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Come on, come on, come on.
2
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- Leslie Knope!
- Hey, Chris!
3
00:00:13,775 --> 00:00:14,708
Wow, is that
a new jogging shirt?
4
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It is!
5
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It's an experimental fabric
called bumble-flex.
6
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It's made out of
synthetic bees' wings.
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- That's cool.
- Anyway...
8
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You're not supposed to be here.
You're suspended.
9
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I totally understand that.
10
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I'm just going to, uh,
take my flash drive
11
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and I'll do
some work from home.
12
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N...
13
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...O. You are specifically
prohibited from doing your job.
14
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Oh, I'm not gonna do my job.
15
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I'm just gonna oversee
the department, and check in
16
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on the parks, and attend any
meetings that require
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- the deputy director.
- Leslie.
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Go home and give me
the flash drive.
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This is a nasal spray.
20
00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:46,947
Give me the flash drive.
21
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Give me the nasal spray.
22
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On three.
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One...
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- Two...
- Two...
25
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Three.
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Okay, good.
Now, in two weeks, you can--
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Leslie Knope!
I am much faster than you!
28
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I have bumble-flex!
29
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Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
30
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It's so nice to be able
to sit here in public
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- and have breakfast with you.
- Yeah.
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In a way, my suspension from
work was kind of a blessing.
33
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Yeah, I feel the same way
about resigning in disgrace.
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Totally, the key is you have
to keep yourself busy,
35
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or else you're gonna go crazy.
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I mean, look at me,
look how busy I am.
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I'm inventing a new spice
called "sal-gar."
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It's part salt, part sugar.
39
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What could that possibly
be good on?
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- Butterscotch pudding.
- Fair enough.
41
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Okay, I have to go to this
meeting with my advisers.
42
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You have a big day, right?
Which interview is this?
43
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It's a job doing
in-house accounting work
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for an accounting firm, so...
could be pretty interesting.
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Yeah, sounds interesting.
46
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You know, if I hadn't
resigned in disgrace,
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I might never have explored
the private sector.
48
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It's like, why didn't I resign
in disgrace 12 years ago?
49
00:02:06,444 --> 00:02:09,146
You might want to stop saying
"resigned in disgrace."
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Especially during
job interviews.
51
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Good call.
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Leslie wishes
she could be here herself
53
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to give you these presents,
but she's suspended.
54
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Oh, and also she said
that they're not from her,
55
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- they're from Santa Claus.
- Can I go first?
56
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Mouse Rat,
certified gold!
57
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Over 100 copies sold in Pawnee!
58
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I need to get a picture of me
holding this so I can frame it.
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Personalized,
leopard-printed robe.
60
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Pink feather cuffs.
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And on the back,
in rhinestones...
62
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"You can get it"!
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I know you're sad
you couldn't get tickets
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to the "Watch the Throne" tour,
so I got you a watch
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and a tiny throne instead.
66
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And check it out, she even
took out the dumb clock part
67
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and put this in...
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"Baller Time."
69
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These are the Black-eyed Peas.
70
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And I finally killed them.
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It's a Christmas miracle.
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Every year, I give Leslie the
same present I give everyone:
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A crisp $20 bill.
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00:03:09,224 --> 00:03:12,759
And every year, she gets me
something thoughtful
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and personal.
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It makes me furious.
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This year, she outdid herself.
78
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She had it installed
over the weekend.
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It's so--
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It's so beautiful.
81
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We need to get Leslie
something that erases
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the enormous emotional debt
that has built up over years
83
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of this gift-giving imbalance.
84
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Everyone start
thinking of ideas.
85
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Aw, jeez.
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Socks.
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She gets me.
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Hi, hi, hi, hi.
Sorry I'm late.
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I was off getting
holiday gifts for my team.
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William, here is
a Knope 2012 tree ornament.
91
00:03:52,917 --> 00:03:54,367
- Hey.
- And Elizabeth,
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00:03:54,385 --> 00:03:59,389
I got you a Knope 2012...
Menorah...Maybe?
93
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- No.
- No, okay.
94
00:04:01,176 --> 00:04:02,375
Then I got you
a tree ornament.
95
00:04:02,393 --> 00:04:04,711
Okay, so let's talk
about damage control.
96
00:04:04,729 --> 00:04:07,047
Now, I could go on
Pawnee Today, but--
97
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,265
and I know this is
a long shot--
98
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Oprah has her own network now.
99
00:04:09,934 --> 00:04:12,069
- Whoa, Leslie, slow down.
- The first step is for us
100
00:04:12,103 --> 00:04:13,554
to figure out what
we're up against,
101
00:04:13,588 --> 00:04:15,355
and we've already got polls out
in the field, and we should
102
00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:17,157
have results back
in a couple of days.
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Just stay out of the spotlight
until we can figure out
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00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,946
just how this, uh, incident
has affected the voters.
