1 00:00:02,245 --> 00:00:05,146 Okay, the central question that the senators are gonna be asking is, 2 00:00:05,437 --> 00:00:07,638 "Why should we invest in the National Parks Service?" 3 00:00:07,672 --> 00:00:09,540 - April... - Well, it is simple, Leslie. 4 00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:11,075 In today's fast-paced society, 5 00:00:11,109 --> 00:00:12,876 national parks are still the best place 6 00:00:12,911 --> 00:00:15,312 for full moon werewolf transformations. 7 00:00:15,347 --> 00:00:16,313 I know you're kidding. 8 00:00:16,348 --> 00:00:17,748 But I also know that you're prepared 9 00:00:17,749 --> 00:00:19,416 and we are going to do great. 10 00:00:19,451 --> 00:00:20,851 How psyched are you about this trip? 11 00:00:20,885 --> 00:00:23,587 April, are you super psyched? 12 00:00:23,622 --> 00:00:26,123 Yeah. Also you have lipstick on your teeth. 13 00:00:26,157 --> 00:00:27,791 I do? Mm, okay. Good looking out. 14 00:00:27,826 --> 00:00:29,026 We're a great team. 15 00:00:29,060 --> 00:00:30,694 Well, I never thought I'd say this, 16 00:00:30,729 --> 00:00:33,464 but I think I know what's going on in your head. 17 00:00:33,498 --> 00:00:36,467 Oh, well then, welcome to the terror dome. 18 00:00:36,501 --> 00:00:39,403 Okay, you need to tell Leslie that you want to leave your job. 19 00:00:39,437 --> 00:00:42,406 No. She freaks out when anything changes. 20 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,441 One time Andy told her that I was getting rid of my bangs 21 00:00:44,476 --> 00:00:45,843 and she called 9-1-1. 22 00:00:45,877 --> 00:00:47,645 Okay, well, I can't keep your secret much longer. 23 00:00:47,679 --> 00:00:49,680 Anytime your name comes up, I panic 24 00:00:49,714 --> 00:00:51,949 and change the subject to the Twin Peaks reboot 25 00:00:51,983 --> 00:00:53,217 'til she gets bored. 26 00:00:53,251 --> 00:00:54,551 So you talk for one second? 27 00:00:54,586 --> 00:00:56,387 You're gonna spend the next couple days with her. 28 00:00:56,421 --> 00:00:58,489 If you talk to her directly and honestly, 29 00:00:58,523 --> 00:01:00,758 she can be surprisingly open-minded. 30 00:01:00,792 --> 00:01:01,959 Oh, really? Oh, okay. 31 00:01:01,993 --> 00:01:04,094 Hey, Leslie, um, I was thinking about changing 32 00:01:04,129 --> 00:01:05,563 the font on the itineraries. 33 00:01:05,597 --> 00:01:06,597 What do you think? 34 00:01:06,631 --> 00:01:07,965 What? Why? 35 00:01:07,999 --> 00:01:10,134 On what grounds? Those--those fonts are perfect. 36 00:01:10,168 --> 00:01:12,603 It's readable and compact, it's all on one page. 37 00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:14,438 That's insane. Don't mess with that. 38 00:01:14,472 --> 00:01:16,473 I mean, I appreciate your initiative, 39 00:01:16,508 --> 00:01:20,244 but itineraries are not the right place to mess around. 40 00:01:20,278 --> 00:01:24,248 Yeah. April, I told you, that was an absurd idea. 41 00:01:27,219 --> 00:01:35,226 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 42 00:01:44,769 --> 00:01:46,403 I don't care what Ben says. 43 00:01:46,438 --> 00:01:48,205 I'm not going to tell Leslie I'm leaving my job 44 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,841 on this trip. She'll drown me in the Potomac... 45 00:01:50,875 --> 00:01:52,877 while she recites facts about the Potomac. 46 00:01:52,911 --> 00:01:55,346 Well don't fret, cookie. We've made progress, haven't we? 47 00:01:55,380 --> 00:01:57,548 We got a whole list of all the things you need 48 00:01:57,582 --> 00:01:58,883 out of a new job. 49 00:01:58,917 --> 00:02:01,752 Apple juice, barbeque sauce, 50 00:02:01,787 --> 00:02:03,220 Count Chocula-- wait. 51 00:02:03,255 --> 00:02:05,135 Oh, sorry, that's the list of cool new nicknames 52 00:02:05,156 --> 00:02:06,190 I want people to call me. 53 00:02:06,224 --> 00:02:07,992 Here's your list. 54 00:02:08,026 --> 00:02:09,126 How can I tell her I'm leaving 55 00:02:09,161 --> 00:02:11,028 when I don't even know what job I want? 56 00:02:11,062 --> 00:02:13,797 Babe, I wish you were coming with me. 57 00:02:13,832 --> 00:02:15,332 I just decided what I am going to do 58 00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:16,448 while April is out of town. 59 00:02:16,502 --> 00:02:19,304 I'm going to round up the team and find her a new job. 60 00:02:19,338 --> 00:02:21,006 Yeah, Ben Wyatt please? 61 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:25,143 Tell him it's Count Chocula. 62 00:02:25,177 --> 00:02:27,879 Uh, no it's Andrew Dwyer. I'm sorry. 63 00:02:27,913 --> 00:02:29,447 So April wants to leave? 64 00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:33,018 I always knew she would tire of government. 65 00:02:33,052 --> 00:02:34,185 Took long enough. 66 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:35,253 Well, both me and Ben 67 00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:36,721 are trying to help April find a new job, 68 00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:38,290 and we thought maybe she could work for you. 69 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,326 I feel like it would be a perfect fit. 70 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:43,995 Although, I don't know exactly what you guys do here. 71 00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:46,865 I'm guessing... 