listening to you whine
about opera for the last year.
69
00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:21,674
Okay. If the younger generation
doesn't get into opera, then guess what?
70
00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:24,635
No more opera. An art form has died.
71
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,429
If opera goes away, we're fucked.
72
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,348
I want my ring back.
73
00:06:29,807 --> 00:06:32,643
What am I supposed to do, huh?
Where am I supposed to go?
74
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:11,348
There she is. Elizabeth Halsey.
75
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:17,104
I am so excited we're gonna be
across-the-hall mates,
76
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:20,899
but I am so sad
it's because your relationship ended.
77
00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:23,694
- Who are you, again?
- Amy Squirrel.
78
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,906
- Squirrel?
- Yeah. You know...
79
00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:33,829
Don't worry,
you were kind of a lone wolf last year
80
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:36,915
and so busy planning the wedding.
81
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:40,252
- I found him in bed with somebody else.
- Oh, my gosh.
82
00:07:40,336 --> 00:07:43,380
- It was another man.
- Shut the front door.
83
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,967
Somebody needs a hug.
84
00:07:47,051 --> 00:07:48,260
Somebody doesn't.
85
00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:54,224
Look. I know you kind of skated by last year,
doing the bare-minimum thing,
86
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:57,019
but I just want to say, now you're back,
87
00:07:57,102 --> 00:08:01,315
I just know
you are gonna get your teaching on.
88
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:08,530
I thought the teachers
were supposed to get the apples.
89
00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:12,284
Well, I think the students teach me
at least as much as I teach them.
90
00:08:14,078 --> 00:08:15,913
That's just something I say sometimes.
91
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,247
Stupid.
92
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:37,893
Sorry. I just wanted to know
if you wanted to grab some lunch.
93
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,020
I'm kind of in the middle of something, Lynn.
94
00:08:40,104 --> 00:08:41,230
My treat.
95
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,442
You know, Lynn, when I first started teaching
96
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:48,278
I thought that I was doing it
for all the right reasons.
97
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,864
Shorter hours, summers off,
no accountability.
98
00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:53,909
Hove my summers. Fresh com.
99
00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:59,039
From now on, my full-time job is finding
a guy who's gonna take care of me.
100
00:08:59,123 --> 00:09:00,624
God, I pray for that.
101
00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:04,253
You know, I spent my entire summer hanging
out at bars near where the Bulls practice.
102
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:07,297
I had some fun, got some cool souvenirs,
103
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,299
but those guys
are not looking to settle down.
104
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:11,510
I mean, they all wear condoms,
105
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:14,722
then they take the condoms with them.
That's how paranoid they are.
106
00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:18,308
Like it's so easy to get pregnant
from some dude nutting into a condom.
107
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,811
Yeah. Yeah.
108
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:23,939
You're gonna find someone great. You are.
109
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:27,901
I've been thinking about it a lot.
I'm like an eight, eight and a half.
110
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:31,238
But if I got a new pair of tits, right?
111
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:34,199
You don't wanna do that.
You're already so pretty.
112
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:39,621
You have no idea how difficult it is to
compete against these Barbie doll types.
113
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:44,042
Yeah, that's true.
And we're not getting any younger.
114
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:46,920
Yeah. Though we should finish up.
115
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:51,508
Wally's got that big orientation
in the auditorium.
116
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:54,720
- Yeah, I'm not gonna go to that.
- But it's mandatory.
117
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,477
I probably won't go either.
118
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,771
No, I might.
119
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:07,316
I'll probably go and just sit in the back.
Maybe leave early.
120
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:13,280
Maybe stay to the end.
Play it by ear, or just stay to the end.
121
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,158
I don't know.
122
00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:19,578
Okay, well, this was fun, huh?
123
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:30,631
You, me, Aruba, my boat, this weekend,
what do you say?
124
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:32,883
You think I don't see that faint tan line
on your finger
125
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,885
where your wedding band usually is?
126
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,429
This is not my first rodeo, Sarge.
127
00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:40,349
Why don't you introduce me
to your single co-worker?
128
00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:41,934
One o'clock.
129
00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:45,062
- Hey, I'm Jason.
- Hi.
130
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:49,566
- So that's where I learned to water ski.
- I fucking love Lake Geneva.
131
00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:57,825
I love your belt! Who makes it?
132
00:10:58,784 --> 00:11:02,204
We should do something next weekend.
You should take me somewhere.
133
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:05,040
- You don't have a plane, do you?
- Yeah, right. I'm just a trainee.
134
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,503
- A what?
- A trainee.
135
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:12,130
- How much more time are we talking here?
- Tomorrow's my last day.
136
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:14,091
Okay.
137
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,637
The second I finish,
I'm going to my boss's office,
138
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,181
and I'm telling that motherfucker
to go fuck himself.
139
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:23,725
See, I wanna do something that matters.
140
00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:27,980
I'm going back to school
and becoming an occupational therapist.
141
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:31,233
I wanna do something important,
just like you.
142
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:35,654
An occupational therapist?
143
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:40,158
Do I look like I wanna marry
a fucking occupational therapist?
144
00:11:54,298 --> 00:11:55,966
Fuck my ass.
145
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,514
Welcome to
Air Seventh Grade Social Studies.
146
00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:05,392
I'll be your captain, Miss Squirrel.
147
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:09,354
Cruising altitude for the year will be
world geography through current events.
148
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,231
We may have a layover in civics,
149
00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:14,735
so buckle up,
'cause it's gonna be a crazy ride.
150
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:20,616
The photographer was, like, so nice.
151
00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:23,660
He made me feel,
like, really, really comfortable.
152
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:26,580
I might get flown to Kansas City
for their fashion week.
153
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,332
Kansas City!
154
00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:30,334
Stalk much?
155
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:33,837
Loser .
156
00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:58,612
Hi. I'm Sasha Abernathy.
My mother baked these cookies for you.
157
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,739
Just leave 'em on the desk.
158
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:06,870
You need something?
159
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:14,211
Anyone seen Stand and Deliver?
Show of hands.
160
00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:18,799
You kidding me? Edward James Olmos?
161
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,094
Lou Diamond Phillips?
162
00:13:24,221 --> 00:13:25,931
Wow. All right.
163
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:30,018
You and you, grab the TV and roll it up front.
164
00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:32,145
We're watching a movie on the first day?
165
00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:34,439
I think it's awesome. You rock.
166
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,113
These cookies suck.
167
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:53,959
Would everyone please try to find a seat?
168
00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:58,755
Incoming.
169
00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:05,345
Garrett, honey?
170
00:14:06,430 --> 00:14:09,850
Elizabeth. Hey. Russell.
171
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:12,769
Russell Gettis, gym teacher.
172
00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:16,398
- We did bus duty together last spring.
- Yeah.
173
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:19,943
So, I heard about
the whole engagement thing. That blows.
174
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:23,030
Did you know I walked in on him
trying to fuck his dog?
175
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:26,450
- Peanut butter everywhere.
- That's gross.
176
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,619
Anyway... Hey, might be too soon,
177
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:32,789
but you wanna, like, grab a bite
or something sometime?
178
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,208
- You still a gym teacher?
- I am, yeah.
179
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,710
Then no.
180
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:40,797
- I don't date co-workers.
- I won't tell anyone.
181
00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:42,799
I also said no.
182
00:14:43,175 --> 00:14:46,053
Okay, cool. Well, this has been awesome.
183
00:14:48,472 --> 00:14:50,849
Somebody's got a case of the sleepies.
184
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,685
- What?
- Did you see the coleslaw altercation?
185
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:58,982
Yeah. That one kid hit the other kid
with some coleslaw.
186
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:03,028
You weren't at the orientation
the other day. Okay.
187
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:06,198
Boy, Elizabeth,
you missed a boatload of stuff.
188
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:12,537
Anyways, at the orientation, I suggested
a new system for supervising lunch.
189
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,456
It's a quadrant system.
190
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:17,125
I tell you what,
why don't you just send me a memo,
191
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:19,169
and, if I have any questions, I'll find you.
192
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:23,173
Yeah. Meant to ask,
193
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:28,178
did I hear you were showing a movie
this morning on the first day of school?
194
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,305
How do I know what you heard?
195
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:33,725
Listen, I don't wanna tell you
how to run your class,
196
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:37,521
but maybe it might be fun
to try some ice breakers.
197
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:40,023
Like telephone charades or the string game.
198
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,362
Are we gonna have a problem, me and you?
199
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,281
God, no.
200
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:55,622
If I gave you that impression,
well, I'm so sorry because, actually,
201
00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:59,209
I was really hoping we could be
more than just across-the-hall mates.
202
00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:02,796
I don't know what you heard,
but I don't eat muff pie.
203
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:07,676
No, of course not.
I don't even know what that is.
204
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:10,762
I just meant friends.
205
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:14,266
Tell you what, friend, I've gotta get going.
Cover me.
206
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,104
Elizabeth, lunch doesn't end
for another seven minutes.
207
00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:21,606
Who's gonna watch your quadrant?
208
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:33,660
Hi, there. You look like Losty McLosterson.
209
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,622
I know, right?
Can you tell me where Room 107 is?
210
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,583
I'll do you one better. I'll take you there.
211
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:43,420
- You don't have to do that.
- Stop it. Be my pleasure.
212
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,589
- Scott Delacorte.
- Elizabeth Halsey.
213
00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:48,592
- I'm the new sub.
- Welcome, welcome.
214
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,261
- Thank you.
- Is that a Jaeger-LeCoultre?
215
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:53,805
- Good eye.
- Thanks.
216
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,849
I love men's watches. It's kind of a hobby.
217
00:16:55,932 --> 00:17:00,228
You know, sometimes I get self-conscious
about it, but my grandfather made it, so...
218
00:17:00,312 --> 00:17:03,523
- Your grandfather designs watches?
- The family business.
219
00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:05,275
Yeah, my mother's maiden name
is LeCoultre.
220
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,695
Shut up.
221
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:11,239
So, did you and your wife just move to town?
222
00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:15,327
I'm not married.
I actually just got out of a relationship.
223
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:17,370
Catherine. Yeah.
224
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:20,665
It's been a year
and she's still the wallpaper on my phone.
225
00:17:20,999 --> 00:17:26,296
- She has such a big heart.
- Looks like enormous.
226
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:34,971
As you can see, the weight is evenly
distributed and there's minimal scarring.
227
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:37,182
Dr. Vogel, best hands in Chicago.
228
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:42,145
- May I?
- Absolutely. Take 'em for a spin.
229
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,649
God.
230
00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,151
- Wow.
- Yeah.
231
00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:50,320
- These are amazing.
- Thank you.
232
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:53,865
- And the nipples.
- I know.
233
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,700
I'll take two.
234
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,417
The total is $9,300 for the surgery,
235
00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,503
plus one night stay at our facility.
236
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,214
- How would you like to pay?
- That's absurd.
237
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,758
I'm a teacher, not a drug dealer.
238
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:14,219
We accept all major credit cards.
239
00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:18,932
Yeah, well, my credit situation
is a little complicated.
240
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:22,352
I'm sorry, but if you can't pay,
then I can't schedule the appointment.
241
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,397
I just really need some money.
242
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:29,442
As a matter of fact, it is about my tits, Dad.
243
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:33,697
Well, maybe if I had gotten yours
and not Mom's...
244
00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:36,866
Look, I'm not gonna beat around the bush,
Grandma.
245
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,035
I'm dying and I need money for surgery.
246
00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:44,582
Really? Nothing!
247
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:48,044
I'm rooming with a guy I met on Craigslist.
248
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:50,922
All I'm asking you for is $10,000.
249
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:56,386
You owe me for breaking off the engagement.
You know how humiliating that was?
250
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,555
Okay.
251
00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:02,058
Lover, lover, look, I don't wanna fight.
252
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:04,978
It's only $10,000.
It would mean the world to me.
253
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,063
Lover?
254
00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:09,566
Are you there?
255
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,485
Fucking troll!
256
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:15,113
- Did you call my name?
- No.
257
00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:18,950
- I said, "Fucking troll."
- I thought you said "Kirk."
258
00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:22,495
Do you have 10 grand?
259
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:24,581
Nope.
260
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:28,626
And, also, I might be a little short
on rent this month.
261
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,128
Like a lot short.
262
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:32,172
This might help.
263
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,677
- You wanna get wasted?
- Yeah.
264
00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:39,304
Cool. See you.
265
00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:45,769
We are in a state of emergency
and my word is law.
266
00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:48,480
There's only one boss in this place
and that's me.
267
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,858
The HNIC.
268
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:56,321
All right. We'll pick this up again tomorrow.
269
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,159
Can I help you?
270
00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:14,047
What?
271
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,007
I'm the student leader
for the trip to Springfield.
272
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:18,885
- Shocker.
- We're having our car wash this weekend.
273
00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:20,804
If you're around,
maybe we could wash your car.
274
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,306
I got some Mexicans
that already do it for nothing.
275
00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:26,184
Well, the Springfield trip's
the best part of seventh grade.
276
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,978
Last year's car wash raised $6,000.
277
00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:34,109
Bringing these magazines to school
278
00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:35,819
is not the way
you're gonna make friends, Arkady.
279
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,362
Those eighth grade boys are just using you.
280
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,739
So I go now?
281
00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:44,452
Yes, you go now, but if I see these again,
I'm going to call your parents.
282
00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:45,662
Do you understand?
283
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:48,915
Go to class.
284
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,168
Hey, hey. Hey.
285
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:55,380
Go to class!
286
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,511
Another exciting day at the principal's office.
287
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,472
- Do you have a second?
- Yeah.
288
00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:06,391
Oh, you know what,
I wanted to talk to you, too.
289
00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:09,769
Did I hear that right,
that you were showing movies all last week?
290
00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:12,355
Some clips, maybe.
291
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:16,860
But, you know, in a lot of ways,
I think that movies are the new books.
