1 00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:03,037 - THIS IS THE FINAL WORD, WITH PERD. 2 00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:06,040 WITH YOUR HOST, PERDERICK L. HAPLEY. 3 00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:09,377 - ISSUE NUMBER ONE IS THE FIRST ISSUE WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT. 4 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:12,313 IS BOBBY NEWPORT'S CAMPAIGN FOR CITY COUNCIL IN TROUBLE? 5 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,348 WHEN I SAY YOUR NAMES, I WANT YOU TO RESPOND. 6 00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:15,683 DYLAN. 7 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,519 - WELL, NEWPORT'S POLL NUMBERS HAVE BEEN PLUMMETING. 8 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:21,055 THEY JUST FIRED HIS CAMPAIGN MANAGER, 9 00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:22,356 AND WHERE'S BOBBY? 10 00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:23,457 HE'S ON VACATION IN SPAIN. 11 00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:25,793 - HE'S NOT ON VACATION, HE'S IN HIDING. 12 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:28,462 EVERY TIME THE GUY SPEAKS, HE PUTS HIS FOOT IN HIS MOUTH. 13 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:30,464 - [laughs] THAT'S A HILARIOUS IMAGE. 14 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,333 A FOOT IN A MOUTH. 15 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:35,069 - IT'S A COMMON EXPRESSION. 16 00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,204 - OKAY. 17 00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:37,705 ACCORDING TO THE NEWEST POLLS, 18 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:40,108 LESLIE KNOPE IS NOW IN SECOND PLACE. 19 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:41,675 SHE'S JUST 15 POINTS BACK. 20 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,077 - WHOA, YEAH! [cheering] 21 00:00:43,111 --> 00:00:44,312 - HOW DID SHE CLOSE THE GAP? 22 00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:45,579 - YOU HAVE TO GIVE A LOT OF CREDIT 23 00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,215 TO HER CAMPAIGN MANAGER, BEN WYATT. 24 00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:50,084 - SO APPARENTLY, NEWPORT JUST FIRED HIS CAMPAIGN MANAGER 25 00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:52,086 BECAUSE BEN WAS KICKING HIS ASS. 26 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,256 BEN IS THE BEST CAMPAIGN MANAGER ANYONE COULD EVER HAVE. 27 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,558 EVERY MOVE HE'S MADE HAS WORKED. 28 00:00:57,591 --> 00:01:02,163 HE'S LIKE A BRILLIANT, SEXY, LITTLE HUMMINGBIRD. 29 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,264 - WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? 30 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,732 - NOTHING. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. 31 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:07,135 YOU'RE DOING GREAT. 32 00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:08,602 - [chuckles] 33 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,605 [triumphant music] 34 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:19,647 * 35 00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:32,126 - SENIOR CITIZENS ARE BASICALLY THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO VOTE 36 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,228 IN LOCAL ELECTIONS, SO IF YOU WANT TO WIN, 37 00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:35,496 YOU GOTTA GET THE GRAY VOTE. 38 00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:36,497 - AND TO GET THE GRAY VOTE, 39 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,366 YOU NEED TO GET THE ENDORSEMENT OF NED JONES. 40 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:40,568 HE'S THE PRESIDENT OF PAWNEE SENIORS UNITED. 41 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,636 HE'S LIKE THE GODFATHER BUT OLD. 42 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,405 - HE'S LIKE THE GRANDFATHER. 43 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,506 THE GRAND GODFATHER. 44 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,475 - THE "GROND" FATHER, HE'S LIKE-- 45 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:50,478 IT DOESN'T MATTER. HE'S IMPORTANT, AND HE'S OLD. 46 00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:53,414 MR. JONES, SUCH A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. 47 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:54,482 PLEASE DON'T GET UP. 48 00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:56,684 - DON'T WORRY. I CAN'T. 49 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,486 - OH. - JUST JOKING. 50 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:01,355 I CAN GET UP. BUT IT'S DIFFICULT. 51 00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:03,324 BUT I CAN DO IT, 52 00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:06,227 BUT IT IS HARD. 53 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,861 LOOK, I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME. 54 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,531 - OH, GOD. I'M SO SORRY. 55 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,200 IS IT...CANCER? 56 00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:16,237 - NO, I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME BEFORE MY SWIM AEROBICS. 57 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:17,338 - OH. 58 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:20,408 - WHY ARE YOU BETTER FOR SENIORS THAN BOBBY NEWPORT? 59 00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:21,409 - THREE WORDS: 60 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:24,245 RAMP UP PAWNEE. 61 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:25,746 PAWNEE IS WAY BEHIND THE TIMES 62 00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:28,182 IN TERMS OF MAKING ITS BUILDINGS WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE. 63 00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:30,451 NOT ENOUGH RAMPS IS THE NUMBER THREE COMPLAINT 64 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,485 AMONG PAWNEE SENIORS... 65 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:35,889 RIGHT BEHIND "EVERYTHING HURTS" AND "I'M DYING." 66 00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,360 - YOU WANTED TO SEE ME. 67 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,829 GOOD GOD. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? 68 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,264 - UPSIDE-DOWN SIT-UPS. 69 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,433 GREAT EXERCISE, AND IT LITERALLY LETS ME SEE 70 00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:46,600 THE WORLD FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. 71 00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:50,338 - ISN'T THERE A MEN'S GYMNASIUM WHERE YOU COULD DO THAT? 72 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,240 - THE WORLD'S MY GYMNASIUM, RON. 73 00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,508 BUT I WILL STOP IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. 