1 00:00:00,744 --> 00:00:02,445 We need to go over the schedule leading up to the primary. 2 00:00:02,482 --> 00:00:04,081 - Let's talk shop. - Ooh, shop talk! 3 00:00:04,110 --> 00:00:05,825 One of my five favorite types of talk, 4 00:00:05,945 --> 00:00:08,079 along with pillow, girl, real, and TED. 5 00:00:08,114 --> 00:00:09,681 Why are you wearing a poncho? 6 00:00:09,715 --> 00:00:13,018 Oh, because every surface area in your house is sticky. 7 00:00:13,052 --> 00:00:15,687 Last time I was here, I found a melted crayon on my blazer. 8 00:00:15,721 --> 00:00:16,822 Okay. 9 00:00:16,856 --> 00:00:19,357 I have a photo op with Gryzzl tomorrow. 10 00:00:19,392 --> 00:00:21,493 Between now and then, we have a ton of stuff scheduled. 11 00:00:21,527 --> 00:00:24,262 Looks like we're gonna have to skip the pie-baking event 12 00:00:24,297 --> 00:00:25,864 and the ceremonial squash toss. 13 00:00:25,898 --> 00:00:26,832 - Oh. - Oh, really? 14 00:00:26,866 --> 00:00:28,100 We have to skip that? 15 00:00:28,134 --> 00:00:30,335 I love watching those squashes fly through the air. 16 00:00:30,369 --> 00:00:31,603 I kind of like the way they land. 17 00:00:31,637 --> 00:00:32,604 Me too! 18 00:00:32,638 --> 00:00:33,605 [both laughing] 19 00:00:33,639 --> 00:00:34,840 Okay, excuse me, 20 00:00:34,874 --> 00:00:38,210 but I have to get back to a city where things happen. 21 00:00:38,244 --> 00:00:39,344 Okay. 22 00:00:39,378 --> 00:00:41,079 This campaign is about to start in earnest. 23 00:00:41,114 --> 00:00:43,215 Things are about to get real intense. 24 00:00:43,249 --> 00:00:44,416 Leslie, you ready? 25 00:00:44,450 --> 00:00:45,484 - Me Leslie? - Yeah. 26 00:00:45,518 --> 00:00:47,285 Well, I was an actual candidate, 27 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,421 so I think I can handle being a candidate's wife. 28 00:00:49,455 --> 00:00:50,989 I know all the issues inside and out. 29 00:00:51,023 --> 00:00:52,490 Mm. See, that's the problem. 30 00:00:52,525 --> 00:00:54,960 Being the wife of is a minefield. 31 00:00:54,994 --> 00:00:56,128 If you were just a ding-dong, 32 00:00:56,162 --> 00:00:57,696 I would just slap a flag pin on you. 33 00:00:57,730 --> 00:00:59,231 I'd pour some Valium down your throat 34 00:00:59,265 --> 00:01:02,200 and just shove you behind the podium way upstage. 35 00:01:02,235 --> 00:01:04,903 It's the smarties that freak people out. 36 00:01:04,937 --> 00:01:06,605 I think you're underestimating the voters. 37 00:01:06,639 --> 00:01:08,540 [laughing] 38 00:01:08,574 --> 00:01:12,177 I don't think that is possible. 39 00:01:12,211 --> 00:01:13,445 (Leslie) Stephen, be careful! 40 00:01:13,479 --> 00:01:15,514 [gasps] 41 00:01:15,548 --> 00:01:18,049 Poncho! 42 00:01:18,084 --> 00:01:21,019 [triumphant music] 43 00:01:21,053 --> 00:01:29,060 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 44 00:01:38,151 --> 00:01:40,639 I know you normally hate foundations, 45 00:01:40,673 --> 00:01:43,008 but this one I think you'll actually like. 46 00:01:43,042 --> 00:01:45,377 We take people that don't know what they want to do 47 00:01:45,411 --> 00:01:48,213 and then put them to work doing cool stuff all over the world, 48 00:01:48,247 --> 00:01:49,555 and I start in a couple months. 49 00:01:49,675 --> 00:01:52,851 Well, I had hoped you'd choose a more dignified trade 50 00:01:52,885 --> 00:01:55,153 like masonry or logging, 51 00:01:55,187 --> 00:01:57,155 but you are out of local government, 52 00:01:57,190 --> 00:01:59,124 and that's a step in the right direction. 53 00:01:59,158 --> 00:02:01,560 It's definitely the job I wanted... 54 00:02:03,262 --> 00:02:07,599 But it means that we have to move to Washington. 55 00:02:07,633 --> 00:02:11,203 Well... then bully for you. 56 00:02:11,237 --> 00:02:12,971 If you intend to move, 57 00:02:13,005 --> 00:02:16,074 I suppose you should return the spare key to my house, 58 00:02:16,109 --> 00:02:19,211 the one I gave you years ago when you were my assistant, 59 00:02:19,245 --> 00:02:21,113 for emergencies. 60 00:02:21,147 --> 00:02:22,180 Okay. 61 00:02:22,215 --> 00:02:24,516 Good talk. 62 00:02:27,487 --> 00:02:28,720 (Ben) This neighborhood 63 00:02:28,755 --> 00:02:30,772 has been mostly abandoned for years, 64 00:02:30,891 --> 00:02:33,226 but now, thanks to the new Gryzzl headquarters, 65 00:02:33,260 --> 00:02:35,495 this district will soon transform 66 00:02:35,529 --> 00:02:38,598 into a hub of innovation for decades to come. 67 00:02:38,632 --> 00:02:39,599 Mr. Wyatt! 68 00:02:39,633 --> 00:02:41,334 Your campaign released a schedule, 69 00:02:41,368 --> 00:02:43,803 and it looks like your wife is skipping the Pie-mary. 70 00:02:43,837 --> 00:02:45,138 Care to explain? 71 00:02:45,172 --> 00:02:47,740 The Pie-mary is a Southern Indiana tradition 72 00:02:47,775 --> 00:02:49,308 where Congressional candidates' wives 73 00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:51,778 face off in a pie-baking contest. 74 00:02:51,812 --> 00:02:53,313 The last contest winner 75 00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:55,348 was June Hartwell's buttermilk meringue. 76 00:02:55,382 --> 00:02:58,785 Last contest loser was all women. 