1 00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:04,372 - RON? JACK COOPER FROM THE CONTROLLER'S OFFICE. 2 00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:05,606 GOT A-- GOT A SECOND? 3 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,408 - SURE, WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR? 4 00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:08,809 - FRANKLY, THIS IS A LITTLE AWKWARD. 5 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,412 WE'VE RECEIVED THIS LETTER FROM A COLLECTION AGENCY 6 00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:12,746 ABOUT AN OUTSTANDING DEBT 7 00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:15,083 FROM THE PAWNEE PUBLIC LIBRARY. 8 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,117 IT APPEARS YOU HAVE AN OVERDUE BOOK. 9 00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,518 - OH, DO I? 10 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,620 - IT'S NOT THE SIZE OF THE BOAT: 11 00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:23,591 EMBRACING LIFE WITH A MICRO-PENIS. 12 00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:25,293 - TAMMY. 13 00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:27,295 MY EX-WIFE TAMMY LIKES TO CHECK IN 14 00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,197 EVERY SO OFTEN AND MAKE SURE 15 00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:30,698 I'M DOING OKAY. 16 00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:34,568 AND IF I AM, SHE TRIES TO [bleep] EVERYTHING UP. 17 00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:36,504 - OKAY, I PRE-DIALED 911, SO ALL YOU HAVE TO DO 18 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,571 IS PRESS SEND. 19 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:38,772 - YOU'RE WORRYING OVER NOTHING. 20 00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,641 - IF SHE BINDS YOUR HANDS AND YOU CAN'T REACH YOUR PHONE, 21 00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,476 JUST TRY TO CHEW YOURSELF FREE. 22 00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,847 WHALE TALE. WHALE TALE. 23 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,716 SHE'S FLASHING A WHALE TALE. ABORT. ABORT. 24 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,085 - HELLO, TAMMY. 25 00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:52,853 - OH. HELLO, RON. 26 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,855 I DIDN'T SEE YOU COME IN. 27 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,091 I WAS JUST CHECKING MYSELF FOR SCOLIOSIS. 28 00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:59,227 - AND? - STRAIGHT AS AN ARROW. 29 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:02,096 JUST LIKE SOMEBODY ELSE I KNOW. 30 00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:02,730 JERKY? 31 00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,798 - CALL OFF THE DOGS. 32 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,267 YOU AND I BOTH KNOW 33 00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,868 THAT IN MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE, 34 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,605 I HAVE NEVER CHECKED A BOOK OUT OF THE LIBRARY. 35 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:13,774 - OH, MY GOD, SHE'S AMAZING. 36 00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:16,744 - OOH... MMM. 37 00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:19,313 - I ADMIT THERE WAS A TIME WHEN THAT SORT OF BEHAVIOR 38 00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:21,449 WOULD'VE DRIVEN ME WILD. 39 00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:24,452 BUT I AM IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP NOW, TAMMY. 40 00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:27,388 - A RELATIONSHIP? WITH WHOM? 41 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,490 - A LOVELY, INTELLIGENT, SELF-POSSESSED 42 00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:30,858 PEDIATRIC SURGEON NAMED WENDY. 43 00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:33,361 - SOUNDS LIKE A REAL WHORE. 44 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,763 - CLEAR THE LATE CHARGES AND CUT THE CRAP. 45 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:38,766 GOOD DAY. 46 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,434 - GOOD DAY, LESLIE. 47 00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:43,337 - GOOD--GOOD DAY. 48 00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:46,340 [triumphant music] 49 00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:54,382 * 50 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:04,692 - OKAY, SO WE'RE ORDERING THEM 51 00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:07,561 A TOTAL OF 30 PIZZAS SO LET'S TALK TOPPINGS. 52 00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:08,829 - SAUSAGE, ONION, AND PEPPERS. 53 00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:11,265 SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN TO BE THE BEST TOPPINGS. 54 00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:12,566 - NICE. 55 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,168 - SHOULD WE THROW IN SOME SALADS 56 00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:15,836 FOR A HEALTHY OPTION? 57 00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:18,439 - WOW, DON'T BE SUCH A JERRY, BEN. 58 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,374 - YEAH, BEN, THESE GUYS ARE COPS, NOT BALLERINAS. 59 00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:21,842 SO WE ARE THROWING A LITTLE SHINDIG 60 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,378 FOR THE POLICE DEPARTMENT BECAUSE WE'RE ASKING THEM 61 00:02:24,412 --> 00:02:26,814 TO VOLUNTEER AS SECURITY DURING THE HARVEST FESTIVAL. 62 00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:29,683 I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT BIG OUTDOOR GATHERINGS 63 00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:32,353 THAT MAKES EVERYONE WANT TO URINATE 64 00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:36,357 ALL OVER EVERYTHING, BUT IT DOES. 65 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:37,858 AND THEY DO. 66 00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:40,828 - OKAY, HOW ABOUT SOME CALZONES? 67 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,830 - CALZONES ARE LIKE PIZZAS BUT THEY'RE HARDER TO EAT. 68 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,566 THEY'RE DUMB AND SO WAS THAT IDEA. 69 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:48,902 - SERIOUSLY? - THIS IS EMBARRASSING FOR YOU. 70 00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,904 - SORRY TO INTERRUPT. RON, YOU READY? 