(SPEAKING FRENCH)
(MAN SCREAMS)
(RATTLING)
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
Hello?
The matter has been dealt with.
47?
(SPLASH)
Half now, half later.
Why do they always have to do that?
(WOMAN SPEAKS FRENCH)
(MAN SPEAKING FRENCH)
My name is Victor Maynard.
I am 54 years old, and I work as a professional killer.
-I love you! -Shut up.
(COOS)
Who the hell are you?
Je m'appelle Victor Maynard.
J'ai cinquante-quatre ans etje travaille comme assassin.
Tu veux un peu de cafe?
(PARROT) Victor Maynard.
(SQUAWKS)
(COOS)
I love you!
Hello.
Where are we going?
(PARROT WHISTLES)
That wasn't me.
I love you, Victor Maynard!
Victor Maynard, I love you.
Oh, the fucker.
Victor Maynard!
You know, I read somewhere that men who live too long
with their mothers tend toward the homosexual.
Really?
You and I lived together for a long time.
Yes, we did.
You don't... tend, do you, Victor?
I don't think so, mother.
Then what's the problem?
(CLOCK CHIMING)
I actually can't stay much longer.
I got your card from Paris with the clipping.
Forty yards, in the street, with a silencer.
Very dexterous. Your father would've been proud.
Opening up the international side ofthings like that.
Well, I'll call in again soon.
Wait. There's your birthday.
But that's not until...
Oh...
You--you shouldn't have.
They're all there.
Right from the first, "Death of an accordionist."
Plenty of blank pages at the end, too.
Quite a career. Quite a legacy.
You're going to be 55, Victor.
I know.
The age your father was when you were born.
Indeed.
I've taken up knitting.
Blue for a boy.
We can hope, at least.
Good-bye, mother.
Someone has to carry on the family business.
These skills mustn't be lost.
I've brought you a present, too.
-(SQUAKS) -His name's Roger.
Roger the parrot.
(PARROT WHISTLES)
Ah, merci.
Mm! Mm! Mm.
J'aime particulièrement les vins de Bourgogne.
Et vous?
REGINA SPEKTOR: ♪ Come in ♪
♪ Come in
(PEOPLE SHOUTING) -Wrong side ofthe road! -Wrong way!
Idiot!
♪ I've got to show, show, show you
♪ Come into my bed
(CARS CRASHING) ♪ I've got to know, know, know you
♪ I have dreams of orca whales and owls
♪ But I wake up in fear
♪ You will never be my
♪ You will never be my fool
♪ Will never be my fool
♪ Floaters in my eyes
♪ Wake up in a hotel room
♪ Cigarettes and lies
♪ I am a child, it's too soon
♪ I have dreams of orca whales and owls
♪ But I wake up in fear
♪ You will never be my
♪ You will never be my fool
♪ Will never be my fool
♪ A little bag of mm-mm, a little bag of mm-mm
(BICYCLE BELL DINGS) ♪ So who's the girl wearing my dress?
♪ I figured out her number
♪ Inside a paper napkin
♪ But I don't know her address, I wade downstairs...
Hey!
Oh! (SIGHS)
Rose...
Have you got it?
I'm worried.
I don't want to do this.
-We agreed. -Yes, I know.
But?
Rose, I need you to absolutely swear to me,
that nothing bad will happen to the painting.
Gerry...
I swear.
You know that by doing this, you're making me very happy.
Yeah.
And ifthat's not enough, then just think ofthe money.
Are you thinking, Gerry? Hmm?
Yeah.
-Okay. -Great.
Oh, my God. It's really, really beautiful.
Where's the copy?
That is the copy.
Here's the original.
Still wet.
Don't get them mixed up.
REPORTER: At home, the Minister for Culture, Media
and Sport described as "deeply disappointing"
the sale to a private Russian buyer yesterday of a Rembrandt self-portrait
that had been on loan to the National Gallery since 1956.
She said the painting was an irreplaceable treasure,
but the Gallery had simply not been able to match the overseas bid.
We agreed on 900.
900,000 or I keep it.
All right, fine, you asked for it.
I'm keeping it.
Hey, calm down. Calm down.
I was joking.
I was joking. Ooh.
Perfect, Mr. Ferguson.
without any question.
without a shadow of a doubt.
What did I tell you?
It's breathtaking.
I can't imagine how you came to have it.
Well, you'll have to 'cause I'm not going to tell you.
We may not know how, but we certainly know why.
Barney, the cash.
800,000 pounds.
We agreed 9.
-We said 8. -We said 9.
-8. -9.
8.
All right, 9.
900,000, or I'm keeping it.
-What? -All right, I'll keep it.
(CHUCKLES) Hey, I just said yes to 9. Put it back.
One million.
-You're out ofyour mind. -All right, I'll keep it.
Stop!
