1 00:00:30,903 --> 00:00:32,097 Greg? 2 00:00:32,504 --> 00:00:34,836 Mmm. 3 00:00:35,407 --> 00:00:38,342 - Greg? - What? 4 00:00:38,844 --> 00:00:41,540 - Greg! - Huh? What? 5 00:00:41,613 --> 00:00:42,671 What are you doing? Get up! 6 00:00:42,748 --> 00:00:44,079 Mom and Dad have been calling you for an hour. 7 00:00:44,149 --> 00:00:46,014 You're about to be late for your first day of middle school. 8 00:00:46,084 --> 00:00:47,415 What? 9 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:50,049 Oh, geez! How did that happen? 10 00:00:50,122 --> 00:00:51,680 Go, go, go! Mom's about to flip out! 11 00:00:51,757 --> 00:00:54,248 She sent me to get you while she waits in the car! 12 00:01:34,766 --> 00:01:37,599 What are you doing? What's going on? 13 00:01:37,669 --> 00:01:39,830 Getting ready for... 14 00:01:45,277 --> 00:01:46,904 ...school. 15 00:01:46,979 --> 00:01:49,914 Are you insane? School doesn't start till next week. 16 00:01:49,982 --> 00:01:53,975 And, FYI, school doesn't start at 4:00 in the morning! 17 00:01:54,052 --> 00:01:57,488 You woke up Manny. And if he doesn't go back down... 18 00:01:57,556 --> 00:01:58,614 Good morning! 19 00:01:58,690 --> 00:02:01,488 There is no way he is going back down. 20 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,118 I just wanted to sleep till 6:00. 21 00:02:03,195 --> 00:02:05,390 - Bubby! - Go to bed. I got him. 22 00:02:05,464 --> 00:02:07,989 Greg, what are you doing up making all this noise? 23 00:02:08,066 --> 00:02:10,534 It was Rodrick! He woke me up! 24 00:02:10,602 --> 00:02:12,627 He changed my clock! 25 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,832 - But I swear, he was just... - Go to bed. 26 00:02:19,645 --> 00:02:23,308 What is that smell? I can't even identify it. 27 00:02:39,031 --> 00:02:40,396 Bubby! 28 00:02:50,742 --> 00:02:52,107 Happy Birthday! 29 00:02:52,177 --> 00:02:53,576 Here, Bubby. 30 00:02:53,745 --> 00:02:55,838 Wow! Look at the size of that flamethrower! 31 00:03:05,490 --> 00:03:08,653 Okay, first of all, let me get something straight. 32 00:03:08,727 --> 00:03:11,218 This is a journal, not a diary. 33 00:03:12,531 --> 00:03:14,590 Yeah, I know what it says on the cover. 34 00:03:14,666 --> 00:03:17,032 But when my mom went out to buy this thing, 35 00:03:17,102 --> 00:03:20,594 I specifically told her not to buy one that said "diary" on it. 36 00:03:20,672 --> 00:03:24,802 This just proves Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age. 37 00:03:25,577 --> 00:03:27,306 - Huh? - Sissy! 38 00:03:29,047 --> 00:03:31,538 The only reason I agreed to write in this thing is because 39 00:03:31,616 --> 00:03:34,016 when I'm rich and famous I'll have better things to do 40 00:03:34,086 --> 00:03:36,611 than answer people's stupid questions all day long. 41 00:03:36,688 --> 00:03:38,553 Gregory, tell us about your childhood! 42 00:03:38,623 --> 00:03:40,921 Were you always so smart and handsome? 43 00:03:40,993 --> 00:03:43,291 Here's my journal. Now, shoo, shoo. 44 00:03:46,131 --> 00:03:48,361 That's our boy up there. 45 00:03:48,433 --> 00:03:50,560 Why did I ever say no to him? 46 00:03:50,635 --> 00:03:51,659 Mom got me this thing 47 00:03:51,737 --> 00:03:54,467 so I could write down my feelings about starting middle school. 48 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,569 But I'm gonna be fine. 49 00:03:56,641 --> 00:03:59,508 It's my best friend, Rowley Jefferson, I'm worried about. 50 00:03:59,578 --> 00:04:01,773 He's definitely not middle school ready. 51 00:04:01,847 --> 00:04:03,815 Geronimo! 52 00:04:07,652 --> 00:04:10,849 He's not quite clear on the concept of growing up. 53 00:04:10,922 --> 00:04:14,824 I want a puppy, a kitty, a gumball machine... 54 00:04:14,893 --> 00:04:17,828 But anyway, this is about me, not Rowley. 55 00:04:17,896 --> 00:04:20,660 I always figured they'd make a movie about my life. 56 00:04:20,732 --> 00:04:23,826 But I didn't think they'd start the story here. 57 00:04:23,902 --> 00:04:27,065 Because, seriously, who wants to see a movie about a kid 58 00:04:27,139 --> 00:04:30,006 who's stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons? 59 00:04:54,266 --> 00:04:57,235 Three days, no shower. Smell the love! 60 00:04:57,302 --> 00:04:59,236 Let me go, Rodrick! 61 00:05:00,972 --> 00:05:03,839 Come on. We're just having some fun, right? 62 00:05:03,909 --> 00:05:05,740 No, okay. So, look. 63 00:05:05,811 --> 00:05:09,372 Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. 64 00:05:10,148 --> 00:05:12,309 It's real simple. 65 00:05:12,384 --> 00:05:15,649 Don't talk to anyone. Don't look at anyone. Don't go anywhere. 66 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:20,020 Don't sit down. Don't raise your hand. Don't go to the bathroom. 67 00:05:20,092 --> 00:05:24,188 Don't get noticed. Don't choose the wrong locker. Don't... 68 00:05:25,597 --> 00:05:26,825 Who am I kidding? 69 00:05:26,898 --> 00:05:29,799 You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year, anyway. 70 00:05:29,868 --> 00:05:32,200 And don't be seen with Rowley. 71 00:05:44,182 --> 00:05:45,911 Manny, stop it! Mom! 72 00:05:45,984 --> 00:05:47,076 Thanks for the eggs, Mom. 73 00:05:47,152 --> 00:05:48,585 - Frank? - Greg? 74 00:05:48,653 --> 00:05:50,280 I think it's gross and undignified 75 00:05:50,355 --> 00:05:53,188 that I have to eat breakfast next to him on the potty. 76 00:05:53,258 --> 00:05:55,624 Okay, well, it's your fault he's still potty training. 77 00:05:56,194 --> 00:05:57,525 Don't look down, Manny. 78 00:05:57,596 --> 00:06:01,123 The potty monster doesn't like it when you look at him. 79 00:06:02,701 --> 00:06:04,259 I was just joking with him. 80 00:06:04,336 --> 00:06:07,635 Okay. Kiss him you're sorry and then let's get a move on. 81 00:06:07,706 --> 00:06:10,368 Can't be late for your first day of school. 82 00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:29,218 Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be 83 00:06:29,294 --> 00:06:31,353 the dumbest idea ever invented. 84 00:06:31,429 --> 00:06:33,829 You got kids like me who haven't hit their growth spurt yet 85 00:06:33,899 --> 00:06:36,959 mixed in with gorillas who have to shave twice a day. 86 00:06:37,869 --> 00:06:42,033 There 's juvenile delinquents and weirdos. 87 00:06:42,374 --> 00:06:44,535 I'm smaller than about 95% of the kids at my school... 88 00:06:44,609 --> 00:06:45,906 Give it back! Stop! 89 00:06:45,977 --> 00:06:49,071 ... so thank God for Chirag Gupta. 90 00:06:49,147 --> 00:06:51,240 - It's mine! Stop! - Can I have the backpack? 91 00:06:51,316 --> 00:06:52,613 - You got to jump higher. - It's not yours! 92 00:06:52,684 --> 00:06:55,016 He's an excellent buffer between me and these morons. 93 00:06:55,086 --> 00:06:56,713 Hey, Greg. 94 00:06:56,788 --> 00:06:59,586 Hey, fella! 95 00:06:59,891 --> 00:07:03,349 Seriously, I don't know what happened to these kids over the summer. 96 00:07:05,263 --> 00:07:07,060 Was there a nuclear accident? 97 00:07:08,233 --> 00:07:10,724 Science experiment gone bad? 98 00:07:10,802 --> 00:07:15,239 Thank God there are a few normal people or this place would be a total freak show. 99 00:07:19,211 --> 00:07:21,042 If you're as discriminating as I am, 100 00:07:21,112 --> 00:07:25,242 it can be tough to figure out where to sit on your first day of middle school. 101 00:07:25,317 --> 00:07:26,579 One bad move 102 00:07:26,651 --> 00:07:30,143 and you're stuck next to some idiot for the rest of the year. 103 00:07:37,395 --> 00:07:38,555 Greg! 104 00:07:39,497 --> 00:07:42,660 Remember how I said Rowley wasn't middle school ready? 105 00:07:44,269 --> 00:07:45,998 Well, there you go. 106 00:07:51,243 --> 00:07:52,710 What are you wearing? 107 00:07:52,777 --> 00:07:57,009 My family just got back from Guatemala! It's my serape! 108 00:07:59,150 --> 00:08:00,515 Nice, huh? 109 00:08:00,585 --> 00:08:04,988 All right, class, I'm Mrs. Flint. Everybody take your seats! 110 00:08:08,460 --> 00:08:11,395 Welcome to your first day of middle school. 111 00:08:11,463 --> 00:08:14,125 Remember your seats. You'll be sitting here every day. 112 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:17,960 Rowley, if you had to say where you were ranked 113 00:08:18,036 --> 00:08:20,800 in terms of popularity from one to 200, 114 00:08:20,872 --> 00:08:22,430 where would you put yourself? 115 00:08:23,341 --> 00:08:25,434 Is 200 good or bad? 116 00:08:27,012 --> 00:08:29,344 I'd say you're somewhere around the 154 mark. 117 00:08:30,448 --> 00:08:33,144 I'd put myselfaround number 19 or 20. 118 00:08:34,753 --> 00:08:37,221 I might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year, 119 00:08:37,289 --> 00:08:39,314 if things go the way I think they will. 120 00:08:39,391 --> 00:08:41,416 Well, who's at the bottom? 121 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,952 Hey, guys, wanna see my secret freckle? 122 00:08:46,164 --> 00:08:49,930 Fregley. Sent home for hygiene issues at least once a month. 123 00:08:54,773 --> 00:08:57,765 Check it out. It's got a hair in it! 124 00:08:57,842 --> 00:09:00,504 What color is that? 125 00:09:03,682 --> 00:09:05,445 You wanna help me name it? 126 00:09:05,517 --> 00:09:08,145 All right, ladies! Gather around! 127 00:09:08,219 --> 00:09:10,949 Come on, put the knitting down! Let's go! 128 00:09:13,925 --> 00:09:15,790 All right, everybody. 129 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:18,795 I'm Coach Malone and I am your gym teacher. 130 00:09:18,863 --> 00:09:20,592 P.E. Is as much a part of my life 131 00:09:20,665 --> 00:09:23,793 as waking up in the morning and going to the bathroom. 132 00:09:23,868 --> 00:09:27,429 I live and breathe Physical Education. 133 00:09:28,373 --> 00:09:29,635 Now, who's with me? 134 00:09:29,708 --> 00:09:31,005 Are you ready to have some fun out there? 135 00:09:31,076 --> 00:09:32,134 Yeah! 136 00:09:32,210 --> 00:09:33,973 All right, outstanding! 137 00:09:34,045 --> 00:09:35,444 So we're gonna divide you up into two teams. 138 00:09:35,513 --> 00:09:38,539 So you two, over here. You, you, you, this way. 139 00:09:38,650 --> 00:09:40,914 Yeah, you three, this side. Good. 140 00:09:41,052 --> 00:09:43,919 You guys are going to be Shirts! 141 00:09:44,622 --> 00:09:47,819 And you will be Skins. 142 00:09:51,162 --> 00:09:53,858 Why are we Skins? I hate this. 143 00:09:53,932 --> 00:09:56,765 He's just trying to make kids like us feel bad. 144 00:09:56,835 --> 00:09:58,393 What do you mean, kids like us? 145 00:09:58,470 --> 00:10:00,301 I just don't want to get a sunburn, right, Rowley? 146 00:10:00,372 --> 00:10:03,500 My name is Bell E. Button. 147 00:10:03,575 --> 00:10:04,872 What's yours? 148 00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:10,580 Okay, let's start off with a little game I like to call Gladiator. 149 00:10:12,283 --> 00:10:13,750 - I got this one! - No! 150 00:10:14,519 --> 00:10:16,009 Take that! 151 00:10:24,462 --> 00:10:25,986 Cover me! 152 00:10:30,735 --> 00:10:32,396 Oh, God. 153 00:10:38,343 --> 00:10:39,742 Not good! 154 00:10:39,811 --> 00:10:42,678 We're never going to be able to outrun these guys! 155 00:10:42,747 --> 00:10:43,873 We don't have to outrun them! 156 00:10:43,948 --> 00:10:45,779 We just have to outrun Chirag! 