1 00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:03,704 - HI, I'M TOM HAVERFORD. I WORK IN THE PARKS DEPARTMENT. 2 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:06,507 - IT'S A LITTLE DOUCHEY. - GOOD CALL, J. 3 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,609 I'M GETTING DIVORCED SO I'M TRYING TO UP MY GAME. 4 00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,744 WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO ASK FOR FASHION DEVICE? JERRY? 5 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:13,181 HE WEARS THE SAME SOUP-STAINED KHAKIS EVERY DAY. 6 00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,648 JUSTIN'S MY SAVIOR. 7 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,817 HE'S LIKE AN ISSUE OF GQ THAT'S COME TO LIFE. 8 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,553 - * DUH-DUH-DUH DUH-DUH DUH-DUH DUH-NA-BA * 9 00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:20,388 TOMMY TIMBERLAKE. 10 00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:23,291 - YOU LOOK LIKE ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN. 11 00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:25,793 - SEQUINS! 12 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:29,497 - TRY IT WITHOUT THE GLOVES. - SEQUINS! 13 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,332 MINUS THE GLOVES. 14 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,433 HEY, WHAT'S UP. I'M TOM. 15 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:35,803 IS MY SHIRT LIGHTING UP, 'CAUSE I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE. 16 00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:37,305 ALL RIGHT, GUYS, LET'S TALK ACCESSORIES. 17 00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:38,706 BE HONEST. WHICH CANE DO YOU LIKE BETTER? 18 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:41,442 DRAGON. SERPENT. DRAGON. SERPENT. 19 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,277 BELT BUCKLE SAYS "WHAT'S CRACKIN'?" 20 00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:44,612 I CAN HAVE IT SAY WHATEVER I WANT. 21 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:45,846 IT CAN SAY "WHAT'S CRACKIN'? I'M TOM." 22 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,748 "WHAT'S CRACKIN', GIRL?" "WHAT'S CRACKIN', BOO?" 23 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,751 EAGLE MEDALLION. [as bird] GAH GAH. 24 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:53,587 - WELL, AS FAR AS WHITE LEATHER SUITS GO... 25 00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:57,291 - IT'S HORRIBLE. - I LIKE IT. 26 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,430 [triumphant music] 27 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:10,471 * 28 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:23,617 - SWEETUMS HAS BEEN PAWNEE'S LEADING SWEET TREAT MANUFACTURER 29 00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,719 FOR OVER 80 YEARS. 30 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:30,191 AND WE ARE SO EXCITED ABOUT OUR NEW PARTNERSHIP 31 00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,825 WITH THE PARKS DEPARTMENT. 32 00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:33,494 [cheers and applause] HUH? WELCOME. 33 00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:34,595 - STARTING NEXT MONTH, 34 00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:36,464 SWEETUMS IS GONNA TAKE OVER THE CONCESSION STANDS 35 00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:37,831 IN OUR PARKS. 36 00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:40,401 I-I DON'T LOVE THE IDEA OF CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP, 37 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,703 BUT SWEETUMS IS AN INSTITUTION. 38 00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,239 WHEN YOU THINK OF PAWNEE, YOU THINK OF SWEETUMS. 39 00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:47,908 - ALTHOUGH CANDY IS OUR BREAD AND BUTTER, 40 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,711 WE ALSO CARE ABOUT THE HEALTH OF OUR CUSTOMERS. 41 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:55,616 AND THAT'S WHY WE'LL BE DEBUTING OUR NEW, HEALTHY ENERGY BAR, 42 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,485 NUTRIYUMS. 43 00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:00,454 TAKE A LOOK. 44 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:04,592 - HI. I'M NICK NEWPORT, JR. CEO OF SWEETUMS. 45 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,461 AND I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE TO YOU OUR NEW LINE OF ENERGY BARS, 46 00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:08,929 NUTRIYUMS. 47 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,432 WE START WITH 100% ALL-NATURAL CORN. 48 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,701 THEN WE ADD JUST A LITTLE BIT OF SWEETUMS' CORN SYRUP, 49 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:16,470 LITTLE DROP OF SUNSHINE, AND SOME OTHER STUFF. 50 00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:17,538 AND SINCE THEY'RE FROM SWEETUMS, 51 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:18,839 YOU KNOW YOUR KIDS ARE GONNA LOVE IT. 52 00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,308 - WOW, THAT FAMILY LOOKS SO HEALTHY. 53 00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:21,475 LOOK AT THEM. THEY'RE ALL WEARING VESTS. 54 00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:23,511 - DAKOTA, DENVER. [dog barks] 55 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,413 SORRY, SHOELACE, WE DON'T MAKE NUTRIYUMS 56 00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,448 FOR DOGS...YET. 57 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,450 - [laughs] SHOELACE. 58 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,552 - NUTRIYUMS, WHERE NUTRITIOUS MEETS TASTY. 59 00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:32,620 BY SWEETUMS. 60 00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:37,491 - IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM... - all: SWEETUMS! 61 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,260 - I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER ABOUT THIS. 62 00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:42,630 I THINK THE ENTIRE GOVERNMENT SHOULD BE PRIVATIZED. 63 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,366 CHUCK E. CHEESE COULD RUN THE PARKS. 64 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,468 EVERYTHING OPERATED BY TOKENS. 65 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,903 DROP IN A TOKEN, GO ON THE SWING SET. 66 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:52,906 DROP IN ANOTHER TOKEN, TAKE A WALK. 67 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:56,510 DROP IN A TOKEN, LOOK AT A DUCK. 68 00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:59,780 - * BRENDANAWICZ QUICK QUESTION. 