- Previously on
"The Real Housewives of New York City..."
- And voila! - Oh my god!
- I'm so excited.
- I don't know anything about how you grew up, to be honest.
- Me neither.
- Yeah, what's up with you, Jessel?
- Not one thing.
- My parents are from Africa, and we
came to England as immigrants.
- In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
And guess what, Jessel's parents got to the "Mayflower,"
and they all ended up in London.
You wore a bathing suit.
- If I looked like Sai or Brynn or any of them,
none of this conversation would be happening.
One side, I have this scar here,
and then it's darker here and lighter here.
You get to walk one day in my skin, and then talk.
- I got to figure my sh-- out.
I'm not 27 anymore.
- These eggs aren't going to scramble themselves.
- No. - You should.
- I saved mine. - We're bloated.
- When I went in for the intake, though,
they started educating me. They're like,
"Can you just write down on the intake form
who you'd like to do embryos with?"
That's a weird lie.
You know I love you, but I don't believe your story
about the embryo thing.
- Why the [bleep] would I lie about something like that,
Erin? I'm going to take a time-out.
And I'm not going to go to dinner.
- I just felt so bad.
- Oh, no, don't feel bad.
It's OK.
- I love you so much.
Seeing you like this is, like...
I just really love you, Brynn.
[upbeat music]
- The secret ingredient?
Darling, it's me.
- My lashes may be fake,
but I definitely keep it real.
- I'm a true New Yorker.
The only bull I'll take is by the horns.
- I always bring the flavor.
It's not my fault you don't have any taste.
- In New York, there's a lot of bad apples,
but I'm the baddest of the bunch.
- I love to laugh, but make me mad,
and I'll date your dad.
[upbeat music]
* *
- Good morning, sunshine.
- Oh, good morning.
- Did you squeeze in a workout this morning?
- You know, you just got to make the most out of your time
when you're in paradise. - Yeah.
Did you work out already? - No, I had--
I did masking.
I did like 2 minutes of stretching and--
- OK, good.
- --tried to do my job this morning.
- Sorry, ladies. I'm just--
- Oh, sorry. - I'm sorry.
- You know, we're just hanging out in here.
There's just a couple of hoes hanging out.
- There's just some hoes.
- What are you wearing?
I think I'm going to do this.
- I'm going to quickly shower and get this show on the road.
- Knock, knock. Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- Oh, we're getting fit.
- Do you have celery juice?
- Everything for you, mama.
- Do you know the key to my heart--
- Celery juice?
- --is bringing me celery juice in the morning.
I'm not kidding.
- I didn't know if you just wanted
the stalk, as well, or--
- [laughs] You eat the stalk, and I'll have the juice.
Thank you. - Cheers.
- That's so sweet.
Thank you.
- I don't want to interrupt your workout.
- We missed you last night.
- I missed you guys.
Well, I chilled.
I got some rest.
How was dinner?
- OK, so Jessel was so funny.
- What did Jessel say last night?
- OK, so we wanted to learn more, because, remember,
she told us the story about her life?
- I actually didn't have anything growing up.
I wanted to be in fashion.
And so at the age of, like, 22, I went to New York.
And I had no money. It was brutal.
It sucked.
- So the thing is that bothers me about Jessel is,
I feel like she hears your story, she hears Sai's story,
she hears Ubah's story, and she wants the same story.
But it's like, that's not your story.
- And that's OK. - Exactly.
- You don't have to be like, "I grew up poor
and was smuggled into the"-- it's OK.
- But it bothers-- it bothers me.
Like, these are not comparisons that you can make.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Well, and I was like, "Your parents
didn't help you at all?"
- I was so ----ing poor, you guys.
It's OK if your parents helped you, by the way.
I feel like you're not honest about-- like--
- Like, this is not adding up to me.
- My parents helped me. - My parents did not help me.
Why would I lie about that?
They didn't give me one single dime.
- So you made $1,500--
- I will get my dad on FaceTime right now so you can ask him.
Yes, he paid for my college and all of that stuff.
- I would love for somebody to help me.
God, I wish.
- Yes, OK, so they paid for King's college.
Yes, they did.
- So she kept going on and on.
She was like, "My father would not let me come to New York,
"so I had to live with my uncle for two years,
and I struggled. I had nothing."
So Sai, like, really opened up again.
And she was like, "Look, you lived with your uncle.
Like, I was homeless."
- Like, there was a point where I had $20 in my bank account.
I'm not even ----ing joking.
- There was a point when I had zero dollars and zero cents.
- OK, well--
- It was negative $498.
- They allow you to go into overdraft?
- All I ever was was overdraft.
- Seriously?
- My life was overdraft. - [gasps]
- Do you know-- - That's scary.
- --what it feels like to have zero
dollars and zero cents, no money,
no parents' house to crash in?
Having 20 bucks in my bank account
was a dream when I was young.
- They might be the most opposite humans that I know.
- [laughs]
- Sai was so annoyed.
- God bless her.
She doesn't know she's doing it, though.
- She doesn't. - She's just so out of it.
- It's ridiculous. - I like it.
[upbeat music]
* *
- Ooh!
- Wow. Good morning.
- Good morning. How you doing?
- This looks fantastic.
- Good.
- Thank you, gentlemen.
Ahh!
[laughs]
Nope.
- Did your whole-- - Oh, yeah.
That was not-- that's not-- - Do you not have on panties?
- OK. No, definitely not happening.
- I just saw Jenna Lyons'--
- Definitely not happening.
- --pagina.
- Sights you can't unsee.
- Good morning, Jenna.
[laughs]
- Hi. - Hi.
- We missed you last night.
- Oh, missed you too.
- Did you rest? - I did.
I did. - Oh my goodness.
