1
00:00:00,780 --> 00:00:04,964
All:
Ted! Ted! Ted! Ted! Ted! Ted!
2
00:00:04,998 --> 00:00:09,033
LESLIE: Article Two, Section Two
of the Pawnee Charter reads,
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00:00:09,117 --> 00:00:12,053
"Be it decreed:
Should the taxation of tea
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00:00:12,071 --> 00:00:13,888
"rise to an unacceptable level,
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00:00:13,906 --> 00:00:17,242
citizens shall dump Ted
into Ramsett Lake."
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00:00:17,276 --> 00:00:19,377
[All cheer]
7
00:00:19,411 --> 00:00:20,528
Does anyone object?
8
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,330
As always, I object.
9
00:00:22,364 --> 00:00:24,115
Nay, enough dithering!
10
00:00:24,166 --> 00:00:25,700
Dump the miscreant!
Boo!
11
00:00:25,718 --> 00:00:27,802
[All cheer]
12
00:00:27,836 --> 00:00:31,072
Today is Ted Party Day,
where we commemorate
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00:00:31,106 --> 00:00:33,441
the great Pawnee tea dump
of 1817.
14
00:00:33,475 --> 00:00:34,843
Historical fun fact--
15
00:00:34,877 --> 00:00:36,895
when the Founding Fathers wrote
the charter,
16
00:00:36,929 --> 00:00:38,496
their old-timey script made
17
00:00:38,531 --> 00:00:40,265
one of the "a"s
look like a "d,"
18
00:00:40,299 --> 00:00:41,833
so "tea" became "Ted."
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00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:43,201
It's just one
of those little things
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00:00:43,235 --> 00:00:45,987
that reminds us of Pawnee's
rich and vibrant past.
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00:00:46,021 --> 00:00:47,622
Plus, we get to go find
a guy named Ted
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00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:49,023
and throw him
in a lake.
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00:00:49,058 --> 00:00:50,575
All: One!
24
00:00:50,609 --> 00:00:51,893
I don't even go by Ted!
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00:00:51,911 --> 00:00:53,745
All: Two!
- I go by Theodore!
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00:00:53,779 --> 00:00:55,696
All: Three!
- Aah!
27
00:00:55,714 --> 00:00:58,499
[All cheering]
28
00:00:58,534 --> 00:01:01,486
[Triumphant music]
29
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:06,477
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
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00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:20,672
Hey, Ted.
Great job today.
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00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:21,940
You were so funny
32
00:01:21,974 --> 00:01:22,941
when you were like,
"My cell phone,
33
00:01:22,975 --> 00:01:24,359
I left it in my pocket."
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00:01:24,393 --> 00:01:26,494
Then you checked it, remember,
and it didn't work.
35
00:01:26,528 --> 00:01:27,495
Yeah, that was hilarious.
36
00:01:27,513 --> 00:01:29,013
Listen,
I am just here to say
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00:01:29,064 --> 00:01:30,748
that I am done
with Ted Party Day.
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00:01:30,783 --> 00:01:33,368
- Ha! Classic Ted.
- I'm serious.
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00:01:33,402 --> 00:01:34,852
I'm not getting dumped
in that lake anymore.
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00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:36,204
And I talked
to the other Teds in town,
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00:01:36,238 --> 00:01:37,622
and they're not doing it
either.
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00:01:37,656 --> 00:01:39,057
Come on, Ted Party Day
is protected
43
00:01:39,091 --> 00:01:40,525
by Article Two
in the town charter.
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00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:42,944
And we have the right,
nay, the obligation,
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00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:44,696
to dump Ted into the lake
every year.
46
00:01:44,747 --> 00:01:46,030
That's the way
it's always been done.
47
00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:47,215
Okay, first of all,
48
00:01:47,249 --> 00:01:48,416
"That's the way
it's always been done"
49
00:01:48,434 --> 00:01:50,034
is not a good reason
to keep doing something.
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00:01:50,069 --> 00:01:53,120
Second, it was a misprint.
They clearly meant "tea."
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00:01:53,138 --> 00:01:54,389
I just think you need
to be careful
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00:01:54,423 --> 00:01:56,757
about speculating
what the Founders meant
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00:01:56,775 --> 00:01:58,710
when they were writing
the town charter.
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00:01:58,744 --> 00:01:59,928
Okay, fine.
55
00:01:59,962 --> 00:02:00,795
You want to enforce
every single old law
56
00:02:00,813 --> 00:02:01,980
we have on our books?
57
00:02:02,014 --> 00:02:03,148
Hey, can I see your keys
for a second?
58
00:02:04,199 --> 00:02:05,566
Here's a quarter.
59
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,085
I own your car now.
60
00:02:07,119 --> 00:02:08,836
- Wha--
- Sorry.
61
00:02:08,871 --> 00:02:11,406
The Pawnee Charter clearly
states that any white citizen
62
00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:13,458
has the right to seize
any Indian property
63
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:14,926
for 25 cents.
64
00:02:14,977 --> 00:02:17,078
That is an outdated
and racist law.
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00:02:17,112 --> 00:02:19,247
And obviously they meant
"American Indian."
66
00:02:19,281 --> 00:02:20,748
Whoa, I think
we should be careful
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00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,400
when we speculate
what the Founders intended
68
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:23,701
when they wrote the charter.
69
00:02:23,736 --> 00:02:25,670
Okay, Ted.
I know what you're doing.
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00:02:25,704 --> 00:02:27,155
You're quoting me back to me.
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00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:28,640
But I'm gonna quote me
back to you and say
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00:02:28,691 --> 00:02:30,525
that Ted Party Day
will never change.
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00:02:30,559 --> 00:02:31,659
Uhoh.
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00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,345
You, a woman,
just raised your voice
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00:02:34,380 --> 00:02:35,629
to a landowning male.
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00:02:35,648 --> 00:02:38,316
According to a Pawnee statute
passed in 1868,
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00:02:38,350 --> 00:02:42,020
I get to do this.
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00:02:44,139 --> 00:02:46,774
I was not aware
of that statute.
79
00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:49,627
Ron, you have to help me.
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00:02:49,678 --> 00:02:51,012
Chris is making me do
81
00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:52,914
some stupid management
training leadership course.
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00:02:52,948 --> 00:02:54,749
Now that you run
the Animal Control department,
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00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,117
you have qualified
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00:02:56,151 --> 00:02:58,071
for the Chris Traeger
Management Training Seminar
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00:02:58,103 --> 00:02:59,687
or "Ka-tumts."
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00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:02,040
It's not a great acronym,
but it is a great seminar.