292
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:28,621
Is this new?
293
00:21:29,372 --> 00:21:31,374
God, I love it.
294
00:21:31,875 --> 00:21:35,462
You know, I've always said that dolphins
are the humans of the sea.
295
00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:38,047
I have a bumper sticker that says that.
296
00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:40,925
- No way.
- I'm not kidding.
297
00:21:41,885 --> 00:21:43,136
It's on my car.
298
00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:45,388
Come on.
299
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:47,932
Hold on a sec.
300
00:21:55,607 --> 00:21:57,108
His name is Simon,
301
00:21:57,567 --> 00:22:04,240
and he lives in the Cayman Islands
with his brother, Ajax.
302
00:22:04,741 --> 00:22:05,742
Wow.
303
00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:08,077
What a great story.
304
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:10,914
What did you wanna talk about?
305
00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:13,625
I was thinking
that I wanna get more involved.
306
00:22:13,917 --> 00:22:16,044
You know, I don't know, something like
307
00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:19,839
maybe supervising the seventh grade
car wash.
308
00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:23,676
You know, Amy has been running that
for like two years.
309
00:22:23,927 --> 00:22:27,430
Yeah, but she does so much already.
It might be nice to give her a little rest.
310
00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:33,311
It's so nice to see you
becoming a real member of the JAMS family.
311
00:22:34,771 --> 00:22:36,022
Just feels so good to help.
312
00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:55,959
Holy shit!
313
00:22:56,626 --> 00:22:58,628
All right. Let's do this.
314
00:23:54,058 --> 00:23:56,436
Hey, Mr. Delacorte. Yes!
315
00:23:58,855 --> 00:24:01,566
Hey, kids. Hey. Hey.
316
00:24:02,233 --> 00:24:03,610
Hey, you better not take it for a joyride.
317
00:24:03,693 --> 00:24:04,861
- Are you sure?
- I'm watching you.
318
00:24:06,029 --> 00:24:07,030
- Miss Halsey.
- Hey.
319
00:24:07,113 --> 00:24:08,948
- I'm impressed.
- Thanks. I've been working out.
320
00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:10,116
What a turnout.
321
00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:13,453
Oh, yeah, and the kids
are just having a blast.
322
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:15,121
Well, that's what it's all about.
323
00:24:15,580 --> 00:24:16,956
God, you know, we should
go get a drink tonight.
324
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,291
I feel like getting drunk.
325
00:24:19,792 --> 00:24:23,880
I mean, not "drunk" drunk. Strong buzz.
Still be able to drive.
326
00:24:24,464 --> 00:24:25,715
I'm sorry.
327
00:24:26,257 --> 00:24:27,884
I can't yet. I'm just not ready.
328
00:24:28,217 --> 00:24:31,429
But, if you're patient,
I think I might be worth your while.
329
00:24:31,804 --> 00:24:32,889
You're worth the wait.
330
00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:35,058
I think so, too.
331
00:24:48,071 --> 00:24:49,489
Shish kebabs.
332
00:24:59,582 --> 00:25:01,918
Wally? It's Amy Squirrel.
333
00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:05,963
Amy? What are you... Get out of here!
334
00:25:06,506 --> 00:25:07,924
This'll just take a sec.
335
00:25:08,257 --> 00:25:12,720
I happened to be pedaling past
the seventh grade car wash this Saturday.
336
00:25:12,804 --> 00:25:14,639
Can we talk about this later?
337
00:25:15,014 --> 00:25:17,684
"Later, we'll all die," said the gator to the fly.
338
00:25:18,851 --> 00:25:20,269
What the fuck? What?
339
00:25:21,688 --> 00:25:22,772
Just go.
340
00:25:25,274 --> 00:25:29,320
Now, I don't wanna speak out of school,
but, from where I was sitting,
341
00:25:29,612 --> 00:25:30,780
I think...
342
00:25:31,781 --> 00:25:36,786
It seemed like Miss Halsey
was getting pretty chummy with the money.
343
00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:43,459
Are you accusing Elizabeth of embezzling
from the seventh grade car wash?
344
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:47,839
Wally, we barely know anything about her.
345
00:25:48,047 --> 00:25:50,299
Hey, you know what?
They raised almost $7,000,
346
00:25:50,466 --> 00:25:52,009
so whatever she did worked.
347
00:25:52,468 --> 00:25:53,845
Viet Huynh's dad called.
348
00:25:54,137 --> 00:25:56,139
He said the car wash was a raging success.
349
00:25:56,347 --> 00:25:57,640
And Lauren Rissman's dad called.
350
00:25:57,724 --> 00:25:59,726
He said we should have a car wash
every weekend.
351
00:26:00,643 --> 00:26:03,646
So instead of accusing her,
you might wanna ask her for some pointers.
352
00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:09,152
Well, if those pointers include
wearing provocative beachwear for money,
353
00:26:09,819 --> 00:26:11,779
- I think I'll pass.
- This is ridiculous.
354
00:26:11,863 --> 00:26:13,823
This is the one place in this building
355
00:26:13,906 --> 00:26:15,992
where I'm allowed
to be alone with my thoughts.
356
00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:19,704
I only have this once a day. If I'm lucky.
357
00:26:20,538 --> 00:26:23,040
Next time you accuse
one of my teachers of stealing,
358
00:26:23,166 --> 00:26:26,002
you better have some evidence. God damn it.
359
00:26:26,419 --> 00:26:27,503
We are done here.
360
00:26:30,673 --> 00:26:31,674
All righty.
361
00:26:33,092 --> 00:26:35,178
Have a super awesome day, you two.
362
00:26:41,601 --> 00:26:43,853
Holy fuck, I thought
she was never gonna leave.
363
00:26:55,531 --> 00:26:57,533
How are things going with Scott?
364
00:26:57,784 --> 00:27:00,328
Jesus Christ, Lynn.
The guy just went through a terrible breakup.
365
00:27:00,411 --> 00:27:02,205
- Yeah.
- What he needs now more than ever
366
00:27:02,288 --> 00:27:04,665
-is a friend.
- You know, I think that's really smart.
367
00:27:04,749 --> 00:27:05,792
- Build a foundation...
- Yeah,
368
00:27:05,875 --> 00:27:08,920
build a foundation
and then after my surgery, we fuck.
369
00:27:10,546 --> 00:27:12,423
I don't know. I think love should be about...
370
00:27:12,548 --> 00:27:15,218
- I gotta go, Lynn. Here, hold this for me.
- Okay.
371
00:27:15,551 --> 00:27:16,552
Thanks.
372
00:27:20,765 --> 00:27:22,391
Are we starting School Ties today?
373
00:27:26,896 --> 00:27:29,315
Okay. Today we're starting School Ties.
374
00:27:29,732 --> 00:27:32,318
Brendan Fraser plays a Jew. Classic.
375
00:27:34,737 --> 00:27:38,658
- Okay, who has the answer?
- Here it is. Good luck.
376
00:27:38,741 --> 00:27:39,826
Here "what" is?
377
00:27:39,909 --> 00:27:42,286
It's the pre-test
for the state standardized test.
378
00:27:42,620 --> 00:27:43,788
It was in the memo.
379
00:27:45,790 --> 00:27:47,250
Yes, the memo.
380
00:27:51,796 --> 00:27:54,590
Hey, zip it. Zip your shit.
381
00:27:59,428 --> 00:28:02,431
Okay, look.
We all know that these tests are gay.
382
00:28:04,517 --> 00:28:05,643
Hey.
383
00:28:06,769 --> 00:28:08,479
According to this memo,
384
00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:11,107
I'm supposed to give you guys
45 minutes per section.
385
00:28:12,650 --> 00:28:16,821
Okay. Clear your desks, everybody.
Pencils out.
386
00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:19,115
Begin.
387
00:28:23,202 --> 00:28:24,453
What's going on with you?
388
00:28:25,329 --> 00:28:26,706
You need a tissue, huh?
389
00:28:28,165 --> 00:28:31,460
- She is such a phony.
- Yeah, a major phony.
390
00:28:31,836 --> 00:28:34,422
Yeah, but she also cares a lot, too.
391
00:28:38,885 --> 00:28:41,679
I love how his eyes sparkle when he smiles.
392
00:28:41,762 --> 00:28:43,222
I wanna sit on his face.
393
00:28:43,639 --> 00:28:45,182
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
394
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,269
- Hey.
- You are just making a habit out of this,
395
00:28:48,352 --> 00:28:49,395
aren't you?
396
00:28:49,478 --> 00:28:51,522
Actually, Sandy Pinkus
in the math department,
397
00:28:52,023 --> 00:28:55,234
I guess someone slashed his tires.
And his wife's, too.
398
00:28:56,110 --> 00:28:57,445
That is awful.
399
00:28:57,612 --> 00:29:00,907
- Lynn, will you go grab me some milk?
- What kind of milk do you want?
400
00:29:01,282 --> 00:29:05,620
- Skim, whole, 2%, chocolate?
- Surprise me.
401
00:29:05,912 --> 00:29:08,748
Okay, I'll get you skim. No, 2%.
402
00:29:11,125 --> 00:29:12,418
- So?
- So?
403
00:29:13,044 --> 00:29:15,296
Hola, fellow educators.
404
00:29:17,965 --> 00:29:20,301
- Is everything okay with Gaby?
- She'll be fine.
405
00:29:20,509 --> 00:29:23,179
I told her, "Gaby,
if you're not happy with yourself,
406
00:29:23,262 --> 00:29:25,681
"you can't expect others
to be happy with you.
407
00:29:25,973 --> 00:29:27,683
"It starts with you."
408
00:29:27,850 --> 00:29:29,560
- I'm sure she appreciated that.
- Yeah.
409
00:29:31,312 --> 00:29:32,813
And it's exactly what I told Elizabeth
410
00:29:32,897 --> 00:29:35,650
when she told me
about this upcoming fake breast job.
411
00:29:39,278 --> 00:29:42,573
Sorry. Sorry, I thought
you were telling everyone.
412
00:29:43,157 --> 00:29:45,284
- Did you?
- Well, I'm pro choice.
413
00:29:45,368 --> 00:29:48,371
I believe everyone should choose
whatever makes them happiest.
414
00:29:48,996 --> 00:29:50,331
Except abortion, of course.
415
00:29:50,414 --> 00:29:51,582
- Of course.
- Obviously.
416
00:29:52,541 --> 00:29:55,920
Well, it looks like algebra is calling.
I hate math.
417
00:29:56,212 --> 00:29:57,546
- Wish me luck.
- Hi.
418
00:29:57,630 --> 00:30:00,967
I'm a math terrorist,
with close ties to Aljaybra.
419
00:30:01,676 --> 00:30:04,303
I have weapons of math instruction.
420
00:30:12,395 --> 00:30:13,437
Here, I'll walk you.
421
00:30:13,688 --> 00:30:16,607
- Man, everyone is so nice around here.
- Of course.
422
00:30:16,941 --> 00:30:18,275
Hey, watch my quadrant.
423
00:30:19,485 --> 00:30:21,696
Here you go, 1%. Surprise.
424
00:30:22,738 --> 00:30:27,159
Hi. My name is Elizabeth Halsey.
Any questions?
425
00:30:28,285 --> 00:30:30,162
Hi. I'm Sasha's mother.
426
00:30:30,705 --> 00:30:34,625
I'm a little concerned at the importance
you're placing on movies.
427
00:30:35,084 --> 00:30:38,004
I was just wondering
what your plans were for the state test.
428
00:30:38,587 --> 00:30:42,466
Listen, the school hired me
because I'm amazing at what I do.
429
00:30:42,967 --> 00:30:44,552
I use movies as one of my tools,
430
00:30:44,635 --> 00:30:48,723
but I also use a variety
of other multimedia techniques.
431
00:30:49,473 --> 00:30:52,059
Listen, I could take you day-by-day
through my entire syllabus,
432
00:30:52,143 --> 00:30:53,561
but that's just not how I do things.
433
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:58,691
So that's my spiel, as the Jews say.
434
00:30:59,817 --> 00:31:03,195
Please, help yourself to some delicious
snacks and drinks in the back.
435
00:31:05,239 --> 00:31:06,407
Class dismissed.
436
00:31:06,866 --> 00:31:10,286
Excuse me, Miss Halsey?
Hi, I'm Morgan's dad.
437
00:31:11,662 --> 00:31:12,913
Morgan.
438
00:31:14,290 --> 00:31:16,542
Great kid. So precocious.
439
00:31:16,917 --> 00:31:18,711
I just wish Morgan's grades would reflect it.
440
00:31:19,253 --> 00:31:24,550
If I know Morgan, and I think I do,
Morgan'll get there.
441
00:31:24,842 --> 00:31:28,179
Listen, I'm sure you have a full plate,
along with a rocking hot body,
442
00:31:28,554 --> 00:31:31,015
but if you could just keep an eye on Morgan,
443
00:31:31,098 --> 00:31:32,892
my wife and I would really appreciate it.
444
00:31:33,434 --> 00:31:36,437
For supplies and whatever.
445
00:31:38,939 --> 00:31:40,191
For supplies.
446
00:31:41,317 --> 00:31:44,278
- You're Chase's parents.
- Hi.
447
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:45,863
You know, a student like Chase
448
00:31:45,946 --> 00:31:48,783
would benefit so much
from some extra attention.
449
00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:51,410
So you think we should hire a tutor?
450
00:31:51,494 --> 00:31:52,953
You know, I'd be happy to do it myself,
451
00:31:53,037 --> 00:31:58,209
but it's just so hard with a class
of 20, 25, or 30, or whatever.
452
00:31:58,876 --> 00:32:00,127
To be a teacher.
453
00:32:00,211 --> 00:32:05,007
God, it is so hard on my salary to have to pay
for my own supplies, and my fiancé,
454
00:32:05,091 --> 00:32:06,592
he cheated on me with his sister.
