1
00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:09,520
<i>♪ All right</i>

2
00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:14,800
<i>♪ I got something to say</i>

3
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:16,640
<i>♪ Yeah</i>

4
00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:19,320
<i>♪ It's better to burn out</i>

5
00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:20,640
<i>♪ Yeah</i>

6
00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:22,320
<i>♪ Than fade away</i>

7
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:26,800
<i>♪ All right</i>

8
00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:31,080
<i>♪Ow</i>

9
00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:32,400
Terrific.

10
00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:36,240
<i>♪ Gonna start a fire</i>

11
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:40,680
<i>♪ Come on ♪</i>

12
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:42,880
What's up, numb-nuts?

13
00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:44,280
Read 'em and weep.

14
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,120
Van Halen at the Centrum.

15
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:47,360
Third row!

16
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,080
You should take
Jolene, man.

17
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:50,920
I heard
she got big nipples.

18
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,720
This is
Van freakin' Halen, man.

19
00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:54,280
Get serious.

20
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:57,280
Besides, I'm just not
into girls anymore.

21
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:59,760
Dude, I'm into guys, too!

22
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:01,080
No, no, no, no, no.

23
00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:02,400
That's not what I meant.

24
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:05,600
I'm into women.

25
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:22,120
<i>♪ Yeah ♪</i>

26
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:34,160
Hey, Mary.

27
00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,400
I got two tickets to
Van Halen this weekend.

28
00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:38,840
What time should I
pick you up?

29
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,480
It is Miss McGarricle, Donny.

30
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:45,000
And that's cute, but I am your
teacher, not your girlfriend.

31
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,600
Whoa, Miss McGarricle, who said
anything about girlfriends?

32
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,240
Let's just start
with a summer fling,

33
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:50,640
couple of hand jobs,

34
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:52,400
no expectations.

35
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,480
Don't get all psycho
on me right away.

36
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,960
That is a month's
detention.

37
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,240
What's a hand job?

38
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,840
I don't know,
but I think I want one.

39
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:08,760
Can I go to
the bathroom?

40
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,720
No. No talking in
detention, Mr. Berger.

41
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,680
All right,
I'm sorry for what I did.

42
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,240
I promise
I won't do it again.

43
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,040
You're in a lot
of trouble, Donny.

44
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:21,600
Wait, you're not gonna
tell my dad, are you?

45
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,760
He'll kick my ass.
He... He's crazy.

46
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,040
What were you
trying to do, anyway?

47
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,320
Impress your friends?

48
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,880
Well, you know,
you're, um...

49
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,800
You have
a little crush on me?

50
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,240
No.

51
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,560
"No." So, you...

52
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,480
You don't want me.

53
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,360
No. Yeah.

54
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:47,040
I... I don't know what I'm
supposed to say right now.

55
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:49,240
Is that gum
in your mouth, Donny?

56
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,280
Mmm.

57
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:02,200
You know, I've been watching
you all year, Donny.

58
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:03,560
When you hit that shot

59
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:05,640
to beat Fairfield
and you were

60
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,200
jumping up and down
in your little Larry Bird

61
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,080
short-shorts
and sweating

62
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,760
like ajar of pickles
in the hot sun...

63
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,640
Oh, God.

64
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,320
That was so hot.

65
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,440
Is this really happening?

66
00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,640
This is happening.

67
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:25,960
It's happening
right now.

68
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,480
In my office.

69
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,520
Okay. Awesome.

70
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,800
So, I...
I'm totally in.

71
00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:33,480
How do you
want to do it?

72
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,680
'Cause I made sex before,
lots of ways.

73
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:39,160
So you want to go
straight to hand jobs

74
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:42,280
or eating me out
or taking me from behind?

75
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:43,640
I'll teach you.

76
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,520
I'm a virgin.

77
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:51,000
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

78
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:52,800
Oh, my God.

79
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:56,320
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!

80
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,840
<i>♪Ow</i>

81
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,360
<i>♪ Oh, yeah</i>

82
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,440
<i>♪ You know</i>

83
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:05,880
<i>♪Oh</i>

84
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,000
<i>♪ Well, they say</i>
<i>it's kind of frightening</i>

85
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,640
<i>♪ How this younger</i>
<i>generation swings</i>

86
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,000
<i>♪ You know it's more</i>
<i>than just...</i>

87
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,800
Who? Me?

88
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,640
<i>♪ Well, the kid</i>
<i>is into losing sleep</i>

89
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,920
<i>♪ And he don't come home</i>
<i>for half the week</i>

90
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,920
<i>♪ You know it's more than</i>
<i>just an aggravation</i>

91
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:36,680
<i>♪ And the cradle will rock</i>

92
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,240
Hey, Donny,
what'd you get?

93
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,240
<i>♪ Cradle will rock</i>

94
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,080
<i>♪ And I say rock on ♪</i>

95
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,920
And if I'm elected eighth
grade class president,

96
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,040
I promise to...

97
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,320
You're
getting so good at this!

98
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,920
I promise to do my best to lower
prices at the school stores and, um...

99
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,720
All of our practice
is really paying off!

100
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,400
I like the sound of that.

101
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,280
Timmy, stop.
Hold on a second.

102
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,880
My dad's gonna
kick my ass.

103
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:45,440
Calm down!

104
00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:00,560
Donny!
Donny! Donny! Donny!

105
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:01,800
Who's the man?

106
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:05,480
Donny! Donny!
Donny! Donny!

107
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,800
Yeah! You want some of me?
Who's the man?

108
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,880
All right, everybody!

109
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,280
Enough!

110
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,320
I am aware that
a lot of people think

111
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:20,920
that this young man

112
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,800
is not really a victim,
but someone that's living

113
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,800
the ultimate
teenage boy's fantasy.

114
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,760
Absolutely.

115
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:30,160
But...

116
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,200
...this is
a serious crime.

117
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,760
Mary Beth McGarricle,
rise for sentencing.

118
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,600
The fact that
this relationship

119
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,160
has resulted in a pregnancy and
you show absolutely no remorse,

120
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,680
saying, and I quote,

121
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:50,680
"I would fuck that kid
again and again.

122
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:54,280
"He makes me feel like
there's a rainbow

123
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,080
"coming out
of my beaver..."

124
00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,360
...leaves me
absolutely no choice

125
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,760
but to levy
the maximum penalty.

126
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:03,440
Thirty years

127
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:06,320
in the Massachusetts
Women's Penitentiary.

128
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,040
And furthermore,
the court grants custody

129
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,600
of the unborn child to
Donald Berger's father...

130
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,200
Dumb-ass.

131
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,400
...until Donald turns 18,

132
00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,400
at which time he will
assume full custody.

133
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,000
Take care of
our baby, Donny!

134
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:23,240
Miss McGarricle!

135
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,240
I'll never stop
loving you!

136
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,720
That is just
fucking mental.

137
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,840
<i>♪ Living on a lighted stage</i>

138
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,560
<i>♪ Approaches the unreal</i>

139
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:53,240
<i>♪ For those who think</i>
<i>and feel</i>

140
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,080
<i>♪ In touch with some reality</i>

141
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,880
<i>♪ Beyond the gilded cage</i>

142
00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,280
<i>The kid is young,</i>
<i>he's attractive,</i>

143
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:04,320
<i>he can probably keep a hard-on</i>
<i>longer than this fucking guy.</i>

144
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,280
<i>♪ Cast in</i>
<i>this unlikely role</i>

145
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,760
<i>♪ III-equipped to act</i>

146
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,560
<i>♪ With insufficient tact</i>

147
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,160
<i>♪ One must put up barriers</i>

148
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:16,880
<i>Made you flinch,</i>
<i>pansy.</i>

149
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:18,600
<i>Go ahead!</i>
<i>I don't need you!</i>

150
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,880
<i>I'm Donny freakin' Berger!</i>

151
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,640
<i>I'm wicked famous and I</i>
<i>got a wicked big schlong!</i>

152
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:24,880
<i>Hey, here's something.</i>

153
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,440
<i>Donny Berger's</i>
<i>back in the news.</i>

154
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,280
<i>That kid who</i>
<i>got his teacher pregnant?</i>

155
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:29,640
<i>Exactly.</i>
<i>Oh, I love that guy.</i>

156
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:31,280
<i>Seems like he bought</i>
<i>a round last night.</i>

157
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,400
<i>Okay-</i>

158
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,080
<i>For everybody</i>
<i>in Boston Garden.</i>

159
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,280
<i>Oh, my God,</i>
<i>he's my hero.</i>

160
00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,320
<i>That kid is burning</i>
<i>through that money,</i>

161
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,320
<i>but he's having</i>
<i>a good time doing it.</i>

162
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:43,080
♪ The underlying theme ♪

163
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:46,520
♪ The underlying theme ♪

164
00:08:58,440 --> 00:08:59,760
<i>So, guy, how'd we do?</i>

165
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,960
<i>What them fuckers</i>
<i>at the IRS say?</i>

166
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,400
Well, they said
a lot of stuff.

167
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:04,880
The thing that
really jumped out

168
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,960
was "three years in prison."

169
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,360
Three years?
Yeah, you haven't paid taxes

170
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:10,720
since '94, Donny.

171
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,720
What... I thought they were
taking it out automatically!

172
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,360
I told them
that's what you thought,

173
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,360
and they said it's the stupidest
thing they ever heard.

174
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,000
But there is
some good news.

175
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,600
If you can pay the balance off
by the end of the weekend,

176
00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:22,960
they'll suspend
the sentence.

177
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,480
Oh, okay, there you go.

178
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:26,040
What are we talking about?
Hit me.

179
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,200
40,000.

180
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,480
43 grand?

181
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:29,720
No!

182
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:32,840
Come on, Donny!

183
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:34,520
Don't screw up
my Tom Brady poster.

184
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,080
It's my favorite one.

185
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,760
Look at that jawline.

186
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,320
Just the right amount
of scruff.

187
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,600
I'm sorry!
I'm just freaking out here!

188
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,280
I don't got 43 grand!

189
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,080
Well, look,
hey, good news.

190
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,760
Monday's Memorial Day,

191
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,720
so you don't need to get
the money till Tuesday.

192
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:53,080
All right. That'll give me time
to sell my diamond Lamborghini!

193
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,600
Hey, hey, hey!

194
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:55,920
You're killing me, man!

195
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,600
Don't mess
with the genius.

196
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,880
Jimmy, I got $28 to my name.

197
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:02,360
28, huh? Okay.

198
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:05,200
I got a hot tip on a long
shot that just might come in.

199
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:06,600
What is it, a horse?
No.

200
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:10,720
This is Tubby Tuke, fat guy.

201
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,200
Fat guy?

202
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:13,560
Gonna run the marathon.

203
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,800
Odds on him winning
are 8,000-to-1.

204
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,880
But this cat's
got wheels on him.

205
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,920
I think he's gonna win,
I really do.

206
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,960
All right, I'll put 20
on the fat fuck,

207
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,440
but I can't
count on that.

208
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,560
It's a long shot,
you said it yourself.

209
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:26,800
But what about your kid?

210
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,200
Maybe he can come up
with the dough.

211
00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:29,920
We don't talk no more.

212
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,960
He kind of moved out
when he turned 18,

213
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,960
and, uh, that's
the last I seen of him.

214
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,840
What happened?
I don't know.

215
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,040
I loved that
little Han Solo

216
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,360
more than anything
in the world, too.

217
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,080
You named your kid Han Solo?
Yes, sir.

218
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,600
Han Solo Berger?

219
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,120
Coolest name
in the world, right?

220
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,640
Why don't you
just Facebook him?

221
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:49,800
I can't afford that shit.

222
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,280
What am I, a billionaire?

223
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,400
I don't think he wants
to be found, anyways.

224
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,480
Especially by me.

225
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,400
Hey, look! It's us!

226
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:12,480
On the cover!

227
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:13,800
Don't we look great?

228
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,080
Yeah, well,
you look good.

229
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,680
I kind of look like
a ventriloquist.

230
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,800
I don't know, it's still
kind of weird, right?

231
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,600
I mean, it's got our
faces and our names.

232
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,520
It just seems like
anyone could find us.

233
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,560
"Find us?" Honey,

234
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,160
did you take
your Xanax today?

235
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,320
Yeah, two.

236
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,760
I always double down when
your parents are in town.

237
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,000
Do you have
your security undies?

238
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,480
Yep, right here.
Good.

239
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:36,960
I know that makes
you feel better.

240
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,000
There's stranger things
than walking around

241
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,520
with an extra pair of
underwear for emergencies.

242
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:45,520
Look, just this once,
don't be so weird.

243
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,400
We're gonna have
the best wedding ever.

244
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,560
Okay.

245
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,120
<i>Holy shit.</i>

246
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,800
<i>What the hell happened</i>
<i>to my life, Champale?</i>

247
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:04,320
Don, honey, no way to come
up with that money, huh?

248
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:07,120
No. The only thing I'm good
at is being Donny Berger,

249
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,880
and no one wants to
pay for that anymore.

250
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,040
Aw, Donny.

251
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,520
Wow!

252
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,320
My face is your toilet!

253
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,200
Show some fucking respect
over there, Kenny.

254
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,400
Hey, whoa.

255
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,040
Hey, Mom, did you want some breakfast
after you finish your dance?

256
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:23,480
Give it to me now, honey.

257
00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:25,600
Donny doesn't mind,
do you, Donny?

258
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,000
Holy cow,
that's my son!

259
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:29,360
Who, Han Solo?

260
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,040
I thought you said
he was a fatty.

261
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,320
No, no, no. He must have lost
the weight or something,

262
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,120
'cause I swear to God,
that's my boy.

263
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,920
It says, "Todd Peterson to
wed Jamie Martin this Sunday

264
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,960
"at All Saints Church
on Cape Cod."

265
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:42,720
Todd Peterson?

266
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:44,040
He changed his name!

267
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,200
Why?

268
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,760
What was wrong
with Han Solo Berger?

269
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,920
It's the coolest fucking
name of all time.

270
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,560
"Peterson is
one of the youngest

271
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,080
"large-cap hedge fund managers
in the financial industry."

272
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,040
Oh, he got rich
on us, huh?

273
00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:03,200
"All the more impressive
considering he was orphaned

274
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,760
"at age nine
when both his parents

275
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,760
"died in
a horrific explosion."

276
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,960
He fucking blew me up
and his mother?

277
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,240
Donny, maybe your son could
help you, financially.

278
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,800
I don't know.
This kid changed his name.

279
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,920
He doesn't even want
to be a Berger anymore.

280
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,560
He's not gonna
want to talk to me.

281
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,760
<i>That was the incomparable</i>
<i>Champale.</i>

282
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,080
<i>And now, looking hot</i>

283
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,240
<i>and ignoring</i>
<i>doctor's orders,</i>

284
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,480
let's welcome Amber.

285
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:29,440
What the fuck
happened to her?

286
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,480
Fuck you, Kenny!

287
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,520
Hey, what's up,
RoboCop?

288
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,480
This is
where your boss lives?

289
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,760
Oh, uh, it's actually
just his summer home.

290
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,520
Summer home.
What a dick.

291
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:43,600
Dad!

292
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,560
Oh, my goodness.

293
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,840
Todd, it's just
breathtaking!

294
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,840
Hey!
There he is.

295
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,240
Hey, Mr. Spirou.

296
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,240
There's my golden boy.

297
00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:55,640
Come over here, champ.

298
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,280
Come on, get over here. Oh, oh.

299
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:58,480
Hi.Yeah.

300
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,080
Oh, look at you.

301
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:03,360
Look at you,
the lovely bride.

302
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,200
What a couple!

303
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,080
Mr. Spirou, it's so amazing that
you're letting us all stay here.

304
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:09,320
Seriously,
thank you so much.

305
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,280
Steve, these are my
parents, Gerald and Helen.

306
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,720
Oh, it's a pleasure.
Hi.

307
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,040
Your daughter's
a sweetheart.

308
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,640
You can tell
she likes Todd for Todd,

309
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:18,760
not because
he's gonna be rich.

310
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,960
I wouldn't want my boy to end
up with some gold digger

311
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,960
like the last three whores
I married, huh?

312
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:28,720
True story. All three?
Whores.

313
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,280
Huh.

314
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,040
<i>Well, guys, this weekend,</i>
<i>mi casa es su casa.</i>

315
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,400
You know, every member of my staff
are lucky to be in this country,

316
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,360
so feel free to abuse
the shit out of 'em.

317
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,240
Go get the fucking bags!

318
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,680
Well, Mrs. Spirou, I've always
said that if the finance game

319
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,960
was an amusement park, your son
would be a roller coaster,

320
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,760
and I would just
ride him all day long.

321
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,800
That came out weird.

322
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,400
Yeah, well,
Stevie likes to think

323
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,680
that he's the star
of the family.

324
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:01,400
But before he was born,
I modeled a bathing suit

325
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:04,080
for a Woolworth
advertisement.

326
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:07,760
Well, you still have quite a
figure on you there, Delores.

327
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,440
Yeah, I can see where Steve
got his rocking bod.

328
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,680
Oh, why, thank you.

329
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:14,920
Oh!

330
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,040
Chad's here!

331
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,360
Oh, my God.
Oh, hooray.

332
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:18,480
Fantastic.

333
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,160
I... I guess they
didn't want to see it.

334
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,400
Yay, Chad!

335
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:25,200
Come here.
Mom.

336
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:26,760
Oh, sweetheart.
I'm home.

337
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,200
Dad, how are you, sir?

338
00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:29,760
You look great.
Thank you, sir.

339
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:30,960
Hey, Chad, I'm Todd.

340
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,440
Oh, my God.

341
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:34,080
Oh, God,
I missed you, sis.

342
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,120
That's a good hug.

343
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:39,440
Chad, this is
my fiance, Todd.

344
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:41,720
Pleasure to meet you,
Chadwick.

345
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:42,960
Are you a soldier?

346
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,640
Uh, no.

347
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,360
Sailor?
No.

348
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:48,480
Airman?
No.

349
00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:49,640
Girl Scout?

350
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,200
No.

351
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:54,880
Well, then I'd prefer if you take
your fingers away from your forehead

352
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,760
and you shake my hand like
the civilian you are.

353
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,960
Yeah, sorry, I'm stupid.
I don't know why I did that.

354
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,120
Honest mistake. Come here,
I want to show you this.

355
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:06,400
Look,
if you ever do anything

356
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,840
to hurt my sister, I will
take my government-issued

357
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,600
service revolver,
stick it straight up

358
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,000
your fuppin' poop chute,
and empty the clip.

359
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,280
Do you feel me?

360
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:19,000
Yes, I totally feel you...
Dawg.

361
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,240
Randy Jackson, right?

362
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,240
I've got 10 ways to kill you
with my bare hands right now.

363
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:26,560
Don't.

364
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,040
Don't.

365
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,800
Hi, sweetheart,
how are you?

366
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:37,920
Can I see Randall Morgan
possibly?

367
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,640
Yeah, you're gonna
need an appointment.

368
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,240
I knew you were
gonna say that.

369
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:42,800
Uh, but you know what?

370
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:44,320
Tell him Donny Berger's
out here.

371
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:45,920
He'll be pretty psyched
to see an old friend.

372
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,840
You know what? Mr. Morgan's on
vacation right now. I'm sorry.

373
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,640
He's on vacation? That son of a...
Oh, hey!

374
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:51,840
Vanilla Ice.

375
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,720
Randall's just getting makeup.
Go ahead to the green room.

376
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,120
Vanilla, what's up, guy?

377
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,840
It's been a long time.
Uh, how you been?

378
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:06,360
Are you seriously giving me
the silent treatment still?

379
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:07,680
You know
that hurts me.

380
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,120
Yeah? Well, that's why
I'm giving it to you.

381
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,240
How's it feel, chump?

382
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,840
It's breaking my heart.

383
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,120
We were friends
for 20 years, guy.

384
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,000
We were friends until
you banged my mother!

385
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,000
I didn't know it was her,
I swear to God!

386
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,000
It's not like her
last name is Ice.

387
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,520
You should've known
by the haircut!

388
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,320
Aw, come on,
Vanilla Bean Latte.

389
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:25,800
Will you just...
What?

390
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,560
I'm just saying,
I'm in big trouble, guy.

391
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,680
This, like,
monetary thing.

392
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:33,560
I, uh... I'm going to prison
if I don't get 43 large, so...

393
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:34,880
What, do you think
I got that kind of money?

394
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,360
Of course you got
that kind of money.

395
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,040
<i>Royalties from Ice Ice Baby,</i>
you must be fucking loaded!

396
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,520
Man, listen,
Queen took 50 %.

397
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,200
Suge took the other 60 %.

398
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,040
I fucking owe money when
that shit gets played, man!

399
00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:48,240
Dude, come on, will you please
stop, collaborate and listen?

400
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,000
Oh, here...
What? No, I love that song.

401
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:51,200
You know that shit.

402
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,760
I was on top of that,
fucking day one.

403
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,360
Listen, man.
I work at a ice rink now.

404
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,240
I deep-fry
chicken nuggets, man.

405
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,240
I'll get you a deal on
a barbecue sauce packet.

406
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:00,560
Fucking A, buddy.

407
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,320
Both of us.
This sucks.

408
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,440
Broke. Who'd have thought
this would happen to us?

409
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:08,680
Maybe I should
call your mother.

410
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:09,880
She'll give me the money,
I know that.

411
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,200
What?
What? What?

412
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:12,640
What?

413
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:15,920
Hey, dude.

414
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,200
Didn't spill my beer,
fucker.

415
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,400
Fuck you.

416
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,040
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.

417
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,080
Nobody comes in here and
starts busting up my joint

418
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,040
unless I got
cameras rolling.

419
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,800
Look, Donny, nobody remembers
what Tiger Woods did

420
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:31,160
let alone something
that happened 25 years ago.

421
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,360
Oh, I'm telling you, when
I walk down the street,

422
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:34,920
people are like,
"There's that guy!"

423
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,480
I'm still
fucking big, dude.

424
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,000
All right,
how about this?

425
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,080
I'm doing a show
on '80s train wrecks.

426
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,800
Maybe I slip you in after that
Milli Vanilli guy, all right?

427
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,320
Who, Fab? He's a fucking
buddy of mine. Yeah.

428
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,200
That would be huge, dude.
How much money?

429
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:50,520
Um... Maybe 400 bucks.

430
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:51,880
400 bucks?

431
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,880
Dude, I need 43 G-birds.

432
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,440
What are we talking
about right now?

433
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,560
You need $43,000?

434
00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,080
Are you back on drugs?

435
00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:00,360
Yeah.
It's never...

436
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,160
This is never going
to happen. Never.

437
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:03,680
Little bit more blush
if you can.

438
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,800
Just like you did that, uh, John Wayne
Bobbitt in his penis reunion show.

439
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,920
That's actually
a good idea, a reunion.

440
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,880
Me and Miss McGarricle,
together again,

441
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,960
live from
a women's prison.

442
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,400
A women's prison.

443
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,400
Very sexy.
Mmm-hmm.

444
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:28,680
We could shoot it
this weekend.

445
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,640
You could give me
the money.

