1
00:00:00,728 --> 00:00:02,629
In front of you are
six different wedding cakes
2
00:00:02,664 --> 00:00:04,198
from the top restaurants
in Pawnee.
3
00:00:04,492 --> 00:00:06,793
Sample each one,
and rank your two top favorites
4
00:00:06,828 --> 00:00:07,861
in the ballots provided.
5
00:00:07,895 --> 00:00:09,830
Oh, boy.
They're all so good.
6
00:00:09,864 --> 00:00:10,797
I can't pick just two.
7
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Well, then you leave, Terry.
8
00:00:12,166 --> 00:00:13,800
And pay for the cake
you already ate.
9
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I like the vanilla one
with the lemon cream.
10
00:00:15,269 --> 00:00:16,870
That was a joke cake I got
11
00:00:16,904 --> 00:00:19,973
from the grocery store
to weed out low-quality palates.
12
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Maybe it's because
he's my fiance, and I love him,
13
00:00:23,211 --> 00:00:26,213
but I kind of like
the grocery store one, too.
14
00:00:26,247 --> 00:00:28,381
There's actually one more cake
you haven't tried yet.
15
00:00:28,416 --> 00:00:30,917
Donna has chosen me to be the
butler of honor at her wedding.
16
00:00:30,952 --> 00:00:33,320
Now granted, butler of honor is
a term I made up,
17
00:00:33,354 --> 00:00:34,788
but it's not
a job I take lightly.
18
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That's why I'm about to
give her a surprise bigger
19
00:00:37,625 --> 00:00:40,360
than when LeBron went back
to Miami.
20
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Oh, my God.
DJ Bluntz?
21
00:00:42,330 --> 00:00:43,797
What is happening right now?
22
00:00:43,831 --> 00:00:45,198
I think you know
what's happening.
23
00:00:45,233 --> 00:00:48,669
But--but for real, though.
What--what's happening?
24
00:00:50,405 --> 00:00:52,205
Treat yo' self.
25
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,608
♪ Treat yo' self 2017 ♪
26
00:00:54,642 --> 00:00:56,009
Oh, my God, is this for real?
27
00:00:56,044 --> 00:00:57,177
Oh, it's for real.
Okay.
28
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And it's the biggest one yet.
29
00:00:58,546 --> 00:00:59,546
I-I still don't know
what's happening.
30
00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:00,547
So what's happening?
31
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Treat yo' self.
32
00:01:01,582 --> 00:01:02,950
Not an answer to my question.
33
00:01:02,984 --> 00:01:04,217
Oh, my God, read the cake.
34
00:01:04,252 --> 00:01:06,186
Still unclear.
Terry, w-what's happening?
35
00:01:06,220 --> 00:01:07,621
Treat yo' self!
36
00:01:07,655 --> 00:01:09,056
♪ It's the best
day of the year ♪
37
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Roscoe, people in this town are
very angry
39
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,781
about Gryzzl's
data-mining program.
40
00:01:34,816 --> 00:01:37,017
In your opinion,
have you done anything wrong?
41
00:01:37,051 --> 00:01:39,286
We did not believe that
we did anything
42
00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:41,755
to invade people's privacy,
Trodd.
43
00:01:41,789 --> 00:01:44,758
But then, we checked
thousands of emails and texts
44
00:01:44,792 --> 00:01:46,727
between our customers
and their loved ones,
45
00:01:46,761 --> 00:01:48,662
and it seemed like
people thought we were wrong.
46
00:01:48,696 --> 00:01:50,630
Gryzzl's currently trying to buy
47
00:01:50,665 --> 00:01:52,733
an enormous parcel of land
48
00:01:52,767 --> 00:01:56,703
to build a permanent
headquarters in Pawnee.
49
00:01:56,738 --> 00:01:59,005
How will you win back our trust?
50
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,541
We're going to be
throwing a free concert
51
00:02:01,576 --> 00:02:03,510
with U2 and Beyonce.
52
00:02:03,544 --> 00:02:05,245
Tickets are already
on your phones.
53
00:02:05,279 --> 00:02:08,348
Seating is going to be organized
by income and sexual history.
54
00:02:08,383 --> 00:02:10,083
And that, I swear,
55
00:02:10,118 --> 00:02:13,086
is the last time that we will be
peeking inside your computers.
56
00:02:13,121 --> 00:02:15,856
Wow.
Gryzzl is scrambling.
57
00:02:15,890 --> 00:02:17,491
And for the first time
in this land battle,
58
00:02:17,525 --> 00:02:19,526
they are vulnerable,
and we are gonna capitalize
59
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:20,994
on it with something
big and exciting.
60
00:02:21,029 --> 00:02:22,629
I've got something
big and exciting.
61
00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:26,066
All we need is a blimp
and a decoy blimp.
62
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:27,834
Okay, for what I hope is
the last time,
63
00:02:27,869 --> 00:02:30,170
but will assume is
not the last time,
64
00:02:30,204 --> 00:02:31,671
our strategy does not
involve blimps.
65
00:02:31,706 --> 00:02:33,407
We already have an idea.
April?
66
00:02:33,441 --> 00:02:36,877
Okay, our new proposal will
ask them to split the land.
67
00:02:36,911 --> 00:02:38,578
Gryzzl will take
half for their campus,
68
00:02:38,613 --> 00:02:40,380
and then donate the rest to
National Parks.
69
00:02:40,415 --> 00:02:41,815
It's not ideal,
70
00:02:41,849 --> 00:02:44,217
but they may go for it because
of how bad they screwed up.
71
00:02:44,252 --> 00:02:45,319
I am not a spy,
72
00:02:45,353 --> 00:02:47,821
and I would never reveal
classified information.
73
00:02:47,855 --> 00:02:49,289
Do you have to say that
every time?
74
00:02:49,324 --> 00:02:50,991
Yes.