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00:03:02,074 --> 00:03:03,641
Can you get me out of it?
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00:03:03,676 --> 00:03:05,126
Yes.
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00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:06,811
Normally, if given a choice
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00:03:06,845 --> 00:03:08,529
between doing something
and nothing,
91
00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:09,931
I'd choose to do nothing.
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00:03:09,965 --> 00:03:11,032
But I will do something
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00:03:11,050 --> 00:03:12,650
if it helps someone else
do nothing.
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00:03:12,685 --> 00:03:13,768
I'd work all night
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00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,770
if it meant nothing got done.
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00:03:15,788 --> 00:03:17,488
Ron Swanson
and April Ludgate,
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00:03:17,539 --> 00:03:19,974
literally my two favorite people
in the catalogued universe.
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00:03:20,009 --> 00:03:22,076
April will not be
participating
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00:03:22,111 --> 00:03:23,578
in your pointless course
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00:03:23,612 --> 00:03:25,446
because she has
more important things to do
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00:03:25,481 --> 00:03:29,250
like not participating
in your pointless course.
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00:03:29,284 --> 00:03:31,202
I just want April
to become as great
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00:03:31,236 --> 00:03:32,787
a department head
as yourself.
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00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:34,589
Which is why
this is pointless.
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00:03:34,623 --> 00:03:37,158
I've been head of the Parks
department for 12 years,
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00:03:37,192 --> 00:03:39,861
and I never had any
"management training" course.
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00:03:39,895 --> 00:03:42,630
Ron, you've never been
"ka-tumtsed?"
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00:03:42,664 --> 00:03:43,964
I am legally required
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00:03:43,982 --> 00:03:46,100
to ka-tumts
every department head.
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00:03:46,135 --> 00:03:48,069
Otherwise, we are open
to all kinds of liability.
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00:03:48,087 --> 00:03:49,637
What are you saying?
112
00:03:49,671 --> 00:03:50,938
I'm saying that tomorrow
during the seminar,
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00:03:50,973 --> 00:03:52,473
April is going to have
a classmate.
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00:03:52,507 --> 00:03:53,858
And spoiler alert--
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00:03:53,892 --> 00:03:55,626
- it's Alf.
- It's you.
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00:03:56,161 --> 00:03:58,429
This went poorly.
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00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:01,849
What, no.
Damn it!
118
00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:03,484
What are you bidding on?
119
00:04:03,518 --> 00:04:04,786
It better not be
Terrence Howard's tank top
120
00:04:04,820 --> 00:04:05,787
from Hustle & Flow.
121
00:04:05,821 --> 00:04:07,555
- It is not.
- Good.
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00:04:07,589 --> 00:04:08,789
'Cause I am bidding on it
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00:04:08,807 --> 00:04:10,141
and I am ready to spend
an amount
124
00:04:10,175 --> 00:04:11,976
that my accountant calls
"Dangerous and irresponsible."
125
00:04:12,027 --> 00:04:14,629
JJ's diner put an old
waffle iron up for auction.
126
00:04:14,663 --> 00:04:16,964
It's the perfect breakfast
day gift for Leslie.
127
00:04:16,999 --> 00:04:18,149
"Breakfast day"?
128
00:04:18,183 --> 00:04:20,184
Leslie has anniversaries
for everything.
129
00:04:20,235 --> 00:04:22,503
"Zoo day," first time we went
to the zoo together.
130
00:04:22,538 --> 00:04:23,888
"Double date day,"
131
00:04:23,922 --> 00:04:24,889
it was the first time
we went on a double date.
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00:04:24,923 --> 00:04:26,173
"Daniel Day-Lewis day.
133
00:04:26,191 --> 00:04:27,308
"Talk-like-a-pirate day.
134
00:04:27,342 --> 00:04:28,826
Talk-like-a-Pittsburgh-pirate
day,"
135
00:04:28,861 --> 00:04:30,628
which why and how?
136
00:04:30,662 --> 00:04:33,598
This calendar was last year's
calendar day present
137
00:04:33,632 --> 00:04:34,866
celebrating the first time
138
00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:37,235
she ever bought me
a calendar.
139
00:04:37,269 --> 00:04:38,703
[Exhales]
140
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,455
You have to buy a present
for every one of these?
141
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:42,673
She always tells me not to,
but then she buys me something
142
00:04:42,724 --> 00:04:44,692
that's awesome and thoughtful,
and then I feel terrible.
143
00:04:44,726 --> 00:04:46,686
But that's the thing.
This is the perfect present.
144
00:04:46,712 --> 00:04:48,513
I just keep getting outbid
by someone named
145
00:04:48,547 --> 00:04:50,248
"Tall Tie-ree-on Lannister."
146
00:04:50,282 --> 00:04:52,150
What kind of name is
Tie-ree-on anyway?
147
00:04:52,184 --> 00:04:55,036
You're kidding, right?
Tyrion Lannister?
148
00:04:55,070 --> 00:04:57,421
Lord of Casterly Rock?
The Half-Man?
149
00:04:57,473 --> 00:04:59,190
You don't watch
Game of Thrones?
150
00:04:59,224 --> 00:05:01,159
- No. You do?
- Hell yeah.
151
00:05:01,193 --> 00:05:03,194
Have you seen
those Dothraki dudes?
152
00:05:03,245 --> 00:05:04,745
They can get it.
153
00:05:04,780 --> 00:05:08,583
Everybody on that show
can get it.
154
00:05:08,617 --> 00:05:10,735
I think I know
who I'm bidding against.
155
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:13,571
I now realize
that I was wrong,
156
00:05:13,622 --> 00:05:15,623
and it's time
that we purged the books
157
00:05:15,657 --> 00:05:19,343
of many of our town's
outdated and obscure laws.
158
00:05:19,378 --> 00:05:20,594
The bill that I have written
159
00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,280
with the full support
of the city council
160
00:05:22,331 --> 00:05:25,383
will repeal 110 obsolete laws
161
00:05:25,417 --> 00:05:28,102
such as all menstruating women
shall be confined
162
00:05:28,137 --> 00:05:29,187
to their bathtubs
163
00:05:29,221 --> 00:05:32,673
and Article Two,
aka, Ted Party Day.
164
00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:34,909
The floor is now open
for public comments.
165
00:05:34,927 --> 00:05:36,144
Oh, here we go.
166
00:05:36,178 --> 00:05:37,678
Thank you.
My name is Garth Blundin,
167
00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:40,031
and I object
to your ridiculous proposal.
