I don't want to be mean to everybody,
but I'm also, just, like, dealing with my grandmother
and, like, the state of the world.
My grandmother, Marie, is very sick right now.
I had lunch with Luann in the city the other day
with Heather. She's gonna actually come out.
She was, like, talking so much sh--
about Luann on her podcast.
She literally said Luann does hard drugs.
Let's Facetime Garth.
Garth, Garth, Garth!
Oh Jesus, he picks up on the first ring.
Looks like a cocktail party. Look at their shoulder pads!
Luann bought me a top.
She's out of it right now.
Luann about to get my mortgage with Chase.
Wells Fargo has better rates.
Shut the up! Stop, people!
Stop, that's too much!
Wells Fargo! It's not JP Morgan.
Stop the drinking!
Sonja, stop the drinking. Stop the drinking.
Don't blame me on the drinking. It's my ----ing family.
Hello, your family hasn't paid for your bills,
so why are you so concerned for JP Morgan?
What's wrong with you, bitch?
-Yeah. -No!
What's wrong with you? Get real, get real.
Guess what? You don't have anything to rely on.
You have fake ass friends.
You don't have any friends. You don't even have Mario!
Alright, okay, that's enough. That's enough.
She's pulling a Leah in Newport.
Ramona, it's all over your face.
I totally understand Ramona.
Why are you defending them 'til the death?
I have a family.
I have friends, and I have a solid financial future.
She better ----ing back off.
Are you alright?
Oh, I am good. Who is she talking to?
Nobody! I know who I am!
She's crazy, she's, she's gone off the deep end
and you're provoking her.
You know that, you had a brother who drank.
You don't engage because she's just getting more pissed.
Well, I can't, can't hang out with drunks.
You can, I mean, I can't be around this.
This is bad for me.
That's why I wanted to be with you, out of the room,
because when I see that, it gives me so much sadness.
I can't be around this. I can't.
It's just too painful for me, I can't do it. I can't.
I'm going to just go.
You know, I'm gonna go to the car.
I mean, I'm gonna go to the car, I can't.
It's so hard for me to watch Sonja
go down this rabbit hole
because I had to go down the same rabbit hole
in order to turn my life around.
As much as we can try to say to Sonja,
"Watch it with your drinking" and take drinks away,
it's only gonna change if Sonja wants it to change.
Ramona, she just misses the mark every time.
I'm so sorry I upset you.
It was never my intention to upset you.
I am so sorry. I love you, you know how much I love you.
You said some stupid ass things.
Okay, so maybe yeah, I did, and I apologize for it.
Let's go home.
At this point, what can I do with Sonja?
I can't be rational and explain to her,
because right now she's being extremely emotional
and of course, alcohol fuels emotion
so it's taking her to the deep end.
-Luann! -I'm here.
I'm just, I just need to be out of there.
No, it was a lot, I know. Sorry you had to see that.
No, it's okay. You know, you've been friends with somebody
for 30 years, sh-- happens, but oof, God.
Oh my God! I'm going to go off to sleep.
That's very sad. Sonja's married to her story.
This is my family. Blah-blah-blah!
That makes me sad.
Girl, your life's in front of you.
Come on, let's go home.
Let's go see Marley and Coco and snuggle in bed, come on.
She can't communicate things when they upset her.
So she holds it in for all this time and it's a lot.
-I ----ing hate you. -I love you.
I hate you. Wait, you have your price tag on.
Some things don't change.
You love leaving the price tags on.
Good morning, Mother. How are you, dear?
I'm good.
We're, uh, I'm at Ramona's house.
You're so sweet, Mama.
I brought you coffee, girl.
You had a tough night, honey.
Where's my bottle?
Dude.
----ing tired. How you talked to mom about grandma?
Yes, mom brought up, um, she wants me to have,
like, time alone with grandma to, like,
tell her how I feel about her.
Yeah, I know, she said she wants you
and Daniel have that,
but then she hasn't talked about me having that.
Well, I went up and it's also, like,
grandma's very tired and, like,
it just depends on the mood. Like--
I know. Mom tries to control everything. It's crazy.
Yeah, like, everyone gets a little nuts about, like,
"Do you want to be alone with her?"
No, I just, I'm happy to be in the house with her.
Exactly, that's how I feel.
Things are not looking amazing,
but we're all keeping our spirits up
and keeping the hope alive,
but obviously this is a huge stress on my mom
and I am trying to not be a little bitch.
I know she means well, but it's also, like,
don't make it a big pressure thing
and what'll happen if I don't get there--
Oh my God, I know, and then you regret it forever.
This is why I wanted to call you.
So, I got your text, grandma, I know she's home.
I saw she's in the hospital bed and I, um,
I wanted to talk to you about I know you're trying
to decide if you keep her on this feeding tube or not,
so where are you with that? How are you feeling about that?
No quality of life.
Ah, you trying to punt the ball on me?
I-- you know what? I knew you were going to say that.
You are a real trip. I love my mother,
but Gloria is sneaky if you don't watch her.
Gloria's trying to put this decision off on me
and I'm not having it. You know--
Well listen, I'm not going to do your dirty work.