75
00:02:51,025 --> 00:02:54,928
But I know Gryzzl is dead-set on
owning the entire parcel.
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00:02:54,962 --> 00:02:56,897
I'm not sure
this plan will work.
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Well, if it doesn't,
something will.
78
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Because when you and I team up,
great things happen.
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00:03:00,735 --> 00:03:02,269
Ron and I had
a little falling out,
80
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but we are back, baby.
81
00:03:04,172 --> 00:03:06,139
And just like
Joey Fatone and Lance Bass,
82
00:03:06,174 --> 00:03:08,508
we are totally in sync.
83
00:03:08,543 --> 00:03:09,509
Come on.
84
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Okay.
85
00:03:10,612 --> 00:03:11,645
Just give me a...
86
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Oh.
We're in sync emotionally.
87
00:03:13,181 --> 00:03:15,482
Stop patting my head.
88
00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:18,919
Huh.
89
00:03:18,953 --> 00:03:21,922
Looks like Newport Trust is
making an announcement.
90
00:03:21,956 --> 00:03:25,258
Last week,
the Newport Trust told Gryzzl,
91
00:03:25,293 --> 00:03:27,327
in no uncertain terms,
92
00:03:27,362 --> 00:03:29,663
that we would not do business
with a company
93
00:03:29,697 --> 00:03:31,832
that invades our privacy.
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00:03:31,866 --> 00:03:37,204
Then, Gryzzl upped their offer
to $125 million,
95
00:03:37,238 --> 00:03:40,574
and I swear to God, y'all,
I nearly fainted.
96
00:03:40,608 --> 00:03:44,344
So we are officially
jumping the gun
97
00:03:44,379 --> 00:03:47,647
and selling to Gryzzl
for $125 million.
98
00:03:47,682 --> 00:03:48,682
What?
99
00:03:48,716 --> 00:03:49,883
Let me repeat that,
100
00:03:49,917 --> 00:03:52,085
because it makes me very horny.
101
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:54,488
- $125 million!
- Come on, Knope.
102
00:03:54,522 --> 00:03:58,125
How about we go drown
our sorrows in some waffles?
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00:03:58,159 --> 00:04:00,193
♪ Treat yo' self ♪
Hey, boss.
104
00:04:00,228 --> 00:04:01,828
Before you go,
can you sign some checks?
105
00:04:01,863 --> 00:04:03,563
Do mine first.
In case something happens to you
106
00:04:03,598 --> 00:04:05,132
I want to make sure I get paid.
107
00:04:05,166 --> 00:04:06,333
Looking out for number one.
108
00:04:06,367 --> 00:04:07,601
Always smart.
109
00:04:07,635 --> 00:04:11,071
So, how is post-breakup life?
110
00:04:11,105 --> 00:04:13,006
Well, breakups are
famously super fun
111
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and make everyone feel awesome,
so it's no different.
112
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You should come to my wedding.
113
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It's gonna be hella fun.
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Yeah, you should come with me.
115
00:04:21,582 --> 00:04:24,284
As like a...plus-one
type thing.
116
00:04:24,318 --> 00:04:26,019
Maybe we just go as, uh...
117
00:04:26,054 --> 00:04:27,421
as work friends.
118
00:04:27,455 --> 00:04:31,091
Maybe it's just even, you know,
boss, employee type thing.
119
00:04:31,125 --> 00:04:32,659
You know what?
That's what you should do.
120
00:04:32,694 --> 00:04:36,563
You should come to the wedding
and--and--and do paperwork.
121
00:04:36,597 --> 00:04:39,099
Stop, you're making this
sound almost too fun.
122
00:04:39,133 --> 00:04:41,802
Whatever.
Just text me when you decide.
123
00:04:41,836 --> 00:04:45,505
I literally couldn't care less,
so...
124
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:46,506
Yeah.
125
00:04:46,541 --> 00:04:48,608
Let's hit it, Donna.
126
00:04:48,643 --> 00:04:51,912
Um, can we talk about that
disastrous interaction
127
00:04:51,946 --> 00:04:53,213
you just had with Lucy?
128
00:04:53,247 --> 00:04:54,648
Nope.
All we're talking about
129
00:04:54,682 --> 00:04:56,316
is treating yo' self.
130
00:04:56,351 --> 00:04:57,884
Today is about one thing:
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Things.
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00:04:58,886 --> 00:04:59,853
Things, Donna.
133
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Our favorite.
134
00:05:01,289 --> 00:05:03,123
Well, where is Bluntz taking us?
135
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This is not the way to the mall.
136
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That's 'cause
we're not going to the mall.
137
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We're finally gonna do something
we've always talked about.
138
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No way.
139
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Treat yo' self.
140
00:05:12,967 --> 00:05:14,167
♪ In Beverly Hills! ♪
141
00:05:14,202 --> 00:05:16,937
Aah!
142
00:05:16,971 --> 00:05:20,374
All I wanted was
25 square miles of land
143
00:05:20,408 --> 00:05:22,008
valued at $100 million
144
00:05:22,043 --> 00:05:23,343
given to me for free.
145
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Is that too much to ask?
146
00:05:24,779 --> 00:05:25,779
I'll say it again:
147
00:05:25,813 --> 00:05:27,514
voodoo is still an option.
148
00:05:27,548 --> 00:05:28,548
No.
149
00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:29,816
It's over.
They won.
150
00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,084
Everything is changing.
151
00:05:31,119 --> 00:05:33,620
This town is going to be
unrecognizable in ten years.
152
00:05:33,654 --> 00:05:35,522
Even JJ's Diner is disappearing.
153
00:05:35,556 --> 00:05:36,823
What can I get you guys?
154
00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:39,092
However many waffles it takes to
keep you in business.
155
00:05:39,127 --> 00:05:40,694
I'm happy with
some of the changes
156
00:05:40,728 --> 00:05:42,029
that Pawnee has gone through.
