1
00:00:00,099 --> 00:00:02,399
Hmm. Eyeballs wrapped,
uhm... vampire teeth
2
00:00:02,499 --> 00:00:03,499
Boom! Vampire teeth.
3
00:00:03,566 --> 00:00:05,533
Good.
Spider webs.
4
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,101
- Done.
- Mm-hm.
5
00:00:07,169 --> 00:00:08,869
Fake blood capsules.
6
00:00:08,937 --> 00:00:10,438
Oh, they didn't have any.
7
00:00:10,506 --> 00:00:13,307
Really?
8
00:00:13,375 --> 00:00:15,576
That's gross,
I love it.
9
00:00:15,644 --> 00:00:17,845
We are throwing a Halloween
party at our house.
10
00:00:17,913 --> 00:00:19,147
It's gonna be
the greatest thing ever.
11
00:00:19,214 --> 00:00:20,380
Someone will die.
12
00:00:20,448 --> 00:00:21,548
Of fun!
13
00:00:21,615 --> 00:00:22,749
And of murder.
14
00:00:22,816 --> 00:00:24,651
And there's gonna
be beer, pumpkins...
15
00:00:24,718 --> 00:00:25,919
Bloody goblins.
16
00:00:25,986 --> 00:00:27,220
Fake ones.
It's gonna be awesome.
17
00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:28,288
We have decorations...
18
00:00:28,356 --> 00:00:29,856
Dead people that
we just murdered.
19
00:00:29,924 --> 00:00:31,124
Not... murdered.
20
00:00:31,192 --> 00:00:33,326
But pictures of dead people
from TV or movies.
21
00:00:33,394 --> 00:00:34,461
Mutilated bodies.
22
00:00:34,529 --> 00:00:35,462
B-but fake ones.
23
00:00:35,530 --> 00:00:37,663
Candy, dancing, Tequila.
24
00:00:37,730 --> 00:00:38,964
All kinds of food and snacks.
25
00:00:39,032 --> 00:00:39,965
Blood orphans.
26
00:00:40,033 --> 00:00:41,934
No blood orphans.
27
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:44,303
I...I don't know
what that is.
28
00:00:47,974 --> 00:00:49,574
♪ ♪
29
00:00:50,574 --> 00:00:59,911
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com.
30
00:01:05,057 --> 00:01:07,357
I want you on message,
and the message is...
31
00:01:07,625 --> 00:01:08,558
Leslie Knope.
32
00:01:08,926 --> 00:01:10,060
If you're not
talking about you,
33
00:01:10,127 --> 00:01:11,461
you're talking about
the wrong thing.
34
00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:12,862
I hate talking
about myself.
35
00:01:12,930 --> 00:01:15,064
Get over it. I talk
about myself constantly.
36
00:01:15,132 --> 00:01:16,633
Everyone loves me for it.
37
00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:18,935
I really am amazing.
38
00:01:19,003 --> 00:01:20,270
When you work in government,
people often suspect
39
00:01:20,338 --> 00:01:21,571
that you're anti-business.
40
00:01:21,639 --> 00:01:23,273
So I'm throwing
a little meet-and-greet
41
00:01:23,341 --> 00:01:25,508
with business owners, and I've
asked Tom's company to help.
42
00:01:25,575 --> 00:01:27,109
Here's my opening line:
43
00:01:27,177 --> 00:01:29,278
"Hi, I'm Leslie Knope,
and I'm in the business
44
00:01:29,346 --> 00:01:30,613
of being city councilor."
45
00:01:30,681 --> 00:01:32,548
- Oh, my God.
- I'm not going to use that.
46
00:01:32,616 --> 00:01:35,050
This is
your primary target.
47
00:01:35,118 --> 00:01:36,885
President of the chamber
of commerce, Martin Kernston.
48
00:01:36,953 --> 00:01:40,322
Oh, yes, from
Kernston Rubber Nipples.
49
00:01:40,389 --> 00:01:42,324
"The nipple king."
50
00:01:42,391 --> 00:01:43,591
Photos, BIOS,
51
00:01:43,659 --> 00:01:46,060
likes, dislikes,
prescription medications.
52
00:01:46,128 --> 00:01:47,462
I've heard
of Martin Kernston.
53
00:01:47,530 --> 00:01:49,197
- I know a little bit about him.
- Oh, really?
54
00:01:49,264 --> 00:01:50,932
Well, which of his advisors
does he trust more,
55
00:01:50,999 --> 00:01:52,434
Ted Flirtman or Rex Spax?
56
00:01:52,501 --> 00:01:54,336
Well, it depends, Flirtman
is more of a confidant--
57
00:01:54,403 --> 00:01:56,103
I made up both those names.
58
00:01:56,171 --> 00:01:57,504
Okay, I'm on it.
59
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,374
Get at me.
60
00:02:00,442 --> 00:02:02,576
Jean-Ralphio, stop crying.
61
00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:04,311
What?
62
00:02:04,379 --> 00:02:07,381
Hold on, slow down. Hold on--
63
00:02:07,449 --> 00:02:10,884
Allergic to chestnuts.
64
00:02:10,952 --> 00:02:14,086
And... good haircuts.
65
00:02:20,927 --> 00:02:22,094
It's too tight,
looser.
66
00:02:22,162 --> 00:02:24,096
No, I feel like we need
to inflate it more.
67
00:02:24,164 --> 00:02:25,698
No, I told you,
I'm a sumo wrestler
68
00:02:25,766 --> 00:02:27,467
after he lost the weight.
69
00:02:27,534 --> 00:02:28,767
I take it
we're having a party.
70
00:02:28,835 --> 00:02:30,535
Dude!
