1 00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:03,571 - LESLIE. - WHAT'S UP, RON? 2 00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:04,672 - I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO GO UP 3 00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,540 TO THE BUREAU OF MOTOR VEHICLES ON THE FOURTH FLOOR. 4 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,109 WE GOT TO TALK OURSELVES OUT 5 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:09,443 OF THIS LATE REGISTRATION FEE 6 00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:10,611 FOR THE PARKS VAN. 7 00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:11,779 - COME ON. 8 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:13,447 I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE FOURTH FLOOR. 9 00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,349 THAT IS THE CREEPIEST PLACE ON EARTH. 10 00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:17,618 THE FOURTH FLOOR IS AWFUL-- 11 00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:20,221 THE DMV, DIVORCE FILINGS, 12 00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:21,489 PROBATION OFFICES. 13 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:22,823 UGH. 14 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,592 THEY PUT A POPCORN MACHINE UP THERE 15 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:26,060 JUST TO BRIGHTEN THINGS UP, 16 00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:27,628 BUT THEY USED THE WRONG KIND OF OIL 17 00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:28,429 AND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE 18 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,464 HAD TO GET THEIR THROATS REPLACED. 19 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,566 - THEY'LL ONLY TALK TO YOU OR ME, 20 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:33,801 AND I CAN'T GO. 21 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,336 BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO. 22 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:39,440 - [groans] 23 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:40,841 OKAY. 24 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,444 [elevator beeps] 25 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:46,447 [ominous music] 26 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:49,183 * 27 00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:51,352 UGH. 28 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:56,157 [men arguing in foreign language] 29 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:57,725 - HEY, BOO, YOU'RE PRETTY. 30 00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,760 - THANK YOU, SIR. 31 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,629 - ARE YOU ON PROBATION? 32 00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:02,630 I GOT CLEAN URINE. 33 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,198 YOU NEED FEMALE, I GOT FEMALE. 34 00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:05,199 - I'M GOOD. THANK YOU. 35 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,435 - HEY, YOU CLEAN? I BUY TOO. 36 00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:12,673 [chains rattling] 37 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:15,075 [man laughs] 38 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,556 - TOM AND WENDY? 39 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:29,557 - POPCORN? 40 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:30,758 - AAH! 41 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:34,128 [triumphant music] 42 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:42,170 * 43 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:56,650 - SO, TOM, HOW'S EVERYTHING 44 00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:58,586 IN YOUR LIFE, GENERALLY? 45 00:01:58,619 --> 00:01:59,487 - AMAZING. 46 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,856 TOOK A RISK, BOUGHT SOME SHOES ONLINE. 47 00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:06,527 PAID OFF HANDSOMELY, AS YOU CAN SEE. 48 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,529 - UH-HUH. 49 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:11,865 AND HOW ARE YOUR INSTITUTIONS 50 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,667 THAT YOU'RE A PART OF? 51 00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,503 - AH, YOU HEARD ABOUT MY DIVORCE? 52 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:17,538 - I SAW YOU ON THE FOURTH FLOOR. 53 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,540 I'M SO, SO SORRY. 54 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:20,874 - HONESTLY, IT'S FINE. 55 00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:23,511 LASTED LONGER THAN AVRIL LAVIGNE 56 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:24,878 AND THE GUY FROM SUM 41. AM I RIGHT? 57 00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:27,315 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE. 58 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,817 LOOK, TOM, STOP WORKING. 59 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:30,751 - WHA--? 60 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,720 WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HAVE SAVED THAT. 61 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:33,921 - YOU SHOULD HAVE AUTO-SAVED THAT. 62 00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,590 THAT KIND OF FEELS LIKE YOUR FAULT. 63 00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,626 LOOK, I'VE HEARD YOUR VOICE 64 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,660 WHEN SHE CALLS YOU ON THE PHONE. 65 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:40,828 I'VE SEEN YOU LOOK AT HER ASS 66 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:41,895 WHEN SHE LEAVES THE ROOM. 67 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,464 YOU LOVE HER. 68 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:44,798 - LESLIE, I REALLY APPRECIATE 69 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:45,799 WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO, 70 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:46,800 BUT I'M FINE. 71 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:47,935 LOOK. LOOK AT MY FACE. 72 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,937 ARE YOU WATCHING? 73 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:52,706 - I DID A LITTLE RESEARCH, 74 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:57,545 AND DIVORCE IS THE NUMBER TWO MOST STRESSFUL EVENT 75 00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:58,346 IN A PERSON'S LIFE. 76 00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:01,382 OF COURSE MARRIAGE IS NUMBER SEVEN. 77 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:04,285 SO WATCH OUT, EVERYONE. 78 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,654 IT'S ALL BAD. 79 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,622 - [laughs] 80 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:09,923 - WE HAVE TO STEP UP. 81 00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:10,924 FOR TOM'S SAKE. 82 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,960 - I THINK TOM SEEMS FINE. 83 00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,795 - WELL, THAT IS THE PROBLEM. 