Previously on The Real Housewives of New York City.
There is a young woman, Ashley.
She proclaims to be my sister.
My mother spoke about this man named Kenneth
who could potentially be my dad.
And I want to go on this journey to find out if it's true.
I've got to tell you, this group is a little bit boring.
You guys are being grandmas.
Don't you tell me who I am, Bershan!
No, you get your ----ing hands off of me!
Get your ----ing hands off my face!
We think the drinking is going to hurt you.
I don't drink alone, I don't drink on dates.
I don't go out and socialize like that.
This is a man coming through, a brother or something.
You have a lot of problems.
I couldn't fix him, so I abandoned him.
Is this your father?
Did he leave when you were young?
Yes!
-You have abandonment issues? -Yes!
And it has affected your relationships with men.
Yes!
[piano medley]
Of all my vices, being glamorous is one
I'll never give up.
I'm sex-positive and BS negative.
I may say the wrong thing,
but my intentions are always right.
I've had to work twice as hard for half as much,
but now, I'm coming for everything.
Just like New York City,
Sonja Morgan never goes out of style.
[upbeat music]
Martin!
So what's new with you?
Well, grandma passed away last Thursday.
She was 87.
-How old are you? -37.
Wow! I thought you were like twenty-something.
Ooh! You know black don't crack, Martin. You ever hear of that?
I heard that.
♪
[door knocking]
♪
[music pauses]
[music resumes]
Happy birthday!
Thank you for remembering.
-That's so sweet! -How are you?
Good, I started celebrating last night with Avery,
which I love-- [fumbling words]
Oh, you got me a candle?
-Oh! -I did.
Some little cookies.
We have to celebrate.
Oh my God, that is so thoughtful.
Oh my God. I'm so like, yay, yay, yay.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Everyone knows I love to celebrate my birthday.
I usually celebrate, literally for a month.
[blowing] Alright!
But hey, we're in COVID and I just want to downplay it.
I'm so happy that you agreed
that I could host your birthday party because,
you know what, it's good to give up control
and let a friend do a party for you.
You know, I know you like to do your 50 girlfriend parties.
So how many girlfriends do you have coming to your birthday?
Um, 50.
-50? -Yeah.
Well, not always.
Sometimes I do four, or six, or five, so--
Or ten or twelve.
Ramona is always hosting her own birthday party,
so I thought I'm going to switch it up
and this time I'm going to include Sonja.
We're going to have such a fun birthday lunch.
I wanted to add Sonja if there's space.
No, okay.
So we have a joint birthday party
for Ramona and Sonja and it's so much more fun
when a friend does the party for you
than hosting your own.
We'll keep it small and intimate.
I've got a nice surprise planned.
Alright, I'm psyched. Because you know what,
I think I'm not used to receiving things from people,
I'm more of a giver,
so it's really nice that you're willing to give me this gift.
And for Sonja too, to take control of this party.
-It'll be fun. -I'm looking forward to it.
[upbeat music]
Lady Morgan!
Black don't crack.
Did you ever hear the expression black don't crack?
Yeah, well blondes do.
You know, our skin is very ruddy and very sensitive.
It is. You're delicate.
Yeah, well I'm going to make you insensitive.
Martin can be tough.
It's tough love.
Your grandmother died. That's okay.
But there's never any growth really
unless someone gets in your face
and you know Martin is going to do that.
Get right in your face!
Last time we spoke about,
I need to help myself and not be a doormat.
So, Luann and Ramona, I was a little snippy,
I was a little bitchy, or whatever,
-but you know what-- -Towards them?
That's what they said.
I was like, no, I'm just drawing the line.
Just not letting them run over you anymore.
Yeah, [bleep]. Everybody got anger,
but what are you going to do with it?
That's what I said. I said, who doesn't have anger?
Everybody's human.
So, um, Sonja.
I'm glad we had a talk with her.
I felt we have to be, like you even said,
it would be irresponsible not to speak with her.
But the seance brought a lot of stuff up with my brother
and I never really mourned his death.
And I'm afraid, I'm really, really nervous,
that I can't help Sonja.
I'm just really afraid that something will happen to her
like my brother, he had a bad accident.
That she'll have some kind of accident.
Is that how he passed away, he had an accident?
-He was in a car. -Yeah.
And he crashed into a tree.
And I don't know,
I think he probably was on something
maybe a drink or two and thank God
he didn't hurt anyone else, but you know what,
I just feel Sonja,
sometimes she goes too far with the drinking
and I feel helpless just like I do with my brother.
Well listen, I said to her,
the hotel guests were in the hallway, you know,
they could have called security
and the police could have been there.
I mean, it just scares the sh-- out of me because, I mean--
You were there. You've been there.
I want my shoes and my bag and my stuff.
-WOMAN: It's in there. -Don't touch me.
And you know what, it just takes one night.
It's very obvious Sonja is not addressing something
in her life, something that is deep-seated,
that Lou and I cannot help her with
and I really wish she could go to a professional
to deal with all this pain that she has that's down deep.
I mean I had no idea about her father.
No.
I've got a question Sonj.