71
00:02:30,603 --> 00:02:32,504
I knew there was sometngng
I forgot to tell you. Sorry.
72
00:02:32,572 --> 00:02:33,605
No, no, no,
it's fine.
73
00:02:33,673 --> 00:02:34,740
Why should you guys
tell me
74
00:02:34,807 --> 00:02:36,241
you're gonna have
an enormous party?
75
00:02:36,308 --> 00:02:38,643
I-I didn't tell you I was gonna
be quietly working in my room.
76
00:02:38,711 --> 00:02:39,878
- That's a good point.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
77
00:02:39,945 --> 00:02:41,346
I guess we're even.
78
00:02:41,414 --> 00:02:43,047
If you need me, I'll--I'll
definitely be awake.
79
00:02:43,115 --> 00:02:45,783
Because I-I won't...
be able to sleep.
80
00:02:45,851 --> 00:02:46,884
Because of the party.
81
00:02:46,951 --> 00:02:48,819
You know?
82
00:02:48,887 --> 00:02:51,188
So...
All right.
83
00:02:51,756 --> 00:02:54,124
My family is very
non-confrontational.
84
00:02:54,192 --> 00:02:56,093
My parents' method
of problem-solving
85
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:57,762
is to kind of keep
everything bottled up
86
00:02:57,829 --> 00:03:01,097
and just subtly hint
at what's bothering them.
87
00:03:01,164 --> 00:03:05,702
And after 36 years,
they are still divorced.
88
00:03:07,805 --> 00:03:09,272
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
89
00:03:09,339 --> 00:03:10,907
Tom, this is not
what I pictured at all.
90
00:03:10,974 --> 00:03:13,676
This looks like a party
for Entertainment 720.
91
00:03:13,744 --> 00:03:16,412
Is Entertainment 720
running for office?
92
00:03:16,479 --> 00:03:17,880
It's a small business.
93
00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,347
You're trying to show people
you have a good relationship
94
00:03:19,416 --> 00:03:21,082
with small businesses.
95
00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:22,951
Now the party,
that's all about you, Boo.
96
00:03:23,019 --> 00:03:25,120
Okay, then shouldn't my face
be on these rugs?
97
00:03:25,187 --> 00:03:26,755
I'm sorry, no.
98
00:03:26,823 --> 00:03:27,923
It's always been a dream
of mine to be a rug.
99
00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:29,391
And it's finally happened.
100
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,627
Tom, now is not a time for you
to explore your weird dreams.
101
00:03:32,694 --> 00:03:35,129
Okay? I want all of this gone,
all of it.
102
00:03:35,196 --> 00:03:36,997
Except that cake.
Keep tha tcake here.
103
00:03:37,065 --> 00:03:39,167
Just scrape off the words.
104
00:03:43,371 --> 00:03:45,272
Donna?
105
00:03:45,340 --> 00:03:46,707
Blue shirt...
106
00:03:46,775 --> 00:03:47,842
Badge...
107
00:03:47,910 --> 00:03:48,875
Nightstick.
108
00:03:48,943 --> 00:03:51,044
You... are a policewoman.
109
00:03:51,111 --> 00:03:52,312
Yup.
110
00:03:52,379 --> 00:03:53,780
- You're a regular--
- Sherlock Holmes.
111
00:03:53,848 --> 00:03:55,715
I solved that mystery
before you did.
112
00:03:56,283 --> 00:03:58,618
Okay, this was fun.
113
00:03:58,686 --> 00:03:59,719
Andy!
114
00:03:59,787 --> 00:04:02,021
You are UFC legend
Chuck Liddell.
115
00:04:02,089 --> 00:04:04,123
That's right.
116
00:04:04,191 --> 00:04:06,024
Girl from The Ring.
117
00:04:06,092 --> 00:04:07,792
To me, Sherlock Holmes
is literally
118
00:04:07,860 --> 00:04:10,062
the greatest character
in the Western canon.
119
00:04:10,129 --> 00:04:12,832
Smart, intuitive, handsome.
120
00:04:13,399 --> 00:04:14,867
Replace his pasty
British frailty
121
00:04:14,935 --> 00:04:17,235
with superhuman physical
fitness, and you get...
122
00:04:17,803 --> 00:04:20,205
Sherlock Traeger.
123
00:04:20,273 --> 00:04:21,506
Mister Potato head.
124
00:04:21,574 --> 00:04:23,207
That's right.
125
00:04:23,275 --> 00:04:24,909
Hey, where's my lovely
daughter tonight?
126
00:04:24,977 --> 00:04:25,977
She's at home.
127
00:04:26,044 --> 00:04:27,479
I knew that you would be here.
128
00:04:27,546 --> 00:04:28,980
And I was worried that
you might be concerned,
129
00:04:29,047 --> 00:04:30,247
seeing us together at night.
130
00:04:30,315 --> 00:04:31,683
You're a very
thoughtful guy.
131
00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:33,451
But really, I have no problem
with the two of you dating.
132
00:04:33,519 --> 00:04:35,820
R-really, I mean,
look at you.
133
00:04:35,888 --> 00:04:37,354
You're just, you know,
beautiful.
134
00:04:37,421 --> 00:04:38,489
You're beautiful.
135
00:04:38,556 --> 00:04:40,491
On the inside
where your spirit lives.
136
00:04:40,558 --> 00:04:43,193
Listen, tell her come to the
party and I don't mind at all.
137
00:04:43,260 --> 00:04:46,864
Oh, good, I'll text her.
138
00:04:46,931 --> 00:04:49,399
Okay, you can text without
looking at your phone?
