1
00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,492
(WIND WHISTLING)
2
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,254
(DONKEY BRAYING)
3
00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,841
WATSON: The legend of Sherlock Holmes
4
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:35,594
begins on his first day of school.
5
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:39,848
To us, he is the greatest detective
of all time,
6
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:43,102
but back then, he was just...
7
00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:46,355
Well, the new kid.
8
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:49,691
But, Mother, I don't need school.
I've got books.
9
00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:53,403
(SIGHS) Sherlock.
You need to be with other kids.
10
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:56,740
Have friends, play games, kiss a girl.
11
00:01:57,492 --> 00:02:01,703
Open your heart, Sherlock,
and the world will open itself to you.
12
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:03,997
All right, Mother.
13
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,666
Everything will be fine.
14
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:10,963
WATSON: But things were not going
to be fine. Not fine at all.
15
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:13,465
Mother, as usual, was mistaken.
16
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:14,633
We can do this.
17
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,886
Look, the new kid.
18
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,389
- He looks poor!
- Hello.
19
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,766
My name is Sherlock Holmes,
and I'm looking forward
20
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:23,976
to being friends
with each and every one...
21
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,477
- Get him!
- What?
22
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:26,562
(CHILDREN YELLING)
23
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,647
WATSON: School was not easy
for Sherlock.
24
00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:30,482
He was picked on constantly.
25
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,025
- They were relentless.
- GIRL: He's weird!
26
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:35,028
What kind of stupid dog is this?
27
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:36,488
No!
28
00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:44,079
WATSON: As time passed,
young Sherlock remained alone,
29
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,998
keeping mostly to himself.
30
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:51,336
His spirits had dampened,
but his heart was still alive.
31
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:55,716
YOUNG HOLMES:
A beautiful girl has captured my heart.
32
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,051
Her name is Bridgette.
33
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:02,014
I am overcome
with such true feelings and emotions.
34
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,932
- She is the moon... (GASPS)
- BOY: Hey, Sherlock.
35
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:07,895
Look, Sherlock, we feel bad.
We've been awfully naughty with you.
36
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:10,689
GIRL: Would you like to kiss
Bridgette over there?
37
00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,149
She wants to kiss you.
38
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,361
- How about it, Sherlock?
- She wants to kiss me?
39
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,155
She told me this morning.
40
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,199
I should like that an awful lot.
41
00:03:20,783 --> 00:03:22,492
Put this on, then.
42
00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,077
A blindfold?
43
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:25,996
This is how everyone kisses.
44
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:29,374
Uh, is it? Are you sure
she wants to kiss me?
45
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:30,959
- BOY: 'Course she does.
- (CHILDREN LAUGHING)
46
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,462
GIRL: She's really shy.
47
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:39,259
Oh, Sherlock, how I've dreamed
of this moment.
48
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,720
Now lean in for your kiss.
49
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,057
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
50
00:03:49,145 --> 00:03:51,063
- (KISSES)
- (CHILDREN LAUGHING)
51
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:52,689
(BRAYING)
52
00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:58,111
- (GASPS)
- BOY 1: He kissed a donkey's ass!
53
00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,446
BOY 2: Look at his face!
54
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,950
BOY 3: Oh, he's gonna cry, isn't he?
BOY 4: He likes you!
55
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,826
Here comes the waterworks!
56
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:07,454
CHILDREN: (CHANTING) Cry! Cry! Cry!
57
00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:10,207
Cry! Cry! Cry!
58
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,292
- WATSON: His heart had betrayed him.
- (LAUGHTER)
59
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,337
And so, from that day forward,
60
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:18,090
he vowed he would lock away
all feelings.
61
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:19,716
(SNIFFLES, GRUNTS)
62
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:22,344
He would become a thinking machine,
63
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:24,930
an unfeeling automaton.
64
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:28,600
What's he doing?
65
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:31,436
He's un-crying?
66
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,275
WATSON:
Without the confusion of feelings,
67
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,735
without emotions to distract him,
68
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:42,239
- he could devote his entire brain...
- (KIDS GASP)
69
00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:45,534
...to solving crimes,
his greatest passion.
70
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:50,038
The ink on your right hand,
that's the headmaster's brand of ink,
71
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:53,166
which means you went into his desk
for the answers on his test.
72
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,584
Expelled!
73
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:58,672
And, Thulby, the dirt on your boots
is freshly dried clay,
74
00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:02,009
- which means you snuck off the grounds.
- Oh, shite.
75
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:03,218
- Expelled!
- (GAVEL BANGS)
76
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,511
And I smell alcohol
77
00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:05,804
- on your breath, Jane.
- (GAVEL BANGS)
78
00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:08,098
And, Seamus, you've got
a bruise on your neck
79
00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:10,642
that fits the radius of a girl's mouth.
80
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:11,727
- But I'm in love.
- (GAVEL BANGS)
81
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,687
And those are tobacco stains
on your fingers, Nancy.
82
00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:14,771
- HEADMASTER: Expelled!
- (GAVEL BANGS)
83
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,440
And I shall have you all expelled!
84
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,525
Expelled, expelled, expelled!
85
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:26,908
- The big kids can be jerks here.
- Hmm.
86
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:31,330
Judging by your smell
of vinegar and sawdust,
87
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:32,914
you are the janitor's son.
88
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,875
But someday,
you're going to be a doctor.
89
00:05:34,959 --> 00:05:35,959
Really?
90
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:39,087
It's elementary, my dear...
What's your name?
91
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,715
- John Watson.
- Sherlock Holmes.
92
00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:44,551
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go learn.
93
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:48,805
The circumference of a cone
is a direct ratio of the circular...
94
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:52,976
WATSON: And so every professor at
the school dedicated themselves solely
95
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:56,104
to teaching the young Sherlock Holmes.
96
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,607
...Martin Luther's Reformation
was actually the first...
97
00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,108
WATSON: His mind was transformed
98
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:05,072
from an unrefined hunk of gold
to a razor-sharp diamond.
99
00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:06,573
(SPEAKING MANDARIN)
100
00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:07,699
Square root of pi.
101
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:09,534
1492.
102
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:10,744
From the novel...
103
00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:13,955
Magnesium sulfate. Plato.
104
00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:18,710
- The fulcrum is insufficient.
- Good answer.
105
00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:21,588
- Questions?
- Next lesson.
106
00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:23,965
* *
107
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,175
(SINGING) All aboard!
108
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,221
Hip-hop's dead, that's what
they said on the news
109
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,515
Nah, it's still alive,
but it's getting confused
110
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:34,142
So there's no time to waste,
not a second to lose
111
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,728
'Cause the clocks don't stop
when you set 'em to snooze
112
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,480
And it just don't stop
113
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:41,066
- 'Cause the time rolls
- On and on and on
114
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:43,693
- To the next stop
- And it just won't stop
115
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,071
- Because life goes
- On and on and on
116
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,906
- To the next stop
- What, that's how it goes
117
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,450
When you hop on the line,
you'll find anything you like
118
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,911
But you can't buy time
and there ain't no pause
119
00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,037
No press rewind
120
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,997
So you don't want
to get left behind
121
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,918
BOY: Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
122
00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:02,170
Moriarty's crime spree over!
123
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:05,924
Professor James Moriarty
faces justice today!
124
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,510
The Napoleon of crime on trial!
125
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:10,762
Greatest criminal in the empire!
126
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:11,847
That's fake news.
127
00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:15,600
Stop this trial at once!
128
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:21,189
I, Sherlock Holmes, have solved the case
of Professor James Moriarty.
129
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,859
Wonderful. Wonderful, Holmes.
130
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,736
A dramatic entrance worthy
of your greatest achievement.
131
00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:32,075
Watson, did you notice my emphasis
on "Professor James Moriarty"?
132
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,535
Yes, with the finger, yes.
133
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,162
- Much better than the hand.
- Yes.
134
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:38,248
Instead of the karate chop,
I went to the index finger.
135
00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:39,666
Yes, it's the best one yet.
136
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:42,794
This is the moment
everyone's been waiting for. Right here.
137
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,964
Yes, and they're literally
waiting for it now.
138
00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:47,883
- Oh, yes.
- You must get dressed.
139
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:48,967
- Yes?
- Very well.
140
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:50,802
There we are. There are your things.
141
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:52,846
- Remember, trial of the century.
- Yes.
142
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:56,892
We have but... Oh, let's see now.
Just 16 minutes left, Holmes.
143
00:07:56,976 --> 00:08:00,061
- (GAVEL BANGS)
- JUDGE: Professor James Moriarty.
144
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,814
You have been the organizer
of half that is evil
145
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:06,151
and all that goes undetected
in this great city.
146
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:11,364
Today, you are charged
with murder in the first degree,
147
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:14,910
but all the witnesses have died.
148
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:19,789
Without said witnesses,
I have no choice but to set you free.
149
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,500
(GALLERY MURMURING)
150
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,253
Inspector Lestrade,
151
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,423
you simply must take
better care of your witnesses.
152
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,510
(GALLERY JEERING)
153
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,220
Mark my words,
154
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:35,764
Sherlock Holmes is on his way
and, with him,
155
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:38,850
the evidence that will damn you
to the noose.
156
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:42,771
Then we should all pray he arrives soon,
for, on the strike of noon,
157
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:45,190
I shall have to release this menace.
158
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:46,525
Sherlock will be here.
159
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:50,195
He is about to burst
through those doors right now.
160
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,328
- Nearly there?
- HOLMES: Nearly there.
161
00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:02,249
A sniff of morning cocaine
always helps the brain. Ah!
162
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:05,502
Come now, Sherlock.
We mustn't let that trial conclude.
163
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:09,005
For this occasion,
I have selected a new hat.
164
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,717
From now on, when people utter
the name "Sherlock Holmes,"
165
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,804
they will picture this.
166
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,809
Brilliant. Can we go?
167
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:23,270
Your furrowed brow
betrays your lying lips.
168
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:24,563
Oh, no.
169
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:25,897
Not to worry.
170
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,148
Ta-da!
171
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:29,276
- Hey, there, cowboy.
- (LAUGHS)
172
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,194
- That's the one. That's the one.
- Bang, bang.
173
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,779
We should leave, yes?
174
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:34,573
- Oh!
- Aye, aye.
175
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,324
I say, I like that one very much.
176
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,702
You don't want to be late, Mr. Holmes.
177
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:41,997
(GASPS) Mrs. Hudson,
what do you think of this one?
178
00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:46,167
Me? I'm just a housekeeper
from the Glasgow slums.
179
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,879
The likes of me telling the likes of you
what to put on his noggin?
180
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:51,548
Good point.
181
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:53,717
Back to your monkey work, Hudson.
182
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,761
(WATSON CLEARS THROAT)
183
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,264
WATSON: Perfect, right?
HOLMES: May I show you a few more hats?
184
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,474
- WATSON: No!
- Someone's left a wee box.
185
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:02,684
What are you going on about?
186
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:07,022
I never even heard anyone knocking.
Did you hear anything?
187
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,398
How very queer.
188
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:14,029
- Queerer and queerer.
- HOLMES: Hmm.
189
00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:15,530
Very odd.
190
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:17,574
(INSECT BUZZING)
191
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:18,742
Watson, no.
192
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,452
Holmes, why are you getting
so exercised?
193
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,704
It's merely an empty box.
194
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:27,250
(GASPS) Watson, this is sent
from Moriarty. He means to kill us.
195
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:28,376
Listen.
196
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,462
(INSECT BUZZING)
197
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:31,755
Shut that window.
198
00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:34,591
If this winged menace escapes,
it may cause a pandemic.
199
00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:35,967
A killer mosquito?
200
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:38,094
The insect is infected
with African plague.
201
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,096
One bite means death.
202
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,807
Now, dance a Dutch jig.
203
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:50,273
You don't have to ask me twice
to do a Dutch jig, but why?
204
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:53,068
Your body heat will attract him
to dine on your flesh.
205
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,152
Brilliant.
206
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:56,863
Hold! Don't move.
207
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,531
- Where is it?
- Right there.
208
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,075
There. Right there on your forehead.
209
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,285
- Kill it, Holmes.
- I'm going to kill it.
210
00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:03,578
(BUZZING)
211
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,246
- There it is.
- Where?
212
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,290
- Hold, hold. No, no.
- Where?
213
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:08,958
(BUZZING)
214
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,461
- (GROANS) No, hold, hold.
- Is it biting?
215
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:12,837
(BOTH GRUNTING)
216
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:14,589
I hear it.
217
00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:18,051
- (GRUNTS)
- (GROANING)
218
00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:19,135
I see it.
219
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,388
(BUZZING)
220
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:22,472
The tip!
221
00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,557
Don't worry, boys. I brought a net.
222
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,434
(GROANS)
223
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,938
(BEES BUZZING)
224
00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:37,404
Upon the lowering of my gavel,
225
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:40,031
the charges shall be dismissed.
226
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,992
- (GALLERY GASPING, MURMURING)
- I shall raise my gavel in the air
227
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:46,454
and then bring it down briskly,
228
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:49,624
making a satisfying bang,
229
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:54,003
at which point the prisoner
shall go free.
230
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,171
(GALLERY GASPS)
231
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:56,840
(BUZZING)
232
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,182
HOLMES: Angle ofapproach.
233
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,226
Compensate for warp in floor.
234
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,895
Count for resistance due to dust motes.
235
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,355
Probable outcome,
236
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,274
- termination of mosquito.
- (MOSQUITO SQUEAKS)
237
00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:16,943
Integrity of bee habitat maintained.
238
00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:19,487
Deadly bee swarm averted.
239
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:22,407
- (GRUNTS)
- (SQUISHES)
240
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:23,575
(BEES BUZZING)
241
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,785
(GASPS) The mosquito's vanquished.
242
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,412
- (SIGHS)
- Well done, Holmes.
243
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:31,249
It's a simple matter of geometry,
entomology and physics.
244
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:33,293
(QUIET CRACKLING)
245
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,171
(GLASS SHATTERING)
246
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:38,506
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, shit.
247
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:43,178
Watson! Stop panicking!
We can disable the queen.
248
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:45,013
It's making them angry, Holmes!
249
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:46,806
Oh, my God. What are they doing?
250
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,391
They're turning this way!
251
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:51,102
Just do anything! Help me!
252
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:54,230
It's working!
253
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:55,899
It's not working!
254
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:57,984
- Get it off!
- It's not working!
255
00:12:58,068 --> 00:12:59,110
(WATSON GRUNTS)
256
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:01,237
Holmes, we retreat.
257
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,782
Run for safety. I'll lead them away.
(GRUNTING)
258
00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:06,159
(SCREAMING, GROANS)
259
00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:07,952
(BEES BUZZING)
260
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,829
(HORSE NEIGHS)
261
00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:11,664
(CLOCK TICKING)
262
00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:21,174
(GALLERY GASPS)
263
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,720
- (GUNSHOT)
- (GALLERY GASPING)
264
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,680
Stop this trial!
265
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:30,141
(GALLERY MURMURING, YELLING)
266
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:40,443
May I present to you
the greatest detective of all time,
267
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:44,280
solver of the unsolvable,
untier of Gordian knots,
268
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:49,494
bester of conundrums,
the great Sherlock Holmes.
269
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:50,912
(GALLERY CHEERING)
270
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:53,873
GALLERY: (CHANTING)
Sherlock! Sherlock! Sherlock!
271
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,751
Sherlock! Sherlock! Sherlock!
272
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,254
Stop this trial at once!
273
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:03,383
(MAN GROANS)
274
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,136
JUDGE: Thank goodness
you've arrived, Mr. Holmes.
275
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:10,640
Now, what startling new evidence
do you have for the court?
276
00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:12,016
I am the evidence.
277
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,393
(GALLERY GASPING, MURMURING)
278
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:18,189
I recall the day vividly.
I arrived at the crime scene alone.
279
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:21,234
Completely and utterly alone.
280
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:22,986
(SIGHS, SCOFFS)
281
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:26,614
I meticulously inspected
every nook and cranny of that study,
282
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:31,786
hunting for clues,
much like a panther stalks its prey.
283
00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:36,416
- (ROARS)
- (ALL GASP)
284
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:42,171
And as I stood there, I began to employ
a groundbreaking new technique.
285
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:43,882
Right there.
286
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:46,634
- Behold! Fingerprints.
- (GALLERY MURMURING)
287
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:50,680
Imagine a print
being taken from a finger.
288
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:52,557
I love it.
289
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,184
How do these prove Moriarty's guilt?
290
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,605
(SHELL CASINGS CLINKING)
291
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,023
Watson.
292
00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:04,027
Moriarty would never leave
a trail of clues,
293
00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:05,820
which begs the question,
294
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,614
why was this crime scene
295
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:11,451
so uncharacteristically
littered with fingerprints?
296
00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:12,827
Good work, Watson.
297
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,495
Thank you. I just thought
of what you might have done.
298
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:19,667
I compared these prints
to those of the man standing before you.
299
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,252
A perfect match.
300
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:24,672
Unequivocal proof that this man
301
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,008
- is innocent.
- LESTRADE: What?
302
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:30,887
But if those are Moriarty's prints,
then Moriarty is the murderer.
303
00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:33,389
This man is not Moriarty.
304
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,224
- (GALLERY GASPING)
- MAN: He sure looks like Moriarty.
305
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:39,145
He's an impostor.
His name is Jacob Musgrave.
306
00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:41,606
A complete look-alike, a doppelgänger.
307
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:45,735
A patsy framed to hang
for Moriarty's crimes,
308
00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:48,613
so that I may abandon my pursuit of him
309
00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:51,407
and he can begin life anew in America.
310
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:55,161
Why would an innocent man agree
to hang for Moriarty's crimes?
311
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:58,414
Elementary. This man is terminally ill.
312
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:01,626
Look at him. His pallid complexion.
313
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,962
The palsy in his left hand.
314
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,797
Wait. I know. He's an onanist.
315
00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:09,008
Yes, of the most enthusiastic kind.
316
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:10,551
MAN: What's an onanist?
317
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,345
WATSON: He... Let's see.
318
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:14,931
He pours his own tea.
319
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:20,728
He likes to create his own sauce.
320
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:24,315
- He is a saucier.
- GALLERY: Huh?
321
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,610
And the name of his restaurant
is Crotch Kitchen.
322
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:31,197
On a daily basis,
he creams his own éclair.
323
00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:35,410
He is Romeo and Juliet.
324
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:36,744
That should do it.
325
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:40,248
- This here.
- MAN: Oh, he's a wanker.
326
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,416
WATSON: Thank you.
327
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,001
Sorry, ladies. (CHUCKLES)
328
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:46,754
This chap here had nothing to lose
by being executed.
329
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,549
He was literally dying by his own hand.
330
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:51,843
It causes death, you see.
331
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:55,304
The infallible Sherlock Holmes
has indeed spoken.
332
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:58,891
In light of his testimony,
I order the release of the suspect.