- I know. Good morning, beautiful.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
- This is not the outfit I left you wearing.
- Wow.
- Oh, by the way, so you know I'm sharing
room with my princess here.
So she's like, "Ubah, you know I don't snore."
I was like, "Oh, that's great."
- You're really going to do this right now?
- Last night, I wake up in the middle of the night,
and I hear...
[imitates snoring]
I'm like, what is that noise? - Oh, no.
Wait, did you record it? - I did.
- Play it!
both: Play it! Play it!
- Wait a second.
- Put the phone in a glass. It will make it louder.
- That is a low blow, Ubah.
- You farted in your sleep.
Chill out.
- I don't snore.
[snoring]
Barely hear anything.
[snoring]
[laughter]
No!
[laughter]
But it's not like a loud, ugly snore.
[laughter]
Yeah.
- You sound like an old man.
- I was dying laughing out here not to wake you up.
- I am a little congested.
It could be that. - No, girl.
You just snore. You snore.
- Why do you not want to admit that you snore?
Why are you still holding out?
- Jessel doesn't like to admit to anything.
- Oh, come on. - She's perfection.
- I don't snore.
That was a one-off.
- "That's not me, you guys.
It's not me."
- I mean, it doesn't really sound like a snore.
- [snores]
- It's just, like, a little, like, heavy breathing.
- [snores]
- It's very elegant.
- [snores] That's what it sounds like.
It was awesome.
- Look, there's a boat.
OK, guys, we are gonna have an amazing boat time.
- Yay.
- Remember, please don't wear any heels or anything.
It's going to be fun.
We're going to all jump in the water,
your beautiful curly hair, the real and the fake.
It can get in the water.
- OK, OK, OK.
[upbeat music]
- So I have this long--
- I love that. - --little poochie.
- It's very boat-y.
- Or it could be a little chilly.
Like-- - What is this?
- Ulla Johnson.
- No, I like the first one.
- The first one?
- Yeah, because it's got a little pop of gold.
Yes.
It's ----ing gorgeous. You're so good.
- You want to see-- - Wow.
- You look so pretty. - Stunning.
- Thank you.
- Are we ready, ladies?
- We are. - Oh, girl.
- Hello. - It's time.
- You look so cute. - I am obsessed.
- Yes. - It is a boat day, isn't it?
- So cute. - Hi, beauty.
You ready? - I'm ready.
- Hello. - You look cute.
- So sparkly. I love it.
- Oh, thanks. - This is great.
- Very festive. - Hello.
- Hello.
- Oh, you look so hot.
- Hello.
- Oh my god, it's so beautiful.
[upbeat music]
- Just the feeling of this-- like,
it's so-- the sand is so soft.
- It's like powder.
- And perfect and not dirty.
- I know.
- How beautiful!
It's the perfect day, girls.
- Thank you, sun. - Whoo!
- Hi.
Good afternoon. How are you?
- Good. How are you?
- Very pleased to meet you. My name is Nelson.
- Nelson, nice to meet you. - Captain Nelson!
- Hey. - How's it going?
- How are you? - Sai.
- Just watch your step, and you're very welcome.
- Thank you.
If I'm planning the trip, was anyone expecting me
not to get a boat? - Thank you.
Thank you.
- When you think of Sai, think of luxe, OK?
- Sai, Sai. - Oh, this is amazing.
I was meant to be here. - Thank you.
- I love it. - What's in here?
- Can I make you a drink, m'ladies?
- Yes. - What would you like?
- "Te-quee-la." - "Te-quee-la."
- Something virgin.
- How nice.
- I just want to know, like, at what point
it's OK to throw someone over.
- Ah! - [laughs]
- No, no, no, no, no. - Just know I'm not kidding.
- Yeah. - No, no, it's me.
- I'm going to throw her over.
So just let me know where it's safe.
Ubah, she threw me in the pool.
She opened the door to pranking.
[yells]
And now she's just trying to avoid getting
pushed back into the pool.
But it's a matter of time.
The prank is coming back to you.
You started the pranking.
- There you go.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.
- That's the real one. - Thank you, love.
- Thank you so much. - Thank you.
- Cheers. - To Sai Sai.
- Thank you so much. - We're on a boat.
- Tell me more.
- Thank you, thank you, thank you.
- Love you girls! - Thank you, Sai.
- [trills]
- Anguilla and falling in love.
- Like this. [trills]
Here, just-- touch your tongue to mine and--
[both trilling]
- Oh my god.
- I was hoping-- - [trills]
- Oh.
- Oh my goodness.
- 5 seconds away from cunnilingus.
- Is that Lancome?
[laughter]
- Coming up--
- Do you know what your new name should be?
It should be Queen of Assumption
because you assume sh-- about everyone.
- Good one. - Brynn was lying.
[upbeat music]
- This is insane.
- It's so nice.
- Join us, Jenna.
- It's beautiful.
I can't believe we're stopping here.
- I think we're going to go in and just, like, hang.
- [sighs] - Oh my god, are you OK?
- Oh, I'm so happy.
- So graceful.
- I'm so graceful. I'm so happy.
- A sea turtle.
You get the sea turtle just right here.
- Oh my god, you guys, look.
- Yeah, just over there.
- Oh, hi. - Aw!
- That's awesome.
- Look at him.
- That is so cute! - Oh, my God.
- OK, let's go in the water so I can flaunt
my insane, saggy, big tits.
- [laughs]
- Is it normal that I have to pee again?
- No. - It's not?
- Leave it for the turtles.
- [laughs]
- You guys are not swimming? - I am.
- Oh, yeah.
- We're not-- you guys aren't?
- Yeah.
- Oh!
Scuba.
This looks like-- literally, you look-- it's like a Bond,
like, situation.