77 00:02:58,819 --> 00:03:00,887 Leslie would be the first candidate's wife 78 00:03:00,921 --> 00:03:02,522 not to enter the Pie-mary. 79 00:03:02,556 --> 00:03:05,158 What kind of a statement are you making by skipping it? 80 00:03:05,192 --> 00:03:07,060 We're--I'm not making any kind of statement. 81 00:03:07,094 --> 00:03:09,095 We're just focusing on bigger issues, 82 00:03:09,129 --> 00:03:13,733 like Ben's $150 million revitalization project. 83 00:03:13,767 --> 00:03:14,934 Pardon me. I need to get through. 84 00:03:14,968 --> 00:03:15,935 Pardon me. Excuse me. 85 00:03:15,969 --> 00:03:17,003 Mike Patterson here. 86 00:03:17,037 --> 00:03:18,237 Leslie, you've made it pretty clear 87 00:03:18,272 --> 00:03:20,032 that you don't think homemaking is important. 88 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,708 Do you ever cook for your children, 89 00:03:21,742 --> 00:03:24,210 and who's even watching your children right now, 90 00:03:24,244 --> 00:03:25,778 while you're out God only knows where? 91 00:03:25,813 --> 00:03:26,894 What are you talking about? 92 00:03:26,914 --> 00:03:28,381 I'm standing right here in front of you. 93 00:03:28,415 --> 00:03:30,216 Okay. Take it easy. Let's not get emotional. 94 00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,618 Okay. We have to run. 95 00:03:31,652 --> 00:03:33,386 We'll see you all at my economic address. 96 00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:34,587 Thanks for coming, everybody. 97 00:03:34,621 --> 00:03:36,456 What other traditions are you against, Leslie? 98 00:03:36,490 --> 00:03:38,191 Baseball? Hugging your children? 99 00:03:38,225 --> 00:03:39,892 How much did that haircut cost? 100 00:03:39,927 --> 00:03:42,061 None of your business, and thank you for noticing. 101 00:03:42,996 --> 00:03:44,330 My desk was right here, 102 00:03:44,365 --> 00:03:45,999 sitting right on top of it this whole time. 103 00:03:46,033 --> 00:03:47,033 How much money is it? 104 00:03:47,067 --> 00:03:48,067 It's not money. 105 00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:49,469 I told you, it's Ron's key. 106 00:03:49,503 --> 00:03:50,903 I hid it in here years ago. 107 00:03:50,938 --> 00:03:52,238 Ah! Wait! 108 00:03:52,272 --> 00:03:53,539 Yeah, no. No key. 109 00:03:53,574 --> 00:03:56,576 Just a note and a movie ticket stub and four teeth. 110 00:03:56,610 --> 00:03:57,931 "If you are looking for Ron's key, 111 00:03:57,945 --> 00:03:59,712 "I moved it, and you'll never find it. 112 00:03:59,747 --> 00:04:01,047 Cordially, April." 113 00:04:01,081 --> 00:04:02,348 Well, where'd you put it, then? 114 00:04:02,383 --> 00:04:03,883 I don't know. It was eight years ago. 115 00:04:03,917 --> 00:04:05,318 Oh, God. 116 00:04:05,352 --> 00:04:07,920 A key to Ron's house is lost in a government building. 117 00:04:07,955 --> 00:04:09,036 That's his worst nightmare. 118 00:04:09,056 --> 00:04:09,989 Listen, babe. 119 00:04:10,024 --> 00:04:11,491 All we got to do 120 00:04:11,525 --> 00:04:14,394 is train Champion to sniff out Ron's key. 121 00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:15,762 Okay. 122 00:04:15,796 --> 00:04:17,864 All we need is Ron's key to give him a scent. 123 00:04:17,898 --> 00:04:19,932 So give me the key, and I'll get you that key. 124 00:04:19,967 --> 00:04:21,701 [moaning] 125 00:04:21,735 --> 00:04:25,305 No, You're Wrong with Mike Patterson. 126 00:04:25,339 --> 00:04:26,406 Welcome back to the program. 127 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,107 My guest is June Hartwell, 128 00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:30,543 wife of incumbent Congressman, Paul Hartwell. 129 00:04:30,577 --> 00:04:31,744 Now, June, we all know 130 00:04:31,779 --> 00:04:33,299 what Ben Wyatt's wife is really saying. 131 00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:34,714 By skipping the Pie-mary, 132 00:04:34,748 --> 00:04:38,017 she's saying women who love their families are stupid. 133 00:04:38,052 --> 00:04:40,453 Well, Mike, we all make certain choices. 134 00:04:40,487 --> 00:04:42,722 Ms. Knope chose to try to have it all. 135 00:04:42,756 --> 00:04:44,691 I chose to put my family first. 136 00:04:44,725 --> 00:04:46,005 Well, I'm just speculating here, 137 00:04:46,026 --> 00:04:47,694 but do you think that Leslie Knope's actions 138 00:04:47,728 --> 00:04:50,063 indicate that she actually hates her family? 139 00:04:50,097 --> 00:04:54,100 Well, it only took three hours for Jen to be right. 140 00:04:54,134 --> 00:04:55,668 I'm officially a distraction. 141 00:04:55,703 --> 00:04:56,869 I'm gonna enter that Pie-mary. 142 00:04:56,904 --> 00:04:58,771 This is just nonsense. It'll blow over. 143 00:04:58,806 --> 00:05:01,474 And the Pie-mary is ridiculous and antiquated. 144 00:05:01,508 --> 00:05:02,875 But the more they talk about this, 145 00:05:02,910 --> 00:05:05,078 the less they're gonna talk about your economic plan. 146 00:05:05,112 --> 00:05:06,713 Besides, I'm good at making pies, 147 00:05:06,747 --> 00:05:09,449 so I'll win, and then I can promote 148 00:05:09,483 --> 00:05:12,352 my self-published women's rights barbecue cookbook-- 149 00:05:12,386 --> 00:05:13,886 The Feminine Mesquite. 