84 00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:17,365 TOM ALWAYS SEEMS LIKE MR. SLICKSTER COOL GUY, 85 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:18,699 BUT HE'S ACTUALLY HIDING HIS EMOTIONS 86 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:20,234 UNDERNEATH A VERY THICK LAYER 87 00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:21,669 OF AXE BODY SPRAY. 88 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:22,670 WE HAVE TO HELP HIM. 89 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,672 WE ARE HIS SAFE BUBBLE. 90 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:25,806 - SHE'S KIND OF RIGHT. 91 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,608 NONE OF HIS FAMILY LIVES HERE, 92 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:28,609 AND ALL OF HIS FRIENDS 93 00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:29,843 ARE FRAT GUYS AND MORONS. 94 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,346 - THIS SEEMS LIKE NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. 95 00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:33,747 - BE SUPPORTIVE, OKAY? 96 00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:35,649 DON'T BE ALL LIKE, 97 00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:37,651 [deep, gruff voice] "NO, I DON'T WANT TO. 98 00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:39,887 "I AM A GUY, AND I LIKE FIRE 99 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,990 "AND PLAYING HOCKEY AND EATING MEAT. 100 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,993 NO, NO, SAYS I." 101 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:47,795 - THAT WAS A REALLY GOOD RON. 102 00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:48,896 - THANK YOU. 103 00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:50,598 - I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN-- 104 00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:51,599 - HEY, MARK. - HI. 105 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:52,533 - THE SHOESHINE STAND 106 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,668 STILL DOESN'T HAVE THAT SYPHILIS MEDICATION 107 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,570 YOU WERE ASKING ABOUT. 108 00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:57,705 ANN. 109 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:58,706 HEY. 110 00:03:58,739 --> 00:03:59,740 WHAT A COINCIDENCE. 111 00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:02,476 ARE YOU IN THIS OFFICE 112 00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:04,545 PURELY FOR BUSINESS REASONS? 113 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:05,879 - PLEASURE, ACTUALLY. 114 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,981 MY BOYFRIEND, MARK, WORKS HERE. 115 00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:09,450 HE'S SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME. 116 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:10,451 - HEY, ANDY. 117 00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,785 WHAT A SURPRISE, UH, 118 00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:12,786 RUNNING INTO YOU 119 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:13,787 ALL DAY EVERY DAY 120 00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,323 EVERY SINGLE PLACE THAT WE ARE. 121 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:16,724 - LIKEWISE. 122 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,593 WELL, I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU GUYS AROUND. 123 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,829 - SEE YA. - OH, UH, ALSO, 124 00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:24,332 MARK, AGAIN, WE DON'T HAVE 125 00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,467 THOSE EXTRA-SMALL CONDOMS YOU ORDERED. 126 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:27,968 I CALLED THE FACTORY. 127 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,770 IT'S GONNA TAKE A SPECIAL ORDER. 128 00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,038 NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THE SIZE, 129 00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:34,342 BUT BECAUSE OF THE WEIRD SHAPE AS WELL. 130 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:35,909 SOMETHING THEY'VE NEVER DEALT WITH BEFORE. 131 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:36,910 WE'LL TALK. 132 00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:37,778 MARK NEVER ASKED ME 133 00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,747 FOR ANY SMALL, WEIRDLY-SHAPED CONDOMS. 134 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,382 I MADE THAT UP. 135 00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:44,818 EVERY DAY I SUBTLY CHIP AWAY AT THEIR RELATIONSHIP, 136 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:47,455 WEAKENING IT LITTLE BY LITTLE. 137 00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:54,728 - WHERE'S TOM HAVERFORD? 138 00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:58,332 - [sighs] FOR [bleep] SAKE. 139 00:04:58,366 --> 00:05:01,335 - * SO YOU HAD A DIVORCE 140 00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:02,603 * OF COURSE OF COURSE 141 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,605 * AND NO ONE ENJOYS A DIVORCE OF COURSE * 142 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:05,906 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, MAN. 143 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,875 I CAN'T BE LIKE, "HEY, LESLIE, 144 00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,577 IT'S A GREEN-CARD MARRIAGE. I'M FINE." 145 00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:11,712 - YOU KNOW, LESLIE JUST THINKS YOU'RE A WOUNDED ANIMAL, 146 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,914 SO HER FEMALE INSTINCTS ARE KICKING IN. 147 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,349 HERE'S WHAT YOU DO. 148 00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:16,617 ACT SAD. 149 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,452 LET HER PULL THE THORN OUT OF YOUR PAW 150 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:19,887 AND WRAP A BANDAGE AROUND IT. 151 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,755 THAT'LL MAKE HER FEEL BETTER. 152 00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:22,856 SHE'LL GET OFF YOUR JOCK. 153 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:24,124 - YOU STILL CAN'T TELL ANYONE 154 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,826 ABOUT THE GREEN CARD THING. 155 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,361 APPARENTLY YOU CAN GET IN TROUBLE 156 00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:28,429 EVEN AFTER DIVORCE. 