446
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:32,600
Very sexy.

447
00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:35,000
You know, you could eat that
ass after I leave the room,

448
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,000
but I need an answer right now.
What do you think?

449
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,240
What about your kid?

450
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,000
My kid?
What about my kid?

451
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,080
He... He's got to be
a walking Gong Show.

452
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,320
No. What are you talking about?
He's doing great.

453
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,120
He's, like, a hot shit now.
He's getting married

454
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,120
down at the Cape this weekend.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

455
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,720
"Horny teacher baby
makes good."

456
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:55,840
Smell that?
Smell it, Donny?

457
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,520
What? That's not me. She
probably cut the cheese.

458
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,360
No, no, no.
No, ratings.

459
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,120
I smell ratings.

460
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:06,360
My kid is very publicity-shy, so I...
You know, to be honest,

461
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,080
I don't think he'd do a piece
of shit show like this.

462
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:09,560
All right,
here's the deal.

463
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,280
You get yourself
and your actual kid

464
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:14,080
up to the women's prison this
weekend, I will shoot it,

465
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,000
I will give you
50 grand in cash.

466
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,440
'Cause I'm going to
guess, Donny,

467
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,080
you want to be
visiting a prison,

468
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:20,840
not living in one.

469
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:25,760
So, Todd, how
does one get into

470
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,120
the hedgehog
business anyway?

471
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,840
Oh, it's actually
hedge funds.

472
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:31,000
You think you're
better than me?

473
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:32,800
No.

474
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:34,200
Chad,
did you know

475
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,360
that Todd is really
great with numbers?

476
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:37,760
You got to see this. Oh, Jamie, no.
Don't make...

477
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,600
What's 452 times 77?

478
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,920
Beep be-op beep
84,304.

479
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,480
Oh, he could just be
making that up.

480
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:46,640
No, he's not!

481
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,760
Ooh. There's a calculator
on my cell phone.

482
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:51,480
Okay.

483
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:55,160
What is 94...

484
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,560
times 312, Todd?

485
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:02,960
Beep boop boop boop beep.
29,328, Helen.

486
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:04,760
Freaky.

487
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,280
I don't know. It's just
something I can do.

488
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,320
Are you sure you're
not a Chinaman?

489
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:10,960
Oh,
that's inappropriate.

490
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,160
White whore.

491
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,640
Oh, I'll get it.

492
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,000
Oh, my God.
You must be Jamie.

493
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:25,920
You're, like, even hotter
than you looked in the paper.

494
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,160
Look at your hair

495
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,400
blowing in the wind
like Tawny Kitaen

496
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,480
when she was fucking
dry-humping that car.

497
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:33,160
Okay.

498
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:35,320
And you must be...

499
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,000
Donny.

500
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:40,600
What's the matter? Chubby
never even mentioned me?

501
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:41,760
Chubby?

502
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:42,880
Oh, I mean...

503
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,160
Todd Peterson.

504
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,080
Why do you
say it like that?

505
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,000
It just comes out
that way.

506
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,360
Where are
my manners, right?

507
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,400
Could you hold that?
Take a chug if you'd like.

508
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,720
I got you a fucking
great gift.

509
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,320
Here it is.

510
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:57,920
I'll take the brew back.

511
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,640
Just, you got to read it,
though. It's fucking...

512
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:04,400
Yeah!

513
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,760
I don't know where
they come up with this shit,

514
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,560
but it's pretty
fucking funny.

515
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,400
Spencer's Gifts
never fucking fails me.

516
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,120
I want to meet Mr. Spencer
one day and say,

517
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:13,800
"Thanks, motherfucker,
for all the laughs."

518
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,440
Hey, I also made you
a mix tape.

519
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,280
Who the fuck is rich
in this house?

520
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:19,400
Jeezum, it's huge.

521
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:23,240
Uh, Todd,
your old man is here?

522
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:25,440
Wassup!

523
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:27,480
Oh!

524
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:29,640
Helen, oh, my gosh.
I'm so sorry.

525
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:30,680
No, it's...

526
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:31,800
Uh, let me just
get that for you.

527
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:32,920
Uh, uh, that's, uh... What? No.

528
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,480
Oh, sorry,
those are yours. I...

529
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,760
Donny, what... what the fuck, man?
Sorry.

530
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:39,880
Uh, what... what are
you doing here?

531
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:41,360
What do you mean?

532
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:42,720
I thought you said
your parents were dead.

533
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,680
Um, no, they are...
super dead.

534
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,280
He's hilarious.

535
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,520
My old man.

536
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,960
My old man... friend.

537
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:54,120
From...

538
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,200
Wassup!

539
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:57,840
Right?

540
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,120
Well, aren't you
going to introduce us?

541
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:01,480
No.
Yes.

542
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:02,920
Yes. Here we go.

543
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:06,440
Uh, this is, uh, my future
father-in-law, Gerald,

544
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:08,520
and his
lovely wife, Helen.

545
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:10,600
And Jamie's brother, Chad.

546
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,880
Hey-0!
Do not... That's...

547
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:19,240
What?

548
00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:20,360
I like the look of this.
Who's this?

549
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:24,240
Okay. This is my boss Steve's
mother, Delores, who's awake now.

550
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:25,640
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's where you

551
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:26,960
get all the looks from,
huh, sweetie?

552
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,520
Yeah, no,
we're not related.

553
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,160
Oh, yeah?
Well, she wishes,

554
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:31,880
'cause you got
the fucking...

555
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,880
you're stacked pretty good. Mmm.

556
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:39,040
Anyhow, Jame, this is
my old friend, Donny.

557
00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:40,560
Your best friend.

558
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,120
I'm his best friend.

559
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,360
Mmm.
Your best friend.

560
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,920
Uh, yeah, no.

561
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,960
Remember I told you
we met, uh...

562
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:50,480
Where'd we meet?

563
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,200
Um, we met...
Where?

564
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:54,240
Come on.
Uh, it's coming to me.

565
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:55,560
I saved his life.

566
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:56,680
Oh.

567
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:58,240
Well, more metaphorically.

568
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,280
No, no, no, no, no.
Here's what happened.

569
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:02,560
It was, like, one of them, uh,
train track kind of deals.

570
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:04,600
My man over here,
I see him,

571
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:06,640
he drops his burrito
on the tracks.

572
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:08,440
I'm like, "All right,
that happens."

573
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,320
Next thing you know,
homeboy leaps down there,

574
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,280
and he tries
to retrieve the burrito.

575
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,160
Okay? I see a train
whizzing at him.

576
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,720
I'm like, "This guy's about to
die, and he don't know it."

577
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,200
I fucking leap down
there myself, right,

578
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,000
and I give him a little
shove on the heinie.

579
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:24,600
"Get out of the way, buddy!"

580
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,000
Next thing you know,
I realize

581
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,760
this thing's
going to hit me.

582
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,440
I fucking remember,
though,

583
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:30,720
I had a kung fu instructor

584
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,080
who taught me how to
tighten the diaphragm,

585
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:34,960
and I bring it in there.

586
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,280
And I feel the train go by.

587
00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:37,400
My eyes are closed.

588
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,240
Rips my shirt off my body, okay?
I open my eyes.

589
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:43,360
I see all these chicks just kind of
looking at me, going, "What is that?

590
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:44,840
"That's the fucking most
chiseled guy I've ever seen."

591
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,280
I worked out at the time.

592
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:48,120
Anyways, the place
goes bananas for me,

593
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:49,240
I sign a couple of titties,

594
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,080
and I started hanging out
with this guy ever since.

595
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:52,720
Best friends, right?
Here you go, my boy.

596
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:56,360
I just can't believe I've never
heard that story before.

597
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,960
Why wouldn't you just get
another burrito, Todd?

598
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,040
Uh, wouldn't it
be dirty?

599
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:03,640
Great questions.

600
00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:05,960
Uh, it's one of the many
things about this story

601
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,920
that's pretty hard
to believe.

602
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:09,680
So, uh, where are you
staying, Donny?

603
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,200
Oh, he's not staying.

604
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:12,360
No.

605
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:16,520
I can't stay.
Yeah, no, he's right.

606
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,960
Oh, pshaw. I mean,
invite him to stay here.

607
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:21,520
You have to stay.

608
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,840
He's your best friend.
You're his best friend.

609
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:25,320
Sheesh, I'm not
messing with her.

610
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:27,880
I mean, you are my
best friend, guy.

611
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,320
And, Jamie, you can be
my breast friend.

612
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,240
Oh.

613
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,040
Breast, with an
With an

614
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,600
Oh! Ooh!

615
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,560
By the way, dude,
you look fantastic.

616
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,360
You lost all the weight,
homeboy.

617
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:44,640
I miss the titties.

618
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:46,960
You saved my life?
Seriously?

619
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:48,920
What?
They ate that up.

620
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:51,680
You came up with a
whole lot of nothing.

621
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:53,640
That's a nice suitcase,
by the way.

622
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:54,760
What is that,
Louis Vuitton?

623
00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:56,720
This is a Hefty bag.

624
00:25:57,120 --> 00:25:58,560
What the fuck
are you talking about?

625
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:00,360
What do you want, Donny?
Money?

626
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,160
You heard I was doing well, so
you came looking for a handout?

627
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,600
I don't want none of your money.
How is that? Okay?

628
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,080
I get it.
You don't like me.

629
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:08,560
I exploded.

630
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:09,760
I wish you had exploded.

631
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,000
That way, I wouldn't have to
see your stupid face anymore!

632
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:13,040
Did you happen to notice

633
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,160
I created a whole fake life just
so I could get away from you?

634
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:17,920
Your mother's sick,
by the way.

635
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:20,560
I don't believe you.

636
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:23,840
They don't know
how long she's got.

637
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:25,240
What is that, nunchuks?

638
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,120
I told her you would
visit her up at the prison.

639
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:32,560
I'm kind of thinking
you're the kind of guy

640
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:34,520
who would pull through
for Mumsie.

641
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:36,600
Know what I'm saying?

642
00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:38,600
She'd do the same for you.

643
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:40,760
Really?

644
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:42,960
Yeah. Saturday's the
last visiting day

645
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,560
before the big surgery,
so...

646
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,000
So let me
get this straight.

647
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,240
You want me to go
visit my "sick mom"

648
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,440
that I haven't talked to
in years, in prison,

649
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:51,960
the day before my wedding.

650
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:53,280
Correct.

651
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:54,720
Not happening, asshole.

652
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:56,920
What the fuck
did I do to you

653
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,080
to make you
hate me so much?

654
00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,680
I am fucking baffled
right now.

655
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:00,800
Well, maybe you
don't remember,

656
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,640
but you were basically
the worst parent ever.

657
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:04,840
Me? I did everything
for you, buddy,

658
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,400
and I never gave you an ounce
of shit about nothing.

659
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,120
You never
gave me nothing.

660
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:10,440
I gave you a snake.

661
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,120
Yeah, and then it died after
it ate all your Quaaludes.

662
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:17,440
That was the only time anybody's
ever seen a king cobra laugh.

663
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,280
And I take pride in that,
so fuck you.

664
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,120
Yeah, great.
You know what?

665
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,240
I basically had
to raise myself, Donny.

666
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:25,680
I never learned
how to swim.

667
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:27,240
I don't even know
how to ride a bike.

668
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:28,800
You know how fucking
humiliating that is?

669
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:30,920
What about Mr. Mitty?
Remember him?

670
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,000
What? No. What's that?

671
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,320
Mr. Mitty. I used to put
an oven mitt on my hand.

672
00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:37,840
He would cheer you up all
the time when you were sad.

673
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,520
"Don't be upset,
young man.

674
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:41,120
"I'm your best friend.

675
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:43,160
"Even though
I'm an oven mitt."

676
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,080
No, I don't remember that, okay?

677
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:46,160
You know what
I do remember?

678
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,480
You making me drive you
home from the beach

679
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:49,640
'cause you got
too drunk.

680
00:27:50,120 --> 00:27:51,200
It makes sense to me.

681
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,560
When somebody's hammered, they
have another guy drive home.

682
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:54,920
I was eight!

683
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:58,120
Well, you looked 14 'cause you
were such a huge fat fuck.

684
00:27:58,200 --> 00:27:59,200
I'm sorry.

685
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:00,800
Oh, you are
such an asshole.

686
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,200
Dude, you're
a millionaire now,

687
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:05,280
and you're marrying
that hot chick.

688
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:08,760
I must have done a pretty decent
job as a dad, don't you think?

689
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,600
Oh, yeah? You want to check
in on your pretty decent job?

690
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,080
Oh, my God.

691
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:15,760
You're a junkie?
Who's your supplier?

692
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:17,760
'Cause I'll smack
that motherfucker around.

693
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:19,600
It's insulin, you dick.

694
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:21,080
I'm a diabetic
'cause you let me eat

695
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:23,120
cake and lollipops
for breakfast every day.

696
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:24,920
But that's what
you fucking asked for.

697
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,760
Yeah, you're
supposed to say no.

698
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:28,200
You know,
I weighed 400 pounds

699
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,040
by the time I was 12.

700
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:31,800
You know how hard it was
to take that weight off?

701
00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:33,440
All right, all right.

702
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,560
I... I didn't know
what I was doing.

703
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:36,840
I had no one helping me.

704
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,520
Grandpa was a psycho.
You know that.

705
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:41,920
Han Solo,
don't be like this.

706
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:43,160
I'm a good person.

707
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:44,720
Okay, don't call me
that, all right?

708
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:45,920
My name's Todd now.

709
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,400
Call yourself Han Solo.
You're dressed like him.

710
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:50,920
Good one.

711
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:53,200
I'm just saying, buddy,
give me a chance.

712
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:55,280
Do you have
any Axe body spray?

713
00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:00,080
No, Donny, I don't have
any Axe body spray.

714
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,080
Because I'm not
a fucking douche bag.

715
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:06,040
That's a douche bag thing?

716
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:07,280
When did that become
a douche bag thing?

717
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,000
Todd,
the guests are arriving.

718
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:10,120
Let's go!

719
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:12,320
All right, can you
lighten up a little bit?

720
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:13,640
We got a party to attend.

721
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:14,680
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

722
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,560
Good person, how about
you put on a tie, okay?

723
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,720
It's a cocktail party,
not a Quiznos opening.

724
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:21,760
What?
I haven't worn a tie

725
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:23,960
since my mother's funeral
when I was three.

726
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:25,320
I'm not going to
start that up again.

727
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:26,800
That's great
Put on a tie.

728
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,280
Put on a tie!
O

729
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:30,720
I'll never sell out.

730
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:33,440
I'll give you 100 bucks.

731
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:34,880
Where's the tie?

732
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,040
Look at this.

733
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,080
Jamie is going to
have it all.

734
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,120
Oh, by the way,
Mr. Spirou,

735
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,280
I read the OPEC report,
and I was thinking,

736
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,240
if we hedge our position on
oil, we could really, um...

737
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:53,840
Uh, if we were to short
the euro, we could...

738
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,400
Oh, come on, Todd. This
is your wedding weekend.

739
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:58,760
You are marrying a real workaholic.
You do know that.

740
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,560
Yeah, but isn't that what
you want in a partner?

741
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:03,400
Oh, she's good, this one.

742
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:05,120
Oh, she's good.

743
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,040
All right, all right.

744
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:10,360
Uh, I haven't made
that decision yet,

745
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:11,880
but I love this kid.

746
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,440
You lost your dad in
that explosion, and...

747
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:15,880
and I lost my son.

748
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,280
I thought your son was a
ski instructor in Vail.

749
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:20,760
He's a pot-smoking bum!

750
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,080
Not like you, Todd.
Oh, no.

751
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,000
You're the type of boy
a father can be proud of.

752
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:26,520
Yeah, we'll never know,
will we?

753
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:29,880
Who's that?
Oh, I'm not here.

754
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:33,680
That's, uh, Donny.

755
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:35,880
Donny, come on.

756
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:37,120
Say hi to everyone.

757
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:39,360
Oh, God, hang on.

758
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:41,200
Let me swing these free.

759
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:44,200
Glad all the children
saw that.

760
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:45,680
Uh, Donny,

761
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,200
this is Steve Spirou,
Todd's boss.

762
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:52,040
Wassup!

763
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:55,440
Is that back?

764
00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,680
Because I've been dying
for that to come back.

765
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:00,760
Wassup!

766
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:02,120
Yeah!

767
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:03,960
That's my boy!
Look at him!

768
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:05,240
He ain't a tight-ass.

769
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:06,400
Wassup!

770
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:09,000
Wassup!
Wassup!

771
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:10,520
Wassup!
Wassup!

772
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:12,200
Wassup!
Wassup!

773
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:14,120
Wassup!

774
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:18,000
What's up?

775
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,440
Boo!

776
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:25,840
That was terrible, Todd.

777
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:28,680
So, I see the...
the train coming,

778
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,760
and something kind of like
takes over me, you know?

779
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:34,160
Here you go, Abigail.
Thank you.

780
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,200
And so, I decide to jump
off the platform, right?

781
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:39,240
Snaps my legs in two.

782
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,000
What did I expect? It was
a 25-foot drop, you know?

783
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:44,520
25 feet?

784
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:46,840
So I grab Burrito Bandito
over here,

785
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:48,280
and I just roll him
out of the way.

786
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,640
The train missed
our skulls by inches.

787
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:52,800
Why would you do something
like that, Todd?

788
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:54,600
You know, I really
don't know, Steve.

789
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,840
I mean, why wouldn't you
just buy another burrito?

790
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:58,520
Yeah, no, I know.
I, uh...

791
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:00,240
I don't know what I
could have been thinking.

792
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:03,320
Maybe he was high
on the hashish.

793
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:06,920
Hey, how about I get you
another beer, huh, Donny Boy?

794
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:08,360
20's my limit.

795
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:09,960
<i>No! No, no.</i>

796
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:12,800
But, uh, Donny Boy has got
to go to bed, though, right?

797
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:14,000
Aw.

798
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:15,840
Yeah, oh, fiddlesnatch.

799
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:17,520
It's the afternoon.

800
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,520
Remember you told me you
wanted to get to bed early?

801
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,040
Oh, okay.
Yeah, no, no, no.

802
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:24,120
Todd's right.

803
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:25,200
Oh, my God.

804
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:26,920
You're right, it is him.

805
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:28,480
You're Donny Berger.
It's him.

806
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:29,760
Do you remember
that kid who got

807
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:31,120
his teacher pregnant
in Somerville?

808
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:32,960
Wait a minute,
that is you.

809
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:34,320
Donny Berger.

810
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:36,480
Didn't you and
your teacher have a kid?

811
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:37,960
Wait a minute.
What was his name?

812
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:39,760
Indiana Jones, huh?

813
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:41,960
It was something
fantastic like that.

814
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:43,360
Yeah, Han Solo Berger.

815
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:45,640
Yeah, Han Solo, Han Solo.
What ever happened to him?

816
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:47,040
Uh, what happened to him?

817
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:48,800
He, uh, actually
became a dick.

818
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:52,720
A private eye, I mean.
Ah.

819
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,600
One of the biggest and
hairiest dicks in the world.

820
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:57,280
Okay.

821
00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:59,280
Hey, look,
this might seem weird,

822
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:00,680
but do you think
you would ever...

823
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,240
Bone your wife? Yeah,
I mean, I'd love to.

824
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,040
She's a hot little number.

825
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:07,120
Well, you know,
I was just

826
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:08,760
going to ask you for
an autograph, but...

827
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,600
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry
On her tits or...

828
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:13,240
Or a piece of paper
would be fine.

829
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:14,320
Yeah, or a photo.

830
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:16,000
Okay, well,
this has been fun.

831
00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:18,320
But, Donny... Uh, not
to toot my own horn,

832
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,040
but I got
kind of close once.

833
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:22,480
Uh, Mrs. Weiss,
freshman geometry.

834
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:23,880
And I think she
would have done it, too.

835
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:25,720
I just... I just didn't
know how to make the move.

836
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:27,480
You know what?
I would have killed

837
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:30,240
to bang my eighth grade
biology teacher, Mrs. Cohn.

838
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,080
I used to dream of... of
dissecting her with my penis.

839
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:34,800
It's so weird

840
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:37,040
what goes on upstairs
when you hit puberty.

841
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:41,840
I actually stole my middle
school librarian's glasses

842
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:43,720
to wear while
I masturbated.

843
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:45,920
What is that about?

844
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,600
In my day,
when I got into trouble,

845
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:51,760
the headmaster would slap
your hand with his dick.

846
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:54,360
She wins.

847
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,440
You know, Todd was
working at the cubicle

848
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,920
next to mine one year,
12 weeks and one day ago

849
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:04,320
when he met a pretty girl
at the gym named Jamie.

850
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:07,000
How many days
is that, Todd?

851
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:08,560
Computing, Steve.

852
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:09,880
Beep boop beep boop beep.

853
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:11,160
451.

854
00:34:11,720 --> 00:34:13,120
Ooh.

855
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:15,600
It's actually 450.

856
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:17,560
Oh, battle of the brainiacs!

857
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,160
Yeah, this guy forgot
about leap year, I guess.

858
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:23,720
He's smarter than Todd!

859
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:27,400
Okay, we're talking a lot about
numbers, but let's get back to love.

860
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,000
What's the matter,
hot stuff?

861
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:30,120
Where do you think
you get it from?

862
00:34:30,240 --> 00:34:31,440
Your mother was
a math teacher,

863
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:33,280
and I was pretty much
a whiz kid myself.

864
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:35,960
The ability to make a bong
out of a Taco Bell cup

865
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:37,360
doesn't make you
a whiz kid, Donny.

866
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:39,960
Leap year, motherfucker.

867
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,320
I think it's kind of
a magical moment.

868
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:45,120
You know,
Todd's oldest friend, Donny,

869
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,040
miraculously appearing
like this.

870
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:48,080
What?

871
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:51,760
So I am graciously going to
step aside and allow Donny

872
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:53,760
to take over
as the best man.

873
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:54,880
Give it up for Donny!

874
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:56,320
Oh, no, no, no.

875
00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,000
Phil, you don't
have to do that.

876
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,200
No music.
No, no, no, no.

877
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:02,600
Kill the music.
Phil, Phil, you...

878
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:04,400
that's so nice of you, but
you don't have to do that.

879
00:35:04,720 --> 00:35:06,800
Oh, I don't mind.
You two are very close.

880
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:07,960
We are.
We are very close,

881
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:09,200
but you and I
are close, too.

882
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,920
Well, we work together,
but I wouldn't call us close.

883
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,200
I mean, I was actually
kind of surprised

884
00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:17,280
when you asked me
to be your best man.

885
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:19,000
Made me feel
a little sorry for you.

886
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:20,480
That's true.

887
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:21,720
He had no idea
who he was.

888
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,040
Ah, no...

889
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,320
I accept. I do. I love it.
It's an honor.

890
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:26,680
- Way to go, Donny!
- Are you kidding me?

891
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:29,200
You got Fenway Park
in your backyard?

892
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:31,520
Oh, I had that built when my
son started Little League.

893
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:32,640
He never used it.