150 00:05:13,921 --> 00:05:15,388 Everything's fine. 151 00:05:15,422 --> 00:05:17,023 (April) I had it in a safe place, 152 00:05:17,057 --> 00:05:19,158 and then I moved it to protect it, 153 00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:20,980 and I don't remember where. 154 00:05:21,037 --> 00:05:22,004 I see. 155 00:05:22,038 --> 00:05:23,472 (Andy) Don't be mad, Ron. 156 00:05:23,506 --> 00:05:25,741 She hid it too good, 157 00:05:25,775 --> 00:05:27,776 and she left a string of clues. 158 00:05:27,810 --> 00:05:32,080 It's an impossible puzzle, and I love puzzles! 159 00:05:32,115 --> 00:05:35,217 A minimal, unhelpful note, these appear to be human teeth, 160 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:36,218 and what is this? 161 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:37,519 Twilight: New Moon. 162 00:05:37,553 --> 00:05:40,022 It's a movie, but I've never seen it. 163 00:05:40,056 --> 00:05:41,790 It's, like, about lame werewolves 164 00:05:41,824 --> 00:05:43,058 and vampires and stuff. 165 00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:45,360 Donna likes those things! 166 00:05:45,395 --> 00:05:47,129 (Ron) Dollars to doughnuts this points us her way. 167 00:05:47,163 --> 00:05:50,332 Finally, a scavenger hunt worthy of my time. 168 00:05:50,366 --> 00:05:51,400 Onward! 169 00:05:52,402 --> 00:05:53,535 (Leslie) Okay. 170 00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:55,671 Snacks given, kids tucked in, books read, 171 00:05:55,705 --> 00:05:57,939 three simultaneous meltdowns for no reason, 172 00:05:57,974 --> 00:05:59,541 kids tucked back in, 173 00:05:59,575 --> 00:06:01,944 one of them briefly got outside somehow, 174 00:06:01,978 --> 00:06:02,911 kids back in bed. 175 00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,179 They're all napping. 176 00:06:04,213 --> 00:06:07,149 Okay, I got everything you need for pie domination. 177 00:06:07,183 --> 00:06:09,251 I even got an extra whipped-cream can. 178 00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:12,587 One for baking, one for directly-into-mouth. 179 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,223 Oh, you know me so well. 180 00:06:14,257 --> 00:06:16,058 [doorbell rings] 181 00:06:16,092 --> 00:06:18,160 That might be one of the kids. 182 00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:19,194 Hi, Leslie. 183 00:06:19,228 --> 00:06:20,362 Elise Yarktin 184 00:06:20,396 --> 00:06:22,197 from the Indiana Organization of Women. 185 00:06:22,231 --> 00:06:24,600 Oh, my goodness! Elise, please come in. 186 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:25,867 [gasps] Wait! 187 00:06:25,902 --> 00:06:28,170 Are you here to give me the Woman of the Year award? 188 00:06:28,204 --> 00:06:29,471 I have a speech prepared. 189 00:06:29,505 --> 00:06:31,106 Would you like to see it right now? 190 00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,107 No. 191 00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:33,542 Leslie, we were thrilled 192 00:06:33,576 --> 00:06:35,711 to find out you were boycotting that ridiculous Pie-mary, 193 00:06:35,745 --> 00:06:37,579 but we just got word you've decided to enter? 194 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:39,047 Yeah. 195 00:06:39,082 --> 00:06:41,883 Well, I agree that it's dumb, but this is not about me. 196 00:06:41,918 --> 00:06:45,354 It's about Ben, and he will do more for women than Hartwell. 197 00:06:45,388 --> 00:06:47,222 So, you know, lose a battle, win the war. 198 00:06:47,257 --> 00:06:48,690 That kind of thing. It's the way to go. 199 00:06:48,725 --> 00:06:50,392 Look, the Pie-mary is retrogressive 200 00:06:50,426 --> 00:06:52,594 and misogynistic, and if you participate, 201 00:06:52,628 --> 00:06:53,695 we will have no choice 202 00:06:53,730 --> 00:06:55,931 but to protest you and Ben at the event. 203 00:06:55,965 --> 00:06:58,100 Hope you like pies... 204 00:06:58,134 --> 00:07:00,068 in yo' face. 205 00:07:00,103 --> 00:07:01,803 Metaphorically. We'll be civil. 206 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:05,107 Elise, there is no bigger defender of gender equality 207 00:07:05,141 --> 00:07:07,109 than Leslie Knope, and my husband, Ben, 208 00:07:07,143 --> 00:07:10,245 is a progressive champion of women's rights. 209 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:11,813 (Ben) Babe, the oven's ready. 210 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,515 Chop-chop! Time to get baking. 211 00:07:13,549 --> 00:07:16,184 Daddy want pie! 212 00:07:16,219 --> 00:07:17,962 Hi. Ben Wyatt. 213 00:07:20,927 --> 00:07:22,936 We have a wonderfully small number of clues. 214 00:07:23,056 --> 00:07:24,389 One is this ticket. 215 00:07:24,424 --> 00:07:27,292 Did you see this movie about vampires and such? 216 00:07:27,327 --> 00:07:28,226 New Moon? 217 00:07:28,261 --> 00:07:29,895 Yeah, I saw it with April. 218 00:07:29,929 --> 00:07:31,730 She was so hopped up on painkillers 219 00:07:31,764 --> 00:07:33,131 from getting her wisdom teeth out, 220 00:07:33,166 --> 00:07:34,700 I convinced her to see it with me. 221 00:07:34,734 --> 00:07:36,602 The teeth! They're yours. 