1 00:00:00,533 --> 00:00:03,053 Hey, I've gained a lot of ground in the polls. That's good news. 2 00:00:03,082 --> 00:00:04,895 Yeah, I have you down only four points, 3 00:00:05,015 --> 00:00:06,816 but they're running a ton of new negative ads. 4 00:00:06,885 --> 00:00:08,433 Maybe you should fight back. 5 00:00:08,467 --> 00:00:09,768 Ben, your heart's in the right place. 6 00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,102 Your heart and your butt. 7 00:00:11,137 --> 00:00:12,621 I will not go negative. 8 00:00:12,655 --> 00:00:13,905 Crap on a turd! 9 00:00:13,939 --> 00:00:16,041 Care for a "Recall Knope" gift bag? 10 00:00:16,075 --> 00:00:18,610 The committee to recall Leslie Knope is relentless. 11 00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:21,163 Look what they're handing out at elementary schools. 12 00:00:21,214 --> 00:00:22,614 I'm Leslie Knope. 13 00:00:22,632 --> 00:00:23,832 Tell your parents to recall me. 14 00:00:31,607 --> 00:00:33,758 We all know that I cannot spend as much money on ads 15 00:00:33,793 --> 00:00:37,662 as my opponent, but I printed out 10,000 "Don't" stickers 16 00:00:37,697 --> 00:00:40,465 and 10,000 question mark stickers. 17 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:44,002 That way, if you see a sign and it says "Recall Knope," 18 00:00:44,036 --> 00:00:45,954 all you need to do is add the question mark 19 00:00:46,005 --> 00:00:47,505 and the "Don't," and suddenly, it reads, 20 00:00:47,523 --> 00:00:49,624 "Recall Knope? Don't." 21 00:00:49,659 --> 00:00:50,792 Why don't you just put the "Don't" 22 00:00:50,826 --> 00:00:52,160 in front of "Recall Knope"? 23 00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,564 Yep, that's a much better idea. 24 00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:56,565 Can I have these question mark stickers? 25 00:00:56,616 --> 00:00:57,615 Why? 26 00:00:57,633 --> 00:00:58,667 I want to put them on stop signs. 27 00:00:58,718 --> 00:00:59,834 April, no! 28 00:01:10,782 --> 00:01:19,957 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 29 00:01:21,363 --> 00:01:24,642 Hi. Um, I need to talk to somebody about reserving a park. 30 00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:26,244 Oh, we have a new policy. 31 00:01:26,279 --> 00:01:28,346 Parks can only be reserved for witch covens 32 00:01:28,381 --> 00:01:30,098 or slip-and-slide competitions. 33 00:01:30,149 --> 00:01:31,132 Which one are you? 34 00:01:31,167 --> 00:01:32,367 Uh, slip-and-slide competition. 35 00:01:32,401 --> 00:01:34,118 - Seriously? - No. 36 00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:36,271 Why would you even compete in something like that? 37 00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,656 It doesn't matter. 38 00:01:37,690 --> 00:01:39,574 Um, I called earlier about the free vaccinations thing. 39 00:01:39,625 --> 00:01:42,594 We're hoping to set up a mobile hospital 40 00:01:42,628 --> 00:01:44,629 in one of your parks. 41 00:01:44,664 --> 00:01:46,424 I'm sorry, is there something wrong with him? 42 00:01:47,466 --> 00:01:49,784 Tom, this witch wants to reserve a park 43 00:01:49,819 --> 00:01:50,769 for her satanic ritual. 44 00:01:50,803 --> 00:01:52,437 Can you help her? 45 00:01:52,455 --> 00:01:53,855 Right. Smashing. 46 00:01:53,889 --> 00:01:55,974 Uh, yes, I'm Thomas Haverford. 47 00:01:56,008 --> 00:01:58,143 I sort of run the whole department. 48 00:01:58,177 --> 00:01:59,794 Um, what was the name, then? 49 00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:00,962 Uh, Nadia Statsky. 50 00:02:00,997 --> 00:02:02,213 I'm from Doctors Without Borders. 51 00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,933 Brilliant. The old "D"s without "B"s. 52 00:02:04,984 --> 00:02:07,836 Uh, we can definitely help. 53 00:02:07,870 --> 00:02:09,304 Yeah, Tom's your guy. 54 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:11,306 He actually used to run the Parks Department 55 00:02:11,357 --> 00:02:12,991 in his home country of Russia. 56 00:02:13,025 --> 00:02:16,344 This one is mental. 57 00:02:16,379 --> 00:02:18,313 She's joking, obviously. 58 00:02:18,364 --> 00:02:19,331 How could I be from Russia? 59 00:02:19,365 --> 00:02:21,583 Not with this spot-on British accent. 60 00:02:21,617 --> 00:02:23,568 We can definitely get you sorted. 61 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:25,186 Right this way. 62 00:02:25,237 --> 00:02:26,204 Okay. 63 00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:31,860 Whoa. I am pretty sure you shouldn't have a weapon at work. 64 00:02:31,894 --> 00:02:34,546 Literally everything is a weapon, son. 65 00:02:34,580 --> 00:02:36,881 That folder, in my hands, is far deadlier 66 00:02:36,899 --> 00:02:38,183 than this bow in yours. 67 00:02:38,217 --> 00:02:40,402 Oh, that's... probably true. 68 00:02:40,453 --> 00:02:42,454 So, Leslie and I just finished putting together 69 00:02:42,488 --> 00:02:44,306 our will, and she wants you to be the witness. 70 00:02:44,340 --> 00:02:45,390 You mind signing it? 71 00:02:45,424 --> 00:02:46,691 That's your will? 72 00:02:46,725 --> 00:02:48,326 You need that many pages to say, 73 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:49,594 "Give my stuff to my wife"? 