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00:04:22,997 --> 00:04:26,400
Sit tight,
take a beat, relax.
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"Sit tight"?
"Take a beat"? "Relax"?
107
00:04:28,937 --> 00:04:31,004
I don't really do
any of those things.
108
00:04:31,039 --> 00:04:32,472
In fact,
while I was in that meeting,
109
00:04:32,507 --> 00:04:36,043
I was also planning my mother's
birthday party in my head.
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00:04:36,077 --> 00:04:37,878
Strawberry margaritas!
111
00:04:37,912 --> 00:04:39,780
Another use for sal-gar!
112
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Financial analysis,
automated general ledger
113
00:04:43,718 --> 00:04:46,687
accounting systems,
audit management.
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Hmm, you've done everything.
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00:04:48,306 --> 00:04:50,991
Well, they call me
"the Swiss Army Accountant."
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- They don't call me that.
- They should.
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Well, look, I think
you'd be a great addition.
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Would you be willing to come
back to meet the division head?
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Yes, absolutely.
120
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,620
- We'll set that up.
- Okay, great.
121
00:05:03,655 --> 00:05:07,457
- Thank you.
- Well, uh...
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Calc-you-later.
123
00:05:14,282 --> 00:05:16,300
Oh, you like that one, huh?
124
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We do not get
a lot of humor here,
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and when we do,
it's wonderful.
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00:05:22,674 --> 00:05:25,025
- Oh.
- Ted! Come in here!
127
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Say it to Ted when he comes in.
128
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We could get Leslie
some marshmallow fluff.
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I have some right here.
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Correction, darling.
You had some right here.
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Did you just
scoop it out of the jar
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with your hand like a bear?
Yes.
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I can't get it off.
Can you help me?
134
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Behold!
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My latest attempt
to drag this department
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into the 20th century.
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- Tom, it's the 21st century.
- I know.
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I'd settle for
getting you into the 20th.
139
00:05:51,836 --> 00:05:55,589
I fed all of Leslie's
emails, letters, and memos
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00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:57,758
into a program and generated...
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00:05:57,792 --> 00:05:58,825
A word cloud.
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This is how we can
get gift ideas.
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The more she's mentioned a word,
the larger it appears.
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"Ben"...
And much larger, "Ann."
145
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- She definitely loves Ann.
- Aww.
146
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Okay.
I have an idea.
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I will build a small wood model
of the parks department.
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We can decorate our offices
as they are in real life.
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It will be...
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- Cute.
- Wait!
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Better idea:
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We make a gingerbread
version of the office.
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- That's so good!
- I think the wood model is--
154
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and we can decorate
our offices with candy canes
155
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and gumdrops!
156
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That would be so adorable!
157
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,231
Thanks, Ron!
That's such a cute idea!
158
00:06:38,266 --> 00:06:41,385
I have some great red birch
with a nice spalting.
159
00:06:41,419 --> 00:06:44,604
I already have
some scale wainscoting.
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Mmm, I love me a calzone.
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Ben!
I'm going crazy!
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First, they won't let me work
in the parks department,
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now they won't let me
campaign either.
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All I want to do
is improve our town,
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and they won't let me do that!
166
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You're putting an awful lot
of sal-gar on your pasta.
167
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This is just sugar.
Okay, I need you to distract me.
168
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Talk to me about something.
Anything.
169
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,391
Well, that accounting firm
is gonna make me a job offer.
170
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:05,492
Oh, yeah?
That's great!
171
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:06,626
- Yeah.
- Are you gonna take it?
172
00:07:06,661 --> 00:07:08,795
Well, it pays well.
173
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The commute is a little long,
but that's okay.
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I didn't love the carpeting,
but... eh.
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You know what I think?
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If you don't love it,
take a month.
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00:07:20,408 --> 00:07:22,442
See what else is out there.
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00:07:22,477 --> 00:07:23,677
Yeah. Yeah.
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00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:25,679
And, you know, you can still
improve the city.
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00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:28,382
You can't work right now,
or run a campaign.
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00:07:28,416 --> 00:07:30,250
- Do it as a private citizen.
- Oh, my God.
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I'll form
a citizen action committee,
183
00:07:32,387 --> 00:07:33,653
I'll lobby from the outside,
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00:07:33,688 --> 00:07:35,755
I'll harness the power
of the community.
185
00:07:35,773 --> 00:07:37,190
Oh, my God, I finally have
some work to do.
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00:07:37,225 --> 00:07:40,560
Thank you so much
for dinner, honey.
187
00:07:40,595 --> 00:07:44,598
I can hear you breathing, and,
yes, you can finish her pasta.
188
00:07:47,452 --> 00:07:50,203
Thank God.
I'm so hungry.
189
00:07:50,238 --> 00:07:52,038
Mmm, it tastes
like froot loops.