222 00:07:36,636 --> 00:07:38,237 You were super out of it. 223 00:07:38,271 --> 00:07:40,672 You kept yelling, "Team Voldemort!" at the screen, 224 00:07:40,707 --> 00:07:41,840 and we were kicked out. 225 00:07:41,874 --> 00:07:43,508 I was furious. 226 00:07:43,543 --> 00:07:45,377 You only get to see the second Twilight film 227 00:07:45,411 --> 00:07:46,745 for the seventh time once. 228 00:07:46,779 --> 00:07:48,914 Do you remember anything about a key 229 00:07:48,948 --> 00:07:51,717 or April doing anything unusual that day? 230 00:07:51,751 --> 00:07:54,219 She did make us stop by the shoe-shine stand 231 00:07:54,254 --> 00:07:55,654 before she left, because she wanted 232 00:07:55,688 --> 00:07:57,322 to drop something off for Andy. 233 00:07:57,357 --> 00:07:59,091 She had a real bad crush on him. 234 00:07:59,125 --> 00:08:02,928 [laughing] Oh, babe! You had a crush on me! 235 00:08:02,962 --> 00:08:04,196 That's embarrassing. 236 00:08:04,230 --> 00:08:05,163 We're married. 237 00:08:05,198 --> 00:08:06,465 Still! 238 00:08:06,499 --> 00:08:08,066 To the shoe-shine stand! 239 00:08:08,101 --> 00:08:10,636 - Stop! Stop! - Ooh, chase me! 240 00:08:14,474 --> 00:08:16,041 Garry, what the hell are you doing? 241 00:08:16,075 --> 00:08:17,209 Oh, gosh. 242 00:08:17,243 --> 00:08:19,478 Well, I dropped my wedding ring down this grate, 243 00:08:19,512 --> 00:08:20,913 and then I was trying to get it out, 244 00:08:20,947 --> 00:08:22,648 and I dropped my keys down there too, 245 00:08:22,682 --> 00:08:24,683 so I can't leave. 246 00:08:24,717 --> 00:08:26,418 Damn. This takes me back. 247 00:08:26,452 --> 00:08:27,886 You mind if I stay and watch? 248 00:08:27,921 --> 00:08:28,887 Oh, not at all. 249 00:08:28,921 --> 00:08:30,322 Appreciate the company. 250 00:08:30,356 --> 00:08:32,290 (Leslie) The I.O.W. does not mess around, 251 00:08:32,325 --> 00:08:33,625 which, normally, is why I love them, 252 00:08:33,660 --> 00:08:34,993 but now I'm on the other side. 253 00:08:35,028 --> 00:08:36,161 Oh, my God, Ben! 254 00:08:36,195 --> 00:08:38,196 I gave them $100 in their annual pledge. 255 00:08:38,231 --> 00:08:40,799 Do you know how many anti-me signs that could buy? 256 00:08:40,833 --> 00:08:43,635 You just don't do the pie contest, obviously. 257 00:08:43,670 --> 00:08:45,203 Then we're just back where we started. 258 00:08:45,238 --> 00:08:46,559 Then it just seems like I'm saying 259 00:08:46,572 --> 00:08:48,040 I'm better than the women who bake. 260 00:08:48,074 --> 00:08:50,042 What should we do? Should we get a divorce? 261 00:08:50,076 --> 00:08:51,810 Well, how about this? 262 00:08:51,844 --> 00:08:53,779 What if I register for the contest? 263 00:08:53,813 --> 00:08:55,047 I bake the pie. 264 00:08:55,081 --> 00:08:56,682 I act as my own wife. 265 00:08:56,716 --> 00:08:57,916 Oh, that could work. 266 00:08:57,951 --> 00:08:59,951 We sidestep the controversy, 267 00:08:59,986 --> 00:09:02,988 we refocus the campaign onto the actual candidate, 268 00:09:03,022 --> 00:09:05,824 and then we flip the antiquated tradition right on its head. 269 00:09:05,858 --> 00:09:08,393 Exactly, but more importantly, 270 00:09:08,428 --> 00:09:12,631 we change the idea of what a pie is. 271 00:09:12,665 --> 00:09:14,366 I feel like that's not more important, 272 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,768 but I-I like the energy that we have, so let's hear it. 273 00:09:16,803 --> 00:09:17,936 Okay. Picture this. 274 00:09:17,971 --> 00:09:21,606 Crust on the bottom, filling, crust on top. 275 00:09:21,641 --> 00:09:22,741 What am I describing? 276 00:09:22,775 --> 00:09:23,909 A pie. 277 00:09:23,943 --> 00:09:26,345 No, but you're in the right zone. 278 00:09:26,379 --> 00:09:27,346 Oh. 279 00:09:27,380 --> 00:09:29,047 - Calzone! - Sure. 280 00:09:29,082 --> 00:09:31,683 Pies are just sweet calzones, honey, 281 00:09:31,718 --> 00:09:33,685 and I'm good at making calzones. 282 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:34,720 You're amazing. 283 00:09:34,754 --> 00:09:35,988 I can win this thing. 284 00:09:36,022 --> 00:09:37,489 Of course you can, baby! 285 00:09:37,523 --> 00:09:38,924 Get in there and start baking! 286 00:09:38,958 --> 00:09:41,126 ♪ Talk about the highway ♪ 287 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,529 ♪ To the calzone-zone! ♪ 288 00:09:45,598 --> 00:09:48,000 I am having some serious déjà vu. 289 00:09:48,034 --> 00:09:49,635 How many times have you lost your wedding ring? 290 00:09:49,669 --> 00:09:51,536 Oh, G-- [item clatters] 291 00:09:51,571 --> 00:09:53,772 Too many times to count. 292 00:09:53,806 --> 00:09:55,507 And it causes real trouble with Gayle. 293 00:09:55,541 --> 00:09:56,981 Yeah, I mean, anytime I lose my ring, 294 00:09:57,010 --> 00:09:59,044 she turns into a real grumpy goose. 295 00:09:59,078 --> 00:10:00,579 - Is that so? - Oh, yeah. 296 00:10:00,613 --> 00:10:02,514 She'll say, you know, "Garry, you'd lose your head 297 00:10:02,548 --> 00:10:03,982 if it wasn't screwed on tight." 