1 00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:04,405 - GIDDYUP, GIDDYUP! 2 00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:05,606 - MEET LESLIE KNOPE. 3 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,075 - WHAP! 4 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,242 I AM THE PANTS QUEEN! 5 00:00:08,276 --> 00:00:10,111 - LESLIE LOVES WHIPPED CREAM, 6 00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:11,279 DANCING WITH FRIENDS, 7 00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,114 AND WORKING HARD FOR THE PARKS DEPARTMENT 8 00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,248 OF PAWNEE, INDIANA. 9 00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:15,516 - CUT IT OUT, TOM. 10 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:16,550 - IT NEVER GETS OLD. 11 00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:17,718 - SHE ALSO LOVES HER COWORKERS 12 00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,087 AT CITY HALL, 13 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,822 RON SWANSON... 14 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,124 TOM HAVERFORD... 15 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,226 [humming] 16 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:26,227 - TOMMY TIMBERLAKE. 17 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,361 - APRIL LUDGATE... 18 00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:29,097 - MY MOM'S PUERTO RICAN. 19 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,132 THAT'S WHY I'M SO LIVELY AND COLORFUL. 20 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,401 - AND ANDY DWYER. 21 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:34,535 - UH-OH. [crash] 22 00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:35,769 NAILED IT. 23 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:38,106 - APRIL AND ANDY LIKE EACH OTHER. 24 00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:39,707 BUT ANDY ACCIDENTALLY KISSED 25 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,642 HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND, ANN PERKINS... 26 00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:42,776 - OOH. 27 00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:45,079 - APRIL LEFT. - APRIL! 28 00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:46,280 - AND HE HASN'T SEEN HER SINCE. 29 00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:47,748 IN THE MIDST OF ALL THIS LOVE, 30 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,318 TWO BLACK HATS RODE INTO TOWN... 31 00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:52,120 - SCIENTISTS BELIEVE THAT THE FIRST HUMAN BEING 32 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:52,820 WHO WILL LIVE 150 YEARS 33 00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:54,855 HAS ALREADY BEEN BORN. 34 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,490 I BELIEVE I AM THAT HUMAN BEING. 35 00:00:56,524 --> 00:01:00,094 - AND THEY BROUGHT WITH THEM SOME DISTURBING NEWS. 36 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,028 - EFFECTIVE TOMORROW MORNING, 37 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,496 THE ENTIRE GOVERNMENT WILL BE SHUT DOWN 38 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,098 UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. 39 00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,733 - WHAT WILL LESLIE DO NEXT? 40 00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:09,203 WILL APRIL AND ANDY MAKE UP AND MAKE OUT? 41 00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:11,172 FIND OUT THIS SEASON ON PARKS AND RECREATION. 42 00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:12,773 STARTING RIGHT NOW. 43 00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:14,808 [horn beeps] 44 00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:21,815 - RON...WE'RE BACK. 45 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,117 - BULLY. 46 00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:24,652 - THE BANKRUPT GOVERNMENT OF PAWNEE 47 00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,820 HAS BEEN SHUT DOWN ALL SUMMER, 48 00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,356 SO IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS OF NO WORK, 49 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,758 NO MEETINGS, NO MEMOS, NO LATE NIGHTS, NOTHING. 50 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:32,526 I WOULDN'T WISH IT ON MY WORST ENEMY. 51 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,628 OH, ROUNDING UP THE TEAM. 52 00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:36,197 SO EXCITING. 53 00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:39,500 I HAVE GOOSEBUMPS. FEEL. 54 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:42,170 - AND THAT'S WHY THEY CALL ME PRINCE CHARMING. 55 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,471 'CAUSE I ALWAYS FIND THE GLASS SLIPPER 56 00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:44,805 FOR MY CINDERELLA. 57 00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:45,906 - THESE ARE WAY TOO TIGHT. 58 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,841 - WELL, THE REAL CINDERELLA DIDN'T HAVE HIPPO FEET. 59 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,243 - TOM, WE'RE BACK. 60 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:50,511 [claps] 61 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,513 - JEREMY! SUCK IT! 62 00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:53,781 BY THE WAY, I'VE BEEN GIVING AWAY FREE SPORTS BRAS 63 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,617 TO THE GIRLS AT HOT DOG ON A STICK. 64 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,419 - LOOK, WE CAN DANCE ALL DAY, 65 00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,687 BUT IT'S TIME TO STEP UP. 66 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,922 ARE YOU BUYING 4,000 RUBBER NIPPLES FROM ME 67 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,857 OR NOT? 68 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,226 - DEE, YOU HAVE A VISITOR. 69 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,560 - WE BACK? 70 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:07,661 - WE'RE BACK. 71 00:02:07,695 --> 00:02:08,662 - ALL RIGHT. 72 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,798 [birds chirping] 73 00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:11,899 [footsteps approaching] 74 00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,567 - JERRY. - OH, MY GOSH. 75 00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:14,768 LOOK WHO'S HERE. LESLIE. 76 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,837 - THE NIGHTMARE'S OVER, JERRY. WE'RE GOING BACK TO WORK. 77 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,873 YOU'RE NOT GONNA NEED THIS ANYMORE. 78 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:20,908 [splash] 79 00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:22,543 COME ON! 80 00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,781 - I CALLED SHOTGUN. EVERYBODY HEARD ME. 81 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,751 [triumphant music] 82 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:38,792 * 83 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:49,370 - WELL... 84 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:52,773 I AM USUALLY NOT ONE FOR SPEECHES. 85 00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:53,774 SO GOOD-BYE. 86 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,376 - BREAK'S OVER, MOFOS. 87 00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:56,244 OKAY, HERE'S THE SITUATION. 