1 00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:02,803 - GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE. COUPLE ANNOUNCEMENTS. 2 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,372 AS WE ALL KNOW, RON IS RECOVERING 3 00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:05,539 FROM HIS HERNIA SURGERY, 4 00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:07,508 SO I GOT HIM FLOWERS FROM ALL OF US. 5 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:09,343 SO EVERYBODY NEEDS TO PITCH IN, LIKE, $90. 6 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:10,378 - $90? 7 00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:11,479 - YES. 8 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:15,449 BECAUSE I ORDERED A BEAUTIFUL BOUQUET OF DAFFODILS 9 00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:17,085 FROM A WEBSITE 10 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,619 AFTER A FEW GLASSES OF WINE. 11 00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:22,423 SO, TOM, I THINK YOU MIGHT BE GETTING SOME DAFFODILS TOO. 12 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,058 DONNA, YOU'RE DEFINITELY GETTING SOME. 13 00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:25,093 JERRY, I DON'T KNOW. 14 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,094 I'M NOT SURE. 15 00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,495 TIME WILL TELL. 16 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:30,598 ALSO, I'M LEAVING EARLY TONIGHT BECAUSE I AM A JUDGE 17 00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,733 IN THE MISS PAWNEE BEAUTY PAGEANT. 18 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,535 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, YOU GET TO BE A JUDGE IN THAT THING? 19 00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:35,503 - YES, AND IT'S A RESPONSIBILITY 20 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,205 I TAKE VERY SERIOUSLY. 21 00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:38,606 - BUT I WANT TO BE A JUDGE. 22 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:41,109 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LIKE BEAUTY PAGEANTS. 23 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,643 - APRIL, WHOEVER MISS PAWNEE IS, 24 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:43,811 IS GONNA BE THE REPRESENTATIVE OF WOMANHOOD 25 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:44,612 IN OUR TOWN. 26 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,547 AND AS A JUDGE, LET ME ASSURE YOU 27 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,516 THAT THIS YEAR'S MISS PAWNEE WILL BE CHOSEN 28 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,418 FOR HER TALENT AND POISE. 29 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,153 - WHOA, THE GIRLS FROM TALENT AND POISE ARE GONNA BE THERE? 30 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,221 - WHAT? 31 00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:54,555 - TALENT AND POISE. 32 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,424 IT'S A STRIP CLUB BY THE V.A. HOSPITAL. 33 00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:57,625 I HAVE SOME MEETINGS THERE. 34 00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:58,626 - UH, THAT'S DISGUSTING. 35 00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:01,529 - NO, WHAT'S DISGUSTING IS THE GLITTER FACTORY. 36 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,631 DO NOT GO TO THE GLITTER FACTORY. 37 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,434 [triumphant music] 38 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:14,475 * 39 00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,398 - HEY! 40 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,367 - HEY. 41 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,435 - SO I WAS JUST AT THE GRIND, 42 00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,271 AND I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT AN ICED MOCHA 43 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,639 WITH EXTRA, EXTRA WHIPPED CREAM. 44 00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:48,409 - OH, MY. THANK YOU SO MUCH, APRIL. 45 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:49,910 WOW. - YOU'RE WELCOME. 46 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,512 OH, BY THE WAY, 47 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,514 COMPLETELY UNRELATED, 48 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:56,684 I JUST SIGNED UP FOR THE MISS PAWNEE BEAUTY PAGEANT. 49 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,186 - THAT'S WONDERFUL. 50 00:01:58,219 --> 00:01:59,820 YOU KNOW, THAT IS WHY I DECIDED 51 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,622 TO BECOME A JUDGE. 52 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,591 SO THAT AWESOME GIRLS LIKE YOU, 53 00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,526 WHO ARE NOT, YOU KNOW, CLASSICALLY HOT, 54 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:08,462 CAN BE REWARDED FOR THEIR INTELLIGENCE AND SAVVY. 55 00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,631 - BEAUTY PAGEANTS ARE IDIOTIC, 56 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:13,501 BUT I FOUND THAT THE WINNER OF THE MISS PAWNEE PAGEANT 57 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:14,735 GETS $600. 58 00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:17,338 I CAN BE IDIOTIC FOR $600. 59 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:20,341 SO ARE YOU GONNA VOTE FOR ME, SISTER? 60 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:23,444 - APRIL, IT'S UNETHICAL FOR ME TO SHOW YOU FAVORITISM. 61 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,745 YOU AND I ARE LIKE FAMILY. 62 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:27,648 - THE COFFEE'S $7. 63 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:28,749 - YES, RIGHT, OF COURSE. 64 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:30,551 - JUST BUMP THAT CLOWN. 65 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:33,587 TELL HIM THEY ALREADY HAVE ANOTHER ASIAN JUDGE. 66 00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:34,588 AWESOME. 67 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:35,889 THANK YOU SO MUCH. I OWE YOU. 68 00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,758 A'IGHT, PEACE. 69 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:41,195 GUESS WHO'S ALSO GONNA BE A JUDGE IN THE BEAUTY PAGEANT. 70 00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:42,530 - WHAT? HOW? 71 00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:43,631 - I KNOW A GUY. 72 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,433 I HAD TO CALL IN A FEW FAVORS. 