298 00:10:04,017 --> 00:10:05,717 [chuckles] And then she makes me go 299 00:10:05,752 --> 00:10:07,853 for the fresh oranges for the morning OJ. 300 00:10:07,887 --> 00:10:11,823 Yeah, I mean, she says, "Hey, Mr. Forgetful." 301 00:10:11,858 --> 00:10:13,258 Well, I mean, those words-- 302 00:10:13,293 --> 00:10:14,688 I mean, they rattle around here for hours. 303 00:10:14,808 --> 00:10:16,414 That's why I've got to be extra careful 304 00:10:16,534 --> 00:10:18,570 with this replacement ring, because if I lost-- 305 00:10:18,690 --> 00:10:20,895 [ring clinking] 306 00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:23,829 [laughing] 307 00:10:24,153 --> 00:10:26,448 I'm gonna order us some dinner. 308 00:10:27,774 --> 00:10:29,302 [gasps] 309 00:10:29,372 --> 00:10:31,106 The shoe-shine stand is gone... 310 00:10:31,141 --> 00:10:33,742 or maybe it was never here. 311 00:10:33,777 --> 00:10:35,657 (Ron) They must have moved it during the remodel. 312 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:37,746 It's probably in basement storage. 313 00:10:37,781 --> 00:10:38,781 To the basement! 314 00:10:42,552 --> 00:10:44,720 - Tighter! - Are you sure, dude? 315 00:10:44,754 --> 00:10:46,522 Yeah, dude. Tighter. I can do it. 316 00:10:46,556 --> 00:10:47,656 Do what exactly? 317 00:10:47,691 --> 00:10:49,358 Nothing. We're not doing anything. 318 00:10:49,392 --> 00:10:51,627 And we definitely do not live down here now. 319 00:10:51,661 --> 00:10:53,963 Guys, where's the old shoe-shine stand from upstairs? 320 00:10:53,997 --> 00:10:55,397 We don't know anything about that. 321 00:10:55,432 --> 00:10:56,432 (Ron) Boys, think. 322 00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:57,600 We are on a quest, 323 00:10:57,634 --> 00:10:59,835 and we are not leaving until we get an answer. 324 00:10:59,870 --> 00:11:01,737 Well, we're on our own quest, 325 00:11:01,771 --> 00:11:03,939 which is to squeeze this just tight enough 326 00:11:03,974 --> 00:11:05,674 to make my eyes bulge out a little bit, 327 00:11:05,709 --> 00:11:07,309 but not so tight that I die. 328 00:11:07,344 --> 00:11:08,425 (Andy) Oh, I've been there. 329 00:11:08,445 --> 00:11:09,912 That's a real tightrope walk. 330 00:11:09,946 --> 00:11:11,947 Oh! Hey! 331 00:11:11,982 --> 00:11:15,518 Last week this real scary ghost came down here looking for it. 332 00:11:15,552 --> 00:11:18,521 It had black hair, but you could see through its skin, 333 00:11:18,555 --> 00:11:19,989 and it didn't like me, 334 00:11:20,023 --> 00:11:22,391 but that's just 'cause I got a soul of a Ghostbuster. 335 00:11:22,425 --> 00:11:23,692 Yeah, it said something 336 00:11:23,727 --> 00:11:26,462 about how it was worried Brett was gonna mug it. 337 00:11:26,496 --> 00:11:29,432 Okay, so we're looking for a racist ghost 338 00:11:29,466 --> 00:11:31,667 with black hair who likes shoe shines. 339 00:11:31,701 --> 00:11:33,068 I think I have the answer. 340 00:11:33,103 --> 00:11:35,337 The chase continues! 341 00:11:35,372 --> 00:11:36,338 [both laughing] 342 00:11:36,373 --> 00:11:37,640 Okay, wait. 343 00:11:37,674 --> 00:11:39,575 The time that you told us you were mugged in the park, 344 00:11:39,609 --> 00:11:41,110 what were you reaching for in the river? 345 00:11:41,144 --> 00:11:43,078 - A burrito. - That's right! 346 00:11:43,113 --> 00:11:46,048 You fell in the river reaching for a burrito. 347 00:11:46,083 --> 00:11:48,250 Yes, ma'am, that was not one of my finer moments. 348 00:11:48,285 --> 00:11:49,485 [laughs] 349 00:11:49,519 --> 00:11:51,187 Ooh, it's getting late. We need to bounce. 350 00:11:51,221 --> 00:11:53,456 - I can give you a ride. - Oh, thank you, Donna. 351 00:11:53,490 --> 00:11:55,357 Probably gonna get an earful when I get home tonight. 352 00:11:55,392 --> 00:11:56,358 [sighs] 353 00:11:56,393 --> 00:11:58,727 Gayle might even call me the B word. 354 00:11:58,762 --> 00:11:59,829 "Bozo." 355 00:11:59,863 --> 00:12:01,430 - Wow. - Mm. 356 00:12:01,465 --> 00:12:03,866 We are very different people. 357 00:12:04,935 --> 00:12:06,535 Did you hear back from Elise? 358 00:12:06,570 --> 00:12:07,937 Oh, yeah, we're good. 359 00:12:07,971 --> 00:12:09,538 The I.O.W. is not gonna protest us. 360 00:12:09,573 --> 00:12:11,440 How's your pie? 361 00:12:11,475 --> 00:12:13,542 I don't know. I didn't make a pie. 362 00:12:13,577 --> 00:12:14,543 [laughs] Okay. 363 00:12:14,578 --> 00:12:16,111 How is your dessert calzone? 364 00:12:16,146 --> 00:12:17,246 It's ready. 365 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,882 The question is, are they? 366 00:12:19,916 --> 00:12:21,317 All right. 367 00:12:21,351 --> 00:12:24,687 Our next contestant is candidate Ben Wyatt's wife, Leslie. 368 00:12:24,721 --> 00:12:27,523 Let's see what Mrs. Wyatt has baked up for us, shall we? 369 00:12:27,557 --> 00:12:29,425 It's actually Ms. Knope, 370 00:12:29,459 --> 00:12:31,694 and, actually, right now it's Mr. Wyatt. 