190
00:07:53,738 --> 00:07:55,538
Wow! Great turn out.
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00:07:55,738 --> 00:07:57,412
Okay, welcome everyone
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00:07:57,413 --> 00:08:00,766
to the first meeting of
the Parks Committee of Pawnee,
193
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:01,917
or PCP.
194
00:08:01,951 --> 00:08:04,603
Um, should we really
be called "PCP"?
195
00:08:04,637 --> 00:08:05,971
- See, because--
- Yes, because,
196
00:08:06,005 --> 00:08:09,808
like the drug PCP, we are
so fast-acting and powerful,
197
00:08:09,842 --> 00:08:11,076
we should be illegal.
198
00:08:11,110 --> 00:08:13,662
Now, what do you want to see
fixed in the parks? Yes?
199
00:08:13,696 --> 00:08:15,847
I've noticed that
the White Hills hiking path
200
00:08:15,882 --> 00:08:17,382
could really use some upkeep.
201
00:08:17,416 --> 00:08:19,434
I was thinking we organize
a letter-writing campaign.
202
00:08:19,469 --> 00:08:22,788
Uh, I-I know for a fact that
nobody in the parks department
203
00:08:22,822 --> 00:08:24,923
reads letters,
except for one person,
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00:08:24,957 --> 00:08:29,294
who is amazing, but s-he
isn't currently there,
205
00:08:29,328 --> 00:08:31,463
because he was suspended.
206
00:08:31,497 --> 00:08:33,431
How amazing can he be
if he got suspended?
207
00:08:33,449 --> 00:08:35,867
Pretty damn amazing, Diane.
Now shush.
208
00:08:35,902 --> 00:08:38,270
If we want to get the government
off their bloated,
209
00:08:38,304 --> 00:08:41,323
bureaucratic butts, then we need
our voices to be heard,
210
00:08:41,374 --> 00:08:42,657
and that's what
we're gonna do.
211
00:08:42,708 --> 00:08:45,644
Clear eyes,
full hearts, can't lose.
212
00:08:45,678 --> 00:08:47,746
Ron is making the model,
and then we're going to put
213
00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:50,982
all of our candy decorations
in our corners of the office.
214
00:08:51,017 --> 00:08:52,116
Okay, so what
did everybody make?
215
00:08:52,134 --> 00:08:53,885
Boom!
216
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:55,754
Rock n' roll candy Andy.
Wow.
217
00:08:55,788 --> 00:08:57,138
- Mmm.
- That's really good, son.
218
00:08:57,173 --> 00:08:59,024
I didn't do anything
for my office.
219
00:08:59,058 --> 00:09:00,509
It's okay,
I took care of it.
220
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:02,644
I made a marshmallow
Ron Swanson.
221
00:09:04,347 --> 00:09:06,631
See? His arms are crossed
because he's mad at all
222
00:09:06,649 --> 00:09:09,351
the other marshmallow workers
for annoying him.
223
00:09:09,402 --> 00:09:11,186
You like it?
224
00:09:11,237 --> 00:09:12,637
It's fine.
225
00:09:12,672 --> 00:09:15,273
When I was trying to decide
how to decorate my office,
226
00:09:15,307 --> 00:09:18,610
I had to ask myself, "what kind
of candy should I choose?"
227
00:09:18,644 --> 00:09:21,162
Obviously chocolate,
'cause I'm sweet, smooth,
228
00:09:21,197 --> 00:09:22,914
and the ladies love me.
229
00:09:22,949 --> 00:09:25,834
Now the question still remained,
"what kind of chocolate am I?"
230
00:09:25,868 --> 00:09:28,019
Do I have a little gooey,
caramel center?
231
00:09:28,054 --> 00:09:30,522
Am I filled
with little rice krispies?
232
00:09:30,556 --> 00:09:32,657
Maybe I'm white chocolate and
I'm bucking all the stereotypes.
233
00:09:32,675 --> 00:09:34,158
Oh, just put
your damn candy out.
234
00:09:34,176 --> 00:09:38,496
Ultimately, I decided to go
with a little gourmet fudge.
235
00:09:38,514 --> 00:09:40,098
I didn't have time
to make it into anything,
236
00:09:40,132 --> 00:09:42,517
and please don't eat it
'cause it cost $55 an ounce.
237
00:09:42,552 --> 00:09:46,021
So I made my desk
out of silver m&ms.
238
00:09:46,055 --> 00:09:49,340
But they do not make silver
m&ms, so I spray-painted them.
239
00:09:49,358 --> 00:09:51,443
Okay, those are poisonous,
so no one eat them.
240
00:09:51,477 --> 00:09:52,861
Yeah, duh.
241
00:09:52,895 --> 00:09:54,779
- Go throw up.
- I didn't eat any.
242
00:09:54,814 --> 00:09:57,782
- Go throw up.
- Throw up.
