1 00:00:01,769 --> 00:00:04,272 >> SO WE'VE BEEN CALLED OUT TO HIS HIKING TRAIL 2 00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:06,074 BECAUSE THERE'S SOME REPORTS THAT SOME TEENAGERS 3 00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,542 ARE DIGGING BAGS OF DOG POOP OUT OF THE TRASH 4 00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:10,478 AND HAVING DOG POOP FIGHTS. 5 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,513 >> I DON'T BELIEVE IT. 6 00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,461 OH, MY GOD, IT'S REAL. 7 00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:30,098 >> UH, YEAH, I'M NOT GONNA-- I'M NOT GONNA GO DEAL WITH THIS. 8 00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:32,566 I'M LEAVING. 9 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:33,801 >> HEY. 10 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,403 HEY. 11 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:37,171 HELLO? BOYS. 12 00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:38,606 I AM LESLIE KNOPE. 13 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:41,542 I WORK FOR THE DEPARTMENT OF PARKS AND RECREATION. 14 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,577 OKAY. 15 00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:44,645 ALL RIGHT. 16 00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,180 COOL IT. OKAY. 17 00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:47,515 NO! AHH! 18 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,583 THAT'S DISGUSTING. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 19 00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:52,086 NO! OH! HELP! HELP! 20 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,654 TOM! 21 00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,189 TOM! AHH! 22 00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:56,524 NO! AHH! 23 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,758 OH, IT SMELLS SO BAD. 24 00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,527 OH! OH! 25 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,562 WHAT WOULD YOU THINK THIS WAS FUN? OW! 26 00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,131 OH, REALLY? OH, REALLY? 27 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,465 OH, REALLY? OH, HEY, HEY. 28 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:05,799 YOU LIKE IT? BOOM. 29 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,636 [groaning] 30 00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,571 OKAY. OKAY, HERE WE GO. 31 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,273 WHO WANTS IT? 32 00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:15,843 HA, HA. WHOO, MISSED IT. 33 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,745 YEAH, OH! 34 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,713 [panting] ACTUALLY, THIS IS A LITTLE FUN. 35 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,416 THIS IS FUN. 36 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:25,619 OH. 37 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:28,622 [triumphant music] 38 00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:36,664 * 39 00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:47,875 OH, HEY, TOM, CHECK IT OUT. 40 00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:50,178 NORTON CONSTRUCTION JUST SENT THIS OVER. 41 00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:51,812 >> WHOA, MAMA. 42 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:53,481 >> I LOVE GREAT LAKES WINE. 43 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,615 >> YOU CAN HAVE THE WINE. 44 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:57,485 I WANNA TAKE THAT CHEESE AND DO TERRIBLE THINGS TO IT. 45 00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,353 >> OH, DAH, DAH, DAH. 46 00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:00,354 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 47 00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:02,690 YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT WE ARE NOT ALLOWED 48 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:06,560 TO ACCEPT GIFTS OVER $25 FOR CORRUPTION REASONS. 49 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:09,430 WE LIVE IN A FISH BOWL, AND THE PUBLIC IS ALWAYS WATCHING. 50 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,898 THAT'S WHY I GO TWO TOWNS OVER 51 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,666 IF I WANT TO RENT A MOVIE WITH NUDITY IN IT. 52 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,202 >> MMM. 53 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,903 >> YEAH, I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT. 54 00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,338 BUT YOU CANNOT ENJOY THIS BASKET. 55 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:18,606 I'M SO SORRY. 56 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,641 SO TO AVOID TEMPTATION I'M GONNA LOCK IT UP. 57 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,543 >> WHEN YOU'RE IN THE GOVERNMENT, 58 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:25,279 THERE'S A MILLION WAYS TO EXPLOIT YOUR POWER. 59 00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,181 HAVE I EVER GIVEN IN TO THAT TEMPTATION? 60 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,249 NO, NEVER. 61 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:29,650 I'M NOT THAT KIND OF POLITICIAN. 62 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:30,484 OFFICIAL PARKS AND REC BUSINESS. 63 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,553 I JUST NEED TO GRAB A QUICK HOT DOG. 64 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:33,754 SORRY ABOUT THAT, LITTLE GIRL. 65 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,189 YOU CAN HAVE THE NEXT ONE. 66 00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:37,591 I HAVE A MORAL CODE, AND I NEVER VIOLATE IT. 67 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:38,826 PEOPLE LOOK AT ME AND THEY SAY, 68 00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,461 "WOW, TOM, YOU ARE SO PURE. 69 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,496 "YOU'RE LIKE A BROWN SUPERMAN WITH A BEARD 70 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:45,266 "THAT JUST STANDS FOR JUSTICE AND TRUTH 71 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,900 AND THE AMERICAN WAY." 72 00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:49,637 >> SO, ANN, I ASKED APRIL TO CREATE 73 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,672 ONE OF THOSE SOCIAL NETWORK INTERNET PROFILES 74 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,541 FOR THE SULLIVAN STREET PIT. 75 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:54,975 SO ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR THE DEBUT? 