371 00:12:31,728 --> 00:12:33,295 Leslie has her own busy life, 372 00:12:33,330 --> 00:12:35,464 and I happen to be an excellent pie maker, 373 00:12:35,499 --> 00:12:37,566 so we figured we'd switch it up a bit. 374 00:12:37,601 --> 00:12:39,502 Now, pack your suitcases, 375 00:12:39,536 --> 00:12:42,671 because we're going to a little town 376 00:12:42,706 --> 00:12:46,342 called a-Napoli in Ital-y. 377 00:12:46,376 --> 00:12:49,178 (all) Free Ben Wyatt! Free Ben Wyatt! 378 00:12:49,212 --> 00:12:51,714 Excuse me. Free me from what? 379 00:12:51,748 --> 00:12:53,616 From the tyranny of women. 380 00:12:53,650 --> 00:12:54,984 We are the Male Men. 381 00:12:55,018 --> 00:12:56,719 We are a men's rights activist group, 382 00:12:56,753 --> 00:12:58,187 and we are fed up! 383 00:12:58,221 --> 00:12:59,922 I'm sorry. What's happening now? 384 00:12:59,956 --> 00:13:05,394 Behind every successful woman is a man she has oppressed. 385 00:13:05,428 --> 00:13:08,364 First, Leslie Knope poaches her husband's campaign 386 00:13:08,398 --> 00:13:10,032 by making it all about her. 387 00:13:10,066 --> 00:13:12,134 Now she's forcing him to bake pies 388 00:13:12,169 --> 00:13:13,969 and enter a contest for her? 389 00:13:14,004 --> 00:13:15,037 Oh, excuse me! 390 00:13:15,072 --> 00:13:16,372 I'm not forcing him to do anything. 391 00:13:16,406 --> 00:13:17,606 He loves to cook. 392 00:13:17,641 --> 00:13:20,376 He--he has five personalized aprons. 393 00:13:20,410 --> 00:13:22,545 Oh, so I guess he was asking for it 394 00:13:22,579 --> 00:13:24,046 because of the way he was dressed. 395 00:13:24,081 --> 00:13:29,152 We are sick and tired of this feminized society! 396 00:13:29,272 --> 00:13:31,840 Men have had a very rough go of it 397 00:13:31,875 --> 00:13:36,078 for--just recently, and it ends now! 398 00:13:36,112 --> 00:13:37,813 Male and proud! 399 00:13:37,847 --> 00:13:41,510 (all) Male and proud! Male and proud! 400 00:13:42,977 --> 00:13:44,820 Leslie Knope exemplifies 401 00:13:44,940 --> 00:13:47,242 the feminist attack on our values. 402 00:13:47,276 --> 00:13:48,610 She could learn a little something 403 00:13:48,644 --> 00:13:50,445 about traditional family structure 404 00:13:50,479 --> 00:13:52,347 from me and my husband, Marshall. 405 00:13:52,381 --> 00:13:54,482 Um, fierce alert! Eat 'em up, honey! 406 00:13:54,517 --> 00:13:55,884 The idea that feminism 407 00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:58,453 is an attack on family values is absurd. 408 00:13:58,487 --> 00:14:00,822 (Joan) Ooh, so you're defending Leslie Knope. 409 00:14:00,856 --> 00:14:02,290 No. Absolutely not. 410 00:14:02,324 --> 00:14:03,892 Frankly, I don't think she's done enough 411 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,728 to distance herself from this misogynistic lunacy. 412 00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:09,364 (Joan) Let's turn, now, to Sasha Dunkirk. 413 00:14:09,398 --> 00:14:12,767 She is head of the group Women Against Feminism. 414 00:14:12,802 --> 00:14:14,636 What a surprise! 415 00:14:14,670 --> 00:14:18,239 The woman is only talking to other women. 416 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,875 Can we have one conversation about feminism 417 00:14:20,910 --> 00:14:22,677 where men get to be in charge? 418 00:14:22,712 --> 00:14:24,345 I actually agree with him. 419 00:14:24,380 --> 00:14:26,314 I don't need your pity. 420 00:14:26,348 --> 00:14:29,484 Joan, Leslie Knope and I are united 421 00:14:29,518 --> 00:14:31,519 in our disgust of this week's events. 422 00:14:31,554 --> 00:14:35,323 Leslie, if you're watching, I, Brandi Maxxxx, 423 00:14:35,358 --> 00:14:39,394 star of 69 Jump Street and 50 Shaved Old Gays, 424 00:14:39,428 --> 00:14:40,795 have your back. 425 00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:41,863 Oof! 426 00:14:41,897 --> 00:14:43,765 Really stepped in it this time, Knope. 427 00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:45,433 Why isn't the other candidate's wife 428 00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:46,935 being scrutinized like this? 429 00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:50,538 Because June Hartwell is a lukewarm bowl of nothing. 430 00:14:50,573 --> 00:14:51,973 She started an awareness campaign 431 00:14:52,007 --> 00:14:53,241 called "Bring a Sweater." 432 00:14:53,275 --> 00:14:54,809 She calls it goose-bump prevention. 433 00:14:54,844 --> 00:14:56,277 Come on, you guys, you know the drill. 434 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,046 Just ignore the fact that you're right, 435 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:01,616 put on your blandest outfits, so that one, hopefully, 436 00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,610 and then just go out there and publicly apologize. 437 00:15:03,619 --> 00:15:04,586 Done. 438 00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:06,554 - What? - Apologize for what? 439 00:15:06,589 --> 00:15:08,467 Doesn't matter. Just say you're sorry. 440 00:15:08,587 --> 00:15:09,802 It's like taking a shot of tequila. 441 00:15:09,856 --> 00:15:11,424 You just got to force it down. 442 00:15:11,458 --> 00:15:13,693 Suddenly, the world feels so much more pleasant. 443 00:15:13,727 --> 00:15:16,228 I do three shots every time I have to enter this house. 