69 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,415 DO YOU PERSONALLY KNOW XZIBIT? 70 00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,284 BECAUSE I WAS CHECKING OUT THAT PICKUP TRUCK OF YOURS 71 00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,952 AND THAT RIDE IS PIMP. 72 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:08,222 - IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU TO COMPLIMENT MY PICKUP TRUCK 73 00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:09,523 WITH NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE. 74 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,392 - YEAH, SO LISTEN, I NEED TO MOVE SOME STUFF 75 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,261 THIS WEEKEND INTO MY NEW BACHELOR PAD 76 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,662 SINCE MY DIVORCE IS FINALLY GOING DOWN. 77 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,696 JUST SOME ODDS AND ENDS. 78 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:16,997 YOU CAN BRING OVER THE MARKMOBILE, 79 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,599 HELP ME MOVE, RIGHT? 80 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:21,335 - I'M TOTALLY BLANKING ON A VALID EXCUSE RIGHT NOW. 81 00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:24,672 SO YES, I'LL HELP YOU. - MY BOY! 82 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,475 - I [bleep] HATE HAVING A PICKUP TRUCK. 83 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,610 - ANDY, I HAVE A VERY INTERESTING 84 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,712 BUSINESS PROPOSAL FOR YOU. 85 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,714 I'M MOVING A LOT OF HEAVY STUFF OUT OF MY PLACE THIS WEEKEND. 86 00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:37,351 - CAN I HELP YOU MOVE? I'M REALLY GOOD AT IT. 87 00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:38,952 AFTERWARDS, I'LL TAKE THE CARDBOARD FROM THE BOXES 88 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,020 AND I'LL USE IT FOR BREAK DANCING. 89 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,356 - I'LL GO TOO. - REALLY. 90 00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:43,491 'CAUSE AN HOUR AGO, YOU TOLD ME 91 00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:45,559 YOU'D RATHER WATCH A SEX TAPE OF YOUR GRANDPARENTS. 92 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:48,329 - SHUT UP. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO. 93 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,597 DO YOU WANT HELP OR NOT? 94 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,965 - ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU GUYS LATER. 95 00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,501 - I THINK THAT THAT'S REALLY, REALLY SWEET 96 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:57,505 THAT YOUR GRANDPARENTS STILL MAKE LOVE. 97 00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:06,680 - OH. READY TO GO? - YES. YOUR KEYS, PLEASE. 98 00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,449 - [chuckles] YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. 99 00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:09,450 I'M FINE. 100 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:12,553 - WE'LL LET THE CHART BE THE JUDGE OF THAT. 101 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:15,856 WHAT, ARE YOU 5'11"? 210 POUNDS. 102 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,891 THREE WHISKEYS. 103 00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,861 IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE JUST OVER THE LINE INTO IMPAIRED. 104 00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:22,563 - YOU CARRY THAT WITH YOU ALL THE TIME? 105 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,365 - IT COMES IN HANDY. 106 00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:26,767 AND ON THE BACK, IT TEACHES YOU HOW TO PLAY BLACKJACK. 107 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,602 - SWANSONS HAVE A PRETERNATURALLY HIGH TOLERANCE 108 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:29,737 FOR ALCOHOL. 109 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,406 MY OLD MAN USED TO PUT WILD TURKEY ON HIS CORN FLAKES. 110 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:33,407 - I'M NOT GONNA ARGUE WITH YOU, RON. 111 00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,476 WE'RE JUST GONNA SIT AND WAIT UNTIL, YOU KNOW, 112 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:39,380 YOU'RE SAFE TO DRIVE, WHICH WOULD BE IN ABOUT... 113 00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:42,049 ONE HOUR. 114 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:46,887 "INSURANCE IS A SIDE BET WHEN YOU WAGER HALF 115 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,490 "OF YOUR ORIGINAL BET BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE THE DEALER 116 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:52,560 HAS A 10 IN THE HOLE." 117 00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:53,861 - [honks horn] 118 00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:57,565 - GET OFF MY CAR, WOMAN! - 20 MINUTES! 119 00:04:57,598 --> 00:05:00,368 THE DEALER REALLY HAS AN ADVANTAGE. 120 00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,436 THAT'S WHAT I GET THE MOST FROM THIS. 121 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,109 HEY, RON. 122 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:12,480 - MORNING, LESLIE. DID YOU HAVE A GOOD NIGHT? 123 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:13,881 - I DID. I WATCHED A REALLY GOOD DOCU-- 124 00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:14,915 WHAT IS THAT? 125 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,617 - THIS IS WHAT I DID LAST NIGHT. 126 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,951 AFTER I GOT HOME, 127 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,654 I DRANK SIX MORE GLASSES OF WHISKEY 128 00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:22,890 AND THEN I FINISHED CRAFTING THIS SMALL HARP 129 00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,858 USING A BAND SAW, A SPOKESHAVE, 130 00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,827 AND AN OSCILLATING SPINDLE SANDER. 131 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,862 [harp strings ring harmoniously] 132 00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:31,098 - BEAUTIFUL. - BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. 133 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,867 HERE ARE SOME PHOTOGRAPHS OF ME DRINKING THE WHISKEY. 