1 00:00:02,674 --> 00:00:05,586 Aw, babe, you've gone crazy. 2 00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:07,106 The only thing I am crazy about 3 00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:10,710 is a magnificent, pregnant manta ray named Ann Perkins. 4 00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:12,478 I am ranking topics of conversation 5 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,713 for our next phone call. 6 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,281 The worst part about your best friend 7 00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:17,884 living in another stupid state is the topics really pile up. 8 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,886 What do you think should be higher priority? 9 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,321 Infinity scarves 10 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,056 or whether or not it's worth it for me to get Showtime? 11 00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:24,857 Is this really necessary? 12 00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:26,492 When she moved, we promised each other 13 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,828 that we would talk every day, and we've really fallen behind. 14 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,030 I know your female friends are very important to you, 15 00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:33,499 but I'm always a good sounding board. 16 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:38,037 I mean, I can talk about Sandra Bullock skirt length. 17 00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:40,106 No, no, babe, you can't--you would just embarrass yourself. 18 00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:41,774 Plus, every time I start talking to you, 19 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,610 five seconds later, I want to jump your bones. 20 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,011 Oh, let's do that instead. 21 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:48,982 See, that's what I'm talking about. 22 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,249 - Yeah, okay, let's do this. Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 23 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:53,253 [Triumphant music] 24 00:00:53,287 --> 00:01:01,294 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 25 00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,272 On to the unity concert. 26 00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:16,042 Ben is meeting with the tent people to finalize those deals. 27 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,944 April and Donna will be helping me 28 00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:19,279 with the vendor location charts, and I will be meeting 29 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,581 with the surveyors about the concert grounds. 30 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:24,717 I would like to volunteer to do the park survey myself. 31 00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:25,718 Wow, Ron. 32 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,487 I always knew there would be 33 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:28,988 a day when I would get through to you 34 00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:31,257 and you would love government work. 35 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,825 Today is that historic day. 36 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:36,062 Yes. That is what has happened. 37 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:39,766 Spending the day outside alone sounds like a dream. 38 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:43,436 I love being a father, but there are a few things I miss. 39 00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:46,706 Silence, the absence of noise, 40 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:49,609 one single moment undisturbed by the sounds 41 00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:53,980 of a children's TV program called Doc McStuffins. 42 00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:56,683 There is no quiet anymore. 43 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,953 There is only Doc McStuffins. 44 00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,321 Sorry I'm late. [Panting] 45 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,556 Uh, Andy, why don't you go with Ron and help him? 46 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,124 - I really don't need-- - Shotgun! 47 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:07,794 I call shotgun. Where are we going? Doesn't matter. Shotgun. 48 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,095 Shotgun on all rides for the rest of the day. 49 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:12,532 For the rest of my life. In any car! Ha ha! 50 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,300 I just faced you suckers! 51 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:16,769 So I'll see you in the parking lot, Ron. Later! 52 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:19,272 Is the tent guy left-handed or right-handed? 53 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:20,740 I just need to know which way to part my hair 54 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,442 to get us a better price. 55 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:23,977 It's a business theory I'm working on. 56 00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:24,978 I really don't think it matters. 