455
00:32:08,177 --> 00:32:12,515
As her personal tutor, I guarantee personally
that she will get an A,
456
00:32:12,807 --> 00:32:15,226
or your money back.
457
00:32:16,519 --> 00:32:19,313
Well. Say no more.
458
00:32:22,399 --> 00:32:23,692
Make it out to "cash."
459
00:32:44,088 --> 00:32:45,131
Is that true?
460
00:32:45,214 --> 00:32:47,508
But when I go to my grave,
my head will be high.
461
00:32:48,801 --> 00:32:50,928
There are no victims in this classroom.
462
00:33:10,906 --> 00:33:14,368
Scott? Scott? Scott?
463
00:33:15,119 --> 00:33:16,370
- Amy.
464
00:33:16,537 --> 00:33:18,622
- Hi.
- I got you something.
465
00:33:19,248 --> 00:33:21,709
What? You didn't have to do that.
466
00:33:21,792 --> 00:33:24,545
It's nothing. Well, it's my favorite book.
467
00:33:27,214 --> 00:33:28,257
Eat, Pray, Love.
468
00:33:28,841 --> 00:33:29,884
Yeah.
469
00:33:31,969 --> 00:33:33,512
This is my favorite book, too.
470
00:33:34,889 --> 00:33:36,390
What's your favorite part?
471
00:33:38,642 --> 00:33:39,685
Love.
472
00:33:54,909 --> 00:33:57,411
- What do you want?
- Is that marijuana?
473
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:01,749
No, it's medicinal marijuana.
I have a prescription and everything.
474
00:34:02,541 --> 00:34:05,252
But I'm not gonna tell you why,
because it's between me and my doctor.
475
00:34:06,629 --> 00:34:09,048
Okay, well, feel better.
476
00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:10,716
Thanks.
477
00:34:11,508 --> 00:34:13,219
My mom and I made you
some holiday cookies.
478
00:34:14,470 --> 00:34:16,513
- Are those oatmeal raisin again?
- Gingerbread.
479
00:34:19,975 --> 00:34:21,518
Let me see it. Have it.
480
00:34:22,019 --> 00:34:23,187
Watch the bow.
481
00:34:27,233 --> 00:34:28,275
Do you have anything to drink?
482
00:34:30,236 --> 00:34:32,321
Listen, word to the wise,
483
00:34:33,405 --> 00:34:35,366
stop dressing
like you're running for Congress.
484
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,661
I don't wanna run for Congress.
I wanna be president.
485
00:34:39,245 --> 00:34:40,454
See, that's what I'm talking about.
486
00:34:41,163 --> 00:34:42,790
Keep saying shit like that
and you're gonna get punched.
487
00:34:44,708 --> 00:34:47,294
Do you really wanna be president
or is that something your parents want?
488
00:34:50,923 --> 00:34:53,884
Look, you don't have to decide right now.
You know, who knows?
489
00:34:53,968 --> 00:34:56,178
One day you wake up, you decide
you wanna be a masseuse.
490
00:34:57,012 --> 00:34:59,640
Salary plus tips. Think about it.
491
00:35:01,392 --> 00:35:03,852
If I think about it, will I get extra credit?
492
00:35:04,937 --> 00:35:06,063
Hopeless.
493
00:35:06,897 --> 00:35:11,235
All right. I'm high as fuck.
I gotta get outta here. Watch your feet.
494
00:35:30,879 --> 00:35:33,257
This is indeed a winter wonderland.
495
00:35:38,804 --> 00:35:40,556
- Wanna go get high?
- Yeah.
496
00:35:41,265 --> 00:35:43,017
Give me a nug. I'll smoke it in my car.
497
00:35:44,184 --> 00:35:45,477
Wow. No.
498
00:35:45,936 --> 00:35:48,522
I meant, do you wanna get high with me?
499
00:35:49,898 --> 00:35:53,444
- Eight, six, seven, five, three, oh, nine
- Nine
500
00:35:53,527 --> 00:35:57,197
- Eight, six, seven, five, three, oh, nine
- Eight, six, seven, five, three, oh, nine
501
00:35:57,489 --> 00:36:00,159
- I got it, got it
- I got it
502
00:36:00,242 --> 00:36:02,870
Hey. They don't make songs
like this anymore, right?
503
00:36:03,245 --> 00:36:04,955
You know, that's actually not true, Scott.
504
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:10,711
I'm writing a song right now called
855-824-1777,
505
00:36:11,086 --> 00:36:12,838
extension 777.
506
00:36:16,467 --> 00:36:17,968
- So you guys having an awesome time?
- Yes.
507
00:36:18,052 --> 00:36:21,013
Oh, my God, I love to dance.
I could dance all night.
508
00:36:21,430 --> 00:36:25,059
- Hey, could we go somewhere and talk?
- Totally go for a talk right now.
509
00:36:30,064 --> 00:36:31,106
What's up?
510
00:36:33,067 --> 00:36:34,234
Okay.
511
00:36:35,152 --> 00:36:37,529
I don't know how to say this.
I'm kind of nervous.
512
00:36:37,613 --> 00:36:39,323
It's all just happening so quickly.
513
00:36:39,406 --> 00:36:42,076
You can tell me anything, Scott.
You're one of my best friends.
514
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:44,370
I'm crushing on someone.
515
00:36:45,496 --> 00:36:48,374
- I think you're pretty great, too.
- Thanks. It's Amy.
516
00:36:50,209 --> 00:36:52,211
No running in the hall!
517
00:36:54,797 --> 00:36:55,881
Kids.
518
00:36:55,964 --> 00:36:58,258
She's been amazing
helping me deal with my break-up.
519
00:36:58,550 --> 00:36:59,760
Yeah, I don't know her that well.
520
00:36:59,843 --> 00:37:01,887
I know all the other teachers
really hate her fucking guts,
521
00:37:01,970 --> 00:37:03,305
but I stay above all that stuff.
522
00:37:04,348 --> 00:37:06,016
Can I be honest with you?
523
00:37:06,558 --> 00:37:07,601
Of course.
524
00:37:08,227 --> 00:37:13,649
It's nothing personal,
but I don't think that you're Amy's type.
525
00:37:14,858 --> 00:37:16,026
- Really?
- Yeah.
526
00:37:16,944 --> 00:37:20,656
We seem so, I don't know, simpatico.
527
00:37:21,240 --> 00:37:23,033
How do I put this politely?
528
00:37:23,409 --> 00:37:26,453
She's a lesbian. She hates cock.
529
00:37:29,039 --> 00:37:30,916
She's only using you for your money.
530
00:37:31,875 --> 00:37:32,918
What?
531
00:37:35,504 --> 00:37:36,880
Well, I feel stupid.
532
00:37:37,172 --> 00:37:40,717
No, Scott. Scott. Look at me.
533
00:37:41,301 --> 00:37:43,303
I'm gonna get my breasts enlarged
in a couple of months,
534
00:37:43,429 --> 00:37:46,557
and when I recover from my surgery,
you and I are gonna go out
535
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,017
and we are gonna find awesome people
for each other.
536
00:37:50,269 --> 00:37:51,437
That sounds nice.
537
00:37:51,895 --> 00:37:53,772
You're out of your mind.
538
00:37:53,981 --> 00:37:56,316
There is no way
that LeBron will ever be Jordan.
539
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:58,110
Nobody will ever be Jordan, okay?
540
00:37:58,193 --> 00:38:00,195
Okay, LeBron's a better rebounder
and passer.
541
00:38:00,446 --> 00:38:03,365
Will you let me finish? Can you let me finish?
542
00:38:03,657 --> 00:38:05,659
Call me when LeBron has six championships.
543
00:38:05,742 --> 00:38:08,912
- Is that your only argument?
- It's the only argument I need, Shawn.
544
00:38:13,542 --> 00:38:14,668
Let's get baked...
545
00:38:16,795 --> 00:38:19,339
...goods. We're gonna go get
some baked goods.
546
00:38:22,885 --> 00:38:23,927
You got this?
547
00:38:26,472 --> 00:38:28,557
Just try it. Try it.
548
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,893
Please, don't... Stop pressuring her.
549
00:38:30,976 --> 00:38:33,353
How does she know she doesn't like it
if she's never tried it before?
550
00:38:33,437 --> 00:38:35,856
You know, we should probably
be getting back.
551
00:38:35,939 --> 00:38:38,108
Just fucking do it. Weed is awesome.
552
00:38:49,870 --> 00:38:51,497
- Hold it in.
- Just blow it out.
553
00:38:51,580 --> 00:38:52,915
- Hold it in.
- Blow it out.
554
00:38:55,209 --> 00:38:58,170
Okay. Lynn, I'm gonna take this.
555
00:38:59,296 --> 00:39:01,381
I'm gonna go find a hot dog.
556
00:39:03,175 --> 00:39:04,218
Shit.
557
00:39:04,885 --> 00:39:07,596
- Well, that was deeply unimpressive.
- Like you can do better.
558
00:39:07,804 --> 00:39:09,348
- Really? You sure you wanna do this?
- Yeah.
559
00:39:09,431 --> 00:39:10,474
Gym teacher.
560
00:39:13,936 --> 00:39:15,812
- You understand this is what I do?
- Yeah, I got it.
561
00:39:15,979 --> 00:39:17,231
Like, for a living?
562
00:39:18,232 --> 00:39:19,274
All right.
563
00:39:30,118 --> 00:39:32,538
- You have no upper-body strength.
- Yes, I do.
564
00:39:32,788 --> 00:39:37,251
Just not in my arms or my chest.
But I have cat-like reflexes. Makes up for it.
565
00:39:50,347 --> 00:39:53,600
So, all this is mine, by the way,
as far as the eye can see.
566
00:39:54,518 --> 00:39:56,311
Really love what you've done with the place.
567
00:39:56,562 --> 00:39:59,773
Don't know if you noticed the nets,
but those are brand-new nets I had installed.
568
00:40:00,315 --> 00:40:01,441
This is original wood.
569
00:40:02,401 --> 00:40:03,902
See those championship banners?
570
00:40:04,611 --> 00:40:06,488
When I first came to the school,
they weren't here.
571
00:40:07,656 --> 00:40:08,782
They were over there.
572
00:40:09,616 --> 00:40:11,243
I had them moved over there.
573
00:40:13,787 --> 00:40:15,247
So, Russell,
574
00:40:16,164 --> 00:40:17,416
what has to go wrong in someone's life
575
00:40:17,499 --> 00:40:20,043
for them to end up
being a middle school gym teacher?
576
00:40:20,961 --> 00:40:23,213
Well, granted, it wasn't the original plan.
577
00:40:23,297 --> 00:40:27,759
As a young boy, I wanted to be a professor
of Physical Education.
578
00:40:29,261 --> 00:40:30,345
At Harvard.
579
00:40:30,470 --> 00:40:33,807
But I don't know. I like it here.
580
00:40:34,516 --> 00:40:37,769
What went so wrong in your life
that you ended up educating children?
581
00:40:38,437 --> 00:40:41,982
I don't know.
Maybe I was a bad person in another life.
582
00:40:44,568 --> 00:40:47,529
We should, like, go have a drink sometime.
Together.
583
00:40:47,988 --> 00:40:49,740
- Like over winter break.
- Nah.
584
00:40:50,657 --> 00:40:53,702
- Got something brewing.
- Can I say something, for the record?
585
00:40:54,119 --> 00:40:56,747
- Fine.
- It's about your, the...
586
00:40:59,458 --> 00:41:01,960
The big, fake titties.
Are you really gonna do that?
587
00:41:03,503 --> 00:41:05,297
Why would you do that? Your tits are fine.
588
00:41:05,422 --> 00:41:07,007
I like your tits. Ask my roommate.
589
00:41:16,350 --> 00:41:17,726
Seriously?
590
00:41:19,269 --> 00:41:21,229
Fuck. Seriously?
591
00:41:24,900 --> 00:41:26,026
Come on!
592
00:41:27,361 --> 00:41:28,737
Seriously?
593
00:41:31,156 --> 00:41:32,199
Hey!
594
00:41:32,491 --> 00:41:34,701
- Why are they closed?
- It's Christmas.
595
00:41:35,535 --> 00:41:37,496
Whatever. Hey, you got a lighter?
596
00:41:38,664 --> 00:41:41,458
Hey, Miss Halsey.
It's me, Garrett, from school.
597
00:41:41,541 --> 00:41:44,086
It's Garrett! Having a nice Christmas?
598
00:41:44,544 --> 00:41:46,588
- Aces.
- What are you doing the rest of the day?
599
00:41:46,672 --> 00:41:47,798
You gonna go see your family?
600
00:41:48,632 --> 00:41:53,887
You know, I'm gonna go see some people.
We're having like a big potluck. So...
601
00:41:54,971 --> 00:41:56,306
Miss Halsey.
602
00:41:56,390 --> 00:41:58,767
Would you like to come
and spend Christmas with us?
603
00:42:03,230 --> 00:42:06,608
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
604
00:42:06,692 --> 00:42:10,779
'Tis the season to be jolly
605
00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:14,783
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
606
00:42:15,033 --> 00:42:17,285
- Don we now our yuletide carol
- Deck the something else
607
00:42:17,369 --> 00:42:20,706
We never remember it.
Every year we forget. What is that?
608
00:42:20,789 --> 00:42:24,459
Listen, I'm really sorry I have to eat and run.
I gotta head over to the shelter. So...
609
00:42:25,460 --> 00:42:28,213
The shelter? That's so inspiring.
610
00:42:28,588 --> 00:42:30,298
Yeah. I really love helping bums.
611
00:42:31,383 --> 00:42:33,927
But you have to wait for dessert.
We have a real treat.
612
00:42:34,136 --> 00:42:36,430
Garrett, why don't you run
and get some of your new poetry?
