- Bitches and whores. Next question.
[laughs]
But all really great moms.
[upbeat music]
- I kind of feel like Satan's, like, first wife.
- Brynn is definitely the fun girl.
- Hi. I'm Brynn.
- Hi. I'm the chef here tonight.
- Yeah. - He's married.
- Oh, okay. Never mind. [laughter]
- I've never seen anyone
weave flirting into everything they do.
- Don't hit on my dad tonight.
- I'm 100% hitting on your dad tonight.
- Brynn has taken the fun meter from here to here.
- Maybe I have a little crush.
[laughter]
Bottoms up, Jenna.
- Okay. I'll be right back. - Okay.
Someone's grabbing my ass.
- We look in magazines and we see Jenna
and she's, like, boss bitch.
- Probably light that and light the candles, yeah?
- She's a very unique person.
- There we go. Okay, ladies.
- There are little quirks here and there.
- Does he actually drink coffee?
- Mm-hmm. It's a problem.
- Jenna's unapologetic for who she is.
- Ooh, my.
- But I think there's a lot that we don't know about Jenna.
- Would you like to have a threesome
with me and my husband?
- If you guys haven't had sex in a year and a half,
I don't think I should be your entry point.
- How's it looking?
- It's so good.
- Jessel, the publicist.
And she will remind you she is a publicist at all times.
- I joined Michael Kors
and the first thing he said to me was,
"I need last look in 'Vogue.'"
- Jessel's a good girl.
- Are we a part of a girl group?
- Clearly, we are.
- But sometimes, Jessel'll say things you're like...
- I've had a popsicle stuck
up my-- - [gasps]
- It's like, "Jessel just said that?"
- Jessel! We like to see the freaky you.
- Do you know my name?
- I don't try to be glam. It just happens.
Wait. Ubah, can you take my photo real quick?
- Yes.
- Influencers in the wild. - Sorry.
- There is a sexy sort of aloofness to Sai.
- Oh, my God, I can't hold it.
[grunts and laughs]
- Sai on Instagram, every picture's like...
She is not a huge bitch.
She can be a bitch, but not to me, so I love her.
- Remember the model always has a short, rich boyfriend?
- Sai's such boss, and I think it had to do with her height.
- I got a hot model. I'm rich.
- Here, you guys. It was here.
- Ubah is vivacious.
- What are you serving, Ubah?
- Chocolate, darling. - [laughs]
- Ubah's, like, larger-than-life.
She could be in another borough and you can hear her.
- I'm running away from the hottest man in the world.
- Are you done? [laughter]
- [in Swahili] Ubah's the kid that's very pretty.
She's a train wreck.
- [chuckling] You called her a train wreck?
You don't gotta go home,
but you do have to get out of here.
- Erin likes to run the ----ing show.
- [speaking Spanish]
The handles.
- I mean, Erin is a true New Yorker.
- She's not from the city.
- Yeah. - Like a tourist.
- She's a straight-shooter, she's straightforward.
- No.
- Erin's that friend that
you laugh your ass off every time that you're together.
- Jesus (BLEEP). - [laughing]
Okay, okay, okay.
- We're so eclectic and different,
but we have so much fun together.
- Okay, silly face.
If you're looking for the real representation of New York,
this is us.
- To built-in family! We love you.
- Yes. [glasses clink]
[upbeat music]
- The secret ingredient, darling, it's me.
* *
- My lashes may be fake, but I definitely keep it real.
- I'm a true New Yorker.
The only bull I take is by the horns.
- I always bring the flavor,
it's not my fault you don't have any taste.
- In New York, there's a lot of bad apples,
but I'm the baddest of the bunch.
- I love to laugh,
but make me mad, and I'll date your dad.
[upbeat music]
* *
- * Ooh, yeah *
* *
- Hey, guys.
We're about to have a playdate,
and Brynn is coming over, too.
- Okay.
- And Jessel's coming over with the boys, okay?
- All right.
- When they come over, I want everybody
off their screens.
* *
You wanna come do these dishes?
Feel like I gotta put all the dishes away.
We don't want people to think that we don't do our dishes.
I represent Brooklyn all day.
I'm an around the way girl, through-and-through.
I always will be.
I used to hang out on Flatbush
washing sets in my doobies
with the little, like, pins in them.
- Cups go in here, right?
- Do you live here? - Yeah.
- Oh. Just wondering.
Everything that I had growing up
is so different for the family that I created now.
I would just, like,
walk down tree-lined blocks in Brooklyn
and look through the homes and think,
"How do they live here?"
- There we go.
- Sometimes, I see people looking through my brownstone
and lo and behold, look at me now.
[knock at door] Oh, my God. Brynn is here.
Put this away. - Okay.
- Hello, darling! - Hello!
Look at this! Lady of the house.
- I am the lady of the house.
- How are you? - I'm casual.
- Oh, just caszh? Hey. Hi, Yoshi.
What's shakin', bae? - Take your shoes off, though.
- Yes.
- I do have another pair of house shoes if you want.
Do you have on socks or do you have on, like, crusty feet?
- If you're--ah! [clicks tongue]
Get outta here.
- You know, I don't want to out people with the crusty feet.
- I consider Sai to 100% be one of my best friends.
I just like going to her house because it's like
that's what I want.
Like, she's living the life that I want.
It's perfect.
London, I have a little treatsie-poos for you and Rio.
- Rio!
- She's living my life.
Should I kill her and take her life?