134 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,869 YOU'LL NOTICE I'M HOLDING UP YESTERDAY'S NEWSPAPER 135 00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:38,038 SO YOU CAN TELL THAT I'M NOT LYING. 136 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,841 - MM. I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A SPA. 137 00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:44,945 - SO I GOT MY TRUCK ALL CLEANED OUT 138 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:46,514 AND READY TO GO FOR TOMORROW. 139 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,417 DO YOU HAVE, LIKE, FURNITURE PADS AND, UH, DOLLIES, 140 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:50,350 THAT SORT OF THING? 141 00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:51,819 - OOH. I THOUGHT THE MOVER SUPPLIED THOSE. 142 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:55,589 - I'M NOT A MOVER. I'M A SAP WHO OWNS A TRUCK. 143 00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:57,391 - DON'T TALK ABOUT YOURSELF LIKE THAT. 144 00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:59,960 AND BRING SOME COFFEE. - HEY, ARE YOU MOVING OUT? 145 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,629 HAVE YOU TOLD WENDY HOW YOU FEEL YET? 146 00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,664 - UH, WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME. 147 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,666 - IT'S RIGHT NOW. THE TIME IS NOW. 148 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,067 - JUST DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I'M FINE. 149 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,102 - HMM. - WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE? 150 00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:10,604 - MM. - HOLY COW. 151 00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:11,572 - MM. - MAN. 152 00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,040 - WOW. - THAT IS GOOD STUFF. 153 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,575 - GREAT, RIGHT? - OH, MY GOD. 154 00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,610 THEY'RE AMAZING. - THEY'RE MORE THAN AMAZING. 155 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:17,878 THEY ARE TERRIFIC. 156 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,880 - TERRIFIC'S NOT MORE THAN AMAZING, JERRY. 157 00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,749 - NO? WELL, IT'S NOT LESS. 158 00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:24,418 - EVERYTHING SWEETUMS MAKES IS OFF THE CHARTS. 159 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:25,753 I LIKE THEIR CANDY FINGERNAILS. 160 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,621 - I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE THINGS ARE HEALTHY. 161 00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:28,822 - MM. - WELL, IT'S NOT THAT CRAZY. 162 00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:30,624 KRACKEL BAR IS ALSO HEALTHY AND DELICIOUS. 163 00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:32,826 - NO, THEY'RE NOT. - YEAH. 164 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:35,162 THEY--THEY ACTUALLY HAVE RICE IN THEM, SO... 165 00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:40,601 - MM, ANDY, YOU'RE FINE, BUT YOU'RE SIMPLE. 166 00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:41,869 [muffled dance music] 167 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,737 * 168 00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:46,574 - WHO JUST PUT 100 OF THESE IN THEIR BODY? 169 00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:49,577 - ANNNNNNN! OH! LOOK AT YOU! 170 00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,011 YOU'RE LOOKING PRETTY UNHEALTHY TODAY. 171 00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,079 YOU MIGHT NEED ONE OF THESE. 172 00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:53,647 NUTRIYUM BY SWEETUMS. 173 00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,449 * IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM, SWEETUMS * 174 00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,451 - I LOVE THAT SONG. - OW! 175 00:06:57,485 --> 00:06:58,952 - I GOT TO GO CHECK MY EMAIL. 176 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,588 - WE'RE GONNA SELL THESE IN THE PARK NOW. 177 00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:03,457 - THEY'RE HEALTHY. - HOLY GOD. 178 00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:04,758 NO, THEY'RE NOT. THEY'RE TERRIBLE FOR YOU. 179 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,093 - NO, THEY'RE NOT. 180 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,695 THERE'S A PICTURE OF LANCE ARMSTRONG ON THERE. 181 00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:08,896 - YEAH, BUT LOOK AT THE INGREDIENTS. 182 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,598 HIGH-FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, CORN SYRUP-- 183 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:13,000 - THERE'S ONLY 8 GRAMS OF FAT. - YEAH. PER SERVING. 184 00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,635 A BAR IS FOUR SERVINGS. 185 00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:16,036 - WELL, PEOPLE SEEM TO ENJOY THEM. 186 00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,538 LOOK HOW HAPPY EVERYBODY IS. 187 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,873 [dance music playing loudly] 188 00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,709 * 189 00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,844 - YEAH, THAT'S A SUGAR RUSH. 190 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:24,845 - YEAH. - YEAH. 191 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:25,846 - THAT MAKES SENSE. 192 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:26,847 - THEY'RE GONNA CRASH SOON 193 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:27,948 AND IT'S NOT GONNA BE PRETTY. 194 00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:29,182 - YEAH, I'M GONNA CRASH SOON TOO 195 00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,551 'CAUSE I'VE EATEN, LIKE, 40 OF THESE. 196 00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:32,052 - OH, GOD. 197 00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:34,588 GENERALLY, I LIKE TO STAY OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS. 198 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:37,658 BUT PAWNEE IS THE FOURTH MOST OBESE CITY IN AMERICA. 199 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,593 THE KIDS HERE ARE BEEFY. 200 00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:44,632 THEY'RE JUST HUSKY, BIG-BONED, PLUS-SIZED CHUNK MONSTERS. 