613
00:42:36,805 --> 00:42:38,807
God. No one wants to hear it.
614
00:42:39,141 --> 00:42:42,728
- Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed.
- Don't be shy, Marbles.
615
00:42:43,395 --> 00:42:45,981
This is called "The Chase," by Garrett Tiara.
616
00:42:48,108 --> 00:42:53,280
"X-O, X-O
My love for you is X-O, X-O
617
00:42:53,655 --> 00:42:56,825
"About her smile,
that I would walk a mile for
618
00:42:57,409 --> 00:43:01,830
"About her personality,
that makes me see the best in me
619
00:43:02,622 --> 00:43:09,588
"One glance, one dance
Because together, we can achieve balance"
620
00:43:10,797 --> 00:43:11,840
Thank you.
621
00:43:14,968 --> 00:43:17,679
I loved it, and I usually hate poetry.
622
00:43:18,013 --> 00:43:20,515
Oh, Philip. "Hate" on Christmas?
623
00:43:20,932 --> 00:43:23,185
Sorry, Santa. Sorry, Jesus.
624
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:27,689
Why don't you two give me a hand
with dessert
625
00:43:27,814 --> 00:43:30,025
and we can let these two discuss?
626
00:43:30,776 --> 00:43:32,027
Oh, fuck.
627
00:43:33,695 --> 00:43:36,281
So the poem's about that girl?
628
00:43:36,948 --> 00:43:38,033
Yeah, Chase.
629
00:43:39,326 --> 00:43:42,704
If I could just talk to her
and tell her how I feel,
630
00:43:42,788 --> 00:43:44,372
I know she'd understand.
631
00:43:45,540 --> 00:43:48,210
Listen, it's not gonna happen, buddy.
632
00:43:48,877 --> 00:43:51,338
I was that hot girl. Hotter, even.
633
00:43:51,713 --> 00:43:55,050
And I would never have gone out with you.
And I'm not saying that to be mean.
634
00:43:55,133 --> 00:43:56,468
I'm saying that to be helpful.
635
00:43:56,802 --> 00:43:59,012
What do you know?
You don't even know our names.
636
00:43:59,137 --> 00:44:00,138
I'll tell you what I know.
637
00:44:00,222 --> 00:44:02,057
A kid who wears
the same gymnastics sweatshirt
638
00:44:02,140 --> 00:44:04,351
three days a week
isn't getting laid until he's 29.
639
00:44:04,476 --> 00:44:05,519
That's what I know.
640
00:44:06,061 --> 00:44:09,314
This sweatshirt was my dad's.
It's all he left me when he left me.
641
00:44:09,981 --> 00:44:11,358
There's a reason he didn't pack it.
642
00:44:13,068 --> 00:44:14,152
Just saying.
643
00:44:14,861 --> 00:44:19,407
Welcome to the number one
New Year's Eve party in the entire world.
644
00:44:19,533 --> 00:44:22,327
This is literally the biggest party on Earth.
645
00:44:22,410 --> 00:44:23,912
Aren't you going out with the other nurses?
646
00:44:25,330 --> 00:44:26,581
I'm not a nurse.
647
00:44:27,415 --> 00:44:28,542
I thought you were a nurse.
648
00:44:29,334 --> 00:44:30,502
I'm a teacher.
649
00:44:38,093 --> 00:44:42,430
...Lionel Richie, so don't even think about
going anywhere else.
650
00:44:42,722 --> 00:44:43,849
We'll have the Jonas Brothers.
651
00:45:06,288 --> 00:45:08,373
Hey. Welcome back.
652
00:45:09,958 --> 00:45:13,545
Bunch of us are going out tonight to see
Period 5 play. Do you wanna come?
653
00:45:14,296 --> 00:45:16,548
- Period 5?
- Yeah, the teacher band.
654
00:45:18,133 --> 00:45:19,801
I'd rather get shot in the face.
655
00:45:22,304 --> 00:45:25,307
- Hey.
- Hey.
656
00:45:26,057 --> 00:45:28,101
So are you guys
coming to the Palace tonight?
657
00:45:28,393 --> 00:45:31,646
- My band's gonna do a few songs.
- You're in Period 5?
658
00:45:31,813 --> 00:45:35,066
You're looking at the new rhythm guitarist
and backup vocalist.
659
00:45:35,317 --> 00:45:37,319
- Should be fun.
- Should be amazing.
660
00:45:37,444 --> 00:45:40,405
- Lynn, you wanna come?
- Yes, yes.
661
00:45:41,823 --> 00:45:44,367
A lullaby. I said...
662
00:45:44,451 --> 00:45:48,496
Everything gonna be all right
663
00:45:48,580 --> 00:45:52,667
Rockabye, rockabye
664
00:45:53,919 --> 00:45:58,006
Everything gonna be all right
665
00:45:58,089 --> 00:46:02,344
Rockabye, rockabye
666
00:46:02,928 --> 00:46:04,095
Rockabye
667
00:46:07,015 --> 00:46:08,350
Lot of cute guys.
668
00:46:09,017 --> 00:46:13,355
- You should go talk to someone, Lynn.
- I'm fine here. I'm fine.
669
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:16,024
Come on, Lynn.
You need to loosen up and live a little.
670
00:46:16,191 --> 00:46:17,692
When was the last time
you had a good dicking?
671
00:46:17,943 --> 00:46:19,319
"A good dicking."
672
00:46:19,611 --> 00:46:24,115
- Look, go talk to those guys over there.
- In the cowboy hats?
673
00:46:24,199 --> 00:46:25,784
- Yeah.
- What?
674
00:46:26,493 --> 00:46:28,286
- Oh, come on.
- You come on.
675
00:46:28,453 --> 00:46:31,373
- Now, go talk to them.
- What am I gonna talk about?
676
00:46:31,539 --> 00:46:33,291
It doesn't matter, Lynn.
677
00:46:33,375 --> 00:46:36,628
Look, you go and you start with one of them,
then you start talking to the other one,
678
00:46:36,711 --> 00:46:40,048
and then you go back to the first one
but still be touching the other one,
679
00:46:40,131 --> 00:46:42,217
and then you just choose. Textbook.
680
00:46:42,384 --> 00:46:45,387
Yeah. From the world's weirdest textbook.
681
00:46:45,553 --> 00:46:48,390
- Let me finish my drink.
- Now, Lynn.
682
00:46:48,473 --> 00:46:49,891
- In a second.
- No, go.
683
00:46:50,016 --> 00:46:52,644
- I like it here.
- It is really fun over here.
684
00:46:52,727 --> 00:46:55,313
Lynn. Get your ass over to those cowboys.
685
00:46:56,856 --> 00:47:00,193
Well, I'm glad I wore my fun underwear.
686
00:47:00,527 --> 00:47:01,569
Okay.
687
00:47:01,653 --> 00:47:07,742
Everything gonna be all right
Rockabye
688
00:47:07,867 --> 00:47:11,663
So, call me crazy, but this might be the best
Period 5 show of all time.
689
00:47:12,247 --> 00:47:13,915
What are you doing here, anyway?
690
00:47:14,374 --> 00:47:16,376
I thought it was poetry slam night.
691
00:47:17,252 --> 00:47:18,753
I was gonna get drunk and mock them.
692
00:47:19,087 --> 00:47:22,340
- That sounds fun, actually.
- I'll let you know next time I go.
693
00:47:22,424 --> 00:47:23,925
Not that fun.
694
00:47:24,259 --> 00:47:25,343
Okay.
695
00:47:25,427 --> 00:47:28,596
Just so you know,
that shit does not faze me at all.
696
00:47:29,014 --> 00:47:32,684
I'm like the fucking Terminator, dude.
I'm just gonna keep coming after you.
697
00:47:33,101 --> 00:47:35,770
- Just so we're clear.
- Good luck with that.
698
00:47:37,397 --> 00:47:40,233
Oh, shit. Check it out.
699
00:47:42,110 --> 00:47:43,445
I'll be damned.
700
00:47:44,404 --> 00:47:45,447
That shit worked.
701
00:47:46,573 --> 00:47:47,866
Super fast.
702
00:47:55,957 --> 00:47:58,710
Wow. Thank you guys for coming out.
What a turnout.
703
00:47:59,210 --> 00:48:05,633
Right? I just wanna take this opportunity
to thank the guys from Period 5
704
00:48:05,759 --> 00:48:09,888
for letting me join the band, and also, I...
705
00:48:09,971 --> 00:48:15,143
I have an original song. it is my first crack
at songwriting, so be kind.
706
00:48:17,937 --> 00:48:20,815
And it goes out to someone very special.
707
00:48:23,485 --> 00:48:28,490
There was a girl I met some time ago
708
00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:30,992
Simpatico
709
00:48:32,118 --> 00:48:35,914
She helped me heal
She helped me grow
710
00:48:36,748 --> 00:48:38,166
Simpatico
711
00:48:38,666 --> 00:48:43,421
How do you know when you know?
I guess you just know
712
00:48:44,130 --> 00:48:45,507
Simpatico
713
00:48:53,473 --> 00:48:55,183
Simpatico
714
00:48:55,350 --> 00:48:59,020
Exotico, erotico
715
00:48:59,938 --> 00:49:03,483
You're my narcotico
716
00:49:04,192 --> 00:49:09,823
Ask me how much I feel,
I'll say, "A lotico"
717
00:49:11,449 --> 00:49:15,453
There can never in the world be too much
718
00:49:16,454 --> 00:49:20,625
Before I met you
I was a ship out at sea
719
00:49:20,708 --> 00:49:23,044
Fuck! What, is it me?
720
00:49:23,461 --> 00:49:25,547
- No, I...
- I mean, is there something wrong with me?
721
00:49:25,630 --> 00:49:28,883
I don't think so.
I mean, sometimes, you talk to people in a...
722
00:49:29,008 --> 00:49:30,969
- Thank you.
- Forget him.
723
00:49:31,219 --> 00:49:33,388
At least now you can stop
worrying about him
724
00:49:33,471 --> 00:49:35,807
and be the best teacher you can be.
I mean, who knows?
725
00:49:35,890 --> 00:49:37,308
Maybe you'll win the bonus.
726
00:49:39,394 --> 00:49:40,728
Fuck!
727
00:49:41,020 --> 00:49:43,314
- What bonus?
- For the state test.
728
00:49:43,398 --> 00:49:48,570
Whichever teacher has
the highest-scoring class gets a bonus.
729
00:49:48,987 --> 00:49:52,073
- How much?
-$5,700.
730
00:49:53,241 --> 00:49:55,410
- Son of a bitch!
-$5,700?
731
00:49:55,493 --> 00:49:57,328
- Yeah.
- God damn it, Lynn.
732
00:49:57,745 --> 00:49:59,372
- You never tell me anything.
- Yeah.
733
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:07,255
Come on.
734
00:50:07,922 --> 00:50:09,549
Come on, come on, come on.
735
00:50:10,758 --> 00:50:13,511
Let's go, we have a lot to go over.
Everybody sit down. Come on.
736
00:50:14,387 --> 00:50:15,555
Where's the TV?
737
00:50:15,930 --> 00:50:19,267
Now, everybody, open your
To Kill a Mockingbirds to page one.
738
00:50:21,269 --> 00:50:22,353
Good.
739
00:50:22,687 --> 00:50:24,939
Now who can tell me why Jem cries
740
00:50:25,023 --> 00:50:26,941
when the hole in the tree
is filled with cement?
741
00:50:27,692 --> 00:50:29,068
Because she's a cry-baby?
742
00:50:30,612 --> 00:50:31,779
Get out.
743
00:50:36,117 --> 00:50:37,452
We're here to learn.
744
00:50:38,703 --> 00:50:40,121
Anybody else have a problem with that?
745
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:44,542
Good. Now, who has the answer
to my question?
746
00:50:47,462 --> 00:50:48,630
Nobody's read this book?
747
00:50:50,131 --> 00:50:51,216
It's on the syllabus.
748
00:50:51,299 --> 00:50:54,552
- Well, you never assigned it to us.
- Well, now I am.
749
00:50:55,220 --> 00:50:56,638
And we have 3 out tomorrow.
750
00:50:56,763 --> 00:50:57,805
- What?
- What?
751
00:50:57,889 --> 00:50:59,307
On the first hundred pages.
752
00:51:03,561 --> 00:51:06,940
You can't do that.
I have band and jazz band tonight.
753
00:51:07,148 --> 00:51:08,733
We haven't had homework all year.
754
00:51:11,319 --> 00:51:16,157
Things are about to change around here.
Recess is over.
755
00:51:17,784 --> 00:51:19,327
Because birds symbolize freedom?
756
00:51:20,787 --> 00:51:22,247
Good. Good, okay.
757
00:51:22,330 --> 00:51:24,749
Does anyone have anything
to add to what that girl just said?
758
00:51:28,503 --> 00:51:31,673
So, what are the limitations
of having Scout as the narrator?
759
00:51:33,258 --> 00:51:35,969
- You, Chubs.
- Because he...
760
00:51:39,806 --> 00:51:42,183
Focus. You know this shit. Come on.
761
00:51:42,934 --> 00:51:44,102
Okay, go.
762
00:51:48,523 --> 00:51:49,941
Don't flinch. Seriously.
763
00:51:50,024 --> 00:51:51,442
You and you, hold his arms down.
764
00:51:53,361 --> 00:51:55,196
Next question. Come on.
765
00:51:55,655 --> 00:52:00,535
Because Atticus is always
the voice of reason and justice?
766
00:52:02,495 --> 00:52:04,038
Correct. Here.
767
00:52:05,540 --> 00:52:06,666
Nothing in the face.
768
00:52:09,043 --> 00:52:10,211
Wait.
769
00:52:11,379 --> 00:52:14,132
Miss Halsey. Really?
770
00:52:14,632 --> 00:52:16,217
Wow. I never.
771
00:52:16,551 --> 00:52:18,469
- We're in the middle of a lesson.
