1
00:00:01,831 --> 00:00:03,276
Excuse me.
2
00:00:03,813 --> 00:00:05,447
- Are you Leslie Knope?
- Yes.
3
00:00:05,481 --> 00:00:06,948
We are part of a group
4
00:00:06,982 --> 00:00:09,017
that tries to identify
potential candidates
5
00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:10,885
for political office
here in town.
6
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:13,288
Are you theoretically interested
in running for office?
7
00:00:13,322 --> 00:00:14,856
Abso-toot-ly I am.
8
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:16,791
Very sorry that I just used
that word.
9
00:00:16,826 --> 00:00:19,227
Before we go any further,
I need you to tell me
10
00:00:19,261 --> 00:00:20,628
is there a scandal out there?
11
00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:25,200
Is there anything at all you
need to tell us about your life?
12
00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:27,302
Nope.
13
00:00:31,023 --> 00:00:32,473
Who were the suits?
14
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:35,276
They want me to run for office.
15
00:00:35,311 --> 00:00:37,829
Oh, my God!
Leslie, yea!
16
00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,214
I know, right?
Yea.
17
00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:40,415
- Yea!
- Yea!
18
00:00:40,449 --> 00:00:41,649
- Yea!
- Yea!
19
00:00:41,684 --> 00:00:43,051
Wait, what does that mean
about you and Ben?
20
00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,119
I don't know.
21
00:00:44,153 --> 00:00:45,420
I think
it's gonna be really bad.
22
00:00:45,454 --> 00:00:47,155
Uh-oh. You just wanna go back
to saying "yea"?
23
00:00:47,189 --> 00:00:48,323
Yes, please.
24
00:00:48,357 --> 00:00:51,926
- Okay, yea.
- Yea. Yea.
25
00:00:51,961 --> 00:00:53,545
- Knope, follow me.
- Just one second.
26
00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:55,130
- Now!
- Ron, hey!
27
00:00:55,164 --> 00:00:57,265
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ron! Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron!
28
00:00:57,299 --> 00:00:58,433
What's going on?
29
00:00:58,467 --> 00:01:00,034
My ex-wife Tammy is back.
30
00:01:00,069 --> 00:01:01,436
Yeah, I saw her
in the courtyard.
31
00:01:01,470 --> 00:01:04,172
No, my other ex-wife Tammy.
Tammy one.
32
00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:06,474
I have accrued 228
personal days.
33
00:01:06,508 --> 00:01:08,226
Starting right now,
I'm using all of them.
34
00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,311
[Grunt]
35
00:01:10,346 --> 00:01:13,848
While I'm gone,
you're in charge.
36
00:01:13,866 --> 00:01:17,235
Ah!
[Metal clanging]
37
00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:20,905
Also, I keep a sizable supply
of ground chuck in my desk.
38
00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:23,625
Remove it or it will begin
to smell.
39
00:01:23,659 --> 00:01:25,293
Godspeed.
40
00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:28,696
- Hi, Ron.
- Move!
41
00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:31,166
Whoa!
42
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:32,734
Ah, geez.
43
00:01:32,768 --> 00:01:35,737
[Triumphant music]
44
00:01:35,771 --> 00:01:43,978
Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
45
00:01:53,709 --> 00:01:56,180
Warning! High levels
of swagger coming through.
46
00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:58,359
Tommy Haverford back
in the Parks Department.
47
00:01:58,394 --> 00:02:01,010
Entertainment720 hockey jersey,
anybody?
48
00:02:02,097 --> 00:02:03,581
Branded mouse pad?
49
00:02:03,616 --> 00:02:06,567
Entertainment720 is just
a little multi-national
50
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,786
entertainment company
that I started with my boy
51
00:02:08,838 --> 00:02:10,104
Jean-Ralphio.
52
00:02:10,139 --> 00:02:11,806
What exactly do we do?
53
00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:14,475
Let's just say it's too hard
to explain.
54
00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:16,778
Donna, you look amazing.
How are the kids?
55
00:02:16,812 --> 00:02:18,346
- I don't have kids.
- Wow.
56
00:02:18,380 --> 00:02:20,348
- How long has it been?
- Three weeks.
57
00:02:20,382 --> 00:02:21,749
[Sigh]
58
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:22,934
So did you get a chance to look
59
00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:24,269
at my sample position papers?
60
00:02:24,303 --> 00:02:26,938
How do you feel about my stance
on Egyptian debt relief?
61
00:02:26,972 --> 00:02:28,806
Uh, well, it probably won't
come up
62
00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:31,442
in a local City Council
election.
63
00:02:31,477 --> 00:02:34,195
But your thoroughness,
as always, is impressive.
64
00:02:34,230 --> 00:02:35,480
Thank you.
65
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:38,366
Now, we have three months.
66
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,601
I think we should start
talking strategy.
67
00:02:40,619 --> 00:02:42,787
My strategy is to win.
68
00:02:42,821 --> 00:02:45,990
I've been dreaming about running
for public office my whole life.
69
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,409
While other girls were playing
with Barbies,
70
00:02:48,443 --> 00:02:51,746
I was playing with a
Geraldine Ferraro action figure
71
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:54,148
that I made myself from
a picture of her that I glued
72
00:02:54,183 --> 00:02:55,884
onto a popsicle stick.