201 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,934 I CALL 'EM LIKE I SEE 'EM. 202 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:50,904 [silence] 203 00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:52,573 - LESLIE. - YEAH. 204 00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,241 - LET'S GET SOME ALMONDS IN YOU, OKAY? 205 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,909 - OKAY. - CAN-- 206 00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,245 - I CAN'T OPEN THEM. 207 00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,848 - [sprays] - OH! BACK TO WORK. 208 00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,850 I HATE IT HERE. THIS PLACE IS EVIL. 209 00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,284 - I THINK THESE ARE THE ONLY TWO FILMS 210 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,886 THAT SAY "SWEETUMS" ON THE LABEL. 211 00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,588 - YEAH, WELL, LET'S TAKE THEM BOTH. 212 00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,022 WE MIGHT FIND SOMETHING INTERESTING. 213 00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,691 HERE. JUST--I'LL STICK THEM UNDER MY SHIRT. 214 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,893 WE'LL JUST WALK OUT. - THEY HAVE SENSORS. 215 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:14,562 JUST CHECK THEM OUT. IT'S FREE. 216 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:17,965 - HI, MARCI. - LESLIE. 217 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,100 ARE THEY FINALLY TEACHING YOU PARKS PEOPLE HOW TO READ? 218 00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:23,571 HA. OH, I GUESS NOT. IT'S A MOVIE. 219 00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:24,972 - YOU'RE PRETTY COCKY FOR SOMEONE WHOSE JOB 220 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,874 IS OBSOLETE BECAUSE OF THE INTERNET. 221 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:30,711 - [laughs] LET'S SEE. 222 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:34,114 HMM. YOU SEEM TO HAVE A $40 LATE FEE ON A BOOK CALLED 223 00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:36,650 [shouting] MYSTERIES OF THE FEMALE ORGASM! 224 00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:39,687 - NO, I DON'T! - YEAH, YOU DO. 225 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:44,091 - ANN, GRAB THE MOVIE. GO! GO! GO! GO! 226 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,059 PUNK ASS BOOK JOCKEYS! 227 00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:50,564 [alarm beeping] 228 00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:52,700 - SO YOU GUYS ALL GOOD 229 00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,702 WITH, UH, SWEETUMS' CONCESSION STAND DEAL? 230 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,604 I CAN GO AHEAD AND SIGN OFF ON IT? 231 00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,338 - YOU BET YA. - ACTUALLY, NO. NO. 232 00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,339 WE ARE WORRIED THAT THE ENERGY BARS 233 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,341 THAT THEY'RE GONNA SELL ARE GROSSLY UNHEALTHY 234 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:04,211 AND THEY'RE MISLEADING PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT'S ACTUALLY IN THEM. 235 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,346 - NO. WE'RE NOT WORRIED ABOUT THAT. 236 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,649 WE'RE FINE AND WE SIGN OFF. 237 00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,618 - PAUL, CAN I HAVE A SIDEBAR WITH RON? 238 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:13,120 - I GUESS. - SIDEBAR, RON. 239 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,354 I DID SOME RESEARCH AND NUTRIYUMS 240 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,623 ARE TERRIBLE FOR YOU. 241 00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:16,957 - I DON'T CARE. WE'RE DOING IT. 242 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,059 - NAH--TA--PLEE--BUH-HUH-- WE'RE IN A SIDEBAR. 243 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,294 UH, DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR CITY'S HEALTH? 244 00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:22,696 - I CARE ABOUT THE PEOPLE'S RIGHT 245 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,598 TO CONSUME WHATEVER THEY WANT. 246 00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:26,734 - PAUL, CAN YOU AND I HAVE A SIDEBAR? 247 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,235 - NO. 248 00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,137 - OKAY, I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD HOLD A PUBLIC FORUM. 249 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,672 THAT WAY WE WON'T BE LIABLE. 250 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,307 - THERE'S NO POINT. IT'S A HOME RUN FOR THE CITY. 251 00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:35,843 - NO, I THINK SHE'S RIGHT. 252 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,911 IT'S A GOOD "COVER OUR ASS" MOVE. 253 00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,947 LET'S DO IT. - PAUL. 254 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,615 LESLIE, WHY MUST YOU STICK YOUR NOSE 255 00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:42,883 INTO EVERYONE ELSE'S BUSINESS? 256 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,618 - SIDEBAR, PAUL. 257 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:46,353 RON'S UPSET BECAUSE I DIDN'T LET HIM DRIVE LAST NIGHT. 258 00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:49,256 - STOP SIDEBARING. 259 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,759 - SOMEBODY'S GROUCHY. 260 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,629 - YOU SAID IT WAS JUST ODDS AND ENDS. 261 00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:56,396 - IT IS. YEAH. AND SOME FURNITURE. 262 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,965 AND--AND THE PLASMA TV. 263 00:09:57,998 --> 00:09:59,700 - YOU HAVEN'T EVEN FOLDED UP THE BOXES YET. 264 00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:04,037 - DUDE, DEEP BLUE SEA. GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE. 265 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:06,306 - THAT'S THE CANADIAN VERSION. 22 EXTRA MINUTES. 266 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,207 AND THERE'S A BONUS AUDIO TRACK 267 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,109 WHERE LL COOL J RAPS ALL HIS DIALOGUE. 268 00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:12,345 - WHAT? WE'RE WATCHING THIS RIGHT NOW. 269 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:13,446 - NO, NO, NO. - POP IT IN. 270 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,383 - WE SHOULD REALLY PACK THIS ROOM UP AND GET MOVING. 