74 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,310 COULD YOU HOLD ME WHILE I DISMOUNT? 75 00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:58,346 - [groans] 76 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:02,283 - THANKS SO MUCH. - [clears throat] YOU BET. 77 00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:03,251 - QUESTION FOR YOU. 78 00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:05,386 IN A TOWN OF THIS SIZE, THE PARKS DEPARTMENT 79 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,488 TRADITIONALLY HAS TEN EMPLOYEES. 80 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,757 YOU HAVE ONLY SEVEN. WHY IS THAT? 81 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,659 - I WORK HARD TO MAKE SURE MY DEPARTMENT 82 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:14,295 IS AS SMALL AND INEFFECTIVE AS POSSIBLE. 83 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,497 - THE DEPARTMENT IS SO SMALL BECAUSE LESLIE KNOPE 84 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,799 SINGLE-HANDEDLY DOES THE WORK OF FOUR PEOPLE. 85 00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,634 AND SHE'S ALREADY SCALED BACK HER TIME. 86 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,570 IF SHE WINS, SHE'LL BE DIVIDING HER TIME 87 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,272 BETWEEN PARKS AND CITY COUNCIL. 88 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,973 I'M GOING TO HAVE TO HIRE A DEPUTY DIRECTOR 89 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,241 TO PICK UP THE SLACK. 90 00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:30,444 - NO! CHRIS, THAT'S UNNECESSARY. 91 00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:32,680 THE DEPARTMENT IS DOING FINE WITHOUT LESLIE. 92 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,948 - THEN PROVE IT. COMPLETE ONE MAJOR PROJECT. 93 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,785 - EITHER WE COMPLETE A GOVERNMENT PROJECT, 94 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:38,786 WHICH IS ABHORRENT TO ME, 95 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,422 OR WE BRING A NEW PERSON INTO THE DEPARTMENT, 96 00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,990 WHICH REPULSES ME TO MY CORE. 97 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,726 REMINDS ME OF WHEN MY DAD MADE ME CHOOSE 98 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,696 WHICH OF MY PET CALVES TO SLAUGHTER WITH MY OWN HANDS 99 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,964 FOR MY SIXTH BIRTHDAY. 100 00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:56,470 I COULDN'T CHOOSE, SO I SLAUGHTERED BOTH OF THEM. 101 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,406 AND THEY WERE DELICIOUS. 102 00:03:58,439 --> 00:03:59,940 - ESSENTIALLY, WE'RE GOING TO PUT A RAMP 103 00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:00,974 ON EVERY BUILDING IN TOWN. 104 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,710 - LIKE I ALWAYS SAY, 105 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,578 STAIRS ARE A YOUNG MAN'S GAME. 106 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,314 - DAMN STRAIGHT. 107 00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:08,682 THIS IS VERY IMPRESSIVE. 108 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:11,419 YOU KNOW, YOU REMIND ME OF MY BROTHER. 109 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:13,421 YOU HAVE THE SAME NAME, LESLIE. 110 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:17,558 HE LOST A THIRD OF HIS BODY IN A MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT. 111 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,560 THE MIDDLE THIRD. 112 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,462 BUT THEY SUTURED THE HELL OUT OF HIM. 113 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,631 HE'S-- HE'S FINE NOW. 114 00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:27,701 MUCH SHORTER BUT A GOOD-LOOKING, YOUNG, FLAT MAN. 115 00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:30,971 WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT NEWPORT'S NEW CAMPAIGN MANAGER, 116 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:31,972 JENNIFER BARKLEY? 117 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,541 - UH, WHO? 118 00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:35,909 - SHE WANTS TO HAVE A MEETING WITH ME AT 5:00. 119 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,411 I TOLD HER SORRY. 120 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:41,949 I DON'T TALK POLITICS AFTER DINNER. 121 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:45,753 - NEWPORT HIRED A REAL WASHINGTON HOTSHOT. 122 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,955 WOW, SHE WORKED WITH JAMES CARVILLE? 123 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,990 SHE RAN TWO REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL CAMPAIGNS 124 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,625 AND A SENATE RACE. 125 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,427 - YEAH, AND CHECK OUT THIS PICTURE. 126 00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:55,896 SHE'S EATING EGG SALAD WITH COLIN POWELL. 127 00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:58,599 THAT'S THE MOST IMPRESSIVE THING I'VE EVER SEEN. 128 00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,933 WHY ARE YOU SMILING? 129 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,803 WHY IS THIS TERRIFYING INFORMATION MAKING YOU SMILE? 130 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,338 - NEWPORT'S SCARED. 131 00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:06,106 I MEAN, HE MUST'VE SHELLED OUT A FORTUNE TO HIRE HER. 132 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,410 - SO WHAT DO WE DO NEXT? - I'M GOING TO SET UP A MEETING. 133 00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,911 I MEAN, WE CAN SIZE HER UP, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, 134 00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:13,414 IT'LL HUMANIZE YOU, MAKE IT HARDER FOR HER TO ATTACK YOU. 135 00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:15,983 AND WE'LL DO IT AT JJ'S DINER. 136 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,485 HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE. 137 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,720 - AS A CANDIDATE, I APPRECIATE YOUR STRATEGIC MIND, 138 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,522 BUT AS WOMAN, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS 139 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:24,658 YOUR SLIGHT BUT POWERFUL BODY. 140 00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:26,527 - HELLO, ANN PERKINS. 141 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,497 - THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE SAID MY ENTIRE NAME CORRECTLY. 142 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:31,499 - NONSENSE. WE ARE CLOSE FRIENDS. 143 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,000 I HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU. 144 00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,703 I'M MAKING THE WATER FOUNTAIN HYGIENE UPGRADE 145 00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:36,870 OUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY. 146 00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:37,971 - OH, GREAT. 