57 00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:26,279 Pretty straightforward deal. 58 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,981 A straightforward deal? Why didn't you tell me? 59 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,975 I don't have my straightforward deal fedora on me. 60 00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:31,184 We gotta stop by my storage unit on the way up. 61 00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,585 Hey, Larry. 62 00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:35,355 Hey, you wanna come with us to tent world? Little road trip? 63 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,356 Tent world? 64 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,791 Yeah, let me grab my lunch. 65 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,560 No. Why'd you invite Larry? 66 00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:42,061 He's been doing all the paperwork for this deal. 67 00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:43,496 He deserves to come. 68 00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:46,399 Remember you said that when Larry's farting up the car. 69 00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:48,334 Larry isn't that bad. He's nice. 70 00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:50,737 And frankly, I don't care who knows that I said that, 71 00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:54,173 as long as no one knows that I said that. 72 00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:57,877 Okay, ladies, I will be in my office for one to seven hours 73 00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:00,580 for my weekly chat with Ann. I brought some fresh snacks. 74 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,650 And I made a backup plan for the vendor chart 75 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,652 in case, you know, yours isn't good. 76 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,020 Actually, Ann called while you were in the bathroom. 77 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:09,014 She said something came up, she'll call you later. 78 00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:10,223 I don't know, I told her to leave you a voice mail. 79 00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:12,058 Ugh! God, why'd you let me say all that? 80 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:14,260 I'm coming, Ann's voice mail! I'm coming! 81 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:18,097 Listen to me very carefully. I have not been taken. 82 00:03:18,132 --> 00:03:20,533 I know that's always your first fear when I'm not available, 83 00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:23,102 but this is not a Liam Neeson Taken scenario. 84 00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:25,104 That's exactly what they'd make you say. 85 00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:27,073 Also, no one's making me say this. 86 00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,742 I am a free woman, untaken, simply going about my business. 87 00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:32,178 I just have to run. Something came up. 88 00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:33,780 I love you, and I'll call you later. 89 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,282 Donna. [Snaps] 90 00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,283 What's good, baby? 91 00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,252 What's going down in Donna town? 92 00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:41,888 What's the haps in Meagle-wood? 93 00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,589 I'm listening to Jaleel Or No Deal. 94 00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:45,825 It's a podcast where the kid who played Urkel 95 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,460 reviews old Deal Or No Deal episodes. 96 00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:48,595 It's pointless, and I love it. 97 00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:49,896 Okay, don't let me interrupt. 98 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,931 April, what's the 411, little mama? 99 00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:54,133 What's the hot goss? Who you crushing on these days? 100 00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:56,102 Ew, my husband, weirdo. 101 00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:57,971 Can I get back to work now? Thanks. Bye. 102 00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,840 [Sighs] Work? You can work whenever. 103 00:04:00,875 --> 00:04:04,444 Except for now, because now is lady time. 104 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,112 You sound like a tampon commercial. 105 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,581 I'm setting up an impromptu Galentine's day. 106 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,150 - Really? - Yeah. 107 00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:12,385 Wait, I thought you weren't gonna do Galentine's day 108 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,754 this year because that she-beast moved away. 109 00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,823 I believe her name was Satan? 110 00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,992 Her name is Ann, and she is gone, 111 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:21,527 and I have accepted it, and we are gonna have Galentine's day. 112 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:22,562 Ladies, up front. 