74 00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:51,396 It's a complicated legal document. 75 00:02:51,430 --> 00:02:52,731 It doesn't have to be. 76 00:02:52,765 --> 00:02:56,301 I've had the same will since I was eight years old. 77 00:02:57,853 --> 00:03:00,104 "Upon my death, all of my belongings 78 00:03:00,122 --> 00:03:02,123 "shall transfer to the man or animal 79 00:03:02,158 --> 00:03:03,842 who has killed me." 80 00:03:03,876 --> 00:03:05,527 What are these weird symbols? 81 00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:08,196 The man who kills me will know. 82 00:03:08,247 --> 00:03:10,298 Okay, you should really have a will 83 00:03:10,333 --> 00:03:12,350 that's more than one sentence long. 84 00:03:12,384 --> 00:03:14,069 You have a wife and kids now. 85 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,253 I could introduce you to our lawyer. 86 00:03:15,287 --> 00:03:17,455 The three most useless jobs in the world 87 00:03:17,473 --> 00:03:20,442 are, in order, lawyer, congressman, and doctor. 88 00:03:20,493 --> 00:03:21,576 Pass. 89 00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:23,178 Ron, that document is nothing. 90 00:03:23,212 --> 00:03:24,429 It's not even notarized. 91 00:03:24,463 --> 00:03:25,730 You know, if you die 92 00:03:25,764 --> 00:03:27,065 and you don't have a real will, 93 00:03:27,099 --> 00:03:29,200 most of what you own will go to the government. 94 00:03:29,218 --> 00:03:32,771 Where is this lawyer you speak of? 95 00:03:32,805 --> 00:03:35,990 I'm pleased to formally submit Bill 68-J, 96 00:03:36,042 --> 00:03:38,843 which funds a new bike path in Ramsett Park. 97 00:03:38,878 --> 00:03:41,062 - Motion to table this bill. - Second. 98 00:03:41,097 --> 00:03:43,581 - I also submit Bill 68-R. - Motion to table. 99 00:03:43,616 --> 00:03:44,699 Second. 100 00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,284 You guys want to delay all my bills? Fine. 101 00:03:46,318 --> 00:03:47,285 I'm just gonna keep my head down 102 00:03:47,303 --> 00:03:48,670 and continue to get work done. 103 00:03:48,721 --> 00:03:50,721 All right, well, uh, motion to end this session early 104 00:03:50,740 --> 00:03:52,056 so nothing can get done. 105 00:03:52,074 --> 00:03:53,057 Second. 106 00:03:53,075 --> 00:03:54,542 Gahhh, you guys are the worst! 107 00:03:54,593 --> 00:03:55,677 Sorry, Knope. 108 00:03:55,711 --> 00:03:56,978 We're just looking for any possible way 109 00:03:57,012 --> 00:03:58,763 to get you recalled because we don't like you. 110 00:03:58,797 --> 00:04:01,116 - It's nothing personal. - It absolutely is personal. 111 00:04:01,167 --> 00:04:02,917 That is the definition of "personal." 112 00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:04,836 "The definition of personal." 113 00:04:06,638 --> 00:04:09,240 Excuse me, we have an issue. 114 00:04:09,274 --> 00:04:11,893 A tweet has been tweeted from the Parks and Rec Twitter, 115 00:04:11,927 --> 00:04:14,095 and I'm afraid it is quite sexually graphic. 116 00:04:15,347 --> 00:04:16,614 It's probably just some bored teenager 117 00:04:16,648 --> 00:04:17,665 who hacked the account. 118 00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:20,935 Whoever it is, it's quite serious. 119 00:04:20,986 --> 00:04:22,787 I don't want you to get recalled Knope, 120 00:04:22,822 --> 00:04:24,622 but damn, these people know how to pick a neck massager. 121 00:04:24,656 --> 00:04:26,424 And before you get on my case about those stickers, 122 00:04:26,459 --> 00:04:27,559 I already did 'em. 123 00:04:27,593 --> 00:04:29,644 Donna, there is trouble a-brewin'. 124 00:04:29,695 --> 00:04:31,796 We think that you may have accidentally 125 00:04:31,831 --> 00:04:33,715 tweeted from the Parks and Rec account 126 00:04:33,749 --> 00:04:35,250 rather than your own personal account. 127 00:04:35,284 --> 00:04:36,768 Uh-oh. What'd it say? 128 00:04:36,802 --> 00:04:37,769 "See you tonight. 129 00:04:37,803 --> 00:04:39,204 "Hope you like tongue baths, 130 00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:41,372 you big, nasty fireman." 131 00:04:41,407 --> 00:04:43,291 Then there's a picture of a pair of lips 132 00:04:43,342 --> 00:04:44,759 and then a picture of an eggplant. 133 00:04:44,810 --> 00:04:47,112 I'm both confused, and if we're being totally honest, 134 00:04:47,146 --> 00:04:48,079 a little aroused. 135 00:04:48,114 --> 00:04:49,531 Ew. 136 00:04:49,582 --> 00:04:51,082 Not to give you too much of a peek into my personal life, 137 00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:53,084 but this could have been way worse. 138 00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:54,769 What's important is, we deleted the tweet, 139 00:04:54,804 --> 00:04:56,087 and nobody is gonna know it's you, 140 00:04:56,105 --> 00:04:58,106 but Donna, you know, be more careful in the future. 141 00:04:58,157 --> 00:05:00,291 This almost blew up in my face. 142 00:05:02,778 --> 00:05:05,230 I'm here live, at a press conference, 143 00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:06,664 where Councilman Jeremy Jamm 144 00:05:06,699 --> 00:05:08,750 will discuss a government scandal 145 00:05:08,784 --> 00:05:10,685 we are calling "Twitter Watergate" 146 00:05:10,719 --> 00:05:13,421 until we can find a snappier name for it. 147 00:05:13,456 --> 00:05:16,241 Tongue baths? Eggplants? 