76 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,544 >> YES, CAN WE CUT THAT RED RIBBON 77 00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:57,845 AROUND YOUR MONITOR NOW? 78 00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,980 >> ABSOLUTELY. I LOVE A GOOD RIBBON CUTTING. 79 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,450 WOW. 80 00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:04,585 OH, APRIL, THAT'S GOOD. KIDS. 81 00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:08,422 >> HEY, LOOK, THE PIT ALREADY HAS SIX FRIENDS. 82 00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:09,790 >> OH, YEAH, MARK. MARK'S A FRIEND. 83 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,492 >> WHOA, WHOA, YOU GUYS GOTTA SEE MARK'S PROFILE. 84 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,562 LOOK AT THE PHOTOS OF THESE LADIES ON HIS PAGE. 85 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,264 >> WOW. >> SICK. 86 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:17,865 >> MAYBE THOSE ARE HIS RELATIVES. 87 00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:20,568 >> YEAH, MAYBE FAKE BOOBS RUN IN HIS FAMILY. 88 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,970 >> LOOK AT THIS LADY. SHE'S GOT A THONG ON HER FACE. 89 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:25,506 >> OH, MY GOD, HIS FAVORITE MOVIE IS DANCES WITH WOLVES. 90 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:26,907 >> OKAY, WE'RE GOOD. 91 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,542 WE'LL KEEP CHECKING IN ON THIS. 92 00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:29,577 >> WHERE IS MARK ANYWAY? 93 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:31,011 >> ATTENDING YET ANOTHER MEETING 94 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,380 OF THE OLD BOYS' CLUB. 95 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:35,416 POLITICS IS FULL OF BOYS' CLUBS, 96 00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,385 FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 97 00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,320 BEHIND ME ARE ALL THE MEMBERS OF THE CITY COUNCIL 98 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:40,854 OVER THE PAST 30 YEARS. 99 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,423 AND EVERY DAY, AS A WOMAN, 100 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,757 I HAVE TO WALK PAST THIS WALL OF MEN. 101 00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,526 IT CAN BE VERY UPSETTING, 102 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,661 ESPECIALLY BECAUSE OF THAT GUY. 103 00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:49,297 NO MATTER WHAT DIRECTION I MOVE, 104 00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,465 HE'S ALWAYS STARING AT MY CHEST. 105 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,401 HMM? 106 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:54,802 SEE? 107 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,937 >> WHAT ARE THEY DOING OUT THERE? 108 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,672 >> WHEELING AND DEALING. 109 00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:01,409 DIVVYING UP THE EMPIRE. 110 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:02,976 >> EH, MY WIFE GOT ME THIS SHIRT. 111 00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,778 SHE SWEARS IT MAKES ME LOOK THINNER. 112 00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:06,514 >> IT KINDA DOES. 113 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,316 >> YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO? LET'S GO OUT THERE. 114 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:09,817 LET'S BUST UP THAT OLD BOYS' CLUB. 115 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,652 WE'RE DOING GREAT WORK IN THE GOVERNMENT. 116 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:12,853 WE DESERVE TO BE INCLUDED. 117 00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:14,622 >> SURE, YEAH, I COULD USE A BEER. 118 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,023 >> YES, ANN, THAT'S GOOD. THINK LIKE A MAN. 119 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,691 APRIL, WE'RE LEAVING. 120 00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,727 YOU'RE IN CHARGE, AND IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN. 121 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,662 >> WHAT, DO YOU REALLY LIKE RED TAPE AND UPHILL BATTLES? 122 00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,897 >> HEY, LESLIE. >> HEY. 123 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,065 >> WHAT IS UP? 124 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,334 >> I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S UP. 125 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:29,603 COUPLE OF LADIES ARE COMING TO BUST UP YOUR LITTLE BOYS' CLUB. 126 00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:31,539 >> AWESOME. GLAD TO HAVE YOU. 127 00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:32,906 GET YOU A BEER. 128 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,708 >> [whispered] WE'RE IN. 129 00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:36,076 >> HEY, I'M BRIAN. >> HI, BRIAN. 130 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,645 LESLIE KNOPE, DEPUTY DIRECTOR OF-- 131 00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,012 >> DRINK THAT. >> OKAY. 132 00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:41,649 >> I'M ANN, EVERYONE. I DON'T WORK HERE. 133 00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,484 >> ANN. 134 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:44,552 >> SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT? 135 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:45,653 WHAT'S TOPIC DU JOUR? 136 00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,421 OH, OH, OH. 137 00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:49,056 [bottles shattering] 138 00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:50,724 DID YOU HEAR THAT? 139 00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,393 THAT WAS THE SOUND 140 00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:54,695 OF A GLASS CEILING BEING SHATTERED. 141 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,965 THE BOYS' CLUB IS MORE ABOUT SOCIALIZING THAN WORK, YOU KNOW? 142 00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,567 I MEAN, YOU GOTTA LOOSEN UP. 143 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,969 I KINDA FEEL LIKE I'M ALREADY IN THE BOYS' CLUB. 144 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:06,006 I MEAN, LOOK AT THOSE BITCHES CLEAN UP AFTER ME. 145 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,542 >> SO IS THIS, LIKE, YOUR REGULAR TUESDAY NIGHT SCENE? 