1 00:00:00,934 --> 00:00:03,371 - NOW, AFTER WE ARE GIVEN THE CERTIFICATE, 2 00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:05,406 WHO DO YOU THINK SHOULD SPEAK FIRST? 3 00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,141 I THINK IT SHOULD BE ME AND THEN YOU. 4 00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:09,377 BUT, IF YOU WANT, IT COULD BE YOU AND THEN ME. 5 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:11,379 OR IT COULD GO ME, YOU, ME. 6 00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,347 WHAT DO YOU THINK? - HOW ABOUT JUST YOU? 7 00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:14,248 - THANK YOU, RON. YES. 8 00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:16,150 TOMORROW, THE PARKS AND REC DEPARTMENT 9 00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:19,687 IS RECEIVING A COMMENDATION AT THE INDIANA STATEHOUSE 10 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,789 FOR BRINGING THE HARVEST FESTIVAL BACK. 11 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:24,058 AND ALTHOUGH IT'S PURELY CEREMONIAL, 12 00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:26,360 IT'S A HUGE DEAL FOR ME TO GO TO THE STATEHOUSE. 13 00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:29,363 - I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT THE COMMENDATION. 14 00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:34,168 BUT INDIANAPOLIS IS HOME TO CHARLES MULLIGAN'S STEAKHOUSE, 15 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:37,105 THE BEST DAMN STEAKHOUSE IN THE DAMN STATE. 16 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:40,408 I HAVE TAKEN A PICTURE OF EVERY STEAK I'VE EVER EATEN THERE. 17 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,076 JUNE 2004. 18 00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:45,213 PORTERHOUSE, MEDIUM RARE, BEARNAISE SAUCE. 19 00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:46,480 JANUARY 2000. 20 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:48,316 THEY CALL THIS ONE "THE ENFORCER." 21 00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:50,184 FEBRUARY '96. 22 00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:53,821 THE STEAK: RIB-EYE. THE WHISKEY: LAGAVULIN 16. 23 00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:56,590 THE LADY NEXT TO ME: A BITCH. 24 00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:58,692 SPECIFICALLY, MY EX-WIFE TAMMY. 25 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,761 OKAY, THIS IS-- THIS IS THE FIRST TIME 26 00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:02,296 I EVER WENT THERE. 27 00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:06,300 OH, LOOK AT ME. I'M JUST A KID. 28 00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:09,303 [triumphant music] 29 00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:17,345 * 30 00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:28,122 - SHE'S SHOWING SOME ELEPHANT PIC-- 31 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:31,225 OH, LA LA! LOOK WHO'S FANCY! 32 00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:34,462 - OH, AM I WEARING AN ASCOT? I DIDN'T NOTICE. 33 00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,730 BIG NIGHT AT THE SNAKEHOLE LOUNGE. 34 00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:37,931 IT'S A LAUNCH PARTY 35 00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:41,835 FOR DENNIS FEINSTEIN'S NEW FRAGRANCE: ALLERGIC--FOR MEN. 36 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:44,505 PAWNEE'S OWN DENNIS FEINSTEIN IS A REAL UP-AND-COMER 37 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,807 IN THE WORLD OF MICROBREWED PERFUMES AND BODY SPRAYS. 38 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,177 HIS ETHER-BASED PERFUME "BLACKOUT" 39 00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:51,345 WAS NAMED ONE OF MAXIM'S TOP 100 WAYS 40 00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,181 TO TRICK SOMEONE INTO SEX. 41 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:55,683 THE CLUB OPENS AT 6:00, EVENT STARTS AT 9:00. 42 00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:56,817 - OH, NO, NO, WAY TOO LATE. 43 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,519 I WILL BE DEEP INTO MY BATH BY THEN. 44 00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:02,190 - DON'T LET US PICTURE THAT. BEN, YOU GONNA GO? 45 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:04,258 - OH, UH, I DON'T THINK SO. 46 00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:05,593 PROBABLY JUST GONNA TAKE IT EASY, 47 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,894 BUT THANK YOU. 48 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,462 YOU KNOW, THEY ALWAYS ASK ME TO GO OUT WITH THEM. 49 00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:09,763 THEY'RE JUST BEING POLITE. 50 00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,165 I MOVE AROUND A LOT, 51 00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:12,400 SO THE FRIENDS I MAKE IN THESE CITIES, 52 00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:15,303 THEY'RE LIKE FACEBOOK FRIENDS, YOU KNOW? 53 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:20,208 "HEY, DOUG FROM BLOOMINGTON IS THINKING ABOUT BUYING A SHIRT." 54 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:22,543 I MEAN, COME ON, DOUG, WHO CARES? 55 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,445 - OKAY, TOM, I WANT YOU TO TAKE BEN 56 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,447 AND MAKE HIM GO TO THAT ANTIHISTAMINE PARTY. 57 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,216 - IT'S "ALLERGIC," AND FORGET IT. 58 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,317 - HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYBODY IN TOWN. 59 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:32,386 COME ON, TOM, TAKE HIM UNDER YOUR TINY LITTLE WING. 60 00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:33,921 - HE'S A FULLY GROWN MAN, LESLIE. 61 00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,723 AND TONIGHT'S JUST NOT ABOUT PLEASURE. 62 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,725 I'M SCHMOOZING DENNIS FEINSTEIN 63 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:40,361 SO I CAN PITCH HIM MY NEW COLOGNE, "TOMMY FRESH." 64 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,862 - OKAY, WELL, WHILE YOU'RE DOING THAT, 65 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,864 I WANT YOU TO PICTURE BEN IN HIS MOTEL ROOM, 66 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,234 ALL BY HIMSELF WITH NO FRIENDS, STARING AT THE WALL. 67 00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:46,934 - DEAL. - TOM. 68 00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,269 - [sighs] 69 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:49,970 - SO MY BAND'S WORKING ON A NEW ALBUM. 