1 00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,405 >> IN A TOWN AS OLD AS PAWNEE, 2 00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:06,207 THERE'S A LOT OF HISTORY IN EVERY ACRE. 3 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:11,345 THIS WOODEN AREA IS THE SITE OF, UM, THE MURDER, ACTUALLY, 4 00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,447 OF NATHANIEL BIXBY MARK. 5 00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,483 HE WAS A PIONEER WHO WAS KILLED BY A TRIBE 6 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,452 OF WAMAPOKE INDIANS AFTER HE TRADED THEM A BABY 7 00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:20,354 FOR WHAT IS NOW INDIANAPOLIS. 8 00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:23,491 THEY CUT HIS FACE OFF. 9 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,327 AND THEY MADE IT INTO A DREAM CATCHER. 10 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,696 AND THEY MADE HIS LEGS INTO RAIN STICKS. 11 00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:30,531 AND THAT'S THE GREAT THING ABOUT INDIANS BACK THEN-- 12 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:33,334 IS THEY USED EVERY PART OF THE PIONEER. 13 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:36,337 [triumphant music] 14 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:44,378 * 15 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,424 >> TODAY IS A GREAT DAY FOR THE KNOPE FAMILY. 16 00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:59,427 MY MOTHER IS BEING HONORED AT A BANQUET 17 00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,163 WITH THE TELLENSON AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE 18 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,132 IN PAWNEE PUBLIC SERVICE. 19 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:06,400 THE AWARD'S NAMED AFTER THE LEGENDARY TONY TELLENSON, 20 00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:08,402 WHO WAS A GREAT MAN. 21 00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:11,205 SORRY, IS A GREAT MAN. 22 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:14,408 I, FOR ONE, AM GLAD THAT THEY'RE KEEPING HIM ALIVE. 23 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:16,610 >> I SAW YOU SURVIVE THAT TOWN HALL MEETING. 24 00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,646 YOU KEEP THAT UP AND YOU'RE GONNA BE FIGURING OUT 25 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,548 WHAT WALL TO PUT YOUR OWN TELLENSON AWARD ON. 26 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:21,615 >> OH, I ALREADY KNOW. 27 00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:24,285 THE ONE ON THE LEFT WHERE THE AMERICAN FLAG IS. 28 00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:25,553 BUT I THINK WE COULD BE 29 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:28,322 A MULTIGENERATIONAL POLITICAL DYNASTY, YOU AND I, YOU KNOW? 30 00:01:28,356 --> 00:01:30,224 LIKE THE KENNEDYS OR THE BUSHES. 31 00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:32,693 MINUS THE DRINKING PROBLEM. 32 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:35,263 I MEAN NO DISRESPECT. 33 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,198 >> THE ONLY REASON ANYBODY'S GOING TO THIS THING 34 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:38,799 IS BECAUSE THEY'RE AFRAID OF WHAT MARLENE'LL DO TO THEM 35 00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:40,168 IF THEY DON'T. 36 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,370 THAT WOMAN IS TOUGH. 37 00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:45,139 IN 1994, I GAVE HER A NICKNAME. 38 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:47,875 IT'S UNREPEATABLE, BUT IT STUCK. 39 00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:51,879 IT'S MY PROUDEST ACCOMPLISHMENT. 40 00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:57,618 IT'S THE IRON [bleep] OF PAWNEE. 41 00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,420 >> THIS IS VERY EXCITING. THIS IS A BIG NIGHT. 42 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,422 WE ARE GOING TO MEET SOME POWERFUL PEOPLE TONIGHT. 43 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:04,325 SO TAKE THIS DOWN. >> MM-HMM? 44 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,560 >> GOOD EVENING. 45 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:09,497 MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE IS MY MOTHER. 46 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,399 HOW IMPORTANT ARE SPEECHES? 47 00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:13,634 I DON'T KNOW, ASK THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS. 48 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,336 OH, IT DIDN'T ANSWER YOUR CALL? 49 00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,638 MAYBE BECAUSE IT WAS IN THE SMITHSONIAN. 50 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,673 IT WAS A GREAT LEARNING EXPERIENCE 51 00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:21,842 BECAUSE MY MOM CAST A LONG SHADOW. 52 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,411 READ THAT PART BACK TO ME. 53 00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:24,945 >> I WAS LEARNING DISABLED, 54 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,447 AND MY MOM CAST A VERY LONG SHADOW. 55 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,183 >> NO, I DIDN'T SAY LEARNING DISABLED. 56 00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:30,851 >> UM, WE'LL JUST MOVE ON. WE CAN FIX THAT LATER. 57 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:31,952 LONG SHADOW, GO. 58 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,787 >> OKAY, I'VE LOST MY MOMENTUM NOW. 59 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:34,955 UM, ALL RIGHT, LET'S START FROM THE TOP. 60 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,324 WHAT'S THE FIRST SENTENCE AGAIN? 61 00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:40,194 >> MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE IS MORBIDLY OBESE. 62 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,862 >> I NEVER SAID OBESE. I SAID "IS MY MOTHER." 63 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:44,265 >> OH, SORRY. I GOT IT. 64 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,734 >> I NEED TO MENTION THE PARK, AND IN A VERY SUBTLE WAY 65 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,470 I NEED TO LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT I'M FORGING MY OWN PATH 66 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,838 AND I HAVE MY OWN SUBCOMMITTEE. 67 00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,973 BUT I DON'T WANNA SOUND BRAGGY. WHAT DO I DO? 68 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,576 >> IT'S ABOUT APPEARING HUMBLE. YOU KNOW? 69 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,211 ABRAHAM LINCOLN, WHEN HE STARTED HIS SPEECHES, 70 00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,413 HE WOULD COME UP AND SAY, "MY NAME'S ABRAHAM LINCOLN. 