157 00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:29,797 - DAMN THE MAN. 158 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,832 WELL, HEY, YOUR SECRET'S SAFE WITH ME. 159 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,601 - THANKS, RONDOLEEZZA RICE. 160 00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:36,470 OKAY, EVERYONE, THE RUMORS ARE TRUE. 161 00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,772 WENDY AND I ARE SPLITTING UP. 162 00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:39,840 YEAH, I'M REALLY HURT. 163 00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:40,908 - I'M SO SORRY 164 00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,576 YOU FEEL THAT WAY, LITTLE FRIEND. 165 00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:43,911 WHY DON'T WE GO OUT TONIGHT, 166 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,879 HIT THE TOWN AFTER WORK, HUH? 167 00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:46,814 WE'LL MAKE IT TOM'S NIGHT. 168 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,749 YOU CAN GO ANYWHERE YOU WANT. OUR TREAT. 169 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,485 OH, I KNOW THERE'S A REALLY FUN DOCUMENTARY 170 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:54,622 ABOUT TANDEM BICYCLES AT THE ART HOUSE. 171 00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:57,090 SUPPOSED TO BE PRETTY UNAPOLOGETIC. 172 00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,692 OR WE COULD GO TO A RESTAURANT. 173 00:05:58,726 --> 00:05:59,893 - STRIP CLUB? 174 00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,929 DID SOMEBODY SAY STRIP CLUB? - NO. 175 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,697 - DID SOMEBODY SAY STRIP CLUB? - YOU DID. 176 00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,899 - I DEFINITELY HEARD SOMEONE SAY STRIP CLUB. 177 00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:06,900 - YOU JUST DID. 178 00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:07,868 - WOULD THE GLITTER FACTORY 179 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,570 BE OKAY WITH WHOEVER SUGGESTED STRIP CLUB? 180 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,672 - I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, TOM. 181 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:12,873 - THERE IS A GREAT 182 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,842 DINOSAUR-THEMED RESTAURANT IN PATTERSON. 183 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:18,746 IT IS CALLED JURASSIC FORK. 184 00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:19,947 I HAVE GONE THERE THREE TIMES A WEEK 185 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,181 FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS. 186 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,951 - OOH, DINOSAURS, HUH? 187 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,886 - ALL RIGHT. SOUNDS OKAY. 188 00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,788 - OKAY! IT'S GONNA BE A CRAZY NIGHT, GUYS. 189 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,056 I WILL SEE YOU AT JURASSIC FORK 190 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,791 AT 5:45 p.m. 191 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,025 - YES. 192 00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:36,964 - HI, WELCOME TO JURASSIC FORK 193 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,732 WHERE THE ONLY THING THAT'LL BE EXTINCT 194 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:40,501 IS YOUR APPETITE. 195 00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:41,502 YOU READY TO ORDER? 196 00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,636 - YES. 197 00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:45,673 I WILL HAVE THE JAMAICAN JERK CHICKEN VELOCI-WRAP. 198 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:48,008 - I'M GONNA GET THE TRICERA-CHOPS, PLEASE. 199 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,577 - HOW DO YOU WANT THAT COOKED? 200 00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:52,780 - MEDIUM ROAR. 201 00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,782 - MEDIUM RARE? 202 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:55,783 - NO, MEDIUM ROAR. 203 00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:56,917 - FOR LEGAL REASONS, 204 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:57,918 WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE PUNS 205 00:06:57,951 --> 00:06:59,987 ABOUT THE TEMPERATURE OF THE MEATS ANYMORE. 206 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,990 - I'LL HAVE THE SURF AND TURF-OSAURUS, 207 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:05,593 AND A COUPLE OF BOTTLES OF WINE? 208 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:06,827 I'M GONNA NEED A LOT OF WINE, 209 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,529 SO KEEP IT FLOWING. 210 00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:10,063 - I'M NOT GONNA BE DRINKING ANYTHING. 211 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,466 JUST WANTED EVERYBODY TO KNOW THAT. 212 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,167 I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF GROUP DINNERS 213 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,603 WHERE EVERYBODY SPLITS THE BILL 214 00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:16,937 NO MATTER WHAT THEY GET. 215 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,172 I ORDERED A TYRANNO-CEASAR SALAD, 216 00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:22,142 AND THAT'S ALL I'M PAYING FOR. 217 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,844 - HEY, CHECK IT OUT. 218 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,846 THEY GOT POOL. 219 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,915 MARK, YOU WANT TO PLAY A QUICK GAME? 220 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:28,982 FINALLY SETTLE THAT DEBATE 221 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,251 ABOUT WHO'S THE BETTER POOL PLAYER. 222 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,687 - I'VE NEVER HAD THAT DEBATE WITH ANYONE, ANDY. 223 00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:34,888 - COME ON, WE'LL PUT A LITTLE MONEY ON IT. 224 00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,156 MAKE IT A LITTLE MORE INTERESTING. 225 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,324 - ANDY, PLEASE. 226 00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:39,793 - NO, I JUST FIGURED BECAUSE POOL IS ALL ABOUT ANGLES, 227 00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:40,594 AND HE'S A FAILED ARCHITECT, 228 00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:41,929 THAT HE MIGHT WANT TO PLAY POOL. 229 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,130 - LET'S DO IT. 230 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,132 - REALLY? THAT WORKED? 231 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,700 - HOW TO HUSTLE SOMEBODY IN POOL 232 00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,001 BY ANDY DWYER. 233 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,571 STEP ONE, FIND THE PERSON YOU WANT TO HUSTLE. 