1 00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:02,770 - HI, THERE. - [giggling] 2 00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:04,772 - WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? - PUPPY. 3 00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:06,540 - A PUPPY'S HERE. - CAN WE KEEP HIM? 4 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:07,708 - MY NEIGHBOR'S DOG HAD A LITTER. 5 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:08,809 THEY'RE LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO ADOPT. 6 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:09,610 - I LOVE HIM. 7 00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:12,413 - I WISH HE HAD TINY PUPPY SHOES. 8 00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:14,682 I WOULD TOTALLY SHINE HIS LITTLE SHOES FOR FREE. 9 00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:17,218 - AW. - I DO SAY THE CUTEST STUFF. 10 00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:19,387 - LOOK, I LOVE A GOOD DOG AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY, 11 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,589 BUT THIS BUILDING DOESN'T ALLOW ANIMALS. 12 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:24,458 ANDY, TAKE HIM OUTSIDE. - AND SHOOT HIM? 13 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:28,329 - NO. JUST KEEP HIM OUTSIDE. - OH, COME ON, RON. 14 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:31,765 I'M JUST A LITTLE PUPPY. I AIN'T DONE NOTHING WRONG. 15 00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:36,270 I'M JUST A PUPPY. MM. I LIKE YOUR MUSTACHE. 16 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:39,140 I WISH I COULD HAVE ONE, BUT I CAN'T. 17 00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:44,145 'CAUSE I'M JUST A LITTLE PUPPY. MM, MM, MMM. 18 00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:45,779 - OKAY, TAKE HIM OUT AND SHOOT HIM. 19 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:49,150 [triumphant music] 20 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:57,191 * 21 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,802 - FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! - WHAT? WHERE? 22 00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:09,903 - IN MY BELLY. 23 00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:13,207 BECAUSE THE "24-HOUR PAWNEE CARES DIABETES TELETHON" 24 00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:14,608 STARTS TONIGHT. 25 00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,744 - GOODIE. LET US KNOW HOW IT WENT. 26 00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:19,413 - EVERY YEAR, PAWNEE CARES TEAMS UP 27 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:20,781 WITH THE LOCAL CABLE ACCESS STATION 28 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,816 TO RAISE MONEY FOR DIABETES RESEARCH. 29 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:23,751 AND IT'S IMPORTANT, 30 00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:26,720 BECAUSE PAWNEE IS THE FOURTH FATTEST TOWN 31 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,122 IN THE U.S. 32 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:31,192 GOES US, UH, DALLAS, TULSA, 33 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,594 AND CERTAIN PARTS OF THE MALL OF AMERICA. 34 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:34,462 WELL, THIS YEAR, 35 00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:37,198 I GET TO PROGRAM MY OWN FOUR-HOUR BLOCK. 36 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,133 I KNOW. EXCITING. 37 00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:41,835 SO, UM, I'VE SIGNED YOU ALL UP FOR MULTIPLE SHIFTS. 38 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:44,672 YEAH. JUST TO ANSWER PHONES AND PROVIDE MORAL SUPPORT. 39 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,907 - FROM WHEN TO WHEN? - TONIGHT. 40 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,776 [whispers] FROM 2:00 AM TO 6:00 AM. 41 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,411 - WHAT? - WHAT? 42 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:53,781 - LESLIE, PLEASE. TONIGHT'S KIND OF A BIG NIGHT. 43 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,850 YOU KNOW, ALL MY KIDS ARE AWAY AND... 44 00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:59,453 - GROSS! NO! IT'S JERRY'S SEX NIGHT! 45 00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:00,821 THAT RUINS SEX AND TONIGHT. 46 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,790 - LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU PUT ON ONE OF THESE T-SHIRTS? 47 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:03,791 IT'LL GET YOU IN THE MOOD. 48 00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:05,826 I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT LAST NIGHT MAKING THESE. 49 00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:06,694 - YOU STAYED UP ALL NIGHT 50 00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,729 THE NIGHT BEFORE AN ALL-NIGHT TELETHON. 51 00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:11,432 - YES. AND HERE'S WHY. BOOM. 52 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,534 - "DIABETES. LET'S DIA-BEAT-THIS." 53 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,836 - YEAH. FOUR HOURS TO COME UP WITH THE SLOGAN. 54 00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:18,339 FOUR HOURS TO EMBROIDER THEM. 55 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,741 - TIME WELL SPENT. - SALAD SUCKS. 56 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,743 THERE. I SAID IT. - FEEL BETTER? 57 00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:25,446 - YEAH. - I'VE BEEN DOING SOME THINKING. 58 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,348 I'M NOT GONNA ASK ANN TO MOVE IN WITH ME. 59 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,449 - WHY? IS SOMETHING WRONG? 60 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:29,583 - NO. I'M GONNA ASK HER TO MARRY ME. 61 00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:31,219 - [gasps] - I LOVE HER. 62 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:33,521 AND, UH, I WANT A PARTNER. - HORSEBACK. 63 00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:35,356 YOU SHOULD ASK HER ON HORSEBACK. 64 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,358 NO. YOU SHOULD ASK HER IN A HOT AIR BALLOON. 65 00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,227 NO. SHE SHOULD BE ON A HOT AIR BALLOON 66 00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,494 AND YOU SHOULD RIDE UP ON HORSEBACK. 67 00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:41,962 OH, WAIT. SHE'S IN A BALLOON. 