On my heart right now I have a grandmother
who's fast leaving us,
and I just thank you for making space.
Who's giving you a hard time, honestly?
-Luann. Ramona. -Luann?
I have a hard time getting my words out around them.
They don't listen. They don't make me comfortable.
They shut down conversation.
Welcome the Salem, bitches!
So here's the thing: I wanna Kiki,
I wanna talk about girl talk, and boys,
-and all that good stuff. -It was so great.
However... we can't get to the Kiki
if you are aligned with white supremacy.
I just came to have some fun.
Why do we have this conversation?
I want a game I want a game--
You are making yourself look
-other than you are. -I want to play a game.
We have to just move through this.
We've been going through this every time with Eboni.
Well, Eboni's still black, so--
Well, I'm still white! Sorry I'm white.
-Should I apologize? -Oh, my God.
And then there was three.
-I think this is a disaster. -This is crazy actually.
I cannot go over here, and this lighten up?
That's like the biggest macro, not micro, macro aggression.
I know there's big issues out there,
but if I think about them all the time I-- I'll--
-Just breakdown. -Yes, exactly!
I'll have a breakdown. Not to say I don't feel!
I don't feel, you know--
-The pain of other people. -Pain of other people
You keep speaking your truth no matter what.
-I don't know how else to live. -I understand that.
but maybe when it comes to Ramona Singer...
You gotta know who your audience is, right?
-You have to-- look, Eboni. -You know I'm classically
trained in that. I worked at Fox News for five years,
I know a million Ramona's.
-Think you're gonna change her? -I'm not trying to.
What Ramona doesn't get to do is say to me: I don't wanna
talk about that. Lighten up. Let's talk about boy time.
I don't give a damn about changing Ramona Singer
because I wouldn't wanna be changed.
All this is about is being super clear.
I wanna go forward in a place of authenticity and honestly.
I'm not Toni Morrison in this bitch.
-I can't be teaching everything. -I, personally, Ramona,
am energized by her way of trying to help people
and educate them [indistinct], 'cause I connect with that.
I wanna know about the matchmaker.
You're shutting me out!
I don't wanna talk about the matchmaker.
-I don't want to talk about me. -I wanna talk about us.
We find common ground with people.
I wanna hear about the matchmaker.
Can I hear about the matchmaker?
It was not about the movement.
Okay, great, so how did it go?
-Did you find... -Yeah, he listened to me--
We wanna hear about the Matchmaker!
We're trying to get the story of the matchmaker.
The whole argument over there was you're saying--
We don't want the argument over there.
-We heard the argument. -I wanted to tell you
-she was a fun-loving girl. -I got that.
These girls could really just learn to listen.
That's how you learn things.
If you're talking at the same time,
you're gonna stay in your bubble. They don't listen.
Let's go and join everybody else.
-But I don't-- -What?
-Go ahead. So I don't want that. -Stay here.
Unfortunately, Luann doesn't really wanna know.
She just wanted to know if the matchmaker had someone for her.
She's with Garth, but he's just a tool for her.
I think Eboni's a smart girl. You guys have a lot in common.
I feel good, 'cause I said what I need to say.
We can move on. Y'all can go and Kiki.
I just had to tell Ramona to her face
because when you support this President
who has made white supremacy a hallmark of his campaign,
-Leah, I didn't make that up. -I agree with you.
I didn't tell the Proud Boys to stand by and stand back.
I'm sure that she-- it really purely is for the taxes--
And that's okay-- my mother voted for him.
I'm not mad at you because argh, you're a Trump supporter.
I just wanna have the conversation.
And the fact that she shuts down the conversation, Leah,
is my challenge. Ramona calls me preachy.
The reason it's preachy is because you run away.
You know, you won't engage with me,
so it puts me in a tough position.
Hey Lu, I wanna say I appreciate you listening
-'cause I think you did. -Yeah of course I did.
That you felt heard 'cause I heard you.
Yeah, no, I just-- there has to be
-an open-minded communication. -I agree with you.
-Want me to leave you guys? -Maybe. Maybe.
-Okay. -It's whatever you wanna do.
I'm gonna let you guys maybe-- ...need to be alone.
I don't want you to ever think that you can't talk to me.
Like I don't wanna feel like I can't talk to you.
Everything that Eboni talks about
is keeping the conversations open.
Well, by calling us being aligned
with white supremacists, she just set up a roadblock.
Oh, my God, it's like somebody kicked you in the gut!
I accept you for who you are.
I don't expect you to know all about my people.
I wanna feel like I can share that with you guys.
I feel I can share with Leah. Sonia has been amazing.
You, I feel like listen, we had our thing in Sag Harbor,
-and we moved on. -Right. As far as I'm concerned,
-it's done. -Luann, me, too.
I'm ready to move on to the dinner table. How about you?
I'm hungry! Let's go eat. On that we can relate.