- Wow.
772
00:52:19,220 --> 00:52:23,224
Twilight, look at me.
What did we talk about in class?
773
00:52:25,018 --> 00:52:28,313
Your weight should be evenly distributed.
You gotta throw off the back foot.
774
00:52:29,022 --> 00:52:31,232
Don't throw at her, throw through her.
775
00:52:31,399 --> 00:52:32,734
- Hit her.
- Hit her.
776
00:52:34,027 --> 00:52:35,069
Nail her.
777
00:52:36,904 --> 00:52:39,741
Hey, what do you think of me
with Jessica Simpson's tits?
778
00:52:40,074 --> 00:52:41,200
Go bigger.
779
00:52:43,202 --> 00:52:45,538
What do you think of me
with Pamela Anderson's tits?
780
00:52:45,913 --> 00:52:47,415
Go bigger.
781
00:52:50,835 --> 00:52:55,923
It's just so funny, 'cause I...
I love raisins, and he hates raisins.
782
00:52:56,007 --> 00:52:57,508
Yin and yang.
783
00:52:57,759 --> 00:52:59,510
You guys are so cute.
784
00:52:59,844 --> 00:53:02,680
So cute. It's like too cute, almost.
785
00:53:03,097 --> 00:53:05,183
Last weekend, we went for a drive.
786
00:53:06,893 --> 00:53:09,604
We had no idea where we were going.
787
00:53:09,729 --> 00:53:11,105
We left the maps at home.
788
00:53:11,439 --> 00:53:13,441
What? No way!
789
00:53:13,691 --> 00:53:16,235
It was fine. I have a GPS navi system.
790
00:53:17,070 --> 00:53:18,112
Thank God.
791
00:53:18,237 --> 00:53:22,283
And we discovered
this new Ethiopian restaurant.
792
00:53:22,533 --> 00:53:25,286
They finally got their own cuisine. Progress.
793
00:53:28,873 --> 00:53:31,459
- Hey, Miss Halsey.
- Hey.
794
00:53:31,959 --> 00:53:34,504
Your shirt's mis-buttoned.
Her shirt's mis-buttoned.
795
00:53:36,297 --> 00:53:39,467
- Thank you, Amy, for pointing that out.
- You're so welcome.
796
00:53:40,301 --> 00:53:43,012
God, I've just been...
Been such a mess this week, you know.
797
00:53:43,096 --> 00:53:44,972
Just working myself to the bone.
798
00:53:45,390 --> 00:53:47,517
Yeah. It's been quite a change.
799
00:53:47,809 --> 00:53:49,977
- Well, I think it's great.
- Yeah, it's great.
800
00:53:50,144 --> 00:53:52,772
I just love people who are so passionate
about what they do.
801
00:53:52,855 --> 00:53:54,399
It's so inspirational.
802
00:53:54,774 --> 00:53:55,983
Thanks.
803
00:53:56,067 --> 00:53:59,028
Yeah, you know, some teachers just sail by
doing that bare-minimum thing?
804
00:53:59,445 --> 00:54:00,696
I don't know, it's just not me.
805
00:54:02,281 --> 00:54:04,534
It's good to know
there's still some actual educators out there.
806
00:54:07,495 --> 00:54:08,746
What else, Sasha?
807
00:54:09,205 --> 00:54:10,873
I think I've told you everything.
808
00:54:10,957 --> 00:54:12,708
Anyone know where Daddy Warbucks is?
809
00:54:12,875 --> 00:54:16,254
- No more movies in class?
- No. We're actually learning.
810
00:54:16,421 --> 00:54:19,090
Hey, did you know that Animal Farm
isn't even really about animals?
811
00:54:19,799 --> 00:54:23,845
Animal Farm?
Sasha, that's not even on the syllabus.
812
00:54:24,345 --> 00:54:26,764
Yeah. I know you're forgetting something.
813
00:54:29,350 --> 00:54:31,352
You want extra credit on your diorama
or not?
814
00:54:31,436 --> 00:54:33,396
- I do, I want it.
- Okay, think.
815
00:54:33,729 --> 00:54:35,273
Let me think.
816
00:54:36,482 --> 00:54:37,817
- Well, there was...
- What?
817
00:54:37,984 --> 00:54:39,444
- Never mind.
- What?
818
00:54:39,527 --> 00:54:41,279
Well, it was okay. It was medicinal.
819
00:54:45,158 --> 00:54:49,370
And if she claims it's "medicinal",
I would demand to see a prescription.
820
00:54:49,996 --> 00:54:51,289
That's what I would do if I were you, Wally.
821
00:54:51,747 --> 00:54:55,376
Do you have any proof other than
what one student thought she saw?
822
00:54:56,127 --> 00:55:01,382
Wall, this one student is in line to be editor
of The Daily Musket next year.
823
00:55:02,300 --> 00:55:04,302
She's got a lot to lose going public with this.
824
00:55:04,510 --> 00:55:07,472
If the Teachers' Union found out
that I was administering a drug test
825
00:55:07,555 --> 00:55:11,392
to a teacher with this little proof,
they would make my life a living hell, Amy.
826
00:55:11,934 --> 00:55:13,311
So we're just gonna let her walk free?
827
00:55:15,313 --> 00:55:17,190
That's it? That's bonkers!
828
00:55:18,858 --> 00:55:19,984
Ame, Amy.
829
00:55:21,194 --> 00:55:24,030
Amy, stop that. Stop it.
830
00:55:24,113 --> 00:55:25,781
Sorry. Sorry.
831
00:55:25,948 --> 00:55:27,116
Sit down.
832
00:55:29,494 --> 00:55:30,536
Amy,
833
00:55:31,913 --> 00:55:34,832
do you see this beautiful, little,
glass dolphin figurine?
834
00:55:35,583 --> 00:55:36,667
Look at it.
835
00:55:37,710 --> 00:55:39,295
- Yep.
- Look at it.
836
00:55:39,378 --> 00:55:40,838
I'm looking at it.
837
00:55:41,172 --> 00:55:42,632
Elizabeth gave this to me.
838
00:55:43,341 --> 00:55:46,886
She is a thoughtful young woman,
and she is teaching for all the right reasons.
839
00:55:47,011 --> 00:55:48,221
Wally!
840
00:55:48,888 --> 00:55:53,142
Can't you see she is manipulating you
through the use of dolphins?
841
00:55:53,309 --> 00:55:56,062
No, what I see is that you are getting
worked up.
842
00:55:56,312 --> 00:56:01,526
And what I would hate to see
is for you to get overwhelmed,
843
00:56:02,652 --> 00:56:04,362
like you did in 2008.
844
00:56:06,197 --> 00:56:08,533
Got you. Thanks, Wally, for bringing that up.
845
00:56:10,826 --> 00:56:12,078
Forgotten all about that.
846
00:56:16,082 --> 00:56:17,375
Don't do that with your mouth.
847
00:56:19,752 --> 00:56:20,795
Regular mouth.
848
00:56:27,218 --> 00:56:33,057
Atticus Finch is a good lawyer
because he's a good person who's a lawyer.
849
00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:39,730
Stupid point. Misspelled.
850
00:56:45,111 --> 00:56:47,905
Is this English?
851
00:56:52,952 --> 00:56:58,708
Are you fucking kidding me?
852
00:57:01,586 --> 00:57:02,628
Pathetic.
853
00:57:02,962 --> 00:57:06,173
This is why the Japs are overtaking us.
And, believe me, I don't mean you.
854
00:57:08,467 --> 00:57:10,469
But we're working really hard.
855
00:57:12,096 --> 00:57:15,141
You're not working hard enough.
I need results.
856
00:57:15,349 --> 00:57:16,601
Class dismissed.
857
00:57:28,404 --> 00:57:29,697
I need that test.
858
00:57:37,830 --> 00:57:39,498
Hey, it's Elizabeth Halsey.
859
00:57:40,082 --> 00:57:41,959
Unfortunately, I'm not
gonna make it in today.
860
00:57:42,168 --> 00:57:43,377
Tom Sawyer!
861
00:57:43,794 --> 00:57:47,840
My grandmother took a turn for the worse
and it looks like she's dead,
862
00:57:48,382 --> 00:57:50,885
so I'm off to the funeral. Wish me luck.
863
00:57:52,428 --> 00:57:53,846
Yo, Bitch Tits.
864
00:57:54,305 --> 00:57:57,183
I'm not gonna ask you again, dude.
I need those coupons mailed today.
865
00:57:57,725 --> 00:57:59,226
Consider it already done.
866
00:58:01,479 --> 00:58:03,439
- Hi.
- Back here. Come on.
867
00:58:05,775 --> 00:58:10,071
This is GHB.
You take one capful before you go to sleep.
868
00:58:10,279 --> 00:58:13,449
And you won't believe the difference
it'll make in your workouts.
869
00:58:13,949 --> 00:58:16,535
- You'll look even more amazing.
- What are the side effects?
870
00:58:17,078 --> 00:58:19,705
Diarrhea, heart palpitations, nothing major.
871
00:58:20,206 --> 00:58:22,792
Just don't take it during the day,
you'll be out like alight.
872
00:58:23,709 --> 00:58:25,086
Out like alight.
873
00:58:25,586 --> 00:58:27,505
Hey, Bitch Tits,
you send out those coupons?
874
00:58:27,755 --> 00:58:29,882
I was not told about any coupons.
875
00:58:30,633 --> 00:58:33,636
Well, I can't wait to get buff.
876
00:58:33,969 --> 00:58:37,515
How about you send me some JPEGs,
so I can monitor your progress?
877
00:58:37,682 --> 00:58:38,891
You got it, boss.
878
00:58:40,810 --> 00:58:43,062
Good afternoon,
Illinois Standardized Testing.
879
00:58:43,145 --> 00:58:44,438
How may 1 direct your call?
880
00:58:45,064 --> 00:58:48,359
Hi, my name is Marjorie Goodman
and I'm calling from The Chicago Tribune.
881
00:58:49,276 --> 00:58:50,569
Who could I speak to regarding
882
00:58:50,653 --> 00:58:53,989
the allegations of racial bias
on your standardized tests?
883
00:58:54,740 --> 00:58:56,033
Please hold.
884
00:59:06,627 --> 00:59:07,712
Marjorie?
885
00:59:08,838 --> 00:59:09,880
You must be Carl.
886
00:59:11,215 --> 00:59:13,175
Thank you for meeting me
on such short notice.
887
00:59:13,551 --> 00:59:14,927
Of course. Sure.
888
00:59:15,970 --> 00:59:18,681
Hey. So did you find the place okay?
It was a good drive?
889
00:59:18,764 --> 00:59:19,807
Great drive.
890
00:59:19,890 --> 00:59:22,810
Listen, Carl, I know
that you're a very busy man,
891
00:59:22,893 --> 00:59:24,854
so I'm just gonna get right down to it.
892
00:59:25,438 --> 00:59:29,942
I've been speaking to various black citizens
893
00:59:30,025 --> 00:59:34,530
who allege that your tests are biased
towards white people and Orientals.
894
00:59:34,989 --> 00:59:37,199
Okay. Let me tell you something right away.
895
00:59:37,491 --> 00:59:39,577
A, Orientals test better.
896
00:59:40,494 --> 00:59:44,832
B, every couple of years,
we get these cockamamie charges
897
00:59:44,915 --> 00:59:46,709
coming in from various parts of the state.
Let me...
898
00:59:47,042 --> 00:59:48,836
You should hear the things that they call me.
899
00:59:49,336 --> 00:59:52,965
Racist, I'm fagatron, I'm faggy Hitler,
dick-breath.
900
00:59:53,424 --> 00:59:56,177
Okay? But I am not a racist.
901
00:59:56,719 --> 00:59:59,472
I voted for Obama.
You can quote me on that in your article.
902
00:59:59,638 --> 01:00:01,265
You know what I think would help, Carl?
903
01:00:02,266 --> 01:00:04,477
For me to see one of this year's tests.
904
01:00:05,519 --> 01:00:07,730
Sure, I can get you one easy. No problem.
905
01:00:07,855 --> 01:00:09,190
Great. Great.
906
01:00:09,273 --> 01:00:11,525
On the day after the schools
administer them,
907
01:00:11,609 --> 01:00:13,611
I will shoot one right over to you.
908
01:00:14,069 --> 01:00:16,906
I was hoping to see it sooner.
I'm on a bit of a deadline.
909
01:00:17,239 --> 01:00:19,825
So, no, that is absolutely classified, unless...
910
01:00:20,326 --> 01:00:22,161
Unless you have one of these bad boys
right here.
911
01:00:22,536 --> 01:00:24,955
Wow. You know, Carl?
912
01:00:25,956 --> 01:00:28,334
Enough business for one night.
Don't you think?
913
01:00:28,459 --> 01:00:29,835
Tell me about it. Yeah.
914
01:00:30,127 --> 01:00:32,421
I think I'm gonna have another drink
before I hit the road.
915
01:00:33,380 --> 01:00:36,467
You know, it's like the freedom
and the wind in your hair, and the...
916
01:00:36,550 --> 01:00:38,677
Obviously, the image that I wanna...
917
01:00:38,761 --> 01:00:42,223
But then the other side is, like,
mopeds are scary, so I...
918
01:00:42,389 --> 01:00:45,142
- Count me out.
- But you seem like such a wild man, Carl.
919
01:00:45,226 --> 01:00:46,435
Yeah, I mean...
920
01:00:48,187 --> 01:00:49,939
What turns you on, Carl?
921
01:00:52,650 --> 01:00:53,692
Everything.
922
01:00:54,193 --> 01:00:55,820
You wanna know what turns me on?
923
01:00:56,904 --> 01:00:58,614
Sex in an office.
924
01:00:59,114 --> 01:01:02,159
Getting fucked really hard
against a wooden desk.