So, what happened last night?
Well, at dinner, you were talking to your friend--
William.
And, um, Eboni said something about
that she's gonna be getting refinancing
when I said to her, "Oh, don't get your mortgage
"with Chase, it's lower at Wells Fargo,
"that's the lowest rate." And you went ballistic.
Of course. Why would you send money away from the family?
Focus, focus.
Why would you even say "Wells Fargo" around me?!
You went to, to say no, you really overreacted.
So, there was something else going on. And then--
Well, it's my daughter's future, future!
Sonja is making no sense right now.
The impact of where Eboni's getting her mortgage
will not affect her daughter's lifestyle one iota.
Whenever there's, like, family stuff, my whole family,
as you know, moved away. You guys are my family now.
To Tennessee, I know that upset you.
-That was seven years ago. -Yeah, like, seven years ago.
I know, you were heartbroken about that.
I remember you were heartbroken.
-I felt left. -You felt abandoned.
Your daughter's call, that also hit you very hard.
Yes, she has her own apartment. That's tough.
I just moved all her accounts because she is now of age.
Everything's in her name now. Done.
I think last night was a culmination of everything
you're feeling, you know, your family moving to Nashville,
your daughter not living at home anymore,
you're alone in COVID, so now you're feeling,
I think, maybe more alone than ever. What's your biggest fear?
I don't wanna be alone the rest of my life.
-I want to be with someone. -Okay, bingo! Bingo!
When Luann got Garth on the phone
and Facetimed him, I think that hit something in here.
Garth again, that Garth is driving me nuts.
Yes, Bingo!
Isn't that bothering you?
That she's all Garth, Garth, Garth!
Garth that, Garth this, Garth that--
I think that's what's really bothering you
because you wish you could maybe have a Garth
in your life. That pains you that she has this Garth,
I can tell. The issue at hand is you feel like chopped liver.
Yes! I'm really feeling like everything is coming down
to this dog and you and Lu, you know,
and I'm feeling like you. I really am taking stock
in who really is there for me right now,
but I'm feeling really upset about that and lonely.
Empty, empty and it makes you maybe have one drink too many
and you get very emotional, because you're in pain.
Oh, wow. That's true.
I don't want you to be in pain.
No one should be in that kind of pain.
I'm sorry. I wish I could take it all away.
Coming up...
Oh, that's interesting. So, Eboni comes in
and you're nice to her?
Yeah, 'cause I was having a private conversation with her.
You're honestly such a freaking bitch.
This is insane.
Alright, girls, want to get ready to work out?
Michelle, can you fill these with water, though?
-Michelle? -Hold on, one second, Ramona.
Oh, Michelle, Michelle. Can you do me a favour?
Can you take these away?
I can't, just, 'cause I'm not using these on my table.
Just take these off. Can you bring me the clippers?
We decided that today would be my day
to plan everything. Leah had the theme
of Burning Man, which is, kind of,
like, very whimsical, and fun.
It actually was a really great theme, I got really into it.
So, I wanted something the opposite.
Something very traditional and elegant,
like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's.
-I had a great talk with Sonja. -You did, and?
Bottom line is I got her to open up and I said,
"I think what you are really upset about, not about--
Well Fargo, yeah.
"This guy, Garth, who's really there for her
"and is paying attention to her,"
and then she started getting teary-eyed
so I know I hit it. You have a nice relationship
-and then-- -Sorry.
I'm so sorry, I'm just sharing something.
I'm in the middle of a conversation,
can you come back in five minutes?
Thanks. So then, um.
-I just, so, uh-- -It's fine.
What you want me to do? I don't ----ing understand.
It's getting annoying, like, I can't go and it's so stupid.
I'm just like an open wound right now.
Any little thing, at this point,
is going to feel like the end of the world
because it is the end of the world. As I know it.
With my grandmother.
I would have loved an embrace and not a "get out of here."
Last night I was so, it saddened me so much
to see how much pain she was in.
And that's where, where the drinking is coming from
and I know the feeling and it's an awful place to be.
Come on, I'm going up!
There's so much deep pain there.
-I know. -Get more food!
I cannot stand it. How do you work for Ramona?
She is a dumb, ----ing bitch.
I don't know how you work for her.
-It must be really difficult. -I love you, Leah.
Michelle, can I have a hand with the garbage please--
You do your table. I'm gonna make a coffee
and I'm gonna get ready to work out. You ready?
-Yeah. -Table looks gorgeous.
-What do I need? Shoes? -Sneakers.
Mentally, emotionally, I'm with my grandmother and,
like, my family and then having to deal with her being,
just, like a ----ing stuck up bitch,
it's just, like, too much.
So, for the table settings, I have the choices of, like,
um, this one or the pearls.
It's not a question, that is gorgeous.
Wait, wait look at this.
Oh, that's interesting. So, Eboni comes in
and you're nice to her?
Yeah, 'cause I was having a private conversation.
You're honestly such a freaking bitch.
I mean it's insane.
I'm not going to get oysters
because I'm not going to be treated like
a ----ing second class citizen
-and you don't understand-- -What the happened?
You haven't been dealing with this woman.