My dear, I'm not a gangster.
But I was in real estate for 20 years. I stop at nothing.
Calm down.
I was joking.
-Have that much cash with us? -Yes, captain.
So now... this jewel...
the ultimate record of one man's fearless conversation
with his most profound self, stays with me.
And Mr. Zhirkova goes home with a very good fake.
Which he'll enjoy just as much 'cause he actually can't tell the difference.
But I can. Got a nose for this kind ofthing.
-You've got a-- -Huh?
On your...
What's he talking about?
It's a fake.
It can't be!
It's a fake!
Oh, yes.
Look at the yellow here, and you'll--
She switched it.
You don't say.
Trois, deux, un...
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
WOMAN: You have a new client.
Look, there's not a mark on it.
Do you know how much trouble I could get into?
Yep, about this much.
-Rose... -What?
Don't push your luck too far.
What could happen to me?
(MUSIC PLAYING)
IMELDA MAY: ♪ He got me with a hook
♪ Those big bass notes
♪ Thunder in my chest
♪ Mm, stuck in my throat
♪ Pulling me down
♪ Like a rumble in the ground
♪ Crawls up from the depths
♪ with a deep down sound
♪ Watch that man
♪ See what's in his hands
♪ Got no joy
♪ He's a big bad boy
(WOMAN GASPS, THUD)
♪ Big bomb body
♪ Lonely neck
♪ Swear it was a woman
♪ That he had in his grip
♪ Big vibrations, yeah
♪ Just one glance
♪ He's gonna blow my mind
♪ He's gonna make me wanna, make me wanna, oh!
♪ Johnny got a boom boom
♪ Johnny got a bam...
She's completely out of control.
-Hi! -Hello, sweetheart.
-Just gonna change, all right? -Be my guest.
I know. Just so hopeless...
-See anything you like? -Sorry?
Oh, um...
-A drink? -Yeah...
Uh... well...
Bye, sweetheart!
-Bye. -Oh...
♪ Johnny got a boom boom
♪ Johnny got a bam
VICTOR: At last.
Shit.
-All right? -Mm-hm.
Room 27.
I know. I remembered.
You've got no messages.
-That's the way I like it. -Solitary type, huh?
Well, there's a buzzer by the side ofthe bed
ifyou, uh, change your mind...
What do you weigh?
Yes.
No.
(ROSE MOANING AND GASPING)
(ROSE LAUGHING)
(ROSE SQUEALS)
(MOANING CONTINUES)
(HE SNORS)
(SOUND OF SIRENS IN THE STREET)
You've committed the ultimate sin, Victor.
-Mother... -Oh, don't "mother" me.
You must win back your employer's trust.
Your reputation depends on it. The family reputation.
Yes, mother.
They'll have hired a competitor by now.
Someone better or younger than you.
I suppose that's right.
So what do you think I should do?
Well, there's only one thing you can do --
apologize to the client, tell him you'll do the hit for free,
Kill her and return the money.
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMS)
-Get in the car. -You killed him!
I had to. He was going to kill you.
-Oh, okay. Get in the car. -Keys.
Quickly!
I can't believe they hired someone to kill me.
What am I doing? What am I doing?
You tell me!Start the car!
Freeze.
Barney? Barney!
Don't tell me.
Out. Now.
Stop!
Face the wall.
Both ofyou.
(GUNSHOT)
(MAN WHIMPERING)
Oh, my God. What have I done?
Who are you?
Who are you?!
You don't know each other?
I was cleaning cars. I picked up his gun!
I've never even touched a gun before.
You were going to shoot him, him and...
Oh my God, is she--
She's fine. She fainted. You've never fired a gun before?
Well, just give it to me now.
-Don't. -Why?
-He'll shoot you. -I will not.
You saved my life. Why would I shoot you?
Don't.
Just lay it down then where he can't get it.
Before someone gets hurt.
Sorry, I'm going to give it to him. He's got a tie on.
Plus I didn't shoot him, so he's not so pissed offwith me.
I'm not pissed offwith you. Honestly.
Good boy. Well done. Well done.
Told you.
You know, that was a pretty good shot for a novice.
-You didn't kill him, but-- -Didn't wanna kill him!
Well no, no, of course not.
I mean... I'm really upset about it. Shaking...
Well, that's very understandable.
Do you know what, when I did it, I was completely calm about it.
It was like I had all the time in the world...
Ha.
Excuse me.
Oh!
God...
-What happened? -He's not dead.
I shot him. I had to, he was gonna--
The boy had no choice. Now we need to get him out of sight.
-Are you gonna kill him? -No. Of course not.
-You killed the other one. -We're not gonna kill him.
-We have to kill him. -What?
He's seen us. Ifwe let him go, we're as good as dead.
Can't we just go the police?
The police can't protect you from people like this.