♪
-Eboni. Okay. -Oh, my God!
These flowers are gorgeous. Wow.
May I get a tequila and club soda with lime?
-Of course. -Thank you.
-Is there seating? -You're over there
-So beautiful. -This is Sonia.
-Right here, baby. -Right between your two besties.
-Your long-term besties. -Love you, girls.
Alright ladies we have a beet & Burrata salad.
-Hello. -Hi, how are you?
It has some pomegranate seeds, Persimmon
and some [indistinct] Kale in there.
-Thank you. -You're very welcome, enjoy.
Excuse me, can I have San Pellegrino?
And I'll have another one of these,
because I'm going straight to my hotel,
and I'm not gonna sleep with you tonight, Ramona.
So I wanna tell you guys something-- Leah knows.
I didn't wanna say anything earlier 'cause we were having--
and we still are-- having such a good time.
-Are we having a good time? -We're having a great time.
Hey, stop. Baby... Come here.
♪
Oh, God.
-I'm sorry. -No, it's Okay. I'm okay.
Is this the right time to talk about it.
-[sobbing] -Oh, god.
-[coughing] -No, this is good. Good time.
-Maybe it's not good. -[sobbing]
-Is it good, Leah, or not? -I don't know.
-It's not about me! -Why you crying so bad?
-It's about her! -Okay.
I just wanna share that my grandma passed this morning,
-Oh, Jesus! -Oh, no! Oh, my God!
And you didn't say anything in the van.
You guys were having fun, and I wanted to bring good energy.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
[talking over each other]
-[sobbing] -Oh, my God!
I'm so sorry! At 7:00 a.m., my mom called me.
Thank you, guys, I don't wanna bring anybody down.
-I don't want you to think-- -No, baby, no. No!
This is good sad. It's good sad.
She had a good life. She was the best person in our family.
She was so much nicer than me.
[all laughing]
She was! She was my favorite girl.
I can't believe, Eboni, you didn't say anything.
Because I didn't wanna be sad!
I can't believe you held this all night.
Can I tell you something?
I think you hold too much in, girl.
I do, I know. I need to work on that.
This is where Ramona shows up, even though...
...we've gotten into it several times.
We're probably still in it. She's big sister, Ramona.
As somebody who never grew up with sisters, it's really nice.
You can be sad now, baby. You can be sad.
Coming up...
-you sure you wanna do this? -No, Ramona, I'm not sure!
I told you [bleep] Wait 10 days, girl.
Ramona, shut up!
♪
-I wanna get a tattoo. -We're gonna. I've told 'em.
You're very emotional tonight.
Maybe this is not the right time to do it.
-Maybe you should wait-- -I'm gonna get Katie right here.
No. I would wait a week later.
She could do it. She wanted to do it.
-Let her do it. -This is so crazy.
But it feels so right and I don't wanna wait.
-Well, I'm gonna get one. -You're going right now?
I just wanna go and look and see what they have.
I don't wanna wait to honor my grandmother.
I don't wanna wait to memorialize her
in this special way, and I just know this is the moment.
-Hi. -You guys are twins.
Are you guys twins? Holy sh---.
-That's so great. -Me and Eboni know what we want.
And my body is a temple, by the way.
Yeah, but don't [bleep] this up.
I don't wanna defame my body. Look how beautiful my skin is.
Oh, well, I forgot about this little thing.
You look gorgeous. No, baby, you look beautiful.
But it's an important night for you.
Okay so you guys should get your tattoos.
I don't even really know what I want.
-You have a drink, darling? -Alright.
-Let's hurry up. -Let's hurry up. [laughs]
Shut up, Lu!
Where do you think we should place it though?
What a weird coincidence that Eboni and I
lost our grandmothers two weeks apart from each other.
I think us getting these tattoos together,
it's just really meaningful and special.
We try the stencil on. Just to see how it looks.
I don't like anything permanent on my body.
You know, I color my hair, it's not permanent, you know?
No! It's [bleep] not 'cause you got roots.
-How bad are my roots now? -Bad.
Ah, I don't give a [bleep].
Here's the thing: our daughters would never do a tattoo.
But are you putting a judgment on a tattoo?
Yes! You're saying judgment on a tattoo is like,
oh, you're déclassé or your lower than me?
-No, I don't say that. -You said it, I didn't.
Came out of her mouth, not mine, okay.
-Don't put me on that. -I'm not putting on that!
-I'm saying what you just said! -I didn't say that!
You said, am I judging tattoo?
And you said yes just a second ago.
-I said no! -No you said yes--
-She said no. -I said no, I took it back!
All night I haven't heard anything logical out of Sonia.
I've heard... [mock mumbling]
I took it back and I said it like--
She said yes, and she said "I took it back."
-Alright, [bleep] you, Bershan. -[bleep] you, too!