68 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,831 YOU RIDE UP ON HORSEBACK. YOU POINT TO THE SKY. 69 00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,799 UP THERE, SKYWRITING "MARRY ME, ANN." 70 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:48,336 - I THINK I CAN FIGURE OUT THE RIGHT WAY TO ASK HER. 71 00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:51,272 - HOW YOU ASK SOMEONE TO MARRY YOU IS A VERY BIG DEAL. 72 00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:53,274 I MEAN, THEY HAVE TO REPEAT THAT STORY 73 00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:54,542 FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. 74 00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:55,676 - SO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO IT, THOUGH? 75 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,211 - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. DEFINITELY. 76 00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:58,812 CAN YOU GET FIVE EAGLES? NO, GET TEN EAGLES. 77 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,514 - LESLIE. - NO, IT'S YOU'RE LIFE. 78 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:01,815 GET AS MANY EAGLES AS YOU WANT. 79 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:04,385 SO, TOM, YOU'RE IN FOR TONIGHT, RIGHT? 80 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,519 - I FORGOT TO TELL YOU 81 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:06,887 I CAN'T MAKE IT TO THE TELETHON TONIGHT 82 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,423 BECAUSE I HAVE NO INTEREST IN BEING THERE. 83 00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:10,691 - OKAY, YOU'RE IN CHARGE 84 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,793 OF THE V.I.P. SPECIAL TELETHON GUEST. 85 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:13,861 AND YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE WHO I GOT. 86 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:14,962 PEOPLE ARE GONNA FREAK OUT. 87 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,530 - RIHANNA. - NO. 88 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,899 - DR. OZ. - NO. YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GUESS. 89 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:21,902 - JUSTIN BIEBER. - NO. 90 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:26,440 EX-INDIANA PACERS SMALL FORWARD DETLEF SCHREMPF. 91 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,009 - THE DETLEF SCHREMPF? 92 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,312 - I KNOW! SO IT'S REALLY EXCITING. 93 00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:33,447 AND I NEED YOU TO BE HIS BODY MAN. 94 00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,749 PICK HIM UP AT THE AIRPORT AT 7:00 PM AND THEN, YOU KNOW, 95 00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:37,485 JUST ENTERTAIN HIM BECAUSE HE DOESN'T NEED 96 00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:38,619 TO BE IN HAIR AND MAKEUP UNTIL 2:00 AM. 97 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:41,322 - DOES PAWNEE CABLE ACCESS EVEN HAVE HAIR AND MAKEUP? 98 00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:42,956 - WELL, THEY HAVE A COMMUNAL LIPSTICK 99 00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:45,293 AND A BOX OF COMBS. 100 00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,727 - AS A NURSE AND AS YOUR FRIEND, 101 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,362 I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU DON'T TRY TO STAY UP 102 00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:49,797 FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS. 103 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:50,931 - I CAN DEFINITELY DO IT. 104 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,267 I'VE ALREADY BEEN UP FOR 24 HOURS. 105 00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:57,505 BUT I HAVE A SECRET WEAPON. 106 00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:58,672 NUTRIYUM BARS? LESLIE. 107 00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,741 - I KNOW. I KNOW. THEY'RE TERRIBLE. 108 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,711 BUT THEY GIVE ME AN INSANE 15-MINUTE BURST. 109 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,879 PLUS MY NANA USED TO TELL ME "YOU'LL SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE DEAD." 110 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,781 MY NANA, SHE USED TO SAY THE BEST STUFF. 111 00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:09,983 "DON'T WORK YOURSELF INTO A LATHER." 112 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:11,685 "LOOK WHERE IT IS AND YOU'LL FIND IT." 113 00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:12,853 "DON'T PUT ME IN A HOME." 114 00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:14,488 "TELL THE TRUTH AND SHAME THE DEVIL." 115 00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:15,889 "THE DEVIL KNOWS WHERE YOU'RE HIDING." 116 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,658 "IF YOU TAKE ENOUGH RIDES WITH THE DEVIL, 117 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,727 PRETTY SOON HE'S GONNA DRIVE." 118 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,429 SHE WAS REALLY INTO THE DEVIL. 119 00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,497 I HAVE NOT CHECKED IN WITH YOU LATELY. 120 00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:24,798 I'M RANDOMLY AND CASUALLY ASKING 121 00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:26,634 HOW ARE THINGS GOING WITH MARK? 122 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,969 - THINGS ARE GOOD. - DO YOU THINK HE'S THE ONE? 123 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,805 - THE ONE? I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE. 124 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:34,041 - GOOD. - I'M HERE. 125 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:35,509 WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO? 126 00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:38,579 - UM, I HAVE YOU ON PHONE ANSWERING DUTY 127 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,581 FROM 4:00 TO 6:00 AM. 128 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,351 - THAT'S HORRIBLE. I HAVE TO NAP UP. 129 00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:46,620 IF I DON'T GET A SOLID FIVE, IT KILLS MY SUNNY DISPOSITION. 130 00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,822 - GOT ENOUGH LEG ROOM BACK THERE? 131 00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:51,091 - YEAH. YEAH. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIT SO FAR UP. 132 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,793 - YEAH, I DO. 133 00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:55,363 SO...DETLEF SCHREMPF... 134 00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,997 THREE-TIME NBA ALL-STAR. 135 00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,699 TWO-TIME SIX-MAN AWARD WINNER. 136 00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,734 MUST'VE BEEN PRETTY COOL TO BE TRADED TO THE PACERS 137 00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:03,804 IN EXCHANGE FOR VETERAN CENTER HERB WILLIAMS. 