1 00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:06,840 Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Pawnee Bicentennial Scavenger Hunt. 2 00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:11,261 Get ready for a full day of hunting, maybe even days! Plural! 3 00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:12,846 Enough talking. 4 00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:15,098 Clues. Please and thank you. 5 00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:17,809 Leslie warned me that Ron was a master puzzle solver. 6 00:00:17,893 --> 00:00:19,436 So, I have outdone myself. 7 00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:22,231 This is the Lady Gaga of scavenger hunts. 8 00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:25,150 A complete work of genius wrapped up in a disorienting mix 9 00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:27,819 of confusing cultural red herrings. 10 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,488 [GROANS] 11 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:33,784 The treasure is buried beneath the south-western most bench in Ramside Park. 12 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,245 How could you have possibly figured that out already? 13 00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:38,622 Once I determined the cryptex was a false lead, 14 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:41,291 I realized the hidden clues on the scrolls could be solved 15 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,544 within complete columnar transposition. 16 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:46,547 The transposed words often numerically link to numbers, 17 00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,424 the sequence of which suggested latitude and longitude. 18 00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:51,927 Then, it was simply a matter of accessing my mental sexton. 19 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,011 I'm shocked. 20 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,597 I ran this hunt plan by the Indiana Puzzlers' Guild 21 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,808 and they gave it five out of five Sherlock pipes. 22 00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:02,479 Keep it. And don't feel bad. 23 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,856 It's my curse. 24 00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:26,437 JEN: We need to go over the schedule 25 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,141 leading up to the primary. Let's talk shop. 26 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:31,008 Ooh, shop talk. One of my five favorite types of talk, 27 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,176 along with pillow, girl, real, and TED. 28 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:34,761 Why are you wearing a poncho? 29 00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:37,014 Oh, because every surface area 30 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,181 in your house is sticky. 31 00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:41,560 Last time I was here, I found a melted crayon on my blazer. 32 00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,646 Okay. I have a photo op with Gryzzl tomorrow. 33 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:46,791 Between now and then we have a ton of stuff scheduled. 34 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:49,568 Looks like we're gonna have to skip the pie baking event 35 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:51,445 and the ceremonial squash toss. 36 00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,405 Oh, really? We have to skip that? 37 00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,991 I love watching those squashes fly through the air. 38 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,534 I kind of like the way they land. 39 00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,036 Me, too. [CHUCKLES] 40 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:02,581 Okay, excuse me, but I have to get back to a city, 41 00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:03,832 where things happen. 42 00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:06,918 Okay. This campaign is about to start in earnest. 43 00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:09,504 Things are about to get real intense. You ready? 44 00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:12,424 I already made my pump up mix. 45 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:14,926 There's a surprising amount of Pat Benatar. Nice. 46 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,136 I was talking to Leslie. 47 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:17,262 Me, Leslie? Yeah. 48 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:19,264 Well, I was an actual candidate, so I think 49 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:21,224 I can handle being a candidate's wife. 50 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:22,851 I know all the issues inside and out. 51 00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:24,353 Mmm, see, that's the problem. 52 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:27,230 If you were just a ding-dong, I would just slap a flag pin on you, 53 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,750 and pour some Valium down your throat. 54 00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:30,150 Everything would be fine. 55 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,986 It's the smarties that freak people out. 56 00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:34,751 I think you're underestimating the voters. 57 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:39,076 [CHORTLES] I don't think that is possible. 58 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,995 Being the wife-of is a minefield. 59 00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:43,413 Right, Ben? 60 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:47,834 You know, why don't you think of it like sex freshman year of college? 61 00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:51,546 You just want to get through it as fast as possible without embarrassing yourself. 62 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,548 I'm using that as an analogy to help you out 63 00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,392 because I'm assuming you were a late bloomer. 64 00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,594 Not me. I crushed it from day one. 65 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:00,681 Stephen, be careful! [EXCLAIMS] 66 00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:04,393 Poncho! 67 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,479 APRIL: I know you normally hate foundations, 68 00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,940 but this one I think you'll actually like. 69 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,275 We take people that don't know what they wanna do 70 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:15,237 and then put them to work doing cool stuff all over the world. 71 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,738 And I start in a couple months. 72 00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,407 Well, I had hoped you'd choose 73 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:19,908 a more dignified trade 74 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:22,202 like masonry or logging. 75 00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:24,246 But you are out of local government, 76 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,248 and that's a step in the right direction. 77 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,750 It's definitely the job I wanted. 