147 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,440 FOR SOME REASON, 148 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,842 WHEN PEOPLE IN PAWNEE USE THE WATER FOUNTAIN, 149 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:45,012 THEY PUT THEIR MOUTHS COMPLETELY OVER THE SPOUTS. 150 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:48,582 IT'S LIKE THIS WEIRD, DISGUSTING, LOCAL QUIRK. 151 00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:50,718 KISS ONE WATER-FOUNTAIN DRINKER, 152 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:53,621 YOU'RE KISSING EVERYONE IN PAWNEE. 153 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,656 INCLUDING HIM. 154 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,525 - I'D LIKE TO COMPLETE THIS PROJECT 155 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,693 BY...TOMORROW. 156 00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:00,694 - OH. 157 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:01,695 - SET UP SHOP IN OUR OFFICE. 158 00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,464 IN FACT, TAKE LESLIE'S DESK. 159 00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,499 - OKAY, I WILL. THANKS. GREAT. 160 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:06,834 - DO YOU WANT THE DOOR OPEN OR SHUT? 161 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:07,835 - AH, OPEN'S FINE. 162 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:11,104 - OKAY. 163 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,540 - HELLO, MARTA. 164 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,107 WE WOULD LIKE OUR REGULAR TABLE, 165 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:16,577 BUT WE WANT YOU TO SET IT UP A LITTLE FANCIER THAN NORMAL 166 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:17,945 BECAUSE WE'RE TRYING TO IMPRESS SOMEONE. 167 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:18,979 - YOU MEAN MS. BARKLEY. 168 00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:20,448 SHE'S ALREADY HERE. LAST BOOTH. 169 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,683 - LESLIE KNOPE. HI. 170 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,817 I'M JEN BARKLEY. 171 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,018 HI. - HI. 172 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,487 - GRAB A SEAT. 173 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,588 - THANKS. 174 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:28,722 - SORRY ABOUT ALL THESE PAPERS. 175 00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:30,458 I HAD THEM SHIPPED IN. I'M A NEWS JUNKIE. 176 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:31,925 - IS THIS IN ARABIC? 177 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:34,161 - WELL, I'VE BEEN READING UP ON YOU TWO. 178 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,129 BEN, IT'S A GREAT JOB ON THIS CAMPAIGN. 179 00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,998 - OH. WELL, THANK YOU. 180 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:40,734 - AND LESLIE, YOUR PARKS WORK, IT'S NO JOKE. 181 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:42,570 THIS IS FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CALIBER. 182 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:46,039 - NOT TO SOUND RUDE, BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 183 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,709 THIS CAMPAIGN SEEMS BENEATH YOU. 184 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:49,743 - YEAH. 185 00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:52,513 BOBBY NEWPORT'S DADDY CALLED ME OUT OF THE BLUE. 186 00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:53,981 I'D NEVER HEARD OF BOBBY NEWPORT BEFORE, 187 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,516 BUT IT BECAME CLEAR IN TWO SECONDS 188 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:56,984 THIS GUY IS A MORON. 189 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,218 SO I WAS, LIKE, "SORRY, NICK. 190 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,454 YOUR SON IS A MORON. THERE'S NO WAY." 191 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:01,955 THEN HE OFFERED ME A CRAZY AMOUNT OF MONEY. 192 00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:03,824 I SHOULDN'T EVEN TELL YOU HOW MUCH. 193 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:06,026 BUT I WILL. $250,000. 194 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,496 - GOOD LORD. FOR SIX WEEKS OF WORK? 195 00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:09,497 - I KNOW. 196 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,198 PLUS FRANKLY, I NEEDED A BREAK FROM WASHINGTON. 197 00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,501 - DO YOU KNOW JOE BIDEN? 198 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:14,502 - OH, MM-HMM. 199 00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,103 - HE'S ON MY CELEBRITY SEX LIST. 200 00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,472 WELL, HE IS MY CELEBRITY SEX LIST. 201 00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,040 - OH, TRUST ME. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN JOE. 202 00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,141 - [laughing] OH, NO. 203 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,976 I DON'T-- I DON'T THINK I CAN. 204 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,211 - [laughs] 205 00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,513 - NO WAY. 206 00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,214 [laughing] 207 00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,483 - OH, MAN. 208 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,251 I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE MET YOU GUYS. 209 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:34,087 NOW I KIND OF HOPE YOU WIN. 210 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,524 - SHE'S JUST DOING THIS FOR THE MONEY. 211 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,158 SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE HER OWN CLIENT. 212 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,260 THIS COULD BE THE BEST CASE SCENARIO FOR US. 213 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,163 - OR THE REAL BEST CASE SCENARIO IS IF SHE JUST TAKES THE MONEY 214 00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,898 AND DOESN'T EVEN TRY. 215 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:47,501 - TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT LESLIE KNOPE. 216 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,102 - WELL, PERD, LESLIE KNOPE REPRESENTS 217 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,505 EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG ABOUT POLITICS IN AMERICA. 