925
01:01:04,870 --> 01:01:05,955
Mine's metal.
926
01:01:06,247 --> 01:01:07,331
Even better.
927
01:01:08,541 --> 01:01:11,585
And voila'. So...
928
01:01:14,755 --> 01:01:15,965
This is the desk.
929
01:01:17,550 --> 01:01:18,926
Do you have anything to drink?
930
01:01:20,010 --> 01:01:22,304
Yes, I do.
931
01:01:24,932 --> 01:01:26,016
Voila!
932
01:01:26,892 --> 01:01:29,895
White wine in the office. Bad boy.
933
01:01:30,563 --> 01:01:33,566
- Do you have any music, Carl?
- I have the Internet radio.
934
01:01:34,066 --> 01:01:36,652
I love Internet radio.
935
01:01:37,736 --> 01:01:41,240
You've come to the right place,
because I have that.
936
01:01:42,950 --> 01:01:45,786
See, I am not a whiz at this computer here.
937
01:01:45,995 --> 01:01:49,456
It's relatively new, and Grace, who is...
938
01:01:50,499 --> 01:01:53,335
...works with me on Mondays
and Wednesdays, and Thursdays,
939
01:01:53,419 --> 01:01:55,963
and I share her with Greg across the way.
940
01:01:56,505 --> 01:01:59,550
Greg, across the hall, is actually the guy
who got me into spinning.
941
01:02:00,217 --> 01:02:01,260
Oh, here we go.
942
01:02:05,681 --> 01:02:07,057
Shall we toast?
943
01:02:07,850 --> 01:02:10,144
- To new friends.
- And new lovers.
944
01:02:27,494 --> 01:02:29,538
- I'm gonna take off my shoes. Is that okay?
- Whatever, man.
945
01:02:29,622 --> 01:02:31,749
- I'm gonna go hit the ladies' room.
- Okay.
946
01:02:31,832 --> 01:02:35,377
There's a handicapped one, it's way closer.
Use the handicapped one, it's way closer.
947
01:03:02,780 --> 01:03:05,950
- I took off my shoes.
- Carl.
948
01:03:06,033 --> 01:03:08,994
I wanna fuck you up against the desk.
949
01:03:09,078 --> 01:03:10,913
I wanna fuck you against the desk!
950
01:03:10,996 --> 01:03:13,582
Carl, I'm gonna need you to pass
the fuck out.
951
01:03:13,666 --> 01:03:19,755
Marjorie. I am going to rock your vagina.
952
01:03:22,007 --> 01:03:26,804
That wine is good. Marjorie, let's do this.
953
01:03:27,262 --> 01:03:28,597
Fuck me.
954
01:03:35,354 --> 01:03:36,814
Hello, titties.
955
01:03:39,483 --> 01:03:44,029
If anyone has any information
regarding the missing Annie wig,
956
01:03:44,113 --> 01:03:46,156
please let me know ASAP.
957
01:03:47,199 --> 01:03:49,952
Come on, guys. There's a wig missing.
958
01:03:50,035 --> 01:03:52,746
Because if that wig isn't found,
959
01:03:52,830 --> 01:03:56,667
you can bet your bottom dollar,
the sun will not come out tomorrow.
960
01:03:58,210 --> 01:04:01,422
- Back to you, Wally.
- Okay. Thank you, Amy.
961
01:04:01,505 --> 01:04:03,674
I'm sure everybody wants to get home,
so I'm gonna be quick.
962
01:04:03,757 --> 01:04:06,427
Four score and seven years ago...
963
01:04:12,433 --> 01:04:15,811
God damn it, Sandy. Sandy's so funny.
964
01:04:18,981 --> 01:04:22,234
I have here the results of the state exam.
965
01:04:22,317 --> 01:04:26,780
And I'm happy to announce that
the John Adams Middle School, that's us,
966
01:04:26,864 --> 01:04:29,199
scored in the top 5%
of the whole state.
967
01:04:32,494 --> 01:04:33,704
Nice.
968
01:04:33,787 --> 01:04:35,539
Good job, guys.
969
01:04:36,165 --> 01:04:39,209
And I wanna single out one of our own
970
01:04:39,293 --> 01:04:42,254
who showed that
with hard work and dedication,
971
01:04:42,337 --> 01:04:45,716
one teacher can make a difference.
972
01:04:45,799 --> 01:04:49,595
And this teacher is now $5,700 richer,
973
01:04:49,678 --> 01:04:54,308
with the highest scores in Cook County,
that's the whole county,
974
01:04:55,059 --> 01:04:58,270
I want everyone to give
a big round of applause
975
01:04:58,353 --> 01:04:59,563
to Elizabeth Halsey.
976
01:05:07,237 --> 01:05:08,822
- Well done.
- Thank you.
977
01:05:13,410 --> 01:05:16,997
- Congratulations, Miss Halsey.
- Thanks, dude.
978
01:05:18,916 --> 01:05:21,293
Well, if it isn't Professor Smartypants.
979
01:05:21,376 --> 01:05:23,670
Don't mess with me.
I'm a lot stronger than I look.
980
01:05:24,338 --> 01:05:29,384
Hey. Elizabeth, I am so proud of you.
981
01:05:29,510 --> 01:05:33,138
I mean, if someone told me
at the beginning of the year that you...
982
01:05:33,222 --> 01:05:35,307
You would get the bonus,
983
01:05:35,390 --> 01:05:41,480
well, I think I would've said to whomever
it was, "No way. Absolutely not."
984
01:05:41,563 --> 01:05:45,359
And now, here we are.
985
01:05:45,692 --> 01:05:48,028
We should go out and celebrate.
Your treat?
986
01:05:48,570 --> 01:05:50,864
Yeah, unfortunately, Elizabeth,
987
01:05:50,948 --> 01:05:54,368
Scott and I have to go over the itinerary
for the Springfield trip.
988
01:05:54,743 --> 01:05:57,538
Yeah. We're the chaperones,
we're going together.
989
01:05:58,747 --> 01:06:01,875
We're dating, so it'll also be romantic.
990
01:06:02,543 --> 01:06:04,628
- How fun.
- Yeah.
991
01:06:04,711 --> 01:06:06,088
You're not seeing anyone now, right?
992
01:06:06,630 --> 01:06:09,424
Got my eye on someone,
but he's dating a major cunt.
993
01:06:11,718 --> 01:06:15,222
- Pardon my French.
- No, no. She sounds terrible.
994
01:06:16,723 --> 01:06:19,268
Almost done.
995
01:06:20,060 --> 01:06:21,687
Okay, so that's endorsed.
996
01:06:21,770 --> 01:06:23,564
And put the rest on these.
997
01:06:25,315 --> 01:06:27,860
- Split it.
- All righty.
998
01:06:27,943 --> 01:06:29,069
Book it.
999
01:06:55,262 --> 01:06:56,305
Okay.
1000
01:06:56,638 --> 01:06:58,974
Take your seat. Thank you.
1001
01:07:02,811 --> 01:07:04,104
Who did this?
1002
01:07:06,481 --> 01:07:08,275
Come on.
1003
01:07:08,358 --> 01:07:10,777
No one wants an extra sticker
on their all-star board?
1004
01:07:11,653 --> 01:07:16,033
Who brought you to me, Mr. Apple?
1005
01:07:19,953 --> 01:07:22,206
What was that, Mr. Apple?
1006
01:07:23,457 --> 01:07:25,626
You want me to take 3 Me?
1007
01:07:26,335 --> 01:07:27,961
All righty-roo.
1008
01:07:33,133 --> 01:07:35,594
And, Elizabeth, I just want to thank you
again for stepping in today.
1009
01:07:35,677 --> 01:07:38,013
- You really saved us here.
- No problem.
1010
01:07:38,138 --> 01:07:41,016
- Hey, is Amy gonna be okay?
- Yeah, Amy's gonna be fine.
1011
01:07:41,141 --> 01:07:42,726
Well, let her know she's in my thoughts.
1012
01:07:48,690 --> 01:07:50,651
Hey, Arkady
1013
01:07:50,734 --> 01:07:52,569
Someone's calling my name
1014
01:07:52,903 --> 01:07:54,404
Hey, Arkady
1015
01:07:54,488 --> 01:07:57,866
- I dare you.
- I'm not afraid of your dares, Rodrigo.
1016
01:07:59,243 --> 01:08:00,661
Do it.
1017
01:08:02,579 --> 01:08:04,581
That's really dangerous, Russell.
1018
01:08:05,040 --> 01:08:07,751
- I'll call you from the hotel.
- Bye, Amy.
1019
01:08:08,543 --> 01:08:10,379
Yeah, she's sitting right next to me.
1020
01:08:11,004 --> 01:08:13,382
- No.
- Thanks for calling again.
1021
01:08:16,343 --> 01:08:19,388
- Amy says hi.
- Wow, she sure calls a lot.
1022
01:08:19,513 --> 01:08:22,099
So, are you excited about your surgery?
1023
01:08:23,433 --> 01:08:25,394
I've never been more excited about anything.
1024
01:08:26,186 --> 01:08:31,191
It's a pretty inspiring message to the kids.
We should never stop working on ourselves.
1025
01:08:32,359 --> 01:08:36,613
Like you with your little boobs
or me experimenting with ethnic food.
1026
01:09:19,406 --> 01:09:22,576
Gosh. I never lose my keys.
1027
01:09:23,910 --> 01:09:25,746
Such a ding-a-ling.
1028
01:09:26,663 --> 01:09:27,789
What's wrong with your face?
1029
01:09:27,956 --> 01:09:29,333
What is wrong with your face?
1030
01:09:30,083 --> 01:09:32,586
Hey, I'm just trying to make conversation.
1031
01:09:32,711 --> 01:09:35,922
- You're all done.
- Super. Thanks a bunch, Amos.
1032
01:09:45,766 --> 01:09:47,059
I knew it.
1033
01:09:59,780 --> 01:10:03,241
Well, that is definitely Marjorie,
only with kind of weird hair here.
1034
01:10:03,325 --> 01:10:05,077
In real life, she's actually very pretty.
1035
01:10:05,160 --> 01:10:07,287
- She in some kind of trouble?
- Marjorie?
1036
01:10:07,996 --> 01:10:10,624
I think you're the one who might be
in some kind of trouble.
1037
01:10:11,124 --> 01:10:14,461
Did you or did you not give her
a copy of the state test?
1038
01:10:16,129 --> 01:10:19,800
No, no, no. Absolutely not.
1039
01:10:19,925 --> 01:10:23,595
No, I did give her some quotes for her article.
1040
01:10:24,012 --> 01:10:25,180
What article?
1041
01:10:25,305 --> 01:10:27,849
Her article for the Tribune.
She's a reporter there, right?
1042
01:10:32,938 --> 01:10:35,524
Test tampering? At JAMS?
1043
01:10:35,649 --> 01:10:39,194
This time I have a witness, and, like I said,
Wally, she stole the Annie wig.
1044
01:10:39,528 --> 01:10:41,988
We're dealing with a criminal mastermind.
1045
01:10:42,948 --> 01:10:48,328
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Wall.
You know how much we all love her.
1046
01:10:50,997 --> 01:10:53,375
Okay, well, you know,
I have to call the superintendent.
1047
01:10:53,500 --> 01:10:56,878
We're gonna have to crosscheck
her entire class's scores.
1048
01:10:57,170 --> 01:10:59,840
This is a real shit sandwich.
1049
01:11:00,507 --> 01:11:02,676
Of course, you know
what scares me the most, Wall?
1050
01:11:02,801 --> 01:11:05,011
This is just what we know, right?
1051
01:11:05,679 --> 01:11:08,348
Who knows what else she's capable of?
1052
01:11:11,852 --> 01:11:14,062
It's so awful.
1053
01:11:21,570 --> 01:11:23,155
Fruit Roll-Up?
1054
01:11:23,238 --> 01:11:26,032
You know, when President Lincoln
abolished slavery,
1055
01:11:26,158 --> 01:11:28,535
it was not a popular opinion.
1056
01:11:29,536 --> 01:11:32,664
God, I just hate slavery so, so much.
1057
01:11:33,498 --> 01:11:35,876
Slavery's the worst.
1058
01:11:36,001 --> 01:11:40,422
If I could go back in time
and undo slavery, I would.
1059
01:11:41,673 --> 01:11:42,757
I hate it.
1060
01:11:44,009 --> 01:11:45,802
Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt, guys,
1061
01:11:45,886 --> 01:11:49,055
but I couldn't help
but overhear your conversation.
1062
01:11:49,181 --> 01:11:50,765
Can I tell you guys what I hate?
1063
01:11:51,349 --> 01:11:52,976
Sharks.
1064
01:11:53,059 --> 01:11:56,188
Well, sharks can tear families apart.
1065
01:11:56,897 --> 01:12:00,400
- But they're also so majestic.
- They are beautiful creatures.
1066
01:12:00,525 --> 01:12:03,528
- But they're also so ferocious.
- So ferocious.
1067
01:12:04,362 --> 01:12:06,948
One of nature's cruel jokes, I guess.
1068
01:12:08,074 --> 01:12:09,409
Okay.
1069
01:12:12,037 --> 01:12:14,623
Thank you, Elizabeth, for listening.
1070
01:12:15,207 --> 01:12:18,793
Scott, I want you to know
you can talk to me about anything.
1071
01:12:41,441 --> 01:12:43,318
Your jeans feel so good against my jeans.
1072
01:12:44,277 --> 01:12:45,654
Totally.
1073
01:12:46,404 --> 01:12:48,448
Hey, your body feels so good.
1074
01:12:48,782 --> 01:12:50,575
I need some water.
1075
01:13:13,515 --> 01:13:14,766
I'm dry-humping the shit out of you.
1076
01:13:14,849 --> 01:13:17,811
Yeah, dry-fuck the fuck out of me, Scott!