73
00:02:55,918 --> 00:02:57,185
See you next week?
74
00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,219
Okay, I'm looking forward
to it.
75
00:02:58,254 --> 00:02:59,337
Hey! What--
76
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:02,507
- Who was that?
- Uh...
77
00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:04,592
Lady--just ladies.
78
00:03:04,626 --> 00:03:06,895
Meeting for the ladies'
yacht club.
79
00:03:06,929 --> 00:03:08,429
- Anchors away, ladies.
- What?
80
00:03:08,463 --> 00:03:09,964
Just don't--
81
00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:11,532
Ladies' yacht club?
82
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,518
I cannot believe you haven't
told him yet.
83
00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:15,470
After I tell him,
I'm running for office,
84
00:03:15,504 --> 00:03:16,854
we're gonna have to break up.
85
00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:19,157
Why can't you just keep
sneaking around?
86
00:03:19,191 --> 00:03:23,311
Ann, you beautiful, naive,
sophisticated, newborn baby.
87
00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:24,812
What?
88
00:03:24,847 --> 00:03:27,482
Before, if people found out,
we would maybe lose our jobs.
89
00:03:27,516 --> 00:03:30,585
Now, if people find out,
it's gonna be a major scandal.
90
00:03:30,619 --> 00:03:33,154
My campaign will be over
before it begins.
91
00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:34,956
- What are you gonna do?
- I have a plan.
92
00:03:34,990 --> 00:03:36,457
And it's really good.
93
00:03:36,492 --> 00:03:38,693
I'm gonna postpone telling him
94
00:03:38,727 --> 00:03:41,662
until you figure out
what I'm supposed to do.
95
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:42,997
So get crackin'.
96
00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,349
How is this on me?
[Cell phone chimes]
97
00:03:44,383 --> 00:03:47,518
Fine! I'll do it.
God, who keeps emailing me?
98
00:03:47,553 --> 00:03:50,188
- A penis.
- What?
99
00:03:50,222 --> 00:03:52,307
[Cell phone chimes]
Oh, my God.
100
00:03:52,341 --> 00:03:54,075
Oh--
101
00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:55,410
It's emailing me too.
102
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:58,079
Whoever this is sent it
to every woman
103
00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:00,698
in the entire government.
104
00:04:00,733 --> 00:04:03,017
Oh, my God.
105
00:04:03,052 --> 00:04:06,955
He's gonna be so embarrassed.
I mean, that's a crazy accident.
106
00:04:06,989 --> 00:04:10,725
No, Andy, he did it on purpose.
107
00:04:10,759 --> 00:04:12,894
You know what? Respect.
That's a baller move.
108
00:04:12,928 --> 00:04:14,062
Pun intended.
109
00:04:14,096 --> 00:04:15,413
Excuse me.
110
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:16,631
Chris, Jerry's making us look
at dirty pictures
111
00:04:16,665 --> 00:04:17,749
on his computer.
112
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,584
It is exactly because of
that lewd photo
113
00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:20,902
that I am here.
114
00:04:20,936 --> 00:04:22,587
Ben and I are launching a full
investigation.
115
00:04:22,638 --> 00:04:25,539
And I want to apologize
to all the women...
116
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:26,941
And Jerry.
117
00:04:26,976 --> 00:04:30,044
If I could go back in time,
and cut your eyeballs out,
118
00:04:30,079 --> 00:04:31,045
I would.
119
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,648
- Wow, that is so sweet.
- Thank you.
120
00:04:33,682 --> 00:04:36,484
We are getting a lot of media
requests about this.
121
00:04:36,518 --> 00:04:38,453
So Leslie, can you do
Perd Hapley?
122
00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:40,938
Ho! She can do Perd Hapley.
123
00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:42,857
Hi-oh!
124
00:04:42,891 --> 00:04:44,826
Seriously,
can you do his TV show?
125
00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:47,245
Oh, yeah.
126
00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:49,447
Andrew my man-drew,
what are you up to?
127
00:04:49,498 --> 00:04:52,066
I'm about to do an experiment
where I huck this at the wall
128
00:04:52,101 --> 00:04:54,252
and see what happens.
129
00:04:54,286 --> 00:04:55,903
But that can wait.
Shoe shine?
130
00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:57,255
Andy, I'm gonna be honest.
131
00:04:57,289 --> 00:04:59,240
I came here today
to talk to you.
132
00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:02,410
Now look, you're enthusiastic.
You're hard-working.
133
00:05:02,444 --> 00:05:03,845
You can lift heavy things.
134
00:05:03,879 --> 00:05:04,946
I think there might be a place
for you
135
00:05:04,980 --> 00:05:06,931
over at Entertainment720.
136
00:05:06,965 --> 00:05:08,850
Oh, my God.
137
00:05:08,884 --> 00:05:09,884
What is that?
138
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:11,269
It's my company!
139
00:05:11,303 --> 00:05:12,753
I don't know, Tom.
140
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:15,123
I mean, I'm just now getting
really good at shoe shining.
141
00:05:15,157 --> 00:05:17,125
And I mean, I'm still
pretty bad at it.