- You look James Bond sh--.
- Yeah, that is James Bond sh--.
- Only Jenna Lyons can pull off this sh--.
- What the heck?
If I-- if I wore this--
- Shut the (BLEEP) up.
- Take off the wet suit, girl.
Like, a shark is going to bite you, because they're
going to think you're a seal.
- I think Jenna looks like a babe.
Full coverage, but it's kind of sleek and sexy.
- I want to paddleboard.
- Are we ready? - [shouts]
[upbeat music]
* *
- Oh, it's so nice!
So good!
- Erin's on her back again per usual.
I'm not going swimming, because I
don't want to get my hair wet.
Why get wet when you're already wet?
[chuckles]
- Wait, so we really missed you last night.
I needed, like, my--
I needed my, like, bodyguards.
These two came at me.
- Which ones?
- Erin and ----ing Sai.
- Really? - Yes.
- You got in that-- - Yes.
- --sandwich?
- It was, like, so dumb. Like--
- What did they say?
- Sai asked me a simple question--
where did you first work when you came to New York?
- OK.
- I'm like, "I lived with my uncle.
"And then I got my first internship,
"and I wasn't making any money.
And then I got my first job, and I was able to move out."
And they're like, "Wait, so how long did
you live with the uncle for?" - They want, like, timeline.
- Yeah, they wanted sh-- like, dates.
- And they were not taking any answers she gave them.
- And I'm like-- I'm like--
- What do you think they were trying to get at?
- I think Erin thinks I'm lying about the fact
that, like, I grew up with nothing.
Like, why would I lie about that?
- Yeah.
- But I feel like Erin's like, "Oh, you
"came from like a wealthy family,
and you come from, like, this and that."
- And you didn't?
- No.
- No matter what she said, it wasn't enough.
"You lied."
What is in it to you to, like, question
what people are telling you?
She said that she had, like, $20 in her account.
The other person screamed, "I didn't have anything."
Nobody's compare of how much. $20, zero,
it's the same ----ing sh--.
You were broke.
You're ----ing broke.
- I don't have to explain my sh-- to anyone.
- You don't.
- And also, if I'm explaining my sh-- to you, don't ----ing
question me about it.
I don't know what they want to hear from me.
"I'm a super-rich Indian princess,
and I have a ----ing elephant."
There's no reason for me to be ashamed of coming from wealth.
Like, if I was wealthy, I'd be like, "Yeah, I'm ----ing rich."
- Jenna, I'm slamming pineapple juice for us--
- Thank you. - --for us later.
- So when does this get to be consummated?
- Tonight.
The magic happens tonight, Jenna.
- Yeah.
I mean, listen, things have not happened.
- You know what? - It's amazing.
- I'm a sucker for good-looking,
successful New Yorkers.
Let's go.
Bada bing, bada boom.
- Thank you.
Brynn's incredibly attractive and sexy.
We're on an island.
Like, who knows what might happen?
Like, not no.
- Watch this.
I'll get a ring by the end of this trip.
[laughs]
I'm an old-fashioned girl, so I'd take her name.
Brynn Lyons.
Oh my god, I can see it-- the invites,
the credit card statements, the deed, the house.
- All right. - Thank you so much.
- You're welcome. And the other one right here.
- Are you single? Are you married?
- Like, what's your situation?
- Yeah what's the sitch?
- [laughs] - Yes.
- The lime as well? - Do it.
- Whatever you want. - You like the lime
first or the tequila? - Do it, do it, do it.
- Stop it.
[laughter]
- She's like, "Give it to me."
- Oh, stop it. - Please.
No, please. - Stop it.
- Oh, by the way, Jenna--
- Yes, love?
- Brynn has something to say.
- Maybe I have a little crush.
[laughter]
Bottoms up, Jenna.
- I'm hungry. - Oh my god.
- Shocker.
- My view is perfect.
- I'm excited.
Pilot-- pilot?
Captain Nelson said it was like lobster.
- Wait, you think he's a pilot?
- Pilot--
- Do you think this is a PJ?
Be honest.
- I mean--
[laughter]
- You think he's a pilot?
- Pilot?
- We will need you to drive the boat.
- You want me to drive the bus?
(BLEEP) yeah, I'll do it.
- I can't drive the boat, but I'll ride you.
- Can you bitches swim, is all I'm going to ask.
- Jessel does not need to be operating heavy machinery--
- I'm going to drive the boat.
- --when she doesn't even know what
the name of the person who is operating that machinery is.
- Guys! I'm your new captain.
- Uh-oh, watch the wave.
- We're all going to die. - I'm so scared.
- Someone--
- Why is it all of a sudden wobbly?
- How do I tip these bitches off the boat?
What do I have to do? - Oh.
- Oh, sh--. I'm going the wrong way.
- Just speed up. - She brought it up to me.
She's like, "Brynn, I need to talk to you."
And she's like, "Those two out there,
they came at me last night."
- We weren't going at her.
I said, "Just tell the truth about your life."
- She was like, "They were really like--
- It's annoying.
- --"Nitpicking and getting into the nitty-gritty."
- Which is the truth. You guys were doing that.
- That was really fun, you guys.
- Because I want to hear the truth.
- The truth. - I know, I know, I know.
- Nothing wrong with that. - It's enough.
- Yeah.
- By the way, she just told Brynn.
- You told Brynn that we were going at you?
- No, I said you asked me a question,
and I was telling you the answer.
And then you guys were, like, dissecting everything.
- The answer is not simple with you, Jessel.
It's never simple with you.
- OK, so what-- what-- - You, like-- well,
did you get help? Did you didn't get help?
- I told you, I didn't get help.
I said, "My dad did not give me help."
Did you not get that part?
- The math is not mathing.
- But to be fair, she did say that.