71 00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:00,914 "I'M THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. 72 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,216 "BUT I'M GONNA BE HONEST WITH YOU. 73 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:03,951 I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M DOING." 74 00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:05,486 SO MAYBE START OFF WITH SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 75 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,420 >> OKAY, SO I START OFF-- 76 00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:07,488 I'M LESLIE KNOPE, I'M THE DEPUTY DIRECTOR 77 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,390 OF PARKS AND RECREATION, AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, 78 00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:10,558 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. 79 00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:11,659 >> YEAH. >> YEAH. 80 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,761 >> THEN, I THINK WHAT WE WANT TO DO AT THAT POINT 81 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,296 IS START GETTING THE ENERGY UP. 82 00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:16,864 >> YEAH. >> HOW ABOUT THIS? 83 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:19,433 MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE IS DEFINITELY NOT A WHORE. 84 00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:21,269 >> NO. 85 00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,503 >> MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE HAS NOT FIVE, 86 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,405 BUT SEVEN ASIAN FRIENDS. 87 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,407 MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE 88 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,808 HAS NEVER SOLICITED A MALE PROSTITUTE. 89 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,577 MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE 90 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:32,713 HAS SAID THE "N" WORD ONLY FOUR TIMES IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. 91 00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,582 >> NO. NO. 92 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,417 >> SHE SAID IT MORE THAN THAT? 93 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:40,788 [picking guitar tune] 94 00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:43,257 >> HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? 95 00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:44,825 >> THAT IS HOT. 96 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:45,959 >> SERIOUSLY? >> YES. 97 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,461 THAT IS REALLY HOT. 98 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:49,563 HOW COME YOU DON'T DRESS UP LIKE THAT FOR ME? 99 00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,365 >> WELL, 'CAUSE I WOULD FEEL A LITTLE SILLY 100 00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:54,268 PUTTING ON A NICE DRESS TO GO TO THE COUCH. 101 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:55,436 >> [laughs] 102 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,037 >> [chuckles] 103 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,873 I HAVEN'T BEEN OUT IN SO LONG. 104 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,375 ANDY BEING IN CASTS 105 00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:03,544 HAS DEFINITELY PUT A CRIMP IN OUR SOCIAL LIFE. 106 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,546 I DON'T REALLY KNOW LESLIE'S MOM, 107 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,448 AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE TELLENSON AWARD IS, 108 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,950 BUT AT THIS MOMENT IN MY LIFE, 109 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:12,520 IT SOUNDS LIKE A MAGICAL EVENING. 110 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:17,358 >> BABE, I'M OUT OF MILK. 111 00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:20,694 >> HOW DRESSY IS THIS EXACTLY? >> TO THE MAX. 112 00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,430 IT IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE 113 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:23,564 LOCAL GOVERNMENT EVENT OF THE YEAR. 114 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,699 >> REALLY? >> YEAH. 115 00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:28,502 THE TELLENSONS IS LIKE THE OSCARS TIMES THE GRAMMYS 116 00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:29,437 PLUS THE SUPER BOWL. 117 00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:30,971 >> WOW. OKAY. 118 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:33,507 UM, I SHOULD PROBABLY CHANGE. 119 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:35,609 >> YEAH, I'M HEADED TO THE SALON RIGHT NOW. 120 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,945 SALVATORE MANFRELOTTI HAS BEEN CUTTING HAIR 121 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:40,781 ACROSS FROM PIONEER HALL SINCE 1958. 122 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,850 ALL THE MOVERS AND SHAKERS WHO HAVE COME THROUGH PAWNEE 123 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,953 HAVE SAT IN THAT CHAIR AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER. 124 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,521 I MEAN, HE'S THE GUY THAT MADE LARRY BIRD 125 00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:49,357 LOOK THE WAY HE DOES. 126 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,559 >> NEXT. 127 00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,727 >> SO WHAT'S THE INSIDE SCOOP, SALVATORE? 128 00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,496 >> MY FEET HURT. 129 00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:57,465 >> [laughs] CLASSIC SALVATORE. 130 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,867 >> DO I KNOW YOU? >> UH, NO. 131 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:02,403 THIS IS MY FIRST OFFICIAL POLITICAL HAIRCUT. 132 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:03,704 I'M LESLIE KNOPE, 133 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,039 DEPUTY DIRECTOR OF PARKS AND RECREATION. 134 00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:08,809 >> ARE YOU RELATED TO THAT MARLENE SOMETHING KNOPE? 135 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,077 >> THAT DEPENDS. 136 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:13,547 WOULD YOU CALL BEING HER DAUGHTER RELATED? 