70 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,071 - OH, YEAH? WHAT'S IT CALLED? 71 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:55,776 - APRIL LUDGATE IS THE BEST EVER, VOLUME ONE. 72 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,745 - SHUT UP. 73 00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,247 - SO, UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TONIGHT? 74 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,781 WE COULD WATCH TV AT BURLY'S HOUSE 75 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:03,284 OR WE COULD WATCH TV AT YOUR HOUSE. 76 00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,985 OR, I MEAN, WE COULD WATCH TV AT BEST BUY. 77 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,720 - WHY DON'T WE GO TO TOM'S THING? 78 00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:09,623 THAT WEIRD COLOGNE PARTY THING AT THE SNAKEHOLE? 79 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:10,458 - OH. 80 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,693 I KIND OF FORGOT THAT YOU NEED MONEY 81 00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,262 WHEN YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. 82 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,663 EH! 83 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,531 I WANT TO TREAT APRIL LIKE A QUEEN, 84 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:23,637 AND QUEENS DESERVE FLOWERS AND MASSAGES, 85 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:25,973 CHOCOLATE, BOOZE, 86 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,008 DIAMONDS, RUBIES, EMERALDS, 87 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,711 THEM TREASURE CHESTS FULL OF SCARVES, 88 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,613 DIFFERENT KINDS OF LUBES THAT WARM UP 89 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,248 WHEN YOU RUB 'EM ON STUFF. 90 00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:36,817 I'M GONNA GIVE HER ALL THAT STUFF AND MORE. 91 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:39,787 HMM, THAT SOUNDS PRETTY AWESOME. YEAH, LET'S DO IT. 92 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:40,788 - OKAY. - OKAY. 93 00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:42,790 - ALL RIGHT. BYE. - BYE. 94 00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:45,959 - I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS WE'RE DATING. 95 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:51,765 IT'S NEW. WHATEVER. I DON'T LIKE LABELS. 96 00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:53,867 GO AWAY. 97 00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,504 - THIS? - THAT WOULD BE GOOD. 98 00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:57,971 - BUT DOES IT SAY, "HELLO, GENERAL ASSEMBLY, 99 00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,841 I'VE COME TO INDIANAPOLIS TO ACCEPT YOUR COMMENDATION"? 100 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,443 - AS MUCH AS ANY ONE DRESS COULD. 101 00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:03,377 - HMM. 102 00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:05,045 - LESLIE, I THINK CHRIS IS CHEATING ON ME. 103 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,448 - WHAT? THAT LYING BASTARD. 104 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:08,516 WAIT. HOW DO YOU KNOW? 105 00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,918 - I DON'T HAVE ANY ACTUAL PROOF. 106 00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,586 - OH, THEN I'M SURE HE'S NOT CHEATING ON YOU. 107 00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:15,389 AND IF HE IS, HE'S A MONSTER. 108 00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:17,458 AND IF HE'S NOT, YOU GUYS ARE GREAT TOGETHER. 109 00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,859 BUT IF HE IS, I WILL KILL HIM. 110 00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,728 - WELL, WE HAD A REALLY GOOD CONVERSATION 111 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,330 ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP LAST WEEK, 112 00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:23,997 AND HE WAS VERY REASSURING 113 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:25,566 THAT WE'RE HEADED IN A GOOD DIRECTION. 114 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,367 - GREAT. 115 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,569 - BUT THEN HE GOT DISTANT. - OH. 116 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,504 - AND WHEN I ASKED TO COME VISIT HIM IN INDIANAPOLIS, 117 00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:32,573 HE WAS TOTALLY WEIRD. 118 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,042 HE WAS WEIRD. 119 00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:35,909 - LOOK, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE JUST SPIRALING. 120 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,578 - BUT WHAT IF I'M NOT? WHAT IF I'M NOT? 121 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,647 WHAT IF HE HAS A GIRL UP THERE? 122 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,515 I THINK HE'S CHEATING ON ME. 123 00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:42,783 - WOW. OKAY. 124 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,918 WELL, LUCKILY, I'M HEADING UP THERE. 125 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,487 I'LL--I'LL INVITE HIM OUT TO DINNER 126 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,621 AND I'LL POKE AROUND A LITTLE BIT. 127 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,523 - OKAY. 128 00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,091 - I MEAN, HE'S NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO KEEP ANYTHING FROM ME. 129 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,794 IN HIGH SCHOOL, THEY USED TO CALL ME ANGELA LANSBURY. 130 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,630 BUT THAT WAS BECAUSE OF MY HAIRCUT. 131 00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:57,865 - HEY, CHAMP. 132 00:04:57,898 --> 00:05:00,000 - HEY, CHAMP...ION. 133 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,069 - LISTEN, YOU SHOULD COME OUT TONIGHT. 134 00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:03,771 THE CLUB'S GONNA BE DOPE. 135 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,406 PLUS, I'M PRETTY SURE YOU HAVE NOTHING ELSE GOING ON. 136 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:06,940 - WELL, THAT'S NOT TOTALLY TRUE. 137 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,876 THE OWNER OF THE MOTEL I'M STAYING AT 138 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,078 SAID SHE WAS GONNA SCREEN HOPE FLOATS IN THE LOBBY. 139 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,780 ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO WATCH. 