218 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,974 SHE'S NAIVE, SHE'S UNTESTED, 219 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,776 AND SHE'S AN ENTRENCHED BUREAUCRAT 220 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,512 THAT'S GOT THE STINK OF BIG GOVERNMENT ALL OVER HER. 221 00:07:58,546 --> 00:07:59,479 - OH, GOD. - WHAT? 222 00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,715 - WOW, STRONG WORDS FROM A POWERFUL LADY. 223 00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:02,816 - SO I GUESS WE BOTH AGREE. 224 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:06,687 LESLIE KNOPE IS WRONG FOR PAWNEE. 225 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:07,888 - WORST CASE SCENARIO. 226 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,590 WORST CASE SCENARIO! 227 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,093 - I'M LESLIE KNOPE, AND WHEN I GROW UP, 228 00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:17,565 I WANT TO BE A UNICORN PRINCESS OR A CITY COUNCILOR. 229 00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:20,033 - WRONG. NOT IN MY TOWN, KID. 230 00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:23,604 CITY COUNCIL'S A REAL JOB FOR A REAL ADULT. 231 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:25,706 - IT'S PLAYING EVERY HOUR ON EVERY CHANNEL. 232 00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,575 - IT'S OFFICIAL. I HATE JENNIFER BARKLEY. 233 00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,610 WHEN I GO TO THAT SENIOR CENTER, I'M GOING TO GO UP ONSTAGE, 234 00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,144 AND I'M GOING TO VICIOUSLY ATTACK HER. 235 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,746 - OKAY, DON'T LET BARKLEY KNOCK US OFF MESSAGE. 236 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:35,883 WE ARE GOING THERE TO GET NED JONES' ENDORSEMENT, 237 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,618 AND THAT'S HUGE. - YOU'RE RIGHT. 238 00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:39,152 AND I SHOULD LISTEN TO YOU ALWAYS 239 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,888 BECAUSE YOU ARE A MAN GENIUS 240 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:44,324 WITH A TAUT, NARROW FRAME LIKE A SEXY, ELF KING. 241 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:47,294 - DO YOU WISH I WERE TALLER OR-- WHAT'S GOING ON? 242 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:48,729 - NOTHING. YOU'RE PERFECT. 243 00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,130 - OKAY, EVERYONE. 244 00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,199 SO THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT IS WORKING ON A POSTER CAMPAIGN 245 00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,334 TO WARN PEOPLE ABOUT DISEASES. 246 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,304 NOW WE ARE GOING TO BUILD A BETTER WATER FOUNTAIN 247 00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:58,672 FOR THE PARKS. 248 00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,908 ANDY IS OUR OFFICIAL WATER-FOUNTAIN TESTER. 249 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:05,946 - ALL RIGHT, LET'S GIVE THIS SUCKER A TEST-DRIVE. 250 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:10,818 - YEAH, SO THE IDEA IS TO MAKE A FOUNTAIN 251 00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:13,621 THAT HE CAN'T DO THAT TO. 252 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:14,822 - AH, THAT'S GOOD. 253 00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:16,990 - OKAY, ANY IDEAS? JERRY? 254 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,026 - WELL, I WAS THINKING THAT 255 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,895 WE COULD PUT THIS CAGE THING AROUND IT. 256 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,731 - OKAY. THAT COULD WORK. 257 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:25,565 ANDY? 258 00:09:29,637 --> 00:09:30,638 - [slurping] 259 00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,105 - YEAH. 260 00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:33,140 THANK YOU, ANDY. 261 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,608 - AH, STILL GOOD. 262 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,644 - TOM? - FULL DISCLOSURE. 263 00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:39,813 ANN AND I ARE ROMANTICALLY INTERTWINED. 264 00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:40,914 - OH, GOD. 265 00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:43,016 - SO LET'S NOT BE SURPRISED IF SHE PICKS MY IDEA. 266 00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:44,217 - WOULD YOU JUST GO, DUMMY? 267 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,787 - WHAT'S THE BEST KIND OF WATER FOUNTAIN? 268 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,188 HOW ABOUT NO WATER FOUNTAIN? 269 00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:48,989 THIS... 270 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:52,993 IS THE VOSS WATER BUTLER BY TUMI. 271 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,127 AND ONLY $600 A BAG. 272 00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:55,996 - APRIL, WHAT'S YOUR IDEA? 273 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,198 - TO GO IN THAT ROOM AND FINISH THIS BOOK. 274 00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,299 - OH, REALLY? - YEAH. 275 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:02,202 - IS IT GOOD? - YEAH. 276 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,236 - YOU'RE GOING TO STAY HERE, AND YOU'RE GOING TO HELP. 277 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,404 - DONNA? 278 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,974 - DO I LOOK LIKE I DRINK WATER? 279 00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:09,009 - YOO-HOO. I'M OVER HERE. 280 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,211 JUST ABOUT TO START MY PRESENTATION. 281 00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:14,081 I-- UH-OH, STAIRS. 282 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,115 WHAT DO I DO? 283 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:17,751 HOW DO I GET FROM HERE TO THERE? 284 00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:20,120 I'M NOT A PROFESSIONAL MOUNTAIN CLIMBER. 285 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:22,089 IT'S A REAL PROBLEM IN OUR TOWN, 286 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:25,225 BUT NOT ANYMORE, THANKS TO RAMP UP PAWNEE. 287 00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:28,395 WE'RE GOING TO PUT RAMPS IN EVERY BUILDING IN THIS TOWN 288 00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:31,431 BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING I BELIEVE, 289 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:34,234 IT'S THAT STAIRS ARE A YOUNG MAN'S GAME. 290 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,235 - YEAH. 291 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,837 [applause] 292 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:39,206 - RAMPS ARE AN IDIOT'S GAME. 293 00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:41,909 THIS IS NOTHING MORE THAN A WORSE VERSION 294 00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:43,410 OF BOBBY NEWPORT'S PLAN. 295 00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:44,712 - WHAT PLAN? 296 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,246 BOBBY NEWPORT DOESN'T HAVE A PLAN. 297 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,816 - WAS SOMEBODY JUST TALKING ABOUT BOBBY NEWPORT'S PLAN? 298 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:51,451 BECAUSE NED JONES AND I WOULD LOVE TO SHARE IT WITH YOU. 299 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,720 COME ON OUT HERE, NED. 300 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:54,788 - NED JONES IS HERE. 301 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,389 [applause] SAY HELLO TO NED JONES. 