71 00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:52,540 - ABSOLUTELY, MY DEAR. 72 00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,508 I AM OFF TO HAVE A MID-MORNING PRE-LUNCH 73 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,776 WITH MY LADY FRIEND, 74 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,745 BUT I WILL BE BACK IN TIME FOR LUNCH. 75 00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:00,214 - ALL RIGHT. 76 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:01,615 - OH, RON'S GIRLFRIEND'S PRETTY. 77 00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:04,852 - [laughs] 78 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,287 TOM'S EX-WIFE. 79 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,822 - OH. 80 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,291 - I DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM TOGETHER. 81 00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:11,659 IT'S LIKE THEY'RE RUBBING IT IN MY FACE. 82 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,927 SO ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS CAPTAIN MUSTACHE 83 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,396 PLOWING MY EX-WIFE. 84 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,530 - AND YOU IMAGINE HE'S WEARING A CAPE 85 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:17,898 WHILE HE'S PLOWING HER? 86 00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,467 - WHAT? 87 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,734 - NO, JUST, CAPTAIN MUSTACHE? 88 00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:22,803 I MEAN, IF ALL YOU CAN THINK OF IS RON, YOU KNOW--[grunting]-- 89 00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:24,672 MAYBE PUT HIM IN SOME TIGHTS AND A CAPE 90 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:25,839 AND THEN--AND THEN IT WOULD BE FUNNY. 91 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:30,411 - NOW, I'M IMAGINING A CAPE. 92 00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:31,612 - APRIL? 93 00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:34,615 - DID YOU CALL ME? 94 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,250 - I DID CALL YOU. GOOD EARS. 95 00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:39,753 - CHRIS'S ASSISTANT WENT BACK TO INDIANAPOLIS, 96 00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:43,424 SO HE'S BORROWING ME FOR A FEW DAYS. 97 00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:44,758 YAY. 98 00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,594 - I'D LIKE YOU TO GET ME SOME MORE POST-ITS. 99 00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,028 I'D LIKE THEM IN MULTIPLE COLORS. 100 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,663 I'D LIKE GREEN. I'D LIKE YELLOW. 101 00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,632 DO NOT BUY ORANGE. 102 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,567 I DO NOT WANT ORANGE. I HAVE PLENTY OF ORANGE. 103 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:54,902 - GOT IT. 104 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,804 YOU WANT FIVE MILLION ORANGE POST-ITS. 105 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:59,807 - THAT'S HILARIOUS. 106 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:05,479 OH, WAIT! I HAVE A POST-IT FOR YOU. 107 00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,915 IT SAYS, "GREAT JOB." - MMM. 108 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,750 - GREAT JOB! - MMM. 109 00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,785 - THERE YOU GO. 110 00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:17,858 - THEY'RE GETTING REALLY OLD AND I'M AN ONLY CHILD. 111 00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,960 I JUST FEEL LIKE THE RIGHT THING TO DO 112 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:23,364 IS TO MOVE BACK HOME. 113 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,733 - I'M SORRY TO SEE YOU GO. 114 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:30,804 I'VE REALLY COME TO THINK OF YOU AS... 115 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:34,442 A COMPANION. 116 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:38,746 - HEY, I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D WANT TO MOVE TO CANADA? 117 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:39,913 - [chokes, spits] 118 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,815 [laughs] 119 00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:44,418 CANADA. 120 00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:47,855 NO, I DON'T SUPPOSE I WOULD. 121 00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,857 - HEY, I HATE TO NAG, 122 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,091 BUT SHOULDN'T WE BE TALKING STRATEGY, 123 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:55,629 LIKE, WHEN TO ASK THE CHIEF FOR THIS HUGE CRITICAL FAVOR? 124 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,498 - YES. I KNOW EXACTLY WHEN WE SHOULD DO IT. 125 00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,433 POST PIZZA, PRE ICE CREAM, 126 00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:00,834 BETWEEN HIS THIRD AND FOURTH BEER. 127 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:02,870 HE'LL BE FULL BUT NOT STUFFED, TIPSY BUT NOT DRUNK. 128 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:03,804 SHOULD BE AROUND 9:00. 129 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:06,106 - OKAY, SO YOU'VE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH. 130 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,843 - JUST SIT TIGHT. I'LL GET YOU A BEER. 131 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:12,813 CAN I HAVE TWO BEERS PLEASE? 132 00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:13,914 HEY, YOU OKAY? 133 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,849 - WENDY AND I ARE OVER. 134 00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:17,885 SHE'S MOVING BACK TO CANADA. 135 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,720 IT'S TOO BAD. 136 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,356 I JUST TAUGHT HER HOW TO WHITTLE. 137 00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:25,793 SHE MADE ME THIS TINY SHARPENED STICK. 138 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,529 - LOOK, I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT I TELL ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS 139 00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,464 WHEN THEY GET DUMPED. 140 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:31,832 MEN ARE DOGS. 141 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,767 - THANK YOU, LESLIE. 142 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,870 THAT DOES NOT APPLY TO THIS SITUATION AT ALL. 143 00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:39,039 BUT THANK YOU. I APPRECIATE IT. 144 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,774 - THIS IS A DISASTER. 145 00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:43,644 YOU'RE NOT INTO FOOTBALL? 