140 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,948 - YEAH. YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET OUT OF THAT. 141 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,116 I THINK SHE'S GONNA MURDER YOU. 142 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,685 COME ON DOWN TO THE SNAKEHOLE. 143 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,653 I'M NOT GONNA TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. 144 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:22,089 - OKAY. YEAH, NO, I'LL--I'LL STOP BY. 145 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,090 THANK YOU. - COOL. 146 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,425 HEY, YOU MIND IF I ASK? 147 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:25,426 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA WEAR TONIGHT? 148 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:26,660 - UH, YOU KNOW, 149 00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:28,929 I WAS PROBABLY JUST GONNA STICK WITH THIS. 150 00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:30,831 - [laughs] COME ON, SERIOUSLY. 151 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:31,965 WHAT ARE YOU-- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA WEAR? 152 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:32,800 - OH, SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT. 153 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,502 PROBABLY GO HOME AND GRAB SOMETHING. 154 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,069 - COOL. 155 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,907 - IF YOU WOULD BE WILLING TO JUST TAKE A BRIEF PIT STOP, 156 00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:44,378 WE COULD SEE INDIANA'S SECOND LARGEST ROCKING CHAIR. 157 00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:45,779 - NO. 158 00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:48,749 - THEN MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE A QUICK TWO-HOUR SOJOURN 159 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:52,019 TO DAME GERVIN'S MISSHAPEN CELEBRITY CASTLE. 160 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:55,456 IT'S WHERE MADAME TUSSAUD SENDS ALL OF ITS FAILED WAX FIGURES, 161 00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:56,890 AND IF YOU CAN FIGURE OUT WHO IT IS, 162 00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:59,126 YOU GET TO TAKE IT HOME. - NO. 163 00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,861 - WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, GROUCHY PANTS? 164 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:04,064 - I'VE BEEN FASTING ALL DAY TO SAVE ROOM FOR MULLIGAN'S. 165 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,833 - FASTING'S NOT HEALTHY FOR YOU, RON. 166 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,435 - LESLIE, YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND, 167 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:10,070 WE ARE HEADING FOR THE MOST SPECIAL PLACE ON EARTH. 168 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,839 WHEN I'M DONE EATING A MULLIGAN'S MEAL, 169 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,575 FOR WEEKS AFTERWARDS, THERE ARE FLECKS OF MEAT 170 00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:17,044 IN MY MUSTACHE, AND I REFUSE TO CLEAN IT 171 00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,446 BECAUSE EVERY NOW AND THEN, 172 00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:20,714 A PIECE OF MEAT WILL FALL INTO MY MOUTH. 173 00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:21,782 - OH, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU, 174 00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,751 CHRIS TRAEGER IS JOINING US FOR DINNER TONIGHT. 175 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,152 - PLEASE TELL ME HE'S MEETING US AT THE RESTAURANT. 176 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:26,153 - NO. WE ARE PICKING HIM UP. 177 00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:27,921 - DAMN IT, WOMAN! 178 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,859 - WELCOME. I AM SO GLAD YOU GUYS CALLED. 179 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,026 THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT. COME ON IN, COME ON IN. 180 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,628 - SURE. - OR WE COULD JUST-- 181 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:37,831 - WOW! LOOK AT YOUR FOYER. 182 00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:40,133 IT'S LIKE A SPA IN HERE. - EXACTLY. 183 00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:41,902 THE ENTRANCEWAY TO YOUR HOUSE 184 00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:43,571 SENDS A MESSAGE TO THE WORLD ABOUT WHO YOU ARE. 185 00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:46,807 AND THE FRONT DOOR PROVIDES ENERGY FLOW AND OPPORTUNITY. 186 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:47,975 YOU CANNOT LIMIT THAT. 187 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,843 - YEAH. RON DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A FRONT DOOR. 188 00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:51,178 HE WON'T EVEN TELL ME HIS ADDRESS. 189 00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,747 ASK HIM WHERE HE LIVES. - WHERE DO YOU LIVE? 190 00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:54,882 - WHY? 191 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,919 - SO THIS IS SOME KIND OF COAT CLOSET OR SOMETHING? 192 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:02,556 AH! WOW. THERE'S A LOT OF MEN'S COATS IN HERE. 193 00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:03,757 - I LIKE COATS. 194 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:06,093 - COULD I USE YOUR BATHROOM REALLY QUICK? 195 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,928 - IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU. - GREAT. 196 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,764 OH, THE TOILET SEAT'S UP. 197 00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:13,100 [music playing] 198 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:17,237 - HEY, LET ME GET A BEER AND A PAWNEE SUNRISE. 199 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,006 - DO YOU WANT TO PAY CASH OR START A TAB? 200 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:21,809 - I--IT'S O-- UH, I-I KNOW TOM. 201 00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:24,478 - TOM WHO? - TOM HAMMEN--HAMMENSTEIN. 202 00:07:24,512 --> 00:07:25,679 - HAVERFORD. - HAVERFORD. 203 00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:27,047 HE'S, LIKE, MY BEST FRIEND. 204 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,783 - HEY, FREDDY, THIS GUY SAYS HE KNOWS TOM 205 00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:30,851 AND WANTS A DRINK FOR FREE. 206 00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,020 - YOU, UH, YOU HAVE MONEY TO PAY FOR THOSE DRINKS? 