88 00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,746 WE ARE OPERATING ON A SHOESTRING BUDGET. 89 00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:00,948 PARK SERVICES HAVE BEEN SLASHED. 90 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:03,317 BUT WE ARE ALL STILL HERE. 91 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:04,852 AND WE HAVE A JOB TO DO. 92 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:07,455 - MAKE THE WORLD'S BIGGEST PIZZA. 93 00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:08,889 - NO, MAKE THIS TOWN FUN 94 00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:09,990 FOR THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE HERE. 95 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:10,991 - FINE, BUT AFTER THAT, 96 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,593 THE PIZZA IS OUR TOP PRIORITY. 97 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:13,827 - NO, IT'S NOT. 98 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,396 - WE'RE GETTING PIZZA? 99 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:18,766 - APRIL, HEY. IT'S ME, ANDY. 100 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:19,833 DWYER. 101 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:22,970 UH, THIS IS, LIKE, THE 200TH MESSAGE I'VE LEFT YOU 102 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,805 WITHOUT A RESPONSE. 103 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:25,673 SO... 104 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,376 IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING, 105 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:29,977 I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS 106 00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,613 BECAUSE YOU WON'T CALL ME BACK. 107 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,648 - IT IS TRULY GREAT TO SEE ALL OF YOU. 108 00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:35,983 HUH? 109 00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:37,751 IT'S GREAT NEWS. 110 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:40,254 OKAY, I HAVE TO RUN. BEN. 111 00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:43,324 - THE BAD NEWS, WHICH... 112 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,626 I GET TO DELIVER, IS THIS: 113 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,261 YOUR ONLY WORK FOR THE TIME BEING 114 00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:49,597 WILL BE EXISTING PARK MAINTENANCE. 115 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:50,764 SO THAT JUST MEANS 116 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:51,765 THAT WE'RE IN MAINTENANCE MODE! 117 00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:53,000 - YEAH! 118 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,935 - JERRY. 119 00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,937 - OKAY, SEE, I'VE SPENT THE LAST FEW MONTHS 120 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:57,738 BRAINSTORMING, 121 00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:58,572 AND I HAVE SOME REALLY GREAT IDEAS, 122 00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,574 AND I PUT THEM IN MY IDEA BINDERS. 123 00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:02,310 I MEAN, THEY'RE COLOR-CODED, FOR GOD'S SAKE. 124 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:03,243 - OKAY, ACTUALLY, YEAH. THERE IS-- 125 00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:04,978 THERE IS ONE THING THAT YOU WILL BE DOING. 126 00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:06,580 APPARENTLY, IN INDIANA, 127 00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:07,881 IF YOU DON'T PROVIDE A BASKETBALL LEAGUE, 128 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,517 PEOPLE GET VERY UPSET. 129 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,552 AND, QUITE FRANKLY, THROW THINGS AT YOU 130 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,953 AND CALL YOU NAMES. 131 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,855 LIKE TURD BOY. I--WHATEVER. 132 00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:17,291 POINT IS, I REINSTATED YOUTH BASKETBALL. 133 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,859 - IT SAYS HERE YOU ONLY HAVE MONEY FOR TWO TEAMS. 134 00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:21,395 - YEAH, THEY'RE GONNA DEVELOP A GREAT RIVALRY. 135 00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:22,996 [whistle blows] 136 00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:24,932 - UNDER MY TUTELAGE, YOU WILL GROW 137 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,334 FROM BOYS INTO MEN. 138 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,936 FROM MEN INTO GLADIATORS. 139 00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:32,005 AND FROM GLADIATORS INTO SWANSONS. 140 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:34,041 BEHOLD. 141 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,610 THE SWANSON PYRAMID OF GREATNESS. 142 00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:39,413 I'VE BEEN DEVELOPING THE SWANSON PYRAMID OF GREATNESS 143 00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:40,514 FOR YEARS. 144 00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:42,850 IT'S A PERFECTLY CALIBRATED RECIPE 145 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,818 FOR MAXIMUM PERSONAL ACHIEVEMENT. 146 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,620 CATEGORIES INCLUDE: 147 00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,889 CAPITALISM, GOD'S WAY OF DETERMINING 148 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,958 WHO IS SMART, AND WHO IS POOR. 149 00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:53,961 CRYING, ACCEPTABLE AT FUNERALS 150 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:55,363 AND THE GRAND CANYON. 151 00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:57,898 RAGE, POISE, PROPERTY RIGHTS. 152 00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,833 FISH, FOR SPORT ONLY. 153 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,335 NOT FOR MEAT. 154 00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:02,936 FISH MEAT IS PRACTICALLY A VEGETABLE. 155 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:03,771 HAIRCUTS. 156 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,038 THERE ARE THREE ACCEPTABLE HAIRCUTS. 157 00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:06,907 HIGH AND TIGHT, 158 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,109 CREW CUT, BUZZ CUT. 159 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,745 ARE THE SCISSORS BROKEN IN YOUR HOUSE, SON? 160 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,947 - SO YOU HAPPY TO BE BACK AT WORK? 161 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,816 - WELL, OUR BUDGET'S BEEN SLASHED TO ZERO. 162 00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,618 I TRIED TO BUY FERTILIZER THE OTHER DAY 163 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,752 FOR THE SOCCER FIELD. 164 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,087 REQUEST DENIED. 165 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,822 WE LITERALLY CAN'T BUY [bleep]. 166 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,791 - OH, I'M SO SORRY. - NO, I MEAN, LOOK. 167 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:24,858 WHEN WE WERE KIDS, 168 00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:27,060 THE PARKS DEPARTMENT WOULD DO THESE BIG PROJECTS. 169 00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:30,531 WINTER JAMBOREE, THE HARVEST FESTIVAL. 170 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,666 IT'S LIKE THEY DON'T HAVE FAITH IN US ANYMORE. 