113 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,964 I need an Ann who lives in Pawnee, 114 00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:27,233 and there is no one obvious candidate, 115 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:30,670 so I will test them out on the ultimate battlefield 116 00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:33,907 of female friendship-- Galentine's day brunch. 117 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,843 It will be a women's-only marathon bonding session 118 00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,511 with tons of whipped cream. 119 00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:41,147 Side note, do not Google that phrase. 120 00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:45,685 Hey, Ron. 121 00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,687 Can I ask you kind of an important question? 122 00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:50,256 You know, like, when you go to the ATM 123 00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:53,359 and you get money, is there an actual guy 124 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,995 standing behind the wall who slides dollar bills in there? 125 00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,997 - No. - Yeah. 126 00:04:58,032 --> 00:04:59,432 It's robots. 127 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,701 Oh, actually, you know what? I do have a serious question. 128 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,036 In the movie Predator, 129 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:06,406 can you rub any kind of mud on yourself 130 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,541 to prevent predator from seeing you 131 00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:09,876 with his thermal heat signature sight, 132 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,210 or is it more-- 133 00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:12,946 Ow! That sucks. 134 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,347 Are you hurt? 135 00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:18,484 [Groans] No. All good. All good. 136 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:22,255 Oops. Except for my mouth. 137 00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:25,725 Oh, whoa. Five-second rule. 138 00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:26,993 No, ahh. 139 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:31,364 Come on, we better get you to a dentist. 140 00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:35,068 Oh, my God, Larry. Your tuna fish sandwich stunk up my suit. 141 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,769 - Gayle made it for me. - Irrelevant. 142 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,172 You know what? Stay out here and double-check these deal memos. 143 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,673 If you get through 'em, triple-check 'em. 144 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,408 Just don't come inside. 145 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:45,545 Sounds good. I will finish my sandwich and enjoy the view. 146 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:48,915 Hey, Harvey. 147 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,783 Ben Wyatt. We spoke on the phone. 148 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:53,419 Yeah. Yeah, we sure did. Okay. [Chuckles] 149 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:54,554 Who's this little genie right here? 150 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,389 Tom Haverford, Pawnee business liaison. 151 00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:57,957 [Chuckles] Okay. 152 00:05:57,992 --> 00:06:00,360 Got your contracts for you right here. 153 00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:03,863 Wow. It's a lot thicker than the original one-page version. 154 00:06:03,898 --> 00:06:06,299 I take tents pretty seriously, Ben, I'm a tent guy. 155 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:09,836 I got over 1,300 tents in this warehouse alone. 156 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,205 900 of those are over 2,000 square feet, 157 00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:13,706 80 of 'em are striped, 158 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:17,277 and exactly 4 of 'em were once rented by Miss Rene Russo. 159 00:06:17,311 --> 00:06:19,212 - Whoa! - Yeah. No doy. 160 00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:21,614 I think I know what I'm doing. [Sniffs] 161 00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:24,050 So I added a few syllables and whatnot. 162 00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:26,753 Clauses, et cetera. Addendums, what have you. 163 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,221 Why don't we go ahead and sign that for me? 164 00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:31,724 Yeah, I think we're gonna need to take a look at this. 165 00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:35,828 Hmm. So I guess this is not a straightforward deal. 166 00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:38,431 [Hat thuds] 167 00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:40,733 Shauna, I'm so glad you could make it. 168 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:42,135 You're so tan. 169 00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:45,238 Oh, thanks. I just got back from a solo trip to Rome. 170 00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:47,674 I was gonna go with my boyfriend, but he couldn't come 171 00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:50,243 because he decided to stay with his wife. 172 00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,578 Oof. 173 00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:54,414 I love Rome. It's such a great place. 