137 00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:15,949 >> WHAT THE HELL ELSE WOULD YOU CALL IT? 138 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,418 NOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO WITH THIS? 139 00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:19,453 >> WELL, UM, MY MOM IS BEING HONORED TONIGHT, 140 00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:21,455 SO IN A WAY, I AM ALSO BEING HONORED. 141 00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:24,091 AND I JUST WANTED TO MIX THINGS UP A LITTLE BIT, YOU KNOW? 142 00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,460 PIN IT UP. SOMETHING SASSY. 143 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:29,763 BUT POWERFUL. AND DYNASTIC. 144 00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:37,037 HI! APRIL. 145 00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:39,407 >> GOOD EVENING...SIR. 146 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,742 >> OH, I'M OFF THE CLOCK, APRIL, YOU DON'T NEED TO CALL ME SIR. 147 00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:45,513 SALVATORE CALLS THIS HAIRDO "THE MAYOR." 148 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,381 AND YES, I WILL WEAR MY HAIR LIKE THIS 149 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,817 WHEN I AM THE FIRST FEMALE MAYOR OF PAWNEE. 150 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,520 >> OH, MAN. 151 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:53,921 I AM WAY OVERDRESSED. 152 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,589 >> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU LOOK GREAT. 153 00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:57,858 WE LOOK GREAT. EVERYONE'S LOOKING AT US. 154 00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:00,561 >> YEAH, I KNOW. >> YOU WANT A DRINK? 155 00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,630 >> YES, I DO VERY MUCH WANT A DRINK. 156 00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,432 THAT MAN IS STARING. 157 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:07,134 >> THAT'S FORMER CITY COUNCILMAN FRANK SCHNABLE. 158 00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,936 OH, WE ARE IN RARIFIED AIR TONIGHT, ANN. 159 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,404 RARIFIED AIR. 160 00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:11,572 >> HE'S COMING OVER. >> WHAT? 161 00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:12,973 OKAY, BE COOL. BE COOL. 162 00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,508 >> I WILL TRY. 163 00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,043 >> HELLO. >> HELLO. 164 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,011 FORMER CITY COUNCILMAN, I AM LESLIE KNOPE. 165 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,447 I AM THE DAUGHTER OF THE HONOREE THIS EVENING. 166 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,581 >> I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU 167 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:23,884 THAT I THINK THAT WHAT YOU TWO ARE DOING IS SO BRAVE. 168 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:27,120 AND JUST BEING WHO YOU ARE-- 169 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:31,024 I WISH I HAD YOUR COURAGE. 170 00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,096 >> OKAY, LET'S GO. 171 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,702 >> I ENJOY GOVERNMENT FUNCTIONS 172 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,037 LIKE I ENJOY GETTING KICKED IN THE NUGGETS 173 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,039 WITH A STEEL-TOE BOOT. 174 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:49,643 BUT THIS HOTEL ALWAYS SERVES BACON-WRAPPED SHRIMP. 175 00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,445 THAT'S MY NUMBER ONE FAVORITE FOOD 176 00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:53,681 WRAPPED AROUND MY NUMBER THREE FAVORITE FOOD. 177 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:56,617 I'D GO TO A BANQUET AND HONOR THOSE SOMALI PIRATES 178 00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,218 IF THEY SERVED BACON-WRAPPED SHRIMP. 179 00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,587 EXCUSE ME. 180 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,722 >> HEY, TABLE 12. CAN GET A WHAT-WHAT? 181 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,557 >> WOW. >> [chuckles] 182 00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:04,357 >> THANK YOU. 183 00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:06,727 >> I MEAN, ANN, YOU LOOK STUNNING. 184 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,062 BUT LESLIE, WOW. 185 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,632 >> I WAS GOING FOR WOW. >> YOU GOT IT. 186 00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:12,700 >> I WAS TOLD IT WAS BLACK TIE. 187 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:15,636 >> I LIKE YOUR HAIRDO, LESLIE. >> THANK YOU, RON. 188 00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:16,870 >> IT'S JUST LIKE MY BROTHER'S. 189 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,872 HE'S AN OFFICER IN THE AIR FORCE. 190 00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:19,973 >> HMM. 191 00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:21,742 >> BACON-WRAPPED SHRIMP. 192 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,545 >> OH, THANKS, I'M OKAY. >> I WASN'T OFFERING. 193 00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,046 >> OH, ANN. DON'T LOOK. 194 00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:27,515 NO, NO, NO. I SAID, "DON'T LOOK." 195 00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:30,884 SEATED BEHIND US IS JANINE RESTREPO. 196 00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:32,553 WE NEED TO RE-ZONE THE PIT TO TURN IT INTO A PARK, 197 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,154 AND SHE'S ON THE ZONING BOARD. 198 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,223 OH, WHAT A NIGHT! PLEASE. 199 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,457 THIS IS SO COOL. 200 00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:41,629 AT THAT TABLE ARE ALL EIGHT LIVING TELLENSON AWARD WINNERS. 201 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,831 BERT WINFIELD, GEOFFREY MORGLESBERG, 202 00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:46,634 QUENTIN ARBLE, DAWN KRINK, MICHAEL HOLLOWAY. 203 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,802 I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS, THAT'S SOMEBODY'S WIFE. 204 00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:52,205 HORACE RANGEL, WILMER VISM, AND OSCAR PFORTMILLER. 205 00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:53,974 WAIT, OSCAR PFORTMILLER'S DEAD. 206 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,543 THAT'S HIS DISAPPOINTING SON, THEO. 207 00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:56,610 ANOTHER DYNASTY. 208 00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:58,612 WHAT A TESTAMENT TO MY MOTHER. 