148 00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:17,559 Firemen? 149 00:05:17,593 --> 00:05:20,328 Those men are heroes who deserve respect! 150 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:22,347 9/11! 151 00:05:22,381 --> 00:05:24,782 This is how Leslie Knope runs her Parks Department? 152 00:05:24,817 --> 00:05:27,502 We are going to hold hearing after hearing, 153 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:28,803 until we are satisfied. 154 00:05:28,838 --> 00:05:31,473 This will be blown way out of proportion! 155 00:05:31,524 --> 00:05:33,257 You have my word on it! 156 00:05:33,275 --> 00:05:34,425 Ugh. 157 00:05:34,443 --> 00:05:36,427 Ooh, this is bad. I'm gonna get fired. 158 00:05:36,445 --> 00:05:38,279 No one is getting fired, okay? 159 00:05:38,330 --> 00:05:41,065 Jamm is trying to use this to hurt me in the recall. 160 00:05:41,083 --> 00:05:42,500 He's trying to take me down, 161 00:05:42,535 --> 00:05:44,786 and he's willing to attack my friends in the process? 162 00:05:44,837 --> 00:05:46,955 - No. No way. Not on my watch. - Not on her watch. 163 00:05:47,006 --> 00:05:48,423 He is not gonna Sully your name. 164 00:05:48,457 --> 00:05:49,457 No sullying allowed! 165 00:05:49,508 --> 00:05:50,558 Don't worry about it, Donna. 166 00:05:50,593 --> 00:05:52,093 We're gonna nip this in the bud. 167 00:05:52,127 --> 00:05:53,294 Guard your buds, 'cause they're about to get nipped! 168 00:05:53,345 --> 00:05:54,879 - Okay. - Okay. 169 00:05:56,644 --> 00:05:59,842 So, why does Doctors Without Borders 170 00:05:59,962 --> 00:06:00,883 want to come to Pawnee? 171 00:06:01,065 --> 00:06:03,553 Pawnee is like a petri dish of weird diseases. 172 00:06:03,587 --> 00:06:05,772 Did you know you have a higher rate of the West Nile virus 173 00:06:05,806 --> 00:06:07,206 than the actual Western Nile? 174 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:10,376 Sorry, West Nile, looks like Pawnee wins again. 175 00:06:10,394 --> 00:06:13,997 What else have you beaten the Western Nile in? 176 00:06:14,048 --> 00:06:16,199 Cricket. Uh... 177 00:06:16,233 --> 00:06:19,652 just fill out these forms, and we will be all set 178 00:06:19,686 --> 00:06:22,472 like two biscuits inside a tin. 179 00:06:24,891 --> 00:06:28,294 So, you've gone insane. That's fun. 180 00:06:28,312 --> 00:06:29,262 I just panicked. 181 00:06:29,296 --> 00:06:30,336 She's so out of my league, 182 00:06:30,347 --> 00:06:31,281 my brain just made me talk that way 183 00:06:31,315 --> 00:06:32,248 so I'd seem cooler. 184 00:06:32,283 --> 00:06:33,249 What should I do? 185 00:06:33,284 --> 00:06:34,634 Nothing! This is amazing. 186 00:06:34,668 --> 00:06:37,070 - April. - Fine. 187 00:06:37,104 --> 00:06:38,137 If you want to have a chance with her, 188 00:06:38,172 --> 00:06:39,973 obviously, you have to stop. 189 00:06:40,007 --> 00:06:41,224 It's either that, or you talk like that 190 00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:42,442 for the rest of your life. 191 00:06:42,476 --> 00:06:45,461 You think she'd marry me? 192 00:06:45,512 --> 00:06:47,563 All right, just let me do the talking here, okay? 193 00:06:47,598 --> 00:06:49,332 I mean, he's a lawyer, I'm an accountant. 194 00:06:49,366 --> 00:06:50,783 We speak the same language. 195 00:06:50,818 --> 00:06:53,987 I mean, obviously, accountants are a little more bad boy, 196 00:06:54,021 --> 00:06:56,422 but, uh, there's a respect there. 197 00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:58,458 - When will this be over? - Hey, Trevor. 198 00:06:58,492 --> 00:07:00,643 I've been talking to Ron about estate planning, 199 00:07:00,694 --> 00:07:05,365 and he is here to do some "Good Will Hunting." 200 00:07:05,399 --> 00:07:07,867 Because he has to draw up a new will, so-- 201 00:07:07,901 --> 00:07:09,462 Yes, I understood, Mr. Wyatt. Thank you. 202 00:07:09,486 --> 00:07:11,471 As I've said before, I just don't like puns. 203 00:07:11,505 --> 00:07:14,140 Oh, well, my accountant friends seem to enjoy 'em. 204 00:07:14,158 --> 00:07:17,410 Mr. Swanson, let's begin by filling out this form, 205 00:07:17,444 --> 00:07:18,411 listing your assets and liabilities. 206 00:07:18,429 --> 00:07:20,013 Nice try. 207 00:07:20,047 --> 00:07:22,165 I'm not telling you how much money I have, 208 00:07:22,199 --> 00:07:24,467 where it's hidden, or which precious metals 209 00:07:24,501 --> 00:07:27,954 and/or gemstones it may or may not take the form of. 210 00:07:27,988 --> 00:07:29,122 If you don't give me the information I need, 211 00:07:29,156 --> 00:07:30,156 there's nothing I can do. 212 00:07:30,190 --> 00:07:31,391 Oh, come on, Trevor. 213 00:07:31,425 --> 00:07:34,610 Where there's a "Will," there's a way. 214 00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:36,879 I'm gonna say this one last time, Wyatt. 215 00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:38,514 Check the accountant crap at the door. 216 00:07:38,549 --> 00:07:40,316 Yes, sir, I will. 217 00:07:40,367 --> 00:07:41,868 Unintentional. 218 00:07:41,902 --> 00:07:43,886 All right, let's begin. 219 00:07:43,937 --> 00:07:45,972 These hearings have two goals. 