174 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:57,250 Rome's played out. Have y'all been to Kuala Lumpur? 175 00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:59,786 - When did you go to Asia? - I go all the time. 176 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,287 Where do you think I got 177 00:07:01,322 --> 00:07:02,455 that crystal Buddha head above my jacuzzi? 178 00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:04,858 You have a jacuzzi? Good to know. 179 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,332 Prospects for new Pawnee best friend. 180 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,262 Donna Meagle. Confident, worldly, we go way back. 181 00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:12,599 April Ludgate. Vivid imagination, young, and vibrant. 182 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:13,833 Shauna Malwae-Tweep. 183 00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:15,635 Pretty, fragile, makes terrible life decisions. 184 00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,370 A real fixer-upper, but look, 185 00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,172 it's not like Ann was doing so hot when I met her. 186 00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:21,441 Ethel Beavers. Bit of a dark horse. 187 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:22,709 Crotchety, but probably wise. 188 00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:25,878 And then we got Evelyn, aka fake Ann. 189 00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:28,982 I don't know her last name. Honestly we just needed bodies. 190 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,017 Thank you, everyone, for getting together on such short notice, 191 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,653 and happy Galentine's day. 192 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,455 Now, this is not technically the right date, 193 00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:38,791 but any time a group of women get together for brunch, 194 00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:40,894 we embody the spirit of the holiday. 195 00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,395 Today we will celebrate friendship, 196 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,163 spend a few hours together, 197 00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:46,399 and answer a couple of questions I've compiled. 198 00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:48,234 Just for fun. Nothing serious. 199 00:07:48,269 --> 00:07:50,170 But please answer them with complete honesty 200 00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:51,537 'cause I'll be able to tell if you're lying. 201 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:52,906 - To girlfriends! - Yay. 202 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,742 - Girlfriends. - Whoo-hoo! 203 00:07:55,806 --> 00:07:58,991 Okay, it's time for a little Galentine's day Q&A. 204 00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:00,476 Donna, you pick first. 205 00:08:01,184 --> 00:08:04,252 "What is your favorite TV show?" 206 00:08:04,821 --> 00:08:06,822 Well, for live tweeting, it's Scandal. 207 00:08:06,856 --> 00:08:09,758 For binge watching, it's Scandal. 208 00:08:09,792 --> 00:08:12,361 But for fashion, it's actually Scandal. 209 00:08:12,395 --> 00:08:13,428 My answer is Scandal. 210 00:08:13,463 --> 00:08:14,630 Hmm. April? 211 00:08:14,664 --> 00:08:16,465 Ooh, I love watching 212 00:08:16,499 --> 00:08:19,268 Russian traffic accidents on YouTube 213 00:08:19,302 --> 00:08:21,801 while I play children's music at the wrong RPM. 214 00:08:21,921 --> 00:08:23,338 I like beauty pageants. 215 00:08:23,373 --> 00:08:26,041 Everyone is so happy and perfect. 216 00:08:26,075 --> 00:08:30,445 I like Diagnosis Murder. And skin flicks. 217 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,556 Can anybody top me off? 218 00:08:32,676 --> 00:08:34,984 The correct answer for favorite TV show 219 00:08:35,104 --> 00:08:36,885 is Friday Night Lights. 220 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:39,188 - The correct answer? - Next question. 221 00:08:39,222 --> 00:08:41,490 Okay, this contract is insane. 222 00:08:41,524 --> 00:08:45,060 It costs extra to have people inside the tents? 223 00:08:45,094 --> 00:08:46,962 And what's a flap tax? 224 00:08:46,996 --> 00:08:48,363 Well, you need flaps, bro. 225 00:08:48,398 --> 00:08:50,299 A tent without flaps is basically a parachute. 226 00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:52,100 An unfolding charge? 227 00:08:52,135 --> 00:08:54,369 A noise damage waiver? How can noise damage tents? 228 00:08:54,404 --> 00:08:57,039 Shh. Keep your voice down, please, there's tents here. 229 00:08:57,073 --> 00:09:00,375 Now, look, you can argue with me all you want, 230 00:09:00,410 --> 00:09:03,078 but for every line item that you two idiots disagree with, 231 00:09:03,112 --> 00:09:05,514 there's gonna be a $50 discussion surcharge. 232 00:09:05,548 --> 00:09:06,515 What are we up to, doll? 233 00:09:06,549 --> 00:09:07,749 $400. 234 00:09:07,784 --> 00:09:09,918 A discussion surcharge? That's nuts. 235 00:09:09,953 --> 00:09:11,520 $450. 