444 00:15:17,330 --> 00:15:19,799 [sighs] [doorbell rings] 445 00:15:19,833 --> 00:15:21,867 Donna, what are you doing here so early? 446 00:15:21,902 --> 00:15:23,069 I come bearing gifts. 447 00:15:23,103 --> 00:15:25,004 First off, I got a dude in maintenance 448 00:15:25,038 --> 00:15:26,439 to open up that grate this morning. 449 00:15:26,473 --> 00:15:30,876 So here's your rings, keys, credit cards, 450 00:15:30,911 --> 00:15:32,578 and I found some heart medicine I assume is yours. 451 00:15:32,612 --> 00:15:34,714 Yeah, no, that's mine. That's mine. Oh, my gosh. 452 00:15:34,748 --> 00:15:36,182 Also, I thought I'd bring over 453 00:15:36,216 --> 00:15:38,050 some fresh oranges for you and Gayle. 454 00:15:38,085 --> 00:15:40,252 Okay, well, that is just so kind, Donna. 455 00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:41,387 Thank you. 456 00:15:41,421 --> 00:15:43,556 - You're one of a kind, Garry. - Oh. 457 00:15:43,590 --> 00:15:46,158 And I just want to thank you for taking me down memory lane, 458 00:15:46,193 --> 00:15:47,560 you big B word. 459 00:15:47,594 --> 00:15:49,862 - Oh. - "Buddy." 460 00:15:51,498 --> 00:15:54,233 (Milton) So much has changed around here. 461 00:15:54,267 --> 00:15:57,436 Uhh, I just wanted to remember the good old days, 462 00:15:57,471 --> 00:15:59,605 when a shoe shine was two bits 463 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:03,242 and there were no Mexicans in the music business. 464 00:16:03,276 --> 00:16:05,177 If you don't mind, Councilman Milton, 465 00:16:05,212 --> 00:16:07,346 we just need to search this stand. 466 00:16:07,381 --> 00:16:09,215 Yes! Found it. 467 00:16:12,219 --> 00:16:15,621 "Hi, Andy. I hate people, but you are okay. 468 00:16:15,656 --> 00:16:17,623 It's weird. Woof, woof. April." 469 00:16:17,658 --> 00:16:19,091 Oh, my God, babe, you were so into me. 470 00:16:19,126 --> 00:16:20,359 That's hilarious. 471 00:16:20,394 --> 00:16:21,560 That's it. 472 00:16:21,595 --> 00:16:24,196 It's a dead end. No more clues. 473 00:16:25,165 --> 00:16:28,000 See me in my office. 474 00:16:28,035 --> 00:16:29,735 If it makes you feel any better, 475 00:16:29,770 --> 00:16:32,805 I had a big crush on you too. 476 00:16:32,839 --> 00:16:36,142 It does make me feel a little better. Thanks. 477 00:16:36,176 --> 00:16:37,777 Oh, thank God. 478 00:16:37,811 --> 00:16:39,845 Get off my boat! 479 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:41,047 [applause] 480 00:16:41,081 --> 00:16:42,248 Good afternoon. 481 00:16:42,282 --> 00:16:44,450 I'm here today to share with you all 482 00:16:44,484 --> 00:16:47,954 my vision for the economic future of Southern Indiana, 483 00:16:47,988 --> 00:16:51,991 but first, Leslie Knope, my wife... 484 00:16:52,025 --> 00:16:53,192 has a brief statement. 485 00:16:53,226 --> 00:16:54,226 Hello, everyone. 486 00:16:54,261 --> 00:16:55,361 Thank you. Wow. 487 00:16:55,395 --> 00:16:57,296 How about this weather we're having? 488 00:16:57,330 --> 00:16:58,731 Very temperate. 489 00:16:58,765 --> 00:16:59,732 Okay. 490 00:16:59,766 --> 00:17:01,767 Recently, I made an attempt to-- 491 00:17:01,802 --> 00:17:03,302 Actually, hang on. Stop. 492 00:17:03,337 --> 00:17:07,473 I'm sorry. This whole thing just makes me queasy 493 00:17:08,675 --> 00:17:11,077 I love how independent my wife is, 494 00:17:11,111 --> 00:17:14,113 and because of that, I will not let her speak. 495 00:17:14,147 --> 00:17:15,581 That came out wrong. 496 00:17:15,615 --> 00:17:19,118 The point is Leslie is a great mother, 497 00:17:19,152 --> 00:17:21,954 public servant, all-around person, 498 00:17:21,989 --> 00:17:25,391 and I am tired of everybody constantly telling her 499 00:17:25,425 --> 00:17:27,560 that she's making the wrong choice. 500 00:17:28,895 --> 00:17:30,596 So you can say whatever you want. 501 00:17:30,631 --> 00:17:33,265 I couldn't care less about the political consequences. 502 00:17:34,635 --> 00:17:36,302 Thank you, Ben. 503 00:17:36,336 --> 00:17:38,671 Well, the first thing I'm gonna do is say sorry. 504 00:17:38,705 --> 00:17:42,641 I'm sorry that the spotlight is on me and not on Ben, 505 00:17:42,676 --> 00:17:45,611 because he is going to make a great congressman. 506 00:17:45,646 --> 00:17:47,179 Second, the Male Men. 507 00:17:47,214 --> 00:17:48,547 Where are you? Ah! 508 00:17:48,582 --> 00:17:50,549 You're ridiculous, and men's rights is nothing. 509 00:17:50,584 --> 00:17:52,952 Third, I'm now gonna give you permanent answers 510 00:17:52,986 --> 00:17:55,554 to all the silly questions that you're gonna end up asking me 511 00:17:55,589 --> 00:17:57,890 and every other woman in this election over the next few months. 512 00:17:57,924 --> 00:17:59,725 Why did I change my hairstyle? 513 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,961 Well, I don't know, I just thought it would look better. 514 00:18:01,962 --> 00:18:03,796 Or my kids got gum in it. 515 00:18:03,830 --> 00:18:05,398 Are you trying to have it all? 516 00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:07,767 That question makes no sense. It's a stupid question. 