Wait, what happened this morning?
You haven't been dealing with this woman.
Get out of my way.
She's a ----ing psychopath who lies about COVID tests.
She's a ----ing psycho.
What happened this morning, Leah?
I'm done, I'm done.
I was having a private conversation with Luann,
an intimate conversation about Sonja.
No, Ramona, you're freaking rude, that's it.
You know what? Go ahead.
I am done with her. I am done with her.
She's just so rude, it's crazy.
She's rude and she is so ----ing fake, come in,
she is so rude, she is so fake, I can't handle it,
I can't with Ramona, I can't do it.
You're making me upset. I don't want you hurting.
I don't want to see you hurting, stop. Honey.
Leah, will you answer this question for me.
What the happened this morning?
She's being phony, dude, she's being phony. She's just phony.
So, you don't think she really likes me at all?
No, I'm not saying that. I just...
-So, Leah's acting psycho.
What happened?
I saw her face when she walked into the dining room.
-I was like, what's wrong? -Well, she came in and I said,
"Can you come back in five minutes?"
Because you and I were having this very intimate conversation.
She doesn't know Sonja the way we know Sonja,
and I didn't want to have to start
the whole conversation over again with Leah.
Of course, I'll share with here later.
It's called being, having social cues.
It's just us in the house,
what are you having a private conversation about?
Then, um, I run into Ebony and I want to show
her my table and then Leah walks in and she's like,
"Oh, so you can talk to her and not to me?"
-Oh. -Psycho.
Well. I'm gonna work out first.
Yeah, I'm gonna work out first too.
I need to get some, some energy moving.
Oh Jesus, Luann, get the door.
Hey! Oh, look who's here, hah! Hey, Garth!
-Hey, Lu. -Come on in.
Thanks for having me.
Yeah, how are you doing? You can take this off now.
So good, we're going to have a workout.
It's so good, the girls are excited.
-Good, who's this? -That's Marley.
Say hello to Marley, oh, and then say hello to Sonja.
-Hello, how are you? -This is Garth.
Hi!
Hi.
Oh my gosh, I am happy for Luann
that she's found love or a big dick or whatever,
but jeez, he's not the greatest thing since sliced bread.
-I'm getting ready to work out. -He can see up your nightgown.
Oh!
Right now, I think this group could really use
a workout with Garth. They need to, like, hm,
that's true. Everybody could use a workout.
In more ways than one. Meet Garth.
Oh, no wonder Luann's so ----ing happy. Hi, Garth.
Did you get taller overnight?
-This is Ramona. -Seven foot?
Yeah.
You guys are quite striking together.
-Whoa, the lovely couple! -Look at Luann!
What makes Garth really hot is his smile,
his eyes and the way he speaks and the way he looks at Luann,
because somebody could be very good looking
and not be hot. Someone could be average looking
and hot, so hey, Garth has it all in my opinion.
You have Garth all to yourself today.
I know you're sharing him with other people,
-but not with me. -Okay.
This time, I'm gonna go get a little...
-We'll get you next time. -Okay. I'm on his list, now.
But you guys have fun.
For me, top of the morning,
this is my priority and I make no apologies about it.
Oh God.
Ramona.
I'm ready! I want to look like her.
This is my mat. You go over there.
Come over here, come over here.
Where's Sonja?
Oh jeez, where? Oh no, I hate that sh--,
planks and all that. Oh, I hate that.
Come on, Sonja!
Hey, Sonja!
-Hi. -Oh, you look so cute, Sonja.
Right hand down and turn and look up
and repeat on the other side.
I mean, it's one thing we have to hear about
"Garth, Garth, Garth" now, we have to work out on top of it?
Can't we just go to the kitchen and have a donut?
Left leg back.
Hair and makeup is always my thing, honey.
I wrote the book, literally. I'll get my workout in later,
promise, honey, can't you tell? Hello.
Remember, right leg back, go left.
Wait, this goes back, huh?
Right leg back, other, other right leg back.
I think I need to go get a Kind bar right now, I'm starving.
Do you have to have that mask on?
No, not now. Just when I get close to you.
I was going to say, I want to see his face.
You don't need to see my face. Come on.
I want to have a pair of those rose-colored glasses
Luann's wearing. Got any friends? Jeez.
Sonja's not happy with herself right now and,
you know, there is a lot of parts of my life, you know,
the cabaret career, now I have a nice boyfriend,
there's a lot of things that I can understand
she'd be jealous of.
-Hi! -Hey, baby. Hey, Pedro.
Here I am. Feeling great.
Leah, shut the up.
I need this moment right now to get my mind clear
and try to go into the day not feeling terrible.
I never thought Ramona's basement would be
so enjoyable, but it is, kind of, like a safe space.
Ah, take that, Leah! You can be such a bitch!
Take that! Don't be a jealous girl.
How are you going to deal with Ramona today?
Oh my God, I have a great idea.
What?
I am going to take a vow of silence until...
The party?
Six p.m.
You're getting tired, Ramona.
No, I'm just going slow.
Move your hands.
Before I take it, will you do the honors
of letting the women know that I am?