234 00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:51,772 INVITE THEM TO PLAY POOL. 235 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,140 SHOULD THEY ACCEPT, 236 00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,075 YOU'RE IN. 237 00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,610 - HERE'S WHAT I THINK WE SHOULD DO. 238 00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:57,611 EVERYONE SHOULD GO AROUND 239 00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,880 AND SAY ONE THING THAT THEY LOVE ABOUT TOM. 240 00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:00,748 - I'LL START. 241 00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,716 I REALLY WISH I COULD HAVE YOUR BODY. 242 00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:03,751 - WHAT? 243 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:06,754 - EW. LIKE, TIED UP, NAKED, IN YOUR BASEMENT? 244 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:07,855 - NO. 245 00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:09,056 NO, I MEAN, YOU'RE IN GOOD SHAPE, 246 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,257 AND YOU CAN EAT WHATEVER YOU WANT. 247 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,925 - WELL, THAT WAS WEIRD, JERRY. 248 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,226 ANN, YOU GO AHEAD. 249 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,262 - I THINK TOM IS REALLY NICE. 250 00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:17,297 ALSO, IF YOU GUYS WANT TO GIVE ME YOUR CREDIT CARDS, 251 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,066 I'LL JUST DIVIDE IT UP MYSELF. I DON'T MIND. 252 00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:20,734 - OH, MY GOD, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 253 00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,302 THE RESTAURANT'LL JUST DIVIDE IT EVENLY. 254 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,905 JUST ENJOY YOURSELF. APRIL, GO AHEAD. 255 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:28,876 - TOM IS THE ONLY COOL PERSON IN THE OFFICE. 256 00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,043 - RIDICULOUS. DON? 257 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:31,044 - I LOVE YOU, TOM. 258 00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:32,946 YOU'RE MY LITTLE PRINCE. 259 00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,882 JUST WANT TO PUT YOU IN A LITTLE CAPE 260 00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:35,883 AND A LITTLE HAT 261 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,651 AND JUST FLY YOU AROUND. 262 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,319 - THANK YOU, DONNA. 263 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,822 HEY, GARCON? 264 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,791 I'M STILL FEELING PRETTY SAD. 265 00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:45,826 CAN I GET TWO CREME BRULEES 266 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,762 AND ANOTHER GLASS OF "BRONTO" GRIGIO? 267 00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:51,298 - I THOUGHT I HAD TOM ALL FIGURED OUT, 268 00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:54,134 BUT IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE'S FAKING BEING SAD. 269 00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,969 WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? 270 00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:00,307 - AND THAT'S GAME. 271 00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:02,810 I THINK YOU NOW OWE ME $25. 272 00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:03,677 - SHOOT. 273 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,846 SOMEONE HAD A POOL TABLE GROWING UP, HUH? 274 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,715 HEY, NO, NO, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE PLAY AGAIN? 275 00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:09,116 WE'LL MAKE IT A LITTLE MORE INTERESTING. 276 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:10,851 GO DOUBLE OR NOTHING? 277 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,920 - WHY NOT? 278 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:16,223 - STEP TWO, LOSE TO YOUR OPPONENT INTENTIONALLY, 279 00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,158 SO THEY GAIN CONFIDENCE. 280 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,695 STEP TWO HAS BEEN COMPLETED. EASILY. 281 00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,664 VERY EASILY. 282 00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:26,366 MARK--MARK IS PRETTY GOOD AT POOL. 283 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,969 - SO HOW ARE YOU FEELING, TOM? 284 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,170 ARE YOU FEELING OKAY? 285 00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:32,205 - I LIKE PRETENDING TO BE SAD. 286 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,974 I NOW SEE WHY GIRLS DO IT. 287 00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:36,276 - SO YOUR ARRANGEMENT WITH WENDY, 288 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:39,046 IT REALLY WAS COMPLETELY PLATONIC? 289 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,281 - YEAH, NEVER SO MUCH AS EVEN KISSED. 290 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:42,149 EXCEPT FOR A LITTLE PECK 291 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,317 AT THE WEDDING CEREMONY FOR APPEARANCES. 292 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,887 - UH, NOW THAT YOU'RE GETTING DIVORCED, 293 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,824 I SORT OF FEEL LIKE THERE MAY BE SOME POTENTIAL 294 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,860 WITH ME AND WENDY. 295 00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,227 WOULD IT BE OKAY WITH YOU 296 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,063 IF I WAS TO ASK HER OUT 297 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,766 ONCE THE FAKE DUST SETTLES? 298 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:01,869 - YEAH, UM, WHY NOT? SURE. 299 00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,070 - LOOKING AT HER, 300 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,972 I--I FEEL LIKE... 301 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:08,275 SHE MIGHT BE THE PERFECT SPOONING SIZE FOR ME. 302 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,943 I'M GONNA TAKE A LEAK. 303 00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,717 - [coughing] 304 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:17,951 - OH. 305 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,320 THAT WOULD BE $6,400. 306 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:23,891 I ACCEPT CHECKS AND MOST MAJOR CREDIT CARDS. 307 00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,826 - YEAH. 308 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:26,827 MARK IS WAY BETTER THAN ME. 309 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:27,861 I'M GONNA... 310 00:10:27,895 --> 00:10:31,865 I'M GONNA SAY THAT THERE IS AT LEAST A CHANCE 311 00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:36,269 THAT I DIDN'T THINK THIS THROUGH COMPLETELY. 312 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,005 - I THINK I'M DONE, ANDY. 313 00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,272 - OKAY, FORGET MONEY. 