142
00:05:17,159 --> 00:05:21,829
Let me ask you this.
Are you living your dreams?
143
00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:24,432
- I don't know, Tom.
- Well, I'm living mine.
144
00:05:24,466 --> 00:05:28,986
And if you wanna live yours,
here's my card.
145
00:05:29,038 --> 00:05:32,440
- It's impossible to read.
- Black print, black background.
146
00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:33,991
It's the coolest possible
color scheme.
147
00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:35,960
- Yeah.
- It's also a strong magnet.
148
00:05:35,994 --> 00:05:38,379
So don't put it in your wallet.
It will erase your credit cards,
149
00:05:38,414 --> 00:05:40,465
guaranteed.
150
00:05:40,499 --> 00:05:44,218
Destroy my credit cards.
Debt and everything?
151
00:05:44,253 --> 00:05:47,922
Mr. Mayor, I promise you
that we will find the owner
152
00:05:47,956 --> 00:05:49,190
of that weiner
153
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:51,726
and we will punish him.
Good-bye.
154
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,127
- Ann Perkins!
- Hey.
155
00:05:53,162 --> 00:05:55,063
I didn't know who to come to
with this,
156
00:05:55,097 --> 00:05:58,683
but that picture, uh--there's
something very disturbing
157
00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:00,301
about the testicles.
158
00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:02,203
I've always felt
the same way myself.
159
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,906
The testicles are like
the ears of the genital system.
160
00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:06,474
They serve a very
important function,
161
00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:08,409
but they're not that great
to look at.
162
00:06:08,444 --> 00:06:12,680
Okay, wow.
No, I was speaking medically.
163
00:06:12,714 --> 00:06:14,015
They're enlarged.
164
00:06:14,049 --> 00:06:16,534
I think that maybe that guy
is sick with something--
165
00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:19,153
perhaps, a hernia, or mumps.
166
00:06:19,188 --> 00:06:22,090
Ann Perkins!
You really know your testes.
167
00:06:22,124 --> 00:06:24,759
Thank you?
168
00:06:24,793 --> 00:06:27,011
For a female perspective
on this scandal,
169
00:06:27,045 --> 00:06:29,663
we turn to a woman,
Leslie Knope.
170
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,215
I'm about to ask you a question
right now
171
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:32,600
and that question is this.
172
00:06:32,634 --> 00:06:35,219
The lewd photo--
just how big a deal is it?
173
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,772
Well, frankly, Perd,
it's not that big a deal.
174
00:06:37,806 --> 00:06:39,307
If you know what I mean.
175
00:06:39,341 --> 00:06:41,859
[Laughing heartily]
I don't know what you mean.
176
00:06:41,894 --> 00:06:44,278
But it had the cadence
of a joke.
177
00:06:44,313 --> 00:06:46,714
When men in government
behave this way,
178
00:06:46,748 --> 00:06:49,117
they betray the public's trust.
179
00:06:49,151 --> 00:06:51,536
Maybe it's time for more women
to be in charge.
180
00:06:51,570 --> 00:06:54,188
There you have it,
where "it" is the thing
181
00:06:54,223 --> 00:06:56,858
Leslie Knope just said
about this situation.
182
00:06:56,892 --> 00:06:58,092
Perd Hap--
183
00:06:58,127 --> 00:06:59,260
How was that?
Was that okay?
184
00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,829
Amazing.
That sound bite is gold.
185
00:07:01,864 --> 00:07:03,714
You're gonna get great
feedback on this,
186
00:07:03,749 --> 00:07:05,917
and we think we can capitalize.
187
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:08,369
You're gonna announce
your candidacy on Friday.
188
00:07:08,403 --> 00:07:11,939
Friday.
In three months.
189
00:07:11,974 --> 00:07:14,742
No, this Friday.
Is that okay?
190
00:07:14,776 --> 00:07:16,677
No, yeah.
Yes, it is great.
191
00:07:16,711 --> 00:07:19,597
Okay, we'll do that then
now soon.
192
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:21,933
And, um, I just have something
I've been postponing for a while
193
00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:23,885
that I need to do,
but I'll do it now.
194
00:07:23,919 --> 00:07:25,853
- Great.
- Great.
195
00:07:25,888 --> 00:07:27,388
Yea.
196
00:07:28,621 --> 00:07:29,485
I know it.
197
00:07:30,113 --> 00:07:31,642
- Ben?
- Uh, okay.
198
00:07:31,762 --> 00:07:33,499
Ben? I need to talk to you.
199
00:07:34,869 --> 00:07:37,051
That was my brother.
He just had a baby girl.
200
00:07:37,171 --> 00:07:39,805
Oh, my God, that's horrible.
Or good--full disclosure.
201
00:07:39,925 --> 00:07:41,225
I didn't listen to what
you just said.
202
00:07:41,259 --> 00:07:42,510
I need to talk to you
about something--
203
00:07:41,971 --> 00:07:43,304
Okay, well, before you
say anything,
204
00:07:43,339 --> 00:07:46,348
let me just show you
what I got at Doug's Donuts.
205
00:07:46,468 --> 00:07:49,255
It's an L-shaped eclair!