She said, "I would not be able to move to New York
if my uncle didn't help me." - Yeah.
- She'd say that.
These girls don't have an agenda with Jenna.
Jenna can say her mother was an alien,
and these girls would believe it, right?
Jessel can bring her mom to them and be like,
"This is my mom."
They'll be like, "We need a DNA."
Like-- just, like, there's no winning here, Jessel.
- Like, you don't get what we're trying to say.
- No, I don't.
- You're constantly trying to say, "My life was so hard.
It was so hard. It was so this."
- I'm not constantly trying to say that.
- But you are. - But that's what--
- And it takes away-- - --my reality is.
- --from other people-- no, it's not.
- It's not taking away from anyone.
- Your life is not that hard.
- I'm not comparing myself to Brynn.
- You are.
- I'm not comparing myself to Sai.
- Because you had a perfectly fine life.
- How do you know that? Did you live my life, Erin?
- Your life was so incredibly hard when you
lived with your rich uncle?
- I said I lived with my uncle.
Did I say he was incredibly rich?
- Oh my god. - Did I?
Do you know what your new name should be?
It should be Queen of Assumption
because you assume sh-- about everyone.
- Good one. - "Brynn was lying."
It's like, what the heck is wrong with you?
I'm about to jump off the boat.
I don't understand where this is coming from.
- Why does it bother you so much?
- Because it's so inauthentic.
- It just seems like Erin is projecting
her privilege onto me.
I'm not going to try and justify my sh-- to you guys,
OK? - You don't have to.
- OK, so then why do you care?
- Did you grow up in a horrible situation?
Was it so hard?
- You don't know where I came from.
- We don't. We don't.
- Like, you don't. - We don't.
- OK, so then stop-- - And that's why we ask.
- You didn't ask me-- - That's why we ask.
- You didn't ask me that question.
Even when I'm like, "I want to know more about you,"
your story is about your parents coming from Kenya.
That's great.
- Is that not part of my story?
- No, we want to know about you!
- Jessel. - It's that simple.
- Is that not part of my story? - It's that simple.
- Why are you ----ing yelling?
- Because I can't get the point across, the same sh--.
- Ooh!
Brooklyn's in the house in Anguilla.
The vein popped out.
I'm like, are we on a boat or are we in the bodega?
Something's going down.
I'm going to just grab my snacks and get out of here.
- I wish I had a little bit of Sai in me.
- (BLEEP).
- My parents, to me, is my story.
I'm sorry.
- But it's not your story, my love.
- It's not your story.
- But it's part of how I grew up, OK?
- Any generation, people share story of their family.
You are who you came from.
And it's so shocking that these intelligent women,
they don't see that.
It's annoying and actually quite embarrassing.
- I'm done with this conversation,
because I don't care.
- OK, well, I don't care that you don't care.
- OK.
- Are we cool? OK.
- We're totally fine.
I'm having a great time on the water.
- Me too.
I just ----ing drove this not yacht.
It's great. - This not yacht.
[laughs]
- Coming up--
- So I'm basically topless in Cancun
in the middle of this club, and everyone is like, "Yeah!"
- Oh! We rolling now.
Ay!
- That looks really cozy.
- It's very cozy.
- Did you watch "Winnie the Pooh"?
- I loved "Winnie the Pooh." - Me too.
- So the rabbit--
- I want to be Eeyore. - I am Tigger.
- I'm Eeyore. - You are Tigger.
- I'm definitely Tigger.
I'm the only one.
- Nobody else can be Tigger.
- Nobody can be Tigger.
- Now I know why I got thrown in the pool.
- But you know what? I'm the one who suffer.
I'm watching my back every minute.
- How do you suffer? - What do you mean?
- You're sitting on the boat all day--
- No. - --perfectly dry--
- No. - I don't understand.
- --gorgeous. - Because I'm scared.
In the back of my oblongata--
- Good. - --I am thinking--
- "Back of my oblongata." [laughs]
- --when she's throwing me out, when?
- I'm one of five kids.
We love pranking each other.
That's how we grew up.
Like, we would (BLEEP) with each other all the time.
I cannot wait to get Ubah back.
- This light is unbelievable.
- All right, come on.
Let's get dressed and go to dinner.
- * We are the universe *
* So beautiful *
* We'll take on the world *
- We're-- it's our wedding.
- It's our wedding. - Honey--
- And I'm just a bridesmaid. - --we're getting married.
We're getting married.
What's up?
- Am I getting kicked out of the wedding?
Because I'm wearing white too. - You're kicked out.
- I'll go change. - [laughs]
- I'll change. - Look at this situation.
- I'll go change. - [laughs]
- You work that, actual.
- No, I'm sorry. Do you mind?
- Yeah, she's mine.
- Thank you.
I would absolutely make her sign a prenup.
[laughs]
There's no way.
She's not getting everything.
- OK, guys, let's go, please. - Let's go, please.
- Ready. - Here we go.
- * Love me, love me, love me, love me *
* Love me, love me *
* Love me, love me, love me, love me *
* Love me loco *
* Love me, love me, love me *
- All right, girls.
Get out.
- * Love me loco *
- Oh, this is cute.
- Why are you so covered up? - It got caught.
It got caught. - * Love, love me, love me *
- Hi. Good evening.
Welcome to Oceanecho. - Hi.
- My name is Annie.
- * Love me loco *
- You can have a seat.
Excuse me, madam.
May I offer you a menu?
Can I have your drink order, please?
- I'm going to have Sex on the Beach without the vodka.
- Sex on the Beach. Ooh!
- But without the vodka. - OK.
- I'm just going to--
- I'll have Sex on the Beach with the vodka.
- I'm actually just going to stick with this.
- The water?
- Thank you.