We've no choice. We'll do it quietly.
No, stop!
You're right. What was I thinking?
Probably be a while before he comes round.
-Long enough to get away. -Exactly.
-Let's get going, then. -Hey, I'm gone.
And don't go home.
Be sure to go somewhere busy so you're not followed.
Who are you?
Doesn't matter.
Are you undercover?
What are you doing?
I'm getting scared out there. Where's the kid?
-He ran off. -Um...
I don't know who you are, but can I trust you?
Trust me?
What happened here was not random.
His boss wants me dead.
I only hope it's quick when it happens, you know?
Like with him, I mean...
I mean, I almost wish that it would just happen now, you know?
So I wouldn't...
So I wouldn't have to keep wondering when...
Oh, God.
-I need to pee. -Right.
-I think it's just nerves.
Do you have a tissue?
Ooh, silk. Nice.
Here you go.
Um...
Oh, God, they can't kill me for less than a million!
I mean, it's nothing to them, you know? And I didn't hurt anyone.
I mean, why do people have to be so gullible?
Hey, wait! Where are you going?!
I need protection! You know how to shoot!
I can--I can pay you.
I can give you a down payment right now!
And there's loads more in my bag. Please? Please?
It's no good. I can't help you.
But you can't abandon me like this.
I mean, you're-- you're too kind for that.
Please, I'm begging you.
I'm sorry, I'm in no position to protect you, believe me.
I feel safe with you.
You're wise and calm and steady.
You're like a mighty ancient oak.
Half now. Half later.
Do you want me to drive? You seem a little--
I'm upset.
These are in the way.
You stole his boots?
He doesn't need them anymore, does he?
Shit!
(HORNS HONKING)
How come you have a gun?
Oh--that's--that's for work.
What work?
I'm an undercover private detective.
You just don't look like the type. What were you doing in here?
I was watching a client's wife.
She had a tryst in a--in-- with a man in a car on the fifth floor.
(LAUGHS) A tryst?
I've given you a down payment. How much for the week?
A week? I'm too expensive.
-How much? -30 thousand.
All right, 30 thou. I'm gonna get out of here.
I want round-the-clock protection.
I'm sorry, no.
Get down!
-Quick! Back up, run him over! -You must be kidding!
Agh! Ow!
-Hang on! -He's fine!
What are you doing?!Get in!
Get in!Get in!
I can't see!
I just saved your life! You almost killed me!
So we're quits. Oh shit! Shit!
-Floor it! -What?!
Now!!
Oh, my god!
Where now?
Third street on the right. We'll get across town.
-Well, then what? -A discreet hotel. We need to lie low.
Discreet? How about ridiculously overpriced?
They'll be checking the cheaper hotels. No one will look for us here.
Three...
Three rooms, please.
Of course, sir. What name?
Smith.
You have the same name?
-And your name, sir? -Tony.
We'll just take the one room.
Excuse me.
What? Ow.
-You can't be serious. -Who's paying for this?
-You said you had plenty of money. -Yeah, and I mean to keep it that way.
I'm sorry, I really can't sleep in a r¤om with someone else.
Well, I can't imagine you get many requests.
-I'll pay for my own room. -It's not about the money, all right?
Round-the-clock protection, we said.
How are you going to protect me from another room? No.
-Wait! -No. One room. One room's fine.
Why don't you settle this in 322? It's one of our cheapest.
Are you sure this is a safe place?
Of course I'm sure. I leave nothing to chance.
-Ah, Laetitia. -Good morning, boss.
-Have you seen Mike? -Sorry, Mr. Ferguson, no.
(SIGHS) Where is he?
-Thank you, sir. -Mmm.
-May I say... -Oh, here we go...
It would help ifyou could manage to behave with a little more decorum.
Hey, they have cable.
Three adults in one room, a miniscule room in a luxury hotel?
-So what? -So you got us noticed!
COMMENTATOR: Already the home team's defence is looking rather nervous, Andy.
What do you think?
Tempers getting a bit out of control in the early stages.
Outside coming forward again...
with killers after you, you're discreet.
You hide. You don't yell in hotel lobbies.
Oh, that's a beautiful move.
Putting together a few passes now. That's it!
Oh, and he puts it wide!
My goodness, he'll be kicking himself.
Which side do you sleep on?
What?
I don't. I keep watch.
Tony, you sleep with her.
Whatever.
While we're here, please respect my living space.
This... is my area.
Time's just going to fly by, I can tell.
Now just you change your tune, young lady.
You were a lot less lippy in the car-park,
sobbing about ancient oaks.
-I didn't beg you to come, remember. -I didn't beg.
Offering a man 30,000 pounds to spend a week with you
is scarcely playing hard-to-get.
Incredible, I have only known you for three hours,
and already it would take me three days
to list everything that I hate about you.