146 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:11,011 >> WELL, IT'S JUST A WAY TO UNWIND, YOU KNOW? 147 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,946 >> REALLY DIFFERENT FROM YOUR FRIDAY NIGHT CROWD, RIGHT? 148 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,482 >> WHAT CROWD? 149 00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,617 >> YOU KNOW, THE GIRLS WITH THE TRIBAL BACK TATTOOS 150 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,918 WHO DRINK RED BULL FOR A LIVING. 151 00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:19,353 >> OH. >> THAT CROWD. 152 00:05:19,387 --> 00:05:20,654 >> OH, I LIKE THIS. THIS IS BANTER. 153 00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:21,789 BANTER'S FUN. >> WHERE'D THAT COME FROM? 154 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,525 >> WE WERE JUST ON THE COMPUTER LOOKING AT YOUR PROFILE. 155 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,394 YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE A FRIEND WHO HAS A TATTOO 156 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:29,797 THAT SAYS "DADDY'S GIRL" AND BOTH WORDS ARE MISSPELLED. 157 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,132 >> OH, MIXING IT UP WITH THE BOYS. 158 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,667 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY? WHAT'S YOUR COMEBACK? 159 00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:35,403 >> THOSE AREN'T REALLY MY FRIENDS ANYMORE. 160 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:37,037 I DON'T HANG OUT WITH THEM. 161 00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,472 >> OH, BOO. 162 00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:39,907 BRENDANAWICZ, THAT'S SOME WEAK SAUCE. 163 00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,041 YOU NEED TO HIT HARDER. 164 00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:44,912 >> NATALIE, IT'S YOUR SISTER. 165 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:48,516 PICK ME UP OR I'M GONNA DRAW ALL OVER YOUR JEANS. 166 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,454 >> WELL, IT'S OFFICIAL, PEOPLE. 167 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:54,655 WE'RE OUTTA BEER. 168 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,989 >> AHH, THAT'S THE CUE. 169 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,791 SEE YOU LATER, LESLIE. 170 00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,560 IT WAS NICE HANGING OUT, YOU KNOW, AFTER WORK HOURS. 171 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:00,661 >> WAIT. 172 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:01,795 >> I THINK I'M GONNA TAKE OFF TOO. 173 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,163 >> YEAH, I SHOULD GO, LESLIE. 174 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,898 >> WAIT, YOU GUYS, LET'S KEEP THIS GOOD FEELING GOING. 175 00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,567 IT'S JUST GETTING STARTED. 176 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,935 >> YEAH, 'CAUSE PARTIES USUALLY GET STARTED 177 00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:09,570 WHEN YOU RUN OUT OF BOOZE. 178 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,740 >> OKAY, WAIT. JUST HOLD ON A SECOND. 179 00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:28,656 I GOT WINE. 180 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:29,990 >> all: HEY! 181 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,158 >> AND CHEESE. 182 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,627 >> all: HEY! 183 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,128 >> WHOO. 184 00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:38,031 >> GOOD MORNING. 185 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:41,068 LAST NIGHT IN A FOOLISH ATTEMPT TO INFILTRATE A BOYS' CLUB 186 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:43,837 I VIOLATED THE GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE ETHICS CODE 187 00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:45,606 OF THE STATE OF INDIANA. 188 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:48,008 I HAVE ALWAYS TRIED TO LIVE MY LIFE IN AN ETHICAL WAY, 189 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,910 AND LAST NIGHT I FAILED. 190 00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,211 I REALIZE I HAVE LET DOWN 191 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,714 EVERY FEMALE PUBLIC OFFICIAL IN AMERICA, 192 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,216 AND I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO THEM RIGHT NOW, 193 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,986 INDIVIDUALLY AND IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER. 194 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,188 MICHELE BACHMANN, 195 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:04,525 REPUBLICAN, MINNESOTA, 196 00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:06,927 I AM SORRY. 197 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:10,130 TAMMY BALDWIN, DEMOCRAT, WISCONSIN, 198 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:11,832 I'M SO SORRY, TAMMY. 199 00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:14,201 MELISSA BEAN. 200 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,436 [dog growling] 201 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,144 [video game sounds] 202 00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:26,747 >> OKAY. 203 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,915 DOUBLE SHIFT, REMEMBER? 204 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,216 SO I WON'T SEE YOU TILL TOMORROW. 205 00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,551 ARE YOU GONNA BE OKAY? 206 00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:31,919 >> OH, YEAH. 207 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,021 I GOT, UH...DINNER. 208 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:34,988 >> OH, GOD. 209 00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:38,926 HONEY, CAN YOU JUST CLEAN UP A LITTLE BIT? 210 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,761 >> I'LL TRY. 211 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,162 DON'T EXPECT MUCH. 212 00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,231 >> OKAY, WELL, I'LL DO IT WHEN I GET HOME. 213 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:46,099 >> YOU WILL? >> YES. 214 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,068 >> ANN IS AMAZING. 215 00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:49,637 SHE TAKES CARE OF ME. 216 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:51,872 SHE TAKES CARE OF SICK PEOPLE, SICK BABIES. 217 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:53,707 SHE IS AN ANGEL. 