73 00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:47,701 BUT IF YOU DON'T CALL IN FAVORS TO LOOK AT WOMEN IN BIKINIS 74 00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:48,936 AND ASSIGN THEM NUMERICAL GRADES, 75 00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:51,171 WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CALL IN FAVORS FOR? 76 00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:53,574 - HEY. 77 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,209 - HEY. - HEY. 78 00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:57,611 - HEY. - WHAT YOU DOING IN THESE PARTS? 79 00:02:57,645 --> 00:03:00,848 - OH, I JUST--I CAME BY TO SEE THE MURALS. 80 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,417 - OH. - THIS ONE'S PRETTY AMAZING. 81 00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:04,685 - YEAH, THIS ONE'S A BEAUTY. 82 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:07,355 YOU KNOW, IN THE 1880s, THERE WERE A FEW YEARS 83 00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:09,423 THAT WERE PRETTY ROUGH AND TUMBLE IN PAWNEE. 84 00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:12,260 THIS DEPICTS KIND OF A FAMOUS FIGHT 85 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:15,763 BETWEEN REVEREND BRADLEY AND ANNA BETH STEVENSON, 86 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,665 A WIDOWED MOTHER OF SEVEN. 87 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:20,801 THE ORIGINAL TITLE OF THIS WAS "A LIVELY FISTING." 88 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,903 BUT, YOU KNOW, THEY HAD TO CHANGE IT. 89 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,638 FOR OBVIOUS REASONS. 90 00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:26,440 - SHE'S GOT HIM BY THE HAIR PRETTY GOOD THERE. 91 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:27,508 - YEAH. 92 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,710 - LESLIE'S REALLY COOL. 93 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,512 AND SHE'S SMART. 94 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:32,646 IT'S A LITTLE INTIMIDATING. 95 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,582 TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, 96 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,684 I DIDN'T COME HERE TO LOOK AT THE MURALS. 97 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,587 I CAME TO ASK HER ON A DATE. 98 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:42,756 HEY, LESLIE... 99 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:45,893 I REALLY-- I REALLY LIKE YOU. 100 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:48,529 AND I WAS WONDERING 101 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:51,432 IF YOU MAYBE WANT TO GET A CUP OF COFFEE SOME TIME. 102 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:53,801 - OKAY. YEAH, SURE. 103 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,569 - YEAH? - YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. 104 00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,037 LET ME CHECK MY SCHEDULE. 105 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,539 - OKAY. 106 00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,507 LET'S SEE... 107 00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:02,776 - AH, IS THAT YOUR-- IS THAT YOUR GRANDMA? 108 00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,745 - [laughs] 109 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,948 YEAH. 110 00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,984 IT'S MADELEINE ALBRIGHT. 111 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:12,520 - THAT'S HER NAME? 112 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,755 I USUALLY JUST CALL MINE NANA. 113 00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:17,558 - NO, THAT'S MADELEINE ALBRIGHT. 114 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,727 FIRST FEMALE SECRETARY OF STATE. 115 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,831 - OKAY, SO NOT-- THAT'S NOT YOUR GRANDMA THEN. 116 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,600 ALL RIGHT. I GOT IT. 117 00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,068 HOW'S THAT SCHEDULE LOOKING? 118 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,537 - GOOD. A COUPLE DAYS ARE FREE. 119 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:30,638 MAYBE WE COULD JUST, YOU KNOW... 120 00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:31,672 - LOCK IT IN LATER? 121 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:32,840 - YEAH. - TALK LATER ABOUT IT? 122 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,508 - YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. - OKAY. 123 00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:39,847 LADIES. 124 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,651 - WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING AWFUL? 125 00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:46,554 HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO MADELEINE ALBRIGHT WAS. 126 00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:47,788 - WHO? 127 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,357 - NOT YOU TOO. 128 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,724 MADELEINE ALBRIGHT, FIRST FEMALE SECRETARY OF STATE. 129 00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,059 - N-NO, WHO DIDN'T KNOW? 130 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:55,596 - OH, DAVE. THAT COP THAT I MET. 131 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,530 I DON'T KNOW. 132 00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:57,331 I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DATE SOMEONE 133 00:04:57,365 --> 00:04:58,932 WHO DOESN'T SHARE MY INTERESTS. 134 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,634 I MEAN, COULD YOU DATE 135 00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:03,103 SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T 136 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,304 LOVE GIVING VACCINATIONS? 137 00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:07,741 - I'VE NEVER DATED ANYONE WHO LOVES GIVING VACCINATIONS. 138 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:10,878 [knock at door] 139 00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,613 - HEY. - HEY. 140 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:13,781 WEIRD QUESTION FOR YOU. 141 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,684 ARE YOU HANDY? LIKE, CAN YOU FIX THINGS? 142 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:17,718 - WHAT'S BROKEN? 