207 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:35,689 - YES. 208 00:07:35,723 --> 00:07:36,924 NO. 209 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:39,092 - MAKE ROOM FOR THE PAYING CUSTOMERS, HUH? 210 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:43,764 - LET'S GO, KNOPE! 211 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,065 - JUST ONE SECOND. 212 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,166 - HEY, WHAT'S UP? 213 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,068 - HEY, I THINK YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT. 214 00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:51,739 I FOUND A WOMEN'S RAZOR IN CHRIS' SHOWER 215 00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:53,106 AND A PINK SWIMMING CAP. 216 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,808 - ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHAT THE HELL? 217 00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,610 - YOU KNOW, IT COULD BE NOTHING, 218 00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:58,145 BUT IT FEELS LIKE SOMETHING. I DON'T-- 219 00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,813 - I'M COMING UP THERE. [phone receiver clicks] 220 00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:00,948 - WAIT. 221 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:01,982 [horn honks] 222 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,250 - ALL RIGHT, OKAY. 223 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,953 - ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. 224 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,923 - OH, MY GOD. [rattles door handle] 225 00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:12,059 THEY--THEY JUST FORGOT TO UNLOCK THE DOOR, THAT'S ALL. 226 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:13,193 [rattling] 227 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,295 - RON, IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE CLOSED 228 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,230 FOR SOME KIND OF HEALTH CODE VIOLATION. 229 00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:18,999 [bangs] 230 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,134 - AAH! - RON, STOP IT! RON? 231 00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:29,877 - THEY JUST BOARDED HER UP LIKE SHE WAS SOME COMMON WAREHOUSE. 232 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,012 I SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE. 233 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,246 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE STEAKS 234 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:36,550 THAT WERE IN THERE WHEN THEY CLOSED? 235 00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:38,285 DO YOU THINK THEY GOT EATEN? 236 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,788 - WHY DON'T WE GO BACK TO MY PLACE 237 00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,890 AND I'LL FIRE UP THE GRILL? 238 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,258 - YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT EXPECTING COMPANY OR SOMETHING? 239 00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,960 - NO. 240 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:47,928 WHAT DO YOU SAY, RON? 241 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,830 GO BACK TO MY PLACE AND MAKE YOU SOME GRUB? 242 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:53,801 IT'LL BE JUST AS GOOD AS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN HERE. 243 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,068 - OKAY. - OKAY. 244 00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:59,006 - THAT MAN IS A LEGEND. 245 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,774 THINK ABOUT ALL THE SCENTS HE'S CREATED. 246 00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:05,913 ATTACK, YEARNING, THICKENING, ITCH, COMA, SIDEBOOB. 247 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:08,081 - DENNIS FEINSTEIN, THOUGH? I DON'T KNOW. 248 00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:08,916 HE SHOULD PROBABLY CHANGE HIS NAME 249 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,651 TO SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE EXOTIC 250 00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:13,053 IF HE WANTS TO MAKE IT BIG IN PERFUME. 251 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:15,022 - OH, HIS REAL NAME IS DANTE FIERO, 252 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,824 BUT HE CHANGED IT TO DENNIS FEINSTEIN 253 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,258 'CAUSE THAT'S WAY MORE EXOTIC IN PAWNEE. 254 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,327 - OKAY. SO WHAT'S YOUR PLAN? 255 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:24,197 - WAIT TILL HE'S ALONE, THEN I WALK UP AND SPRAY HIM 256 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:27,668 WITH TOMMY FRESH, AND I SAY, "UH-OH. 257 00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,302 LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST NAILED YOUR FUTURE." 258 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:35,008 - YEAH. THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY WORK. 259 00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,610 - IS EVERYTHING OKAY? 260 00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:40,948 - UM, IT KIND OF SUCKS THAT I'M SUPER BROKE 261 00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:42,315 AND I WANT TO BUY YOU STUFF 262 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:45,018 AND IT'S EMBARRASSING THAT I CAN'T, BUT-- 263 00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,320 - I'M BROKE TOO, AND I DON'T WANT ANYTHING. 264 00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,022 I JUST WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. 265 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,258 PLUS, I CAN GET FREE DRINKS ANYTIME I WANT. 266 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,693 - HOW? 267 00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:56,029 - UH, I'M A GIRL IN A SLEAZY CLUB. 268 00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:58,365 HEY. 269 00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,733 - HEY. 270 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:01,068 - I HATE DRINKING ALONE. 271 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,135 - CAN I GET YOU A DRINK? 272 00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,037 - SURE. TRIPLE WHISKEY. 273 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,405 - WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 274 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,675 - OPRAH. - I'M KEVIN. 275 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:10,243 - COOL. I KIND OF WANT TO DRINK ALONE. 