894
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,400
The little douche bag just sat
in his room listening to reggae.

895
00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:38,040
Well, let's lose these ties
and hit some dingers.

896
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:39,560
What do you say?
Come on!

897
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:44,360
No, no, no. Please, don't
let this be happening.

898
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:46,400
Don't let this
be happening, please.

899
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:48,680
No sports.

900
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:51,120
All right, guys, let's see
what we got out there.

901
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:54,000
Please don't hit it to me. Please don't hit it to me.
Please don't hit it to me.

902
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:56,000
Get under it, kid.

903
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:01,320
Yeah!

904
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:04,200
Oh.
Moron.

905
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:06,280
Here we go!
Taking down two there!

906
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,240
All right, Gerald, kid!
Here we go, guy!

907
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:09,800
Stay on it!

908
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:12,400
Oh. my God!

909
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:17,040
Grandma, what's up, honey?
Are you awake, sweetheart?

910
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:18,280
Here we go.

911
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,960
Get under it!
Get dirty!

912
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:22,440
What the fuck?

913
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,080
Got it.
Nice catch, Mama!

914
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:28,240
Let's let Todd-0
get this one, huh?

915
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:30,040
Oh, no, that's okay.

916
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:31,560
Todd, come on!

917
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,520
No, no. Uh, hit one
to that two-year-old.

918
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:34,960
He hasn't gotten one yet.

919
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:36,280
Here you go, big man.

920
00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:39,960
What?
Quit showing off

921
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:41,840
for the girls, buddy.
They're mine.

922
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:44,640
Come on, now.

923
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:49,440
You got it.
You got it.

924
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:50,480
Oh!

925
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:54,880
Okay, Todd,
you all set, buddy?

926
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:56,160
Don't hit it to me.

927
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:57,400
Coming to you, homie.

928
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:04,040
Oh!

929
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:05,120
Holy shit.

930
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:10,360
Oh, my God.
Are you all right, guy?

931
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:13,960
Come on.
You're fine.

932
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:15,480
Throw it in there, guy.

933
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:17,400
I think the ball's broken.

934
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:19,120
Throw it in, Todd.

935
00:37:19,240 --> 00:37:20,320
Todd,
throw the ball.

936
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,080
Come on, Todd!

937
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,080
Throw it, you big vagina. Do it.

938
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:26,000
Todd, we want
to keep playing, buddy.

939
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:27,200
We need a ball, kid.

940
00:37:27,240 --> 00:37:28,280
Just throw it.

941
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:29,400
Such a pussy.

942
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,040
Oh!

943
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:32,720
Oh! On a rope!

944
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:34,080
Holy fuck!

945
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:38,520
<i>We now return to</i>

946
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,320
<i>The Donny Berger Story,</i>
<i>starring Ian Ziering.</i>

947
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:42,680
Yo!
Donny.

948
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:44,840
I'm in a Jacuzzi. Hang on one sec.
- Yeah.

949
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:46,800
Fucking... Here.

950
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:48,240
Who'll take the cigar?
Oh, no.

951
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:49,320
Donny.
Keep that lit for me.

952
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:50,600
Take my fucking shades.

953
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:51,960
'Wear them if you want.
Yeah!

954
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:53,200
All right.
So, hang on.

955
00:37:53,240 --> 00:37:54,240
I want to wear them.

956
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:55,440
I'll be back.

957
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:56,680
Oh.

958
00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:00,880
All right.

959
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:01,960
My goodness!

960
00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:03,360
Yeah, what's going on?

961
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:05,080
Guess what's on TV?

962
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:07,160
<i>Hey, there, little buddy.</i>

963
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:08,920
<i>I'm Mr. Mitty.</i>

964
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,960
<i>I will always love you.</i>

965
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:15,200
What is that,
The Donny Berger Story?

966
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:16,280
<i>Hell, yeah.</i>

967
00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:18,560
Don't you get money every
time that shit is shown?

968
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:20,640
This could be your
"get out of jail free" card.

969
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:23,840
Last check I got for that
was 85 cents.

970
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:26,480
Is Han Solo gonna do the show
at the women's prison with you?

971
00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:30,280
You know, I haven't discussed
any particulars with him yet.

972
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:33,320
I am actually just trying
to be a dad right now.

973
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:35,360
You're gonna go
to prison on Tuesday.

974
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:37,160
You have got to get
that money somehow.

975
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:40,200
Kenny, what the fuck?

976
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:41,880
I thought this was
a bathroom!

977
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:42,960
Fuck you!

978
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:45,040
Honk! Oh, nobody
squeezes my titty

979
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:46,320
<i>for free, honey!</i>

980
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,080
Okay, good luck
with that.

981
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:50,080
God,
you're such an idiot!

982
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,200
Todd, you already
messed up my flowers!

983
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:54,480
I'm sorry.
Just get the cake!

984
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,000
No walnuts!
No fucking excuses!

985
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,200
I love you!
Do you love me?

986
00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:01,840
What?

987
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:05,440
"You screwed up my cake!

988
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:06,680
"You screwed up my cake!"

989
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:07,920
What?

990
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:09,480
It's me, it's me.
Can I come in?

991
00:39:09,720 --> 00:39:11,080
Yeah, sure.
What's up, buddy?

992
00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:13,080
What was she yelling at?
What'd you do wrong?

993
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,520
Oh, she's just stressed out
'cause of the wedding.

994
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:18,000
Oh, really?

995
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:19,320
You sure she's
not stressed out

996
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:20,560
about maybe
sex or something?

997
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:22,360
Have you, have you been
going down on her?

998
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:24,320
What?
No, I'm just saying,

999
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:26,440
a lot of times girls
I've met over the years,

1000
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:28,760
when they've been ragging on
me and yelling at me and shit,

1001
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:31,240
if I kiss their pussies
they kind of go,

1002
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:33,440
"Ah, you're right,
you're a good guy."

1003
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:35,960
Yeah, that's personal, Donny.

1004
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:37,960
Yeah, no, no. You know her
better than me, fine.

1005
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:39,680
Mmm. So, uh...

1006
00:39:41,240 --> 00:39:43,120
You wear a bathing suit
in the shower?

1007
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:45,160
You know that's
fucking nuts, right?

1008
00:39:45,240 --> 00:39:46,280
Are you serious?

1009
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:47,320
I can't even
take my shirt off

1010
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:48,520
in front of other people
because of you.

1011
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:51,000
Because of me.
What did I do this time?

1012
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:52,920
Oh, let me jog your memory.

1013
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:00,440
The New Kids
on the Block!

1014
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:01,840
Holy shit!

1015
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:04,040
Their heads are
all warped now!

1016
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:05,560
Oh. my God!

1017
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,800
Yeah, it's 'cause I got it
when I was in third grade.

1018
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:09,000
My body grew.

1019
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:11,160
I'm sorry. It's fine, it's fine.
Let me see it again.

1020
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:14,520
<i>♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh</i>

1021
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:16,800
<i>♪ You got a back tattoo</i>

1022
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:18,680
<i>♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh</i>

1023
00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:20,520
<i>♪ Their heads are</i>
<i>fucking warped ♪</i>

1024
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:22,960
You suck.
Come on, dude.

1025
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:24,240
Why you getting
so serious?

1026
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,440
I still got the tattoo
I got when I was,

1027
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,240
when I was a teenager, and
I'm fine with it, you know.

1028
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:32,600
"De plane!

1029
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,840
"De plane!
De plane!"

1030
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,840
Yeah, I remember it. I still
don't know who that is.

1031
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:40,880
It's fucking...

1032
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,160
<i>"De plane, de plane" guy</i>
<i>from Fantasy Island.</i>

1033
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:44,240
Tattoo.

1034
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,280
I got a tattoo of Tattoo.
I thought that was funny.

1035
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:47,720
Well, it's not.

1036
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:49,320
Lighten up, dude.
Come on.

1037
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:50,800
"De plane!"
Don't. Donny, don't.

1038
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:52,320
I'm serious.
"De plane!"

1039
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:53,440
No.
You're still ticklish.

1040
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:55,080
No, I'm not ticklish!

1041
00:40:57,920 --> 00:40:59,400
Come on, now!
Oh, the tickle monster.

1042
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,680
Oh, I tickle you like that
O.

1043
00:41:01,720 --> 00:41:02,880
Stop! No, stop it!

1044
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:04,560
Watch yourself.

1045
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:06,560
Stop it! Stop it, no!

1046
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:08,840
Give me that, Hansie.

1047
00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:10,800
Why is your dick
in my face?

1048
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:12,600
And why is it
kind of hard?

1049
00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:15,200
What are you
two homos doing?

1050
00:41:19,720 --> 00:41:21,000
Just rasslin'.

1051
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:22,720
All right.

1052
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:24,000
'Cause you're looking
at an all-state

1053
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,160
fucking wrestling champion,
and I got the winner.

1054
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:27,560
Okay. Well, he won.

1055
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:29,080
No, I didn't. Yeah, you did.
You won.

1056
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:30,160
What? No, I didn't.

1057
00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:31,960
You're gonna love it, buddy.
Wrestle him.

1058
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:33,520
Yeah, Chad.
No, no.

1059
00:41:33,720 --> 00:41:35,000
It's actually
a funny story.

1060
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:36,200
We were having
a tickle fight.

1061
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:37,320
We weren't
wrestling at all.

1062
00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:39,200
I was losing,
admittedly.

1063
00:41:39,240 --> 00:41:40,240
Aw, God, I got to

1064
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:41,840
start doing some
crunches or something.

1065
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:43,040
Look at this.

1066
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:46,040
Oh, you don't like him?

1067
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:47,680
Oh, we don't like you.

1068
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:50,240
He's talking
to his dick, buddy.

1069
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:53,080
Now he's hitting it.

1070
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:54,880
No! Why?

1071
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:57,600
Oh! You got
to puff that fucker up!

1072
00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,080
Oh, what? No.

1073
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,120
You don't have to
puff that fucker up.

1074
00:42:01,240 --> 00:42:02,360
Let's do this.

1075
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:04,440
Chad, I'm sure you're
very athletic... Okay!

1076
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:05,680
Okay!

1077
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,840
I tap out. You win,
you win I tap out.

1078
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,000
Do you like
fucking my sister, Todd?

1079
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:13,680
I mean, do you like sticking your
dirty booger fingers in her?

1080
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:15,840
Whoa, what was that?

1081
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:17,560
Let's all just
keep our heads, okay?

1082
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:18,920
We've all been drinking
a lot tonight.

1083
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:20,960
I'm gonna skull-fuck you...

1084
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:25,720
And that is
the end of that.

1085
00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:30,120
What, you're mad at me?

1086
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,520
How am I the fucking
bad guy right now?

1087
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:34,720
Oh, you're gonna
fucking give me shit

1088
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:35,960
with that tattoo
on your back?

1089
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:38,000
Look at that
stupid fucking thing.

1090
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:39,720
Good buddy,
he'll be fine.

1091
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:42,880
Yeah, so we got Chad all
tucked in, safe and sound.

1092
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,960
I never heard of him
passing out drunk before.

1093
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:46,160
Yeah, it was crazy.
It was like,

1094
00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:48,480
one second, he was with
us, totally awake.

1095
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:50,240
Next thing you know,
he's face down,

1096
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:51,920
birds a-chirpin'.

1097
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:55,280
What do you think?

1098
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:57,000
You look amazing.

1099
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:58,840
Oh, wait!
Isn't it bad luck for me

1100
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,440
to see the dress before
the wedding, though?

1101
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:03,000
This is a $12,000
Vera Wang dress.

1102
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:04,280
I'm gonna wear it
whenever I want.

1103
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:08,000
You'd look hot
in a $12 Wang Chung dress.

1104
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,320
That sounds like
a line Donny would say.

1105
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:11,720
Yeah, except he'd say,

1106
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:14,960
"You'd look friggin' hot in a
Wang Dang Sweet Poontang dress."

1107
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:18,240
Just think he's, like, trailer
park-y or something you know?

1108
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:19,960
Yeah. That's probably
why his son ran off.

1109
00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:21,600
His what? What? Who?
His son about...

1110
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:23,440
What'd he say? What did you hear?
Did he say something?

1111
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:26,320
Just look at the first page of that
book he's been handing out to everyone.

1112
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:28,040
He has? What? No.

1113
00:43:29,240 --> 00:43:31,040
<i>Head in the Class?</i>

1114
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:35,080
He said, it's like Head of the
Class, only with blowjobs.

1115
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:37,040
It's gross.

1116
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,120
Yeah, it's gross.
Blowjobs are gross.

1117
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:40,320
We don't do those.

1118
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:42,880
"Dear Jamie, I know you'll
make Todd very happy

1119
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:44,200
"if you bleach
your little brown eye."

1120
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:46,080
Oh, no, not this part.

1121
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:57,800
Wow, that's sad.

1122
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:03,680
That weirdly got me.

1123
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,880
I don't know why it got me,
but it just got me.

1124
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:10,720
Can I get a hug
right now, or...

1125
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:13,120
No, no, no, no! We can't
wrinkle the dress.

1126
00:44:13,240 --> 00:44:15,160
Hey, if you don't want
to wrinkle the dress,

1127
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,080
may I suggest
we just remove it?

1128
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:18,480
Did you take two Xanax?

1129
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:20,920
I actually took
three Xanax.

1130
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:23,160
And you know
that the Xanax makes me

1131
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:26,600
<i>♪ "H" to the "O" to the "R"</i>
<i>To the "N" to the "Y"</i>

1132
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:28,440
<i>♪ So horny for my fiancee ♪</i>
<i>No!</i>

1133
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:29,840
Down.

1134
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:32,400
I don't want to have sex
with my family in the house.

1135
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:33,680
No, I know.

1136
00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:36,120
I don't want to have sex
with your family, either.

1137
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:37,480
In the house.

1138
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:39,280
Came out weird.

1139
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,760
Possibly my last night of
spanking the hell out of it

1140
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:45,480
without having a roommate
watching me, so...

1141
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:47,400
What do we got
to work with here?

1142
00:44:52,720 --> 00:44:54,240
Rich people magazines.

1143
00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:57,920
Eh, let's see what we got.

1144
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,320
If I hadn't partied
with her husband

1145
00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:04,040
so many times,
I would.

1146
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:05,960
But it's disrespectful
to him.

1147
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:08,320
I don't know.

1148
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:13,440
Hello.

1149
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:17,960
Jeezum crow, you really were a
model, weren't you, Grandma?

1150
00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:22,320
Yeah, old Mr. Woolworth
really, really knew

1151
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:24,080
how to pick them,
didn't he?

1152
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:27,320
I love that
old-time bathing suit.

1153
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:31,240
I could take you to the
speakeasy, and we could,

1154
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:33,560
we could do
the naked Charleston.

1155
00:45:34,240 --> 00:45:37,360
I have to ship out in the
morning to fight the Nazis,

1156
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,640
so you better give me
something to remember.

1157
00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:42,480
What's that?

1158
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:44,280
Oh, my God.

1159
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:48,280
Old lady Grandma wants to
get in on the action, too.

1160
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:50,360
Should we let her?

1161
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:52,720
I think we should.

1162
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:54,200
Oh, my God.

1163
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:57,600
Why do I like her better
right now?

1164
00:45:58,320 --> 00:45:59,560
Oh, you bad...

1165
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,320
What have you done to me?

1166
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:03,200
What have you done to me?

1167
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:07,440
We got to go for round two,

1168
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:09,320
but give me
a little bit of time.

1169
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:11,960
Give me
a little bit of time.

1170
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:16,680
Oh, lovely.

1171
00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:18,680
Just lovely.

1172
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:27,560
Oh, goodness.

1173
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:34,880
Oh, my word.

1174
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:40,760
Best man,
wedding rehearsal

1175
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:42,000
in an hour.

1176
00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:45,040
There's
so many tissues.

1177
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:46,600
Oh...

1178
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:49,080
Oh, oh!

1179
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:51,240
Oh, God. You know, don't
touch those, okay? Let's...

1180
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:53,200
Okay.

1181
00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:54,880
I'm gonna just
clean that up.

1182
00:46:55,240 --> 00:46:56,440
Yeah, Donny's sick.

1183
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:58,720
You don't want to touch these
'cause you'll get sick.

1184
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,000
He's got post-nasal drip,
so...

1185
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:10,600
The tissue's
stuck to my picture.

1186
00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:11,880
Here, let me.

1187
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:13,800
Yuck!

1188
00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:15,200
I'll grab that from you.
I got it.

1189
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:19,000
Oh, look at that! There's a
little tissue beard there.

1190
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:21,200
No, don't touch it, please.
Don't worry about it.

1191
00:47:21,240 --> 00:47:22,720
Oh, that poor dear.

1192
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:25,160
I'll just get him
some nice, fresh juice.

1193
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,080
Mmm-hmm. Juice.
That's a great idea.

1194
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:28,680
Thank you, Grandma D.
Thanks.

1195
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:32,760
You know, hon, if he's
really under the weather,

1196
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:35,960
maybe it's best if he
doesn't masturbate so much.

1197
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:38,960
That's good advice.

1198
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:40,560
I'll tell him that,
thank you.

1199
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:46,960
Okay, you can stop pretending
to sleep, Sir Jizz-a-lot.

1200
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,920
The old broad knew I was whacking
to her the whole time, didn't she?

1201
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:52,320
That's so funny.

1202
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:55,720
But your improve were awesome "Post-nasal
dick," or whatever you said.

1203
00:47:55,960 --> 00:48:00,200
You know, I can't believe your
balls produce that much stuff.

1204
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:02,280
Dude, at least I got balls.

1205
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:03,800
What's that
supposed to mean?

1206
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:06,160
Let me just crack open

1207
00:48:06,240 --> 00:48:08,160
some happiness first, yeah.

1208
00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:10,840
All I'm saying is
the Chad thing,

1209
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:12,760
when that dude came
at you last night,

1210
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:14,920
you kind of, like, looked
like a deer in headlights.

1211
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:16,520
Your whole aura

1212
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:18,240
is actually that
of a pussy.

1213
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:19,520
Or a kiss-ass.

1214
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:20,560
It is not.

1215
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:23,000
It is, too.

1216
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,240
What the fuck am I doing?

1217
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:27,360
No, I'm just saying you got
to stand up for yourself

1218
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:29,960
every once in awhile, buddy,
or she's never gonna bang you.

1219
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:32,880
I'll have you know,
she bangs me all the time.

1220
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:34,600
All right? She bangs.

1221
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:37,720
<i>Does she live the la</i>
<i>vida loca, too, or...</i>

1222
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:39,520
Very funny.

1223
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:39,640


1224
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:45,320
Well, good day, everyone.

1225
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:46,520
Father.

1226
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:48,840
Father McNally, thank you so
much for coming out to the Cape.

1227
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:50,040
My honor.

1228
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:51,280
Very cool.

1229
00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:52,360
Oh, yes.

1230
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:53,960
Chad.

1231
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:56,560
You'll excuse me,
won't you?

1232
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:59,200
While you're in this church,
you'll show the proper respect.

1233
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:01,600
No e-mailing,
no texting,

1234
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:06,240
<i>no Facebooking, no Skyping</i>
<i>and no Angry Birds.</i>

1235
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:08,200
Oh, that one hurts.

1236
00:49:08,240 --> 00:49:09,480
No, no.

1237
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:10,840
I get it.

1238
00:49:11,280 --> 00:49:12,800
It's the 2010s.

1239
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:15,160
Everyone's having sex
and drinking lattes.

1240
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:16,920
No, Father.

1241
00:49:17,720 --> 00:49:20,000
But, you see,
this is my world.

1242
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,000
We'll abide by my rules
while we're here.

1243
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,200
Maybe we should start

1244
00:49:26,240 --> 00:49:27,280
with the, uh,
the father of the groom.

1245
00:49:27,720 --> 00:49:29,080
Oh, uh, uh...

1246
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:31,520
his father passed away.

1247
00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:33,440
He died in
an explosion.

1248
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:37,080
Sounds fishy, but...
it really happened.

1249
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:39,400
Yep.

1250
00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:42,720
I'm... I'm truly sorry
to hear that, son.

1251
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:45,200
Oh, thank you,
but, uh, it's fine.

1252
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:46,920
He deserved it.

1253
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:48,320
So...

1254
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:50,080
What is that
supposed to mean?

1255
00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:52,280
Oh, I didn't mean
anything by it.

1256
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,480
He just, you know,
wasn't a great dad.

1257
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:06,720
So your father, he...
he abused you, did he?

1258
00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:08,680
Oh, no, nothing
like that.

1259
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:10,240
Was he a murderer?

1260
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:11,280
Rapist?

1261
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:14,240
No. Father,
I'm sorry, I...

1262
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:18,240
My father beat me
every day with a rake.

1263
00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:20,360
But you don't hear me

1264
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:23,120
smack-talking him like
some baby little princess.

1265
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:24,960
Not here in the house
of the Lord.

1266
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:39,120
You know, I can't hear
a word you're saying.

1267
00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:44,320
All I can focus on
is your shit breath.

1268
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,840
I'd, um, I'd like to show you
the garden for a minute.

1269
00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:55,960
Oh...

1270
00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:01,440
Now, then.

1271
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:02,840
Okay, you know what?
Let's just...

1272
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:09,840
Fucking old guy's got

1273
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:11,240
a cannon on him.
What happened?

1274
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:13,480
What happened is I think
he's having a mini-meltdown.

1275
00:51:13,720 --> 00:51:15,360
Yeah, he's taking
his shirt off now.

1276
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:17,000
Oh, my God.
And, he's pretty ripped

1277
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:19,120
for an old fuck, so we're
in trouble right now.

1278
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:20,760
What is going on here?

1279
00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:22,080
All right, all right.

1280
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:23,160
Go time, go time.

1281
00:51:23,240 --> 00:51:24,400
Oh, no, think
about what you're doing!

1282
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:25,480
Be careful.

1283
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:27,360
He bit me!

1284
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:28,800
Did you see that?
That was amazing!

1285
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:29,920
This could get ugly.

1286
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:32,120
The Father actually
killed a guy in the ring.

1287
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:33,520
That's why
he became a priest.

1288
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:34,600
Oh.

1289
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:35,720
Just keep your
hands up, kid!

1290
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:36,800
Get 'em down!

1291
00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:37,880
Hang in there, guy!

1292
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:40,480
He keeps punching him!

1293
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:43,840
Aw, come on, guy. Oh.

1294
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:46,800
That's my boy!

1295
00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:49,000
Why, you came right back
with your own shit.

1296
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:50,080
Nice, kid.

1297
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:54,600
What the fuck is that?

1298
00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:56,920
Okay, he's going to a whole
other place right now.

1299
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:01,280
You know what?
Maybe just run.

1300
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:03,440
Get the fuck out of here
Go, 90, 90, 90, 90-

1301
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:05,240
No.

1302
00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:07,120
I'm not gonna run.

1303
00:52:07,240 --> 00:52:08,680
Finish him, Father McNally!

1304
00:52:08,720 --> 00:52:09,720
Finish him!

1305
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:20,200
<i>♪ Here we go... ♪</i>

1306
00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:26,080
Geez. He went down like
a sack of potatoes, huh?