314 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:42,342 WE'LL PLAY FOR SOMETHING ELSE. 315 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,811 - YOU HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO GIVE ME. 316 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:46,046 - I HAVE A T-SHIRT I TACKLED EDDIE VEDDER IN. 317 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,247 IT'S LITERALLY PRICELESS. 318 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,448 - OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS. 319 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:51,051 IF YOU WIN, YOU DON'T OWE ME ANY MONEY, 320 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:51,885 BUT IF I WIN, 321 00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,353 YOU HAVE TO STOP BUGGING ME AND ANN. 322 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:54,888 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 323 00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:55,989 - NO MORE COMMENTS. 324 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,925 NO MORE SHOWING UP WHEN WE'RE HANGING OUT TOGETHER. 325 00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,259 YOU HAVE TO LEAVE US ALONE. 326 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:02,930 - THAT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A VERY FAIR BET, MARK. 327 00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,732 SO IF I WIN, 328 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:07,000 I ALSO GET ANN. 329 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,001 - OKAY, FINE. 330 00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:09,002 IF YOU WIN, 331 00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:10,771 THEN YOU GET ANN. 332 00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,205 RACK 'EM UP. 333 00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:13,941 - SOMEBODY PUNCH SOMEONE. 334 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:16,176 - SO HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY? 335 00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,779 WANT SOME STEAK? CHAMPAGNE? 336 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:19,980 THINK OF SOMETHING EXTRAVAGANT 337 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:20,848 AND WE'LL GET IT FOR YOU. 338 00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,282 WHAT DO YOU WANT? A CHEESE FOUNTAIN? 339 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,284 A RUBY? 340 00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,954 A...GOOSE HEART? 341 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,221 - HOW ABOUT A MARRIAGE? 342 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,456 HOW ABOUT A NON-DIVORCE? 343 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,058 - TOM, I'M SORRY. 344 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,960 MAYBE YOU GUYS JUST NEED SOME TIME APART, YOU KNOW, 345 00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:35,062 TO REMEMBER HOW MUCH YOU CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. 346 00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,063 - LESLIE, THINK ABOUT IT. 347 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,832 DOES OUR MARRIAGE REALLY MAKE SENSE TO YOU? 348 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,968 SHE'S A TALL, BEAUTIFUL SURGEON. 349 00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:44,004 I'M A SHORT, BEAUTIFUL GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE 350 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,272 SLASH CLUB PROMOTER. 351 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,940 - YOU'RE A CLUB PROMOTER? 352 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,309 - ASPIRING. 353 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:50,310 THE POINT IS, 354 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,312 I NEVER MEANT ANYTHING TO HER. 355 00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,481 IT WASN'T EVEN A REAL MARRIAGE. 356 00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:57,918 - NOW THE SADNESS IS POURING OUT OF TOM. 357 00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,419 LIKE BLOOD FROM A PTERODACTYL 358 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,354 AFTER IT'S ATTACKED BY A T. REX. 359 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,956 I HAVE TO TAKE HIM TO A PLACE 360 00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:05,993 WHERE HE CAN'T POSSIBLY BE SAD. 361 00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,031 OH, CRAP. 362 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,265 WE ARE GOING TO THE GLITTER FACTORY. 363 00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:13,834 - WHAT? - NOT ME. 364 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,102 I CAN'T GO BACK THERE. 365 00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,503 BUT IF YOU SEE JASMINE, 366 00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:17,905 TELL HER SHE CAN KEEP ANTHONY, 367 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,073 BUT I WANT MY MICROWAVE BACK. 368 00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,141 - OKAY. GOOD. 369 00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,375 YOU'RE GONNA TAKE APRIL HOME. 370 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:24,511 - NO, I WANT TO GO TO THE GLITTER FACTORY. 371 00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:25,979 - WELL, DROP OUT OF SCHOOL 372 00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:26,980 AND START DOING METH. 373 00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:29,783 LET'S GO, EVERYBODY. 374 00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:32,152 - LESLIE, I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO, 375 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:33,821 BUT ONCE YOU GO IN THERE, 376 00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:34,822 YOU WILL SEE THINGS 377 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,289 YOU CANNOT UN-SEE. 378 00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:37,157 - I'M A FEMINIST, OKAY? 379 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,992 I WOULD NEVER, EVER GO TO A STRIP CLUB. 380 00:12:39,026 --> 00:12:40,127 I'VE GONE ON RECORD THAT IF 381 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,795 I HAD TO HAVE A STRIPPER'S NAME, 382 00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:43,530 IT WOULD BE EQUALITY. 383 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,999 BUT I'M WILLING TO SACRIFICE ALL THAT I'VE WORKED FOR 384 00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:48,168 JUST TO PUT A SMILE ON YOUR PERVERTED LITTLE FACE. 385 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,202 SO DON'T BLOW THIS. 386 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,203 - ALL RIGHT. 