-I'm telling you what you said! -What I said is if my daughter
did a tattoo, I would say okay,
I don't like her defaming her skin.
-So I'm older. I have wisdom. -I wanna watch.
-I've never seen this. -Oh, really?
I've never seen anybody get a tattoo.
-You do on the same hand? -Yeah, just this side,
because this is how much I used to wanna be married.
I was like I don't want anything messing up my left hand
for my wedding ring.
Are you doing it? Are you sure?
I'm getting white ink, Ramona. It's not gonna be too heavy.
Gonna be here. So guess what if I don't like it?
No, I don't have anything either.
No, I'm with you--
- I'm with you. -Are you sure you wanna do this?
No, Ramona. I'm not sure.
-I told you wait 10 days. -God damn it.
You're an emotional day 'cause your grandma just died.
-Ramona, shut up! -I wanna memorialize her today.
You don't have to memorialize her like this.
Ramona if you're not gonna be supportive, get out.
I don't know.
Oh, it's so pretty! He did such a great job.
I know that's very tiny. Alright, thank you!
Really, really appreciate it. Really love it.
This is my most special tattoo now that I have.
I might need to hold your hand.
Ramona Oh, my God, please just talk to me.
I just wanna know you as you, man.
I wanna know, tell me about when you wanna have a baby.
You have this business sh--- going on.
I want to know about your heart and soul.
Heart and soul, girl-- Give me your heart and soul.
I didn't think it would be this bad.
I like to think that I have a high tolerance for pain,
but this sh---'s next level.
Why can't you numb it? We need numbing.
-We're women. We like numbing. -Yeah.
It hurt like a bitch.
-Oh, it's done? -See? I distracted you, girl.
-Look at how beautiful. -It's perfect.
I wouldn't have made it through.
You tried to kill me, but I appreciate you.
So I've got Katie with me every day, and I love her.
Alright guys ready? This was wonderful.
Alright, let's move out. Alright! Witches and bitches.
♪
[meditative humming]
Boy, we came home from dinner and we ate.
-Yeah you were hungry. -We didn't eat that much
at dinner because after that conversation...
[meditative humming]
Bershan Shaw, you are a money magnet.
Prosperity flows to and through you.
I am good enough to be rich and wealthy.
You know it's Friday the 13th right.
-No! -Girl, yeah.
So we're in Salem and it's Friday the 13th.
Rah! [laughs]
-Good morning! -Morning, Ramona.
-How you feeling? -Good. How did you sleep?
Okay, so the plan-- I know and I know.
No, I know you like having the plan.
-Is it raining out today? -It's a little--
Yes, they will have umbrellas in the hotel.
Okay. Okay.
Bye. Bye-- Oh, my god. I just got a splitting headache.
-Why? -From her.
-Oh, my God, -I'm not [bleep] kidding you.
Ramona has this amazing talent.
Oh, my god, my head. She finds a way
to just be annoying in every single situation.
-Hello? -Morning.
-Morning, Leah. -Oh my God, I just got off
the phone with Ramona giving her the breakdown of the day
and I got a splitting headache when I was talking to her.
[laughs]
-Bershan! -Alright.
-My door is open! -Girl!
Only in Massachusetts, girl. Whoo!
Seriously, like last night was a lot.
I don't think so. How did it look from your perspective?
Well, you know what? I think it can be a little hard.
It can be a little we don't need the Malcolm X speech
-every minute. -But maybe they do need it.
I think Eboni wants to be bold and in your face.
But I don't think it's gonna work.
They don't want pastor and a preacher.
-They want a friend. -I'm with you all.
I could imagine if I'm a white woman at a particular age
in life and I live in my affluent elite bubble,
this sh--- probably is annoying at this point and tiring.
-Right. -So I get that.
I don't agree, but I get that.
-Right. -Now that it's been said,
Bershan, now we can go Kiki.
But do you really feel like we can Kiki?
Well, I mean not to say it's not gonna come up again.
Bu I can Kiki today.
And then tomorrow I'm [indistinct].
Everything rolls off Eboni.
I thought this had already
been said to her that her personality
can be a little, you know, preaching, teaching.
I'm trying to learn. I'm trying to listen.
-But teacher hello, can I talk? -Yeah.
Okay, I don't wanna interrupt you. That's why I raise my hand.
'Cause you get upset when I interrupt you.
I promise to tell you and Luann and I'll let you know if Eboni--
-Wait, who did your eyebrows? -Can we talk about last night?
All of a sudden, Ramona wants to talk about me
because she doesn't wanna talk about what happened.
First of all, this one is different than this one.
Well, that's right. And I like that.
You have two matching ones like you're a doll.
What's wrong with matching ones? I make them match.
That's what the drag Queens do.
Now you're saying I'm a drag queen?
You look a little like Luann.
-Coming up... -Please be careful, Ramona.
I have a bad feeling about this.
♪
Hi. Hello.