171 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,134 I'M NOT A PAPER-PUSHER, ANN. 172 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,836 I NEED TO BE OUT IN THE STREETS, 173 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,405 PLANTING TREES AND CRACKING SKULLS. 174 00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:39,106 - LESLIE KNOPE. ANN PERKINS. 175 00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,409 HOW ARE MY TWO FAVORITE PEOPLE IN THIS ENTIRE TOWN? 176 00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:42,643 - NOT GOOD, CHRIS. 177 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,877 THERE'S A WHOLE LINE OF PEOPLE IN MY OFFICE 178 00:05:43,911 --> 00:05:44,945 COMPLAINING THAT ALL THEIR PROGRAMS 179 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:46,480 HAVE BEEN SLASHED. 180 00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:47,681 - YEAH, I KNOW. IT'S TERRIBLE. 181 00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:50,684 IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT THAT? 182 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:51,552 - NO. - DAMN, SORRY, LESLIE. 183 00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,721 ANN, COULD I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE? 184 00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,959 - SO HOW'S IT GOING? - SAVE IT, OKAY? 185 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,028 I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE FAITH IN ME 186 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,563 AND MY DEPARTMENT, AND THAT'S FINE. 187 00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:03,864 BUT DON'T EXPECT ME TO SIT HERE 188 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,032 AND CHIT-CHAT WITH YOU. 189 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,867 - ALL RIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH. 190 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:07,635 - GO THE OTHER WAY. 191 00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:09,970 - BUT I'M JUST GOING TO THAT-- 192 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,739 ALL RIGHT, UH-- 193 00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,741 - LOOK, I'M VERY FLATTERED. 194 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:14,742 BUT AGAIN, I DON'T THINK 195 00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:16,410 I SHOULD GO OUT WITH YOU. 196 00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:17,978 - CAN I ASK YOU WHY NOT? 197 00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:18,846 BECAUSE I THOUGHT WE HAD A GREAT TIME 198 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,114 THE NIGHT YOU GOT DRUNK AND KISSED ME. 199 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:23,751 AND YOU DID USE YOUR TONGUE. 200 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,586 - I JUST DON'T THINK I'M IN A PLACE 201 00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:27,521 TO GO OUT WITH ANYONE RIGHT NOW. 202 00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:28,989 - OKAY, WELL, 203 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:29,857 IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, 204 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,559 YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME, ANN PERKINS. 205 00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:32,960 LESLIE KNOPE. 206 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,928 - YES. DID HE ASK YOU OUT AGAIN? 207 00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:36,830 - HE DID, HE DID. 208 00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:39,032 HE IS NOTHING IF NOT PERSISTENT. 209 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,968 AND HOT. 210 00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,836 HE'S VER-- HE'S PRETTY HOT. 211 00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:43,837 YEAH, HE'S HOT. 212 00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:45,005 BUT HE'S INTENSE. 213 00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:46,574 BUT HE'S REALLY, REALLY HOT. 214 00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:47,508 BUT HE'S YOUR BOSS. 215 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,042 - OH, MY GOD, I JUST THOUGHT OF AN IDEA 216 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,644 OF HOW WE CAN SAVE THE PARKS DEPARTMENT. 217 00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:51,979 - GREAT. 218 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:52,746 - LET ME ASK YOU ONE QUESTION. 219 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,915 WOULD YOU BE COOL DOING THINGS 220 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:55,983 THAT A PROSTITUTE DOES? 221 00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,751 - UH... 222 00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:58,986 - MINUS THE MONEY. 223 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,088 - DEFINITELY YES, THEN. 224 00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:02,456 - THANKS, ANN. 225 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:04,458 - LOOKING SHARP. BEAUTIFUL. 226 00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,126 THE BACKBOARD IS YOUR FRIEND. 227 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,795 [roaring] 228 00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,630 - AAAA, BAM! 229 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:10,998 BOOM! 230 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,801 I'D SAY MY COACHING STYLE IS CENTERED 231 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:14,902 AROUND FUNDAMENTALS, 232 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,136 WITH AN EMPHASIS ON FUN. 233 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,905 HEY, WATCH THIS. 234 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,773 GO GET IT! 235 00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:23,076 AND A SECOND EMPHASIS ON MENTAL. 236 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,012 YEAH, IT CAN BE HARD WORK, 237 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:25,779 BUT EVERY TIME I LOOK 238 00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,715 ONE OF THESE KIDS IN THE EYES 239 00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:30,017 AND HE CALLS ME COACH... 240 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:33,253 THAT'S HOW I KNOW I AGREED TO BE A COACH. 241 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,855 - MOUSE RAT! 242 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,257 - CARNAGE! 243 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,892 - OKAY, GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME 244 00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:41,028 FOR THE PREGAME COIN TOSS. 245 00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:42,863 - THERE'S NO COIN TOSS IN BASKETBALL. 246 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,264 ARE THOSE WOMEN'S SNEAKERS? 247 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,033 - YES, THEY ARE, RON. YOU KNOW WHAT? 248 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:48,802 THEY FIT BETTER. I GOT AN EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT. 249 00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:49,803 AND THE BEST PART IS, 250 00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:50,971 NO ONE CAN TELL. 251 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,873 ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS. 252 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:55,876 MATCH POINT, TOUCHDOWN, ET CETERA. 