143 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:18,786 - MY SHOWER. 144 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,754 IT'S LEAKY, LOW PRESSURE, 145 00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,022 JUST ALL AROUND TERRIBLE. 146 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,357 - UH, EASY. 147 00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:24,658 YOU WANT ME TO COME OVER AFTER WORK? 148 00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:25,759 - YES! 149 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:26,960 YES, AMAZING. 150 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:29,597 I WILL COOK YOU A CHEAP, QUICK DINNER 151 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,565 THAT WILL BE NO TROUBLE AT ALL FOR ME. 152 00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:32,566 - GREAT. 153 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:33,634 WELL, I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT 154 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,068 FOR THE WEIRDEST SECOND DATE EVER. 155 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,704 - OKAY. 156 00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,038 - HELLO, FELLOW JUDGES. 157 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,708 I'M JUDGE LESLIE KNOPE, 158 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,476 AND THIS IS MY COLLEAGUE, TOM HAVERFORD, 159 00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:43,711 WHO'S ALSO GONNA BE A JUDGE. 160 00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:46,580 - HI, JESSICA WICKS, MISS PAWNEE 1994. 161 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,749 - I RECOGNIZED YOU RIGHT AWAY. 162 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,984 AND MAY I SAY THAT YOU LOOK EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL NOW 163 00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,019 THAN YOU DID WHEN YOU WON THE CROWN. 164 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,954 - OOH, I LIKE YOU. 165 00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:56,624 - RAY HOLSTEAD, RAY'S SANDWICH PLACE. 166 00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,592 - YES, OF COURSE, RAY. HOW DO YOU DO? 167 00:05:58,626 --> 00:05:59,760 - I'M CHARLES WOLINER. 168 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,629 I'VE JUDGED EVERY MISS PAWNEE PAGEANT 169 00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,631 FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS. - WOW. 170 00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:05,466 - I MADE JESSICA. 171 00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:08,135 - HMM, WELL, TOM AND I ARE VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE. 172 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,504 AND I'M SURE, BETWEEN THE FIVE OF US, 173 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:12,105 WE WILL CHOOSE THE MOST WELL-ROUNDED, 174 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,907 INTELLIGENT, MODERN, 175 00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:16,877 AND FORWARD-THINKING WOMAN TO REPRESENT OUR FINE TOWN. 176 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,447 RIGHT, TOM? 177 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,482 - YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME? WATCH. 178 00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:25,753 34C, 36B, 34B, 34D. 179 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:28,422 32A? HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE? 180 00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:30,090 [laughter] I'M JUST KIDDING. 181 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,992 YOU'RE PERFECT, EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU. 182 00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:34,528 GOD BLESS. [applause] 183 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:35,796 - HERE THEY ARE, YOUR CANDIDATES 184 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,498 FOR MISS PAWNEE. 185 00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:38,866 [cheers and applause] 186 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,835 [pageant music] 187 00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:44,938 * 188 00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,674 LET'S MEET THE GIRLS, SHALL WE? 189 00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,510 FIRST UP, PLEASE WELCOME APRIL LUDGATE. 190 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,712 [applause] 191 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:57,785 - HELLO, I'M APRIL LUDGATE. 192 00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,491 I'M 20 YEARS OLD, 193 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:07,695 I LIKE PEOPLE, 194 00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:10,063 PLACES, 195 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,532 AND THINGS. 196 00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:16,504 AND PAWNEE IS MY FAVORITE PLACE IN THE WORLD. 197 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:18,572 [applause] 198 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,808 - NEXT UP, PLEASE WELCOME SUSAN GLEEVER. 199 00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,910 - HI, EVERYONE, I'M SUSAN. 200 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:26,113 I'M A HISTORY MAJOR AT INDIANA STATE, 201 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,781 I PLAY CLASSICAL PIANO, 202 00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:31,151 AND I VOLUNTEER AT THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL. 203 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:33,120 [applause] 204 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,755 - THANK YOU, SUSAN. 205 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:35,856 - SHE'S GOOD. 206 00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,125 - NEXT, TRISH IANETTA. 207 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:42,062 [cheers and applause] 208 00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,732 - HI, Y'ALL. 209 00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:45,733 I'M TRISH. 210 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,200 UM, I'M 22 YEARS OLD. 211 00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:48,969 I'VE BEEN ON YOUTUBE. 212 00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,705 I JUST LOVE TO HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS. 213 00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:52,706 I LOVE TO LAUGH. 