Hello. Good morning. How are you ladies?
-Hey, 'Mona. -What?
[laughs] She's so cute.
-Hey, there's Lu-Lu. -Good morning!
-Oh, I love turquoise. -Oh, thank you.
Pioneer village. Yeah, we're getting a history lesson today.
I know that some of the women are sick
of learning about history, but here we go.
We're doing it. We're here to be 100% tourist.
-Oh, here's Sonia. -Alright, let's go.
Alright. Moving up, moving on.
Look at this on time-ness, this amazing.
♪
Here we are.
Alright, guys, ready for Pioneer Village?
Do you think there's a toilet here?
-You got the right coat. -I know.
Well, you know what? It's the only one thing I have.
It's [bleep] Cold.
Oh, my goodness. Alright, come on, ladies.
Gather round.
Welcome to Pioneer Village, Salem 1630.
First we want to have you dressed
in the garb of the day: bonnets and cloaks.
I mean, I didn't come all this way in life to look like that.
I'm not dressing up and clothes that other people
have been wearing. No way Jose.
This is my trip and I'm like no, I'm not wearing that.
I have to wear it!
-I'm gonna use the ladies room. -Yeah, I'm gonna follow you.
-I'll do the black. -I want whatever is warmest.
I'm gonna take this grey one. I really love the grey.
No interest in dressing up. [laughs]
I have no idea how to put a bonnet on, that's for sure.
You guys aren't gonna get mad if I dress like a presser right.
We just told that to Sonja.
-No it's fine. -I just wanna be warm.
How do you feel in this?
Well, my family is very old American family so...
I feel okay.
Now, don't kill me, bitch.
-Does the bonnet look Okay? -It's very cute.
-You look adorable. -Do you wanna try one on?
You good? Okay.
I'm not putting on the colonizers uniform.
I cannot do it. It runs up against my spirit.
-Now what? -Where'd the rest of them go?
Did they go to the bathroom?
Did You say, "good day, good wives?" I love it.
We have been good wives. Thank you.
I'm sure you're a Good Wife, too.
Look at that you're sweeping.
-We'd like to start. -I think it's fine, let's start.
-So let's go. -We're heading on up.
You're gonna follow me this way.
Now as we come up the hill we're coming up to a wigwam structure.
Historians wanted to show the technology English
were bringing with them.
They also wanted show the native technology.
I am so happy, I was born in 1982 and not 16-something.
-Wholly, sh---. -Eboni, you know we're--
[laughs] Listen... The wigwam
is the least of my troubles if I'm around
in the 1600s, clearly.
Can you imagine if we had to live in a log cabin like this?
-Thank God we... -Can you imagine?
I mean, how lucky do we have it?
I love how Ramona and Luann still aren't back.
Did they just stay on the bus? I think they went to the bus.
-Oh, there they are! -You guys missed the wigwam!
-Is that the wigwam over there? -Yeah.
It's actually dope. You should take a look, Lu.
This building is a recreation as the other buildings are.
Now, you're welcome to go on inside and have a look.
We do ask that just for COVID have just two of you at a time.
-Go on in. -I'm gonna go see the wigwam.
I'll go with you to the Wigwam.
This is dope! You got like a fireplace.
Wait-- Where's the baby?
No, I'm saying there's a little baby bassinet.
Oh, I was, like, "Wait, where's the baby?
Luann and Ramona are gonna lock me up in that.
Bring in an exorcist. My head's gonna spin.
-You're done. -Will you take a picture
of me in here? Let me take this off.
You're very photogenic.
My daughter's in uni. She's moved into her own apartment.
Now I feel like I can let go a bit.
I'm ready to do it. I've been wanting to do it for a while.
I know. It's like a cycle. It goes on and on.
-She's on a loop. -She's on a [bleep] loop.
And I feel like I'm crazy on the loop with her.
-No, [bleep]. -I don't have to drink,
and I don't drink when I don't want to.
-So it's not the drinking thing. -Her constantly saying
that she doesn't have alcohol problems.
[talking over each other]
She's over the ex-husband. I know, it's--
And then it's the Morgan-- I just can't.
-It's actually very sad. -I know it's just not
say anything and act like "he-he."
-I'm feeling you. -Do you know what I mean?
I mean, you know. [bleep] You know her better.
-I don't want to do that. -[talking over each other]
Yes! I feel like that's what they've been doing for so long.
-And that's why they're done. -Yes! Yes. They've been
[bleep] enabling her for years, just letting her do this.
Ramona and I discovered that the water pill I was taking
was dehydrating me when I was drinking, and I'd have one
welcome drink and I'd be buzzed. Really drunk.
Oh, my God. She's talking about the water pill now.
It's the same stuff. It's the water pill.
It's making me feel like I'm crazy.
It's the bankruptcy, it's the divorce,
it's everything except the alcohol.