What was your dad's relationship with your mother like?
They really had a love story.
They really loved each other.
The pressure between the two families was huge
and then his problem with being intimate
and maybe controlled a bit by the family.
So anyhow, they broke up.
How often did you see your father?
-Oh, I didn't at first. -Why?
His mother invited me to come live with her.
Yeah, but why didn't you see your father?
Like, come on, get up here.
Because he wasn't a dad, he was like a playboy.
He was a player.
Nah, he was a ----ing dick! Let that sh-- go.
What your father thought about you
-has nothing to do with you. -It doesn't?
I feel like that's why I'm such a comedian from that pain
and wanting to be special.
You use those things to build on.
You needed that experience to get you ready
for this moment now.
For the war that you're fighting now.
I know my dad loved me so much
and so when he came to me I just was blown away
that he actually matured enough
on the other side to see that
and I'm grateful he showed up at the seance.
Cross! Cross!
Come on, hit him, hit him! Cross!
You're holding his ----ing ghost back.
That beast comes out, he's going to devour you, no he's not.
[bleep] it! Let it out!
You're ----ing angry at your father.
[bleep] that guy. Jab! Cross! Jab! Cross!
Sonja took this Martin sh-- to heart.
You know, I mean, she is really standing up for herself.
She's not letting anybody run over her.
Could she be more balanced?
You have whored yourself already with your mouth!
With your ----ing mouth.
Use your brain, bitch!
Sure.
But, you know, I'm not going to nitpick.
Baby, you did good today. I'm proud of you.
One thing he said,
because I wanted to talk to you about this anyway,
I got it, Sonja, at the seance when your dad came.
-Yeah. -Your daddy broke your heart.
He did.
You know, I'm working to find the answers
-to my father's story-- -Yeah.
Listen, Sonja, I have some broken-heartedness too.
I'm not going to lie to you.
I've been talking to Ashley,
the young lady that thinks we're sisters.
And so we're going to do the blood test
and then we're going to FaceTime
and get the results together.
Ashley reached out to me years ago
and I think I was scared of hearing news
I didn't want to hear. But I'm not scared anymore.
I don't have anything to lose and, really,
I only have something really wonderful to gain.
I tell you, you're going through so much.
I know, baby. But you listen to me too
and it makes me feel very heard and seen.
Oh, I remember every detail.
You finish my sentences,
I finish your sentences.
It's not even cutting off.
You do too. I couldn't believe it.
It's gotten so--
I knew you had a good figure but that is amazing.
Thank you, baby.
That is a great butt.
By the way, I just got a piano. Did you notice?
Oh no, I didn't even look at it. Oh my God, it's beautiful.
Anyway, so Billy was here the other day
and we've been practicing the Christmas song.
I love Christmas music,
so I've been working on an original Christmas song
with my musical director, Billy Stritch.
I wanted to do a Christmas song for Fortune Society.
It would be great if you girls would all,
you know, sing a line.
You're going to donate all the proceeds
-for the sales of the song? -All the proceeds.
-Sounds good to me, I'm in. -Everybody's going to come here.
One by one and just sing their line to make it really easy.
It's going to be like Christmas week.
We have your party
and then we're going to do the music video.
Okay, perfect. It's a fun, uplifting song.
♪ What do I want for Christmas? ♪
It's going to be really cute.
Yay, yay, yay.
Coming up.
Let me loosen up a little. Okay, ready.
[tongue noises]
Okay.
Is that it?
[lips flapping]
♪
Do you want to do work with Mama?
Come on, girl.
Hi Ashley!
How are you doing?
I'm good.
I don't even know how to act
because I've never seen you on the video.
You're beautiful.
Well thank you, sis--
I was going to say thank you, sis,
but then that takes on a new meaning now.
I'm tripping. I don't know.
This is like so crazy to me.
This is a long time coming, this DNA test with Ashley.
My whole life, since I was six, you know,
there's been rumors and suspicion.
So to be able to have fact-based evidence
around who my family is, I can't wait.
I just want to say I appreciate you, actually,
for being willing to go through this journey with me.
I realized every bit of family I have is dwindling
and before it's too late,
Ashley, I want to make every effort, at least the effort,
to see if I have additional family out there.
Even when you told me Kenneth had passed,
that really didn't even deter me,
because it's still family.
Right? I thought I was going to get heartbroken by that,
like, oh no, he passed--
I mean, no shade to him, it just didn't phase me
because there's still the family beyond him.
It didn't break your heart.
Yup.
Kenneth is Ashley's father.
I did not have a relationship with Kenneth.
My mother, during our trips to see her family in Louisiana,
knowing that he could potentially be my dad,
we had a handful of visits.
It's actually embarrassing,
which is why I don't talk about it,
he promised he was going to come
to my college graduation at Chapel Hill.
Of course, you already know it never happened.
Fast forward, I come down to Loyola for Law School
and he was supposed to help me move.
He came, he did the whole,
"Hey, so good to see you, whatever, whatever,"
it's awkward, like a stranger,
but maybe my dad, but whatever.
Did one load.
He was supposed to come back for a second load.