214 00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,908 I LOVE THE SUMMERTIME 215 00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:56,644 AND GOING TO THE BEACH, 216 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,712 AND I LOVE WEARING BIKINIS AT THE BEACH 217 00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,514 WITH EVERYONE THERE... 218 00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:04,518 - WELL, YOU KNOW, THEY CAN'T ALL BE WINNERS. 219 00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:05,519 - ARE Y'ALL HAVING A GOOD TIME? 220 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:09,156 [cheers and applause] 221 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,994 - LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A FRONTRUNNER, GUYS. 222 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:20,200 - AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR OUR EVER-POPULAR TALENT COMPETITION 223 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,870 WHERE OUR LADIES WILL EACH DEMONSTRATE 224 00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,304 THEIR EXCELLENT SKILLS. 225 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,875 - HERE WE HAVE LESLIE'S CUSTOM SCORE CARD 226 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:31,979 WITH CATEGORIES SUCH AS PRESENTATION, INTELLIGENCE, 227 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:35,749 KNOWLEDGE OF "HERSTORY," FRUITFUL GESTURES, 228 00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:37,317 JE NE SAIS QUOI, 229 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:41,154 AND SOMETHING CALLED THE NAOMI WOLF FACTOR. 230 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,824 - AND OUR FIRST ONE UP IS TRISH IANETTA, 231 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,158 WHOSE TALENT IS BATON. 232 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,927 [cheers and applause] 233 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,563 [hip-hop music] 234 00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:55,002 * 235 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:58,071 - MY GIRL TRISH IS TALENTED. 236 00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,640 - SHE'S NOT EVEN TWIRLING THE BATON. 237 00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,609 - * WHEN YOU GO DOWN, DOWN 238 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,744 [microphone feedback] 239 00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,579 - I'M GOING TO DO IMPRESSIONS. 240 00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:07,014 - OH, CELEBRITY IMPRESSIONS. 241 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,916 THAT'S--THAT'S WILD. WILD STUFF. 242 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,117 [laughter] 243 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:13,053 - YUP. 244 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:17,925 UM, THIS IS AN IMPRESSION OF MY SISTER. 245 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:18,859 - HI, I'M NATALIE. 246 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,629 I LOVE RITALIN AND HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM. 247 00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:24,665 - [laughs] 248 00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:29,002 - THANK YOU. 249 00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:30,203 THIS IS AN IMPRESSION 250 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,972 OF MY BOSS, LESLIE KNOPE. 251 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:34,975 WOMEN SHOULD DO EVERYTHING. 252 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,309 CHECK OUT MY FOUR-COLOR PEN. 253 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,377 HEY, EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP WHILE I TALK 254 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,046 ABOUT SOME REALLY, REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF. 255 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:39,913 PARKS, PARKS, PARKS, PARKS, 256 00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:40,748 PARKS, PARKS, MICHELLE OBAMA, PARKS. 257 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,016 GAY PENGUINS, PARKS, SUGAR, PARKS. 258 00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:44,818 [laughter] - SHE GOT ME. 259 00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:48,021 SHE GOT ME GOOD. 260 00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:50,858 - * OH 261 00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,993 * IT'S SO GOOD, IT'S SO GOOD * 262 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,962 * IT'S SO GOOD, IT'S SO GOOD * 263 00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,697 * IT'S SO GOOD 264 00:09:56,730 --> 00:10:00,968 [classical music] 265 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:07,808 * 266 00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:10,243 - I'M TEXTING TRISH TO TELL HER HOW GOOD SHE DID EARLIER. 267 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,779 - SHH. 268 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,281 - NO, SUSAN ISN'T A PERFECT 10. 269 00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:17,084 BUT, IN MY MIND, SUSAN IS THE PERFECT MISS PAWNEE. 270 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,719 HER VALUES ARE STRONG. 271 00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,988 HER COMMITMENT TO HER JOB IS VERY ADMIRABLE. 272 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,957 SHE HAS A REAL SENSE OF... 273 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,893 HEY. HEY. 274 00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,027 OVER HERE. 275 00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:31,231 - HOW'S IT GOING IN HERE? - GOOD. 276 00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:34,434 UM, I HOOKED YOUR TOILET UP TO YOUR SHOWER. 277 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,435 THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED, RIGHT? 278 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,005 - YES. - EXCELLENT. 279 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:49,049 - IS THAT ANDY? 280 00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:56,356 ANDY? 281 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:58,892 I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE 282 00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:00,928 BECAUSE I CAN SEE YOU THROUGH THE SCREEN. 