220 00:07:46,006 --> 00:07:49,125 One, to find out exactly how this offensive tweet 221 00:07:49,176 --> 00:07:50,343 came to be sent. 222 00:07:50,377 --> 00:07:52,145 And two, to turn this whole thing 223 00:07:52,179 --> 00:07:53,379 into a media circus. 224 00:07:53,397 --> 00:07:54,947 Ms. Knope, do you have a statement? 225 00:07:54,981 --> 00:07:56,342 Well, it's actually quite simple. 226 00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:59,886 Uh, a Parks and Rec employee forgot to log out 227 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,360 of the Parks and Rec Twitter account, 228 00:08:01,905 --> 00:08:05,591 they posted a personal, of the Parks and Rec private message by accident, 229 00:08:05,626 --> 00:08:07,310 and, uh, that person is very sorry, 230 00:08:07,344 --> 00:08:08,444 and it won't happen again. 231 00:08:08,495 --> 00:08:10,029 Stop stonewalling 232 00:08:10,064 --> 00:08:11,414 and tell us what happened here! 233 00:08:11,465 --> 00:08:13,049 I just told you what happened. 234 00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:15,151 It was an unfortunate mistake. 235 00:08:15,185 --> 00:08:17,553 Okay, sadly, due to your "intracksidence"-- 236 00:08:17,588 --> 00:08:18,588 Not a word. 237 00:08:18,639 --> 00:08:20,139 We may never find out what happened. 238 00:08:20,174 --> 00:08:23,275 When this sick, depraved tweet first came to light, 239 00:08:23,293 --> 00:08:26,512 you said, "The account was probably hacked 240 00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:28,564 by some bored teenager." 241 00:08:28,615 --> 00:08:31,784 Now you're saying it's an unfortunate mistake. 242 00:08:31,818 --> 00:08:33,252 Why do you keep flip-flopping? 243 00:08:33,286 --> 00:08:35,722 Well, because I learned new information. 244 00:08:35,756 --> 00:08:37,924 When I was four, I thought that chocolate milk 245 00:08:37,958 --> 00:08:39,542 came from brown cows, 246 00:08:39,593 --> 00:08:42,445 and then I flip-flopped when I found out 247 00:08:42,479 --> 00:08:44,914 that there was something called chocolate syrup. 248 00:08:44,948 --> 00:08:46,549 I don't think I'm out of line when I say 249 00:08:46,583 --> 00:08:50,403 that this scandal makes Benghazi look like whitewater! 250 00:08:50,437 --> 00:08:51,738 It's utterly meaningless. 251 00:08:51,772 --> 00:08:54,340 I think we need to hear from the unnamed employee 252 00:08:54,374 --> 00:08:55,425 behind the tweet. 253 00:08:55,476 --> 00:08:57,744 - Perhaps he or she-- - Or them. 254 00:08:57,778 --> 00:09:00,079 It could be a bunch of hot ladies. 255 00:09:00,113 --> 00:09:01,431 Yes, perhaps "them" 256 00:09:01,465 --> 00:09:04,834 can finally give us the answers we need. 257 00:09:04,868 --> 00:09:07,720 What, what, what? There she is. 258 00:09:07,754 --> 00:09:09,305 Nadia, I didn't know what you wanted, 259 00:09:09,356 --> 00:09:11,190 so I got you a cappuccino, a latte, 260 00:09:11,208 --> 00:09:14,594 four bags of coffee beans, and a mini espresso machine. 261 00:09:14,628 --> 00:09:16,729 What happened to your accent? 262 00:09:16,763 --> 00:09:20,700 Oh, yeah. It's gone. Huh. 263 00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:23,069 You know, I had a cold recently. 264 00:09:23,103 --> 00:09:25,137 I think that may have affected my voice, 265 00:09:25,155 --> 00:09:27,757 like, in certain British ways. 266 00:09:27,791 --> 00:09:29,609 Well, that's all there is to that story, 267 00:09:29,643 --> 00:09:31,010 so no need for any more questions. 268 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:32,111 You have a cold? 269 00:09:32,146 --> 00:09:34,080 Can I feel your glands? 270 00:09:34,114 --> 00:09:35,998 Sure. 271 00:09:36,049 --> 00:09:38,676 Wow, you are wearing a lot of moisturizer on your throat. 272 00:09:38,796 --> 00:09:40,736 Best way to prevent crow's neck. 273 00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:42,588 Is this glitter? 274 00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:44,089 So, those are the forms. 275 00:09:44,108 --> 00:09:45,441 You filled 'em out. Great. 276 00:09:45,492 --> 00:09:47,376 April's gonna file these. 277 00:09:47,411 --> 00:09:50,179 Hey, when is the thing you're doing in the park? 278 00:09:50,230 --> 00:09:53,732 I'd love to come by and maybe help administer vaccines? 279 00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:55,968 Oh. Are you a doctor, somehow? 280 00:09:56,003 --> 00:09:58,571 No. 281 00:09:58,605 --> 00:10:00,907 No follow-up to that? Okay, great. 282 00:10:00,941 --> 00:10:03,426 Um, well, I'm not actually gonna be attending the event, 283 00:10:03,460 --> 00:10:04,977 so if you could just give me the permit, 284 00:10:05,012 --> 00:10:06,262 so that I can go home to Indianapolis 285 00:10:06,296 --> 00:10:09,882 and never come back here? 286 00:10:09,917 --> 00:10:14,070 I am in love with Nadia Whatever-her-last-name-is, 287 00:10:14,121 --> 00:10:15,454 and I'm gonna keep her here, 288 00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:17,089 using the most powerful weapon I have-- 289 00:10:17,123 --> 00:10:19,642 bureaucratic incompetence. 290 00:10:19,693 --> 00:10:24,547 Oh, no. You filled out Form 3208. 291 00:10:24,581 --> 00:10:27,216 You were supposed to fill out Form 3248. 292 00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:28,901 Oh, God. 293 00:10:28,935 --> 00:10:30,736 This is to lease a hangar at the airport. 