146 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,046 I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. 147 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:48,582 I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT, KNEW IT, KNEW IT. 148 00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:50,784 - HONESTLY, I HAVEN'T FELT THIS GOOD IN YEARS. 149 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,820 AND IT'S NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THE SUPPLEMENTS 150 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,788 HE HAS ME TAKING AND THE SOLUBLE FIBER 151 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,424 AND THE INCREASE IN REGULARITY. 152 00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:57,691 IT'S HIM. 153 00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:59,760 HE'S, UH, MOVING BACK TO INDIANAPOLIS 154 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,095 IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS, WHICH SUCKS. 155 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,798 BUT IF HE ASKED ME TO MOVE WITH HIM, 156 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:07,100 I THINK I WOULD. 157 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,702 - I WOULD LIKE A LOCAL BEER. 158 00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,538 I'D LIKE IT IN A BOTTLE. 159 00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:11,905 I'D LIKE THE BOTTLE TO BE COLD. 160 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,841 - I WOULD LIKE A GLASS OF WHITE WINE. 161 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,709 I WOULD LIKE IT TO BE CHARDONNAY. 162 00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,478 AND I WOULD LIKE THAT WITH ONE ICE CUBE. 163 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:19,780 THANKS. 164 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:22,416 - CHIEF TRUMPLE? - HEY, KNOPE. 165 00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:25,152 - YOU KNOW BEN WYATT FROM THE STATE BUDGET OFFICE. 166 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:26,554 - YEAH, HOW'S IT GOING? - HELLO. 167 00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:27,655 - THANKS FOR THE PARTY. GOOD PIZZA. 168 00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:31,024 - GREAT. SO, YEAH, THE PIZZA'S DYNAMITE, ISN'T IT? 169 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,860 - I JUST SAID IT WAS GOOD PIZZA. 170 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,729 IT'S GOOD. PIZZA'S GOOD. 171 00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:39,600 - YOU, UH, YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE? 172 00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,435 CALZONES. 173 00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,103 - WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY? 174 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,805 - IT'S ALL RIGHT. WE'LL CHECK IN WITH YOU LATER. 175 00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,774 - TAKE IT EASY. - YEAH, WILL DO. 176 00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:47,875 - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? 177 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:48,709 - I WAS GETTING SOMEWHERE WITH THAT. 178 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:49,977 - YEAH, GREAT SMALL TALK OVER THERE. 179 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,011 OKAY, LET ME HANDLE THIS. 180 00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,145 - I GET A LITTLE NERVOUS WITH COPS. 181 00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:55,616 - I'M IN CONTROL. - WHAT'S UP? 182 00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,518 TOM HAVERFORD'S IN THE BUILDING. 183 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:58,719 - WHOO! 184 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,821 - TOM, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? 185 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,990 - SAME THING YOU'RE DOING, CELEBRATING PAWNEE'S FINEST. 186 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:04,992 I BELIEVE YOU KNOW MY DATE, TAMMY SWANSON. 187 00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:05,993 - HIYA, RON. 188 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,462 - OH. HIYA, RON. - HEY, RON. 189 00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:09,797 - I'M SORRY. 190 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:12,165 IS SEEING YOUR EX-WIFE ON MY ARM 191 00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,534 MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE? 192 00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:16,637 GEE, I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY. OR CAN I? 193 00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,972 OOH, I LIKE THIS SONG. DO YOU WANNA DANCE, TAMMY? 194 00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:19,840 - OH, YEAH. YEAH. 195 00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:22,242 OOH. UH. 196 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,845 - I KNOW TAMMY SEEMS SCARY. 197 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,980 BUT REALLY, SHE'S JUST A MANIPULATIVE, PSYCHOTIC, 198 00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:29,917 LIBRARY-BOOK-PEDALING, SEX-CRAZED SHE-DEMON. 199 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:34,522 - UH! YEAH. [laughs] 200 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,123 - I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH. - TAMMY. 201 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:38,492 - UH. OH, HI, RON. 202 00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,528 I WAS JUST TASTING MY NEW BOYFRIEND, GLENN. 203 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:41,862 - TOM. 204 00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,196 - YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MIXED UP IN, SON. 205 00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,499 THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU. IT'S ABOUT ME. 206 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:48,569 - TYPICAL RON SWANSON. ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF. 207 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:51,138 MAYBE WE LIKE EACH OTHER. - YEAH, MAYBE WE DO. 208 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,240 - AH-EEY! OKAY. 209 00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:54,742 LET'S TAKE IT EASY. 210 00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:57,177 - TAMMY, LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS. 211 00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:58,746 - OH, SO IT'S OKAY FOR YOU TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, 212 00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,180 BUT I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE ANYBODY? 