283 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,902 - ANN. 284 00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,037 HEY, WHAT'S UP? 285 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,305 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 286 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,741 - DO YOU LIVE DOWN HERE? 287 00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:15,342 - WHAT? 288 00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:16,710 [laughs] 289 00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:18,345 WHAT? YES. 290 00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:21,014 - OH, MY GOD. 291 00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,783 OH, MY GOD, YOU LIVE DOWN HERE. 292 00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:25,085 OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. 293 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:25,986 WHAT? 294 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,087 I CAN'T BE AT MY HOUSE 295 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,090 AND SEE MY EX-BOYFRIEND LIVING IN A HOLE 296 00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,992 IN MY BACKYARD LIKE A GOPHER. 297 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,994 THAT'S SO WEIRD, ANDY. 298 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,063 - LISTEN, I HAVE BEEN TRYING REALLY HARD 299 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:36,997 NOT TO BOTHER YOU. 300 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,065 LIKE, WHEN YOU HAD THAT BARBECUE LAST WEEK, 301 00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:41,034 I DIDN'T COME UP, EVEN THOUGH IT SMELLED SO GOOD. 302 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,302 - YOU'VE BEEN HERE A WHOLE WEEK? 303 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,337 - YES. 304 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,173 ONE WEEK ONLY. 305 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:50,744 - OH, I GUESS THAT'S THE OFFICE THAT YOU WERE TELLING ME ABOUT 306 00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:52,445 THAT YOU GO TO WORK TO EVERY DAY. 307 00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:53,781 EXCELLENT. - LISTEN. 308 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:54,614 ARE WE GONNA TALK ABOUT ANYTHING 309 00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,283 OTHER THAN THE LIES THAT I TOLD YOU? 310 00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:57,985 - OH, I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW. 311 00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,920 I HAVE A GUY FIXING MY BATHROOM. 312 00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,488 I GOT TO GO. 313 00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:02,990 - YEAH, THAT'S COOL. I GOT TO ZOOM OUT TOO. 314 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:03,891 'CAUSE I HAVE SOME PEOPLE COMING OVER, 315 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:06,994 SO WHY DON'T YOU CALL FIRST NEXT TIME? 316 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,128 YOU KNOW THE WAY OUT. 317 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,129 - [groans] 318 00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,498 - ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME NOW 319 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:12,532 FOR THE DREADED Q&A. 320 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,302 AND THE FIRST QUESTION GOES TO TOM HAVERFORD. 321 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,104 - AH, YES, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR THE HOT ONE. 322 00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:21,008 FIRST OFF, I JUST WANT TO SAY 323 00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:22,009 I'M A LITTLE BIT SURPRISED 324 00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,244 BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK ANGELS COULD FLY SO LOW. 325 00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:26,947 - [laughs] THANK YOU. 326 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:29,983 YOU TRULY ARE A BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. 327 00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:32,285 - [laughs] YOU'RE SO FUNNY. 328 00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:33,921 - YOU'RE FUNNY. 329 00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,255 YOU'RE FUNNY. 330 00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:36,990 - DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION, TOM? 331 00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:39,159 - OKAY, I, ACTUALLY, I HAVE A REAL QUESTION. 332 00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,828 IF YOU DON'T MIND, TOM. 333 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:43,897 TRISH, ALEXIS DE TOCQUEVILLE CALLED AMERICA 334 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,098 THE GREAT EXPERIMENT. 335 00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:48,869 WHAT CAN WE DO AS CITIZENS TO IMPROVE ON THAT EXPERIMENT? 336 00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:51,805 - UM, WELL... 337 00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:55,843 I THINK THAT AMERICA IS THE LAND 338 00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:59,012 OF THE FREE, WHICH IS A WONDERFUL THING, 339 00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:00,914 AND ALSO THE BRAVE, 340 00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:03,050 WHERE PEOPLE CAN LIVE. 341 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:06,219 AND NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU. 342 00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,521 AND IT NEVER GIVES UP. 343 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:12,225 BUT THE HIGH BIRTHING RATE OF IMMIGRANTS FRIGHTENS ME. 344 00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,327 NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE OUT THERE, 345 00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:16,063 BUT IF IT WERE UP TO ME 346 00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:16,897 AND MY FAMILY, 347 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:19,532 I WOULD ACTUALLY CALL IT OUR AMERICA 348 00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:20,868 AND NOT THEIR AMERICA. 349 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:23,103 THANK YOU. 350 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,304 [applause] 351 00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:25,505 - DON'T APPLAUD THAT. 352 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,108 DON'T--SHE DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION. 353 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,911 - I'M SORRY, YOU DON'T THINK IT'S WEIRD 354 00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,946 THAT MY EX-BOYFRIEND LIVES IN A TENT 355 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,848 IN THE PIT OUTSIDE MY HOUSE? 