271 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:20,721 - SO THIS IS A REALLY BIG ROOM I NEED PACKED UP, GUYS. 272 00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:23,390 - THIS IS YOUR BEDROOM? 273 00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,826 - NO. IT'S A SPARE ROOM I CONVERTED 274 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:29,129 INTO A WALK-IN CLOSET/ HOME FITNESS CENTER. 275 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,430 - WHAT IS THAT? 276 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,133 - OH. I STRAPPED AN MP3 PLAYER 277 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,367 TO ONE OF THOSE FLOOR-CLEANING ROBOTS. 278 00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:35,769 I CALL HIM DJ ROOMBA. 279 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,437 LITTLE GUY CRUISES AROUND AND PLAYS MUSIC. 280 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,438 WHAT'S HOT, DJ ROOMBA? 281 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,440 [hip-hop music] 282 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:44,277 DJ ROOMBA, TEARING IT UP! 283 00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:48,448 - HE LIKES ME. [laughs] 284 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:51,785 - LET'S DANCE FOR A LITTLE WHILE, MARK. WHAT--? 285 00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:54,955 - NUTRIYUMS ENERGY BARS ARE JUST ABSOLUTELY LOADED 286 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,224 WITH HIGH-FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP AND FATTY OILS. 287 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,358 AND ANY WAY YOU SLICE IT, 288 00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:01,428 THEY'RE JUST EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY FOR YOU. 289 00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,063 - LESLIE NEEDS TO BUTT OUT. 290 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:05,065 THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS COUNTRY 291 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,968 IS IF YOU WANT TO EAT GARBAGE, BALLOON UP TO 600 POUNDS, 292 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:11,238 AND DIE OF A HEART ATTACK AT 43, YOU CAN. 293 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:14,975 YOU ARE FREE TO DO SO. TO ME, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. 294 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,910 - [exhales] ANY QUESTIONS? 295 00:11:16,944 --> 00:11:18,445 - I--IF SUGAR'S SO BAD, 296 00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,380 HOW COME JESUS MADE IT TASTE SO GOOD? 297 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:23,483 - UH...YES. 298 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,885 - BUT ISN'T ALL FOOD BAD FOR YOU? 299 00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,486 I'VE BEEN EATING LASAGNA AND MUFFINS 300 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:27,988 EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE FOR 40 YEARS 301 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,056 AND I FEEL TERRIBLE. 302 00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:30,390 - RIGHT. 303 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:31,925 - WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT CORN SYRUP? 304 00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,827 IT'S NATURAL. CORN'S A FRUIT. 305 00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:35,763 SYRUP COMES FROM A BUSH. 306 00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,464 - OH, BOY. 307 00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:39,733 - HOW DO WE KNOW YOU'RE REALLY A NURSE? 308 00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,401 - I AM. I PROMISE. I WORK AT ST. JOE'S. 309 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:44,437 - WELL, THE POINT IS MY FRIEND THINKS YOU'RE CUTE. 310 00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:46,239 GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER SO HE CAN HAVE IT. 311 00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:48,341 - YEAH. THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 312 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,210 - CAN I HAVE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS? I JUST GOT ON AOL. 313 00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:51,178 - OH, MY GOD. NO. 314 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,046 - I THINK WE OUGHT TO THROW THOSE BARS OUT 315 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,915 AND EAT HAM AND MAYONNAISE SANDWICHES. 316 00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,449 - THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA. - HAM AND MAYONNAISE! 317 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:57,985 - IT'S NOT-- - HAM AND MAYONNAISE! 318 00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,219 - NO, NO, NO. 319 00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:02,222 [people chanting "ham and mayonnaise"] 320 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,157 - OH, GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DO THIS EVERY WEEK. 321 00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:05,425 - I'M ACTUALLY ENCOURAGED. 322 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,394 THE QUESTIONS WERE MORE RELEVANT THAN USUAL. 323 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,396 - YEAH, I NEED TO ORDER THE BROWN TIMBERLANDS 324 00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,431 IN A SIZE 8, NARROW. 325 00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:14,401 HOW MUCH IS THE NEXT-DAY SHIPPING? 326 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,136 I DON'T-- WHAT'S TWO-DAY SHIPPING? 327 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:19,807 YEAH, I'D LIKE TO PLACE AN ORDER FOR ONE PAD THAI, CHICKEN. 328 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,809 AND, UH, NO SCALLIONS ON IT, PLEASE. 329 00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,144 JUST FOR ONE PERSON. YEAH, JUST ONE. 330 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:26,914 MAN, I SAW MARK CARRYING, LIKE, THREE BOXES. 331 00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,115 THAT DUDE IS STRONG. 332 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,818 - WHATEVER. I'LL CARRY FIVE BOXES. 333 00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:34,454 - GO GET 'EM, CHAMP. 334 00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,456 - OKAY, DONNA, WHERE DO YOU WANT THIS? 335 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,225 - UH-UH, THAT'S IT. 336 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,293 MY BABY HAS A DELICATE SUSPENSION. 337 00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:42,362 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? - NO, I'M NOT. MOVE. 338 00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:43,897 - PUT IT IN YOUR TRUCK, BRENDANAWICZ. 