That's the last time I saw Kenneth in my life.
I think what I've done, Ashley,
is I blocked it out because it felt better
to just not have any relationship
or communication than it is to feel, like, abandoned.
Frankly, I'm going to tell you,
I think that has cursed me in some of my relationships
with men because I will end it before you end it.
Dear, I don't pretend to know
you that well but, whatever he did, didn't do,
he gave you something good
because look at the mother you are,
look at the woman you are.
Ashley has been so loving and vulnerable.
I want to meet this woman regardless.
Whether we're blood sisters or not,
she is a woman that I respect and admire
and I want a relationship with.
Let me do the legwork here.
I don't want this to be difficult for you at all.
Let me identify a facility that you can just go to.
So let me see what I can find out.
You're going to be local for the next couple of weeks?
You're not going anywhere?
Thank you.
Bye, dear.
Take care of yourself. Stay safe, bye.
[upbeat music]
Hi, how are you?
-Hi.
-Amanda. -Hi. Very nice to meet you.
Luann, nice to meet you in person.
Wow, this is amazing.
Quite the view, right?
Oh, wow.
I mean, in pictures it didn't look as fabulous
is this I have to tell you.
If you told me I'd be planning a party
for Ramona's birthday, I would say you're crazy,
but here I am planning a party for Ramona's birthday.
Because there's always so much drama
around Ramona and Sonja's birthday,
I thought I'm going to throw them a party.
Hey!
-I'm sorry that I'm late. -That's okay.
-How are you doing? -How are you?
-Good. -Hi.
-This is Amanda. -Nice to meet you.
Isn't this amazing?
It's beautiful. Look at these views.
The views are great.
I was thinking that maybe we can do, like,
the cake over there and the dancers...
Wait, female or male?
Male!
This is Ramona and Sonja, after all.
We'll keep it classy, don't worry.
We're going to keep it classy.
Everything will go great.
Yeah, famous last words, keeping it classy.
[cheering]
Alright, stop, stop!
Love it, bitch!
You're my rose, baby!
This side, we can keep it mild.
On the other side, it could be the burlesque party side.
Luann the countess does not hire strippers,
but she hires burlesque male dancers,
which are male strippers.
What's wrong with the word stripper?
It's a great word. Strippers are amazing.
I want to be in charge of the cake
-because I have a cake idea. -Okay, great.
Yeah, so I think this is perfect.
I think so too.
Right? I'm happy.
I think we all need...
-We all need to have some fun. -Yeah.
This is what I wanted to ask you.
-So for the song. -Yeah.
Do we have to like, sign anything or is there anything
that we need, like contracts or agreements,
giving, like, approval to use our voices
or anything like this?
I literally just laid down the tracks
so that you girls can come in and sing.
Right.
And so I haven't even thought about that part yet,
but I will. By the way, Lisa Rinna was in my last video.
What song was that?
They were in "Feelin' Jovani".
Oh cool.
I'm really happy to donate my time
and my voice to benefit Fortune Society.
I just want to make sure
that all my bases are covered legally.
Am I protected, are we protected, is she protected?
Like, I don't know.
So I saw that little article about you and Garth.
Were you so annoyed by that, or were you like--
Well, you know, I was annoyed by it.
But it was my own doing.
-Because you talked about it. -I talked about it.
And I forget. You know when you're talking to a girlfriend?
-Right, no, I know. -Garth is--
Oh my God, what did he say?
-He was not happy. -Yeah.
I feel really bad, but we're just kind of laying low.
I'm in the city, I didn't see him for Thanksgiving.
We're just kind of taking a little break.
Garth and I were not hot and heavy.
We were having a good time,
we liked each other's company, and we had fun.
And it sizzled and then it kind of fizzled.
Just kind of taking a break for the moment and it's okay.
On to the next.
You know I'm busy, I'm good, I'm happy.
I mean I'm so busy too.
And I got a new vibrator!
Oh good, I did too, actually!
[both laughing]
Coming up.
♪ What do I want for Christmas? ♪
♪ But what do I want for Christmas? ♪
♪ Just you ♪
♪
Hey, how are you guys doing out here?
-We're good. -How are you, love?
-Awesome. -Hey, Brian. How are you?
Great. We're getting all set up. I'm so excited about today.
I know, it's going to be so much fun with all the girls.
I know. I love it. It's going to be great.
So what are you doing?
So, I'm just--
I just made lyric sheets for each of the girls.
-Uh-huh. Perfect. -And, you know, that's it.
I am one lucky girl to be able to work with two men
in the industry who are just incredibly talented.
Bruce Roberts has worked with Barbra Streisand
and Donna Summer and Billy Stritch with Liza for 25 years.
[door knocking]
Oh, that's Ramona, I'm sure.
-Hold on. -Lou!
I'm coming!
Hey!
I'm dying in this mask. I'm getting so hot.
-Hi, how are you? -Oh, I love your shirt.
-Oh, thank you. -I'm good, I'm good.
Do you want me to take your coat?
-Yeah. -I can't wake up this morning.
You don't have any earl grey tea by any chance?
-I do. Of course I do. -Oh, yay.