356 00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:38,952 - IT'S NOT IDEAL. 357 00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,287 UH, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY TO RELAX. 358 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,289 MAYBE TAKE ONE OF THOSE ATAVINS 359 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,523 I SAW IN THE MEDICINE CABINET. 360 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,092 - DUDE. 361 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:45,893 - YEAH, I PEEKED. 362 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,060 I ALSO DIDN'T SEE ANY TOOTHPASTE. 363 00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:48,929 DO YOU NOT USE TOOTHPASTE? 364 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,297 - I MEAN, I ALWAYS KNEW HE WAS LAZY, 365 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,500 BUT THIS IS LIKE A NEW LOW FOR HIM. 366 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,068 [thunder crashes] 367 00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:56,970 - I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD INVITE HIM INSIDE. 368 00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,072 - HAVE YOU NOT BEEN LISTENING TO ANYTHING I JUST SAID? 369 00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:01,942 - I DON'T KNOW. IT'S RAINING OUTSIDE. 370 00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:06,013 AND HE'S LIVING IN A PIT, YOU KNOW? 371 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,547 - [groans] 372 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:08,949 - OKAY, FOLKS, JUST A COUPLE MORE CONTESTANTS, 373 00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,984 AND THEN THE JUDGES WILL DECIDE 374 00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:13,253 OUR NEXT MISS PAWNEE, 375 00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,923 A WINNER OF $600 IN GIFT CERTIFICATES 376 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:19,226 TO BIG ARCHIE'S SPORTING GOODS AND EMERSON FENCING COMPANY. 377 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,928 - WHAT? WE DON'T GET CASH? 378 00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,195 THIS IS FOR A FENCE? 379 00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:23,463 - WELL, IT WON'T COVER A WHOLE FENCE, 380 00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,565 BUT IT WILL DEFRAY THE COST CONSIDERABLY. 381 00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:29,169 - OH, MY GOD. 382 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,537 I QUIT. 383 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:34,641 I QUIT. 384 00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,977 - OKAY. I GUESS SHE REALLY IS QUITTING. 385 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,411 - NO, I DIDN'T WIN. 386 00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:42,249 BUT AT LEAST I DIDN'T MAKE ANY NEW FRIENDSHIPS. 387 00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:45,518 - SO HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO PRETEND TO DELIBERATE 388 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:46,553 TILL WE GET BACK OUT THERE? 389 00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:48,922 [laughter] 390 00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:50,257 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 391 00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:51,658 - WE'RE ALL IN AGREEMENT. 392 00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,493 THE HOT ONE, BY A LANDSLIDE. 393 00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,062 - WELL, HER NAME IS TRISH, 394 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,397 AND I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD RUSH THIS, YOU KNOW. 395 00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:58,631 - WHAT IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT? 396 00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:01,368 I MEAN, I THOUGHT TRISH WAS JUST ADORABLE. 397 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,136 - WELL, TAKE SUSAN, FOR EXAMPLE. 398 00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,338 I THINK-- - SUSAN "BORING STORIES"? NAH. 399 00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,674 IT'S TRISH. LET'S GO BACK OUT THERE. 400 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:10,010 - OKAY, HOLD ON, EVERYONE. 401 00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:12,579 HOLD ON. EVERYONE, W-WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 402 00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:15,648 LOOK, WHOEVER WE CHOOSE IS GONNA REPRESENT 403 00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:18,018 THE IDEAL WOMAN FOR A YEAR. 404 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:19,519 SHE'LL BE SOMEONE THAT LITTLE GIRLS 405 00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:21,321 IN SOUTH-CENTRAL INDIANA LOOK UP TO. 406 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:22,689 NOW NOBODY LEAVES THIS ROOM 407 00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,992 UNTIL WE DISCUSS ALL OF IT, OKAY? 408 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:27,360 CONSIDER YOURSELVES SEQUESTERED. 409 00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,428 I'M A JUDGE, 410 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,163 SO I DON'T WANT TO SOUND PARTIAL, 411 00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:33,700 BUT TRISH WILL WIN THIS PAGEANT OVER MY DEAD BODY. 412 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,071 - LOOK, I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE 413 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,440 WHO HAS ENTERED AND WON THIS CONTEST 414 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,708 IN THE PAST. 415 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,676 AND I THINK TRISH IS A NO-BRAINER. 416 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,046 - JESSICA, MAY I ASK, WHAT WAS YOUR TALENT? 417 00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:47,214 - OH, I PACKED A SUITCASE. 418 00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:48,581 - I HAVE TO SAY, 419 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,683 LESLIE DOES MAKE A GOOD POINT. 420 00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:53,320 TRISH IS NOT THE BRIGHTEST BULB IN THE BUNCH. 