139
00:04:49,467 --> 00:04:51,167
I think it's rude not to
maintain eye contact
140
00:04:51,235 --> 00:04:52,202
with people that
I'm talking to.
141
00:04:54,471 --> 00:04:55,404
That's from me.
142
00:04:55,472 --> 00:04:56,739
Wow!
143
00:04:56,807 --> 00:04:58,674
I--th-that's amazing.
144
00:04:58,742 --> 00:05:00,912
- High five.
- Wow.
145
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,948
Hey, Ron.
Good to see you.
146
00:05:06,016 --> 00:05:07,449
Weren't you a pirate
last year?
147
00:05:07,518 --> 00:05:10,284
Yes. This is
my Halloween costume.
148
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:13,889
Andrew, are you aware that
your bathroom faucet is leaking?
149
00:05:14,456 --> 00:05:15,657
Are you kidding me?
150
00:05:15,725 --> 00:05:18,159
I just stuffed a sock
in it yesterday.
151
00:05:18,227 --> 00:05:19,728
What else do they
want me to do?
152
00:05:19,795 --> 00:05:22,797
There's an exposed wire
above the bathtub as well.
153
00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:24,798
Oh, yeah, shockwire!
154
00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:26,901
I call it that 'cause
if you take a shower
155
00:05:26,968 --> 00:05:29,469
and you touch
the wire.
156
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:31,204
You die!
157
00:05:31,272 --> 00:05:33,373
Yes, that is accurate.
158
00:05:33,441 --> 00:05:34,542
Do you have a toolbox?
159
00:05:34,609 --> 00:05:35,809
Yeah.
160
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:39,279
No home is complete
without a proper toolbox.
161
00:05:39,347 --> 00:05:41,714
Here's April and Andy's.
162
00:05:41,782 --> 00:05:43,482
A hammer.
163
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,051
Half of a pretzel.
164
00:05:45,118 --> 00:05:46,252
Baseball card.
165
00:05:46,319 --> 00:05:50,623
Some cartridge that says
"Sonic" and "Hedgehog."
166
00:05:50,691 --> 00:05:52,091
A scissor half.
167
00:05:52,159 --> 00:05:54,093
And a flashlight...
168
00:05:54,161 --> 00:05:57,095
Filled with jellybeans.
169
00:06:00,867 --> 00:06:03,468
Although I've not worked
with you professionally,
170
00:06:03,536 --> 00:06:06,805
as a private citizen,
I have personally patronized
171
00:06:06,873 --> 00:06:08,306
each and every one
of your establishments.
172
00:06:08,374 --> 00:06:11,476
Mm, I've never seen you buy
a salad at Sue's Salads.
173
00:06:11,544 --> 00:06:13,844
That's 'cause I don't
hate myself, Tanya.
174
00:06:13,912 --> 00:06:14,979
I'm sorry.
175
00:06:15,047 --> 00:06:16,547
I know I should be
chasing your vote,
176
00:06:16,615 --> 00:06:19,149
but I stand behind my decision
to avoid salad
177
00:06:19,217 --> 00:06:20,317
and other disgusting things.
178
00:06:20,385 --> 00:06:21,786
And I think I have
a lot of support
179
00:06:21,887 --> 00:06:23,921
in the community for that.
180
00:06:23,989 --> 00:06:26,457
Despite the fact that this seems
like a party for Tom's face,
181
00:06:26,524 --> 00:06:28,192
uh, I think
it's going pretty well.
182
00:06:28,259 --> 00:06:31,527
When in doubt,
in Pawnee, slam salad.
183
00:06:31,596 --> 00:06:32,829
I'm just
especially thankful
184
00:06:32,897 --> 00:06:33,964
that you could come,
Mr. President.
185
00:06:34,031 --> 00:06:35,632
- Martin.
- Martin.
186
00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:37,667
You were responsible for
the Harvest Festival, right?
187
00:06:37,735 --> 00:06:39,335
No. Yes. Well...
188
00:06:39,403 --> 00:06:41,004
It was a team effort.
I barely did anything.
189
00:06:41,072 --> 00:06:42,371
I held them back actually.
190
00:06:42,439 --> 00:06:45,741
They succeeded
despite me.
191
00:06:45,775 --> 00:06:47,476
I'm sorry. I worked
very hard on that event.
192
00:06:47,543 --> 00:06:48,911
I'm just..
193
00:06:48,979 --> 00:06:50,980
Bureaucrats s aren't used
to bragging about themselves.
194
00:06:52,548 --> 00:06:54,049
Tom, come over here and talk
about how great I am.
195
00:06:54,117 --> 00:06:55,918
♪ Martin ♪
196
00:06:55,986 --> 00:06:57,519
Tom M Veverfor
I threw this shindig
197
00:06:57,553 --> 00:06:58,954
Tom, tell Martin
how hard I worked
198
00:06:59,055 --> 00:07:00,288
on the Harvest Festival.
199
00:07:00,356 --> 00:07:02,991
It was incredible.
200
00:07:03,058 --> 00:07:04,092
A lot of people say
the Harvest Festival
201
00:07:04,159 --> 00:07:05,793
is what launched
Entertainment 720.
202
00:07:05,861 --> 00:07:07,128
- No one says that.
- I just said it.
203
00:07:07,195 --> 00:07:09,396
My company,
Entertainment 720,
204
00:07:09,464 --> 00:07:12,000
has an amazing business
opportunity for Kernston's.
205
00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:13,635
Mind if I steal you away
for a few seconds?
206
00:07:13,702 --> 00:07:14,969
Give you the 'tails?
207
00:07:15,037 --> 00:07:16,037
The 'tails?
208
00:07:16,105 --> 00:07:17,170
The details.