339 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:48,068 THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM. 340 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:52,239 - HEY! EE! AH! MY POCKET SQUARES! 341 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,406 [dog barking] 342 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,274 - SORRY, SHOELACE, 343 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:57,210 WE DON'T MAKE NUTRIYUMS FOR DOGS...YET. 344 00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:59,947 - NUTRIYUMS, WHERE NUTRITIOUS MEETS TASTY. 345 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,481 BY SWEETUMS. 346 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,050 - I GUESS THAT ABOUT SAYS IT ALL. 347 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,484 - NO, IT DOESN'T, ACTUALLY. 348 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,353 I THINK WE SHOULD WATCH ANOTHER VIDEO RIGHT NOW. 349 00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:09,156 ONE THAT YOUR COMPANY MADE 30 YEARS AGO. 350 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:14,427 - I'M NICK NEWPORT, PRESIDENT OF SWEETUMS, 351 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:17,464 GIVING YOU A LOOK INSIDE OUR CORN SYRUP FACTORY. 352 00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:20,500 THIS IS ALL-NEW HIGH-FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, 353 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,569 A MIRACLE PRODUCT THAT'S SWEETER THAN SUGAR, 354 00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,938 BUT CHEAPER TO PRODUCE. 355 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,440 CHEAP, DELICIOUS, SUGARY CORN 356 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,476 IS CURRENTLY BEING USED BY FARMS 357 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,544 TO FATTEN UP THEIR COWS AND PIGS. 358 00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:33,881 LOOK HOW FAT THOSE COWS ARE! 359 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:36,616 FAT, HAPPY, AND DOCILE. 360 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,019 THE WAY WE LIKE 'EM. 361 00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:40,487 - [clears throat] 362 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,190 SO YOU STILL WANT TO CLAIM THAT CORN SYRUP IS HEALTHY? 363 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,625 - CORN SYRUP IS NATURAL AND IT'S FINE IN MODERATION. 364 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,460 BUT DON'T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT. 365 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:50,630 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MR. NICK NEWPORT, JR.! 366 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,632 [cheers and applause] 367 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,168 - HEY, GUY. HEY, HOW YOU DOING? 368 00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:59,439 HOW YOU DOING? - YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 369 00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:02,275 - MY KIDS, DENVER AND DAKOTA! 370 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:05,245 [cheers and applause] 371 00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:10,383 - AH! - [giggling] 372 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:14,321 - I JUST WANT TO GET A-- AH, THAT'S GOOD HOSE WATER. 373 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,455 - HEY. - DON'T GET MY SHOES. 374 00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,657 HEY, WHAT'S UP, GUYS. YOU COME TO HELP TOM MOVE TOO? 375 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,060 TOO LATE! WE ALREADY ALMOST GOT ALL OF IT. 376 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,062 - NO. WE JUST THOUGHT IT'D BE FUNNY 377 00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,530 TO SEE APRIL DOING PHYSICAL LABOR. 378 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,565 - [snickers] AH. 379 00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,100 IT'S BEEN AN AWESOME MOVING DAY. 380 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,937 I GOT THE LITTLE ROBOT TO PLAY DAVE MATTHEWS. 381 00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,271 * OH, LITTLE BABY 382 00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:34,107 - WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT? - DJ ROOMBA. 383 00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:35,943 - WHAT? - ALL RIGHT. 384 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:38,078 BACK TO THE GRINDSTONE. 385 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,380 AWESOME SEEING YOU, DUDES. - SEE YA. 386 00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:44,251 - LATER, BRO. - HA HA! 387 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:47,087 - HI. - HI. 388 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:51,992 - GOD, THIS IS SO WEIRD. IT'S LIKE, END OF AN ERA, HUH? 389 00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,660 IT'S KINDA SAD. 390 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,996 - EH, WE'LL STILL BE FRIENDS. - YEAH. 391 00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,630 WELL, HEY, YOU GUYS MUST BE STARVING. 392 00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,432 YOU WANT ME TO ORDER YOU A PIZZA OR SOMETHING? 393 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:00,467 - OH, THAT'D BE GREAT. YEAH. - OKAY. 394 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,535 - WHY DON'T YOU GET SOME CANADIAN BACON ON IT 395 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:03,937 SINCE YOU'RE FROM CANADA... - MM-HMM. 396 00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:06,239 - AND SAUSAGE 'CAUSE I AM BROWN AND SPICY. 397 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,508 - [laughs] OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 398 00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:12,980 WELL, I WILL, UM, SEE YOU AROUND, I GUESS, RIGHT? 399 00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:16,683 - YEAH. I'M AROUND. - I'LL SEE YOU AROUND. 400 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,385 [chuckles] - BYE. 401 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:23,290 - BYE. 402 00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:27,027 - WOW. MR. NEWPORT, JR., THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. 403 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,196 BUT DON'T YOU THINK THAT EVERY PERSON 404 00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:30,663 HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT THEY'RE PUTTING 405 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:31,999 IN THEIR BODIES? 