333
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:03,896
What? This is an outrage!
Do not let this murderer free.
334
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:08,067
Bang, bang, bang! Court is adjourned.
335
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,194
Sherlock Holmes has done it again!
336
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:13,656
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
337
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,408
Why are you cheering?
338
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,618
Sherlock!
339
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:21,164
GALLERY: (CHANTING)
Sherlock! Sherlock! Sherlock!
340
00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:22,665
WATSON: That couldn't have gone better.
341
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,042
HOLMES: It couldn't have.
342
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,501
And I tell you, that case was rather...
343
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:28,379
It took us three years to catch him.
344
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:31,049
If we release him now,
we may never find him again.
345
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,968
Put aside your ego and admit I am right.
346
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,722
I am afraid Moriarty's long gone
to America.
347
00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:41,559
Whatever crimes Moriarty
commits from now on
348
00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:42,977
are on your head.
349
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:47,231
WATSON: I quite like
seeing Lestrade upset.
350
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:48,900
(LAUGHS) Yeah. I do, too.
351
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,943
(HORSE NEIGHS)
352
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:53,696
(VIOLIN PLAYING)
353
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:57,366
WATSON: Professor James Moriarty
fled to the Americas
354
00:17:57,451 --> 00:18:03,122
and would never darken England again.
355
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,248
- (VIOLIN PLAYING OFF-KEY)
- (HOLMES GROANS)
356
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:07,877
(GRUNTING)
357
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:10,755
Holmes.
358
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:12,924
Are you upset?
359
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:15,468
It's just that Moriarty
was the whetstone
360
00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:17,678
upon which I sharpened my mental blade.
361
00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:21,224
With him gone,
not there to challenge me, why go on?
362
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:25,019
Instead, I shall occupy
my great, great mind
363
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,396
with nutritional science.
364
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:28,898
My research suggests
365
00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:31,567
that the sulfurous compounds
of the common onion
366
00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:33,903
can increase your red blood cells.
367
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,613
Vital for human health.
368
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:36,948
(GRUNTING)
369
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,491
- Just bite it like an apple, eh?
- Mmm-hmm.
370
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,827
- (HOLMES EXCLAIMING)
- (GASPING)
371
00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:42,829
(COUGHING, CHOKING)
372
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,956
Definitely takes four or five bites.
373
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,375
(GRUNTING)
374
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,669
Are we meant to eat the whole thing?
375
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:50,962
The whole thing.
376
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:55,091
Let the juice slither
down the back of your throat.
377
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:57,176
(GAGGING)
378
00:18:57,594 --> 00:18:59,554
(COUGHING) Congratulations, Holmes.
379
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,557
You're not only
the smartest man in London,
380
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,684
you shall soon be the healthiest.
381
00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:05,893
Indeed.
382
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:09,939
Now, where's my opium?
383
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,732
- Um...
- (GROANS)
384
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:12,817
Mrs. Hudson!
385
00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,986
- Hudson!
- Hudson!
386
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,070
Help!
387
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,573
Hudson, Watson has stuck
a carrot up my bum!
388
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:19,907
Hudson, help!
389
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,993
- Fire! Fire!
- Call the police!
390
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:23,703
Hudson, your mother has died!
391
00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:25,580
You brain-dead bag of bones!
392
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:28,583
- Hudson!
- Hudson!
393
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:29,709
Hudson!
394
00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:31,002
Hudson, where are you?
395
00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:33,045
- Uh...
- (SCOFFS)
396
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,922
HOLMES: Did you not hear any of that?
397
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,883
- We screamed "fire. "
- Where?
398
00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:38,593
And we were screaming your name.
399
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,178
You were just there in my bedroom?
400
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,304
(ZIPPER CLOSES)
401
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:42,930
Oh.
402
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:45,224
(SCOFFS)
403
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,185
- Shut up.
- Come on.
404
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:51,147
No wonder my room always smells
like fish pie and swamp.
405
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:55,276
(DOOR CLOSES)
406
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:56,694
This came for you.
407
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:57,904
Hmm.
408
00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:01,657
Sealed by hands unused to manual labor.
409
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:02,783
WATSON: Hmm.
410
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,328
Hmm.
411
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:08,456
Saliva from a protein-rich diet
of chicken kidneys.
412
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:11,000
Why, Watson, it's from the Queen.
413
00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:12,501
- (EXCLAIMS)
- Huh.
414
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:14,879
Seems Her Majesty requests my services.
415
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:17,840
A crime that has baffled
even her closest advisors,
416
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:20,760
and only my singular intellect
can solve it.
417
00:20:20,844 --> 00:20:22,136
Well, well, well,
418
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:24,263
look who's back in the game.
419
00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:27,475
HOLMES: Watson, are you all right?
420
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,352
WATSON: I'm just very nervous.
421
00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:31,312
I've not met the Queen before.
422
00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:38,027
- Deep breath.
- Your Majesty,
423
00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:40,154
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson.
424
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,740
(WATSON BREATHING HEAVILY)
425
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:44,742
My God, it's really her.
426
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:51,582
Shh.
427
00:20:54,378 --> 00:20:55,378
Watson.
428
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,421
Say something.
429
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,007
I love you.
430
00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:03,427
I know I am duty-bound to serve you,
431
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:05,012
but let me just say, on a personal note,
432
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,514
- I really like you.
- HOLMES: Stop touching her.
433
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:07,848
Just as a fan.
434
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,767
- (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
- Please, sir.
435
00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:10,935
Don't touch the Queen.
436
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:12,520
Oh!
437
00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:13,771
Quite right. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
438
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,606
Sorry, Your Majesty.
439
00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:17,358
You look a lot smaller in person.
440
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:18,734
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
441
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,237
- Just stop. Just stop.
- Sorry. It's true.
442
00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:22,530
Just stop talking.
443
00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:23,906
- Yes.
- Stop talking.
444
00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:26,284
I'm crazy about your look.
445
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:27,743
What did I say?
446
00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:30,037
- Am I still talking out loud?
- You are. You are.
447
00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:32,456
- It's just the Queen. (EXHALES)
- Yes.
448
00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:33,582
(WATSON SNORTS)
449
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:35,209
- Okay?
- WATSON: Okay.
450
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:36,377
HOLMES: Your Majesty,
451
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:39,755
how may we be of service to the realm?
452
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,757
Mr. Holmes, pray follow us.
453
00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,926
There is danger about.
454
00:21:44,928 --> 00:21:45,970
(EXHALES)
455
00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:47,471
What a looker, right?
456
00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:50,016
- She is stunning in person.
- (EXHALES)
457
00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:53,185
Fear not, Your Majesty,
458
00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:56,147
Sherlock will allow no harm
to come to you, and neither will I.
459
00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:59,442
Five, four, three,
460
00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:01,277
two, one.
461
00:22:01,361 --> 00:22:02,903
- ALL: Surprise!
- (APPLAUSE)
462
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,072
Thank you. Thank you.
463
00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:08,117
Had I been a non-genius
such as yourselves,
464
00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:11,370
there's a 72% chance
I would have been surprised.
465
00:22:11,455 --> 00:22:13,372
- Oh! 72%.
- (APPLAUSE)
466
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:17,209
Happy birthday, Sherlock Holmes.
467
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:20,504
We wish you well and thank you
for your many years...
468
00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:24,091
- Your many years of public service.
- (CORK POPS)
469
00:22:25,719 --> 00:22:27,470
(CHUCKLING)
470
00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:29,180
- So, Holmes.
- Yes.
471
00:22:29,264 --> 00:22:30,264
When did you know?
472
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:31,432
Tuesday.
473
00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:32,850
Really?
474
00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:35,269
You were seven minutes late coming home.
475
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:39,774
(SNIFFING) Stopped at the stationer's,
confirmed by the scent of paper mulch.
476
00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:41,192
(SIGHS) You have the nose
of a bloodhound.
477
00:22:41,276 --> 00:22:43,778
Your mustache betrayed
a dusting of crumbs.
478
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:46,447
Evidence of cake sampling.
479
00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:48,491
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- Guilty.
480
00:22:48,658 --> 00:22:52,036
And you purchased a case
of pre-phylloxera champagne.
481
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:55,915
You lack the self-esteem to buy yourself
such an extravagant bottle.
482
00:22:55,999 --> 00:22:58,042
It's true. (CHUCKLES)
483
00:22:58,126 --> 00:22:59,835
I don't deserve nice things.
484
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:03,839
(SINGERS HARMONIZING)
485
00:23:04,007 --> 00:23:07,843
(SINGING) For he's a jolly good fellow
For he's a jolly good fellow
486
00:23:08,011 --> 00:23:11,555
For he's a jolly good fellow
487
00:23:11,723 --> 00:23:14,266
And so say all of us
488
00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:16,394
- (LAUGHS) Bravo.
- (APPLAUSE)
489
00:23:17,687 --> 00:23:19,063
Thank you.
490
00:23:19,147 --> 00:23:20,689
That was delightful.
491
00:23:21,566 --> 00:23:22,942
Oh, a layer cake.
492
00:23:23,026 --> 00:23:25,069
WATSON: It's shaped
like a magnifying glass.
493
00:23:25,153 --> 00:23:26,153
Yes!
494
00:23:27,030 --> 00:23:29,532
(HOLMES GRUNTING)
495
00:23:29,616 --> 00:23:31,951
The second layer is rather thick.
496
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:33,411
(GRUNTING)
497
00:23:34,121 --> 00:23:36,539
There must be a few nuts in there.
Uh, if I may.
498
00:23:36,623 --> 00:23:38,833
- Would you mind?
- Here. Yes, of course.
499
00:23:39,543 --> 00:23:40,709
- (WATSON GRUNTS)
- (SQUISHING)
500
00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:42,002
Do you see what I'm talking about?
501
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:43,504
- Yes.
- Yes.
502
00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:45,631
Ah. Raspberry jam.
503
00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:47,633
Mmm. My weakness.
504
00:23:47,717 --> 00:23:48,884
I know what I need.
505
00:23:50,011 --> 00:23:51,512
MAN: What the... He's getting an ax!
506
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,097
- Brilliant.
- Charge!
507
00:23:53,181 --> 00:23:54,974
(SHOUTING)
508
00:23:55,058 --> 00:23:56,559
- (CROWD GASPING)
- Oh!
509
00:23:56,643 --> 00:23:59,186
LESTRADE: Stand back.
Back, everyone, I say.
510
00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:01,730
A murder in Buckingham Palace.
511
00:24:01,815 --> 00:24:03,315
Look, a note. There.
512
00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:06,444
Right under your nose.
513
00:24:12,576 --> 00:24:14,577
"A birthday present for you, Sherlock.
514
00:24:14,744 --> 00:24:16,996
"A crime to challenge your wits.
515
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:18,956
"Stop me in four days' time,
516
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,750
"or I will destroy London's
greatest marvel and kill the Queen,
517
00:24:21,835 --> 00:24:24,253
"and I will rewrite history. "
518
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:26,881
Signed "Professor James Moriarty. "
519
00:24:27,007 --> 00:24:28,048
HOLMES: Hmm.
520
00:24:28,550 --> 00:24:30,217
This is Jimmy Gruber,
521
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:31,844
the witness who disappeared,
522
00:24:31,928 --> 00:24:34,430
whose testimony prompted
Moriarty's arrest
523
00:24:34,514 --> 00:24:37,057
and whom Moriarty swore to kill.
524
00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:38,517
And your conclusion?
525
00:24:41,229 --> 00:24:45,149
That Moriarty has killed again,
as I predicted.
526
00:24:45,442 --> 00:24:47,735
Ah. The most obvious conclusion.
527
00:24:47,819 --> 00:24:49,320
(HOLMES AND WATSON SCOFFING)
528
00:24:49,404 --> 00:24:51,155
No, this is definitely the work
529
00:24:51,239 --> 00:24:53,949
of someone who is going
to extraordinary lengths
530
00:24:54,034 --> 00:24:56,827
to make it appear
as if Moriarty committed these crimes.
531
00:24:56,912 --> 00:24:58,871
- Sherlock Holmes.
- HOLMES: The Queen.
532
00:25:00,624 --> 00:25:04,043
We charge you with the task
of stopping this criminal
533
00:25:04,127 --> 00:25:05,544
before he can do us harm.
534
00:25:06,213 --> 00:25:09,757
Solve this case on behalf
of your queen and country.
535
00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:10,966
- I will.
- We will.
536
00:25:11,051 --> 00:25:12,051
But, Your Majesty...
537
00:25:12,135 --> 00:25:14,970
Sherlock Holmes has never failed us.
538
00:25:15,138 --> 00:25:17,139
The bold ingenuity of this crime
539
00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:21,185
calls me back to the profession
of detecting like a siren song.
540
00:25:21,269 --> 00:25:22,937
- I won't let anyone hurt you.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
541
00:25:23,021 --> 00:25:24,980
Watson. To the morgue.
542
00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:27,483
Lestrade, clean this mess up now.
543
00:25:27,567 --> 00:25:29,985
- The game is a-starting.
- Yeah.
544
00:25:34,366 --> 00:25:37,201
HOLMES: Who is this copycat
pretending to be Moriarty?
545
00:25:37,619 --> 00:25:40,079
Finally, a problem worthy of my brain.
546
00:25:40,163 --> 00:25:41,914
This birthday cake is delicious.
547
00:25:41,998 --> 00:25:43,332
Did you get a chance to try it?
548
00:25:43,416 --> 00:25:45,000
- No, there was a corpse in it.
- Oh.
549
00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:49,338
- (CLINKING)
- (COUGHS)
550
00:25:49,422 --> 00:25:50,422
Watson?
551
00:25:50,799 --> 00:25:51,840
Oh.
552
00:25:51,925 --> 00:25:53,467
Oh, my goodness.
553
00:25:53,802 --> 00:25:54,843
Oh.
554
00:25:55,470 --> 00:25:56,470
Finders keepers.
555
00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:57,805
Yeah.
556
00:25:59,015 --> 00:26:00,766
Are you sure you wouldn't rather wait
out here?
557
00:26:00,850 --> 00:26:02,393
The last time you were
in the morgue, you...
558
00:26:02,477 --> 00:26:06,564
Watson, I am a man
of stout constitution.
559
00:26:06,648 --> 00:26:09,525
Yes, of course.
I just thought, after the last time,
560
00:26:09,609 --> 00:26:10,985
with the...
561
00:26:11,736 --> 00:26:13,153
- And the...
- (SIGHS)
562
00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:16,031
Merely a bout of stomach influenza.
563
00:26:16,116 --> 00:26:17,408
Yes, but the time before that?
564
00:26:17,492 --> 00:26:19,743
- Bad clams.
- And before that?
565
00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:21,453
I shook hands with a prostitute.
566
00:26:21,538 --> 00:26:22,746
Yes.
567
00:26:23,540 --> 00:26:26,375
No, no. Put that away.
568
00:26:26,501 --> 00:26:31,505
I'm not some vaporous,
giggling, fainting maiden who...
569
00:26:37,971 --> 00:26:39,388
Oh, ye of little...
570
00:26:39,472 --> 00:26:41,140
(RETCHING)
571
00:26:43,101 --> 00:26:44,268
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
572
00:26:44,352 --> 00:26:47,354
- (REPRESSED RETCHING)
- I think I'm starting to feel a bit...
573
00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:48,480
- (EXHALES)
- I wouldn't...
574
00:26:48,565 --> 00:26:50,441
- Are you...
- No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine.
575
00:26:50,525 --> 00:26:53,235
'Cause if you start to feel sick,
then I'll start to feel...
576
00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:55,112
(RETCHING)
577
00:26:56,364 --> 00:26:57,990
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
578
00:26:58,366 --> 00:27:00,534
- Surely, I must be done.
- Yes.
579
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:02,786
Next to impossible to still...
580
00:27:03,038 --> 00:27:04,413
(REPRESSED RETCHING)
581
00:27:10,211 --> 00:27:11,337
There you are.
582
00:27:11,713 --> 00:27:13,547
- All done.
- Yes, there.
583
00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:14,632
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
584
00:27:14,716 --> 00:27:16,634
- Would you like some water?
- Did you say water...
585
00:27:16,718 --> 00:27:18,802
- (RETCHES)
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
586
00:27:19,596 --> 00:27:21,180
Shall we begin the autopsy?
587
00:27:21,848 --> 00:27:23,974
Oh, thank goodness
these cleaning women are here
588
00:27:24,059 --> 00:27:25,225
to clean up this dreadful mess.
589
00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:27,019
- Someone's made sick.
- Oh.
590
00:27:27,103 --> 00:27:29,521
My dear Watson, these women
591
00:27:29,606 --> 00:27:31,315
are far too well-dressed
to be cleaning women.
592
00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:35,444
They're here to identify
their well-to-do husbands' bodies.
593
00:27:35,612 --> 00:27:36,987
Sorry for your loss.
594
00:27:37,155 --> 00:27:39,490
Thank you, but I am the doctor.
595
00:27:39,658 --> 00:27:42,993
Look, Watson,
grief has scrambled her brain.
596
00:27:43,078 --> 00:27:44,953
- Mmm.
- She thinks she's a doctor.
597
00:27:45,038 --> 00:27:48,248
Fortunately, Miss,
there's a real doctor here
598
00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:49,541
who may help you.
599
00:27:49,876 --> 00:27:51,126
Would you like some heroin?
600
00:27:51,586 --> 00:27:53,671
Dr. Watson, I presume.
601
00:27:53,755 --> 00:27:55,964
And you must be Sherlock Holmes.
602
00:27:56,049 --> 00:27:58,092
Dr. Grace Hart of Boston.
603
00:27:58,802 --> 00:28:00,469
A woman doctor?
604
00:28:00,553 --> 00:28:02,971
- What times we live in.
- GRACE: (CHUCKLES) Yes.
605
00:28:03,390 --> 00:28:05,849
In America, we're much more progressive.
606
00:28:05,934 --> 00:28:08,727
I now make 30 cents
for every dollar a man earns.
607
00:28:08,812 --> 00:28:11,438
What does "doctor" mean in America?
608
00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:13,273
It means "doctor. "
609
00:28:13,358 --> 00:28:15,317
You're Dr. G. Hart?
610
00:28:15,402 --> 00:28:17,111
- Of Boston?
- Yes.
611
00:28:17,278 --> 00:28:19,822
Holmes, we're in the presence
of a pioneer.
612
00:28:19,906 --> 00:28:22,616
Dr. Hart's work with the use
of electroshock therapy
613
00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:24,993
to cure female hysteria
is groundbreaking.
614
00:28:25,078 --> 00:28:28,997
Yes, I proved the higher the voltage,
the more demons are released.
615
00:28:29,082 --> 00:28:30,249
Well, of course.
616
00:28:30,333 --> 00:28:32,334
Some of my patients live
as long as a week.