(CROWD CHEERlNG)
Oh dear, oh dear! Six yards out.
Perhaps he should have done betterthan that.
Are you sure you won't come?
It's been a long day. I just want some peace and quiet.
(DOOR OPENS)
I'll be in the bar. Don't be long.
(GIGGLES)
One thing though, Mr. Smith.
-Yeah? -Did I hear you say she's paying you?
-You did. -I haven't got any money.
Don't worry. I'll look after you for free.
In fact...
you can help me look after her.
Great, probably need all the help you can get.
So I'll be your assistant?
Apprentice.
You know, Tony, you're a fine young man.
Um...
That's all.
There you are.
I was wondering what the two ofyou were up to.
I'm sorry, before, I was unpleasant and--
and hostile even.
I'm not usually like that.
Oh, don't worry.
I was aggressive and annoying and, um,
I'm quite often like that.
No. You can be pleasant.
-Really? -Yeah.
When?
I can't think of an example right now but...
Great. Thank you.
Now. Now you're being pleasant.
You're not listening.
I am.
What were you were saying?
I was saying you were pleasant then for seven or eight seconds.
You're eyeing up the barman.
Yeah. He fancies me. Is that bothering you?
As a matter offact.
Why? Do you fancy me?
-What? -It's a simple enough question.
Of course not. Not at all.
Okay, that's what I thought.
Do you fancy him? Is that it?
No, it is not, I would simply like you to listen
ifwe're having a conversation, that's all.
I couldn't care less ifyou have it away with the barman,
the bellboy and all the other customers ifyou want to.
-It's none of my business. -You're unbelievable.
Hi, um, can I have a large Glenfiddich, and a cognac,
and a Belvedere, and a Becks,
and two small red wines and some peanuts.
Not all for you.
No, the Becks is for you. And my father will pay.
What do you weigh?
(SIGHS CONTENTEDLY)
You know, Mike?
You are the only genuine one in all this.
Genuine asshole.
It's not my fault.
Not your fault?
You said not to hire another hit man. You said you'd handle it with Barney.
And now I'm left with one bodyguard.
The incompetent fat one.
Stop shaking.
Oh, stop shaking!
Why are you shaking? You think I'm angry with you, hm?
Do you think that I'm going to hit you? Is that it?
It's funny.
Truth is, tonight I feel more like tears than anger.
You understand we've lost her now.
The vixen will have gone to ground.
Our chances offinding her are next to nil.
No, tonight...
I am sad.
You're sad, too.
I don't like to see sad people. Go to the bathroom.
You just stay away from me.
You ruined my evening.
-Really. -I was making friends.
You were making a spectacle of yourself.
Do you have any friends, I wonder? No, I can't imagine that you do.
Sorry. Sorry, wrong room.
No problem.
Why are you always in the way?
-I fell asleep. -That's all right.
Of course, everything he does is all right, isn't it?
Hey, you scuffed those boots!
Ignore her, she's drunk.
Still, my reactions will be quicker now I've rested.
In case anything happens, I can stay up with you.
-We can take it in turns. -Fantastic, the two musketeers.
TONY: Hey, what are you doing?
-Putting them out to be cleaned. -Someone'll steal them.
God, you're not in the YMCA now.
And don't you try anything.
Right, who's going to take the first...
watch.
Boss?
What? He's here.
Good.
Tell him to wait. Shan't be long.
Do you want anything?
Just some coffee.
Can we just go?
Would you please let me go first?
-All clear. -You don't say.
(CHUCKLES) So it's a quite extraordinary story.
The man I hired to do the job kills one of my men,
grotesquely maims another, and is now protecting the girl.
Needless to say, you're to get rid of both ofthem.
Should've called me sooner.
We tried to handle it ourselves.
-(CHUCKLES) So I see. -They killed Barney!
Mike...
I can't look at you right now. Go and buy me some cigarettes.
Would you feed our meter?
Feed your own sodding meter.
And the name ofthis man who has caused you so much trouble?
I don't know his name. We never met.
Can you tell me anything about him at all?
Mike saw him.
Describe him.
Taller than average.
Thinner than average, average looks.
Average moustache.
Victor Maynard.
You know him? You know where he is?
No, no one knows him.
No one ever sees him, not even his clients.
He's old-school.
So how come you know what he looks like?
-Rumor. -Oh.
In our line, we're-- how can I put this?
The two most expensive.
Actually, uh...
he's a little bit more expensive then you are.
We'll find out if he's worth it at last.
Help yourself. Anything but the sausage.
Such largesse.
Why don't you just settle the bill? All right?
Because if I don't get a minute without you, I will kill myself.
(WATER SPLASHES)
Hey, what the--
Wait, please, I didn't mean to hurt you. It was just good luck.
Freeze! Put your hands up.
Shit!Shit!
You're shaking like a leaf.