Girl, I'm a professional voice for the voiceless.
I have a big day today. I got a lot!
-Oysters, dinner party. -You want to come?
Sure, well, I gotta, I gotta prepare for that cooking.
Oh yeah, we gotta go shopping.
-I hear you make a mean curry. -I do.
Garth is going to make us lamb curry.
Those girls are already jealous
that I've got a boyfriend during COVID,
but just wait until they taste his curry.
-Nice, good work. -Alright, she's flirting.
We'll see you later, okay? I gotta go and get ready,
the girls want to go oyster shucking.
Rather shuck you, but...
Coming up...
Why do you keep making your little dig?
He was my guy, he was never your guy!
He ----ed you one night, that all you got.
-One night?! -That's it.
Leah, do you need a heavier coat?
Leah's right here, dear. She is fine.
Do you need a heavier coat for outside?
Nope, she's good.
-Sonja? -I'm here, babe.
-I got you this great coat. -No, I have my coat.
I brought an extra coat in case someone gets cold.
You can't talk, you okay? Is it Laryngitis?
No, she's not speaking.
Exactly. Strategy.
She's gonna be speaking again at 6 p.m.
If you guys need something in emergency,
you can let me know.
I'll be speaking as her representative for a while.
She just needs some self-care, it's only that.
Yeah, it's just that. I've done it and it's, like,
the sinuses have a silent move.
She's gonna light some sage, light a candle.
Well, what am I supposed to do?
-Just, like, ignore her? -Yes, leave her alone.
Alright. If that's what she wants.
I'll do the sage when I come back.
I get Leah wanting to take a vow of silence right now.
She's going through a very tumultuous moment.
Listen, I should have taken a vow of silence
20 years ago with Ramona.
Does everybody have a mask?
-Yes. -Oh, sh--.
-Sonja, do you have a mask? -I got mine.
Yeah, I got a black one.
-Okay. - Excuse-moi.
Yes, get in, honey.
I prefer lamb, but if you have to get chicken,
so be it, question mark.
Are you and Garth still talking about the lamb?
Jeez, she's on the phone with him
still talking about the lamb curry.
"What time's dinner? Did you get the lamb?
"Are we going to do chicken?
"Do you have your mother's seasoning?"--
I want the lamb, I want the lamb!
I know, I told him I prefer the lamb.
Stop, Sonja! Leave her alone.
Go ahead!
He's sweet, he's nice.
Was this your first time meeting him?
Yeah, he's very nice. He's a beautiful man, Lu.
-Isn't he a beautiful man? -Oh, but he's into Lu too.
That's not my speed but...
Honey, I think he's anybody's speed.
I don't know any woman that wouldn't like that speed.
I don't do those, like, Adonis types.
-Yeah, I don't either. -Adonis type, hah!
I like a man with a little bit of a belly...
A little dad bod.
Yeah, less hair, he has a lot of hair.
-Who, Garth? -He has a head full of hair!
Oh, oh, I thought you meant, like--
-No, no, no. Head full of hair! -Yeah, yeah, that's right.
But, you said you'd made it past that bald thing.
-You did? -Yeah.
Well, she was with my bald guy, thank you.
That was my bald guy she married, by the way.
So like, the last time you saw Tom, you were with him,
like, in bed, romping around just before Thanksgiving.
Oh my gosh, a feast for my eyes. Hello, beautiful.
She had a sexual relationship. They were, like, lovers.
He was never your guy, he was ----ing you.
-So, let's not exaggerate. -Honey, he was bald and mine.
You know, I'm tired of your bullsh---, Sonja, okay?
Just be happy for me once in a while.
-He was my guy! -He was not your guy!
He married me, okay? He wasn't your guy,
he was never your guy. He ----ed you one night,
-that's all you-- -One night?!
-Okay? -Well, I was a damn fool.
Why do you keep making your little digs?
-Your little digs! -I let it go. Because I put--
He was my guy! He was never your guy.
Yes he was! And a couple of my other guys
have been with you. Like Harry.
Oh, now we're gonna go back to-- you introduced me to Harry.
You have it so confused in your little brain.
Okay, your brain is not right right now, okay?
A lot of the guys know you're friends with benefits, okay?
So how far are you going with that?
-He proposed to me. -I don't have to explain myself.
Gave me a ring, and you got a taxi with him!
-Excuse me? -You got in a taxi with him.
Can't you find your own dates?
Why do you think all these men are yours?
Because I found them first!
I just want to say this. We all saw,
and I'm probably out of line, but I love you Lu,
and I gotta tell you the truth about yourself here.
About, you're gonna tell me the truth about me?
-I can't wait to hear it. -About the situation.
These were my guys. I was on hold.
I'm not gonna be careful, I'm gonna tell the truth.
You can push back, but I'm gonna tell you.
Sonja had a whole breakdown and we saw it last night.
-Okay. -And it's rooted, clearly to me,
and correct me if I'm wrong Sonja,
I don't think this woman feels high worth,
and that people value and appreciate her.
So I think this narrative, Lu, of "you're a one night stand,"
and "men don't take you seriously".
And "you're a trash woman to not be dated"--
I didn't say that. You just said that.