You look cute.
-Thank you. -Thank you for doing this.
I love it. Now.
Say hi to Billy first.
Hi, Billy. Your hair is a little long. I like it.
You remember Ramona.
Yeah, I haven't seen you in ages. How are you?
-Nice to see you, love. -You too.
-How are you doing? -I'm good, I can't complain.
Thanks for being a part of this.
Please say hello to Brian.
-You've been so-- -Our sound engineer.
I'm just the technician.
He's very quiet because he's a technician.
You're like invisible. I didn't even feel your presence.
You'll hardly know he's here.
-I mean, he's very handsome. -Isn't he?
I really don't have a great voice.
I did up 'til 12 then my voice changed
and I never kept up the singing.
I'm not doing all this 'cause I can't sing.
You're only doing the yellow lines.
-You didn't yellow this one. -Well, and those, I'm sorry.
But it's for a great cause,
it's nice to perform and so I'll figure out
how to make this work.
[festive music]
♪ But what do I want for Christmas? ♪
♪ Just you ♪
Okay, hold on.
♪ But what do I want ♪
♪ But what do I want? ♪
♪ But what do I want for Christmas? ♪
Go down on this.
Christ-mas.
-[deep] Christ-mas. -There you go.
♪ But what do I want for Christmas? ♪
♪ Just you ♪
Autotune plays an important part in every song.
Let's face it.
♪ Circling the globe until we find a perfect man ♪
No, no, no, no.
I think I did fine.
I mean, I'm not the best singer, obviously,
but, you know what, I have great energy.
-See you for my birthday. -It's going to sound fabulous
and I can't wait to see you for your birthday.
And it's a Christmas song for goodness sake.
How bad can I do?
Have a good day. See you soon!
Are you exhausted?
No. She's fine.
-She's so good-natured. -She is.
I'm not expecting everyone to come in here and be,
you know, Adele.
-Hey! -Hello.
-Look at you. -Hi, honey.
This is your new apartment you were telling me about?
-This is my new place. -Let me check it out--
Oh, Billy's here! You didn't tell me.
-How are you? -What a sight for sore eyes.
Happy birthday, belated.
Oh my God.
I always love working with Billy.
He's iconic and he's very nice.
He makes you sound good.
You're going to sing,
♪ But what do I want for Christmas? ♪
♪ Just you ♪
-Okay? -That's the part I love.
Okay--
I like diamonds and panties, too.
It's parties, not panties.
I don't have my glasses on.
But I like panties, too.
Diamonds on my panties, and you!
Oh, I've missed you so much.
Here we go.
♪ What do I want for Christmas, but you? ♪
-Just you. -Oh, okay.
♪ But what would I want for Christmas? ♪
♪ Just you ♪
What do I want?
[door knocking]
Luann!
Hi, how are you?
Oh, check you out!
You look amazing, this building is amazing.
-Oh, thank you. -Hey, baby!
-Hi! -I think we got it.
Perfect timing!
I'm nervous, I'm nervous.
I got you, girl.
I didn't say I'm a singer, 'cause I'm not a singer.
-Oh, this is real. -Thank you again.
Of course.
Luann asked for this sh--, so she's going to get it,
but I hope they're not looking for Whitney Houston
'cause this ain't it.
♪ But what do I want for Christmas? ♪
♪ Just you ♪
-Beautiful. -That's lovely.
I can't wait for this to be released.
-Next victim. -Next victim.
She's right on time.
-It's me! -Hey!
Hi.
How are you?
-Good. How are you? -Good. Come on in.
Ooh!
Check out the-- Yeah, I got some sushi for us.
Are you hungry?
I'm happy to do the song, but I'm also feeling ambivalent
because I want the contract.
This is Brian, our sound tech.
-Hi, how are you? -Brian is our engineer.
-I'm the co-writer, co-producer. -Right.
Can I ask a couple--
and don't get offended just because
I did speak to my attorney earlier
and I just want to be clear about things.
But like, who owns the song?
Like, how does it get distributed?
Like, God forbid, a track was sampled
without permission or something, like,
am I possibly liable for a lawsuit?
I don't think you have any liability at all.
The track is basically written by Bruce Roberts and I.
The publishing is owned by the three of us.
-Right. -It's totally original.
We're not using any piece of anything else on this song.
Mm-hm.
Talk about timing.
Leah and I talked about this briefly,
and now is definitely not the time to talk about it
with my producer who is standing right here!
It's embarrassing.
Everything I'm making is going to Fortune.
Forever? Like how does that work?
Well, I, you know.
Listen, you don't need to know the details of Fortune.
Do you know what I'm saying? What are you talking about?
I know, but I mean, I think that, I just--
You just have a line in the song. You know what I mean?
If you're not comfortable,
there's plenty of girls that are into doing the song
-and they have-- -You know I just--
And they haven't asked that question
because they don't really give a sh--.
-If you really care-- -Well then I do, I'm sorry--
There's not a lot of money in this business.
You're the one that's, you're donating it to Fortune Society,
so I would imagine that there is some money in it.
-You know, that's all. -And look--
I'm donating my time, first of all.