253 00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:58,011 [whistle blows] 254 00:07:58,045 --> 00:07:59,947 - YEAH, GO MY TEAM. ALL RIGHT. 255 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,214 - OKAY, I LIKE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING, 256 00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:03,216 BUT I NEED IT TO BE 300% SEXIER. 257 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,652 DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THOSE SHIRTS 258 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,587 THAT LOOK WET ALL THE TIME? 259 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:07,788 OR--OR, LIKE, A METAL BIKINI? 260 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,222 OH, YOU KNOW WHAT'S ALWAYS SEXY? 261 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:10,958 FINGERLESS GLOVES. 262 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,861 - WHAT ABOUT IF I WEAR THIS NORMAL, SANE OUTFIT? 263 00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:14,728 - YEAH, OKAY, BUT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO EAT 264 00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:16,830 SOMETHING SEXY, THEN, LIKE A BANANA. 265 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:17,831 - FOR DINNER? 266 00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:18,899 - WELL, WHAT'S SEXY FOOD? 267 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,200 ASPARAGUS? 268 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,702 NO, YOU KNOW WHAT'S SEXY? 269 00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:23,604 TURKEY CHILI. 270 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:24,938 - MMM. - YUM. 271 00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,607 - AND HOW, EXACTLY, 272 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,677 AM I SUPPOSED TO CASUALLY STEER THE CONVERSATION 273 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,278 TOWARDS THE PARKS DEPARTMENT BUDGET? 274 00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:32,846 - OKAY, IT'S TOTALLY EASY. 275 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,715 TELL YOU WHAT. YOU BE CHRIS. 276 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,249 I'LL BE YOU. I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE. 277 00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:37,685 - OKAY. [clears throat] 278 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:38,886 - ANN PERKINS. 279 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,220 YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND AMAZING, 280 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,822 AND I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE WITH YOU. 281 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:42,823 - THANK YOU, CHRIS. 282 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,858 I'M WEARING A TUXEDO VEST 283 00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:47,027 WITH NO SHIRT ON UNDERNEATH. 284 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:47,961 UH-OH. 285 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:49,162 - CAN I GET YOU A DRINK? 286 00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,164 I LOVE EVERY SINGLE BEVERAGE IN THE WORLD. 287 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,900 - I WOULD LIKE SOME WINE. 288 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:55,736 AND, OOPS, MY VEST POPPED OPEN. 289 00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:58,572 JUST LIKE THE BUDGET NEEDS TO POP OPEN, 290 00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:00,708 AND YOU NEED TO POUR IT 291 00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,743 INTO MY PARKS DEPARTMENT. 292 00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,211 - GREAT. 293 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:07,314 - I AM SO EXCITED THAT YOU FINALLY AGREED 294 00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:08,882 TO GO OUT WITH ME. 295 00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,651 WHAT A MAGNIFICENT FLIP-FLOP. 296 00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:14,021 - YOU'RE A MAGNIFICENT ASKER-OUTER. 297 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,757 - TELL ME EVERY SINGLE DETAIL OF YOUR DAY. 298 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,258 I LOVE DATES. 299 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:19,860 I LOVE CONNECTING WITH SOMEONE. 300 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,829 I LOVE ENGAGING THEM. 301 00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,931 I LOVE BEING SURPRISED BY THEM. 302 00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,065 I HAVE NEVER HAD A BAD DATE. 303 00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,935 THEY'VE ALL BEEN EITHER GREAT OR PHENOMENALLY GREAT. 304 00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,303 NURSES ARE THE MOST UNDERVALUED MEMBERS 305 00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:32,005 OF OUR SOCIETY BY FAR. 306 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:34,274 I THINK ALL OF YOU SHOULD MAKE AS MUCH MONEY 307 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,275 AS THE CEO OF GOOGLE. 308 00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:38,946 - WOW, THANK YOU. I AGREE. 309 00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:40,380 CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? 310 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,882 - WHY AM I SO POSITIVE ALL THE TIME? 311 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:45,986 - YES, THAT'S EXACTLY THE QUESTION. 312 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,955 - I WAS BORN WITH A BLOOD DISORDER. 313 00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,189 AND MY PARENTS WERE TOLD 314 00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:50,858 THAT I HAD THREE WEEKS TO LIVE. 315 00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,860 AND HERE I STILL AM, 316 00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:56,196 SOME 2,000-ODD WEEKS LATER. 317 00:09:56,229 --> 00:10:02,035 AND I HAVE ENJOYED EVERY ONE OF THEM. 318 00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,336 - I THINK IT'S GOING WELL. 319 00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,873 HE'S ACTUALLY A REALLY NICE GUY. 320 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:06,940 [Leslie on phone] - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 321 00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,175 OKAY, SO HAVE YOU ASKED HIM YET ABOUT THE MONEY? 322 00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,643 - WELL, IT'S A DATE, YOU KNOW? 323 00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:10,944 IT'S KIND OF HARD TO CASUALLY BRING UP 324 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:11,879 THE PARKS BUDGET WHEN YOU'RE TALKING 325 00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,080 ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES. 326 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:16,383 - JURASSIC PARK, PARKS ARE SO GREAT, 327 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:17,851 THE PARKS DEPARTMENT NEEDS MONEY. 328 00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:18,819 I JUST DID IT IN THREE MOVES. 329 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:19,953 - WELL, THEN, WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME HERE 330 00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:20,954 AND DO IT YOURSELF? 331 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,122 - OKAY. - HOLY CRAP. 332 00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,893 - WHAT? CHRIS AND ANN? WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE? 333 00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,661 - WE ARE ON A DATE. 334 00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:28,996 AND IT IS GOING PHENOMENALLY. 