218 00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:56,544 AND I SERIOUSLY LOVE HER. 219 00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:57,878 HARD. 220 00:07:57,911 --> 00:08:00,781 SHE'S GOING TO BE GONE FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS. 221 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,650 SO I MADE THIS LIST, 222 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,117 AND BASICALLY THIS PLACE IS GONNA BE 223 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:07,755 LIKE A SPARKLING PALACE WHEN SHE RETURNS. 224 00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,122 I TOOK A BUNCH OF PAIN KILLERS. 225 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,759 THEY'RE ABOUT TO KICK IN, SO I'M READY TO GO. 226 00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:16,096 >> HERE IT IS. LET'S CLEAR THE AIR. 227 00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,766 LAST NIGHT I OPENED UP THIS GIFT BASKET 228 00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,100 FOR MY OWN PLEASURE. 229 00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:21,101 >> REALLY? 230 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,571 LESLIE KNOPE, USUALLY SUCH A PRUDISH STICKLER 231 00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:25,238 FOR THE RULES. 232 00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:26,907 >> I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT EITHER, TOM. 233 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,141 >> IT'S LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE. 234 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,010 >> LAST YEAR YOU WROTE ME UP FOR MAKING PERSONAL PHONE CALLS 235 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:30,878 TO MY MOM. 236 00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:32,713 >> YES, I DID, AND I WOULD DO IT AGAIN. 237 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,582 TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT. 238 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:37,050 >> YES, BUT SHE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. 239 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,587 >> I DID NOT KNOW THAT AT THE TIME. 240 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,121 >> SO CAN I HAVE THE BASKET? 241 00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:42,189 >> NO, I'M SORRY. IT'S EVIDENCE. 242 00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,757 >> IT'S A NICE BASKET. 243 00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:45,258 >> WHAT WOULD YOU PUT IN THERE? 244 00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:47,060 >> I DON'T KNOW, POTPOURRI. 245 00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:48,261 >> THAT'S A LOT OF POTPOURRI. 246 00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:49,897 >> HEY, I AM NOT THE ONE ON TRIAL HERE. 247 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,832 >> I APPRECIATE AND THANK YOU IN ADVANCE 248 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,233 FOR YOUR UNWAVERING SUPPORT. 249 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,201 >> I THINK YOU SHOULD GO TO JAIL, 250 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,569 THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE. 251 00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:58,872 >> GO TO JAIL? WHAT'S GOING ON? 252 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,340 >> RON, I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT 253 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,076 AND VERY LONG STORY TO TELL YOU. 254 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:05,312 >> PUT IT IN AN EMAIL? 255 00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,280 >> NOPE. 256 00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,116 IT HAPPENED RIGHT OUT THERE, 257 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,351 RIGHT OUTSIDE THIS WINDOW. 258 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,186 WHY CAN'T I LOOK AWAY? 259 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,155 >> LET'S NOT BLOW THIS OUT OF PROPORTION. 260 00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:18,091 >> I WILL BLOW THIS IN PROPORTION. 261 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:21,228 THE MINIMUM PUNISHMENT FOR THIS IS AN OFFICIAL REPRIMAND 262 00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,663 FROM THE CITY MANAGER. 263 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,197 >> IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. 264 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,899 >> MAYBE IN YOUR WORLD IT ISN'T A BIG DEAL. 265 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,701 YOU'RE A WHITE PROTESTANT MAN 266 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,302 WITH A FULL, RICH MOUSTACHE. 267 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,171 BUT I AM A WOMAN, 268 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,273 AND I NEED TO HOLD MYSELF UP TO A HIGHER STANDARD. 269 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,808 >> THIS IS RIDICULOUS. 270 00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,109 YOU'RE PUNISHING YOURSELF 271 00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:38,278 MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE IS GONNA PUNISH YOU. 272 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,180 >> NO. WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST WE DO? 273 00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:41,649 YOU THINK WE SHOULD COVER THIS UP? 274 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,183 >> NO, I'M NOT SAYING THAT. 275 00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:44,284 NO ONE SAID "COVER-UP". 276 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:47,220 >> GOOD BECAUSE THE COVER-UP IS WORSE THAN THE CRIME. 277 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:50,123 WHEN YOU SPILL SOMETHING AND YOU TRY TO WIPE IT UP 278 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:53,794 WITH SOMETHING THAT'S DIRTY, THEN YOU GET DOUBLE DIRTY. 279 00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,128 >> PLEASE DON'T MAKE THIS WORSE. 280 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,196 >> OH, MY GOD. 281 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:58,265 GOOD AFTERNOON. 282 00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:01,401 SINCE WE LAST SPOKE, I HAVE TAKEN EXTRAORDINARY STEPS 283 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,805 TO MAKE FURTHER AMENDS FOR THE MISTAKES THAT I'VE MADE. 284 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,074 I HAVE WRITTEN A FULL CONFESSION, 285 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,341 WHICH I WILL BE EMAILING 286 00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:11,812 TO EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE PAWNEE GOVERNMENT. 