406 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,433 RIGHT, EVERYBODY? - IS SHOELACE HERE? 407 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,268 WHERE'S SHOELACE? 408 00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:36,336 - SHOELACE COULDN'T MAKE IT. 409 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,071 BUT I DO AGREE WITH THIS NICE LADY. 410 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:41,241 THAT'S WHY I SAY WE SHOULD LET THE PEOPLE BE THE JUDGE. 411 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,342 DENVER. 412 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,477 - EVERYBODY, CHECK UNDER YOUR SEATS! 413 00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:48,281 [gasps and cheers] 414 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:52,552 [whistling and applause] 415 00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:57,457 - DENVER, YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH. 416 00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:05,632 [hip-hop playing] - MM. 417 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:08,535 THERE'S NO PIZZA LEFT? - SORRY, JER. TOO SLOW. 418 00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,403 - YOU WANT MY CRUSTS? HERE. TAKE THIS. 419 00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:13,540 - NOBODY EVEN TOLD ME THE PIZZA WAS HERE. 420 00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:14,374 [crash] 421 00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:17,410 - JERRY! YOU STEPPED ON DJ ROOMBA! 422 00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:19,579 AGH! - THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT. 423 00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:21,748 - YOU KILLED HIM. I BUILT HIM MYSELF. 424 00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,783 HE WAS LIKE A SON TO ME. 425 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,219 - OKAY. TIME TO VOTE. 426 00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,655 ALL THOSE WHO WOULD LIKE THE BLOATED CORPSE 427 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,290 OF THE GOVERNMENT TO KEEP RUNNING 428 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,360 THE SNACK BARS AT TAXPAYER EXPENSE, 429 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:34,561 RAISE YOUR HANDS. 430 00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:36,796 - THAT SEEMS LIKE AN UNFAIR PHRASING. 431 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,199 AND ALL THOSE IN FAVOR 432 00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:41,501 OF LETTING THIS HEARTLESS CORPORATION, SWEETUMS, 433 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,503 STUFF YOUR CHILDREN WITH SUGARY CRAP, 434 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:44,537 RAISE YOUR HAND. 435 00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:48,375 - [laughs] THANK YOU, EVERYBODY. 436 00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,810 - UGH. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. 437 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,679 - YOU KNOW WHAT, WE DID OUR JOB. 438 00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:56,549 WE INFORMED THE PUBLIC. THAT'S ALL WE CAN DO. 439 00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,485 - I'M SORRY, MAN, THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO. 440 00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,552 - [sighs] ARE YOU SERIOUS? 441 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:02,255 - LOOK, WE'LL GET IT FIXED AND I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY. 442 00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:04,557 - I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH MY NEW LANDLORD. 443 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:07,227 APPARENTLY THERE'S BEEN SOME SORT OF GAS LEAK 444 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:11,131 AND I CAN'T MOVE INTO MY PLACE UNTIL MONDAY NOW. 445 00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:12,665 - ARE YOU TELLING US WE HAVE TO UNLOAD THIS 446 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:13,733 AND MOVE IT BACK IN THE HOUSE? 447 00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,402 - NO. I CAN'T PUT IT THERE. 448 00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:17,270 I PROMISED WENDY I'D BE OUT OF HERE TONIGHT. 449 00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:21,308 UM...I GOT IT! 450 00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:22,709 EVERYBODY GO HOME. 451 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:25,212 PACK AWAY MY STUFF IN YOUR OWN HOUSES. 452 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,647 THEN ON MONDAY, PACK IT BACK UP, 453 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,283 MEET ME AT MY NEW PLACE, UNLOAD IT THERE. 454 00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:36,289 - [sighs] COME ON, GUYS. 455 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:39,159 - SEE YA, TOM. - BYE. 456 00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,261 - LATER. 457 00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,663 - HEY, BRO, WANT TO GO GET OUR GRUB ON? 458 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,632 - TOTES, BRA. WINGS AND BREWS. 459 00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:46,566 - WHY ARE YOU GUYS TALKING LIKE THAT? 460 00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:49,636 - JUST CHILLAXIN' LIKE YOUR NEW BRO ANDY. 461 00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,471 - YEAH. WANT TO PLAY SOME HACKY SACK LATER? 462 00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,506 MAYBE, UH, LISTEN TO BLUES TRAVELER? 463 00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,775 - OKAY. I'M LEAVING. - WE'RE JUST KIDDING. 464 00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:58,145 LET'S GO TO DINNER. - I'M NOT HUNGRY. 465 00:17:58,178 --> 00:17:59,646 AND YOU GUYS AREN'T BEING FUNNY. 466 00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:00,713 - WHY ARE YOU BEING WEIRD? 467 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:01,848 WE MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE LIKE THAT. 468 00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:04,651 THAT'S WHAT WE DO. 469 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:09,122 - YOU KNOW, FOR A GAY COUPLE, YOU GUYS ARE BEING REALLY GAY. 470 00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:10,523 - I SAID "OF COURSE I REMEMBER YOU. 471 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:11,858 YOU'RE CHASTITY, RIGHT?" 472 00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,693 [laughter] 473 00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,729 - LESLIE. EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T INVITE YOU, 474 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,298 YOU CAME HERE ANYWAY. 