1077
01:13:18,103 --> 01:13:19,145
Just stop talking.
1078
01:13:22,774 --> 01:13:25,485
I've been fantasizing about this
ever since we got to Springfield.
1079
01:13:26,820 --> 01:13:28,280
- This?
- Oh, yeah.
1080
01:13:31,449 --> 01:13:32,701
Me, too.
1081
01:13:34,536 --> 01:13:36,162
I'm close.
1082
01:13:36,830 --> 01:13:38,498
Don't move.
1083
01:13:39,499 --> 01:13:41,001
Here I go.
1084
01:13:41,835 --> 01:13:43,044
Almost.
1085
01:13:44,045 --> 01:13:45,338
Wait for it.
1086
01:13:47,674 --> 01:13:49,342
Really close. Ready?
1087
01:13:49,968 --> 01:13:51,845
- Yeah.
- Just stop talking.
1088
01:13:53,054 --> 01:13:56,016
Oh, yeah. Almost there.
1089
01:14:06,693 --> 01:14:09,362
- That was great.
- More like amazing.
1090
01:14:10,196 --> 01:14:12,907
Well, I'm gonna get going.
1091
01:14:13,033 --> 01:14:15,118
I don't want the kids to see me
leaving your room.
1092
01:14:15,201 --> 01:14:16,578
Yeah.
1093
01:14:17,245 --> 01:14:18,371
God.
1094
01:14:19,539 --> 01:14:21,249
We are so simpatico.
1095
01:14:22,250 --> 01:14:26,171
Maybe next time,
we can dry-hump without our clothes on.
1096
01:14:26,713 --> 01:14:29,382
- I'm pretty sure I'd like that.
- Yeah.
1097
01:14:38,058 --> 01:14:42,562
Even your forehead is sexy.
Well, time for bed.
1098
01:14:45,023 --> 01:14:48,443
- All right, then.
- See you in the mañana.
1099
01:14:50,570 --> 01:14:53,406
Elizabeth, don't let the bedbugs bite.
1100
01:15:02,290 --> 01:15:03,416
Hey.
1101
01:15:04,292 --> 01:15:05,335
Hey.
1102
01:15:05,418 --> 01:15:08,296
I was just going over some stuff
for tomorrow.
1103
01:15:09,089 --> 01:15:10,632
Yeah, cool.
1104
01:15:12,425 --> 01:15:13,885
I'm serious.
1105
01:15:14,094 --> 01:15:15,387
Okay.
1106
01:15:16,429 --> 01:15:17,722
Cheers.
1107
01:15:18,765 --> 01:15:20,100
Hey.
1108
01:15:20,934 --> 01:15:24,813
They forgot to restock my mini bar.
How's yours looking?
1109
01:15:25,897 --> 01:15:29,109
You know what, I'm super tired.
I'm just gonna hit the sack.
1110
01:15:31,277 --> 01:15:33,780
- I'll see you tomorrow, then.
- Good night.
1111
01:15:37,242 --> 01:15:39,119
And 17.
1112
01:15:41,121 --> 01:15:42,747
All done.
1113
01:15:43,164 --> 01:15:44,457
Shelly?
1114
01:15:45,959 --> 01:15:47,961
Shelly, someone's got a message.
1115
01:15:51,631 --> 01:15:56,428
- I'm dry-humping the shit out of you.
- Yeah, dry-fuck the fuck out of me, Scott!
1116
01:15:58,304 --> 01:16:01,808
I wasn't always president. Oh, no.
1117
01:16:01,933 --> 01:16:05,895
I had many jobs
when I lived here in New Salem.
1118
01:16:05,979 --> 01:16:10,984
My favorite job was splitting rails,
1119
01:16:11,484 --> 01:16:13,987
which is why they called me Railsplitter.
1120
01:16:16,114 --> 01:16:19,492
Anybody know any of my other nicknames?
1121
01:16:20,118 --> 01:16:22,162
- Honest Abe!
- Yes.
1122
01:16:22,704 --> 01:16:26,833
Obviously. Honest Abe.
That was the big one. Honest Abe.
1123
01:16:26,958 --> 01:16:30,336
They always called me that
because I said what was on my mind.
1124
01:16:30,879 --> 01:16:33,006
Even if it made me unpopular.
1125
01:16:33,631 --> 01:16:39,679
Remember, a great man always has
the courage to say what is in his heart.
1126
01:16:41,347 --> 01:16:42,640
Yeah?
1127
01:16:45,185 --> 01:16:47,312
I love Chase Rubin-Rossi.
1128
01:16:49,522 --> 01:16:50,690
Great.
1129
01:16:51,816 --> 01:16:54,652
Who would like to see
Mary Todd churn butter? Churn butter?
1130
01:16:54,736 --> 01:16:57,864
I love you, Chase.
I wanna yell it from the mountaintops.
1131
01:16:58,740 --> 01:17:02,327
And even though you pretty much
stopped talking to me in fifth grade,
1132
01:17:02,869 --> 01:17:04,370
I don't care.
1133
01:17:05,371 --> 01:17:09,125
I remember the Chase that wrote me a card
when my dad was overweight
1134
01:17:09,209 --> 01:17:11,085
and had to go to the hospital
because of his heart.
1135
01:17:12,253 --> 01:17:15,632
And a year later when he left my mom
and moved in with his trainer,
1136
01:17:15,715 --> 01:17:18,760
you wrote me another card.
What happened to us?
1137
01:17:20,261 --> 01:17:24,224
Remember in the second grade when we had
a sleepover and you wet the bed,
1138
01:17:24,349 --> 01:17:25,975
and you were so embarrassed?
1139
01:17:26,059 --> 01:17:29,062
And you made me promise
never to tell anyone?
1140
01:17:29,187 --> 01:17:32,065
Well, I never have and I never will.
1141
01:17:33,441 --> 01:17:36,736
So there it is. My heart on a sleeve.
1142
01:17:37,862 --> 01:17:40,073
- Don't let me leave.
- No, please, don't.
1143
01:17:40,198 --> 01:17:42,742
Always believe.
1144
01:17:44,577 --> 01:17:45,745
Gross.
1145
01:17:47,372 --> 01:17:49,457
Loser .
1146
01:17:49,582 --> 01:17:51,751
- Dork.
- Hey. All right, guys.
1147
01:17:51,876 --> 01:17:53,545
- Come on, settle down.
- Okay.
1148
01:17:53,628 --> 01:17:56,297
Let's see how Mary Todd's doing
with that butter.
1149
01:17:57,382 --> 01:17:59,884
Okay, that's enough. We get it, you're crying.
1150
01:17:59,968 --> 01:18:02,595
She just laughed at me and called me gross.
1151
01:18:02,720 --> 01:18:06,057
Well, yeah, did you hear your speech?
Come on, let's go back.
1152
01:18:06,140 --> 01:18:07,851
No. No, I'm not going back.
1153
01:18:07,934 --> 01:18:10,270
- Come on.
- Just leave me alone.
1154
01:18:11,062 --> 01:18:12,105
Shit.
1155
01:18:12,438 --> 01:18:13,898
Garrett.
1156
01:18:17,402 --> 01:18:19,153
Get your ass back here.
1157
01:18:28,621 --> 01:18:31,749
- We done running?
- Everything okay in here?
1158
01:18:32,417 --> 01:18:35,003
It's okay. I'm his teacher.
1159
01:18:35,128 --> 01:18:37,297
Okay. Take your time.
1160
01:18:38,172 --> 01:18:41,342
- She's never gonna like me, is she?
- Are we still on this?
1161
01:18:41,467 --> 01:18:42,927
She's my everything.
1162
01:18:45,305 --> 01:18:48,683
Okay, here's the deal, man.
I cannot keep sugar-coating this for you.
1163
01:18:48,808 --> 01:18:53,229
This girl is never gonna be
interested in you. Never.
1164
01:18:53,313 --> 01:18:58,651
You clearly have a rich interior life,
with the poems and the whatever,
1165
01:18:58,776 --> 01:19:02,238
but she wants a guy like Ian what's-his-face.
1166
01:19:02,322 --> 01:19:05,658
Ian Mendelbaum, the rapper? He's an idiot.
1167
01:19:05,783 --> 01:19:09,203
Yeah, he's a fucking moron.
But she doesn't care.
1168
01:19:09,329 --> 01:19:12,957
She's superficial and her priorities
are all fucked up.
1169
01:19:14,959 --> 01:19:17,545
She likes him
because he's hot and popular, dude.
1170
01:19:17,670 --> 01:19:20,632
You are sensitive.
1171
01:19:20,965 --> 01:19:22,508
Yes, thank you.
1172
01:19:22,675 --> 01:19:24,385
It's not a compliment.
1173
01:19:25,678 --> 01:19:29,223
You have some rough road ahead of you.
Seventh grade is not your moment.
1174
01:19:29,807 --> 01:19:33,436
- Yeah. Eighth grade will be better.
- Probably not.
1175
01:19:33,519 --> 01:19:37,899
I'm thinking college. That's your window.
Be ready.
1176
01:19:42,362 --> 01:19:45,198
If I go back out there,
everyone's gonna laugh at me.
1177
01:19:54,040 --> 01:19:55,291
Maybe this will help.
1178
01:19:55,375 --> 01:19:58,044
- What are you doing?
- I'm giving you a gift.
1179
01:20:00,505 --> 01:20:03,257
We are gonna change the news cycle.
1180
01:20:05,218 --> 01:20:06,386
Trust me on this.
1181
01:20:09,931 --> 01:20:12,350
- I thought it would be heavier.
- Don't be weird.
1182
01:20:12,433 --> 01:20:14,394
And take this off,
and never fucking wear it again.
1183
01:20:14,519 --> 01:20:16,229
What, are you crazy?
1184
01:20:21,234 --> 01:20:23,736
- Everything okay with Garrett?
- No, it's not.
1185
01:20:24,404 --> 01:20:27,240
I found him hooking up with
an eighth grader from another school.
1186
01:20:27,365 --> 01:20:30,034
She was jerking him off. Yeah.
1187
01:20:30,118 --> 01:20:31,911
I'm gonna give him detention
when we get back.
1188
01:20:32,578 --> 01:20:34,414
- That's probably a good idea.
- Yeah.
1189
01:20:34,747 --> 01:20:37,458
Garrett probably made out with a kid
from an all boys' school.
1190
01:20:37,583 --> 01:20:39,961
Yeah. And he was wearing this.
1191
01:20:40,628 --> 01:20:43,297
- What?
- Awesome.
1192
01:20:43,423 --> 01:20:45,258
- Yep. It's real.
- Let me see it.
1193
01:20:48,553 --> 01:20:50,763
That's a nice thing you did.
1194
01:20:51,597 --> 01:20:54,183
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Really?
1195
01:20:54,267 --> 01:20:57,603
'Cause I couldn't help but notice
that you're not wearing a bra.
1196
01:20:58,312 --> 01:21:01,941
And those kids over there
are playing with one.
1197
01:21:02,775 --> 01:21:06,487
- Lots of people don't wear bras.
- Definitely. Lots of teachers.
1198
01:21:07,572 --> 01:21:10,408
Well, if you must know, I was helping
a student through a tough time.
1199
01:21:10,491 --> 01:21:14,662
I'm going through such a tough time.
Can I have your panties?
1200
01:21:15,121 --> 01:21:16,956
I'm not wearing any.
1201
01:21:26,924 --> 01:21:29,969
- Amy. What are you doing here?
- Scott, talk to the hand.
1202
01:21:31,137 --> 01:21:35,975
- Amy.
- I know everything.
1203
01:21:36,809 --> 01:21:39,353
Carl Halabi? The state test?
1204
01:21:39,479 --> 01:21:41,522
The blatant disregard
for the school syllabus?
1205
01:21:42,440 --> 01:21:45,318
And let's not forget,
the sleeping with my boyfriend.
1206
01:21:47,361 --> 01:21:49,489
Scott, your phone accidentally called me
last night.
1207
01:21:51,032 --> 01:21:54,911
I can't believe you'd let her take advantage
of you like that.
1208
01:21:54,994 --> 01:21:57,663
You are too trusting.
1209
01:21:58,039 --> 01:21:59,165
I am.
1210
01:21:59,499 --> 01:22:01,000
I didn't know what was happening.
1211
01:22:01,125 --> 01:22:02,835
I hope you haven't spent that bonus check
or anything,
1212
01:22:02,960 --> 01:22:04,295
because you're about to give it back.
1213
01:22:04,378 --> 01:22:09,675
And then some. Jail time. Jail time.
1214
01:22:10,343 --> 01:22:13,304
- Did you ever think that maybe...
- Save it, doll face.
1215
01:22:13,387 --> 01:22:17,683
You can explain it all tomorrow
to the principal and the superintendent,
1216
01:22:17,809 --> 01:22:19,519
when you've got your meeting
with the principal
1217
01:22:19,644 --> 01:22:23,022
and the superintendent tomorrow,
at the meeting.
1218
01:22:23,731 --> 01:22:25,066
Tomorrow.
1219
01:22:34,867 --> 01:22:37,870
I need you to go to this guy's office
and scare the shit out of him.
1220
01:22:38,871 --> 01:22:41,332
Tell me my mission again.
1221
01:22:41,415 --> 01:22:45,711
- Hand him the envelope.
- I'm gonna need a couple bucks for gas.
1222
01:22:49,757 --> 01:22:52,051
And a couple bucks for snacks.
1223
01:23:16,617 --> 01:23:17,910
Oh, my God.
1224
01:23:18,870 --> 01:23:21,372
Sir? Oh, my God, are you okay?
1225
01:23:21,455 --> 01:23:24,959
- I think I fucked up my knee.
- Okay. Easy, easy does it.
1226
01:23:25,084 --> 01:23:27,086
- Easy. Easy.
- Hey.
1227
01:23:27,712 --> 01:23:28,754
Do you need an ambulance?