302 00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:58,258 MAKE WAY FOR NED JONES. 303 00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:00,127 - WHY DON'T WE JUST TURN UP THE PRESSURE? 304 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,931 THAT WAY YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT YOUR MOUTH SO CLOSE. 305 00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,866 - ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. 306 00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,901 - AH, STOP! 307 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,169 - HONEY, I'M SORRY. 308 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,138 - THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO PAY ATTENTION. 309 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,273 - I HAVE AN IDEA. 310 00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,375 UM, I WAS THINKING, "WHAT IF WE DID 311 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:16,844 "SOMETHING LIKE... 312 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:17,911 THIS?" 313 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:21,882 - OH, MY-- DUDE, WHAT THE HELL? 314 00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:26,153 - BOBBY NEWPORT'S PLAN IS CALLED "RISE UP! PAWNEE." 315 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,055 HE IS GOING TO PUT AN ELECTRIC LIFT 316 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:32,292 ON EVERY OUTDOOR STAIRCASE IN TOWN. 317 00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:34,027 - WOW. [applause] 318 00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,863 - NOW YOU COULD USE A RAMP, 319 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,898 BUT THAT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF WORK. 320 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,167 BOBBY NEWPORT THINKS THAT THE STAIRS 321 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,836 SHOULD DO THE WORK FOR YOU, DON'T YOU AGREE? 322 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,104 GIVE HIM A HAND. 323 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:48,308 - AS PRESIDENT OF SENIORS UNITED, 324 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:52,980 I ENDORSE BOBBY NEWPORT. 325 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,214 [cheers and applause] 326 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:55,783 - I'VE STARTED MEETING WITH PEOPLE 327 00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:57,217 TO FILL IN FOR LESLIE. 328 00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,953 I HAVE FOUND FIVE CANDIDATES I'D LIKE TO HIRE 329 00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:02,255 AND TWO I'D LIKE TO BE LIFELONG FRIENDS WITH. 330 00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:04,224 - WELL, YOU WILL NOT BE HIRING ANYONE 331 00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:07,094 BECAUSE MY DEPARTMENT IS JUST FINISHING UP A MAJOR PROJECT. 332 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,095 - INCOMING! 333 00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,964 [balloon pops, screaming] 334 00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,332 - [laughs] GOT YOU! 335 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,467 [screaming] 336 00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:15,936 - DONNA, DON'T! 337 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,070 [screaming continues] - EXCUSE ME. 338 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:18,338 - HELP, EVERYTHING I'M WEARING IS SUEDE! 339 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,340 EVERYTHING I'M WEARING IS SUEDE, EVERYTHING I'M WEARING IS SUEDE! 340 00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:21,975 - EXCUSE ME, EVERYBODY. 341 00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:24,377 - ATTENTION! 342 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:29,449 - I THINK YOU'LL AGREE THAT THIS DEPARTMENT 343 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,184 COULD USE A LITTLE LEADERSHIP. 344 00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:32,953 - KAMIKAZE! 345 00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:34,121 - OH. 346 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:36,756 - [laughs] 347 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,494 - "STUMBLING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS, 348 00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:43,463 "THE KNOPE CAMPAIGN SEEMS TO BE ROLLING DOWN 349 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,565 A RAMP TO NOWHERE." 350 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,368 - WE ARE GETTING OUR BUTTS KICKED 351 00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:50,403 BY A GUY WHO IS NOT EVEN IN THE COUNTRY. 352 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,106 HE'S MAKING OUT WITH SOME FLOOZY IN MAJORCA. 353 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,842 - SORRY, I WISH I WAS BETTER AT THIS. 354 00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:59,212 THEN YOU COULD BE MAKING OUT WITH SOME FLOOZY IN MAJORCA. 355 00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:00,948 MAYBE WE TAKE THE FIGHT TO HER? 356 00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:02,515 I MEAN I COULD TRY TO GET YOU ON PERD'S SHOW, 357 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,217 AND YOU COULD TELL HIM HOW SHE STOLE OUR IDEA. 358 00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:06,086 - THAT SOUNDS GOOD. 359 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,087 - OKAY, I'LL JUST DO THAT. 360 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,990 I CAN CALL, OR MAYBE I'LL JUST GO DOWN THERE. 361 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,892 - HEY. 362 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,126 CHRIS WANTS YOU IN HIS OFFICE 363 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,828 FOR THE FINAL ROUND OF INTERVIEWS. 364 00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:17,197 - [groans] 365 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:20,233 - AND SORRY WE GOOFED AROUND SO MUCH. 366 00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:22,135 - NORMALLY, I'D BE VERY PROUD OF YOU 367 00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:23,503 FOR WHAT YOU DID. 368 00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:24,537 THIS IS A RARE EXAMPLE 369 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:27,240 WHERE WASTING A FULL DAY OF WORK IS A BAD THING. 370 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:29,242 - IS THERE REALLY GOING TO BE A WEIRD, NEW PERSON 371 00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:30,610 IN THE OFFICE? 