209
00:07:17,238 --> 00:07:19,205
Most people would probably
say "the deets."
210
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,473
I say "the 'tails."
211
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:23,309
Just one example
of innovation.
212
00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:25,045
Look, I don't like
to throw around the word
213
00:07:25,113 --> 00:07:27,147
"butthead" too often.
214
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,515
If you call everybody
a butthead,
215
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:29,983
then it kind of loses
its impact.
216
00:07:30,051 --> 00:07:32,019
But I can say
without hesitation
217
00:07:32,086 --> 00:07:34,153
that Tom is being
a real dick.
218
00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:36,753
Hey!
219
00:07:36,786 --> 00:07:38,053
You stole the nipple king.
220
00:07:38,182 --> 00:07:39,649
Thanks a lot,
traitor.
221
00:07:39,717 --> 00:07:41,217
I'm sorry, I just needed to
ask him about this one thing,
222
00:07:41,285 --> 00:07:42,352
but we're all good now.
223
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,620
Wh-what if I just introduce you
for your speech?
224
00:07:43,688 --> 00:07:44,321
I have a better idea.
225
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:45,855
Why don't you go over
to one of your rugs
226
00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:47,390
and sit on your own face?
227
00:07:47,458 --> 00:07:50,460
I don't need
your "help" anymore.
228
00:07:50,528 --> 00:07:51,827
Hi there.
229
00:07:51,894 --> 00:07:53,729
Is there a project
you're working on?
230
00:07:53,797 --> 00:07:55,230
I know more than you.
231
00:07:55,298 --> 00:07:57,733
All right.
232
00:07:57,801 --> 00:07:59,535
When April and Andy married,
233
00:07:59,602 --> 00:08:01,370
I didn't get them
a wedding present.
234
00:08:01,438 --> 00:08:03,071
In my experience,
wedding presents
235
00:08:03,139 --> 00:08:06,408
are nothing more than kindling
on a divorce bonfire.
236
00:08:06,476 --> 00:08:10,411
But I think I found a way I can
really help them make a home.
237
00:08:12,548 --> 00:08:14,849
You, beanbag,
come with me.
238
00:08:14,916 --> 00:08:16,016
I'm an eggplant.
239
00:08:16,084 --> 00:08:17,752
I don't care.
Come with me.
240
00:08:17,820 --> 00:08:21,255
- Why?
- I need small hands.
241
00:08:21,323 --> 00:08:25,992
I'm... scared.
242
00:08:26,060 --> 00:08:28,695
Look who decided
to join the party, bro!
243
00:08:28,763 --> 00:08:30,497
That's awesome!
244
00:08:30,565 --> 00:08:31,565
Where's your costume?
245
00:08:31,632 --> 00:08:33,600
Honey, he's wearing
a costume.
246
00:08:33,668 --> 00:08:35,001
He's going as lame.
247
00:08:36,471 --> 00:08:38,137
That's a pretty good
costume actually.
248
00:08:38,205 --> 00:08:40,305
But, uh, I think the Batman
costume's way better.
249
00:08:40,374 --> 00:08:41,907
You should go wear that.
250
00:08:41,975 --> 00:08:43,275
Yeah, I don't think
I'm gonna put on a costume
251
00:08:43,343 --> 00:08:46,178
because I'm not really
attending this party...
252
00:08:46,246 --> 00:08:47,513
That's at my house.
253
00:08:47,581 --> 00:08:49,882
Hey, listen, if you're
mad about something,
254
00:08:49,949 --> 00:08:51,250
- you should just--
- No, I'm not.
255
00:08:51,317 --> 00:08:52,385
I'm not mad.
256
00:08:52,452 --> 00:08:54,086
Really? Listen,
I feel like you are mad.
257
00:08:54,153 --> 00:08:56,187
So maybe you should
just talk to us about it.
258
00:08:57,255 --> 00:09:00,024
My name's Ben.
259
00:09:00,092 --> 00:09:01,960
I'm mad.
260
00:09:02,028 --> 00:09:03,728
All right, that was great,
261
00:09:03,796 --> 00:09:04,929
- Thank you. Thanks for that.
- Soft, soft lips.
262
00:09:04,997 --> 00:09:06,030
Your fingers are salty.
263
00:09:06,098 --> 00:09:07,532
I'm gonna finish my work--
264
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,402
Oren, no! No. Stay out.
265
00:09:10,469 --> 00:09:12,569
Pawnee has suffered
through a tough economy.
266
00:09:12,637 --> 00:09:16,273
And what has kept our town alive
is you, the small businessman.
267
00:09:16,340 --> 00:09:18,842
And I'm not referring
to your stature, Gary.
268
00:09:18,910 --> 00:09:21,412
You are a giant
in this community.
269
00:09:21,479 --> 00:09:23,547
So many business
represented here today.
270
00:09:23,615 --> 00:09:26,250
Food and Stuff,
JJ's Diner,
271
00:09:26,318 --> 00:09:28,418
Glenmore Discount Cemetery,
272
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,319
uh, Tramp Stamp Tattoos,
273
00:09:30,387 --> 00:09:33,756
Enormous Kenny's Fried Dough Stand
and Mobile Phone Emporium.
274
00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:36,392
Who else?
Sue's Salads.
275
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:39,429
Smooth Operator
Bikini Waxes.
276
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:41,397
Jeff's Savings and Loan...
277
00:09:41,465 --> 00:09:43,965
And Entertainment 720.
278
00:09:44,033 --> 00:09:46,568
Thank you so much for
that amazing intro, Leslie.
279
00:09:46,636 --> 00:09:47,903
Hi, folks.