78 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:34,047 But it means that we have to move to Washington. 79 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:35,966 Well. 80 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,510 Then bully for you. 81 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:41,179 If you intend to move, I suppose you should return 82 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,765 the spare key to my house. 83 00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,559 The one I gave you years ago 84 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,853 when you were my assistant, for emergencies. 85 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:49,646 Okay. 86 00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:51,440 Good talk. 87 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:58,989 This neighborhood has been mostly abandoned for years. 88 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,783 But now, thanks to the new Gryzzl headquarters, 89 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:03,910 this district will soon transform 90 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:06,747 into a hub of innovation for decades to come. 91 00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:07,831 Mister Wyatt. 92 00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:11,209 Uh... Yes, I'm taking questions. Yeah, what is it, Dad? 93 00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:13,211 Your campaign released a schedule. 94 00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:15,672 And it looks like your wife is skipping the Pie Mary. 95 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:16,965 Care to explain? 96 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:19,593 The Pie Mary is a Southern Indiana tradition, 97 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,720 where Congressional candidates' wives 98 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,805 face of fin a pie-baking contest. 99 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:27,350 The last contest's winner was June Hartwell's buttermilk meringue. 100 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:30,479 Last contest's loser was all women. 101 00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:34,649 Leslie would be the first candidate's wife not to enter the Pie Mary. 102 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:37,319 What kind of a statement are you making by skipping it? 103 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,321 We're... I'm not making any kind of statement. 104 00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:41,323 We're just focusing on bigger issues, 105 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:45,994 like Ben's $150 million revitalization project. 106 00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:48,014 Pardon me. I need to get through. Pardon me. Excuse me. 107 00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,080 Mike Patterson here. 108 00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:50,540 Leslie, you made it pretty clear 109 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,384 that you don't think homemaking is important. 110 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,085 Do you ever cook for your children? 111 00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:56,546 And who's even watching your children right now 112 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,548 while you're out God only knows where? 113 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,902 What are you talking about? I'm standing right here in front of you. 114 00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:02,844 Okay, take it easy. Let's not get emotional. 115 00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,054 Okay, we have to run. 116 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,097 We'll see you all at my economic address. 117 00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:07,325 Thanks for coming, everybody. 118 00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,149 What other traditions are you against, Leslie? 119 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:10,894 Baseball? Hugging your children? 120 00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,562 How much did that haircut cost? 121 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,065 None of your business. And thank you for noticing. 122 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:17,275 My desk was right here. 123 00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:18,878 Sitting right on top of it this whole time. 124 00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,821 How much money is it? It's not money. 125 00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:22,280 I told you. It's Ron's key. 126 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:23,698 I hid it in here years ago. 127 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,368 Hey! Yeah. No. No key. 128 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:29,496 Just a note and a movie ticket stub and four teeth. 129 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,419 "If you are looking for Ron's key, I moved it," 130 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:34,334 "and you'll never find it. Cordially, April." 131 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:35,418 Where'd you put it then? 132 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,337 I don't know. It was eight years ago. 133 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,506 Oh, God. A key to Ron's house 134 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,341 is lost in a government building. 135 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,134 It's his worst nightmare. Listen, babe. 136 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:46,513 All we gotta do is train Champion 137 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,056 to sniff out Ron's key. 138 00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:49,349 Okay. All we need is Ron's key 139 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:51,142 to give him a scent. 140 00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:52,227 So give me the key 141 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,020 and I'll get you that key. [SOBBING] 142 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:58,400 [NARRATOR READING] 143 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:01,611 Welcome back to the program. My guest is June Hartwell, 144 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,030 wife of incumbent Congressman Paul Hartwell. 145 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,198 Now, June, we all know 146 00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:07,117 what Ben Wyatt's wife is really saying. 147 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,952 By skipping the Pie Mary, she's saying, 148 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,621 "Women who love their families are stupid." 149 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,540 Mike, we all make certain choices. 150 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,418 Ms. Knope chose to try to have it all. 151 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,378 I chose to put my family first. 152 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,273 Oh, I'm just speculating here, but do you think that 153 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:21,631 Leslie Knope's actions indicate 154 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,550 that she actually hates her family? 155 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:27,971 Well, it only took three hours for Jen to be right. 156 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,514 I'm officially a distraction. 