Give me the gun.
I'm serious! You know I'm a terrible shot.
I could easily aim at your head and blow your balls off.
-You tried to drown me. -Only a bit.
I'm an ordinary, kind, peaceful person...
Just calm down.
-Take a deep breath. -I am calm!
Agh!Aah!Aah...
That was an accident! You frightened me!
Try and find your ear.
Put it on some ice, and the hospital can stitch it back on.
There's some ice in the mini-bar.
Quick! Run!
What? Shit. Shit!
Didn't even get a bathrobe.
Ah, yes, Smith, Smith and... Tony.
He tried to kill me!
In the bathroom with a big gun!
Wait!Wait!
My ear! You sick bastard!
-Put it on ice! -Move!
-What, you shot his ear o¤ -It was an accident.
Get the case!
Make sure you get them.
You got a professional on the case now.
Mike! What are you doing?
The girl, the moustache,
They were here all the time in the hotel!
The kid blew my ear off!
The Mini!
Oh, for Christ's sake. Get the car.
Get the car!!
He just frightened me, so I... (IMITATES GUNSHOT)
-You did what you had to do. -Did I?
Of course, yeah, because you're a natural.
-They're following. -Faster.
-I can't go any faster. -Drive faster!
I'm doing my best.
I'm still trying to get the hang ofthe car.
-It's a new car? -Well, new to me.
Found it at a petrol station yesterday, keys and everything.
-Talk about luck. -It's stolen?!
-Yes! -They're gaining on us.
Right. Here. Change places.
I'll put my feet on the pedals and slide under you.
Oh, God. Ooh!
Could you please move! I can't see a thing!
Well, you seem to be getting a pretty good feel of everything.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Ah!Ah!
Oh, my God!
-There's a baby! -Keep going. We're bigger.
Look out!
(CRASH)
-I think we've lost them. -Oh, you're not sure?
-D'you want the sitting duck seat?! -No, I'd rather you did!
Stop bickering!
-Where are we going? -We need to get out oftown.
No, I like town!
Me too, but I've never tried anything else, so I'm pretty open.
Look, we're driving a bullet-strafed stolen car
that's just been involved in a high-speed chase.
We're being pursued by hired assassins and, by now,
I imagine every half-witted police officer in East London.
We're getting out oftown!
Did you bring a tent?
I have a safe place. We'll go there.
Is it as safe as the hotel?
-I'm ignoring that. -"I'm ignoring that."
Ow!
-Can we stop? -No.
-I need to pee. -We're not stopping.
I pay you 30,000 a week. You do as I say.
-The next service station. -I'm paid to protect you.
Mostly, it seems, from yourself.
-30,000 pounds? -Yeah, exactly!
I should be able to pee sitting down at that price.
Oh... (HORN BLARES)
Mr. Smith, 30,000? That's pretty good money.
Yes, it is.
I mean, I know it's dangerous.
But I seem to be getting the hang ofthat side ofthings.
So me being your apprentice,
I thought we could put that on a more formal footing?
So I could get a cut?
Okay, here's the... thing.
I can offer you six weeks' training, suspect observation,
fake identities, a complete range ofweapon skills:
handguns, sniper rifles, knives, explosives,
the 17 methods of strangulation and basic untraceable poisons.
You need to know all that to be a private detective?
You never know who you might be up against.
Okay. Go on.
Well, I can't offer you health cover or a pension scheme,
but bed, board and laundry would be covered
as would a travel card for the Greater London area.
You'd take care of me?
Y-yes.
And my name...
is Victor Maynard.
MAN: Hey!
(ALARM RINGS)
Come on! Let's go!
Shit.
Hey!
Hey! Hey get back here!
The mark-up in that place is criminal.
Halfthe stuff's past its sell-by date. I mean, what's his problem?
Unbelievably irresponsible!
Staggeringly immature!
Staggeringly! Staggering!
Fig roll, anyone?
(TSKING)
-I'll have one. -Get lost.
Not fair! Mr. Maynard!
YAEL NAIM: ♪ I'm a new soul
♪ I came to this strange world
♪ Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take
♪ But since I came here
♪ Felt the joy and the fear
♪ Finding myself making every possible mistake
♪ La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la... ♪
Is that a cow?
Much bigger in person.
God, what is this?
It's my home.
Your home.
What's so strange about that?
Nothing. (CHUCKLES)
No, it all makes perfect sense.
It was my grandfather's, my father's, and now it's mine.
Lift?
That was installed for my mother.
She lived here with me until quite recently.
-Is she dead? -No. Just infirm.
-Are you close? -Why do you ask?
I was being nice. What's the matter with you?
Look what I found!
(CHUCKLES) Snowy! Hello--
Let me show you to your rooms.
You take my old room.
Thanks.
(THUDDING)
(GRUNTING)
Do you like that? My father made it for me.