276 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,745 - BUT-- - I SAID I WANT TO DRINK ALONE. 277 00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:13,647 THANKS. BYE. 278 00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:15,115 HERE. YOU TAKE THIS ONE. 279 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:21,054 I WILL, UM, GET MYSELF A MARTINI FROM THAT IDIOT. 280 00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:24,992 - SO, CHRIS, DO YOU HAVE ANY SISTERS? 281 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,827 - NO, I DON'T, LESLIE. DO YOU HAVE SISTERS? 282 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:29,262 - MAYBE. SO HOW'S YOUR MOM? IS SHE VISITING? 283 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,798 - NO, SHE'S HOME UP IN WISCONSIN. 284 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,099 IS YOUR MOM VISITING? - ANY AUNTS? 285 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,034 - NOPE. YOU HAVE AUNTS? - GIRL COUSINS? 286 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,236 A YOUTHFUL GRANDMOTHER, PERHAPS? - NOPE. 287 00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:39,106 - DID YOU FORGET HOW TO HAVE A CONVERSATION? 288 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,140 - I AM SO HAPPY YOU GUYS ARE HERE. 289 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,943 I'M GONNA GO FIRE UP THE GRILL. 290 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,345 - I'M GONNA KILL HIM, RON. - WHY? 291 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:48,782 - CHRIS IS CHEATING ON ANN. THERE'S EVIDENCE EVERYWHERE. 292 00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:50,984 SHE'S COMING UP HERE SO THEY CAN HAVE IT OUT. 293 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:54,021 - ASK HER TO BRING SOME GARLIC SALT. 294 00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:57,224 I'M WORRIED CHRIS DOESN'T HAVE ANY. 295 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,992 [music playing] 296 00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:01,028 - [gasps] - I GOT THIS FROM A WAITER. 297 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,930 I TOLD HIM I HAD A PORK DEFICIENCY. 298 00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,164 - SWEET! PIGS IN A BLANKET. 299 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,166 I ALWAYS WONDERED WHY THEY CALL THEM THAT. 300 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,200 LOOK WHAT I GOT. 301 00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:08,401 LOOK WHAT I GOT FROM THE BATHROOM. 302 00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:11,371 MINTS. SIX OF THEM. 303 00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:12,973 - NICE. - YEAH. 304 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:16,844 - OKAY, WHOEVER GETS THE MOST FREE STUFF 305 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,078 BY THE END OF THE NIGHT WINS. 306 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:20,280 - DEAL. 307 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,182 GO! 308 00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:23,116 - RON, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME SALAD? 309 00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:27,054 - SINCE I AM NOT A RABBIT, NO, I DO NOT. 310 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,488 - TRY IT. SALAD'S GOOD FOR YOU. 311 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:31,091 - YOU GOT IT. 312 00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:33,226 MMM, DELICIOUS. 313 00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:35,062 - SO, CHRIS, WHAT DO YOU DO UP HERE 314 00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,063 IN YOUR SPARE TIME? 315 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:39,967 - WELL, UH, I EXERCISE, AND I EXERCISE MY MIND. 316 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,235 AND I TRY TO KEEP UP ON CURRENT EVENTS. 317 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:44,905 - OH, THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL IT. - SORRY? 318 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:45,906 - HOW ARE THINGS GOING WITH ANN? 319 00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,207 YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT ANN? 320 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,408 SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND, 321 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:49,276 AND ANYONE WHO'D HURT HER 322 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,511 IS SOMEONE I WOULD MURDER PROBABLY. 323 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,214 - OH, IS THAT WHAT'S UPSETTING YOU? 324 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:55,315 - HMM? 325 00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:56,917 - THIS IS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR ME. 326 00:11:56,950 --> 00:12:01,054 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 327 00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:02,222 - WATCH THE MASTER WORK IT. 328 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:03,290 I'M THE YODA OF NETWORKING. 329 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:05,926 - WELL, YODA WOULDN'T ACTUALLY NEED NETWORKING. 330 00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:06,827 I MEAN, HIS POWERS WERE MORE SPIRITUAL. 331 00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:09,930 - SHUT UP, YOU NERD! - I GET IT. OKAY. 332 00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:15,268 - MR. FEINSTEIN, TOM HAVERFORD. 333 00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:17,805 I'M THE ORGANIZER OF THIS SOIREE 334 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:19,372 AND I'M ALSO A HUGE FAN OF YOURS. 335 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,474 I USE ALL YOUR COLOGNE, SOMETIMES TWO AT ONCE. 336 00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:24,211 - I DON'T RECOMMEND THAT. ARE YOU FROM THE FDA? 337 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,279 YOU KNOW, LEGALLY, IF YOU'RE FROM THE FDA, 338 00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:27,314 YOU HAVE TO TELL ME. 339 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,282 - I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU 340 00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,518 BECAUSE I ACTUALLY CREATED MY OWN SCENT. 341 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:35,155 - OH, GREAT. I'D LOVE TO SMELL IT, RIGHT? 342 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,089 [laughs] 343 00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:38,358 - I KNOW YOU'RE A BUSY GUY. - YEAH, MAN. 344 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:39,426 I'M CRAZY BUSY. 345 00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:42,462 BUT ALL DAY LONG, PEOPLE ARE PITCHING ME COLOGNES. 