138 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,973 SO YOU LOOKED ME UP ON WIKIPEDIA, HUH? 139 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:09,410 - NO. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT. 140 00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:12,012 JUST LIKE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU APPEARED IN TWO EPISODES 141 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:15,916 OF THE GERMAN SOAP OPERA GUTE ZEITEN, SCHLECHTE ZEITEN. 142 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,785 - WHAT, YOU A BIG FAN OF THAT SHOW? 143 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:18,852 - HUGE FAN. 144 00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:20,888 - HUH? OH, 6'10". 145 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:25,593 - I'M 5'6" AND THREE-QUARTERS. 146 00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:26,827 - ALL RIGHT, TEAM, YOU GUYS PSYCHED? 147 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,496 JUST REMEMBER, ALL YOU NEED TO DO 148 00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:29,763 IS TAKE DOWN EVERYBODY'S NAME AND ADDRESS 149 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:31,865 AND ASK THEM HOW MUCH THEY WANT TO DONATE. 150 00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:32,966 HEY, DO THESE PHONES DIAL OUT? 151 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,369 - YES. WHY? - NO REASON. 152 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:37,705 - LESLIE, YOU KNOW WHAT, MY PHONE HAS 25 LINES. 153 00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,507 I THINK IT MIGHT BE A SWITCHBOARD. 154 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,375 - CONGRATULATIONS THEN. YOU GOT THE MOST LINES. 155 00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:43,677 FIGURE IT OUT, JERRY. - COME ON, JERRY. 156 00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,546 [softly] EVERYONE ELSE HAS ONE LINE. 157 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:47,848 - OH, SO, LESLIE, 158 00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,384 I HEAR YOU'RE GONNA BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA THIS YEAR. 159 00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:52,119 - YEAH. IT'S EXCITING. - CUT THE CHATTER. 160 00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:55,155 TELEHOSTING NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS, OKAY? 161 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:58,892 THIS ISN'T C-SPAN. THIS IS LOCAL ACCESS 46. 162 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:01,695 [clicks tongue] DON'T BLOW IT. 163 00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:02,763 GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME 164 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:06,834 TO THE 10TH ANNUAL PAWNEE CARES DIABETES TELETHON. 165 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,737 I'M PAWNEE TODAY'S JOAN CALLAMEZZO. 166 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:12,640 - [as Nixon] AND I AM NOT A CROOK. BRR. 167 00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:13,974 - NO, HE'S NOT. 168 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,143 - WHAT TIME IS IT? I'M TIRED ALREADY. 169 00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,878 - IT'S 8:03. 170 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,581 YOUR SHIFT DOESN'T START FOR ANOTHER SIX HOURS. 171 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:21,815 - UGH. 172 00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:24,485 - DIABETES. YUCK. 173 00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:26,787 TONIGHT WE'RE HOPING THE PEOPLE OF PAWNEE 174 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:30,090 DIG THEIR BIG, CHUBBY HANDS INTO THEIR PLUS-SIZED POCKETS 175 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,859 AND DONATE GENEROUSLY. 176 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,927 - [as Johnny Carson] WE'RE WACKY STUFF. 177 00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:34,962 - [whispers] STOP IT. 178 00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:38,766 - COMING UP, A VERY SPECIAL VIDEO PRESENTATION 179 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:42,770 CALLED "EVEN MY TONGUE IS FAT: THE STORY OF PAWNEE." 180 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,772 BUT RIGHT NOW, TO BEGIN WITH, 181 00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:47,074 LET'S START THINGS OFF ON OUR TELETHON WITH A SONG. 182 00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:51,945 FROM PAWNEE'S MOST BOOKABLE PERSONALITY, DENISE YERMLEY! 183 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:56,116 [piano plays "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)"] 184 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:59,853 - * SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS * 185 00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:00,788 [phone rings] - PAWNEE CARES. 186 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:01,855 - HELLO. HELLO. HERE WE GO. 187 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,757 HEAD UP THERE. THANK YOU. - YEAH, $50 IS GREAT. 188 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:07,495 - HELLO. WHO--PAWNEE... - PAWNEE CARES. 189 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:10,998 - WHO'S NEXT? I FEEL GREAT. EVERYTHING IS RUNNING SMOOTHLY. 190 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,966 - * SOME OF THEM WANT TO USE ME * 191 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:13,967 [plate shatters] 192 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,869 * SOME OF THEM WANT 193 00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,772 - CLIPBOARD MOUTH. CLIPBOARD MOUTH. 194 00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,941 THERE'S SOME SECRET INGREDIENT IN THESE NUTRIYUM BARS 195 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,743 THAT MAKE ME FEEL SO GOOD. 196 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,879 - SUGAR. IT'S A BLOCK OF SUGAR. 197 00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:26,880 - AAH! 198 00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:30,183 [knock at door] - LESLIE. 199 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,185 LESLIE! - TIGERS. 200 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,987 - HEY, YOU TOLD ME TO WAKE YOU UP AT 1:45. 201 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:35,122 - YEAH. - IT'S 1:45 NOW. 202 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,657 - I'M UP. 203 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,225 OH, I NEED TO PULL IT TOGETHER. MY SLOT'S COMING UP. 204 00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,693 - HEY, BEFORE YOU GO ON, 205 00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:40,728 CAN I JUST TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING? 206 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,864 [cell phone rings] - UH, WAIT A MINUTE. SORRY. 