387 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,304 - OKAY, LAP DANCES ARE ON ME. 388 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:52,840 I MEAN, I'M PAYING FOR THEM. 389 00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:54,808 THEY'RE NOT GONNA ACTUALLY BE ON ME. 390 00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:55,943 - GOT IT. 391 00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,945 - I KIND OF FEEL LIKE JANE GOODALL 392 00:12:57,978 --> 00:12:59,179 STUDYING THE CHIMPS, YOU KNOW? 393 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,948 'CAUSE THERE ARE SOME FEMINIST SCHOLARS 394 00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:03,416 WHO SAY THAT STRIPPING IS A FEMINIST ACT. 395 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:07,154 - * OH YEAH SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE * 396 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,188 * PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE... * 397 00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:13,927 - THERE IS A GIRL HERE 398 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,829 THAT ALSO WORKS AT QUIZNOS. 399 00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,230 SHE'S REALLY NICE TO ME HERE 400 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:20,067 BUT REALLY MEAN TO ME AT QUIZNOS. 401 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,068 - OKAY, TOM, 402 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,003 GO PUT THESE IN PLACES 403 00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:23,937 I DO NOT APPROVE OF. 404 00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:26,073 - LESLIE, I'M GONNA PUT THESE IN PLACES 405 00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:28,108 YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF. 406 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,077 YEAH, I'VE BEEN A LITTLE DOWN. 407 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:33,013 TOTALLY NATURAL. I'M GETTING DIVORCED. 408 00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:36,383 BUT NOW I'M READY TO PULL MYSELF UP BY SOME G-STRINGS. 409 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,952 - GOD, IT IS ROUGH IN HERE. 410 00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,087 IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS? 411 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,188 - I WOULDN'T KNOW. 412 00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,856 DON'T LIKE STRIP CLUBS. 413 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:45,058 SMELLS LIKE A WET MOP IN HERE. 414 00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:47,427 AND I GET THE FEELING THAT EVERY ONE OF THESE WOMEN 415 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:48,862 IS RUNNING A LOW-GRADE FEVER. 416 00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:51,064 - YOU'RE ONE OF THE GOOD ONES, RON. 417 00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:53,133 - WAIT A MINUTE. 418 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:57,004 HELLO, BEAUTIFUL. 419 00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,906 - STRIPPERS DO NOTHING FOR ME. 420 00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:01,141 I LIKE A STRONG, SALT OF THE EARTH, 421 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,143 SELF-POSSESSED WOMAN AT THE TOP OF HER FIELD, 422 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:06,113 YOUR STEFFI GRAFS, YOUR SHERYL SWOOPES. 423 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:09,216 BUT I WILL TAKE A FREE BREAKFAST BUFFET 424 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:12,385 ANY TIME, ANY PLACE. 425 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,192 TOM CAT. 426 00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:20,427 PULL UP A MOUTH. 427 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,562 THIS BUFFET IS UNSTOPPABLE. 428 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,597 - YEAH, I'M NOT HUNGRY. 429 00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:26,433 - BY THE WAY, YOU'RE DOING A BANG-UP JOB 430 00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:29,336 OF LOOKING SAD ABOUT WENDY. 431 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,305 DOES SHE MAKE SCRAMBLED EGGS? 432 00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:34,041 - NO. 433 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:34,942 - TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH. 434 00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:39,246 YOU ALREADY WON YOUR OSCAR, DICAPRIO. 435 00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:45,418 - ANN, IN CASE I DON'T SINK THIS, 436 00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:48,655 IT'S BEEN A REAL PLEASURE DATING YOU. 437 00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:50,090 - HO! 438 00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,158 HA HA! 439 00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:52,359 HA! 440 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,127 SCRATCH ON THE EIGHT! 441 00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:57,264 AHA! 442 00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:58,531 I'M VICTORIOUS. 443 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,200 I'M AWESOME AT POOL, 444 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,369 AND I HUSTLED YOUR ASS. 445 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:07,140 ANN, TAKE A MOMENT TO SAY GOOD-BYE. 446 00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:08,275 - I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS. 447 00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:09,309 I AM SO SORRY, 448 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,443 AND I WILL DO MY BEST 449 00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:12,479 TO VISIT YOU ON HOLIDAYS. 450 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,147 - THANKS. YOU TRIED. 451 00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:15,515 - I GUESS YOU'RE HIS NOW. 452 00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:16,716 - DO YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE? 453 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,218 - I DO. - OKAY. 454 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,419 BYE, ANDY. 455 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:22,255 - I KNOW THAT LEGALLY 456 00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:24,691 ANN IS NOW MINE, 457 00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:30,230 BUT IT WEIRDLY DOESN'T FEEL THAT WAY. 458 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,632 - ALL RIGHT, TOM, THIS IS SEABISCUIT. 459 00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,034 - SIERRA. 460 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,235 - SIERRA. SORRY, IT'S LOUD IN HERE. 461 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,370 AND, UM, I GAVE HER MONEY 462 00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:39,172 TO WRITHE AROUND ON YOUR PARTS. 463 00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:40,707 - LESLIE, I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. 464 00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:42,509 - WELL, I ALREADY PAID HER. 465 00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:43,576 CAN I GET MY MONEY BACK? 466 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,179 OKAY, SO LET HER DO HER WRITHING. 