209 00:07:58,646 --> 00:07:59,847 IF A BOMB WENT OFF IN HERE, 210 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,550 IT WOULD DEFINITELY MAKE THE INDIANAPOLIS PAPERS. 211 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:05,152 GUYS, WE HAVE TO GET ME TO TALK TO JANINE RESTREPO. 212 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,688 SHE'S RIGHT BEHIND US, AND SHE COULD RE-ZONE OUR PARK. 213 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,022 >> WELL, THEN JUST GO UP THERE AND SAY HELLO 214 00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,290 AND START TALKING TO HER. 215 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:13,260 >> BRILLIANT POLITICAL STRATEGY, MARK. 216 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,529 MAYBE I SHOULD MENTION HER MASSIVE WEIGHT LOSS. 217 00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:18,031 >> YOU'RE OVER-THINKING THIS. HERE. 218 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:20,067 I'M GONNA PRETEND TO BE JANINE RESTREPO. 219 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,969 YOU BE YOU, GO. 220 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,805 >> HELLO, MADAM ZONING BOARD MEMBER JANINE RESTREPO, 221 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:27,174 I AM LESLIE KNOPE FOR THE-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 222 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,777 >> OH, I'M PAWNEE ZONING BOARD MEMBER JANINE RESTREPO, 223 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,144 AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. 224 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,546 PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT THIS PARK 225 00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:33,881 THAT YOU BADLY NEED REZONED BY ME. 226 00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:36,283 >> OKAY, WELL, I THINK IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA 227 00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,318 TO HAVE A MULTI-USE COMMUNITY PARK. 228 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,286 >> OH, DO YOU? >> OH. 229 00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:40,688 >> WAIT, WHAT'S THAT? 230 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:41,989 >> WHAT, I'M JUST FORMER CITY COUNCILMAN 231 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,957 FRANK WHATEVER-THE-HELL AND I HAVE MORE POWER 232 00:08:43,991 --> 00:08:45,292 THAN JANINE RESTREPO, SO I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. 233 00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:46,727 >> I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THAT'S TRUE-- 234 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,228 >> OH, MY GOD, REALLY? 235 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:50,297 WELL, I'M MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE AND I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL. 236 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,866 [laughter] 237 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,234 >> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING? 238 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:57,270 >> IT'S FUN TO PRETEND TO BE ZONING BOARD MEMBERS. 239 00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:58,639 >> [laughs] 240 00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:00,941 HEY. HI. 241 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,142 >> HEY, L-- 242 00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:05,212 MY GOODNESS. LOOK AT YOU. 243 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,214 >> YOU LIKE? I WENT TO SALVATORE. 244 00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,616 >> SALVATORE USUALLY DOES MEN. 245 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:09,817 >> USUALLY. 246 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,018 BUT THIS TIME HE MADE AN EXCEPTION. 247 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,320 >> MM. >> THIS IS ANN PERKINS. 248 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,756 >> OH, RIGHT. LESLIE'S NEW FRIEND. 249 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,157 >> YEAH, FRIEND. SHE'S--WE'RE FRIENDS. 250 00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,593 JUST FRIENDS. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. 251 00:09:19,627 --> 00:09:20,994 HE'S A MAN. 252 00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:22,596 >> SO I NEED YOUR ADVICE. 253 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,965 I'M SEATED NEAR JANINE RESTREPO. 254 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,700 >> THE QUEEN OF THE ZONING BOARD? 255 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,201 >> AM I THE ONLY PERSON HERE 256 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:31,872 WHO DOESN'T KNOW JANINE RESTREPO? 257 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,273 >> I THINK SHE COULD BE VERY USEFUL. 258 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,642 WHAT'S MY IN? 259 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,343 >> OH, LET'S SEE. YOU WROTE A SPEECH. 260 00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,612 >> YES, AND IT'S 22 MINUTES LONG. 261 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:39,747 WITH THE SONG. 262 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,749 I COULD CUT THE SONG. THE SONG'S CUT. 263 00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:42,983 >> SCRAP THE WHOLE THING. 264 00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:45,385 LET'S MAKE THE SPEECH WORK FOR US. 265 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,355 >> OOH, POLITICS, YES! 266 00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:50,157 MY MOM IS CRAZY GOOD AT THIS. 267 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,225 >> OKAY, THE TWO THINGS YOU HAVE GOING FOR YOU 268 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,194 IS YOUR CONNECTION WITH ME, OF COURSE, 269 00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,363 AND THE FACT THAT RESTREPO LOVES FEELING IMPORTANT. 270 00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,365 SO MAKE SURE THAT YOU BUTTER HER UP. 271 00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,332 >> I WILL. 272 00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,635 I'LL MAKE HER FEEL LIKE A HUMAN DINNER ROLL. 273 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,270 HELLO, EVERYONE. 274 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,372 I'M LESLIE KNOPE. MARLENE'S DAUGHTER. 275 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:08,041 [applause] 276 00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:11,244 MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE IS MY MOM. 277 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,980 BUT SHE'S SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. 278 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,015 SHE'S ALSO... MY MOTHER. 