157 00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:30,798 I'm gonna enter that Pie Mary. 158 00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,642 This is just nonsense, it'll blow over. 159 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,395 And the Pie Mary is ridiculous and antiquated. 160 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:36,798 But the more they talk about this, 161 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,982 the less they're gonna talk about your economic plan. 162 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,692 Besides, I'm good at making pies, 163 00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:43,528 so I'll win and then I can promote 164 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:46,406 my self-published women's rights barbecue cookbook 165 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:47,949 The Feminine Mesquite. 166 00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:49,993 Everything's fine. 167 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,929 Except you're gonna need to get a new calculator 168 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,873 'cause I crushed this one in a blind rage while I was watching the show. 169 00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:02,005 Keep looking. It's a small, brown box where I used to hide things. 170 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,673 It had an eagle on the top of it. 171 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,318 I found this one, but it has a falcon on the top. 172 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:08,136 I'll keep looking. No, that's it! That's it, Andy! 173 00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,388 Eagle, falcon, whatever. Not whatever. 174 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,891 Eagles are more robust, have stronger talents. 175 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,601 Didn't go to Bird School much? 176 00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:17,938 Okay, let's see. 177 00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:22,567 Garry's wedding ring, Tom's watch, Kyle's car keys... 178 00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:23,944 What the heck? 179 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:27,030 Wait, wait. I lost that wedding ring down the sewer grate six years ago. 180 00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:30,241 I know. And I fished it out, so I can put it on my voodoo doll. 181 00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:31,326 [GROANS] 182 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,828 It's not in there. I have to run away. 183 00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:35,205 That's it. 184 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:37,958 Garry, goodbye. We're disappearing forever. 185 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:41,670 You're a nice man and I'm sorry for everything I did to you. 186 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,338 Goodbye. Babe, no. Listen. 187 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,382 We could easily go that route. 188 00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:47,092 Initiate Ghost Protocol. 189 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:49,236 We switch faces, we burn our fingertips off with acid, 190 00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:52,681 we live in the tunnels beneath the Kremlin. We could do that easily. 191 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:55,058 But this is not that big of a deal. 192 00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:58,228 Just be honest. Tell him you lost his key. Come on. 193 00:07:58,395 --> 00:08:00,522 Garry, I take everything back. I hate you. 194 00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:02,857 [CHUCKLES] 195 00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,901 I can't believe after all these years... 196 00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:09,197 Jeez. 197 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:12,158 I had it in a safe place, and then I moved it 198 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:15,245 to protect it, and I don't remember where. 199 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,329 I see. 200 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,789 ANDY: Don't be mad, Ron. 201 00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:20,083 She hid it too good, 202 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,293 and she left a string of clues. 203 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,212 It's an impossible puzzle. 204 00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:26,506 And I love puzzles. 205 00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:27,882 A minimal, unhelpful note... 206 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,509 These appear to be human teeth. 207 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:31,970 And what is this? Twilight: New Moon? 208 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,556 It's a movie, but I've never seen it. 209 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:37,600 It's, like, about lame werewolves and vampires and stuff. 210 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,436 Donna likes those things. 211 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,730 Dollars to donuts this points us her way. 212 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:44,899 Finally, a scavenger hunt worthy of my time. 213 00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:46,026 Onward! 214 00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:50,405 Okay, snacks given, kids tucked in, books read, 215 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,699 three simultaneous meltdowns for no reason, 216 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:57,287 kids tucked back in, one of them briefly got outside somehow, 217 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,414 kids back in bed, they're all napping. Good. 218 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:02,125 I got everything you need for pie domination. 219 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,252 I even got an extra whipped cream can, 220 00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:07,505 one for baking, one for directly into mouth. 221 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:09,257 [SIGHS] You know me so well. 222 00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,176 [DOORBELL RINGS] 223 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,219 That might be one of the kids. 224 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,387 Hi, Leslie. 225 00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:17,390 Elise Yarktin, from the Indiana Organization of Women. 226 00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,600 Oh, my goodness, Elise. 227 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,310 Please, come in. [GASPS] 228 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,187 Wait. Are you here to give me 229 00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:23,438 the Woman of the Year award? 230 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,857 I have a speech prepared. Would you like to see it? 231 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,233 Right now? No. 232 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,902 Leslie, we were thrilled to find out 233 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:31,029 you were boycotting that ridiculous Pie Mary. 234 00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,782 But we just got word you've decided to enter? 235 00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,950 Yeah, well, I agree that it's dumb. 236 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,119 But this is not about me, it's about Ben, 237 00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,789 and he will do more for women than Hartwell. 