467 00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:47,447 I JUST GOT TO SAY, SIERRA, 468 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,282 I REALLY DON'T GET WHY THIS CHEERS MEN UP, 469 00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,251 BECAUSE IT'S VERY INSINCERE AND IT'S VERY FLEETING, 470 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,220 BUT GO CRAZY, OKAY? 471 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:54,054 GIVE MY FRIEND HERE THE WORKS. 472 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,322 REALLY GRIND THE SORROW OUT OF HIM. 473 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:56,323 - YOU GOT IT. 474 00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:57,324 - AND THEN AFTERWARDS, 475 00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:58,658 MAYBE RECONSIDER YOUR PROFESSION, 476 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:03,163 BUT FOR NOW, GRIND AWAY. 477 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,198 WHOO! 478 00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:10,037 STRIPPER DANCING ACTION. 479 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:11,704 - THIS ISN'T WORKING. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. 480 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,506 - IS IT BECAUSE YOU HAVE A STRONG, POSITIVE, 481 00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:14,741 FEMALE FIGURE WATCHING YOU? 482 00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,743 - NO, IT'S BECAUSE I'M MISERABLE. 483 00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:18,678 - OKAY. NEVER MIND. 484 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:19,712 THANK YOU, SEABISCUIT. 485 00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:22,182 THAT'LL BE ALL. 486 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:24,484 [sighs] 487 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:25,585 TOM. 488 00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:28,188 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME. 489 00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,790 THIS IS HONESTLY THE SADDEST I'VE EVER BEEN. 490 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,292 - GLITTER BOMB! 491 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,595 [exaggerated explosion] 492 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:42,302 - AH. 493 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,504 I'VE BEEN TO THE GLITTER FACTORY 494 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,673 A MILLION TIMES. 495 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,175 THAT GIRL UP THERE, 496 00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,610 SHE'S MY EMERGENCY CONTACT. 497 00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,179 BUT RIGHT NOW, 498 00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:53,646 I HATE IT HERE. 499 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,083 AND I JUST WANT TO SEE WENDY. 500 00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,751 - TOM, IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL TO FEEL DEVASTATED 501 00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,120 WHEN SOMETHING'S OVER. 502 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,521 IT'S EXACTLY HOW I FELT 503 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,356 WHEN THAT PLANET EARTH SERIES ENDED. 504 00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:05,192 - 60 DAYS! 505 00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:08,128 AND THEN SHE'S FREE TO MARRY RON SWANSON. 506 00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,562 - WHAT? RON? 507 00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:11,164 - HE'S GONNA ASK HER OUT. 508 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:12,199 HE TOLD ME. 509 00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:13,200 BUT WHO CARES? 510 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:14,367 IF IT'S NOT HIM, 511 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:18,738 IT'LL JUST BE SOME OTHER GUY. 512 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:21,508 - SWANSON, DID YOU TELL TOM 513 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:22,709 THAT YOU WERE GONNA ASK OUT WENDY? 514 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,677 - IT'S COMPLICATED. 515 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,446 - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? 516 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:29,249 I WISH I WASN'T ALIVE TO HEAR MYSELF SAY THIS, 517 00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:32,519 BUT I AM ASHAMED TO BE YOUR DEPUTY. 518 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:33,586 I DON'T GET MEN. 519 00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:36,589 IF THEY'RE NOT WAGERING THEIR GIRLFRIENDS IN POOL, 520 00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,691 THEN THEY'RE TRYING TO STEAL EACH OTHER'S WIVES. 521 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:39,626 IT MAKES YOU QUESTION 522 00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:43,396 THE WHOLE NOTION OF THOSE BROMANCE MOVIES. 523 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,698 TOM! 524 00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:46,699 GREAT. 525 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:47,867 GOOD. OKAY. 526 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,602 COULD YOU CARRY HIM OUT OF HERE PLEASE? 527 00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:50,837 AND, YOU KNOW, ALSO MAYBE 528 00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,405 NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIS WIFE? 529 00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,774 THANKS. 530 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,243 FROM THE KNEES. 531 00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,711 - HE WEIGHS EIGHT POUNDS. 532 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:01,781 - OH, OH. 533 00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:02,782 OH, BOY. 534 00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:03,783 - HI, WENDY. 535 00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:05,152 WE TOOK TOM OUT TONIGHT, 536 00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,719 AND HE HAD A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH TO DRINK. 537 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:08,155 - OH. 538 00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:11,691 OKAY, UM, COME ON IN. 539 00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,329 - OH, MY GOD. 540 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,498 YOU INSENSITIVE LITTLE HUSSY. 541 00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:19,799 - EXCUSE ME? 542 00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,834 - LESLIE, WHOA. HALT. 543 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:23,203 - YOU'RE NOT EVEN DIVORCED YET 544 00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:24,904 AND YOU'RE INVITING OTHER MEN OVER? 545 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,373 - YOU'RE MARRIED? 546 00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:29,209 - UH, TECHNICALLY, YEAH. 547 00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,278 THAT'S--THAT'S MY HUSBAND. 