287 00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:15,683 I'VE ALSO ATTACHED A LINK TO THE PIT'S WEB PAGE 288 00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:18,285 JUST TO REMIND PEOPLE OF ALL THE GOOD WORK THAT I DO. 289 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,220 I ASKED RON TO BLOW THE WHISTLE ON ME, 290 00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:21,221 AND HE REFUSED. 291 00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:24,792 AND THAT IS WHY I HAD TO WHISTLE-BLOW MYSELF. 292 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,797 >> I WISH I COULD SAY SOME OF THIS MESS WAS ANN'S, 293 00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:32,065 BUT IT'S ALL MINE. 294 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:36,036 I'M KIND OF A NESTER. 295 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,405 EH, NOT BAD FOR A GUY WITH TWO BROKEN LEGS. 296 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:48,081 HEY. 297 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,285 >> DOING A LITTLE EXPERIMENT TONIGHT 298 00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:55,155 TO SEE WHAT WILL GET ME DRUNKER-- 299 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,356 DRINKING WINE-- 300 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,958 >> LESLIE, COME HERE. 301 00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,693 SEE WHAT APRIL PUT ON THE PIT'S WEB PAGE. 302 00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:02,029 >> RIGHT NOW DRINKING WINE IS WINNING. 303 00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,697 >> OH, MY GOD, WHAT AM I LOOKING AT? 304 00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,766 >> A VIDEO OF ME DRINKING SOME OF THAT WINE YOU STOLE. 305 00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:06,900 >> WHAT? 306 00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,969 WHY DID YOU DO THIS? 307 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,138 >> BECAUSE I WAS WAITING FOR MY SISTER AND I WAS BORED, 308 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,106 AND MY HAIR LOOKED REALLY GOOD. 309 00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:14,842 >> AND YOU PUT IT IN THE PIT'S WEB PAGE? 310 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,009 >> YEAH. 311 00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,210 >> OKAY, TAKE THIS OFF. 312 00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,012 OKAY, I JUST SENT AN EMAIL TO EVERYONE IN THE GOVERNMENT 313 00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,147 AND I PUT A LINK TO THIS PAGE. 314 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,414 >> [humming] 315 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:22,850 >> A YOUNG LAWBREAKER. 316 00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:25,052 A FUTURE LESLIE KNOPE. 317 00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:26,486 PLAY IT AGAIN FOR US, JERRY. 318 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,321 >> YOU GOT IT. 319 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,326 >> LESLIE. 320 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,963 SHE'S 19 YEARS OLD. 321 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,265 I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO MAKE THIS WORSE. 322 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:39,733 >> AND I HEARD YOU LOUD AND CLEAR. 323 00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,168 >> BUT THEN YOU MADE IT WORSE. 324 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:45,205 THE DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE'S HAVING A HEARING TOMORROW 325 00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:47,174 AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TESTIFY. 326 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,275 >> OH, NO. 327 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,477 >> APRIL MIGHT GET DISMISSED. YOU COULD GET FIRED. 328 00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:52,512 >> OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. 329 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:55,182 OH, NO. OH, GOD. 330 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,084 OH, THIS BENCH IS SO UNCOMFORTABLE. 331 00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:59,820 OW, HELP. PLEASE, RON. 332 00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:03,156 RON, RON, TELL ME IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. 333 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:04,257 TELL ME IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. 334 00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,459 >> IT'S GONNA-- >> RON, WHERE ARE YOU? 335 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:09,196 >> IT'LL--HANG IN. 336 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,032 >> RON. >> OKAY, YOU'RE OKAY. 337 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,200 >> [sobbing] GOOD EVENING. 338 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,135 I'VE SPOKEN TO YOU A COUPLE TIMES 339 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,170 ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED, 340 00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:19,139 BUT I DON'T WANNA-- 341 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:22,142 I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE. 342 00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:26,914 >> SO THE DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE AWAITS. 343 00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,849 FEELING GOOD? FEELING STRONG? 344 00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:29,983 >> NOT REALLY, NO. 345 00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:31,451 >> DO YOU WANT ME TO RUN SOME TEST QUESTIONS WITH YOU, 346 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:32,886 MAYBE GIVE YOU AN IDEA 347 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,187 OF WHAT THE DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE WILL BE LIKE? 348 00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,556 >> YEAH, THAT'D BE GREAT. YEAH, THANKS, TOM. 349 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,258 >> OKAY. 350 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:41,294 SO, MS. KNOPE, 351 00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,496 YOU'RE ACCUSED OF STEALING WINE. 352 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,432 HOW MANY DRINKS DO YOU HAVE PER WEEK ON AVERAGE? 353 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,835 >> ZERO. 354 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,202 ZERO TO SIX. 355 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:51,238 >> I'M GONNA WRITE DOWN "TEN". 356 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,372 >> YEAH. 357 00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:53,540 >> DO YOU EVER CHEAT ON YOUR TAXES? 