72 00:02:46,899 --> 00:02:48,066 it's a business? 73 00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:50,535 Assassins? Hit men? 74 00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:52,604 Doctors. You guys are doctors. 75 00:02:52,638 --> 00:02:54,439 We build things. 76 00:02:54,473 --> 00:02:56,408 Come on, let me show you around. 77 00:02:56,442 --> 00:03:00,979 This is a door. These, of course, are walls. 78 00:03:01,013 --> 00:03:03,014 What else? What else? Ah! 79 00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:05,116 Meet our Vice President, Don Swanson. 80 00:03:05,151 --> 00:03:06,551 Don, this is Andrew and Benjamin. 81 00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:07,852 Pleasure to meet you. 82 00:03:07,887 --> 00:03:10,655 Is this your brother? 83 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:13,091 You have a brother. 84 00:03:13,125 --> 00:03:15,193 No. 85 00:03:15,227 --> 00:03:18,597 Fine. Yes. I suppose the cat's out of the bag. 86 00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:21,533 I have a brother. One brother. 87 00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,301 All those years together at the Parks department 88 00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:24,936 and you never told us you had a brother. 89 00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:26,104 You worked at the Parks department? 90 00:03:26,138 --> 00:03:27,806 Tour's over! 91 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:31,810 Okay. Carry-on bag's packed. Trashy magazines purchased. 92 00:03:31,844 --> 00:03:35,113 Boarding passes in hand, and we have 26 minutes 93 00:03:35,147 --> 00:03:36,915 for unstructured chat time. 94 00:03:36,949 --> 00:03:37,983 What do you want to talk about? 95 00:03:38,017 --> 00:03:40,485 I don't know. Nothing. 96 00:03:40,519 --> 00:03:42,520 I thought maybe we could talk about your future. 97 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:45,290 Wanna talk about your future? 98 00:03:45,324 --> 00:03:47,859 Yeah. I've actually been thinking about that 99 00:03:47,893 --> 00:03:49,461 - a lot lately. - Yeah, I figured. 100 00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:51,963 It's hard, at your age, to figure out your path. 101 00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:53,198 - I know. - Yeah. 102 00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:54,899 I was gonna surprise you with this in Washington, 103 00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:55,967 but, you know, what the heck? 104 00:03:56,002 --> 00:03:57,535 It's unstructured chat time. 105 00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,338 So... ta-da! 106 00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:03,108 This is your clear, definitive path 107 00:04:03,142 --> 00:04:04,276 through the federal government. 108 00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:07,045 It starts here today with this flight 109 00:04:07,079 --> 00:04:09,014 and it goes all the way to 2022. 110 00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:10,281 Cool, right? 111 00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,284 Wow. This is intense. 112 00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:14,019 I had to make some guesses about 113 00:04:14,053 --> 00:04:15,720 your ultimate government objectives 114 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,689 and your fashion choices, etcetera, 115 00:04:17,723 --> 00:04:19,491 but the point is with this 116 00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:20,992 you don't have to worry. 117 00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:23,728 I know! I feel so relaxed. 118 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:24,996 Yeah! I know! 119 00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:27,565 What's up with these shirts? 120 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:28,900 Gov Buds for Life? 121 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,969 Just a little fun I was having, you know? 122 00:04:31,003 --> 00:04:33,805 I didn't really make the shirts. 123 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:35,006 But did you though? 124 00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:37,575 Yes, I did! 125 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,878 Ha-ha! Ta-da! 126 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:43,548 Oh, and also, I have a middle seat. 127 00:04:43,668 --> 00:04:47,619 April! Group one is boarding! 128 00:04:50,062 --> 00:04:52,125 Break it down. What will she be doing at this job? 129 00:04:52,226 --> 00:04:54,623 Well, she'd have about six people reporting to her. 130 00:04:54,743 --> 00:04:56,777 And if she started soon, she could project manage 131 00:04:56,812 --> 00:04:58,479 our new warehouse in Snerling. 132 00:04:58,513 --> 00:05:00,614 Get to be my own boss. So far, so good. 133 00:05:00,649 --> 00:05:04,618 She also wants passionate interest in subject matter. 134 00:05:04,653 --> 00:05:07,254 So, what kind of building is it? 135 00:05:07,289 --> 00:05:08,956 It's a large scale storage unit 136 00:05:08,990 --> 00:05:10,658 for surplus vinyl sheeting. 137 00:05:10,692 --> 00:05:14,028 Okay. So that's, uh, boring. 138 00:05:14,062 --> 00:05:15,996 Would she have an opportunity to practice 139 00:05:16,031 --> 00:05:17,932 any creative problem solving? 