- Can I have a white wine, please?
- Water. I'll be right back.
- Ubah, this is you drinking water.
[laughs]
Like a cat.
- I just want to spill.
- Oh my god, Ubah.
- I can't do it.
I just can't.
- I've had no complaints in the oral area.
- Even my dentist is like, honey.
[laughs]
- Why do you say that?
- Fun fact, if you just act like you're choking on it,
they love it.
- [laughs] - They do.
- If you just act-- what?
- You don't even have to really, like, suck it
or figure out how to do it when you're giving a blow job.
Just start acting like--
[coughs]
Just start coughing act like you're, like, choking,
and they're like, "Oh my god."
They think it's so hot.
- Oh, really?
- And by them, I mean every man on the face of the Earth.
Fun fact.
[laughter]
This is an educational meal.
Fun fact number two.
I need to educate my friends.
It can't be all fun in the sun, ladies.
- Thank you.
- I'm over here.
Brynn, I'm not-- I'm not even partaking
in any of your ridiculous sexiness,
whatever is going on with you.
- This is-- by the way, this is not
appropriate for this location.
- It's not. - Yeah, it really isn't.
- It's not.
Like, people are horrified.
- Who wants to be teacher's pet, Jenna?
[laughs] - I'm in.
Like, I am ready.
We're picking out rings.
- Can I have your dinner order, please?
- Can I do the tuna tataki.
- Blue crab cake. - Crab cake.
- The Caesar salad. - The snapper.
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
You're lovely, by the way.
We appreciate you.
- Thanks for putting up with us.
[laughter]
- Why don't we do this?
Why don't we say the most embarrassing
story about ourselves?
- OK. - You go first.
- I'm down.
- OK, fine.
When I was like 12 or 13, I go to the bathroom,
and I got my period.
And I was like, "Oh my god, what do I do?
What do I do?"
So I grabbed a tampon.
And I remember I go and I, like,
lay on my little twin bed, and I'm like, "OK, what do I do?"
Because I never, like, knew or explored
myself or something like that.
So I, like, go down there, and, like-- and I find the hole.
And I-- shoo!
And it's in.
I'm like, OK, OK, you know?
And I get up, and I'm walking around.
I'm like, this feels weird, you know?
Like, I put the tampon in my butt.
- Oh my god.
- I didn't know there was another hole.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Back, back, back, back up.
You didn't know that there was--
- No, dude.
No, I grew up in a Catholic conservative thing.
- How old were you?
- I wasn't, like, exploring-- it was seventh grade.
- Wow.
I can't believe that that was not insanely painful.
- It wasn't.
- Brynn, how big is your asshole?
[laughs]
I just don't-- it's like a pretty
significant thing to stick up your butt by mistake.
I'm just-- I don't know.
- OK, Jessel, embarrassing story.
- All right, Jessel. - OK.
I'm going to set the scene.
It's spring break, Cancun.
We're at the hottest club, and inside this club,
it's like a grotto.
Like, there's two levels.
- Love a grotto.
- So I'm like, I want to go into the grotto.
And I didn't bring anything-- no swimsuit, nothing.
And so I take off my dress, and I'm wearing my underwear.
And I'm in the top level of this grotto.
And I see my other group of girlfriends.
Like, they're on the dance floor.
So I'm, like, leaning over, and I'm, like,
trying to get their attention. - Oh, no.
- Guys, guys, guys.
I slipped, like, ----ing, like, headfirst into the second
level of the grotto, and my bra goes up like this, and my face
is in the water, by the way.
- And what about your tits? Where are they?
- Oh, out, out.
So I'm basically topless in Cancun
in the middle of this club.
And everyone is like, "Yeah!"
[laughter]
I cannot make this sh-- up.
Like, it was mortifying.
- It sounds really bad. - And when I tell you--
- That sounds so stupid.
- It was so stupid.
- So stupid.
- But I just saw everything that you just described,
and I saw Jessel doing it, because it's so Jessel.
- Jessel is best when she's just being herself.
I mean, she's so comfortable when she tells this story.
That's the Jessel we love.
- Well done. Best one.
- I win at stories, I guess.
OK, anyway. - I'm proud of you.
- That was ----ing funny.
- Mine is frighteningly similar to yours.
- Stop. - Frighteningly.
- OK, let's go.
- So do you know that place O Bar?
Do you remember-- does anybody O Bar?
- Crow Bar? - O Bar.
This is-- - Wait, where is this?
- On the Upper East Side-- super expensive,
very, very wealthy people.
I didn't have this kind of money.
All of them had black cards.
I'd never seen a black card before.
The entrance, it's below.
So you go down this very steep set of stairs.
As I'm walking down the stairs, my coat
is dragging on the steps behind me, and someone steps on it.
I go headfirst-- - God.
- --like a rocket.
And my dress is silk.
I literally--
- Slip and slide. - Oh my--
- I was just, like, so--
- Imagine shooting like rocket.
- You don't understand.
It was-- it was warp speed.
[laughs]
[vocalizing]
[laughter] - So funny.
- Slam into the wall.
And who-- who picks me up?
- No. Come on.
Give me someone good.
- Literally Ralph Fiennes reaches down,
the guy from "The English Patient."
He had just been-- - I'm obsessed with him.
- And I'm obsessed with him too.
Literally, all of my stockings are thrashed all the way down.
I have rug burn all the way down my--
and I'm, like, trying to, like, stand up and just be cool.
I'm, like, in tear-- like, I want to cry so badly.
It was, like, one of the most embarrassing
moments of my entire life.
I saw Ralph Fiennes in a bar at a hotel in London
probably 10 years later.
I don't know if he remembers.
I don't think so.
- I sh-- on myself before.
- No.
- You what? - Stop.