168
00:05:40,082 --> 00:05:43,784
The Pawnee Charter
shall not be changed.
169
00:05:43,818 --> 00:05:45,253
Not today, not ever!
170
00:05:45,287 --> 00:05:46,838
Wow, a lot of passion,
Mr. Blundin.
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00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:48,222
Thank you so much.
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00:05:48,256 --> 00:05:49,807
Your objection is noted
and officially in the record.
173
00:05:49,858 --> 00:05:52,460
- Shall we proceed to a vote?
- No. No, we shall not.
174
00:05:52,494 --> 00:05:54,795
Article Seven,
Section Three allows
175
00:05:54,829 --> 00:05:57,464
for a "Citizen filibuster."
176
00:05:57,482 --> 00:06:00,134
If I stand here
and refuse to yield my time,
177
00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:02,620
you are prohibited
from voting on the bill.
178
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:05,373
That section defines
"Buffalo meat"
179
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,757
as acceptable currency.
180
00:06:06,792 --> 00:06:08,142
- Is that the Buffalo meat one?
- Mm-hmm.
181
00:06:08,177 --> 00:06:12,213
I meant Article Three,
Section Seven.
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00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:13,180
[Clears throat]
183
00:06:13,198 --> 00:06:15,700
Let the filibustering begin.
184
00:06:15,734 --> 00:06:17,301
I would now like to share
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00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:20,955
some ideas I have for
J.J. Abrams' seventh chapter
186
00:06:20,973 --> 00:06:22,690
in the Star Wars' saga.
187
00:06:22,724 --> 00:06:25,726
Pan down from
the twin suns of Tatooine.
188
00:06:25,744 --> 00:06:28,729
We are now close on the mouth
of the Sarlacc Pit.
189
00:06:28,747 --> 00:06:30,081
After a beat,
190
00:06:30,115 --> 00:06:33,951
the gloved Mandalorian
armor gauntlet of Boba Fett
191
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:36,904
grabs onto the sand outside
of the Sarlacc Pit
192
00:06:36,922 --> 00:06:39,924
and the feared bounty hunter
pulls himself
193
00:06:39,958 --> 00:06:42,843
from the maw
of the sand beast.
194
00:06:42,878 --> 00:06:45,012
Ugh, he's right.
He can do this.
195
00:06:45,047 --> 00:06:47,348
This is exactly why we need
to modernize these laws.
196
00:06:47,382 --> 00:06:50,518
This kind of thing made sense
when we had council in a barn
197
00:06:50,552 --> 00:06:52,086
and there were
80 people in the town,
198
00:06:52,104 --> 00:06:54,272
but now this is nuts.
199
00:06:54,306 --> 00:06:55,690
If he holds
the reality gem,
200
00:06:55,724 --> 00:06:58,976
that means he can jump
from different realities.
201
00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:00,695
This will be our link
202
00:07:00,729 --> 00:07:02,813
to the Marvel Universe
from the Star Wars Universe.
203
00:07:04,629 --> 00:07:07,113
BLUNDIN: Imagine those who
were up against Chewbacca
204
00:07:07,205 --> 00:07:10,190
'cause that's gonna happen.
After a beat, Luke says,
205
00:07:10,274 --> 00:07:12,375
"Darth Vader was my father,
but Ben Kenobi was my master."
206
00:07:12,893 --> 00:07:14,710
And he cuts Hannibal Lecter
in half.
207
00:07:14,728 --> 00:07:15,861
Mr. Blundin,
208
00:07:15,912 --> 00:07:17,830
look, the laws
I'm trying to get rid of
209
00:07:17,881 --> 00:07:19,715
have no more relevance
in modern society
210
00:07:19,750 --> 00:07:21,300
and they're embarrassing
to Pawnee.
211
00:07:21,335 --> 00:07:24,337
Repealing them would show that
we're changing with the times.
212
00:07:24,371 --> 00:07:26,956
You can't just change
the charter willy-nilly.
213
00:07:26,990 --> 00:07:29,958
You start by casually repealing
a couple of "old laws,"
214
00:07:29,977 --> 00:07:32,445
the next thing you know,
your jack-booted storm troopers
215
00:07:32,496 --> 00:07:34,914
are kicking in my door
and arresting my wife
216
00:07:34,948 --> 00:07:36,432
for no reason
if I were married.
217
00:07:36,466 --> 00:07:37,666
By "jack-booted
storm troopers,"
218
00:07:37,684 --> 00:07:39,235
do you mean
the Pawnee Police Department?
219
00:07:39,269 --> 00:07:41,570
- Hey, Clyde.
- Hi, Leslie.
220
00:07:41,605 --> 00:07:43,022
Good Danish today.
221
00:07:43,056 --> 00:07:46,225
The Pawnee charter is not
a "living document," Ms. Knope.
222
00:07:46,259 --> 00:07:48,361
You have no respect
for the traditions of this town.
223
00:07:48,412 --> 00:07:49,912
I absolutely do.
224
00:07:49,946 --> 00:07:52,465
I used to give tours
at the Pawnee Historical House.
225
00:07:52,499 --> 00:07:54,350
Three times,
"Employee Of The Fortnight."
226
00:07:54,384 --> 00:07:57,003
Oh, big deal, you put
on a costume for a couple hours.
227
00:07:57,037 --> 00:07:59,655
By that logic, every time
I go to bed at night,
228
00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:01,140
I am Wolverine.
229
00:08:01,174 --> 00:08:02,808
You bought
X-Men pajamas?
230
00:08:02,843 --> 00:08:05,077
I won them, madam,
in a raffle.
231
00:08:05,112 --> 00:08:06,829
The point is is that
our Founding Fathers
232
00:08:06,863 --> 00:08:08,424
were brilliant
and they were courageous,
233
00:08:08,432 --> 00:08:09,982
but they also had
wooden teeth
234
00:08:10,017 --> 00:08:11,434
and pooped in holes
in the ground.
235
00:08:11,468 --> 00:08:13,436
It was a more primitive time.
236
00:08:13,470 --> 00:08:15,137
It was a better time.
237
00:08:15,155 --> 00:08:18,057
You wouldn't have survived
two weeks in their day.
238
00:08:18,091 --> 00:08:20,209
Oh, really?
How about a little wager?
239
00:08:20,227 --> 00:08:22,644
How about you and I go live
in that historical house,
240
00:08:22,662 --> 00:08:25,881
no modern technology,
1817 rules.
241
00:08:25,916 --> 00:08:27,717
If you last longer,
I withdraw my bill.
242
00:08:27,751 --> 00:08:29,902
I win,
you stop this nonsense.