294 00:10:30,754 --> 00:10:33,055 I know. It's so crazy, it almost sounds made up. 295 00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:34,440 Bureaucracy, right? 296 00:10:34,474 --> 00:10:37,460 What are you gonna do? Huh. Weird. 297 00:10:37,494 --> 00:10:40,596 Someone left out a blender, fresh fruits, and rum? 298 00:10:40,631 --> 00:10:42,648 I guess we gotta, like, make Daiquiris now. 299 00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:45,034 I like to have music on while I work, you know? 300 00:10:47,588 --> 00:10:50,223 What is this place? 301 00:10:52,075 --> 00:10:54,377 Ms. Meagle, let me first say 302 00:10:54,428 --> 00:10:56,812 that I am a big fan of your writing. 303 00:10:56,847 --> 00:10:58,698 Thank you. 304 00:10:58,732 --> 00:11:00,132 It's good stuff. 305 00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:02,635 Really good stuff. 306 00:11:02,669 --> 00:11:04,937 Okay, does anyone else here see a double standard? 307 00:11:04,972 --> 00:11:07,106 Councilman Dexhart is currently being sued 308 00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:09,158 by two different women for sexual harassment, 309 00:11:09,209 --> 00:11:12,111 one of whom was the judge in the first woman's trial. 310 00:11:12,145 --> 00:11:13,763 She was talking dirty to me. 311 00:11:13,814 --> 00:11:14,897 She was reading the emails 312 00:11:14,948 --> 00:11:16,365 that you sent to the first woman. 313 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:17,950 Look, I obviously 314 00:11:17,984 --> 00:11:20,636 never meant to embarrass the parks department. 315 00:11:20,687 --> 00:11:22,655 My personal account is set to "private." 316 00:11:22,689 --> 00:11:24,957 Yeah, I don't even know what she writes on there! 317 00:11:24,992 --> 00:11:27,376 Well, you may not know what she's writing, but we do. 318 00:11:27,427 --> 00:11:30,863 In a shocking twist to an already juicy story, 319 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:33,466 we have obtained access to Ms. Meagle's account, 320 00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:36,102 via a third party. 321 00:11:36,136 --> 00:11:37,904 Same hairdresser. 322 00:11:37,938 --> 00:11:41,407 Damn it, Typhoon! Why'd you do this? 323 00:11:41,425 --> 00:11:42,808 Maybe if you had bothered 324 00:11:42,843 --> 00:11:46,395 to come to my Great Gatsby Brunch, you'd know. 325 00:11:46,446 --> 00:11:47,997 I don't even need an exact number. 326 00:11:48,031 --> 00:11:49,114 Just ballpark it. 327 00:11:49,132 --> 00:11:50,600 That's all I need to get started. 328 00:11:50,634 --> 00:11:51,884 Or, I'm sure the state government 329 00:11:51,902 --> 00:11:53,102 would love to use your money 330 00:11:53,153 --> 00:11:55,755 to hire more bureaucrats, maybe build a library. 331 00:11:55,789 --> 00:11:58,958 Fine, a ballpark figure. 332 00:11:58,992 --> 00:12:00,610 Thank you. God. 333 00:12:06,166 --> 00:12:07,633 Holy [bleep]. 334 00:12:07,668 --> 00:12:09,151 Is this a joke? 335 00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:11,404 Another word for "jokes" is "lies." 336 00:12:11,438 --> 00:12:14,173 I do not lie. Therefore, I do not joke. 337 00:12:14,207 --> 00:12:16,225 Mr. Swanson, an estate of this size 338 00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:17,360 means that your children 339 00:12:17,394 --> 00:12:19,028 would never have to work a day in their lives. 340 00:12:19,079 --> 00:12:20,779 This is going to take some time. 341 00:12:20,797 --> 00:12:22,765 Trusts need to be drawn, tax shelters. 342 00:12:22,799 --> 00:12:24,083 That's enough. 343 00:12:24,101 --> 00:12:27,186 I do not need some drawn-out legal expedition 344 00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:28,821 to tell me what I knew when I was eight. 345 00:12:28,855 --> 00:12:30,389 Here's my original will. 346 00:12:30,424 --> 00:12:32,391 Do whatever lawyer nonsense you have to 347 00:12:32,426 --> 00:12:33,392 to make it official, and I will sign it. 348 00:12:33,426 --> 00:12:34,944 Good day. 349 00:12:34,978 --> 00:12:37,079 Wait. What are all these symbols? 350 00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:41,550 I was right not to be threatened by you. 351 00:12:41,601 --> 00:12:44,370 Okay, I would like to enter into the record 352 00:12:44,404 --> 00:12:46,756 a selection of Ms. Meagle's tweets. 353 00:12:46,790 --> 00:12:49,225 Uh-oh. Uh, can I request a brief recess? 354 00:12:49,259 --> 00:12:51,176 It's okay, Donna. I'm not gonna let them fire you. 355 00:12:51,194 --> 00:12:53,162 Yeah, it's not me I'm worried about. 356 00:12:53,196 --> 00:12:55,280 Ms. Beavers, if you please. 357 00:12:55,299 --> 00:12:57,633 Yesterday, 9:02 A.M. 358 00:12:57,684 --> 00:12:59,819 "Annoying-ass Leslie 359 00:12:59,853 --> 00:13:02,321 "has given me another annoying-ass task. 360 00:13:02,339 --> 00:13:05,875 ♪stickers, ♪bitchboss." 361 00:13:05,909 --> 00:13:08,394 September 25th. 362 00:13:08,428 --> 00:13:12,315 "Twitter poll: On a scale of 98 to 100, 363 00:13:12,366 --> 00:13:14,650 "how annoying is Leslie Knope? 364 00:13:14,701 --> 00:13:17,753 "Cuz u know it ain't less than 98. 365 00:13:17,788 --> 00:13:22,475 All my #trueblood fans know what's up." 366 00:13:22,509 --> 00:13:27,179 Page after page of personal attacks on Leslie Knope. 