617
00:28:32,419 --> 00:28:35,003
"Doctor"? Spelled D-O-C-T-O-R?
618
00:28:35,088 --> 00:28:36,630
- Yes.
- (EXHALES)
619
00:28:37,090 --> 00:28:38,924
This is my aide, Millicent.
620
00:28:39,509 --> 00:28:42,636
She's very shy,
but a wonderful traveling companion.
621
00:28:43,388 --> 00:28:46,014
Shall we proceed to the examination?
(CHUCKLES)
622
00:28:46,683 --> 00:28:48,684
- Please.
- Our cadaver awaits.
623
00:28:48,768 --> 00:28:50,686
(REPRESSED RETCHING)
624
00:28:50,770 --> 00:28:52,146
No, no, no.
625
00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:53,564
Here.
626
00:28:54,274 --> 00:28:56,108
Mr. Holmes, you look rather unwell.
627
00:28:56,192 --> 00:28:59,486
Perhaps you would rather stay here
and keep Millicent company.
628
00:29:02,657 --> 00:29:03,907
Sherlock Holmes.
629
00:29:03,992 --> 00:29:05,284
Charmed to meet... (REPRESSED RETCHING)
630
00:29:07,620 --> 00:29:08,704
To meet you.
631
00:29:09,414 --> 00:29:11,582
GRACE: Millicent is the subject
of my research.
632
00:29:11,666 --> 00:29:13,751
She was raised by feral cats.
633
00:29:13,835 --> 00:29:16,003
She has the mental capacity
of a four-year-old,
634
00:29:16,087 --> 00:29:19,173
but it is my belief that,
with sufficient electroshock therapy,
635
00:29:19,257 --> 00:29:22,092
she can achieve the intellect
of a six-year-old.
636
00:29:22,177 --> 00:29:24,178
(SIGHS) We are truly
in the golden age of medicine.
637
00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:25,804
- (CHUCKLES)
- There's nothing left to learn.
638
00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:26,889
No.
639
00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:30,434
HOLMES: What a creature you are.
640
00:29:31,644 --> 00:29:32,686
(CHUCKLES)
641
00:29:33,855 --> 00:29:35,189
(ONION CRUNCHING)
642
00:29:41,321 --> 00:29:44,406
You're devouring that onion
with such passion.
643
00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:48,994
It's strangely arousing.
644
00:29:50,580 --> 00:29:52,331
Dr. Watson, I have always been taken
645
00:29:52,415 --> 00:29:55,334
by your unwavering devotion
to Mr. Holmes,
646
00:29:55,418 --> 00:29:58,879
but haven't you ever considered
something more?
647
00:30:00,048 --> 00:30:02,508
Perhaps a co-detective?
648
00:30:04,719 --> 00:30:06,386
He and I?
649
00:30:06,471 --> 00:30:07,596
Co-detectives?
650
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:08,680
Yes.
651
00:30:08,765 --> 00:30:10,599
(LAUGHS) Oh, the very idea!
652
00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:13,393
- Uh...
- Solving crimes together?
653
00:30:14,604 --> 00:30:16,855
Laughing and enjoying
the esprit de corps
654
00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:19,608
of two best friends
pursuing a noble cause!
655
00:30:19,692 --> 00:30:21,235
Madness. No, dear.
656
00:30:21,319 --> 00:30:23,779
No. No, not I.
657
00:30:25,073 --> 00:30:26,406
Not here.
658
00:30:27,283 --> 00:30:31,495
Not even in my most rapturous moments
of private fantasy.
659
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,042
(SIGHS)
660
00:30:37,377 --> 00:30:40,921
Anyway, let's go clean
this cake-covered bastard, shall we?
661
00:30:44,801 --> 00:30:46,760
WATSON: The wonders of modern medicine.
662
00:30:50,807 --> 00:30:53,141
Now, you're going to laugh,
663
00:30:53,226 --> 00:30:55,435
but I found the most important tool
of an autopsy is...
664
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:56,603
Music.
665
00:30:58,022 --> 00:30:59,273
Yes.
666
00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:00,399
You, too?
667
00:31:03,027 --> 00:31:04,069
(CHUCKLES)
668
00:31:07,574 --> 00:31:10,200
MAN: (SINGING) Oh, my love
669
00:31:10,285 --> 00:31:12,244
This one always gets me in the mood.
670
00:31:14,581 --> 00:31:16,290
So begins the dance.
671
00:31:25,008 --> 00:31:27,384
- (CHUCKLES) You have some dribble.
- Hmm?
672
00:31:27,468 --> 00:31:29,720
- Just a touch of dribble right...
- (SNAPS)
673
00:31:29,846 --> 00:31:30,888
(GASPS)
674
00:31:36,394 --> 00:31:40,689
And time goes by...
675
00:31:40,773 --> 00:31:45,193
There is something so sensual
about forensic autopsy, isn't there?
676
00:32:08,676 --> 00:32:10,135
You are a delight.
677
00:32:10,595 --> 00:32:13,472
Your eyes say more
than words ever could.
678
00:32:14,265 --> 00:32:17,434
- (DOOR OPENS)
- (CHUCKLES, SNIFFING)
679
00:32:17,518 --> 00:32:18,852
- Hmm.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
680
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:22,940
The tincture of ammonia and scrotum.
681
00:32:23,399 --> 00:32:25,317
Hello, Inspector Lestrade.
682
00:32:27,528 --> 00:32:29,112
We have combed the manifests
683
00:32:29,197 --> 00:32:32,074
of every ship to set sail
for the Americas
684
00:32:32,158 --> 00:32:35,285
and found not a single Moriarty.
685
00:32:35,370 --> 00:32:38,538
Moriarty's too cunning
to use his own name.
686
00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:40,290
He's sailing under an alias.
687
00:32:40,458 --> 00:32:42,417
- (BLADES CLINK)
- WATSON: (PANTING) Ah, here we are.
688
00:32:42,502 --> 00:32:44,753
So, after a thorough...
689
00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:46,296
Very thorough.
690
00:32:46,381 --> 00:32:48,131
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
691
00:32:48,216 --> 00:32:49,967
- Stop.
- (CHUCKLES) No, you stop.
692
00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:53,011
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- Examination of the body...
693
00:32:53,096 --> 00:32:57,641
And I must say, Dr. Hart made some
beautiful lateral incisions there.
694
00:32:57,725 --> 00:33:02,813
No, watching you flay the skin
from his face so gently!
695
00:33:02,897 --> 00:33:05,232
- I would flay 1,000 faces for you.
- And the way...
696
00:33:05,316 --> 00:33:06,817
Just tell me what you found!
697
00:33:07,318 --> 00:33:09,027
(CLEARS THROAT) Yes.
698
00:33:09,112 --> 00:33:10,696
Cause of death indeterminate.
699
00:33:10,780 --> 00:33:12,114
LESTRADE: Indeterminate?
700
00:33:12,198 --> 00:33:13,490
What do you mean?
701
00:33:13,574 --> 00:33:15,117
It means he doesn't know.
702
00:33:15,994 --> 00:33:17,411
- Proceed, Watson.
- WATSON: Yes.
703
00:33:17,829 --> 00:33:21,873
We found a freshly applied
tattoo of a cross
704
00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:24,292
and the numbers one and 20.
705
00:33:24,794 --> 00:33:26,628
I have the oddest feeling.
706
00:33:27,046 --> 00:33:29,297
It's like knowing, but the opposite.
707
00:33:29,465 --> 00:33:30,924
Meaning you haven't a clue.
708
00:33:31,009 --> 00:33:34,469
Who is this genius pretender
who's taken Moriarty's place,
709
00:33:34,554 --> 00:33:38,015
committing crimes
exactly the way he would? (SIGHS)
710
00:33:38,808 --> 00:33:40,767
HOLMES: A fantastic new case.
711
00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:43,103
I'm aroused
both mentally and physically.
712
00:33:43,187 --> 00:33:46,898
I was wondering, rather than
working beside you on this case,
713
00:33:46,983 --> 00:33:49,609
I might work with you as a sort of...
714
00:33:49,861 --> 00:33:51,611
Grace called it a "co-detective. "
715
00:33:52,071 --> 00:33:55,991
One cannot simply just
make someone a detective.
716
00:33:56,075 --> 00:33:57,409
It must be earned.
717
00:33:57,493 --> 00:33:59,953
Well, I deduced you might say that,
718
00:34:00,038 --> 00:34:04,875
which is why, when we arrive home,
I propose a game of chess.
719
00:34:05,668 --> 00:34:07,127
If I should best you,
720
00:34:07,211 --> 00:34:09,171
then surely
I possess the mental power...
721
00:34:09,255 --> 00:34:11,715
Checkmate! Checkmate.
722
00:34:11,799 --> 00:34:14,009
What? We haven't started yet.
723
00:34:14,302 --> 00:34:15,927
You would have opened
with the Queen's Gambit.
724
00:34:16,012 --> 00:34:18,180
Oh, indeed. A reliable first move.
725
00:34:18,264 --> 00:34:19,848
I would have countered
with a Slav Defense.
726
00:34:19,932 --> 00:34:22,809
Oh! An audacious move. Quite unexpected.
727
00:34:22,894 --> 00:34:25,353
You would have panicked,
thus exposing your queen.
728
00:34:25,438 --> 00:34:26,438
No, not my queen!
729
00:34:26,522 --> 00:34:30,025
Seeing your queen exposed
would have compelled you to defend her.
730
00:34:30,109 --> 00:34:33,070
Indeed. It is my duty in chess
as in life.
731
00:34:33,154 --> 00:34:35,197
Thereby neglecting my castle.
732
00:34:35,281 --> 00:34:36,615
(GASPS)
733
00:34:37,408 --> 00:34:38,617
Checkmate.
734
00:34:39,911 --> 00:34:41,203
Perhaps another game?
735
00:34:41,287 --> 00:34:43,121
Rock-paper-scissors.
736
00:34:43,206 --> 00:34:45,624
Rock, rock, paper, paper,
scissors, paper,
737
00:34:45,708 --> 00:34:47,793
- rock, scissors, paper, rock.
- (GASPS)
738
00:34:48,669 --> 00:34:49,669
Dash it all!
739
00:34:49,754 --> 00:34:51,046
What about Battleship?
740
00:34:51,214 --> 00:34:53,799
HOLMES: D-3, E-3, F-3, and G-3.
741
00:34:53,883 --> 00:34:56,051
WATSON: Damn it,
you've sunk my battleship.
742
00:34:56,135 --> 00:34:57,969
HOLMES: You're a good man, Watson,
743
00:34:58,679 --> 00:35:00,138
but you're not ready.
744
00:35:01,432 --> 00:35:02,682
But why?
745
00:35:02,767 --> 00:35:05,060
If you were ready, you'd know why.
746
00:35:15,863 --> 00:35:17,447
WATSON: Let the game begin.
747
00:35:18,032 --> 00:35:19,533
A piece for a piece.
748
00:35:20,284 --> 00:35:21,827
Two can play at that game.
749
00:35:36,884 --> 00:35:38,009
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
750
00:35:41,514 --> 00:35:42,556
Mmm.
751
00:35:42,682 --> 00:35:43,723
(GRUNTS)
752
00:35:45,268 --> 00:35:46,393
Peekaboo.
753
00:35:48,396 --> 00:35:49,437
(SNAPPING)
754
00:35:49,522 --> 00:35:51,648
Ah. Checkmate.
755
00:35:52,316 --> 00:35:54,609
And to the victor, the spoils.
756
00:35:55,236 --> 00:35:56,444
(GIGGLES)
757
00:35:56,737 --> 00:35:58,155
(SIGHS)
758
00:35:58,239 --> 00:35:59,739
(IN GRACE'S VOICE)
You'll never be co-detective.
759
00:35:59,824 --> 00:36:01,741
(SCREAMS, GASPING)
760
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:03,952
(HORSE NEIGHING)
761
00:36:04,203 --> 00:36:05,704
(CUP CLINKING)
762
00:36:05,913 --> 00:36:08,748
Watson, I'm near a breakthrough.
763
00:36:08,916 --> 00:36:14,754
My hypothesis is the true cause of death
is ink poisoning via the fresh tattoo.
764
00:36:14,839 --> 00:36:16,256
But I need your help.
765
00:36:18,843 --> 00:36:20,218
You want me to be co-detective?
766
00:36:20,428 --> 00:36:21,803
(LAUGHS) Mmm-mmm.
767
00:36:22,054 --> 00:36:24,431
I'm awfully sorry, Dr. Watson.
768
00:36:25,057 --> 00:36:26,266
Sorry for what?
769
00:36:26,350 --> 00:36:28,101
Mr. Holmes left me no choice.
770
00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:30,562
- May you rest in peace.
- What's she on about?
771
00:36:30,646 --> 00:36:34,566
All will be clear in three, two, one.
772
00:36:34,650 --> 00:36:35,859
(GASPS)
773
00:36:36,944 --> 00:36:37,944
Excuse me. (COUGHS)
774
00:36:38,029 --> 00:36:39,237
I'll take that.
775
00:36:39,530 --> 00:36:41,198
(CHOKING) It's just something
caught in my throat.
776
00:36:41,824 --> 00:36:43,074
Oh, no.
777
00:36:43,159 --> 00:36:44,409
I poisoned you.
778
00:36:44,493 --> 00:36:45,827
(HOARSELY) Why?
779
00:36:45,912 --> 00:36:47,454
- To test my theory.
- (WHEEZING)
780
00:36:47,538 --> 00:36:49,080
Am I going to die?
781
00:36:49,165 --> 00:36:50,457
No, I have an antidote.
782
00:36:50,541 --> 00:36:52,959
- Oh.
- But I need to see it play out.
783
00:36:53,753 --> 00:36:55,170
Now, let's see here.
784
00:36:55,671 --> 00:36:57,172
- (WHEEZING)
- Redness around the mouth. Good.
785
00:36:57,423 --> 00:36:58,423
(GASPING) Help me.
786
00:36:58,758 --> 00:37:01,134
You will have temporary brain damage.
787
00:37:02,970 --> 00:37:04,763
- Wake up, Watson. Wake up.
- (SQUEALS)
788
00:37:04,847 --> 00:37:06,264
We have work to do. Watson.
789
00:37:07,141 --> 00:37:08,850
Who's Watson? I'll kill him!
790
00:37:09,060 --> 00:37:10,268
You son of a bitch!
791
00:37:10,353 --> 00:37:11,436
- (YELLS)
- Violent aggression.
792
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:13,438
Oh, please give me the antidote.
793
00:37:13,522 --> 00:37:14,773
Drama queen syndrome.
794
00:37:14,857 --> 00:37:17,108
Why am I doing this?
795
00:37:17,193 --> 00:37:18,401
Confused mime.
796
00:37:18,486 --> 00:37:21,404
Oh! Does this suit make me look fat?
797
00:37:21,489 --> 00:37:23,114
Body image dysmorphia.
798
00:37:23,241 --> 00:37:24,991
(SCREAMS) My eyes!
799
00:37:25,076 --> 00:37:27,244
- Sensitivity to light.
- My eyes! It burns!
800
00:37:27,328 --> 00:37:28,536
(SCREAMING)
801
00:37:28,621 --> 00:37:30,622
- Excruciating abdominal pain.
- (GROANING)
802
00:37:31,374 --> 00:37:32,874
Yes, it's confirmed.
803
00:37:32,959 --> 00:37:34,960
It was poison. Come, Watson.
804
00:37:35,044 --> 00:37:36,294
Let us not be late.
805
00:37:36,504 --> 00:37:38,004
(GROANING)
806
00:37:38,089 --> 00:37:39,422
Oh! Of course.
807
00:37:39,507 --> 00:37:40,548
Lactation.
808
00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:42,425
(GROANING)
809
00:37:42,510 --> 00:37:44,386
- Why?
- Come along, Watson.
810
00:37:44,470 --> 00:37:45,720
I'll explain in the cab.
811
00:37:48,933 --> 00:37:50,100
- (COUGHS)
- There we go.
812
00:37:50,184 --> 00:37:51,893
Oh, thank God for this antidote.
813
00:37:51,978 --> 00:37:54,396
I feel as though
I've completely recovered. (SIGHS)
814
00:37:55,273 --> 00:37:56,481
Yes, you have.
815
00:37:56,774 --> 00:37:57,857
(WATSON SIGHS)
816
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:00,443
There.
817
00:38:00,611 --> 00:38:01,695
So where are we going?
818
00:38:01,862 --> 00:38:03,905
The fact that the victim was poisoned
819
00:38:03,990 --> 00:38:07,826
suggests the killer lacked
physical strength to overpower him.
820
00:38:07,994 --> 00:38:10,996
The tattoos you examined
have an uneven quality.
821
00:38:11,330 --> 00:38:14,916
It leads me to believe that
they were drawn by a one-armed man.
822
00:38:15,084 --> 00:38:17,502
A one-armed man.
823
00:38:17,586 --> 00:38:18,837
Yes.
824
00:38:19,005 --> 00:38:20,839
A weak man who would use poison.
825
00:38:20,923 --> 00:38:25,844
There is only one one-armed
tattoo artist in all of London.
826
00:38:26,012 --> 00:38:28,847
The nefarious Gustav Klinger.
827
00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:32,309
Dorset Street!
And don't spare the horses!
828
00:38:32,393 --> 00:38:33,601
- (WHIP CRACKS)
- Dorset Street.
829
00:38:33,686 --> 00:38:37,439
Home of drunkards, thieves,
and hairy, old whores.
830
00:38:37,690 --> 00:38:40,233
HOLMES: And, if my theory is correct,
the killer.
831
00:38:40,526 --> 00:38:42,861
- (WATSON LAUGHS)
- WOMAN: Hello, gorgeous.
832
00:38:43,946 --> 00:38:47,699
Though all is calm now,
we must be on highest alert.
833
00:38:47,825 --> 00:38:49,534
(CARRIAGE DRIVER GROANS)
834
00:38:49,618 --> 00:38:52,871
Shall we ask someone if they've seen
our one-armed Mr. Klinger?
835
00:38:52,955 --> 00:38:56,416
This neighborhood
does not welcome curious outsiders.
836
00:38:56,500 --> 00:38:58,293
Excuse me. Have you the time?
837
00:38:58,461 --> 00:39:01,838
- Not for you, outsider.
- (YELLS IN PAIN)
838
00:39:01,922 --> 00:39:03,548
Merciful God.
839
00:39:03,632 --> 00:39:05,216
HOLMES: We must blend in.
840
00:39:05,301 --> 00:39:09,304
Fortunately, my time tripping the boards
has made me a master of disguise.
841
00:39:09,388 --> 00:39:10,388
Yes.
842
00:39:17,104 --> 00:39:18,146
WATSON: You.
843
00:39:18,230 --> 00:39:19,606
What have you done with Sherlock?
844
00:39:19,982 --> 00:39:21,024
Why, Watson,
845
00:39:22,234 --> 00:39:23,318
I never left.