He was good with his hands.
I never had a father. Well, I had one, obviously.
But he didn't hang about. Mind you, nor did my mother.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
-Is this your mother's room? -That's right.
Mm. Got a thing about plastic covers, haven't you?
I bet condoms don't bother you.
How is your assistant doing?
-They want to turn him off. -Perhaps that would be for the best.
No. He's been paid till the end ofthe month.
Anyway, he's company.
While I'm waiting.
For you.
Don't worry.
Sooner or later, one ofthem is gonna make a mistake.
Now we're safe here as long as we follow a few basic rules of security:
stay within the house and grounds.
Salt in the middle ofthe table, please.
And the mint sauce.
Thank you. So no contact with the outside.
No phone calls either, mobiles to be kept turned off.
wine in the middle, too.
Ifyou wouldn't mind. It's a light Burgundy.
I particularly like wines from Burgundy.
So it's essentially a prison.
No. It's a place of safety, and we want to keep it that way.
How long do you think before all ofthis just blows over?
You're being pursued by professional killers.
This will neverblow over.
Swiss action. A gift from my mother.
(ROSE GRUNTING)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
It's 2:45 AM.
You think I don't know that?
Could you please tell me what you're doing?
I'm turning the bed around 'cause I sleep facing south.
-And--can you help me? -Help you?!
Well, insomnia, it's extremely debilitating.
There. Due south.
Why didn't I think ofthat?
-Those shoes... -Yeah, they give me confidence.
Come and see.
Tony, who is young, modern, eccentric even,
but like everyone else at 2:45 AM, he's asleep!
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
No, she's the one we go after.
Look at her-- accident waiting to happen.
The boy is a nobody.
As for Maynard, well, there's no point going after Maynard.
You won't find a trace anywhere. Not a whisper.
Hm.
He is the ultimate killing machine.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
(THUDDING, ROSE GRUNTING)
What are you-- what are you doing?!
-You're insane! -I'm just digging.
Put that pick down right now! Stop it!
I was gonna get you some magnolias.
It was supposed to be a surprise for you.
I got up at 6:00!
I've never dug a hole for anyone before!
-What, and you had to do it for me!? -Yes!
-Why?! -'Cause I wanted to thank you!
For helping me get to sleep!
Fill them back up and put the turf on top now!
-No! -That was not a request!
That was an instruction!
Hey, hang on a second!
You had no right! That's my garden!
As ifyou cared about your garden!
A garden is a place of beauty where your senses run riot!
What good is that to you?
You shrink-wrap your own furniture!
You're only happy hiding away inside this gloomy awful house.
God, it's horrible.
It's like everywhere you go, there's that smell.
What smell?
Cleanliness. Bleach.
It's like being in a hospital.
It's so safe, it's dangerous.
I can't breathe here.
I mean it. I'm frightened.
I'm frightened if I stay here much longer,
I'll end up like you.
-Afraid of everything. -I'm not afraid.
Afraid of admitting who I am.
What I want.
What are you getting at?
You really don't know anything about yourself, do you?
Yeah?
It's me. Can I come in?
I'm in my bath.
I know.
Is it important?
I think so.
Okay.
All right?
Yeah.
Having a bath?
Looks like it.
Tony, just lately,
well, I haven't really been on top ofthings.
I've been distracted at work, and I just over trimmed my dwarf ulmus.
My favourite bonsai tree.
So I wondered...
if it mightn't be you...
Confusing me.
Confusing you...
Without meaning to. Without realizing.
Without either of us realizing.
Confusing you...
Sexually.
I see.
-The idea's absurd, I know. -I didn't even know you were--
I'm not. (CHUCKLES)
That's the thing.
Oh. That is confusing.
Y-yeah.
Okay.
-What's your first thought? -My dwarf ulmus.
I could graft it onto the rubber plant. I won't disturb you any longer.
So now we all know it's as fake as a ropa Rolex,
Mr. Ferguson would like to know where the girl got it.
I really don't mix with the criminal fraternity.
(LAUGHS) Please, even your smile's crooked.
Names.
There are a great many people who copy paintings.
The ones I know didn't do it.
Don't make me shoot first and ask questions later.
Start writing.
What flavour are these?
Potpourri.
They're not bad.
Here, but I'm not sure any ofthese are good enough to have done that.
Marvellous. Fabian?
No. No.
Get the painting.
(SILENCED GUNSHOTS)
It's me.
Am I disturbing you?
No, not at all.
It's late, I know, um...
I'm sorry about before.
I shouldn't have said all those things.
I was upset and very tired.
Well, there's no harm done.
What do you care what I think, right?
Well... you should get some rest.
-I can't sleep. -What is it this time?
My jaw's hurting.
I have one too many teeth at the back here.
-Really? -Yeah.