372 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:31,644 - I THINK SO. 373 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:37,117 WE MAY BE IN FOR A GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED SHAKE-UP. 374 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,518 - JENNIFER BARKLEY. 375 00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,320 YOU TWO-FACED, CARPETBAGGING-- 376 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,554 - HI, LESLIE. GOOD TO SEE YOU. 377 00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:43,490 - HI, NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO. YOU ARE A TWO-FACED, CARPET-- 378 00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,225 - YOU WANT ANYTHING? ANYTHING? IT'S ON ME. 379 00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,894 EVERYTHING IN THIS TOWN IS SO CHEAP. 380 00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,095 - I WOULD NEVER ACCEPT ANYTHING 381 00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:49,096 FROM A TWO-FACED, CARPETBAGGING-- 382 00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,130 - LESLIE. - PLEASE. 383 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,164 LET ME GET MY INSULTS OUT. 384 00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:52,099 I'VE BEEN PRACTICING IT THE WHOLE WAY OVER HERE. 385 00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:55,368 - I SENSE THAT YOU'RE ANGRY. TELL ME WHY. 386 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:58,939 - BECAUSE YOU STOLE MY IDEA, AND YOURS WON'T EVEN WORK. 387 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:00,073 RAMPS ARE MORE PRACTICAL, 388 00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:02,075 AND THEY'RE LESS EXPENSIVE THAN LIFTS. 389 00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:03,143 MY IDEA IS BETTER. 390 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:06,079 - OH, I DON'T DOUBT IT. THE FACT IS I DON'T CARE. 391 00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:08,215 RAMPS, LIFTS, YOUR PLAN, MY PLAN-- 392 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,549 I DON'T ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS. 393 00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:10,417 I'M JUST TRYING TO WIN. 394 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:13,353 LOOK, IT'S NOT PERSONAL. I LIKE YOU. 395 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,355 BUT MY JOB IS TO BEAT YOU. 396 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,990 SO HAVE A SEAT. 397 00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,625 I'LL GET YOU SOME OF THOSE WAFFLES YOU LOVE. 398 00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:21,094 - HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT-- - IT'S MY JOB TO KNOW. 399 00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,963 - [whispers] GOD, YOU'RE GOOD. - I KNOW. 400 00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,965 - HI, GUYS. WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT? 401 00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:28,936 - WELL, AFTER YESTERDAY'S HANDS-ON BRAINSTORMING SESSION-- 402 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:29,937 - WATER BALLOON FIGHT. 403 00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,338 - FAIR ENOUGH. 404 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,673 WE THINK WE CAME UP WITH A FOUNTAIN IDEA 405 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,308 THAT REALLY WORKS. 406 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:38,311 PRESENTING THE AMAZING SPOUTLESS FOUNTAIN. 407 00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,413 - HUH? WHAT? 408 00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:41,614 - WE JUST REMOVED THE SPLASH GUARD 409 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,984 BECAUSE IF IT'S NOT THERE, YOU CAN'T PUT YOUR MOUTH ON IT. 410 00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:46,053 - WELL, I'LL--I'LL TRY IT. 411 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,587 [slurps] 412 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:51,058 [laughs] I DID IT. - GOOD JOB, BABE. 413 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:54,928 - SIMPLE, ELEGANT, AND COST-EFFECTIVE. 414 00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:56,629 IF YOUR TEAM KEEPS THIS UP, I THINK WE CAN HOLD OFF 415 00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,365 ON FILLING THE LESLIE VOID. 416 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,101 - I THINK BEN'S ALREADY FILLING THE LESLIE VOID. 417 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,702 - OH! - OH! 418 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,204 - I'LL GIVE IT UP FOR THAT. 419 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:07,107 - SO WHAT'S BEN'S NEXT MOVE FOR YOU? 420 00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,641 - OH, OH, I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU THAT. 421 00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:09,943 - OH, LET ME GUESS. 422 00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:11,344 UM, YOU'RE GOING TO ATTACK ME. 423 00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,613 YOU'RE GOING TO GO ON THAT PERM SHOW AGAIN, 424 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,049 SO YOU COULD TELL EVERYONE THAT THAT RAMP IDEA WAS YOURS. 425 00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:19,052 - IT'S "PERD," FIRST OF ALL, AND NO. 426 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,220 MAYBE. NO. 427 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,155 - THAT'S NOT A TERRIBLE IDEA. 428 00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:24,291 NO, ACTUALLY, IT IS KIND OF TERRIBLE 429 00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:26,159 BECAUSE IF YOU GO ON THE AIR AND TELL EVERYBODY 430 00:15:26,193 --> 00:15:27,360 THAT I STOLE YOUR IDEA... 431 00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,996 - WHICH YOU DID. - WHICH I DID, 432 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,330 EVERYONE'S GOING TO THINK YOU'RE A SORE LOSER, 433 00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,165 A GOODY-GOODY NERD. 434 00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:34,067 BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT? 435 00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,970 THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT WHOSE IDEA WAS FIRST. 436 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:40,207 THEY CARE ABOUT WHOSE IDEA WAS BEST. 437 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,508 - WELL, LET'S SAY THAT THAT WAS OUR PLAN, WHICH IT ISN'T. 438 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:42,509 - MM-HMM, OKAY. 439 00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,078 - WHAT WOULD YOU DO INSTEAD? 440 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,379 - OH, LESLIE. 441 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,748 I REALLY SHOULDN'T GIVE YOU CAMPAIGN ADVICE. 