846
00:39:23,652 --> 00:39:24,819
(GASPS)
847
00:39:25,613 --> 00:39:27,197
- Amazing.
- Yes, I know.
848
00:39:27,406 --> 00:39:29,699
Yes, you've outdone yourself this time.
849
00:39:29,784 --> 00:39:30,950
Now...
850
00:39:31,660 --> 00:39:32,911
- Huh?
- No.
851
00:39:32,995 --> 00:39:34,454
- Still me.
- It's you?
852
00:39:34,538 --> 00:39:36,206
It's still Sherlock.
853
00:39:36,290 --> 00:39:38,249
- All right.
- Rest assured.
854
00:39:38,334 --> 00:39:39,584
It's very convincing.
855
00:39:39,752 --> 00:39:41,169
Now for your disguise.
856
00:39:41,587 --> 00:39:43,088
Oh, what will it be?
857
00:39:43,506 --> 00:39:44,589
(HOLMES LAUGHS)
858
00:39:45,216 --> 00:39:48,343
Yes. You, my friend,
859
00:39:49,345 --> 00:39:54,557
shall play a down-on-your-luck
horseshit salesman.
860
00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:56,476
- Oh.
- Yes.
861
00:39:57,019 --> 00:39:58,395
Yes. Yes.
862
00:39:58,729 --> 00:40:01,439
Come, Watson. We have
a one-armed killer to catch.
863
00:40:01,941 --> 00:40:02,982
Get into character.
864
00:40:03,067 --> 00:40:05,110
WATSON: Horseshit for sale!
HOLMES: There you go.
865
00:40:05,194 --> 00:40:06,986
WATSON: Who will buy my horse's shit?
MAN: I'll take some.
866
00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:10,281
- No one must know our true purpose.
- Mmm.
867
00:40:11,242 --> 00:40:12,325
What you toffs want?
868
00:40:12,868 --> 00:40:16,830
To buy a pint for any man
who can raise two hands.
869
00:40:17,039 --> 00:40:20,083
(MEN CHEERING)
870
00:40:20,167 --> 00:40:22,335
Every man has both arms.
871
00:40:22,628 --> 00:40:23,795
Klinger isn't here.
872
00:40:24,672 --> 00:40:26,005
Our journey continues.
873
00:40:26,841 --> 00:40:29,134
- Blend in like a common oaf.
- Yes.
874
00:40:29,427 --> 00:40:31,261
(LIVELY CHATTER, LAUGHTER)
875
00:40:31,345 --> 00:40:33,138
HOLMES: Keep drinking.
We need to fit in.
876
00:40:33,222 --> 00:40:34,222
Cheers.
877
00:40:34,390 --> 00:40:35,557
(MUSIC PLAYING)
878
00:40:35,641 --> 00:40:36,641
Cheers!
879
00:40:36,976 --> 00:40:38,726
More, more, more! (LAUGHING)
880
00:40:40,688 --> 00:40:42,689
- (LAUGHING)
- (ALL CHEERING)
881
00:40:42,815 --> 00:40:44,357
Oi! Oi! Oi!
882
00:40:44,442 --> 00:40:48,111
(RHYTHMIC TAPPING)
883
00:40:48,195 --> 00:40:49,779
(BOTH BARKING)
884
00:40:49,905 --> 00:40:50,947
(HOWLS)
885
00:40:51,031 --> 00:40:52,407
- They have boxing here.
- (EXCLAIMS)
886
00:40:52,491 --> 00:40:53,992
WATSON: I don't care if he's small!
887
00:40:54,076 --> 00:40:55,869
WATSON: Kill!
WOMAN: Come on, fight!
888
00:40:58,414 --> 00:40:59,789
Shouldn't we be looking for Klinger?
889
00:40:59,874 --> 00:41:01,833
- Who cares about Klinger?
- Exactly!
890
00:41:02,126 --> 00:41:03,751
(GROANS, SCREAMS)
891
00:41:04,753 --> 00:41:05,795
(SCREAMS)
892
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:07,088
Release the child!
893
00:41:07,173 --> 00:41:09,007
Let go of that boy! I want him dead!
894
00:41:09,091 --> 00:41:10,675
WATSON: Sweet river of piss.
895
00:41:10,801 --> 00:41:13,052
(BOTH SIGH)
896
00:41:13,137 --> 00:41:14,512
You have real force there.
897
00:41:15,764 --> 00:41:17,182
Arc of stream.
898
00:41:17,266 --> 00:41:18,683
Direction of wind.
899
00:41:18,767 --> 00:41:20,602
Compensate for shy penis.
900
00:41:20,686 --> 00:41:22,520
Avoid splash on shoes.
901
00:41:23,105 --> 00:41:25,064
(GRUNTS) And release fluids.
902
00:41:25,149 --> 00:41:26,316
Oh, my goodness.
903
00:41:26,775 --> 00:41:29,652
Damn it, I forgot to unzip my pants.
904
00:41:30,279 --> 00:41:31,863
You really are a genius.
905
00:41:31,947 --> 00:41:33,031
- Oh, watch it.
- Oh, sorry.
906
00:41:34,366 --> 00:41:36,201
WATSON: I should like
to send a telegram.
907
00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:38,661
Grace. Stop.
908
00:41:40,873 --> 00:41:43,124
- Are you awake? Stop.
- (HOLMES CHUCKLING)
909
00:41:45,628 --> 00:41:47,712
Uh, you're such a pretty doctor lady.
910
00:41:48,047 --> 00:41:49,672
- Ooh!
- (WATSON CHUCKLES)
911
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:51,508
Are you quite sure this is a good idea?
912
00:41:51,592 --> 00:41:52,967
(SLURRING) This is wonderful.
913
00:41:53,052 --> 00:41:56,304
The combination of the late hour
and your drunkenness
914
00:41:56,388 --> 00:41:59,807
allows for communication
of exceptional honesty.
915
00:41:59,892 --> 00:42:00,892
Quite right.
916
00:42:00,976 --> 00:42:02,685
I will call it an intoxigram.
917
00:42:02,770 --> 00:42:05,313
And no one shall ever
regret sending one.
918
00:42:05,648 --> 00:42:08,399
Now, lay bare the fruits
of your inebriation.
919
00:42:08,484 --> 00:42:09,817
Ask her what she's wearing.
920
00:42:10,236 --> 00:42:12,111
What are you wearing? Stop.
921
00:42:12,655 --> 00:42:13,696
"What are you wearing?"
922
00:42:13,781 --> 00:42:14,989
Bloomers? (CHUCKLES)
923
00:42:15,533 --> 00:42:18,243
- Probably.
- What color? Stop.
924
00:42:18,327 --> 00:42:20,203
(CHUCKLES) A brassiere?
925
00:42:20,287 --> 00:42:22,330
I'd wager you'd look good in anything.
926
00:42:22,414 --> 00:42:23,748
- Wonderful.
- Stop.
927
00:42:23,832 --> 00:42:25,917
Shall I ask what Millie
thinks about you?
928
00:42:26,001 --> 00:42:27,043
Um...
929
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,129
(SIGHS) I don't care. Sure. Why not?
930
00:42:30,214 --> 00:42:32,382
What does Millie think of Sherlock?
931
00:42:32,466 --> 00:42:36,135
Does Millie ever drip wax over her body?
932
00:42:36,220 --> 00:42:38,471
Hot wax. Stop.
933
00:42:38,847 --> 00:42:40,431
- Okay. That's enough.
- WATSON: Yeah, I think so.
934
00:42:40,516 --> 00:42:44,060
Now show her
how she makes you feel. Huh?
935
00:42:44,603 --> 00:42:46,229
Just go ahead. Display it.
936
00:42:46,313 --> 00:42:47,438
(UNZIPS PANTS)
937
00:42:47,523 --> 00:42:48,523
- There.
- (THUD ON TABLE)
938
00:42:48,607 --> 00:42:50,108
Telegraph a picture of this.
939
00:42:50,234 --> 00:42:53,319
And make sure you get
the banger and the beans.
940
00:42:53,404 --> 00:42:54,737
Focus on the mushroom.
941
00:42:54,905 --> 00:42:57,574
Are you positive I shan't regret this
in the morning?
942
00:42:57,700 --> 00:42:59,576
(CHUCKLES) You absolutely will.
943
00:42:59,660 --> 00:43:01,202
- Silence, you!
- Say it again.
944
00:43:01,287 --> 00:43:02,537
- Say it again. I dare you.
- Oh!
945
00:43:02,621 --> 00:43:03,871
Please say it. Please say it again.
946
00:43:03,956 --> 00:43:05,707
Do you think you would be
the first man I've killed?
947
00:43:05,791 --> 00:43:07,625
I have the penis of a baby doll.
948
00:43:11,171 --> 00:43:12,714
It's just a statement of fact.
949
00:43:14,675 --> 00:43:15,883
(ROOSTER CROWS)
950
00:43:15,968 --> 00:43:17,677
(HOLMES AND WATSON CHUCKLING)
951
00:43:17,761 --> 00:43:22,056
Oh, well, Watson, after a night
of drinking, I could eat a whole pie.
952
00:43:22,141 --> 00:43:24,309
WATSON: Oh, no,
it's cakes for me, my friend.
953
00:43:24,393 --> 00:43:25,893
Ah! Cakes, indeed!
954
00:43:25,978 --> 00:43:29,147
Yes. Yes, cakes stacked on cakes.
955
00:43:30,232 --> 00:43:31,983
We should open a restaurant called
956
00:43:32,067 --> 00:43:35,903
the International House of
Cakes Stacked Upon Other Cakes.
957
00:43:36,155 --> 00:43:39,198
(CHUCKLING) Yes, and you can only
eat there after a night of drinking.
958
00:43:39,283 --> 00:43:41,284
Well, speaking of the night,
I fear it's a night wasted.
959
00:43:41,368 --> 00:43:43,119
- No sign of Klinger anywhere.
- Mmm.
960
00:43:44,288 --> 00:43:45,872
Not so fast, Watson.
961
00:43:46,206 --> 00:43:48,791
Look at those two men and their tattoos.
962
00:43:49,168 --> 00:43:50,460
I don't understand.
963
00:43:50,794 --> 00:43:53,212
We haven't been able
to find the tattoo artist.
964
00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:56,007
Perhaps we should follow the tattoos.
965
00:43:56,675 --> 00:43:58,968
(GRUNTING, INDISTINCT CHATTER)
966
00:44:00,220 --> 00:44:01,471
WATSON: A gymnasium?
967
00:44:01,555 --> 00:44:03,640
You really think Klinger
would be here, Holmes?
968
00:44:03,724 --> 00:44:05,933
Look alive, Watson.
He could be anywhere.
969
00:44:06,810 --> 00:44:09,062
TRAINER: Three, two, one.
970
00:44:09,396 --> 00:44:11,981
Pick it up. Pick it up. That's it.
971
00:44:12,066 --> 00:44:14,317
INSTRUCTOR: Out with the bad air,
in with the good.
972
00:44:14,401 --> 00:44:15,693
WATSON: Look at these health nuts.
973
00:44:15,778 --> 00:44:17,111
- (MEN COUGHING)
- INSTRUCTOR: Big deep breath.
974
00:44:17,196 --> 00:44:19,530
WATSON: Obsessed with
the purifying effects of smoke.
975
00:44:19,615 --> 00:44:23,201
INSTRUCTOR: All right, good lungful
of the cleansing vapors.
976
00:44:23,452 --> 00:44:25,787
(EXHALES) I don't think
he's here, Holmes.
977
00:44:26,246 --> 00:44:28,373
- (DOOR OPENS)
- MAN: Hello, hello, hello!
978
00:44:28,457 --> 00:44:30,333
Sherlock Holmes.
979
00:44:30,417 --> 00:44:31,501
HOLMES: Ah.
980
00:44:32,002 --> 00:44:33,586
You must be Gustav Klinger,
981
00:44:33,671 --> 00:44:36,255
the one-armed tattoo artist
of Dorset Street.
982
00:44:36,924 --> 00:44:38,299
Looks like it.
983
00:44:38,884 --> 00:44:40,009
(WHIRRING)
984
00:44:40,636 --> 00:44:44,222
Gustav Klinger, I accuse you
of poisoning Jimmy Gruber
985
00:44:44,306 --> 00:44:46,349
and baking him into a large cake.
986
00:44:46,517 --> 00:44:50,770
A deliciously large cake
that I baked myself.
987
00:44:51,021 --> 00:44:52,397
Oh, please.
988
00:44:52,606 --> 00:44:53,815
How dare you!
989
00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:56,234
You did not bake that cake.
990
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:58,736
Not only did I bake it.
I decorated it, too.
991
00:44:58,987 --> 00:44:59,987
Impossible.
992
00:45:00,072 --> 00:45:01,447
It's got a frosting attachment.
993
00:45:01,532 --> 00:45:02,740
You're trying to tell me
994
00:45:02,825 --> 00:45:05,952
that a one-armed man made
a professional, bakery-quality cake
995
00:45:06,036 --> 00:45:07,245
- fit for the Queen.
- Watson.
996
00:45:07,329 --> 00:45:09,580
- It's just... It...
- It doesn't matter
997
00:45:09,665 --> 00:45:11,040
- if he baked the cake or not.
- It really bugs... I know.
998
00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:12,500
- It really...
- WATSON: Best cake I've ever eaten.
999
00:45:12,584 --> 00:45:14,794
- I did bake the cake.
- All right, fine.
1000
00:45:14,878 --> 00:45:16,421
You "baked the cake. "
1001
00:45:16,547 --> 00:45:18,923
I didn't "bake a cake. "
1002
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:20,883
I baked a cake.
1003
00:45:20,968 --> 00:45:22,009
Then you admit it.
1004
00:45:22,428 --> 00:45:24,095
You killed Jimmy Gruber.
1005
00:45:24,179 --> 00:45:25,680
KLINGER: And what if I did, Mr. Holmes?
1006
00:45:26,306 --> 00:45:29,225
It's not as if you're in a position
to do anything about it.
1007
00:45:29,435 --> 00:45:31,477
He's right, Sherlock Holmes.
1008
00:45:32,396 --> 00:45:35,356
- You've walked straight into our trap.
- (CROWD EXCLAIMING)
1009
00:45:35,983 --> 00:45:37,734
- Moriarty.
- Quiet, Watson.
1010
00:45:37,985 --> 00:45:41,487
In the name of the queen,
I arrest you both.
1011
00:45:41,864 --> 00:45:43,656
(CHUCKLING) Oh, come, Sherlock.
1012
00:45:44,241 --> 00:45:45,992
You don't think it'll be that easy.
1013
00:45:46,076 --> 00:45:48,411
You won't be leaving here alive,
Mr. Holmes,
1014
00:45:49,246 --> 00:45:53,708
unless, of course, you fight
your way out of the Hexagon.
1015
00:45:53,834 --> 00:45:56,127
(CROWD MURMURING)
1016
00:45:57,212 --> 00:45:58,463
Where are you pointing?
1017
00:45:59,882 --> 00:46:00,882
There.
1018
00:46:01,008 --> 00:46:02,091
This way or that way?
1019
00:46:02,885 --> 00:46:03,968
There.
1020
00:46:04,052 --> 00:46:05,553
HOLMES: Oh.
KLINGER: The Hexagon.
1021
00:46:05,637 --> 00:46:07,722
But I won't fight a one-armed man.
1022
00:46:07,806 --> 00:46:09,682
Oh, no. I've got this, Sherlock.
(SNIFFS)
1023
00:46:10,768 --> 00:46:12,935
It won't be the first time
I've fought a cripple. (CHUCKLES)
1024
00:46:13,353 --> 00:46:14,479
Oh, uh...
1025
00:46:14,563 --> 00:46:15,938
You won't be fighting me.
1026
00:46:16,106 --> 00:46:18,065
Nah, nah, nah.
1027
00:46:18,275 --> 00:46:19,609
You're fighting my mate.
1028
00:46:20,068 --> 00:46:21,944
Meet Brawn.
1029
00:46:24,323 --> 00:46:25,615
- (STRAINS)
- (THUDS)
1030
00:46:39,838 --> 00:46:41,464
Oh, come on.
1031
00:46:41,548 --> 00:46:42,924
(MORIARTY LAUGHS MENACINGLY)
1032
00:46:43,008 --> 00:46:44,258
Well, I call bullshit.
1033
00:46:44,384 --> 00:46:47,345
- (BELL DINGING)
- (CROWD CHEERING)
1034
00:46:48,222 --> 00:46:50,681
I fear it might be suicide
to fight this man.
1035
00:46:50,766 --> 00:46:53,017
I think it's mostly psychological.
1036
00:46:53,101 --> 00:46:54,227
(ROARING)
1037
00:46:55,145 --> 00:46:56,187
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
1038
00:46:56,271 --> 00:46:58,856
I'm psychologically
scared shitless right now.
1039
00:46:58,941 --> 00:47:01,442
CROWD: (CHANTING) Fight! Fight! Fight!
1040
00:47:01,568 --> 00:47:03,110
(ROARING)
1041
00:47:04,071 --> 00:47:05,905
Okay. Okay.
1042
00:47:05,989 --> 00:47:08,866
But if you want to watch this fight,
you have to pay.
1043
00:47:08,951 --> 00:47:10,368
You have to pay to view it.
1044
00:47:10,452 --> 00:47:13,704
- (CROWD GROANING)
- This is a pay-to-view-it fight.
1045
00:47:13,789 --> 00:47:15,832
WATSON: Yes, I know
it seems a bit unfair,
1046
00:47:15,916 --> 00:47:17,625
but if you split it among a few friends
1047
00:47:17,709 --> 00:47:19,335
and buy some beers, some pizza,
1048
00:47:19,419 --> 00:47:21,504
it could be a fun thing to do
with the guys.
1049
00:47:21,713 --> 00:47:26,300
It's time!
1050
00:47:26,510 --> 00:47:28,928
- Let's get ready to scuffle!
- (ALL CHEERING)
1051
00:47:29,638 --> 00:47:30,930
(BELL DINGING)
1052
00:47:31,014 --> 00:47:33,391
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Scuffle! Scuffle! Scuffle!
1053
00:47:33,475 --> 00:47:34,475
MAN: Nice!
1054
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:35,852
HOLMES: What is she doing here?
1055
00:47:35,978 --> 00:47:37,144
It's 6:00 in the morning.
1056
00:47:37,521 --> 00:47:38,771
Holmes, I don't know why...
1057
00:47:38,856 --> 00:47:40,690
- Yes.
- ... but that really jacked me up.
1058
00:47:40,774 --> 00:47:42,817
- Ah!
- I think I might stand a chance.
1059
00:47:42,901 --> 00:47:44,735
It reminds me of Istanbul.
1060
00:47:44,820 --> 00:47:47,280
Exactly. And what
did I beat in Istanbul?