335 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,363 - THANKS, BUT I'LL STAY FOR JUST ONE DRINK. 336 00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,332 I'M SO HAPPY I RAN INTO YOU 337 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,101 BECAUSE I WANTED TO SPEAK TO YOU-- 338 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,369 - WELL, WELL, WELL. - BEN. 339 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:38,672 WHAT A FUN SURPRISE. - OH, THAT'S RIGHT. 340 00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:40,207 YOU WERE COMING HERE TONIGHT ON A DATE. 341 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,275 AND, HEY, LESLIE IS JOINING YOU 342 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,812 ON THIS WONDERFULLY ROMANTIC OCCASION. 343 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,179 HOW 'BOUT THAT? 344 00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:47,848 - FANTASTIC. - IT IS. 345 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,182 CAN I TALK TO YOU? 346 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,250 - SURE. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 347 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,085 - I'M JUST CONFIRMING A SUSPICION I HAD, LESLIE. 348 00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:53,220 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 349 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:54,354 I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS DATE. 350 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:55,355 - UH-HUH. - THEY'RE BOTH SO BEAUTIFUL. 351 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,224 THEY PROBABLY JUST WANT TO SEE EACH OTHER NAKED. 352 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,458 - OKAY, WELL, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO. 353 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,027 AND YOU'RE NOT THAT GOOD AT BEING SNEAKY. 354 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,862 - YES, I AM. - NO, YOU'RE NOT. 355 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,263 - I'M GREAT AT BEING SNEAKY. - CLEARLY YOU'RE NOT. 356 00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:04,397 - HEY, YOU GUYS. 357 00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,433 LET'S ALL HAVE DINNER TOGETHER. 358 00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,068 THE MORE THE MERRIER. 359 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,070 - GREAT. - GREAT. 360 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,072 - GOOD JOB, GUYS. YEP. 361 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,173 ALL RIGHT, ERIC, TAKING A REST, 362 00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:14,274 OR ARE YOU HURT? 363 00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,209 TAKING A REST? 364 00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:17,811 SMART. 365 00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:18,879 - DESTROY THEM, GENTLEMEN. 366 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:22,015 FEEL NO SYMPATHY. 367 00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:25,953 - YES, RON SWANSON IS DATING MY EX-WIFE, WENDY. 368 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,921 BIG DEAL. 369 00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:28,922 MY GIRLFRIEND, LUCY, 370 00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,223 IS THE SEXIEST WOMAN IN TOWN. 371 00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,025 SHE'S CUBAN, SHE'S GOT TATTOOS, 372 00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:33,193 AND SHE'S INTO ME, 373 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:34,728 WHICH, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, 374 00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:37,264 IS THE SEXIEST QUALITY A WOMAN CAN HAVE. 375 00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:38,265 - OH, I HAVE AN IDEA. 376 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,200 YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE REALLY FUN AFTER DINNER? 377 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,402 WE SHOULD TAKE A WALK BY THE POND IN RAMSETT PARK. 378 00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,204 - WALKING IN PARKS CAN BE VERY ROMANTIC. 379 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,073 - YEAH, TOO BAD THE PARK'S ALWAYS CLOSED, THOUGH. 380 00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,208 - OKAY, WELL, YOU TWO ARE ON A DATE. 381 00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:52,412 SO LESLIE AND I SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING. 382 00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:54,247 - UH, WELL, I'M ACTUALLY HAVING A GOOD TIME 383 00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,248 WITH EVERYONE. 384 00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:57,150 CHRIS? 385 00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:58,786 - OH, ME, TOO. I'M HAVING A FANTASTIC TIME. 386 00:11:58,819 --> 00:11:59,586 WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TAKE THIS WHOLE 387 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,088 DATE-PLUS-TWO- OTHER-PEOPLE THING 388 00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:02,289 UP INTO THE STRATOSPHERE? 389 00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:03,824 - * DON'T STOP MAKE IT POP * 390 00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:06,193 * DEEJAY BLOW MY SPEAKERS UP 391 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,528 * TONIGHT I'MA FIGHT 392 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,863 * TILL WE SEE THE SUNLIGHT * 393 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:10,964 - THIS PLACE IS OUTSTANDING. 394 00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,265 GREAT CALL, LESLIE KNOPE. 395 00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:13,266 - THANKS. 396 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:16,069 - LOOK, EVEN BEN'S DANCING. 397 00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:19,506 - THAT'S THE WAY TO SHOOT THE BALL, CHIGNOLI. 398 00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:20,507 HUSTLE BACK. 399 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,176 [clapping] 400 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,078 [blows whistle] 401 00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:27,147 - UH... 402 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,081 IT'S A FOUL. 403 00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:29,983 - WHAT? ON WHOM? 404 00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:30,784 - YOUR TEAM. 405 00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:33,120 NUMBER 50. HE WAS DOUBLE DRIBBLING. 406 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,121 - HE'S ON DEFENSE. 407 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:36,023 - EXACTLY. 408 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,090 IT'S A TECHNICAL DIFFICULTY, SO THAT MEANS 409 00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:38,959 ANDY'S TEAM THROWS THE BALL 410 00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,093 FROM THE STRIPEY THING. 411 00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,128 LET'S GO. 412 00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:42,996 - THE STRIPEY THING? 413 00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:45,799 [hip-hop music] 414 00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:49,469 * 415 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,204 - HEY, THERE. 