1307
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:32,120
What is the matter
with you?

1308
00:52:32,160 --> 00:52:34,520
You know, we've known
Father McNally for 30 years.

1309
00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:36,080
30 years! 30 years.
30 years.

1310
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:37,520
I ought to
rip off your head!

1311
00:52:38,720 --> 00:52:39,800
Gerald!

1312
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:41,240
I'm sorry.

1313
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:43,920
Sorry's not gonna keep you
from burning in hell, Todd.

1314
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:45,920
Hey, this is
all my fault.

1315
00:52:45,960 --> 00:52:47,800
I shouldn't have hit
the guy with the bottle.

1316
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:49,240
I'm, like,
a moron over here.

1317
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:51,440
No, now, Donny, I will not let
you take the blame for this.

1318
00:52:51,520 --> 00:52:53,720
You had to do it.
You saved his life again.

1319
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:56,040
And you looked
very sexy doing it.

1320
00:52:57,840 --> 00:53:00,200
Why was the sound
of that bottle so familiar?

1321
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:02,160
Todd is such a loser.

1322
00:53:02,720 --> 00:53:03,920
Here comes your girl.
Here we go.

1323
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:05,800
Jame, I'm sorry,
but, look,

1324
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:07,400
you got to admit, I stood
up for myself back there.

1325
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:09,720
Do you have fucking rocks
in your head, Todd?

1326
00:53:10,240 --> 00:53:11,240
No.

1327
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:12,320
Well, where are we
gonna get married now?

1328
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:13,760
We got kicked out
of the church!

1329
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:15,000
Jame...

1330
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:16,560
What is
everybody's problem?

1331
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:18,400
You were awesome out there.
You kicked ass.

1332
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:19,480
You should be
proud of yourself.

1333
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:20,560
Proud of myself?

1334
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:21,840
For what?

1335
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:24,400
I got my ass kicked, and
everyone's pissed off at me.

1336
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:26,840
And, by the way, thanks for
the fatherly advice, guy.

1337
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:29,240
That's the last time
I listen to you.

1338
00:53:29,320 --> 00:53:30,440
Aw...

1339
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:35,040
I'm gonna choke him out!
He's an asshole!

1340
00:53:35,160 --> 00:53:36,480
I'm gonna choke him out.

1341
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:38,040
I'm just gonna
choke him out.

1342
00:53:38,280 --> 00:53:39,440
Hey, guys, guys?

1343
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:42,320
Can I just say something
before we all turn on Todd?

1344
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:45,040
Churches freak the kid out,

1345
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:46,960
ever since
his father's funeral.

1346
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:48,760
After the explosion

1347
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:51,360
all that was
left of his dad

1348
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:55,640
was, like, a kneecap and
a little bit of nut sack.

1349
00:53:58,000 --> 00:53:59,640
It was supposed to be
a closed casket,

1350
00:53:59,720 --> 00:54:01,920
but there was a foul-up
at the mortuary,

1351
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:03,000
and he actually saw

1352
00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:07,240
a squirrel run into the
coffin and, uh, kind of...

1353
00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:10,440
squeak out of there with his
dad's ball bag in his mouth.

1354
00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:12,200
You know, that's gonna
fuck any of us up, so...

1355
00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:13,480
Aw...

1356
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:15,160
So you actually knew
Todd's father?

1357
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:17,120
Of course I knew the guy.

1358
00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:19,040
He was, uh, he was handsome,
he had fucking great hair,

1359
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:21,120
uh, a Jedi with
the chicks.

1360
00:54:21,840 --> 00:54:24,800
Went down on girls for a wicked
long time 'cause he was a giver

1361
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:26,520
and he wanted to see
others be happy.

1362
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:28,720
Oh, I wish I could
have met him.

1363
00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:31,320
Sounds like a gentleman.

1364
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:34,440
Was he there enough
for the kid?

1365
00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:35,760
No, maybe not.
But, uh,

1366
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:38,480
y-you know, he probably
felt bad about it.

1367
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:41,760
You know, and there's nothing he
can do about it now, so, uh...

1368
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:43,920
Toddsy.

1369
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:46,120
Oh, Todd.

1370
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:47,600
I had no idea.

1371
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:49,320
Poor thing.
Are you okay?

1372
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:50,360
Yeah, yeah.

1373
00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:51,680
It's fine, but

1374
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:54,040
sometimes I do
still have nightmares.

1375
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:55,120
Oh, boy.

1376
00:54:55,320 --> 00:54:57,920
That squirrel and
its demonic eyes.

1377
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:01,280
Tiny piece of skin
flapping in its mouth.

1378
00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:04,240
One lone scraggly hair.

1379
00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:06,240
A pubic hair.

1380
00:55:07,080 --> 00:55:09,200
I mean, maybe this is
a blessing, though, guys.

1381
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:11,320
Do we really want Father
McNutty to be the one

1382
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:13,440
who brings these
two guys together?

1383
00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:14,760
I mean, I don't
think so.

1384
00:55:15,040 --> 00:55:17,240
I'm pretty tied into
the church crowd,

1385
00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:19,160
Rageaholics Anonymous
and whatnot.

1386
00:55:19,240 --> 00:55:20,600
I could find
a priest for you.

1387
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:22,080
I mean, what type
are we looking for?

1388
00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:23,400
Maybe a younger guy.

1389
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:24,520
Younger guy.

1390
00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:25,600
How about a black guy?

1391
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:27,320
Oh. Now, I like that.

1392
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:29,240
It's very urban,
very street.

1393
00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:30,480
Okay.

1394
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:32,760
But that still
doesn't get us a church.

1395
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:34,640
Well, I'll tell you where
I would tie the knot

1396
00:55:34,720 --> 00:55:36,200
if I was these
two sexy kids.

1397
00:55:37,160 --> 00:55:37,280


1398
00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:39,040
<i>♪ I like to eat lobster</i>

1399
00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:41,440
<i>♪ Directly from Maine ♪</i>

1400
00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:44,880
Oh, Donny, this is
just such a great idea.

1401
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:46,360
Thanks. Don't you
love the pergola?

1402
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:47,640
They're gorgeous!

1403
00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:50,600
You know what, maybe a little
more girly shit up on the arch.

1404
00:55:50,640 --> 00:55:51,760
Oh, you know,
you're right.

1405
00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:54,760
Excuse me, sir, put some
more girly shit up there.

1406
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:56,120
Calling all ladies!

1407
00:55:56,200 --> 00:55:58,160
The bus for the bachelorette
party is here! Come on!

1408
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:01,240
Honey, you guys have fun
at the bachelor party!

1409
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:02,520
Okay.

1410
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:04,280
Don't get too crazy.
Know your limits.

1411
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:06,080
Okay.

1412
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:07,160
We're having
a bachelor party?

1413
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:08,960
That's, like,
my thing, man.

1414
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:10,480
Hookers, blow,

1415
00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:11,640
balloons filled with piss.

1416
00:56:11,720 --> 00:56:13,760
I mean, the sky's
the limit, kid.

1417
00:56:14,040 --> 00:56:16,160
No, no, no. Donny,
uh, w-we're all set.

1418
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:18,760
I have arranged a very special
evening for us tonight.

1419
00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:21,080
This is
gonna be awesome!

1420
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:24,920
I read about this
place in Oprah's magazine.

1421
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:26,960
I don't know if she writes
the articles herself,

1422
00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:28,720
but there's some real
good stuff in it.

1423
00:56:28,760 --> 00:56:31,560
Uh, hi, we're for the Todd
Peterson party, please.

1424
00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:33,000
Good evening, gentlemen.

1425
00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:34,760
Ah, Mrs. Ravensdale.

1426
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:36,320
Phil, what a blessing.

1427
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:39,240
Welcome to your
bachelor party package

1428
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:41,120
here at
He Time Spa For Men.

1429
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:43,000
Woo-hoo, motherfucker!

1430
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:45,200
Okay. All right.

1431
00:56:45,240 --> 00:56:47,480
We're gonna set you up
with some nice plush robes,

1432
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:49,640
and then we have a wonderful
full evening planned

1433
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:51,880
with massage, facial
and nail treatments,

1434
00:56:52,360 --> 00:56:54,520
and then we're going
to send you home

1435
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:59,280
with a special gift of our
house-made lavender scrub.

1436
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:03,040
Uh, Confucius say, "What the
fuck are you talking about?"

1437
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:04,960
No, Donny,

1438
00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:07,440
uh, Phil thought it would
be nice before the wedding

1439
00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:10,040
for us to all take a little
time to just chill and mellow.

1440
00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:13,200
My wife and I have been burning
it on both ends all week

1441
00:57:13,240 --> 00:57:14,720
with the preschool
applications,

1442
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:16,560
and I am ready
to be pampered!

1443
00:57:19,080 --> 00:57:21,480
All right, all right.
Now we're talking.

1444
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:23,440
Hey, thanks, honey.
What the fuck's your name?

1445
00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:24,880
Jessica. All right.
Yeah.

1446
00:57:24,960 --> 00:57:26,440
Hey, come on.
Here's to the kid.

1447
00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:29,280
He's fucking getting all
fucked up, ah, tonight!

1448
00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:30,400
Last night!

1449
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:32,800
Fucking last night of
poontang for this kid.

1450
00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:39,120
What the fuck is this?

1451
00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:42,200
It's water infused
with cucumber,

1452
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:43,840
rose petal
and harvest sandalwood.

1453
00:57:44,640 --> 00:57:47,640
It tastes like fucking
dick infused with balls.

1454
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:51,440
And a side of fucking
Rod Stewart's jizz.

1455
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:54,240
Wait a minute.
What are we drinking

1456
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:57,040
water at a fucking
bachelor party for, Phil?

1457
00:57:57,720 --> 00:57:59,680
You got to show my son
your tits later.

1458
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:01,880
Promise me.
Promise me.

1459
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:07,080
That's... that's nice.
Yeah, good.

1460
00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:08,880
This is great,
sweetheart.

1461
00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:10,560
Really good.

1462
00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:12,320
Nice work. You're going
deep on us, huh?

1463
00:58:13,320 --> 00:58:14,480
That's it.

1464
00:58:15,800 --> 00:58:16,880
What's this, sir?

1465
00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:18,800
Oh, that's just a little, uh...

1466
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:20,920
Tip, you know, if you
give me a full package.

1467
00:58:21,360 --> 00:58:24,240
Oh, okay. That's a $150
additional charge.

1468
00:58:25,080 --> 00:58:26,280
You're talking
to the wrong guy.

1469
00:58:26,360 --> 00:58:27,440
That's a little out
of my price range.

1470
00:58:27,520 --> 00:58:30,320
It includes scalp treatment,
reflexology.

1471
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:32,280
How much is it
to tickle my pickle?

1472
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,880
To yank my crank?
To give me a ho-jo to go?

1473
00:58:36,920 --> 00:58:39,040
Sweetheart, I'm not asking
for a finger up the ass.

1474
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:41,400
I just want you to just
jerk it a little bit.

1475
00:58:41,840 --> 00:58:44,240
Donny, this isn't
a brothel.

1476
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:46,400
Then I'm completely
confused

1477
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:48,520
what the fuck we're
doing here right now!

1478
00:58:48,880 --> 00:58:51,040
So, what, you're just going to get
a hand job in front of all of us?

1479
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:52,800
I don't know. Am I?

1480
00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:56,200
I guess not!

1481
00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:59,760
You know, I have worked
very hard on this night, Don,

1482
00:59:00,320 --> 00:59:01,960
and you're being
just plain rude.

1483
00:59:02,400 --> 00:59:04,320
Phil, no! Phil!
No, no. Don't do this.

1484
00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:09,600
Nice. That's nice.

1485
00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:13,080
Oh, that's good.
That's good.

1486
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:15,280
It tickles.

1487
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:17,120
Just fight through it, man.
It's worth it.

1488
00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:19,800
If you stop, I swear
I will kill you.

1489
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:27,560
You know what, if I don't
see a tit in five minutes,

1490
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:28,920
I'm going to strangle
this motherfucker.

1491
00:59:29,360 --> 00:59:30,920
You should be
ashamed of yourself

1492
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:32,920
for fucking arranging
this bullshit!

1493
00:59:33,400 --> 00:59:34,960
Well, I feel very relaxed,

1494
00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:37,280
and I think this was
a good use of a Groupon.

1495
00:59:37,560 --> 00:59:39,120
You fucked us, buddy!

1496
00:59:39,800 --> 00:59:42,320
Five more minutes till you
get to choose amongst four

1497
00:59:42,400 --> 00:59:44,720
artisanal house-blended
chocolates, gentlemen.

1498
00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:46,640
Oh...

1499
00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:48,320
We can't let tonight
end like this, boys.

1500
00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:49,480
We got to go out.

1501
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:51,680
I'm telling you, I can't
let my son have a...

1502
00:59:51,720 --> 00:59:55,360
my son of a gun best friend have
his bachelor party be this.

1503
00:59:55,720 --> 00:59:58,600
You fucking... you guys got your
face covered in leprechaun shit.

1504
00:59:59,240 --> 01:00:00,880
We should be getting
whacked off...

1505
01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:02,960
all of us...
as a fucking team!

1506
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:06,760
Donny, I think we've had enough
excitement for one night.

1507
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:10,080
Besides, it's not like you can throw
together a whole other party this late.

1508
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:11,880
I could have
six chicks making out

1509
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:14,160
with each other on our
laps in ten minutes.

1510
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:16,320
I could stay out
a little later.

1511
01:00:17,040 --> 01:00:18,040
Bam!

1512
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:21,160
We gonna
get our dicks sucked.

1513
01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:23,280
There it is.

1514
01:00:23,320 --> 01:00:25,800
Unless, uh, Mrs. Ravensdale, you
want to whip them knockers out?

1515
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:26,880
We'd love to see them.

1516
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:28,000
All right,
you know what?

1517
01:00:28,080 --> 01:00:31,120
You are an imbecilic,
immature, asinine, childish,

1518
01:00:31,160 --> 01:00:33,720
caveman-like, hairy-knuckled,
single-chromosomal,

1519
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:36,280
obnoxious, uneducated,
ignorant asshole

1520
01:00:36,360 --> 01:00:39,120
who I would like to
fuck hard and long!

1521
01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:41,920
So, I'm going to go
put a dent in that.

1522
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:43,640
You guys get that
green jizz off your face.

1523
01:00:43,680 --> 01:00:44,720
I'll be back in 20.

1524
01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:46,160
We're going out, boys!

1525
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:48,720
Hey, this is the shit, this place...
I'm telling you.

1526
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:50,880
The hottest chicks,
the best Denver omelets.

1527
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:52,120
You have to eat one.
All right.

1528
01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:54,160
Donny! Yeah, this is who
I was telling you about!

1529
01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:55,760
What's up? Give me that.
I'm so happy to see you.

1530
01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:57,680
You look so fucking cute!
I know, right?

1531
01:00:58,520 --> 01:01:01,560
Oh, and you brought
a military man.

1532
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:03,200
What's your name, soldier?

1533
01:01:03,480 --> 01:01:04,760
Chad Martin,
private first class,

1534
01:01:04,800 --> 01:01:06,240
United States Marine Corps.

1535
01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:07,560
You think you can
keep that dick

1536
01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:09,080
at attention for
a couple hours?

1537
01:01:09,160 --> 01:01:10,640
That's an order!

1538
01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:12,880
Already on it.

1539
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:14,640
Look at my man!

1540
01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:15,760
You guys,
let me get in here

1541
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:17,240
and introduce myself.

1542
01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:18,280
Hello. I'm Phil.

1543
01:01:18,360 --> 01:01:19,480
I'm married
with four children,

1544
01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:22,480
and I have actually only seen
three vaginae in my entire life:

1545
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:23,720
my wife's, my baby's

1546
01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:26,920
and my aunt's once by accident
on the back of a tandem bike.

1547
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:28,760
Well, here's
number four, baby!

1548
01:01:28,840 --> 01:01:29,960
Oh!

1549
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:32,560
I'm going to count that
as numbers four and five.

1550
01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:52,520
<i>♪ I see you chillin</i>
<i>by the bar ♪</i>

1551
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:56,320
<i>Champale would</i>
<i>like to dedicate this</i>

1552
01:01:56,400 --> 01:01:58,520
<i>to Mr. Todd Peterson.</i>

1553
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:01,920
Yeah, baby. Yeah.
Here you go.

1554
01:02:01,960 --> 01:02:03,000
Oh.

1555
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:04,360
Oh, hey.

1556
01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:05,560
Do you want any eggs?

1557
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:06,760
Oh, no.

1558
01:02:06,840 --> 01:02:08,080
I really have to
watch what I eat.

1559
01:02:08,160 --> 01:02:09,760
No fatty foods.
But thank you.

1560
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:11,080
I'm Brie.

1561
01:02:11,160 --> 01:02:12,600
I'm Todd.
Nice to meet you.

1562
01:02:12,720 --> 01:02:15,600
Oh, I know who
you are, Han Solo.

1563
01:02:16,040 --> 01:02:18,040
Oh. Uh, no, you can't...

1564
01:02:18,080 --> 01:02:19,840
Don't worry,
your secret's safe.

1565
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:25,800
<i>♪ Hey, girl', what you know</i>
<i>about these stereotypes?</i>

1566
01:02:25,840 --> 01:02:27,320
<i>♪ Yeah, yeah</i>

1567
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:30,120
<i>♪ I-I take a shot</i>
<i>of Patron</i>

1568
01:02:30,160 --> 01:02:32,320
<i>♪ Two shots, then it's on</i>

1569
01:02:32,360 --> 01:02:33,800
<i>♪ Three shot, four shot,</i>
<i>five shot</i>

1570
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:36,320
<i>♪ Oh, shit, I think I'm gone</i>

1571
01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:38,040
<i>♪ If you're looking for me,</i>
<i>I'm with the</i>

1572
01:02:38,120 --> 01:02:40,040
<i>♪ Girls on the dance floor</i>

1573
01:02:40,120 --> 01:02:42,000
<i>♪ How easy to see</i>
<i>I'm with the</i>

1574
01:02:42,080 --> 01:02:44,120
<i>♪ Girls on the dance floor</i>

1575
01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:45,840
<i>♪ You know I Jove it</i>
<i>when the</i>

1576
01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:48,040
<i>♪ Girls on the dance floor</i>

1577
01:02:48,120 --> 01:02:50,080
<i>♪ That's why this one</i>
<i>is for the</i>

1578
01:02:50,120 --> 01:02:51,960
<i>♪ Girls on the dance floor</i>

1579
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:53,560
<i>Who did that?</i>
<i>♪ And I'm good to go</i>

1580
01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:55,840
<i>♪ Got the hood feeling</i>
<i>so remarkable</i>

1581
01:02:55,880 --> 01:02:57,800
<i>♪ When the clock hits 4:00,</i>
<i>I'm out the door</i>

1582
01:02:57,840 --> 01:03:00,040
<i>♪ So get your ass</i>
<i>on the ﬂoor</i>

1583
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:02,280
<i>♪ Get your ass on the ﬂoor</i>

1584
01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:04,400
<i>♪ Get your ass on the ﬂoor</i>

1585
01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:06,240
<i>♪ Oh, you don't</i>
<i>hear me though?</i>

1586
01:03:06,280 --> 01:03:08,080
<i>♪ Get your ass</i>
<i>on the floor, yeah</i>

1587
01:03:08,120 --> 01:03:09,400
<i>♪ If you're looking for me</i>

1588
01:03:09,480 --> 01:03:10,480
<i>♪ I'm with the</i>

1589
01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:12,240
<i>♪ Girls on the dance floor</i>

1590
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:14,000
<i>♪ How easy to see</i>
<i>I'm with the</i>

1591
01:03:14,080 --> 01:03:16,280
<i>♪ Girls on the dance floor</i>

1592
01:03:16,360 --> 01:03:18,280
<i>♪ You know I love it</i>
when the... ♪

1593
01:03:25,640 --> 01:03:27,440
Gerald, get in the car.
I love you, Donny!

1594
01:03:27,520 --> 01:03:28,600
Yeah, I love you.
Get in there.

1595
01:03:28,640 --> 01:03:30,080
Man, you got to give me
the recipe, man.

1596
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:31,720
Can't buy everything,
Spirou!

1597
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:33,360
Bro, but they use
olive oil, not butter.

1598
01:03:33,440 --> 01:03:34,480
That's the big secret.

1599
01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:35,880
Okay, Chris,
get him in there.

1600
01:03:35,920 --> 01:03:38,240
Be gentle, he... he's
protecting our country.

1601
01:03:38,360 --> 01:03:39,680
All right,
good night, guys!

1602
01:03:41,240 --> 01:03:43,520
Gerald, you're
a sick man, buddy!

1603
01:03:43,680 --> 01:03:45,000
Whoa.

1604
01:03:45,080 --> 01:03:46,160
Hey, what...

1605
01:03:46,400 --> 01:03:47,400
Where's everybody going?

1606
01:03:47,480 --> 01:03:48,800
I sent them home, guy.

1607
01:03:48,880 --> 01:03:50,960
I thought, uh, we could
have a little, uh,

1608
01:03:51,040 --> 01:03:53,760
best man/groom alone time.

1609
01:03:54,200 --> 01:03:55,520
Oh. But shouldn't
I go with them?

1610
01:03:55,560 --> 01:03:57,400
'Cause Jamie's gonna
get mad at me.

1611
01:03:57,480 --> 01:03:58,920
Wha... Easy, guy.

1612
01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:00,560
You're gonna have
plenty of time

1613
01:04:00,600 --> 01:04:02,600
for her to be mad at you
when you're married.

1614
01:04:04,720 --> 01:04:06,040
I got you a wedding gift
and I want to

1615
01:04:06,080 --> 01:04:07,800
give it to you alone,
all right?

1616
01:04:07,840 --> 01:04:08,920
You got me a gift?

1617
01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:10,280
Of course I got you.

1618
01:04:10,360 --> 01:04:12,840
And I think, uh,
think you might dig it.

1619
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:19,080
An earring.

1620
01:04:19,360 --> 01:04:21,680
Yeah, I know,
but, uh, that's an earring

1621
01:04:21,720 --> 01:04:25,200
that your mom gave me, and
I thought maybe we could

1622
01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:26,960
keep it in the family,
you know?

1623
01:04:27,040 --> 01:04:28,160
Just kind of keep it going,

1624
01:04:28,200 --> 01:04:29,600
generation to generation,
actually.

1625
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:30,680
Oh.

1626
01:04:31,560 --> 01:04:33,680
Yeah, but I don't have
a pierced ear, Donny.

1627
01:04:34,800 --> 01:04:35,880
Yeah.

1628
01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:38,240
No.

1629
01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:40,000
Yeah.

1630
01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:44,320
All right,
fuck it, fuck it.

1631
01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:45,680
Do it, just do it.

1632
01:04:46,240 --> 01:04:47,280
It's not gonna hurt, buddy.

1633
01:04:47,320 --> 01:04:48,600
Y-You got a nice
buzz going.