346 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,798 THAT GUY JUST PITCHED ME A COLOGNE CALLED "SLUTS." 347 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:46,133 I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT I TOLD HIM. 348 00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,334 NOT JUST ANYBODY CAN DO THIS. 349 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,837 ALTHOUGH IT'S A GREAT NAME AND I'M PROBABLY GONNA STEAL IT. 350 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,438 - PLEASE, IT'LL TAKE TWO SECONDS. 351 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,807 IF YOU LIKE IT, MAYBE WE GO INTO BUSINESS TOGETHER, 352 00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,242 BRANCH OUT IN OTHER STATES, 353 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,210 MOVE OVER TO WATCHES AND FANCY RAINCOATS, 354 00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:58,445 OPEN UP STORES IN LONDON AND PARIS. 355 00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,213 I DON'T KNOW. I HAVEN'T THOUGHT IT THROUGH. 356 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,381 BUT FOR NOW, 357 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:05,819 I WANT TO PRESENT TOMMY FRESH. 358 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:09,289 - [laughs] 359 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,224 ALL RIGHT, I GET IT. 360 00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,961 IT'S A GAG SCENT. HILARIOUS. 361 00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:17,197 - AS IN, "IT'S HILARIOUS HOW AWESOME IT IS"? 362 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,031 - IT SMELLS LIKE SOMEBODY 363 00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:20,367 SPILLED CHINESE FOOD IN A BIRD CAGE. 364 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,569 HORRIBLE. IT'S ASSAULTIVE. 365 00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:25,605 IT TAKES EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO NOT RETCH RIGHT NOW. 366 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,308 KID, YOU NEED TO FIND ANOTHER GAME. 367 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:31,278 LEAVE PERFUMERY TO THE REAL MEN. 368 00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,548 - HEY, ANN, IF YOU GET THIS, 369 00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,084 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SHOULD COME UP HERE. 370 00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:38,285 HE'S NOT WORTH IT, OKAY? 371 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,287 JUST CALL ME, LET ME KNOW WHERE YOU ARE, 372 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,222 AND IF YOU HAVE-- - AAH! 373 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,356 - RON? 374 00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:45,458 - WHAT IN THE DEVIL'S NAME IS THIS? 375 00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:46,927 - PORTOBELLO MUSHROOMS. 376 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,262 - WHERE'S THE STEAK? - OH, THERE'S NO STEAK. 377 00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,298 THAT'S A HEALTHIER OPTION. IT'S ORGANICALLY GROWN. 378 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,867 - LORD. 379 00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,402 - RON, ARE YOU OKAY? 380 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:56,403 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, OKAY. 381 00:13:56,436 --> 00:14:00,073 COULD YOU GET US A COLD COMPRESS OR SOMETHING? 382 00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:03,076 [music playing] 383 00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:06,113 * 384 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:09,549 - HEY, UH, SIX BEERS FOR, UH, TABLE 12. 385 00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:11,584 - DO YOU WORK HERE? - YEAH. 386 00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:14,187 MY DAD OWNS THIS PLACE. I'M JANET. 387 00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,555 JANET SNAKEHOLE. 388 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:18,926 HEY! THIS ROUND'S ON THE HOUSE! 389 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:20,393 - ALL RIGHT! - WHOO! 390 00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:21,661 - HOW ABOUT SOME TIPS? 391 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,464 - UH, GUM OR MINT, SIR? - UH, GUM. 392 00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,333 - ALL OUT, SIR. - THEN MINTS, I GUESS. 393 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,001 - DON'T HAVE THOSE EITHER, SIR. 394 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:31,972 - DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING? - OUT OF EVERYTHING, SIR. 395 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:33,473 THIS IS SO AWESOME! 396 00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:36,276 WE ARE LIKE ROBIN HOOD. 397 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:40,413 WE STEAL FROM THE CLUB AND WE GIVE TO OURSELVES. 398 00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,315 - LOOK, WE'LL FIND A 24-HOUR DINER. 399 00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,151 OR WE CAN GET ONE OF THOSE COWS 400 00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:45,385 THAT WE SAW ON THE WAY UP HERE 401 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,387 AND WE'LL BRING IT BACK AND WE'LL MAKE STEAKS OUT OF THAT. 402 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:48,255 [door slams] 403 00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,323 - ANN PERKINS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 404 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,359 - WHOSE PINK RAZOR IS IN YOUR SHOWER? 405 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,493 - EXCUSE ME? 406 00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:54,928 - LESLIE FOUND A PINK RAZOR 407 00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:56,964 AND A PINK SWIMMING CAP IN YOUR SHOWER. 408 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,198 WHOSE IS IT? 409 00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,532 - I GUESS YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MY RAZOR. 410 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,301 I SHAVE MY LEGS FOR SWIMMING, 411 00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:02,269 AND WOMEN'S RAZORS WORK BETTER. 412 00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,972 FOR WHATEVER REASON, MEN'S RAZOR TECHNOLOGY 413 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:07,207 HASN'T FIGURED OUT HOW TO PROPERLY CONTOUR THE SHINBONE. 414 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,476 - AND--AND THE SWIMMING CAP? 415 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:12,345 - INDIANA BREAST CANCER AWARENESS TRIATHLON 2009. 