Like, it would almost turn into, like, a psychodrama
of, like, "Hi, I'm Sai." [laughs]
- I want my present.
- You want your present? Which one? This one?
Are you too tired for it?
- No. - No?
Treats!
* *
- Erin!
- Hey. What's up?
- You know, baby. - How are you? Thank you...
- Good. How are you? [both smooch]
- So much for coffee. - Of course.
- You look so beautiful. - So do you!
- Hi! - You look so chic.
- Hold on. How do I do this?
I'm just gonna jump to the other side.
- You gotta hop over. - Yes, yes, yes.
- I had the craziest morning. I, like, woke up.
I have celery juice every morning.
I had my coffee.
- Is that the one your son drank by accident?
[laughter] I die, I die.
- The letter from the teacher?
Being like, "Hi, Erin. Uh, Elijah had..."
- [laughing] An accident. - "Blowout diarrhea."
And then I texted the group and I'm like,
"This is what happens when
you give your kid celery juice."
- I don't even take celery juice.
- Now, I'm like too used to it.
- I like to keep my food, you know?
I pay for it.
Why the (BLEEP) I need to go take it out really quick?
No way.
I want to stay as full as possible.
* *
- Maybe have the champagne when Jessel gets here?
- Yes. She's gonna need it.
[baby crying]
[quirky dramatic music]
- Look, guys, look. Look, we're on a bridge.
- Wow.
Isn't that pretty?
- This is your first time on the Brooklyn Bridge.
Do you even care?
[Nilam laughs] Hello?
I have two gorgeous twin boys. Their names are Kai and Rio.
I like to say they're the human form of coffee.
They do not sit still for not one second.
Oh, my God! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
[child screams] Okay.
You can't leave the house.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Rio, do you ever give us a break?
[child shrieking]
- This chair smells like puke.
Two babies?
Give me that tequila bottle.
- No.
- This is like a monumental piece of architecture.
[child shrieking]
Oh, my gosh.
Do you have a wet wipe? His nose is disgusting.
Oh, my God.
This is called a stoop.
This is a Brooklyn stoop.
[Jessel gasps] both: Hello!
- Hi! - Oh, my gosh! The babes!
- Rio, come! Come see the boys.
- Hi. How are you?
- This is my mom, Sai. - So nice to see you again.
- So nice to meet you.
[Yoshi barks]
- Be gentle, Rio.
Brynn, you look so festive!
I met Sai and Brynn in the fashion and publicity world.
Whose water is that?
- Oh, are you drinking my water?
- I was like, "I hope this is water and nothing else."
- Imagine if it was vodka.
- Sai is a content creator.
She's one of the most respected in the industry.
I will buy everything she posts.
- This is chaos.
- I totally forgot what it's like to have toddlers.
- Oh, my God. [Yoshi barks]
- Okay, champs for all. - Oh, merci beaucoup.
- Thank you.
- All right, girls. Let's take this party outside.
Let's leave the kids.
- Sai's kids, I'm, like, my ovaries are flipping.
I'm, like, ready to get knocked up yesterday.
Jessel's kids...
[children fussing]
I'm like, "Eh."
- Brooklyn is so chic. Like-- - I know!
- It's like a vibe.
[upbeat music]
- Can you believe this is like--
it's so warm outside. - I know.
I gotta take this off. - What the hell?
So how it's going on? Did you see the other girls?
- Um, you know how I feel.
- I know, I know. How you are with Brynn now?
[dramatic music]
- I'm still a little bit salty about that night.
- Coming up...
- Damn, girl. - Oh, damn, you.
You look great. - Hi.
Do you want the quick tour?
- [gasps] What a pad.
[dramatic music]
- Oh, how you are with Brynn now?
- I'm still a little bit salty about that night.
I wouldn't care if other people had different plans,
but it was like we should do something together.
- Yeah.
- So I made the effort to, like, do something together.
The girls and I wanted to get together for dinner.
It was a huge group. Nothing was available.
It was last-minute, so I picked (BLEEP).
I mean, I would go with anyone to a local bar and be happy.
I don't need to go to, like, a chic place all the time.
I don't care.
The restaurant used to be the hottest place in New York.
It's easy to get to and it's convenient.
But Sai and Brynn ditched the group dinner,
then they posted on Instagram
that they were at Casa Cipriani,
and it was hurtful.
Like, I think it's just a very obnoxious thing to do.
Listen. We were with our husbands, me and Jessel.
- Yeah, yeah. - I get it.
They could just be like,
"Listen, you guys go with the husbands,
we're gonna go to Casa, no big deal."
- Yeah, yeah. - But they didn't.
They're like, "I'm so tired." Jessel thought they went home.
But they went to dinner. That's just what bothered me.
- I'm sorry that I kind of bailed on dinner.
- She bailed with me.
- I didn't know how to say,
like, "I wouldn't be caught dead at (BLEEP)."
- Wait. It's not 2006?
- No, it's not 2005. - Yeah.
- Oh, 2005. - And I'm not a D-list model.
- [laughing] Oh!
- Is it bad that I don't want to go to (BLEEP)?
- Like, Olive Garden to me is, like chic-er.
Like, the ones with the carpets?
They have good breadsticks?
- Good salad and breadsticks? - The breadsticks?
They slap. - Amazing.
- I'll go there and it's fun, it's like high-low,
but (BLEEP) is this weird thing in the middle.
- (BLEEP) is good for teenagers, I think.