213 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:01,281 - DAMN IT, WOMAN. 214 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,551 JUST CRAWL BACK IN TO THE DANK HOLE YOU CAME FROM 215 00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,018 AND LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE. 216 00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:06,520 - OH! OKAY, OKAY. LET'S SETTLE DOWN. 217 00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:07,721 - WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM? 218 00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:08,989 - WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM? - IS THERE A PROBLEM HERE? 219 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:11,725 BASICALLY WHAT WE HAD HERE WAS A DISPUTE OF A DOMESTIC NATURE. 220 00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:14,294 - WHITE MALE, 40, 45. - CAUCASIAN MALE. 221 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,930 STOCKY BUILD. - APPROXIMATELY 5'10". 222 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,600 - VERBAL ALTERCATION TRANSPIRED AT APPROXIMATELY 8:55 P.M. 223 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:20,868 WITH A FEMALE UNSUB. 224 00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,536 APPEARS TO BE SLIGHTLY INTOXICATED. 225 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:24,237 CLAIMS TO BE AN EX-SPOUSE. 226 00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:25,873 REAL PIECE OF WORK. 227 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,575 - REAL PIECE OF WORK. - REAL PIECE OF WORK. 228 00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:28,942 - REAL PIECE OF WORK. 229 00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,578 - I KNOW WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS, 230 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:31,612 AND YOU'RE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE. 231 00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,046 - FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE, LESLIE. 232 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,247 HE DATES MY EX, I DATE HIS. 233 00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:36,183 - RON AND WENDY AREN'T EVEN DATING ANYMORE. 234 00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:38,051 SHE'S MOVING BACK TO CANADA. 235 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:39,920 - WHAT? - UH-OH. OH, GOD. 236 00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,221 OKAY, HEY. WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE? 237 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,791 - RON AND I ARE GOING TO GET A CUP OF COFFEE 238 00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:44,792 AND TALK THINGS OUT. 239 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:46,193 - IT'S TIME FOR TAMMY AND ME 240 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:49,262 TO BURY THE HATCHET ONCE AND FOR ALL. 241 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:52,600 EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. 242 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:57,304 [moaning and groaning] 243 00:08:57,337 --> 00:09:00,841 - IT'S BEEN LIKE THIS FOR HOURS. 244 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,042 - RIGHT THERE. RIGHT THERE. 245 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,811 - YEAH. YEAH. - HEY, SWANSON! 246 00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,345 [banging] 247 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,581 SNAP OUT OF IT! 248 00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:08,949 - LESLIE. 249 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,283 CONGRATULATE US. 250 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:13,887 - RON'S GOT ONE JUST LIKE IT ON HIS PENIS. 251 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,789 - OH, YEAH. 252 00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:17,324 - WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU? 253 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,860 - WELL... 254 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,896 [indistinct yelling] 255 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:30,671 - THANK YOU. 256 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,372 - [laughs] 257 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:35,008 - ROCK AND ROLL! YEAH, BABY! 258 00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,309 - I GOT IT! - UH! 259 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,645 - YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE. 260 00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:40,648 [Wedding March playing] 261 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:48,021 * 262 00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:50,323 - IT'S BEEN KIND OF A CRAZY NIGHT. 263 00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:51,825 - COME BACK, COME BACK. 264 00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:53,694 [moaning and groaning] 265 00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:56,363 - APRIL, COULD YOU COME IN HERE A SECOND? 266 00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,799 APRIL, WAY TO COME IN. GREAT INITIATIVE. 267 00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,768 - YOU CALLED ME IN. 268 00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:02,269 - LISTEN, COULD YOU PLEASE CALL ANN PERKINS 269 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,337 AND TELL HER THAT I WILL BE UNABLE TO ENJOY LUNCH 270 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,674 WITH HER TODAY, AS I AM JUST SWAMPED. 271 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:07,708 ALL DAY. 272 00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:10,277 - COPY THAT. 273 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,412 HI, ANN. THIS IS APRIL. 274 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,281 I'M JUST CALLING TO LET YOU KNOW 275 00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,316 THAT CHRIS CAN'T MAKE LUNCH TODAY. 276 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:20,187 I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T CARE. GOOD-BYE. 277 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,755 - THEY STARTED HAVING SEX AT THE COURT HOUSE. 278 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,056 WE HAD NO CHOICE. 279 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,025 - OH, WELL, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. 280 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,294 CHIEF, I NEED TO ASK YOU A HUGE FAVOR. 281 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:28,361 - LESLIE. 282 00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,197 - RON IS A GOOD MAN 283 00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,732 WHO JUST GOT CAUGHT UP IN SOMETHING TERRIBLE. 