517 00:18:07,801 --> 00:18:09,302 Stop asking it. Don't ask it. 518 00:18:09,336 --> 00:18:10,970 Do you miss your kids while you're at work? 519 00:18:11,004 --> 00:18:12,638 Yes, of course I do. 520 00:18:12,673 --> 00:18:14,040 Everybody does. 521 00:18:14,074 --> 00:18:16,475 And then, you know, sometimes I don't. 522 00:18:16,510 --> 00:18:18,878 Yeah, and by the way, no one's ever asked me that question. 523 00:18:18,912 --> 00:18:20,780 No one asks me, "Where are your kids?" 524 00:18:20,814 --> 00:18:22,114 Or "Who's taking care of them?" 525 00:18:22,149 --> 00:18:24,083 By the way, who is taking care of the kids right now? 526 00:18:24,117 --> 00:18:25,217 My mom, babe. Everything's fine. 527 00:18:25,252 --> 00:18:26,219 Right. 528 00:18:26,253 --> 00:18:27,653 So maybe Leslie doesn't fit 529 00:18:27,688 --> 00:18:30,723 your personal idea of what a candidate's wife should be. 530 00:18:30,757 --> 00:18:32,291 So what? 531 00:18:32,326 --> 00:18:34,060 That's good, because there shouldn't be 532 00:18:34,094 --> 00:18:35,227 just one idea anyway. 533 00:18:35,262 --> 00:18:36,395 That's right. 534 00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:37,763 If you want to bake a pie, that's great. 535 00:18:37,798 --> 00:18:39,465 If you want to have a career, that's great too. 536 00:18:39,499 --> 00:18:41,667 Do both or neither. It doesn't matter. 537 00:18:41,702 --> 00:18:44,637 Just don't judge what someone else has decided to do. 538 00:18:44,671 --> 00:18:47,139 I mean, we're all just trying to find the right path for us 539 00:18:47,174 --> 00:18:50,810 as individuals on this Earth. 540 00:18:50,844 --> 00:18:52,478 [sighs] 541 00:18:52,512 --> 00:18:55,981 [booing, cheers, and applause] 542 00:18:56,016 --> 00:18:58,217 I'd say that's 50/50 boos and cheers. 543 00:18:58,251 --> 00:18:59,418 Yeah, that seems about right. 544 00:18:59,453 --> 00:19:02,455 Let Ben speak! Let Ben speak! 545 00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:03,422 He just spoke. 546 00:19:03,457 --> 00:19:05,391 Oh. Sorry. I-I just got here. 547 00:19:05,425 --> 00:19:06,659 I had a broken bike chain. 548 00:19:06,693 --> 00:19:07,927 My bad. 549 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,333 So I guess we are celebrating 550 00:19:11,453 --> 00:19:15,256 that you trusted me and I let you down. 551 00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:16,391 Great. 552 00:19:16,425 --> 00:19:19,694 I change my house locks every 16 days. 553 00:19:19,728 --> 00:19:21,229 That key has been useless 554 00:19:21,263 --> 00:19:24,766 since the second Tuesday after I gave it to you. 555 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,202 What matters is that I trust you 556 00:19:27,236 --> 00:19:29,771 and admire you as a person. 557 00:19:29,805 --> 00:19:32,774 I will be sorry to see you leave this town 558 00:19:32,808 --> 00:19:35,343 for many reasons... 559 00:19:35,377 --> 00:19:36,811 not the least of which 560 00:19:36,846 --> 00:19:40,515 is that you created a puzzle that even I couldn't solve. 561 00:19:40,549 --> 00:19:45,053 And boy, oh, boy, did you love Andy. 562 00:19:45,087 --> 00:19:46,788 [laughs] 563 00:19:46,822 --> 00:19:49,424 "Woof, woof." [laughs] 564 00:19:49,458 --> 00:19:51,292 It really is embarrassing. 565 00:19:51,327 --> 00:19:53,394 Oh, my God. I totally know where the key is. 566 00:19:53,429 --> 00:19:56,064 [shovel scraping] 567 00:19:56,098 --> 00:19:57,632 [clanking] 568 00:19:57,666 --> 00:20:00,969 [laughing] 569 00:20:01,003 --> 00:20:03,271 How'd you remember? 570 00:20:03,305 --> 00:20:05,740 "Woof, woof." 571 00:20:05,774 --> 00:20:06,975 Bark. 572 00:20:07,009 --> 00:20:09,244 Why here? 573 00:20:10,913 --> 00:20:13,281 Because this tree reminds me of you. 574 00:20:13,315 --> 00:20:16,383 It's strong and quiet 575 00:20:17,094 --> 00:20:19,090 and always here when you need it... 576 00:20:20,663 --> 00:20:22,072 or whatever. 577 00:20:22,870 --> 00:20:25,838 (Ron) I have always felt a certain kinship with April, 578 00:20:25,873 --> 00:20:27,353 and this is proof that I was correct-- 579 00:20:27,913 --> 00:20:30,048 not the nice things she said about me, 580 00:20:30,082 --> 00:20:32,517 the fact that I buried a large amount of gold 581 00:20:32,551 --> 00:20:34,619 under that same tree years ago. 582 00:20:36,188 --> 00:20:38,623 I've since moved it. 583 00:20:38,657 --> 00:20:40,558 Or have I? 584 00:20:40,592 --> 00:20:42,327 [knock at door] 585 00:20:42,361 --> 00:20:43,795 - Elise. - Oh... 586 00:20:43,829 --> 00:20:45,363 What did I do wrong now? 587 00:20:45,397 --> 00:20:47,865 No, actually, we at the I.O.W. 588 00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:49,567 loved what you said in your speech. 589 00:20:49,602 --> 00:20:50,835 Really? 590 00:20:50,869 --> 00:20:54,405 But what we loved even more was how you, Ben, 591 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,709 gave Leslie a platform in which to speak her mind. 592 00:20:59,044 --> 00:21:01,014 Congratulations, Ben Wyatt. 593 00:21:01,134 --> 00:21:04,449 You are this year's I.O.W. Woman of the Year. 594 00:21:04,483 --> 00:21:06,069 Son of a bitch. 595 00:21:06,189 --> 00:21:12,129 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com