207 00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:45,866 IT'S TOM. HE MAY HAVE A SCHREMPF PROBLEM. 208 00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:46,867 - OKAY. - YOU UNDERSTAND. 209 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,769 - I DO. TAKE IT. - OKAY. TO BE CONTINUED, ANN. 210 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,170 I PROMISE. - WE'LL TALK LATER. 211 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,505 - YES. - OKAY. 212 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,273 HEY, HI. ARE YOU ON YOUR WAY? 213 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,043 - THE SNAKEHOLE IS BOOMING! 214 00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,879 PEOPLE ARE LOVING DETLEF SCHREMPF. 215 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,581 I HAD NO IDEA PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES 216 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:01,782 WERE SO POPULAR. 217 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:02,950 - THAT'S AWESOME. 218 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,184 BUT YOU PROMISED TO GET HIM HERE. 219 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,819 GET HIM HERE. - DON'T WORRY. 220 00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,721 WE'RE LEAVING SOON, ALL RIGHT? BYE. 221 00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:09,189 - WHOA, YOU CAN'T LEAVE. 222 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,759 TOMMY, THIS IS THE MOST BUSINESS THE CLUB'S DONE IN MONTHS. 223 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,126 - BUT I GOT TO GET HIM TO THE TELETHON. 224 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:17,164 - HE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 225 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,999 - OKAY. OH, GOD. PROBLEM! 226 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,902 UM, ANDY, I KNOW I TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE GOING ON 227 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,904 AT 3:00 AM AFTER THE DETLEF SCHREMPF 228 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,138 INTERVIEW AND CAREER RETROSPECTIVE, 229 00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:26,540 BUT YOU'RE GOING ON NOW. 230 00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:27,608 YOU'RE KICKING THINGS OFF. 231 00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:29,910 - WHOA. SWEET. HEADLINING. 232 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:32,145 - YEAH, AT 2:00 ON CABLE ACCESS. 233 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,548 - YEAH. LET'S GO. 234 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,753 - SO HOW ARE THINGS GOING WITH YOU TWO? 235 00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,822 - THEY'RE GOING REALLY WELL. WE'RE GONNA GET MARRIED. 236 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,256 AND I'M PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD. 237 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,794 - THANK YOU, JOAN. 238 00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,762 THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF DIABETES, 239 00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:50,731 BUT ONLY ONE TYPE OF CARING. 240 00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,200 TYPE-1 CARING. 241 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,135 AND TONIGHT, GOD WILLING, 242 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,070 WE WILL ALL BE STRICKEN WITH THAT. 243 00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:58,906 THERE'S A LOT OF FUN STUFF COMING UP. 244 00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:01,809 INDIANA PACERS LEGEND DETLEF SCHREMPF 245 00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:04,311 WILL BE JOINING US IN THE STUDIO LATER ON. 246 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:05,746 UH, BUT UNTIL THEN, 247 00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:06,847 I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE 248 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,783 ONE OF THE HOTTEST BANDS IN PAWNEE. 249 00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:12,786 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU MOUSE RAT. 250 00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:16,690 - * I KNOW THAT LIFE IS CRAZY * 251 00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:20,828 - WELL, OKAY, SLIGHT HICCUP, BUT WE'RE BACK ON TRACK. 252 00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:21,795 SEE THE BOARD? 253 00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:23,631 WHEN MY SHIFT IS DONE, 254 00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:26,299 THAT BOARD IS GONNA READ $20,000. 255 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,672 - PAWNEE CARES. 256 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,007 - [softly] HI, YES, I'D LIKE TO DONATE $50, PLEASE. 257 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:37,277 - MM-HMM. LESLIE? 258 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,648 - * YOU GOT SEX HAIR 259 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,315 * YOU GOT IT FROM ME, GIRL 260 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,084 * SEX HAIR 261 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:47,187 - GOD, WE'RE NOT GETTING ANY DONATIONS COMING IN. 262 00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:48,722 I'M TIRED OF WAITING FOR PEOPLE TO CALL US. 263 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,290 LET'S CALL THEM. EVERYBODY CALL SOMEBODY. 264 00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:51,659 - LESLIE, IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. 265 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:52,960 - WELL, THEN GOOD. THEY'LL BE HOME. 266 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,394 DONNA, SOMEONE GOOD? - NO. 267 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,063 I'M TALKING TO MY BROTHER GEORGE. 268 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,998 - YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO RECEIVE PERSONAL PHONE CALLS. 269 00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,299 - OH, I CALLED HIM. 270 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:00,934 HE'S IN LIBERIA VISITING MY UNCLE. 271 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:03,103 WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED ON LOST. 272 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:04,738 - OH, THANK GOD. - THERE YOU GO. 273 00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:07,207 - THANK YOU. 274 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,776 - DID YOU PUT CREAM IN THIS? 275 00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:12,279 - UH, YEAH. DID I SCREW UP? - NO. I CAN DRINK IT. 276 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,413 - GUYS, HAS ANYONE SEEN TOM? 277 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,183 - THE ULTIMATE CELEBRITY, I THINK, TO HANG OUT WITH 278 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:20,087 FOR A NIGHT WOULD BE CRISS ANGEL. 