Why are you getting so defensive?
Because you're getting defensive.
If you don't feel comfortable,
I can't have you record.
I'm asking questions
and the fact that you're attacking me just for asking--
I am not attacking you at all.
Questions like that make me,
that actually makes me uncomfortable.
I just wanted to ask questions.
Okay. So, well, maybe your attorney needs to call
my attorney, 'cause I'm not a lawyer.
So I can't answer your questions, really.
Basically, Leah, I feel like it's a donation.
No one's gonna come to you later
and hold you responsible for anything.
-That's really all I'm... -Right.
God forbid, like, something-- that's all I really care about.
Yes, I understand. I understand.
I love Luann. I love Christmas songs,
even though I'm converting.
But this is not a personal thing.
I'm just wondering what this arrangement looks like.
No, I want you to be happy to do it.
I really wanna be in the music video even more.
I hope I don't make a fool of myself singing right now.
-No, thank you. No, really. - Of course! I just wanted--
I'm just protecting myself, that's it.
No, of course. And believe me--
I don't want you to think that I'm like--
If you don't think you got your back, I got your back.
I'm protecting you like this. I'd kill for you.
I had the, all the Christmas spirit goin'
and it's like you're having a party, and she comes in
-and she shuts the music off. -Let me like loosen up a little.
-Okay, ready? -[babbling]
-Okay. -Was that it?
[lips buzzing]
I'm ready.
Here we go.
♪ But what do I want for Christmas? ♪
♪ Just you ♪
Yeah!
Yeah that was good.
-Alright. -Perfect.
Coming up...
He has a beautiful penis.
-Big? -It's a very good size.
Because it wasn't fully hard. And it was still...
-It was kind of flaccid, but... -And it still looks beautiful.
And it was still chubby and nice.
♪
Hi!
[laughing]
-Yes! -Yes!
The night is finally here!
Oh my God, time for a party! Here, let me help you.
-Yeah, hi sweetheart. -Amazing, air kisses.
Hank is amazing, he did such a great job
on our pageant night out in the Hamptons.
Oh my God, it's beautiful!
Hank is like one of the girls.
We just love havin' him around.
-Hi, how are you? -You're all sparkly-sparkly.
I know, ooh! I love this dress.
Oh, thank you. Thanks.
How are you? Mwah.
I feel like coming into the party, I'm like,
it's round two, second chance.
Bershan, relax. Right?
'Cause I can get out of hand.
But it's their night. So I'm like...chill.
Oh my God! I love it!
[cheering]
The birthday girls are here!
I'm really happy that Luann came up with the concept
of just Ramona and I celebrating our birthdays together.
Ramona realized we don't need our 75 other friends.
We have each other.
What do you wanna drink, gals?
I'll take the blanco.
Sure...um, with lots of ice in a wine glass.
You got it.
You know the amazing party that you had for the pageant.
And I was drinking tequila and having fun and everything.
That was a fun party with a fun vibe.
We're gonna do that tonight, we're gonna have that much fun.
No, I'm not drinking with these girls because, because.
We're gonna have fun, it's your birthday.
They're waggin' their-- they're waggin' their finger
and Lu's not drinkin', Leah's not drinking.
No one's drinkin' but me and you.
[Bershan laughing]
Well the night we drank together, that red wine,
she called me a clown.
Honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to see you tonight.
You know what, now that I'm seeing you I remember
-I really liked you. -Okay good.
When Bershan is not saying stupid things to me
and pissing me off, we actually get along really well.
I'm sure I'd love her when she's sleeping.
I had a boyfriend for six years that way.
She's not gonna drink tonight
'cause she's scared to drink around you girls.
-Alright, good. -It's her birthday party though.
Let's wait an hour or two and then we'll, we'll just wait.
Let's. Let's.
Once the boys get here she'll change that tune.
-Hey! -Hi!
-How are ya? -Happy birthday!
Thank you! I'm so excited.
Good to see you!
-Hi, gorgeous. -Hi, honey.
Mwah!
How are you? So good to see you.
Good! This is stunning.
Isn't this beautiful? I love this room.
Happy birthday!
I love the suits you wear every time.
You're my fashion muse! Look at you!
-Hi! -Hi, cutie-pie!
You're so like, Christmassy and festive!
I know, hi cutie-pie!
Look at you!
I was forgiven after almost lighting Ramona's backyard
on fire like a week after I met everybody.
[strained] Where are you going?
[yelling]
So I think I have to extend Bershan the same grace
and have her start over.
What's goin' on?
You're the politically correct, astute, sexy nude poser.
I'm very talented but there's one thing I can't do is...
-What? -Take this off by myself.
Three! Two! One!
[yelling]
Hi Kurt! How are you?
Looking fabulous and gorgeous as ever.
Oh, so nice to see you.
Who that man?
Is there a man here?
Oh my God, that's the model.
-The model from the painting. -Oh my God!
He is so cute. Is he gonna be nude tonight?
I don't know.
He has a beautiful penis.
He has a very nice penis.
-Big? -It's a very good size.
Because it wasn't fully hard.