243
00:09:57,817 --> 00:09:59,534
- Ben Wyatt.
- Hi.
244
00:09:59,569 --> 00:10:00,919
- Great to meet you.
- You too.
245
00:10:00,953 --> 00:10:03,521
I'm, uh, this.
246
00:10:03,539 --> 00:10:05,824
Well, thank you for meeting
with me, Mr. Feinstein.
247
00:10:05,858 --> 00:10:08,193
Please, call me
Dennis Feinstein.
248
00:10:08,227 --> 00:10:09,995
I'm gonna cut
right to the chase, Ben.
249
00:10:10,029 --> 00:10:11,997
This cologne company
is my life's work.
250
00:10:12,031 --> 00:10:14,900
Why should I trust you
with my perfumery?
251
00:10:14,934 --> 00:10:17,469
Well, uh, I've been in
government accounting for more
252
00:10:17,503 --> 00:10:20,672
than a decade, and I just think
it's time for a change.
253
00:10:20,706 --> 00:10:22,741
Listen, Ben, I'm gonna
cut right to the chase, okay?
254
00:10:22,775 --> 00:10:24,643
I like you--
I've always liked you--
255
00:10:24,677 --> 00:10:26,928
but I also like Eddie.
256
00:10:26,979 --> 00:10:28,413
Ed--who--who's Eddie?
257
00:10:28,447 --> 00:10:30,782
Eddie's my current CFO,
258
00:10:30,816 --> 00:10:34,603
but I might fire him
and hire you.
259
00:10:34,654 --> 00:10:35,937
- You got kids?
- No.
260
00:10:35,988 --> 00:10:37,489
That's good.
Dum-dum Eddie has two kids.
261
00:10:39,058 --> 00:10:40,425
Oh, God.
Don't fire Eddie.
262
00:10:40,459 --> 00:10:42,060
Why would you have him
in here in this interview?
263
00:10:42,094 --> 00:10:44,195
- Eddie, I am sorry--
- Don't talk to Eddie.
264
00:10:44,229 --> 00:10:48,249
Treat him like you would treat
a person in another country
265
00:10:48,284 --> 00:10:51,369
that you paid $25,000 to hunt.
266
00:10:51,404 --> 00:10:53,438
- What are you talking about?
- What am I talking about?
267
00:10:53,472 --> 00:10:55,256
I'm talking about
the best vacation of my life.
268
00:10:55,291 --> 00:10:56,708
Oh, my God.
Look, I'm sorry.
269
00:10:56,742 --> 00:10:59,911
I-I thought I wanted to
branch out a little career-wise,
270
00:10:59,946 --> 00:11:01,630
but that was a mistake.
271
00:11:01,681 --> 00:11:05,583
Keep Eddie.
I do not want this job.
272
00:11:05,601 --> 00:11:07,052
You're crazy, man.
273
00:11:07,086 --> 00:11:08,687
We'll be in touch.
274
00:11:08,689 --> 00:11:11,022
Okay, are there
any more recommendations
275
00:11:11,057 --> 00:11:12,590
for new games
at the rec center?
276
00:11:12,608 --> 00:11:14,693
My daughter, she loves
chutes and ladders.
277
00:11:14,727 --> 00:11:16,895
Oh, come on!
278
00:11:16,929 --> 00:11:19,314
There is no strategy
to chutes and ladders.
279
00:11:19,365 --> 00:11:21,800
- It's just luck.
- My daughter's five.
280
00:11:21,834 --> 00:11:23,485
Well, your daughter
is an idiot.
281
00:11:23,536 --> 00:11:24,836
Her daughter is an idiot!
282
00:11:24,870 --> 00:11:26,137
He daughter is an idiot!
283
00:11:26,172 --> 00:11:27,539
- No, no, no.
- Her daughter is an idiot!
284
00:11:27,573 --> 00:11:29,874
No, no she's not.
Hello, I am Leslie Knope,
285
00:11:29,909 --> 00:11:33,628
and I represent the PCP.
286
00:11:33,663 --> 00:11:35,279
We have a list of six demands.
287
00:11:35,297 --> 00:11:36,715
Here they are
in alphabetical order.
288
00:11:36,749 --> 00:11:37,916
Number one: Ants.
289
00:11:37,950 --> 00:11:39,300
Too many ants
in the teen center.
290
00:11:39,335 --> 00:11:41,219
Number two:
Tennis court improvements.
291
00:11:41,253 --> 00:11:43,888
- Number three--
- Well, Les--um, ma'am,
292
00:11:43,923 --> 00:11:46,825
uh, this public forum,
it is just about improvements
293
00:11:46,859 --> 00:11:48,093
that we can make
to the rec center.
294
00:11:48,127 --> 00:11:50,428
Speaking of which,
the fact that yahtzee is not
295
00:11:50,462 --> 00:11:55,333
in the rec center is a tragedy
on par with human trafficking.