416 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,973 HOW'S IT GOING? 417 00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,008 - GREAT, THANKS. 418 00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:56,009 - CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK? 419 00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:58,545 - OH, I'M VERY FLATTERED, 420 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,513 BUT THIS IS MY STUNNINGLY GORGEOUS DATE, 421 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,215 ANN PERKINS. 422 00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:04,051 - OH, HI. 423 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,019 - HI. - SORRY. 424 00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,454 - OH, NO PROBLEM. 425 00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,556 IN FACT, LET ME BUY ALL OF YOU A DRINK 426 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:10,891 FOR BEING SO WELCOMING TODAY. 427 00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,025 WAITER. 428 00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:17,397 - I THINK I MAY ACTUALLY LIKE CHRIS. 429 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:18,598 - ON THE HOUSE, LESLIE. 430 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,868 - OH, THANK YOU. 431 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,870 I'M SORT OF A GAY HERO. 432 00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,873 LAST YEAR, I MARRIED TWO PENGUINS AT THE ZOO, 433 00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:26,874 AND IT TURNED OUT THEY WERE BOTH GAY. 434 00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:28,441 - PENGUIN WEDDING. - MM-HMM. 435 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,244 - THAT'S CUTE. - IT WAS SO CUTE. 436 00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:32,479 BUT ENOUGH ABOUT HOW CUTE IT WAS. 437 00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:33,981 WHY DON'T YOU THINK I SHOULD HAVE THE MONEY? 438 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,482 - GOOD LORD, REALLY? 439 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:36,850 LOOK. 440 00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:38,051 WHEN I WAS 18, 441 00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:41,054 AND I BECAME MAYOR OF MY HOMETOWN, 442 00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:42,923 I USED EVERY LAST DOLLAR WE HAD 443 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:44,992 TO OPEN A GIANT WINTER SPORTS COMPLEX. 444 00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:46,059 CALLED IT ICETOWN. 445 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,895 - AND IT TURNED OUT GREAT, AND EVERYONE LOVED IT. 446 00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:48,896 - UH, YEAH, KINDA. 447 00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,063 IT WAS NEVER COMPLETED, 448 00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:52,332 AND I GOT IMPEACHED. 449 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:53,200 NEWSPAPER HEADLINE WAS, 450 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,603 "ICETOWN COSTS ICE CLOWN HIS TOWN CROWN." 451 00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:57,637 - YUCK. 452 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,973 - THEY WERE BIG INTO RHYMES. 453 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,374 - WELL, I DON'T KNOW. 454 00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:02,609 I THINK ICETOWN SOUNDS GREAT. 455 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:03,911 AND THE POINT IS, 456 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:06,479 AT LEAST YOU TRIED SOMETHING. 457 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,181 [whistle blows] 458 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:09,950 - FOUL! [blows again] 459 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,284 FOUL ON NUMBER THREE 460 00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:12,986 FOR TAKING A NUMBER TWO ON NUMBER FOUR. 461 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:14,187 [Andy laughing] 462 00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,288 [blows whistle] 463 00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:16,423 ROUGHING THE PASSER. 464 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:17,925 DOUBLE DRIBBLING. THAT'S A FOUL. 465 00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,993 THAT'S A FOUL FOR TOUCHING THE BASKETBALL. 466 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,161 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? 467 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,329 NOTHING. YOU FOULED. 468 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,463 YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING. 469 00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,098 OKAY. 470 00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:26,299 YOU'RE EJECTED. YOU'RE EJECTED. 471 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:27,634 [whistle blowing] 472 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,636 OH, WHAT'S THE MATTER THERE, RON? 473 00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:30,637 NO PLAYERS LEFT? 474 00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:33,573 YAY, ANDY'S TEAM! 475 00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,242 LOOK AT 'EM GO! - COME ON. 476 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,444 NOW YOU'RE OPENLY CHEERING FOR THE OTHER TEAM? 477 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,179 PUT MY BOYS BACK IN. - YOU MADE ME THE REF. 478 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,280 DEAL WITH IT. 479 00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:41,614 - YOU KNOW WHAT? TAKE THIS UNIFORM OFF. 480 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,583 - HEY, HEY. - YOU DON'T DESERVE TO WEAR IT. 481 00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:44,451 [whistle blowing] 482 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,653 - RON'S EJECTED FOR MOLESTING THE REF. 483 00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:47,587 - OH, YEAH? I'M EJECTED? 484 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:48,989 - YES, YOU ARE. - TOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 485 00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:49,923 - I'M EJECTING YOU. 486 00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:51,624 YOU'RE EJECTED, TOO. EVERYONE'S EJECTED. 487 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:52,625 - OH, YEAH? SHE'S EJECTED? 488 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:53,626 - YEAH. 489 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:58,531 - RRRRAAAAGH! 490 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,533 - GO AHEAD, GO. 491 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,569 WELL, THAT'S A FORFEIT. ANDY'S TEAM WINS. 492 00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:03,937 - NO WAY! 493 00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:06,039 WE WON! OH, MAN! 494 00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,674 EAT IT! HA, HA, HA, HA! 495 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:10,377 [all chanting] ANDY, ANDY, ANDY! 496 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,512 YEAH! 497 00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:14,948 AH-HA-HA! YES! 498 00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:16,683 I DEDICATE THIS VICTORY TO APRIL LUDGATE. 499 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:17,684 IT FEELS GOOD. 500 00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:20,287 AND IT FEELS STICKY. 