Details.
- What?
- Coming up--
- Ahh!
- Oh my god!
- That is my bitch.
[light upbeat music]
- I sh-- on myself before.
- No. - You what?
- Stop. Details.
- What?
- It was a track meet, and I was in high school.
And I had to use the bathroom so bad, but I was out there,
and I was already waiting for the race to start.
[laughter] - Oh my god.
- The gun went off. - No.
- I see-- I run second leg.
I see her coming around the corner.
I say, "OK, I got it.
I got this."
Take off running.
And she say, "Stick."
I said, "All right."
[blows raspberry]
[laughter]
- Oh my god.
- And I went, "Oh my god!"
[laughter]
- You kept running with sh-- all over you?
- I had to. It was the biggest meet.
- Wait, did you have shorts on?
- I had the tiniest little shorts.
I said, "God, please don't let it come down my leg."
- Oh my god, that would be hilarious.
- Did it come down your legs?
- Oh.
I don't think it was that much.
It was more like a big shart, and--
yeah.
- It was just in your pants?
- Oh god.
- Well, for me I don't know if it's an embarrassed story.
I don't know.
Because I always think all the guys just
want me for some reason.
- For some reason.
- I just-- that's what I just think.
- For some crazy reason. - Some crazy reason.
I'm like, he's looking at me. He's looking.
He wants me. He wants me.
You can't have it. You can't have it.
Anyways, I was in the club.
I love, like, dancing and stuff.
So I went to the bathroom, and my favorite song was playing.
So I pee really fast.
I dry myself, whatever.
And I'm running to go dancing, and this guy is chasing me.
"Hey, hey, hey."
I'm like, "What?"
And he's like, "Hey, you have a toilet paper."
I had a toilet paper.
It's following me from my--
- That's funny. - I was just--
- I would have been mortified.
- The night was over for me then.
[laughter] - Aww.
- The last time I was embarrassed
was when I was on a flight with my kids,
and Elijah would not stop crying.
[tense music]
* *
Is that terrible?
- Is that it?
- That's it?
That's all you have, Erin?
"My kids embarrassed me on a plane."
Like, that's everyone.
That's every mother in America in the world.
That's not a fun story.
- Why don't we go hang out at the house?
- Yeah.
- We can have a few drinks there.
- OK. - I love that.
- Tomorrow, we're going to do a rum tour.
- Rum tour. - So everyone--
- Sold.
- And then, because it's our last night in paradise,
we're going to do dinner at the villa.
- Amazing. - Yay!
- I'm happy. I want to have dinner at home.
- How is everything? - Beautiful.
- It was fantastic. Thank you so much.
- Everything was fantastic. We love you!
- We love you! - I love you all too.
- Thank you all. - You were so great.
Thank you. Thank you.
- You all are so beautiful.
- Aw, thank you. - That's sweet.
Thank you so much. It was lovely.
- But who is the prettiest?
- No, don't answer that. - Oh, come on.
- Everyone is pretty.
- That's what we like to hear.
- You have to say her. She's--
- Oh, I'm so sad. I'm leaving.
- She's our leader. - I'm leaving.
- We tell her all the time, and she believes it.
[upbeat music]
* *
- This was the best story, Jessel.
- That was.
- That was an epic story.
- OK.
I'm going--
- Jenna. - Are you going in the hot tub?
- Yes.
- You are?
- The party doesn't stop.
- No? Mwah!
- Did you just fart?
Ew!
- No, I didn't.
- I have so much work to do. I'm so behind.
- Tomorrow. You do tomorrow morning.
- I'm so behind.
- You do tomorrow morning. You do tomorrow morning.
- Ubah-- where's Ubah?
- You're such a dumb ass, this Ubah.
Thank you. I'm going to (BLEEP) with her.
- Thank you. Have a good night.
- Thank you so much. - See you tomorrow.
- Do not tell her I have her phone.
Do not. - OK.
- I'm going to push her in the pool.
- Go change. - OK.
[quirky music]
- What do you mean?
- What? You're, like, reminding me.
- I know. - I forgot.
I know that I'm not leaving this trip without this weave
getting in the water.
Listen, I start it, so I'm OK with it.
But just, like, the anticipation
of it, it's not fun.
- Just take it.
Otherwise, it's going to happen at the worst moment.
And you're going to be really upset.
You want to take it now, or you want to just suffer all day?
Tomorrow, you'll suffer all day.
Throw you in the ocean.
* *
Guys, I had so much water today, a lot of water sports.
- Push you in.
- No.
She better-- I will ----ing murder
you if you come near me.
- What are you going to do?
I'm not going to throw you out.
I promise you that.
- Why do you keep saying throw out?
I'm throwing you in. I'm not throwing you out.
- Ah! Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait. - Just ----ing take it.
- [yells] - Otherwise, it's going to be
like this the whole--
- [yells] - Damn, she's--
- Wait, let me think. Let me think.
- What is there to think about?
Just get the (BLEEP) in the pool.
- Wait, wait, wait. I think-- let me pray.
Let me pray first. - All right, I'll wait.
- How about I just put myself in?
- No, I'll wait. - I drop myself in.
- No.
This doesn't count, by the way.
- I--ahh!
- Oh my god!
[clapping]
- Ahh! Oh my god!
- Oh my god. - That is my bitch.
- Oh my god.
- I just needed to push Ubah in.
You can stand.
It was like, timber!
And it was great.
- By the way, that doesn't count.
- Doesn't count.
- Oh my god. - Doesn't count.
It's not payback that Ubah's in the pool,
because I didn't push her in.
But that's OK, because I also have her phone.
So I have another prank going.
- Oh. [laughter]
That was a belly flop if I ever saw one.
- Coming up-- - Get out of my face.