367 00:13:27,213 --> 00:13:30,049 Not only do you have no control over your department, 368 00:13:30,067 --> 00:13:32,268 you don't even have the respect of your employees. 369 00:13:32,319 --> 00:13:33,385 That's what you really think of me? 370 00:13:33,403 --> 00:13:34,570 You think I'm annoying? 371 00:13:34,604 --> 00:13:37,123 Leslie, sometimes you're kind of annoying. 372 00:13:37,157 --> 00:13:38,557 I mean, I thought that was your thing. 373 00:13:38,575 --> 00:13:41,494 My thing? My thing is not being annoying. 374 00:13:41,528 --> 00:13:44,413 My things are making friendship bracelets 375 00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:46,365 and dancing like nobody's watching, 376 00:13:46,399 --> 00:13:48,784 thinking up really cool nicknames for my friends. 377 00:13:48,835 --> 00:13:51,620 You of all people should know that, El Diablo! 378 00:13:51,671 --> 00:13:53,205 Look, the only reason I'm even on Twitter 379 00:13:53,239 --> 00:13:54,623 is to blow off steam about work 380 00:13:54,674 --> 00:13:57,242 and tweet nasty stuff to dudes with washboard abs. 381 00:13:57,260 --> 00:13:59,045 You really think I hate you, 382 00:13:59,079 --> 00:14:01,580 after all we've been through the last ten years? 383 00:14:01,598 --> 00:14:03,549 I honestly don't know anymore. 384 00:14:04,936 --> 00:14:07,386 Okay, I think we've done a lot of good here today. 385 00:14:13,098 --> 00:14:15,467 Leslie, I am sorry, but I could not postpone 386 00:14:15,587 --> 00:14:17,258 these pointless hearings that Jamm is having. 387 00:14:17,276 --> 00:14:18,397 He is just determined. 388 00:14:18,496 --> 00:14:20,004 Well, thank you for trying. 389 00:14:20,124 --> 00:14:21,215 I have a question for you. 390 00:14:21,546 --> 00:14:22,629 Do you think I'm annoying? 391 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:23,780 - No. - Are you lying? 392 00:14:23,815 --> 00:14:25,616 - No. - Are you trying to protect my feelings? 393 00:14:25,735 --> 00:14:26,337 No. 394 00:14:26,457 --> 00:14:27,434 Do you think I'm being annoying right now? 395 00:14:27,554 --> 00:14:29,436 - Yes. - So you do think I'm annoying. 396 00:14:29,470 --> 00:14:31,204 I think that you ask a lot 397 00:14:31,239 --> 00:14:32,472 of the people that you work with, 398 00:14:32,507 --> 00:14:34,825 and I think that people do what you ask 399 00:14:34,859 --> 00:14:36,109 because they love you. 400 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:39,379 But, I also think that driving people as hard as you do 401 00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:41,448 can ruffle some feathers. 402 00:14:41,482 --> 00:14:43,333 I think a lot of things. I like thinking. 403 00:14:43,368 --> 00:14:44,368 And racquetball. 404 00:14:44,402 --> 00:14:45,469 Now who's annoying? 405 00:14:45,503 --> 00:14:46,837 I spent the last hour 406 00:14:46,871 --> 00:14:48,422 reading some of Donna's old tweets, 407 00:14:48,456 --> 00:14:49,856 and it turns out there are some more things 408 00:14:49,907 --> 00:14:50,907 that she said about you. 409 00:14:50,942 --> 00:14:52,659 "Message to the recall haters: 410 00:14:52,710 --> 00:14:54,411 "You can't keep Leslie Knope down. 411 00:14:54,429 --> 00:14:56,063 "She's too real for this ish. 412 00:14:56,097 --> 00:14:59,333 #bossbitch." 413 00:14:59,367 --> 00:15:01,168 "Leslie Knope is stepping up at these hearings 414 00:15:01,219 --> 00:15:02,300 "and taking a bullet for me. 415 00:15:02,303 --> 00:15:05,372 #sisterfromanothermister, #bossbitch." 416 00:15:05,406 --> 00:15:07,290 It appears, whereas "bitch boss" 417 00:15:07,325 --> 00:15:09,343 is clearly an indication of her frustration, 418 00:15:09,377 --> 00:15:11,511 "boss bitch" is a term of endearment. 419 00:15:11,546 --> 00:15:12,729 Isn't language fun? 420 00:15:12,764 --> 00:15:14,481 It's like racquetball for your mouth! 421 00:15:15,917 --> 00:15:17,617 Did you change your outfit? 422 00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:20,620 I changed five times, and she hasn't noticed yet. 423 00:15:20,655 --> 00:15:22,539 I can only stall for so long. What should I do? 424 00:15:22,573 --> 00:15:24,624 Um, I just finished filling this one out. 425 00:15:24,659 --> 00:15:26,710 I didn't know what to put for "Name of commercial airline," 426 00:15:26,744 --> 00:15:28,812 because I do not operate a commercial airline, 427 00:15:28,846 --> 00:15:29,896 so I just made one up. 428 00:15:29,947 --> 00:15:31,748 What did you name your imaginary airline? 429 00:15:31,783 --> 00:15:32,799 "Jet Blue Ivy." 430 00:15:32,834 --> 00:15:34,301 I figure Jay-Z and Beyonce's kid 431 00:15:34,335 --> 00:15:36,987 will own her own airline eventually. 432 00:15:37,021 --> 00:15:39,139 She's the one. 433 00:15:39,173 --> 00:15:41,842 So, can I have my permit now? Finally? 434 00:15:41,876 --> 00:15:45,562 Uh, no, there was a mistake, 435 00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:48,031 and we gave the park to someone else. 436 00:15:48,065 --> 00:15:48,998 What? 437 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,183 Maybe I can drive you around 438 00:15:50,218 --> 00:15:52,319 and we'll pick another one? 439 00:15:52,353 --> 00:15:53,286 Maybe I'll bring a picnic lunch. 440 00:15:53,321 --> 00:15:54,621 Do you like tamales? 