501 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,055 FROM THE GATORADE. 502 00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:23,991 - WE'RE BARELY ABLE TO FUNCTION. 503 00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:26,093 WE COULD REALLY USE THAT MONEY. 504 00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,627 - BUT YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S BECAUSE 505 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,162 I'M IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD, 506 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,563 OR BECAUSE OF THE CHARMING ANN PERKINS, 507 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,465 BUT I AM GOING TO SERIOUSLY CONSIDER THAT. 508 00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:34,467 - REALLY? THAT'S GREAT. 509 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:35,468 MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. 510 00:15:35,502 --> 00:15:36,703 LET'S BOOGIE. 511 00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:37,704 - MISSION ACCOMPLISHED? 512 00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:41,141 - UH-OH. 513 00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,142 - YEAH. 514 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:46,279 THERE'S A MISSION, UH, THAT ANN HAD THOUGHT OF. 515 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,314 IT WAS BOTH OF OUR IDEAS, 516 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,681 BUT IT WAS MOSTLY ANN'S. 517 00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:50,750 WE... 518 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,752 I HAD MENTIONED TO ANN THAT IT WOULD BE FUN 519 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,387 IF YOU TWO WENT ON A DATE. 520 00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:55,488 SO THEN... 521 00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:58,258 YOU COULD, UH, TALK ABOUT THE MONEY 522 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:02,495 AND THEN, YOU KNOW, MAYBE GIVE IT TO ME. 523 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:05,198 - WOW. 524 00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:09,269 I'VE JUST HAD MY FIRST BAD DATE. 525 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,338 [sadly] ANN PERKINS. 526 00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:17,077 - NOT THAT SNEAKY. 527 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,686 - APRIL! 528 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,223 APRIL. 529 00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:32,025 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? OH, MY GOD. 530 00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:33,660 - HEY, HOW ARE YOU? - I'M OKAY. 531 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:34,661 I'M DYING TO SEE YOU. 532 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:38,165 I CALLED AND TEXTED YOU, LIKE, A BILLION TIMES. 533 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:40,600 - OH, I'M SORRY. 534 00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:41,701 I WAS IN VENEZUELA. 535 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,603 - OH, REALLY? 536 00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:44,771 WOW. 537 00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,207 [British accent] ACROSS THE POND. 538 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,708 WOW. 539 00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:49,642 I THOUGHT MAYBE I WOULDA HEARD FROM YOU 540 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:53,513 AT LEAST ONCE BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED. 541 00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:54,714 ANN KISSING ME? I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THAT. 542 00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:55,815 IT WAS SO STUPID, 543 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,617 AND IT MEANT NOTHING. 544 00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,787 - I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT. IT'S TOTALLY FINE. 545 00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,489 HEY. 546 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:05,225 THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND, EDUARDO. 547 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:06,659 - NO, IT'S NOT. 548 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,096 - ¿LISTO PARA LONCHE? - SI. 549 00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:10,663 - THAT MEANS WE'RE GOING TO LUNCH. 550 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,432 - HOW DO YOU SAY HAVE A GREAT TIME, 551 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,433 DON'T CHOKE ON ANYTHING? 552 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:14,567 - BYE. 553 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,273 - LESLIE ASKED ME TO DO HER A FAVOR, 554 00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:23,276 AND I LOVE HER, SO I DID IT. 555 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:25,778 I'M SORRY, AND I'M HERE TO EAT CROW. 556 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,280 I LIKE YOU A LOT. 557 00:17:27,314 --> 00:17:29,282 LET'S GO OUT AGAIN. 558 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:35,088 - ANN PERKINS. 559 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:37,524 - BUDGET SOLUTION NUMBER 28. 560 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:42,395 USE GRAZING SHEEP TO MOW GRASS IN PARKS. 561 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:46,299 NOTE: TIRED SHEEP COULD BECOME FOOD 562 00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:47,634 OR SWEATERS. 563 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,170 [groans] 564 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,738 - WELL, I GOT MY ANSWER. 565 00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,106 ABOUT APRIL. 566 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:54,474 SHE HATES ME. YEAH. 567 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,543 AND SHE GOT A BOYFRIEND, I GUESS, 568 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:57,810 FROM SOME CITY IN MEXICO. 569 00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,712 SO... 570 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,748 WHAT DO I DO? 571 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:02,615 - OKAY. 572 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,751 WELL, WHEN YOUR BACK'S AGAINST THE WALL 573 00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:07,654 AND ODDS ARE STACKED AGAINST YOU, 574 00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:09,722 YOU JUST-- YOU-- 575 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,558 YOU SWING THE HARDEST, DAMN IT. 576 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,692 YOU GO BIG, OR YOU GO HOME. 577 00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:15,195 AND YOU DON'T SEEM LIKE THE KIND OF GUY WHO GOES HOME. 578 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:16,696 - I'M NOT. 579 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:17,830 I DON'T EVEN REALLY HAVE A HOME. 580 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,332 - GO GET HER, ANDY! - OKAY. 581 00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:21,501 OKAY, THANKS, LESLIE! 