442 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,284 - RIGHT. - AH, WHAT THE HELL. 443 00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:52,986 IF YOU LOVE CHESS, WHICH I DO, 444 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,621 BUT YOU DON'T HAVE ANYBODY TO PLAY AGAINST, 445 00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,089 WHICH I DON'T, 446 00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:59,059 THEN SOMETIMES, YOU JUST GOTTA PLAY YOURSELF. 447 00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:02,562 YOU COULD ATTACK THE NEWPORT PLAN FOR COSTING TOO MUCH MONEY. 448 00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,331 NO, BUT THAT WOULD BACKFIRE BECAUSE THEN WE WOULD JUST SAY, 449 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,033 "YOU CAN NEVER SPEND TOO MUCH ON SENIORS." 450 00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:08,468 - OF COURSE. - YOU NEED TO BEAT OUR IDEA. 451 00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:10,303 COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER. I DON'T KNOW. 452 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,739 MAYBE A FREE SHUTTLE SERVICE FOR SENIORS. 453 00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:14,007 ALL RIGHT, THAT COULD WORK. 454 00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,108 - WOW. 455 00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,110 - WAFFLES AND A CAPPUCCINO. 456 00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,611 - GRACIAS, MARTA. 457 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,513 - JJ'S DOESN'T HAVE A CAPPUCCINO MAKER. 458 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,715 - OH, IT DOES NOW. I BOUGHT THEM ONE. 459 00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:23,783 - COURSE YOU DID. 460 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,519 - YOU TALKED TO BARKLEY WITHOUT ME? 461 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,121 - I WANTED TO TELL HER WHAT A JERK SHE WAS. 462 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:29,722 AND THEN SHE GUESSED YOUR PLAN IMMEDIATELY 463 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,158 AND DEMOLISHED IT. 464 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,093 - OKAY, AS A RULE, YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE ADVICE 465 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:35,028 FROM YOUR OPPONENT'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER. 466 00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:36,029 - BUT WHAT IF SHE'S RIGHT? 467 00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,197 - WELL, WHAT IF IT'S A TRICK? 468 00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,466 I MEAN, MAYBE SHE THINKS OUR ORIGINAL PLAN WOULD WORK, 469 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,501 AND SHE CONVINCED YOU TO USE HER PLAN INSTEAD 470 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,403 BECAUSE SHE KNOWS THAT WON'T WORK. 471 00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:44,237 - OR MAYBE SHE THINKS THAT WE THINK THAT 472 00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:45,238 SHE THINKS THAT, SO WE WON'T DO IT. 473 00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:47,340 BUT SHE KNOWS THAT I KNOW THAT SHE KNOWS THAT-- 474 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:50,743 SHE'S IN OUR HEADS. - [groans] 475 00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,813 I'M SORRY, LESLIE. SHE'S BETTER AT THIS THAN I AM. 476 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,316 - HEY, THERE IS NO ONE ON EARTH 477 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,386 THAT I WOULD RATHER GO INTO BATTLE WITH THAN YOU. 478 00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:01,388 - REALLY? - YES. 479 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:03,623 SO TELL ME, WHAT DO WE DO, 480 00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:04,657 MY CAMPAIGN MANAGER? 481 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,260 - I DON'T KNOW. 482 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:08,328 - OKAY. 483 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:14,234 - I'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE. 484 00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:16,236 - WHY ARE WE ON THIS BENCH? THIS IS WEIRD. 485 00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:19,206 - YOU DID A GREAT JOB SOLVING THAT PROBLEM TODAY. 486 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:22,275 THE LEADERSHIP YOU DISPLAYED HAS GOTTEN ME THINKING-- 487 00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:24,411 - I DIDN'T SOLVE THAT PROBLEM. APRIL DID. 488 00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:27,647 - REALLY? WHY DID SHE TELL ME YOU DID? 489 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,650 - BECAUSE SHE'S APRIL, AND SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO THINK 490 00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:34,321 THAT SHE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT SOMETHING. 491 00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:36,523 IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO HELP FILL IN FOR LESLIE, 492 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,659 APRIL'S A PAIN IN THE ASS, BUT SHE'S CLEARLY THE ANSWER. 493 00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:44,131 - PERHAPS YOU'RE RIGHT. 494 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,301 - SHOULD I GO? 495 00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:52,071 - OH, YOU'RE STILL HERE? YES. 496 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,675 - LET'S BEGIN THE SHOW BY STARTING IT. 497 00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,878 NOW, LESLIE, YOU CLAIM THE NEWPORT CAMPAIGN 498 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:02,682 STOLE ONE OF YOUR IDEAS. 499 00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:04,784 - WELL, UH... 500 00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:07,254 THEY DID, THEY STOLE OUR IDEA. 501 00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,322 WE WERE WORKING ON THE RAMP UP PAWNEE INITIATIVE 502 00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:10,223 FOR MANY WEEKS. 503 00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:13,193 - OH, PERD. THIS IS POLITICS AS USUAL. 504 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:16,696 THE FACT IS, BOBBY NEWPORT'S PLAN IS BETTER FOR SENIORS, 505 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,131 BETTER FOR PAWNEE. 506 00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:19,532 - WELL, OUR PLAN IS MORE PRACTICAL, 507 00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:20,533 AND IT'S CHEAPER. 508 00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:21,901 - THERE SHE GOES AGAIN, PERD. 509 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:22,869 - [chuckles] 510 00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:25,438 I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE WENT THE FIRST TIME. 511 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,707 - BOBBY NEWPORT CARES ABOUT BETTER, 512 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,542 NOT CHEAPER FOR OUR SENIORS. 513 00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:31,211 - AND OUR FLASH POLL SEEMS TO AGREE. 