140 00:05:17,966 --> 00:05:21,869 Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie. 141 00:05:21,903 --> 00:05:24,839 Although, I suppose she could use creative ways 142 00:05:24,873 --> 00:05:27,408 to organize and stack the vinyl sheeting. 143 00:05:27,442 --> 00:05:28,876 No, that's insane. 144 00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:31,512 We use the Towsend method. It's tried and true. 145 00:05:31,546 --> 00:05:33,214 I think this might be a dead end. 146 00:05:33,248 --> 00:05:34,815 I think you might be right. 147 00:05:34,850 --> 00:05:36,584 But getting a good person out of government 148 00:05:36,618 --> 00:05:38,285 is a worthwhile endeavor. 149 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,755 I will help, but first I'm gonna need some grub. 150 00:05:40,789 --> 00:05:43,090 Ooh, yeah! Let's grab some lunch and some ice cream! 151 00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:44,825 Then maybe some after ice cream tacos? 152 00:05:44,860 --> 00:05:46,780 We'll just brainstorm and maybe grab some snacks. 153 00:05:46,795 --> 00:05:48,129 Vaughn, Lon. 154 00:05:48,163 --> 00:05:49,330 Ron. 155 00:05:52,434 --> 00:05:54,468 Okay, I think we're all set. 156 00:05:54,503 --> 00:05:55,803 Even though I'm taking the lead on these meetings, 157 00:05:55,837 --> 00:05:57,271 - don't be afraid to jump in. - Copy that. 158 00:05:57,305 --> 00:05:59,707 April, when Randy brings up the river project, 159 00:05:59,741 --> 00:06:01,976 - that is your cue to-- - Distract the guards 160 00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:05,079 so the Hamburglar can make his escape. 161 00:06:05,113 --> 00:06:07,281 We're meeting with a lot of senators today. 162 00:06:07,315 --> 00:06:08,516 - Is she going to be okay? - Yeah. 163 00:06:08,550 --> 00:06:11,118 It's just April. Trust me. 164 00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:13,821 And we hope you agree that this is the best plan 165 00:06:13,855 --> 00:06:15,022 to preserve national parks' funding 166 00:06:15,056 --> 00:06:16,690 into the next decade. 167 00:06:16,725 --> 00:06:18,086 Well, so Leslie, what do you think? 168 00:06:18,093 --> 00:06:19,660 Is--is this the right move? 169 00:06:19,694 --> 00:06:21,695 Well, I think it's the only move, Senator Boxer. 170 00:06:21,730 --> 00:06:24,732 I don't think this chance is gonna come around again. 171 00:06:24,766 --> 00:06:27,268 Well, you know, if it's good with Leslie, 172 00:06:27,302 --> 00:06:28,869 it's good with me. 173 00:06:28,904 --> 00:06:30,671 Well, I have another great idea. 174 00:06:30,705 --> 00:06:32,873 How about you and me, April, Randy, 175 00:06:32,908 --> 00:06:34,875 historical lamp posts of D.C.? 176 00:06:34,910 --> 00:06:37,211 Walking tour starts in 15 minutes. 177 00:06:37,245 --> 00:06:38,579 Sounds great, but, uh, 178 00:06:38,613 --> 00:06:41,682 I do have an appointment with the President. 179 00:06:41,717 --> 00:06:42,950 Can we come? 180 00:06:44,019 --> 00:06:45,219 What kind of a business is this? 181 00:06:45,253 --> 00:06:48,222 Is it like hit men or astronauts? 182 00:06:48,256 --> 00:06:50,324 It's an accounting firm. 183 00:06:50,358 --> 00:06:52,493 But they recently opened up a consulting wing. 184 00:06:52,527 --> 00:06:54,128 And consulting is perfect for April. 185 00:06:54,162 --> 00:06:56,096 You think this Barney fellow will listen 186 00:06:56,131 --> 00:06:57,431 to what we have to say? 187 00:06:57,466 --> 00:06:59,300 Ben! Ben is here! 188 00:06:59,334 --> 00:07:00,801 Hi, Ben! 189 00:07:00,836 --> 00:07:02,670 Ted! Ben is here! 190 00:07:02,704 --> 00:07:06,540 Hey, it is actuarially very good to see you guys. 191 00:07:06,575 --> 00:07:08,843 Aah! Ha ha! 192 00:07:08,877 --> 00:07:10,077 Ben! 193 00:07:10,112 --> 00:07:13,214 - They like me here. - You gotta hear this! 194 00:07:13,883 --> 00:07:15,293 So we think we can keep costs down 195 00:07:15,433 --> 00:07:16,433 and still meet deadlines. 196 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,187 You know, I have to say I'm really impressed 197 00:07:18,221 --> 00:07:20,256 with what you guys are doing over at Interior. 198 00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:21,357 Thank you, Senator Gillibrand, 199 00:07:21,391 --> 00:07:22,591 we really appreciate your support. 200 00:07:22,626 --> 00:07:24,326 Would you mind signing a copy of your book? 201 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,694 Oh, of course, of course. 202 00:07:25,729 --> 00:07:26,795 I took the liberty of writing the inscription. 203 00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:27,997 All you have to do is sign. 204 00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:30,799 "To Leslie, my inspiration, my muse, 205 00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:33,102 my partner in crime. I owe it all to you." 206 00:07:33,136 --> 00:07:35,404 And there's room for a P.S. if you feel 207 00:07:35,438 --> 00:07:37,039 there's more you left out. 208 00:07:37,073 --> 00:07:39,508 Well, I think I've said all I wanna say right here. 209 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,243 - Okay. - Okay. 210 00:07:41,278 --> 00:07:43,345 Yeah, well, I can't do that right now. 211 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,881 Oh, boy. I'll call you back. 212 00:07:45,916 --> 00:07:47,983 Hello, Senator. Do you have a minute to chat? 213 00:07:48,018 --> 00:07:49,518 Oh, I can't right now. I've got a meeting. 