157 00:10:46,184 --> 00:10:48,243 Take a look, take a look, take a look 158 00:10:48,319 --> 00:10:49,946 At the kids on the street 159 00:10:50,021 --> 00:10:51,511 No, they never miss a beat 160 00:10:51,589 --> 00:10:52,578 Never miss a beat 161 00:10:52,657 --> 00:10:53,646 Never miss a beat 162 00:10:53,725 --> 00:10:54,714 Never miss a beat 163 00:10:54,793 --> 00:10:55,987 Never miss a beat 164 00:10:59,697 --> 00:11:01,790 - Think they saw us? - No way. 165 00:11:01,866 --> 00:11:04,130 They were focused on getting that kid with the limp. 166 00:11:04,202 --> 00:11:08,298 We'll hide here for the rest of the class because I'm not playing that game. 167 00:11:08,373 --> 00:11:09,601 It's not fair. 168 00:11:09,674 --> 00:11:13,110 He's got all the Neanderthals on the same team. It's barbaric! 169 00:11:13,178 --> 00:11:15,305 It's completely barbaric. 170 00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:19,940 This place is an intellectual wasteland. 171 00:11:20,018 --> 00:11:21,679 But, you know, it's nice to meet someone 172 00:11:21,753 --> 00:11:24,688 more interested in his mind than in his body. 173 00:11:25,056 --> 00:11:28,492 You girls get to jump rope. What are you doing hiding? 174 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:30,357 Avoiding the pain. 175 00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:33,727 It all starts in middle school, you know? 176 00:11:33,798 --> 00:11:36,323 You're not a kid anymore. The coddling has stopped. 177 00:11:36,401 --> 00:11:40,633 Kids are now separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on. 178 00:11:40,705 --> 00:11:45,733 And girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore. 179 00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:49,379 Okay, well, sounds like you got it all figured out, 180 00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:51,608 so go back to your book. 181 00:11:51,683 --> 00:11:53,913 This place is a glorified holding pen. 182 00:11:53,985 --> 00:11:57,682 All the way! All the way! You're like a machine! 183 00:11:57,755 --> 00:11:58,915 It's where adults put you 184 00:11:58,990 --> 00:12:03,086 as you make that awkward transition between child and teenager 185 00:12:03,161 --> 00:12:05,652 so they don't even have to look at you. 186 00:12:06,798 --> 00:12:08,698 Hi. I'm Angie. 187 00:12:09,334 --> 00:12:11,962 Great story. We're gonna go now. 188 00:12:12,036 --> 00:12:14,596 Why? This is a good spot. 189 00:12:14,672 --> 00:12:16,867 It's a perfect spot. 190 00:12:16,941 --> 00:12:19,205 I survived all of the sixth grade here. 191 00:12:19,277 --> 00:12:21,711 And I would enjoy some like-minded company 192 00:12:21,779 --> 00:12:23,838 to get me through the seventh. 193 00:12:23,915 --> 00:12:27,146 Is that the whistle? I think I hear the whistle. 194 00:12:27,218 --> 00:12:28,242 We need to go. 195 00:12:28,319 --> 00:12:30,753 No showboating, all right? 196 00:12:30,822 --> 00:12:32,312 Why are we leaving? 197 00:12:32,390 --> 00:12:34,381 We could get killed out here in the open! 198 00:12:34,459 --> 00:12:37,394 Put your shirt on. They'll think we're on their team. 199 00:12:37,462 --> 00:12:41,489 Besides, getting crushed is better than being seen with that freak job. 200 00:12:41,833 --> 00:12:44,495 Trust me, you can't recover from social suicide. 201 00:12:44,869 --> 00:12:47,861 I never talked to a girl that long before. 202 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:50,468 Whoa! 203 00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:53,409 Check that out. 204 00:13:03,154 --> 00:13:06,021 Is that cheese? 205 00:13:12,430 --> 00:13:13,863 Stop! 206 00:13:14,265 --> 00:13:18,167 Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch. 207 00:13:18,369 --> 00:13:21,429 - The what? - The Cheese Touch. 208 00:13:21,506 --> 00:13:23,667 Nobody knows when or how, 209 00:13:23,741 --> 00:13:28,405 but one day that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. 210 00:13:29,414 --> 00:13:31,746 Nobody knew who it belonged to. 211 00:13:31,816 --> 00:13:35,616 Nobody touched it. Nobody threw it away. 212 00:13:35,687 --> 00:13:37,245 And so there it sat, 213 00:13:37,322 --> 00:13:40,758 growing more foul and powerful by the day. 214 00:13:40,825 --> 00:13:46,525 Then one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. 215 00:13:47,098 --> 00:13:49,191 Darren touched the cheese! 216 00:13:49,267 --> 00:13:52,361 No, I didn't! I just looked at it! Really! 217 00:13:52,437 --> 00:13:55,201 Darren had the Cheese Touch! 218 00:13:55,273 --> 00:13:58,071 It was worse than nuclear cooties. 219 00:13:59,143 --> 00:14:01,202 He became an outcast. 220 00:14:02,981 --> 00:14:05,779 The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch 221 00:14:05,850 --> 00:14:08,614 was by passing it on to someone else. 222 00:14:13,291 --> 00:14:16,727 And so began the Cheese Touch Frenzy. 223 00:14:16,794 --> 00:14:18,887 Friend turning on friend. 224 00:14:18,963 --> 00:14:20,658 Brother turning on sister. 225 00:14:20,732 --> 00:14:22,597 It was madness. 226 00:14:23,434 --> 00:14:28,633 Until a German exchange student named Dieter Muller took it away. 227 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:30,535 Dieter has the Cheese Touch! 228 00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:32,303 Ze CheeseTouch? 229 00:14:32,377 --> 00:14:33,969 Vatis it? 230 00:14:34,045 --> 00:14:36,411 Vatdoes itmean, ze CheeseTouch?? 231 00:14:36,481 --> 00:14:40,440 Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation. 232 00:14:41,185 --> 00:14:42,209 Nooooooooo...! 233 00:14:42,286 --> 00:14:45,346 Thankfully, he moved back to Düsseldorf and took the Cheese Touch with him. 234 00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:53,586 And so the cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim. 235 00:14:54,032 --> 00:14:55,499 - Wow. - Wow. 236 00:14:56,434 --> 00:14:59,062 This is a terrible place. 237 00:15:19,123 --> 00:15:21,489 - No doors? - None. 238 00:15:21,559 --> 00:15:24,221 I'm not pooping until I'm in high school. 239 00:15:25,329 --> 00:15:29,425 The cafeteria, possibly the cruelest place on Earth. 240 00:15:29,934 --> 00:15:33,768 But I was about to make some kid's day by sitting next to him. 241 00:15:33,838 --> 00:15:35,169 That seat's saved. 242 00:15:35,773 --> 00:15:37,263 For who? 243 00:15:37,442 --> 00:15:38,841 It's saved. 244 00:15:42,046 --> 00:15:43,377 That one's saved, too. 245 00:15:45,149 --> 00:15:46,377 So not happening. 246 00:15:46,451 --> 00:15:47,611 Uh-uh-uh. 247 00:15:48,386 --> 00:15:49,580 Taken. 248 00:15:51,489 --> 00:15:53,616 Where are we supposed to eat? 249 00:16:04,936 --> 00:16:07,734 I guess this is where all the cool guys hang out. 250 00:16:13,544 --> 00:16:18,106 Fregley must have bumped his head when he was little, like, really hard. 251 00:16:27,291 --> 00:16:29,589 Okay, okay, 252 00:16:29,660 --> 00:16:32,527 so my first day could have gone better, 253 00:16:32,597 --> 00:16:34,588 but at least I wasn't humiliated. 254 00:16:34,665 --> 00:16:38,499 Hey, Greg! You want to come over and play? 255 00:16:44,642 --> 00:16:47,008 What did he just say to you? 256 00:16:47,078 --> 00:16:48,340 Oh. 257 00:16:48,412 --> 00:16:49,709 I think my ride's here. 258 00:16:49,781 --> 00:16:53,478 Hey, guys. So this guy says to that guy, 259 00:16:53,551 --> 00:16:56,816 "You wanna come over and play?" 260 00:16:56,888 --> 00:16:58,913 Yeah! Do you guys wanna play with us? 261 00:17:00,091 --> 00:17:02,116 See? This is the problem. 262 00:17:02,193 --> 00:17:05,128 Right now I have to take abuse from these morons. 263 00:17:05,196 --> 00:17:08,597 But in 20 years, Quentin here will be working for me. 264 00:17:08,666 --> 00:17:11,794 Greg, please don't fire me. 265 00:17:11,869 --> 00:17:15,669 I really need my measly, pathetic job scooping your dog's poop. 266 00:17:15,740 --> 00:17:17,537 Whatever. I'll think about it. 267 00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:22,371 No, no, no. Vanilla on the bottom and chocolate on the top! 268 00:17:22,446 --> 00:17:24,141 I can't eat this! 269 00:17:24,515 --> 00:17:26,676 "Play," Rowley? "Play"? 270 00:17:26,751 --> 00:17:31,120 I've told you, like, a billion times that guys our age say "hang out," not "play." 271 00:17:31,355 --> 00:17:32,413 Oops. 272 00:17:33,024 --> 00:17:35,584 Seriously, if you're not gonna listen to me, just tell me, 273 00:17:35,660 --> 00:17:37,992 'cause if you pull another stunt like that, 274 00:17:38,062 --> 00:17:41,930 we'll be stuck on the cafeteria floor for the rest of middle school. 275 00:17:41,999 --> 00:17:44,297 I found half a Snickers bar down there. 276 00:17:44,836 --> 00:17:47,999 I can't be the guy who eats off his lap in the cafeteria. 277 00:17:48,072 --> 00:17:50,563 I should be at the top of the food chain by now. 278 00:17:50,641 --> 00:17:53,337 Something's got to change, fast. 279 00:17:53,411 --> 00:17:56,380 My mom told me to just be myself and people would like me. 280 00:18:00,885 --> 00:18:04,286 That would be good advice if you were somebody else. 281 00:18:20,538 --> 00:18:22,335 Hey, little brother. 282 00:18:22,473 --> 00:18:25,033 Was your first day as crappy as I said it would be? 283 00:18:25,109 --> 00:18:28,408 No. Not at all. You were wrong. 284 00:18:28,479 --> 00:18:30,970 - It was actually better than I... - Worse. 285 00:18:32,683 --> 00:18:34,548 You didn't listen to me, did you? 286 00:18:34,619 --> 00:18:38,555 I told you not to talk, look or go anywhere, and what happened? 287 00:18:38,623 --> 00:18:41,057 He had to eat his lunch on the floor. 288 00:18:41,125 --> 00:18:43,150 - Rowley. - Perfect. 289 00:18:43,694 --> 00:18:45,252 And if nobody wants you sitting at their table, 290 00:18:45,329 --> 00:18:47,854 you think they want Chummy Buttons over here? 291 00:18:47,932 --> 00:18:51,732 I was right. You're not even gonna make it out of there alive. 292 00:18:51,802 --> 00:18:53,736 The only chance you have of making the yearbook is 293 00:18:53,804 --> 00:18:56,170 when they dedicate it to your memory. 294 00:19:00,645 --> 00:19:03,978 So you wanna play Twisted Wizard? 295 00:19:04,849 --> 00:19:07,750 No. I have a better idea. 296 00:19:09,820 --> 00:19:13,153 If he catches you in here, he will kill you. 297 00:19:13,224 --> 00:19:14,919 Literally, kill you. 298 00:19:14,992 --> 00:19:17,825 Don't worry. As long as we hear the music, we're okay. 299 00:19:19,096 --> 00:19:21,724 Whoa. Yeah. Wow. 300 00:19:21,799 --> 00:19:24,734 I didn't know Rodrick was into motorcycles. 301 00:19:24,802 --> 00:19:27,327 - I found it. - Found what? 302 00:19:27,405 --> 00:19:29,737 Rodrick's middle school yearbook. 303 00:19:31,642 --> 00:19:33,735 This thing holds all the answers. 304 00:19:33,811 --> 00:19:35,972 Rowley, this thing is like a bible. 305 00:19:36,047 --> 00:19:39,539 See this? This is where a person like me needs to be. 306 00:19:42,653 --> 00:19:44,883 The class favorites. 307 00:19:46,290 --> 00:19:48,622 They're the best in their class. 308 00:19:48,693 --> 00:19:52,220 These people aren't nobodies. They're famous. 309 00:19:52,296 --> 00:19:55,754 They don't have to worry about getting a seat in the cafeteria, either. 310 00:19:55,833 --> 00:19:58,927 Check this out. There's tons of things I qualify for. 311 00:19:59,003 --> 00:20:02,495 "Most Likely To Succeed," "Best Looking," "Class Clown." 312 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:04,899 They should just give that to me right now. 313 00:20:04,976 --> 00:20:06,944 Don't you have to be funny for that? 314 00:20:07,912 --> 00:20:10,540 Hey! We could try for cutest friends! 315 00:20:10,614 --> 00:20:13,981 What did I tell you would happen if you ever went in my room again? 