243
00:08:29,936 --> 00:08:33,589
[Laughs]
You have yourself a deal.
244
00:08:33,623 --> 00:08:34,790
Please write down
245
00:08:34,808 --> 00:08:36,776
what you hope to gain
from the seminar,
246
00:08:36,810 --> 00:08:38,077
seal it in the envelope,
247
00:08:38,111 --> 00:08:39,495
and then we'll open it
when it's over.
248
00:08:39,529 --> 00:08:41,380
When is this over?
249
00:08:41,415 --> 00:08:42,415
As soon as you learn
to embrace
250
00:08:42,449 --> 00:08:44,917
the power
of positive motivation.
251
00:08:44,968 --> 00:08:46,685
It's a nine-hour seminar
over two days.
252
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:48,337
- Whoa!
- Oh, good.
253
00:08:48,372 --> 00:08:49,438
All right, let's begin.
254
00:08:49,456 --> 00:08:51,791
Hop on board
"The Management Train."
255
00:08:51,825 --> 00:08:54,176
First stop--
Motivation Station.
256
00:08:54,210 --> 00:08:55,327
[Blows train whistle]
257
00:08:55,362 --> 00:08:56,645
All aboard!
258
00:08:57,697 --> 00:09:00,149
Stop bidding on
my waffle iron.
259
00:09:00,167 --> 00:09:01,734
You're FutureMrsTigerWoods?
260
00:09:01,768 --> 00:09:03,102
I made that profile,
like, ten years ago.
261
00:09:03,136 --> 00:09:04,296
I don't know how
to change it.
262
00:09:04,321 --> 00:09:06,272
The point is I'm getting
that waffle iron
263
00:09:06,323 --> 00:09:08,124
for Leslie
for breakfast day.
264
00:09:08,158 --> 00:09:09,208
Uh, no, you're not.
265
00:09:09,259 --> 00:09:10,843
I'm getting it for her
for waffle day.
266
00:09:10,894 --> 00:09:12,395
Wait, you have
a breakfast day too?
267
00:09:12,429 --> 00:09:14,229
- Mine's in June.
- Please, Ben.
268
00:09:14,247 --> 00:09:15,948
This is the celebration
of the anniversary
269
00:09:15,999 --> 00:09:17,283
of the first time
we hung out at JJ's,
270
00:09:17,334 --> 00:09:19,452
which she considers
the beginning of our friendship.
271
00:09:19,486 --> 00:09:21,303
Well, imagine
being married to her.
272
00:09:21,337 --> 00:09:23,939
It's like being smothered
with a hand-quilted pillow
273
00:09:23,974 --> 00:09:25,658
filled
with cherished memories.
274
00:09:25,692 --> 00:09:26,992
I can't believe
I'm complaining about
275
00:09:27,027 --> 00:09:28,427
how thoughtful my wife is.
276
00:09:28,462 --> 00:09:30,212
Sorry, honey.
I love you.
277
00:09:30,247 --> 00:09:31,380
Look, I have known her
for longer,
278
00:09:31,414 --> 00:09:33,265
I have five years' worth
of anniversaries,
279
00:09:33,316 --> 00:09:34,450
so I have seniority.
280
00:09:34,484 --> 00:09:35,517
Oh, God. Oh, no.
281
00:09:35,535 --> 00:09:37,002
- We've lost the auction.
- What-no.
282
00:09:37,037 --> 00:09:38,557
Somebody swooped in
at the last second,
283
00:09:38,588 --> 00:09:41,307
- and now we're both screwed.
- No.
284
00:09:41,341 --> 00:09:43,893
Okay, Tyrion Lannister,
why don't you just cast a spell
285
00:09:43,927 --> 00:09:45,077
and get us
the waffle iron back?
286
00:09:45,128 --> 00:09:46,479
Oh, okay.
287
00:09:46,513 --> 00:09:47,880
I don't even have time to tell
you how wrong you are.
288
00:09:47,931 --> 00:09:49,648
Actually, it's gonna bug me
if I don't.
289
00:09:49,683 --> 00:09:51,400
The Lannisters,
while very wealthy,
290
00:09:51,434 --> 00:09:53,435
do not possess
the magical abilities
291
00:09:53,453 --> 00:09:55,371
of, say, the warlocks
of Qarth for example.
292
00:09:55,405 --> 00:09:59,125
This is why
we don't hang out.
293
00:09:59,159 --> 00:10:00,993
Think of yourselves
as engineers
294
00:10:01,027 --> 00:10:02,995
steering
a locomotive of positivity
295
00:10:03,046 --> 00:10:04,430
that runs on team power.
296
00:10:04,464 --> 00:10:07,183
First of all, you don't
"steer" a locomotive.
297
00:10:07,217 --> 00:10:08,200
The tracks do.
298
00:10:08,235 --> 00:10:10,286
Second,
there are only three ways
299
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,055
to motivate people--
money, fear, and hunger.
300
00:10:13,089 --> 00:10:14,256
Oh, I disagree.
301
00:10:14,290 --> 00:10:16,826
What about encouragement,
appreciation,
302
00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:18,878
and smiles.
303
00:10:18,912 --> 00:10:20,329
When people feel supported,
304
00:10:20,363 --> 00:10:22,047
they will literally explode
with productivity.
305
00:10:22,082 --> 00:10:24,083
Can you guys just figure out
which way is better
306
00:10:24,117 --> 00:10:25,534
and tell me so we can leave?
307
00:10:25,569 --> 00:10:26,735
Thank you
for your input, April,
308
00:10:26,769 --> 00:10:28,204
but the ka-tumts requires
that we follow
309
00:10:28,238 --> 00:10:29,388
a very specific syllabus.
310
00:10:29,422 --> 00:10:30,890
You're not being
very inclusive, Chris.
311
00:10:30,924 --> 00:10:32,892
I feel like my input isn't
being appreciated.
312
00:10:32,926 --> 00:10:34,543
You've killed my spirit.
313
00:10:34,578 --> 00:10:37,112
My spirit blood is
on your hands.
314
00:10:37,647 --> 00:10:39,949
My God, I've taught you
so much already.
315
00:10:39,983 --> 00:10:42,117
Ron, I propose a challenge
316
00:10:42,152 --> 00:10:43,819
to see whose
motivational methods
317
00:10:43,853 --> 00:10:44,987
are more effective.
318
00:10:45,005 --> 00:10:46,889
Challenge accepted.
319
00:10:46,923 --> 00:10:48,891
I don't want to seem
overdramatic,
320
00:10:48,925 --> 00:10:51,944
but this is literally
a battle for April's soul.