279 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,154 LIKE, YOU'LL BE TALKING TO HIM 280 00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:24,357 AND THEN HE WOULD JUST TURN INTO FIRE. HA HA HA! 281 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:27,661 BROOKS BROTHERS BOYS IS, LIKE, THE CUTS ARE SLIMMER 282 00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:28,862 AND IT'S CHEAPER. 283 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,330 WIN, WIN. 284 00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,299 YOU EVER TALK TO SOMEONE AND YOU'RE JUST, LIKE, 285 00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,367 "OH, WE'RE GONNA BE BEST FRIENDS"? 286 00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:36,103 I'M GETTING THAT, LIKE, RIGHT NOW. 287 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:40,273 - HE HAD TWO BEERS. LIGHT BEERS. 288 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,976 - I NEED YOU TO MAKE THAT OUT TO WENDY. 289 00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:45,345 "TOM IS AN AMAZING GUY. 290 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,347 "YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE LEFT HIM. 291 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,082 "YOU MADE A HUGE MISTAKEN IN YOUR LIFE. 292 00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,118 "AND YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA DIE ALONE. 293 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,419 LOVE, DETLEF." 294 00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:53,453 - DO YOU KNOW WHAT, 295 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,455 I THINK WE SHOULD BE HEADING TO THAT TELETHON. 296 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,457 - YES. WE WILL DEFINITELY GO TO THE TELETHON SOON. 297 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,359 AFTER THIS SONG! 298 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,361 * HOPPED UP OUT THE BED 299 00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,764 * TURN MY SWAG ON 300 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,233 * TOOK A LOOK IN THE MIRROR, SAID "WHAT'S UP?" * 301 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:10,871 - [grunting] - RON. RON, WAKE UP. 302 00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:13,340 RON, WAKE UP. IT'S LESLIE. 303 00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:14,775 - [grunts] - AH! GAH! 304 00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:16,243 WERE YOU HAVING A BAD DREAM? 305 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:19,847 - NO. I SUFFER FROM A DISORDER CALLED "SLEEP FIGHTING." 306 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,083 - WOW, THAT MUST BE TERRIBLE. - ONLY WHEN I'M LOSING. 307 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,752 - LOOK, I'M FREAKING OUT, OKAY? 308 00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:27,721 TOM IS NOT HERE. AND HE'S GOT DETLEF SCHREMPF. 309 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,189 AND I HAVE THREE HOURS TO FILL. 310 00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,191 - I'M SURE YOU'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. 311 00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,060 - DON'T GO BACK TO SLEEP, OKAY? I NEED YOU TO WAKE UP! 312 00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:35,763 RON, COME ON! HELP ME! - [roars] 313 00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:36,964 - ATTABOY. 314 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:40,768 - I AM ONLY HERE BECAUSE I OWE LESLIE A THOUSAND FAVORS. 315 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,103 I'M NOT BIG ON CHARITIES. 316 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:46,373 GIVE A MAN A FISH AND YOU FEED HIM FOR A DAY. 317 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:50,443 DON'T TEACH A MAN TO FISH AND YOU FEED YOURSELF. 318 00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:53,413 HE'S A GROWN MAN. FISHING'S NOT THAT HARD. 319 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:56,750 - [strums electric guitar] 320 00:11:56,784 --> 00:12:00,387 OKAY, THAT WAS THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OF CANADA. 321 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:05,125 AND NOW I'M GOING TO SEE HOW LONG I CAN HOLD A D-CHORD. 322 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,259 [strums D-chord loudly] 323 00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,261 - APRIL, WILL YOU CALL SOME OF THE REC CENTER TEACHERS 324 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:09,396 AND SEE IF THEY WANT TO COME ON DOWN 325 00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:10,397 AND SHOW OFF THEIR SPECIAL SKILLS? 326 00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:11,765 YES. NOD YOUR HEAD "YES." 327 00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:15,335 - I CAN DO MAGIC. 328 00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,469 EGG, MILADY? 329 00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,338 - JERRY, THAT'S DISGUSTING AND FAKE! 330 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,373 OH, MY GOD. IT'S REAL. GO UP THERE AND DO THAT. 331 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,843 - I--YOU BROKE MY EGG. - YOU DON'T HAVE A SECOND EGG? 332 00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:24,244 - NO, BUT I'M A VERY GOOD PIANO PLAYER. 333 00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,378 I'D BE HAPPY TO GO UP THERE AND GIVE IT A SHOT. 334 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:29,516 - WHY ARE YOU WASTING MY TIME? THIS IS REALLY SERIOUS! 335 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,351 - YOU GO KEEP YOUR EYE OUT FOR TOM. 336 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,286 I GOT THIS COVERED. 337 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,455 WHEN RE-CANING AN OLD CHAIR, 338 00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:38,525 ONE NEEDS TO MAKE SURE THAT ONE HAS ALL THE RIGHT ELEMENTS 339 00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:39,526 IN PLACE. 340 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:42,129 OVER. UNDER. 341 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:45,799 AND...YOU GUESSED IT. OVER. 342 00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:47,935 - GOD, HE'S ACTUALLY LOSING MONEY. 343 00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:52,472 - OVER. UNDER. THIS CHAIR'S ALMOST CANING ITSELF. 