316 00:20:14,051 --> 00:20:16,383 But your band is still playing. 317 00:20:16,454 --> 00:20:20,254 It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! Don't you know anything about music? 318 00:20:20,324 --> 00:20:23,589 Now, I came up here to get a new drumstick, 319 00:20:23,661 --> 00:20:27,153 and now, Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, 320 00:20:27,231 --> 00:20:31,031 I'm going to kill you. Literally, kill you! 321 00:20:31,268 --> 00:20:32,633 I told you. 322 00:20:32,703 --> 00:20:33,761 Beat it. 323 00:20:33,838 --> 00:20:37,934 Okay, but I just want to say one thing! 324 00:20:38,009 --> 00:20:39,772 - Run, Greg, run! - What? 325 00:20:41,879 --> 00:20:43,210 Let go, Baby Hippo! 326 00:20:50,121 --> 00:20:51,713 You're gonna have to come out sometime, loser! 327 00:20:51,789 --> 00:20:54,314 I'll wait here as long as it takes. 328 00:20:54,392 --> 00:20:56,553 And then, you're dead. 329 00:21:10,241 --> 00:21:12,038 Time out, Rodrick. I have to pee. 330 00:21:12,109 --> 00:21:15,237 No time outs. Only death! 331 00:21:15,780 --> 00:21:18,146 - But I really have to go. - Don't care. 332 00:22:07,098 --> 00:22:08,759 Move over! I'm dying. 333 00:22:15,940 --> 00:22:16,964 Got you! 334 00:22:19,577 --> 00:22:22,068 Greg, did you throw Manny off his... 335 00:22:22,146 --> 00:22:23,807 What is going on? 336 00:22:23,881 --> 00:22:26,645 Greg started it. I just came in here to take a shower. 337 00:22:26,717 --> 00:22:29,311 He's lying! He was gonna kill me 'cause I was in his room! 338 00:22:29,386 --> 00:22:31,684 And so you peed on him? 339 00:22:31,755 --> 00:22:34,849 Yes. I mean, no. I mean... 340 00:22:35,226 --> 00:22:36,318 Yes. 341 00:22:57,515 --> 00:23:00,143 Wow, there's a lot to sign up for. 342 00:23:00,217 --> 00:23:03,015 You could be class favorite in a bunch of things. 343 00:23:03,087 --> 00:23:04,520 Jazz dancing! 344 00:23:04,588 --> 00:23:06,112 We could do that one together! 345 00:23:06,190 --> 00:23:10,058 I can't believe all these activities. They're all so much work. 346 00:23:10,127 --> 00:23:14,325 Staying after school, meeting before school, on weekends. 347 00:23:14,398 --> 00:23:16,730 What kind of extracurricular activities are these? 348 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,825 Out of my way. 349 00:23:19,670 --> 00:23:22,036 Who let you into this school, Greg Heffley? 350 00:23:22,306 --> 00:23:24,774 I was thinking the same thing about you, Patty Farrell. 351 00:23:24,842 --> 00:23:26,935 You listen to me, Greg Heffley. 352 00:23:27,011 --> 00:23:29,707 I'm running for student council president and I'm warning you, 353 00:23:29,780 --> 00:23:32,112 if you get in my way, I will beat you up, 354 00:23:32,183 --> 00:23:35,050 just like I did in kindergarten and fourth grade. 355 00:23:37,955 --> 00:23:41,152 Fourth grade? That one was ugly. 356 00:23:42,159 --> 00:23:45,356 What's her problem? What did I ever do to her? 357 00:23:45,596 --> 00:23:50,932 Patty, Patty is a fatty, has a face just like a ratty! 358 00:23:55,072 --> 00:23:59,736 Come on, that was pretty funny. She needs to get a sense of humor. 359 00:23:59,810 --> 00:24:03,109 And I need something to make me a class favorite. 360 00:24:03,180 --> 00:24:05,205 What about class favorites? 361 00:24:06,650 --> 00:24:09,915 Don't you ever say hi or hello before you start talking? 362 00:24:09,987 --> 00:24:11,750 - Hi. - Hello. 363 00:24:11,989 --> 00:24:14,423 Oh, Greg's only here because he really wants to be something... 364 00:24:14,491 --> 00:24:15,719 Rowley! 365 00:24:16,393 --> 00:24:19,726 I was just saying that I would really like to nail these people 366 00:24:19,797 --> 00:24:21,731 because it's so obvious that 367 00:24:21,799 --> 00:24:24,393 they're only doing these activities to get in the yearbook. 368 00:24:24,468 --> 00:24:26,766 You know, I like your point of view. 369 00:24:26,837 --> 00:24:30,432 You should sign up for the school paper. We're the voice of the people. 370 00:24:31,242 --> 00:24:34,678 Well, the people are mostly idiots, so I guess, technically speaking, 371 00:24:34,745 --> 00:24:37,714 we're the voice of the people making fun of the people. 372 00:24:37,781 --> 00:24:42,445 Thanks, but I can't be on the paper because I'm gonna be in the paper a lot. 373 00:24:42,519 --> 00:24:45,613 So that would be a conflict of interest. 374 00:24:47,191 --> 00:24:50,058 You're the people. Got it. 375 00:24:52,463 --> 00:24:55,296 Do you believe me now? That girl is crazy town. 376 00:24:55,366 --> 00:24:57,664 Look! They have wrestling! 377 00:24:58,769 --> 00:25:01,499 That's it! I'm great at wrestling. 378 00:25:01,572 --> 00:25:04,837 I've watched it for years, I know all the moves. 379 00:25:05,576 --> 00:25:06,941 Tombstone piledriver. 380 00:25:08,946 --> 00:25:10,140 Chair shot. 381 00:25:12,650 --> 00:25:13,674 Vader Bomb. 382 00:25:14,618 --> 00:25:18,520 Heffley! Heffley! Heffley! Heffley! 383 00:25:18,589 --> 00:25:21,490 Heffley! Heffley! Heffley! 384 00:25:24,361 --> 00:25:28,491 Okay. Something is very wrong here. 385 00:25:29,133 --> 00:25:31,260 These don't look like wrestling costumes to me. 386 00:25:31,335 --> 00:25:35,066 Welcome to wrestling, you future Olympians! 387 00:25:35,839 --> 00:25:37,864 So, just to make sure we all get off on the right foot 388 00:25:37,941 --> 00:25:40,705 and nobody gets seriously injured, 389 00:25:40,778 --> 00:25:42,507 we're gonna teach you a few basic moves. 390 00:25:42,579 --> 00:25:48,381 Remember, this is about learning the sport and having fun! 391 00:25:48,452 --> 00:25:49,942 All right. It's not a competition 392 00:25:50,020 --> 00:25:55,754 because everyone here is already a superstar to me. 393 00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:58,227 Coach Brewer, can you step over here for a moment, 394 00:25:58,295 --> 00:26:00,490 please, give me a hand? Thanks. 395 00:26:04,134 --> 00:26:06,568 That's known as a speed takedown. 396 00:26:06,637 --> 00:26:08,161 Nice job, Coach Brewer. 397 00:26:08,238 --> 00:26:10,502 Can you get up and come behind me? 398 00:26:10,574 --> 00:26:12,906 Put one arm over my shoulder? Let's go, yeah. 399 00:26:13,010 --> 00:26:15,137 You got it, walk it off, come on. 400 00:26:17,915 --> 00:26:20,008 That was known as the arm drag. 401 00:26:20,084 --> 00:26:22,712 Let's give Coach Brewer a hand, everybody! 402 00:26:24,521 --> 00:26:25,510 He's fine. 403 00:26:27,591 --> 00:26:29,058 Yeah, Heffley. 404 00:26:29,493 --> 00:26:32,223 What about piledrivers and Vader bombs? 405 00:26:32,296 --> 00:26:34,787 That is fake wrestling. 406 00:26:36,567 --> 00:26:39,297 This is real wrestling! Let's go! 407 00:26:40,337 --> 00:26:42,965 If I have to wrestle Benny Wells, he'll kill me! 408 00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:44,803 Let's move! Come on! 409 00:26:45,409 --> 00:26:49,038 Okay, to keep things fair, I've divided you into weight categories by your size, 410 00:26:49,113 --> 00:26:52,048 so Rottweilers over here. 411 00:26:52,116 --> 00:26:53,981 Bulldogs, you stay right there. 412 00:26:54,051 --> 00:26:55,712 And we got two 413 00:26:57,388 --> 00:26:59,117 Chihuahuas. Yeah. 414 00:26:59,390 --> 00:27:00,982 Nice head gear. 415 00:27:01,058 --> 00:27:03,356 Thanks. My mom let me borrow it. 416 00:27:04,294 --> 00:27:05,556 All right, let's see what you got. 417 00:27:06,697 --> 00:27:08,665 Don't worry, Fregley, I'll take it easy on you. 418 00:27:11,368 --> 00:27:12,767 Hey, I wasn't ready! 419 00:27:12,836 --> 00:27:17,068 Nobody's keeping score, but that was a sweet speed takedown, Fregley! 420 00:27:20,811 --> 00:27:22,676 This is fun, Greg Heffley! 421 00:27:24,748 --> 00:27:26,113 Get off me! 422 00:27:29,052 --> 00:27:31,384 Fregley! Fregley! Fregley! 423 00:27:33,090 --> 00:27:35,183 Blow the whistle, blow the whistle! 424 00:27:35,392 --> 00:27:37,519 All right! Fregley! 425 00:27:40,164 --> 00:27:42,291 Outstanding! 426 00:27:44,435 --> 00:27:47,666 And let's... Let's hear it for our other winner. 427 00:27:49,406 --> 00:27:51,067 Yay, Greg! 428 00:27:52,342 --> 00:27:53,969 I can't lose to Fregley again. 429 00:27:54,044 --> 00:27:56,069 If I get beat by the weirdest kid in school, 430 00:27:56,146 --> 00:27:58,637 nobody's ever gonna let me sit at their table. 431 00:27:58,715 --> 00:28:02,276 How are you going to beat him? It's like he had superhuman strength! 432 00:28:02,653 --> 00:28:05,178 I'm not gonna beat him. I'm gonna gain 10 pounds this week 433 00:28:05,255 --> 00:28:07,314 so I can move up to the Bulldog weight class. 434 00:28:07,391 --> 00:28:10,121 And then you and I can wrestle each other. 435 00:28:10,194 --> 00:28:11,559 Ready? 436 00:28:11,628 --> 00:28:13,653 - Can I throw at you now? - Later. 437 00:28:13,730 --> 00:28:16,927 You're better at riding than I am, and I'm a better thrower. 438 00:28:30,013 --> 00:28:32,538 Greg, save some for everybody else, honey. 439 00:28:32,616 --> 00:28:34,584 Can't. I need to bulk up. 440 00:28:34,651 --> 00:28:35,675 Why? 441 00:28:36,286 --> 00:28:39,278 I think your body looks beautiful just the way it is. 442 00:28:39,423 --> 00:28:43,052 I heard he got his butt kicked at wrestling. Now what is wrong with you? 443 00:28:43,126 --> 00:28:46,493 Why would you sign up for something you don't have to do? 444 00:28:46,697 --> 00:28:48,927 You signed up for wrestling? 445 00:28:49,132 --> 00:28:50,156 Kind of. 446 00:28:50,234 --> 00:28:52,794 You never sign up for anything at school. 447 00:28:52,870 --> 00:28:54,838 You fly below the radar. 448 00:28:54,905 --> 00:28:57,931 That way you never raise anyone's expectations. 449 00:28:58,008 --> 00:29:01,000 Thank you, Rodrick, for those words of motivational wisdom, 450 00:29:01,078 --> 00:29:03,069 but perhaps a better way to look at it is that 451 00:29:03,146 --> 00:29:06,343 it's a chance to learn to excel at something. 452 00:29:06,416 --> 00:29:09,715 Well, what could I learn at school that I can't teach myself? 453 00:29:11,021 --> 00:29:12,386 Well, Greg, I think it's great that 454 00:29:12,456 --> 00:29:14,754 you took the initiative to learn something new. 455 00:29:14,825 --> 00:29:18,022 This is like the first step to responsibility! 456 00:29:18,095 --> 00:29:21,656 My boss's son Will was smaller than you, 457 00:29:21,732 --> 00:29:24,530 but he built himself up with the weights! 458 00:29:24,601 --> 00:29:26,762 Yeah. We could get you the same equipment. 459 00:29:26,837 --> 00:29:31,274 You could train, get the right nutrition, cardio. 460 00:29:31,608 --> 00:29:35,203 You'd be in tip-top shape just like Will. 461 00:29:37,714 --> 00:29:40,274 And it would only take, like, three months. 462 00:29:45,155 --> 00:29:47,055 - Three months? - Yeah. 463 00:29:48,625 --> 00:29:50,650 I'll just stick to eating. 464 00:29:56,466 --> 00:29:57,728 Well, I don't know where you put it, Heffley, 465 00:29:57,801 --> 00:30:00,326 but you gained 10 pounds and joined the Bulldog class. 466 00:30:00,404 --> 00:30:01,530 Yes. 467 00:30:08,145 --> 00:30:10,705 I thought you didn't gain any weight this week. 468 00:30:10,781 --> 00:30:12,544 My mom's ankle weights. 469 00:30:14,952 --> 00:30:18,615 All right, bulldog Heffley. Meet your new opponent. 470 00:30:21,024 --> 00:30:23,458 What? But this is boys' wrestling. 471 00:30:23,660 --> 00:30:25,753 Ever hear of Title IX? 472 00:30:25,963 --> 00:30:27,590 Her parents threatened to sue, 473 00:30:27,664 --> 00:30:31,498 so you show her what it's like to wrestle a real live boy. 474 00:30:38,475 --> 00:30:42,275 Come on! What you waiting for, huh? Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. 475 00:30:42,346 --> 00:30:45,804 - Make your move! - She's a girl! Where do I grab her? 476 00:30:49,419 --> 00:30:51,614 - Stay down! - Patty, over here! 477 00:30:55,492 --> 00:30:58,461 - Get off of me! - Can I wrestle somebody good now? 478 00:31:08,739 --> 00:31:11,071 Well, look who's in the paper. 479 00:31:11,975 --> 00:31:16,935 Greg! You're famous! Right on the front page! 480 00:31:25,889 --> 00:31:28,756 And if I would have pinned her, which I could have done easily, 481 00:31:28,825 --> 00:31:31,316 you know I would have gotten in trouble for hurting a girl. 482 00:31:31,395 --> 00:31:33,659 Why does she even want to wrestle? 483 00:31:33,730 --> 00:31:35,857 Who knows? Girls are very confusing. 484 00:31:35,932 --> 00:31:37,490 Like today, I heard someone in the hallway say 485 00:31:37,567 --> 00:31:41,560 that Bryce Anderson has a cute butt. What does that even mean? 486 00:31:41,638 --> 00:31:44,072 A butt can't be cute. It's a butt. 487 00:31:44,708 --> 00:31:47,302 I know, but that's what they were saying. 488 00:31:47,411 --> 00:31:50,244 I don't see why girls our age can't talk just like regular people. 489 00:31:56,053 --> 00:31:59,045 So how are you gonna become a class favorite now? 490 00:31:59,122 --> 00:32:02,819 - Two words. Best Dressed. - How are you going to do that? 491 00:32:03,126 --> 00:32:06,892 Fashion is easy. You wear a shirt and a tie, and kids are impressed. 492 00:32:06,963 --> 00:32:09,488 I'm telling you, this is gonna work. 493 00:32:10,333 --> 00:32:13,769 I light 'em up before the motor starts 494 00:32:13,837 --> 00:32:17,534 I go so fast that I could never stop 495 00:32:17,607 --> 00:32:20,474 Look under the hood but you don't know what I got 496 00:32:20,544 --> 00:32:22,671 I'm a moving violation, baby 497 00:32:22,746 --> 00:32:25,306 Hot, hot, hot, hot 498 00:32:30,921 --> 00:32:32,115 Ta-da! 499 00:32:32,689 --> 00:32:35,180 - I told you I was wearing this. - I know! 500 00:32:35,258 --> 00:32:37,886 - I wanted to be matchers! - Check them out! 501 00:32:39,763 --> 00:32:43,221 Greg and Rowley sitting in a tree 502 00:32:43,300 --> 00:32:46,633 K- l-S-S-l-N-G 503 00:32:47,270 --> 00:32:48,999 First comes love... 504 00:32:49,072 --> 00:32:52,132 You know, maybe Rodrick was right about Rowley. 505 00:32:53,009 --> 00:32:55,500 Maybe I do need a new best friend. 506 00:32:55,579 --> 00:32:58,309 But I can 't just ditch him. 507 00:32:58,381 --> 00:33:01,839 I mean, if anybody has a better idea, I'd love to hear it. 508 00:33:03,386 --> 00:33:05,354 In this school, much like your own, 509 00:33:05,422 --> 00:33:08,118 one boy is about to learn an important lesson 510 00:33:08,191 --> 00:33:10,056 about self-worth and esteem. 511 00:33:10,727 --> 00:33:12,319 Gag me with a spoon. 512 00:33:12,395 --> 00:33:15,489 That guy is so unpopular, I'd hate to be him. 513 00:33:18,235 --> 00:33:19,862 Why doesn't anybody like me? 514 00:33:19,936 --> 00:33:23,531 Maybe because they don't know how awesome you really are. 515 00:33:24,407 --> 00:33:27,808 Brock Branigan P.I.! What are you doing here? 516 00:33:28,245 --> 00:33:31,737 I'm here to solve the case of the boy who just needed to be himself. 517 00:33:31,815 --> 00:33:35,307 So go for it! Show them how awesome you really are! 518 00:33:38,722 --> 00:33:41,384 Hey, guys. Do you like break dancing? 519 00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:59,738 That is totally rad! 520 00:33:59,810 --> 00:34:03,143 Wicked. You should sit with us at lunch, friend. 521 00:34:07,217 --> 00:34:08,445 Sweet! 522 00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:12,654 It really is awesome to be me! Thanks, Brock. 523 00:34:25,402 --> 00:34:28,200 Okay. Let's talk about what we've learned. 524 00:34:28,271 --> 00:34:31,365 I don 't know about anyone else, but I know what I learned. 525 00:34:31,441 --> 00:34:33,409 It is awesome to be me. 526 00:34:33,743 --> 00:34:37,338 The problem with Rowley is that he's not enough like me. 527 00:34:37,414 --> 00:34:40,315 I can 't ditch him 'cause he 'd be lost without me. 528 00:34:41,852 --> 00:34:44,013 But maybe I can fix him. 529 00:34:46,423 --> 00:34:49,187 Because that's the kind of friend I am. 530 00:34:49,359 --> 00:34:50,917 What are you doing? 531 00:34:50,994 --> 00:34:53,326 Making your clothes more middle-school friendly. 532 00:34:53,396 --> 00:34:56,957 Look at this stuff. Too babyish and weird. 533 00:34:57,367 --> 00:35:00,302 Too "Why don't you just punch me now?" 534 00:35:01,638 --> 00:35:04,402 What are you, a foreign exchange student? 535 00:35:05,475 --> 00:35:08,410 Oh, man. This one we burn. 536 00:35:08,678 --> 00:35:10,703 That was a present from my mom. 537 00:35:10,780 --> 00:35:13,647 Well, then your mom is trying to get you killed. 538 00:35:13,717 --> 00:35:15,446 Ready? Steady. Go. 539 00:35:19,189 --> 00:35:22,124 No, no, no. You look like one of the Seven Dwarfs. 540 00:35:22,192 --> 00:35:25,958 You only need one strap. One strap is cool. 541 00:35:26,363 --> 00:35:27,591 But there's two straps. 542 00:35:27,664 --> 00:35:30,758 Why would they put on two straps if you're only supposed to use one? 543 00:35:30,834 --> 00:35:33,462 Because the guys who make backpacks aren't cool. 544 00:35:33,536 --> 00:35:37,632 If they were cool, they'd give it one strap, like the cool one-strap guys do. 545 00:35:37,707 --> 00:35:40,505 You know what has one strap? Machine guns. 546 00:35:40,577 --> 00:35:43,478 You know what else? Electric guitars. 547 00:35:43,546 --> 00:35:45,980 - You know what else? - Purses? 548 00:35:46,950 --> 00:35:50,351 - But Joshie is cool. - Rowley, Joshie is not cool. 549 00:35:50,420 --> 00:35:53,082 He's a lip-synching pop star whose fans are eight-year-old girls. 550 00:35:53,189 --> 00:35:56,158 You're just jealous that I was the one who discovered him. 551 00:35:56,226 --> 00:35:59,218 Who are you gonna listen to, Rowley? Me or Joshie? 552 00:35:59,296 --> 00:36:02,823 Joshie says to respect your parents and follow your dreams. 553 00:36:03,199 --> 00:36:05,565 Then Joshie must get beaten up a lot. 554 00:36:13,576 --> 00:36:15,703 You actually almost look as good as me. 555 00:36:15,779 --> 00:36:17,872 Am I great at this or what? 556 00:36:19,316 --> 00:36:22,308 There's Bryce Anderson. Just be cool. 557 00:36:23,420 --> 00:36:27,356 - Hey, Bryce. - Yeah, hey, Bryce! 558 00:36:28,391 --> 00:36:29,756 Cute butt! 559 00:36:33,663 --> 00:36:35,654 You're killing me, you know that? 560 00:36:35,765 --> 00:36:39,030 Look, Rowley, tonight's Halloween, our favorite night of the year, 561 00:36:39,102 --> 00:36:43,300 so, just promise me you won't wear, do or say anything weird. 562 00:36:47,978 --> 00:36:49,969 You're kidding me, right? 563 00:36:50,146 --> 00:36:53,445 My mom wanted me to be visible at night. 564 00:36:54,951 --> 00:36:56,646 From space? 565 00:36:57,554 --> 00:37:00,751 So, we'll hit a few houses on the way to the North Side, 566 00:37:00,824 --> 00:37:03,156 which is where we'll do most of our trick-or-treating. 567 00:37:03,226 --> 00:37:05,717 Why are we going all the way over there? 568 00:37:05,795 --> 00:37:07,422 It's where the rich people live. 569 00:37:07,497 --> 00:37:11,399 They hand out, like, two, three pieces of big candy to each kid. 570 00:37:11,468 --> 00:37:13,493 Not that candy corn crap. 571 00:37:14,304 --> 00:37:17,865 I'm talking about full-size Milky Ways and Nutter Butters. 572 00:37:17,941 --> 00:37:19,602 Plus, if we time it right, 573 00:37:19,676 --> 00:37:23,840 rich people get tired of answering their doors and just leave the bowl out. 574 00:37:23,913 --> 00:37:25,505 We can clean up. 575 00:37:27,350 --> 00:37:29,147 Wow, you're lucky. 576 00:37:29,219 --> 00:37:32,154 My mom doesn't let me play with makeup anymore. 577 00:37:32,222 --> 00:37:35,885 Shut up, tool. Löded Diper's got a gig tonight. 578 00:37:40,697 --> 00:37:41,686 Mmm. 579 00:37:42,032 --> 00:37:44,159 Going to the North Side, huh? 580 00:37:44,234 --> 00:37:46,794 Takes you right past the Devil Worshiper Woods. 581 00:37:46,870 --> 00:37:48,462 The Devil Worshiper Woods? 582 00:37:49,372 --> 00:37:51,033 You know about that story, right? 583 00:37:52,375 --> 00:37:56,971 Well, there used to be this house right here where these woods are. 584 00:37:57,580 --> 00:38:01,209 They had to tear it down because what happened there was so terrible. 585 00:38:01,284 --> 00:38:02,808 What happened there? 586 00:38:02,886 --> 00:38:07,255 Well, a long time ago, two kids who were, I don't know, 587 00:38:08,058 --> 00:38:10,049 maybe in middle school, 588 00:38:10,593 --> 00:38:13,824 they trick-or-treated at that house on Halloween night. 589 00:38:13,897 --> 00:38:20,132 But the house was full of devil worshipers 590 00:38:20,870 --> 00:38:24,533 who put the kids in these giant pizza ovens. 591 00:38:24,674 --> 00:38:28,075 And they cooked them and they ate them. 592 00:38:28,945 --> 00:38:31,379 But they forgot to turn off the ovens. 593 00:38:31,448 --> 00:38:34,713 So the house burned down with everyone in it. 594 00:38:35,585 --> 00:38:37,610 How'd the trees get there? 595 00:38:38,054 --> 00:38:40,989 And then they planted trees. 596 00:38:41,591 --> 00:38:42,717 Oh. 597 00:38:42,792 --> 00:38:46,159 And to this day, on Halloween night, 598 00:38:46,830 --> 00:38:51,460 you can still hear the demonic laughter of the devil worshiper ghosts 599 00:38:51,534 --> 00:38:56,870 as they roam the woods, looking for more kids to sacrifice! 600 00:38:57,107 --> 00:39:00,270 Hey, Rodrick. I need you to help me out. Like... 601 00:39:02,846 --> 00:39:05,337 Are you wearing eyeliner? 602 00:39:05,882 --> 00:39:07,782 - Trick or treat. - Susan! 603 00:39:08,051 --> 00:39:10,576 - I'm on door duty! - Thank you. 604 00:39:12,021 --> 00:39:13,511 Bubby! 605 00:39:13,723 --> 00:39:16,021 Mom, can you tell him to stop calling me that? 606 00:39:16,092 --> 00:39:17,684 What if somebody hears? 607 00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:20,558 Then they'll know how much he loves you. 608 00:39:21,664 --> 00:39:24,929 Frank, Frank, honey, honey, can you go with them? 609 00:39:25,001 --> 00:39:28,232 No, I can't. I got to guard the house in case someone tries to T.P. Us. 610 00:39:28,304 --> 00:39:30,204 They're gonna get drenched from the roof. 611 00:39:31,441 --> 00:39:34,103 Honey, for goodness sakes, don't do that again. 612 00:39:34,177 --> 00:39:35,735 Remember what happened last year? 613 00:39:36,579 --> 00:39:38,171 I got you! 614 00:39:42,552 --> 00:39:43,678 Hi. 615 00:39:46,623 --> 00:39:48,386 I thought they were teenagers. 616 00:39:48,458 --> 00:39:52,087 And I couldn't see through the bushes. My legs, they hurt from the squatting. 617 00:39:52,162 --> 00:39:55,495 So, that's why I'm doing it from the roof this year. 618 00:39:55,999 --> 00:39:58,627 So I can see when they're coming. 619 00:40:01,337 --> 00:40:02,395 Can we go now? 620 00:40:03,540 --> 00:40:05,030 Yes, go. 621 00:40:05,108 --> 00:40:08,635 - But stay in the neighborhood. - Trick or treat. 622 00:40:08,711 --> 00:40:11,407 - And no North Side! - We promise! 623 00:40:27,697 --> 00:40:29,756 We got to stay in this neighborhood the rest of the night. 624 00:40:29,832 --> 00:40:32,733 That guy gave me two full-size Snickers! 625 00:40:32,802 --> 00:40:36,898 Did I tell you or did I tell you? These people have money to burn! 626 00:40:38,074 --> 00:40:40,167 I can't believe we got this much candy. 