-It wasn't fully, right. -And it was still...
-It was kind of flaccid, but... -And it still looks beautiful.
And it was still chubby and nice.
I almost forgot I saw his dick. It's amazing. That's a feat.
'Cause it was nice, y'know?
Girls, there's a gentleman here
who would like to give you a little gift.
-This is Dylan. -Dylan! Hey you, how are ya?
Ramona you know, obviously.
-Hi! -Hey guys. You look beautiful.
And this is Sonja-rita.
Hi!
Have you ever met my girlfriend Sonja before?
-Where, tennis? What? -No, Dylan and I just know...
Are you the swim instructor, what?
What's going on?
Dylan's a model. He has a--he's a model.
-How do you know Dylan? -I met him through...people.
Through people?
[laughing]
Very suspicious.
Basically, she doesn't want me to know
where she met this guy.
[laughing]
Through people!
It was the Oscar party.
An Oscar party!
Ramona get out-- oh, an Oscar party.
-Happy birthday to you too. -Thank you.
-These are for you. -Oh my gosh, this bouquet!
-Good to see ya, buddy. -Oh my gosh.
She asked me to bring friends, so I brought my friends.
Hi, how are you? Bershan.
-Will. -Nice to meet you.
Oh, what's up? Nice to meet you.
Ha, look at you!
Hold on, you guys like this.
-I'm like... -I have not met you. Eboni.
-Will, nice to meet you. -Will? Nice to meet you.
You too.
♪
Can we just find new men?
I mean when I met William the last time,
it didn't go that well.
You seem like the kind of guy when you're having sex
you're looking in the mirror at yourself during sex.
-No! -Why are you talking about that?
Don't pay attention to her.
I'm projecting all my anger of past boyfriends
onto William and I shouldn't be doing that.
And I'm sorry.
He has a great chest and abs.
Hello, hello, hello!
Oh, what's up? Good to see you.
-How are you? -Good, good, good.
Good to see you. Happy, happy belated birthday!
Aw, happy birthday to you too!
'Cause we're like one day apart!
Good to see ya.
-Hi! What is going on here? -You know Dylan, right?
Have you never met?
Girls, what do you think?
You know me, Sonja-rita, we had to fill the party
-with some boys. -We always have to have a foil.
Handsome, handsome boys, I must say.
-Doesn't he have great hair? -So do you!
So guys, let's get you drinks, right?
Tell me the future now.
I know William's here and he's Ramona's,
we all know that.
So that leaves Dylan up for grabs.
You know, I just don't leave toys to be un-played.
Can I have your attention please?
Yes honey!
Alright, Ramona and Sonja, Lu and I
have a little treat for you this evening.
That I hope you enjoy. Bartender, hit play!
[playful music]
Oh my God!
[general laughter and excited yelling]
Oh no!
Coming up...
Don't overstep your boundaries, girl.
I will step wherever the [bleep] I want to, first of all.
Don't overstep. Not with me.
My lawyer is the one who said--
Lawyer up baby. You're not gonna find anything.
♪
Oh! Take it off-
[all yelling and laughing]
Let the show begin! Hey! Hey!
[shouting and cheering]
[yelling] Okay Ramona! Ramona, have some fun!
Turn up, strippers, music, dancing, having fun.
This is what I thought needed to happen in Salem.
[Ramona wordlessly whining]
[yelling] Just loosen up, Ramona!
It's so fun!
Go to Leah, Leah wants it. Go to Leah.
You go to Leah! [Eboni laughing]
You know what? Do double.
Do double with Sonja.
Oh God!
Hey, don't forget about us over here, okay?
Take him down!
[laughing]
Take him down, girl.
Check this out.
Oh my God, amazing. I love it.
I love it! I love it! Thank you!
I can look at a male stripper,
but I don't want him giving me a lap dance.
I don't want their body close to my body.
I can admire you from afar, that's good enough for me.
Ey, Mona! She's so cute.
Leah, you give him the lap dance!
There you go.
[cheering]
Go Leah! Go Leah! Go Leah! Go Leah!
[laughing]
Go Leah! Go Leah! Go Leah!
Okay, that's enough!
Alright, let's make a toast!
So glad that we're all here together to celebrate.
I've known Sonja for almost 20 years.
-Ramona, almost 20 years. -Yeah.
And to be together, and to celebrate with you,
we love you so much, and happy birthday, and, mwah!
-Love you. -Happy birthday, girl.
Happy birthday Sonja-rita. I love you.
I love you.
-I love you. -It's very nice.
Alright! Now we can all drink.
Can we, Lu? Or will there be things said afterwards?
Oh, no. She's having fun.
You do you.
[laughing and chatter]
Oh, I'm goin' there.
It's no fun unless everybody's in it together.
Should I drink? Should I? I'm just gonna do me.
Look at this hair, I mean...
Y'all have great styles.
What happened to Garth?
-Ugh. -Jeez.
Well you saw it was all over the press
-that we were dating. -Okay.
-Yeah. -Oh, I hate when that happens.
My apartment, my views are unbelievable.
No, seriously, unbelievable.
What I wanna know is, this pre-existed tonight.