157
00:05:42,063 --> 00:05:43,830
I mean,
the standard of living is up.
158
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:48,168
We have pressed juice bars and
yoga studios and a pet hotel.
159
00:05:48,202 --> 00:05:50,904
But I think the town is
losing some of its charm.
160
00:05:50,938 --> 00:05:53,140
And there's too much kale now.
161
00:05:53,174 --> 00:05:57,444
One place asked me if
I wanted kale in my milkshake.
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00:05:57,478 --> 00:05:59,880
My milkshake, you guys.
163
00:05:59,914 --> 00:06:02,449
Even though I'm a firm believer
in the free market,
164
00:06:02,483 --> 00:06:04,318
and your failure
as a businessman
165
00:06:04,352 --> 00:06:05,652
is ultimately to blame,
166
00:06:05,687 --> 00:06:07,954
it's still a travesty
your diner is closing.
167
00:06:07,989 --> 00:06:09,289
Well, I agree with you.
168
00:06:09,323 --> 00:06:10,691
But the guy who
bought the property
169
00:06:10,725 --> 00:06:13,460
didn't even give me a chance
to re-up the lease.
170
00:06:13,494 --> 00:06:16,063
You can't win 'em all.
171
00:06:16,097 --> 00:06:17,097
No.
172
00:06:17,131 --> 00:06:18,498
Enough is enough.
173
00:06:18,533 --> 00:06:19,766
They may have taken that land,
174
00:06:19,801 --> 00:06:23,704
but I will be damned
if they take my waffles.
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00:06:23,738 --> 00:06:26,173
JJ...
Is something wrong?
176
00:06:26,207 --> 00:06:27,808
No, nothing is ever wrong here.
177
00:06:27,842 --> 00:06:30,610
That's why we are gonna
fight hard to save your diner.
178
00:06:30,645 --> 00:06:31,745
Now you said your new landlord
179
00:06:31,779 --> 00:06:33,680
didn't give you
a chance to counter.
180
00:06:33,715 --> 00:06:34,881
Who is it?
181
00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:38,251
It was a company with
a weird-sounding name.
182
00:06:38,286 --> 00:06:39,319
Hang on.
183
00:06:39,354 --> 00:06:41,288
Was it Putin?
184
00:06:41,322 --> 00:06:42,989
Voldermort Putin?
185
00:06:43,024 --> 00:06:44,324
Of Russia?
186
00:06:44,359 --> 00:06:45,892
I'd love to
take that bastard down.
187
00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:46,893
Here it is.
188
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:49,463
Thigh Gap, LLC.
189
00:06:49,497 --> 00:06:51,365
Owner Dennis Feinstein.
190
00:06:51,399 --> 00:06:53,267
The cologne guy?
191
00:06:53,301 --> 00:06:55,302
Oh, it figures.
That guy is the worst.
192
00:06:55,336 --> 00:06:56,703
Okay.
193
00:06:56,738 --> 00:07:00,173
We are gonna take him down with
an old-fashioned public rally.
194
00:07:00,208 --> 00:07:01,408
April, I need you to
get the word out,
195
00:07:01,442 --> 00:07:03,310
with whatever
method of communication
196
00:07:03,344 --> 00:07:04,745
young people are
using these days.
197
00:07:04,779 --> 00:07:06,513
Oh, yeah,
tiny rolled-up scrolls
198
00:07:06,547 --> 00:07:08,048
delivered by trained foxes.
199
00:07:08,082 --> 00:07:09,549
I'm on it.
Andy?
200
00:07:09,584 --> 00:07:10,684
You thinking what I'm thinking?
201
00:07:10,718 --> 00:07:11,718
Oh, hell yeah.
Blimp time.
202
00:07:11,719 --> 00:07:12,786
No.
203
00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:15,555
I think this is a job for
Jonathan Karate.
204
00:07:15,590 --> 00:07:16,857
Awesome.
Even better.
205
00:07:16,891 --> 00:07:18,892
Ron?
What do you say?
206
00:07:18,926 --> 00:07:20,594
Dynamic duo get together
one more time
207
00:07:20,628 --> 00:07:21,928
to try to save JJ's Diner?
208
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:24,798
I can't think of anything
more noble to go to war over
209
00:07:24,832 --> 00:07:26,066
than bacon and eggs.
210
00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,634
Here here.
211
00:07:27,669 --> 00:07:30,871
Oh, well...
212
00:07:30,905 --> 00:07:32,406
We'll keep practicing.
213
00:07:36,147 --> 00:07:37,114
All right, everybody, listen up.
214
00:07:38,116 --> 00:07:39,583
We're here today
215
00:07:39,618 --> 00:07:42,653
because JJ's Diner has been
a part of Pawnee for 41 years.
216
00:07:42,687 --> 00:07:46,056
And this man right here built
that diner from the ground up
217
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,091
with his own two hands.
218
00:07:47,125 --> 00:07:48,392
That's not true.
219
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,027
It's called
constructing a narrative, JJ.
220
00:07:50,028 --> 00:07:52,229
You stick to the breakfast.
I'll deal with the politics.
221
00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:54,164
So, now, let's hear from a man
222
00:07:54,199 --> 00:07:57,167
who knows the value of
things staying the same.
223
00:07:57,202 --> 00:07:58,169
Ron Swanson.
224
00:08:01,473 --> 00:08:02,973
I do not like rallies.
225
00:08:03,008 --> 00:08:05,276
And based on what I see
from this vantage point,
226
00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:07,511
I do not like most of you.
227
00:08:07,545 --> 00:08:09,947
What I do like is
breakfast food.
228
00:08:09,981 --> 00:08:12,349
JJ's has
very good breakfast food,
229
00:08:12,384 --> 00:08:15,052
so it should remain open.