236 00:09:11,554 --> 00:09:12,554 That's it. Deal's off. 237 00:09:12,589 --> 00:09:14,056 We'll take our business elsewhere. 238 00:09:14,090 --> 00:09:16,692 Suit yourself, gentlemen. Sorry we couldn't make a deal. 239 00:09:18,561 --> 00:09:22,764 Wait, wait. Let me try one more thing. 240 00:09:22,799 --> 00:09:24,433 What's the price now? 241 00:09:24,467 --> 00:09:28,871 $80 more. I liked it better the other way. 242 00:09:28,905 --> 00:09:31,940 Does have an effect, though. 243 00:09:31,975 --> 00:09:33,375 The receptionist says she'll fit you in 244 00:09:33,409 --> 00:09:35,043 as soon as there's an opening. 245 00:09:35,078 --> 00:09:37,513 If you're all right, I'm gonna head back to the park. 246 00:09:37,547 --> 00:09:39,281 Wait, wait, wait, real quick, real quick. 247 00:09:39,315 --> 00:09:41,783 Do you know what my social security number is? 248 00:09:41,818 --> 00:09:44,386 Or if I'm allergic to anything? 249 00:09:44,420 --> 00:09:46,455 I don't like corn. Should I put that down? 250 00:09:46,489 --> 00:09:51,126 Or will that be confusing? Because I do like candy corn. 251 00:09:51,161 --> 00:09:54,196 Oh, Ron. What a mess. 252 00:09:54,230 --> 00:09:56,298 [Groans] 253 00:09:56,332 --> 00:09:57,933 Here, let me help you. 254 00:09:57,967 --> 00:09:59,968 All I wanted was two hours 255 00:10:00,003 --> 00:10:02,571 where I got to forget that I was a parent. 256 00:10:02,605 --> 00:10:06,575 Ron, look. I found all three differences. 257 00:10:06,609 --> 00:10:09,011 Those are two completely different pictures. 258 00:10:10,780 --> 00:10:12,915 - "Ladies' choice." - Ooh! Wild card option. 259 00:10:12,949 --> 00:10:13,916 Okay, anybody reveal anything about their life, 260 00:10:13,950 --> 00:10:15,117 anything at all. 261 00:10:15,151 --> 00:10:17,586 - I've gotten two annulments. - [Gasps] 262 00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:19,288 One for pleasure, and one 263 00:10:19,322 --> 00:10:22,658 to cap off a long con I was running against Keith Sweat. 264 00:10:22,692 --> 00:10:23,659 Wow. Ethel, have you-- 265 00:10:23,693 --> 00:10:25,661 Okay, Ethel's asleep. Shauna? 266 00:10:25,695 --> 00:10:28,363 I'm writing a memoir based on my blog. 267 00:10:28,398 --> 00:10:29,998 It's called Tweeping Up Appearances, 268 00:10:30,033 --> 00:10:32,601 and it's about my journey to find happiness 269 00:10:32,635 --> 00:10:34,469 by smiling through the pain. 270 00:10:34,504 --> 00:10:35,971 Okay, I can work with that. 271 00:10:36,005 --> 00:10:38,774 Knope, what you got going on in that notebook? 272 00:10:38,808 --> 00:10:41,844 Just jotting down memories in my trusty old journal. 273 00:10:41,878 --> 00:10:44,847 "Friendship rankings." What's that? 274 00:10:44,881 --> 00:10:46,148 It's not what it sounds like. 275 00:10:46,182 --> 00:10:47,516 It's simply a way for me to figure out 276 00:10:47,550 --> 00:10:50,118 which one of you is the best. 277 00:10:50,153 --> 00:10:51,320 That's messed up. 278 00:10:51,354 --> 00:10:53,989 Yeah, that is really lame, and I'm leaving. 279 00:10:54,023 --> 00:10:55,357 You're better than that, Knope. 280 00:10:55,391 --> 00:10:57,593 Donna, why are you angry? You were in first place. 281 00:10:57,627 --> 00:11:02,097 Bye, everyone. This was a really... 282 00:11:02,131 --> 00:11:04,132 brunch. Leave the bag. 283 00:11:04,167 --> 00:11:08,303 If you do this again next year, don't call me. 284 00:11:09,472 --> 00:11:11,340 Well, by default, it's Shauna. 285 00:11:11,374 --> 00:11:13,775 That's how you want to find your new best friend, right? 286 00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:16,478 By default? 287 00:11:16,513 --> 00:11:19,515 My pores are clogged up from being in that dusty warehouse. 288 00:11:19,549 --> 00:11:23,118 I'm gonna check if this gas station has some biore strips. 289 00:11:23,153 --> 00:11:25,788 Aw, thanks, Larry, that's nice of you. 290 00:11:25,822 --> 00:11:27,389 Gayle always has me do the windshield. 291 00:11:27,423 --> 00:11:29,458 She likes to stand behind me and watch. 292 00:11:29,492 --> 00:11:32,895 According to her, it's the best view. 293 00:11:32,929 --> 00:11:36,465 - How is Gayle? - Oh, wonderful. 294 00:11:36,499 --> 00:11:39,968 - And the girls? - They're good. 295 00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:42,571 - Why do you want to know? - I'm genuinely interested. 296 00:11:42,605 --> 00:11:44,039 I'm sorry. 297 00:11:44,073 --> 00:11:47,709 I'm just not used to people from the office asking me things. 298 00:11:47,744 --> 00:11:50,312 It's kind of scary. But in a good way, though. 299 00:11:50,346 --> 00:11:51,847 [Both chuckle] 300 00:11:51,881 --> 00:11:54,583 Aw, man, did I miss a Larry fart? 301 00:11:54,617 --> 00:11:56,218 Oh, no, uh, we were just-- 302 00:11:56,252 --> 00:11:59,087 Yeah, Tom. Yeah, I-I really ripped one. 303 00:11:59,122 --> 00:12:02,157 Didn't I, Ben? 304 00:12:02,192 --> 00:12:04,660 Yeah. [Chuckles] Yeah, it was loud. 305 00:12:04,694 --> 00:12:07,329 Smells like a hippopotamus took a dump on a skunk. 306 00:12:07,363 --> 00:12:08,397 [Chuckles] 307 00:12:08,431 --> 00:12:11,834 It's in your best interest. 308 00:12:11,868 --> 00:12:16,772 Well, the numbers don't lie. I'm a goofus, not a gallant. 309 00:12:18,942 --> 00:12:21,276 Been here forever. Can we go? 310 00:12:21,311 --> 00:12:23,712 Don't you want to get your tooth fixed? 