344 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:56,877 - NO, SIR. IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A DONATION, YOU HAVE TO-- 345 00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:59,880 YEAH, THAT SOUNDS REALLY COOL. 346 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:03,383 YOU SOUND COOL. YOU SOUND REALLY STRONG. 347 00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,385 HEY, WHY DON'T YOU FORGET ABOUT THE DONATION 348 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:08,355 AND JUST COME DOWN HERE AND MEET ME IN PERSON. 349 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:11,558 WHAT? [fake laughter] OH, MY GOD. 350 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:16,463 YOU'RE SO...FUNNY AND YOU'RE--FUNNY. BYE. 351 00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,531 HI. - HEY. 352 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,133 FUNNY GIRL YOU WERE TALKING TO? 353 00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:22,502 - WHEN IT COMES TO PREPARING TAXES... 354 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:25,005 - OH, MY GOD. THIS IS A DISASTER. 355 00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:27,307 - THE ONLY THING THAT'S TAXING 356 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,576 IS DECIDING WHICH SOFTWARE TO BUY. 357 00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:31,444 - I AM COMPLETELY SCREWED. 358 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:33,914 I HAVE NO SCHREMPF, NO BACKUP PLAN, 359 00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:35,048 NO MORE NUTRIYUM BARS. 360 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:39,019 WHAT DO PEOPLE WANT TO WATCH? CUTE ANIMALS ON A BIKE? 361 00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:40,520 NO TIME TO TRAIN ONE. 362 00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:42,422 HOT PEOPLE KISSING? 363 00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:45,192 I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE MARK AND ANN WOULD... 364 00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,493 [gasps] 365 00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,461 - HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THIS MAN SLEEP? 366 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,563 IT'S LIKE UNDERWATER BALLET. 367 00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:53,166 - I HAVE A GREAT IDEA. - UH, WHAT'S THAT? 368 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:57,004 - I THINK YOU SHOULD PROPOSE TO ANN TONIGHT--TODAY-- 369 00:13:57,037 --> 00:14:00,507 WHATEVER IT IS-- ON CAMERA FOR DIABETES. 370 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:04,344 - REALLY? - YES. I WOULD BE SO COOL. 371 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,013 DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHEN AHMAD RASHAD PROPOSED 372 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,514 TO MRS. COSBY ON TV? 373 00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:10,050 - NO. - I DO. AND MOST WOMEN DO. 374 00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:13,453 - ON TELEVISION THOUGH. - YES, BUT... 375 00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:14,387 - OH, MY GOD. 376 00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:16,389 - WE TALKED ABOUT IT BEING SOMETHING BIG. 377 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:17,457 - RIGHT. 378 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,259 - AND I DON'T THINK WE CAN GET A HOT AIR BALLOON 379 00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,260 THIS TIME OF NIGHT. 380 00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,963 - I HAVE MY GRANDMA'S RING. 381 00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,432 I GUESS I COULD GO HOME AND GET IT. 382 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:28,335 - IS THERE A STORY BEHIND IT? WAS SHE ON THE TITANIC? 383 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,170 [gasps] WAS SHE ON THE TITANIC? 384 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,505 - NO. SHE WAS JUST MY GRANDMA. 385 00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:36,509 IT WOULD MAKE A GREAT STORY. I TRUST LESLIE. 386 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:40,080 I DON'T KNOW. WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO? 387 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:40,880 - [grunts] 388 00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:44,084 - AND THAT CONCLUDES A QUICK LOOK 389 00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:46,319 AT QUICKBOOK--S PRO. 390 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:49,056 - [laughs] QUICKBOOK--S! 391 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:52,425 - OKAY. THANK YOU SO MUCH, BARNEY, FOR...THAT. 392 00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:55,996 THANK YOU. UM...GO. 393 00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,430 WE'D LIKE TO MAKE A QUICK ANNOUNCEMENT. 394 00:14:57,464 --> 00:15:00,467 DETLEF SCHREMPF IS TEMPORARY, UM, DELAYED. 395 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,436 BUT, UH, COMING SOON, A REALLY AMAZING THING 396 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:04,504 IS GOING TO HAPPEN. 397 00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,206 SO GET YOUR WALLETS OUT 398 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,041 OR GET YOUR HANDKERCHIEFS OUT. 399 00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,443 OR GET YOUR TISSUES OUT IF YOU'RE LIKE ME 400 00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:11,644 AND THINK HANDKERCHIEFS ARE GROSS. 401 00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:15,415 FOR NOW, PLEASE, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS MOVING VIDEO 402 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:20,453 ENTITLED ONE BUTT, TWO SEATS: THE WIDENING OF AMERICA. 403 00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:26,093 NO. ANN. WAIT. ANN. ANN! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 404 00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,460 JUST STAY A LITTLE WHILE LONGER. 405 00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:29,229 LESLIE, I'M SO BEAT. 406 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,497 - I'M SO SORRY THAT I'VE BEEN CRAZY. 407 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,065 WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT? 408 00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,433 - OH, NO WORRIES. IT CAN WAIT. 409 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:36,103 - NO, NO. WHAT IS IT? 410 00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,105 - I THINK I NEED TO BREAK UP WITH MARK. 411 00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:44,177 - I'VE JUST BEEN FEELING FOR A WHILE 412 00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:45,512 LIKE SOMETHING'S MISSING. 