1061
00:47:47,614 --> 00:47:49,282
- Syphilis!
- Syphilis! Exactly.
1062
00:47:49,366 --> 00:47:50,616
- Go get him.
- All right.
1063
00:47:51,368 --> 00:47:52,410
Come on!
1064
00:47:52,494 --> 00:47:53,870
"Come on"? You come on!
1065
00:47:53,954 --> 00:47:55,413
You!
1066
00:47:55,497 --> 00:47:56,956
You mountain of flesh.
1067
00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:58,708
(SHOUTING)
1068
00:47:59,167 --> 00:48:00,793
(SCREAMING)
1069
00:48:00,878 --> 00:48:02,712
(ROARING)
1070
00:48:02,796 --> 00:48:05,673
(CROWD CHEERING)
1071
00:48:05,966 --> 00:48:07,717
Your turn, Mr. Holmes!
1072
00:48:08,176 --> 00:48:10,553
Yes, I know. Of course I'm next.
1073
00:48:15,559 --> 00:48:17,643
HOLMES: Opponent, 350 pounds.
1074
00:48:18,020 --> 00:48:19,270
Use pipe.
1075
00:48:19,563 --> 00:48:22,189
Create diversion to distract his gaze.
1076
00:48:23,942 --> 00:48:25,151
Plan of attack,
1077
00:48:26,028 --> 00:48:28,821
surprise first blow to center of mass.
1078
00:48:28,906 --> 00:48:31,157
Gracefully dodge counterpunch.
1079
00:48:31,700 --> 00:48:33,451
Employ visual impairment.
1080
00:48:33,535 --> 00:48:34,869
(SCREAMS)
1081
00:48:34,953 --> 00:48:36,996
Easily duck wild swing.
1082
00:48:37,497 --> 00:48:40,708
Utilize Tibetan ototoxic method
1083
00:48:40,792 --> 00:48:42,376
- to disrupt his balance.
- (GROANING)
1084
00:48:44,129 --> 00:48:45,379
Grab facial hair.
1085
00:48:45,464 --> 00:48:46,756
Use for leverage.
1086
00:48:47,215 --> 00:48:49,133
Okinawan beard flip.
1087
00:48:51,678 --> 00:48:53,346
Enemy incapacitated.
1088
00:48:54,097 --> 00:48:55,181
Catch pipe.
1089
00:48:56,350 --> 00:48:58,601
Revel in crowd's adulation.
1090
00:49:00,103 --> 00:49:03,230
(CROWD CHEERING)
1091
00:49:10,697 --> 00:49:12,573
- (HOLMES GRUNTS)
- (CHUCKLING)
1092
00:49:14,117 --> 00:49:15,201
Oh, no.
1093
00:49:15,494 --> 00:49:16,869
- (WATSON YELLS)
- (GROANS)
1094
00:49:16,995 --> 00:49:18,037
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
1095
00:49:18,580 --> 00:49:19,664
Good show, Watson.
1096
00:49:19,748 --> 00:49:21,290
Thank you, Holmes. (YELLS)
1097
00:49:21,416 --> 00:49:22,667
(GROANS)
1098
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:24,251
Break his pelvis.
1099
00:49:24,753 --> 00:49:26,295
- (GROANS)
- Go! Again!
1100
00:49:27,005 --> 00:49:28,881
Club him like a baby seal.
1101
00:49:29,466 --> 00:49:30,508
(GRUNTS)
1102
00:49:33,053 --> 00:49:34,095
(WATSON PANTING)
1103
00:49:34,179 --> 00:49:36,097
- What have I done?
- No, you're fine.
1104
00:49:36,390 --> 00:49:37,890
- Okay.
- Now,
1105
00:49:38,100 --> 00:49:41,310
tell us everything you know
about the plot to kill the Queen.
1106
00:49:42,187 --> 00:49:43,187
All right.
1107
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:45,147
I'll tell you everything I know.
1108
00:49:47,317 --> 00:49:48,818
I've been stabbed in the back.
1109
00:49:51,530 --> 00:49:52,738
Meaning? Oh.
1110
00:49:52,823 --> 00:49:54,532
Metaphorically speaking, yes.
1111
00:49:54,616 --> 00:49:57,451
No, I've literally
been stabbed in the back...
1112
00:49:57,536 --> 00:49:59,328
- (CROWD EXCLAIMING)
- (GASPS)
1113
00:49:59,746 --> 00:50:01,038
Holmes, he's escaping.
1114
00:50:03,667 --> 00:50:04,709
(GROANS)
1115
00:50:06,420 --> 00:50:08,004
(GASPING)
1116
00:50:10,048 --> 00:50:11,674
So Moriarty is in England.
1117
00:50:11,758 --> 00:50:14,760
(SIGHS) Watson.
Does it look like Moriarty
1118
00:50:14,928 --> 00:50:16,387
- now?
- (GROANS)
1119
00:50:16,930 --> 00:50:18,097
Who is this?
1120
00:50:18,348 --> 00:50:19,807
Jacob Musgrave,
1121
00:50:20,434 --> 00:50:22,226
as I've been saying all along.
1122
00:50:22,644 --> 00:50:24,729
A man who looks so much like Moriarty,
1123
00:50:24,813 --> 00:50:27,440
a simple beard fooled almost everyone.
1124
00:50:27,524 --> 00:50:28,858
(WHIMPERS) All right, I admit it.
1125
00:50:28,942 --> 00:50:30,359
I am no Moriarty.
1126
00:50:30,861 --> 00:50:32,403
My name is Musgrave,
1127
00:50:32,487 --> 00:50:33,821
just like he says.
1128
00:50:35,198 --> 00:50:36,782
- Wow.
- HOLMES: Who put you up to this?
1129
00:50:37,284 --> 00:50:40,036
Oh, they've been leaving me notes
telling me what to do.
1130
00:50:40,579 --> 00:50:41,704
I don't know who it is.
1131
00:50:41,788 --> 00:50:43,956
I swear, I'm just a simple wanker.
1132
00:50:44,207 --> 00:50:45,708
He's telling the truth, Watson.
1133
00:50:46,209 --> 00:50:48,127
This morally deficient creature,
1134
00:50:48,712 --> 00:50:52,339
this awful, awful excuse
for a man, this...
1135
00:50:52,424 --> 00:50:54,717
- Bag of rubbish.
- Yes, good one, Watson. Yes.
1136
00:50:54,801 --> 00:50:56,552
Come on, guys. I'm dying.
1137
00:50:56,636 --> 00:50:59,138
These are the wages of wanking, you see?
1138
00:50:59,222 --> 00:51:00,931
- Wait, wait, wait.
- What?
1139
00:51:01,433 --> 00:51:02,475
Just a...
1140
00:51:02,559 --> 00:51:03,642
Don't wank on us.
1141
00:51:05,187 --> 00:51:06,312
A coal.
1142
00:51:07,147 --> 00:51:09,648
Said you were to take it to Newcastle.
1143
00:51:11,443 --> 00:51:13,569
- A lump of coal?
- MUSGRAVE: Yeah.
1144
00:51:13,779 --> 00:51:14,987
To Newcastle?
1145
00:51:15,072 --> 00:51:16,572
Newcastle by the river?
1146
00:51:17,032 --> 00:51:19,867
HOLMES: Perhaps this clue will lead us
to the real mastermind.
1147
00:51:19,951 --> 00:51:20,951
Time is running out.
1148
00:51:21,036 --> 00:51:22,286
We must save the Queen.
1149
00:51:22,370 --> 00:51:23,746
Good luck to you.
1150
00:51:23,830 --> 00:51:24,872
(EXHALES)
1151
00:51:25,457 --> 00:51:27,416
(LONDON TOWN BY DUB PISTOLS PLAYS)
1152
00:51:27,501 --> 00:51:29,668
(SINGING) While speeding to London town
1153
00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:32,379
Bad man he said we gotta get down
1154
00:51:32,464 --> 00:51:35,007
Keep smiling and forget that frown
1155
00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:37,510
Little reason to keep that crown
1156
00:51:37,594 --> 00:51:40,179
While speeding to London town
1157
00:51:40,263 --> 00:51:42,932
Bad man he said we gotta get down
1158
00:51:43,016 --> 00:51:45,434
Keep smiling and forget that frown...
1159
00:51:45,519 --> 00:51:48,604
HOLMES: Bring these coals to Newcastle.
1160
00:51:48,688 --> 00:51:49,980
Coals.
1161
00:51:50,524 --> 00:51:52,733
Coals. "Sherlock. "
1162
00:51:52,818 --> 00:51:55,778
"Three days until I rewrite
history and kill the queen. "
1163
00:51:55,862 --> 00:51:57,571
GRACE: Millicent is the subject
of my research.
1164
00:51:57,656 --> 00:51:58,697
HOLMES: Coals to Newcastle.
1165
00:51:58,782 --> 00:52:01,700
Talking to you, it's as if our brains
are sharing a tandem bicycle.
1166
00:52:01,785 --> 00:52:02,993
GRACE: She has the mental capacity of...
1167
00:52:03,078 --> 00:52:04,161
- (CACKLES)
- HOLMES: Now you have but three days...
1168
00:52:04,246 --> 00:52:06,705
Bring these coals to Newcastle.
1169
00:52:06,790 --> 00:52:09,667
(SINGING) Co-detective
Sherlock and me
1170
00:52:09,751 --> 00:52:10,918
Uh... Oh.
1171
00:52:11,002 --> 00:52:12,545
Good morning, Sherlock.
1172
00:52:13,171 --> 00:52:14,713
- What's happened?
- Well, I'm...
1173
00:52:14,798 --> 00:52:17,049
I'm trying to untangle
this baffling clue.
1174
00:52:17,134 --> 00:52:18,175
Ah.
1175
00:52:18,260 --> 00:52:20,678
Ever since I met Millie,
my mind is muddled.
1176
00:52:20,846 --> 00:52:24,890
Do you suppose she's infected me
with some sort of a disease?
1177
00:52:25,058 --> 00:52:26,058
Disease?
1178
00:52:26,143 --> 00:52:27,518
My heart races.
1179
00:52:27,811 --> 00:52:29,061
My palms sweat.
1180
00:52:29,229 --> 00:52:30,855
I have all these feelings.
1181
00:52:30,981 --> 00:52:33,732
Holmes, get a hold of yourself.
You're not sick.
1182
00:52:34,860 --> 00:52:35,901
You're in love.
1183
00:52:36,027 --> 00:52:37,987
Love? Horseradish!
1184
00:52:38,113 --> 00:52:39,238
I'm a man of logic.
1185
00:52:39,322 --> 00:52:40,614
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
1186
00:52:40,699 --> 00:52:45,244
In fact, I, too, have been taken
by this malady called love.
1187
00:52:45,745 --> 00:52:48,372
Grace has asked me to call upon her.
1188
00:52:48,874 --> 00:52:49,999
Apparently,
1189
00:52:50,667 --> 00:52:53,544
I sent her quite the charming
telegram last night.
1190
00:52:53,628 --> 00:52:54,962
(CHUCKLING)
1191
00:52:55,046 --> 00:52:56,589
Watson, you've cracked it.
1192
00:52:57,007 --> 00:52:58,382
Have I? Co-detective?
1193
00:52:58,466 --> 00:52:59,550
- Think, Watson.
- Uh...
1194
00:52:59,634 --> 00:53:01,218
Is there a single logical reason
1195
00:53:01,303 --> 00:53:03,137
for Grace to want to seek your company?
1196
00:53:03,805 --> 00:53:05,055
Romantic interest?
1197
00:53:05,307 --> 00:53:06,974
- No.
- My eyes?
1198
00:53:07,058 --> 00:53:08,184
It's all a ruse.
1199
00:53:08,268 --> 00:53:10,311
Moriarty escapes to America,
1200
00:53:10,395 --> 00:53:12,938
and then these two
American women show up?
1201
00:53:13,398 --> 00:53:17,067
Sorry, you're saying
Grace is the killer?
1202
00:53:17,152 --> 00:53:19,862
Of course she's not the killer.
She's an American.
1203
00:53:19,946 --> 00:53:22,239
- She would have used a gun.
- Ah. Hmm.
1204
00:53:22,324 --> 00:53:25,242
No, Grace is working for the killer.
1205
00:53:25,327 --> 00:53:26,368
Oh.
1206
00:53:26,453 --> 00:53:28,329
We shall seduce her,
1207
00:53:28,413 --> 00:53:30,247
and that will lead us to the murderer.
1208
00:53:30,540 --> 00:53:31,582
Mmm-hmm.
1209
00:53:32,042 --> 00:53:33,709
- Yes.
- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
1210
00:53:35,212 --> 00:53:36,545
Who could that be at this early hour?
1211
00:53:36,755 --> 00:53:38,422
- (KNOCKING CONTINUES)
- Enter.
1212
00:53:44,804 --> 00:53:46,639
- WATSON: Her Majesty.
- (GASPS)
1213
00:53:47,766 --> 00:53:49,600
Have you come to see me?
1214
00:53:50,727 --> 00:53:53,646
Mr. Holmes, I have
but two days left to live
1215
00:53:53,730 --> 00:53:55,689
unless you can solve this case.
1216
00:53:56,608 --> 00:53:58,817
My queen, do come in.
1217
00:53:59,778 --> 00:54:02,071
I shall speak
with Mr. Holmes in private.
1218
00:54:04,950 --> 00:54:06,116
Your Majesty.
1219
00:54:06,493 --> 00:54:07,660
You'll be happy to know
1220
00:54:07,744 --> 00:54:10,537
that, just this morning
we discovered a new clue.
1221
00:54:10,997 --> 00:54:12,456
This chunk of coal.
1222
00:54:12,916 --> 00:54:14,208
What does it mean?
1223
00:54:14,292 --> 00:54:15,876
It's quite a mystery.
1224
00:54:15,961 --> 00:54:17,753
(GIGGLES)
1225
00:54:17,837 --> 00:54:19,213
Is this going to be a problem?
1226
00:54:19,631 --> 00:54:20,673
Watson.
1227
00:54:20,757 --> 00:54:23,050
Perhaps the Queen would enjoy some tea.
1228
00:54:23,134 --> 00:54:24,551
Oh, yes, of course.
1229
00:54:26,096 --> 00:54:29,515
Mr. Holmes,
the empire is depending on you.
1230
00:54:29,599 --> 00:54:32,893
Your Majesty, I now suspect
two American women
1231
00:54:33,270 --> 00:54:35,187
are somehow involved in this plot.
1232
00:54:36,314 --> 00:54:37,314
Sorry.
1233
00:54:38,108 --> 00:54:39,191
Your Majesty,
1234
00:54:39,776 --> 00:54:42,653
do you think I could have
a picture of us together?
1235
00:54:42,779 --> 00:54:44,905
But who is going to take the photograph?
1236
00:54:44,990 --> 00:54:46,740
Oh, no, I'll take the photograph.
1237
00:54:46,992 --> 00:54:49,451
You see,
it's a type of a self-photograph.
1238
00:54:49,536 --> 00:54:51,912
I can take it, and I will be in it also.
1239
00:54:51,997 --> 00:54:54,873
You know what? I find,
to take the most attractive photographs,
1240
00:54:54,958 --> 00:54:58,544
you need to purse your lips together
like a duck-billed platypus.
1241
00:54:58,795 --> 00:55:00,754
Platypus face. Chins up.
1242
00:55:02,799 --> 00:55:05,217
- Hey.
- Hey. Hey, girl.
1243
00:55:05,302 --> 00:55:06,927
You know, maybe over by the window.
1244
00:55:07,012 --> 00:55:08,887
- The lighting's much better there.
- Yes, yes, capital idea.
1245
00:55:09,014 --> 00:55:10,556
- (GROANS)
- (THUDDING)
1246
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:12,808
- Oh, God. Ma'am, ma'am.
- HOLMES: Oh! Oh!
1247
00:55:12,892 --> 00:55:14,643
Ma'am! Your Majesty.
1248
00:55:14,728 --> 00:55:16,353
Oh, ma'am. Ma'am.
1249
00:55:16,813 --> 00:55:17,896
Oh, dear.
1250
00:55:19,190 --> 00:55:20,441
Tell me, Watson.
1251
00:55:22,027 --> 00:55:23,319
She's dead.
1252
00:55:24,988 --> 00:55:26,280
HOLMES: Dear God.
1253
00:55:26,406 --> 00:55:28,324
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1254
00:55:28,408 --> 00:55:30,367
- We've killed the Queen.
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1255
00:55:30,702 --> 00:55:32,161
Are you all right, Your Majesty?
1256
00:55:33,038 --> 00:55:34,038
(IMITATING THE QUEEN) Yes.
1257
00:55:34,122 --> 00:55:35,998
- Yes, I'm all right.
- Are you sure?
1258
00:55:36,082 --> 00:55:37,166
(IMITATING THE QUEEN)
Yes, I'm quite fine.
1259
00:55:37,250 --> 00:55:40,127
My lover, John Watson,
will take good care of me.
1260
00:55:42,297 --> 00:55:44,465
(WHISPERS)
Why did you want that photograph?
1261
00:55:44,758 --> 00:55:47,009
I didn't want the photograph.
1262
00:55:47,093 --> 00:55:48,969
What are you talking about?
1263
00:55:49,054 --> 00:55:50,721
Mr. Holmes? Dr. Watson?
1264
00:55:50,930 --> 00:55:52,806
(IMITATING THE QUEEN)
I'm very, very safe.
1265
00:55:52,891 --> 00:55:55,392
- (WHISPERING) She's so dead.
- She's so dead.
1266
00:55:55,769 --> 00:55:56,894
WATSON: I know.
HOLMES: Okay.
1267
00:55:56,978 --> 00:55:58,312
We'll shove her down the toilet
1268
00:55:58,396 --> 00:56:00,939
as if she was never here,
and we'll deny ever seeing her.
1269
00:56:01,024 --> 00:56:02,274
- Right. Excellent.
- (BOTH GRUNTING)
1270
00:56:02,776 --> 00:56:03,859
- HOLMES: Come on.
- Come up.
1271
00:56:05,945 --> 00:56:07,488
Here we are. Into the bathroom.
1272
00:56:07,572 --> 00:56:09,198
- (THUD)
- (BOTH GRUNTING)
1273
00:56:09,282 --> 00:56:10,824
Mr. Holmes. Dr. Watson.
1274
00:56:10,909 --> 00:56:12,284
- What was the big bang?
- (GASPS)
1275
00:56:12,369 --> 00:56:13,369
- We must buy some time.
- (GASPS)
1276
00:56:13,703 --> 00:56:14,828
- Right.
- Let's get her to the door.
1277
00:56:14,913 --> 00:56:16,121
- GUARD: Open this door!
- Wait.
1278
00:56:16,873 --> 00:56:18,374
WATSON: (IMITATING THE QUEEN)
Hello. What do you want?