311 00:12:23,746 --> 00:12:26,782 I don't know, I think my tooth looks fine just like this. 312 00:12:26,816 --> 00:12:29,418 Well, my grandmother was missing that tooth, 313 00:12:29,452 --> 00:12:34,256 and she was the most beautiful woman on her oil rig. 314 00:12:34,290 --> 00:12:37,392 You are an adult. I am not your dad. 315 00:12:37,427 --> 00:12:41,263 - If you want to go, we can go. - Yay. Thanks, Ron. 316 00:12:41,297 --> 00:12:44,032 That's why you know even though you're not my dad, 317 00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:45,767 you're like an old brother to me. 318 00:12:45,802 --> 00:12:50,305 Like a cool uncle, but old. Like a grandpa. 319 00:12:50,340 --> 00:12:52,741 But cool like a son. 320 00:12:55,861 --> 00:12:57,222 - Thank you very much. - Thank you. 321 00:12:57,247 --> 00:12:58,213 No problem. 322 00:12:58,248 --> 00:12:59,615 That'll be $8, please. 323 00:12:59,649 --> 00:13:01,583 What, you're charging us for coffee? 324 00:13:01,618 --> 00:13:03,785 What kind of a business-- uh-oh. 325 00:13:03,820 --> 00:13:04,987 Oh, hello, gentlemen. 326 00:13:05,021 --> 00:13:07,723 Gotta be kidding me. You own this place too? 327 00:13:07,757 --> 00:13:09,925 That's right, dickweed. You wanna talk deal? 328 00:13:09,959 --> 00:13:11,426 Because my prices have gone up 329 00:13:11,461 --> 00:13:14,062 ever so slightly since I saw you last. 330 00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:15,597 No, we're not giving in to your crazy demands. 331 00:13:15,632 --> 00:13:17,433 There are plenty of other tent rental places 332 00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:18,901 within driving distance. 333 00:13:18,935 --> 00:13:20,769 Yeah, I'm calling Tent Emporium right now. 334 00:13:20,803 --> 00:13:22,304 [Phone rings] Tent Emporium. 335 00:13:22,338 --> 00:13:23,772 How can I help you, buttface? 336 00:13:23,807 --> 00:13:25,340 - What? - Come on. 337 00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:26,942 Yes. 338 00:13:26,976 --> 00:13:28,744 I own every tent store in Southern Indiana. 339 00:13:28,778 --> 00:13:31,346 Tent Town, Rent Ten Tents, the Tent Offensive, 340 00:13:31,381 --> 00:13:33,582 and Ace Tentura Tent Detective. 341 00:13:33,616 --> 00:13:35,217 I also own a chick-fil-a franchise, 342 00:13:35,251 --> 00:13:37,019 but that's not doing so hot right now. Whatever. 343 00:13:37,053 --> 00:13:39,421 Let's get outta here. [Phone rings] 344 00:13:39,455 --> 00:13:42,991 You've reached the Tentagon. How can I help you, buttface? 345 00:13:43,026 --> 00:13:45,027 Okay, here's an idea. Why don't we find something, 346 00:13:45,061 --> 00:13:48,163 anything, no matter how small, that we have in common? 347 00:13:48,198 --> 00:13:49,865 For example, I'm an only child. 348 00:13:49,899 --> 00:13:50,866 Me too. 349 00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:52,367 Although, when I was in college 350 00:13:52,402 --> 00:13:54,603 I found out that my dad had a second family. 351 00:13:54,637 --> 00:13:57,506 Well, we were the second family, technically. 352 00:13:57,540 --> 00:13:59,441 Okay, well, we both went to college. 353 00:13:59,476 --> 00:14:00,776 - There's that. - Yeah. 354 00:14:00,810 --> 00:14:02,911 [Phone rings] [Gasps] Oh, my God! 355 00:14:02,946 --> 00:14:04,980 Ann had her baby! Wow, this has been fun. 356 00:14:05,014 --> 00:14:06,448 The bill is already paid. 357 00:14:06,483 --> 00:14:09,985 May I gently suggest that you check out Chris Traeger's 358 00:14:10,019 --> 00:14:12,621 wonderful therapist Dr. Richard Nygard. 359 00:14:12,655 --> 00:14:14,389 Although there is a tiny part of me that always thought 360 00:14:14,424 --> 00:14:15,624 it was just Chris talking into a mirror. 361 00:14:15,658 --> 00:14:17,259 Anyway, maybe you should look him up. 362 00:14:17,293 --> 00:14:18,614 I don't know, I read a book once 363 00:14:18,628 --> 00:14:20,295 that said a woman should never make the first move. 364 00:14:20,330 --> 00:14:22,364 That doesn't apply to therapy. Okay. Good luck! 365 00:14:24,787 --> 00:14:27,622 Oliver Perkins-Traeger, meet your Aunt Leslie. 366 00:14:27,656 --> 00:14:31,960 Hey! Oh, he's so beautiful. And you're so beautiful. 367 00:14:31,994 --> 00:14:34,129 I mean, you're always beautiful, but right now you are 368 00:14:34,163 --> 00:14:36,398 the most beautiful, glowing sun goddess ever. 369 00:14:36,432 --> 00:14:38,566 Why didn't you tell me you were in labor? 370 00:14:38,601 --> 00:14:40,735 Well, 'cause I knew you'd drop everything and rush here, 371 00:14:40,770 --> 00:14:42,070 and contractions can sometimes go for days. 372 00:14:42,104 --> 00:14:43,405 Thank you. 373 00:14:43,439 --> 00:14:45,540 So I didn't want you to be stuck waiting around. 374 00:14:45,574 --> 00:14:47,542 Well, I'm glad I'm here now. Where's Chris? 375 00:14:47,576 --> 00:14:49,644 Oh, he was such a good coach that the nurses asked him 376 00:14:49,679 --> 00:14:52,314 to help out with a delivery down the hall. 377 00:14:52,348 --> 00:14:53,515 [Slurping] Ow. 378 00:14:53,549 --> 00:14:56,084 [Continues slurping] Ow. 379 00:14:56,118 --> 00:14:57,385 Ow! 380 00:14:57,420 --> 00:15:00,055 Andrew, you need to get your tooth fixed. 381 00:15:00,089 --> 00:15:01,623 No way. I'm not going back there. 382 00:15:01,657 --> 00:15:02,924 I already won all the magazine mazes. 383 00:15:02,959 --> 00:15:05,393 Don't worry. It's gonna be fine. 384 00:15:05,428 --> 00:15:06,695 Ow! 385 00:15:06,729 --> 00:15:07,696 If you don't take care of the problem now, 386 00:15:07,730 --> 00:15:08,964 it's only gonna get worse. 387 00:15:08,998 --> 00:15:11,833 - Come on. I'll drive you back. - Fine. 388 00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:13,735 Let me just wolf down this peanut brittle real quick. 389 00:15:13,769 --> 00:15:15,437 [Peanut brittle clatters] 390 00:15:15,471 --> 00:15:17,939 Why would you do that? 391 00:15:17,974 --> 00:15:19,774 Oh, right. 'Cause calories. 