206
00:07:49,524 --> 00:07:52,514
The "L" is for Leslie...
For your name.
207
00:07:57,319 --> 00:07:59,220
[Knocking]
Hey.
208
00:07:59,238 --> 00:08:01,439
- How are you?
- Bad, really bad.
209
00:08:01,645 --> 00:08:03,913
Oh, God.
How did the breakup go?
210
00:08:03,948 --> 00:08:07,116
Well, I started crying
because he gave me an eclair.
211
00:08:07,151 --> 00:08:08,985
And then we made out
and spent the night together.
212
00:08:09,019 --> 00:08:11,854
But this morning in the cold
light of day,
213
00:08:11,889 --> 00:08:14,223
I cooked breakfast
and we made out some more.
214
00:08:14,258 --> 00:08:16,326
Wow, you opposite-of-broke-up
with him.
215
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:20,463
He gave me an eclair, Ann!
216
00:08:20,497 --> 00:08:23,566
Joe, I've determined that
the lewd picture was sent by you
217
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:27,937
because you sent it from your
personal email address,
218
00:08:27,972 --> 00:08:33,810
stinkmaster69@alumni.sarahlawrencecollege.edu.
219
00:08:33,844 --> 00:08:35,545
Really?
Sarah Lawrence?
220
00:08:35,579 --> 00:08:37,814
Yeah. I wanted a small
college experience.
221
00:08:37,848 --> 00:08:40,767
You also bragged about it
to many of your co-workers.
222
00:08:40,801 --> 00:08:43,519
There's an old sewage
department saying.
223
00:08:43,554 --> 00:08:45,655
"If you've got a nice
drainpipe,
224
00:08:45,689 --> 00:08:47,290
there's no reason to hide it."
225
00:08:47,324 --> 00:08:48,491
I doubt that's a saying.
226
00:08:48,525 --> 00:08:50,926
We are terminating you
effective immediately.
227
00:08:50,944 --> 00:08:52,395
Is this because you're jealous?
228
00:08:52,429 --> 00:08:54,931
No.
It's because you broke the law.
229
00:08:54,965 --> 00:08:56,933
The law of having
an amazing package.
230
00:08:56,967 --> 00:08:58,434
Before we have him
forcibly removed,
231
00:08:58,452 --> 00:09:00,787
you should know this, that
one of our female employees,
232
00:09:00,821 --> 00:09:02,705
a nurse, examined the photo
you sent her--
233
00:09:02,740 --> 00:09:04,374
I bet she did.
234
00:09:04,408 --> 00:09:05,875
And you have the mumps.
235
00:09:05,909 --> 00:09:07,210
You might wanna get
that checked.
236
00:09:07,244 --> 00:09:08,578
Sweet.
237
00:09:08,612 --> 00:09:11,381
Someone's got mumps
on his lumps.
238
00:09:11,415 --> 00:09:13,633
Up high.
Anyone?
239
00:09:13,667 --> 00:09:15,151
Ron isn't here.
240
00:09:15,185 --> 00:09:19,389
His ex-wife Tammy came,
and he got scared and ran away.
241
00:09:19,423 --> 00:09:21,007
Well, as acting manager
of the Parks Department,
242
00:09:21,266 --> 00:09:24,334
I declare that everything
you are saying is stupid.
243
00:09:24,352 --> 00:09:25,903
I love you.
244
00:09:25,937 --> 00:09:28,839
Hey, so Tom offered me a job
again.
245
00:09:28,873 --> 00:09:31,408
As my manager,
what do you think I should do?
246
00:09:31,443 --> 00:09:33,343
Well, what do you wanna do?
247
00:09:33,361 --> 00:09:36,413
I think it'd be kinda cool
to work for Tom.
248
00:09:36,448 --> 00:09:38,282
So take it.
249
00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:41,952
But working at a start-up
can be kind of risky.
250
00:09:41,987 --> 00:09:43,120
So don't take it.
251
00:09:43,154 --> 00:09:44,521
But Tom told me to follow
my dreams.
252
00:09:44,556 --> 00:09:45,923
So take it.
253
00:09:45,957 --> 00:09:49,293
- But this isn't my dream.
- So don't take it.
254
00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:51,629
- I don't know what to do.
- Me neither.
255
00:09:51,663 --> 00:09:53,747
You give such good advice.
256
00:09:53,798 --> 00:09:55,749
Babe, I love you.
257
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,035
You're welcome.
258
00:09:58,053 --> 00:10:00,904
[Cell phone chimes]
259
00:10:00,939 --> 00:10:02,372
[Cell phone chimes]
Ann Perkins!
260
00:10:02,390 --> 00:10:04,425
Hey. Did you maybe tell people
261
00:10:04,476 --> 00:10:07,544
that I diagnosed that guy with
mumps based on his porn photo?
262
00:10:07,579 --> 00:10:09,079
I did!
I was so proud of you.
263
00:10:09,114 --> 00:10:11,482
Okay, because now I have
everyone in City Hall
264
00:10:11,516 --> 00:10:13,017
sending me pictures
of their junk,
265
00:10:13,051 --> 00:10:14,918
asking me if they have mumps.
266
00:10:14,953 --> 00:10:16,987
Oh, my God.