582 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,639 - OKAY, SO WE KNOW THE PEOPLE WHO RUN THIS GOVERNMENT 583 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:27,707 HAVE NO FAITH IN US. 584 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,342 MY PLAN IS GONNA CHANGE THAT 585 00:18:29,376 --> 00:18:30,710 AND BRING THE BUDGET BACK. 586 00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,245 AND THE ANSWER'S BEEN RIGHT IN FRONT OF US 587 00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:33,246 THE WHOLE TIME. 588 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,282 - EW, CHECK YOUR TESTICLES? 589 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:36,082 - NO, NOT THAT. 590 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,817 ALTHOUGH THAT IS VERY GOOD ADVICE. 591 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:38,818 I'M LOOKING AT YOU, JERRY. 592 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:39,886 NO, WHAT'S GONNA SAVE US 593 00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:43,723 IS RIGHT THERE. 594 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,325 GENTLEMEN, I REALIZE THAT TIMES ARE TOUGH, 595 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:46,859 AND THE BUDGET IS TIGHT. 596 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:49,729 BUT IF THE PEOPLE OF THIS TOWN HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO 597 00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:52,665 BUT SIT IN THEIR HOUSES AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES, 598 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,767 THEN PAWNEE WILL DIE. 599 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:58,238 AND WE REFUSE TO LET THAT HAPPEN. 600 00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:00,373 [whispering] NOW. 601 00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:02,542 THIS TOWN WAS HISTORICALLY KNOWN FOR TWO THINGS. 602 00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:03,843 [Chariots of Fire Theme playing] 603 00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:05,712 WIDESPREAD OBESITY 604 00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:09,516 AND THE ANNUAL PAWNEE HARVEST FESTIVAL. 605 00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:11,351 PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER INDIANA WOULD COME 606 00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:12,685 AND GAZE IN WONDERMENT 607 00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:14,254 AT HOW FAT OUR CITIZENS WERE. 608 00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:15,488 AND WHILE THEY WERE HERE, 609 00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:16,823 THEY WOULD ALSO ATTEND THE FESTIVAL. 610 00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:19,492 A FULL WEEK OF CORN MAZES, 611 00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:21,328 HAYRIDES, FERRIS WHEELS, 612 00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:23,263 PUMPKINS THE SIZE OF JEEPS. 613 00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:26,299 WE LOST THAT FESTIVAL A FEW YEARS AGO, 614 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,834 DUE TO ANOTHER ROUND OF BUDGET CUTS. 615 00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:31,204 AND I PROPOSE WE BRING THE FESTIVAL BACK. 616 00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:32,939 WITH TICKET SALES AND CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP, 617 00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:34,441 WE'LL EARN ALL THAT MONEY BACK. 618 00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:35,775 AND BELIEVE ME, PEOPLE WILL COME. 619 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,277 - WHAT IF THEY DON'T? 620 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:40,247 - WELL... 621 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,582 THEN YOU ELIMINATE THE PARKS DEPARTMENT. 622 00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,984 - AND YOU GUYS ARE ALL ON BOARD WITH THIS. 623 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,819 - AYE. - YES. 624 00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,821 - LOOK, WE'RE NOT JUST PENCIL PUSHERS. 625 00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:52,225 WE ARE A REFLECTION OF THE COMMUNITY. 626 00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:55,728 AND WE BELIEVE THAT WE CAN STRENGTHEN THAT COMMUNITY. 627 00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:57,730 BECAUSE IN THE END, 628 00:19:57,764 --> 00:20:00,433 THE REASON WHY WE'RE ALL HERE 629 00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:03,270 IS TO BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER. 630 00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:07,440 * 631 00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:08,508 - THAT... 632 00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,677 LITERALLY... 633 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,746 IS THE MOST MOVING THING I'VE EVER HEARD. 634 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:17,917 AND A GOOD IDEA. 635 00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:18,918 - YEAH, ALL RIGHT. 636 00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:20,453 - EXCELLENT. 637 00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:22,555 GREAT, OKAY, SO EVERYBODY, 638 00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:23,690 WE'RE GONNA PARTY HARD FOR 15 MINUTES. 639 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:27,427 THEN WE'RE GONNA HAVE OUR FIRST BRAINSTORMING SESSION. 640 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,300 - HELLO, APRIL. 641 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:35,468 DO YOU LIKE THE FLOWERS? 642 00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:36,869 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 643 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,705 - ALL DUE RESPECT, EDUARDO. 644 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,972 YOU SEEM LIKE A GREAT GUY. 645 00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:41,908 BUT I LIKE APRIL, AND I'M COMING AFTER HER 646 00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,976 WITH EVERYTHING I'VE GOT. 647 00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,945 SO DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME? 648 00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:49,048 - NO. 649 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,049 - I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SAY YES, 650 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,618 BUT THAT'S OKAY. 651 00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,453 BECAUSE I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW TO ASK YOU AGAIN. 652 00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,355 AND AGAIN THE NEXT DAY. 653 00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:56,556 AND THE NEXT DAY. 654 00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:57,557 NOT FRIDAY. 655 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,658 I HAVE TO GO VISIT MY COUSIN. 656 00:20:58,691 --> 00:20:59,992 BUT I WILL BE BACK AFTER THAT 657 00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:01,661 TO ASK YOU AGAIN. 658 00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,696 - [speaking Spanish] 659 00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:14,040 AH! YOU SHOULD DO IT. 660 00:21:14,073 --> 00:21:15,975 UH, FOLLOW YOU DREAM. 661 00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:18,378 - OH, MY GOD. REALLY? 662 00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:19,379 THAT'S AWESOME. 663 00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:20,447 [laughs] 664 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,682 I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. 665 00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:23,716 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com