- If I was, like, drunk enough.
Or if I had guests in from out of town?
From Florida?
I can't, I can't--
I didn't even do it back in the day.
- Who cares where we are? - People. It's the people.
- It's the people you're with.
She just got weird with me. - Yeah, it did.
- And then Jessel told me at dinner
the night that we went out... - Yeah.
- That she had heard that they were talking about me.
Like, that doesn't feel right, so fine.
- I think it's very mean.
- So I was catching up with Erin.
Erin said that she's been distancing herself
a little bit from Sai 'cause Sai, like,
maybe rubbed her a little wrong or something,
my words, not hers, at her get-together.
- Apparently, like, I'm an awful human being.
Erin and I have similar friends.
We have run in the same circle for a few years now,
but Erin is always arguing with someone or is mad at someone,
so now it's starting to seem like
Erin is the common denominator here.
- [chuckling] Supposedly, Sai--
Sai was, like, "What's that?"
- About her charcuterie board. [Jessel laughs]
Her char-coochie board.
- This is me interpreting Erin telling me the story, okay?
She's like, you know, "And Sai comes over
"and Sai's like, 'What's that?'
She's like, 'That's cheese.'"
And the supposedly, Sai goes, "Oh, you eat cheese?"
You know?
And Erin's like, "Is that not cool or chic or something?
You know? And supposedly, Sai goes, "That's weird."
- Did I not have a mouth full of cheese with champagne?
- I literally was sitting next to you.
- And nuts and cheese?
- For the record,
I did not say, "Cheese? That's weird."
No, I didn't, because I ate it.
I remember eating the cheese more than everyone else.
- Why would you just lie about that?
Like, that's weird to me. That--
- That's weird. - See?
[laughter] That is weird, that is weird.
[dramatic music]
- So wait. How do you feel about girl's night?
- I'm actually excited to see everyone.
I think it's gonna be interesting,
it's gonna be fun.
We are a interesting group of girls.
- Yeah. - You know?
We're not boring.
That's for sure. - No.
- You can't handle this energy, stay at home.
[upbeat music]
* *
- I don't know how this stool keeps going up there,
but the kids keep moving all the furniture.
* *
Pavit, like, when you see fingerprints
on tables and stuff, can you juts clean it up?
'Cause, like, it just accumulates.
- Every time we see something, we clean, Jessel.
- Then how come nothing looks clean?
My mom's visiting from London and helping out with the kids.
- But even if it's clean, it's not clean to you.
- Yeah, it's not clean 'cause look.
There's, like, grease everywhere.
I mean, she's an angel,
but I tell her something and she gets upset.
She's like, "Well, you do it yourself."
Okay, well, I would if I had 15 million hands,
but I need you.
- Maybe you should tell the kids
to clean up after themselves. - Yeah. [laughs]
- You tell your kids to clean up.
I moved here from London at 22 years old
fresh out of college,
and I wanted to be in the fashion industry.
People ask me, "Well, London has fashion.
Why wouldn't you stay in London?"
Because London's not New York.
Are you planning on doing, like, this?
- I was just planning on working.
- Yeah, is there somewhere else you can work?
- I guess I can go somewhere else, yeah.
- Okay.
Pavit and I have been married for seven years.
It was definitely not intentional.
We became friends.
We became best friends, in fact.
Like, I knew every little thing about him
and I fixed it and then I married him.
[knock at door]
[Jessel gasps and laughs] - Hi.
- What's up? - I love this.
Oh, damn. This is pretty. - Hi!
- Hi, babe. [Jessel sighs]
- How are you? You look incredible.
- Oh. - Hello.
- Hi. [laughs] - This is my--
wait, do you guys--you guys have met kind of a little bit.
- We met, like a hot minute. - Briefly.
- Yeah. - Yes.
I've heard many nice things about you.
- Yeah.
- Not from her, by the way. - Well, she never--
- Well, I would never.
I mean, it takes a lot to, like,
speak nicely about my husband. - Wow.
- We sort of like go at it a little bit.
- So this is clearly going well.
- [laughs]
- This must be-- - Oh, this is my mom. Sorry.
- So nice to meet you. - Thank you.
- What I like most about Jessel is, like,
there's this innocence to her.
It seems very real.
Like, she's not jaded. [laughs]
Like me.
It's really fancy in here.
Oh, my God. - Yes, please.
Help yourself to an Oreo. Um, let me just open this.
- Can I just ask a question?
Wait. How long have these been in here?
- Uh-- - No, no, no.
They get eaten a lot. [laughter]
- Three years, Jenna.
- It's not just display. - It's not just display.
- If there are sweets out, I will eat them.
Cheese, ice cream, and coffee. [chuckles]
Which is basically my diet.
I have a sweet tooth.
- I love how you guys are, like, best friends already.
- Yeah.
- Look at this. I mean, my God.
I mean, you did a nice job, but.
- Wait, Jenna. How old do you think my mother is?
- You're probably my age. 54, 55?
[Jessel laughs] - I love you, I love you.
- Wait, how old are you? - I am 66.
- What?
- The fashion industry is extremely small.
Jenna and I have rubbed shoulders several times,
but you never really get to know someone personally
when you're out-and-about socially,
and so I'm really excited
to get to know her a little bit better.
Will you go check on the kids?
'Cause I let Pavit with them by himself.
- Okay.
- So that I can spend some QT with my Jenna.
Oh, my goodness.