321
00:10:51,995 --> 00:10:54,046
I don't want to seem
overdramatic,
322
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,732
but I don't really care
what happens here.
323
00:10:56,766 --> 00:10:58,934
[Horses neigh]
Oh, God.
324
00:10:58,969 --> 00:11:00,602
I hate this place.
[Chickens cluck]
325
00:11:00,620 --> 00:11:02,955
Everything is old.
Old things are dumb.
326
00:11:02,989 --> 00:11:04,907
It's like, just be new.
327
00:11:04,925 --> 00:11:06,375
I don't know, Tom.
328
00:11:06,393 --> 00:11:08,277
I think there's some pretty
cool things from back then.
329
00:11:08,311 --> 00:11:09,328
That is a dope bonnet.
330
00:11:09,362 --> 00:11:11,447
Oh, just getting here,
I see.
331
00:11:11,481 --> 00:11:13,115
Yikes.
Did you sleep here last night?
332
00:11:13,133 --> 00:11:15,584
Indeed. I want to be here
when the cock crows
333
00:11:15,618 --> 00:11:16,719
to get the chores done.
334
00:11:16,753 --> 00:11:18,220
Already, I've done
the preserves
335
00:11:18,255 --> 00:11:21,123
and chased off
an interloping cable installer.
336
00:11:21,157 --> 00:11:24,426
Okay, well, let's put
all modern devices in this pail.
337
00:11:24,461 --> 00:11:28,013
Nothing can be used
that was invented past 1817.
338
00:11:28,064 --> 00:11:29,899
Andy, Tom,
you will be our referees.
339
00:11:29,933 --> 00:11:30,933
Thank you for volunteering.
340
00:11:30,967 --> 00:11:32,034
Definitely didn't volunteer.
341
00:11:32,068 --> 00:11:33,118
I had much better things
to do.
342
00:11:33,153 --> 00:11:34,370
Leslie said she'd pay me
100 bucks.
343
00:11:34,404 --> 00:11:35,604
And I had nothing better
to do.
344
00:11:35,622 --> 00:11:36,705
I'm doing it for free.
345
00:11:36,740 --> 00:11:38,591
There's no way
I'm losing this contest.
346
00:11:38,642 --> 00:11:40,092
Old-timey dress? Check.
347
00:11:40,143 --> 00:11:41,877
Extensive knowledge
about early prairie life?
348
00:11:41,895 --> 00:11:42,878
Right here.
349
00:11:42,896 --> 00:11:43,963
Rickets? Cured.
350
00:11:43,997 --> 00:11:45,114
Don't need to worry
about rickets.
351
00:11:45,148 --> 00:11:47,983
Antiperspirant?
Not allowed.
352
00:11:47,985 --> 00:11:50,653
Might get a little rough
in there.
353
00:11:50,687 --> 00:11:53,239
I was wondering
if you could help me out.
354
00:11:53,273 --> 00:11:54,740
Say no more.
355
00:11:54,774 --> 00:11:56,525
Here's a bunch of guns.
356
00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:57,543
Nope.
357
00:11:57,577 --> 00:11:58,877
Different thing.
358
00:11:58,912 --> 00:12:00,195
I saw that you recently won
359
00:12:00,213 --> 00:12:02,298
an auction for
the JJ's diner waffle iron.
360
00:12:02,332 --> 00:12:04,499
And I'd like to--
that's it right there.
361
00:12:04,517 --> 00:12:06,285
- I'd like to buy it.
- You and everyone else.
362
00:12:07,319 --> 00:12:08,237
Hello, Ben.
363
00:12:08,271 --> 00:12:11,257
Seems like I love Leslie
more than you do.
364
00:12:11,291 --> 00:12:13,175
- Get in line.
- Yeah.
365
00:12:13,209 --> 00:12:14,393
Get in line, pal.
366
00:12:14,427 --> 00:12:15,844
- Who are you?
- I'm Roz.
367
00:12:15,862 --> 00:12:18,063
I'm Leslie's mailwoman,
and I need to get her
368
00:12:18,114 --> 00:12:20,532
a Mail Day present
by next Wednesday.
369
00:12:20,584 --> 00:12:22,117
It's the anniversary
of the first--
370
00:12:22,151 --> 00:12:24,270
Both: Time you delivered
her mail. Yeah, we get it.
371
00:12:24,304 --> 00:12:25,754
Looks like
we've got ourselves
372
00:12:25,772 --> 00:12:28,390
an old-fashioned pawnshop
waffle iron bidding war.
373
00:12:28,425 --> 00:12:31,410
Let's start the bidding
at $650,000.
374
00:12:31,444 --> 00:12:33,712
Okay, I'll counter
with 100 bucks.
375
00:12:33,747 --> 00:12:34,830
200.
376
00:12:34,864 --> 00:12:35,998
I'll let you take anything
377
00:12:36,032 --> 00:12:37,333
- out of this bag.
- I'll tell you what, Ann.
378
00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:38,488
I'll give it to you
if you go
379
00:12:38,501 --> 00:12:40,102
- on a date with me.
- Oh, God.
380
00:12:40,136 --> 00:12:42,271
I can't believe
I'm about to do this, but fine.
381
00:12:42,305 --> 00:12:44,957
One date. But let me make
one thing perfectly clear--
382
00:12:44,991 --> 00:12:46,675
- 500 bucks.
- Sold.
383
00:12:46,710 --> 00:12:48,510
- What?
- You still want to go out?
384
00:12:48,545 --> 00:12:52,264
I just come into some money.
$500 buys a lot of nitrous.
385
00:12:52,315 --> 00:12:54,400
Yeah, nothing warms
the blood
386
00:12:54,434 --> 00:12:57,069
like an old whirly-bout
with the old butter-gyre,
387
00:12:57,103 --> 00:12:58,570
- eh, Leslie?
- Indeed.
388
00:12:58,605 --> 00:13:01,023
Man, this guy's tougher
than I thought.
389
00:13:01,057 --> 00:13:02,825
I don't know how either
of you guys are doing this.
390
00:13:02,859 --> 00:13:04,543
One time my refrigerator
stopped working,
391
00:13:04,577 --> 00:13:06,161
I didn't know what to do.
I just moved.
392
00:13:06,195 --> 00:13:07,913
I just don't think
he's ever gonna quit.
393
00:13:07,964 --> 00:13:09,331
He has that look
in his eye
394
00:13:09,365 --> 00:13:12,468
that Ben gets
when he plays Risk.