You did. You said that. You just said that!
Luann, you said she has a small brain,
and you said she was a one night
Sonja needs affirmations about the woman that she is.
Not her ----ing friend telling her
she's only good for sex and a one night stand.
It's absolutely unacceptable.
These aren't one night stands.
These are my relationships that I treasure.
Garth, Garth, Garth. What's all this jealousy?
And I don't like seeing them in your backyard--
-I'm not jealous. -Yeah, you are.
I would think Sonja would be happy for me,
but I think she just, like, overtaken by, like,
"Not fair, I want a boyfriend too!"
I get it. You know, I know you're in a bad place,
but don't ruin my party. C'mon, girlfriend!
Were you jealous that I married Tom?
He was a one night stand--
Are you jealous that I have a boyfriend right now?
No, I'm jealous that you're spending more time
with him than me.
I just, I don't like feeling like chopped liver.
Every time a new guy comes into her life,
I feel like, "Who are we? The loser club over here?"
When you get with a guy, you're like, "Sonja who?"
-You've done it to me before. -What do you mean?
You've ghosted me for the last 10 months.
Well I wasn't leaving you for a guy, like you do.
Well, now that we've got that off our chests...
well, they say you, you know,
you love hurt the ones you love the most.
Well, I don't want to hurt you at all. I want you happy.
That's true, you lash out at people you're closest to.
-I'm hurting-- -Or it's misplaced anger.
That's what it is. She's really hurt.
I don't wanna, I don't wanna hurt Lu.
I don't wanna hurt you.
I only want you to be happy. I am always here for you.
I know, and I'm always you.
Men come and go, is all I'm saying.
I'm always here for you.
-All right, so. -Oh, you ladies.
Oh, you have no idea, girl.
You have no idea what you stepped into.
I'm learning! I'm learning,
What's bizarre with this friend group
to me is they will go at IT!
And literally, within five to ten minutes, like,
"Oh my God, love you!"
You just know that men come and go,
and I'll always be here. That's all I want you to know.
It's a very different thing from my friend group.
Like, if you say some of that sh--, you know,
Lu said about Sonja, to me?
Oh, I'mma be feelin' away for a minute.
Garth is just a guy friend right now.
And there's no big-- you don't have to worry,
I'm not getting married again, okay?
-Yeah, okay.
Wow, that's generous.
That's very sweet.
Coming up...
The conversation is getting a little crazy in there.
I feel like if a guy doesn't eat your ass,
he's not a real man.
It's outside.
You're welcome.
Let me hop out and see what's going on, girls.
I don't even know what she's saying.
What the are you saying, Leah?
You want to throw up?
-What? -Puke.
Spewing out, you gotta vomit?
-You gonna throw up? -What?
-You? -You gonna vomit?
She wants to stay on the bus?
You and Chris...had sex?
-No.
Chris got a kick out of that one.
Leah, what are you saying, baby?
It's like charades.
I'm not a ----ing mimer.
I was trying to tell them that by accident,
I said "Thank you."
Because I have ----ing manners.
Local oysters.
I'm Dave. This is my husband, Ben.
-Hi, Dave! -Hi, guys!
And welcome to Southold Bay Oysters.
Today, you're going to learn everything
you've ever wanted to know.
-Oh, no! -Oh, watch your step.
You guys ready to farm?
All right. So, we're getting oyster 101.
I thought going to the oyster farm
would be very calming for everyone,
and you're in nature, and it's a beautiful setting.
And, who doesn't like oysters?
I'm just gonna suck it right off there.
Doll, you can't wait for that.
-I'm sure she's had practice. -Yes, please.
-Did you order? -I ordered oysters.
-For the table, or just for you? -For me.
Oh.
If you guys extend your hands,
I will actually give you some baby oysters,
so you guys can play with them now.
Oh, don't lose any! Don't lose any!
But there's nothing in there, they're just shells.
Empty. They're empty, right?
Yep, look at these ones.
All right, so. You know the first time you see
how a baby doesn't come out clean and pretty?
That's like the oyster.
It's not so clean, and it's not so pretty.
In the wild, oysters like to grow attached to each other.
This is how Ramona and Sonja wake up.
Yeah, attached to each other and crusty.
Ay, ay, ay.
I never knew oysters look like this.
Um, they look pretty disgusting.
So you know how when you buy wine,
or things in the store, like, it's double the price.
So, what do you sell your oysters
for to the restaurants?
'Cause when you get oysters at a restaurant,
they charge you sometimes like six dollars apiece.
The oysters sell for less than a dollar to the restaurants.
Are you...kidding me?
All just to shuck, but you guys are gonna learn
how to shuck today, which means you can skip the restaurants,
and just buy 'em and enjoy at home.
Let me show you how it is.
It's all about patience. Slowly, you'll play with it,
and you'll hear it. I can feel it coming, it's right there.
And if I did a good job, the whole shell will come off.
And then you have your oyster right there.
Oh! Hey!
There you go, yeah!
-Listen, you show off-- -We have the first shucker, yes!
Ha ha!
It's sealed up.
I'm trying.
It's more of a matter of patience than brute strength.