441 00:15:54,655 --> 00:15:56,540 You said that that park was ours. 442 00:15:56,574 --> 00:15:58,041 You said it a long time ago, 443 00:15:58,059 --> 00:15:59,726 in a British accent. 444 00:15:59,761 --> 00:16:00,977 I probably shouldn't say this, as a doctor. 445 00:16:01,011 --> 00:16:02,279 It's probably not cool. 446 00:16:02,313 --> 00:16:05,298 But I really hope you all get West Nile virus. 447 00:16:05,349 --> 00:16:07,768 Nice meeting you, April. 448 00:16:07,819 --> 00:16:09,319 Kind of. You're weird too. 449 00:16:09,353 --> 00:16:11,088 Thank you. 450 00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:16,176 We need to talk. 451 00:16:16,227 --> 00:16:18,445 That has never been true. 452 00:16:18,496 --> 00:16:19,963 I think I know what's happening. 453 00:16:19,997 --> 00:16:22,382 Thinking about how to divide up your possessions 454 00:16:22,433 --> 00:16:23,850 for when you die, 455 00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:26,403 it's tough, confronting your own mortality, 456 00:16:26,437 --> 00:16:30,157 and I think it's got you spinning a little bit. 457 00:16:30,191 --> 00:16:31,558 Am I right? 458 00:16:31,592 --> 00:16:32,893 Wow. 459 00:16:32,927 --> 00:16:35,028 I had not considered that. 460 00:16:35,079 --> 00:16:36,997 Yes, I think that maybe you are on to something. 461 00:16:37,031 --> 00:16:38,165 Yeah. 462 00:16:38,199 --> 00:16:40,217 Just know that it's perfectly healthy 463 00:16:40,251 --> 00:16:42,686 to be thinking about-- 464 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:43,937 Oh, you're joking. 465 00:16:43,988 --> 00:16:45,071 Yes, son, I am. 466 00:16:45,106 --> 00:16:46,823 First joke ever. 467 00:16:46,857 --> 00:16:48,291 Don't care for it. 468 00:16:48,326 --> 00:16:50,210 Death does not scare me. 469 00:16:50,261 --> 00:16:52,896 What I am worried about is spoiling my children. 470 00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:54,614 I don't want 'em to be the kind of people 471 00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:57,667 who never work, live off their trust funds, 472 00:16:57,702 --> 00:16:59,669 who buy their wooden furniture. 473 00:16:59,704 --> 00:17:02,305 I will leave my children $50 apiece 474 00:17:02,323 --> 00:17:03,824 for the cab home from my funeral 475 00:17:03,858 --> 00:17:06,026 and a steak dinner, end of discussion. 476 00:17:06,077 --> 00:17:07,077 Okay. 477 00:17:07,111 --> 00:17:08,128 I mean, look, it doesn't matter 478 00:17:08,162 --> 00:17:09,612 how much money you leave your kids. 479 00:17:09,630 --> 00:17:12,516 What matters is that you teach them the right values. 480 00:17:12,550 --> 00:17:14,451 But, if something horrible happens, 481 00:17:14,485 --> 00:17:15,752 and you want your kids to be left alone 482 00:17:15,786 --> 00:17:16,986 with no safety net, 483 00:17:17,004 --> 00:17:18,622 just so they can learn some kind of weird lesson, 484 00:17:18,656 --> 00:17:20,891 then, by all means, leave your fortune 485 00:17:20,925 --> 00:17:24,578 to the wild boar who gores you to death. 486 00:17:24,612 --> 00:17:28,215 I'd never lose to a boar. 487 00:17:34,238 --> 00:17:36,907 I'm sorry if I can be little annoying at times, 488 00:17:36,941 --> 00:17:38,842 but one person's annoying 489 00:17:38,876 --> 00:17:41,211 is another person's inspiring and heroic, 490 00:17:41,229 --> 00:17:44,314 so, you know, who are we to judge? 491 00:17:44,348 --> 00:17:46,716 And I'm sorry for writing those things. 492 00:17:46,751 --> 00:17:48,568 Some of those things. 493 00:17:48,603 --> 00:17:51,755 I can't promise that I won't be inspiring 494 00:17:51,789 --> 00:17:53,473 and heroic in the future. 495 00:17:53,508 --> 00:17:55,809 And I can't promise that I won't complain about it. 496 00:17:55,843 --> 00:17:57,978 Deal. 497 00:17:58,029 --> 00:17:59,646 I got you an apology present. 498 00:17:59,697 --> 00:18:00,697 Oh! 499 00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:02,098 It is all of your favorite lipsticks 500 00:18:02,116 --> 00:18:03,099 and nail polishes, 501 00:18:03,117 --> 00:18:04,100 and I got the same ones too. 502 00:18:04,118 --> 00:18:05,235 I printed out a schedule, 503 00:18:05,269 --> 00:18:06,653 so we can wear them at the same time. 504 00:18:06,704 --> 00:18:08,655 Now, I would like you to open each one 505 00:18:08,706 --> 00:18:09,746 in front of me, and tell me 506 00:18:09,773 --> 00:18:11,324 how you feel about them individually. 507 00:18:11,375 --> 00:18:12,909 Let me take a picture. 508 00:18:12,944 --> 00:18:14,244 Are you tweeting this? 509 00:18:14,278 --> 00:18:15,662 Mm-hmm. 510 00:18:15,713 --> 00:18:16,663 What's the hashtag gonna be? 511 00:18:16,714 --> 00:18:17,947 "Boss bitch" or "bitch boss"? 512 00:18:17,965 --> 00:18:19,216 Yeah, it's "psycho boss." 513 00:18:19,250 --> 00:18:21,673 Eh, I don't hate that. 514 00:18:23,354 --> 00:18:25,702 Benjamin, after thinking about what you said, 515 00:18:25,822 --> 00:18:26,733 I've decided to leave 516 00:18:26,853 --> 00:18:29,485 each of my children 5% of my fortune. 517 00:18:29,605 --> 00:18:31,823 Wow, 5 whole percent. 518 00:18:31,858 --> 00:18:34,109 So, I guess you are gonna teach them a lesson. 519 00:18:34,143 --> 00:18:37,379 Oh, my God, that's 5%? 520 00:18:37,413 --> 00:18:39,031 That is a lot of money. 