1634
01:04:48,680 --> 01:04:49,960
Yeah, I got it, I got it.

1635
01:04:50,040 --> 01:04:51,280
Hang on.

1636
01:04:51,560 --> 01:04:52,800
Oh, yeah.

1637
01:04:52,880 --> 01:04:53,920
L-Liquor it up.

1638
01:04:53,960 --> 01:04:55,360
Oh, fuck!

1639
01:04:55,400 --> 01:04:56,760
Come here. Come here.

1640
01:04:57,920 --> 01:04:59,800
Hang in there! Go ahead,
just sit still, homie.

1641
01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:03,800
Yeah!

1642
01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:06,280
How we doing?

1643
01:05:06,760 --> 01:05:07,760
Oh, God.

1644
01:05:07,800 --> 01:05:09,720
That's it.
That's the way to man up.

1645
01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:12,000
That wasn't so bad.
Let me see it.

1646
01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:14,200
Am I bleeding?

1647
01:05:16,160 --> 01:05:17,440
I don't think so.
No?

1648
01:05:17,880 --> 01:05:19,040
Does it look good?

1649
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:21,960
You look like you could be playing
drums for Foreigner or some shit.

1650
01:05:22,040 --> 01:05:23,120
You look like a bad-ass.

1651
01:05:23,440 --> 01:05:24,960
Really?
Yeah.

1652
01:05:25,160 --> 01:05:27,040
Oh, 'cause it makes me
feel kind of...

1653
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:29,520
...dangerous.

1654
01:05:31,880 --> 01:05:33,200
There he is, man!

1655
01:05:33,280 --> 01:05:35,960
That's your personality... like
when you were seven years old,

1656
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:39,000
me and Uncle Vanny used to
laugh our asses off from you.

1657
01:05:39,880 --> 01:05:41,680
Uncle Vanny,
that's right.

1658
01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:43,520
What happened to that guy?

1659
01:05:44,160 --> 01:05:46,080
Dude, you know
what it's time for?

1660
01:05:46,480 --> 01:05:49,200
To get you back together
with the old gang.

1661
01:05:50,600 --> 01:05:51,680
Come on.

1662
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:53,920
I just hope the guy
will talk to me.

1663
01:05:54,360 --> 01:05:55,360
Phil!

1664
01:05:55,520 --> 01:05:57,720
Come on, you're gonna
get arrested, buddy.

1665
01:05:58,480 --> 01:06:00,520
I shouldn't
be doing this.

1666
01:06:01,440 --> 01:06:03,200
No, don't stop,
don't stop.

1667
01:06:15,680 --> 01:06:18,440
All right, look. I came
here to tell you I'm sorry

1668
01:06:18,520 --> 01:06:21,000
about what happened
with me and your mother.

1669
01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:24,280
It was an accident, and it
will never happen again.

1670
01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:27,880
That's all I've been waiting
for all these years, man,

1671
01:06:27,920 --> 01:06:29,000
a simple apology.

1672
01:06:29,080 --> 01:06:30,280
It's water
under the bridge.

1673
01:06:30,320 --> 01:06:31,720
Don't sweat it.
Holla.

1674
01:06:33,040 --> 01:06:34,960
Wait, are you Vanilla Ice?

1675
01:06:36,120 --> 01:06:38,400
Was Uncle Vanny Vanilla
Ice this whole time?

1676
01:06:38,600 --> 01:06:39,760
Who did you
think I was?

1677
01:06:39,800 --> 01:06:41,560
I don't know,
a friend of my dad's

1678
01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:43,000
that wore a lot
of parachute pants?

1679
01:06:43,360 --> 01:06:44,680
Oh, man.

1680
01:06:45,120 --> 01:06:46,720
I want to be honest
with you, too.

1681
01:06:47,040 --> 01:06:49,560
I never did knock boots
with your mother.

1682
01:06:49,960 --> 01:06:51,040
No?
No.

1683
01:06:51,120 --> 01:06:52,720
I think she whacked me
off outside the pants.

1684
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:53,800
No.

1685
01:06:53,840 --> 01:06:54,960
But I didn't finish.

1686
01:06:55,040 --> 01:06:56,720
Vanny, I didn't finish.
I couldn't. Yeah?

1687
01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:58,720
Oh, Mom.
Yeah.

1688
01:06:58,800 --> 01:06:59,920
You know,
she did like to fuck.

1689
01:07:00,000 --> 01:07:01,560
That's fucking...
Look at him.

1690
01:07:01,640 --> 01:07:03,320
Back to it.
Fuck, yeah.

1691
01:07:03,560 --> 01:07:05,040
Hey, Han Solo,
you're looking great, man.

1692
01:07:05,080 --> 01:07:06,120
Oh, thank you.

1693
01:07:06,200 --> 01:07:07,360
You lost some weight.
Is this kid all right?

1694
01:07:07,440 --> 01:07:09,360
You're not a little fat kid no more.
No, no, no.

1695
01:07:09,440 --> 01:07:10,560
Remember this one?
No, no.

1696
01:07:10,640 --> 01:07:12,200
Oh, yeah, we used to do
this to you all the time.

1697
01:07:12,280 --> 01:07:14,000
Remember, back in the day?
Hey, nugget pocket.

1698
01:07:14,080 --> 01:07:15,880
Nugget pockets. No, I'm
not a nugget pocket.

1699
01:07:15,960 --> 01:07:17,800
What's up, nugget pocket?
No.

1700
01:07:17,880 --> 01:07:19,720
No, but seriously, Iceberg,

1701
01:07:19,760 --> 01:07:21,440
me and my boy got a
little head start on you,

1702
01:07:21,520 --> 01:07:24,000
but, uh, you got any desire
to get wasted with us?

1703
01:07:24,200 --> 01:07:26,000
Ah, more than life itself.

1704
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:28,480
In fact, I might have a little
head start on you guys.

1705
01:07:28,560 --> 01:07:30,280
What?

1706
01:07:30,360 --> 01:07:32,000
Ah!

1707
01:07:32,040 --> 01:07:33,600
Yeah.
It's so illegal.

1708
01:07:33,920 --> 01:07:35,720
I don't want to do that
in front of my kid.

1709
01:07:35,800 --> 01:07:37,200
Turn around for a minute.
Just turn around.

1710
01:07:37,280 --> 01:07:39,080
Give me that fucking shit.

1711
01:07:40,800 --> 01:07:41,920
What?

1712
01:07:43,320 --> 01:07:45,240
Hey, let's get
out of here.

1713
01:07:45,320 --> 01:07:46,480
I did not do that.

1714
01:07:46,840 --> 01:07:48,600
Let's go have some fun.
Hey!

1715
01:07:48,640 --> 01:07:51,000
Hey, where you think you're
going, Mr. Vanilla Ice Cream?

1716
01:07:51,040 --> 01:07:52,360
I'm going out
for the night, man.

1717
01:07:52,400 --> 01:07:53,680
Aw, hell no, man!
You know I don't know

1718
01:07:53,760 --> 01:07:55,280
how to fry
no damn chicken nuggets!

1719
01:07:55,360 --> 01:07:56,400
It's Todd Bridges.

1720
01:07:56,480 --> 01:07:58,000
Yeah, yeah,
w-watch this.

1721
01:07:58,080 --> 01:07:59,200
What you talking
'bout, Willis?

1722
01:07:59,760 --> 01:08:01,160
You come back
and say that to my face,

1723
01:08:01,240 --> 01:08:03,040
you fake white
rapping motherfucker!

1724
01:08:03,080 --> 01:08:04,400
Todd, seriously, though,
you look great.

1725
01:08:04,440 --> 01:08:06,600
How's Mr. Drummond doing, huh?

1726
01:08:07,080 --> 01:08:08,680
Mister...
Fuck you!

1727
01:08:08,720 --> 01:08:10,120
"Mr. Drummond.
Mister..."

1728
01:08:10,880 --> 01:08:12,720
Man, I...
What you want?

1729
01:08:12,760 --> 01:08:13,880
Bowl of chili nuggets.

1730
01:08:13,920 --> 01:08:14,920
A what?

1731
01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:16,640
You know, that shit
ain't on the menu, man!

1732
01:08:18,720 --> 01:08:20,400
Shit, it is. Damn it.

1733
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:23,440
Fucking skate!
Just fucking skate!

1734
01:08:24,080 --> 01:08:25,440
The Berger boys
are here!

1735
01:08:25,520 --> 01:08:27,240
Come on, look out!
Look out, now!

1736
01:08:27,320 --> 01:08:28,320
What the fuck?

1737
01:08:29,480 --> 01:08:30,480
<i>♪ Have you seen her?</i>

1738
01:08:30,560 --> 01:08:32,040
<i>♪ So fine and pretty</i>

1739
01:08:32,120 --> 01:08:34,720
Hey! Give me my hat back!

1740
01:08:36,760 --> 01:08:38,760
Do it, do it!
Give it back!

1741
01:08:38,840 --> 01:08:41,640
<i>♪ Yes, it's love</i>
<i>in the third degree</i>

1742
01:08:41,680 --> 01:08:43,440
Hey, it's a fucking
lovely night, ain't it?

1743
01:08:43,480 --> 01:08:44,720
Oh. my God!

1744
01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:48,200
You fucking assholes!

1745
01:08:51,680 --> 01:08:54,400
<i>♪ Ooh, baby, baby</i>

1746
01:08:55,120 --> 01:08:56,280
Go, go!

1747
01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:01,120
What the... Go!

1748
01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:02,920
Go, go, go!

1749
01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:04,640
What the fuck?
Get out of here!

1750
01:09:04,680 --> 01:09:05,920
Holy shit!

1751
01:09:09,040 --> 01:09:12,280
You know, they seem
like fun guys.

1752
01:09:13,880 --> 01:09:15,360
We're all gonna dive!
Let's go!

1753
01:09:16,520 --> 01:09:17,640
What are you doing?

1754
01:09:20,240 --> 01:09:22,200
<i>♪ She's on fire</i>

1755
01:09:22,280 --> 01:09:24,200
<i>♪ 'Cause dancing</i>
<i>gets her higher</i>

1756
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:27,240
Oh. my God!

1757
01:09:27,320 --> 01:09:29,440
I didn't, I didn't
spill my beer!

1758
01:09:29,520 --> 01:09:31,160
I fucking love it.

1759
01:09:32,480 --> 01:09:34,200
Fuck!
You fucking hard-ons!

1760
01:09:43,280 --> 01:09:45,080
<i>♪ 'Cause you're</i>
<i>old enough to dance</i>

1761
01:09:45,160 --> 01:09:49,000
<i>♪ Dance the night away</i>

1762
01:09:49,080 --> 01:09:50,320
"You fucking hard-ons."

1763
01:09:50,400 --> 01:09:51,880
'Whoa!

1764
01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:54,880
<i>♪ Oh, come on, baby</i>

1765
01:09:54,920 --> 01:09:56,600
<i>♪ Dance the night away ♪</i>

1766
01:09:56,960 --> 01:09:59,440
Fucking...

1767
01:10:00,160 --> 01:10:02,680
What are you doing?
No, no, no, no!

1768
01:10:05,560 --> 01:10:07,520
You don't fucking do that,
you fucking idiot!

1769
01:10:07,600 --> 01:10:08,600
Yeah!

1770
01:10:09,560 --> 01:10:11,400
Look at this, fuck face.
Look at this.

1771
01:10:12,520 --> 01:10:13,520
What the fuck?

1772
01:10:14,320 --> 01:10:15,360
Come on.

1773
01:10:15,440 --> 01:10:16,520
You fucking guy.
I say, take it.

1774
01:10:16,600 --> 01:10:17,600
I can't.

1775
01:10:17,640 --> 01:10:18,640
Just go, go, go, go, go.
No, wait, wait.

1776
01:10:18,720 --> 01:10:19,920
Wait, wait, wait.
Stop, stop, stop.

1777
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:21,160
I changed my mind.
I'm scared.

1778
01:10:21,240 --> 01:10:22,280
I don't want to do it.

1779
01:10:22,320 --> 01:10:23,600
Oh, man.
I can't do it.

1780
01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:25,480
You're rubbing
your underwear.

1781
01:10:25,800 --> 01:10:27,760
What is that?
Why are you doing that?

1782
01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:29,800
I suppose
I'm the reason.

1783
01:10:29,880 --> 01:10:32,240
Yeah. Yeah.
Remember in first grade

1784
01:10:32,320 --> 01:10:33,840
when you were supposed
to pick me up after school,

1785
01:10:33,920 --> 01:10:35,400
you left me waiting
for five hours?

1786
01:10:35,480 --> 01:10:37,920
I had detention myself, guy.

1787
01:10:37,960 --> 01:10:39,680
What the fuck
was I supposed to do?

1788
01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:41,640
Yeah, well,
I shit in my pants.

1789
01:10:41,720 --> 01:10:42,720
All right.

1790
01:10:42,800 --> 01:10:45,040
Then I had to walk all the
way home alone. All right.

1791
01:10:45,120 --> 01:10:46,200
With shit in my pants.

1792
01:10:46,280 --> 01:10:48,960
Dude, I promise you,
I'll never forget you again.

1793
01:10:49,320 --> 01:10:50,440
I swear to God.

1794
01:10:50,800 --> 01:10:51,880
Throw the fucking
things away.

1795
01:10:51,920 --> 01:10:53,920
Don't fuck with me.
Throw them away.

1796
01:10:54,920 --> 01:10:58,200
Throw them away
Throw them away.

1797
01:10:58,280 --> 01:11:00,200
Get rid of the fucking
underwear, you don't need that.

1798
01:11:00,280 --> 01:11:01,760
You're better than that, guy.

1799
01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:03,520
Okay, fuck it.
Okay, fuck it.

1800
01:11:03,920 --> 01:11:05,640
Squeeze it out
and fucking... Yeah.

1801
01:11:09,320 --> 01:11:10,600
You're a good kid.

1802
01:11:10,680 --> 01:11:13,000
Come on, fucking hit this thing
and let's get it rocking.

1803
01:11:13,640 --> 01:11:14,960
All right. All right?
Here we go.

1804
01:11:15,000 --> 01:11:16,600
Come on. Push, push.
I got you. Okay.

1805
01:11:16,680 --> 01:11:18,320
I'm not good at it.
All right.

1806
01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:19,640
It's balance,
it's just balance.

1807
01:11:19,720 --> 01:11:21,280
You got this, kid.
You're an athlete.

1808
01:11:21,360 --> 01:11:23,320
You got it.
No, it's in you, buddy.

1809
01:11:23,360 --> 01:11:24,400
Straight.
I don't know how.

1810
01:11:24,440 --> 01:11:25,640
I got you.
I ain't gonna let you fall.

1811
01:11:25,680 --> 01:11:27,360
Don't let me go.
I won't let you fall.

1812
01:11:27,440 --> 01:11:28,680
Don't let go. All right,
I'm still with you.

1813
01:11:28,720 --> 01:11:29,720
Okay.
I'm still with you.

1814
01:11:29,800 --> 01:11:31,920
Let's pick up some speed, though.
I'm with you, guy.

1815
01:11:32,000 --> 01:11:33,320
I'm with you.
I'm with you.

1816
01:11:33,360 --> 01:11:34,520
I'm not letting go.
Don't let me go.

1817
01:11:34,560 --> 01:11:36,000
I'm not letting go.
I'm with you, my boy.

1818
01:11:36,080 --> 01:11:38,120
Wait...
I'm with you, my boy!

1819
01:11:38,400 --> 01:11:40,840
Yeah, that's all you!
I'm doing it!

1820
01:11:41,200 --> 01:11:43,200
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, baby!
I'm doing it!

1821
01:11:43,600 --> 01:11:46,080
Oh! Oh, my God!

1822
01:11:46,720 --> 01:11:48,640
Oh! Oh!

1823
01:11:48,680 --> 01:11:50,000
Are you...

1824
01:11:50,040 --> 01:11:51,040
Kid, are you...

1825
01:11:51,120 --> 01:11:52,360
Are you all right, buddy?

1826
01:11:52,720 --> 01:11:53,720
Sorry.

1827
01:11:53,800 --> 01:11:55,640
Dude, I'm trying to make love to my wife!
Oh! What the fuck?

1828
01:11:55,720 --> 01:11:57,480
No!
Fucking naked people.

1829
01:11:57,560 --> 01:11:59,160
I'm gonna
fucking kill you!

1830
01:11:59,240 --> 01:12:00,560
Oh, my God,
they're chasing me!

1831
01:12:00,640 --> 01:12:01,920
What the fuck?
Get off him!

1832
01:12:02,160 --> 01:12:03,160
Go!

1833
01:12:03,240 --> 01:12:04,480
Oh, my God! Look out!
Go!

1834
01:12:06,240 --> 01:12:07,360
Keep going, guy!

1835
01:12:07,720 --> 01:12:08,760
Donny!

1836
01:12:11,120 --> 01:12:12,360
Yeah!
You're the best.

1837
01:12:12,400 --> 01:12:13,640
You are, Jay.
- Good luck!

1838
01:12:13,720 --> 01:12:15,160
I like your
fucking hairdo!

1839
01:12:15,200 --> 01:12:17,200
Good luck with
the taxi business!

1840
01:12:17,760 --> 01:12:19,760
Love that guy.
Classic. Classic.

1841
01:12:19,840 --> 01:12:21,120
Classic.

1842
01:12:21,400 --> 01:12:22,680
It's a classic night.

1843
01:12:22,920 --> 01:12:25,560
No way!
Party's not over!

1844
01:12:25,880 --> 01:12:27,040
Come on!

1845
01:12:30,040 --> 01:12:31,680
Dude, Uncle Vanny's fucked up.

1846
01:12:33,840 --> 01:12:35,080
I love you, Son.

1847
01:12:39,880 --> 01:12:40,920
I do.

1848
01:12:40,960 --> 01:12:42,600
I've always
loved you, all right?

1849
01:12:43,960 --> 01:12:45,640
Sorry to spring that
on you like that.

1850
01:12:46,080 --> 01:12:47,080
It's all right.

1851
01:12:47,120 --> 01:12:49,200
It's cool, Donny.
That's nice, thank you.

1852
01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:50,800
Hansie, Hansie.

1853
01:12:51,760 --> 01:12:55,440
Why don't you not call me
Donny when no one's around.

1854
01:12:55,520 --> 01:12:56,800
You can call me Dad.

1855
01:12:57,600 --> 01:12:59,680
Uh, yeah, I know, I know.

1856
01:12:59,760 --> 01:13:00,960
It's...

1857
01:13:02,320 --> 01:13:04,480
I don't know if I'm ready
for that, Donny.

1858
01:13:04,520 --> 01:13:05,880
You know?
Yeah, yeah.

1859
01:13:07,880 --> 01:13:09,120
No prob.

1860
01:13:22,280 --> 01:13:23,440
Sorry.

1861
01:13:23,840 --> 01:13:25,600
Sorry if you fucking
don't like me.

1862
01:13:31,320 --> 01:13:33,240
I probably would've
fucked my teacher, too.

1863
01:13:37,200 --> 01:13:38,320
Yeah.

1864
01:13:38,920 --> 01:13:40,280
But, uh...

1865
01:13:51,080 --> 01:13:54,280
Eh, so, what time are we gonna
go to the prison tomorrow?

1866
01:13:55,560 --> 01:13:57,640
Wait, you'll go
to the prison?

1867
01:13:58,280 --> 01:13:59,600
Yeah, I'll go.

1868
01:14:01,400 --> 01:14:03,200
No.No, no,no, no,no

1869
01:14:03,240 --> 01:14:05,760
That... That's...
They canceled that.

1870
01:14:05,840 --> 01:14:08,640
That's... I talked to
the warden, and he says

1871
01:14:08,680 --> 01:14:11,760
that your mother
was just pulling our leg.

1872
01:14:11,800 --> 01:14:13,640
She's only got
the chicken pox.

1873
01:14:14,360 --> 01:14:15,440
What?

1874
01:14:15,520 --> 01:14:16,720
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

1875
01:14:16,800 --> 01:14:18,480
She said she was
dying because

1876
01:14:18,520 --> 01:14:21,320
they give you better food if
you're wicked sick like that,

1877
01:14:21,400 --> 01:14:25,760
like Beefaroni or microwave
pizza or some shit, so...

1878
01:14:27,240 --> 01:14:28,440
That just made me hungry.

1879
01:14:29,680 --> 01:14:30,960
Well, check your pockets.

1880
01:14:35,520 --> 01:14:36,560
Oh!

1881
01:14:37,760 --> 01:14:38,960
A treasure!

1882
01:14:39,440 --> 01:14:40,480
Come on, eat it.

1883
01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:42,120
Oh, no, it's nasty.
Come on, I'm telling you.

1884
01:14:42,200 --> 01:14:44,200
Fucking Todd Bridges
worked hard on that thing.

1885
01:14:44,240 --> 01:14:45,840
Yeah. You like that.

1886
01:14:46,320 --> 01:14:47,400
Pretty good.

1887
01:14:47,440 --> 01:14:48,560
Woo-hoo!

1888
01:14:48,640 --> 01:14:51,040
Look at me,
I'm a fountain!

1889
01:14:51,080 --> 01:14:52,480
Throw a penny in here!

1890
01:14:52,520 --> 01:14:54,080
Make a wish, motherfucker!

1891
01:15:11,160 --> 01:15:12,920
Oh, what the fu...

1892
01:15:13,200 --> 01:15:14,560
Grandma D,
what's going on?

1893
01:15:14,600 --> 01:15:15,760
What are you doing here?

1894
01:15:16,000 --> 01:15:18,080
Well, you've had the fantasy,

1895
01:15:18,960 --> 01:15:22,120
so now it's time
that you try the real thing.

1896
01:15:23,160 --> 01:15:25,080
Oh!

1897
01:15:26,360 --> 01:15:28,760
No, no, no,
I can't do that.

1898
01:15:28,840 --> 01:15:29,960
I'm sorry.

1899
01:15:30,160 --> 01:15:31,720
I appreciate the offer.

1900
01:15:32,200 --> 01:15:34,120
Oh, no, no, no, don't.

1901
01:15:34,400 --> 01:15:36,880
I can't. Don't you...
I-I shouldn't.

1902
01:15:38,880 --> 01:15:41,160
Oh, God.

1903
01:15:41,920 --> 01:15:44,240
You got the old-timey
bathing suit on.

1904
01:15:47,160 --> 01:15:48,440
Okay, I'm in.

1905
01:15:49,520 --> 01:15:53,200
I'm going to ride you
like a Model T.

1906
01:16:00,400 --> 01:16:01,440
Yeah.

1907
01:16:04,200 --> 01:16:05,280
Shh!

1908
01:16:11,440 --> 01:16:12,600
Jamie.

1909
01:16:13,760 --> 01:16:15,520
You're wearing
your dress again.

1910
01:16:17,000 --> 01:16:18,760
You look beautiful.

1911
01:16:19,760 --> 01:16:21,440
I want you so bad.

1912
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:23,720
Be nice to me.

1913
01:16:24,200 --> 01:16:25,880
Make me feel good.