- I didn't-- I'm not getting out of your face.
- Get out of my face. - I did not say your name.
- Get-- - Take these glasses
[upbeat music]
* *
- Oh, sh--.
Oh, god.
What is-- [laughs].
Oh.
[upbeat music]
* *
[alarm rings]
- Oh, god!
* *
- I am so pissed.
You know Erin had my phone and didn't want to give it to me?
Do you know I have a family that I need to tell them
that I'm OK?
- She's pranking you.
- Eh?
- She's pranking you from throwing her in the pool.
- But you threw me in the pool.
The deal was already done.
- But then she said it wasn't--
it wasn't even, because I did it.
- She didn't do it, because she's a p---y.
She couldn't do it.
When I can't find my phone, Jessel came to look
out for the phone with me.
So I group text through Jessel.
Erin is replying back with a bunch of emoji,
but we don't understand what it is, right?
- I sleep very light.
I came out and saw her walking around looking for her phone.
I knew Erin had it.
I told Jessel, "Go upstairs. Erin has it."
- So I go upstairs, and Erin has it.
And she's, like, laughing.
Like, who takes someone's phone in, like, another country?
- No, I knew she had your phone.
I told-- - Eh?
- I knew she had your phone.
That's why I told you to go up there.
- So you knew that?
- I said to Jessel--
I said, "Go to Erin's room.
Erin has it."
- At this point, I'm pissed at Erin and Sai,
because Sai knew Erin had my phone, and she didn't say it.
Everyone, when they lose their phone,
the first thing is, they go panicking.
Your credit card is in there, your password, your pictures.
It is-- this is a serious matter.
Like, I want my phone.
I'm going back to bed.
- I thought you were going to go
to Erin's and curse her out.
- I'm going to find her.
She's going to be awake somewhere.
- All right.
Well, I'm going to relax.
Of course I would want to know where my phone is.
Like, I'm addicted to my phone. Of course.
I'm going to call my family.
I want to get on the 'gram.
I want to do all the things.
I wouldn't have dwelled on it the way she is dwelling on it.
But I understand it.
- OK, we have to hide the evidence.
Just hide the evidence.
- [vocalizing]
- Hi.
- I am the worst singer.
- I see that.
[laughs]
Anyway, I heard Ubah screaming.
- Oh, she's so ----ing mad at you.
- Really? - Yeah.
I mean, I would be mad at you too.
- Really?
- For taking my phone and me not knowing where it was?
- When she realized that it was gone, I gave it to her.
- But how ----ed up is that?
It's not like we're home where I can just go to Apple Store.
This is, like, another country.
- This is everything I have to connect me to my kids,
my husband, the outside world.
Like, someone took this, I would be ----ing pissed.
- Ubah is obsessed with her phone.
- Yeah, but literally she didn't even know it was gone.
- She checks her phone every 5 minutes.
- It was a prank.
- I've actually never seen you so upset.
- This is stupid.
- Did she apologize?
- She has no idea that I'm upset
or she did anything wrong, because I
have not tell her anything.
I just don't want to worry my family.
I have upset them before.
My phone dies all the time.
You're not married. You travel all the time.
You're by yourself.
You're a girl.
And then you have sisters that are worried about you.
Thank you so much for texting her.
I really appreciate you. - Of course.
Ubah, of course.
- And this just makes even much more
sense why we share a room.
Thank you.
- First of all, she should be thanking me
because she left her phone in the car
and I went and got it for her.
- She's so annoyed by it.
- She needs to calm down.
She's so unreasonable.
Of course I was going to get the phone back to her.
I literally had her phone for 45 minutes.
It wasn't that long.
- OK, I'm starved.
I swear, when I get back, I'm going on a detox.
- Excuse me, my lady. - Thank you.
- You're welcome. - Me too.
- Good morning, daddies. - Hi.
- Good morning.
- Mwah.
Where are all the other hookers?
- Who cares?
- Do you run still?
- Mm-mm.
- No?
- My knees are bad now.
- You-- so you've been on your knees a lot?
- A lot.
- [chuckles]
- I got really ahead in life.
- [laughs]
- Stroked my way through life.
- I'm so proud right now.
- Always a smooth ride.
- [laughs]
- Things got a little bumpy along the way.
Good morning.
Why are you mad at me?
[tense music]
What did I do?
- Oh my god.
See that look?
- Ah.
- Hi, Amore.
Do you have hot water?
- For you, of course, we do.
- Yes.
- I'm literally so scared.
It's terrifying.
- She doesn't even look at me.
- Good morning, sweet pea.
How are you?
- Good morning. - Why do you get a kiss?
What did I do?
- And safe.
- It feels like sh--.
It feels actually very mean.
It feels really mean.
Why is she so mad at you?
Why is Ubah so mad?
- Wait, you don't remember taking her phone last night?
- I do.
But I took it for an hour, and I gave it back to her right
at night. But I was kidding.
It was a joke.
She's going to be so--
- She does not find it funny.
- Know when a joke is a joke.
Like, everyone needs to take a humor class or something
or go to, like, a comedy workshop.
This is the problem-- - It's a joke.
- --with the world. Like--
- Were you ever going to give it back to her last night?
- Of course. - I just told you that I was--
- Of course. - --when you text--
- OK. Erin's a mother.
She has kids.
I think that if the tables were turned
and the shoe was on the other foot,
it would have been, you know, a problem.
- Why are you so mad?
- Are you representing Ubah? - No, no.
- Are you the--
- I'm asking Erin a question, because I wasn't up there.
- In the case of the missing phone--
- I'm not representing her, you guys.
- --of Ubah against Erin--
- OK, Jessel, you texted me, and I sent an emoji like this.
And I knew that you guys would all
understand that me going like this
meant that I had the phone.