You don't know me, I have no patience.
But, okay, I'll try.
I thought it was much more difficult to open these.
This is really easy, actually.
So, you have patience, Lu.
-Mine popped. -You popped it.
-I'm not poppin'. -Oh, I got it!
Now I know why they cost so much
when they deliver them... on the shell.
Can you shuck me an oyster? I'm struggling.
We're getting other oysters besides these, right?
Oh, yeah!
Well, why don't we sit over at the table? It's so pretty.
We're gonna move? Okay, let's go.
I never wanna see an oyster in its original form.
Just give 'em to me clean
and pretty on the half-shell please.
Sorry if I don't seem my--
I'm struggling with the grandmother stuff.
So if I seem, like, weird, that is why.
-Don't apologize. -We got you, girl.
-Did I hear Leah speaking? -Yeah, I'm speaking now.
-Oh, you're back. -I'm back
-The bitch is back! -That didn't last very long.
Yes, it did. You try not talking for three hours.
Can I talk about all the things I've been thinking?
Yeah, I wanna know. What did you--
-Yeah. -Yup, sure can.
Now, you haven't spoken for two hours so...
-Well, back on the bus...
-Two hours ago. -Okay, what do you have to say,
now that you've been silent for two hours?
No, I'm not gonna rehash things, there's no point.
So listen, I just feel like, I am a little nervous, honestly.
I don't know this woman coming tonight.
I met her for like, five minutes in the Berkshires.
-Hi, I'm Leah. -It's nice to meet you.
It's nice to meet you, how are you?
-Yes, you too! I'm well, thanks. -How you doin'?
-I'm good. -Okay, good, good, good, good.
She talks about you guys in the press all the time,
saying the nastiest things. Is she gonna then--
now talk about me? I have to protect myself.
She gonna go talk about Eboni?
I'm a little nervous at this point
on how well Heather will be received
by some of these women here.
But listen, I'm not gonna disinvite Heather.
That would be so rude.
She does have a good heart.
She's a good mother, she's been married a long time--
Can we stop with the good mother thing, though?
I feel like, not that she's not a good mother,
but that doesn't mean that you get a pass
to be a liar in all-- do you see what I'm saying?
A hundred percent.
I know I'm not a mother, but, I love it, like,
"She's a raving lunatic bitch,
"but she's a good mom." Like, who cares?
-Listen, she's staying over. -Oh, she's staying over?
Staying over? In the lower level?
Wherever she wants. No, I--
She's not gonna stay in the bedroom next to me
and share that freaking bathroom.
Fine. She's downstairs, she's downstairs. Fine. Done.
She'll be like "it's all good, Mama."
Coming up...
I thought that was a real friendship,
but nothing really, I learned with Luann, is genuine.
-Yeah, that's true. -What?
Yeah, that's true.
-All right, let's go. -Yeah.
-All right, let's go. -Oh, man. Take the cheese.
You guys are so ----ing funny.
Hi, Cocoa.
What'd you do with Marley, Cocoa?
-Uh-oh. -Oh! He's in trouble?
-Marley! -Where is he?
All right, I wanna take a bath.
'Kay, I'm gonna get dressed, guys.
I'll see y'all soon. Bye.
Audrey Hepburn always had jazz playing.
Oh, thank you Eli for remembering
to light the candles.
And I need music.
Does she not have any hairspray?
Come on, Ramona.
This looks so beautiful!
I outdid myself. Wow.
Hi, baby! Oh, hey Sonja!
-Hi! -Hi!
Welcome, darlin'.
Thank you, baby.
Straighten these up.
I had no bobby pins.
-I have some. -Do you? Oh great.
But I need your help-- oh that looks great.
I'll just leave the clips for now.
I, no- that looks great. I have some right in my bag.
Wonderful.
I grabbed them on the way to the house,
'cause I was like, "We need updos."
And you're the queen of updos.
So you need to help me with mine, will you?
Oh. I know Heather has a history of talking about me
on her podcast, and it's not...
in a good light. Last thing I'm gonna do
is help her do her hair right now.
Next, she wants me to carry her luggage, I mean...
You look amazing!
Oh my God, you're perfect!
Let me show you where everything is,
-so you can get ready. -Okay, perfect.
You go first, and I'll follow you.
You're a strong girl, I remember that about you.
So, you're gonna be downstairs.
Lower level, so you have your own private bathroom.
I love it.
And then whenever you're ready, you'll come up.
You know, I walk in and I felt it was a bit cold as ice.
And now, I'm being kind of banished down
into the dungeon. But really, that's okay with me,
because I like a little separation.
All right, girls. Let's come into the living room.
Oh, who's arriving?
Here they come!
Woo!
Oh my God, oh my God!
Darling! Hello!
-Darling girl. -Darling.
-Mwah, mwah. -Mwah, mwah.
You're stunning.
-Amazing! -Hi, honey!
Oh, I love this dress.
Thank you, baby. Everybody did a great--
this is such a great interpretation.
I think everyone looks really dynamite.
Leah is always though, she's always the rebel.
She's a rebel dresser. It's pretty striking.