1914
01:16:30,840 --> 01:16:32,680
All right, all right.

1915
01:16:33,000 --> 01:16:36,280
Okay, okay, okay, okay.

1916
01:16:36,320 --> 01:16:38,640
Oh, oh, oh.

1917
01:16:38,680 --> 01:16:39,000


1918
01:16:48,920 --> 01:16:50,840
Oh, my God!

1919
01:16:51,360 --> 01:16:52,600
Help me!

1920
01:16:54,320 --> 01:16:55,760
What happened?
Are you okay?

1921
01:16:56,160 --> 01:16:57,800
Do I sound okay?

1922
01:16:58,080 --> 01:17:00,600
You puked all over
my wedding dress!

1923
01:17:01,320 --> 01:17:03,080
Prepare to get fucked up,
motherfuckers!

1924
01:17:04,840 --> 01:17:07,080
Sorry, I, uh,
I heard you scream.

1925
01:17:07,120 --> 01:17:09,040
I thought Jamie
was getting murdered,

1926
01:17:09,080 --> 01:17:10,960
so I was gonna fucking
smack someone around.

1927
01:17:11,400 --> 01:17:13,280
What happened?
Oh, I don't know!

1928
01:17:13,320 --> 01:17:15,520
I just found my wedding
dress covered in barf!

1929
01:17:16,000 --> 01:17:19,160
And something else,
something sticky.

1930
01:17:37,800 --> 01:17:38,920
It's jizz.

1931
01:17:40,640 --> 01:17:43,480
You puked on my dress
and then fucked it!

1932
01:17:45,440 --> 01:17:47,360
You're a madman...

1933
01:17:47,440 --> 01:17:49,160
No, no, no, no. No.

1934
01:17:49,560 --> 01:17:51,120
Sweetheart, it wasn't my boy.
You shut up.

1935
01:17:51,160 --> 01:17:52,240
Donny, just shut up!

1936
01:17:52,320 --> 01:17:53,640
Who wants a piece of this, huh?

1937
01:17:53,720 --> 01:17:55,440
Who wants a piece?
Whoa, no, no, no!

1938
01:17:55,600 --> 01:17:56,680
It's okay, buddy.

1939
01:17:56,760 --> 01:17:58,000
Todd just
fucked the dress.

1940
01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:00,000
It's under control.
Oh.

1941
01:18:01,120 --> 01:18:02,840
What is Vanilla Ice
doing in our room?

1942
01:18:03,960 --> 01:18:07,240
He's, um...
My other best friend.

1943
01:18:07,600 --> 01:18:09,120
Yeah. And a wicked
good rapper.

1944
01:18:09,200 --> 01:18:10,880
Give it up for him.
Come on, now.

1945
01:18:11,440 --> 01:18:13,040
Let's give it up.
- My boy.

1946
01:18:13,680 --> 01:18:14,680
I don't know
what's going on here,

1947
01:18:14,760 --> 01:18:16,160
but I don't have time
to deal with this, so...

1948
01:18:16,240 --> 01:18:18,320
Okay, this
is what's gonna happen.

1949
01:18:18,840 --> 01:18:20,560
I'm gonna go take a shower.
I'm gonna go to Pilates.

1950
01:18:20,960 --> 01:18:22,680
You're gonna take that
dress to the dry cleaners!

1951
01:18:22,920 --> 01:18:24,640
And then we're gonna have
rehearsal dinner tonight,

1952
01:18:24,720 --> 01:18:26,840
and you're gonna be the normal
Todd from three days ago, right?

1953
01:18:26,920 --> 01:18:28,280
Mmm-hmm. And you can
start by taking out

1954
01:18:28,360 --> 01:18:30,400
that stupid
Duran Duran earring!

1955
01:18:30,640 --> 01:18:32,000
I was thinking
it's more Foreigner.

1956
01:18:32,040 --> 01:18:34,400
No? No, no, Duran Duran's
a good call, though.

1957
01:18:37,840 --> 01:18:40,840
Uh, guess I'm gonna go finish
up with Grandma Delores.

1958
01:18:40,920 --> 01:18:42,000
Yeah.
Is that all right?

1959
01:18:42,040 --> 01:18:43,280
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Have fun, buddy. Have fun.

1960
01:18:43,360 --> 01:18:44,440
Not too much, though.
Don't hurt her.

1961
01:18:44,520 --> 01:18:45,800
No, no. I get it right
and keep it tight.

1962
01:18:45,840 --> 01:18:47,280
Okay.

1963
01:18:47,440 --> 01:18:50,400
Look, I-I need
a couple hours to fix this.

1964
01:18:50,680 --> 01:18:53,960
Oh, hey, we've all been in that
situation, and you'll be fine, kid.

1965
01:18:54,320 --> 01:18:56,640
I'll whip up some pancakes for
everyone else, all right?

1966
01:18:56,720 --> 01:18:58,040
All right.
I love it.

1967
01:19:00,080 --> 01:19:01,760
You jizzed on a mannequin.

1968
01:19:02,160 --> 01:19:03,240
Respect it.

1969
01:19:05,200 --> 01:19:07,080
But you were only 13.

1970
01:19:07,840 --> 01:19:09,440
She took advantage of you.

1971
01:19:09,520 --> 01:19:12,240
No, all right. That's what
the law says, Su-Jin,

1972
01:19:12,320 --> 01:19:14,920
but I don't know... We were
kind of like soul mates.

1973
01:19:15,000 --> 01:19:16,400
You know, there was...
There was a connection there.

1974
01:19:16,440 --> 01:19:17,840
I never had it
with anyone else.

1975
01:19:17,880 --> 01:19:19,520
I'm getting a call.

1976
01:19:19,600 --> 01:19:20,600
I'm sorry, guys-

1977
01:19:20,640 --> 01:19:22,520
Do not touch these plates.
I'm cleaning them.

1978
01:19:22,560 --> 01:19:24,040
Okay, Su-Jin?

1979
01:19:24,680 --> 01:19:25,680
Go for Donny B.

1980
01:19:26,120 --> 01:19:27,400
Wassup!

1981
01:19:27,960 --> 01:19:30,680
Oh, hey, big man.
What's going on?

1982
01:19:30,720 --> 01:19:31,720
How'd it go with the lady?

1983
01:19:31,800 --> 01:19:32,880
You patch things up?

1984
01:19:33,720 --> 01:19:35,360
Yeah, pretty much.
It was amazing.

1985
01:19:35,440 --> 01:19:36,960
The dry cleaner said
they've, uh,

1986
01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:39,120
definitely seen that combo
of fluid before.

1987
01:19:39,200 --> 01:19:42,040
You see? Yeah, those things go
together like gin and tonic.

1988
01:19:42,920 --> 01:19:44,720
<i>Hey, uh, listen,</i>
<i>while I got you,</i>

1989
01:19:44,800 --> 01:19:47,040
I left you a little best
man gift on your dresser.

1990
01:19:47,080 --> 01:19:48,400
I think you'll get
a kick out of it.

1991
01:19:48,640 --> 01:19:50,960
You did not. Oh, my God.

1992
01:19:51,040 --> 01:19:54,080
My whole body, like, got a
shocked feeling over that.

1993
01:19:54,160 --> 01:19:55,640
Buddy, no one gets me a gift.

1994
01:19:55,840 --> 01:19:58,080
<i>Where are you, anyways?</i>
<i>Oh, I'm in the car.</i>

1995
01:19:58,200 --> 01:19:59,720
I decided to go
see Mom after all.

1996
01:20:00,880 --> 01:20:01,920
You did what?

1997
01:20:03,480 --> 01:20:04,880
<i>Oh, my God.</i>
<i>Dukes of Hazzard!</i>

1998
01:20:23,560 --> 01:20:24,720
Hansie.

1999
01:20:24,800 --> 01:20:26,600
Donny, what are
you doing here?

2000
01:20:26,640 --> 01:20:28,240
We got to get
out of here now.

2001
01:20:28,520 --> 01:20:29,640
What? What are
you talking about?

2002
01:20:29,880 --> 01:20:31,360
It's your
wedding weekend, dude.

2003
01:20:31,400 --> 01:20:32,400
You come here
after the wedding.

2004
01:20:32,480 --> 01:20:33,680
You show your mother
your new ring.

2005
01:20:33,760 --> 01:20:35,040
That would make her happy.

2006
01:20:35,440 --> 01:20:37,360
Wait, are you nervous
to see her?

2007
01:20:37,480 --> 01:20:39,480
Hansie, can we just
blow this place off

2008
01:20:39,520 --> 01:20:41,160
and have a beer, please?
I'm begging you.

2009
01:20:41,200 --> 01:20:42,320
Look. Is that her?

2010
01:20:56,200 --> 01:20:58,200
<i>♪ Mmm, yeah</i>

2011
01:21:04,200 --> 01:21:05,200
♪!-fa

2012
01:21:05,280 --> 01:21:08,520
<i>♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh,</i>
<i>ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh</i>

2013
01:21:08,560 --> 01:21:11,160
<i>♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh,</i>
<i>ooh, ooh-ooh... ♪</i>

2014
01:21:11,680 --> 01:21:13,040
Oh, my God.

2015
01:21:14,040 --> 01:21:15,560
There you are.

2016
01:21:16,280 --> 01:21:19,080
My little Hansie,
you're all grown up.

2017
01:21:20,080 --> 01:21:21,200
Hi, Mom.

2018
01:21:21,240 --> 01:21:22,760
I didn't know
if I'd ever see you again.

2019
01:21:23,360 --> 01:21:25,000
I know. I'm sorry
I stopped visiting.

2020
01:21:25,040 --> 01:21:26,080
It just got too hard.

2021
01:21:26,160 --> 01:21:28,360
Oh, no,
I totally understand.

2022
01:21:29,440 --> 01:21:30,520
Wow.

2023
01:21:31,080 --> 01:21:32,320
You still have my eyes.

2024
01:21:33,520 --> 01:21:37,640
Is that the earring that I gave
you after the Loverboy concert?

2025
01:21:40,880 --> 01:21:42,400
Yes, it is, Miss McGarricle.

2026
01:21:42,960 --> 01:21:45,960
You know, I think
about you every day.

2027
01:21:46,000 --> 01:21:49,000
Fuck, I love you so much, Miss McGarricle.
I never stopped.

2028
01:21:49,720 --> 01:21:51,360
Oh... Oh,
I love you, too.

2029
01:21:53,000 --> 01:21:54,160
Do you remember...

2030
01:21:54,720 --> 01:21:55,840
Oh, God, here we go.

2031
01:21:56,200 --> 01:22:00,240
...all the nasty things
that I taught you, Donny?

2032
01:22:01,880 --> 01:22:04,320
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course
I do, Miss McGarricle.

2033
01:22:04,720 --> 01:22:06,840
Are you still my dirty boy?

2034
01:22:08,320 --> 01:22:12,280
Yeah, I'm the dirtiest boy you'll
ever know, Miss McGarricle.

2035
01:22:13,000 --> 01:22:14,160
Donny.

2036
01:22:16,000 --> 01:22:17,120
Oh, fuck, yeah.

2037
01:22:20,520 --> 01:22:22,160
Mmm. Oh.

2038
01:22:22,680 --> 01:22:23,760
Uh-huh.

2039
01:22:23,840 --> 01:22:26,440
I'm hard right now.
I'm hard.

2040
01:22:26,880 --> 01:22:29,160
Okay. Yeah,
I'm hating that, so...

2041
01:22:30,000 --> 01:22:32,720
But it is really good
to see you, Mom. I...

2042
01:22:32,800 --> 01:22:34,040
It's good
to see you, too, baby.

2043
01:22:34,720 --> 01:22:37,080
Can you describe what you're
feeling right now, Han?

2044
01:22:37,880 --> 01:22:39,480
TV's Randall Morgan?

2045
01:22:40,240 --> 01:22:41,480
What are you doing here?

2046
01:22:41,760 --> 01:22:44,800
Must be quite emotional
for you to be face-to-face

2047
01:22:44,880 --> 01:22:47,320
with the woman who molested
your father, isn't it?

2048
01:22:47,600 --> 01:22:50,000
What is going on right now?
Who is this dude?

2049
01:22:50,080 --> 01:22:52,000
Listen, before you
get mad at me...

2050
01:22:52,080 --> 01:22:53,520
This is why
you came to see me?

2051
01:22:53,920 --> 01:22:55,760
For some reality TV ambush?

2052
01:22:55,800 --> 01:22:57,680
No. How much they
paying you, Donny?

2053
01:22:57,760 --> 01:22:59,400
Nothing, I swear to God.
I'm not getting...

2054
01:22:59,440 --> 01:23:03,000
$50,000 to deliver you
to this prison.

2055
01:23:03,200 --> 01:23:05,760
All right, it was 50 grand,
but I'm not... I'm not...

2056
01:23:05,800 --> 01:23:07,400
I'm not going to do it.
I swear to God.

2057
01:23:07,440 --> 01:23:09,080
I'm not... I would
never take his money.

2058
01:23:09,160 --> 01:23:10,360
Donny Berger,
what have you done?

2059
01:23:10,480 --> 01:23:12,200
Hansie, dude, it's me.

2060
01:23:12,240 --> 01:23:13,520
It's the guy from last night.

2061
01:23:13,600 --> 01:23:14,920
We had fun.
Don't... Don't fuck it.

2062
01:23:15,000 --> 01:23:16,080
I'm telling you, this is...

2063
01:23:16,160 --> 01:23:17,360
This is something
that can be fixed.

2064
01:23:17,600 --> 01:23:19,120
You're unreal.
Hansie.

2065
01:23:19,920 --> 01:23:20,920
What...

2066
01:23:21,000 --> 01:23:23,520
You go after him, Donny,
and you take care of our son.

2067
01:23:23,920 --> 01:23:24,920
Hansie.

2068
01:23:25,000 --> 01:23:26,720
Come on,
he is pissed. Fuck!

2069
01:23:27,000 --> 01:23:29,320
Take care of our baby, Donny!
- Hansie!

2070
01:23:29,520 --> 01:23:31,600
Hansie, please,
let me explain to you...

2071
01:23:31,680 --> 01:23:33,160
I can't believe I let you
back into my life again.

2072
01:23:33,240 --> 01:23:35,360
Guy, guy, just come on.
Listen to me.

2073
01:23:36,000 --> 01:23:37,880
I owe the IRS
a lot of money.

2074
01:23:37,960 --> 01:23:38,960
Of course you do.

2075
01:23:39,040 --> 01:23:40,160
I know, I know.
I'm a fuck-up.

2076
01:23:40,200 --> 01:23:43,400
But if I don't give them 43 G's
by Tuesday, I'm going to prison.

2077
01:23:43,800 --> 01:23:45,560
Wait, so you're telling me,

2078
01:23:45,600 --> 01:23:48,040
if I give you 43 grand,
you don't have to go to jail?

2079
01:23:49,120 --> 01:23:51,120
I will pay you back,
I swear to God.

2080
01:23:51,160 --> 01:23:52,640
Would you...
Would you loan me the money?

2081
01:23:52,760 --> 01:23:54,240
No! Fuck you!

2082
01:23:54,440 --> 01:23:55,960
Get your shit out of
my boss's house! Okay!

2083
01:23:56,080 --> 01:23:58,840
No! Don't do that.

2084
01:23:58,920 --> 01:24:00,720
That's my boy there.

2085
01:24:02,760 --> 01:24:04,240
Oh... Oh, no.

2086
01:24:04,320 --> 01:24:05,960
I think he just
shit his pants.

2087
01:24:06,000 --> 01:24:07,800
Tell me you
got that on camera.

2088
01:24:07,880 --> 01:24:09,920
You made me throw out
my extra underwear!

2089
01:24:09,960 --> 01:24:13,040
I'm sorry. I didn't know you were
going to shit yourself again.

2090
01:24:13,360 --> 01:24:14,840
That was awesome.

2091
01:24:14,880 --> 01:24:16,240
That was awesome.

2092
01:24:16,600 --> 01:24:18,600
Donny, couldn't have gone
any better. Loved it.

2093
01:24:18,840 --> 01:24:20,600
You know what I need
from you, Todd, is I need you

2094
01:24:20,640 --> 01:24:22,920
to sign the release form right...
Fuck you!

2095
01:24:23,800 --> 01:24:24,840
Get away from me!

2096
01:24:24,920 --> 01:24:26,200
Get those cameras off me!

2097
01:24:28,240 --> 01:24:30,920
I hate you... Dad.

2098
01:24:34,880 --> 01:24:36,120
Hansie!

2099
01:24:37,000 --> 01:24:40,160
I can't pay you a dime
unless I got a release form.

2100
01:24:40,920 --> 01:24:42,000
Fuck.

2101
01:24:42,400 --> 01:24:43,960
Did I get any shit on me?

2102
01:25:12,840 --> 01:25:13,840
Let me off here.
Let me off.

2103
01:25:13,920 --> 01:25:15,240
Let me get off.
I'll fucking run up.

2104
01:25:15,880 --> 01:25:17,040
Keep it running.

2105
01:25:17,120 --> 01:25:18,480
I got to pick my shit up.

2106
01:25:20,000 --> 01:25:22,520
<i>♪ Look me in the eye</i>

2107
01:25:22,600 --> 01:25:26,480
<i>♪ Then tell me</i>
<i>that I'm satisfied</i>

2108
01:25:30,480 --> 01:25:35,280
<i>♪ Was you satisfied?</i>

2109
01:25:36,080 --> 01:25:38,480
<i>♪ Look me in the eye... ♪</i>

2110
01:25:39,160 --> 01:25:40,480
Oh,
you're so adorable.

2111
01:25:41,640 --> 01:25:42,920
No, I know,
but I told you

2112
01:25:42,960 --> 01:25:44,080
not to call me
on this line.

2113
01:25:44,120 --> 01:25:45,320
What if Todd picks up?

2114
01:25:47,480 --> 01:25:50,120
No, no, no, I...
I want to.

2115
01:25:51,960 --> 01:25:53,120
No, Steve.

2116
01:25:53,360 --> 01:25:54,600
Todd doesn't
know anything.

2117
01:25:55,080 --> 01:25:57,320
I don't care if he finds
out after the wedding.

2118
01:25:57,680 --> 01:25:59,240
There's nothing he can do
about it then anyway.

2119
01:26:00,200 --> 01:26:01,640
Oh, you're so sweet.

2120
01:26:01,960 --> 01:26:03,320
Steve, huh?

2121
01:26:04,680 --> 01:26:07,840
Well, Steve Spirou,
I'm going to fuck you up.

2122
01:26:08,680 --> 01:26:11,560
I'm going to fuck you up!

2123
01:26:14,440 --> 01:26:16,600
Well, I got
some great news.

2124
01:26:16,720 --> 01:26:18,920
I've made my decision
on who my new partner is.

2125
01:26:21,360 --> 01:26:22,480
Phil!

2126
01:26:22,760 --> 01:26:24,200
Phil, I knew
you could do it.

2127
01:26:24,280 --> 01:26:26,000
Look at Phil's face.

2128
01:26:26,320 --> 01:26:28,760
I'm just busting
your balls, Phil.

2129
01:26:28,800 --> 01:26:30,080
No, I'd never pick you.

2130
01:26:30,560 --> 01:26:31,760
Oh, no.

2131
01:26:31,880 --> 01:26:34,160
It's you, Todd. Partners.

2132
01:26:35,720 --> 01:26:36,840
Oh.
Partner.

2133
01:26:36,880 --> 01:26:37,880
Oh, my gosh.

2134
01:26:37,960 --> 01:26:38,960
It's going to be
a lot more hours

2135
01:26:39,040 --> 01:26:40,280
and a lot more
responsibility.

2136
01:26:40,320 --> 01:26:41,320
You know that, right?

2137
01:26:41,600 --> 01:26:43,960
And... a lot more money!

2138
01:26:46,560 --> 01:26:47,640
Oh!

2139
01:26:47,680 --> 01:26:49,680
Somebody's going shopping!
Yeah!

2140
01:26:51,680 --> 01:26:52,760
I thought he left.

2141
01:26:52,840 --> 01:26:54,560
Yeah, that's what
you wish, Steve.

2142
01:26:54,600 --> 01:26:56,320
I need to talk
to you, homeboy. Yeah.

2143
01:26:57,000 --> 01:26:58,040
Hey, Jamie.

2144
01:26:58,400 --> 01:26:59,480
Listen. Listen.

2145
01:26:59,560 --> 01:27:02,400
Dude, this is not about
you and me, all right?

2146
01:27:02,960 --> 01:27:04,440
You're not marrying
the right girl.

2147
01:27:04,520 --> 01:27:05,800
She is cheating on you.

2148
01:27:06,200 --> 01:27:07,360
You are unbelievable.

2149
01:27:07,680 --> 01:27:08,680
Can't you just let it go?

2150
01:27:08,760 --> 01:27:10,080
This is my last chance
to be normal.

2151
01:27:10,120 --> 01:27:11,480
Are you determined
to ruin my life?

2152
01:27:12,080 --> 01:27:13,880
Honey, what's going on?
Nothing.

2153
01:27:13,920 --> 01:27:16,480
Don't "honey" him, you
little snake in the grass.

2154
01:27:16,680 --> 01:27:17,840
I heard your phone call.

2155
01:27:17,920 --> 01:27:21,160
"Oh, Steve, why'd you
call on this line?

2156
01:27:21,240 --> 01:27:22,640
"Todd could have picked up."

2157
01:27:22,880 --> 01:27:23,920
That's right, sonny boy.

2158
01:27:24,000 --> 01:27:26,000
Your wife-to-be's
fucking your boss.

2159
01:27:26,240 --> 01:27:27,400
Right there.

2160
01:27:27,680 --> 01:27:28,760
Fuck you, buddy.

2161
01:27:28,960 --> 01:27:30,840
You are an idiot!

2162
01:27:30,920 --> 01:27:32,040
Is that right, sweetheart?

2163
01:27:32,120 --> 01:27:33,600
Yes, it is.
Yeah, yeah. Why?

2164
01:27:33,680 --> 01:27:36,040
I was on the phone with Steve.
Aha!

2165
01:27:36,240 --> 01:27:40,360
Steve Goldstein, the Boston
Herald wedding reporter.

2166
01:27:40,640 --> 01:27:41,800
Yeah, he's doing
a piece on the most

2167
01:27:41,840 --> 01:27:43,440
beautiful places
to get married,

2168
01:27:43,720 --> 01:27:44,840
and I didn't
want Todd to know

2169
01:27:44,880 --> 01:27:46,320
because he doesn't like
being in the paper.

2170
01:27:46,440 --> 01:27:49,480
So, I am sorry that I wanted
everyone in the world

2171
01:27:49,520 --> 01:27:51,600
to know I married
the perfect guy.

2172
01:27:51,680 --> 01:27:53,840
Honey, do you think
you can forgive me

2173
01:27:53,880 --> 01:27:55,920
for keeping
such a big secret from you?

2174
01:27:58,240 --> 01:28:01,680
Okay, uh, due to this
newfound evidence,

2175
01:28:02,680 --> 01:28:05,640
the conclusion might be
that I'm an asshole.