280
00:09:47,970 --> 00:09:49,337
My name is Tom Haverford,
and I'm here to tell you
281
00:09:49,405 --> 00:09:52,340
a little bit about Pawnee's
premiere entertainment
282
00:09:52,408 --> 00:09:53,742
and multimedia conglomerate,
283
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:57,078
♪ Entertainment 720 ♪
284
00:09:57,146 --> 00:10:01,148
♪ where dreams come,
they come true ♪
285
00:10:01,215 --> 00:10:02,349
How about we watch
this brief promotional film?
286
00:10:02,417 --> 00:10:03,350
What?
287
00:10:03,418 --> 00:10:04,785
♪ ♪
288
00:10:04,853 --> 00:10:07,254
Entertainment 720 has been
a fixture of this community
289
00:10:07,322 --> 00:10:08,288
since June.
290
00:10:08,356 --> 00:10:09,690
Tom, listen to me.
291
00:10:09,758 --> 00:10:12,125
Turn that off or
give me the remote right now.
292
00:10:12,193 --> 00:10:14,361
Can we let it play please?
293
00:10:14,429 --> 00:10:15,695
You're lucky that
Martin Kernston is here
294
00:10:15,763 --> 00:10:17,964
because you're gonna need
another nipple.
295
00:10:20,601 --> 00:10:22,201
♪ ♪
296
00:10:47,726 --> 00:10:48,860
There.
297
00:10:48,927 --> 00:10:50,461
I think I got it.
298
00:10:50,529 --> 00:10:52,663
Yep, you got it.
299
00:10:52,731 --> 00:10:54,732
Can you at least tell me
what you're doing?
300
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,266
I'm a homeowner.
301
00:10:56,334 --> 00:10:59,203
I would like
to actually learn something.
302
00:10:59,770 --> 00:11:01,139
Yeah.
303
00:11:01,207 --> 00:11:04,374
I'm tightening the valve stem
into the valve shank.
304
00:11:04,441 --> 00:11:06,175
I'm replacing the handle.
305
00:11:06,243 --> 00:11:07,911
And then tightening
the set screw,
306
00:11:07,979 --> 00:11:09,813
which will hold it in place.
307
00:11:09,881 --> 00:11:11,481
Now...
308
00:11:11,549 --> 00:11:13,650
Oh, my God!
We made it work.
309
00:11:13,718 --> 00:11:14,985
It's a good feeling.
310
00:11:15,052 --> 00:11:17,954
A sense of accomplishment
and pride.
311
00:11:18,022 --> 00:11:22,625
Damn it, I just love it so much.
312
00:11:22,692 --> 00:11:23,893
Are you okay?
313
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:24,994
Great.
314
00:11:25,061 --> 00:11:26,495
I'm gonna go around
this house
315
00:11:26,563 --> 00:11:28,898
and fix everything I can find
that needs fixing.
316
00:11:28,965 --> 00:11:29,999
You wanna help?
317
00:11:30,066 --> 00:11:31,767
I really do.
318
00:11:31,835 --> 00:11:33,402
Good.
319
00:11:33,469 --> 00:11:35,737
That's next.
320
00:11:35,804 --> 00:11:37,471
I can't reveal
my identity
321
00:11:37,540 --> 00:11:39,240
because of various
corporate enemies,
322
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,408
but suffice it to say,
323
00:11:40,475 --> 00:11:43,778
I run a fairly popular
social networking site.
324
00:11:43,846 --> 00:11:45,379
And let's face it,
325
00:11:45,447 --> 00:11:48,950
booking e720 was the smartest
decision I ever made.
326
00:11:49,018 --> 00:11:51,852
I hope you liked this story.
327
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,721
I invented Facebook.
328
00:11:54,789 --> 00:11:57,090
Wow. Okay, um...
329
00:11:57,158 --> 00:12:00,427
I know that video seemed like
the rantings of a lunatic
330
00:12:00,494 --> 00:12:02,128
pretending to be
Mark zuckerberg--
331
00:12:02,196 --> 00:12:03,997
- That's who that was?
- No.
332
00:12:04,065 --> 00:12:05,398
That is impressive.
333
00:12:05,466 --> 00:12:07,767
Uh, we're not gonna waste
any more of your time.
334
00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:08,901
Agreed.
Let's get right to it.
335
00:12:08,969 --> 00:12:11,971
Please welcome the e720
mailing list divas!
336
00:12:14,041 --> 00:12:16,943
I want all of y'all
to write down the name
337
00:12:17,010 --> 00:12:19,278
and direct phone line
for whoever's in charge
338
00:12:19,345 --> 00:12:22,615
of hiring independent
contractors for your business!
339
00:12:22,683 --> 00:12:25,349
Now come join me
and let's all take a dip
340
00:12:25,417 --> 00:12:28,820
in the e720 mobile hot tub!
341
00:12:28,888 --> 00:12:31,089
It's parked right outside.
342
00:12:31,156 --> 00:12:34,192
Le'go.
343
00:12:36,896 --> 00:12:38,129
- Hey, Ben.
- Hey.
344
00:12:38,197 --> 00:12:39,930
Thought you weren't coming
to the party.
345
00:12:39,998 --> 00:12:41,765
Well, I'm just
having a butterfinger.
346
00:12:41,833 --> 00:12:42,800
Oh, really?
347
00:12:42,867 --> 00:12:44,001
Is that okay?
348
00:12:44,069 --> 00:12:45,636
No.
349
00:12:45,704 --> 00:12:47,537
You're not part of the party,
you can't have the candy.
350
00:12:47,606 --> 00:12:48,874
- Back up.
- All right.
351
00:12:48,906 --> 00:12:50,074
- Back up.
- Okay.
352
00:12:50,141 --> 00:12:52,242
I have one sister.