It's everything, and it's everyone else.
You know? And it's not the freaking booze.
-Coming up... -Every time you talk--
Excuse me for being me!
Twerk, twerk, twerk! You always wanna be a [bleep] clown.
Oh, [bleep].
♪
Okay, now it looks pretty.
♪
-Hi. -Sonia?
Hey. Oh, wow, you look amaze!
I'm gonna pee. I meant-- Oh, my God. Oh Jesus.
What's the matter?
Go to bathroom.
What'd I do? Go to the other--
Did I walk in it?
Ramona really needs to put a cork in it
and know your limitations. I do.
That's why I wear a diaper when needed.
Give me the coffee. I need the coffee.
I spilled make up, silly. You go there. I'll fix it.
-Give me a plague mask. -I spilled my makeup, silly.
Oh, okay... [laughing]
♪
[breathless muttering]
It's on my boot. [laughs]
It's like what?
I just peed my pants.
[laughs]
Listen, Eboni and I we had very high hopes.
-I wanna Salem to be good and fun. No sh--- in Salem.
No sh--- in Salem. No sh--- in Salem.
We couldn't even get through two days.
She's a poop machine. That's why you love this chick.
[laughs] Love her, she's the best.
-Know where we're going, Leah? -Yup.
Alright. I don't know, maybe.
[laughs] Okay, we'll find our way.
-The spirits will lead us. -Exactly.
Oh, it's right here.
This looks gorge.
I love Italian restaurant.
-Me too. -You love everything Italian.
I love Italian! [laughs]
Hi! How are you?
Oh, God, it's casual. Perfect.
Aw, an old friend of ours. Hi baby.
It's my future husband.
Hello!
I smell the garlic so they'll be no vampires.
Whoo! Let me send my regards to that under the table.
Ooh, even the seat's cold.
-Hi! Hey! -Hi, girls.
-How are you? -Good.
This looks like the real Italian.
How many years is this place been around?
It has a lot of character.
At least 23-24 years.
Georgia and Sheila, the owners.
[speaking Italian]
When a man speaks to me in Italian, I can't help myself.
-Luanna. -Luanna.
-And I'm R-R-Ramona. -Ramona.
-Eboni, and Sonja. -Bershan.
You guys want drinks? What do you want?
Some wine? Yeah I'll get some wine.
Do you have a wine list by the bottle?
No, I'm Okay. I'm not drinking.
I'll take a nice Pinot noir.
Oh, my God the last time I drank that,
I threw up everywhere. I can't even talk about it.
-What a great story. -Like, all over.
I usually drink wine, as you know.
I like white clear spirits. I have one or two and I'm done.
I had a bad experience with Bloody Marys in law school
and haven't had one since. I used to love 'em!
Let me tell you this group is a little bit boring.
♪
Like, I gotta just say it.
-We're boring. -I just feel like you guys
-are being grandmas. -Really?
Are you voted the fun one here?
Can I-- I told her how exciting we can be.
-I think she's waiting. -You lit a fire under her ass?
You don't need any fires lit under her ass.
I have to say we are disappointing her a little.
We need a little more action going on here.
You don't call women grandmas. Are you [bleep] kidding me?
This is not the way that you get to know the ladies.
-So you and I are boring now. -I don't agree.
-She called y'all grandma's. -Yeah, right?
-I'm coming here-- -You really start the evening
-off on a great foot. -[laughs] I know. Look...
I don't even know you, and you're labelling me.
I'd love to hear your idea of a good time.
[talking over each other]
The way you said, it's very sexy. "Good time..."
I just think that you guys are little boring.
-I'm just telling the truth. -You know where the door is?
-I don't need to be here. -Well, maybe you do.
I'm here. Ramona has invited me. I'm gonna say. Leah--
No, She's not having a good time. We're boring.
I'm a [bleep] grandmother. Give me a break.
The audacity that she has to come in
and call us basically old ladies.
Who is she to call us anything? She doesn't even know us.
-We have a lot more together. -I think we have a lot more.
-I'm just saying-- -No, we did. More energy.
Bershan, baby, it's a pandemic. My grandmother just died
48 hours ago. Her grandma just died two weeks ago.
-There's a lot going on, babe. -I'm not trying to be
-insensitive, so if I am-- -You are being insensitive.
Sounds like Ramona sold you a false bill of goods.
I mean, okay. I did not mean to rub people
the wrong way. My intention is to change the mood.
Is this a girl's trip or not?
-Which one is this? -[indistinct]
Ramona set you up.
I'm saying, me, I'm going through a lot of tough sh---
I'm going through, and I thought it was gonna a be--
So let's talk about that, Bershan.
-Yeah, let's talk about you. -Yeah.
-Instead of us. -Alright, look, okay.
I'm suing a lot of people. I'm in a lot of lawsuits.
-I'm suing the state. I got-- -What? I don't sue anybody.