Do you have any pills? Temazepam? Trazodone?
Sleeping pills? Soneryl? Valium? Xanex? Sleepies?
No. I'm sorry, no.
All right, I'll just go back to my...
Just go back...
I could...
massage your feet.
Are you serious?
A-acupressure.
I trained a long time ago.
I occasionally practice on myself.
It's wonderful for anxiety.
You massage your own feet?
-Here? -Mm.
And there?
(SIGHS) You really have a feel for this.
A great many people experience fits of nocturnal anxiety.
It's perfectly normal. You mustn't worry about it.
Can I tell you something? A confession?
Why not?
I like having you protecting me.
You're really good at it. Well, you seem to be.
I don't really have anything to compare it with,
because no one-- no one ever tried before.
But with you...
I really enjoy it.
Well...
I enjoy...
doing it.
with me particularly?
With you.
Particularly.
May I...
do the other foot?
(SCREAMS)
Shit.
Tony!
(SCREAMING) Tony!Tony!
Tony! Let me out, what are you doing?!
Tony! Please!
Tony!She's gonna kill me! Let me out! Please!
This hideous old bat in a wheelchair just tried to kill me!
She had a knife this big! I swear!
-It was horrible! -It's true!
Mother?
Mother, are you there? It's me.
Mother.
I've got everything under control.
(GUNSHOT) (WOOD SPLINTERING)
She means well.
Mother, can we talk about this?
I'm very disappointed in you, Victor.
(SIGHS) Could you sleep in the living room?
-I'm too frightened. -Come to my room.
That's an excellent idea. Tony will look after you.
Your reputation is in tatters!
Mother--
Is she, like, your typical mother?
Until you kill that floozy, you're the target.
I was behind the door.
Never face a closed door. How many times have I told you?
-Forgive me, I just-- -No, stop.
Do you realize the mess that you're in?
I should have stayed here with you.
Since I moved out, you've gone to the dogs.
You're not even sleeping with her.
Mother, I think we have a problem.
Oh, I think so, too.
I know you've invested a great deal in me--
A Beretta for your seventh birthday. A Beretta.
The pistol of princes. No boy could have asked for more.
Indeed. I just wonder...
a-as a result...
what I've become.
You've become your father's son.
You saved my life.
Again.
I didn't mean to.
I've never been so scared.
I'm glad you did.
Because I got something to live for now.
I'm in love.
Really?
Oh, yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
Get in.
Go on.
Just lie back.
He's so nice.
Who is?
Mr. Maynard, of course.
-Really? -Mmm.
You know, when his mother woke me, I was dreaming about him.
-Really? -Mm.
It's funny, because yesterday, I couldn't wait to get away,
and now I never want to leave.
What happened in between?
Just enough.
No, we'll just stay here together, just the three of us.
One big happy family.
-A difficult night. -Not at all.
I owe you an explanation about my mother.
-I understand how you feel. -Do you?
I had a cousin like your mother. Mad as a balloon, poor boy.
And I adored him.
And family's family, right?
I don't need your help. I can easily get a taxi back.
I got one here, after all.
Oh, how did you--
Excuse me, my name's Fabian, and I would like you to recommend to me
someone who could paint something like this.
Who did this?
Rembrandt.
Who?
Rembrandt.
Gimme his address. Now.
He's dead.
Dead? When?
Three hundred years ago.
Gimme a name now.
Okay, okay, something that good, it's got to be Gerry.
-Gerry who? -Gerry Bailey.
National Gallery, works in the restoration department.
He's a friend.
Good.
Took a while but...
Hello.
What a mess.
(CLEARS THROAT)
(POP, GLASS BREAKS)
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy Birthday, Mr. Maynard
It's all for me?
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
I'm touched.
I-it's so kind ofyou.
I know.
Blow them out.
Oh.
Sorry about the mirror. I've never opened one ofthese before.
How did you know it was today?
The date was on the pictures in your old room.
I'll open another.
(ROSE LAUGHS)
♪ I'm going up the country
♪ Baby, don't you wanna go?
♪ I'm going up the country
♪ Baby, don't you wanna go?
(CHEERS)
♪ I'm going to someplace where I've never been before
Ah!
♪ I'm going, I'm going where the water tastes like wine
♪ Hey, hey, yeah, I'm going where the water tastes like wine
♪ We can jump in the water, stay drunk all the time
♪ Now, baby, pack your leaving trunk
♪ You know we got to leave today
♪ Just exactly where we're going, cannot say
♪ But we might even leave the U.K.
♪ 'Cause there's a brand new game that I want to play
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
(SNOWY MEOWS)
Did you do that?
No, you did.
I'm st--stuck.
(CHUCKLES) I know.
No, I mean, I can't move.
-My shoes. -You've got have them on.
-My shoes. -Ah.
Ah. Yes.