1279
00:56:18,458 --> 00:56:19,792
Ma'am, are you all right?
1280
00:56:19,876 --> 00:56:22,044
Yes, of course I'm fine. Can't you see?
1281
00:56:22,212 --> 00:56:23,212
Yes, of course, ma'am. I'm so sorry.
1282
00:56:23,296 --> 00:56:24,463
We've got it from here, boys. Thank you.
1283
00:56:24,547 --> 00:56:25,714
- We're good.
- GUARD: Yes, sir.
1284
00:56:25,799 --> 00:56:27,257
- (DOOR LOCKS)
- (BOTH GRUNTING)
1285
00:56:27,342 --> 00:56:28,467
- The trunk.
- Yes.
1286
00:56:28,676 --> 00:56:30,386
Yes, we'll mail her to Africa.
1287
00:56:30,470 --> 00:56:31,762
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1288
00:56:31,846 --> 00:56:32,846
WATSON: Come on, ma'am. Sorry.
1289
00:56:33,431 --> 00:56:34,473
HOLMES: There we go.
1290
00:56:34,557 --> 00:56:35,557
Stuff her in there.
1291
00:56:35,809 --> 00:56:37,059
- Really thrust.
- (WATSON GRUNTING)
1292
00:56:37,143 --> 00:56:38,560
Good. Good.
1293
00:56:39,270 --> 00:56:40,604
Good. Good.
1294
00:56:41,022 --> 00:56:42,606
- Hold on, Watson.
- GUARD: Come on, boys.
1295
00:56:42,690 --> 00:56:44,566
- Open the door!
- (GRUNTING)
1296
00:56:44,651 --> 00:56:46,443
Mr. Holmes. Dr. Watson.
1297
00:56:46,528 --> 00:56:48,821
- One, two, three. Watch your fingers.
- (BOTH GRUNTING)
1298
00:56:49,989 --> 00:56:51,782
GUARD: Open this door immediately!
1299
00:56:51,991 --> 00:56:53,117
This is bad.
1300
00:56:53,201 --> 00:56:54,993
- You know what we must do.
- (DOOR BANGING)
1301
00:56:56,037 --> 00:56:57,246
Grab your toolbox.
1302
00:56:57,330 --> 00:56:59,873
Let me in! I'm breaking down the door!
1303
00:57:00,083 --> 00:57:01,166
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1304
00:57:01,751 --> 00:57:03,794
- Bone saw.
- Bone saw.
1305
00:57:03,878 --> 00:57:05,254
WATSON: Oh, God.
GUARD: Come on! Push! Come on, together!
1306
00:57:05,338 --> 00:57:08,090
Watson, toilet-sized chunks.
1307
00:57:08,174 --> 00:57:09,174
GUARD: Put your back into it!
1308
00:57:09,259 --> 00:57:10,551
- (GUARDS GRUNT)
- (DOOR OPENS)
1309
00:57:12,846 --> 00:57:14,221
Good God!
1310
00:57:14,305 --> 00:57:15,556
What have you done?
1311
00:57:16,224 --> 00:57:17,391
(GASPS)
1312
00:57:17,475 --> 00:57:18,934
Platypus lips.
1313
00:57:23,565 --> 00:57:24,898
(BONE SAW CLATTERS)
1314
00:57:25,900 --> 00:57:29,736
Can you send me a copy
of the self-photograph?
1315
00:57:30,905 --> 00:57:32,406
Absolutely.
1316
00:57:33,241 --> 00:57:37,161
It will arrive at the palace
in about a week.
1317
00:57:38,788 --> 00:57:39,872
Gentlemen,
1318
00:57:40,206 --> 00:57:43,625
you have two days to stop this killer.
1319
00:57:43,918 --> 00:57:45,002
Yes, ma'am.
1320
00:57:46,212 --> 00:57:47,463
God save the Queen.
1321
00:57:50,758 --> 00:57:52,259
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1322
00:57:52,343 --> 00:57:56,013
What a perfect day for a picnic
at London's greatest spectacle,
1323
00:57:56,181 --> 00:57:57,931
the Anglo-American Exhibition.
1324
00:57:58,433 --> 00:58:00,392
A celebration of that
special relationship
1325
00:58:00,477 --> 00:58:02,269
between our nation and yours.
1326
00:58:02,353 --> 00:58:04,354
Yes, such a special relationship
1327
00:58:04,439 --> 00:58:06,231
between these two nations,
1328
00:58:06,483 --> 00:58:08,484
although I could never live
1329
00:58:08,568 --> 00:58:10,527
in a country with an unelected ruler
1330
00:58:10,612 --> 00:58:11,612
like the Queen.
1331
00:58:11,738 --> 00:58:13,447
(SCOFFS) Why ever not?
1332
00:58:13,781 --> 00:58:15,824
In America, we have democracy.
1333
00:58:16,034 --> 00:58:18,911
Our president is a person
our people have all chosen.
1334
00:58:18,995 --> 00:58:20,037
Mmm.
1335
00:58:20,121 --> 00:58:24,166
An assurance that only the finest
and most qualified man will lead,
1336
00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:28,295
not a wealthy tyrant
who cares for nothing but himself.
1337
00:58:28,379 --> 00:58:31,048
But you have the electoral college,
which surely will prevent
1338
00:58:31,132 --> 00:58:33,509
some trumped-up charlatan
from gaining power.
1339
00:58:33,593 --> 00:58:35,177
Not always, unfortunately.
1340
00:58:35,303 --> 00:58:37,471
It would be great
to have a strong businessman.
1341
00:58:37,555 --> 00:58:38,972
But a showman as well.
1342
00:58:39,140 --> 00:58:40,390
I love a good show.
1343
00:58:40,475 --> 00:58:42,434
- America.
- (GRACE AND WATSON CHUCKLE)
1344
00:58:42,519 --> 00:58:45,354
We gave you your freedom,
and now look what you've done with it.
1345
00:58:45,772 --> 00:58:47,814
ANNOUNCER: London's spectacle...
1346
00:58:48,274 --> 00:58:49,733
HOLMES: Remember, Watson. (GRUNTS)
1347
00:58:49,859 --> 00:58:52,945
Relax them with small talk,
then begin the seduction.
1348
00:58:53,655 --> 00:58:55,280
I must say, she doesn't look
1349
00:58:55,365 --> 00:58:57,282
like she could be
an accessory to murder.
1350
00:58:58,576 --> 00:59:00,619
Well, looks can be deceiving.
1351
00:59:00,995 --> 00:59:02,162
(WHINY GRUNT)
1352
00:59:02,497 --> 00:59:04,331
Remember, we're here to seduce.
1353
00:59:04,999 --> 00:59:08,877
These physical displays of strength
will enchant them.
1354
00:59:09,254 --> 00:59:10,254
WATSON: Ah.
1355
00:59:10,338 --> 00:59:12,464
(VERDI'S LA DONNA È MOBILE PLAYS)
1356
00:59:12,549 --> 00:59:13,632
(PANTING)
1357
00:59:13,716 --> 00:59:15,217
I could use a bit of cocaine.
1358
00:59:15,301 --> 00:59:16,885
Did you bring a vial with you?
1359
00:59:18,263 --> 00:59:20,389
(BOTH GRUNTING MANIACALLY)
1360
00:59:20,765 --> 00:59:21,932
Very good.
1361
00:59:24,269 --> 00:59:25,811
(BOTH YELLING)
1362
00:59:28,731 --> 00:59:30,065
(GROANS)
1363
00:59:30,149 --> 00:59:32,276
- Are you all right?
- I'm... I'm exhausted.
1364
00:59:32,777 --> 00:59:35,153
There is one test I can employ
1365
00:59:35,238 --> 00:59:37,864
to prove she truly is
who she says she is.
1366
00:59:38,032 --> 00:59:39,366
Then do it, Holmes.
1367
00:59:39,450 --> 00:59:41,868
Employ your last test.
I simply must know.
1368
00:59:41,953 --> 00:59:43,078
(GROANS)
1369
00:59:45,081 --> 00:59:46,373
- Help!
- John?
1370
00:59:46,457 --> 00:59:48,125
- This man has been taken ill.
- GRACE: What?
1371
00:59:48,209 --> 00:59:50,586
- (GROANING)
- Oh!
1372
00:59:50,670 --> 00:59:51,670
Let me see.
1373
00:59:51,754 --> 00:59:53,630
If only there were a doctor present.
1374
00:59:54,132 --> 00:59:56,967
Clearly, he's had a severe blow
to his occipital bone.
1375
00:59:57,427 --> 00:59:58,427
He's concussed.
1376
00:59:58,511 --> 01:00:00,929
- And I am a doctor.
- A doctor?
1377
01:00:01,014 --> 01:00:03,765
A woman doctor.
What times we live in. (SIGHS)
1378
01:00:04,225 --> 01:00:05,434
Could it be?
1379
01:00:06,102 --> 01:00:08,395
Is Grace truly a doctor?
1380
01:00:08,855 --> 01:00:11,189
Are her feelings of affection genuine?
1381
01:00:11,399 --> 01:00:12,983
Then she's innocent.
1382
01:00:13,359 --> 01:00:14,651
Watson, get up.
1383
01:00:14,736 --> 01:00:15,986
We need to go see my brother.
1384
01:00:16,070 --> 01:00:18,113
- I love you, Grace.
- Oh!
1385
01:00:20,491 --> 01:00:22,993
WATSON: The legendary
Diogenes Men's Club.
1386
01:00:23,077 --> 01:00:26,872
HOLMES: Home of London's most awkward
gentlemen and my brother. (EXCLAIMS)
1387
01:00:26,956 --> 01:00:28,540
(BIRD SCREECHING)
1388
01:00:28,625 --> 01:00:29,875
- Holmes.
- Mmm.
1389
01:00:29,959 --> 01:00:31,418
I can't believe you have a brother.
1390
01:00:31,502 --> 01:00:33,378
Yes, but we're nothing alike.
1391
01:00:33,546 --> 01:00:35,881
He's an arrogant man
who never appreciates
1392
01:00:35,965 --> 01:00:37,257
the people around him.
1393
01:00:37,717 --> 01:00:39,259
BUTLER: Follow me. Here.
1394
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,557
MYCROFT: Well, well, well.
1395
01:00:47,644 --> 01:00:50,145
So you are finally seeking
your brother's help.
1396
01:00:51,022 --> 01:00:52,481
- (SIGHS)
- I must say, I'm not surprised.
1397
01:00:53,191 --> 01:00:55,734
And this vague assembly
of limbs and fatty tissue,
1398
01:00:55,818 --> 01:00:57,277
I assume, is Dr. Watson.
1399
01:00:57,362 --> 01:00:58,403
Mmm.
1400
01:01:01,699 --> 01:01:03,909
(MUFFLED, DISTORTED VOICES)
1401
01:01:11,626 --> 01:01:13,502
So shall I get us started?
1402
01:01:13,586 --> 01:01:15,796
(MEN SHUSHING)
1403
01:01:16,255 --> 01:01:18,006
Watson, please.
1404
01:01:18,091 --> 01:01:20,050
We're in the middle of a conversation.
1405
01:01:20,134 --> 01:01:21,134
Can't you see?
1406
01:01:21,260 --> 01:01:23,762
When the two most brilliant minds
in all of England
1407
01:01:23,846 --> 01:01:25,138
have a fraternal bond,
1408
01:01:25,223 --> 01:01:27,224
words are an inefficiency.
1409
01:01:27,308 --> 01:01:29,810
We communicate without words, silently,
1410
01:01:29,894 --> 01:01:32,187
from giant brain to gianter brain.
1411
01:01:32,355 --> 01:01:33,355
WATSON: Of course.
1412
01:01:34,148 --> 01:01:36,441
I'll join in as I see fit. (CHUCKLES)
1413
01:01:36,734 --> 01:01:37,859
(BOTH CLEAR THROAT)
1414
01:01:39,904 --> 01:01:42,698
MYCROFT: I can spare a few minutes
to solve your little mystery
1415
01:01:42,782 --> 01:01:45,826
and help quench your thirst
for public adulation.
1416
01:01:45,910 --> 01:01:48,078
HOLMES: My thirst is for logic.
1417
01:01:48,162 --> 01:01:52,249
I don't care what the public
thinks of London's best-loved detective,
1418
01:01:52,333 --> 01:01:53,542
Sherlock Holmes.
1419
01:01:53,626 --> 01:01:55,335
WATSON: Thoughts. (GROANS)
1420
01:01:55,420 --> 01:01:57,045
- (FEEDBACK SQUEALS)
- Me-Me talky.
1421
01:01:57,380 --> 01:01:58,714
Me-Me talky.
1422
01:01:58,798 --> 01:02:00,257
You find killer.
1423
01:02:00,341 --> 01:02:03,093
Me-Me talky? We find killer?
1424
01:02:03,553 --> 01:02:06,096
Watson, what are you trying to do?
1425
01:02:06,180 --> 01:02:07,389
Trying to brain-speak.
1426
01:02:07,473 --> 01:02:09,224
HOLMES: You're going to hurt yourself.
1427
01:02:09,517 --> 01:02:11,226
Uh, sorry. (CHUCKLES)
1428
01:02:11,519 --> 01:02:13,937
Uh, perhaps the gentleman
would be more comfortable
1429
01:02:14,021 --> 01:02:16,022
in the companions' chamber.
1430
01:02:16,858 --> 01:02:20,193
Perhaps, or perhaps
I'd be comfortable here by the fire.
1431
01:02:20,445 --> 01:02:22,863
- In the companions' chamber, sir.
- Yes, fine. Of course.
1432
01:02:22,947 --> 01:02:24,990
Great idea. Yeah, capital idea.
1433
01:02:25,074 --> 01:02:26,616
- I'll be in the companions' room.
- Yes.
1434
01:02:26,701 --> 01:02:29,327
The equal companions' room,
should you need me.
1435
01:02:29,787 --> 01:02:30,871
It's just here.
1436
01:02:31,289 --> 01:02:32,998
(MONKEY SCREECHING)
1437
01:02:34,917 --> 01:02:35,917
(DOOR CLOSES)
1438
01:02:36,002 --> 01:02:38,295
BUTLER: Please enjoy the company
of your fellow companions.
1439
01:02:38,504 --> 01:02:39,713
I see. Huh.
1440
01:02:40,548 --> 01:02:43,717
Balloons are happy,
but they're not alive.
1441
01:02:45,178 --> 01:02:46,428
Fair enough. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
1442
01:02:46,512 --> 01:02:47,554
(LOCK CLICKS)
1443
01:02:48,306 --> 01:02:50,474
(DOORKNOB RATTLING)
1444
01:02:51,309 --> 01:02:55,145
HOLMES: Who is this brilliant nemesis
capable of besting me?
1445
01:02:55,646 --> 01:02:59,024
MYCROFT: If your nemesis
were truly smarter than you,
1446
01:02:59,108 --> 01:03:00,358
it could only be me.
1447
01:03:01,110 --> 01:03:03,320
And as I am not the killer,
one must conclude
1448
01:03:03,404 --> 01:03:06,490
that the killer did not,
nor could not, outwit you.
1449
01:03:06,783 --> 01:03:09,659
HOLMES: If the killer
is my intellectual inferior,
1450
01:03:09,911 --> 01:03:12,037
how has he predicted my every move?
1451
01:03:12,121 --> 01:03:13,705
MYCROFT: The killer
did not predict your actions.
1452
01:03:13,790 --> 01:03:15,957
Our murderer is a student of yours,
1453
01:03:16,042 --> 01:03:17,501
someone in your proximity.
1454
01:03:17,585 --> 01:03:19,795
Someone who could observe
you undetected.
1455
01:03:19,879 --> 01:03:22,339
Someone who knows you
better than anyone.
1456
01:03:22,423 --> 01:03:23,882
WATSON: His mind radiates wisdom.
1457
01:03:23,966 --> 01:03:25,675
Sherlock Holmes has done it again!
1458
01:03:29,263 --> 01:03:30,680
I am dying from anticipation.
1459
01:03:30,765 --> 01:03:32,098
What did your brother tell you, Holmes?
1460
01:03:32,183 --> 01:03:34,017
I believe I've cracked the case.
1461
01:03:34,185 --> 01:03:36,895
It was in front of me
the whole time, my dear Watson.
1462
01:03:36,979 --> 01:03:38,104
Oh, do share.
1463
01:03:38,314 --> 01:03:39,981
(SIGHS) And ruin the suspense?
1464
01:03:40,274 --> 01:03:42,859
I just thought, since I worked
the case with you...
1465
01:03:42,944 --> 01:03:44,194
- And we're here.
- (SIGHS)
1466
01:03:47,114 --> 01:03:48,240
HOLMES: Now,
1467
01:03:48,407 --> 01:03:51,618
you're all wondering
why I gathered you here today.
1468
01:03:52,245 --> 01:03:55,288
Prepare yourself to be astonished.
1469
01:03:55,623 --> 01:03:56,957
The killer could only be a man
1470
01:03:57,041 --> 01:03:59,084
who knew my actions at every turn.
1471
01:03:59,627 --> 01:04:02,254
Who was present at every murder?
1472
01:04:02,338 --> 01:04:03,338
Hmm?
1473
01:04:03,714 --> 01:04:05,924
Who knows me better than anyone?
1474
01:04:06,384 --> 01:04:09,302
It was you who arranged
my birthday party
1475
01:04:09,387 --> 01:04:12,055
and the cake which contained
the first victim,
1476
01:04:12,265 --> 01:04:15,600
initiating the events
leading us to today.
1477
01:04:16,060 --> 01:04:18,895
Dr. Watson is the killer.
1478
01:04:19,564 --> 01:04:21,898
(OTHERS GASPING AND MURMURING)
1479
01:04:21,983 --> 01:04:23,233
HOLMES: By studying my methods,
1480
01:04:23,317 --> 01:04:26,486
you created a fake crime
only you could solve.
1481
01:04:26,571 --> 01:04:28,989
Why? I was to be so impressed
1482
01:04:29,198 --> 01:04:31,908
that I would crown him co-detective.
1483
01:04:32,034 --> 01:04:34,411
He wanted to rewrite history
1484
01:04:34,704 --> 01:04:36,496
by becoming my partner.
1485
01:04:38,833 --> 01:04:40,208
(CHUCKLES)
1486
01:04:40,293 --> 01:04:43,545
Okay. Now the part about
how I could never have done it
1487
01:04:43,629 --> 01:04:45,589
and on to the surprising real killer.
1488
01:04:45,673 --> 01:04:47,215
I wonder who it's going to be.
1489
01:04:47,300 --> 01:04:49,467
When one eliminates the impossible,
1490
01:04:49,552 --> 01:04:52,387
whatever remains, however improbable,
1491
01:04:52,471 --> 01:04:53,722
is the truth.
1492
01:04:54,807 --> 01:04:56,725
But this is absurd.