296
00:11:55,368 --> 00:11:58,636
Slight exaggeration...
Getting back to our demands.
297
00:11:58,654 --> 00:12:01,306
We will not be muzzled
like a rabid dog.
298
00:12:01,340 --> 00:12:03,191
We are gonna take this
all the way to the top.
299
00:12:03,242 --> 00:12:04,743
Yay!
300
00:12:04,777 --> 00:12:06,661
Okay, we have made
some waves here, people,
301
00:12:06,696 --> 00:12:08,363
but we need to keep
this momentum going.
302
00:12:08,414 --> 00:12:11,049
Now, the city manager's name
is Chris Traeger.
303
00:12:11,083 --> 00:12:12,384
I want to take
this fight to him.
304
00:12:12,418 --> 00:12:13,885
Ooh, a letter-writing campaign!
305
00:12:13,919 --> 00:12:15,503
God, Diane,
will you stop it
306
00:12:15,538 --> 00:12:17,122
with the letter-writing
campaign? No.
307
00:12:17,156 --> 00:12:19,791
I have his office number.
I want one of you calling it
308
00:12:19,825 --> 00:12:21,042
every 15 minutes.
309
00:12:21,093 --> 00:12:23,378
We are also going to protest
along his jogging route,
310
00:12:23,429 --> 00:12:26,848
and I need someone in every
GNC within a five-mile radius
311
00:12:26,882 --> 00:12:29,300
- of the city center.
- But there are only 12 of us.
312
00:12:29,334 --> 00:12:31,502
- 13.
- Look! Our numbers are growing!
313
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,039
There's nothing we can't do
if we work hard, never sleep,
314
00:12:34,073 --> 00:12:36,041
and shirk all other
responsibilities in our lives.
315
00:12:36,075 --> 00:12:39,644
You with me?
316
00:12:47,870 --> 00:12:51,189
I can handcraft 17-foot canoes
out of western red cedar,
317
00:12:51,223 --> 00:12:54,025
but I can't glue two damn
Graham crackers together!
318
00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:56,077
Look, it's really easy.
319
00:12:56,128 --> 00:12:57,729
I know a lot about candy.
320
00:12:57,763 --> 00:13:00,048
I play with it, I eat it.
321
00:13:00,082 --> 00:13:02,050
Sometimes I play with it
and eat it.
322
00:13:02,084 --> 00:13:04,335
Boom!
323
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:05,553
Okay, new plan.
324
00:13:05,588 --> 00:13:07,639
Everyone else makes
this candy house,
325
00:13:07,673 --> 00:13:10,892
and I make myself
useful elsewhere.
326
00:13:10,926 --> 00:13:12,844
Your 11:00 is here.
327
00:13:12,878 --> 00:13:15,346
Concerned citizen and
community leader Leslie Knope.
328
00:13:15,381 --> 00:13:16,898
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi, Leslie.
329
00:13:16,932 --> 00:13:18,382
You're not supposed
to be here.
330
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,452
As a government employee,
that's true, but I am just here
331
00:13:20,486 --> 00:13:23,605
as a concerned citizen
and founder of PCP.
332
00:13:23,656 --> 00:13:25,323
The Parks Committee of Pawnee.
333
00:13:25,357 --> 00:13:27,492
Those are the people
that have been harassing me.
334
00:13:27,526 --> 00:13:29,994
We have many demands.
Specifically, these six unfunded
335
00:13:30,029 --> 00:13:32,113
projects that need
to be dealt with immediately.
336
00:13:32,164 --> 00:13:33,397
- Well--
- Not good enough!
337
00:13:33,415 --> 00:13:35,834
Leslie,
out of respect for you,
338
00:13:35,868 --> 00:13:37,836
I will meet with your group,
but I hope that this
339
00:13:37,870 --> 00:13:39,504
puts an end to the madness.
340
00:13:39,538 --> 00:13:41,506
Prepare for battle.
341
00:13:41,540 --> 00:13:43,341
Oh, I forgot to tell you,
I got your Christmas present.
342
00:13:43,375 --> 00:13:46,010
It's like a little stopwatch
that records your jogging times
343
00:13:46,045 --> 00:13:47,846
and then sends it to
your computer via Bluetooth.
344
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:49,347
Ahh!
345
00:13:49,381 --> 00:13:51,599
- That is so thoughtful!
- Aww.
346
00:13:51,634 --> 00:13:54,636
My pleasure.
See you in hell!
347
00:13:56,055 --> 00:13:58,623
Well, I see you've taken
our advice about relaxing.
348
00:13:58,657 --> 00:14:00,608
Oh, this is just
a little militant citizen group
349
00:14:00,643 --> 00:14:01,976
I slapped together.
350
00:14:02,027 --> 00:14:03,828
But enough about me,
what are my polling results?