- I honestly didn't know if you had it or not.
- I don't know.
Like, this really was supposed to be like a little, stupid--
- Prank.
- --fun joke.
- I'm just like, I had to sit there, and she was upset.
I'm just telling you.
- All right, should we get dressed?
- Yeah.
- You get your ass beat, girl.
- [laughs]
- Coming up--
- You took my phone.
- You are not allowed to yell--
- You had my ----ing phone. - Get away from me.
- You had my phone.
[upbeat music]
* *
- Hi, honey.
Good morning, wifey.
- Oh my god.
You're so sweet.
- I've been up all morning.
- Oh.
- I just wanted to make you something special.
We have everything that we would need.
- OK, I'm just going to--
- We have some fruit here for you.
- My first thought is deep excitement that she
was taking care of me.
- There's banana wrapped in bacon.
And then there's Greek yogurt and then chocolates
because Valentine's Day-- love chocolates.
- Um, it's-- OK.
- Yeah, and then French toast.
- This is-- wow.
And the hot sauce.
My second thought was, what the actual hell is on this plate?
[laughs]
- I just figured, if all else fails,
I could just put this on my boobs and then--
- Oh.
- I'm so--
- I mean, this is going to go so well.
I'm feeling really good about us right now.
[upbeat music]
* *
- Do you need sunscreen?
- For sure.
Let me do you, and then you can do me.
- Sure.
This is like the staging.
- Erin!
Choo-choo!
The rum train's coming.
Ethel, are you ready?
- Hi, Lucy.
- Why do I just love, like, sitting in this tub?
- I don't know.
It's cute that you do, though.
- Wait, have you even seen or spoken to Erin yet?
- No.
- I am very annoyed with her for turning this in--
- Why?
- Because it's our last day.
- You're right.
Basically, at lunch, my goal is to be blacked out.
- I was thinking about it.
We're all friends.
What if I had been someone who really doesn't
like to be thrown in the pool?
Like, she took a chance by throwing me in the pool.
- Right. - You know what I mean?
- I happen to be fine with it because I'm chill.
- Yeah.
- But, like, how am I supposed to know that she's
so crazy about her phone?
- If someone took your phone for just
a short period of time, it's not that big of a deal.
Chill out.
We're on vacation.
Erin thought she was being funny.
Erin, leave the funny to me.
And that's it.
I don't think the punishment matches the crime.
- Exactly.
- She's shaking in her boots, let's be honest.
But she's downplaying it. You know that.
She's like, "I don't understand.
Like, what's the big deal?"
And then she was like, "Why are you trying to be her lawyer?"
I'm like, "I'm not trying to be her lawyer."
- Maybe I should call her husband to be my lawyer.
- [laughs]
[hisses]
[upbeat music]
* *
- Are we ready to roll?
- All right, shall we do this?
- All right, let's get this show on the road.
* *
- Did you get a boob job in the last hour?
[whistles] - Yeah, your boobs look great.
- Huge. - Where's Jenna?
- She's coming.
- She's in her room?
- Yeah.
- I heard you brought her breakfast.
- Yeah. I'm romanticizing.
- You really-- - This is how I'm a flirt.
- You're working on it. - I'm working it.
- Showing her what I'm capable of, you know?
[tense music]
- Right now I'm intimidated, because Ubah
is making it a point to single me out, not to look my way.
I'm a little scared.
- Should we bring bathing suits?
- Just in case.
- I'm going to go grab a suit.
- Whoo!
- Oh my goodness!
Hello, sailor.
- Wow.
- I left-- I left my--
- You left something.
- [laughter]
- Ooh!
I'm getting excited.
- We're waiting for Erin.
Erin was here, right?
- I hear her saying my name.
Stop saying my name when I'm not around.
- I didn't say your name.
- I heard you say, "Erin, Erin."
- No, I said, "Erin was standing right here."
- I don't care what you're saying about me right now.
I don't want you to say my name.
- Guess what. - Get out of my face.
- I didn't-- I'm not getting out of your face.
- Get out of my face. - I did not say your name.
- Get out-- - Take these glasses
when you're talking to me-- - Excuse me?
- -- first of all. - Do not grab me.
- Listen, listen. - Do not grab me.
- No, you listen. - Give me my sunglasses.
- You listen. - I'm not listening to you, no.
- Give you your sunglasses? - You are not allowed
to speak to me like this. - You took my--
you took my phone. - You are not allowed
to yell at me. - You had my ----ing phone.
- Get away from me. - You had my phone.
- Get away from me. - Why did you have my phone?
- Ubah, I'm not kidding. - Why'd you get--
- Get away from me right now. - Try.
[tense music]
- Get away-- - Try. Try. Try. Try.
- I'm asking you to get away. - Try.
- Next time
on "The Real Housewives of New York City..."
- Ahh! - [trilling]
- Go, Brynn. Go, Brynn. Go, Brynn. Go, Brynn.
Go, Brynn, go.
[all shouting]
- I have got her back.
- By calling me a spoiled brat? - You are.
You literally put myself on a control cruise--
- Cruise control, babe. - Whatever the (BLEEP) it is.
- Erin, she talks mad sh-- about you,
that you're, like, just like the dum-dum
of the whole group.
- Listen, I've been playing nice in the sandpit.
I have a ----ing checklist about this bitch, OK?
- No! [together] Oh!
- You're getting accused of throwing someone in a pool.
I got accused of being a "slut" and flirting
with someone's husband. - But wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait a second.
- Why are you bringing this up now,
because she's riling you up?
- No, no, no. - Be quiet.
- Don't tell me what to do. - Shut up!
You are such a bitch.
- No, no, you are a bitch.
And guess what, it's coming to you hot.
[dramatic music]