392 00:15:19,809 --> 00:15:21,276 We're dead. 393 00:15:21,310 --> 00:15:23,630 The only tent store this guy doesn't own is 300 miles away. 394 00:15:23,646 --> 00:15:25,080 Oh, hang on. Here's a place that might work. 395 00:15:25,114 --> 00:15:28,416 It's called Sweaty Roger's Pants Tent. 396 00:15:28,451 --> 00:15:30,652 Oh, no, you can't rent tents there. 397 00:15:30,686 --> 00:15:32,087 [Knocks on door] Hey, guys. 398 00:15:32,121 --> 00:15:34,889 Look, I was double-checking all the paperwork that Tom gave me 399 00:15:34,924 --> 00:15:36,558 in that super fun parking lot, 400 00:15:36,592 --> 00:15:38,994 and there was something about Harvey's corporate structure 401 00:15:39,028 --> 00:15:40,261 that just seemed fishy. 402 00:15:40,296 --> 00:15:41,963 So I dug around-- [Chuckles] 403 00:15:41,998 --> 00:15:46,968 and it turns out he has got a lot of code violations. 404 00:15:47,003 --> 00:15:49,404 Whoa! Larry, this is great stuff. 405 00:15:49,438 --> 00:15:50,905 Never thought I would say it, 406 00:15:50,940 --> 00:15:52,707 but I'm a genius for making you 407 00:15:52,742 --> 00:15:54,476 stay outside and do a menial task. 408 00:15:54,510 --> 00:15:57,646 Couldn't agree more. You did it, Tom. 409 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,081 Mm, I don't want to drive back. 410 00:16:00,116 --> 00:16:01,282 I miss you so much. 411 00:16:01,317 --> 00:16:03,718 No one even comes close to you as a friend. 412 00:16:03,753 --> 00:16:05,487 I even tried to rank the women at work, 413 00:16:05,521 --> 00:16:08,323 - but that was a total bust. - You ranked them? 414 00:16:08,357 --> 00:16:09,724 Well, I thought maybe I could 415 00:16:09,759 --> 00:16:11,326 use Galentine's day as an opportunity-- 416 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,061 - [gasps] Leslie, Galentine's day? 417 00:16:13,095 --> 00:16:14,663 What do you want me to do, Ann? 418 00:16:14,697 --> 00:16:18,033 I need to find a replacement, and don't worry, it didn't work. 419 00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:20,735 Nobody can match your ethnic hybrid energy. 420 00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:24,172 Everybody brings their own unique strengths to the table. 421 00:16:24,207 --> 00:16:25,507 Some that even I don't have. 422 00:16:25,541 --> 00:16:28,109 You shut your mouth. You have all the strengths. 423 00:16:28,144 --> 00:16:30,845 Look, you love harder than anyone I know. 424 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:32,414 It's tough to match. 425 00:16:32,448 --> 00:16:34,482 And I know Donna and April don't show it, 426 00:16:34,517 --> 00:16:36,618 but they would do anything for you. 427 00:16:36,652 --> 00:16:38,787 And it's not like you and I always see eye to eye. 428 00:16:38,821 --> 00:16:40,789 I mean, Friday Night Lights? 429 00:16:40,823 --> 00:16:43,425 I am more of a Riggins girl, and you lean Saracen. 430 00:16:43,459 --> 00:16:44,759 Yeah, 'cause Riggins is a criminal. 431 00:16:44,794 --> 00:16:47,028 He took the fall for his brother. 432 00:16:47,063 --> 00:16:48,630 Okay, he didn't watch out for his brother. 433 00:16:48,664 --> 00:16:50,599 You know, I'm not having this conversation with you again. 434 00:16:50,633 --> 00:16:51,700 That family is garbage. 435 00:16:51,734 --> 00:16:53,768 [Sighs] The point is we didn't 436 00:16:53,803 --> 00:16:57,138 always like the same stuff when we first became friends. 437 00:16:57,173 --> 00:16:59,808 Just don't force it. Give it some time. 438 00:16:59,842 --> 00:17:02,344 I know, you're right, Ann. Thank you. 439 00:17:02,378 --> 00:17:04,012 It's just I'm missing you, 440 00:17:04,046 --> 00:17:06,414 and there's so much stuff I want to talk to you about. 441 00:17:06,449 --> 00:17:09,050 Well, you're here now, so let's talk. 442 00:17:09,085 --> 00:17:10,719 [Baby cries] Oh. 443 00:17:10,753 --> 00:17:13,321 I think Oliver has more pressing business. 444 00:17:13,356 --> 00:17:14,990 Okay, but we should talk soon, 445 00:17:15,024 --> 00:17:16,191 'cause I almost bought a toe ring the other day. 446 00:17:16,225 --> 00:17:18,460 What? Ann, you're somebody's mother. 447 00:17:18,494 --> 00:17:20,462 - I know. - Okay. 448 00:17:20,496 --> 00:17:22,964 I'm gonna give you two some time. 449 00:17:22,999 --> 00:17:25,066 I'll call you from the car. 450 00:17:25,101 --> 00:17:27,369 I'll be out here if you need me. 451 00:17:27,403 --> 00:17:29,804 Thanks for doing this, Ron. 452 00:17:29,839 --> 00:17:31,306 When it's all said and done, 453 00:17:31,340 --> 00:17:32,674 there were a few mazes I'd cheated on. 454 00:17:32,708 --> 00:17:37,279 Also, the inside of my mouth is black and hot. 455 00:17:38,614 --> 00:17:42,384 So do I strip down to my underwear, or all the way naked? 456 00:17:45,054 --> 00:17:46,621 Hello, Diane. 457 00:17:46,656 --> 00:17:51,326 I'm coming home soon to relieve you, give you a little break. 458 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,161 It's no trouble at all. 459 00:17:53,195 --> 00:17:55,430 I'm a parent. I'm always on duty. 460 00:17:55,464 --> 00:17:59,100 What flavor ice cream would you and the children like? 461 00:17:59,135 --> 00:18:01,603 I'm getting some for a 30-year-old who works for me, 462 00:18:01,637 --> 00:18:04,339 so I can bring some home for you too. 463 00:18:04,373 --> 00:18:05,607 Hello, Harvey. 464 00:18:05,641 --> 00:18:08,109 We found a glaring number of code violations 465 00:18:08,144 --> 00:18:10,011 you've committed. 466 00:18:10,046 --> 00:18:12,013 I could see to it that you never 467 00:18:12,048 --> 00:18:13,949 rent another tent in this region again. 468 00:18:13,983 --> 00:18:16,818 [Chuckles] Gentlemen, I've won two 469 00:18:16,852 --> 00:18:19,321 online satellite Jamaican poker tournaments. 