1228
01:23:28,880 --> 01:23:31,215
An ambulance is not necessary.
I just wanna walk it off.
1229
01:23:31,299 --> 01:23:33,759
Okay, walking on it's number one
worst thing you could probably do.
1230
01:23:36,637 --> 01:23:38,973
Please don't touch my mirror. Please, sir.
1231
01:23:39,098 --> 01:23:41,767
What the fuck? Who does that?
1232
01:23:41,893 --> 01:23:43,978
I'm a friend of Marjorie's. Yeah.
1233
01:23:45,271 --> 01:23:46,314
A friend of Marjorie's?
1234
01:23:46,439 --> 01:23:47,815
- Well, then fuck you, man.
- Hey!
1235
01:23:47,940 --> 01:23:49,817
- No, shit, fuck you.
- No, fuck you.
1236
01:23:49,942 --> 01:23:51,235
- Fuck you.
- You like that?
1237
01:23:51,319 --> 01:23:52,528
Stop kicking it! Stop!
1238
01:23:52,612 --> 01:23:55,281
You stop fucking kicking it!
Fuck your scooter, and fuck Marjorie.
1239
01:23:55,406 --> 01:23:57,116
She drugged me, and she stole from me,
1240
01:23:57,241 --> 01:23:58,951
-and she's going down.
- Let me think.
1241
01:24:05,625 --> 01:24:08,294
Take it. Go ahead and open it.
1242
01:24:09,295 --> 01:24:10,421
Open it.
1243
01:24:13,132 --> 01:24:17,595
Yeah, not bad for a camera phone, huh?
You can keep those, too.
1244
01:24:17,678 --> 01:24:18,971
Fuck.
1245
01:24:19,847 --> 01:24:22,266
And I was never here, you hear me?
1246
01:24:22,767 --> 01:24:23,935
Fuck.
1247
01:24:26,145 --> 01:24:27,939
Don't... Stop fucking with my car!
1248
01:24:33,277 --> 01:24:34,487
They're ready for you.
1249
01:24:37,949 --> 01:24:39,992
"Learning is Fun-tastic.”
1250
01:24:41,035 --> 01:24:43,371
- What'd you say to me?
- Your desk.
1251
01:24:47,708 --> 01:24:50,002
Yeah. I forgot that was there.
1252
01:24:51,170 --> 01:24:53,130
I'm such a ditz sometimes.
1253
01:24:54,840 --> 01:24:58,010
This is very, very bad, Elizabeth.
1254
01:24:58,135 --> 01:25:00,930
Incredibly, very bad, Elizabeth!
1255
01:25:01,013 --> 01:25:04,642
- Amy, you said you wouldn't speak.
- That doesn't sound like observing.
1256
01:25:04,725 --> 01:25:05,851
Bring him in.
1257
01:25:14,026 --> 01:25:17,571
- Mr. Halabi. Thank you for your time.
- You're most welcome.
1258
01:25:18,030 --> 01:25:21,492
I guess I should begin by saying
that my statement
1259
01:25:21,575 --> 01:25:25,037
from earlier in the week was not true.
1260
01:25:26,664 --> 01:25:28,666
What part of it, exactly?
1261
01:25:29,750 --> 01:25:32,169
All of it. Pretty much.
1262
01:25:33,212 --> 01:25:35,464
I've never seen this woman before in my life.
1263
01:25:35,548 --> 01:25:36,841
Baloney.
1264
01:25:36,924 --> 01:25:39,677
You seemed very certain
a couple of days ago.
1265
01:25:40,386 --> 01:25:41,721
I did, because...
1266
01:25:46,600 --> 01:25:51,188
I am a casual drug user.
That's my thing and everybody knows it.
1267
01:25:51,731 --> 01:25:56,694
So that explains me making
absolutely no sense.
1268
01:26:00,031 --> 01:26:01,574
Thank you.
1269
01:26:01,699 --> 01:26:05,494
You realize that if we find out you're lying,
you're gonna lose your job?
1270
01:26:05,578 --> 01:26:08,622
- Plus jail time.
- Yes, I understand.
1271
01:26:09,415 --> 01:26:14,086
I just don't want to see
an innocent teacher get hurt.
1272
01:26:14,628 --> 01:26:15,796
Thank you, sir.
1273
01:26:15,921 --> 01:26:20,217
I don't want to see anybody get hurt.
1274
01:26:29,101 --> 01:26:32,521
- What the hell was that?
- So there you go.
1275
01:26:32,605 --> 01:26:33,939
I guess that explains everything.
1276
01:26:34,065 --> 01:26:38,652
- Retest! Retest! Retest!
- Damn it, Squirrel!
1277
01:26:38,778 --> 01:26:42,114
I am not going to have a repeat of 2008.
Sit your ass down.
1278
01:26:45,326 --> 01:26:46,619
A retest, Don?
1279
01:26:46,744 --> 01:26:50,247
Come on, do we really wanna tell
our young people that if they study,
1280
01:26:50,331 --> 01:26:53,709
sacrifice, and achieve the highest scores
in the state,
1281
01:26:53,793 --> 01:26:56,504
that they're rewarded with suspicion?
1282
01:26:58,172 --> 01:27:03,302
I don't.
I find these kinds of accusations troubling.
1283
01:27:03,427 --> 01:27:06,263
And, quite frankly, reckless.
1284
01:27:07,348 --> 01:27:11,852
I work my ass off for this school,
and I know I am not perfect.
1285
01:27:11,977 --> 01:27:15,731
But show me the perfect teacher. You can't.
1286
01:27:15,815 --> 01:27:20,444
There are even teachers
in this very school who use drugs.
1287
01:27:21,487 --> 01:27:23,364
They do. They do use drugs.
1288
01:27:23,489 --> 01:27:25,241
- They do.
- They do.
1289
01:27:25,324 --> 01:27:26,534
They do.
1290
01:27:26,867 --> 01:27:28,327
Wally, do you remember how I told you
1291
01:27:28,452 --> 01:27:32,206
there are teachers here
who use and abuse drugs?
1292
01:27:32,331 --> 01:27:35,626
God damn it.
And I'm hearing about this now?
1293
01:27:41,173 --> 01:27:42,925
What is it, Axel? Where is it, boy?
1294
01:27:43,008 --> 01:27:44,510
No, no, no. That's my class.
1295
01:27:44,635 --> 01:27:46,512
Axel's barking up the wrong tree there.
1296
01:27:46,887 --> 01:27:49,098
Ma'am. Please, don't touch the dog.
1297
01:27:49,181 --> 01:27:51,183
Your dog is mistaken.
1298
01:27:52,852 --> 01:27:56,147
- What do you got, Axel?
- He's not gonna find anything in here.
1299
01:28:02,319 --> 01:28:05,531
- It's clean.
- I told you.
1300
01:28:05,990 --> 01:28:07,408
Maybe there's a false bottom.
1301
01:28:19,670 --> 01:28:21,172
That is not mine.
1302
01:28:22,882 --> 01:28:25,259
This isn't even my desk. It's hers.
1303
01:28:25,384 --> 01:28:27,887
Don't worry, Amy.
We'll get you the help you need.
1304
01:28:31,223 --> 01:28:34,059
- You monster!
- Lady.
1305
01:28:34,560 --> 01:28:37,313
- Calm down, lady.
- Fucking damn it.
1306
01:28:37,396 --> 01:28:41,108
What the fuck? I stole her desk!
1307
01:28:41,233 --> 01:28:46,405
You can check my urine. Check it!
Check my urine!
1308
01:28:47,406 --> 01:28:51,076
Well, it's been another great year here
at JAMS.
1309
01:28:51,410 --> 01:28:52,745
With summer around the corner,
1310
01:28:52,870 --> 01:28:55,331
it's time to say goodbye
not only to another school year,
1311
01:28:55,414 --> 01:28:57,583
but also to one of our own.
1312
01:28:58,626 --> 01:29:00,294
Amy Squirrel.
1313
01:29:00,419 --> 01:29:05,382
After six short years,
Amy is transferring out of the district.
1314
01:29:05,466 --> 01:29:07,092
- Speech, speech.
- Well...
1315
01:29:09,220 --> 01:29:13,432
Wally, thank you for those kind words,
and thank you all.
1316
01:29:13,557 --> 01:29:17,686
My decision that I made myself to leave
was super difficult,
1317
01:29:17,770 --> 01:29:22,525
but when the superintendent personally
asks you to work at one of the worst schools
1318
01:29:22,608 --> 01:29:26,612
in the state, well, you say, "Yes."
1319
01:29:27,613 --> 01:29:32,701
And, boy, I am looking forward to bringing
my brand of zany energy
1320
01:29:32,785 --> 01:29:36,455
to those underprivileged students
at Malcolm X High School.
1321
01:29:38,624 --> 01:29:39,917
Thank you.
1322
01:29:40,960 --> 01:29:46,257
Hey, Elizabeth.
Listen, since Amy's transferring,
1323
01:29:46,340 --> 01:29:48,676
maybe the two of us can start over.
1324
01:29:53,472 --> 01:29:55,849
Hey, there. Scott Delacorte. And you are?
1325
01:29:57,309 --> 01:29:58,811
Leaving.
1326
01:30:15,327 --> 01:30:16,662
Elizabeth.
1327
01:30:17,955 --> 01:30:19,123
Here.
1328
01:30:20,666 --> 01:30:23,669
- Sign my yearbook.
- Hold my ball sack.
1329
01:30:26,046 --> 01:30:31,176
I'm gonna write my number down just
in case you need a lift after the surgery
1330
01:30:31,302 --> 01:30:34,597
or just, like, an extra set of hands to make
sure the implants are settling properly.
1331
01:30:34,680 --> 01:30:36,140
Thanks.
1332
01:30:36,223 --> 01:30:39,768
Hey, you're not gonna teach again
next year, are you?
1333
01:30:39,852 --> 01:30:42,187
I don't know. It's the only thing I'm good at.
1334
01:30:42,313 --> 01:30:45,733
I'm just saying maybe you should consider
doing something else.
1335
01:30:45,858 --> 01:30:49,570
Like, anything else.
Like, any other job in the entire world.
1336
01:30:52,656 --> 01:30:57,745
You know, the two of us?
It's never gonna happen.
1337
01:30:58,704 --> 01:31:01,290
- Clearly.
- I mean, how would that even work?
1338
01:31:01,373 --> 01:31:03,375
Where do you even live?
1339
01:31:03,500 --> 01:31:05,711
In some weird apartment
with some creepy roommate?
1340
01:31:05,836 --> 01:31:10,257
No, my creepy roommate moved out,
so now it's just me and the dogs.
1341
01:31:10,841 --> 01:31:12,301
- How many dogs do you have?
- Four.
1342
01:31:12,384 --> 01:31:13,844
- Four dogs?
- Yeah.
1343
01:31:13,927 --> 01:31:15,220
Four Dobermans.
1344
01:31:15,554 --> 01:31:18,140
- Any family money?
- Yeah, you bet.
1345
01:31:18,223 --> 01:31:22,603
We're talking like three figures.
Almost 700 bucks.
1346
01:31:23,729 --> 01:31:27,191
So, basically, if I was gonna go out with you,
I would be making the conscious choice
1347
01:31:27,274 --> 01:31:30,944
to be dating a gym teacher
who lives in a shack with four dogs.
1348
01:31:31,528 --> 01:31:35,991
I prefer to think of it as two people
with amazing bodies
1349
01:31:36,075 --> 01:31:38,452
sharing those bodies with each other.
1350
01:31:39,578 --> 01:31:41,538
Giving each other the gift of these bodies.
1351
01:31:43,582 --> 01:31:46,752
Anyway, actually, none of this really matters.
1352
01:31:47,586 --> 01:31:50,297
I sort of started seeing somebody.
1353
01:31:53,634 --> 01:31:57,763
Really? Congratulations.
I didn't realize that, so...
1354
01:31:58,222 --> 01:32:00,557
- Yeah.
- I feel stupid.
1355
01:32:00,766 --> 01:32:02,267
- So...
- I'm just fucking with you.
1356
01:32:05,062 --> 01:32:08,107
- I guess I deserved that one.
- Yeah, you most certainly did.
1357
01:32:08,565 --> 01:32:12,444
I think it's about time you realize
that the whole world doesn't just...
1358
01:32:20,911 --> 01:32:22,121
See you around, gym teacher.
1359
01:32:32,965 --> 01:32:35,509
Hey. Let's do that again.
1360
01:32:55,863 --> 01:32:57,364
Hey, Elizabeth.
1361
01:32:57,489 --> 01:32:59,324
Hey, Lynn. How was your summer?
1362
01:32:59,491 --> 01:33:02,953
It was great.
I went to the zoo almost every weekend.
1363
01:33:03,036 --> 01:33:04,997
Wow, that sounds great.
1364
01:33:05,497 --> 01:33:08,250
You didn't get your tits.
1365
01:33:08,333 --> 01:33:11,545
Yeah, I thought about it and, you know,
realized I don't even need them.
1366
01:33:11,670 --> 01:33:13,881
Plus, they're really expensive, you know,
per tit.
1367
01:33:14,006 --> 01:33:16,049
Yeah, and you gotta get two of 'em.
1368
01:33:18,886 --> 01:33:21,638
- And I meta guy.
- Tell me everything.
1369
01:33:21,722 --> 01:33:23,557
Did you find your Prince Charming?
1370
01:33:25,684 --> 01:33:27,144
Something like that.
1371
01:33:29,354 --> 01:33:33,150
- Hey, you wanna grab lunch later?
- Sure, yeah, my treat.
1372
01:33:33,233 --> 01:33:35,235
You got it last time. We'll split it.
1373
01:33:35,360 --> 01:33:36,987
Oh, okay. Yeah.
1374
01:33:40,908 --> 01:33:44,536
Hey. You in the cape. You're up first, let's go.