2176
01:28:06,720 --> 01:28:07,800
Bye.

2177
01:28:09,840 --> 01:28:10,960
Fine.

2178
01:28:11,640 --> 01:28:12,840
Have a good wedding.

2179
01:28:14,800 --> 01:28:15,880
I'll leave with pride.

2180
01:28:16,880 --> 01:28:18,040
I'm a good person.

2181
01:28:20,440 --> 01:28:22,600
Bye! I'll see you tomorrow!

2182
01:28:27,480 --> 01:28:29,480
Wow, what
a stressful day, huh?

2183
01:28:29,520 --> 01:28:31,240
Can't wait to get back to the beach house.
Oh, thank you.

2184
01:28:31,320 --> 01:28:33,360
Bye. Just the two
of us, you know?

2185
01:28:33,400 --> 01:28:35,920
Oh, no, honey. I'm staying in
the city tonight, remember?

2186
01:28:35,960 --> 01:28:37,800
What? No.
Yeah, the bride and groom,

2187
01:28:37,840 --> 01:28:39,600
they're supposed to sleep separate
night before the wedding.

2188
01:28:40,040 --> 01:28:41,200
So see you
tomorrow, big guy.

2189
01:28:41,360 --> 01:28:43,360
I'm going to drop Jamie
at the Fairmont Copley.

2190
01:28:43,400 --> 01:28:45,400
Mom and Dad, you guys
got the hedgehog. Okay!

2191
01:28:45,800 --> 01:28:46,840
Love you.
- Watch the door.

2192
01:28:46,920 --> 01:28:48,680
Love you. Ow. Okay.
Sleep well.

2193
01:28:48,960 --> 01:28:50,720
Wait, but don't they
not have a car?

2194
01:28:56,520 --> 01:28:57,520
All right, Donny, go.

2195
01:28:57,600 --> 01:28:58,720
There's your chance. Go.

2196
01:28:58,960 --> 01:29:00,640
I ain't got
no more chances, buddy.

2197
01:29:00,680 --> 01:29:02,280
The kid hates my guts.

2198
01:29:02,680 --> 01:29:04,200
Right? 'Cause you guys
don't have a car.

2199
01:29:04,320 --> 01:29:05,880
I'm not talking
about him, Donny.

2200
01:29:06,520 --> 01:29:08,200
Wake up, man.
What?

2201
01:29:08,560 --> 01:29:10,760
Jamie's the gatekeeper
for your son.

2202
01:29:10,960 --> 01:29:14,400
Yeah? Win her over, then
she'll convince Han

2203
01:29:14,720 --> 01:29:16,760
to give you another chance.
Boom!

2204
01:29:17,600 --> 01:29:19,960
How am I ever going
to get her trust?

2205
01:29:20,000 --> 01:29:21,160
She freaking hates me.

2206
01:29:21,640 --> 01:29:23,720
Donny, you want to know
what all women love?

2207
01:29:25,120 --> 01:29:26,480
Ice cream.

2208
01:29:29,400 --> 01:29:31,480
<i>♪ Dedicate one to the ladies</i>

2209
01:29:31,680 --> 01:29:33,040
<i>♪ Now, summertime's</i>
<i>here, babe</i>

2210
01:29:33,080 --> 01:29:34,920
<i>♪ Need something</i>
<i>to keep you cool...</i>

2211
01:29:35,560 --> 01:29:37,480
Hi. I'm Todd Peterson.

2212
01:29:38,000 --> 01:29:39,880
No, you're not.
You're Donny Berger.

2213
01:29:39,920 --> 01:29:41,840
You fucked your teacher
in the seventh grade.

2214
01:29:42,200 --> 01:29:44,400
<i>♪ Better look out</i>
<i>now, though</i>

2215
01:29:44,480 --> 01:29:45,920
<i>♪ Dave's got something</i>
<i>for you...</i>

2216
01:29:45,960 --> 01:29:47,040
Hi. I'm Todd Peterson.

2217
01:29:47,120 --> 01:29:48,760
Hi, Mr. Peterson.
What can I do for you?

2218
01:29:49,040 --> 01:29:50,840
What room was
my fiancee in again?

2219
01:29:51,320 --> 01:29:53,440
Let me check. 641.

2220
01:29:53,920 --> 01:29:55,000
You're a fucking stud.

2221
01:29:55,040 --> 01:29:56,880
<i>♪ Stop me when</i>
<i>I'm passing by...</i>

2222
01:29:56,960 --> 01:29:58,760
Hey, when the legendary
Donny Berger comes in here

2223
01:29:58,840 --> 01:30:00,880
using a fake name,
you go with it!

2224
01:30:00,960 --> 01:30:02,200
All right, I will.

2225
01:30:02,800 --> 01:30:03,880
<i>♪ Hold on a second, baby</i>

2226
01:30:04,440 --> 01:30:07,440
<i>♪ I got good lemonade,</i>
<i>ah, Dixie cups ♪</i>

2227
01:30:07,680 --> 01:30:10,320
641. 641.

2228
01:30:10,360 --> 01:30:12,520
All right, come on, sweetheart.

2229
01:30:12,560 --> 01:30:14,440
Oh, yeah!

2230
01:30:14,920 --> 01:30:16,520
Oh! Oh!

2231
01:30:16,880 --> 01:30:17,960
What, did Todd
come out here?

2232
01:30:18,040 --> 01:30:19,680
You're half
the size of Todd,

2233
01:30:19,760 --> 01:30:22,440
but you use it
so much better!

2234
01:30:22,600 --> 01:30:23,600
I guess not.

2235
01:30:23,640 --> 01:30:25,800
Oh! Oh, my God!

2236
01:30:25,840 --> 01:30:27,040
Oh, my God.

2237
01:30:27,400 --> 01:30:28,760
Oh. my God!

2238
01:30:28,840 --> 01:30:29,840
Oh, my God.

2239
01:30:30,840 --> 01:30:32,920
Oh, fucking shit!

2240
01:30:33,400 --> 01:30:34,640
Fucking shit.

2241
01:30:34,680 --> 01:30:35,800
Fucking shit!

2242
01:30:35,880 --> 01:30:36,880
Fucking shit.

2243
01:30:38,680 --> 01:30:40,080
Yeah. Okay.

2244
01:30:40,520 --> 01:30:42,560
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

2245
01:31:04,320 --> 01:31:05,560
Okay.

2246
01:31:08,880 --> 01:31:10,840
Yeah!

2247
01:31:11,440 --> 01:31:13,440
You do not deserve
these treats.

2248
01:31:15,800 --> 01:31:17,040
Are you finished,
sweetheart?

2249
01:31:17,120 --> 01:31:18,760
Oh, my God.

2250
01:31:20,760 --> 01:31:22,400
Your fiance's at home,
you know.

2251
01:31:22,920 --> 01:31:24,440
This really gets me upset.

2252
01:31:24,680 --> 01:31:25,800
You know why?

2253
01:31:26,080 --> 01:31:27,440
'Cause he's too good for you.

2254
01:31:28,160 --> 01:31:29,360
He is.

2255
01:31:29,960 --> 01:31:32,400
And you're sitting here
gallivanting with...

2256
01:31:33,000 --> 01:31:34,600
I think I know who.

2257
01:31:35,240 --> 01:31:36,280
Don't I,

2258
01:31:36,360 --> 01:31:38,640
Mr. Steve Goldstein?

2259
01:31:44,000 --> 01:31:46,160
Wait. Are you...

2260
01:31:47,200 --> 01:31:48,360
What am I seeing?

2261
01:31:48,800 --> 01:31:50,600
No... It, uh...
Uh...

2262
01:31:51,840 --> 01:31:52,960
With each other?

2263
01:31:54,240 --> 01:31:56,000
Am I... This is...

2264
01:31:59,160 --> 01:32:01,960
Is he your
stepbrother at least

2265
01:32:02,000 --> 01:32:04,240
or, uh, adopted
or something?

2266
01:32:05,560 --> 01:32:06,560
No reply-

2267
01:32:06,800 --> 01:32:07,800
So it's real.

2268
01:32:07,880 --> 01:32:09,240
Oh, my God.

2269
01:32:09,280 --> 01:32:10,720
Uh, Donny, Donny,
you don't...

2270
01:32:10,800 --> 01:32:12,000
You don't understand
what's going on here.

2271
01:32:12,040 --> 01:32:15,200
I don't think Charlie Sheen would
understand what's going on here.

2272
01:32:15,880 --> 01:32:19,640
Look, I love Todd, and we're
going to get married,

2273
01:32:19,680 --> 01:32:21,280
and we're going to have
a great life together.

2274
01:32:21,600 --> 01:32:25,320
And yes, I've had sex
with Chad from time to time.

2275
01:32:26,840 --> 01:32:27,960
It's what
good-looking people do.

2276
01:32:28,000 --> 01:32:30,160
They have sex with
other good-looking people.

2277
01:32:30,480 --> 01:32:32,880
You know? Just so happens
that this one particular

2278
01:32:32,960 --> 01:32:35,600
good-looking person
is my little brother.

2279
01:32:35,800 --> 01:32:37,160
Oh, okay.

2280
01:32:37,760 --> 01:32:39,040
It's all making sense
to me now.

2281
01:32:42,040 --> 01:32:45,040
I know that sounded bad, but, Donny,
this was going to be the last time.

2282
01:32:45,360 --> 01:32:47,600
I would never carry on
with a married woman.

2283
01:32:47,840 --> 01:32:49,960
I've got better morals
than that, Donny.

2284
01:32:51,760 --> 01:32:54,800
Chad, adultery is bad...

2285
01:32:55,120 --> 01:32:56,320
Mmm-hmm.

2286
01:32:56,720 --> 01:33:00,360
...but incest is fucked up!

2287
01:33:01,120 --> 01:33:04,280
Oh... Oh, please
don't let him tell Mommy

2288
01:33:04,360 --> 01:33:05,560
about our secret
tickle time.

2289
01:33:05,760 --> 01:33:07,600
Secret tickle time?

2290
01:33:07,640 --> 01:33:09,520
You got a name for it?

2291
01:33:11,360 --> 01:33:15,200
And with a United States
military man, no less.

2292
01:33:15,520 --> 01:33:18,040
You are a disgrace
to that uniform!

2293
01:33:18,120 --> 01:33:19,280
No, he's not a Marine.

2294
01:33:19,640 --> 01:33:21,000
He buys those
uniforms on eBay

2295
01:33:21,040 --> 01:33:23,600
so Dad doesn't find out
he's a modern jazz dancer.

2296
01:33:23,880 --> 01:33:25,000
What?

2297
01:33:25,080 --> 01:33:27,600
That's possibly worse
than the incest thing.

2298
01:33:28,080 --> 01:33:30,560
This is an abomination.
I'm telling Todd.

2299
01:33:30,600 --> 01:33:32,920
No, he won't believe you.
Yeah, he will.

2300
01:33:33,160 --> 01:33:36,160
No, he bought
that Steve Goldstein story.

2301
01:33:36,520 --> 01:33:37,560
Come on, you think he got

2302
01:33:37,640 --> 01:33:39,000
that partnership on his own?

2303
01:33:39,520 --> 01:33:40,800
With that
"beep boop beep" shit?

2304
01:33:40,840 --> 01:33:41,840
No, I gave him a boost.

2305
01:33:42,720 --> 01:33:44,600
How many people
have you fucked?

2306
01:33:45,360 --> 01:33:46,360
Well, maybe...

2307
01:33:46,440 --> 01:33:47,480
he'll believe this.

2308
01:33:50,840 --> 01:33:52,720
Nice. Save.

2309
01:33:54,680 --> 01:33:55,680
You two have fun together.

2310
01:33:56,840 --> 01:33:57,920
Sickies.

2311
01:33:58,080 --> 01:33:59,280
All right, how much?

2312
01:34:00,160 --> 01:34:01,280
I'm going to be
a very rich woman.

2313
01:34:01,360 --> 01:34:02,640
I can write you
a big fat check.

2314
01:34:03,280 --> 01:34:04,760
What's it going to take
for this to go away?

2315
01:34:05,600 --> 01:34:09,040
Todd has to pop a Xanax
when he loses a contact lens.

2316
01:34:10,040 --> 01:34:12,120
What do you think he's going to
do when he finds out about this?

2317
01:34:13,160 --> 01:34:14,360
Todd's happy

2318
01:34:14,920 --> 01:34:16,800
You really want
to take that away?

2319
01:34:37,080 --> 01:34:38,200
Hey, buddy.

2320
01:34:39,600 --> 01:34:41,640
I got something
to tell you, and...

2321
01:34:43,160 --> 01:34:45,240
I'm not expecting you
to believe this, but...

2322
01:34:47,600 --> 01:34:48,800
I got the money.

2323
01:34:49,320 --> 01:34:50,400
That's great, Donny.

2324
01:34:50,840 --> 01:34:52,440
Your son came through
for you, didn't he?

2325
01:34:53,000 --> 01:34:56,560
Yeah. His fiancee
gave me $50,000

2326
01:34:56,600 --> 01:34:59,920
to keep quiet about her
having sex with her brother.

2327
01:35:00,160 --> 01:35:01,480
<i>Yeah, I've been there.</i>

2328
01:35:01,960 --> 01:35:03,200
We've all been there.

2329
01:35:04,120 --> 01:35:06,120
She said it was
her last time, so...

2330
01:35:06,760 --> 01:35:08,560
<i>Oh. Maybe things</i>
<i>will work out.</i>

2331
01:35:09,400 --> 01:35:11,360
Then how come I feel
like shit right now?

2332
01:35:12,280 --> 01:35:13,920
Yeah, it's kind of
a moral thicket.

2333
01:35:14,440 --> 01:35:15,480
<i>But the good news is,</i>

2334
01:35:15,520 --> 01:35:17,640
<i>you stay out of the slammer,</i>
<i>right, Donny?</i>

2335
01:35:19,720 --> 01:35:20,920
<i>Donny?</i>

2336
01:35:32,960 --> 01:35:34,280
"Go do something."

2337
01:35:36,200 --> 01:35:37,240
I don't know, Mr. Mitty.

2338
01:35:37,320 --> 01:35:39,440
I don't know
if I can fucking handle it.

2339
01:35:41,400 --> 01:35:43,120
"Be a good person."

2340
01:35:45,720 --> 01:35:46,840
Donny?

2341
01:35:46,880 --> 01:35:47,240


2342
01:35:54,320 --> 01:35:55,720
Oh, no, no, don't hit me.
No, no.

2343
01:35:55,760 --> 01:35:57,200
Just give me a moment,
please, Todd.

2344
01:35:57,280 --> 01:35:58,560
Just a moment. Relax.

2345
01:35:59,160 --> 01:36:01,200
You know, after praying
with the monsignor,

2346
01:36:01,680 --> 01:36:03,440
I realize that
I committed the sin

2347
01:36:03,520 --> 01:36:05,960
of prideful anger
in the church,

2348
01:36:06,640 --> 01:36:08,920
and I hope that you'll
accept my apology

2349
01:36:09,360 --> 01:36:11,280
and allow me the honor

2350
01:36:11,320 --> 01:36:13,080
of being a part
of this joyous day.

2351
01:36:13,640 --> 01:36:15,400
Oh, well,
what about Father Shakalu?

2352
01:36:17,000 --> 01:36:18,360
Oh, stupid bird.

2353
01:36:18,440 --> 01:36:19,600
Come on, fly!

2354
01:36:20,480 --> 01:36:22,480
Oh, well, uh, he's cool.

2355
01:36:23,440 --> 01:36:24,760
Great. Sounds good.

2356
01:36:25,080 --> 01:36:26,120
Oh, oh...

2357
01:36:26,400 --> 01:36:27,720
By the way, Todd, uh

2358
01:36:28,680 --> 01:36:30,560
was it you that hit me
in the head with the bottle?

2359
01:36:31,320 --> 01:36:32,800
Oh. No.

2360
01:36:33,520 --> 01:36:35,280
Well, then, um, who, then?

2361
01:36:37,080 --> 01:36:38,240
It was Chad.

2362
01:36:38,800 --> 01:36:39,840
Interesting.

2363
01:36:41,240 --> 01:36:42,840
Two, three, four.

2364
01:36:43,000 --> 01:36:44,240
Fosse, and Fosse,

2365
01:36:44,680 --> 01:36:45,880
and Fosse.
Interesting.

2366
01:36:48,280 --> 01:36:50,240
Yo! Donny Berger!
All right!

2367
01:36:50,280 --> 01:36:51,600
I'd sign something
for you, buddy,

2368
01:36:51,680 --> 01:36:53,080
but I got no time right now.

2369
01:36:53,680 --> 01:36:54,720
Ice!

2370
01:36:54,960 --> 01:36:56,560
Ice, you in there, buddy?
I need you!

2371
01:36:58,440 --> 01:36:59,800
You still got the 5.0?

2372
01:37:01,840 --> 01:37:04,120
What does that mean? Is that ayes or no?
I don't understand the pose.

2373
01:37:04,160 --> 01:37:05,400
Yeah?

2374
01:37:05,440 --> 01:37:06,440
Let's go, let's go!

2375
01:37:17,200 --> 01:37:18,440
Go. baby, go!

2376
01:37:18,760 --> 01:37:21,760
<i>♪ I know that I will never</i>
<i>be politically correct</i>

2377
01:37:25,160 --> 01:37:28,600
<i>♪ And I don't give a damn</i>
<i>about my lack of etiquette</i>

2378
01:37:31,520 --> 01:37:34,760
<i>♪ As far as I'm concerned,</i>
<i>the world could still be flat</i>

2379
01:37:37,600 --> 01:37:39,360
<i>♪ And if the thrill is gone</i>

2380
01:37:39,400 --> 01:37:40,920
<i>♪ Then it's time</i>
<i>to take it back</i>

2381
01:37:40,960 --> 01:37:42,520
<i>♪ If the thrill is gone</i>

2382
01:37:42,600 --> 01:37:44,200
<i>♪ Then it's time</i>
<i>to take it back</i>

2383
01:37:47,000 --> 01:37:49,960
<i>♪ Who am I? Why am I here?</i>

2384
01:37:52,160 --> 01:37:53,960
Oh, no!

2385
01:37:59,280 --> 01:38:00,920
<i>♪ What's the meaning of life?</i>

2386
01:38:01,000 --> 01:38:02,640
<i>♪ What's the meaning</i>
<i>of it all?</i>

2387
01:38:06,200 --> 01:38:09,360
<i>♪ You got to learn to dance</i>
<i>before you learn to crawl</i>

2388
01:38:09,440 --> 01:38:12,160
<i>♪ You got to learn to dance</i>
<i>before you learn to crawl</i>

2389
01:38:18,920 --> 01:38:21,280
Look at this fucking guy!

2390
01:38:22,080 --> 01:38:23,120
Oh, man!

2391
01:38:24,520 --> 01:38:26,040
<i>♪ Don't worry</i>
<i>about the future</i>

2392
01:38:26,120 --> 01:38:27,480
<i>♪ Sooner or later,</i>
<i>it's the past</i>

2393
01:38:27,520 --> 01:38:29,080
<i>♪ If they say</i>
<i>the thrill is gone</i>

2394
01:38:29,120 --> 01:38:30,680
<i>♪ Then it's time</i>
<i>to take it back</i>

2395
01:38:30,720 --> 01:38:32,280
<i>♪ If the thrill is gone</i>

2396
01:38:32,320 --> 01:38:33,840
<i>♪ Then it's time</i>
<i>to take it back ♪</i>

2397
01:38:35,720 --> 01:38:36,800
Oh, no, no,
no, no, no!

2398
01:38:36,880 --> 01:38:38,360
We're stuck!
We're stuck!

2399
01:38:38,400 --> 01:38:40,360
To hell with the 5.0.
Let's run for it, man.

2400
01:38:40,600 --> 01:38:42,040
But we need
great tunes!

2401
01:38:42,120 --> 01:38:43,120
Come on, let's get them!

2402
01:38:43,160 --> 01:38:45,040
Right here, I got a Walkman.

2403
01:38:45,280 --> 01:38:46,680
The Walkman!
Yeah, baby.

2404
01:38:47,960 --> 01:38:48,960
<i>♪ Let's kick it</i>

2405
01:38:49,000 --> 01:38:50,080
Let's go!

2406
01:38:50,280 --> 01:38:51,880
<i>♪ Ice, Ice, baby</i>

2407
01:38:53,320 --> 01:38:54,680
Damn it, man!
Come on! Let's go!

2408
01:38:54,840 --> 01:38:55,960
Oh. my God!

2409
01:38:56,240 --> 01:38:57,280
<i>♪ All right, stop</i>

2410
01:38:57,360 --> 01:38:58,680
<i>♪ Collaborate and listen</i>

2411
01:38:58,760 --> 01:38:59,880
Hey!
Whoa!

2412
01:39:00,400 --> 01:39:02,640
<i>♪ Something grabs</i>
<i>a hold of me tightly</i>

2413
01:39:02,680 --> 01:39:04,680
<i>♪ Flow like a harpoon</i>
<i>daily and nightly</i>

2414
01:39:04,760 --> 01:39:06,800
<i>♪ Will it ever stop?</i>
<i>♪ Yo, I don't know</i>

2415
01:39:06,880 --> 01:39:08,760
<i>♪ Turn off the lights,</i>
<i>and I'll glow</i>

2416
01:39:08,840 --> 01:39:10,400
♪ To the extreme,
<i>I rock a mic...</i>

2417
01:39:10,480 --> 01:39:12,600
You forgot to pay!

2418
01:39:13,040 --> 01:39:16,280
So, Jamie, do you promise
to provide Todd here

2419
01:39:16,360 --> 01:39:19,800
with unending empathy,
encouragement and honesty,

2420
01:39:20,640 --> 01:39:21,760
till death do you part?

2421
01:39:22,480 --> 01:39:24,040
I do.

2422
01:39:25,360 --> 01:39:26,560
<i>♪ If there was a problem</i>

2423
01:39:26,600 --> 01:39:27,600
<i>♪ Yo, I'll solve it</i>

2424
01:39:27,800 --> 01:39:28,840
Hey, Donny.

2425
01:39:29,160 --> 01:39:30,240
Come on!

2426
01:39:30,280 --> 01:39:31,480
<i>♪ Ice, Ice, baby ♪</i>

2427
01:39:31,520 --> 01:39:32,680
Whoa!

2428
01:39:36,680 --> 01:39:38,120
What are you doing, guy?

2429
01:39:38,320 --> 01:39:39,480
You jumped?

2430
01:39:39,880 --> 01:39:41,760
There was a door right here!

2431
01:39:41,800 --> 01:39:43,480
Come on,
we got to get there!

2432
01:39:46,320 --> 01:39:47,880
And you, Todd,
do you promise to love,

2433
01:39:47,920 --> 01:39:50,560
honor and protect
this special lady

2434
01:39:50,640 --> 01:39:51,840
for the rest of your life?

2435
01:39:53,960 --> 01:39:55,640
Don't answer
that question!

2436
01:40:02,000 --> 01:40:03,120
Oh, shit.