351
00:14:03,863 --> 00:14:06,865
Uh, well, before the scandal,
you were at 26%.
352
00:14:06,899 --> 00:14:09,534
Now, we knew we'd take a hit,
but we figured as long as
353
00:14:09,568 --> 00:14:12,153
we're at 15% or above,
we're still in the fight.
354
00:14:12,204 --> 00:14:14,272
And we're at 15%?
355
00:14:14,306 --> 00:14:17,008
We went back to 26%?
Whoa, wait.
356
00:14:17,042 --> 00:14:17,992
50%?
357
00:14:18,043 --> 00:14:20,011
We're at one.
358
00:14:20,045 --> 00:14:21,880
One... hundred?
359
00:14:21,914 --> 00:14:23,665
You're polling at 1%.
360
00:14:23,716 --> 00:14:25,884
What? No.
That can't be right.
361
00:14:25,918 --> 00:14:28,553
Okay, well, what we do
is we move forward from this.
362
00:14:28,587 --> 00:14:30,454
How do we put
a positive spin on this?
363
00:14:30,472 --> 00:14:32,490
- There's no way to spin this.
- Sure there is.
364
00:14:32,525 --> 00:14:34,993
You're looking at the glass
like it's 99% empty.
365
00:14:35,027 --> 00:14:36,728
I'm looking at it
like it's 1% full.
366
00:14:36,762 --> 00:14:40,098
You know, the last delicious
sip of a milkshake
367
00:14:40,132 --> 00:14:42,183
at the bottom
of the metal milkshakey thing?
368
00:14:42,234 --> 00:14:44,686
It's very hard to come back
from this kind of thing.
369
00:14:44,737 --> 00:14:46,204
You know, a sex scandal
with your boss.
370
00:14:46,238 --> 00:14:48,406
Oh, like you're
so pure and chaste.
371
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,342
Please, I know the two of you
are sleeping together.
372
00:14:51,377 --> 00:14:55,163
It's obvious, with all your
glances and your sly smiles.
373
00:14:55,197 --> 00:14:57,832
- I'm gay.
- Well, never mind then.
374
00:14:57,867 --> 00:15:01,853
It's a small town.
There's nowhere to hide.
375
00:15:01,887 --> 00:15:04,522
We can't run
your campaign anymore.
376
00:15:04,557 --> 00:15:06,841
I'm sorry, Leslie.
You were a great candidate,
377
00:15:06,876 --> 00:15:09,894
but...it's over.
378
00:15:15,056 --> 00:15:16,555
Could you maybe find
new advisors?
379
00:15:16,556 --> 00:15:18,590
I can't. I talked
to everyone in the entire state
380
00:15:18,624 --> 00:15:19,941
who's ever run a campaign.
381
00:15:19,976 --> 00:15:21,927
Nobody wants
a candidate who's polling
382
00:15:21,961 --> 00:15:25,246
- at "last milkshake sip" levels.
- Can I say something?
383
00:15:25,264 --> 00:15:28,183
This sucks, I am not gonna
convince you that it doesn't,
384
00:15:28,217 --> 00:15:30,185
and you can tell me
every day for the next year
385
00:15:30,219 --> 00:15:32,354
- about how much this sucks.
- One year--you said one year.
386
00:15:32,388 --> 00:15:34,306
- That's on the record.
- And I meant it.
387
00:15:34,357 --> 00:15:38,193
But eventually this'll pass.
You're gonna get through this.
388
00:15:38,227 --> 00:15:40,429
I don't know if I'm going to.
389
00:15:40,463 --> 00:15:43,431
I mean, look, I return
to my old job in a week,
390
00:15:43,449 --> 00:15:46,434
and that's great because
I love my old job, but...
391
00:15:46,452 --> 00:15:49,538
My heart was really
set on this new job.
392
00:15:49,572 --> 00:15:53,375
Ann.
393
00:15:53,409 --> 00:15:55,210
Don't touch my pickles, Ann!
394
00:15:57,814 --> 00:16:00,966
B-b-b-b-Ben-jammin'!
395
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,801
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, I know, I know, I know.
396
00:16:02,835 --> 00:16:05,120
Hey, Jean-Ralphio.
How's it going?
397
00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:07,722
It's going good, I'm actually
right here for an appointmt.
398
00:16:07,757 --> 00:16:10,625
Getting a Brazilian.
By the way, there's a woman
399
00:16:10,643 --> 00:16:12,627
over there that is unbelievable.
Her name is Kim.
400
00:16:12,645 --> 00:16:14,563
When she rips it off,
she smiles,
401
00:16:14,597 --> 00:16:15,897
and it makes you feel things.
402
00:16:15,932 --> 00:16:17,432
Throw my name,
I get a referral discount.
403
00:16:17,466 --> 00:16:19,434
- If you don't mind.
- Okay.
404
00:16:19,468 --> 00:16:21,469
I heard somebody
resigned in disgrace.