238 00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,540 So, you know, lose a battle, win the war. 239 00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,209 That kind of thing. It's the way to go. 240 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,920 So, the way to go is to set women back decades. 241 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,839 Look. The Pie Mary is retrogressive and misogynistic, 242 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,050 and if you participate, we will have no choice 243 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,385 but to protest you and Ben at the event. 244 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,346 Hope you like pies... 245 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,764 In your face. 246 00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,433 Metaphorically. We'll be civil. 247 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,727 Elise. There is no bigger defender 248 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,521 of gender equality than Leslie Knope. 249 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:08,942 And my husband, Ben, is a progressive champion of women's rights. 250 00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,443 BEN: Babe, the oven's ready. 251 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,320 Chop-chop, time to get bakin'. 252 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,114 Daddy want pie. 253 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,074 Hi, Ben Wyatt. 254 00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,871 We have a wonderfully small number of clues. 255 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,248 One is this ticket. 256 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:26,167 Did you see this movie about vampires and such? 257 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,795 New Moon? Yeah, I saw it with April. 258 00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:30,880 She was so hopped up on painkillers 259 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,149 from getting her wisdom teeth out, 260 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:33,716 I convinced her to see it with me. 261 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,677 The teeth. They're yours. 262 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,262 You were super out of it. 263 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,097 You kept yelling "Team Voldemort!" 264 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:40,765 At the screen and we were kicked out. 265 00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,183 I was furious. 266 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,770 You only get to see the second Twilight film for the seventh time once. 267 00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:48,106 Do you remember anything about a key? 268 00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,900 Or April doing anything unusual that day? 269 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:54,154 She did make us stop by the shoeshine stand before we left 270 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,698 because she wanted to drop something off for Andy. 271 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,366 She had a real bad crush on him. 272 00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,450 Oh! [CHUCKLING] 273 00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:02,287 Babe. You had a crush on me. 274 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,663 That's embarrassing. 275 00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,748 We're married. Still. 276 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,458 To the shoeshine stand! 277 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:10,128 ANDY: Ooh! Chase me. APRIL: Stop. 278 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,317 Garry? What the hell are you doing? 279 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:16,384 Oh, gosh. 280 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:19,345 Well, I dropped my wedding ring down this grate, 281 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:20,930 and then I was trying to get it out 282 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,141 and I dropped my keys down there too, 283 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:24,475 so I can't leave. 284 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:27,228 But you know what? The light from the phone. I can see it. 285 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,022 I just... 286 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,398 Oh! 287 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,400 Dang it! 288 00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:33,610 My Jitterbug. 289 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,695 Damn, this takes me back. 290 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:36,946 Mind if I stay and watch? 291 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,407 Not at all. I appreciate the company. 292 00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,868 Oh! You know how I can get the ring out? 293 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:46,289 I will use my driver's license and my only credit card like chopsticks. 294 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,373 Garry, don't... 295 00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,334 Mmm. [CHUCKLES] 296 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,543 Nuts. 297 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,129 Never fear. I still have my passport. 298 00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:55,131 Wait, let me see your stamps. 299 00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,471 LESLIE: The IOW does not mess around. 300 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,865 Which normally is why I love them, 301 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,265 but now I'm on the other side. 302 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,393 Oh, my God, Ben, I gave them $100 in their annual pledge. 303 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:10,104 Do you know how many anti-me signs that could buy? 304 00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,774 Or even banners. 305 00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:15,360 You just don't do the pie contest, obviously. 306 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,111 Then we're just back where we started. 307 00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:18,505 Then it just seems like I'm saying 308 00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:20,156 I'm better than the women who bake. 309 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,033 What should we do? Should we get a divorce? 310 00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,910 Well, how about this? 311 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,912 What if I register for the contest? 312 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,915 I bake the pie. I act as my own wife. 313 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,208 Oh, that could work. 314 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,168 We sidestep the controversy, 315 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,544 we refocus the campaign 316 00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:35,213 onto the actual candidate. 317 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:38,049 And then we flip the antiquated tradition right on its head. 318 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,133 Exactly. 