230
00:08:15,086 --> 00:08:16,720
Please do not approach me
on the street
231
00:08:16,755 --> 00:08:19,290
after this event
and attempt to talk to me.
232
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:22,626
Our similarities begin and end
with this single issue.
233
00:08:22,661 --> 00:08:24,361
Ron Swanson.
234
00:08:27,899 --> 00:08:28,933
Can I help you?
235
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,801
Yes, we are here to see
Dennis Feinstein.
236
00:08:30,835 --> 00:08:32,603
The appointment should be
under Karate.
237
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,104
Jonathan Karate.
238
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:37,608
Um, I don't see
a Jonathan Karate anywhere.
239
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,943
Exactly.
240
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,113
Occasionally on my show,
we deal with real issues
241
00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:44,882
like bullying, peer pressure,
242
00:08:44,916 --> 00:08:47,051
or holding in farts.
243
00:08:47,085 --> 00:08:50,287
In those very special episodes,
I become...
244
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:51,989
Jonathan Karate,
245
00:08:52,023 --> 00:08:54,024
the very serious older brother
of Johnny Karate.
246
00:08:54,059 --> 00:08:57,161
Jonathan Karate
tells it like it is.
247
00:08:57,195 --> 00:08:59,396
He makes people do
the right thing.
248
00:08:59,431 --> 00:09:02,233
Oh, baby, that feels amazing.
249
00:09:02,267 --> 00:09:03,801
But I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to go.
250
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:06,537
I have to meet Rick and TC
at the King Kamehameha Club.
251
00:09:06,571 --> 00:09:07,605
Higgins is missing.
252
00:09:07,639 --> 00:09:09,006
Dennis Feinstein.
253
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,407
What?
Who's that?
254
00:09:10,442 --> 00:09:12,443
My name is Jonathan Karate.
255
00:09:12,477 --> 00:09:13,611
We need to talk.
256
00:09:13,645 --> 00:09:14,812
Well, make it quick.
257
00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:17,114
I gotta go pull the plug
on my dad in ten minutes.
258
00:09:17,148 --> 00:09:19,750
I heard you were buying JJ's
Diner and kicking everybody out.
259
00:09:19,784 --> 00:09:21,118
That's true.
260
00:09:21,152 --> 00:09:23,354
Real estate prices in this
turd town are through the roof.
261
00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:25,689
I'm gonna turn that place into
an elbow art salon
262
00:09:25,724 --> 00:09:26,991
and make a killing.
263
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,727
Plus, who's gonna miss
some dumpy diner?
264
00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:32,263
Why don't you ask
the people gathering
265
00:09:32,297 --> 00:09:34,398
outside of your building
right now?
266
00:09:34,432 --> 00:09:35,366
Hmm?
267
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,467
What do we want?
268
00:09:36,501 --> 00:09:37,434
Breakfast!
269
00:09:37,469 --> 00:09:38,435
When do we want it?
270
00:09:39,437 --> 00:09:40,571
I had no idea
this place was so loved.
271
00:09:40,605 --> 00:09:42,573
This could be bad for business.
272
00:09:42,607 --> 00:09:44,041
Then come with me.
273
00:09:44,075 --> 00:09:47,177
Tell the people
that JJ's can stay.
274
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:48,979
Okay.
275
00:09:49,014 --> 00:09:50,848
Plus, you should get
these kids out of here.
276
00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:52,283
Not to brag,
277
00:09:52,317 --> 00:09:54,518
but my cologne's have been known
to stunt human growth, so...
278
00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:58,455
Ninjas, scatter.
279
00:09:58,490 --> 00:09:59,924
You got 'em well trained.
280
00:10:04,996 --> 00:10:07,831
♪ Treat yo' self
in Beverly Hills ♪
281
00:10:09,467 --> 00:10:13,437
♪ Hey Hey Hey ♪
282
00:10:13,472 --> 00:10:17,641
♪ What you got to say? ♪
283
00:10:17,676 --> 00:10:19,610
Ladies and gentlemen, off to
our right you can see the house
284
00:10:19,644 --> 00:10:22,513
that belongs to Bruce Willis
and Christina Aguilera.
285
00:10:22,547 --> 00:10:26,817
And to our left is Usher's
Los Angeles residence.
286
00:10:26,852 --> 00:10:28,852
Usher's house!
287
00:10:30,989 --> 00:10:32,523
Usher's star!
288
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:38,862
♪ Hollywood ♪
289
00:10:39,385 --> 00:10:42,253
So for the basic
elbow bedazzling, it's 140.
290
00:10:42,288 --> 00:10:44,089
Custom art starts at 250.
291
00:10:44,123 --> 00:10:47,258
I would like
three big-ass diamonds
292
00:10:47,293 --> 00:10:50,528
surrounded by their own set of
tiny-ass diamonds.
293
00:10:50,563 --> 00:10:52,397
That would fall under
our supreme collection.
294
00:10:52,431 --> 00:10:53,398
600.
295
00:10:53,432 --> 00:10:54,666
Thomas, what do you suggest?
296
00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:57,168
Uh...
treat yo' self.
297
00:10:57,203 --> 00:10:58,737
Trish, the gentleman is right.
298
00:10:58,771 --> 00:11:00,472
I'm gonna go ahead
and treat myself.
299
00:11:00,506 --> 00:11:02,607
Lasik for fingernails?
I came up with that.
300
00:11:02,641 --> 00:11:04,609
You want it?
It's 275.
301
00:11:04,643 --> 00:11:06,678
Yeah.
302
00:11:06,712 --> 00:11:08,213
Laser my nails off, please.
303
00:11:08,247 --> 00:11:10,982
We can't bulldoze
our entire history.
304
00:11:11,016 --> 00:11:14,052
We need to preserve the things
that make Pawnee great.
305
00:11:14,086 --> 00:11:15,887
Like JJ's Diner.