284 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:34,234 AND I WAS HOPING THAT MAYBE YOU WOULD 285 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:37,871 REDUCE HIS CHARGES AND RELEASE HIM INTO MY CUSTODY. 286 00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:39,306 - ALL RIGHT. 287 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,341 BUT KEEP HIM AWAY FROM THAT CRAZY LIBRARIAN. 288 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,210 - I'LL DO MY BEST. 289 00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,344 - IN FACT, I DON'T WANT HIM 290 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,279 WITHIN 500 FEET OF THE LIBRARY. 291 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,048 - THAT'S GOOD ADVICE FOR ALL OF US. 292 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,316 - NOTHING BUT TROUBLE THERE. 293 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:52,085 - THANKS A LOT, BRO. - HEY, STOP. 294 00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:54,087 - SORRY. 295 00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:56,924 - [groans] TAKE ME BACK TO TAMMY. 296 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:58,425 - FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, NO. 297 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,894 - THAT WAS NOT THE FAVOR WE NEEDED TO ASK FOR, LESLIE. 298 00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,963 IF WE DON'T GET THE POLICE FOR THE HARVEST FESTIVAL, 299 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,798 THERE IS NO HARVEST FESTIVAL. 300 00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:06,233 - I KNOW. I'LL FIGURE IT OUT LATER. 301 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:09,402 - CAN YOU TURN THE RADIO OFF. THIS IS OUR SONG. 302 00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,204 - YOUR SONG IS DANCING ON THE CEILING 303 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:13,240 BY LIONEL RITCHIE? 304 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,808 OH, WOW, LOOK AT THAT. 305 00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,009 YOU SHAVED OFF PART OF YOUR MUSTACHE. 306 00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,110 THAT'S LOVELY. 307 00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:20,447 - I DIDN'T SHAVE IT OFF. IT RUBBED OFF... 308 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,982 FROM FRICTION. 309 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,116 - UHH! 310 00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:24,284 - UHHH! 311 00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:25,152 - UHH! 312 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,487 - RON SWANSON, THIS IS AN INTERVENTION. 313 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,923 YOU HAVE BEEN SPENDING THE LAST 24 HOURS 314 00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:32,993 SIPPING ON JOY JUICE AND TRIPPING ON TAMMY. 315 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,262 WELL, THE PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM ARE YOUR METHADONE. 316 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:36,930 AND WE'RE HERE TO GET YOU CLEAN. 317 00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:39,399 - CONGRATULATIONS. 318 00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:42,770 HOLY MATRIMONY, THERE'S THE MAN OF THE HOUR. 319 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,905 - JERRY, WHAT IS THIS? 320 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,006 - THAT IS THE SET OF TUMBLERS 321 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,374 THAT I GOT FROM THE REGISTRY. 322 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:49,409 - THIS IS AN INTERVENTION. 323 00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:50,744 - I THOUGHT YOU SAID ON THE PHONE 324 00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:52,045 IT WAS A RECEPTION. 325 00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:54,114 - OKAY. ALL RIGHT, LET'S BEGIN. 326 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:57,017 - I WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS THE GOOFY-LOOKING, 327 00:11:57,050 --> 00:12:00,153 DIRTY-KIMONO-WEARING, CORN-ROWED CLOWN IN THE ROOM. 328 00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:04,524 IF YOU SEE RON SWANSON, CAN YOU GIVE HIM THIS MESSAGE? 329 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,994 YOU USED TO BE A MAN. 330 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:09,096 YOU NEED TO GET YOUR HOUSE IN ORDER. 331 00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:11,064 LOOK, I LOVE YOU LIKE A BROTHER 332 00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:13,233 BUT RIGHT NOW, I HATE YOU 333 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,135 LIKE MY ACTUAL BROTHER, LEVONDRIOUS, 334 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,237 WHO I HATE. 335 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,271 - OKAY, TOM. 336 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:20,240 - RON, YOU LOOK GREAT. 337 00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:22,509 YOUR SKIN IS GLOWING. I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU SO HAPPY. 338 00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:24,511 - OKAY, SIT DOWN. 339 00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:26,947 - ANDY. 340 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:30,050 - RON, I DO NOT REALLY UNDERSTAND 341 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,052 WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW. 342 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:37,324 BUT NO MATTER WHAT, 343 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:39,827 YOU MUST KEEP GOING. 344 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,161 - NO. 345 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,964 - YOU MUST STOP. 346 00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,899 I LOVE YOU, BUDDY. 347 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:49,002 FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS. 348 00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,838 - POWERFUL STUFF. 349 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:56,009 - APRIL? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 350 00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:59,079 - I WORK FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 351 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,314 - I CAME TO SEE WHY CHRIS STOOD ME UP FOR LUNCH, 352 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,016 BUT I THINK I JUST FIGURED IT OUT. 353 00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:04,251 - BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU? 354 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,385 - NO, I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S NOT IT. 355 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:08,588 - ACTUALLY IT'S BECAUSE I DIDN'T CALL YOU DELIBERATELY. 