413 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,514 AND I KEPT THINKING ABOUT THE QUESTION 414 00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:50,617 YOU ASKED ME TODAY ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT HE'S THE ONE. 415 00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:53,420 AND HE'S NOT. - MARK REALLY LOVES YOU. 416 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,423 I THINK HE'S READY TO TAKE THIS TO THE NEXT STEP. 417 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,358 - HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S READY FOR, 418 00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,559 BUT I THINK I DO. 419 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,328 - GUESS YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO MARRY HIM 420 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:02,395 AND FIGURE IT OUT. 421 00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:03,530 - NO. - NO. NO. 422 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,332 WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? - NO. NO. 423 00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,734 - NO. NO. GOOD FOR YOU, ANN. 424 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:11,338 HEY, MARK, IT'S LESLIE. UM, CHANGE OF PLANS. 425 00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:13,373 CAN YOU CALL ME BACK? TOM, GET HERE! NOW! 426 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:16,076 CALL ME! BYE! HEY, LESLIE, IT'S LESLIE. 427 00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:20,013 HANG IN THERE. I LOVE YOU. BYE. 428 00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:23,683 - PLEASE BE APRIL. APRIL? - YEAH? 429 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:26,319 - IT'S JOE. FROM THE PHONE. I MADE YOU LAUGH. 430 00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:28,655 YOU SAID COME DOWN. 431 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,523 LISTEN, MY VAN'S OUT BACK. LET'S ROLL. 432 00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:33,593 - EW. NO. PLEASE LEAVE. - WHERE YOU GOING? 433 00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:36,696 - HEY. WHAT'S UP? - IS THIS GUY BOTHERING YOU? 434 00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:39,666 - NO. I'M BOTHERING YOU FOR BOTHERING HER. 435 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,101 - ARE YOU HER BODYGUARD? 436 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,602 I MEAN, SHE'S AN ADULT. 437 00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:44,271 I THINK SHE CAN DECIDE ON HER OWN 438 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:45,638 WHAT TRAIN SHE WANTS TO RIDE. 439 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,474 - IT'S TIME TO GO. - WHATEVER, MAN. 440 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,042 I WORK FOR THE SEWAGE DEPARTMENT. 441 00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,111 I'M UP TO MY WAIST IN HOT SNIZZ. 442 00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:53,680 - TAKE A WALK. BYE-BYE. 443 00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:01,188 - OKAY. HEADS. 444 00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:04,057 OH, BOY. WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT? 445 00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:06,459 OKAY, MY SECOND FAVORITE EPISODE, 446 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:08,361 MONICA'S MAKING DINNER. 447 00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,530 AND JOEY IS MAD AT CHANDLER 448 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:11,598 BECAUSE CHANDLER MADE OUT WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. 449 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,300 SO JOEY SAYS, "GET IN THE BOX." 450 00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:15,568 I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THERE'S A BOX. 451 00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:17,337 OH, AND IT'S THANKSGIVING DAY. 452 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,539 SO THEY GET READY TO EAT. WHAT IS ROSS AND RACHEL DOING? 453 00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:20,573 OH, THEY'RE FIGHTING. 454 00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,675 SO ROSS, RACHEL, JOEY, CHANDLER, 455 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,611 MONICA, AND PHOEBE ARE ALL TOGETHER. 456 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,613 ALTHOUGH IS PHOEBE THERE? 457 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:31,818 YES. SO... 458 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,254 I WILL NOW DRINK EIGHT GLASSES OF MILK 459 00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:35,622 IN THREE MINUTES. 460 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,590 - NO. NO, YOU WON'T. NO, YOU WON'T. 461 00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,126 BECAUSE IF YOU DO THAT, YOU WILL DIE. 462 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,460 - OH. 463 00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:45,465 [music playing, crowds chattering] 464 00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:49,669 [serene classical music] 465 00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:56,676 * 466 00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,478 ALL RIGHT. OKAY. ENOUGH OF THAT RACKET. 467 00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:03,650 UM, WELL, PAWNEE, IT'S, UM, ALMOST 6:00 IN THE MORNING. 468 00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:06,253 AND, UH, WE NEED TO KEEP THOSE DONATIONS COMING IN. 469 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:09,589 I KNOW WE PROMISED A SPECIAL EVENT COMING UP AND... 470 00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,258 - [whispers] LESLIE. - [whispers] NO. 471 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:12,425 - [whispers] SHOULD I COME UP NOW? 472 00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:14,427 - [whispers] MM-MM. MM-MM. NO. 473 00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:15,728 NO. WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS WE'RE GONNA PULL 474 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:16,729 OUR PANTS DOWN. 475 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:17,830 THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO. 476 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,432 EVERYONE'S GONNA PULL THEIR PANTS DOWN 477 00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:20,867 FOR DIABETES, OKAY? ON 1, 2. 478 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:24,404 - * TALL AND TAN AND YOUNG AND LOVELY * 479 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,673 - * TURN MY SWAG ON 480 00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:29,209 * TOOK A LOOK IN THE MIRROR, SAID "WHAT'S UP?" * 481 00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,178 DETLEF, ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO DRIVE? 482 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,179 I'M GOOD TO DRIVE. 