358 00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,375 >> NO, NO, NO, NEVER. 359 00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:56,944 >> GOOD. YOU'RE DOING GREAT. 360 00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:59,312 HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD IN THE LAST YEAR? 361 00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:01,148 >> ARE THEY GONNA ASK THAT? 362 00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,482 >> THIS IS A DEPOSITION-STYLE HEARING, MS. KNOPE. 363 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,284 NOTHING IS OFF-LIMITS. YOU HAVE TO ANSWER. 364 00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,486 NOW HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD IN THE LAST YEAR? 365 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:09,156 >> ZERO TO SIX. 366 00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,123 >> ZERO. 367 00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:11,591 HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT RON SEXUALLY? 368 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,560 >> WHAT?! >> INCLUDING DREAMS. 369 00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:15,228 HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SEXUAL DREAM 370 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,563 ABOUT OUR BOSS, RON SWANSON? 371 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,398 >> NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT, NO. 372 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:20,233 >> YES. >> NO. 373 00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:22,235 >> NOW IN THIS RECURRING DREAM THAT YOU HAVE ABOUT RON, 374 00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:25,205 IS HE, LIKE, A REGULAR RON OR IS HE HALF-RON, HALF-ANIMAL, 375 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,373 LIKE A CENTAUR? 376 00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:27,507 >> WHAT? 377 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,242 >> IS HE WEARING A FOOTBALL UNIFORM? 378 00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:30,443 ARE YOU MAKING LOVE TO HIM 379 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,245 ON A COUCH SHAPED LIKE HIS MOUSTACHE? 380 00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,314 IS HE COVERED IN POWERADE? 381 00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,448 >> NO, OKAY, TIME-OUT, TIME-OUT. 382 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,184 >> THIS COMMITTEE DOESN'T TAKE TIME-OUTS, MS. KNOPE. 383 00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,485 NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION. 384 00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:39,519 >> I NEED SOMETHING TO DRINK. 385 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:40,620 >> HOW 'BOUT SOME STOLEN WINE? 386 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,055 >> NO, I MEANT WATER. 387 00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:43,523 >> THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME, MS. KNOPE. 388 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:46,059 YOU'RE FIRED. 389 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:48,128 SO THAT'S KINDA YOUR WORST-CASE SCENARIO, YOU KNOW? 390 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,530 IF YOU CAN HANDLE THAT, I THINK YOU'LL BE FINE. 391 00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:53,466 >> GREAT. 392 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,503 RON, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE WITH ME TODAY. 393 00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:59,372 >> I'M YOUR DEPARTMENT HEAD. I HAVE TO BE. 394 00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,208 >> NONETHELESS. 395 00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:02,575 >> MS. KNOPE. >> YES. 396 00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:04,377 >> YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE YOU ALLEGEDLY 397 00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,479 ACCEPTED A GIFT OF OVER $25 398 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,982 AND CONTRIBUTED TO THE DELINQUENCY OF A MINOR. 399 00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:10,884 CAN YOU TELL US WHAT HAPPENED? 400 00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:13,086 >> I'M GONNA TAKE A GLASS OF WATER FIRST IF I MAY. 401 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,055 >> CERTAINLY. [glass rattling] 402 00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:16,456 SORRY. 403 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,197 >> [refreshed sigh] 404 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:31,204 "TWO DAYS AGO I ATTENDED AN INFORMAL BOYS' CLUB MEETING 405 00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:34,374 "FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. 406 00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:36,309 "AFTER ONE AND A HALF BEERS, 407 00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:38,011 "AWASH IN THE GLOW OF ACCEPTANCE 408 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,512 INTO THIS ELITE, EXCLUSIVE CLUB--" 409 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,215 >> SORRY, WHAT CLUB IS THIS? 410 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,417 >> A COUPLE CITY PLANNERS LIKE TO DRINK BEER 411 00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,686 IN THE COURTYARD ON TUESDAY NIGHTS. 412 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,322 >> NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO DRINK ALCOHOL ON GOVERNMENT PROPERTY. 413 00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,458 >> IT'S NOT MY DEPARTMENT. 414 00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:54,561 GO AHEAD, LESLIE. 415 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:57,130 >> "I MADE A VERY UNWISE DECISION, 416 00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:59,666 "A DECISION THAT WILL LIVE IN INFAMY. 417 00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:04,204 "I OPENED A GIFT BASKET OF WINE AND CHEESE. 418 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,476 "OUR INTERN, APRIL LUDGATE, 419 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:13,146 "DRANK SOME OF THAT WINE WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE. 420 00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:15,582 "THAT WAS NEVER PART OF THE PLAN. 421 00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:18,285 "SHE HAD NOT BEEN INVITED TO THE MEETING OF THE BOYS' CLUB. 422 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,954 "I REPEAT, NOT BEEN INVITED. 423 00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,323 "THOUGH IT IS MY HOPE THAT SOMEDAY 424 00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,192 "SHE LIVES IN A WORLD 425 00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:27,360 "WHERE THE VERY IDEA OF BOYS' CLUBS 426 00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:30,597 IS ANCIENT HISTORY." 