- [whispers] Your mom's awesome.
- Oh, thank you.
I'm so excited about girls night out. Um--
- Well, it's girls night in. - Girls night in.
- Girls night at my house.
[upbeat music]
We're gonna do a dress code.
The one thing that I used to do at J. Crew
that was kind of amazing is we'd have every Friday,
we'd do a color or an idea or a theme,
So it would be, like, khaki
and everyone would wear, like, all-khaki,
but people will come in, like, sequins or feathers, and like--
- I love that.
- I started at J. Crew in 1990.
I was an assistant to an assistant
and sat in the hallway.
I left J. Crew in 2017, and I was the president
and executive creative director of J. Crew Group.
I read this thing about back from, like, the Obama days
and early, like, doing all those outfits
and stuff like that,
we were always thinking about the colors.
There was so much hope with the Obamas.
When she came out on the Jay Leno show
wearing head-to-toe J. Crew, like...
[gasps] I felt so proud.
Any time someone wears something
that you are a part of, it's validating
and it feels good.
It's why I make clothes.
Like it is really powerful.
- I would've loved to work with you.
I feel like it would've been so fun.
- Well, ask people who worked for me and see if--
[laughter] - That bitch.
[laughs] Wait.
Who's coming?
- You're coming, I know Ubah's coming,
I know Sai's back in town.
And then Erin. Oh, and Brynn's coming, too.
I feel like we haven't had a chance to, like, be together
and have, like, a quiet night, so a quiet black tie night.
- You think it's going to be quiet?
- Adjacent. Quiet-adjacent. [Jessel laughs]
- Oh, cheese-gate. I mean--
- Where was I?
- Do not have cheese at your party.
- No, I'm only having cheese.
- It's gonna ruffle so many frigging feathers.
- Wait. Are you kidding me? We're having cheese.
I was gonna have ---ing fondue.
- Well, then we should just all dress up as mice.
I swear to God. Like--[laughs]
- Coming up...
- It's--like, I love you all. Let's move on.
- So then let's go finish it.
What do you think I'm gonna do?
[upbeat music]
* *
- How we looking?
- We're doin' good.
- Good?
All right.
- Shall I plate the beans?
- Yes. - Okay, great.
- Erin, can I help you? Let me help you.
- Yes, you can.
The kids were, like, screaming and crying.
I'm stressed out. I need to take a shot.
Will you give me a shot?
- A shot of what?
- I don't know. Something strong.
Most people would think raising three kids
in New York City is crazy and I'm a lunatic,
but the trick to parenting is figuring out ways
for your kids to leave you the (BLEEP) alone.
That's why we buy a million toys, arts and crafts, like,
how do I get my kids to not talk to me for a couple hours?
Happy birthday! - Hi. Thank you.
- You look so pretty. - Mm.
Shabbat shalom. - Shabbat shalom.
[quirky music]
- Hi! - Shabbat shalom.
- Hello!
Hi, Donny. - Nice job.
- Hi, babe.
I don't think you need to. - How are ya?
- What's up, Kel? - Shabbat shalom.
[smooches]
- Shabbat shalom, Papa. - [indistinct]
- I love you. [Eli smooches]
How was Miami? - It was nice.
- What's cooking?
- I am born and raised in Manhattan,
but just growing up in an Israeli family,
we cook a lot.
[plates clanking] Here, eat over a plate.
Animals.
- My sister and I, we always joke.
We hang out in kitchens and bathrooms.
- Shabbat shalom. - Shabbat shalom,guys.
Love you.
We are a very close family.
We literally talk maybe ten times a day.
Whoo! - Actually really good.
- I know. Like, doesn't even burn a little.
It's a whole thing.
- Hey. Hi. Happy birthday.
- Sweetheart, thank you. [both smooch]
- [grunts] - How you doing?
- I'll be better in a minute. Kids are driving me crazy.
- All right, why don't you chill?
Get a drink, relax. - All right.
- Okay? - That's a good idea.
- When my husband and I got married,
I was just shy of 25.
Even though we were young, like, we were both ready.
A 25-year-old New Yorker is like 35-year-old,
I don't know, Kentucky girl?
This is the time you're gonna choose the coffee cup? Now?
- [chuckles] It's red wine.
This is, like, comfortable.
It has a hook I put my fingers in.
It's a functional drinking vessel.
- Oh, my God.
- I'm gonna go make sure Melissa's good with the kids.
- Okay.
- She might have slept in the cab.
See you on the other side.
- When I actually met Abe,
I remember I slept over one night
and I, like, dropped something behind his headboard
and I found, like, multiple thongs.
Multiple.
And I was like, "What the (BLEEP) is this?"
And he's like, "What do you mean?
Like, you know, I was a single guy for a couple years."
Like, you know?
So it actually made me feel better
'cause I was also doing a little bit of that.
[laughs]
Dad, don't watch that.
[quirky upbeat music]
Hi, babe. - Go say hi.
- Sweetie. - Go say hi.
[overlapping chatter] - He's here!
- Layla! - Hi, my baby.
I have three kids, Levi, Laila, and Elijah,
so Abe and I, we're like, such good friends that
like to have sex. I mean, really.
That's--I mean, that's why we have so many kids.
[chuckling] Just keep having sex, you know?
You know how we've been planning
our ten-year wedding anniversary.
Anyway, December 14th. Mark your calendars.
We're having a big party. - December 14th?
- December 14th. - Yeah.
- Oh, sh--.