475 00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:20,867 I-I RESPECT THAT BECAUSE YOU MADE A CHOICE 476 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,602 AS A FREE AMERICAN. 477 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,304 - WHAT ARE YOU EATING? 478 00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,639 - I CALL THIS "TURF AND TURF." 479 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:27,707 IT'S A 16-OUNCE T-BONE 480 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,709 AND A 24-OUNCE PORTERHOUSE. 481 00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:32,612 ALSO WHISKEY AND A CIGAR. 482 00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,814 I'M GONNA CONSUME ALL OF THIS AT THE SAME TIME 483 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,816 BECAUSE I AM A FREE AMERICAN. 484 00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:40,487 - NO CIGARS INSIDE, SIR. - FINE. 485 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,522 I WILL SMOKE THE ENTIRE THING OUTSIDE. 486 00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:45,692 EVEN THOUGH IT IS BAD FOR ME, I AM GOING TO DO IT. 487 00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:48,161 - WHY IS HE BEING SUCH AN ASS? 488 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:51,231 - OH, IT'S A LONG STORY. - YAAH! 489 00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:52,865 IT'S FREEZING OUTSIDE. 490 00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:54,801 SO I WILL NOT BE SMOKING THIS CIGAR. 491 00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:57,804 BUT REST ASSURED, I COULD IF I WANTED TO BECAUSE THIS-- 492 00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,173 - THIS IS AMERICA, RIGHT? IS IT? 493 00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:02,442 MAY I SPEAK WITH YOU, PLEASE? 494 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:05,612 LOOK, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE BEING A JERK ON PURPOSE 495 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,647 JUST TO PROVE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE A JERK, 496 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,848 BUT EITHER WAY, YOU'RE BEING A JERK. 497 00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:11,384 SO HERE, TAKE THE BOOZE CHART. 498 00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:12,685 - YOU KIDDING ME? - NO. 499 00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:14,421 IF YOU'RE GONNA DRINK, YOU SHOULD USE IT, OKAY? 500 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,356 I'M GONNA HEAD OUT. 501 00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:18,625 BY THE WAY, MAYBE IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS, 502 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,727 BUT IF YOU EAT THREE POUNDS OF STEAK EVERY DAY, 503 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,495 YOU'RE GONNA DIE. 504 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,964 AND ALTHOUGH I'VE ALREADY WRITTEN YOUR EULOGY, 505 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,234 AND IT'S INCREDIBLY TOUCHING, 506 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:30,637 I WOULD PREFER NOT TO GIVE IT FOR A WHILE. 507 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,539 THE FIRST LINE, BY THE WAY, 508 00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:37,477 "O CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN! RON SWANSON, A SWAN SONG." 509 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:41,614 YEAH. AND IT GETS BETTER FROM THERE! 510 00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:49,622 - APRIL. APRIL. 511 00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:50,390 YOU WANT TO WATCH ME ROLLERBLADE 512 00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:51,891 IN THE PARKING LOT AFTER WORK? 513 00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:53,793 I'M PRETTY AWESOME. I USED TO BE REALLY GOOD. 514 00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:55,562 THAT WAS, LIKE, 70 POUNDS AGO. 515 00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:58,565 - I CAN'T. I'M KIND OF BUSY. 516 00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:01,734 - AW, THAT'S LAME. TOMORROW. 517 00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:06,906 - MAYBE. I DON'T KNOW. 518 00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:09,409 - OKAY. BYE. 519 00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:11,878 AH, AH, AH, AH, AH! 520 00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:16,549 JUST KIDDING. I DON'T FALL. HEE-HEE. 521 00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:20,720 - I, UH... 522 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,356 WHAT ARE YOU EATING? 523 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:24,724 - I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO HAVE BREAKFAST. 524 00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:27,327 - I'M GONNA TOSS THESE IN THE DUMPSTER OUTSIDE 525 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:30,763 AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU DIGGING AROUND IN THERE LATER. 526 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:39,639 I AM SORRY. I HAVE BEEN A HORSE'S ASS. 527 00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,609 AND... 528 00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:44,711 THAT IS THE END OF WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. 529 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,713 - APOLOGY ACCEPTED. 530 00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:54,721 PUT A COAT ON, IT'S FREEZING OUTSIDE. 531 00:20:58,024 --> 00:21:00,327 - [mimicking spooky voice] JERRY. 532 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:04,964 JERRY! 533 00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:09,669 THIS IS THE GHOST OF DJ ROOMBA. 534 00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,638 WHY DID YOU KILL ME? 535 00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:14,474 I'M GONNA HAUNT YOU, JERRY. 536 00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:17,377 I'M GONNA FOLLOW YOU AND PLAY THE BLACK EYED PEAS 537 00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:19,379 ON A NONSTOP LOOP. 538 00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:21,581 - * LET'S BURN THE ROOF 539 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,983 - * AND THEN WE'LL DO IT AGAIN * 540 00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:24,751 - * LET'S DO IT 541 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,619 * LET'S DO IT, LET'S DO IT * 542 00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:29,656 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com