627 00:40:40,543 --> 00:40:42,067 This is, like, the best day ever. 628 00:40:42,145 --> 00:40:45,114 Hey, reflector dude, nice costume! 629 00:40:45,615 --> 00:40:47,048 Thanks! My mom made it... 630 00:40:53,723 --> 00:40:57,853 - Oh, that was awesome! - I saw your plates! We're calling the cops! 631 00:41:00,430 --> 00:41:01,488 Uh-oh. 632 00:41:03,066 --> 00:41:04,294 Oh, boy. 633 00:41:06,502 --> 00:41:07,628 Run! 634 00:41:11,741 --> 00:41:13,675 Hey, they're going through the yard! 635 00:41:13,743 --> 00:41:15,870 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! 636 00:41:18,147 --> 00:41:20,980 Where are we going? We're totally exposed! 637 00:41:23,886 --> 00:41:26,252 - My grandma's house! - Quickly! 638 00:41:27,056 --> 00:41:28,614 They're coming! 639 00:41:31,661 --> 00:41:33,993 - Hello? - That's not helping! She's not home! 640 00:41:34,063 --> 00:41:35,724 - Bingo night. - Okay, you guys are dead. 641 00:41:35,798 --> 00:41:37,766 Open the door! Get the key! Okay. Okay. 642 00:41:37,834 --> 00:41:39,495 - Open the door! Get it! - Come on, let's get them, boys. 643 00:41:39,569 --> 00:41:41,093 They're coming! 644 00:41:41,971 --> 00:41:43,768 Now! Oh, I got you now! 645 00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:45,102 Hey, hey! 646 00:41:47,443 --> 00:41:49,411 Come on, you babies! 647 00:41:51,781 --> 00:41:52,873 I'm gonna kick your butts! 648 00:41:54,917 --> 00:41:58,148 - Yeah? You and what army? - Whatever. 649 00:42:03,993 --> 00:42:07,053 You guys are so lucky you can hide in there behind your mommy! 650 00:42:07,130 --> 00:42:08,961 No, we aren't! It's not our house! 651 00:42:09,032 --> 00:42:11,865 It's his grandma's and she's not even home! 652 00:42:15,438 --> 00:42:18,168 What? Why would you tell them that? 653 00:42:18,241 --> 00:42:19,503 Did he just say that? 654 00:42:19,575 --> 00:42:20,564 Oops. 655 00:42:24,881 --> 00:42:28,112 Now they're never gonna leave. You need to call your mom to come get us. 656 00:42:28,184 --> 00:42:30,652 Mine'll kill me if she knows we're here. 657 00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:33,951 Mine will, too. She thinks you're a bad influence. 658 00:42:35,425 --> 00:42:36,858 She's right. 659 00:42:38,127 --> 00:42:40,061 Then we're gonna have to bust out of here. 660 00:42:40,930 --> 00:42:44,161 - You have any threes? - Go fish. 661 00:42:48,438 --> 00:42:50,303 Hey, what's that? 662 00:42:56,579 --> 00:42:58,444 Danger, danger 663 00:42:59,315 --> 00:43:00,782 High Voltage 664 00:43:04,787 --> 00:43:06,379 Danger, danger 665 00:43:07,123 --> 00:43:08,613 High Voltage 666 00:43:14,130 --> 00:43:16,530 Just back off! I don't want to hurt anybody, 667 00:43:16,599 --> 00:43:19,659 we just want to walk away and forget this ever happened. 668 00:43:19,736 --> 00:43:22,068 Nobody needs to be a hero! Whoa! 669 00:43:30,947 --> 00:43:32,312 Are you kidding me? 670 00:43:32,382 --> 00:43:36,944 I'm gonna rip off your arms and punch you in the face with your own fists! 671 00:43:42,392 --> 00:43:44,360 - They're gaining! - This way! 672 00:43:50,366 --> 00:43:53,164 The Devil Worshiper Woods! No way! 673 00:43:53,503 --> 00:43:57,405 Hey! Stay right there! We're gonna get you! 674 00:44:00,176 --> 00:44:02,235 They're going into the woods. 675 00:44:02,311 --> 00:44:05,644 No, no way I go into Devil Worshiper Woods. Uh-uh. 676 00:44:07,016 --> 00:44:08,643 This isn't over! 677 00:44:12,221 --> 00:44:15,088 - I'm really scared! - Just keep running! 678 00:44:22,899 --> 00:44:25,834 Did you hear that? It's the devil worshipers. 679 00:44:45,588 --> 00:44:46,748 Guys? 680 00:44:55,231 --> 00:44:56,721 - Are we safe? - Yeah. 681 00:44:56,866 --> 00:44:59,699 And we made it with still a ton of candy. 682 00:45:02,338 --> 00:45:05,933 Sorry. I was... I thought you were teenagers. 683 00:45:09,212 --> 00:45:11,737 - Maybe next year, Pops! - Hey! 684 00:45:26,062 --> 00:45:29,293 So anyone else exhibiting symptoms ofpink eye 685 00:45:29,365 --> 00:45:31,731 should contact the nurse immediately. 686 00:45:31,801 --> 00:45:34,861 In field trip news, consent forms are going out today 687 00:45:34,937 --> 00:45:38,236 for our annual History of Plumbing excursion. 688 00:45:38,307 --> 00:45:39,501 In sports news... 689 00:45:40,510 --> 00:45:45,538 I think Shelly is looking hottoday. 690 00:45:46,249 --> 00:45:48,911 - Yeah. - Are they talking about me? 691 00:45:49,685 --> 00:45:51,744 I don't know. I don't speak Russian. 692 00:45:52,922 --> 00:45:57,689 And finally, some positions have opened up for the Safety Patrol. 693 00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:01,594 If anyone is interested, see Mr. Winsky after homeroom. 694 00:46:01,664 --> 00:46:03,825 Now that's what I'm talking about. 695 00:46:05,067 --> 00:46:08,366 Safety Patrol. The cops of middle school. 696 00:46:09,138 --> 00:46:15,236 You boss people around, report the jerks, and miss class three times a week. 697 00:46:20,010 --> 00:46:21,875 Safety Patrol is a sacred trust. 698 00:46:21,945 --> 00:46:26,006 When you put on this vest and that badge you become a protector of the weak. 699 00:46:26,083 --> 00:46:29,678 You become an enforcer of the laws of this school, 700 00:46:29,753 --> 00:46:32,916 because today's litterer and jaywalker 701 00:46:32,989 --> 00:46:35,514 is tomorrow's window breaker and graffiti vandal, 702 00:46:35,592 --> 00:46:37,787 and it's our job to stop it. 703 00:46:37,861 --> 00:46:40,853 So I ask you, are you up for the job? 704 00:46:41,865 --> 00:46:43,230 - Yes! - Yes! 705 00:46:44,067 --> 00:46:46,331 Then welcome to Safety Patrol. 706 00:46:46,403 --> 00:46:49,463 Just remember, with great power... 707 00:46:49,539 --> 00:46:52,133 - Whoa. ...comes great responsibility. 708 00:46:53,610 --> 00:46:56,272 Now, you get your first assignment just after lunch, 709 00:46:56,346 --> 00:46:58,405 so you'll be excused from the first 20 minutes of sixth period. 710 00:46:58,482 --> 00:47:01,315 But that means we'll miss Algebra... Ouch! 711 00:47:01,418 --> 00:47:02,908 Do we get free stuff? 712 00:47:03,954 --> 00:47:06,582 - Free hot cocoa. - Could this day get any better? 713 00:47:07,324 --> 00:47:09,019 Whoa, is that cocoa? 714 00:47:09,092 --> 00:47:11,890 - Sorry, Safety Patrol only. - Sorry. 715 00:47:15,398 --> 00:47:19,630 You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol? 716 00:47:19,703 --> 00:47:21,796 Look, are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder? 717 00:47:21,872 --> 00:47:22,930 What? 718 00:47:23,006 --> 00:47:26,464 Look, Safety Patrol is the lowest of the low, 719 00:47:26,543 --> 00:47:29,637 the geekiest of the geeky, the Island of Misfit Toys. 720 00:47:29,713 --> 00:47:32,580 You're just jealous they don't trust you to keep our school safe. 721 00:47:32,649 --> 00:47:36,278 Now if you'll excuse me, I need to secure the perimeter. 722 00:47:40,423 --> 00:47:43,153 I'm hungry. Keep it straight, people. 723 00:47:43,226 --> 00:47:45,888 Single-file line, one by one. 724 00:47:53,837 --> 00:47:56,829 Greg! It's those guys from Halloween! 725 00:47:57,974 --> 00:47:59,498 What do we do? 726 00:48:02,512 --> 00:48:05,913 Come on, man, just pull my finger. I swear to God, I'm not gonna do anything. 727 00:48:05,982 --> 00:48:08,712 Everybody, shoulder to shoulder. Shoulder to shoulder. 728 00:48:08,785 --> 00:48:10,844 - Go. Go! - Whoa, whoa. 729 00:48:23,466 --> 00:48:26,560 - That was close. - Too close. 730 00:48:30,473 --> 00:48:33,442 It's times like these that make me realize 731 00:48:33,610 --> 00:48:36,636 Rowley's pretty lucky to have me as a friend. 732 00:48:39,216 --> 00:48:42,481 And I got Twisted Wizard Two, and a new bike! 733 00:48:43,253 --> 00:48:47,451 And we're going to take a family trip to New Y ork City for New Y ear's Eve! 734 00:48:47,524 --> 00:48:51,517 - What did you get? - My dad got me a weight-lifting set. 735 00:48:51,595 --> 00:48:54,564 Do you know how many video games I could've gotten instead? 736 00:48:54,631 --> 00:48:58,624 I had to get out of there before he expected me to, like, use it. 737 00:48:58,935 --> 00:49:02,098 Anyway, let's play some Twisted Wizard Two at your house. 738 00:49:02,172 --> 00:49:05,835 Probably not a good idea. My dad's still annoyed at you. 739 00:49:06,243 --> 00:49:07,403 For what? 740 00:49:07,611 --> 00:49:10,341 Remember that secret language we made up last week? 741 00:49:11,348 --> 00:49:15,114 Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa like-pa a woman-pa. 742 00:49:18,221 --> 00:49:20,485 I think he cracked our code. 743 00:49:20,557 --> 00:49:22,582 We should probably do something outside. 744 00:49:24,728 --> 00:49:27,629 Why can't you ride and I throw at you first? 745 00:49:28,064 --> 00:49:30,464 My legs kind of hurt from walking over here. 746 00:49:47,384 --> 00:49:50,478 Okay, Rowley. Come on. Get up. 747 00:49:51,721 --> 00:49:53,313 Shake it off. 748 00:49:54,658 --> 00:49:58,651 Are you sure the doctor was right? It really didn't look that broken to me. 749 00:49:58,728 --> 00:50:03,188 Yeah, it's broken. The X-ray never lies. 750 00:50:05,402 --> 00:50:09,395 - Oh, my gosh. What happened? - I broke it. 751 00:50:09,472 --> 00:50:11,599 - How? - Big Wheel accident. 752 00:50:13,243 --> 00:50:14,904 You're funny. 753 00:50:14,978 --> 00:50:16,809 - Can I sign your cast? - Me, too. 754 00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:19,314 - I wanna sign it, too. - Why, sure. 755 00:50:19,649 --> 00:50:22,174 Hey, I'm the one who broke his hand. 756 00:50:22,919 --> 00:50:24,648 Then you're a jerk. 757 00:50:25,488 --> 00:50:27,251 - Sorry. - Does it hurt? 758 00:50:30,894 --> 00:50:32,885 Rowley, you're so funny. 759 00:50:34,497 --> 00:50:36,795 - After I stood... - I couldn't believe it! 760 00:50:36,866 --> 00:50:41,428 Rowley was eating at an actual table because of something I did! 761 00:50:42,205 --> 00:50:43,934 Where's my credit? 762 00:50:44,307 --> 00:50:47,902 And he's right handed! He can feed himselfjust fine. 763 00:50:50,847 --> 00:50:53,975 So, how's that class favorite thing working out for you? 764 00:50:54,050 --> 00:50:55,312 Great. 765 00:51:12,268 --> 00:51:15,931 I realized Rowley's injury thing was a pretty good racket. 766 00:51:20,043 --> 00:51:23,444 - It's gonna be so much fun. - Hey, guys. Check it out. 767 00:51:23,947 --> 00:51:25,744 Oh, my gosh, what happened? 768 00:51:25,815 --> 00:51:30,081 It's a raging infection caused by a splinter that was left untreated. 769 00:51:30,487 --> 00:51:33,547 Want to be the first to sign my sympathy sheet? 770 00:51:33,890 --> 00:51:34,914 No. 771 00:51:38,228 --> 00:51:42,358 I'll sign it, Greg Heffley, if you'd let me look at your infection. 772 00:51:46,736 --> 00:51:50,331 And on the X-ray, you could see where the bone just snapped right in half. 773 00:51:50,407 --> 00:51:54,104 I had the exact same break last year, and it got all purple! 774 00:51:54,244 --> 00:51:58,010 - Cool! Mine, too! - Hey, Gregory, want to sign the card? 775 00:51:58,415 --> 00:52:00,383 You got Rowley a card? 776 00:52:00,550 --> 00:52:03,178 What? No, it's for Bryan Little. 777 00:52:03,253 --> 00:52:05,585 You know, the guy who writes the Wacky Dawg cartoons 778 00:52:05,655 --> 00:52:07,418 for the school paper? 779 00:52:07,490 --> 00:52:11,017 He has mono and he's going to be out for three months. 780 00:52:11,494 --> 00:52:13,519 That really stinks. 781 00:52:13,596 --> 00:52:17,327 So, just out of curiosity, who's gonna do the cartoon? 