319 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,886 But more importantly, we change the idea 320 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:44,264 of what a pie is. 321 00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,724 I feel like that's not more important, 322 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:49,310 but I like the energy that we have, so let's hear it. 323 00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:54,107 Okay, picture this... Crust on the bottom. Filling. Crust on top. 324 00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,358 What am I describing? 325 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:56,943 A pie. No. 326 00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:59,988 But you're in the right "zone." Oh. 327 00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,698 Calzone! Sure! 328 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,325 Pies are just sweet calzones, honey. 329 00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,536 And I'm good at making calzones. 330 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:07,745 You're amazing. 331 00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:08,830 I can win this thing. 332 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,331 Of course you can, baby. 333 00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:11,874 Get in there and start baking. 334 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:17,130 [SINGING] Talking 'bout the highway to the calzone zone 335 00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:21,092 I'm having some serious déjà vu. 336 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:24,262 How many times have you lost your wedding ring? 337 00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:26,723 Too many times to count. 338 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,725 And it causes real trouble with Gayle. 339 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,143 And any time I lose my ring, 340 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,978 she turns into a real grumpy goose. 341 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:33,813 Is that so? Oh, yeah. 342 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,666 She'll say, you know, "Garry, you'd lose your head" 343 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,442 "if it wasn't screwed on tight." 344 00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:41,195 And then she makes me go for the fresh oranges for the morning OJ. 345 00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:44,073 And she says, "Hey, Mr. Forgetful." 346 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,909 I mean, those words... 347 00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,661 They rattle around here for hours. 348 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:50,222 That's why I've gotta be extra careful 349 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,622 with this replacement ring, 350 00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:53,875 because if I lost... 351 00:13:58,212 --> 00:14:00,506 I'm gonna order us some dinner. [PHONE BEEPS] 352 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,384 [GASPS] 353 00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,303 The shoeshine stand is gone. 354 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:08,014 Or maybe it was never here. 355 00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,016 RON: They must have moved it during the remodel. 356 00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,060 It's probably in basement storage. 357 00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,728 To the basement! 358 00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:18,900 HARRIS: Tighter. You sure, dude? 359 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,818 Yeah, dude. Tighter. I can do it. 360 00:14:20,902 --> 00:14:22,111 Do what, exactly? 361 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,780 Nothing. We're not doing anything. 362 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,032 And we definitely do not live down here now. 363 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,534 Guys, where's the old shoeshine stand from upstairs? 364 00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:29,994 We don't know anything about that. 365 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,079 RON: Boys, think. 366 00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:34,457 We are on a quest and we are not leaving until we get an answer. 367 00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,376 Well, we're on our own quest, 368 00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,419 which is to squeeze this just tight enough 369 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:40,463 to make my eyes bulge out a little bit, 370 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,048 but not so tight that I die. 371 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,717 I've been there. That's a real tightrope walk. 372 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:45,927 Oh! 373 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,679 Hey! Last week this real scary ghost 374 00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:50,431 came down here looking for it. 375 00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:53,476 It had black hair, but you could see through his skin. 376 00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:56,145 And it wouldn't talk to me. It would only talk to Harris. 377 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:59,565 No, dude. That was just that bonk's dream that I had. 378 00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,359 How are we gonna have the same dream, dude? 379 00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:05,363 'Cause we're best friends. I love you, dawg. Man, I love you! 380 00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:07,573 [SINGING] We're dreaming together 381 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:10,993 We're sleeping together But not like that 382 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,080 Can you tell us anything else about this ghost? 383 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,541 It didn't like me, but that's just 'cause 384 00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,418 I got a soul of a Ghostbuster. 385 00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,294 Yeah, it said something about how 386 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:22,130 it was worried Brett was gonna mug it. 387 00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:25,466 Okay. So we're looking for a racist ghost 388 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,635 with black hair who likes shoeshines. 389 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,137 I think I have the answer. 390 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:30,930 The chase continues! 391 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,432 [BOTH LAUGHING] 392 00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,642 Okay, wait. At the time that you told us 393 00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:35,786 you were mugged in the park, 394 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,437 what were you reaching for in the river? 395 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,397 A burrito. [CHUCKLING] That's right. 396 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,400 You fell in the river reaching for a burrito. 397 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,610 Yes, ma'am. That was not one of my finer moments. 398 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:45,778 [LAUGHS] 399 00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:47,822 Ooh. It's getting late. We need to bounce. 400 00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,625 I can give you a ride. Oh, thank you, Donna. 401 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,033 Probably gonna get an earful 402 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,702 when I get home tonight. 