They sued me. I don't sue anybody.
-Shh! -Don't shh me.
When I get bored, I file for a lawsuit.
I know that you're a survivor of Cancer.
Survivor of Cancer. I'm trying to fight for my eggs
-with my divorce attorney. -I believe she might be
in a ton of lawsuits and fighting over her eggs, but that
doesn't mean she gets to come in here and scramble our eggs.
I'm confused. You said we're boring,
and now you want to talk about having issues--
Okay, but she wants to get to know me.
-I was asking-- -Sonja, you're always, "Eugh!"
No one gets to know you.
So far, you have insulted both of us.
You came in here saying we're boring,
and now you wanna talk about getting to know you.
-Your boring eggs. -We had a heart to heart.
That's getting to know someone.
Sitting down at a table with mixed company,
new friends, we're gonna have fun.
Keep it light.
Look, Sonja, hold on.
You don't need them to hear our conversation!
I wanna get to know you. Hold on!
You got me started and you got me all fired up, okay.
-They don't have to-- -You don't have to get loud,
baby, because I can get louder than you--
No, I have to be loud to get you to listen!
Asked me a question, then you wanna know they're listening.
I don't need to know if they're listening--
-If you asked me a question-- -Sonja! I understand--
Yes, you want all of company's attention.
Every time you talk-- [mock grunting]
-Excuse me for being me! -Twerk, twerk, twerk!
You can't [bleep] ever be normal!
You always wanna be a [bleep] clown!
Oh, sh---.
♪
Every time you talk-- [mock grunting]
-Excuse me for being me! -Twerk, twerk, twerk!
You can't [bleep] ever be normal!
You always wanna be a [bleep] clown!
Oh, sh---.
I don't know if you know Sonja well enough to say that.
How dare you talk to her like that, and how dare you talk to
any of us like-- who the [bleep] do you think you are?
-I'm being honest. -She's my friend.
Oh, yeah? [bleep]
Ramona's not standing up for Sonja at all!
Ramona's known Sonja for ages, and where's her loyalty
right now? She's being loyal to Bershan? What?
I don't know you.
And to come in here and think you can talk to
us like that, you're sadly mistaken, girlfriend.
-Well get to know me! -You're bored? Okay.
Hopefully you're not bored anymore.
Okay, good. There it is.
You're bored because you're bored with yourself.
-We don't bore you. -Not here to entertain you.
I got tough skin, and what you guys say is not gonna hurt me.
Is it time to hear the food specials? Is this a bad time?
I can't believe this is happening right now.
Bershan was never like this with me when we were one on one.
She was always very embracing and funny! This isn't funny!
I'm having New York Sirloin.
-Do you have Veal Piccata? -Is that steak on the grill,
while everybody else is deciding?
-Steak-- -I need food before I drink.
Because I'm here with a judgmental group here tonight.
I just wanna have fun with my friends and relax.
But if I don't eat, I might act like a clown,
which may be entertaining and fun, but not for Bershan.
Well, I'll dance on tables right now.
You wanna see me dance on the table?
-Yeah, dance on the table! -There's one over there.
There's one over there. Go.
Please be careful, Ramona. I have a bad feeling about this.
[cheering]
Alright, some music! Music!
That's what I'm talking about! Ahh! Ramona!
Bershan is incredibly embarrassing,
and she's really digging a grave.
And I'm trying to think: how can I salvage this?
How can I steer the boat a different direction?
-The Veal piccata. -I'll share this with Lu.
Yeah, [indistinct]
-Good, there we go. -That's all you got?
That's it? I know, that's what I said.
-Great job, Ramona. -Did I jazz it up, little girl?
Great job, great job.
I just wanted some escapism, okay? Maybe it's just me.
Bershan, we're gonna have a party after dinner, baby.
-We're gonna dance on tables. -The library downstairs?
-We'll dance on tables. -In the library.
-Do you find this boring? -No, I'm listening.
I just took-- I saw you take a big sigh.
-No, I'm-- I'm engaging. -Let's all try to take it down.
-Okay, let's just-- -Everyone.
Actually, Bershan is quiet now.
I got to tell you, Leah...
Every time I talk, she takes the conversation to you four.
-Do you not wanna be with me? -I'm joking! I'm inclusive.
She said I said the smartest thing today. Let her--
-What'd I say? -[bleep] you!
-[talking over each other] -What did I say?
-Can't I give her a prop? -No! Every time--
You guys have been dissing Leah since I met her.
Every time I talk to you--
-Wow, damn, they diss me? -Who is dissing her?
What? Who's been dissing me?
I mean, who do you think?
I'm not a mind reader. Tell me. Who's dissing me?
Let me say it like this, 'cause I probably have had too much
-to drink, and it made me mad. -Oh, clown!
Calm down-- here's the clown show.
-Don't call her a clown. -Okay, Bershan,
Now you're starting trouble, so spit it out.