2437
01:40:06,280 --> 01:40:09,720
We ran well over...
a mile.

2438
01:40:22,400 --> 01:40:24,400
I object to these two
getting married.

2439
01:40:26,320 --> 01:40:29,760
No, uh, we are, we're
past that part already.

2440
01:40:30,520 --> 01:40:31,840
What are my options, then?

2441
01:40:32,080 --> 01:40:33,080
How about leaving?

2442
01:40:33,160 --> 01:40:35,640
You shut the hell up,
you satanic hose-bag!

2443
01:40:35,880 --> 01:40:36,880
Hey!

2444
01:40:36,960 --> 01:40:39,280
Gerald! I'm sorry
it sounded so harsh,

2445
01:40:39,360 --> 01:40:41,760
but you'll understand why I
said that in a few minutes.

2446
01:40:41,920 --> 01:40:43,320
There ain't gonna be
a few minutes,

2447
01:40:43,560 --> 01:40:45,040
you goddamn son of a bitch!
Calm down!

2448
01:40:45,080 --> 01:40:47,080
Calm down!

2449
01:40:47,680 --> 01:40:49,040
Let the boy talk.

2450
01:40:49,480 --> 01:40:51,000
I can't let you
marry this chick.

2451
01:40:51,440 --> 01:40:52,560
I can't believe
you're doing this.

2452
01:40:52,640 --> 01:40:53,960
Listen to me, buddy.

2453
01:40:54,520 --> 01:40:56,080
You don't love this girl.

2454
01:40:56,360 --> 01:40:57,360
I'm telling you

2455
01:40:57,400 --> 01:40:58,760
I had love,
it's different.

2456
01:40:58,800 --> 01:41:00,120
It's a different feeling.

2457
01:41:00,640 --> 01:41:01,920
Love is like...

2458
01:41:03,080 --> 01:41:05,720
It just leads you
to a special connection.

2459
01:41:06,120 --> 01:41:09,480
It's full of, like,
feelings of awesomeness.

2460
01:41:09,560 --> 01:41:11,280
And the feelings

2461
01:41:11,320 --> 01:41:14,240
you...
That wrap around you.

2462
01:41:14,640 --> 01:41:16,680
It's deep
in your stomach.

2463
01:41:16,760 --> 01:41:19,120
It's in your head. It's
in your fucking nut sack.

2464
01:41:20,080 --> 01:41:21,600
It's in your dick
when it gets hard.

2465
01:41:21,680 --> 01:41:22,960
There's still love
at the tip.

2466
01:41:23,320 --> 01:41:25,240
And it fucking
sprinkles out

2467
01:41:25,960 --> 01:41:28,720
like morning dew
shooting all over the grass.

2468
01:41:29,560 --> 01:41:31,920
Okay, I've had just about
enough of this.

2469
01:41:32,120 --> 01:41:33,400
Phil, sit down
before I tell your wife

2470
01:41:33,440 --> 01:41:34,480
what you did
at the strip club.

2471
01:41:34,600 --> 01:41:35,640
Okay.

2472
01:41:37,520 --> 01:41:41,760
Son, I'm sorry, I just, I can't
let you marry this skank.

2473
01:41:42,240 --> 01:41:43,440
"Son?"

2474
01:41:43,560 --> 01:41:45,160
Your son?
Son?

2475
01:41:45,360 --> 01:41:47,080
What is he talking about?

2476
01:41:47,120 --> 01:41:48,280
Honey?

2477
01:41:48,680 --> 01:41:50,000
You can tell me.

2478
01:41:50,840 --> 01:41:52,200
I'll forgive you.

2479
01:41:53,200 --> 01:41:55,200
That's what love's about, right?
Forgiveness.

2480
01:41:57,200 --> 01:41:58,440
All right, fine.

2481
01:42:00,320 --> 01:42:01,960
Donny's not my best friend.

2482
01:42:02,960 --> 01:42:04,080
He's my father.

2483
01:42:04,160 --> 01:42:05,680
Oh, my...

2484
01:42:05,760 --> 01:42:07,640
My parents didn't die
in an explosion.

2485
01:42:08,680 --> 01:42:10,200
I lied because
I'm the product of

2486
01:42:10,280 --> 01:42:12,640
an inappropriate
teacher-student relationship.

2487
01:42:13,200 --> 01:42:15,080
Teacher-student
relationship?

2488
01:42:16,920 --> 01:42:18,440
Do you know how
gross that sounds?

2489
01:42:18,520 --> 01:42:19,520
You're disgusting!

2490
01:42:19,960 --> 01:42:21,480
Are you fucking
kidding me right now?

2491
01:42:21,920 --> 01:42:23,720
She can still
cancel that check, Donny!

2492
01:42:24,240 --> 01:42:25,240
Chad.

2493
01:42:25,280 --> 01:42:26,280
Cancel what check?

2494
01:42:26,480 --> 01:42:27,480
I don't...

2495
01:42:27,520 --> 01:42:29,920
She gave me 50 grand
to keep my mouth shut.

2496
01:42:31,600 --> 01:42:33,080
50 grand? Jamie.

2497
01:42:33,360 --> 01:42:36,200
Yeah, it was, uh...
I was gonna hold on to it,

2498
01:42:36,240 --> 01:42:37,760
you know, to get me
out of jail, but...

2499
01:42:39,160 --> 01:42:41,000
Yeah, yeah.
That's what I think of that.

2500
01:42:41,040 --> 01:42:42,600
That's how much I hate
this fucking whore.

2501
01:42:42,840 --> 01:42:44,800
Wait. Keep your mouth
shut about what?

2502
01:42:44,840 --> 01:42:46,040
Todd, don't
listen to him.

2503
01:42:46,120 --> 01:42:47,600
He's a liar and he's crazy!

2504
01:42:48,040 --> 01:42:49,920
Father McNally, please continue.
I promise to do

2505
01:42:50,000 --> 01:42:51,720
all that shit you mentioned
and so does Todd, right?

2506
01:42:51,800 --> 01:42:53,080
Wait, what is going on?

2507
01:42:53,720 --> 01:42:54,760
Tell him.

2508
01:42:55,960 --> 01:42:57,480
No, no, no, no, no. Don't
tell him, don't tell him.

2509
01:42:58,000 --> 01:43:00,200
You tell him or I'll tell everybody here.
It's up to you.

2510
01:43:06,720 --> 01:43:07,760
Come on.

2511
01:43:20,440 --> 01:43:21,640
Oh. Okay.

2512
01:43:21,720 --> 01:43:22,840
Well, that's not that bad.

2513
01:43:23,040 --> 01:43:26,200
What? You didn't tell him, you
fucking lying piece of shit!

2514
01:43:26,240 --> 01:43:27,240
Get on it now

2515
01:43:27,320 --> 01:43:28,880
or I'll fucking
crush you!

2516
01:43:29,080 --> 01:43:30,080
No.

2517
01:43:30,560 --> 01:43:33,480
Jame, you can tell me.

2518
01:43:33,520 --> 01:43:34,840
I mean, how bad could it be?

2519
01:43:58,880 --> 01:43:59,960
What?

2520
01:44:00,000 --> 01:44:01,160
Okay, she told him.

2521
01:44:03,240 --> 01:44:04,240
What?

2522
01:44:09,920 --> 01:44:11,400
You fuck your brother?

2523
01:44:11,600 --> 01:44:13,680
Oh, my God!

2524
01:44:15,800 --> 01:44:17,480
Fucking white people.

2525
01:44:20,360 --> 01:44:23,360
I'm not looking so bad now, am I, Dad?

2526
01:44:24,040 --> 01:44:25,040
I'm...
I'm out of here.

2527
01:44:25,400 --> 01:44:28,000
Mom, she started all this.

2528
01:44:28,080 --> 01:44:30,200
I didn't want to. I'm still
your little soldier, I...

2529
01:44:30,680 --> 01:44:31,720
Fuck!

2530
01:44:31,800 --> 01:44:32,800
Take that uniform off.

2531
01:44:32,880 --> 01:44:34,520
You're insulting us all.

2532
01:44:34,800 --> 01:44:36,520
No, no, no.
Don't you see?

2533
01:44:37,040 --> 01:44:38,560
It's gonna be
even better now.

2534
01:44:39,320 --> 01:44:41,200
You're a mess, I'm a mess.

2535
01:44:41,520 --> 01:44:44,160
Come on. Doc Shakalu,
get your ass up here!

2536
01:44:44,480 --> 01:44:46,160
I got to be
part of this shit?

2537
01:44:46,480 --> 01:44:47,600
Todd?

2538
01:44:47,680 --> 01:44:48,920
Please.

2539
01:44:55,480 --> 01:44:56,520
Come on, baby.

2540
01:44:56,560 --> 01:44:58,080
Come on, Todd,
let's do this.

2541
01:44:58,160 --> 01:44:59,200
Yeah, yeah.

2542
01:44:59,280 --> 01:45:00,280
No!

2543
01:45:00,360 --> 01:45:02,120
Let's not do this.

2544
01:45:02,520 --> 01:45:03,600
Okay?

2545
01:45:04,280 --> 01:45:07,960
And for the record,
my name's not Todd Peterson.

2546
01:45:08,440 --> 01:45:09,960
It's Han Solo.

2547
01:45:10,400 --> 01:45:11,400
Named after the man who made

2548
01:45:11,440 --> 01:45:13,520
the Kessel Run
in less than 12 parsecs.

2549
01:45:14,400 --> 01:45:17,480
And I am a Berger,
like my father before me.

2550
01:45:17,760 --> 01:45:18,760
Also, I want to tell

2551
01:45:18,840 --> 01:45:19,840
everyone here that I've got

2552
01:45:19,880 --> 01:45:22,360
a pretty huge New Kids on
the Block tattoo on my back.

2553
01:45:22,440 --> 01:45:24,680
The heads are warped, but
fuck you, guys, it's funny.

2554
01:45:24,840 --> 01:45:26,560
It is fucking hilarious.

2555
01:45:26,880 --> 01:45:27,960
Oh, and Steve?

2556
01:45:28,200 --> 01:45:29,840
Uh, nothing personal, man,

2557
01:45:29,920 --> 01:45:31,760
but I quit!

2558
01:45:32,120 --> 01:45:34,440
Aw, no, no. Come on, Todd,
don't be like that, huh?

2559
01:45:34,920 --> 01:45:37,160
Ah! We quit, too.

2560
01:45:37,680 --> 01:45:38,840
Fuck you!

2561
01:45:39,000 --> 01:45:40,480
Good call, Han Solo,

2562
01:45:40,520 --> 01:45:42,120
'cause your fiancee
banged him, too.

2563
01:45:42,200 --> 01:45:43,480
What?

2564
01:45:43,520 --> 01:45:45,200
I didn't know about
the brother thing, though.

2565
01:45:45,440 --> 01:45:47,720
I am as sickened as you,
believe me.

2566
01:45:47,960 --> 01:45:49,560
You know what?
It's all right, Steve.

2567
01:45:49,800 --> 01:45:50,880
'Cause guess what?

2568
01:45:50,920 --> 01:45:53,480
Donny and Vanilla Ice
fucked your mom!

2569
01:45:54,760 --> 01:45:56,760
Vanilla Ice
banged Grandma?

2570
01:45:56,920 --> 01:45:58,720
That's fucking awesome!

2571
01:46:01,800 --> 01:46:02,840
Donny, look out!

2572
01:46:07,560 --> 01:46:09,360
Word to your mother,
brotherfucker!

2573
01:46:10,040 --> 01:46:12,000
I'm sorry. I know I'm not
supposed to hit a chick,

2574
01:46:12,040 --> 01:46:13,880
but I-I got to tell you,
it felt good.

2575
01:46:13,960 --> 01:46:15,560
I mean, I
wouldn’t do it again,

2576
01:46:15,600 --> 01:46:17,640
but with this psycho,
you know, it was warranted.

2577
01:46:17,960 --> 01:46:19,760
Donny!
I'm gonna kill you!

2578
01:46:23,400 --> 01:46:24,720
At ease, bitch.

2579
01:46:24,960 --> 01:46:26,320
Dude! That's it!

2580
01:46:26,400 --> 01:46:27,440
Nice!

2581
01:46:27,480 --> 01:46:28,720
Hang on, though.
Hang on.

2582
01:46:28,880 --> 01:46:29,960
Oh, no, don't hurt me.

2583
01:46:34,480 --> 01:46:35,720
Even Steven.

2584
01:46:36,560 --> 01:46:37,600
Father,

2585
01:46:37,680 --> 01:46:38,760
take off the collar.

2586
01:46:39,840 --> 01:46:40,880
That's right.

2587
01:46:40,960 --> 01:46:42,000
You're not meant for this.

2588
01:46:43,200 --> 01:46:44,600
Well...
Yeah.

2589
01:46:44,960 --> 01:46:46,080
Nicely done.

2590
01:46:46,360 --> 01:46:47,960
All right, come on.

2591
01:46:48,400 --> 01:46:49,600
Let's get out of here, Dad.

2592
01:46:50,840 --> 01:46:53,280
Did you hear that?
Did you hear that?

2593
01:46:53,440 --> 01:46:55,480
My son called me Dad!

2594
01:46:56,000 --> 01:46:57,320
He called me Dad!

2595
01:46:57,360 --> 01:46:59,800
That's right! The Berger
boys are back, bitches!

2596
01:46:59,880 --> 01:47:01,920
Wassup?

2597
01:47:02,000 --> 01:47:03,160
Wassup?

2598
01:47:03,440 --> 01:47:05,040
Wassup...

2599
01:47:06,880 --> 01:47:08,880
<i>♪ Hold your head up</i>

2600
01:47:08,920 --> 01:47:11,000
<i>♪ Oh, hold your head up ♪</i>

2601
01:47:11,040 --> 01:47:11,400


2602
01:47:13,400 --> 01:47:14,400
Shut up.

2603
01:47:14,480 --> 01:47:16,480
His boss and her brother?

2604
01:47:17,120 --> 01:47:18,440
It sounds like
a Rodney Dangerfield joke,

2605
01:47:18,520 --> 01:47:20,640
but it actually happened to my boy here!

2606
01:47:20,920 --> 01:47:23,480
N-Now we got to find Han Solo
one of them new girls.

2607
01:47:23,560 --> 01:47:25,520
One that don't care about all
that money he make.

2608
01:47:25,600 --> 01:47:26,640
<i>No, no.</i>

2609
01:47:26,680 --> 01:47:28,000
Yeah, like a girl version

2610
01:47:28,040 --> 01:47:30,160
of Todd Bridges would be perfect.
- That's right!

2611
01:47:30,240 --> 01:47:31,520
Female version of me.
That's right.

2612
01:47:31,560 --> 01:47:32,920
Well, you know,
I actually might be

2613
01:47:32,960 --> 01:47:34,640
doing okay in that
department, so...

2614
01:47:34,760 --> 01:47:35,800
What's that?

2615
01:47:35,880 --> 01:47:37,080
What the fuck... What the heck?
Oh!

2616
01:47:37,200 --> 01:47:39,160
Todd and Brie,
sitting in a tree.

2617
01:47:40,560 --> 01:47:42,440
I have balls
down to my knee!

2618
01:47:42,680 --> 01:47:43,720
What?

2619
01:47:43,760 --> 01:47:45,440
Ah,
he said it! Yeah!

2620
01:47:45,760 --> 01:47:46,800
Donny!

2621
01:47:46,880 --> 01:47:47,880
Yeah, buddy?

2622
01:47:47,960 --> 01:47:48,960
You're my best friend.

2623
01:47:49,000 --> 01:47:50,080
I'm gonna miss you.

2624
01:47:51,640 --> 01:47:52,880
I know, I know.

2625
01:47:53,160 --> 01:47:54,200
But there's good news.

2626
01:47:54,240 --> 01:47:56,320
You know what, Miss McGarricle
gets out in three years,

2627
01:47:56,400 --> 01:47:58,160
so the timing's
kind of perfect

2628
01:47:58,240 --> 01:47:59,760
for us to start
our lives together.

2629
01:48:00,200 --> 01:48:01,480
Dad, let me just
give you the money.

2630
01:48:01,560 --> 01:48:02,560
No. No.

2631
01:48:02,640 --> 01:48:03,680
I'm not gonna do that.

2632
01:48:03,720 --> 01:48:04,960
It's time
for Donny Berger

2633
01:48:05,040 --> 01:48:07,200
to take responsibility
for his screw-ups.

2634
01:48:07,800 --> 01:48:10,120
I made my bed,
now I got to lie in it.

2635
01:48:10,520 --> 01:48:12,200
Donny! Donny!
Are you watching?

2636
01:48:12,640 --> 01:48:14,160
Turn on the TV!
Turn it on!

2637
01:48:14,520 --> 01:48:16,360
<i>There he is,</i>
the fat guy we've been

2638
01:48:16,400 --> 01:48:18,240
<i>talking about all day,</i>
<i>Tubby Tuke,</i>

2639
01:48:18,320 --> 01:48:20,560
<i>actually gaining</i>
<i>on the Ethiopians</i>

2640
01:48:20,600 --> 01:48:21,840
<i>here in the final stretch.</i>

2641
01:48:21,920 --> 01:48:24,200
Is-is this the fat guy
I put the money on?

2642
01:48:24,320 --> 01:48:26,280
20 bucks at 8,000-to-1.

2643
01:48:26,640 --> 01:48:27,680
Beep boop beep
boop beep.

2644
01:48:27,760 --> 01:48:29,040
160 grand?
160 grand?

2645
01:48:29,120 --> 01:48:30,600
Come on,
you fat shit, move it!

2646
01:48:30,640 --> 01:48:32,480
Go, Tubby! Go, Tubby!

2647
01:48:32,560 --> 01:48:34,040
Keep running!
Keep running!

2648
01:48:35,000 --> 01:48:36,720
Pass those Ethiopians!

2649
01:48:37,040 --> 01:48:39,120
Pass them skinny
fucking Ethiopians!

2650
01:48:41,200 --> 01:48:44,320
Oh, this defies every law of
science, but it's happening!

2651
01:48:47,320 --> 01:48:49,000
Oh!
Get the fuck up!

2652
01:48:49,720 --> 01:48:51,040
Get the fuck up!

2653
01:48:53,000 --> 01:48:54,200
Oh, he's up!

2654
01:48:54,240 --> 01:48:55,280
He's up! He's up!

2655
01:48:58,200 --> 01:49:00,080
That'll replenish him!
That'll replenish him!

2656
01:49:00,160 --> 01:49:01,160
No!

2657
01:49:02,080 --> 01:49:03,400
<i>Oh, listen</i>
<i>to the roar of that crowd.</i>

2658
01:49:03,440 --> 01:49:04,480
Fat guy! Fat guy!

2659
01:49:04,800 --> 01:49:06,720
Fat guy! Fat guy!

2660
01:49:07,760 --> 01:49:09,000
<i>Can he possibly win it?</i>

2661
01:49:09,040 --> 01:49:10,080
He's gonna do it!

2662
01:49:11,880 --> 01:49:12,960
<i>Tubby Tuke has won!</i>

2663
01:49:14,080 --> 01:49:16,040
<i>♪ Love will find a way</i>

2664
01:49:19,800 --> 01:49:22,440
<i>Tubby Tuke wins!</i>
<i>Tubby Tuke wins!</i>

2665
01:49:23,120 --> 01:49:25,800
<i>♪ Love is gonna find a way ♪</i>

2666
01:49:43,160 --> 01:49:45,240
<i>♪ Have you seen her?</i>

2667
01:49:45,480 --> 01:49:47,320
<i>♪ So fine and pretty</i>

2668
01:49:47,360 --> 01:49:50,560
<i>♪ Fooled me with</i>
<i>her style and ease</i>

2669
01:49:50,640 --> 01:49:54,520
<i>♪ And I feel her</i>
<i>from across the room</i>

2670
01:49:54,560 --> 01:49:57,320
<i>♪ Yes, it's love</i>
<i>in the third degree</i>

2671
01:49:59,280 --> 01:50:01,960
<i>♪ Ooh, baby, baby</i>

2672
01:50:02,000 --> 01:50:05,160
<i>♪ Won't you turn</i>
<i>your head my way?</i>

2673
01:50:06,720 --> 01:50:09,240
<i>♪ Ooh, baby, baby</i>

2674
01:50:09,280 --> 01:50:11,760
<i>♪ Ah, come on</i>
<i>Take a chance</i>

2675
01:50:11,840 --> 01:50:13,240
<i>♪ You're old enough to</i>

2676
01:50:13,280 --> 01:50:17,880
<i>♪ Dance the night away</i>

2677
01:50:19,920 --> 01:50:21,040
<i>♪ Whoa-oh</i>

2678
01:50:21,080 --> 01:50:22,880
<i>♪ Come on, girl</i>

2679
01:50:22,920 --> 01:50:25,440
<i>♪ Dance the night away</i>

2680
01:50:27,760 --> 01:50:31,760
<i>♪ A live wire,</i>
<i>barely a beginner</i>

2681
01:50:31,800 --> 01:50:34,760
<i>♪ But just watch that lady go</i>

2682
01:50:35,200 --> 01:50:39,680
<i>♪ She's on fire, 'cause</i>
<i>dancin' gets her higher than</i>

2683
01:50:39,760 --> 01:50:43,200
<i>♪ Anything else she knows</i>

2684
01:50:43,880 --> 01:50:46,680
<i>♪ Ooh, baby, baby</i>

2685
01:50:46,720 --> 01:50:49,920
<i>♪ Won't you turn</i>
<i>your head my way?</i>

2686
01:50:51,280 --> 01:50:54,120
<i>♪ Ooh, baby, baby</i>

2687
01:50:54,200 --> 01:50:56,280
<i>♪ Well, don't skip</i>
<i>romance 'cause</i>

2688
01:50:56,320 --> 01:50:58,160
<i>♪ You're old enough to</i>

2689
01:50:58,200 --> 01:51:02,760
<i>♪ Dance the night away</i>

2690
01:51:04,560 --> 01:51:05,720
<i>♪ Oh-oh-oh</i>

2691
01:51:05,760 --> 01:51:07,560
<i>♪ Come on, girl</i>

2692
01:51:07,600 --> 01:51:10,800
<i>♪ Dance the night away</i>

2693
01:51:42,560 --> 01:51:46,920
<i>♪ Dance the night away</i>

2694
01:51:49,880 --> 01:51:54,040
<i>♪ Dance, dance,</i>
<i>dance the night away</i>

2695
01:51:56,040 --> 01:51:57,040
<i>♪ Ah, come on</i>

2696
01:51:57,080 --> 01:52:01,600
<i>♪ Dance the night away</i>

2697
01:52:04,520 --> 01:52:08,840
<i>♪ Dance, dance,</i>
<i>dance the night away</i>

2698
01:52:08,920 --> 01:52:11,880
<i>♪ Ah, come on, baby, baby</i>

2699
01:52:11,960 --> 01:52:16,200
<i>♪ Dance the night away</i>

2700
01:52:19,280 --> 01:52:22,840
<i>♪ Dance, dance,</i>
<i>dance the night away ♪</i>