403 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,245 Gayle might even call me the B-word. 404 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:56,873 "Bozo." 405 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,040 Wow. 406 00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,334 We are very different people. 407 00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:04,088 This is my pecan pie recipe. 408 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:05,840 Straight from my Mema's kitchen. 409 00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:08,050 Mema was no Leslie Knope. 410 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:12,221 She didn't have a PhD, but she sure knew a lot about P-I-E. 411 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,431 [CHUCKLES] 412 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,141 Did you hear back from Elise? 413 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,309 Oh, yeah. We're good. 414 00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:18,102 The IOW is not gonna protest us. 415 00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:19,770 How's your pie? 416 00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:22,106 I don't know. I didn't make a pie. 417 00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:24,734 [CHUCKLES] Okay. How is your dessert calzone? 418 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,110 It's ready. 419 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,446 The question is, are they? 420 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,656 All right, our next contestant [APPLAUSE] 421 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:33,367 Is candidate Ben Wyatt's wife, Leslie. 422 00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:34,744 Let's see what Mrs. Wyatt 423 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,287 has baked up for us, shall we? 424 00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:38,206 It's actually Ms. Knope. 425 00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:40,541 And actually, right now it's Mr. Wyatt. 426 00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,043 Leslie has her own busy life 427 00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,295 and I happen to be an excellent pie maker, 428 00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,547 so we figured we'd switch it up a bit. 429 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,466 Now, pack your suitcases, 430 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:51,969 because we're going to a little town 431 00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:53,930 [MIMICKING ITALIAN ACCENT] called Napoli... 432 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,389 In Italy. [CROWD CHANTING] 433 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:58,559 [ALL] Free Ben Wyatt! Free Ben Wyatt! Free Ben Wyatt! 434 00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:00,645 Excuse me, free me from what? 435 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,939 From the tyranny of women. 436 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,190 We are the Male Men. 437 00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:05,942 We are a men's rights activist group, 438 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,610 and we are fed up. 439 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,320 I'm sorry. What's happening now? 440 00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:11,572 Behind every successful woman 441 00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:14,784 is a man she has oppressed. 442 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,787 First Leslie Knope poaches her husband's campaign 443 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,497 by making it all about her. 444 00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:21,707 Now she's forcing him to bake pies 445 00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,292 and enter a contest for her? 446 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:25,795 Excuse me! I'm not forcing him to do anything! 447 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,171 He loves to cook. 448 00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:30,049 Yeah. He has five personalized aprons. 449 00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,051 Oh. So I guess he was asking for it 450 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,719 because of the way he was dressed? 451 00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:36,180 We are sick and tired 452 00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,641 of this feminized society. 453 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,561 Men have had a very rough go of it, for... 454 00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:42,937 Just recently. 455 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,855 And it ends now. 456 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,400 Male and proud! 457 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:50,486 [CHANTING] Male and proud! Male and proud! 458 00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,824 We can all agree that no one likes Leslie Knope. 459 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,660 But the question is, "Why?" 460 00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,245 Marcia Langman. 461 00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:01,956 Leslie Knope exemplifies 462 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,208 the feminist attack on our values. 463 00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:05,668 She could learn a little something 464 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,461 about traditional family structure 465 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,380 from me and my husband, Marshall. 466 00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:11,382 Um. Fierce alert. Eat 'em up, honey. 467 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:15,511 The idea that feminism is an attack on family values is absurd. 468 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,847 Ooh. So you're defending Leslie Knope? 469 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,599 No. Absolutely not. 470 00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:21,034 Frankly, I don't think she's done enough 471 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,894 to distance herself from this misogynistic lunacy. 472 00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:26,480 Let's turn now to Sasha Dunkirk. 473 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,859 She is head of the group Women Against Feminism. 474 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,194 What a surprise. 475 00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:35,364 The woman is only talking to other women. 476 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,074 Can we have one conversation 477 00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:40,077 about feminism where men get to be in charge? 478 00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,038 I actually agree with him. 479 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,664 I don't need your pity. 480 00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:46,751 Joan, Leslie Knope and I are united 481 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,919 Oh. In our disgust of this week's events. 482 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,047 Leslie, if you're watching, 483 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,715 I, Brandi Maxxxx, 484 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:56,844 star of 69 Jump Street and Fifty Shaved Old Gays, 485 00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:57,970 have your back. 486 00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:01,307 Oof. You really stepped in it this time, Knope. 