421 00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,754 - YES, RAY, GOOD. 422 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,523 I LIKE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. LET'S KEEP TALKING. 423 00:15:56,556 --> 00:16:00,093 - JUST STAND OVER THERE, AND DON'T DRIP ON ANYTHING. 424 00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:09,202 - IS MARK THE GUY WHO'S FIXING YOUR SHOWER? 425 00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,438 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, MARK, 426 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,605 BUT I'VE SEEN A TON OF PORN, 427 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:15,275 AND I KNOW WHAT FIXING YOUR SHOWER MEANS. 428 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,076 - ANDY. 429 00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,244 - SORRY, YOU GUYS ARE ON A DATE. 430 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:18,378 THAT'S COOL. - ANDY. 431 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,446 - NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT. 432 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,515 DON'T LET ME INTERRUPT YOUR DATE. 433 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:23,516 - DIG IN. 434 00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:24,684 - I ALREADY ATE. I'M SUPER FULL. 435 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:27,587 I DON'T-- I DIDN'T WANT ANY. 436 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,690 - OKAY, SO IT'S STILL 3-2 FOR TRISH. 437 00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:33,326 GUYS, ALL I ASK 438 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,562 IS THAT YOU LOOK INTO YOUR HEARTS 439 00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:36,563 AND THINK, REALLY THINK, 440 00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:39,299 ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE SEEN 441 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,767 AND ASK YOURSELVES, 442 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,336 WHO IS THE MOST IMPRESSIVE WOMAN HERE TONIGHT? 443 00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:49,776 - IT'S THE HOT ONE, TRISH IANETTA. 444 00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:53,046 [pageant music] 445 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:58,651 * 446 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,320 - THESE ARE AMAZING. 447 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,355 DO YOU--DO YOU PUT A LOT OF HOT SAUCE 448 00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:03,623 ON THESE OR SOMETHING? 449 00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,758 - A GOOD CHEF NEVER REVEALS HER SECRETS. 450 00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:09,529 - IT'S HOT SAUCE. 451 00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:13,166 ANN IS AN EXTRAORDINARY COOK. 452 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,335 MM. 453 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,336 MEMORIES. 454 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:19,639 - DO YOU WANT SOME MORE? ARE YOU HUNGRY STILL? 455 00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:20,607 - YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY? 456 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,175 I WAS JUST SITTING OVER HERE ON THE COUCH, 457 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,710 AND I WAS THINKING 458 00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,512 THAT THERE WAS ONCE A TIME WHEN MARK USED TO BE 459 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,746 THE STRANGER IN THE HOUSE. 460 00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:28,548 AND NOW IT'S ME. 461 00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:36,123 - EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE. 462 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:38,625 UM, WHY DON'T WE JUST TAKE A MOMENT TO GIVE A ROUND 463 00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:40,760 OF APPLAUSE TO ALL THE CONTESTANTS THIS EVENING? 464 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:43,330 YES. [applause] 465 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:46,599 ESPECIALLY SUSAN. 466 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:50,170 THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME THAT SUSANS HAVE LOST TO TRISHES. 467 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:53,106 AND IT WON'T BE THE LAST. 468 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,508 SUSAN AND I WILL CONTINUE ON 469 00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:57,677 UNTIL THE WOMEN OF PAWNEE ARE JUDGED 470 00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:00,680 NOT BY THE FLATNESS OF THEIR TUMMIES, 471 00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:02,649 BUT BY THE CONTENTS OF THEIR BRAINS. 472 00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:06,586 AND, TRISH, 473 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,288 I MAY NOT HAVE VOTED FOR YOU, 474 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,423 BUT NOW IS A TIME 475 00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,625 FOR US TO COME TOGETHER. 476 00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:15,295 I HOPE YOU HONOR THIS CROWN WITH DIGNITY 477 00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:16,729 AND A DEVOTION TO-- 478 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,365 - WHOO! 479 00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,368 all: ONE, TWO, THREE. 480 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:24,804 [laughter] 481 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,375 - AS USUAL, ANN, DELICIOUS MEAL. 482 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:31,811 ARE WE DOING ANYTHING IN THE WAY OF DESSERT OR COFFEE? 483 00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,846 - WE ARE LEAVING. 484 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:37,550 - OKAY, I GET IT. 485 00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:41,554 DON'T WORRY. I'M VERY GOOD AT PICKING UP SIGNALS. 486 00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:42,755 LET'S GO, MARK. 487 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,357 - NO, DUMMY, JUST YOU. 488 00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:45,458 - OKAY. 489 00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:47,360 ALL RIGHT. 490 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:52,399 - TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. 