214 00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:51,353 Well, actually, I checked with your staff 215 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,789 and they said that you have a free half hour. 216 00:07:53,823 --> 00:07:55,357 Did anyone ever tell you 217 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,726 that your tenacity can be intimidating? 218 00:07:57,761 --> 00:07:59,929 Yes. Every month of my life since fourth grade. 219 00:07:59,963 --> 00:08:01,931 Now, let's talk about national parks. 220 00:08:01,965 --> 00:08:04,300 Well, I just have to say I'm very surprised 221 00:08:04,334 --> 00:08:07,002 that the two of you are seeing eye to eye on this one. 222 00:08:07,037 --> 00:08:08,737 Well, Senator Buckner and I are both concerned 223 00:08:08,772 --> 00:08:10,773 about our nation's resources. 224 00:08:10,807 --> 00:08:13,175 And that absolutely includes our national parks. 225 00:08:13,210 --> 00:08:15,244 But that's not all we have in common. 226 00:08:15,278 --> 00:08:18,681 In fact, our real passion is... 227 00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:21,584 Polynesian folk music. 228 00:08:21,618 --> 00:08:23,085 W--what? 229 00:08:23,119 --> 00:08:24,420 Polynesian folk music. 230 00:08:24,454 --> 00:08:26,288 Our band is playing in Georgetown tonight 231 00:08:26,323 --> 00:08:27,299 if you'd like to come. 232 00:08:27,447 --> 00:08:29,615 We're called "Across the Isle." 233 00:08:29,650 --> 00:08:31,584 Did you get that? Aisle? Isle? 234 00:08:31,618 --> 00:08:33,919 Like an island and then across the aisle, 235 00:08:33,954 --> 00:08:35,121 the political aisle. 236 00:08:35,155 --> 00:08:37,089 It's like a pun. It's a play on words. 237 00:08:37,124 --> 00:08:38,290 - I do get it. - Are you sure? 238 00:08:38,325 --> 00:08:39,605 We are definitely coming to this. 239 00:08:39,626 --> 00:08:41,961 It's $8.00 if you buy your tickets now. 240 00:08:41,995 --> 00:08:43,295 It's $10.00 at the door. 241 00:08:43,330 --> 00:08:46,065 Fiscal conservative. Love this guy. 242 00:08:46,099 --> 00:08:47,066 - Love this guy. - Yeah. 243 00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:49,268 April Ludgate Dwyer. 244 00:08:49,303 --> 00:08:50,669 She worked on the Gryzzl deal 245 00:08:50,704 --> 00:08:52,371 that you guys did the finances for. 246 00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:55,207 Now, I know that you're opening up a consulting wing, 247 00:08:55,242 --> 00:08:57,843 and we just think that April would be a great hire. 248 00:08:57,878 --> 00:09:00,046 Yeah, and here's the thing, Barney. 249 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,281 We're obviously very familiar with what consulting is 250 00:09:02,315 --> 00:09:03,516 but why don't you go ahead and tell my friends here, 251 00:09:03,550 --> 00:09:05,818 because I don't think that they know. 252 00:09:05,852 --> 00:09:09,021 Well, it's really about finding creative solutions 253 00:09:09,056 --> 00:09:11,190 to difficult problems. 254 00:09:11,224 --> 00:09:14,627 Now, a lot of times there's firings, so... 255 00:09:14,661 --> 00:09:17,330 consultants aren't exactly well liked. 256 00:09:17,364 --> 00:09:19,598 Holy crap. This is the job for her, I can feel it. 257 00:09:19,633 --> 00:09:21,267 She'll take it! Now let's talk perks. 258 00:09:21,301 --> 00:09:22,735 Does she get the summers off? Is it like school? 259 00:09:22,769 --> 00:09:23,810 - Son, easy. - Well, 260 00:09:23,948 --> 00:09:25,582 what did she major in? 261 00:09:25,617 --> 00:09:27,684 Economics? Accounting? 262 00:09:27,719 --> 00:09:29,386 She designed her own major. 263 00:09:29,421 --> 00:09:32,089 - "Halloween Studies." - Trust me, Barney. 264 00:09:32,123 --> 00:09:34,792 She's brilliant and a very fast learner. 265 00:09:34,826 --> 00:09:37,861 Does that, uh, compound your interests? 266 00:09:37,896 --> 00:09:39,496 Huh? 267 00:09:39,531 --> 00:09:41,031 Ha ha! 268 00:09:41,066 --> 00:09:43,467 So what do you say? Huh, Barney? 269 00:09:43,501 --> 00:09:46,170 - Oh, Ben, that was amazing. - Thank you. 270 00:09:46,204 --> 00:09:48,338 But it's too late for her to apply. 271 00:09:48,373 --> 00:09:51,308 I'm sorry but we're not really taking any more applicants. 272 00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:55,746 Though I could make an exception for someone else. 273 00:09:55,780 --> 00:09:57,715 Not interested. 274 00:09:57,749 --> 00:09:59,917 Okay, so five yeses and four nos. 275 00:09:59,951 --> 00:10:01,552 Not a bad start. 276 00:10:01,586 --> 00:10:02,820 So, Leslie, I was going to talk to you about this 277 00:10:02,854 --> 00:10:05,489 in a few weeks, but Mike Norbert is retiring. 278 00:10:05,523 --> 00:10:08,726 Oh, really? 'Ol Norbs is stepping down. 279 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:10,794 Couldn't handle the pressure, huh? What a wuss. 280 00:10:10,829 --> 00:10:12,129 His marriage is falling apart. 281 00:10:12,163 --> 00:10:13,697 Oh--oh, okay. 282 00:10:13,731 --> 00:10:14,965 She had an affair with his best friend. 283 00:10:14,999 --> 00:10:16,500 Ooh, okay, I feel bad about what I said before. 