416 00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:14,347 CAME IN FOURTH. 417 00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,984 - WELL, I FOUND CONCEALER IN YOUR MEDICINE CABINET. 418 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,085 WHAT'S THAT ABOUT? 419 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:20,220 - I'M A HUMAN BEING. 420 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,355 SOMETIMES I GET BLEMISHES. I'M NOT PERFECT. 421 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:25,658 - OH, GOD. I AM SO SORRY, HONEY. 422 00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,194 I'M SO EMBARRASSED. 423 00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:29,997 I WAS SCARED THAT YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME. 424 00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:33,200 - [laughs] NO, I'M NOT CHEATING ON YOU. 425 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,136 BUT I'M ALSO NOT DATING YOU. 426 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,671 WE BROKE UP LAST WEEK. 427 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,044 - WE TALKED AT YOUR HOUSE. 428 00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:45,312 DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THIS? 429 00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:48,315 - OF COURSE I REMEMBER, BUT WE DIDN'T BREAK UP. 430 00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,117 - I'M SORRY, ANN, BUT I'M CERTAIN WE DID. 431 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,319 - OKAY, YOU SAID THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE PAWNEE 432 00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:55,122 AND THAT I WAS THE MOST AMAZING WOMAN YOU HAD EVER MET. 433 00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,489 - WHICH YOU ARE. - AND THEN I SAID 434 00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:58,258 THAT I WOULD MOVE TO INDIANAPOLIS IF I HAD TO, 435 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,160 AND YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE ME DO THAT, 436 00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:01,761 AND THEN YOU SAID THAT IN A DIFFERENT WORLD-- 437 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:05,298 OH, MY GOD. YOU BROKE UP WITH ME. 438 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,167 OH, MY GOD. 439 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,536 - YEAH, SO HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED. 440 00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:12,572 SWEET AND BEAUTIFUL ANN HAS NEVER BEEN DUMPED BEFORE, 441 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,507 AND CHRIS IS SUCH A POSITIVE PERSON, 442 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:17,210 WHEN HE BROKE UP WITH HER, SHE JUST DIDN'T REALIZE IT. 443 00:16:17,244 --> 00:16:18,745 IT'S KIND OF UNDERSTANDABLE, 444 00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,513 ALTHOUGH IT DOES KIND OF MAKE YOU WONDER 445 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,782 HOW GOOD OF A NURSE SHE IS. 446 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:23,850 - OH, MY GOD. 447 00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,352 YOU LEFT, AND YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA WORK LATE, 448 00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:26,619 AND I KISSED YOU? 449 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,256 - AS ENJOYABLE AS THAT WAS, I DID FIND IT ODD. 450 00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:30,223 - [exhales] 451 00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:32,525 AND THEN I WANTED YOU TO MEET MY PARENTS? 452 00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,461 - I'M SURE THEY'RE GREAT PEOPLE, BUT STRANGE. 453 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,762 - THIS IS HUMILIATING. 454 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:38,498 I'M SORRY, I GOTTA GO. 455 00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:39,532 - HEY, W-- 456 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:44,204 - HEY, MAN. 457 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:48,475 I, UH, GOT YOU ANOTHER MELONTINI. 458 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,177 - THANKS. 459 00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:55,215 - LISTEN, THAT GUY IS A JERK, 460 00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:57,650 AND IF YOU ASK ME, HE SMELLS LIKE-- 461 00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,087 - SUCCESS. 462 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,456 HE SMELLS LIKE SUCCESS. 463 00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:04,724 YOU KNOW WHAT I SMELL LIKE? 464 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:10,263 - A TERIYAKI HAIRPIECE? 465 00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:14,101 - I SMELL LIKE THE GUY WHO'S ALWAYS COMING UP SHORT. 466 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,436 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST SICK OF IT. 467 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:20,407 TOMMY FRESH WAS MY DREAM. 468 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,309 NOW NO ONE'S EVER GONNA SMELL IT BUT ME. 469 00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:25,145 - I CAN SMELL YOUR DREAMS, TOM. 470 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,147 I CAN. 471 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,449 AND I CAN SMELL 'EM FROM HERE. 472 00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:33,153 AND HONESTLY, THEY SMELL [bleep]ING TERRIBLE. 473 00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:37,224 BUT I LIKE TOM. 474 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:40,793 - I'VE GOT A JAR OF OLIVES. - HEH! NICE. 475 00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:43,630 - A THING OF TOOTHPICKS THAT LOOK LIKE SWORDS. 476 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,799 AND A YEAR'S SUPPLY OF TOILET PAPER. 477 00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:52,805 - I GOT--BOOM!-- $38 IN TIPS. 478 00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:55,175 - $180. 479 00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,280 both, in unison: WE SHOULD GIVE IT BACK. 480 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,384 - FOLLOW ME. - OKAY. 481 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,720 OH, MY GOD. 482 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:16,829 - WOW. THANK YOU. 483 00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,333 - ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, 484 00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:24,404 A GUY'S MOM CALLED ME AND BROKE UP WITH ME FOR HIM. 485 00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:28,375 THERE WAS ANOTHER TIME WHERE I WAS ON A DATE 486 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,210 AND I TRIPPED AND BROKE MY KNEECAP. 