470 00:18:19,355 --> 00:18:20,689 I can tell that you're bluffing. 471 00:18:20,723 --> 00:18:22,524 Your Pawnee business license has lapsed, 472 00:18:22,558 --> 00:18:24,593 which negates most of the deals you've made this year. 473 00:18:24,627 --> 00:18:26,795 I'm guessing you're pretty bad at poker. 474 00:18:26,829 --> 00:18:30,799 I am. And I was bluffing about winning those tournaments. 475 00:18:30,833 --> 00:18:33,568 Gentlemen, clearly there's been a misunderstanding here. 476 00:18:33,603 --> 00:18:36,237 I'm hoping that we can reach some kind of a compromise. 477 00:18:36,272 --> 00:18:38,606 Yeah, first off, I need to know 478 00:18:38,641 --> 00:18:40,141 where you got these zebra-print pillows. 479 00:18:40,176 --> 00:18:42,510 Second of all, I got a Tin Cup Blu-Ray 480 00:18:42,545 --> 00:18:43,745 itching for a Rene Russo signature. 481 00:18:43,779 --> 00:18:45,146 Tom. 482 00:18:45,181 --> 00:18:47,649 The compromise is that you're gonna sign 483 00:18:47,683 --> 00:18:49,684 the deal we originally agreed upon. 484 00:18:49,719 --> 00:18:52,254 We're going to let you continue renting tents, 485 00:18:52,288 --> 00:18:54,122 and you're going to do it at a fair price. 486 00:18:54,156 --> 00:18:56,691 And Larry, he's the guy that brought you down, 487 00:18:56,726 --> 00:18:59,628 and he's gonna be watching you like a hawk. 488 00:18:59,662 --> 00:19:00,962 Oh, hey. 489 00:19:00,997 --> 00:19:03,932 I'm Larry. Great to know you. I love tent world. 490 00:19:03,966 --> 00:19:06,635 God! Can you just be cool for one second? 491 00:19:07,970 --> 00:19:11,773 Okay, black coffee with extra grounds. 492 00:19:11,807 --> 00:19:13,341 Gross. For April. 493 00:19:13,376 --> 00:19:15,610 And a mocha ice blended for Donna. 494 00:19:15,645 --> 00:19:17,779 Guys, I totally blew it. 495 00:19:17,813 --> 00:19:20,715 I was all screwed up, and I'm really sorry. 496 00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:23,084 You're wonderful friends, and I love you. 497 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:25,086 We love your crazy ass too, Knope. 498 00:19:25,121 --> 00:19:28,290 I think you're fine. Like a solid B-minus. 499 00:19:28,324 --> 00:19:29,758 Great. I'll take it. 500 00:19:29,792 --> 00:19:33,295 We know you've been missing Ann, so we... 501 00:19:33,329 --> 00:19:36,531 got you this. 502 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,633 Press the paw. 503 00:19:38,668 --> 00:19:40,302 [Ann's voice] Hi, Leslie. It's Ann. 504 00:19:40,336 --> 00:19:42,971 I love you, and everything's gonna be okay. 505 00:19:43,005 --> 00:19:44,306 It's cute, right? 506 00:19:44,340 --> 00:19:45,941 I'm very lucky to have you both. 507 00:19:45,975 --> 00:19:48,009 You know, when Ann and I used to fight, 508 00:19:48,044 --> 00:19:49,978 we would make up with a five-minute hug. 509 00:19:50,012 --> 00:19:51,492 Mm, you touch me and I stab the bunny. 510 00:19:51,514 --> 00:19:53,048 Yeah, it's about time for my mid-morning mani, 511 00:19:53,082 --> 00:19:54,049 so I'm gonna head out. 512 00:19:54,083 --> 00:19:55,717 Okay. Well, that's fine. 513 00:19:55,751 --> 00:19:58,353 Well, you know, we'll forge our own unique traditions 514 00:19:58,387 --> 00:20:01,890 in the fiery cauldron of female friendship. 515 00:20:01,924 --> 00:20:03,725 [April's voice] I'm just an impartial bunny, 516 00:20:03,726 --> 00:20:06,294 but I think Ann sucks. 517 00:20:06,329 --> 00:20:09,197 Also--[Gruff voice] I'm the zodiac killer. 518 00:20:11,770 --> 00:20:14,882 And we might even be able to pull it off under budget. 519 00:20:14,917 --> 00:20:16,584 Sorry. Sorry, you guys, I'm sorry. 520 00:20:16,618 --> 00:20:19,053 I'm trying to find my inhaler, 'cause I'm having a little... 521 00:20:19,087 --> 00:20:20,321 Take your time. I mean, it's not like 522 00:20:20,355 --> 00:20:21,622 we're trying to get work done here. 523 00:20:21,657 --> 00:20:22,690 Yeah, and Larry, by the way, 524 00:20:22,724 --> 00:20:23,691 you're looking in the wrong spot. 525 00:20:23,725 --> 00:20:24,992 Your inhaler is hidden under 526 00:20:25,027 --> 00:20:26,894 the pile of pistachio shells on my desk, obviously. 527 00:20:26,929 --> 00:20:28,229 Okay, well, that's funny, 528 00:20:28,263 --> 00:20:29,230 'cause I'm terribly allergic to pistachios. 529 00:20:29,264 --> 00:20:31,132 [Chuckles] Classic. 530 00:20:31,166 --> 00:20:35,570 Okay, you know what? I need to say something. 531 00:20:35,604 --> 00:20:38,339 I like Larry. 532 00:20:38,373 --> 00:20:41,776 He is a good friend and a fine man 533 00:20:41,810 --> 00:20:44,178 with an inexplicably gorgeous wife-- 534 00:20:44,213 --> 00:20:46,747 I mean, to the point where it makes no sense at all. 535 00:20:46,782 --> 00:20:48,249 Sorry. Getting off track. 536 00:20:48,283 --> 00:20:49,851 He is a nice person, 537 00:20:49,885 --> 00:20:55,723 and we should all stand up and say, "I... 538 00:20:55,757 --> 00:20:56,724 like..." 539 00:20:56,758 --> 00:20:59,427 Ben! No! What are you doing? 540 00:20:59,461 --> 00:21:01,996 Uh, he's embarrassing himself and throwing away his career. 541 00:21:02,030 --> 00:21:05,166 - Sweetheart, stop. - O, captain, my captain. 542 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:09,203 - What is happening? - Larry is my friend. 543 00:21:09,238 --> 00:21:11,706 Thank you, Ben. 544 00:21:11,740 --> 00:21:12,707 I mean that. 545 00:21:12,741 --> 00:21:16,577 Oh! [Farts] 546 00:21:16,612 --> 00:21:19,113 Got so startled I tooted. 547 00:21:19,148 --> 00:21:20,114 Come on, man. 548 00:21:20,149 --> 00:21:21,148 - Oh... - Gross! 549 00:21:22,174 --> 00:21:30,221 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com