284 00:10:16,534 --> 00:10:17,534 Yeah, I get it, I get it. 285 00:10:17,535 --> 00:10:19,236 So, anyway, the good news for you is 286 00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:20,471 we'd like to promote you to Deputy Director 287 00:10:20,505 --> 00:10:23,640 of Operations and Interior. 288 00:10:23,675 --> 00:10:25,008 Wow. 289 00:10:25,043 --> 00:10:26,810 You'd have to move to D.C. and you have to complete 290 00:10:26,845 --> 00:10:29,213 the Senior Executive Service Candidate Development program. 291 00:10:29,247 --> 00:10:30,581 I have to enroll in S.E.S.C.D.P.? 292 00:10:30,615 --> 00:10:33,183 44 weeks of intensive courses and note taking? 293 00:10:33,218 --> 00:10:35,753 Um, it's a dream come true. 294 00:10:35,787 --> 00:10:37,755 And I have to warn you, there'll be a confirmation hearing. 295 00:10:37,789 --> 00:10:39,990 A confirmation hearing? A freaking confirmation hearing? 296 00:10:40,024 --> 00:10:41,558 Excuse me a second. 297 00:10:41,593 --> 00:10:42,926 What's that? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 298 00:10:42,961 --> 00:10:45,028 Um, to the best of my recollection, 299 00:10:45,063 --> 00:10:46,997 yes, I accept the job. 300 00:10:47,032 --> 00:10:48,365 Oh, excuse me, ma'am? 301 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,833 Do you mind if I borrow your hat? 302 00:10:49,868 --> 00:10:51,502 I just want to throw it up in the air victoriously. 303 00:10:51,536 --> 00:10:53,170 - No. - Ma'am! 304 00:10:55,206 --> 00:10:56,907 I think that job's perfect for April. 305 00:10:56,941 --> 00:10:58,942 We just have to convince Barney to give her a shot. 306 00:10:58,977 --> 00:11:01,011 I mean, first problem, she's not as qualified 307 00:11:01,046 --> 00:11:02,312 as the other applicants. 308 00:11:02,347 --> 00:11:04,415 Simple solution. I break into her college 309 00:11:04,449 --> 00:11:06,984 and I change her degree to accounting. Easy. 310 00:11:07,018 --> 00:11:09,820 On my way out, look up at the blackboard, what is that? 311 00:11:09,854 --> 00:11:11,622 Impossible math equation? 312 00:11:11,656 --> 00:11:12,756 I solve it. 313 00:11:12,791 --> 00:11:15,058 X equals Y, obviously. 314 00:11:15,093 --> 00:11:16,660 Professor comes up to me and says, 315 00:11:16,695 --> 00:11:20,330 "I've been working on that for 50 years. 316 00:11:20,365 --> 00:11:24,401 Why don't you accept this math trophy?" 317 00:11:24,436 --> 00:11:26,603 By the time he turns around, I'm gone. 318 00:11:26,638 --> 00:11:28,872 We need to highlight April's strengths. 319 00:11:28,907 --> 00:11:30,441 I thought we could update her resume. 320 00:11:30,475 --> 00:11:32,810 This is the one she applied to Parks with. 321 00:11:32,844 --> 00:11:36,080 It's just a signed photograph of a puppet named Alf. 322 00:11:36,114 --> 00:11:38,348 Okay, so, we make her an actual resume 323 00:11:38,383 --> 00:11:39,817 then put on a big presentation. 324 00:11:39,851 --> 00:11:42,419 Show Barney that she's more than qualified. 325 00:11:42,454 --> 00:11:43,720 Gonna need all hands on deck. 326 00:11:43,755 --> 00:11:45,956 That's Craig, Donna, and most importantly-- 327 00:11:45,991 --> 00:11:47,724 - Please no. - Come on, don't do it. 328 00:11:47,759 --> 00:11:49,626 Oh, you wanna photocopy? 329 00:11:49,661 --> 00:11:52,062 You guys want to do all the mindless work? 330 00:11:52,097 --> 00:11:54,398 Yeah, I didn't think so. 331 00:11:56,134 --> 00:11:58,402 Get me Garry Gergich. 332 00:11:58,436 --> 00:12:01,338 Look around, April. 333 00:12:01,373 --> 00:12:03,107 What do you see? 334 00:12:03,141 --> 00:12:04,942 Fountains. 335 00:12:04,976 --> 00:12:06,644 Water. 336 00:12:06,678 --> 00:12:08,312 Sky. 337 00:12:08,346 --> 00:12:10,881 You...looking at me like a crazy person. 338 00:12:10,915 --> 00:12:14,151 I see a new home. I am gonna take that job. 339 00:12:14,185 --> 00:12:17,388 Ben's gonna run for Congress, he will win eventually, 340 00:12:17,422 --> 00:12:18,722 and then we're gonna split our time 341 00:12:18,756 --> 00:12:20,124 between Washington and Pawnee. 342 00:12:20,158 --> 00:12:22,326 That's great. It looks like everything is 343 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:23,327 falling into place for you. 344 00:12:23,361 --> 00:12:24,695 For us, April! 345 00:12:24,729 --> 00:12:26,063 - For us! - Oh, God. 346 00:12:26,097 --> 00:12:27,164 Whoa! What is that? 347 00:12:27,198 --> 00:12:28,966 Over there, a lamp post? 348 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,240 Is that historic, do you think? 349 00:12:30,268 --> 00:12:31,769 No. They put that in in the 70s. 350 00:12:31,803 --> 00:12:33,737 Look, I am so ahead of my five-year plan. 351 00:12:33,772 --> 00:12:36,807 Which means that you're gonna need a new five-year plan, 352 00:12:36,841 --> 00:12:38,142 And here it is. 353 00:12:38,176 --> 00:12:40,744 Ow, it's hot! How did you make this so fast? 354 00:12:40,779 --> 00:12:43,414 I keep a local binder maker on retainer in D.C. 355 00:12:43,448 --> 00:12:46,517 We are about to embark on such an amazing journey. 356 00:12:46,551 --> 00:12:49,920 This is gonna be our city. And this is gonna be our bench. 357 00:12:49,954 --> 00:12:53,123 April, we have a bench in D.C.! 358 00:12:53,158 --> 00:12:55,793 I'm sorry, Leslie, I can't do this anymore. 359 00:12:55,827 --> 00:12:57,628 I don't want to work in government. 360 00:12:57,662 --> 00:12:58,829 I quit. 361 00:13:01,366 --> 00:13:03,400 What are you talking about? 