-Oh, God, you guys. -Spit it out.
Bershan is a bullsh---. She's just really just lighting
a match and throwing it into a [bleep] like...
...straw building or something. Wooden building? I don't know.
I have heard through this weekend,
it's been little jabs about you.
Like what? I don't know what you're talking
about, and you need to [bleep] fess up now--
So, so... so... I feel--
So, so, so-- just spit it out. This is getting a little much.
Look, I don't like to throw--
I don't like to throw people under the--
Just say it, Bershan.
And, honestly, there's so much bullsh--- going on.
I'm out. I'm not dealing with this.
I'm not gonna sit at a table with someone who is--
you're just starting sh---. You're not being honest.
You're lying. Spit it out, or don't spit it out.
You just put yourself in a [bleep] up position, because you
just [bleep] came at me, and you're not gonna finish it.
Ramona didn't go deep, but...
she said a little bit that she may not connect with you a lot.
But how are you and Leah?
You said before you don't really get her.
No, I said before we sometimes butt heads.
But do you consider her a friend?
I'm not sure. I'm working on the relationship.
-Great. -What?
-I don't connect with her. -She said--
-Thank you. -She said--
[talking over each other]
You guys should dance on the tables.
-Dance on the table? -Y'all got it.
I don't blame the girls for leaving.
I'd be leaving too, but I'm the one
who brought her here, so what am I supposed to do?
Oh, Sonja, calm down.
I'll stay for Ramona, but I'll tell you something.
-You're not staying-- bitch! -'Cause you know--
You're gonna call me bitch? You want me to stay?
Calm down, Sonja. You don't have to do these amateur dramatics.
I like you. Stop it.
No, no, if my girl's leaving, then I'm leaving.
You're not a listener, and you're not intuitive.
I don't know how you're a life coach.
Who takes advice from this woman? I wouldn't.
She's starting sh---.
I think she's very desperate, and I hate to see that.
Why, though? You're accomplished and successful.
You beat cancer twice. Just chill! Relax! Right?
Listen, Bershan, I don't know why you had to go
after Leah. I never went after Leah.
Everybody walks on [bleep] egg shells.
You messed it all up! You made Leah upset.
You messed up big time! I brought you into this group,
-and you [bleep] it all up! -Oh, my God.
You're not even here listening and feeling!
Bershan, you're divisive of our girl.
Was I divisive? [Sonja screaming]
[talking over each other]
-I never said-- okay. -But you said--
Oh, God! I think your friendship is phony.
You better tell her tomorrow--
-...this is your drink -Tomorrow you have to tell Leah
that I never said anything about her.
--feeling that our relationship isn't totally genuine.
Or it's complicated-- not genuine. Complicated.
-Complicated! -Phony!
-No, I like parts of Leah. -No, phony.
Let me say what I wanna say! Phony!
-Let's go. -Come on.
Coming up...
[screeching] [laughs]
-Are we going to the basement? -I'm going somewhere.
I hate the way she spoke to Sonja.
I thought it was very disrespectful.
I didn't appreciate the way Ramona responded to that.
What's her alliance to this woman?
Ramona does not have Sonja's back, I'm telling you.
And Sonja has hers.
Wait, wait! I left my scarf!
My scarf! I gotta get my scarf!
I gotta get my scarf! I left my scarf.
She just keeps calling me phony. I don't like that.
I'm the realest [bleep] bitch on earth.
Let it go.
I need a cocktail. Sorry, ladies.
My sober queens, I need a cocktail.
Oh, Hi Allison.
-Pepto Bismol. -She wants a Pepto Bismol.
Pepto Bismol on the rocks. And who says we're not fun?
Yeah, I'll have some chamomile tea.
Yes! I'm actually the grandma. I am!
Somebody needs to put this girl, Bershan,
to bed, because she's a wet blanket, man.
-What are you doing? -I'm stretching.
-I need to crack my back, too. -Oh, God.
You know, I have so much tension
in my whole [bleep] body, I can't even tell you.
-Hello, hello, hello. -Here comes the troublemaker.
-No, you can't do that. -Is that true?
'Cause you didn't have too much to drink.
You're walking fine in 6-inch heels.
You know what? I had to-- Oh, God, my ankle.
I twisted walking.
Sweetie, I know what drunk is.
When I'm drunk, I don't even know I'm drunk
I don't even know what country I'm in, so you
cannot use drinking as an excuse and pretend
you didn't blow up the whole freaking night.
What are you doing, your exercises? I love it.
Let's stay focused.
Um...
Look, Leah, I really... [bleep] with you.
I like you. Period.
I'm a straight-shooter. I'm not a girl
who's talking about you behind your back.
Who is talking about her behind her back, other than Ramona?
-We're talking about Ramona. -Oh, 'cause you said--
-We're talking about Ramona. -Okay. Got it.