395
00:13:14,137 --> 00:13:16,271
Oh, wow.
That is really good.
396
00:13:16,306 --> 00:13:17,506
- Andy.
- No, I'm sorry.
397
00:13:17,524 --> 00:13:18,724
This tastes great.
398
00:13:18,775 --> 00:13:20,609
All my favorite foods
have butter on 'em.
399
00:13:20,644 --> 00:13:23,896
Pancakes, toast,
popcorn, grapes.
400
00:13:23,947 --> 00:13:25,114
[Gasps]
401
00:13:25,148 --> 00:13:27,449
Butter is my favorite food.
402
00:13:27,484 --> 00:13:28,684
Well, then you're gonna love
what I'm churning up.
403
00:13:28,702 --> 00:13:29,735
Take a look at--
404
00:13:29,786 --> 00:13:31,120
Oh, my God.
This is horrifying.
405
00:13:31,154 --> 00:13:32,871
Nobody eat that.
406
00:13:32,906 --> 00:13:34,323
I think I'm in over my head.
407
00:13:34,357 --> 00:13:36,191
Garth really knows his stuff.
408
00:13:36,209 --> 00:13:38,410
He planted
an entire field of barley.
409
00:13:38,461 --> 00:13:40,696
How long is
he planning on staying here?
410
00:13:40,714 --> 00:13:44,700
Hey, um, aren't we husband
and wife in this scenario?
411
00:13:44,718 --> 00:13:46,535
- I mean, like, shouldn't you--
- Not a chance.
412
00:13:46,553 --> 00:13:48,537
Okay.
413
00:13:52,003 --> 00:13:53,477
Wait, what's that?
414
00:13:53,478 --> 00:13:56,080
Do you guys feel that?
415
00:13:56,098 --> 00:13:57,081
[Chicken clucks]
416
00:13:57,099 --> 00:13:58,149
Aah!
417
00:13:58,183 --> 00:13:59,651
How long was that under there?
418
00:13:59,685 --> 00:14:01,202
Man, Garth is a machine.
419
00:14:01,237 --> 00:14:03,221
He brought his own whale
blubber to light the lamps.
420
00:14:03,255 --> 00:14:05,156
I thought he was gonna last
an hour max.
421
00:14:05,191 --> 00:14:07,575
It's like he's getting stronger
the longer he stays here.
422
00:14:07,626 --> 00:14:11,129
Whee!
Look at my hoop, Leslie.
423
00:14:11,163 --> 00:14:12,614
Look at my hoop!
424
00:14:12,648 --> 00:14:13,898
Ugh! Who could live like this?
425
00:14:13,916 --> 00:14:16,301
No one.
That's why we've moved on.
426
00:14:16,335 --> 00:14:17,502
It's fun to be here on,
427
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,204
like, a school field trip
or something.
428
00:14:19,238 --> 00:14:21,239
- It's so, so, so fun.
- So, so fun.
429
00:14:21,273 --> 00:14:23,441
But to live like this
is insane.
430
00:14:23,476 --> 00:14:25,493
He must have cheated somehow.
431
00:14:25,528 --> 00:14:27,278
I mean, there's no way a man
who's into X-Men that much
432
00:14:27,312 --> 00:14:29,147
can stay away
from the Internet that long.
433
00:14:29,181 --> 00:14:30,515
We should check his phone.
434
00:14:30,549 --> 00:14:32,734
♪ Goodness, how delicious
435
00:14:32,768 --> 00:14:34,869
♪ eating goober peas
436
00:14:35,404 --> 00:14:36,838
Jerry Gergich.
437
00:14:36,872 --> 00:14:38,823
I need you to stop whatever
it is you're doing
438
00:14:38,841 --> 00:14:41,459
and file as many of these
as you can.
439
00:14:41,477 --> 00:14:45,547
Wow, Duraflex cut-top A350s
in deep maroon?
440
00:14:45,581 --> 00:14:47,699
The honor is all mine.
441
00:14:47,733 --> 00:14:49,801
Well, I knew you were
the man for the job.
442
00:14:49,835 --> 00:14:52,170
You are smart and capable.
443
00:14:52,188 --> 00:14:54,906
And I believe
you can accomplish anything.
444
00:14:54,940 --> 00:14:56,458
Thank you so much.
445
00:14:56,509 --> 00:14:58,643
You got it, champ.
Get filing.
446
00:14:58,677 --> 00:14:59,978
[Laughs]
Aye, aye, Captain.
447
00:15:01,697 --> 00:15:03,565
That is
one motivated worker bee.
448
00:15:03,599 --> 00:15:05,133
You guys doing experiments
on Jerry?
449
00:15:05,184 --> 00:15:06,217
Both: Yes.
450
00:15:06,251 --> 00:15:08,186
Cool.
451
00:15:12,258 --> 00:15:13,625
Got it.
452
00:15:13,659 --> 00:15:15,126
Okay, now let's not
read anything.
453
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,444
That's an invasion
of his privacy.
454
00:15:16,479 --> 00:15:18,095
Let's just look
at his browser history
455
00:15:18,113 --> 00:15:20,682
and his inbox and his outbox
and his Facebook page.
456
00:15:20,716 --> 00:15:21,883
Yeah, he doesn't
have any new emails.
457
00:15:21,917 --> 00:15:23,434
Oh, my God. It's true.
458
00:15:23,469 --> 00:15:24,903
He hasn't gotten an email in...
459
00:15:24,937 --> 00:15:27,038
12 days!
460
00:15:27,072 --> 00:15:28,089
Is he a ghost?
461
00:15:28,123 --> 00:15:29,874
The only ones
he gets are spam.
462
00:15:29,892 --> 00:15:31,893
And he responds to them.
463
00:15:31,944 --> 00:15:32,984
I think I'm gonna be sick.
464
00:15:33,012 --> 00:15:35,113
Oh, man.
This guy has no friends.
465
00:15:35,147 --> 00:15:37,432
I don't know. Seems like
he's friends with that mule.
466
00:15:37,466 --> 00:15:38,666
[Sighs]
467
00:15:40,820 --> 00:15:42,070
What's that?
468
00:15:42,104 --> 00:15:43,788
Well,
since I can't give her
469
00:15:43,823 --> 00:15:45,289
a waffle iron
for breakfast day,
470
00:15:45,307 --> 00:15:47,208
I am making her
a miniature Leslie
471
00:15:47,243 --> 00:15:48,910
- out of breakfast food.
- Good lord.
472
00:15:48,944 --> 00:15:50,245
Well, listen,
I've been thinking.