548 00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:32,445 - WHO'S HE CARRYING? 549 00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:34,481 - NO, NO, THAT'S-- THAT'S HIS BOSS. 550 00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:37,284 MY HUSBAND'S THE ONE THAT'S BEING CARRIED. 551 00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,685 BY HIS BOSS. 552 00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:40,320 - HOW'S IT GOING? 553 00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:41,321 - GOOD. 554 00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:42,289 - YOU KNOW WHAT, WENDY? 555 00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,291 YOU AND RON WILL BE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. 556 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,359 YOU TWO SHOULD GET MARRIED AND START A CLUB 557 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:51,198 FOR PEOPLE WHO BETRAY TOM HAVERFORD. 558 00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,600 YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME. 559 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,603 [door slams] 560 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,172 - SO WHERE DO YOU WANT THIS? 561 00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:01,308 - SO HOW YOU FEELING? 562 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:02,309 ROUGH MORNING? 563 00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:03,543 - YOU KNOW THOSE HANGOVER PILLS 564 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:04,577 YOU CAN ORDER ON TV? 565 00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:05,778 - MM. 566 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,314 - I THREW UP A BUNCH OF THEM THIS MORNING 567 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,215 AND FEEL MUCH BETTER. 568 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,849 - I KNOW LAST NIGHT WAS REALLY ROUGH, 569 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:10,650 BUT ALL I WANT FOR YOU 570 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,285 IS TO BE ABLE TO GET OVER THIS. 571 00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:13,920 - LESLIE, I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 572 00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:14,887 - OKAY. 573 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:17,857 - UH, THE REASON I WAS ACTING WEIRD YESTERDAY 574 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:22,329 WAS WENDY AND I HAVE A GREEN-CARD MARRIAGE. 575 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,831 - OH, MY GOD, BECAUSE YOU'RE LYBIAN. 576 00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:26,966 - NO, DAMN IT. WENDY'S FROM CANADA. 577 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,536 - OH. OH, OKAY. 578 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:31,604 WAIT. START AGAIN? 579 00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:33,840 - UM, THIS-- 580 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,208 [knocks] 581 00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:37,810 - ANN, MARK, YOU GUYS GOT A SECOND? 582 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,346 IT'S ABOUT LAST NIGHT. 583 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,980 - I HOPE I'M NOT GONNA HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU 584 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,949 THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY OWN ME. 585 00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:43,950 - OF COURSE NOT. 586 00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,352 I NEVER FOR ONE SECOND 587 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:47,854 THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS FOR REAL. 588 00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:50,457 LOOK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY 589 00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:52,259 ABOUT ME BOTHERING YOU ANYMORE. 590 00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:53,660 YOU CLEARLY HAVE SOMETHING GOING, 591 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,862 AND I SHOULD RESPECT THAT. 592 00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:57,564 - OKAY. 593 00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:58,831 IF YOU SAY "PSYCH" RIGHT NOW, 594 00:19:58,865 --> 00:19:59,899 I'M GONNA BE REALLY PISSED. 595 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:03,836 - YOU REMEMBERED HOW MUCH I LIKE TO SAY "PSYCH". 596 00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:07,240 BUT NO, NO, THIS IS NO PSYCH. 597 00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:10,810 - ANDY, THANK YOU FOR SAYING ALL THAT JUST NOW. 598 00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,879 - SURE. 599 00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:15,014 GOODBYE, A-CAKES. 600 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,350 HELLO, ANN. 601 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:19,986 GOOD-BYE, ANN. 602 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:21,754 - GOOD-BYE, ANDY. 603 00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:23,990 - OH. 604 00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:28,795 I THOUGHT FOR A SECOND 605 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,463 YOU WERE GONNA CHASE AFTER ME RIGHT THERE, 606 00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:31,764 BUT YOU DIDN'T, AND THAT'S OKAY. 607 00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:35,335 I MEANT EVERY WORD I SAID. 608 00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:37,670 - OH, YOU LIKE YOUR WIFE? 609 00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:39,005 THAT'S A BUMMER. 610 00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,274 DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW THAT YOU LIKE YOUR WIFE? 611 00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:43,009 DOES YOUR WIFE KNOW THAT YOU LIKE YOUR WIFE? 612 00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:44,911 - I DIDN'T KNOW UNTIL YESTERDAY. 613 00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,045 SO DON'T TELL ANYONE. 614 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,747 DON'T TELL RON. 615 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,916 IT'S MY PROBLEM. 616 00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:53,786 - HOW--HOW COULD THERE POSSIBLY STILL BE GLITTER ON ME? 617 00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:55,588 - TAKES FOREVER TO GET OFF. 618 00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:57,624 MY CROTCH LOOKS LIKE A DISCO BALL. 619 00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:16,643 - * LESLIE'S SORRY SHE CALLED YOU SELFISH OF COURSE * 620 00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:19,011 * SHE JUST DIDN'T KNOW THE FULL STORY OF COURSE * 621 00:21:19,045 --> 00:21:22,649 * BUT NOW THAT SHE DOES SHE'S SORRY OF COURSE * 622 00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:24,517 * SHE LOVES BEING YOUR DEPUTY * 623 00:21:24,551 --> 00:21:27,554 Captioning by Ryan at CaptionMax www.captionmax.com