356 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,291 WHICH, IF YOU ASK ME, IS A FIREABLE OFFENSE. 357 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:12,893 SO I WOULD TELL HIM THAT. 358 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:15,328 ALSO, HE'S NOT INTO YOU SEXUALLY. 359 00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,330 - MMM. - ANN PERKINS. 360 00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:18,298 APRIL LUDGATE. 361 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,600 LITERALLY TWO OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE ON EARTH. 362 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,202 I'M SORRY THAT I HAD TO CANCEL LUNCH. 363 00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,337 - NOT AT ALL. IT'S NOT A PROBLEM. 364 00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:27,374 APRIL HERE WAS VERY APOLOGETIC ON THE PHONE. 365 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:28,608 SHE ALSO SENT ME FLOWERS. 366 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,444 - APRIL. NICE TOUCH. 367 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,450 - HELLO, RON. IT'S RON. 368 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:41,288 IF YOU'RE WATCHING THIS, IT MEANS THAT ONCE AGAIN 369 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,190 YOU HAVE DANCED WITH THE DEVIL. 370 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,158 RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING 371 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,927 TAMMY'S CHANGED. 372 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,328 WE'LL BE HAPPY TOGETHER. 373 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:49,963 BUT YOU'RE ONLY THINKING THAT 374 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,199 BECAUSE SHE'S A MONSTROUS PARASITE 375 00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:54,301 WHO ENTERED THROUGH YOUR PRIVATES 376 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,870 AND LODGED HERSELF IN YOUR BRAIN. 377 00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:58,605 SO YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES-- 378 00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:01,108 ONE, GET RID OF TAMMY, 379 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:04,344 OR TWO, LOBOTOMY AND CASTRATION. 380 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,413 CHOOSE WISELY. 381 00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:09,316 YOU STUPID [bleep]. 382 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,484 THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME. 383 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:15,088 YOU PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 384 00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:18,258 - THAT WAS YOU ON THE TAPE. THAT WAS YOU TALKING. 385 00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,227 - RON? RON! 386 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:23,396 RON. OH, THERE YOU ARE. 387 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:26,333 [chuckling] AH! 388 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:29,036 - RON. STOP IT. GOD, PLEASE. 389 00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:32,472 RON, DON'T DO THAT. - OH, IT'S DONE, LESLIE. 390 00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,341 TAMMY AND I ARE IN LOVE, 391 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,443 AND WE'RE GONNA START A FAMILY TOGETHER. 392 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,511 IN FACT, SHE'S OVULATING. 393 00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,247 SO IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US, 394 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,082 WE'RE HEADING OFF ON OUR HONEYMOON. 395 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:45,318 - WOW. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - JERRY. 396 00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:48,321 - WE'RE GONNA SPEND 11 DAYS IN MY CABIN IN THE WOODS. 397 00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:50,223 - WE BOUGHT 10 CASES OF GATORADE 398 00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:53,093 AND A 40-POUND BAG OF PEANUTS FOR ENERGY. 399 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:56,029 - OH, GOD. - GIVE ME IT. 400 00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:59,466 - ALL RIGHT, OKAY. EXCUSE ME. 401 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,501 - OH, YEAH. OH, GOD. 402 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:04,604 - ANN AND I ARE HEADED OUT, 403 00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,239 AND I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU 404 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:09,276 FOR EVERYTHING TODAY, AND I WILL SEE YOU TOMORROW. 405 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,477 [knocking] 406 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,379 - HI, CHRIS. 407 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,948 UH, RON SWANSON HAS SENT ME OVER 408 00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:17,517 TO DELIVER TO YOU THIS DOCUMENT. 409 00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:20,988 - "TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, DEAR CHRIS, 410 00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:23,556 "THERE IS AN EMERGENCY REGARDING THE PARKS DEPARTMENT, 411 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,559 "AND APRIL MAY JUST BE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN HELP. 412 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:30,430 "I CAN'T GET INTO DETAILS BECAUSE IT'S SUPER-CLASSIFIED. 413 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,599 "PLEASE RELEASE APRIL BACK TO US PERMANENTLY. 414 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,467 "GOD BLESS AMERICA. 415 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:38,571 LOVE, BERT MACKLIN, FBI." 416 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:39,672 - WHAT? 417 00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,374 - OKAY. WELL, BYE. 418 00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,176 - APRIL, LISTEN. 419 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,012 IF YOU DON'T WANT TO WORK FOR ME, 420 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,046 I'M NOT GONNA FORCE YOU. 421 00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:47,314 YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS. 422 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,648 - SHE DIDN'T DO THAT. THAT--THAT WAS-- 423 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,417 DUDE, I THINK IT SOUNDS LIKE IT WAS MACKLIN'S CALL. 424 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,651 - LOOK, I GET IT. 425 00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:55,122 YOU'RE YOUNG, AND TRYING ISN'T COOL. 426 00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,556 BUT I THINK YOU'RE SMART. 