514 00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:35,215 SOME 78% OF THOSE WE SURVEYED PREFER THE NEWPORT PLAN 515 00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,149 TO THE KNOPE PLAN. 516 00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:37,684 - THIS IS WHY NED JONES HAS ENDORSED US. 517 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,719 LET'S GET BACK ON TRACK. 518 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,254 I JUST THINK OUR OPPOSITION IS LOSING SIGHT 519 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,423 OF WHAT ALL THIS IS ABOUT. 520 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:46,426 - WHAT THIS IS ABOUT IS PAWNEE, AND THAT IS WHAT I CARE ABOUT. 521 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,561 WHAT BOBBY NEWPORT CARES ABOUT 522 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,864 IS ROMPING AROUND ON SOME BEACH IN SPAIN WITH A FLOOZY. 523 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,400 - [laughs] EXCUSE ME? 524 00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,802 - OH, MAYBE YOU HADN'T HEARD OF IT. 525 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,471 IT WASN'T IN THE NEW YORK TIMES OR LE MONDE, 526 00:18:58,505 --> 00:18:59,839 WHICH IS WHAT SHE READS. 527 00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,708 IT WAS IN THE PAWNEE PAPERS. 528 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:04,444 - BOBBY NEWPORT'S PERSONAL LIFE IS NEITHER HERE NOR THERE. 529 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,478 - IT'S CERTAINLY NOT HERE. 530 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,315 AND I THINK PAWNEEANS DESERVE A CITY COUNCILOR 531 00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,349 WHO STAYS IN THE CITY, 532 00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:12,452 LIKE I DO. 533 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:13,720 - WELL, WE WERE GOING TO KEEP THIS A SECRET 534 00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,455 UNTIL WE HAD EVERYTHING IN WRITING, 535 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,623 BUT BOBBY NEWPORT IS TRYING TO CONVINCE 536 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,859 A MAJOR EUROPEAN COMPANY TO OPEN UP A FACTORY IN PAWNEE. 537 00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:22,562 AND THAT WOMAN THAT HE IS WITH 538 00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,397 IS AN ANTILAND-MINE ADVOCATE. 539 00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:26,966 I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT YOU WERE PROLAND-MINE. 540 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,469 - I AM NOT HERE TO DECLARE A WINNER, 541 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,804 BUT JENNIFER IS THE WINNER. 542 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,206 - THANK YOU. 543 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,641 - NOW IT'S TIME TO MOVE ONTO OUR NEXT SEGMENT, 544 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,808 WHICH IS A COMMERCIAL. 545 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:39,279 - I AM GOING TO GET DRUNK, AND THEN I'M GOING TO ORDER 546 00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:40,980 A THREE-COURSE MEAL WHERE EACH COURSE 547 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,282 IS MADE OF DESSERT. 548 00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:43,983 - SHE KICKED OUR ASSES. - YEAH. 549 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,418 HOW ARE WE GOING TO BEAT HER? 550 00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:47,987 - I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, SHE'S LIKE A HURRICANE. 551 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,589 SHE'S EVERYWHERE. 552 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,691 - HEY, YOU GUYS. - LITERALLY. 553 00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,960 - HI, GUYS. 554 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:56,329 YOU REALLY STEPPED UP YOUR GAME. 555 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,465 THAT WAS REALLY FUN. YOU ALMOST GOT ME. 556 00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,300 - I WOULD HAVE IF BOBBY NEWPORT HADN'T GOTTEN 557 00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:02,835 THOSE STUPID COMPANIES TO BUILD FACTORIES HERE. 558 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:05,672 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 559 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:06,839 OH, THAT THING I SAID ON THE SHOW? 560 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,341 OH, NO. THAT WAS MOSTLY MADE-UP. 561 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:09,976 DON'T CHALLENGE ME ON THAT. THAT WILL BACKFIRE. 562 00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,544 ANYWAY, ENJOY YOUR DINNER, GUYS. 563 00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:12,745 I ALREADY TOOK CARE OF THE BILL. 564 00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,847 [laughs] 565 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,250 - ANOTHER ROUND, PLEASE? - MM-HMM. 566 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,888 - NICE JOB ON THE WATER FOUNTAIN. 567 00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:23,656 - IT WASN'T ME. - DON'T DENY IT. 568 00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:24,891 I KNOW IT WASN'T THE NURSE. 569 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,527 I'M ASKING YOU TO STEP UP. 570 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,297 NOT REPLACING LESLIE, JUST PICKING UP SOME SLACK. 571 00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:31,364 - I DON'T WANT TO DO THINGS. 572 00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:34,567 I WANT TO NOT DO THINGS, JUST LIKE YOU TAUGHT ME. 573 00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:36,002 - AND I TAUGHT YOU WELL, 574 00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:38,371 BUT I DON'T LIKE WATCHING YOU WASTING YOUR BRAIN. 575 00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:41,408 AND YOU'RE TOO SMART TO STAY MY ASSISTANT HERE FOREVER. 576 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:42,775 I'D RATHER YOU START A BUSINESS 577 00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:44,511 OR USE YOUR HANDS TO FARM, 578 00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:47,514 BUT RIGHT NOW, THE DEPARTMENT NEEDS YOU. 579 00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:49,882 PLEASE. 580 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,418 - OKAY... 581 00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:53,453 BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU BEGGED. 582 00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,422 - GOOD GIRL. 583 00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:57,657 [phone rings] 584 00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:58,658 - CHRIS TRAEGER. 585 00:20:58,691 --> 00:20:59,926 - THIS IS RON SWANSON. 586 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:02,929 APRIL'S GOING TO TAKE OVER SOME OF LESLIE'S RESPONSIBILITIES. 587 00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:04,063 - EXCELLENT. 588 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,433 I HAVE BEEN A FAN OF APRIL SINCE DAY ONE. 589 00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:08,668 I TOLD--