306
00:11:17,523 --> 00:11:19,758
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
307
00:11:19,792 --> 00:11:20,725
Stop the clock.
308
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:21,960
Oh, speak of the devil.
309
00:11:21,994 --> 00:11:23,862
Ladies and gentlemen,
the devil, Dennis Feinstein.
310
00:11:23,896 --> 00:11:25,697
Whoa, hey, now.
311
00:11:25,731 --> 00:11:26,931
Hang on.
312
00:11:26,966 --> 00:11:29,034
Now, Leslie, I think
everybody's gonna want to hear
313
00:11:29,068 --> 00:11:30,935
what I have to say.
314
00:11:30,970 --> 00:11:32,804
Thank you.
315
00:11:32,838 --> 00:11:34,506
People of Pawnee,
316
00:11:34,540 --> 00:11:37,042
I just came down here
to tell you
317
00:11:37,076 --> 00:11:39,377
how much I appreciate
your passion.
318
00:11:39,412 --> 00:11:41,880
You've been heard,
loud and clear.
319
00:11:41,914 --> 00:11:43,615
You convinced me.
320
00:11:43,649 --> 00:11:45,483
JJ's can stay.
321
00:11:45,518 --> 00:11:46,484
Yeah!
322
00:11:48,721 --> 00:11:51,322
I just have
one more thing to say, Pawnee.
323
00:11:51,357 --> 00:11:52,757
Psych!
324
00:11:52,792 --> 00:11:55,232
Do you think I care about how
much you love this stupid diner?
325
00:11:55,261 --> 00:11:56,694
I bought it for a song,
326
00:11:56,729 --> 00:11:58,330
and I'm gonna sell it
for a mint,
327
00:11:58,364 --> 00:11:59,998
and you can all just sit there,
328
00:12:00,032 --> 00:12:01,733
pulling on your puds.
329
00:12:03,602 --> 00:12:05,203
Oh, yeah.
Give me your boos.
330
00:12:05,237 --> 00:12:07,906
I am nourished by your hatred!
331
00:12:07,940 --> 00:12:09,140
I should also let you know
332
00:12:09,175 --> 00:12:11,176
you're all trespassing
on private property.
333
00:12:11,210 --> 00:12:12,344
Release the hounds!
334
00:12:12,378 --> 00:12:13,678
What hounds?
335
00:12:13,713 --> 00:12:15,447
"The Hounds" as in
FDA-rejected cologne
336
00:12:15,481 --> 00:12:16,548
I've been working on
337
00:12:16,582 --> 00:12:18,583
that makes everything
smell like wet dog.
338
00:12:18,617 --> 00:12:20,285
Make it rain!
339
00:12:28,628 --> 00:12:29,628
Ooh.
340
00:12:29,662 --> 00:12:31,909
I gotta go kill my dad.
Let's go.
341
00:12:32,914 --> 00:12:35,645
I'm sorry, JJ,
that I gave you false hope.
342
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,415
This is a lost cause,
just like my stupid park.
343
00:12:38,449 --> 00:12:41,084
Screw that.
There's gotta be another way.
344
00:12:41,118 --> 00:12:44,054
What if we steal the keys
to Feinstein's building,
345
00:12:44,088 --> 00:12:46,823
break in, and TP his office?
346
00:12:46,858 --> 00:12:47,791
Film the whole thing.
347
00:12:47,825 --> 00:12:49,426
We'd definitely
get on a prank show.
348
00:12:49,460 --> 00:12:51,061
Okay, I love your energy, Andy,
349
00:12:51,095 --> 00:12:53,730
but it's not gonna help us
keep JJ's where it is.
350
00:12:53,764 --> 00:12:55,465
Does it have to
stay where it is?
351
00:12:55,499 --> 00:12:57,501
There's like, a ton of buildings
near where Andy and I live,
352
00:12:57,535 --> 00:12:58,635
and they're all super cheap
353
00:12:58,669 --> 00:13:00,570
because they're empty
and disgusting.
354
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:01,771
Great.
I'm in.
355
00:13:01,806 --> 00:13:03,874
Anything to get away from
this cologne smell.
356
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:04,908
Ooh, water makes it worse.
357
00:13:04,942 --> 00:13:05,976
Water makes it worse.
358
00:13:07,145 --> 00:13:09,179
♪ California
knows how to party ♪
359
00:13:09,213 --> 00:13:11,147
This is the hottest restaurant
in L.A.
360
00:13:11,182 --> 00:13:13,049
All the sushi is made from fish
361
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:14,885
previously owned by celebrities.
362
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,052
Okay.
363
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:18,288
This is Charlize Theron's
yellowtail.
364
00:13:18,322 --> 00:13:20,223
Here we have
Paul Reiser's salmon.
365
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,993
And Peter Bogdanovich's
saltwater eel.
366
00:13:23,027 --> 00:13:24,461
Enjoy.
367
00:13:24,495 --> 00:13:28,965
Mmm, Bogdano-delish.
368
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,600
Man, you got it bad.
369
00:13:30,635 --> 00:13:32,202
I know you're checking your
phone every five minutes
370
00:13:32,236 --> 00:13:33,703
to see if Lucy will
come with you to my wedding.
371
00:13:33,738 --> 00:13:34,671
I'm sorry.
372
00:13:34,705 --> 00:13:36,172
Hey, I understand.
373
00:13:36,207 --> 00:13:37,440
Which is why
I got you something.
374
00:13:37,475 --> 00:13:39,476
Hey, you're not supposed to
get me anything.
375
00:13:39,510 --> 00:13:40,677
This is your special day.
376
00:13:40,711 --> 00:13:42,612
I didn't buy you anything.
377
00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:44,447
What I have for you is
a piece of advice.
378
00:13:44,482 --> 00:13:45,949
Aw, damn.
I was secretly hoping
379
00:13:45,983 --> 00:13:47,484
you got me the shoes
Jaden Smith wears
380
00:13:47,518 --> 00:13:48,952
in Hitch 2: Son of a Hitch.