487 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,226 Told ya. Being a candidate's wife is a tough gig. 488 00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,645 This is crazy. 489 00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:08,856 Why isn't the other candidate's wife being scrutinized like this? 490 00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:12,485 Because June Hartwell is a lukewarm bowl of nothing. 491 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,987 She started an awareness campaign called "Bring a Sweater." 492 00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,781 She calls it "goose bump prevention." 493 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,300 Okay, you know what? We can fix this. 494 00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:21,202 Ben and I will just schedule some appearances together, 495 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,662 and we'll create a new group. 496 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:25,498 Feminists and pie makers united for equality 497 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:29,627 despite our philosophies on equal rights and crust flakiness. 498 00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:33,297 Okay, you could do that, and this could drag on for another three weeks. 499 00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:34,944 Come on, you guys, you know the drill. 500 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,592 Just ignore the fact that you're right, 501 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,094 put on your blandest outfit... 502 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,555 So that one, hopefully, and then just go out there 503 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,224 and publicly apologize. Done. 504 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,226 What? Apologize for what? 505 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,561 Doesn't matter. Just say you're sorry. 506 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,206 It's like taking a shot of tequila. 507 00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:50,815 You just gotta force it down, 508 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,150 suddenly the world feels so much more pleasant. 509 00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:55,611 I do three shots every time I have to enter this house. 510 00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:57,988 [SIGHS] 511 00:19:58,072 --> 00:19:59,240 [DOORBELL RINGS] 512 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,325 Donna. What are you doing here so early? 513 00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:02,910 I come bearing gifts. 514 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,495 First off, I got a dude in maintenance 515 00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:05,996 to open up that grate this morning. 516 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:10,209 So here's your rings, keys, credit cards, 517 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:11,937 and I found some heart medicine I assume is yours? 518 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:14,213 Yeah, no. That's mine. That's mine. Oh, my gosh. 519 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:15,881 Also, I thought I'd bring over 520 00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:17,675 some fresh oranges for you and Gayle. 521 00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:21,053 Okay. Well, that is just so kind, Donna. Thank you. 522 00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,180 You're one of a kind, Garry. Oh. 523 00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:25,891 And I just wanna thank you for taking me down memory lane, 524 00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,226 ya big B-word. 525 00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:28,477 [GRUMBLES] 526 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,562 "Buddy." 527 00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:34,024 MILTON: So much has changed around here. 528 00:20:34,108 --> 00:20:35,776 I just wanted to remember 529 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,278 the good old days, 530 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:39,447 when a shoeshine was two bits, 531 00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:43,159 and there were no Mexicans in the music business. 532 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,161 If you don't mind, Councilman Milton, 533 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,246 we just need to search this stand. 534 00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,081 Yes. Found it. 535 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,336 "Hi Andy, I hate people," 536 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,213 "but you are okay. It's weird." 537 00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:57,673 "Woof, woof. April." 538 00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,342 My God, babe, you were so into me. That's hilarious. 539 00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,427 That's it. 540 00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:03,721 It's a dead end. No more clues. 541 00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,141 See me in my office. 542 00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,006 If it makes you feel any better, 543 00:21:10,561 --> 00:21:12,146 I had a big crush on you too. 544 00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,441 That does make me feel a little better. Thanks. 545 00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:18,068 Oh! Thank God. 546 00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:19,904 Get off my boat! 547 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,199 And so, I'm genuinely sorry if I offended anyone, 548 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:26,494 and here's to my three favorite things, Pawnee, America, and pies. 549 00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:30,414 [GROANS] That is bland. You know, you really don't have to do this. 550 00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:33,667 Babe, I want to. Let me just put it all to rest, and then, we can move on. 551 00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:35,836 [APPLAUSE] Good afternoon. 552 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,047 I'm here today to share with you all 553 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:41,550 my vision for the economic future of Southern Indiana. 554 00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:44,220 But first, Leslie Knope, my wife, 555 00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:46,597 has a brief statement. 556 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,974 Hello, everyone. Thank you. Wow. 557 00:21:49,058 --> 00:21:51,185 How about this weather we're having? 558 00:21:51,268 --> 00:21:52,436 Very temperate. 559 00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:55,356 LESLIE: Okay. Recently, I made an attempt to... 560 00:21:55,439 --> 00:21:56,982 Actually, hang on. Stop. 561 00:21:57,525 --> 00:22:01,028 I'm sorry, this whole thing just makes me queasy. 562 00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:04,824 I love how independent my wife is, 563 00:22:04,907 --> 00:22:07,827 and because of that, I will not let her speak. 564 00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:09,495 That came out wrong. 565 00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:13,249 The point is, Leslie is a great mother, 566 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,960 public servant, all-around person, 567 00:22:16,043 --> 00:22:19,255 and I am tired of everybody constantly telling her 568 00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:21,549 that she's making the wrong choice. 