1493
01:04:57,476 --> 01:04:58,935
Holmes, you must know in your heart...
1494
01:04:59,020 --> 01:05:00,979
The heart is for pumping blood.
1495
01:05:01,063 --> 01:05:03,607
The truth is the truth!
1496
01:05:04,025 --> 01:05:05,025
Truth
1497
01:05:05,860 --> 01:05:09,029
is that I have devoted my life to you.
1498
01:05:09,864 --> 01:05:11,197
And I was a fool to think
1499
01:05:11,282 --> 01:05:13,241
you would ever consider me
as a co-detective
1500
01:05:13,326 --> 01:05:16,494
when you're incapable of thinking of me
even as a friend!
1501
01:05:16,829 --> 01:05:18,622
(STAMMERING)
1502
01:05:18,706 --> 01:05:20,332
Inspector Lestrade, take him.
1503
01:05:20,917 --> 01:05:21,958
Go on.
1504
01:05:22,043 --> 01:05:23,543
The man is your closest friend.
1505
01:05:23,628 --> 01:05:25,629
Your pursuit of Moriarty has failed.
1506
01:05:25,713 --> 01:05:27,339
You have no suspects.
1507
01:05:27,590 --> 01:05:30,133
The killer still threatens
to kill the Queen.
1508
01:05:30,217 --> 01:05:32,302
Is that a chance you're willing to take?
1509
01:05:33,054 --> 01:05:34,721
- Take him.
- What?
1510
01:05:35,222 --> 01:05:38,183
(GRUNTING)
1511
01:05:38,267 --> 01:05:40,310
Do you see his propensity for violence?
1512
01:05:40,394 --> 01:05:41,978
- Do you still doubt me?
- OFFICER: Calm down.
1513
01:05:42,897 --> 01:05:47,651
I shall never again
carry your blasted magnifying glasses
1514
01:05:48,653 --> 01:05:50,779
or your jars of urine.
1515
01:05:51,113 --> 01:05:52,656
Why are we even saving these?
1516
01:05:53,491 --> 01:05:57,494
- And you look stupid in that hat.
- (GASPS)
1517
01:05:57,578 --> 01:06:00,664
Your head was not meant for hats.
1518
01:06:01,290 --> 01:06:02,707
(GRUNTING)
1519
01:06:02,792 --> 01:06:05,001
Unhand me! No!
1520
01:06:05,086 --> 01:06:06,586
I'll never forget you, John.
1521
01:06:06,671 --> 01:06:08,922
(YELLING, SOBBING)
1522
01:06:09,006 --> 01:06:10,298
Why?
1523
01:06:10,383 --> 01:06:14,469
John Watson devoted his life to you,
and this is how you repay him?
1524
01:06:14,679 --> 01:06:18,390
Back to America with
your ham-dogs and hot-burgers.
1525
01:06:18,474 --> 01:06:20,642
GRACE: At least, in America,
our system's fair.
1526
01:06:21,227 --> 01:06:23,478
No citizen can be found guilty
1527
01:06:23,562 --> 01:06:27,107
till his case is heard by a jury
of white property-owning men.
1528
01:06:28,776 --> 01:06:31,361
Millie, surely, you must understand.
1529
01:06:37,034 --> 01:06:38,535
(GASPS)
1530
01:06:40,496 --> 01:06:42,080
Fine, go!
1531
01:06:42,248 --> 01:06:44,958
I'm the greatest detective
who ever lived.
1532
01:06:45,251 --> 01:06:47,460
You're welcome for solving this case.
1533
01:06:47,670 --> 01:06:49,921
Sherlock abandons Watson!
1534
01:07:01,308 --> 01:07:03,893
HOLMES: Well,
you've done it again, Sherlock.
1535
01:07:04,186 --> 01:07:05,228
(SIGHS)
1536
01:07:05,312 --> 01:07:06,813
Justice has been served.
1537
01:07:07,189 --> 01:07:09,858
And to think it was underneath
your nose the whole time.
1538
01:07:10,526 --> 01:07:12,193
Watson. (SCOFFS)
1539
01:07:12,278 --> 01:07:13,695
Of course it was Watson.
1540
01:07:14,155 --> 01:07:16,948
(SIGHS) It'll be nice to have the place
to myself again.
1541
01:07:17,491 --> 01:07:21,703
Don't have to deal
with his stupid medical stuff
1542
01:07:22,621 --> 01:07:26,458
or the constant badgering
about being a co-detective.
1543
01:07:28,044 --> 01:07:31,546
Oh, and the incessant writing
in his blasted journal.
1544
01:07:33,007 --> 01:07:35,258
"With each passing day on the case,
1545
01:07:35,342 --> 01:07:38,470
"my admiration for Sherlock
grows and grows.
1546
01:07:39,847 --> 01:07:41,097
(SCOFFS)
1547
01:07:42,683 --> 01:07:45,185
"I daresay he's more
than a great detective.
1548
01:07:46,312 --> 01:07:47,604
"He's a great man.
1549
01:07:49,148 --> 01:07:50,857
"A treasure for all of London.
1550
01:07:52,443 --> 01:07:53,985
"And I shall always
1551
01:07:55,488 --> 01:07:57,405
"consider him my best friend. "
1552
01:07:59,492 --> 01:08:00,950
(SNIFFLES)
1553
01:08:01,786 --> 01:08:02,869
(GASPS)
1554
01:08:06,457 --> 01:08:09,167
(GASPS SOFTLY)
1555
01:08:12,338 --> 01:08:13,588
(GASPS)
1556
01:08:15,633 --> 01:08:16,883
A tear?
1557
01:08:16,967 --> 01:08:18,343
(HEARTBEAT THUMPING)
1558
01:08:18,427 --> 01:08:19,928
What is this tear?
1559
01:08:22,306 --> 01:08:24,766
(STRAINING)
1560
01:08:26,310 --> 01:08:27,352
(GASPS)
1561
01:08:28,187 --> 01:08:29,229
(WHIMPERS)
1562
01:08:29,313 --> 01:08:30,772
I can't stop it.
1563
01:08:31,941 --> 01:08:33,691
(GASPING)
1564
01:08:36,570 --> 01:08:39,197
What is this warm feeling in my chest?
1565
01:08:45,538 --> 01:08:48,706
(SINGING) Why am I reeling in confusion?
1566
01:08:50,000 --> 01:08:52,877
What is this fever in my head?
1567
01:08:53,671 --> 01:08:55,046
Is it pox?
1568
01:08:55,172 --> 01:08:56,422
Maybe gout
1569
01:08:56,632 --> 01:08:59,134
I can't seem to work it out
1570
01:08:59,635 --> 01:09:01,678
And why
1571
01:09:01,971 --> 01:09:04,889
Don't I feel triumphant?
1572
01:09:05,850 --> 01:09:08,601
And why does it seem less than right
1573
01:09:08,686 --> 01:09:11,604
That Watson's going to hang tonight
1574
01:09:11,689 --> 01:09:16,317
And gasp and thrash
and choke until he's dead?
1575
01:09:16,819 --> 01:09:20,446
What is this strange sensation
1576
01:09:20,531 --> 01:09:23,283
Pounding in my veins?
1577
01:09:23,450 --> 01:09:27,996
Why is fluid leaking from my eye?
1578
01:09:28,372 --> 01:09:31,332
Why do I ache with shame
1579
01:09:31,417 --> 01:09:34,586
While moaning Watson's name?
1580
01:09:34,879 --> 01:09:39,382
Wish I could deduce the reason why
1581
01:09:39,466 --> 01:09:41,843
How could I possibly deserve this?
1582
01:09:42,344 --> 01:09:44,721
How, when I've been his loyal friend?
1583
01:09:44,805 --> 01:09:46,181
Helped him work, took his side
1584
01:09:46,265 --> 01:09:47,849
Sung his praises far and wide
1585
01:09:47,933 --> 01:09:53,104
So why would he just betray me?
1586
01:09:53,439 --> 01:09:56,524
Now all those happy times with him
1587
01:09:56,609 --> 01:09:59,444
When I would go solve crimes with him
1588
01:09:59,528 --> 01:10:02,488
Are coming to a sad and lonely
1589
01:10:02,573 --> 01:10:05,366
Eyeball-popping, strangulating
1590
01:10:05,451 --> 01:10:08,870
Kicking, screaming end
1591
01:10:08,954 --> 01:10:12,582
What is this strange sensation?
1592
01:10:12,666 --> 01:10:15,293
Where did I go wrong?
1593
01:10:15,377 --> 01:10:18,504
Why am I a sobbing, trembling mess?
1594
01:10:18,589 --> 01:10:20,757
Soon my neck will snap in half
1595
01:10:20,841 --> 01:10:23,509
- I guess
- And yet I know somehow
1596
01:10:23,594 --> 01:10:27,055
- And yet right now
- If he could hear right now
1597
01:10:27,139 --> 01:10:29,515
I would still forgive him
1598
01:10:32,186 --> 01:10:35,063
More or less
1599
01:10:35,814 --> 01:10:38,608
Please, I don't know
Upon whom else to call
1600
01:10:38,692 --> 01:10:41,486
Nothing is making any sense at all
1601
01:10:41,570 --> 01:10:45,031
Speak! I need your voice
To hear your voice
1602
01:10:45,115 --> 01:10:48,243
So sweet, so pure, so wise
1603
01:10:52,373 --> 01:10:56,042
Sometimes the irrational
1604
01:10:56,126 --> 01:10:59,629
Is truer than the rational
1605
01:10:59,713 --> 01:11:02,924
The heart can have its reasons
1606
01:11:03,008 --> 01:11:06,844
Which the head knows nothing of
1607
01:11:07,304 --> 01:11:10,223
Your brain says Watson's guilty
1608
01:11:10,307 --> 01:11:14,394
But a stronger force says
"No, he's not"
1609
01:11:14,478 --> 01:11:16,187
What is that force?
1610
01:11:16,272 --> 01:11:18,189
- It's... It's...
- Yes? What?
1611
01:11:18,274 --> 01:11:21,651
- It's love...
- Love?
1612
01:11:21,860 --> 01:11:25,655
- It's love
- It's love
1613
01:11:25,739 --> 01:11:27,782
- It's love
- It's love
1614
01:11:27,866 --> 01:11:30,243
- It's love
- It's love
1615
01:11:30,744 --> 01:11:31,869
My God.
1616
01:11:32,246 --> 01:11:33,788
Did I push Watson away
1617
01:11:33,872 --> 01:11:36,207
because I feared losing him to Grace?
1618
01:11:36,709 --> 01:11:38,835
Somehow, I know in my heart
1619
01:11:38,919 --> 01:11:41,337
in a way my brain can never know,
1620
01:11:41,630 --> 01:11:43,464
even a brain like mine,
1621
01:11:46,051 --> 01:11:47,677
Watson is innocent!
1622
01:11:48,178 --> 01:11:52,056
- Time to go and save
- Come save me now
1623
01:11:52,141 --> 01:11:58,771
- The man I love
- The man I love
1624
01:12:01,191 --> 01:12:02,191
HOLMES: Watson!
1625
01:12:02,276 --> 01:12:05,695
I discovered my emotions,
and I'm only 46.
1626
01:12:05,904 --> 01:12:07,989
CROWD: (CHANTING) Hang! Hang! Hang!
1627
01:12:08,407 --> 01:12:09,657
(BARKING, GROWLING)
1628
01:12:09,742 --> 01:12:11,075
(ALL CHEERING)
1629
01:12:11,160 --> 01:12:12,285
(MAN LAUGHS WICKEDLY)
1630
01:12:12,369 --> 01:12:13,578
Oh, God.
1631
01:12:14,413 --> 01:12:16,122
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Hang Dr. Watson! Hang Dr. Watson!
1632
01:12:16,707 --> 01:12:18,541
WATSON:
The dogs seem really unnecessary.
1633
01:12:19,251 --> 01:12:20,251
Sherlock.
1634
01:12:21,795 --> 01:12:22,879
Oh.
1635
01:12:23,172 --> 01:12:24,297
It's you. (CHUCKLES)
1636
01:12:25,424 --> 01:12:26,841
You've brought cake.
1637
01:12:34,266 --> 01:12:36,434
Watson! My brother!
1638
01:12:36,518 --> 01:12:38,144
Watson, where are you?
1639
01:12:38,479 --> 01:12:39,645
Where...
1640
01:12:39,772 --> 01:12:41,022
I'm too late.
1641
01:12:46,195 --> 01:12:47,362
Clever.
1642
01:12:47,780 --> 01:12:51,157
Very, very clever.
1643
01:12:57,289 --> 01:12:59,040
You were always so clever,
1644
01:12:59,833 --> 01:13:01,334
and I never appreciated it.
1645
01:13:03,003 --> 01:13:05,088
But it's not too late to make amends.
1646
01:13:05,172 --> 01:13:06,381
Watson!
1647
01:13:06,465 --> 01:13:08,841
I shouldn't have wasted
all my time singing!
1648
01:13:14,390 --> 01:13:15,807
Ah! Grimy news kids.
1649
01:13:16,058 --> 01:13:17,642
I desperately need your help.
1650
01:13:17,893 --> 01:13:19,644
Dr. Watson's in grave danger.
1651
01:13:19,728 --> 01:13:21,229
Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.
1652
01:13:21,313 --> 01:13:22,772
Because of you, you wank!
1653
01:13:22,856 --> 01:13:23,940
I know.
1654
01:13:24,066 --> 01:13:25,691
But I know of a way to save him.
1655
01:13:25,859 --> 01:13:27,902
Please, please help me.
1656
01:13:28,153 --> 01:13:30,696
I must find a way
to the docks immediately.
1657
01:13:34,410 --> 01:13:37,995
WATSON: "Moriarty's daughter
did the one thing Moriarty never could.
1658
01:13:38,080 --> 01:13:41,749
"She defeated Sherlock Holmes
and assassinated the Queen.
1659
01:13:42,751 --> 01:13:45,294
"Sherlock Holmes,
the man whom I regarded
1660
01:13:45,379 --> 01:13:49,132
"as the best and the wisest man
whom I would ever know
1661
01:13:50,467 --> 01:13:53,010
"was a fraud. "
1662
01:13:55,305 --> 01:13:56,597
(SIGHS)
1663
01:13:56,682 --> 01:13:57,932
It is done. (SIGHS)
1664
01:13:58,350 --> 01:14:01,102
A devilish plan worthy of your father.
1665
01:14:01,437 --> 01:14:05,398
The last book in the Sherlock Holmes
canon is complete,
1666
01:14:06,233 --> 01:14:08,860
The Case of the Defeated Detective.
1667
01:14:09,278 --> 01:14:11,696
Daddy will be so proud.
1668
01:14:12,489 --> 01:14:13,990
Sherlock will be remembered
1669
01:14:14,074 --> 01:14:16,868
as the man who failed
to protect the Queen.
1670
01:14:17,077 --> 01:14:18,744
History shall be rewritten
1671
01:14:18,829 --> 01:14:22,457
at the hand of his loyal partner,
Dr. Watson.
1672
01:14:23,250 --> 01:14:24,750
I've done your bidding.
1673
01:14:25,210 --> 01:14:26,627
Now set me free.
1674
01:14:27,504 --> 01:14:29,297
You're gonna die here.
1675
01:14:29,965 --> 01:14:31,424
You gave me your word.
1676
01:14:31,508 --> 01:14:32,925
You swore on the life of the Queen.
1677
01:14:33,010 --> 01:14:36,471
I'm gonna kill the Queen,
you big eejit. Boys!
1678
01:14:36,847 --> 01:14:38,347
- GIRL: Mrs. Hudson is the killer?
- Mmm-hmm.
1679
01:14:38,807 --> 01:14:39,932
Gorblimey!
1680
01:14:40,017 --> 01:14:41,392
How'd you work that out?
1681
01:14:41,477 --> 01:14:43,436
Why, it was Watson who told me.
1682
01:14:43,770 --> 01:14:45,980
You see, beet sugar.
1683
01:14:46,315 --> 01:14:49,066
Mrs. Hudson's family recipe
and Watson's favorite.
1684
01:14:49,151 --> 01:14:50,693
He never would have left crumbs behind
1685
01:14:50,777 --> 01:14:52,236
unless he was leaving me a clue.
1686
01:14:52,613 --> 01:14:55,698
For, you see, Mrs. Hudson's
origins are not so humble.
1687
01:14:56,074 --> 01:14:59,744
She is none other than the daughter
of Professor James Moriarty.
1688
01:14:59,828 --> 01:15:01,287
BOY: No, it ain't possible.
1689
01:15:01,371 --> 01:15:04,332
You see, Mrs. Hudson
never knew her father.
1690
01:15:04,625 --> 01:15:06,000
He was never present.
1691
01:15:06,210 --> 01:15:09,754
To gain his love, she tried to pull off
the greatest crime ever.
1692
01:15:09,922 --> 01:15:12,548
Destroy the great Sherlock Holmes.
1693
01:15:12,925 --> 01:15:16,260
She took a job at my house
in order to study my methods,
1694
01:15:16,345 --> 01:15:19,472
then used a network of patsies
to execute her plans.
1695
01:15:19,681 --> 01:15:22,517
However, it wasn't until
I understood feelings
1696
01:15:22,601 --> 01:15:24,310
that I understood her motive,
1697
01:15:24,603 --> 01:15:26,812
her need for her father's love.
1698
01:15:27,397 --> 01:15:30,316
She would gain it
by eliminating his greatest enemy,
1699
01:15:30,567 --> 01:15:31,692
me.
1700
01:15:31,860 --> 01:15:35,863
And tonight, she will commit
her boldest crime yet,
1701
01:15:36,323 --> 01:15:39,200
killing the Queen here!
1702
01:15:39,868 --> 01:15:41,285
The Titanic.
1703
01:15:41,703 --> 01:15:43,204
The marvel of London.
1704
01:15:43,705 --> 01:15:46,541
A new castle, which runs on coal.
1705
01:15:47,709 --> 01:15:50,294
MAN: Your Majesty, may I introduce
Lieutenant Morgan.
1706
01:15:50,379 --> 01:15:51,379
QUEEN VICTORIA: Lieutenant.
1707
01:15:52,130 --> 01:15:53,839
MAN: First Officer Carter.
1708
01:15:54,508 --> 01:15:56,509
- Your Majesty.
- First Officer.
1709
01:15:57,052 --> 01:15:59,053
HOLMES: Look, Hudson's goons.
1710
01:15:59,638 --> 01:16:02,598
- Create a diversion.
- You go and save Dr. Watson, Mr. Holmes.
1711
01:16:02,849 --> 01:16:04,016
We'll take care of this lot.
1712
01:16:04,101 --> 01:16:05,726
Come on, you tom tit!
1713
01:16:05,811 --> 01:16:07,812
You ain't bigger
than a couple of powder monkeys.