381
00:13:48,986 --> 00:13:50,253
My advice to you is,
382
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,254
if you want to be Lucy,
383
00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:52,822
you have to be
up front with her about it.
384
00:13:52,857 --> 00:13:54,524
Be a man and ask her out.
385
00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:55,892
She works for me.
386
00:13:55,927 --> 00:13:58,628
She uprooted her whole life to
move to Pawnee for this job.
387
00:13:58,663 --> 00:13:59,763
I don't want to make it weird.
388
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,097
And what if she says no?
389
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:02,699
What if I'm the only one
that caught feelings?
390
00:14:02,733 --> 00:14:04,067
You won't know until you ask.
391
00:14:04,101 --> 00:14:07,804
Basically, Tommy, when it comes
to matters of the heart, I say:
392
00:14:07,838 --> 00:14:09,406
Treat yo' self.
393
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,875
Thanks, Donna.
That's a great gift.
394
00:14:11,909 --> 00:14:13,410
I almost forgot.
395
00:14:13,444 --> 00:14:15,512
I did get you them shoes
from Hitch 2!
396
00:14:15,546 --> 00:14:17,547
Oh, snap.
That's an even better gift.
397
00:14:17,581 --> 00:14:18,782
That's not all.
398
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:21,451
Look behind you,
but don't be obvious.
399
00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:24,854
Can I get the "me"
soft-shell crab?
400
00:14:24,889 --> 00:14:26,056
Josh Groban!
401
00:14:26,090 --> 00:14:27,724
He's eating his own sushi!
402
00:14:27,758 --> 00:14:29,793
That's the most baller thing
I've ever seen.
403
00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:34,030
Welcome to Beachview Terrace,
404
00:14:34,065 --> 00:14:37,334
the sad, unsalvageable,
broken-down armpit of Pawnee.
405
00:14:37,368 --> 00:14:39,836
Yeah, we tried to clean up
this neighborhood so many times.
406
00:14:39,871 --> 00:14:41,104
Nothing's worked.
407
00:14:41,138 --> 00:14:43,139
We sent a street cleaner
through here a few months ago.
408
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:45,008
Raccoons ate the wheels
right off it.
409
00:14:45,042 --> 00:14:46,910
Councilman Dexhart represents
this district,
410
00:14:46,944 --> 00:14:48,578
and ten years ago
when he was elected,
411
00:14:48,613 --> 00:14:49,779
he promised to clean it up.
412
00:14:49,814 --> 00:14:52,215
Instead, he just gave it
a fancy new name:
413
00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:53,650
Beachview Terrace.
414
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,852
A more accurate name
for this place?
415
00:14:55,887 --> 00:14:59,289
Medical Waste Butt-Sweat Grove.
416
00:14:59,323 --> 00:15:01,925
Hi, sorry I'm late.
417
00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:03,727
We've had this listing
for seven years,
418
00:15:03,761 --> 00:15:05,962
and no one's ever
asked to see it.
419
00:15:05,997 --> 00:15:07,797
I thought this was a prank call.
420
00:15:07,832 --> 00:15:09,699
This place has everything.
421
00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:12,435
Vermin, bullet holes,
a hornets nest.
422
00:15:12,470 --> 00:15:15,772
Look, I appreciate everything
that you guys have done for me,
423
00:15:15,806 --> 00:15:18,475
but even if I put in
the time and the money
424
00:15:18,509 --> 00:15:20,010
to refurbish this trash heap,
425
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,711
it's not gonna
change the fact that
426
00:15:21,746 --> 00:15:24,714
no respectable people live in
this part of town anymore.
427
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:25,882
Damn straight.
428
00:15:25,916 --> 00:15:28,451
Everything would have to
magically change.
429
00:15:28,486 --> 00:15:30,921
The whole neighborhood would
have to suddenly become safe
430
00:15:30,955 --> 00:15:34,991
and clean and have businesses
and people who dine out.
431
00:15:35,026 --> 00:15:36,660
No, then we'd
have to move again.
432
00:15:36,694 --> 00:15:37,627
Are you thinking...
433
00:15:37,662 --> 00:15:38,628
It's possible.
434
00:15:38,663 --> 00:15:40,463
How would we...
435
00:15:40,498 --> 00:15:42,132
PR.
Which you could then--
436
00:15:42,166 --> 00:15:44,000
Yes, right.
Okay, good.
437
00:15:44,035 --> 00:15:47,304
Guys, we have about five days to
do three months worth of work.
438
00:15:47,338 --> 00:15:48,805
But if we pull it off,
439
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:50,340
we can rescue JJ's Diner,
440
00:15:50,374 --> 00:15:51,708
we can establish
a new National Park,
441
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,710
and we can save Pawnee forever.
Who's in?
442
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:54,978
I am.
443
00:15:55,012 --> 00:15:56,012
Oh, my God.
444
00:15:56,047 --> 00:15:57,013
Where'd you come from?
445
00:15:57,048 --> 00:15:59,182
The floor hole.
446
00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:03,506
Hey, how was your trip?
447
00:16:03,540 --> 00:16:05,007
Great, obviously.
448
00:16:05,042 --> 00:16:06,175
Bedazzled that elbow.
449
00:16:06,210 --> 00:16:07,343
How's everything here?
450
00:16:07,377 --> 00:16:08,945
Uneventful.
451
00:16:08,979 --> 00:16:10,780
So, I was thinking about
452
00:16:10,814 --> 00:16:12,548
the idea of
going to Donna's wedding.
453
00:16:12,583 --> 00:16:14,851
Wait.
Before you say anything,
454
00:16:14,885 --> 00:16:16,586
I don't think you should
go to Donna's wedding
455
00:16:16,620 --> 00:16:17,787
to supervise catering.
Oh.