405
00:16:21,487 --> 00:16:23,572
My question to you is,
how you making that paper?
406
00:16:23,606 --> 00:16:26,908
Oh, well, I've interviewed
around, uh, but I'm actually
407
00:16:26,943 --> 00:16:28,777
about to take a job
doing in-house accounting
408
00:16:28,811 --> 00:16:31,496
- for an accounting firm.
- Buh...
409
00:16:31,531 --> 00:16:32,914
I almost fell asleep
during that sentence.
410
00:16:32,949 --> 00:16:34,082
- Okay.
- Let me get this straight.
411
00:16:34,117 --> 00:16:37,169
You would be an accountant...
412
00:16:37,203 --> 00:16:39,321
- For accountants?
- Yeah.
413
00:16:39,355 --> 00:16:43,158
So at this accounting firm,
you would have the boring job?
414
00:16:43,192 --> 00:16:45,293
Are you nuts?
This is probably the first time
415
00:16:45,328 --> 00:16:46,761
you've had off since
you've been kid president.
416
00:16:46,796 --> 00:16:48,763
- True or false?
- True.
417
00:16:48,798 --> 00:16:51,600
Why don't you use that time and
go after one of your passions,
418
00:16:51,634 --> 00:16:54,436
like model trains or, like,
or toy Gandalfs or something?
419
00:16:54,470 --> 00:16:57,272
I don't know why you jumped
straight to model trains.
420
00:16:57,306 --> 00:16:59,374
I mean... it's accurate.
421
00:16:59,408 --> 00:17:02,277
I'm gonna tell you something
that I once heard from a very,
422
00:17:02,311 --> 00:17:06,181
- very smart woman named Kim.
- The lady who waxes you?
423
00:17:06,215 --> 00:17:09,618
She told me, "if you don't
love what you do...
424
00:17:09,652 --> 00:17:11,419
Then why do it?"
425
00:17:11,454 --> 00:17:13,205
Then she ripped the hair
from my b-hole.
426
00:17:15,358 --> 00:17:17,292
Ron filled me in
on everything that happened,
427
00:17:17,326 --> 00:17:20,095
and I really wish
that the ethics investigation
428
00:17:20,129 --> 00:17:22,197
hadn't interfered
with your campaign in any way.
429
00:17:22,231 --> 00:17:25,200
You don't have to apologize.
You were very fair.
430
00:17:25,234 --> 00:17:28,069
In fact, I'm the one
that needs to apologize.
431
00:17:28,104 --> 00:17:31,206
I got you involved in PCP.
432
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,875
But I'm starting
a new group now, LSD--
433
00:17:33,893 --> 00:17:35,410
Leslie's Sorry Division--
434
00:17:35,444 --> 00:17:38,380
and I just want to say
I'm sorry, Chris.
435
00:17:38,414 --> 00:17:41,149
Oh, that's nice
of you to say.
436
00:17:41,184 --> 00:17:45,187
Anyway, now,
for your Christmas present.
437
00:17:49,942 --> 00:17:53,395
Your suspension's been lifted.
Please, come back to work.
438
00:17:53,929 --> 00:17:55,263
Thank you.
439
00:17:56,298 --> 00:17:58,466
Hey, what are you doing here?
440
00:17:58,501 --> 00:17:59,784
Hey.
441
00:17:59,835 --> 00:18:03,171
Uh, I just wanted to tell you
something in person.
442
00:18:03,706 --> 00:18:04,789
Oh, my God,
I'm pregnant.
443
00:18:05,340 --> 00:18:07,609
Wait, what?
No, that's not it.
444
00:18:07,643 --> 00:18:11,246
I turned down
that accounting job.
445
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,648
Just didn't feel right.
That's okay, right?
446
00:18:13,683 --> 00:18:15,650
Yeah.
I think that's great.
447
00:18:15,685 --> 00:18:17,652
- I'm really proud of you.
- Yeah?
448
00:18:17,687 --> 00:18:20,105
What are you
gonna do instead?
449
00:18:20,139 --> 00:18:23,775
- I have no idea.
- I like it.
450
00:18:23,809 --> 00:18:25,777
Okay, well, I guess
I'll just see you at home.
451
00:18:25,811 --> 00:18:27,062
Well, they're having
a party in here.
452
00:18:27,096 --> 00:18:28,480
Why don't you stay?
453
00:18:28,531 --> 00:18:31,432
Actually, I think
you should go in alone.
454
00:18:39,959 --> 00:18:43,161
- What's going on here?
- Merry Christmas, Leslie!
455
00:18:43,212 --> 00:18:45,446
We made you this replica
of the parks department
456
00:18:45,464 --> 00:18:48,667
out of gingerbread.
Oh, my God, I love it!
457
00:18:48,718 --> 00:18:50,952
Aw, I love it,
and I love you guys,
458
00:18:50,987 --> 00:18:53,171
and Ann specifically.