521 00:18:39,065 --> 00:18:40,665 Wait, is this a joke? 522 00:18:40,717 --> 00:18:42,084 It is not a joke. 523 00:18:42,118 --> 00:18:44,052 Not that an accountant would know the difference. 524 00:18:44,087 --> 00:18:47,222 Also, if something should happen to Diane and me, 525 00:18:47,256 --> 00:18:49,091 we decided that the kids should go 526 00:18:49,125 --> 00:18:51,176 to the most important people in our lives. 527 00:18:51,227 --> 00:18:54,980 Ron, I'm--I'm incredibly flattered. 528 00:18:55,014 --> 00:18:57,298 Ralph Piatkowski and his wife Helen. 529 00:18:57,316 --> 00:18:59,735 He's the Maitre D' at Mulligan's Steakhouse, 530 00:18:59,769 --> 00:19:01,820 and he knows me better than anyone. 531 00:19:01,854 --> 00:19:03,638 However, if they are not able to do it, 532 00:19:03,656 --> 00:19:05,991 which seems likely, as they're in their 90s, 533 00:19:06,025 --> 00:19:08,643 you and Leslie are choice number two. 534 00:19:08,661 --> 00:19:10,245 I'm honored. 535 00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:11,813 Everyone, take your seats, 536 00:19:11,831 --> 00:19:14,332 so this witch hunt may proceed as scheduled. 537 00:19:14,367 --> 00:19:16,418 Speaking of, uh, where are the witches? 538 00:19:16,452 --> 00:19:17,869 They're right here! 539 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,455 Well, we're not witches. That's sexist and offensive. 540 00:19:20,489 --> 00:19:21,656 But we're right here, 541 00:19:21,674 --> 00:19:23,341 and we are not gonna sit in this room 542 00:19:23,376 --> 00:19:25,177 and let you drag our names through the mud 543 00:19:25,211 --> 00:19:27,179 just to score some cheap political points. 544 00:19:27,213 --> 00:19:29,097 How dare you demean the value 545 00:19:29,132 --> 00:19:31,049 of the political points I'm scoring? 546 00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:32,467 We have had enough. 547 00:19:32,501 --> 00:19:34,770 I am going back to work so I can do some good for this town, 548 00:19:34,804 --> 00:19:36,772 and my friend Donna is coming with me. 549 00:19:36,806 --> 00:19:38,557 Hmm. I prefer "El Diablo." 550 00:19:38,608 --> 00:19:40,675 Uh, this is not over, Ms. Knope! 551 00:19:40,693 --> 00:19:43,228 Donna, quit punishing me! 552 00:19:43,279 --> 00:19:45,147 - I miss you. - Uh-uh! 553 00:19:45,181 --> 00:19:47,182 Bridge burned, Typhoon. 554 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,202 Or should I say, "Norman"? Uh-huh. 555 00:19:50,236 --> 00:19:52,353 Okay, I'm just gonna man up, 556 00:19:52,371 --> 00:19:53,855 tell her how I feel, 557 00:19:53,873 --> 00:19:55,073 and hope she feels the same way about me, 558 00:19:55,124 --> 00:19:56,208 and that's that. 559 00:19:56,242 --> 00:19:57,325 If she doesn't, no big deal. It's done. 560 00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:58,460 I'm an adult. Let's do it. 561 00:19:58,494 --> 00:20:00,212 Great. 562 00:20:00,246 --> 00:20:02,247 Nope, I can't do it. New plan. 563 00:20:02,298 --> 00:20:03,381 Tell her all the screw-ups were your fault. 564 00:20:03,416 --> 00:20:04,800 I'll tell her I had to cover for you, 565 00:20:04,834 --> 00:20:05,801 because you are so dumb. 566 00:20:05,835 --> 00:20:08,136 Nadia! 567 00:20:08,171 --> 00:20:10,755 We're very sorry for everything you went through today. 568 00:20:10,807 --> 00:20:13,975 I have reserved the park for your event. 569 00:20:14,010 --> 00:20:17,813 Now, April has something she'd like to admit. 570 00:20:17,847 --> 00:20:19,931 Tom wants me to tell you that all the screw-ups were my fault, 571 00:20:19,982 --> 00:20:22,050 but really, he kept messing up so that you would 572 00:20:22,068 --> 00:20:23,268 stay in Pawnee as long as possible 573 00:20:23,319 --> 00:20:25,103 because he is super into you. 574 00:20:25,154 --> 00:20:28,056 Okay. 575 00:20:28,074 --> 00:20:29,441 Several questions. 576 00:20:29,492 --> 00:20:31,660 - Is any part of him British? - No. 577 00:20:31,694 --> 00:20:33,411 So, that was just weird, panicky dude behavior? 578 00:20:33,446 --> 00:20:34,496 - Yeah. - Okay. 579 00:20:34,530 --> 00:20:35,690 I'm just trying to figure out 580 00:20:35,698 --> 00:20:38,266 if acting that insane is, like, romantic, 581 00:20:38,284 --> 00:20:39,818 or totally scary. 582 00:20:39,869 --> 00:20:42,454 I'll go with romantic. 583 00:20:42,488 --> 00:20:43,889 He is kind of cute. 584 00:20:43,923 --> 00:20:45,457 What's his deal? 585 00:20:45,491 --> 00:20:47,375 He's sweet, he's cool, 586 00:20:47,410 --> 00:20:48,793 and you're, like, way out of his league, 587 00:20:48,828 --> 00:20:51,946 so there's literally no risk for you at all here. 588 00:20:51,964 --> 00:20:52,947 Okay. 589 00:20:52,965 --> 00:20:54,366 Well, I am going to Rwanda in, like, 590 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,284 two weeks for my job, so, what the hell? 591 00:20:56,302 --> 00:20:57,419 Cool. 592 00:20:57,453 --> 00:20:58,470 So, you want to go out with me? 593 00:20:58,504 --> 00:20:59,971 Yes, please. 594 00:21:00,006 --> 00:21:02,974 Okay. Bye. 595 00:21:03,009 --> 00:21:05,627 Okay, you owe me, like, 1,000 favors. 596 00:21:05,645 --> 00:21:07,312 See ya. 597 00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:15,115 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com