782 00:52:17,667 --> 00:52:21,899 They're having tryouts, but the important thing is Bryan gets better. 783 00:52:22,205 --> 00:52:23,570 Absolutely. 784 00:52:25,642 --> 00:52:28,202 Bryan Little getting mono was destiny. 785 00:52:28,344 --> 00:52:31,802 I draw cartoons all the time. I'm gonna win this. 786 00:52:42,058 --> 00:52:46,256 I decided to go ahead and forgive Rowley for milking the broken hand so hard 787 00:52:46,329 --> 00:52:49,298 and I told him he could work on the cartoon with me. 788 00:52:50,166 --> 00:52:53,431 So, I was thinking we could do something like this! 789 00:52:53,736 --> 00:52:55,931 Oops, I stepped in a puddle! 790 00:52:56,005 --> 00:52:58,439 At least it's not an acid puddle. 791 00:52:58,575 --> 00:53:01,009 Oy, oy, oy! It is an acid puddle! 792 00:53:01,077 --> 00:53:02,635 Zoo-wee Mama! 793 00:53:04,414 --> 00:53:06,177 Zoo-wee Mama! 794 00:53:07,884 --> 00:53:10,284 It's the same joke every time. 795 00:53:10,353 --> 00:53:12,913 Y eah! Zoo-wee Mama! 796 00:53:13,857 --> 00:53:16,325 We can't just do the same thing over and over. 797 00:53:16,392 --> 00:53:18,189 We can if it's Zoo-wee Mama. 798 00:53:18,261 --> 00:53:21,230 It has to be a little more sophisticated. 799 00:53:21,564 --> 00:53:24,465 I wonder what is in this cute little box. 800 00:53:24,567 --> 00:53:27,092 It's not a box, it's a brick, you dumb moron. 801 00:53:27,170 --> 00:53:30,196 Oops! I've been trying to open it all day! 802 00:53:33,076 --> 00:53:37,240 - Can he say, "Zoo-wee Mama"? - No, it's not funny. 803 00:53:37,347 --> 00:53:40,248 Well, I think it is. I like Zoo-wee Mama. 804 00:53:40,383 --> 00:53:45,013 You know what? If you like it so much, then why don't you go do it yourself? 805 00:53:48,224 --> 00:53:51,523 Okay. I will. 806 00:53:52,896 --> 00:53:54,124 See you. 807 00:54:05,074 --> 00:54:09,010 Hey, I forgot my raincoat, so I'm gonna need you to walk the kids home today. 808 00:54:09,078 --> 00:54:13,742 I can't. I can't get my cast wet. You can borrow my coat. 809 00:54:18,054 --> 00:54:20,045 Where's Rowley? 810 00:54:20,256 --> 00:54:23,783 - He couldn't get his cast wet! - He walks us better! 811 00:54:30,833 --> 00:54:31,993 Oh, no. 812 00:54:37,607 --> 00:54:39,802 Oh, my gosh! Space monsters! 813 00:54:40,043 --> 00:54:44,104 They're going to eat us, unless we can get into that hole! 814 00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:47,613 Come on, people, move it! Now, people! We're gonna get eaten! 815 00:54:47,684 --> 00:54:50,448 Come on! Don't worry! I'm right behind you! 816 00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:51,885 - Whoa! - Go! 817 00:55:04,167 --> 00:55:05,293 Hey! 818 00:55:06,235 --> 00:55:08,669 Rowley Jefferson, is that you? 819 00:55:09,906 --> 00:55:12,397 Yes, Mrs. Irvine! 820 00:55:16,179 --> 00:55:17,703 Sorry, kids! 821 00:55:25,855 --> 00:55:27,846 Are you going to eat us? 822 00:55:28,925 --> 00:55:33,328 And though doctors assure us that Mrs. Cheznik is no longer contagious, 823 00:55:33,396 --> 00:55:37,765 the cafeteria nachos bar will be closed for the remainder of the week. 824 00:55:38,134 --> 00:55:40,500 And now, what you've all been waiting for. 825 00:55:40,670 --> 00:55:44,663 The faculty, Student Council and editors have all met 826 00:55:44,741 --> 00:55:48,142 and selected the new cartoonist for the school paper. 827 00:55:49,078 --> 00:55:54,414 And the winner is "Zoo-wee Mama" by Rowley Jefferson! 828 00:55:59,288 --> 00:56:01,688 - What? - That is funny! 829 00:56:02,592 --> 00:56:03,957 Great job. 830 00:56:05,294 --> 00:56:07,922 - Zoo-wee Mama. - I couldn't believe it. 831 00:56:09,232 --> 00:56:11,598 Am I the only one who gets comedy? 832 00:56:11,668 --> 00:56:14,535 - Rowley, will you put me in your cartoon? - Sure. 833 00:56:14,604 --> 00:56:17,596 And me, too. I want to be the one who says, "Zoo-wee Mama." 834 00:56:17,674 --> 00:56:20,472 - You got it! - Hey, Rowley, congratulations. 835 00:56:20,543 --> 00:56:21,703 - Thanks. - No problem. 836 00:56:21,778 --> 00:56:24,611 You know, I read all the submissions and yours was by far the best. 837 00:56:24,681 --> 00:56:26,444 I read yours, too. 838 00:56:26,949 --> 00:56:28,883 - Hey, Rowley. - Hey, Bryce. 839 00:56:29,218 --> 00:56:32,915 - Yeah, hey, Bryce. - Hey, fella. 840 00:56:33,790 --> 00:56:36,725 Wow. Everyone knows me now. 841 00:56:37,293 --> 00:56:42,026 - It's like I'm famous! Isn't this great? - Yeah. 842 00:56:42,298 --> 00:56:46,291 Rowley Jefferson? I need to see you in my office, now. 843 00:56:57,980 --> 00:56:59,971 I just took a call from a Mrs. Irvine 844 00:57:00,049 --> 00:57:02,711 about what happened to the kindergarteners last week. 845 00:57:02,785 --> 00:57:05,549 She was very upset. And so am I. 846 00:57:06,422 --> 00:57:09,516 - What? - You violated the sacred trust. 847 00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:12,022 This... 848 00:57:14,397 --> 00:57:18,333 This badge is supposed to mean something, and you just spat on it. 849 00:57:18,401 --> 00:57:20,426 I can barely even look at you. 850 00:57:20,503 --> 00:57:22,835 - I really don't... - Just save it. 851 00:57:23,039 --> 00:57:26,133 You are officially suspended from Safety Patrol. 852 00:57:26,576 --> 00:57:29,841 And I expect a full apology to the kindergarteners. 853 00:57:30,646 --> 00:57:31,943 Yes, sir. 854 00:57:40,857 --> 00:57:45,294 - Hey. What did he have to say? - I'm kicked off. 855 00:57:45,862 --> 00:57:48,023 I don't even know what he's talking about. 856 00:57:51,167 --> 00:57:52,395 Rowley? 857 00:57:54,470 --> 00:57:57,439 - What? - Nothing. 858 00:58:13,623 --> 00:58:17,650 You've been home for an hour and haven't badgered me for any snacks. 859 00:58:17,727 --> 00:58:19,524 Are you feeling okay? 860 00:58:20,763 --> 00:58:24,460 Well, I'm kind of in a tough situation. 861 00:58:25,401 --> 00:58:26,993 I know something 862 00:58:27,069 --> 00:58:30,163 and if I tell the truth about it, it could hurt somebody. 863 00:58:30,239 --> 00:58:33,367 But if I don't, it could hurt somebody else. 864 00:58:33,442 --> 00:58:38,778 Well, you have to trust your gut and try to do the right thing, 865 00:58:40,383 --> 00:58:45,047 because it's our choices that make us who we are. 866 00:58:47,623 --> 00:58:48,749 Okay. 867 00:58:52,695 --> 00:58:54,128 I was up all night, tossing and turning, 868 00:58:54,197 --> 00:58:56,597 thinking about my mom 's advice. 869 00:58:56,666 --> 00:58:59,601 And I finally decided to do the right thing. 870 00:59:00,903 --> 00:59:03,599 I'm sorry I terrorized you, children. 871 00:59:04,340 --> 00:59:05,500 What? 872 00:59:06,242 --> 00:59:09,643 I decided to let Rowley take one for the team. 873 00:59:12,849 --> 00:59:17,013 But I'm not entirely sure that was the right call. 874 00:59:25,561 --> 00:59:27,028 Hey, how's it going? 875 00:59:27,096 --> 00:59:31,157 Well, I was pretty upset about being suspended from Safety Patrol, 876 00:59:31,234 --> 00:59:35,295 but then I just started drawing a bunch of Zoo-wee Mamas and I felt better. 877 00:59:35,371 --> 00:59:38,340 Look. I put you in this week's cartoon. 878 00:59:38,474 --> 00:59:41,272 And you even get to say, "Zoo-wee Mama." 879 00:59:41,878 --> 00:59:44,403 Wow. That's really 880 00:59:47,350 --> 00:59:48,510 nice. 881 00:59:49,819 --> 00:59:51,684 So, listen. 882 00:59:51,754 --> 00:59:55,281 It's kind of funny, you know, the whole Safety Patrol thing. 883 00:59:55,358 --> 00:59:56,450 Yeah? 884 00:59:57,126 --> 00:59:58,957 Ready for the funny part? 885 00:59:59,028 --> 01:00:02,429 Well, I'm the one who terrorized those kids! 886 01:00:05,268 --> 01:00:07,031 - What? - Yeah, 887 01:00:07,103 --> 01:00:09,970 and I think we can both learn some valuable lessons from this. 888 01:00:10,039 --> 01:00:14,408 Like, I should be more careful what I do in front of Mrs. Irvine's house. 889 01:00:14,477 --> 01:00:16,536 And you, well, 890 01:00:17,647 --> 01:00:20,013 you should be more careful who you lend your coat to. 891 01:00:23,519 --> 01:00:27,011 You know what, Greg? You're not a good friend. 892 01:00:27,690 --> 01:00:31,683 Whoa. How could you even say that? I'm a great friend. 893 01:00:31,761 --> 01:00:34,924 If you were a great friend, you would have told Mr. Winsky the truth. 894 01:00:34,997 --> 01:00:37,727 Okay, one thing. You can't get mad about just... 895 01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:40,394 You only care about yourself. 896 01:00:40,736 --> 01:00:42,636 You hated my cartoon. 897 01:00:43,706 --> 01:00:47,403 You made fun of my clothes. You disrespected Joshie. 898 01:00:47,643 --> 01:00:51,079 You broke my hand and you didn't even seem sorry. 899 01:00:51,147 --> 01:00:53,843 That broken hand was the best thing that ever happened to you! 900 01:00:55,618 --> 01:00:57,245 Don't call me. 901 01:00:57,954 --> 01:01:01,287 Don't come by my house. We're done. 902 01:01:19,375 --> 01:01:21,468 I thought the whole thing would blow over. 903 01:01:21,544 --> 01:01:24,570 But Rowley was still giving me the silent treatment. 904 01:01:24,647 --> 01:01:27,844 - Even when I tried to make the first move. - Y eah. 905 01:01:32,288 --> 01:01:35,985 So, anyway, I was so angry at him, I didn't know what to say. 906 01:01:37,226 --> 01:01:41,526 One of the kindergarteners finally told their parents the whole story. 907 01:01:42,631 --> 01:01:47,125 Greg? You're relieved of your Safety Patrol duties, effective immediately. 908 01:01:48,337 --> 01:01:49,702 Rowley, 909 01:01:50,906 --> 01:01:54,865 for showing dignity under false suspicion, I am promoting you 910 01:01:55,745 --> 01:01:56,871 to team captain. 911 01:01:59,048 --> 01:02:03,542 Now, that's a position that I held for two years. I know you'll honor it. 912 01:02:24,473 --> 01:02:25,701 Okay 913 01:02:27,777 --> 01:02:31,543 You're supposed to be my friend 914 01:02:31,614 --> 01:02:35,015 We're supposed to get along 915 01:02:35,084 --> 01:02:39,453 Hey, you're supposed to be my friend 916 01:02:39,588 --> 01:02:42,853 Hey, Rowley, my mom says it's okay for me to sleep over tonight. 917 01:02:42,925 --> 01:02:44,256 Awesome! 918 01:02:45,461 --> 01:02:49,454 The whole thing with Rowley is, I was willing to let bygones be bygones. 919 01:02:49,532 --> 01:02:52,057 But then he made friends with Collin just to mess with me. 920 01:02:52,134 --> 01:02:53,692 As if I even care if he... 921 01:02:56,806 --> 01:02:58,831 Well, you know what? 922 01:02:59,175 --> 01:03:00,870 Two can play at that game. 923 01:03:01,744 --> 01:03:05,578 There's no going back, Sergeant. I need to board the helicopter. 924 01:03:05,648 --> 01:03:07,548 Do you have my back? 925 01:03:07,616 --> 01:03:10,016 I will always have your back, Captain. 926 01:03:10,086 --> 01:03:13,749 Yeah, maybe I'll meet up with some friends 927 01:03:13,823 --> 01:03:17,657 Yeah, maybe I'll meet up with some dogs 928 01:03:17,726 --> 01:03:19,887 'Cause you're supposed to be 929 01:03:19,962 --> 01:03:21,361 You're supposed to be 930 01:03:21,430 --> 01:03:23,762 Supposed to be my friend 931 01:03:23,833 --> 01:03:27,030 You're supposed to be my friend now 932 01:03:30,940 --> 01:03:33,408 - Hey. - Hey, Greg Heffley. 933 01:03:36,112 --> 01:03:40,344 So, I was thinking maybe you might want to have a sleepover? 934 01:03:41,517 --> 01:03:43,576 Yeah. With who? 935 01:03:44,687 --> 01:03:45,881 Me. 936 01:03:46,222 --> 01:03:49,885 - Yeah, when? - Now. 937 01:03:51,093 --> 01:03:53,118 Greg Heffley, I love you! 938 01:03:53,195 --> 01:03:55,322 We are going to be best friends forever! 