473
00:15:50,296 --> 00:15:51,446
How would you feel
about going in
474
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,681
- on the waffle iron together?
- Seriously?
475
00:15:53,732 --> 00:15:54,849
That would be great,
476
00:15:54,900 --> 00:15:56,918
but whose holiday
are we celebrating?
477
00:15:56,952 --> 00:15:58,303
Well, I think
I may have a plan
478
00:15:58,337 --> 00:16:00,671
that'll get us out of
breakfast day and waffle day
479
00:16:00,689 --> 00:16:02,306
and all the other days
without making us
480
00:16:02,324 --> 00:16:04,375
seem like ungrateful people
who are annoyed
481
00:16:04,410 --> 00:16:05,927
at how amazing Leslie is.
482
00:16:05,961 --> 00:16:08,363
Dude, whatever it is,
I'm in.
483
00:16:08,397 --> 00:16:10,398
- Okay, great.
- What should I do with this?
484
00:16:10,432 --> 00:16:12,400
Just burn it
and bury the ashes
485
00:16:12,434 --> 00:16:15,236
and pray
it doesn't haunt you.
486
00:16:16,271 --> 00:16:17,322
Jerry,
487
00:16:17,356 --> 00:16:19,774
stop filing
those red folders at once.
488
00:16:19,825 --> 00:16:21,593
Begin filing
these blue ones.
489
00:16:21,627 --> 00:16:23,678
Oh. Sorry, Ron.
I promised Chris that--
490
00:16:23,712 --> 00:16:25,346
This is the top priority.
491
00:16:25,381 --> 00:16:27,015
I need these blue folders
done now.
492
00:16:27,066 --> 00:16:30,084
You can eat
when you have finished.
493
00:16:30,619 --> 00:16:31,369
File!
494
00:16:31,403 --> 00:16:33,888
Oh, my goodness.
495
00:16:33,923 --> 00:16:37,759
Money, fear, hunger.
496
00:16:37,793 --> 00:16:39,110
[Chickens cluck]
497
00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:41,796
Hey, there, Garth.
Whatcha whittling?
498
00:16:41,847 --> 00:16:42,780
A birthing stick.
499
00:16:42,815 --> 00:16:43,965
What's that?
500
00:16:43,999 --> 00:16:46,134
- You do not want to know.
- Oh, my God.
501
00:16:46,168 --> 00:16:47,335
You look beautiful.
502
00:16:47,369 --> 00:16:49,170
I mean, you changed clothes.
503
00:16:49,204 --> 00:16:50,939
Violation.
I-I challenge
504
00:16:50,973 --> 00:16:52,757
- you are bonnetless!
- Yes, you're right.
505
00:16:52,775 --> 00:16:54,609
I admit, I can't take it
anymore. You win.
506
00:16:54,660 --> 00:16:57,662
Huzzah!
The day is mine.
507
00:16:57,696 --> 00:16:58,713
[Clears throat]
508
00:16:58,747 --> 00:17:01,532
- I'm gonna miss saying "huzzah."
- Yeah.
509
00:17:01,567 --> 00:17:03,601
Garth,
I have another proposition.
510
00:17:03,635 --> 00:17:05,370
Yes, I will go out
on a date with you,
511
00:17:05,404 --> 00:17:07,455
but I realize
you're a modern woman,
512
00:17:07,489 --> 00:17:08,690
so I will let you pay.
513
00:17:09,424 --> 00:17:10,091
No.
514
00:17:10,142 --> 00:17:11,759
I was wondering
would you like to join
515
00:17:11,810 --> 00:17:13,394
the Pawnee Historical Commission?
516
00:17:13,429 --> 00:17:15,697
Those clowns?
No thank you.
517
00:17:15,748 --> 00:17:17,865
They haven't answered
a single one of my complaints
518
00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:20,868
about their anachronistic use
of fonts in their newsletter.
519
00:17:20,903 --> 00:17:21,936
Well, I'm a member,
520
00:17:21,971 --> 00:17:23,371
and I think
we could really use you.
521
00:17:23,372 --> 00:17:26,874
But the only problem is
there's tons of meetings,
522
00:17:26,926 --> 00:17:29,611
lots of work with people
who also love history,
523
00:17:29,645 --> 00:17:33,398
and many social occasions that
you're gonna have to attend,
524
00:17:33,432 --> 00:17:35,033
like cocktail parties
and such.
525
00:17:35,067 --> 00:17:36,584
I can understand
if it's something
526
00:17:36,619 --> 00:17:37,635
you don't want
to commit to.
527
00:17:37,670 --> 00:17:39,437
Just sounds like such
a big bite
528
00:17:39,471 --> 00:17:40,688
out of my soap-making time.
529
00:17:41,223 --> 00:17:43,491
My cousin's arraignment
is in May.
530
00:17:43,525 --> 00:17:44,659
But that's a day.
531
00:17:44,693 --> 00:17:46,244
I just fly out,
I come back the same day.
532
00:17:46,278 --> 00:17:47,578
On a trial basis, yes.
533
00:17:47,613 --> 00:17:48,930
Yes, yes.
534
00:17:48,964 --> 00:17:51,549
Great.
Welcome to the team.
535
00:17:51,583 --> 00:17:52,634
Garth dropped his protest,
536
00:17:52,685 --> 00:17:53,885
and we were able
to get rid of
537
00:17:53,919 --> 00:17:55,770
all the outdated laws
in the town charter.
538
00:17:55,804 --> 00:17:57,889
I mean, the charter is
a wonderful document,
539
00:17:57,923 --> 00:18:00,057
but we've had the benefit
of almost 200 years
540
00:18:00,075 --> 00:18:01,859
of learning and advancing.
541
00:18:01,893 --> 00:18:03,661
Seems to me
we ought to use it.
542
00:18:03,696 --> 00:18:06,164
I did not change
Article Two, though.
543
00:18:06,198 --> 00:18:07,415
I just couldn't vote
544
00:18:07,449 --> 00:18:08,916
against a good, old-fashioned
lake dunking.
545
00:18:08,951 --> 00:18:10,901
Though Garth and I did come up
with a compromise
546
00:18:10,919 --> 00:18:12,837
that I think will make
everybody happy.
547
00:18:12,871 --> 00:18:14,088
From this year hence,
548
00:18:14,139 --> 00:18:16,374
a volunteer will represent Ted
549
00:18:16,392 --> 00:18:19,594
in our town's most historic
and cherished tradition.
550
00:18:19,645 --> 00:18:22,647
This year, the honor
goes to Mr. Garth Blundin!