353
00:12:52,310 --> 00:12:53,443
We steal
each other's stuff,
354
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:55,778
hack each other's
Twitter accounts,
355
00:12:55,846 --> 00:12:57,446
set each other's
clothes on fire.
356
00:12:58,514 --> 00:13:00,382
There are no rules.
357
00:13:03,053 --> 00:13:04,587
We need to deal with
what's bothering you.
358
00:13:04,655 --> 00:13:06,288
Oh, please,
come into my room.
359
00:13:06,356 --> 00:13:09,025
See? You're angry at me and
you're not talking about it.
360
00:13:09,093 --> 00:13:12,794
And I'm gonna beat you up until
you do, because I'm mature.
361
00:13:12,862 --> 00:13:14,029
What are you--
362
00:13:14,597 --> 00:13:16,098
Stop it.
363
00:13:16,165 --> 00:13:17,633
I grew up with five brothers
and we fought.
364
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:21,202
Using the Dwyer method,
which was yelling,
365
00:13:21,270 --> 00:13:22,504
wrestling,
366
00:13:22,571 --> 00:13:25,040
crying,
367
00:13:25,108 --> 00:13:26,675
followed by
lots of hugs.
368
00:13:26,743 --> 00:13:28,475
And then more wrestling,
but the fun kind,
369
00:13:28,543 --> 00:13:29,710
and then crying when
the fun kind of wrestling
370
00:13:29,778 --> 00:13:31,145
got out of hand.
371
00:13:31,212 --> 00:13:33,480
Um, can you
let me go?
372
00:13:33,548 --> 00:13:35,049
Not 'til you tell me
what's wrong.
373
00:13:37,285 --> 00:13:38,819
Um, Mr. President.
374
00:13:38,887 --> 00:13:42,322
I just want to apologize for the
actions of that little weasel.
375
00:13:42,390 --> 00:13:43,490
Leslie, I'm a frugal man.
376
00:13:43,558 --> 00:13:45,525
I don't like extravagance
or showmanship.
377
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,393
That's why I cut
my own hair.
378
00:13:47,461 --> 00:13:50,296
And it's what's made me
a successful businessman.
379
00:13:50,364 --> 00:13:53,667
So if Entertainment 720 is
the kind of business you trust,
380
00:13:53,734 --> 00:13:56,970
I'm afraid you and I
don't share the same values.
381
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,913
There you are,
you little bastard.
382
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:09,548
Get out of there
right now.
383
00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:12,017
Leslie, can you do me a favor
and just let me sit here?
384
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,419
Tom, get out of your stupid
limousine hot tub right now,
385
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:15,753
or we are no longer friends.
386
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:17,155
I'm not getting out.
387
00:14:17,222 --> 00:14:20,191
Fine, then I'm getting in.
388
00:14:20,258 --> 00:14:21,458
Listen to me.
389
00:14:21,526 --> 00:14:22,927
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
get away from me.
390
00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:25,229
You know what you are? You're
a selfish little punk, okay?
391
00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:26,397
Just because you want
something doesn't mean
392
00:14:26,464 --> 00:14:27,865
that everybody has to bow to--
393
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:30,034
listen to me! You didn't even
let me have my one night.
394
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:32,335
Look at me!
I don't want to see your face.
395
00:14:32,403 --> 00:14:34,071
Look at me.
I don't want to see your face!
396
00:14:34,138 --> 00:14:35,271
I've been looking
at your face all night.
397
00:14:35,339 --> 00:14:36,372
God!
398
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,508
I'm sorry.
399
00:14:38,576 --> 00:14:39,676
What's wrong with you?
400
00:14:40,744 --> 00:14:42,278
My company's bankrupt.
401
00:14:42,346 --> 00:14:43,346
Okay?
402
00:14:43,347 --> 00:14:45,782
Entertainment 720
is dead.
403
00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:49,351
Oh, man.
404
00:14:52,013 --> 00:14:53,981
Excuse us.
405
00:14:54,849 --> 00:14:56,016
Nice form, son.
406
00:14:56,083 --> 00:14:58,250
Make sure you keep
a firm pressure on the cranium.
407
00:14:58,317 --> 00:14:59,351
On the cranium?
408
00:14:59,418 --> 00:15:00,653
Listen up!
409
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,621
I have to turn off the power
for one minute.
410
00:15:02,689 --> 00:15:05,524
We're gonna go dark, people.
Bear with us, okay?
411
00:15:05,591 --> 00:15:07,559
We gotta switch off
the main fuse hose.
412
00:15:07,627 --> 00:15:08,794
It's just a fuse.
413
00:15:08,862 --> 00:15:12,897
It's just a fuse...People.
Just a fuse.
414
00:15:25,610 --> 00:15:27,712
Well, maybe we should get
out of this hot tub.
415
00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:29,412
I'm too sad
to get out.
416
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:30,714
And I'm all pruney.
417
00:15:30,782 --> 00:15:31,882
What happened?
418
00:15:31,949 --> 00:15:33,216
I don't know.
419
00:15:33,284 --> 00:15:34,317
I guess I just didn't moisturize
enough this morning,
420
00:15:34,385 --> 00:15:35,318
and I've been
laying around--
421
00:15:35,386 --> 00:15:37,888
With the company, Tom.
422
00:15:38,455 --> 00:15:40,724
We're hemorrhaging cash
ever since we opened.
423
00:15:40,792 --> 00:15:42,659
They say you've got
to spend money to make money.
424
00:15:42,727 --> 00:15:43,660
Well, I don't know
where we went wrong.
425
00:15:43,728 --> 00:15:45,327
We spent all of our money.