- Where are you? [laughter]
- Firstly, I want to tell you guys
that I'm happy for both of you.
For me, the most important things is stick together.
- Oh! [laughter]
- Hi, bud. - I have poop.
- "I have poop." [laughter]
[upbeat music]
* *
- I am so not a fan of themed, like, parties.
Oh, my God.
Brown.
* *
Yeah, it's too short.
* *
- Oh, what is wrong with this?
Okay. Oh, my ----ing God.
P? - Yeah?
- Can you come in here for a second?
I don't know even know.
The theme is, like, black, khaki.
Like, I don't even own anything khaki.
Can you help me? - Yes.
- I'm gonna put this--
- What is this? - What do you mean?
* *
- Where your boobs go in this?
- I mean, this is the front.
- Where's the rest of it?
* *
- Wifey! - Yeah?
- Where are you? - In the bathroom!
- Can I come in?
- Isn't this your house?
- Well, I don't know what you're doing.
- Washing my face.
- You're going out?
- Yeah, you know, again, I'm so tired.
Trust me. Oh, look.
- [chuckles] Is this the--
- Do you think I should go out like this?
- I think you should go out just like that.
I married a racoon. That's what happens.
- David and I have been together for about 14 years.
He's genuinely the most supportive man
I've ever been with.
- It's just me and the kids tonight?
- Yes. Are you gonna miss me?
I gotta get this out of my eyes.
[David laughs] I'm a digital content creator.
When it comes to work, I travel a lot
and there's no way I could do what I do career-wise
if it wasn't for my husband's support.
My husband retired and he's taking care of our kids,
so if I need to go somewhere, go.
So I found out that there's a little bit of drama
between Erin and Brynn.
Apparently, Brynn and Erin were having lunch
and Erin said some stuff about me,
how I went to her house
and I basically insulted her cheese plate
that she gave us.
So Erin says she's distanced herself from me
because I have said these things.
- 'Cause you're a bitch about cheese?
[laughter]
But you love cheese!
- I didn't say it. That's the point.
- What you just described to me
is the bizarrest thing I've ever heard.
- It's the silliest thing.
- It's-- I can't take you seriously.
* *
- Let's see what the other girls are wearing.
- Thank God. [phone ringing]
Finally. Get some real advice.
* *
- Hi.
- Wait. Pavit's here. Let me--he's helping me.
Well, he's not helping me, I should say.
- I'm trying to help her. I'm trying--
- Hi, Pavit! I miss you.
I just don't know what to wear. What is the vibe? Help me.
- Oh, my God. Help you? Help me.
- I'm confused. I'm supposed to wear khaki?
What was it, gold or black? What was it?
Khaki, gold? Leopard?
- Black, gold, metallic or khaki.
- Khaki. Who wear khaki?
- I know that everything Jenna does is very coordinated.
- I thought she was, like, done with J. Crew.
Why are we still doing khaki?
- I'm thinking black, too, just 'cause it's something--
oh, I love that you're drinking wine.
Can you get me some wine?
Um... - [laughs]
- I was at Sai's the other day.
Brynn was there too.
Did you tell Brynn that
Sai got upset about the fact that you served cheese?
Or something to that effect? - Are you joking?
- Yeah, that you said that,
and that Sai made some rude comments.
- Okay, no.
That is so, like, obnoxious of Brynn.
And this is why--
this is, like, all what I've been saying to you
about how I feel, like, with the whole (BLEEP) thing.
Like, she literally makes sh-- it up.
Brynn and I definitely have an up-and-down relationship.
We have the most fun together,
but I just feel like Brynn is just such a sh-- stirrer.
- I don't know what happened,
but there's another version of this where you said
Sai was rude and was rolling her eyes at your cheese board.
- Never!
She, like, now is making bullsh-- up.
I was telling her that in passing as a joke.
To go back and be like,
"Oh, she said your cheese platter was bad,"
like, what the (BLEEP)?
- I just want to be Switzerland
and have you guys, like, hash it out.
I think you guys should hash it out tonight.
- She can apologize, and then we'll hash it out.
[chuckles]
- Coming up...
- What's your perfect porn?
- I'd like to watch a Jenna Lyons porn.
It would be so moody.
- Everyone gets taken care of. - Sign me up.
[upbeat music]
* *
- Popeye. Want some more cheese?
Come on. Really?
- Oh, hi. [Violet laughs]
Are you--okay,
so you're okay to take him out for a little bit?
- I just took him out and he walked, like, half a block.
It's pouring. - Ugh.
Okay.
I would say I'm excited to have the girls over,
but I'm nervous, truthfully.
You know, after leaving my job,
to me, it was more important to spend time with my son.
I have joint custody, so I haven't really
hosted people in my home in a really long time.
I mean, with cheese, it's the perfect conversation piece--
starter, or killer. - Yeah.
- We'll see. - We'll see.
- It's kind of a hot-button issue.
I'm well aware that there's been some cheese tension.
Like, I love cheese deeply.
Like, cheese is my friend. And it's my house.
- Can we do a taste test?
The fondue.
- Mm. - Mm?
- Mm-hmm.
I think it could use a touch more wine.
* *
[Popeye yelps] Puppy. [smooches]
Come here, boo-boo.
What's the matter. Is there any more meat?
- Yep. Eat, Popeye.
- The more he eats, the less annoying he'll be.
[door buzzes]
All right.
[quirky suspenseful music]
- Hi.