267
00:10:17,022 --> 00:10:19,723
Your inbox is literally filled
with penises.
268
00:10:19,758 --> 00:10:21,108
- Mm-hmm.
- I am so sorry.
269
00:10:21,159 --> 00:10:22,326
[Cell phone chimes]
270
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:25,663
Oh, look.
Ed Miller from payroll.
271
00:10:25,697 --> 00:10:28,115
Before I do this,
is there any possible way that
272
00:10:28,166 --> 00:10:29,466
we could still keep dating?
[Cell phone chimes]
273
00:10:29,501 --> 00:10:32,002
We've attacked this
from all angles.
274
00:10:32,037 --> 00:10:33,771
Either you don't run
for office--
275
00:10:33,805 --> 00:10:35,272
Which is out of the question.
276
00:10:35,307 --> 00:10:37,408
Or you break up with him
and avoid a potential scandal.
277
00:10:37,442 --> 00:10:38,776
[Cell phone chimes]
278
00:10:38,810 --> 00:10:40,427
- Do you need to get that?
- No, it's just penises.
279
00:10:40,462 --> 00:10:42,629
Leslie, I don't want you
to break up with him either.
280
00:10:42,681 --> 00:10:44,815
- There's just no other way.
- Yeah.
281
00:10:44,849 --> 00:10:46,750
Just be direct and honest.
282
00:10:46,768 --> 00:10:48,052
- Okay.
- Okay.
283
00:10:48,086 --> 00:10:49,453
Hmm.
284
00:10:49,487 --> 00:10:51,939
It's the entire Sanitation
Department for Muncie.
285
00:10:51,973 --> 00:10:52,990
Ooh.
286
00:10:54,659 --> 00:10:56,126
Would you like any wine
to start?
287
00:10:56,161 --> 00:10:59,029
Yes, and I'm gonna be direct
and honest with you.
288
00:10:59,064 --> 00:11:00,497
I would like a glass of red wine
289
00:11:00,532 --> 00:11:01,699
and I'll take
the cheapest one you have
290
00:11:01,733 --> 00:11:02,866
because I can't tell
the difference.
291
00:11:02,901 --> 00:11:04,818
- I'll have the same.
- Great.
292
00:11:04,869 --> 00:11:08,005
- Okay. Here's the deal.
- Okay.
293
00:11:08,039 --> 00:11:10,941
- I really, really like you.
- I like you too.
294
00:11:10,975 --> 00:11:12,743
And I think I know
what you're gonna say.
295
00:11:12,777 --> 00:11:15,946
- I highly doubt that.
- I think I do.
296
00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:18,215
- Oh, I don't.
- And, um...
297
00:11:18,249 --> 00:11:21,502
- I got you something.
- No. What is this?
298
00:11:21,553 --> 00:11:23,187
- Is this jewelry?
- It's not, just open it.
299
00:11:23,221 --> 00:11:26,289
No.
Oh, I need to go to...
300
00:11:26,307 --> 00:11:27,591
Another place.
301
00:11:27,625 --> 00:11:30,010
I'm gonna go to the bathroom--
the Whiz Palace,
302
00:11:30,061 --> 00:11:31,345
as we like to call it here--
303
00:11:31,396 --> 00:11:34,565
and I'm going to be back
and I'm not gonna split.
304
00:11:34,599 --> 00:11:37,425
I'm here for you because
we need to talk about stuff.
305
00:11:37,545 --> 00:11:40,303
- Okay?
- All right.
306
00:11:40,321 --> 00:11:42,072
Wait--
307
00:11:48,413 --> 00:11:51,406
- Ron.
- What are you doing here?
308
00:11:51,526 --> 00:11:53,869
Running away from my problems.
309
00:11:53,989 --> 00:11:55,772
Come on in.
310
00:11:57,789 --> 00:11:59,089
[Door slams]
311
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:04,408
- Ok, so here's what's going on.
- I didn't ask.
312
00:12:04,528 --> 00:12:05,885
Friday, I'm supposed
to announce that I'm running
313
00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:07,659
for City Council,
and I haven't told Ben yet.
314
00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:09,694
I know I said that we broke up,
but we couldn't.
315
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,356
We're still dating.
316
00:12:11,391 --> 00:12:12,590
But now I have to break up
with him for real,
317
00:12:12,624 --> 00:12:13,808
but I don't wanna break up
with him
318
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,226
because he's so cute.
He's so nice.
319
00:12:15,260 --> 00:12:16,694
If you're gonna stay here,
there are three rules
320
00:12:16,728 --> 00:12:18,529
you need to follow.
321
00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:22,299
One, no talk about Tammy one.
Two, no talk about Ben.
322
00:12:22,334 --> 00:12:24,135
Three, no talk.
323
00:12:24,169 --> 00:12:25,536
I didn't even ask you
last night.
324
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:26,937
What is going on
with Tammy one?
325
00:12:26,972 --> 00:12:29,373
You just violated rules
number one and three.
326
00:12:29,407 --> 00:12:30,941
You lose your coffee
privileges.
327
00:12:30,976 --> 00:12:32,960
Oh.