279 00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:17,951 AND TOGETHER, WE ARE THE KNOPES. 280 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,320 AND IF YOU WEREN'T THINKING IT, YOU PROBABLY ALREADY SAID IT. 281 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,388 POLITICAL DYNASTY. 282 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,356 [weak laughter] 283 00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,225 PLEASE SAVE YOUR APPLAUSE UNTIL THE END. 284 00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:28,061 THERE ARE SO MANY LUMINARIES HERE TONIGHT. 285 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:31,331 I MEAN, THE LIST INCLUDES SUCH AMAZING PEOPLE 286 00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:35,068 AS ZONING BOARD MEMBER JANINE RESTREPO. 287 00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:39,272 [applause] 288 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,273 AND OTHERS. 289 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:44,344 IN CONCLUSION, MY MOM IS MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE. 290 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,947 AND I AM JUST SO PSYCHED 291 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,682 THAT JANINE RESTREPO IS HERE. 292 00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:51,384 I LOVE YOU, MOM. 293 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,053 [applause] 294 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:56,089 I LOVE YOU TOO, JANINE. 295 00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,158 >> YOU THE MAN, LESLIE. >> THANKS, TOM. 296 00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:02,262 HI, ANN, WISH I COULD TALK. MOVIN' AND SHAKIN'. 297 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,765 >> THIS IS MY EVENING. 298 00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:06,700 I'M LESLIE'S TROPHY WIFE. 299 00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:09,036 >> I'D LIKE TO INVITE ANYONE WHO HAS A FEW WORDS 300 00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:11,438 TO SAY TO MARLENE TO COME UP DURING DINNER. 301 00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,907 >> HELLO, PAWNEE GOVERNMENT. 302 00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:15,776 MY NAME IS TOM HAVERFORD. 303 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,377 AND IF FIVE YEARS AGO 304 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,412 YOU TOLD ME I WAS GONNA BE IN THIS BALLROOM 305 00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:21,381 WITH MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPE, 306 00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,784 I WOULD HAVE GUESSED WE WERE GETTING MARRIED. 307 00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:26,353 [laughter] 308 00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,088 >> JANINE. HI. 309 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,490 >> HI. HAVE WE EVER MET? 310 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,860 >> NO. BUT I AM A BIG FAN. 311 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:35,195 I'M MARLENE'S DAUGHTER. >> YEAH, I GOT THAT. 312 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,396 >> RIGHT. 313 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:37,497 AND I WOULD LOVE TO SPEAK TO YOU 314 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,032 ABOUT THE WAYS WE CAN IMPROVE OUR CITY. 315 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,134 >> OKAY, WELL, CALL MY SECRETARY 316 00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:43,503 AND MAYBE WE CAN SET SOMETHING UP FOR NEXT MONTH. 317 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,905 >> OKAY. >> OKAY. 318 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,006 >> OKAY. >> ALL RIGHT. 319 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,207 >> NEXT MONTH, THEN. >> UH-HUH. 320 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,341 >> FINE. >> BYE. 321 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,744 >> ANDY, I CAN'T LEAVE NOW. 322 00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:53,747 I'LL GET ONE FOR YOU ON THE WAY HOME. 323 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,282 OKAY, MEATBALL AND HAM. 324 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,450 WAIT, IS THAT TWO DIFFERENT SUBS? 325 00:11:57,484 --> 00:12:00,487 REALLY? I DON'T THINK THEY CAN DO THAT. 326 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,455 >> I'M SERIOUS. 327 00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:05,058 NOW, THE WORDS "TOO SEXY" 328 00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:08,261 AREN'T REALLY IN MY VOCABULARY. 329 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,964 BUT MARLENE, GIRL, YOU ARE TOO SEXY. 330 00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:13,066 [laughter] 331 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:16,069 >> I REFUSE TO LATHER MARLENE UP, 332 00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:18,405 KISS HER RING LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. 333 00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:22,542 INSTEAD, I'LL BE DELIVERING A SPEECH OF FACTS. 334 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,312 MARLENE IS A WOMAN. 335 00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:28,916 SHE HAS WORKED IN THE GOVERNMENT FOR THREE DECADES. 336 00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,417 30 YEARS. 337 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:35,488 PROPERLY APPLIED, THAT'S HOW LONG A GOOD VARNISH SHOULD LAST. 338 00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:38,358 SO MARLENE, 339 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:42,062 IT IS TRUE THAT YOU HAVE WON THIS AWARD. 340 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,464 >> BRENDANAWICZ. LET'S BOUNCE. 341 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:45,799 WE'RE GONNA BE LATE. 342 00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:47,534 >> FOR WHAT? >> LADIES. 343 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,336 SCULLY'S BAR. LET'S GO. 344 00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,471 BOUNCE, BOUNCE, BOUNCE. >> NO, NO, NO. 345 00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,006 PLEASE, YOU GUYS ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE HERE I KNOW. 346 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,341 >> UH, WELL, THIS THING'S KIND OF WRAPPING UP. 347 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:55,375 MAYBE WE COULD LEAVE A LITTLE LATER. 348 00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:58,979 >> UH, IT'S 9:30 ON A FRIDAY NIGHT IN PAWNEE. 349 00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,413 THERE'S NOT GONNA BE A LATER, MARK. COME ON, NOW. 350 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,016 YOU PROMISED ME WE'D GO HIT ON CHICKS. 