427 00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:59,292 I'M GONNA BE GOING BACK TO INDIANAPOLIS SOON, 428 00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:01,761 AND I THINK YOU SHOULD COME WORK FOR ME. 429 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,531 - WOW, MOVE ALL THE WAY TO INDIANAPOLIS, 430 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:07,334 SO I CAN PICK UP YOUR VITAMINS AND SUPPLEMENTS. 431 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,269 - EVERYBODY STARTS SOMEWHERE. 432 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,503 YOU'LL TRAVEL, 433 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:13,073 AND YOU WILL MEET INTERESTING PEOPLE. 434 00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:14,774 THINK ABOUT IT. 435 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:18,045 - OKAY. I WILL. 436 00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:20,147 - APPARENTLY HE WANTS APRIL 437 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:23,150 TO MOVE TO INDIANAPOLIS WITH HIM. 438 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,418 SO THAT'S SOMETHING. 439 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:28,088 [tapping] 440 00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,556 - I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. 441 00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:33,126 - LOOK, I JUST WANTED TO SHOW HIM WHAT IT FELT LIKE 442 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,428 TO HAVE YOUR EX-WIFE DATE SOMEONE YOU KNOW. 443 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:38,165 WHATEVER HAPPENED AFTER THAT IS NOT MY FAULT. 444 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:38,998 - YES, IT IS. 445 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:41,368 TOM, YOU DID A REALLY CRAPPY THING, 446 00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,703 AND I THINK DEEP DOWN, YOU KNOW THAT. 447 00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:48,108 WHATEVER HAPPENS TO RON SWANSON IS ON YOU. 448 00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,713 [knocking] 449 00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:56,216 - EXCUSE ME, CHIEF. SORRY TO INTERRUPT. 450 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,185 - HEY, CALZONE BOY, WHAT'S UP? 451 00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:01,054 - WELL, HERE'S HOPING THAT THAT NICKNAME DOESN'T STICK. 452 00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:03,823 RIGHT? 453 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,059 BUT THAT'S NOT WHY I'M HERE. 454 00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:09,762 UH, LESLIE KNOPE ASKED YOU FOR A FAVOR THE OTHER DAY, 455 00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,764 BUT THE REAL FAVOR WE NEED IS MUCH BIGGER. 456 00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:14,367 - YOU MEAN, LIKE CALZONE-SIZED? 457 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:17,504 - AH! SURE. 458 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,572 WE NEED THE PAWNEE POLICE FORCE 459 00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:20,840 TO VOLUNTEER AS SECURITY 460 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,742 DURING THE UPCOMING HARVEST FESTIVAL. 461 00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,078 NOW, THE CITY WON'T LET US THROW THE FESTIVAL UNLESS-- 462 00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:26,679 - SAY NO MORE. 463 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,448 JUST SEND ME A SCHEDULE OF HOW MANY OFFICERS YOU NEED AND WHEN. 464 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,817 - REALLY? JUST LIKE THAT? 465 00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:33,186 - LESLIE KNOPE GETS AS MANY FAVORS AS SHE NEEDS. 466 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,122 - CAN I ASK WHY? 467 00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,457 - BECAUSE SHE'S THE KIND OF A PERSON 468 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,292 WHO USES FAVORS TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE. 469 00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:41,228 AND ALSO, MY BUDDY DAVE 470 00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,729 WAS THE CRANKIEST BASTARD IN THE DEPARTMENT 471 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,097 TILL HE STARTED DATING LESLIE. 472 00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:47,834 - HUH. SO SHE... OKAY. 473 00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,669 ARE THEY STILL DATING OR--? 474 00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:52,705 - NO. MOVED TO SAN DIEGO A YEAR AGO. 475 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,607 - OH. 476 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,609 WAS IT A SERIOUS THING, OR--? 477 00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,778 - WHAT DO YOU CARE? YOU A PERVERT? 478 00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,213 - NOPE, NOPE. I'M ALL GOOD. 479 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:01,814 UM, EVERYTHING'S FINE. 480 00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:03,850 THIS IS FINE. 481 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:06,686 - DON'T THINK I WON'T DO IT. 482 00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:07,720 I'LL WEAR THIS TO WORK. 483 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,522 [laughter] 484 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,158 ALL RIGHT, WE GOT A LITTLE ONE. 485 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:12,825 OOH, WHAT'S IN HERE, HUH? 486 00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:15,695 [gasps] A NEW LIBRARY CARD? 487 00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:16,729 - READ THE NAME. 488 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,431 - "TAMMY SWANSON SWANSON." 489 00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:19,432 [laughter] 490 00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:21,768 YOU GUYS, THAT'S AMAZING. 491 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,870 [laughter] 492 00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,872 - WELL, YOU ABOUT READY TO GO, MY LOVE? 493 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,340 - YEAH. - WAIT, RON! 494 00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:28,508 STOP! 495 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,443 JERRY, WHAT THE HELL? 496 00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:32,845 DON'T DO IT. SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU. 497 00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,747 - YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 498 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:35,782 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 499 00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,817 - YES, I DO, OKAY? 500 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:38,818 WHEN I ASKED HER TO BE MY DATE, 501 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,153 SHE CACKLED FOR A FULL MINUTE 502 00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:42,822 AND SAID, AND I QUOTE, 503 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,725 "ANYTHING TO MAKE RON MISERABLE." 