487 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:32,545 AND THEN THE GUY SAID HE WASN'T "FEELIN' IT," 488 00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:36,583 SO HE LEFT AND I WAITED FOR AN AMBULANCE. 489 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,351 ONE TIME I WAS DATING THIS GUY FOR A WHILE, 490 00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:39,552 AND THEN HE GOT DOWN ON ONE KNEE 491 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,221 AND HE BEGGED ME TO NEVER CALL HIM AGAIN. 492 00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:42,622 ONE GUY BROKE UP WITH ME 493 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:44,557 WHILE WE WERE IN THE SHOWER TOGETHER. 494 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,426 SKYWRITING ISN'T ALWAYS POSITIVE. 495 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:50,263 ANOTHER TIME, A GUY INVITED ME TO A BEAUTIFUL PICNIC 496 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,498 WITH WINE AND FLOWERS, 497 00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:52,799 AND THEN, WHEN I TRIED TO SIT DOWN, 498 00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,802 HE SAID, "DON'T EAT ANYTHING. REBECCA'S COMING." 499 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,337 AND THEN HE BROKE UP WITH ME. 500 00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:58,471 [both laugh] 501 00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:01,408 - WHO WAS REBECCA? - YEAH. EXACTLY. 502 00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:04,477 - THANKS FOR DRIVING ME. 503 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:05,678 WAIT. 504 00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:06,679 YOU'RE GETTING YOUR COMMENDATION TOMORROW 505 00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:07,647 AT THE STATEHOUSE. 506 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,417 - OH, PLEASE. IT'S JUST A GOOFY CEREMONY. 507 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:11,418 I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT IT. 508 00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:12,452 - LESLIE. 509 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,921 - BESIDES, RON IS STAYING BEHIND. 510 00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,389 HE'LL GO. 511 00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:18,491 - IS RON GONNA BE OKAY? 512 00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,727 - [sighs] 513 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,862 I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW. 514 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,736 - THIS ISN'T A STEAK. 515 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,204 WHY WOULD YOU CALL IT THAT ON YOUR MENU? 516 00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:32,605 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU, MAN. 517 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:38,945 - JUST GIVE ME ALL THE BACON AND EGGS YOU HAVE. 518 00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:40,413 WAIT, WAIT. 519 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:41,848 I WORRY WHAT YOU JUST HEARD WAS, 520 00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,751 "GIVE ME A LOT OF BACON AND EGGS." 521 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,353 WHAT I SAID WAS, 522 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:50,290 GIVE ME ALL THE BACON AND EGGS YOU HAVE. 523 00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:51,758 DO YOU UNDERSTAND? 524 00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,397 - IT'S CALLED A TOMMYTINI. 525 00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,932 IT'S JUST VODKA AND A BUNCH OF CINNAMON. 526 00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:01,801 - THAT SOUNDS GROSS. 527 00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,736 - BEN. - OH, MILLER LITE. 528 00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,705 HOW'D YOU KNOW? - EVERYBODY KNOWS. 529 00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:06,706 THAT'S YOUR DRINK. 530 00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:07,974 - TOMMY. - LET'S DO THIS. 531 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:09,742 - * YOU KNOW JUST WHAT I NEED * 532 00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:12,011 * I NEED THAT FAST MONEY 533 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,381 * FAST CARS, FAST WOMEN * 534 00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:15,682 - MMM! 535 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:16,883 - HOW'S IT GOING? 536 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:19,519 - HEY, LOOK WHO'S SOCIALIZING! 537 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,753 - YEAH, AND I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME. 538 00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,289 - SIT WITH US. - OKAY. 539 00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,557 - ANN'S IN KIND OF A CRAPPY MOOD 540 00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,925 BECAUSE CHRIS DUMPED HER. 541 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:28,761 - AH, YEAH, LIKE A WEEK AGO, RIGHT? 542 00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:32,799 - YEAH, BUT I ONLY KNEW ABOUT IT AN HOUR AGO. 543 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,934 - OH, SO THAT'S WHY YOU TRIED TO KISS HIM. 544 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,737 WE WERE ALL SERIOUSLY CONFUSED ABOUT THAT. 545 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:40,473 - WHO'S "WE"? WHAT ARE YOU--? OH, GOD. 546 00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:46,012 - DID YOU KEEP THE TOILET PAPER? 547 00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:48,381 - YES. I FEEL BAD, BUT I NEED IT. [laughs] 548 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:49,716 - EW! 549 00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:53,286 - HEY, HEY, THAT'S GOTTA BE FEINSTEIN'S CAR. 550 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:54,954 GIVE ME-- GIVE ME THE TOMMY FRESH. 551 00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:56,856 - WHY? - GIMME THE TOMMY FRESH. 552 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,895 [laughter] 553 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:05,332 HE'S GONNA SMELL YOUR DREAMS NOW. 554 00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:06,633 - [laughs] 555 00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:08,735 - ARE YOU OKAY? - [gags] 556 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,003 - IS IT THAT BAD? - OH, MY GOD, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. 557 00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:12,605 - OH! - [groans]