351 00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:05,018 >> MAYBE YOU AND LESLIE CAN JOIN US AT THE BAR. 352 00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:08,588 >> LOOK, I WOULD LOVE TO COME HIT ON CHICKS WITH YOU GUYS, 353 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:12,392 BUT, UH, SHE SEEMS KIND OF ENGAGED IN SOMETHING 354 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,961 AND I--I THINK I SHOULD PROBABLY STAY. 355 00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:15,395 >> YOU HIT ON CHICKS, FOR REAL? 356 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:16,563 >> ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? 357 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:17,931 WE'RE GONNA BE AT SCULLY'S 358 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,499 IF YOU TWO CAN TEAR YOURSELVES AWAY. 359 00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,168 >> LET'S DO THIS, MARK. 360 00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:23,236 >> IT WENT REALLY WELL WITH RESTREPO. 361 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:24,204 UH, SHE SAID I SHOULD CALL HER 362 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,205 AND WE COULD SET SOMETHING UP NEXT MONTH. 363 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,607 >> DID SHE SAY CALL HER OR CALL HER SECRETARY? 364 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,309 >> SECRETARY. THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT? 365 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:30,310 SECRETARY MAKES THE SCHEDULE. 366 00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:33,346 >> THAT'S GREAT, HONEY. SHE'S BLOWING US OFF. 367 00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,482 >> WHAT? NO, REALLY? 368 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,517 >> HONEY, SHE'S TOTALLY BLOWING US OFF. 369 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:38,585 >> [stammers, sighs] 370 00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:41,488 THAT IS NOT CONDUCT WORTHY OF THE ZONING BOARD. 371 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,590 >> SHE'S A LITTLE WEASEL. 372 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:44,958 OKAY. 373 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,326 DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO USE THIS, 374 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:50,463 BUT HER HUSBAND GOT A D.U.I. IN ILLINOIS LAST WEEK. 375 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,599 AND SHE'S TRYING TO KEEP IT QUIET. 376 00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:55,502 >> WELL, EVERYONE HAS THEIR PROBLEMS. 377 00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:58,438 SO WHAT SHOULD MY NEXT TACTIC BE? 378 00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,240 >> THE D.U.I., LESLIE. 379 00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,375 LET HER KNOW YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT IT. 380 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:04,377 CONNECT IT TO WHAT YOU WANT, 381 00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:07,214 AND THEN TELL HER IF SHE DOESN'T HELP YOU AND SOON, 382 00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:08,481 YOU'RE GONNA TELL EVERYBODY IN TOWN. 383 00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,184 >> I DON'T THINK I COULD DO THAT. 384 00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:13,420 I MEAN, I WANNA WIN A TELLENSON AWARD SOMEDAY. 385 00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:14,554 THEY DON'T GIVE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARDS 386 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:15,788 TO PEOPLE WHO DO THINGS LIKE THAT. 387 00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:19,559 >> SWEETHEART, THEY ONLY GIVE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARDS 388 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:21,261 TO PEOPLE WHO DO THINGS LIKE THAT. 389 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,997 THOSE ARE EIGHT OF THE NASTIEST, 390 00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,533 MOST DIABOLICAL PEOPLE YOU COULD EVER WANNA MEET. 391 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,368 BERT WINFIELD WAS A BLACKMAILER, 392 00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:32,105 AND DAWN KRINK SLEPT HER WAY TO THE TOP OF THE D.M.V. 393 00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:34,541 TRIP HOLLOWAY NAMED NAMES IN THE '50s. 394 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:36,944 HORACE RANGEL USED THE POLICE DEPARTMENT 395 00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,478 TO HARASS JOURNALISTS. 396 00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:39,913 AND JEEZ, HONEY. 397 00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:42,950 TONY TELLENSON WAS THE WORST. 398 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,218 HE TRIED TO RE-SEGREGATE THE DRINKING FOUNTAINS. 399 00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,623 >> HEY, ANN. WHERE'S MARK? 400 00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:52,225 >> HE LEFT WITH TOM. >> SHOOT. 401 00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:54,127 I HAVE A TOUGH ASSIGNMENT AND I NEED HIS HELP WITH IT. 402 00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:55,462 >> I CAN HELP. GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO. 403 00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:56,997 >> OKAY, WELL, 404 00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,999 APPARENTLY RESTREPO IS TRYING TO BLOW US OFF. 405 00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:00,400 SO MY MOM HAS A PLAN. 406 00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:02,335 WE'RE GONNA TWIST HER ARM A LITTLE BIT. 407 00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:03,570 SHE'S TRYING TO COVER UP FOR THE FACT 408 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:05,205 THAT SHE HAS A HUSBAND 409 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,574 WHO LIKES TO VROOM 410 00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,442 AND GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG. 411 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,411 >> SO YOU'RE GONNA BLACKMAIL HER? 412 00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:14,414 >> NO. I WAS GONNA GET TOUGH WITH HER. 413 00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:15,248 TELLENSON-STYLE. 414 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,716 >> THAT DOESN'T SOUND TOUGH TO ME. 415 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,218 THAT SOUNDS SLIMY. 416 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,619 IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR MOM'S TELLING YOU TO BE SLIMY. 417 00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,321 >> ANN, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND POLITICS. 