504 00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,760 IT'S NOT REAL, MAN. 505 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:48,695 SHE'S JUST MESSING WITH YOU. 506 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:51,664 - HE'S LYING, RON. STAY OUT OF THIS, GLENN. 507 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,600 - IT'S TOM. AND I'M NOT LYING. 508 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:54,934 I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU DESTROY RON. 509 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,803 YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO--OW! 510 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,505 OW! AAH! 511 00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:00,607 - OH! HE'S ATTACKING ME, RON! 512 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,709 KILL HIM! - [groans] 513 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,278 - [growls] 514 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:06,279 - [screams] 515 00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:09,949 - [laughs] 516 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:13,186 YEAH! DO YOUR WORST, GLENN! 517 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:14,221 - YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT. 518 00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:15,655 - AAAAH! - AAH! 519 00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,590 [moans] 520 00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:18,758 - WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF, GLENN? 521 00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:20,493 STOP HITTING YOURSELF. 522 00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,529 - TAMMY, THAT'S ENOUGH! 523 00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:23,696 - WHAT? 524 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,498 HEY, BABY. 525 00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:27,800 - YOU ALMOST HAD ME. 526 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,936 AGAIN. 527 00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:31,804 BUT SEEING YOU PICK ON THIS PATHETIC, 528 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,206 DEFENSELESS LITTLE MAN... 529 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,207 - HEY. 530 00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:36,876 - REMINDED ME WHAT KIND OF A MONSTER YOU ARE. 531 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,245 - YOU'RE A JOKE. 532 00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:40,213 YOU'RE NOT EVEN A MAN ANYMORE. 533 00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:42,282 OH, AND BY THE WAY, LAST NIGHT, 534 00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:44,317 I FAKED FOUR OUT OF THE SEVEN. 535 00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:47,320 - HMM. SO DID I. 536 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,322 LET'S GO, SON. 537 00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,830 - HEY. - HEY. 538 00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:58,865 SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE MESS. 539 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,800 THE CRISIS HAS BEEN AVERTED, 540 00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,902 SO LET'S GO TALK TO THE CHIEF. 541 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:03,936 - OH, I ALREADY TALKED TO HIM. 542 00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:05,905 THEY'LL GIVE US THE HOURS WE NEED, NO PROBLEM. 543 00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:08,675 - GREAT. WHAT A RELIEF. - YEAH. 544 00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:12,845 HEY, ARE YOU HUNGRY? I HAVEN'T EATEN. 545 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:13,713 - YOU KNOW, YEAH. 546 00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:14,747 THERE'S A REALLY GREAT CALZONE PLACE 547 00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:15,748 OVER IN IDIOTVILLE. 548 00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:17,917 - OH, REALLY? - DOWN ON TERRIBLE IDEA AVENUE. 549 00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:19,118 - OKAY. THAT'S WEIRD. 550 00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:23,656 'CAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS ON BEATING-A-DEAD-HORSE BOULEVARD. 551 00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,292 - CALZONES ARE POINTLESS. 552 00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,427 THEY'RE JUST PIZZA THAT'S HARDER TO EAT. 553 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,629 NO ONE LIKES THEM. 554 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:30,830 GOOD DAY, SIR. 555 00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:33,766 - LESLIE, I-- YOU KNOW, I-- 556 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,702 - I'M JUST KIDDING. LET'S GO. 557 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:36,936 - OH. [laughs weakly] 558 00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:38,871 OKAY. THAT WAS FUNNY. 559 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:46,379 - HIGH AND TIGHT. 560 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,415 - DO YOU THINK IT'S GONNA LEAVE A SCAR? 561 00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:49,949 - TOM, WOMEN LIKE SCARS. 562 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,751 SHOWS YOU SURVIVED AN ATTACK, 563 00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:54,787 AND THEY'LL ASSUME THE ATTACK WAS FROM A MAN. 564 00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:57,924 - SORRY, RON, ABOUT EVERYTHING. 565 00:20:57,957 --> 00:20:59,492 - AH. 566 00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:00,827 TO TRUE LOVE. 567 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,662 MAY WE BOTH FIND IT. 568 00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:05,398 - I'LL DRINK TO THAT. 569 00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:07,534 NICE GLASSES. 570 00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:09,469 - WEDDING PRESENT FROM JERRY. 571 00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:10,470 - YOU'RE NOT GONNA RETURN THEM? 572 00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:12,739 - NAH. TOO MUCH HASSLE.