427 00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:33,500 >> BUT YOU DID OPEN THE GIFT BASKET. 428 00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:36,536 AND THE INTERN DID DRINK THE WINE. 429 00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:38,972 >> PLEASE DON'T BLAME HER FOR MY MISTAKE. 430 00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:42,275 THE BIGGEST CRIME WE COULD COMMIT HERE 431 00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:46,546 WOULD BE TO DESTROY A TEENAGE GIRL'S PASSION 432 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:48,581 FOR LOCAL GOVERNMENT. 433 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:51,318 >> THERE'S ONLY ONE MORE THING I NEED TO CLEAN-- 434 00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:52,685 ME. 435 00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:55,322 UM, I CAN'T REALLY GET INTO A SHOWER, 436 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:58,458 SO I GOT THIS IDEA FROM MY PARENTS. 437 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,727 THIS IS HOW THEY CLEAN THEIR DOG. 438 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,662 [humming] 439 00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:05,165 [chuckles] 440 00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:06,466 YOU LIKE THAT? 441 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,235 * WHERE'S MY BABY AT 442 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,503 I WROTE THAT FOR ANN. 443 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,539 IT'S GONNA BE PLAYING WHEN SHE WALKS THROUGH THE DOOR TODAY. 444 00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:14,541 AND CHECK THIS OUT. 445 00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,709 WASHED MY SHORTS. 446 00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:18,511 HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? 447 00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,180 [gate opens] 448 00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,681 >> HEY, TURN THAT DOWN. 449 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,616 >> NO. I WROTE THAT SONG. 450 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:24,617 >> I DON'T CARE. TURN IT DOWN. 451 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,286 >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY YARD, LAWRENCE? 452 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,420 GET OUTTA HERE. 453 00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:28,521 >> OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M TAKING IT. 454 00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:29,722 >> PUT DOWN MY BOOM BOX. 455 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,758 >> IT'S MY BOOM BOX NOW. I ASKED YOU NICELY. 456 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,626 >> YOU DID NOT ASK ME NICELY. 457 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,728 PUT THAT DOWN! 458 00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,298 I JUST PUT 12 NEW BATTERIES IN THAT THING! 459 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:44,437 * I LOOK TO THE EAST 460 00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,206 LAWRENCE, COME ON. 461 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,708 >> [imitating Andy] UGH, UGH. >> GIVE IT TO ME. 462 00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:51,378 GO BACK INSIDE, HANK. 463 00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,813 >> MS. KNOPE, WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU DID 464 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,049 WHEN YOU ARRIVED AT WORK THE NEXT DAY? 465 00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:58,318 CAN YOU GO OVER THE TIMELINE FOR US ONCE MORE? 466 00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,419 >> YES, OF COURSE. 467 00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:02,622 I AWOKE AT 6:21 A.M. AFTER A FITFUL NIGHT OF SLEEP. 468 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,824 >> WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS. 469 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,394 WHAT MORE COULD YOU GUYS POSSIBLY WANT HER TO DO? 470 00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:09,229 >> WELL, WE DON'T KNOW YET. 471 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,331 FRANKLY, WE'VE GOT A LOT MORE QUESTIONS. 472 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,565 >> [groans] >> RON, IT'S OKAY. 473 00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,167 >> NO, IT'S NOT. 474 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,635 THIS IS NOT COMMUNIST CHINA. 475 00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,570 YOU CANNOT MAKE HER WHIP HERSELF. 476 00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:19,506 YOU CANNOT MAKE HER WEAR A HAIR SHIRT. 477 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,741 >> WE WEREN'T PLANNING ON DOING EITHER OF THOSE THINGS. 478 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:23,143 >> THIS IS AMERICA. 479 00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,611 YOU WANNA LIVE IN NORTH KOREA, 480 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,313 YOU CAN LIVE IN NORTH KOREA. 481 00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:27,547 I DON'T WANT TO. 482 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,516 I WANT TO LIVE IN AMERICA. 483 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,252 LESLIE HAS NEVER BROKEN A RULE IN HER LIFE, 484 00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:35,622 TO THE POINT THAT IT'S ANNOYING. 485 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,424 IF YOU WANT TO SLAP HER ON THE WRIST, GO AHEAD. 486 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:38,591 YOU WANNA DO ANYTHING MORE SERIOUS, 487 00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,127 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME. 488 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,261 LET'S GO. >> ARE WE DONE? 489 00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,496 >> WE'RE DONE. LET'S GO. 490 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:51,238 SO AFTER ALL THAT, IT'S REALLY NOT THAT BAD. 491 00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:53,240 YOU'RE GONNA GET A LETTER IN YOUR FILE. 492 00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,708 >> RON, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU-- 493 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,076 >> DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 494 00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:04,117 NO, I DIDN'T DO IT FOR LESLIE. 495 00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:07,254 I DID IT BECAUSE I HATE BUREAUCRACY. 