418 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:22,389 LOOK, NURSING IS EASY. 419 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,291 >> REALLY? >> YEAH. 420 00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:25,458 YOU JUST GO TO WORK AND PEOPLE COME IN 421 00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:26,726 AND YOU HEAL THEM. 422 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,261 BUT POLITICS IS DIFFERENT. 423 00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,430 YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BRING THE PAIN. 424 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,599 YOU CAN'T LET YOURSELF GET TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF. 425 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:35,268 >> I THINK YOUR MOM'S GIVING YOU BAD ADVICE. 426 00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:36,403 >> I DON'T THINK SO. 427 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,972 >> YOU JUST DO EVERYTHING YOUR MOM TELLS YOU TO DO? 428 00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:41,208 >> YOU JUST DO EVERYTHING YOUR BOYFRIEND TELLS YOU TO DO? 429 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,276 MAKE ANY PANCAKES LATELY? 430 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:44,444 >> HE HAS TWO BROKEN LEGS. 431 00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,713 >> YEAH. AND HE'S GOT THREE CRUTCHES. 432 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,049 AND ONE OF THEM IS YOU. AND THE OTHER TWO ARE CRUTCHES. 433 00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:53,653 >> YOU KNOW, I DON'T NEED TO BE HERE. 434 00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,655 >> [sighs] 435 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:58,358 >> IT'S OKAY. YOU'RE ALLOWED TO FIGHT. 436 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:01,728 YOU TWO ARE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. 437 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:05,565 >> THANK YOU... 438 00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,600 FORMER COUNCILMAN SCHNABLE. 439 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,472 >> AND NOW, A VERY SPECIAL MESSAGE 440 00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:15,242 FROM MR. ANTHONY TELLENSON HIMSELF 441 00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:18,378 RECORDED EARLIER THIS YEAR FROM HIS HOSPITAL BED 442 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:21,381 BEFORE HE LOST THE POWER OF SPEECH. 443 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:25,385 [monitor beeping] 444 00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:28,188 >> I'M LEAVING NOW, HONEY. 445 00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:32,125 COOL RANCH, GOT IT. ANYTHING ELSE? 446 00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:36,629 MM, I'M NOT SURE I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO GET THOSE TONIGHT. 447 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,032 WELL, 'CAUSE I DON'T THINK I CAN FIND A STORE THAT'S OPEN 448 00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:40,467 THAT SELLS SLIPPERS. 449 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,136 >> I'VE BEEN DYING TO GO OUT WITH MARK. 450 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,237 I ALWAYS THOUGHT WE'D MAKE A GREAT TEAM. 451 00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:47,274 YOU KNOW, HE'S HANDSOME, I'M A CUTIE PIE, 452 00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:49,076 HE'S LAID BACK, I'M MORE IN YOUR FACE, 453 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,377 BUT IN A FUN WAY. 454 00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:51,611 LADIES DON'T STAND A CHANCE. 455 00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,280 >> UH, WHAT'S WITH THE HAT? 456 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:54,747 >> IT'S CALLED PEACOCKING. 457 00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:56,216 BASICALLY, I'M WEARING SOMETHING 458 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,318 THAT KIND OF MAKES ME STAND OUT, LIKE A PEACOCK. 459 00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,753 SO GIRLS'LL BE LIKE, "HEY, WHAT'S WITH THAT HAT?" 460 00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,722 I'M GONNA GO PEACOCK IT OUT OVER HERE, I'LL BE BACK. 461 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,124 >> OKAY. 462 00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:07,794 [applause] 463 00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:10,097 >> THANK YOU, TONY, 464 00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:14,334 FOR THOSE INSPIRING TWITCHES AND BLINKS. 465 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,602 >> I THINK WE'RE GONNA MEET A LITTLE EARLIER 466 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:16,769 THAN WHAT YOU SAID. 467 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,238 HOW 'BOUT MONDAY? 468 00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:20,673 >> CALL MY SECRETARY AND WE'LL SET IT UP. 469 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,709 >> NOT GOOD ENOUGH. >> NOT GOOD ENOUGH. 470 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:25,145 >> NOPE. 471 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:28,115 I KNOW ABOUT THINGS. 472 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,616 >> WELL, MY SCHEDULE IS MY SCHEDULE, 473 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,318 SO I'M JUST GONNA GET BACK TO MY DESSERT. 474 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,822 >> DRIVE MUCH? 475 00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:37,124 >> EXCUSE ME? 476 00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,291 >> YOUR HUSBAND. 477 00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:41,694 DOES HE...DRIVE MUCH... 478 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,497 OUT OF STATE? 479 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,201 I KNOW THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS A DRUNK DRIVER. 480 00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:50,803 MY MOM TOLD ME. 481 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:53,106 >> WHAT DO YOU WANT? 482 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,509 >> UH, JUST SAYING. 483 00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:59,346 [stammers] 484 00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:01,481 [gasps] 485 00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:02,815 >> GET OUT. 486 00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:04,351 >> OH, MY GOD, I'M SO SORRY. >> MM-HMM. 487 00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:05,685 >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME. 488 00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,220 I HOPE YOUR HUSBAND GETS HELP 489 00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,522 AND THAT YOU HAVE A LONG AND HAPPY MARRIAGE. 490 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,291 >> STACY. 