362 00:13:03,435 --> 00:13:05,002 You quit? Why? 363 00:13:05,036 --> 00:13:08,505 Because, honestly, I don't even know if I like 364 00:13:08,540 --> 00:13:10,207 working in national parks. 365 00:13:10,241 --> 00:13:11,408 Or government. 366 00:13:11,443 --> 00:13:13,911 I just fell backwards into your world 367 00:13:13,945 --> 00:13:17,047 and years have gone by, and now I'm here 368 00:13:17,082 --> 00:13:18,482 and--Andy and Ben have been helping me 369 00:13:18,516 --> 00:13:19,917 look into different jobs to figure out 370 00:13:19,951 --> 00:13:21,452 what I really want to do. 371 00:13:21,486 --> 00:13:23,053 Ben who? Ben Wyatt? 372 00:13:23,088 --> 00:13:25,122 He's been helping you behind my back? 373 00:13:25,156 --> 00:13:27,191 Wow, okay, you know what, we had a good run, 374 00:13:27,225 --> 00:13:28,525 - but he's dead to me now. - It's just-- 375 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,594 I've been on this weird path my entire adult life, 376 00:13:30,629 --> 00:13:32,730 and I need to figure out what I really want. 377 00:13:32,764 --> 00:13:34,264 I cannot believe you're quitting. 378 00:13:34,299 --> 00:13:36,367 And I cannot believe this is the first time I'm hearing it. 379 00:13:36,401 --> 00:13:38,736 And on our bench... 380 00:13:38,770 --> 00:13:40,755 of all places. 381 00:13:49,109 --> 00:13:50,350 You know, it's just so frustrating. 382 00:13:50,433 --> 00:13:51,700 I mean, I love her, but, you know, 383 00:13:51,735 --> 00:13:52,735 you spend so much time and effort on someone's life 384 00:13:52,769 --> 00:13:54,009 and she's just gonna quit on me? 385 00:13:54,037 --> 00:13:56,038 It's like, what's the point, you know? 386 00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,471 Wow, Leslie. I haven't seen you this upset 387 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,773 since you almost forgot Ann's half-birthday. 388 00:14:00,808 --> 00:14:02,408 - Yeah. - Tell me. 389 00:14:02,443 --> 00:14:03,409 How many times have we had lunch? 390 00:14:03,444 --> 00:14:06,079 Five. Well, eight, if you count 391 00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:07,914 all those times I showed up unannounced at your office 392 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,048 with mini-muffins. 393 00:14:09,083 --> 00:14:10,984 And why have we had lunch so many times? 394 00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:14,020 Well, because, when I knew I would be coming to Washington 395 00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:17,357 to work, I wore you down until you agreed to become my friend. 396 00:14:17,391 --> 00:14:18,992 I'm so glad that you did. 397 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:21,628 And you are wonderful friend, but, sometimes 398 00:14:21,662 --> 00:14:23,696 you're so focused and driven 399 00:14:23,731 --> 00:14:25,131 that you forget about people's feelings. 400 00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:28,968 Ah, pfft! Name one time I've done that. 401 00:14:29,003 --> 00:14:30,570 Well, you were so wrapped up in your story 402 00:14:30,604 --> 00:14:33,373 that you actually ate my waffle. 403 00:14:33,407 --> 00:14:35,441 Sometimes, all you can do 404 00:14:35,476 --> 00:14:37,477 is give people a little bit of advice 405 00:14:37,511 --> 00:14:39,913 and a push, but you have to realize 406 00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:42,415 April has to be able to make up her own mind. 407 00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,651 Ah, you're right... 408 00:14:44,685 --> 00:14:46,519 once again, Madeleine Albright. 409 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,321 Can I have my pin back now? 410 00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:49,889 Oh! Oh, yeah, sorry. 411 00:14:49,924 --> 00:14:51,324 Thank you for letting me wear it. 412 00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:52,659 Just makes me feel very powerful. 413 00:14:52,693 --> 00:14:53,993 Me too. 414 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,998 Resume's done. I used bullet points instead of numbers 415 00:14:59,033 --> 00:15:00,934 because I find it conveys strength and confidence. 416 00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:03,503 A binder of her accomplishments. 417 00:15:03,537 --> 00:15:05,505 Photos of her getting the job done. 418 00:15:05,539 --> 00:15:07,473 And $500 cash, in case you want to go 419 00:15:07,508 --> 00:15:08,708 the straight-up bribe route. 420 00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:09,976 Donna... 421 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:11,678 You put me on the team, I find a way to win. 422 00:15:11,712 --> 00:15:12,845 Okay, copies are made. 423 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,415 Um, everything has been collated and stapled. 424 00:15:15,449 --> 00:15:17,050 And all the research has been double-checked. 425 00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,718 I went through quite a few staples. 426 00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:21,454 I added a personal testimony vouching for April's brilliance. 427 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:22,722 And this guy better appreciate it because 428 00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,325 I do not compare people to Mary J. Blige lightly. 