328
00:12:32,994 --> 00:12:37,948
Oh, you choose, Knope--
hunting, fishing, or drinking?
329
00:12:37,983 --> 00:12:40,317
I'd really love to shoot
a gun right now.
330
00:12:40,352 --> 00:12:41,719
Fishing it is.
331
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:45,806
And so effective immediately,
all male employees
332
00:12:45,841 --> 00:12:49,176
must stop sending explicit
photos to Ms. Perkins.
333
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:52,146
If I may, what if based
on empirical evidence,
334
00:12:52,180 --> 00:12:56,200
I truly believe there's a grave
and immediate medical emergency?
335
00:12:56,234 --> 00:13:00,304
Were that the case,
could I then show you my dong?
336
00:13:00,338 --> 00:13:01,605
No.
337
00:13:01,639 --> 00:13:04,041
- That would be harassment.
- Fair enough.
338
00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:05,976
Now completely different
scenario.
339
00:13:06,011 --> 00:13:08,646
Let's say I've been watching
a lot of women's golf
340
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:10,555
and I've had some wine--
341
00:13:10,675 --> 00:13:11,749
How about this?
342
00:13:11,783 --> 00:13:14,967
I'm gonna get a male doctor to
come in and do some screenings.
343
00:13:15,087 --> 00:13:15,753
Perfect.
344
00:13:15,787 --> 00:13:17,881
Just as a backup,
I'm sending you some photos.
345
00:13:18,001 --> 00:13:19,715
- That will not be necessary.
- That's me.
346
00:13:19,835 --> 00:13:21,058
[Cell phone chimes]
347
00:13:21,485 --> 00:13:23,587
Brand-new day,
brand-new merch.
348
00:13:23,621 --> 00:13:26,690
I got you guys some awesome
Entertainment720 stuff.
349
00:13:26,724 --> 00:13:30,893
Donna, this is for you.
Entertainment720 umbrella.
350
00:13:30,912 --> 00:13:34,864
Entertainment720 fly swatters.
Rubik's cube with my face on it.
351
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,116
♪ Breath mints ♪
352
00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:37,667
Fireplace bellows.
353
00:13:37,702 --> 00:13:39,302
And...drum roll please.
354
00:13:39,337 --> 00:13:40,503
[Drum roll sound]
355
00:13:40,538 --> 00:13:42,439
Drum roll sound effect
key chain.
356
00:13:42,473 --> 00:13:45,342
Shouldn't you be working
at your new company, Tom?
357
00:13:45,376 --> 00:13:46,626
I am working, April.
358
00:13:46,677 --> 00:13:49,045
I'm making high-level
network contacts.
359
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,097
You think Bethenny Frankel
sits behind a desk all day?
360
00:13:51,132 --> 00:13:54,251
She makes $100 million a year.
How much you make a year?
361
00:13:54,285 --> 00:13:55,452
$101 million.
362
00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:57,320
Well, I, for one,
am happy to see Tom.
363
00:13:57,355 --> 00:13:58,555
Thanks, Jerry!
364
00:13:58,589 --> 00:14:01,107
Here. Have an umbrella
and some breath strips.
365
00:14:01,142 --> 00:14:02,692
Whoa.
366
00:14:02,727 --> 00:14:04,027
All right, enough chitchat,
everyone.
367
00:14:04,061 --> 00:14:06,763
- Please get back to work.
- You're not our boss.
368
00:14:06,781 --> 00:14:08,932
- What'd you just say to me?
- Ma'am.
369
00:14:08,966 --> 00:14:12,602
So...did you get a chance
to think about my offer?
370
00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:14,771
Yeah, I've been thinking a lot
about what you said.
371
00:14:14,805 --> 00:14:17,307
I wanna do my dreams,
but I just don't think my dream
372
00:14:17,341 --> 00:14:19,609
is working for a company that
puts logos on stuff.
373
00:14:19,644 --> 00:14:21,344
That's not my company does.
374
00:14:21,379 --> 00:14:23,213
Although, maybe we'll start.
375
00:14:23,247 --> 00:14:25,849
Hey, what you think?
376
00:14:25,883 --> 00:14:27,167
Donna...that looks great.
377
00:14:27,218 --> 00:14:29,352
I could do without this one.
378
00:14:29,387 --> 00:14:31,120
[Grunts]
379
00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:33,289
So running for office.
380
00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:35,759
Now I'm gonna have to find
a replacement for you.
381
00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:38,495
- I might not win.
- You'll win.
382
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:42,899
- I might not run.
- You should.
383
00:14:42,933 --> 00:14:44,818
What's our plan here, Knope?
384
00:14:44,852 --> 00:14:48,505
I figure we build a fire,
roast the fish we shot,
385
00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:50,206
and make s'mores.
386
00:14:50,241 --> 00:14:52,008
I don't have the material
for s'mores.
387
00:14:52,043 --> 00:14:53,443
I do.
388
00:14:53,477 --> 00:14:55,478
I always carry emergency
s'more rations in my car.
389
00:14:55,513 --> 00:14:58,031
Given your hunting abilities
390
00:14:58,082 --> 00:15:00,033
and my chocolate supply,
391
00:15:00,084 --> 00:15:04,337
I figure we could stay up here
for two...three years.