939 01:03:56,866 --> 01:03:59,266 Wanna have a tickle fight? 940 01:04:03,405 --> 01:04:05,930 Okay. Let's get inside. 941 01:04:08,611 --> 01:04:10,340 I can't believe it! 942 01:04:10,646 --> 01:04:14,707 Greg Heffley's in my room! Greg Heffley's in my room, Rebecca. 943 01:04:15,017 --> 01:04:17,952 What do you want to do, Greg Heffley? How about Twister? 944 01:04:18,020 --> 01:04:20,887 I'm not really that much of a Twister guy. 945 01:04:21,857 --> 01:04:23,119 - Candy! - Wait! 946 01:04:23,192 --> 01:04:25,558 No, no, no! Fregley, come on! Really! 947 01:04:25,761 --> 01:04:27,592 I really think we should save those for later! 948 01:04:27,663 --> 01:04:30,791 - Maybe we should go outside and... - My mom doesn't let me have sugar. 949 01:04:30,866 --> 01:04:34,495 She says high glucose in my diet induces hyperactivity. 950 01:04:35,905 --> 01:04:37,736 But it's so good! 951 01:04:38,240 --> 01:04:39,901 Greg Heffley, you want to jumpety-jump? 952 01:04:39,975 --> 01:04:41,704 Yeah, you know what, Fregley? I just remembered, 953 01:04:41,777 --> 01:04:44,268 I have an appointment, a really important appointment. 954 01:04:44,346 --> 01:04:48,305 It's a homework appointment. Yeah, and I really should be going. 955 01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:52,851 Get away from me! 956 01:04:55,658 --> 01:04:58,354 I can fly! Whoa. 957 01:04:58,594 --> 01:05:00,585 How fun, Greg Heffley! 958 01:05:01,063 --> 01:05:05,523 Greg? Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg? Greg? Greg? 959 01:05:07,169 --> 01:05:09,763 I hear you breathing, Greg Heffley. 960 01:05:36,432 --> 01:05:37,990 Dear Gregory, 961 01:05:38,200 --> 01:05:41,692 I'm very sorry I chased you with a booger on my finger. 962 01:05:42,171 --> 01:05:45,470 Here, I put it on this paper so you can get me back. 963 01:05:59,221 --> 01:06:00,381 What? 964 01:06:04,827 --> 01:06:06,226 All right. 965 01:06:07,329 --> 01:06:11,959 Okay, enough. I'll show Rowley I don 't need him. 966 01:06:12,034 --> 01:06:14,662 When he sees me in the yearbook as Most Talented, 967 01:06:14,737 --> 01:06:16,364 he 's gonna come running back. 968 01:06:18,941 --> 01:06:22,877 Okay, since there are so many of you here auditioning, 969 01:06:22,945 --> 01:06:27,746 to save time, we're gonna do a group sing of one of my favorite songs. 970 01:06:27,816 --> 01:06:30,614 Please refer to the lyrics on this handout. 971 01:06:30,686 --> 01:06:34,315 I will pick out the best voices and place you accordingly. 972 01:07:36,819 --> 01:07:42,018 Greg Heffley, what a lovely soprano voice you have. I'm stunned! 973 01:07:42,958 --> 01:07:44,858 Maybe you should be Dorothy! 974 01:07:48,797 --> 01:07:50,822 - No, no, I can't be... - No! 975 01:07:51,233 --> 01:07:54,498 Greg Heffley was suspended from the school Safety Patrol! 976 01:07:54,570 --> 01:07:58,165 How can you trust him with the lead role in the play? 977 01:07:58,273 --> 01:08:00,468 He can't be Dorothy! I'm Dorothy! 978 01:08:00,542 --> 01:08:03,773 - All right, Patty, calm down. - I'm Dorothy! I am! 979 01:08:04,046 --> 01:08:07,379 My mother is the president of the P.T.A. 980 01:08:07,449 --> 01:08:09,644 She can ruin your life! 981 01:08:10,386 --> 01:08:11,944 Just an idea. 982 01:08:13,155 --> 01:08:17,592 All right, well, Greg, your voice is too high for any of the other male roles. 983 01:08:17,659 --> 01:08:19,684 Perhaps you can be a tree! 984 01:08:19,962 --> 01:08:23,056 A tree? No way. 985 01:08:29,838 --> 01:08:32,966 The trees get to throw apples at Patty Farrell. 986 01:08:33,809 --> 01:08:35,902 Haven't you seen the movie? 987 01:08:45,921 --> 01:08:48,219 Wait, we don't get arm holes? 988 01:08:48,290 --> 01:08:50,690 How are we gonna throw apples at Dorothy without arm holes? 989 01:08:50,759 --> 01:08:53,990 You don't need arm holes because nobody's throwing any apples. 990 01:08:54,062 --> 01:08:57,828 We're not doing the movie. In my version, the trees sing. 991 01:08:57,900 --> 01:08:59,595 These, my dear. 992 01:08:59,701 --> 01:09:03,762 Down the winding yellow road 993 01:09:03,839 --> 01:09:07,866 Doth she know to where it goes 994 01:09:07,976 --> 01:09:11,537 With her dog so small and true 995 01:09:11,613 --> 01:09:14,173 We hope she fares well 996 01:09:14,249 --> 01:09:18,413 Yes, we do 997 01:09:24,092 --> 01:09:27,220 My tooth! I think I knocked out my tooth! 998 01:09:27,296 --> 01:09:29,787 Perhaps we should cut out some arm holes. 999 01:09:29,865 --> 01:09:31,799 - Is he okay? - You think? 1000 01:09:45,180 --> 01:09:48,707 Isn't this exciting? Your son's in a play. 1001 01:09:48,784 --> 01:09:52,413 Yeah, sure. It's not wrestling, but... 1002 01:09:55,324 --> 01:09:57,155 - But at least it's something. - Come on, Toto. 1003 01:09:57,226 --> 01:10:01,094 Let us explore this magical path! 1004 01:10:08,437 --> 01:10:09,563 Bubby! 1005 01:10:10,873 --> 01:10:13,341 Bubby! Bubby! 1006 01:10:13,408 --> 01:10:14,966 Bubby. 1007 01:10:17,746 --> 01:10:20,977 Hey, Bubby, I think you dropped an apple. 1008 01:10:21,083 --> 01:10:22,072 Huh? 1009 01:10:25,554 --> 01:10:29,217 We three trees from yonder glen 1010 01:10:29,291 --> 01:10:33,887 Do spy a fair and sweet maiden 1011 01:10:33,962 --> 01:10:37,523 Whilst we're rooted to our spots 1012 01:10:37,599 --> 01:10:42,161 In silver slippers she doth trot 1013 01:10:42,304 --> 01:10:45,899 Down the winding yellow road 1014 01:10:45,974 --> 01:10:46,963 Oh, yes. 1015 01:10:47,042 --> 01:10:50,341 Doth she know to where it goes 1016 01:10:50,412 --> 01:10:51,538 You're dead. 1017 01:10:51,613 --> 01:10:54,275 With her dog so small and true 1018 01:10:54,349 --> 01:10:56,647 We hope she fares well 1019 01:10:56,718 --> 01:11:00,814 Yes, we do 1020 01:11:00,889 --> 01:11:03,517 We three trees from... 1021 01:11:09,097 --> 01:11:10,826 From yonder glen! 1022 01:11:10,899 --> 01:11:14,335 Wish her joy through journey's end! 1023 01:11:17,606 --> 01:11:19,005 Sing! 1024 01:11:20,509 --> 01:11:21,840 Sing! 1025 01:11:23,312 --> 01:11:25,746 - Sing! - This bites! 1026 01:11:26,415 --> 01:11:27,939 Come on, Greg Heffley! 1027 01:11:28,016 --> 01:11:31,452 Stop ruining the play like you ruin everything else! 1028 01:11:32,454 --> 01:11:36,288 Don't make me come over there and beat you up again! 1029 01:11:49,871 --> 01:11:51,168 Eat this! 1030 01:11:51,907 --> 01:11:53,602 Eat this! 1031 01:11:57,980 --> 01:11:58,969 Wow. 1032 01:12:13,996 --> 01:12:15,827 What'd you think? I thought he was the best one up there. 1033 01:12:15,897 --> 01:12:18,695 - Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. - You know, I'm... 1034 01:12:25,574 --> 01:12:27,769 I thought Dorothy deserved it. 1035 01:12:29,811 --> 01:12:31,335 Thanks, Dad. 1036 01:12:32,381 --> 01:12:34,849 You got some good shots in there. 1037 01:12:41,523 --> 01:12:43,787 Look what I found in the trash. 1038 01:12:43,859 --> 01:12:45,520 Guess you threw it away by accident. 1039 01:12:46,161 --> 01:12:47,355 Give it back, Rodrick! 1040 01:12:47,429 --> 01:12:49,329 No way! You want it? 1041 01:12:49,398 --> 01:12:51,298 Come and get it then! Come on. 1042 01:12:51,366 --> 01:12:53,061 - Give it! - Come on! 1043 01:12:53,135 --> 01:12:55,399 Use your muscular legs! No, you can't have it. 1044 01:12:55,470 --> 01:12:56,960 - Okay, okay, boys! - Give it back! 1045 01:12:57,039 --> 01:12:58,301 - Hold on, don't you want it? - Okay! 1046 01:12:58,373 --> 01:12:59,806 It's for you. 1047 01:13:01,710 --> 01:13:04,770 It's an invitation for the Mother and Son Sweetheart Dance. 1048 01:13:05,947 --> 01:13:07,938 I knew you didn't want to miss that. 1049 01:13:08,016 --> 01:13:09,608 It looks like a lot of fun. 1050 01:13:09,685 --> 01:13:12,654 I think you should go. I think it'd be a lot of fun. 1051 01:13:12,721 --> 01:13:15,918 Fun? That's the exact opposite of fun! 1052 01:13:17,092 --> 01:13:20,892 This entire year has been terrible and nobody even cares! 1053 01:13:20,962 --> 01:13:23,328 My family, my best friend. 1054 01:13:23,932 --> 01:13:27,197 Well, I'm sick of it. Somebody needs to pay. 1055 01:13:32,274 --> 01:13:36,608 Okay, Manny, I'm putting this Tootsie Roll in Rodrick's backpack. 1056 01:13:37,179 --> 01:13:41,843 It's for Rodrick, so whatever you do, don't touch the Tootsie Roll. 1057 01:13:43,085 --> 01:13:44,074 Mmm-hmm. 1058 01:13:47,255 --> 01:13:50,349 Greg? Coaster. Where's he... 1059 01:13:52,527 --> 01:13:55,655 Manny? Where did you get that? 1060 01:14:02,838 --> 01:14:05,306 Oh, my. That's offensive. 1061 01:14:13,815 --> 01:14:16,113 Rodrick? Rodrick! 1062 01:14:17,519 --> 01:14:20,079 I need to talk to you inside! Now! 1063 01:14:20,722 --> 01:14:24,283 Go ahead and talk. We're a band and we have no secrets. 1064 01:14:24,359 --> 01:14:27,089 Okay, fine. What is this? 1065 01:14:29,731 --> 01:14:32,256 - It's not mine. - It was in your backpack. 1066 01:14:32,400 --> 01:14:34,527 No, it was in my room. 1067 01:14:37,172 --> 01:14:40,437 Does owning this magazine make you a better person? 1068 01:14:41,643 --> 01:14:44,407 - No. - Did it make you more popular at school? 1069 01:14:44,479 --> 01:14:45,741 Yes! 1070 01:14:46,481 --> 01:14:47,778 No. 1071 01:14:47,849 --> 01:14:52,650 How do you feel about having owned this type of magazine? 1072 01:14:54,256 --> 01:14:56,121 - Ashamed! - Nice. 1073 01:14:56,191 --> 01:14:57,180 Hmm. 1074 01:14:59,594 --> 01:15:03,155 Do you have anything you wanna say to women 1075 01:15:03,231 --> 01:15:07,133 for having owned this offensive magazine? 1076 01:15:08,703 --> 01:15:10,068 I'm sorry, women. 1077 01:15:10,238 --> 01:15:12,900 - Yeah, women. - Yeah. 1078 01:15:15,544 --> 01:15:18,741 You're grounded for two weeks. 1079 01:15:19,047 --> 01:15:22,175 Okay, settle down, Susan! I think one week is plenty! 1080 01:15:22,250 --> 01:15:25,981 Make it four weeks and I'm gonna need the keys to your van! 1081 01:15:26,454 --> 01:15:27,614 My van? 1082 01:15:28,723 --> 01:15:31,283 Yeah! Yeah. 1083 01:15:33,128 --> 01:15:34,288 Yeah. 1084 01:15:36,464 --> 01:15:37,761 Hello? 1085 01:15:39,167 --> 01:15:40,395 Hello? 1086 01:15:53,748 --> 01:15:55,545 All right, smile. 1087 01:15:55,884 --> 01:15:58,853 Look at this place! Wanna dance? 1088 01:15:59,521 --> 01:16:02,081 Mom, stop dancing. You're embarrassing me. 1089 01:16:02,157 --> 01:16:05,320 Come on. I'm just keeping time to the music. 1090 01:16:05,393 --> 01:16:07,953 I'm begging you, please stop it. 1091 01:16:08,029 --> 01:16:09,963 Okay, okay, okay. 1092 01:16:12,067 --> 01:16:13,261 Thanks, honey. 1093 01:16:14,469 --> 01:16:15,731 Hi! 1094 01:16:15,804 --> 01:16:20,366 Well, if we're not here to dance, maybe you should go talk to Rowley. 1095 01:16:21,176 --> 01:16:23,701 I think it's time you two made up. 1096 01:16:24,145 --> 01:16:25,407 I can't. 1097 01:16:26,181 --> 01:16:30,379 Sweetheart, he's your best friend. 1098 01:16:31,119 --> 01:16:34,646 And sometimes, when somebody's worth it, 1099 01:16:34,723 --> 01:16:37,157 you just have to put yourself out there. 1100 01:16:39,794 --> 01:16:41,921 I wouldn't know what to say. 1101 01:16:42,330 --> 01:16:45,561 Well, I could go for an ice cream after the dance. 1102 01:16:45,634 --> 01:16:48,228 Maybe you could invite him to join us. 1103 01:16:48,403 --> 01:16:49,461 Yeah. 1104 01:16:55,777 --> 01:16:57,210 Hey, Rowley. 1105 01:16:59,147 --> 01:17:00,273 Hey. 1106 01:17:00,615 --> 01:17:04,278 So you want to go get some ice cream after? 