429 00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:26,893 Uh, no one should. 430 00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:27,927 Do you want to go to dinner tonight? 431 00:15:27,962 --> 00:15:29,128 - I do not. - Respect. 432 00:15:29,163 --> 00:15:30,930 - I'm free. - I have plans. 433 00:15:30,965 --> 00:15:32,398 Well, great job, guys. 434 00:15:32,433 --> 00:15:34,634 With all this, Barney will at least have to give her a shot. 435 00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:37,203 Sure, they did a good job, but this isn't enough. 436 00:15:37,238 --> 00:15:39,672 And I've been thinking about it all day 437 00:15:39,707 --> 00:15:41,240 and I have a plan 438 00:15:41,275 --> 00:15:42,742 to go the extra mile 439 00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:45,445 and make April seem like the ideal candidate. 440 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,453 Give me the job! 441 00:15:53,487 --> 00:15:56,889 My name's April Ludgate and my talent is explosive! 442 00:15:58,559 --> 00:16:01,327 Go U-S-A! U-S-A! 443 00:16:01,362 --> 00:16:03,896 U-S-A! U-S-A! 444 00:16:03,931 --> 00:16:06,566 U-S-A! When should I tell April to show up? 445 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:07,834 My car... 446 00:16:13,374 --> 00:16:14,841 Hey. 447 00:16:14,875 --> 00:16:16,442 Thank you for coming. 448 00:16:16,477 --> 00:16:18,144 Yeah, well, I had to miss 449 00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,580 the memorable rain gutters of Washington walking tour, 450 00:16:20,614 --> 00:16:21,915 so, this better be good. 451 00:16:21,949 --> 00:16:25,018 I'm sorry I blew up at you yesterday. 452 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:27,654 I really want all of my friends to be happy together, 453 00:16:27,688 --> 00:16:31,791 but, more importantly, I just want them to be happy. 454 00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:35,395 If you feel like you need to move on, I totally get it. 455 00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:38,264 Okay. 456 00:16:38,299 --> 00:16:39,899 - Turn around. - What? Why? 457 00:16:39,934 --> 00:16:41,768 Because I'm about to say something serious 458 00:16:41,802 --> 00:16:43,503 and I can't do it if I have to look you in the eye. 459 00:16:43,537 --> 00:16:45,038 - Please. - Okay. 460 00:16:46,907 --> 00:16:48,942 Now take your shoes off and wear them like mittens. 461 00:16:48,976 --> 00:16:52,245 - April... - Okay, sorry. 462 00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:59,085 When I started working for you, I was aimless 463 00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:02,655 and just thought everything was stupid and lame, 464 00:17:02,690 --> 00:17:05,425 and you turned me into someone 465 00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:08,695 with goals and ambition, 466 00:17:08,729 --> 00:17:11,664 which is really the only reason why I'm even thinking about 467 00:17:11,699 --> 00:17:13,766 what I really want. 468 00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:20,607 I just... wanna say thank you. 469 00:17:20,641 --> 00:17:23,610 And I love you very much. 470 00:17:23,644 --> 00:17:27,747 Which is why I have decided not to turn you into a sea urchin, 471 00:17:27,781 --> 00:17:30,817 which I could do, because I am an actual witch 472 00:17:30,851 --> 00:17:33,786 - with powers and I'm evil - I know. 473 00:17:33,821 --> 00:17:35,788 - and I hate everything. - I know you do. 474 00:17:35,823 --> 00:17:38,791 I know. Thank you, April. 475 00:17:38,826 --> 00:17:43,096 So you don't have any idea what you want to do? 476 00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:45,899 Well, here's the good news: I am on the case. 477 00:17:45,933 --> 00:17:49,102 I know some people who might be able to help us. Come on. 478 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:51,871 April, this is Alyssa from the American Service Foundation. 479 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:53,406 They take young people like you 480 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,208 who are trying to explore a new path 481 00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:57,276 and match them with one of the thousands of jobs 482 00:17:57,311 --> 00:17:59,279 across America that help communities. 483 00:17:59,313 --> 00:18:01,147 Alyssa, this is April Ludgate, 484 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,883 the single greatest human being ever, 485 00:18:03,918 --> 00:18:06,319 and you need to find her a job that she will love and cherish 486 00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:07,387 and make her life feel complete. 487 00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:08,488 Okay. I'm sorry. 488 00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:09,856 I found this crazy woman on the street 489 00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:11,391 and she won't leave me alone. 490 00:18:11,425 --> 00:18:14,460 Oh, I'm very familiar with Leslie's...enthusiasm. 491 00:18:14,495 --> 00:18:16,062 They contacted us last year because 492 00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:18,097 they wanted to place some people in national parks. 