392
00:15:10,127 --> 00:15:11,661
You know, when I was 12,
393
00:15:11,696 --> 00:15:14,831
my brother shot me in
the pinky toe with a nail gun.
394
00:15:14,865 --> 00:15:17,500
Granted, it was
a hilarious prank,
395
00:15:17,535 --> 00:15:19,001
and we all had a good laugh.
396
00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:20,169
That's awful.
397
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:22,004
But I avoided going
to the doctor.
398
00:15:22,023 --> 00:15:24,140
I hate paperwork.
399
00:15:24,175 --> 00:15:27,110
After a few weeks,
the toe just kinda fell off.
400
00:15:27,144 --> 00:15:28,611
You only have nine toes?
401
00:15:28,646 --> 00:15:31,314
I have the toes I have.
402
00:15:31,349 --> 00:15:32,916
Let's just leave it at that.
403
00:15:32,950 --> 00:15:36,453
The point is the doctor said
if I had come in right away,
404
00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:39,055
they might've saved the toe.
405
00:15:39,090 --> 00:15:41,358
You can't run away
from your problems.
406
00:15:41,392 --> 00:15:43,593
Especially if you only have
nine toes.
407
00:15:44,912 --> 00:15:48,965
Sorry.
That was uncalled for.
408
00:15:48,999 --> 00:15:52,469
I'm Ron Swanson.
And you're Leslie [bleep] Knope.
409
00:15:55,139 --> 00:15:57,974
You with me?
410
00:16:02,313 --> 00:16:04,214
Well, what is your dream?
411
00:16:04,248 --> 00:16:06,516
It's to be the biggest rock
star on the planet obviously.
412
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,218
But that could take another
3-5 years.
413
00:16:08,252 --> 00:16:09,486
Don't get me wrong.
414
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,789
Shoe shining has been a...
been a pretty wild ride.
415
00:16:12,823 --> 00:16:16,292
But is it possible there's
something more out there for me?
416
00:16:16,327 --> 00:16:19,129
Andy, there's tons of stuff
you can do.
417
00:16:19,163 --> 00:16:20,914
I'll help you figure it out.
418
00:16:20,948 --> 00:16:22,782
- Really?
- Yes.
419
00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:26,536
One year from now, you,
Andy Dwyer, will no longer be
420
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:29,973
a shoe shinist.
421
00:16:30,007 --> 00:16:31,574
Kyle, beat it.
422
00:16:31,609 --> 00:16:33,777
I wanna make out
with my wife now.
423
00:16:33,811 --> 00:16:35,645
But you've only done half
of one of my shoes.
424
00:16:35,679 --> 00:16:40,633
Here.
Now I haven't done anything.
425
00:16:40,684 --> 00:16:43,753
Scram, kid.
[Grunts, laughs]
426
00:16:46,023 --> 00:16:48,057
- Hello.
- Hey, Ron! Welcome--
427
00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:50,927
Stop.
First order of business.
428
00:16:50,961 --> 00:16:53,363
I promised Leslie
I'd hire her a new assistant
429
00:16:53,397 --> 00:16:56,265
so the department doesn't
completely shut down
430
00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:58,618
while she runs for office.
431
00:16:58,652 --> 00:17:01,438
- You're running for office?
- Yeah, City Council.
432
00:17:01,472 --> 00:17:03,440
- Leslie, that is great.
- Thank you.
433
00:17:03,474 --> 00:17:07,644
Will you pledge right now
not to raise taxes?
434
00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:11,781
- I think that's premature.
- No pledge, no vote.
435
00:17:11,799 --> 00:17:13,800
The point is
she needs an assistant.
436
00:17:13,834 --> 00:17:16,486
- Start asking around--
- Hire Andy.
437
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:20,623
- Andy can do it.
- Sure, yeah.
438
00:17:20,658 --> 00:17:21,791
Done.
439
00:17:21,809 --> 00:17:24,794
Andy, you are now Leslie's
assistant.
440
00:17:24,812 --> 00:17:26,596
Honey.
441
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:29,265
No--
442
00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:31,568
Leslie, I'm gonna work
my ass off for you.
443
00:17:31,602 --> 00:17:33,870
I'll do anything you ask me.
I will prove myself.
444
00:17:33,904 --> 00:17:35,171
You don't even have to pay me.
445
00:17:35,206 --> 00:17:36,606
No, honey, no.
446
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,160
Tomorrow, there will be
a 300-page orientation booklet
447
00:17:40,194 --> 00:17:42,011
as well as a dozen
homemade cookies
448
00:17:42,046 --> 00:17:43,580
in the shape of your face.
449
00:17:43,614 --> 00:17:46,382
But today...
450
00:17:46,417 --> 00:17:50,553
There's something else
I have to do.
451
00:17:50,588 --> 00:17:55,558
If any of you need
anything at all, too bad.
452
00:17:55,593 --> 00:17:58,127
Deal with your problems
yourselves like adults.
453
00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:00,496
I'll be in my office,
waiting for Tammy one.
454
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:01,798
You want me to find her?
455
00:18:01,832 --> 00:18:03,800
There's no need.
She'll find me.