569 00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:24,677 So you can say whatever you want, 570 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,263 I couldn't care less about the political consequences. 571 00:22:28,639 --> 00:22:29,723 Thank you, Ben. 572 00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:32,810 Well. The first thing I'm gonna do is say sorry. 573 00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:36,814 I'm sorry that the spotlight is on me and not on Ben, 574 00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:39,817 because he is going to make a great congressman. 575 00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:42,778 Second, the Male Men... Where are you? Ah. 576 00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:44,864 You're ridiculous, and men's rights is nothing. 577 00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:47,408 Third, I'm now gonna give you permanent answers 578 00:22:47,491 --> 00:22:49,845 to all the silly questions that you're gonna end up asking me, 579 00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:52,264 and every other woman in this election, over the next few months. 580 00:22:52,288 --> 00:22:54,039 "Why did I change my hairstyle?" 581 00:22:54,123 --> 00:22:56,101 Oh, I don't know. I just thought it would look better. 582 00:22:56,125 --> 00:22:58,127 Or my kids got gum in it. 583 00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:00,004 "Are you trying to have it all?" 584 00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:01,380 That question makes no sense. 585 00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:03,543 It's a stupid question. Stop asking it. Don't ask it. 586 00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:05,351 "Do you miss your kids while you're at work?" 587 00:23:05,426 --> 00:23:07,261 Yes, of course I do. 588 00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:09,013 Everybody does. 589 00:23:09,096 --> 00:23:10,973 And then, you know, sometimes I don't. 590 00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:13,475 Yeah. And by the way, no one's ever asked me that question. 591 00:23:13,559 --> 00:23:15,311 No one asks me, "Where are your kids?" 592 00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:16,812 Or, "Who's taking care of them?" 593 00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:18,748 By the way, who is taking care of the kids right now? 594 00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:20,399 My mom, babe. Everything's fine. Right. 595 00:23:20,482 --> 00:23:25,070 So, Leslie is really smart, which is great, 596 00:23:25,154 --> 00:23:28,324 because if you're like me, you get twice as many good ideas. 597 00:23:28,449 --> 00:23:30,451 And, maybe she doesn't fit your personal idea 598 00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:33,078 of what a candidate's wife should be. 599 00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:34,872 So what? That's good, 600 00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:37,124 because there shouldn't be just one idea anyway. 601 00:23:37,207 --> 00:23:39,247 That's right. If you wanna bake a pie, that's great. 602 00:23:39,293 --> 00:23:41,211 If you wanna have a career, that's great, too. 603 00:23:41,295 --> 00:23:43,339 Do both, or neither, it doesn't matter. 604 00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:46,467 Just don't judge what someone else has decided to do. 605 00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:48,969 We're all just trying to find the right path for us. 606 00:23:49,053 --> 00:23:50,304 As individuals. 607 00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:52,431 On this Earth. 608 00:23:53,641 --> 00:23:54,725 [SIGHS] 609 00:23:54,808 --> 00:23:56,602 [BOOING] [CHEERING] 610 00:23:58,354 --> 00:24:00,189 I'd say that's fifty-fifty boos and cheers. 611 00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:01,333 Yeah. That seems about right. 612 00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:04,443 Let Ben speak! Let Ben speak! 613 00:24:04,526 --> 00:24:05,736 He just spoke. 614 00:24:05,819 --> 00:24:08,697 Oh. Sorry. I just got here. I had a broken bike chain. 615 00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:09,990 My bad. 616 00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:15,579 So I guess we are celebrating that 617 00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:17,957 you trusted me and I let you down. 618 00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:19,291 Great. 619 00:24:19,375 --> 00:24:22,503 I change my house locks every 16 days. 620 00:24:22,586 --> 00:24:24,129 That key has been useless 621 00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:27,591 since the second Tuesday after I gave it to you. 622 00:24:27,675 --> 00:24:29,927 What matters is that I trust you 623 00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:32,096 and admire you as a person. 624 00:24:33,013 --> 00:24:35,808 I will be sorry to see you leave this town. 625 00:24:35,891 --> 00:24:37,017 For many reasons. 626 00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:40,229 Not the least of which is that you created 627 00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,773 a puzzle that even I couldn't solve. 628 00:24:43,899 --> 00:24:47,861 And boy, oh, boy, did you love Andy. 629 00:24:47,945 --> 00:24:49,571 [CHUCKLING] 630 00:24:49,905 --> 00:24:51,532 "Woof, woof." [CHUCKLES] 631 00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:54,284 It really is embarrassing. 632 00:24:54,368 --> 00:24:56,286 Oh, my God. I totally know where the key is. 633 00:25:00,082 --> 00:25:01,834 [LAUGHING] 634 00:25:04,003 --> 00:25:05,212 How'd you remember? 635 00:25:06,296 --> 00:25:07,715 "Woof, woof." 636 00:25:08,590 --> 00:25:09,758 Bark. 637 00:25:10,718 --> 00:25:11,969 Why here? 638 00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:16,140 Because this tree reminds me of you. 639 00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:18,017 It's strong. And quiet. 640 00:25:19,268 --> 00:25:21,687 And always here when you need it. 641 00:25:23,439 --> 00:25:24,857 Or whatever. 642 00:25:25,566 --> 00:25:27,943 RON: I have always felt a certain kinship with April, 643 00:25:28,027 --> 00:25:30,446 and this is proof that I was correct. 644 00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:32,823 Not the nice things she said about me, 645 00:25:32,906 --> 00:25:35,117 the fact that I buried a large amount of gold 646 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,369 under that same tree years ago. 647 00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:40,748 I have since moved it. 648 00:25:41,665 --> 00:25:43,000 Or have I? 649 00:25:43,709 --> 00:25:45,461 Or was I lying the whole time? 650 00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:48,881 Or was I lying about lying? 651 00:25:49,298 --> 00:25:53,969 Or was there never any gold to begin with? Or... 652 00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:55,763 [KNOCKING] 653 00:25:55,846 --> 00:25:56,972 Elise? [SIGHS] 654 00:25:57,347 --> 00:25:58,640 What did I do wrong now? 655 00:25:58,724 --> 00:26:01,143 No. Actually, we at the IOW 656 00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:03,020 loved what you said in your speech. 657 00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:04,855 Really? But... 658 00:26:04,938 --> 00:26:07,691 What we loved even more was how you, Ben, 659 00:26:07,775 --> 00:26:11,070 gave Leslie a platform in which to speak her mind. 660 00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:14,323 Congratulations, Ben Wyatt, 661 00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:17,826 you are this year's IOW Woman of the Year. 662 00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:19,453 Son of a bitch.