-Those two? -Yes.
Yeah, yeah, of course it did.
Ramona's gonna go for William again?
-I mean...we sure it's a thing? -I don't know.
Last time I talked to him, his zipper was down already.
[laughing]
I like a little challenge.
Does it ever go too far? Be honest, like...
Maybe I'm painting you, and then, you know.
You come up closer and then you get a little closer,
And then your dick is in her mouth.
And then it's in front of me and then I touch it.
Almost all the time, no touching.
Oh, no touching.
What do you mean "almost" all the time?
99.9, no touching.
Do you feel like Rose in Titanic when they're painting you?
Of course, and Jack.
I couldn't sit there with my vulva out.
Vulva?
Yeah! The particular lips of the vagina.
I think the vulva is like what's inside the lips.
I thought it was the outside of the lips.
[laughing]
He doesn't know.
[cross talking]
Me and Eboni don't know what a vulva is,
and I feel pathetic.
Alright, hold on, what's a vulva?
Vulva is like, the whole thing.
And then you, like--
Oh! Wait, say "the whole thing" again, I liked that.
[laughing]
The whole thing!
Honestly, I'm googling "vulva" right now,
'cause I need to know.
Sorry. I need to like, figure this out.
Kurt is a man who looks like he's sat around and like,
studied the Kama Sutra, and makes it his business
to understand exactly how to please a woman.
Which is really why I respect Kurt very much.
Oh, I need to talk to you.
So I wanna invite you both,
I'm doing an event next week.
-She knows about it. -Oh.
Oh.
[laughing]
Is there something I can't hear?
No. Oh God.
So I'm gonna do an event next week,
it's actually called Black Shabbat.
A Jewish Shabbat dinner?
Correct.
-That's for Black people? -Correct.
So it's going to be inclusive
of my good Jewish friend Archie, is gonna host it at her house.
-It's gorgeous, you'll love it. -She's not Black.
She's Jewish.
Then why are you calling it a Black Shabbat?
Because the guests I'm inviting are black,
except for my new friends, which are you guys.
Why can't you say "I'm having some people over?"
Why do you have to say whether they're white, Black,
purple, yellow or red?
-I don't understand. -I'm calling it Black Shabbat
because we share some things culturally.
We're both people that have been oppressed,
we're people that have come from--
'Kay, it's my birthday. I really don't wanna get into all this.
I can't invite you to a party though?
Just say I want-- I want you to come!
How 'bout saying, "Hey baby, I'm having a party--"
That's what I'm tellin' you, baby!
No, it's Black Shabbat, it is Black Shabbat.
Just say it's--
I want you to come to Black Shabbat!
-Just say it's a Shabbat dinner. -It's not! That's not that.
It's Black Shabbat, and I want you to come.
I hope this'll just be a fun night,
but sometimes with Eboni, she makes it very serious
and very lecture-like.
It's gonna be fun, I promise.
And why can't I come?
Only because A: COVID, so I'm limited to literally
the number of people I can have in Archie's home,
and the Black people that I wanted to come
are Black people that I've been to Israel with.
Sure.
These are Black people I've experienced
the Jewish community and people with.
It's okay, I can miss the party.
After Harlem Nights...
Each of you have been assigned a particular icon
from the Harlem renaissance.
And as you might imagine, it's been with intention.
I don't need to go to school again for five hours,
I'm good.
Cheers bitch, it's your birthday.
Do what you want, when you want, how you want.
-Cheers. -And you too!
Do we know what's going on with the music video with Luann?
I'm sorry, what do you mean?
She's donating the proceeds to charity.
But for how long, how many years?
What if she starts making tons of money from the song
-in a year or two? -You know what, I don't know.
I don't think she's like that.
What?
Well, I'm talking about the song.
What about it?
If our voices are gonna be used, like,
do we have to sign a release,
and what does the release look like?
And like, I think we should have gotten it
before we recorded it all.
And I said I trust you, I don't give a sh--
And I appreciate it Ramona.
'Cause when you came to my apartment,
you came in and you were talking about lawyers
and all of that.
And you should've brought it up to me before.
It was like bah humbug.
We're recording a Christmas song to give to women
from Fortune Society.
Basically you said to me, "I don't trust you."
I was really disappointed by your reaction.
Well I think it's terrible that you think me like,
protecting myself is and wondering is--
Hello, hello! If she made a million bucks on it,
God bless her!
Basically insinuated that I was plagiarizing.
God bless her! I don't need a piece of it.
Money is going to Fortune Society.
If I can help you make a million--
Why do you wanna fight? You don't want the smoke. Stop.
-You don't. -No, you stop.
-Don't attack my girlfriend. -Oh my God, will you shut up?
-No. -I'm trying to talk.
All I know is that everyone was very angry last year.
And Dorinda and Sonja were on you for using Sonja
and not paying one cent.
Are you gonna pay her? Are you gonna pay her for for--
No, she never pays ----ing pays me.
You should pay her, you should pay her.
Pay her 10,000, 5,000.
It's none of your ----ing business, how's that?
And don't overstep your boundaries, girl. Really.