456
00:16:17,821 --> 00:16:20,490
I want you to come with me
as my date.
457
00:16:20,524 --> 00:16:22,492
Oh.
The thing is, you work for me,
458
00:16:22,526 --> 00:16:25,094
so it's probably kind of
uncool for me to even ask.
459
00:16:25,129 --> 00:16:27,497
Which is why
I signed these documents
460
00:16:27,531 --> 00:16:30,166
transferring day-to-day
operations of Tom's Bistro
461
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,200
over to Craig.
462
00:16:31,235 --> 00:16:32,335
He'll be your boss now.
Not me.
463
00:16:32,369 --> 00:16:33,903
It's about time.
464
00:16:33,937 --> 00:16:36,739
We're losing the cranberry
salad, effective immediately.
465
00:16:36,773 --> 00:16:38,274
You don't have to do this.
466
00:16:38,308 --> 00:16:39,242
Yeah, I do.
467
00:16:39,276 --> 00:16:40,309
You're great at your job,
468
00:16:40,344 --> 00:16:41,377
and I want you
working here forever,
469
00:16:41,412 --> 00:16:42,678
and if you don't have
feelings for me,
470
00:16:42,713 --> 00:16:46,549
I need you to know that
everything is gonna be fine.
471
00:16:46,583 --> 00:16:48,017
In fact, forget it.
472
00:16:48,051 --> 00:16:49,018
I wasn't even serious.
473
00:16:49,052 --> 00:16:50,019
You've been hoaxed.
474
00:16:50,054 --> 00:16:50,987
You've been Tommy'ed.
475
00:16:51,021 --> 00:16:51,954
Just, hold on.
476
00:16:51,989 --> 00:16:53,322
I was gonna say that
477
00:16:53,357 --> 00:16:55,224
I wouldn't want to go with you
as friends.
478
00:16:55,259 --> 00:16:58,161
I want to go with you
as your date.
479
00:16:58,195 --> 00:16:59,128
Oh.
480
00:16:59,163 --> 00:17:00,663
Cool.
481
00:17:00,697 --> 00:17:01,864
Craig, never mind.
482
00:17:01,899 --> 00:17:03,266
We can rip these papers up.
483
00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:05,435
Well, I wish my reign had
lasted longer,
484
00:17:05,469 --> 00:17:06,803
but I'm happy with
the decisions I made
485
00:17:06,837 --> 00:17:08,071
and the people I fired.
486
00:17:08,105 --> 00:17:10,073
Oh, God.
I better get back there.
487
00:17:11,341 --> 00:17:12,809
You guys, I don't know what
this is about,
488
00:17:12,843 --> 00:17:15,711
but it's 4:13,
so you got seven minutes.
489
00:17:15,746 --> 00:17:18,748
Well, we just wanted to
introduce you to the new home
490
00:17:18,782 --> 00:17:21,184
of the Gryzzl campus.
491
00:17:21,218 --> 00:17:22,518
Are you tripping?
492
00:17:22,553 --> 00:17:25,855
We just spent $125 million
493
00:17:25,889 --> 00:17:28,391
to build our new campus in the
Southern Indiana Foothills.
494
00:17:28,425 --> 00:17:31,060
And you'll be spending another
100 million, at least,
495
00:17:31,094 --> 00:17:34,497
to construct the building,
roads, plumbing, electrical.
496
00:17:34,531 --> 00:17:36,966
Whereas here
at Beachview Terrace,
497
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,735
you can take over
five entire square blocks
498
00:17:39,770 --> 00:17:41,838
of historic Pawnee.
499
00:17:41,872 --> 00:17:43,272
Here's a complete proposal
500
00:17:43,307 --> 00:17:45,875
for Gryzzl's new regional
corporate headquarters.
501
00:17:45,909 --> 00:17:47,410
Is this paper?
502
00:17:47,444 --> 00:17:49,312
Oh, super throwback.
503
00:17:49,346 --> 00:17:51,314
My company inspected
all the buildings.
504
00:17:51,348 --> 00:17:52,682
They are disgusting,
I grant you,
505
00:17:52,716 --> 00:17:54,217
but the guts are solid.
506
00:17:54,251 --> 00:17:55,785
We've laid out
construction costs,
507
00:17:55,819 --> 00:17:57,453
retail space options.
508
00:17:57,488 --> 00:17:59,722
You could build a much bigger
campus in this neighborhood,
509
00:17:59,757 --> 00:18:01,157
and basically break even.
510
00:18:01,191 --> 00:18:04,560
Plus, the best part, all the
buildings come pre-graffitied.
511
00:18:04,595 --> 00:18:07,430
That's true.
We wouldn't have to hire Banksy.
512
00:18:07,464 --> 00:18:11,601
Okay, but we spent hella skrilla
on this trill forest,
513
00:18:11,635 --> 00:18:13,703
so, what are we supposed to do
with that?
514
00:18:13,737 --> 00:18:15,638
Here's a far-out idea
515
00:18:15,673 --> 00:18:18,975
that just came to
the top of my branium:
516
00:18:19,009 --> 00:18:22,845
why don't you donate that land
to the National Parks Service?
517
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,580
That would be pretty dope.
518
00:18:24,615 --> 00:18:26,416
And you could get some
baller tax breaks
519
00:18:26,450 --> 00:18:29,619
that could help you with that
mad stank construction cost--
520
00:18:29,653 --> 00:18:30,853
I don't know, I'm sorry.
I can't...
521
00:18:30,888 --> 00:18:32,121
I can't say those words.
You don't have to.
522
00:18:32,156 --> 00:18:34,524
Okay, but why couldn't we just
build the campus here,
523
00:18:34,558 --> 00:18:36,526
and then keep the land
or sell it?
524
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,829
You could, but donating it
will give you some good PR,
525
00:18:39,863 --> 00:18:41,331
which you desperately need.