- Oh, damn, girl.
- Oh, damn you. You look great.
- Hi. - Hey.
I'm so sorry I don't have anything.
I'm so, so bad. - I'm so happy you don't,
'cause I feel better that you don't.
- It was pouring. - It's fine.
I have everything we could possibly need.
- I never come empty-handed. - Don't worry.
It's okay. - Sorry.
- And you don't even have a coat.
- Well, it's hot. - True.
- Jenna's a new friend.
Most girls in this group think
that Jenna Lyons is a total enigma.
She does weird, like, quirky things.
Like, she doesn't like dill, but she loves parsley.
She loves olives, but not the black ones.
- [mouth full] Toast.
- She's a little bit of an oddball.
- Do you want the quick tour? We can do the quick tour.
- Yes. I do. Okay.
- This is the living room and the kitchen.
- It's gorgeous. I love a pink couch.
Oh, my God, the infamous shoe closet.
- I know.
[soaring church organ music]
* *
- Oh, my God, it looks so good.
Oh, it's gorgeous!
- It's insane. Like, I'm aware.
I worked in fashion for 27 years.
Like, I collect them because they have meaning to me.
The last time I counted, it was 380-something,
and I've purchased since then.
But I've also given away.
But I've maybe bought more.
- [gasps] What a pad. It's a pad.
- [chuckling] It's a pad. - It's a pad.
- What's the difference
between an apartment and a pad?
- I'll tell you.
A pad means you don't have small children.
- Ah.
- As a real estate agent,
I have to say it's a very sexy apartment,
but it's got a flow that's funky.
Love it.
And then it's like the closet is half the bedroom.
And then also the bedroom is half the apartment.
It's not really useful to any other type of person
except for Jenna Lyons.
I mean, who are you selling it to?
This is how I think.
That's the real estate in me.
- Guess what we're having.
- Cheese?
[laughter] - And fondue.
- I'll let you know how your cheese is.
- I mean, honestly.
It would seem like it was an appropriate choice.
- Mm.
Yeah, cheese platter. It's what people do.
It's not weird.
- [gasps] Hi! - Wow. Look at you.
- Oh, my God! Look at this!
- Hi. You look so pretty.
- Hi. Thank you so much.
- Wow, that's beautiful.
You look so pretty. - Youlook so pretty.
* *
These are kinda cool. This is like a weapon, girl.
- Thank you.
Yeah, you know, I may have to (BLEEP) up a bitch tonight.
- [laughing] Oh!
- Oh, my God. - Hello.
- I literally thought, like, Jasmine Tookes was at my house.
- This is not khaki. - It's khaki!
- Oh, you think I look like Jasmine Tookes?
- You literally do.
No one else is wearing khaki.
They're all wearing black.
Come on in. Yeah. - Hi.
Oh, my God, you look so pretty. - So do you.
- Everyone thinks of khaki as a chino.
Khaki is a color. It's not "khakis."
- Oh, thank you so much. - You're welcome.
- Can we sit? - Yeah.
- Yeah, where the cheese is.
You sit right in front of the cheese.
[laughter]
- There's so much cheese at Jenna's house.
It's everywhere.
It's on the table, it's fondue,
it's regular cheese.
Is he gonna be naughty and eat the cheese?
[laughter] - I don't think so.
We've been trying to feed him,
although he can smell the fondue
and I think he's excited.
- This looks amazing. - Oh, my God.
- Hey, Erin, can you bring out your magnifying glass
and watch me eat the cheese, or is that weird?
- Oh. Is he trying to dig?
- [gasps] Oh, my God, you look gorgeous.
Hi, baby.
- I'm so happy to be here. Hi, how are you?
- Hey, sweetheart. both: Mm!
- Ubah! - Hi, amore!
How are you? - Ubah in the building!
- Straight from Serengeti.
- Yes, girl!
- You don't understand the color.
I was like, "brown, brown, gold, gold."
- It's perfect. - Listen, I'm a model.
Only one place khaki is good:
if you're on safari.
But it's Jenna's house, it's Jenna's rules,
and I follow rules.
Is that like a bamboo, lemongrass thing situation?
- Is it ginger?
- Hi. Mwah.
- Where's Brynn? - Wonder why she's late.
* *
- Wait, what? Is something going on?
- Uh, yeah. I mean, I haven't seen her since that night.
- Oh. - Uh-huh.
Two days later, she posted pictures
of you guys at Casa Cipriani.
- Did she? - Yes, she did.
- Did I look good?
- She said she was going home
and she wound up with you at Casa Cipriani.
[dramatic music]
Which wasn't cool of you,
either, by the way.
You could just tell us that you're going out.
- You're right. I did bail on you.
- Thank you. - Totally accepting that.
- Thank you. - Totally bailed on you.
I also didn't really want to go to (BLEEP),
so I totally bailed on you.
- Thank you, Sai, for being real and honest.
This is why I don't have a problem with you.
Because you're just straightforward.
Brynn is not.
I'm turned off to her. Not mad.
- Why are you turned off to her?
- I think that's worse.
- I have no interest in her right now.
[door buzzes]
- Hi, baby. You're being such a good boy.
- Wait, is she here?
- Hi, gorgeous.
- Hello! - You look beautiful.
[Yoshi barks] Thank you.
Mm! - How are you?
- Thank you for coming. You smell delicious.
- Thank you for having me. Hello, ladies!
Hi. You look beautiful.