491 00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:53,666 - JUST DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, ANN. 492 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:56,436 OKAY? 493 00:18:56,469 --> 00:19:00,773 I'LL BE FINE. 494 00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:04,611 THAT WENT REALLY WELL! 495 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,379 WE HAD DINNER, 496 00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:07,747 I GOT TO SEE HER. 497 00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:10,383 OH, GOD, I WAS SO TEMPTED TO LOOK BACK AT HER. 498 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:11,684 WAS SHE LOOKING? 499 00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:13,653 I HAD TO WALK SO SLOW. 500 00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:14,654 AGH. 501 00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:19,592 A GOOD DAY. 502 00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:22,195 - WELL, WELL, WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE. 503 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:23,596 IT'S OFFICER JOHN MCCLANE. 504 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:24,897 WELCOME TO THE PARTY, PAL. 505 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:27,467 - WHO'S THAT? - DIE HARD. 506 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,801 - BATTERY? 507 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,737 - HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 508 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:31,971 - WELL, YOU KNOW, THE OTHER DAY I ASKED YOU 509 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:32,972 IF YOU WANTED TO HAVE COFFEE? 510 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,541 - YEAH. - YOU SAID YES. 511 00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:35,675 - YES. - OKAY. 512 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:37,810 AND THEN AFTERWARDS, I SAW YOU AGAIN, 513 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:38,978 YOU KIND OF ACTED LIKE YOU DIDN'T WANT 514 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,447 TO HAVE COFFEE ANYMORE. 515 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,515 WE LEFT IT KIND OF OPEN-ENDED. - WE DID. 516 00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:43,516 - AND THAT'S MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE. 517 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:44,717 - OKAY. 518 00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:45,718 - SO I THOUGHT I'D COME IN AND ASK YOU. 519 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,754 JUST GET SOME CLEARANCE ON THIS. 520 00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,756 - DAVE, I LIKE YOU. - I LIKE YOU TOO. 521 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,658 OKAY, SO, WE'LL GET COFFEE THEN. 522 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,760 - BUT I'M JUST BUSY. 523 00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:56,796 RIGHT NOW, MY SCHEDULE'S JUST SO... 524 00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:59,666 - OKAY. OKAY, I GET IT. 525 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,568 LOOK, I'M NOT A GUY WHO PLAYS GAMES. 526 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,670 OKAY, I JUST CAME TO TELL YOU THAT I LIKE YOU, 527 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,272 AND I LIKE COFFEE, 528 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,740 AND IF YOU WANT TO GET SOME COFFEE, JUST... 529 00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:08,808 HERE'S MY NUMBER. 530 00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:12,712 COMING THROUGH, BUDDY. 531 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,789 HEY, I GOT YOUR MESSAGE. 532 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:23,923 - HEY. 533 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:25,558 THANKS FOR COMING. 534 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,494 LOOK, I'D LOVE TO GO OUT WITH YOU. 535 00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:28,895 HOW ABOUT FRIDAY FOR DINNER? 536 00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:31,531 - YEAH? GREAT. 537 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:35,535 HEY, UM, WILL SANDRA DAY O'CONNOR AND MICHELLE OBAMA 538 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:39,306 AND CONDOLEEZZA RICE AND NANCY PELOSI-- 539 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:40,540 ARE THEY GONNA JOIN US? 540 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,042 - NO, THEY WILL NOT BE JOINING US. 541 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,777 - OKAY, WELL, GOOD, 'CAUSE I DON'T HAPPEN TO AGREE 542 00:20:44,811 --> 00:20:46,479 WITH MISS PELOSI'S VIEWS 543 00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:49,582 ABOUT THE TROUBLED ASSETS RELIEF PROGRAM. 544 00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:50,683 - HMM. 545 00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:52,519 - I LOOKED THAT UP TO IMPRESS YOU. 546 00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:54,321 - I FIGURED. - YEAH. 547 00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:58,725 - IF YOU GUYS LIKE GRILLING, YOU WANT TO COME OVER, 548 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,593 USE MY GRILL, LET ME DO YOU A FAVOR. 549 00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:01,961 TAKE A KEY, JUST COME BY, 550 00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:03,996 GRILL UP WHATEVER YOU WANT. 551 00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:05,732 THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE PICK-UP STRATEGIES. 552 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,700 I'M CONSTANTLY GIVING WOMEN MY KEYS. 553 00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:08,968 - THIS IS YOUR HOUSE KEY? 554 00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:09,969 - YEAH, YEAH, I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE A SPARE. 555 00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:11,571 JUST COME BY, GO FOR A DIP WHENEVER YOU WANT. 556 00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,540 SO FAR, NONE OF 'EM HAVE SHOWN UP. 557 00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:16,909 - THAT'S A VERY APPEALING OFFER. THANK YOU. 558 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,311 - MATTER OF TIME. 559 00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:19,479 HEY, CRAIG. 560 00:21:19,512 --> 00:21:20,480 - HEY, TOMMY. 561 00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:22,849 - 50 MORE COPIES, PLEASE. 562 00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:23,850 - YOU GOT IT. 563 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:23,950 - I HAVE BEEN ROBBED TWICE.