And it's vintage Versace, which I can appreciate.
She'll say I'm on pills, and whatever else.
You're right, you're right.
-Hello, darling! -Hi, how are you? Mwah, mwah.
-Hi! -Hello, my gorgeous!
I'm Heather.
Heather, it is so lovely to meet you. Eboni.
-Very nice to meet you. -Give you a hug.
-You look beautiful. -What would you like to drink,
-would you like a champagne? -Sure. I'd love a champagne.
I love that you went full length, that's lovely.
You look very beautiful.
Breakfast at Tiffany's, I pulled it together, huh?
Tonight, I'm just not doing the fake sh--.
And she's doing the fake sh--.
She's just doing the most.
And I'm not with it.
Are you from New York originally?
Upstate, so two hours north of New York City.
-Where'd you grow up? -I grew up in North Carolina.
-Oh, okay, nice! -I was born in Louisiana,
but I grew up in Charlotte, North Carolina.
Oh, beautiful. Yeah. My sister-in-law lives there.
-Oh yeah? -Yeah, actually!
This is Sonja, and this is Eli.
To Heather's credit, what Heather does do
is ask me a bit about myself.
Listen, those kinds of questions never roll off the lips
of these other ladies. It's really refreshing, actually.
You know what? I'll just--
you know what you'll do--
oh, no don't give everybody shots, you crazy?
These girls can't drink. This-- no.
Okay, you didn't here right, and I apologize Eli,
'cause we're all excitable.
I was supposed to get the shot, okay.
These, a lot of these-- three of girls can't drink.
So, uh, Leah, are you still doing your podcast?
It's not gaslighting, it's just lighting the match.
You know what, I haven't done it in like a year and a half.
I just, I'm sick of talking. Honestly. I'm just like,
"You know what, I stopped like a year and a half ago."
I did it for five years, that's a long time.
-Yeah! -That's a long time!
So don't waste it, 'cause this is like, very expensive.
In the restaurant, they charge $170 for one of these,
or 70 bucks. So we have to pour two of them back,
and I'll just take the one.
Well, I don't care, I'll never know the difference.
Okay, you know what? You'll save 'em for me, for later.
We have some people have situations where,
they don't know how to, what's the right, like, word--
handle their alcohol.
So maybe I'll just do two shots.
I'll let you know. I'm just gonna do one.
Wow.
Yu-mmy, baby!
Like, I literally launched my podcast two days ago.
-Right? -You lost your podcast?
-No, launched. -She just launched her--we all--
If I was Heather, and I was showing up to a house
full of women who I drag through the mud
on my podcast...
Ladies, dinner is served!
If someone even mentioned the word podcast,
I'd be like
Everyone sit wherever they wanna sit.
-Okay. -How fun!
Actually, you know what? I should put my phone away.
Eli, put my phone in the kitchen please,
-I don't need a phone. -This looks pretty!
Ramona has been so good, not being on her phone.
-'Cause I wanna be with my-- -Real friends.
All right, which fork do I use for the salad?
Outside in! Outside in.
Start on the outside.
Oh, I really was gonna start with this one.
Well this is the right one.
Oh, that's the dessert fork. That's dessert, yeah.
Outside one is dessert, right?
Salad, main course, dessert.
You start from the outside in.
These are all Tiffany plates.
-Wow. -Beautiful.
I have a set like this.
So Heather, you have a podcast too?
I do!
What do you talk about?
I really talk to people that I find really interesting.
How their experiences have made them stronger.
So you could be on, for example.
-Inspirational people. -Yeah.
I've already been on your podcast, apparently.
-You have? -Leah was...
I know, I did see something in the press about it.
Well, really? What'd you see?
You said that Luann had done hard drugs
when you guys were in St. Barts. It was recent, no?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that was--
Now, I know what you're talking about.
The article--it doesn't say anything about that at all.
It's like, a headline. It was like, a catchy headline.
-But the article does say it. -It doesn't say Luann,
you keep saying that I'm specifying Luann,
-and I'm not specifying Luann. -It absolutely does.
Well, let me tell you what happened.
Me, personally, if someone does drugs in front of me,
I'm not saying it to anyone.
Me either. Me either.
You just did!
-I'm not saying it to anyone. -Me either!
You just did!
You just called me out for doing drugs
and I didn't do any drugs.
That's so lame.
-I didn't say you did. -I don't talk about it.
Leah, listen. Okay, well, you can do you, and I'll do me.
If you doing you is like talking about
people's very, very private things,
how is that you?
I actually didn't say that at all.
This is not Breakfast at Tiffany's.
Like, this is the lion's den.
You know, for some reason, I'm being ambushed.
"I open the door like, 'Hi Luann, are you okay?'
"She's like 'Yeah, can I come in?' and she comes in.
"But then, what was crazy was she brought me a joint.
I'm like 'Hey, thanks, I appreciate it--'"
Yeah, that's not hard drugs.
"--but I'm asleep. But stronger drugs came out.
I remember saying to Luann, 'Whoa. I'm not into this.'"
-Yeah. "I'm asleep."
-Exactly. -What are you talking about?