493 00:18:18,132 --> 00:18:20,300 Two days later, we had set up the entire program, 494 00:18:20,334 --> 00:18:22,936 and she sent me a throw pillow with my face stitched onto it. 495 00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:25,104 Not my best work. Plus, you changed your hair. 496 00:18:25,139 --> 00:18:26,339 I'm gonna send you another one. 497 00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:29,075 Okay, go solve all of your career problems. 498 00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,276 I'll wait right here. 499 00:18:30,311 --> 00:18:31,444 Sorry. 500 00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:34,121 - That-a girl! - Ugh, Mom! 501 00:18:36,174 --> 00:18:37,540 I don't know, Madeleine. 502 00:18:37,613 --> 00:18:39,761 They're taking forever and I'm starting to lose it. 503 00:18:39,881 --> 00:18:40,848 Talk to me, okay? 504 00:18:40,882 --> 00:18:41,982 Your voice makes me calm. 505 00:18:42,017 --> 00:18:43,718 Tell me another Yeltsin story. 506 00:18:43,752 --> 00:18:45,214 Okay, she's here. I have to go. Bye. 507 00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:47,425 Say hi to your daughters. Hey. Hi. 508 00:18:47,545 --> 00:18:48,812 How did it go? 509 00:18:48,846 --> 00:18:52,515 I'm great. I know exactly what I want to do. 510 00:18:52,550 --> 00:18:55,251 Yes! Is it Teach for America? 511 00:18:55,286 --> 00:18:56,786 No! Habitat for Humanity? 512 00:18:56,821 --> 00:18:58,755 No! It's working with animals. 513 00:18:58,789 --> 00:19:02,459 No. I want to work here. At the foundation. 514 00:19:02,493 --> 00:19:04,294 I want to be like Alyssa. 515 00:19:04,328 --> 00:19:05,595 I wanna tell people what to do 516 00:19:05,629 --> 00:19:07,831 and then send them far away from me. 517 00:19:07,865 --> 00:19:08,865 It's perfect. 518 00:19:08,899 --> 00:19:10,333 And it hits everything on my list. 519 00:19:10,368 --> 00:19:12,535 Creative problem solving, working one-on-one-- 520 00:19:12,570 --> 00:19:15,672 I am 100,000% in support of this idea. 521 00:19:15,706 --> 00:19:17,440 This is an amazing idea. I love this idea! 522 00:19:17,475 --> 00:19:18,675 And I love you! 523 00:19:18,709 --> 00:19:19,843 So are they hiring? 524 00:19:19,877 --> 00:19:21,478 What did Alyssa say when you told her? 525 00:19:21,512 --> 00:19:22,912 Um, nothing. I didn't tell her yet. 526 00:19:22,947 --> 00:19:26,349 I wanted to see if you thought it was a good idea first. 527 00:19:26,384 --> 00:19:27,384 What? 528 00:19:27,418 --> 00:19:29,052 Bad idea? 529 00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:30,654 You wanted to run something by me? 530 00:19:30,688 --> 00:19:31,655 Oh, my God. 531 00:19:31,689 --> 00:19:34,991 Yes. So, will you help me? 532 00:19:35,026 --> 00:19:37,460 April, you don't need me. 533 00:19:37,495 --> 00:19:38,895 You can get any job you want. 534 00:19:38,930 --> 00:19:40,530 All by yourself. 535 00:19:40,564 --> 00:19:42,933 Well, obviously I'm going to vet your resume 536 00:19:42,967 --> 00:19:44,334 and we'll hold some mock interviews 537 00:19:44,368 --> 00:19:46,102 and I'll choose your outfit and everything but-- 538 00:19:46,137 --> 00:19:49,673 you can get this sucker on your own. 539 00:19:49,707 --> 00:19:52,976 So, long story short, we might have found you the perfect job 540 00:19:53,010 --> 00:19:54,911 but also I might have blown it. 541 00:19:54,946 --> 00:19:57,480 Ben and Ron are there now to try to fix it. 542 00:19:57,515 --> 00:20:00,183 And if they don't, I feel like it's kind of on them. 543 00:20:00,217 --> 00:20:01,918 Everyone is being so nice to me lately. 544 00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:04,621 It's weird. I feel like I need to take a shower in pig's blood 545 00:20:04,655 --> 00:20:06,022 to wash all the niceness off me. 546 00:20:06,057 --> 00:20:07,190 It's because we love you. 547 00:20:07,224 --> 00:20:08,391 We want you to be happy. 548 00:20:08,426 --> 00:20:10,293 This consulting job could be the answer. 549 00:20:10,328 --> 00:20:12,829 Yeah, so about that... 550 00:20:14,932 --> 00:20:17,583 Please don't hold anything Andy did against April. 551 00:20:18,045 --> 00:20:19,952 She is an exceptional human being, 552 00:20:20,072 --> 00:20:22,107 who married a well meaning goof. 553 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:25,440 And I think that presentation we put together says it all. 554 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,388 All we're asking is thatyou meet with her 555 00:20:27,637 --> 00:20:30,095 and seriously consider her for the job. 556 00:20:30,215 --> 00:20:33,026 And if she disappoints you, you can hold me... 557 00:20:33,296 --> 00:20:35,317 accountable. 558 00:20:35,741 --> 00:20:37,824 - Right? - You know what? 559 00:20:37,944 --> 00:20:40,044 If her friends are trying this hard, 560 00:20:40,164 --> 00:20:42,053 there must be something amazing about her. 561 00:20:42,173 --> 00:20:43,478 Tell her I'll meet with her tomorrow-- 562 00:20:43,598 --> 00:20:44,863 Uh, hold on. April? 563 00:20:45,125 --> 00:20:47,075 Hey, we were just talking about you. 564 00:20:47,195 --> 00:20:48,525 We got some good news. 565 00:20:50,928 --> 00:20:52,409 Oh, boy. 566 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:55,096 Okay. 567 00:20:56,071 --> 00:20:59,604 She doesn't want the job. 568 00:21:00,517 --> 00:21:01,705 I see. 569 00:21:05,492 --> 00:21:07,959 Well, this is uncomfortable.