-She set you up. -She set you up.
-She set me up. -She set you up.
She set me up. Alright, come on, baby.
-Come on, come on. -[grunting]
[screeching] Press the button!
[laughs] Are we going to the basement?
I'm going somewhere!
Where are we going?
Get your sh--- together, Ramona.
Yes, you too.
Well, at least right now we have happy, fun Sonja,
and not the angry, hostile Sonja.
-So I'll take that any day. -Get in, Ramona.
Oh, my God.
That Bershan started [bleep] trouble.
Eboni, we're sisters.
Bershan, yes. I don't feel bad for you, baby.
You can be mad. I did start sh---.
Do you wanna apologize to her? Because I think it would
-put y'all in a good place. -To give, like, a good apology.
-I'm a bit of blabber-mouth. -That's what it is.
So, I don't go by codes. I don't go by boundaries.
I don't go by this is how it should be.
An apology requires a moment of regret.
I do think she's sorry about the fallout,
but I don't think she's set sorry about her actions.
-Let her stay there-- -Alright, stay there.
Okay, so I felt like when we--
-I don't go by codes. -Codes.
I think that's the wrong word. It's not codes, it's...
Decency.
Yeah, you have to have some sort of decency.
-Yeah. -That's not the right word.
I didn't mean that. That's the wrong word.
-I just-- -Decency was a good word.
No-- You called me a clown!
Ho, I can take.
Clown not.
A ho? Child, missed it.
You got the whole assignment wrong.
At this point, Bershan's just on her own.
When we were in the Hamptons, I felt like
me and you made some progress. We made a breakthrough, etc.
And then when I thought that you had said something negative
about me-- that's why it hurts so bad!
-Because I... I thought we-- -Connected.
With my grandmother, you made all these important
points that I never even realized,
like about how she was-- never-ending love that I got
from her, I didn't get from my mom or from Rob.
I know that your grandmother is the only one
who's been there for you forever.
Who's loved you unconditionally
She gets you more than your mom does.
More than Rob does.
-And you made that point to me. -I know, I know.
-I don't even realize that. -I got really mad at Bershan.
I'm a comedian.
Twerking every night, you're a ho.
Twerking every night? I'm not a ho.
Sonja's not a ho. And you didn't call her that.
-I didn't call you a ho. -You said I'm a clown.
-[mock grunting] -No, but you do do that.
I was really concerned you pushed me away,
because I know we will always get along.
I'm really glad you're talking to me like this, calmly, because
I was worried you're were gonna start throwing stuff at me.
There was no pumpkin raviolis, though.
Are you a bitch? If you're a humanitarian,
you don't call people--
Okay, okay-- I just said, Sonja, calm the [bleep] down.
You want me to feel you? Feel me!
-One more time! -No, not one more time.
I'm giving you one more time.
Don't give me one more time. You one more time?
I'll give you one more time.
[laughs] I can't take it!
Okay, yeah, walk away, bitch. Walk away.
I don't know what Bershan is doing right now.
I just put out a fire, and now she's torching the whole room.
-Okay, walk away. -I'm not walking away.
I know all you're gonna do is talk about yourself.
Al you're gonna do is act like a [bleep] stupid-ass clown.
[mock grunting]
If clown wasn't bad enough the first time, she's going in
for a second round? I've had enough of Brr--shaun.
Where's your brains, bitch? Where's your speaking, bitch?
Bershan, that's not [bleep] cool.
Do not say that sh--- to Sonja.
Calling someone a ho and saying to use your brain?
What's wrong with being a [bleep] ho?
-Wanna see me get crazy? -No...
-You're projecting your sh---. -She does it every night.
-Oh, every night? -Shut the [bleep] up!
Sonja, go head to floor, dance on, twerk--
show us what you can do. Be a clown. Go.
Don't talk to her like that. Don't.
[talking over each other]
I would like to talk to save her ass.
I could shut up and let her hang herself.
-Maybe what you should do. -Yeah.
You have conned yourself already, man.
-You guys don't know. -Conned yourself already.
-With your mouth-- -[talking over each other]
Use your brain, baby!
[talking over each other]
Next time on the Real Housewives of New York City...
Oh, my God! Get your ass out!
-Come and [bleep] tape it! -[clattering]
There was a physical altercation.
You're the one that started this.
'Cause I invited her on the trip.
Leah invited her, not me.
You started this sh--.
She has to fix it, otherwise she goes.
Leah, listen, I'll [bleep] do it again with her.
I'm not a [bleep] doormat.
Your reactions are just over the top,
-and that's what concerns us. -I want you to hear me out.
We think the drinking is going to hurt you.
♪
-I have a man here with you. -Okay.
-Is it your father who passed? -Oh, my God.
He is... mortified...
-Thank you! -...by what he did.
-[loud thudding] -[screaming]
What the [bleep] was that?