So there's a reason why
if you represent yourself in court,
you probably have a bad lawyer.
You know, I really actually in this moment
wish I could step in,
and represent Heather on her behalf.
I would tell her to...zip it cute.
Be quiet, let me do the talking.
Concede everything.
I was on the podcast with someone,
and we were talking about an experience,
it actually, wasn't about you.
It was about my experience, that I had there--
-Who was the guest? -It was Carol.
-Oh, bitch. -Okay, and we were reminiscing--
Whenever I see something Carol, I swipe. Buh-bye.
Ratsville.
I don't care who did drugs, I don't care if you were
shooting heroin. I don't give a sh--.
It's a felony, so you don't really wanna shoot heroin.
The felony is really that you're talking about me
when you shouldn't really be talking about me.
You only really wanna read the bad stuff.
There's also a lot of compliments in that.
I didn't hear a compliment in that.
-No, there were but-- -I didn't hear one.
No, the article always like, slights it.
-Exactly. -It slants to the negative.
Wait, I just read something else now
but this is what it-- -Oh sh--. Now what?
This is about Luann.
"I thought that was a real friendship.
"But nothing really, I learned with Luann, is genuine."
Yeah. That's true.
-What? -Yeah, that's true.
You gotta give her kudos for being...truthful.
Why talk about it on your, on your podcast?
-You know what I mean? -Well, it's.
Like, I don't need to be thrown under the bus
for you to gain popularity.
No, I wouldn't say that that's what's happening.
Because I'm relevant, you know.
I wouldn't say that that's what's happening.
How pretty are these?
What Leah just read to me, I take no issue with.
I think there's nothing wrong with it.
I stand behind it.
If it bothered you in any way,
I really apologize to you about it.
I just don't want to be talked about that way.
I get it, I said I get it.
I imagine you can understand how I feel about what you said.
The funniest part about it all
is no one really even listened to the podcast.
Leah read some sensational headline,
which we understand, the media does that,
and it's meant to grab us in.
But when you read the article, there was no meat to it.
We always had fun together. That was the whole thing with us.
We had a good time.
And I'm so glad to see, all that you've been through,
and all that come through on the other end,
and I can't wait to talk to you about more,
because I feel like it won't be so surface.
Maybe we can, you know, be deeper friends, like we were.
It bothered me that Heather would talk about me
like that, and so I'm glad I cleared the air with her.
There's no elephant in the room.
I don't like elephants in the room.
Let's make some new memories.
You're gonna meet, um, Garth tomorrow.
I look forward to it! I'm excited.
-He's like a Viking. -Really?
-I was gonna say, like a Norwe-- -A little eye candy.
Well, Leah said we're painting a naked man.
-Is it him? -Oh, yeah, that's who.
-No. -No, no, no.
Oh, do, do tell.
Whoa! No, no, no.
Victoria and my niece, Nicole is at the house. They're artists.
So, I said "Let's do something different, whatever,"
and the girls were like, "Oh, we have a great idea."
-They sure did. -So they said, "You know what?
"I'm gonna get a male model over,
and we're gonna do some nude drawing and painting."
Leah, they're all growers.
-I've never met a non-grower. -That's true.
Sometimes the growth is like, mind-blowing.
Crazy, you're like, your d--- was just that big,
And now you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen.
I hate it when a guys balls are bigger
than his limp dick.
Oh, well that's not--
I think everybody would hate that.
-Oh, girl. -What do I do now?
Sorry, but you know, like--
Just have some more tequila, Ramona!
Sex again? All these words, really?
For one night? This elegant Breakfast at Tiffany?
Do you really have to always talk about sex and...
other stuff?
The conversation is getting a little crazy in there.
I feel like if a guy doesn't eat your ass,
he's not a real man.
What?
If Leah wants to throw out
the F-bombs, the D-bombs, the V-bombs
when she's with us, she should be able to do that.
She should be able to be herself.
Are you saying, if a guy doesn't eat your ass out,
he ain't worth his weight in salt?
If I was a guy, like, I would do it. This is not 1950.
You don't have to pretend that you are a virgin.
Who talks about, like-- okay. It's just not me.
We all know that she has lots of sex. She does.
Okay, these bitches can talk about their peenies,
and peenies and Ds.
I still have elegance and class.
Your dick is smaller than your balls!
That's a whole different ball game!
The party continues on the next episode
of the Real Housewives of New York City.
Why do you have to always talk about coming,
and sex and big dicks and--
Ramona, I just heard you say you could take a big dick.
I never said that.
Oh, did you not say I can take a big--
Oh!
He has a pretty penis.
I really love your music. It's moving me,
it's touching me.
But I don't subscribe to the fact
that to use those words mean
you're un-classy, or you're not a lady.
Yeah, but it has nothing to do with class,
it has to do with education.
I have more education, frankly, than anybody at this table.
Don't come to my house and tell me I don't have an education.
Luann, I can leave your house, Lu.
-You're shouting. -I'm not shouting.
-Let her finish! -I don't like people who go,
"Dicks and at a dinner", okay?
You're a ----ing ho,
You're a ho. Leave me the alone.
-Oh my God. -Biggest hoes ever.