551
00:18:22,681 --> 00:18:25,767
[All cheer]
552
00:18:25,818 --> 00:18:28,886
Huzzah, I'm Ted! I'm Ted!
553
00:18:28,904 --> 00:18:30,271
I'm Ted too, guys.
554
00:18:30,322 --> 00:18:31,572
- Andy!
- Yeah!
555
00:18:31,607 --> 00:18:34,075
He's naked, everybody!
Put that away!
556
00:18:34,109 --> 00:18:37,028
- We're all Ted! Yeah!
- No, Andy!
557
00:18:37,062 --> 00:18:39,247
[All cheering]
558
00:18:39,281 --> 00:18:40,915
Whoo!
559
00:18:40,949 --> 00:18:42,917
Thank God.
I don't know how to swim.
560
00:18:44,556 --> 00:18:46,055
Okay, final tally.
561
00:18:46,056 --> 00:18:50,289
- Jerry filed 268 red files.
- Yes!
562
00:18:50,323 --> 00:18:53,125
And 384 blue files.
563
00:18:53,659 --> 00:18:54,427
- Yes.
- Wait a minute.
564
00:18:54,461 --> 00:18:55,494
How is that possible?
565
00:18:55,512 --> 00:18:56,596
Well, he was so happy
566
00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:57,780
when you told him
he was doing a great job
567
00:18:57,814 --> 00:18:58,881
that he spent 20 minutes
on the phone
568
00:18:58,916 --> 00:19:00,049
telling Gayle about it.
569
00:19:00,083 --> 00:19:02,885
- And the prosecution rests.
- Not so fast.
570
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,320
He may have filed
more blue ones,
571
00:19:04,354 --> 00:19:05,638
but they're almost
all filed wrong.
572
00:19:05,672 --> 00:19:07,974
Not surprising
since he was a mess
573
00:19:08,008 --> 00:19:09,225
after you talked to him.
574
00:19:09,276 --> 00:19:11,444
Another fascinating edition
of "ka-tumts."
575
00:19:11,478 --> 00:19:14,013
We may never know conclusively
which way works better.
576
00:19:14,031 --> 00:19:15,514
But I do know this--
577
00:19:15,532 --> 00:19:17,116
When we first started
the seminar,
578
00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:20,953
I hoped to be able to engage you
in the process.
579
00:19:20,988 --> 00:19:22,872
And by that measure
I succeeded.
580
00:19:22,906 --> 00:19:24,707
And I predicted that
I would learn nothing
581
00:19:24,741 --> 00:19:27,293
from this process.
582
00:19:27,327 --> 00:19:29,495
Mission accomplished.
583
00:19:29,529 --> 00:19:30,863
What did April write?
584
00:19:30,881 --> 00:19:32,965
Where is April?
585
00:19:35,469 --> 00:19:37,970
"I will pit Ron and Chris
against each other.
586
00:19:38,005 --> 00:19:39,805
They'll argue about dumb stuff
587
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,507
that doesn't matter,
and I will bail.
588
00:19:41,541 --> 00:19:43,476
Then I'll steal $20
from Chris's wallet
589
00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:45,210
and buy pizza with Andy.
590
00:19:45,228 --> 00:19:48,681
Oh, and I'll also steal
Ron's watch, just for fun.
591
00:19:49,015 --> 00:19:51,884
I think April will be
a fine manager.
592
00:19:52,402 --> 00:19:53,486
I agree.
593
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,154
It's my favorite kind
of battle--
594
00:19:55,688 --> 00:19:58,991
Two men enter,
one me leaves.
595
00:19:59,026 --> 00:20:01,911
- Happy waffle day.
- Happy breakfast day.
596
00:20:01,945 --> 00:20:03,529
Oh, my God!
597
00:20:03,563 --> 00:20:05,731
You guys,
this is the best
598
00:20:05,749 --> 00:20:07,249
Breakfast Day/Waffle Day
joint present
599
00:20:07,284 --> 00:20:09,118
I have ever received.
600
00:20:09,169 --> 00:20:11,203
Wow.
Thank you so much.
601
00:20:11,237 --> 00:20:12,288
You're welcome.
602
00:20:12,339 --> 00:20:14,457
But Ann and I wanted
to tell you
603
00:20:14,508 --> 00:20:17,460
that this is the last
Breakfast Day and Waffle Day
604
00:20:17,511 --> 00:20:18,511
we'll be celebrating.
605
00:20:18,545 --> 00:20:19,845
Wait, what?
606
00:20:20,380 --> 00:20:21,714
Oh, my God.
You're both dying.
607
00:20:21,748 --> 00:20:24,967
No, no. We just can't keep up
with all the anniversaries.
608
00:20:25,018 --> 00:20:27,419
It's too much, especially 'cause
you're so good at them.
609
00:20:27,437 --> 00:20:28,888
I'm no better at them
than you are.
610
00:20:28,922 --> 00:20:31,057
That's ridiculous, I'm so
much better. Point taken.
611
00:20:31,091 --> 00:20:32,791
But we have a compromise.
612
00:20:32,809 --> 00:20:35,511
Every year, there will be
one day, "Ann Day,"
613
00:20:35,562 --> 00:20:37,322
where you can celebrate
all of Ann's holidays
614
00:20:37,347 --> 00:20:40,516
and "Ben Day" where we can
celebrate all of ours.
615
00:20:40,567 --> 00:20:42,818
What about
Ann Month and Ben Month?
616
00:20:43,553 --> 00:20:44,653
How about a week?
617
00:20:46,188 --> 00:20:46,739
Fine.
618
00:20:46,773 --> 00:20:48,474
We went in with a day,
619
00:20:48,492 --> 00:20:50,109
figuring she'd counter
with a month.
620
00:20:50,143 --> 00:20:51,660
We were fine with a week.
621
00:20:51,695 --> 00:20:53,529
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
622
00:20:53,580 --> 00:20:54,646
But there will be
a third week.
623
00:20:54,664 --> 00:20:56,048
It will be called Friend Week.
624
00:20:56,083 --> 00:20:57,867
It will be commemorating
this week,
625
00:20:57,918 --> 00:20:59,151
the week that
my two best friends
626
00:20:59,169 --> 00:21:00,369
became each other's
best friends.
627
00:21:00,420 --> 00:21:02,288
I have a Friend Week present
for you right now.
628
00:21:02,322 --> 00:21:03,789
Here you go.
629
00:21:03,823 --> 00:21:06,158
How did you already
have these?
630
00:21:06,176 --> 00:21:07,659
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
631
00:21:07,660 --> 00:21:12,659
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com