1107 01:17:04,619 --> 01:17:07,554 I'm sorry. We already have plans. 1108 01:17:09,124 --> 01:17:11,718 Yeah. We do. 1109 01:17:13,561 --> 01:17:18,157 Oh, fine. My mom wanted me to ask. So I did. 1110 01:17:18,600 --> 01:17:20,693 I didn't even want to go. 1111 01:17:29,678 --> 01:17:30,872 Well? 1112 01:17:34,716 --> 01:17:36,684 Honey, I'm sorry. 1113 01:17:41,356 --> 01:17:42,584 Yeah! 1114 01:17:54,336 --> 01:17:57,737 Well, now, don't you tell me to smile 1115 01:17:57,806 --> 01:17:59,671 You stick around I'll make it worth your while 1116 01:17:59,741 --> 01:18:02,266 Got numbers beyond what you can dial 1117 01:18:02,344 --> 01:18:04,505 Maybe it's because I'm so versatile 1118 01:18:04,579 --> 01:18:06,809 Style profile, I said 1119 01:18:06,881 --> 01:18:09,076 It always brings me back when I hear, Ooh, Child 1120 01:18:09,150 --> 01:18:11,277 From the Hudson River out to the Nile 1121 01:18:11,353 --> 01:18:13,480 I run the marathon till the very last mile 1122 01:18:13,555 --> 01:18:15,921 If you battle me I will revile 1123 01:18:15,991 --> 01:18:18,084 People always say my style is wild 1124 01:18:18,159 --> 01:18:20,423 You've got gall, you've got guile 1125 01:18:20,495 --> 01:18:22,690 To step to me, I'm a rapophile 1126 01:18:22,764 --> 01:18:24,891 If you want to battle, you're in denial 1127 01:18:24,966 --> 01:18:27,161 Coming from Uranus to check my style 1128 01:18:27,235 --> 01:18:29,430 Go ahead, put my rhymes on trial 1129 01:18:29,504 --> 01:18:31,734 Cast you off into exile 1130 01:18:43,151 --> 01:18:45,415 You have got to be kidding me. 1131 01:18:58,800 --> 01:19:00,995 - Hey, what's up? - Hey. 1132 01:19:10,645 --> 01:19:11,703 Hey. 1133 01:19:13,248 --> 01:19:14,374 Hey. 1134 01:19:15,183 --> 01:19:20,143 So, I left my racing game at your house and Collin's sleeping over tonight. 1135 01:19:20,221 --> 01:19:21,848 So I need it back. 1136 01:19:22,657 --> 01:19:24,955 What? No way. 1137 01:19:25,026 --> 01:19:26,550 Finders, keepers. 1138 01:19:26,694 --> 01:19:28,924 You didn't find it, I left it. 1139 01:19:29,931 --> 01:19:33,059 Fine, then leavers, losers. 1140 01:19:34,202 --> 01:19:36,295 That's not even a real thing. 1141 01:19:36,371 --> 01:19:37,838 It is if I say it is. 1142 01:19:37,906 --> 01:19:39,464 It's my game. 1143 01:19:39,541 --> 01:19:40,701 Do you know what? 1144 01:19:40,775 --> 01:19:43,801 You wouldn't even have that game if I hadn't told you about it. 1145 01:19:43,878 --> 01:19:45,743 You wouldn't have half the stuff you have without me. 1146 01:19:45,814 --> 01:19:48,248 Yeah, like a broken hand! 1147 01:19:49,884 --> 01:19:51,715 That was a million years ago. 1148 01:19:51,786 --> 01:19:53,447 It clicks now! 1149 01:19:54,055 --> 01:19:56,717 Hear that? Click, click, click, click. 1150 01:19:56,858 --> 01:19:58,655 And it's all your fault! 1151 01:19:58,726 --> 01:20:00,023 It was an accident! 1152 01:20:00,095 --> 01:20:02,928 Kick his butt, Rowley! It's easy. 1153 01:20:03,198 --> 01:20:05,325 Guys, Greg and Rowley are gonna fight. 1154 01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:10,702 - Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! - Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 1155 01:20:10,772 --> 01:20:17,473 - Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! - Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 1156 01:20:27,856 --> 01:20:31,485 Come on, what's wrong with you guys? Start punching! 1157 01:20:33,895 --> 01:20:36,022 - You start. - You start it. 1158 01:20:36,097 --> 01:20:37,496 No, you! 1159 01:20:39,033 --> 01:20:40,591 Quit copying me! 1160 01:20:41,302 --> 01:20:44,863 This has got to be the worst fight ever! Do something! 1161 01:20:55,950 --> 01:21:00,444 Well, well, well. Look who we have here. 1162 01:21:01,089 --> 01:21:03,250 You're so freaking dead. 1163 01:21:03,324 --> 01:21:06,020 All you guys better scram or I'm gonna kick your butts, too! 1164 01:21:08,029 --> 01:21:09,656 Not you two. 1165 01:21:12,934 --> 01:21:17,633 You guys have no idea what I'm gonna do to you. 1166 01:21:17,805 --> 01:21:18,794 Oh, um... 1167 01:21:20,775 --> 01:21:22,538 What are we gonna do? 1168 01:21:23,611 --> 01:21:25,340 - I don't know. - We need to move this along. 1169 01:21:25,413 --> 01:21:28,211 My shift at Cinnabon starts in half an hour. 1170 01:21:44,566 --> 01:21:47,967 I know what we're gonna do. Give me the wide one. 1171 01:21:48,036 --> 01:21:50,095 That's you, let's go. 1172 01:21:52,006 --> 01:21:53,530 Pick it up. 1173 01:21:53,608 --> 01:21:55,473 - But... - Pick it up. 1174 01:22:10,191 --> 01:22:12,125 Now eat it. 1175 01:22:12,894 --> 01:22:13,883 No! 1176 01:22:13,962 --> 01:22:17,295 Eat it or I'll shove the entire thing down your throat. 1177 01:22:30,511 --> 01:22:32,945 I don't even want to say exactly what happened 1178 01:22:33,014 --> 01:22:36,506 because if Rowley ever tries to run for President 1179 01:22:36,584 --> 01:22:39,576 and someone finds out what these guys made him do, 1180 01:22:39,654 --> 01:22:41,588 he won 't have a chance. 1181 01:22:41,656 --> 01:22:43,021 Now you. 1182 01:22:43,091 --> 01:22:45,116 But I'm allergic to dairy! 1183 01:22:45,193 --> 01:22:47,821 I'll die, and then you'll go to jail! And... 1184 01:22:47,895 --> 01:22:48,987 Hey! 1185 01:22:49,364 --> 01:22:51,628 - What are you doing on school property? - Go, go, go! 1186 01:22:51,799 --> 01:22:52,959 Shotgun! 1187 01:22:53,034 --> 01:22:55,195 Pete Hosey, is that you? 1188 01:23:00,008 --> 01:23:04,138 You boys okay? Yeah? All right. 1189 01:23:08,216 --> 01:23:11,379 Out of my way! Out of my way! 1190 01:23:20,928 --> 01:23:25,763 Oh, my God. Rowley Jefferson ate... 1191 01:23:25,833 --> 01:23:27,596 I ate the cheese! 1192 01:23:44,919 --> 01:23:47,217 Yeah. I ate it. 1193 01:23:48,022 --> 01:23:52,686 And you know what, people? I just did you all a huge favor. 1194 01:23:55,029 --> 01:23:58,965 I ate the cheese to show you all how stupid this whole school is. 1195 01:24:00,635 --> 01:24:02,068 The wrong friends. 1196 01:24:03,504 --> 01:24:05,369 The wrong lunch table. 1197 01:24:06,307 --> 01:24:07,934 The wrong butt? 1198 01:24:09,377 --> 01:24:11,504 It's all meaningless. 1199 01:24:12,113 --> 01:24:14,308 Just like this cheese. 1200 01:24:15,950 --> 01:24:18,316 I know it. You all know it. 1201 01:24:18,686 --> 01:24:20,210 So come on. 1202 01:24:20,822 --> 01:24:24,656 Everyone else who's sick of it, step forward and join me! 1203 01:24:27,595 --> 01:24:30,826 Cheese Touch! Greg Heffley has the Cheese Touch! 1204 01:24:30,898 --> 01:24:33,696 - Run! - He's got the Cheese Touch! 1205 01:24:43,211 --> 01:24:46,977 Not bad, Heffley. Not bad at all. 1206 01:24:59,494 --> 01:25:04,989 So you want to come over after school and play? 1207 01:25:09,237 --> 01:25:10,431 Yeah. 1208 01:25:13,975 --> 01:25:15,169 Okay. 1209 01:25:30,525 --> 01:25:33,187 Here's your yearbook. Have a great summer. 1210 01:25:33,261 --> 01:25:34,990 Here's your yearbook. Have a great summer. 1211 01:25:35,062 --> 01:25:36,154 Thanks! 1212 01:25:36,631 --> 01:25:38,428 Here's your yearbook. Have a great summer. 1213 01:25:38,499 --> 01:25:39,932 Thanks, Patty. 1214 01:25:40,001 --> 01:25:43,664 Here's your yearbook. You're not in it that much. 1215 01:25:43,738 --> 01:25:46,400 Maybe try to get out there a little next year. 1216 01:25:46,474 --> 01:25:48,442 You know what, Patty? 1217 01:25:48,509 --> 01:25:51,706 One day middle school will end and become high school. 1218 01:25:51,779 --> 01:25:54,304 And after that, it just becomes life. 1219 01:25:54,382 --> 01:25:59,319 And all those things you think are important now won't be anymore. 1220 01:25:59,921 --> 01:26:01,889 You wish. 1221 01:26:03,724 --> 01:26:05,157 As if! 1222 01:26:07,762 --> 01:26:10,060 Handing it to you is like touching you 1223 01:26:10,131 --> 01:26:13,862 and I am way too smart to touch somebody who ate the cheese. 1224 01:26:14,502 --> 01:26:18,131 Rowley! Have a great summer! 1225 01:26:18,573 --> 01:26:19,870 Stay cool. 1226 01:26:20,875 --> 01:26:24,038 Yep, you're way too smart for me, Patty Farrell. 1227 01:26:28,549 --> 01:26:30,847 So the year turned out pretty good. 1228 01:26:30,918 --> 01:26:34,081 My goal was to be a class favorite, and I made it. 1229 01:26:34,155 --> 01:26:38,387 Even if it wasn't exactly the way I planned it. 1230 01:26:39,293 --> 01:26:41,659 Zoo-wee Mama! 1231 01:26:46,200 --> 01:26:48,760 Hey! Oh! 1232 01:26:55,209 --> 01:26:57,541 I don't wanna waste my time again 1233 01:26:57,612 --> 01:26:59,807 By getting wasted with so-called friends 1234 01:26:59,881 --> 01:27:01,143 'Cause they don't know me 1235 01:27:01,215 --> 01:27:04,514 But they pretend to be part of my social scenery 1236 01:27:04,585 --> 01:27:06,348 Hey, maybe I'm a critic, a cynic 1237 01:27:06,420 --> 01:27:09,253 Or am I jaded or am I afraid of it? 1238 01:27:09,323 --> 01:27:10,449 'Cause It's dragging me down 1239 01:27:10,525 --> 01:27:11,787 It's bumming me out 1240 01:27:11,859 --> 01:27:16,387 It's making my head spin round and round 1241 01:27:16,464 --> 01:27:17,522 Can you say, "Hey?" 1242 01:27:17,598 --> 01:27:18,758 Can you say, "Oh?" 1243 01:27:18,833 --> 01:27:21,131 That's right, what do you want from me? 1244 01:27:21,202 --> 01:27:22,362 Can you say, "Hey?" 1245 01:27:22,436 --> 01:27:23,460 Can you say, "Oh?" 1246 01:27:23,538 --> 01:27:25,972 That's right, what do you want from me? 1247 01:27:26,040 --> 01:27:28,031 I get the feeling we 're on to something 1248 01:27:28,109 --> 01:27:30,441 I say jump and you start jumping 1249 01:27:30,511 --> 01:27:31,808 Can you say, "Hey?" 1250 01:27:31,879 --> 01:27:33,039 Can you say, "Oh?" 1251 01:27:33,114 --> 01:27:35,674 That's right, what do you want from me? 1252 01:27:35,750 --> 01:27:37,980 Just another day in the life of me 1253 01:27:38,052 --> 01:27:40,282 It's 3:00 am, and I can 't sleep 1254 01:27:40,354 --> 01:27:41,981 Maybe I'm a critic, a cynic 1255 01:27:42,056 --> 01:27:44,854 Or am I crazy? Do they all hate me? 1256 01:27:44,926 --> 01:27:47,258 'Cause they pick me up and throw me down 1257 01:27:47,328 --> 01:27:51,856 It's making my head spin round and round 1258 01:27:54,368 --> 01:27:55,494 Can you say, "Hey?" 1259 01:27:55,570 --> 01:27:56,696 Can you say, "Oh?" 1260 01:27:56,771 --> 01:27:59,069 That's right, what do you want from me? 1261 01:27:59,140 --> 01:28:00,334 Can you say, "Hey?" 1262 01:28:00,408 --> 01:28:01,432 Can you say, "Oh?" 1263 01:28:01,509 --> 01:28:03,500 That's right, what do you want from me? 1264 01:28:03,578 --> 01:28:05,808 I get the feeling, we 're on to something 1265 01:28:05,880 --> 01:28:08,405 I say jump and you start jumping 1266 01:28:08,482 --> 01:28:09,642 Can you say, "Hey?" 1267 01:28:09,717 --> 01:28:10,945 Can you say, "Oh?" 1268 01:28:11,018 --> 01:28:13,179 That's right, now what do you want from me? 1269 01:28:13,254 --> 01:28:14,414 Can you say, "Hey?" 1270 01:28:14,488 --> 01:28:15,614 Can you say, "Oh?" 1271 01:28:15,690 --> 01:28:17,851 That's right, what do you want from me? 1272 01:28:17,925 --> 01:28:19,119 Can you say, "Hey?" 1273 01:28:19,193 --> 01:28:20,319 Can you say, "Oh?" 1274 01:28:20,394 --> 01:28:22,521 That's right, what do you want from me? 1275 01:28:22,597 --> 01:28:24,656 I get the feeling, we 're on to something 1276 01:28:24,732 --> 01:28:27,360 I say jump and you start jumping 1277 01:28:27,435 --> 01:28:28,595 Can you say, "Hey?" 1278 01:28:28,669 --> 01:28:29,829 Can you say, "Oh?" 1279 01:28:29,904 --> 01:28:32,031 That's right, what do you want from me?