526
00:18:41,365 --> 00:18:43,966
I mean, look, we are glad
that you picked Pawnee,
527
00:18:44,001 --> 00:18:46,969
but if you're gonna
set up shop here,
528
00:18:47,004 --> 00:18:49,138
you need to make
a covenant with the city.
529
00:18:49,173 --> 00:18:51,174
Show people that
you're invested in this town.
530
00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:55,445
Start by cleaning up
one part of Pawnee
531
00:18:55,479 --> 00:18:57,747
and preserving the other.
532
00:18:57,781 --> 00:18:59,449
Okay, well, I gotta
talk to my board,
533
00:18:59,483 --> 00:19:01,551
as well as
our chief legal counsel,
534
00:19:01,585 --> 00:19:03,152
and our senior advisory team.
535
00:19:03,187 --> 00:19:04,487
And--and truthfully,
536
00:19:04,521 --> 00:19:06,989
they're all shrooming super hard
at Coachella right now.
537
00:19:07,024 --> 00:19:08,457
But as soon as they get back,
I'll get into it.
538
00:19:10,194 --> 00:19:13,429
We gotta go.
I'm sorry, we got a meeting.
539
00:19:13,464 --> 00:19:14,964
Uh, I'll catch you guys later.
540
00:19:14,999 --> 00:19:16,399
I've got a meeting as well.
541
00:19:16,433 --> 00:19:17,767
See you back at the house.
542
00:19:17,801 --> 00:19:20,236
Andy has a meeting?
543
00:19:20,270 --> 00:19:21,537
Upload it to my GryzzlGlass.
544
00:19:21,572 --> 00:19:22,672
Left eye.
545
00:19:22,706 --> 00:19:23,773
I'm watching porn
with my right eye.
546
00:19:23,807 --> 00:19:27,009
Whoa.
547
00:19:27,044 --> 00:19:29,445
Who...did...this?
548
00:19:31,315 --> 00:19:32,515
We did.
549
00:19:32,549 --> 00:19:36,252
One way or another, Jonathan
Karate always gets his man.
550
00:19:36,286 --> 00:19:37,887
And like that,
551
00:19:37,921 --> 00:19:39,388
they were gone.
552
00:19:40,858 --> 00:19:43,359
Go!
553
00:19:43,394 --> 00:19:44,894
Wait, where's--
hey, guys, where's Gavin?
554
00:19:44,928 --> 00:19:45,962
Gav--wait, stop.
555
00:19:45,996 --> 00:19:46,963
There were supposed to be
six ninjas.
556
00:19:46,997 --> 00:19:48,231
Where's Gavin?
Gavin?
557
00:19:48,265 --> 00:19:49,866
Who was Gavin's buddy?
Caleb?
558
00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:51,701
Come on, dude, why do we even
have a buddy system?
559
00:19:51,735 --> 00:19:52,835
Is he in the bathroom?
560
00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:53,803
You need to tell me if
Gavin is pooping.
561
00:19:54,838 --> 00:19:55,805
No, do not laugh, okay?
562
00:19:55,839 --> 00:19:57,039
You're not even Caleb.
563
00:19:57,074 --> 00:19:58,307
You're Gavin.
You're Caleb.
564
00:19:58,342 --> 00:19:59,582
If you're Caleb, where's Hunter?
565
00:19:59,610 --> 00:20:01,210
Hunter?
Hunter?
566
00:20:01,245 --> 00:20:02,578
Okay, who was Hunter's buddy?
567
00:20:02,613 --> 00:20:04,414
Hmm?
568
00:20:04,448 --> 00:20:06,282
Oh, I was.
569
00:20:06,316 --> 00:20:07,950
Oh, crap.
570
00:20:07,985 --> 00:20:09,218
Oh, Dennis, what a mess.
571
00:20:09,253 --> 00:20:12,288
You have 30 seconds to
get out of this facility.
572
00:20:12,323 --> 00:20:13,404
I don't know, Ron.
573
00:20:13,424 --> 00:20:14,590
I mean, it's been a week.
574
00:20:14,625 --> 00:20:16,659
It might not work.
575
00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:17,660
It'll work.
576
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:18,995
What if it doesn't?
577
00:20:19,029 --> 00:20:20,330
What if we did all that research
578
00:20:20,364 --> 00:20:22,432
and handed Gryzzl
a fully-formed plan
579
00:20:22,466 --> 00:20:24,033
to revitalize
an entire neighborhood
580
00:20:24,067 --> 00:20:26,169
and build a new National Park,
581
00:20:26,203 --> 00:20:27,603
and their board still says no?
582
00:20:27,638 --> 00:20:29,639
Then you'll be secure
in the knowledge
583
00:20:29,673 --> 00:20:32,241
that you gave it your best shot.
584
00:20:32,276 --> 00:20:34,410
But I do really think
they will go for it.
585
00:20:34,445 --> 00:20:36,045
What makes you so confident?
586
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:39,582
A wise woman once told me that
whenever you and I team up,
587
00:20:39,616 --> 00:20:41,250
good things happen.
588
00:20:41,285 --> 00:20:43,252
Also,
they called three hours ago,
589
00:20:43,287 --> 00:20:44,754
they approved the plan,
590
00:20:44,788 --> 00:20:47,323
and asked me to begin drawings
for the renovation.
591
00:20:49,026 --> 00:20:50,519
You jerk.
592
00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:55,036
You sat on that news and let me
stew here for three hours?
593
00:20:55,156 --> 00:20:56,795
- Yep.
- You jerk!
594
00:20:56,915 --> 00:20:58,379
We did it!
You jerk!
595
00:20:58,499 --> 00:20:59,801
- We did it!
- Yep.
596
00:20:59,921 --> 00:21:01,046
Congratulations!
597
00:21:03,404 --> 00:21:06,031
- I do not aprove of this.
- Don't care.