Luann, I will step wherever the [bleep] I want to, first of all.
-Don't overstep. No with me. -My lawyer is the one who said,
"If you're gonna do a song, just have a release."
Lawyer up, baby. You're not gonna find anything.
♪
"If you're gonna do a song, just have a release."
Lawyer up, baby. You're not gonna find anything.
I would cut off my right arm for you,
-I hope you know that. -Lu, yeah. You know.
She just wants to ask a question and not feel like she's...
She wants a piece of it once it makes money.
...Indicting your integrity, Lu.
Frankly, Leah's right.
But, you know, I really just figured,
which is not my norm, that we would get
to the paperwork a little later.
If this was anything but for charity, honey,
we would've had to sign on the dotted line first thing.
You're acting like there's something wrong with that.
If I'm on the song, and we're all part of the song,
and if it went. And Luann was making millions,
I would hope that she would ----ing break us off
something, 'cause that's just how it goes.
-Of course! Of course! -This is very simple.
I really wanna know how the money is gonna be
donated to the charity, and for how long.
And that's really what I give a sh-- about.
I'm trustworthy, and I'm not greedy.
You want me to promote you? I'll promote you.
Let me promote Leah Mob, or Mob something--
Your sweatshirts? I'll promote your sweatshirts.
No, I don't need--you're not exactly my demographic,
so it's all good.
I don't even know where I'd see 'em in the store.
I already have Rihanna wearing my sh--.
Do you think I need you wearing my sh--?
And also, she can't wear your stuff, it'll look ridiculous.
It upsets me that Leah doesn't get it.
Now you're talking behind my back with my girlfriends,
at the party I'm throwing for Ramona and Sonja
about legal issues that don't exist yet.
Wow.
Everyone come in, it's time for the beautiful cake reveal.
People were attacking each other,
what's going on right now?
I don't know.
I'm a little worried about, uh,
Leah getting your birthday cake ready.
Yeah, don't get Leah to get my cake.
-Leah got the cake. -That's not a good idea.
I'm gonna go now, goodbye!
-No! -No!
-No, Mona! -We need you, Ramona!
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
♪ Happy birthday dear Sonja and Ramona ♪
Let's stand up.
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
Oh my goodness!
-Oh! -Oh my God!
I got a chubby pussy but... that's lookin' pretty lean.
Make a wish, make a wish!
You have to go like this.
Ah! She licked it! Ramona licked it!
Ramona licked it!
Oh my God!
Thank you for being a good sport!
God damn, that's a big penis.
Ramona, can you take that? Can you handle that?
I don't think I can either.
Oh, it looks good though.
Oh my God, it tastes so good!
Leah, great job on the cake. Who knew?
Yeah Leah!
Who knew they wouldn't freak out? Who knew?
Of course Leah got the cake, a vagina and a penis.
So which should I have? The vagina or the penis?
I'll go for the penis.
Hey Leah, this is a very good penis cake.
-Leah! Leah! -Isn't it so good?
Delicious.
I really don't want you to think
that I don't think that you have integrity,
or that I don't trust you. It's not about that.
I want you to know that.
It's about actually protecting our friendship.
When friends do business with each other, that's it.
Just know I didn't get to it yet.
Honestly Luann, I cut my ----ing right arm off for you too.
Or left arm, whatever. Honestly.
Like, I'm just saying, like,
let's protect each other, that's it.
Like, that's how I think and I'm so sorry that you took it--
With me, you have nothing to worry about.
But I put a lot of work into it, once I started reading.
You did, and you were great. You were really great.
And I'm gonna bring it for the music video too.
The trust thing with Leah was really the most upsetting.
For her to think that she couldn't trust me
was the point.
Hopefully we can now move on,
and get to that bridge when we get to that bridge.
Goodnight everyone!
You're leaving?
I'm leaving, goodnight! Mwah!
Goodnight. Thank you.
None of us are perfect, okay?
Me, Luann, Ramona especially.
I mean we're old at this point.
But when I gel with my girls,
it reminds me why I'm friends with them.
Wanna go for a drink?
Yeah, let's go.
-You got your flowers? -I can't help myself.
[car horn honking]
Next time on the Real Housewives of New York City...
So tell me what happened with uh, Dylan.
Did you even have sex with him?
I can hardly walk today, what the [bleep]? Are you--?
What's the rabbi like?
He's about, probably my age, or like, a few years older.
-Oh boy! -Yeah!
-I smell scandal! -Yeah.
I'm not having sex with him.
So yesterday I found out...
After Century 21, we lost our money.
All I know is there's enough money for her
to be getting something every month.
Do you know Sonja has $10,000 uncashed checks?
-What? -Pardon?
Hank got a call, and Dylan said,
"Listen, she's passed out drunk on my bed
"in my hotel room, and you gotta get her outta here."
Oh God.
You know she likes to make up stuff.
I call it lying. She likes to lie. She lies.
♪ What do I want for Christmas? ♪
We're doing a music video right now.
We're gonna just do this over and over.
Yeah, I know, but it's cold and it's raining.
-Okay. -I didn't get the lip sync.
Take 50!