- You look amazing. Look at that bootie.
- What is all this?
- Would you like a ginger margarita
or you can have wine or--
- I would like a ginger margarita,
'cause I lost my voice. - What happened?
- I just, you know, screaming.
- No, not this one, but you can have this.
It's delicious.
- Why are you so late?
- 'Cause I'm scared, Jenna.
- Wait, seriously? - Yeah.
- Are you really? - No. Well, I'm in trouble.
- I think I probably owe an apology for Erin.
- You didn't show up to dinner, girl.
She's not happy.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- Bless me, father. I have sinned.
I'm just literally so scared right now,
because I think Erin takes a lot of things personally.
The only thing at this point
that is comforting me is the fact that
I don't think that Erin will commit any sort of crime
or homicide in Jenna Lyon's home.
Hey, love bug. - Hi.
- How are you? - Okay.
How are you? - Good.
Oh, hey girl. [smooches]
Like, I know when I'm about to get spanked.
[chuckles]
- Did you double? - Chill. Double trouble.
- I am not going to get into it with Brynn immediately.
I'm gonna give it some time, I'm gonna eat some cheese.
Mmm.
And then I'm gonna (BLEEP) her up.
Oh, my God, that is so good.
- Well, okay. So here you go.
- Is this like a card about how much you love us?
- Oh, no. This is a game, you guys.
- Is there cash in here?
Does she just give away cash at parties?
- The reason I'm introducing the game to the group
is that small talk is my kryptonite.
Also, I don't know everyone equally as well,
so this game is like-- [chuckles]
This is my get out of jail free card.
- I'll start. - Yes, Brynn. Go.
- Okay.
If you could create your ideal pornography,
what would it feature?
- Oh. - Ooh!
- This is a question for Ubah.
- It would definitely be halal.
- Halal porn?
- Oh, eating halal is--
[laughs] - Sexy!
- What's your perfect porn?
- I'd like to watch a Jenna Lyons porn.
It would be so moody.
It would all be in black-and-white.
- In black-and-white. - That's amazing.
- Half the porn videos I watch are always about massage.
Like, "massage" that goes too far.
- And then? - That's always my thing.
- [laughs]
- Every time I get a massage, I'm like, "Maybe
it's gonna happen. I'm nervous."
I'm like I don't want it, but I do.
I'm, like, trying to put my butt up and they're like,
"Ma'am, this is the Four Seasons.
- All right, Ubah. You get to do the question.
- Okay, Ubah hot.
- Are you dominant or submissive sexually?
- Oh. - Ooh.
- I like to be very submissive.
- I knew you were gonna say that.
- I knew it, too. - I'm definitely a starfish.
- This bitch is a starfish.
- In a dance floor, no. In a bedroom, I'm a starfish.
For sure. - I'm only submissive in bed.
- You're submissive in bed?
So interesting. I'm not like that.
- Yeah. - I don't think I am.
- You're not? - I mean, I am sometimes.
Like, sometimes I get on top.
- Erin, you're ----ing killing me.
- It depends on the mood. Like, I don't think--
- I mean even getting on top, it's still kind of like,
"What do you want me to do?"
- No, I'm definitely leading.
- I see both of you being very dominant in bed.
- But also, like... - I'm like, "You lie there."
- My husband doesn't get turned on unless I come.
Like, he doesn't want to come unless I am coming.
- He won't--wait. - Like, he doesn't want to.
- I'm Venmo-ing you right now for every minute that you talk.
- I know. I'm saying a lot.
- Erin, when she drinks, is-- she's fun.
She's me sober.
Maybe it's the having kids thing.
Oh, God. Don't tell me I'll never have kids.
- We need Jenna to answer. - Jenna, answer.
Jenna, answer. Dominant or submissive?
- Well, it's totally different 'cause I don't sleep with men,
so it's just assumed everyone-- everyone gets taken care of.
- Sign me up.
- You both know what you're doing,
and it's easier to know how to do it. Like--
- Bitch, you really all know what you're doing?
- Yeah.
- PS, I love girls night.
I love girls night. I'm having so much fun.
- With a man and a woman,
there isn't an assurance that
both people are going to finish, if you will.
With a woman, you kind of understand how it works,
and so you're both there to make it happen.
And that's kind of amazing just knowing that
that's how things are gonna end.
- Jessel, it's your floor.
- Oof. These, questions, Jenna Lyons.
- Come on, babe. - Okay.
[Jenna snaps fingers]
- What are you a little addicted to?
Porn, alcohol, shopping, arguing?
- D, all the above.
- Shopping. I love a new thing.
- Shopping.
- I'm actually not addicted to any of that.
- You're not addicted to anything?
- None of that.
- What are you addicted to? - Gifts.
- Banana.
- Banana? [Ubah chucking]
- Are we talking about banana-banana?
- No, no, serious banana.
Like, banana. - Banana.
- Actual bananas. - The one she was eating today.
- No, she brought fruit.
- First of all, let me give you a little background culture.
- Here we go. Here we go! - Banana, it's like--
it should be the national flag of Somalia.
We love banana.
I eat maybe, five, six banana a day.
- It constipates you. - [laughing] Bananas.
- You needed a banana that day you had diarrhea.
[Erin laughs] - Wait.
Diarrhea of the mouth or actually diarrhea?
- No, you actually have diarrhea of the mouth,
because I had a cheese platter
and you decided to tell her a stupid, silly story.
- Oh, yeah.