491 00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,626 UM, BECKY TELLS ME THAT YOU TWO ARE BOTH REAL ESTATE AGENTS. 492 00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,495 THAT MUST BE FUN. >> UH-HUH. 493 00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:19,366 >> YEAH, ANY COOL STORIES YOU GUYS HAVE? 494 00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:20,600 >> UM... >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 495 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,269 >> LIKE, UH, I DON'T KNOW. 496 00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:23,536 ANYTHING WEIRD OR FUNNY HAPPEN 497 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:24,871 WHEN YOU GUYS WERE SHOWING PEOPLE HOUSES? 498 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,473 >> UM, HMM. 499 00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:30,510 >> ONE TIME I FORGOT MY KEYS TO ONE OF THE HOUSES. 500 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,312 >> WHOA. >> OH, MY GOD, YOU DO THAT TOO? 501 00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:33,513 >> YEAH. >> I'VE DONE THAT. 502 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:34,614 THAT'S THE WORST, THEN YOU HAVE TO DRIVE ALL THE WAY BACK 503 00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,916 AND THEN YOU HAVE TO BE LIKE, "I FORGOT MY KEYS," 504 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,419 AND THEN THEY'RE LIKE, "YOU DID THAT TWICE." 505 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,488 >> LOOK AT THESE GUYS-- THE KEY-FORGETTING TWINS! 506 00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:46,259 [laughing] 507 00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,795 >> I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 508 00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:50,297 >> CAN I HAVE A STELLA, PLEASE? 509 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,532 >> DUDE, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? >> WHAT? 510 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,334 >> BECKY AND STACY ARE BOTH REALLY INTO YOU, 511 00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:55,302 AND YOU'RE BLOWING IT WITH THEM. 512 00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,769 AND THAT'S MAKING THEM LOSE INTEREST IN ME. 513 00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,405 >> BECKY AND STACY ARE BORING. 514 00:18:58,438 --> 00:18:59,672 >> I NEED YOU BACK THERE, MAN. 515 00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:01,641 I'VE SEEN YOU HOOK UP WITH MORE TRASHY CHICKS 516 00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:04,311 IN THE LAST YEAR THAN I CAN COUNT, ALL RIGHT? 517 00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:05,378 IF THERE WAS A TELLENSON AWARD 518 00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:07,247 FOR HOOKING UP WITH TRASHY CHICKS ALL THE TIME, 519 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,581 YOU'D HAVE SEVERAL OF THOSE AWARDS. 520 00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:09,849 YOU'RE THE KING. 521 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,884 YOU'RE MY HERO. 522 00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:13,353 >> TELL THEM I'M GONNA GET OUT OF HERE. 523 00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:14,721 I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY, OKAY? 524 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,195 >> HEY. >> HI. 525 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:23,563 COME ON IN. 526 00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,265 >> I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT I-- 527 00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,334 I DIDN'T GO THROUGH WITH IT. 528 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,668 BLACKMAILING THAT WOMAN. 529 00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,837 I TRIED, BUT I JUST-- I JUST COULDN'T DO IT. 530 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,339 >> GOOD. 531 00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:36,276 THAT'S A GOOD THING. IT WASN'T YOU. 532 00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:38,745 YOU KNOW, THERE WAS DEFINITELY SOME TRUTH 533 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:41,914 ABOUT THAT THING YOU SAID ABOUT ME AND ANDY. 534 00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:45,385 >> NO. WHAT? >> YEAH. 535 00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:46,953 I'M SORRY. 536 00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:49,322 >> ME TOO. 537 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,424 >> OH. [laughs] 538 00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:53,293 >> WHOA, HEY, WHAT THE HELL? 539 00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:55,462 OH. HI, LESLIE. 540 00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:57,964 I THOUGHT YOU WERE A DUDE. 541 00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:00,667 >> THE PEOPLE WHO WIN AWARDS 542 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,735 AREN'T ALWAYS THE BEST PEOPLE. 543 00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:05,438 I MEAN, I THINK ANN AND I ARE REALLY GOOD PEOPLE. 544 00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:09,442 AND SOMEDAY, OTHERS WILL SEE THAT AND WE'LL GET OUR DUE. 545 00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:10,843 WOULD I LIKE TO WIN A TELLENSON AWARD 546 00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,445 LIKE MY MOM DID? 547 00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:13,580 SURE. 548 00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:16,349 BUT MY DAD NEVER WON AN AWARD AND HE WAS ALWAYS HAPPY. 549 00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,318 HE LIVES IN FLORIDA. 550 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,852 IN A CEMETERY. 551 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,689 THE POINT IS, MY MOM IS ALIVE AND I LOVE HER. 552 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,991 SHE'S ONE TOUGH COOKIE. 553 00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:26,293 THAT'S WHY EVERYBODY CALLS HER 554 00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:31,631 THE IRON [bleep] OF PAWNEE. 555 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:32,999 FONDLY. 556 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,304 >> YES, I'M MARRIED. 557 00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:39,038 BUT MY WIFE UNDERSTANDS THAT A GOOD POLITICIAN 558 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,907 HAS TO BE APPEALING TO THE LADIES. 559 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,510 THE FACT THAT I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN CLOSE TO CHEATING ON HER 560 00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:44,944 IS A DISAPPOINTMENT TO BOTH OF US. 561 00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:48,247 LIKE THE COLOR ORANGE? CARROTS, YOU INTO THOSE?