426
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:46,996
Okay.
427
00:15:48,064 --> 00:15:49,498
You know what you need?
428
00:15:49,566 --> 00:15:51,767
Some good old-fashioned
comfort food.
429
00:15:51,835 --> 00:15:53,035
Where are we gonna get
Albacore tuna
430
00:15:53,103 --> 00:15:54,303
with crispy onions
at this hour?
431
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:55,805
Come on.
432
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:58,174
Looks like you've got the
handle on that torque wrench.
433
00:15:58,241 --> 00:16:00,342
Yeah, well, the flange
was a little warped.
434
00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:02,744
So I just goosed it with
a triple three bolt smack.
435
00:16:03,512 --> 00:16:04,645
That was nonsense.
436
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:07,182
I know, but it's so fun
to talk like that.
437
00:16:07,249 --> 00:16:08,516
You know what?
438
00:16:09,284 --> 00:16:11,053
Keep this.
439
00:16:12,121 --> 00:16:13,421
You earned it.
440
00:16:13,488 --> 00:16:15,824
Thanks, Ron.
441
00:16:22,563 --> 00:16:24,131
I need to get more dip.
442
00:16:24,199 --> 00:16:26,399
Great.
443
00:16:26,467 --> 00:16:28,072
I'm going.
444
00:16:32,140 --> 00:16:33,806
- Come on, walk.
- No.
445
00:16:33,874 --> 00:16:36,442
This is a pacifist protest.
Had enough?
446
00:16:36,509 --> 00:16:38,577
You need to let go of me.
447
00:16:38,645 --> 00:16:40,847
Yeah, get it. That's good.
There we go.
448
00:16:44,584 --> 00:16:47,120
- Let go of me.
- He's got his back.
449
00:16:47,187 --> 00:16:48,387
Come on, fight me.
450
00:16:48,455 --> 00:16:51,522
- No!
- Noooo.
451
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:55,560
Nice! Yeah!
452
00:16:55,628 --> 00:16:57,295
Oh, my God, Andy,
I am so sorry.
453
00:16:59,132 --> 00:17:01,299
Psych!
Blood capsules.
454
00:17:02,368 --> 00:17:04,469
- What?
- Yeah!
455
00:17:04,536 --> 00:17:07,171
I wanted to shock you
into expressing your anger.
456
00:17:07,239 --> 00:17:09,840
And that way--
! My nose is broken.
457
00:17:09,908 --> 00:17:11,075
Oh, my God.
458
00:17:11,143 --> 00:17:12,243
- I gotta go to the hospital.
- Andy, come on.
459
00:17:12,310 --> 00:17:13,244
- Oh, my God.
- Didn't it feel good?
460
00:17:13,311 --> 00:17:14,245
Come here.
461
00:17:14,312 --> 00:17:15,445
Yup!
462
00:17:15,513 --> 00:17:17,414
Wow, I thought you guys
were doing great.
463
00:17:17,482 --> 00:17:18,649
I remember trying
to hire you once.
464
00:17:18,716 --> 00:17:20,151
And you said
you were all booked up.
465
00:17:20,218 --> 00:17:22,185
That was a business tactic.
466
00:17:22,253 --> 00:17:23,986
For the first two weeks, we told
everyone we were booked solid
467
00:17:23,987 --> 00:17:25,488
to make people want us more.
468
00:17:25,555 --> 00:17:28,091
Oh, no, that's the stupidest
idea I've ever heard.
469
00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:30,827
Well, hindsight is 20/20.
470
00:17:30,895 --> 00:17:32,028
Kind of seems
like regular sight
471
00:17:32,096 --> 00:17:33,663
should have caught that one.
472
00:17:33,730 --> 00:17:36,266
Also, your logo, it's the worst
logo I've ever seen.
473
00:17:36,333 --> 00:17:38,000
It doesn't make any sense.
It's gibberish.
474
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,570
We made some mistakes.
475
00:17:42,138 --> 00:17:44,006
Tonight was my last chance
to land a big client.
476
00:17:44,073 --> 00:17:46,108
And I failed again.
477
00:17:46,176 --> 00:17:47,575
God, it's so embarrassing.
478
00:17:47,643 --> 00:17:50,145
Oh, hey, Tom,
you're a smart guy.
479
00:17:50,213 --> 00:17:52,281
And charming.
Occasionally.
480
00:17:52,348 --> 00:17:55,582
You're gonna have
a lot more good ideas.
481
00:17:56,150 --> 00:17:58,019
Thanks.
482
00:17:58,086 --> 00:17:59,854
Sorry I screwed up
your campaign thing.
483
00:17:59,922 --> 00:18:01,755
I really wanted
to do a good job.
484
00:18:01,824 --> 00:18:04,258
I made you this amazing
video biography.
485
00:18:04,826 --> 00:18:05,993
Of my life?
486
00:18:06,061 --> 00:18:07,161
It's back at the office.
487
00:18:07,229 --> 00:18:08,629
- Well, let's eat and go.
- Okay.
488
00:18:09,197 --> 00:18:10,763
Didn't I ask for
whipped cream on this?
489
00:18:10,832 --> 00:18:11,832
Ma'am?
490
00:18:11,899 --> 00:18:13,934
Ugh, does it hurt?
491
00:18:14,001 --> 00:18:16,036
Yeah, you broke
my nose, so...
492
00:18:16,103 --> 00:18:17,537
- I'm sorry.
- But I don't even care.
493
00:18:17,604 --> 00:18:20,773
Just get it all
out there, man. Go.
494
00:18:20,842 --> 00:18:21,975
All right... maybe you have
to start thinking about
495
00:18:22,043 --> 00:18:23,710
how--how your actions
affect me.