And all of you!
459
00:18:53,222 --> 00:18:55,473
You did all of this together?
460
00:18:55,508 --> 00:18:58,143
Yes,
except for me.
461
00:18:58,177 --> 00:19:01,096
Turns out, I cannot make
a gingerbread house,
462
00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:04,432
which would bother me
if I were an 8-year-old girl.
463
00:19:04,466 --> 00:19:07,769
In any case, these people
stepped up and helped me out,
464
00:19:07,803 --> 00:19:09,573
and that gave me another idea.
465
00:19:12,108 --> 00:19:15,076
This is
the city council chambers,
466
00:19:15,111 --> 00:19:17,545
and that's you, next may.
467
00:19:17,580 --> 00:19:20,165
I don't understand.
468
00:19:20,199 --> 00:19:22,684
Your campaign advisers quit,
big deal.
469
00:19:22,718 --> 00:19:24,686
You're running
for city council again, Leslie,
470
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,672
with our help.
471
00:19:27,707 --> 00:19:32,227
April Ludgate, youth outreach
and director of new media.
472
00:19:32,261 --> 00:19:35,864
Tom Haverford, image
consultant, swagger coach.
473
00:19:35,898 --> 00:19:39,267
Ann Perkins, office manager
and volunteer coordinator.
474
00:19:39,302 --> 00:19:43,438
Andy Dwyer, security,
sweets, body man.
475
00:19:43,472 --> 00:19:44,906
Javelin, if need be.
476
00:19:44,940 --> 00:19:49,944
Donna Meagle, transpo,
AKA rides in my Benz.
477
00:19:51,447 --> 00:19:53,782
W--you guys didn't tell me
we were doing this.
478
00:19:53,816 --> 00:19:55,700
I--I did not know
that I was supposed to
479
00:19:55,735 --> 00:19:57,152
come up with something. I--
480
00:19:57,186 --> 00:20:02,824
Ron Swanson, any other
damn thing you might need.
481
00:20:02,858 --> 00:20:05,060
Guys, it's so much work.
482
00:20:05,094 --> 00:20:07,295
I can't ask you to put
your lives on hold.
483
00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:09,530
Find one person here
who you haven't helped
484
00:20:09,548 --> 00:20:11,969
by putting your life on hold.
485
00:20:14,303 --> 00:20:16,606
I don't know what to say...
486
00:20:18,140 --> 00:20:20,775
Except...
487
00:20:20,810 --> 00:20:24,929
Let's go win an election!
488
00:20:24,980 --> 00:20:28,600
Giving Christmas gifts
is like a sport to me.
489
00:20:28,651 --> 00:20:31,903
Finding or making
that perfect something.
490
00:20:31,937 --> 00:20:33,288
- Come on.
- It's also like a sport to me
491
00:20:33,322 --> 00:20:34,739
because I always win.
492
00:20:34,774 --> 00:20:38,276
This year, though?
My friends won.
493
00:20:38,327 --> 00:20:40,662
In fact, I got my ass
handed to me.
494
00:20:43,193 --> 00:20:45,493
- Welcome, Mr. Saperstein.
- Thank you so much.
495
00:20:45,528 --> 00:20:47,145
I will just show
to your cubicle.
496
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:48,296
I can't wait.
I bet it's a big one,
497
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:50,965
- huh Barney?
- Um, the, uh, temp agency said
498
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:53,134
that you are fluent
with Quickbooks Pro, correct?
499
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:54,536
Oh, right, yeah,
we should cover that.
500
00:20:54,570 --> 00:20:57,672
You see, my resume might not
actually be accurate, right?
501
00:20:57,707 --> 00:20:59,157
So I have no idea
what you're talking about.
502
00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:01,509
Don't know
what Quickbooks are.
503
00:21:01,544 --> 00:21:03,495
You don't have
any accounting experience?
504
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:06,114
No, no, no, Barney, come on.
But you don't have to be
505
00:21:06,148 --> 00:21:09,117
an accountant to know
that this girl is a ten.
506
00:21:09,151 --> 00:21:11,369
Yo, what up, D.S.?
You come here often?
507
00:21:11,420 --> 00:21:12,454
To my job?
508
00:21:12,488 --> 00:21:13,705
Ooh, she got
a mouth on her also.
509
00:21:13,756 --> 00:21:15,206
- Shut it.
- Is this the new temp
510
00:21:15,257 --> 00:21:16,941
who's supposed to help me
with the spreadsheets?
511
00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:18,209
You want to talk
about spreading and sheets,
512
00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:20,228
we can go back to my place
and I will rock your--
513
00:21:20,262 --> 00:21:22,213
- You're fired!
- That makes sense.
514
00:21:22,264 --> 00:21:24,382
So I just go out
the same way I came in?
515
00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:28,382
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com