483 00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:34,181 YOU WANT TO COME OVER AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES? 484 00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,683 OH, PULL OVER, MAN. THAT PLACE HAS GOOD CHICKEN. 485 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,485 I'M HUNGRY. 486 00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:41,321 - [claps] 487 00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:42,755 - YOU JUST LOVE FLASHING YOUR ASS, DON'T YOU? 488 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,624 - WHEN IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE, JOAN. 489 00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:47,260 - * WHAT'S UP? - HEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE. 490 00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:50,597 - WAKE UP, PAWNEE, TOMMY TIMBERLAKE'S IN THE HOUSE. 491 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,732 AND YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS WITH ME? 492 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:56,436 DETLEF SCHREMPF! 493 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,205 TELL THEM WHAT THEY WON, SON! 494 00:18:58,238 --> 00:18:59,306 - HEY, THANKS, TOM. 495 00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:01,841 WELL, ON BEHALF OF THE DETLEF SCHREMPF FOUNDATION, 496 00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:04,211 I'D LIKE TO PRESENT THIS CHECK FOR $5,000 497 00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:06,213 FOR DIABETES RESEARCH. 498 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:09,616 - OH, MAN! YEAH. 499 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:13,953 - THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WOW. WOW. BIG MAN, BIG CHECK. 500 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:18,891 - BY THE WAY, I'M DRUNK! 501 00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:20,293 - HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. 502 00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:21,694 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED. 503 00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:22,662 - I'M SORRY. 504 00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:24,264 I THINK I WAS A LITTLE TIRED WHEN I TOLD YOU 505 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:25,665 THAT YOU SHOULD DO THAT. 506 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,567 I DON'T THINK THAT THAT'S SOMETHING ANN WANTS. 507 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:28,935 NOT ON TV. 508 00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:31,371 - SO THAT'S WHY YOU PULL YOUR PANTS DOWN. 509 00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:34,974 - YEAH. WAIT. WHAT DID I DO? 510 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,777 - IT'S 6:04 AM AND I'M PERD HAPLEY 511 00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:39,612 OF CHANNEL FOUR EYEWITNESS NEWS. 512 00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:41,714 AND THE STORY OF THIS NEXT DANCE 513 00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:43,516 IS THAT IT'S CALLED "THE WORM." 514 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:46,486 [Axel F playing] 515 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,789 * 516 00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:53,393 - GOOD MORNING, KNOPE. - MORNING, RON. 517 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:54,894 - EVERYTHING RUNNING SMOOTHLY? 518 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,963 YOU KNOW, I'M HAPPY TO GO BACK OUT THERE 519 00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,765 AND DEMONSTRATE MORE OF MY SKILLS. 520 00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:00,967 HOW TO START A FIRE WITHOUT MATCHES. 521 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,602 HOW TO BUILD A CRIBBAGE BOARD. 522 00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:05,705 - NO. I'M OKAY. THANKS. - GET SOME SLEEP. 523 00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,574 - AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN. 524 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,714 - WHAT THE [bleep] ARE YOU DOING, PERD HAPLEY? 525 00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,883 [door bell rings] 526 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,485 [door opens] - HEY. 527 00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:19,919 - LESLIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 528 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,421 WHY AREN'T YOU SLEEPING? 529 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:24,023 - I JUST--I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D WANT TO TALK MORE 530 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,992 ABOUT ALL THE CRAZY STUFF GOING ON. 531 00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,627 - I DO. I REALLY DO. THANKS. 532 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,596 - YEAH. 533 00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:30,830 I JUST GOT TO TELL YOU I'M A LITTLE TIRED. 534 00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:31,798 - OKAY. 535 00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:35,668 - SO I MAY HAVE PARKED ON YOUR FRONT LAWN. 536 00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:36,969 - OH, YOU DID. - I DID. 537 00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:39,939 - HMM. - YEAH. 538 00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:43,343 JUST COME IN BEFORE ANYBODY, UM... 539 00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:47,046 - LESLIE AND I HAD AN AMAZING TALK. 540 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,047 IT WAS SO GREAT OF HER TO COME OVER HERE. 541 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,983 EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS EXHAUSTED BEYOND BELIEF. 542 00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:55,655 ANYWAY, AFTER WE TALKED, SHE FELL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH. 543 00:20:55,688 --> 00:21:01,494 AND SHE'S BEEN ASLEEP FOR 22 HOURS. 544 00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:03,896 IT'S AMAZING WHAT SHE SLEPT THROUGH. 545 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:04,764 [plate shatters] 546 00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:07,400 AT ONE POINT, I THOUGHT SHE WAS UP... 547 00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:10,703 HOLD ON. HI. HEY. 548 00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:12,305 BUT THEN SHE WENT RIGHT BACK TO SLEEP. 549 00:21:12,339 --> 00:21:14,307 [vacuum roaring] 550 00:21:14,341 --> 00:21:15,842 I'VE BEEN MONITORING HER VITAL SIGNS. 551 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,043 SHE'S TOTALLY FINE. 552 00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:19,979 I LOVE HER SO MUCH. 553 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:23,015 BUT I THINK I'M GONNA DRAW A MUSTACHE ON HER FACE.