496
00:18:23,777 --> 00:18:27,779
Like, tell me about stuff
happening in the house.
497
00:18:28,348 --> 00:18:31,150
Stop referring to my bedroom
as a common space.
498
00:18:31,218 --> 00:18:35,054
Stop using my comforter
for your pillow forts.
499
00:18:35,121 --> 00:18:36,055
Just... respect me.
500
00:18:36,122 --> 00:18:37,056
Absolutely.
501
00:18:37,123 --> 00:18:38,324
- Really?
- Yep.
502
00:18:38,391 --> 00:18:40,392
And in return, I'll only ask
for one thing,
503
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:42,793
which is for you to pay
for studio recording time
504
00:18:42,862 --> 00:18:44,195
for my band to do
our new album.
505
00:18:44,263 --> 00:18:46,564
It's gonna be about 5,600 bucks.
Deal?
506
00:18:46,631 --> 00:18:49,500
That's not gonna happen.
507
00:18:49,568 --> 00:18:51,002
Here's something for the pain
and some ice packs.
508
00:18:51,070 --> 00:18:53,137
- Oh.
- You his friend?
509
00:18:53,205 --> 00:18:56,174
Him? Hell, no.
510
00:18:56,242 --> 00:18:59,977
We're brothers.
511
00:19:00,044 --> 00:19:01,879
- Excuse me. Hey.
- Hi.
512
00:19:01,946 --> 00:19:03,680
We should go.
I'm blocking an ambulance.
513
00:19:04,348 --> 00:19:06,049
Ew, if your nose is
all weird after this,
514
00:19:06,117 --> 00:19:07,251
I'm totally gonna
divorce you.
515
00:19:07,318 --> 00:19:08,651
Whatever, I'm gonna
divorce you first
516
00:19:08,719 --> 00:19:10,087
for wearing
my favorite hoodie.
517
00:19:11,154 --> 00:19:12,389
Is everything cool?
518
00:19:12,456 --> 00:19:15,591
- Yeah, it is.
- Let's go.
519
00:19:15,658 --> 00:19:17,126
We just can't use
Ben's comforters anymore
520
00:19:17,194 --> 00:19:18,327
for our pillow forts.
521
00:19:18,395 --> 00:19:22,031
Ugh, what are we
gonna have sex on?
522
00:19:23,599 --> 00:19:26,668
The year was 1975.
523
00:19:26,736 --> 00:19:28,704
It was a time of trouble.
524
00:19:28,772 --> 00:19:32,274
Watergate,
Vietnam,
525
00:19:32,341 --> 00:19:35,010
Peter Gabriel
leaves Genesis.
526
00:19:35,077 --> 00:19:37,279
But then,
a ray of hope...
527
00:19:38,614 --> 00:19:43,985
Leslie Barbara Knope
was born on January 18, 1975.
528
00:19:44,053 --> 00:19:47,087
And she has been a loyal patron
of its businesses ever since.
529
00:19:47,155 --> 00:19:51,091
Tom Haverford is a selfish,
unctuous, sleazy,
530
00:19:51,159 --> 00:19:54,829
self-promoting, good-hearted,
secretly kind and wonderful
531
00:19:54,897 --> 00:19:56,397
tiny little person.
532
00:19:56,465 --> 00:19:58,098
He went to
Kernston's office
533
00:19:58,166 --> 00:20:00,768
and basically begged him
to meet with me again.
534
00:20:00,836 --> 00:20:02,769
I think he technically
might have bribed him.
535
00:20:02,837 --> 00:20:04,237
But hey, you know,
whatever works.
536
00:20:04,305 --> 00:20:06,440
It was Mary pickford
who once said,
537
00:20:06,507 --> 00:20:09,676
"This thing we call failure
is not the falling down,
538
00:20:09,744 --> 00:20:13,012
but the staying down."
539
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,915
Tom won't be down for long.
540
00:20:14,982 --> 00:20:17,683
Her name is Leslie Knope.
541
00:20:17,751 --> 00:20:19,785
And I'm gonna vote for her.
542
00:20:19,853 --> 00:20:24,222
And if Lil' Sebastian were still
alive, he'd surely vote for her.
543
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:26,861
And I reckon
you should too.
544
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:30,095
Did ya like it?
545
00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:31,730
It's pretty great, right?
546
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:33,332
Worked really hard on it.
547
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,934
Yeah, I loved it.
548
00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:38,302
I'm gonna watch it every day
for the rest of my life.
549
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:41,305
And when I die, I'm gonna
project it on my tombstone.
550
00:20:44,485 --> 00:20:47,552
I had an amazing time
at that party.
551
00:20:47,985 --> 00:20:50,352
And in the case of the woman
who's stolen my heart,
552
00:20:51,420 --> 00:20:54,357
the culprit...
was Millicent Gergich.
553
00:20:54,424 --> 00:20:56,492
You should look into
actual detective work.
554
00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:57,959
I will.
555
00:20:58,027 --> 00:21:00,996
And, Jerry, I've decided
to take your daughter home.
556
00:21:01,063 --> 00:21:03,031
And we may be
having intercourse.
557
00:21:03,099 --> 00:21:05,200
Please, you've got to stop
saying things like that to me.
558
00:21:05,267 --> 00:21:06,267
You've got it, man.
559
00:21:06,335 --> 00:21:07,502
Bye, dad.
560
00:21:10,806 --> 00:21:11,873
Everything okay?
561
00:21:11,940 --> 00:21:14,908
I can't find my car keys.
562
00:21:14,976 --> 00:21:18,912
Solve this mystery, genius.
563
00:21:20,588 --> 00:21:27,890
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com