496 00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,556 MY IDEA OF A PERFECT GOVERNMENT 497 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:13,226 IS ONE GUY WHO SITS IN A SMALL ROOM AT A DESK, 498 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,195 AND THE ONLY THING HE'S ALLOWED TO DECIDE 499 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:16,763 IS WHO TO NUKE. 500 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:20,133 THE MAN IS CHOSEN BASED ON SOME KIND OF IQ TEST 501 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,602 AND MAYBE ALSO A PHYSICAL TOURNAMENT, 502 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,771 LIKE A DECATHLON. 503 00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:29,476 AND WOMEN ARE BROUGHT TO HIM MAYBE 504 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,544 WHEN HE DESIRES THEM. 505 00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:33,446 >> OH, HEY, ANN, YOU'RE HERE. 506 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:34,681 >> YEAH, I CAME FROM THE HOSPITAL. 507 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:35,815 HOW'D IT GO? 508 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,484 >> I DON'T WANNA BE OVERDRAMATIC, 509 00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:39,552 BUT TODAY FELT LIKE 100 YEARS IN HELL 510 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,154 AND THE ABSOLUTE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. 511 00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:42,455 >> OH, GOD. 512 00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:44,657 >> I NEVER SHOULDA OPENED THAT STUPID BASKET. 513 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,593 >> YEAH, WHY DID YOU OPEN THAT BASKET? 514 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,395 IT DOESN'T REALLY SEEM LIKE YOU. 515 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,330 >> I THINK IT'S 'CAUSE I WANTED TO SHATTER THE GLASS CEILING, 516 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:51,631 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 517 00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:54,234 AND JUST KIND OF INFILTRATE THE BOYS' CLUB. 518 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,469 >> HMM. 519 00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,371 >> I DID IT FOR A GUY. 520 00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,640 >> OH. >> YEAH. 521 00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:03,543 MARK. 522 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,578 >> OH. 523 00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:07,480 OH, WOW. 524 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:08,815 >> WELL, I-- 525 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:11,584 WE HAD A BRIEF AFFAIR IN FEBRUARY 526 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:12,952 OF 2004. 527 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,588 AND, UM, THERE'S STILL 528 00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:17,724 SOMETHING VERY COMPLICATED BETWEEN US, SO. 529 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:20,627 >> YEAH, SURE. 530 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:21,628 >> YEAH. 531 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:22,595 >> SMART WOMAN. 532 00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:25,665 IFFY CHOICE IN MEN. 533 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,601 BUT THEN AGAIN, I'M NOT ONE TO TALK. 534 00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:35,308 [gasps] 535 00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:36,776 >> WHAT DO YOU THINK? 536 00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:39,879 >> ANDY, THIS IS SO SWEET. 537 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,481 >> NOTHING. >> WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? 538 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,483 >> OH, I WAS CHASING OUR NEIGHBOR 539 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,985 WHO IS A TOTAL JAG-WEED. 540 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,655 AND I FELL IN SOME PRICKLY BUSHES. 541 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,457 DOESN'T MATTER. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE HOUSE? 542 00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:52,859 HMM? WERE YOU TOTALLY SURPRISED? 543 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,361 >> YEAH. >> DO YOU LOVE IT? 544 00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:55,562 >> YEAH. 545 00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:56,529 HERE, BABY, SIT DOWN. 546 00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:59,599 I'M GONNA PUT SOMETHING ON THOSE SCRATCHES. 547 00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:03,503 >> SOMEBODY IS GETTING GENTLY LAID TONIGHT. 548 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:06,473 >> ANDY, GOD. 549 00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,316 >> YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED ONE OF THESE. 550 00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:17,484 >> [sighs] 551 00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:18,718 >> COME ON. 552 00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,553 YOU'RE OVER 21. 553 00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,755 >> NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DRINKING ON GOVERNMENT PROPERTY. 554 00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:24,291 LOOSEN UP. 555 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,625 YOU'RE GONNA DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY 556 00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:27,460 TRYING TO FOLLOW EVERY SINGLE RULE IN GOVERNMENT. 557 00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:31,431 >> MARK, I HAVE A LETTER IN MY FILE. 558 00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:33,466 >> I GOT SEVEN LETTERS IN MY FILE. 559 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,502 PRETTY MUCH EVERY GUY IN CITY PLANNING 560 00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:38,004 HAS A BUNCH OF LETTERS. 561 00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,572 SO WELCOME TO THE TEAM. 562 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,545 [bottles clink] 563 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,980 >> LOOK OUT, BOYS. I'M IN YOUR CLUB NOW. 564 00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,816 I'M IN YOUR CLUB. I'M IN YOUR CLUB. 565 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,451 I'M IN YOUR CLUB. I'M IN YOUR CLUB. 566 00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:52,785 I'M IN YOUR CLUB. I'M IN YOUR CLUB. 567 00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:55,355 I'M IN YOUR--UM, CREEPY.