No. No, of course...
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday, Mr. Maynard
That's my watch.
That way, I knew you'd like it.
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you.
What do you weigh?
Morning.
Dear God, Mike.
You were dull before.
Tony, what do you think ofthis room?
It needs colour.
Colour.
"For your first hit, my first gun. Congratulations.
Your loving father, Felix."
Colour.
Tony, I think she's gonna like this.
(THUD, CAT YOWLS)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Rose? Can I come in?
Uh, no. l--I'm not decent.
Oh, um...
Everything okay?
Fine. Why wouldn't it be?
No reason. Only, come down.
I have something to show you.
Don't you want to come and see?
Why are you smiling?
You'll find out.
Come on. Turn around, please.
Why?
What's wrong? Turn around.
Tell me why first.
Turn round.
You're in on it, too?
-Sure. -Come on. Don't be a baby.
Why are you doing this?
Make it a bigger surprise.
I've got you. Don't be afraid.
lt'll be over in no time.
Not long to go now.
Ooh!
Agh!Oh! Rose!
Not long for you two either!
That gun's dangerous.
You don't say. Hands up!
No, you misunderstand. l keep that gun for sentimental rea--
Don't shoot! It can blow up in your face!
You're a liar. And you're a killer.
And you're a thief.
You're made for each other.
As for you, when did you find out?
-Find out what? -That he is not a private detective!
He's a hit man! He was hired to kill me!
l'm afraid what she says is true.
You are absolute shits. The pair ofyou.
l don't know how you can live with yourselves.
(CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
(ENGINE REVS)
But l thought I was an apprentice detective.
Who sometimes shot people?
Only sometimes. By accident if it was unavoidable.
Are you gonna kill me now?
Of course not. No.
But ifyou leave, someone else will.
There's a list of likely candidates, and I can guess who's at the top.
Who?
Dixon.
Dixon? Is he good?
He's a disgrace to the profession.
A sadist, an animal.
Mr. Maynard?
Yes, Tony?
We'll get him.
(GLASS SHATTERS)
(WOMAN SPEAKlNG FRENCH)
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
l feel.
l felt.
I have felt.
Gerry? Gerry.
We're in trouble. l'm afraid that things have got a bit...
dangerous.
Gerry.
Where is he?
Who?
The man who was supposed to kill you.
Who wants to know?
His replacement.
(CHUCKLES) Fucking hell.
(CLEARS THROAT)
So where is he?
l don't know.
Tell me, or I'll cut off his finger and make you swallow it.
Then l'll leave you alone with him.
What, you want to be brave?
That's what Gerry wanted, too.
Hand, please.
l've lost my touch.
No, reload.
l'll mark it through with you.
Here we go.
Feet, check.
Hand, check.
Wrist, check.
Ifyou have time, relax.
I have time. I relax.
l hold my breath.
I am at one with my gun.
How about if I don't watch you? l might be putting you off.
Feet... hand...
wrist... breath.
Extraordinary.
Tony, people train for years to be able to do that.
I didn't shoot.
Put your guns down... slowly.
Victor Maynard.
At last.
And you are?
You know full well who l am.
Dixon.
Hector Dixon.
How do you spell that?
Don't wind him up.
Dixon. Dix--
Are you the one who does the hits I'm not interested in?
(CHUCKLES) And the ones you mess up.
Did they torture you?
No, I gave them your address right away.
Good girl.
Why didn't you carry out the contract?
(SCOFFS)
Why do you think?
Yeah.
lt's very... heart-warming.
Up against the wall.
-I've missed you. -l've missed you, too.
Tony...
Maynard, do yourjob, and I won't kill the boy.
l'm sorry?
Kill the girl.
l'll shoot you, but he'll be safe.
l can't.
-Do it! -Okay, calm down.
Just do it.
l'd rather it was you. I want the best.
Je t'aime.
Freeze!
(MACHINE-GUN FlRE) Agh!
You, hands up!
Higher than that.
At your age, I still have to do your homework for you.
-You there. -Me?
Yes, you. Pick up that gun.
And search the runt.
This boy, you see, he could be trained.
But he'll never have what you have, the killer instinct.
You know I don't believe in the killer instinct.
Oh, no, you believe in nurture over nature.
Otherwise known as "Blame The Mother."
Whatever our differences...
l'm grateful to you today.
Oh, don't get sentimental. Please.
Did you see that?
-See what? -Shit.
Nobody move!
Oh, l forgot, he took that one off me.
Put the guns down.
Now!
And the knife.
Really lost your touch, Maynard.
That's Felix's gun.
That was my father's first and favourite weapon.
Mm. Hope that thought softens the blow.
Goodbye.
(ROSE YELPS)
Tony...
Come and see what happens ifyou don't clean your gun.
Angel!
Has anybody seen the cat?