1714
01:16:07,896 --> 01:16:08,896
(DOOR OPENS)
1715
01:16:09,398 --> 01:16:11,065
Is there a problem, boys?
1716
01:16:11,191 --> 01:16:13,484
(CHUCKLES) Think we can take them,
lads. Aye?
1717
01:16:13,819 --> 01:16:15,903
Walk away now,
and I promise you won't get hurt.
1718
01:16:15,988 --> 01:16:18,531
A bunch of runts and a couple of ladies?
1719
01:16:18,615 --> 01:16:20,032
American ladies.
1720
01:16:20,701 --> 01:16:22,785
- (HORSE NEIGHING)
- (CHILDREN SHOUTING)
1721
01:16:24,997 --> 01:16:26,247
MAN: Not my eyes!
1722
01:16:31,128 --> 01:16:33,713
MRS. HUDSON:
I'm sorry to do this, Dr. Watson.
1723
01:16:33,797 --> 01:16:36,424
I'm gonna crush your head.
1724
01:16:36,508 --> 01:16:39,343
There's gonna be brains everywhere.
1725
01:16:39,428 --> 01:16:41,929
And I'll not be cleaning up after.
1726
01:16:42,014 --> 01:16:43,139
I know you're threatening me,
1727
01:16:43,223 --> 01:16:45,141
but I can't understand
a word you're saying.
1728
01:16:45,934 --> 01:16:48,352
You're staying, Dr. Watson,
1729
01:16:48,437 --> 01:16:51,939
but I'll be on my way to America
by the time the bomb explodes.
1730
01:16:52,232 --> 01:16:53,608
Sherlock will save me.
1731
01:16:53,692 --> 01:16:55,276
- You'll see.
- I'll see.
1732
01:16:55,611 --> 01:16:57,069
He won't let me down.
1733
01:16:57,446 --> 01:16:59,655
He won't. He's my best friend!
1734
01:16:59,740 --> 01:17:01,115
(SOBS MOCKINGLY)
1735
01:17:01,199 --> 01:17:02,408
Dollface!
1736
01:17:02,993 --> 01:17:04,201
(WHIRRING)
1737
01:17:04,536 --> 01:17:06,829
(SCREAMING)
1738
01:17:07,205 --> 01:17:08,247
MRS. HUDSON: Come on, boys.
1739
01:17:08,332 --> 01:17:11,083
- The bomb goes off in 10 minutes.
- Sherlock!
1740
01:17:11,752 --> 01:17:13,753
Sherlock!
1741
01:17:14,463 --> 01:17:16,547
Help! Help!
1742
01:17:16,632 --> 01:17:18,299
Sherlock!
1743
01:17:18,925 --> 01:17:20,259
Help!
1744
01:17:20,427 --> 01:17:21,469
(SHOUTS)
1745
01:17:21,720 --> 01:17:22,803
Watson!
1746
01:17:23,472 --> 01:17:24,805
(PANTING)
1747
01:17:25,223 --> 01:17:29,060
Oh, God, if you save me,
I'll never touch myself again.
1748
01:17:29,144 --> 01:17:31,354
- Watson!
- Oh, Sherlock.
1749
01:17:31,563 --> 01:17:33,272
You've come for me. I knew you would.
1750
01:17:33,357 --> 01:17:35,483
Watson, good news.
1751
01:17:35,651 --> 01:17:36,942
You're innocent.
1752
01:17:37,861 --> 01:17:39,612
Yes. I know.
1753
01:17:39,696 --> 01:17:41,238
- Oh.
- Thank you.
1754
01:17:41,907 --> 01:17:43,741
- Can you forgive me?
- Of course.
1755
01:17:43,825 --> 01:17:46,327
Now, be a good chap,
and get me out of this damn thing
1756
01:17:46,411 --> 01:17:47,953
before it crushes my skull.
1757
01:17:48,246 --> 01:17:49,789
Yes? There's a good chap. Go on.
1758
01:17:49,873 --> 01:17:52,375
(GRUNTS) I won't leave you. Not again.
1759
01:17:52,459 --> 01:17:54,752
That's a lovely sentiment,
but I really need you
1760
01:17:54,836 --> 01:17:56,504
to free me from this gear right now.
1761
01:17:56,880 --> 01:17:59,006
Emotions are spewing from my heart.
1762
01:17:59,466 --> 01:18:01,092
- Pull yourself together.
- (SOBBING) Okay.
1763
01:18:01,176 --> 01:18:02,259
Stop crying.
1764
01:18:02,344 --> 01:18:04,762
Because we must get the Queen
and everyone else off this ship.
1765
01:18:04,846 --> 01:18:06,639
You see, Hudson has planted a bomb.
1766
01:18:06,723 --> 01:18:08,516
A time bomb, you see?
1767
01:18:08,600 --> 01:18:10,643
- You must free me.
- Do you feel my heart ticking?
1768
01:18:10,727 --> 01:18:12,269
- Get me off this fucking wheel!
- (SOBS)
1769
01:18:12,729 --> 01:18:15,356
All my dreams are coming true.
1770
01:18:15,440 --> 01:18:19,568
In just two minutes, my bomb
will go off, killing the Queen.
1771
01:18:19,820 --> 01:18:21,987
Sherlock Holmes will go down in history
1772
01:18:22,072 --> 01:18:25,491
as the worst detective
the world has ever known.
1773
01:18:25,575 --> 01:18:28,994
And the name Moriarty
will live on forever!
1774
01:18:29,079 --> 01:18:30,454
(FOGHORN BLOWS)
1775
01:18:31,081 --> 01:18:32,289
Father,
1776
01:18:32,833 --> 01:18:35,126
soon, we shall be together again.
1777
01:18:35,585 --> 01:18:37,962
- In America!
- MEN: Yeah!
1778
01:18:38,922 --> 01:18:40,715
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1779
01:18:45,512 --> 01:18:48,139
The bomb will detonate in one minute.
1780
01:18:48,265 --> 01:18:49,974
Where could it possibly be?
1781
01:18:51,393 --> 01:18:52,560
WATSON: Wait.
1782
01:18:52,811 --> 01:18:54,520
That kettle drum.
1783
01:18:54,730 --> 01:18:57,773
Those are only ever used
in mounted cavalry formations,
1784
01:18:57,858 --> 01:18:59,316
never in a Marine band.
1785
01:18:59,943 --> 01:19:01,068
- Perhaps...
- (GASPS)
1786
01:19:01,153 --> 01:19:03,821
The bomb is in the drum.
Very good, Watson.
1787
01:19:03,905 --> 01:19:05,614
But the Queen is standing
just beside it.
1788
01:19:05,699 --> 01:19:07,074
She'll be blown to smithereens.
1789
01:19:07,159 --> 01:19:08,993
But how to defuse it in time?
1790
01:19:10,370 --> 01:19:13,956
HOLMES: Time remaining
until bomb detonation, 55 seconds.
1791
01:19:14,166 --> 01:19:17,626
Estimated blast radius from bomb,
17 feet.
1792
01:19:17,711 --> 01:19:20,796
Time required to move queen
to safety, 12 seconds.
1793
01:19:20,881 --> 01:19:22,715
Solution, move through crowd,
1794
01:19:22,799 --> 01:19:25,926
see Millie for the first time,
forget about bomb...
1795
01:19:26,011 --> 01:19:27,094
No.
1796
01:19:31,099 --> 01:19:32,975
Time remaining, 37 seconds.
1797
01:19:33,059 --> 01:19:35,519
Solution, shoot water main
to douse bomb,
1798
01:19:35,604 --> 01:19:37,521
remember Millie at the park,
forget about bomb.
1799
01:19:37,606 --> 01:19:38,856
No, I forgot about the bomb!
1800
01:19:43,195 --> 01:19:45,780
Watson, what are you doing in my brain?
1801
01:19:45,864 --> 01:19:47,156
WATSON: I'm doing it.
1802
01:19:47,240 --> 01:19:49,825
I'm communicating without words.
1803
01:19:49,910 --> 01:19:52,495
I can't focus.
I was trying to formulate a plan,
1804
01:19:52,579 --> 01:19:54,497
and I kept getting off track.
1805
01:19:54,581 --> 01:19:57,124
Holmes, no, you don't. Snap out of it.
1806
01:19:57,209 --> 01:19:58,834
I can't. I'm too emotional.
1807
01:19:58,919 --> 01:20:01,462
Look behind me.
The Queen's being blown to bits.
1808
01:20:01,630 --> 01:20:03,172
You have to take control.
1809
01:20:03,340 --> 01:20:05,382
You must be detective for both of us.
1810
01:20:05,550 --> 01:20:06,675
Right.
1811
01:20:08,220 --> 01:20:09,595
WATSON: I know what I must do.
1812
01:20:09,763 --> 01:20:11,430
Estimated blast radius,
1813
01:20:11,765 --> 01:20:13,557
20... No, 30 feet?
1814
01:20:13,642 --> 01:20:14,725
Account for ship's movement.
1815
01:20:14,810 --> 01:20:16,685
Wait. Is that a four or a seven?
1816
01:20:16,770 --> 01:20:18,562
Math is so hard. Hold on.
1817
01:20:18,647 --> 01:20:20,523
What does that "X" mean?
Or is that a plus?
1818
01:20:20,607 --> 01:20:22,316
What is that thing? Angle of approach?
1819
01:20:22,400 --> 01:20:25,027
Oh, I don't know how to do angles.
Should have listened more in school.
1820
01:20:25,111 --> 01:20:26,695
Oh, screw it. Charge!
1821
01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:27,947
(YELLING)
1822
01:20:28,615 --> 01:20:29,865
Out of my way!
1823
01:20:30,033 --> 01:20:31,200
- Move!
- (WOMEN SCREAMING)
1824
01:20:31,701 --> 01:20:34,161
- (TICKING)
- Nine, eight...
1825
01:20:34,371 --> 01:20:35,538
Coming through! (GRUNTS)
1826
01:20:35,872 --> 01:20:37,623
- So sorry!
- ... seven...
1827
01:20:38,667 --> 01:20:39,834
Come on.
1828
01:20:39,960 --> 01:20:41,377
- Move your tuchis!
- (WOMAN GASPS)
1829
01:20:41,503 --> 01:20:42,670
- Sorry, friend!
- (MAN GROANING)
1830
01:20:44,506 --> 01:20:45,589
MRS. HUDSON:... five,
1831
01:20:46,424 --> 01:20:47,508
four...
1832
01:20:47,592 --> 01:20:48,843
(PEOPLE GASPING)
1833
01:20:50,470 --> 01:20:51,679
...two...
1834
01:20:53,181 --> 01:20:54,723
(TICKING)
1835
01:20:56,560 --> 01:20:57,685
Aw, shit!
1836
01:20:59,604 --> 01:21:01,605
(CROWD GASPING, MURMURING)
1837
01:21:03,525 --> 01:21:04,692
MAN: Huzzah.
1838
01:21:04,901 --> 01:21:06,902
Huzzah for Sherlock Holmes.
1839
01:21:06,987 --> 01:21:09,613
- Sherlock Holmes saved the Titanic.
- (APPLAUSE)
1840
01:21:10,532 --> 01:21:12,700
CROWD: Huzzah!
WOMAN: Hurrah for Sherlock!
1841
01:21:12,784 --> 01:21:13,784
MAN 1: Bravo, Sherlock!
1842
01:21:13,869 --> 01:21:15,953
MAN 2: Sherlock Holmes was right
about everything!
1843
01:21:16,037 --> 01:21:17,413
CROWD: Hip hip hooray!
1844
01:21:18,164 --> 01:21:20,040
Thank you. Thank you.
1845
01:21:21,084 --> 01:21:23,878
But I could never have done it
without Dr. Watson.
1846
01:21:23,962 --> 01:21:28,257
- Oh, no.
- Let Watson's name be forever associated
1847
01:21:28,341 --> 01:21:29,592
with the Titanic.
1848
01:21:30,010 --> 01:21:34,513
So, when you think of your friends
and relatives on board the Titanic,
1849
01:21:34,598 --> 01:21:36,140
just remember,
1850
01:21:36,224 --> 01:21:40,769
Dr. John H. Watson put them there.
1851
01:21:40,896 --> 01:21:42,479
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
- MAN: Hooray for Watson!
1852
01:21:42,898 --> 01:21:44,398
Bloody good we didn't hang him.
1853
01:21:46,234 --> 01:21:47,776
QUEEN VICTORIA: Dr. Watson,
1854
01:21:48,528 --> 01:21:49,862
you saved us.
1855
01:21:50,322 --> 01:21:51,405
Thank you.
1856
01:21:52,032 --> 01:21:54,408
It has been my pleasure
to serve you, Your Majesty.
1857
01:21:56,411 --> 01:21:59,204
(APPLAUSE)
1858
01:22:03,627 --> 01:22:05,252
(KISSES, BLOWS)
1859
01:22:08,590 --> 01:22:09,715
(BLOWS)
1860
01:22:09,799 --> 01:22:10,841
(GUN CLICKS)
1861
01:22:11,009 --> 01:22:12,301
No, Millie.
1862
01:22:22,979 --> 01:22:24,480
I have a confession to make.
1863
01:22:25,106 --> 01:22:27,358
I'm not actually in love with you.
1864
01:22:27,776 --> 01:22:29,944
In order to conclude my investigation,
1865
01:22:30,028 --> 01:22:33,155
it was imperative that
I understood what love felt like.
1866
01:22:33,615 --> 01:22:35,074
I'm sorry to have led you on.
1867
01:22:36,201 --> 01:22:37,701
I have a confession as well.
1868
01:22:37,911 --> 01:22:39,411
I was also not in love.
1869
01:22:39,537 --> 01:22:40,996
I was conducting an experiment
1870
01:22:41,081 --> 01:22:43,165
on how easy it is
to manipulate the male ego.
1871
01:22:44,000 --> 01:22:46,543
- What?
- I'm sorry I led you on.
1872
01:22:47,212 --> 01:22:49,546
Well, I have another confession.
1873
01:22:49,631 --> 01:22:52,216
- Hmm.
- I was just pretending to have a big ego
1874
01:22:52,300 --> 01:22:55,010
so as to make you think that
your experiment was working
1875
01:22:55,095 --> 01:22:57,179
so that I could conclude
my experiment on you.
1876
01:22:57,263 --> 01:22:58,764
Well, I had to lead you on
1877
01:22:58,848 --> 01:23:01,558
because I was doing an experiment
about how men think
1878
01:23:01,643 --> 01:23:03,560
they can manipulate female scientists
while they're doing experiments.
1879
01:23:03,645 --> 01:23:05,479
Well, I have another confession to make.
1880
01:23:06,564 --> 01:23:07,564
(HOLMES GRUNTS)
1881
01:23:09,985 --> 01:23:11,276
(BOTH MOAN AWKWARDLY)
1882
01:23:11,361 --> 01:23:12,653
(PANTING)
1883
01:23:12,737 --> 01:23:13,988
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
1884
01:23:14,239 --> 01:23:15,364
(SIGHS)
1885
01:23:17,117 --> 01:23:20,202
You will be shocked to learn
that was my first kiss.
1886
01:23:20,912 --> 01:23:23,372
Mine as well,
and we've already mastered it.
1887
01:23:23,456 --> 01:23:24,540
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- Yes, indeed.
1888
01:23:24,833 --> 01:23:26,500
All aboard!
1889
01:23:26,668 --> 01:23:29,211
She sails in 20 minutes!
1890
01:23:29,295 --> 01:23:31,171
MAN: Hurry, everyone! Step lively!
1891
01:23:31,256 --> 01:23:33,841
HOLMES: Enjoy your trip
on the safest ship to sail.
1892
01:23:33,925 --> 01:23:35,092
Goodbye.
1893
01:23:35,343 --> 01:23:36,510
Farewell, Grace.
1894
01:23:36,845 --> 01:23:37,845
HOLMES: Goodbye, Millie.
1895
01:23:37,929 --> 01:23:40,305
Make sure you get plenty of bed rest.
1896
01:23:40,640 --> 01:23:42,266
There's a good chance you're pregnant.
1897
01:23:42,350 --> 01:23:43,350
I hope so.
1898
01:23:43,435 --> 01:23:45,060
From... From the kissing?
1899
01:23:46,604 --> 01:23:48,313
- Yes.
- Oh, yes.
1900
01:23:49,691 --> 01:23:51,316
What a grand ship.
1901
01:23:51,401 --> 01:23:52,401
Yes.
1902
01:23:52,485 --> 01:23:54,528
(GASPS) Watson, look.
1903
01:23:55,697 --> 01:23:56,989
It's Billy Zane.
1904
01:23:57,949 --> 01:23:59,033
Sherlock. (LAUGHS)
1905
01:24:00,702 --> 01:24:02,745
HOLMES: Wow. He's breathtaking.
1906
01:24:03,830 --> 01:24:05,205
Where's the bar on this canoe?
1907
01:24:10,253 --> 01:24:11,545
- Holmes.
- Mmm.
1908
01:24:12,088 --> 01:24:14,339
I believe I may have solved
the one mystery
1909
01:24:14,424 --> 01:24:16,592
which has baffled you all these years.
1910
01:24:17,761 --> 01:24:18,927
What?
1911
01:24:20,346 --> 01:24:21,430
(GASPS)
1912
01:24:22,640 --> 01:24:23,766
Would you mind?
1913
01:24:26,061 --> 01:24:27,269
Ah.
1914
01:24:27,353 --> 01:24:28,479
Do you like it?
1915
01:24:28,605 --> 01:24:30,647
Let's see here. Huh?
1916
01:24:31,066 --> 01:24:32,649
- Oh, it suits you.
- Mmm.
1917
01:24:33,109 --> 01:24:35,319
- I think it's perfect.
- Really?
1918
01:24:35,612 --> 01:24:38,614
- You're not just saying that?
- No, I'm not just saying it.
1919
01:24:39,115 --> 01:24:40,783
- Good.
- Thank you, Watson.
1920
01:24:41,284 --> 01:24:43,077
And I have something for you as well.
1921
01:24:43,161 --> 01:24:45,537
- No. No.
- Please. Step over here.
1922
01:24:45,622 --> 01:24:48,207
Why? I don't deserve anything.
1923
01:24:49,876 --> 01:24:50,876
My dear Watson.
1924
01:24:51,795 --> 01:24:53,045
What do you think?
1925
01:24:53,588 --> 01:24:55,005
It's beautiful.
1926
01:25:11,523 --> 01:25:12,981
(HORSES NEIGHING)
1927
01:25:13,066 --> 01:25:15,400
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1928
01:25:16,402 --> 01:25:19,863
(LIVELY CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)
1929
01:25:20,615 --> 01:25:21,865
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
1930
01:25:22,784 --> 01:25:25,285
Telegram for Professor Moriarty.
1931
01:25:27,747 --> 01:25:28,747
Professor?
1932
01:25:36,214 --> 01:25:37,965
Boy, who sent this?