456
00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:09,272
She has the tracking ability
and body odor of a bloodhound.
457
00:18:11,559 --> 00:18:13,943
Okay, so now you're sure that
everything is okay, you know,
458
00:18:13,978 --> 00:18:15,144
down there?
459
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:17,981
You're perfectly healthy.
460
00:18:18,015 --> 00:18:21,618
That man has the largest penis
I have ever seen.
461
00:18:21,652 --> 00:18:23,286
I actually don't even know
if he has mumps.
462
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,654
Forgot to look.
463
00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:30,243
I was distracted by the largest
penis I have ever seen.
464
00:18:33,297 --> 00:18:34,998
I know I've been acting
really weird lately,
465
00:18:35,032 --> 00:18:37,901
and, um, I really like you.
466
00:18:37,935 --> 00:18:39,636
What I'm about to say
is gonna contradict the idea
467
00:18:39,670 --> 00:18:41,237
that I really like you,
but that won't change--
468
00:18:41,272 --> 00:18:42,372
So just open the box.
469
00:18:42,406 --> 00:18:44,107
Please stop bringing out
the box, okay?
470
00:18:44,141 --> 00:18:45,542
- Leslie--
- You're being really nice,
471
00:18:45,576 --> 00:18:47,644
and what I'm about to say
is gonna make you hate me.
472
00:18:47,678 --> 00:18:49,812
Okay, then I'll just open
the box for you.
473
00:18:53,183 --> 00:18:55,752
Wow.
474
00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:57,554
You knew?
475
00:18:57,588 --> 00:18:59,606
I figured it out a while ago.
476
00:18:59,657 --> 00:19:01,858
I'm sorry.
I should've told you I knew.
477
00:19:01,892 --> 00:19:06,229
But I just--I wanted this
to last as long as possible.
478
00:19:06,263 --> 00:19:08,031
We have to break up.
479
00:19:08,065 --> 00:19:11,701
Why?
Why do we have to break up?
480
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:15,038
Well, Leslie, everything
you've accomplished,
481
00:19:15,072 --> 00:19:17,040
you have earned
and you have worked for.
482
00:19:17,074 --> 00:19:19,742
I don't want anyone to think
that you got where you are today
483
00:19:19,777 --> 00:19:23,546
by sleeping with your boss.
484
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:24,881
But I really like sleeping
with my boss.
485
00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:27,183
Yeah...Yeah.
486
00:19:27,217 --> 00:19:29,519
Okay, look. I'm gonna make this
real easy for you.
487
00:19:29,553 --> 00:19:34,824
Um, it's not you, it's me.
I'm not ready for a commitment.
488
00:19:34,858 --> 00:19:36,793
I just don't like you anymore.
489
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:39,562
I know it's hard to hear that,
but...
490
00:19:39,597 --> 00:19:41,731
You're boring, and frankly
you disgust me.
491
00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:43,449
Echh!
492
00:19:45,869 --> 00:19:47,604
How did you figure it out?
493
00:19:47,638 --> 00:19:50,640
Leslie, there was a dude
in the ladies' yacht club.
494
00:19:50,674 --> 00:19:52,642
Yeah, but I covered that
pretty well.
495
00:19:52,676 --> 00:19:56,296
Also, you've been making
campaign speeches in your sleep.
496
00:19:56,330 --> 00:20:00,183
Granted, you always do that,
but they got really specific
497
00:20:00,217 --> 00:20:02,018
and moving.
498
00:20:02,052 --> 00:20:03,586
Did I have a good opening line?
499
00:20:03,621 --> 00:20:07,924
It was simple, but I liked it.
500
00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:11,728
Friends, honored guests,
Pawneeans.
501
00:20:11,762 --> 00:20:15,815
I am Leslie Knope, and
I am running for City Council.
502
00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:28,612
Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
503
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:33,065
- Hello, Tammy.
- Ronald.
504
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:35,534
That's enough small talk.
What do you want?
505
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:38,158
You remember what I do
for a living, I trust?
506
00:20:38,508 --> 00:20:41,240
Yes.
You ruin people's lives.
507
00:20:43,322 --> 00:20:46,211
You're being audited, Ronald.
508
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:47,346
I don't care.
509
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:49,834
Then why is your mustache
trembling?
510
00:20:50,103 --> 00:20:52,117
I'm here as a friend.
511
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:53,519
Call it nostalgia.
512
00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:56,288
Or perhaps guilt
for all the times
513
00:20:56,322 --> 00:20:58,290
I tried to smother you
in your sleep.
514
00:20:58,324 --> 00:21:01,544
- I don't need your help.
- Wrong. You do.
515
00:21:01,778 --> 00:21:04,451
But as you're so fond of saying,
it's a free country.
516
00:21:04,707 --> 00:21:05,976
Good luck.
517
00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:08,667
I hope you don't go to jail.
518
00:21:11,226 --> 00:21:14,040
Sit up straight.
You're not doing your breasts any favors.
519
00:21:15,430 --> 00:21:17,282
Thank you.
520
00:21:18,351 --> 00:21:21,522
Hi. Your breasts look amazing.
521
00:21:23,959 --> 00:21:27,579
Sync for WEB-DL: VeRdiKT
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