That was a ----ing asshole move.
- Uh, what was the asshole move?
Serving cheese?
- No, what you said about me.
- But I didn't say that. It wasn't true.
She was lying. [dramatic music]
- We were at Zero Bond.
I was going to meet you, actually, at Casa Cip.
- Oh, your favorite place.
- What's your problem with (BLEEP)?
- It's not 2012.
- It's not 2012?
Who the (BLEEP) cares where we go?
We were trying to all be together.
It doesn't matter where we are.
But then you go to lunch with Sai
and you start talking sh--. That's not cool.
- Boo-boo, I didn't talk-- I didn't actually--
- You did talk sh--.
- You said she said
she distanced herself from me because I went to her house,
I said something about the cheese.
I said, "Is this all we're eating?"
And then turned around and I insulted you
and said, "Mm, that's weird."
- Yeah, I know. You just, like, pointed to this
and say, "What's this?"
And then Erin, you said you were like,
"It's cheese, like--"
- Never said that.
- It's mind-boggling to me.
These girls are fighting over cheese.
But I get it. We're in New York.
There's a lot of rocks here.
- You came in, you were like...
- Bullsh--. - "Oh, that's cheese?"
- Lies. - "That's weird."
- None of this is true.
- Literally super-duper true.
- I would never say that she distanced myself
because I served her a cheese platter.
[Ubah laughs]
- I don't think this is literally
that that was what you said.
- Actually, she and I spoke multiple times after that.
- This has gotta be the stupidest thing.
I love cheese. [laughter]
- I was like--
- It is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
- You did say it.
- No, I didn't. That's your embellishment.
And I don't like... - I never said that.
- When people say sh-- that I didn't say.
- We've gone a little past the point.
You guys, it's okay.
Who in their right mind wants to drop
the conversation about sex and talk about cheese?
Like, no.
- It's--like, I love you all. Let's move on.
- So then let's go finish it. - I don't mean--I'm not--
- 'Cause we don't want to bother everybody else.
Let's go talk. Let's go finish this off.
- She's very adamant about taking me back there
and not doing to me what Abe does to her,
but having a different sort of way with me.
It's not gonna be as fun.
- What do you think I'm gonna do,
go punch you in the face?
[dramatic music]
- Are you, like afraid?
- Coming. - Come.
- Bitch, I'm not afraid. - So come.
- I'm half Irish. I'm not afraid.
Where do we go?
- Oh, my God. I'm exhausted.
- Uh...
As I'm marching through the corridor of Jenna Lyons' house,
marching to my death...
Okay, this just makes everything better.
[upbeat hip-hop beat]
Stop. Stop. Wait.
Focus, focus. You're gonna die,
you're gonna die, you're gonna die.
Ooh, it's so pretty, so pretty. Oh, what is that? [gasps]
Look at the crown molding. Oh, my God.
- Should we sit here?
- Yes, my little violet.
There's titties on the pillow. I love it so much.
You get distracted,
but I was trying to also focus on my death.
But at the same time, I'm like, "Maybe this is how I go."
And it makes sense, you know?
- I can't--I can't talk about cheese for another second.
- Yeah, you're right.
- What are we still talking about?
- We were just talking about the cheese.
- We're moving on. - Where's Erin?
She fine? - It's cheese-gate in the back.
- Either they're making out, or they're like--
- Oh, who gives a (BLEEP) about the cheese?
- I--honestly. - I eat cheese. Am I bloated?
- I don't care about the cheese anymore.
- I'm gassy right now. I am. I'm sorry.
- [chuckling] I'msorry. - I might fart in your house.
- I feel bad. - And I'm sorry.
- Honestly, I-- - But I like cheese.
- I am offended not by the cheese.
I don't give a sh--. - Great!
- I wasn't, like, mad. - No, you weren't mad.
- Exactly. - And in all actuality,
I don't think there's any issue with us.
That's what I think.
- Hey, the issue, though, that I have with you that I'd like,
to, like, finish, I don't like the wishy-washy thing.
- Agreed.
- I felt like you decided
who you were gonna align yourself with
and then you got weird with me, and you did.
You know it. - Yes, 100%.
But she said distinctively, like, "I never said that.
I didn't say that. I walked in, I ate all her cheese."
You know, and she's this, like, cool chick,
so I just, like, subscribed to that.
I was like, "Oh--" - You subscribed, yeah.
- But just don't take it personally.
- I'm not, but that's how you made it.
And that's how I felt.
That was weird. - Yes.
I feel like we can never say "That's weird" again
ever again. [Erin laughs]
- Let's move on from this. Give me a hug.
- I'm realizing that it's not about the restaurant,
it's not about the reservation,
it was about wanting to spend quality time together
and not caring about these other things,
and that, I understand.
Should we go pick on Sai? [Erin laughs]
- [chuckling] Be like, "You're the problem."
- It's hard to stay mad at Brynn.
She's fun, she's sweet, she's bubbly.
She makes it light enough that you kind of forget.
- Should we walk out and act like
we ----ing hate each other? - Wait.
Let's walk out in different shoes.
Wait, wait. Hold on.
Let's get shoes. - [whispering] Yeah, yeah.
- Wait. I hope she's my size.
- This is like my wet dream. - Oh, my God.
- This is probably, like--
- This is a very hard dress for me to--
- This is probably a $10,000 dresser--
[both laughing] [whispering] Erin, no!
[quirky dramatic music]
Shh!
- Stay, stay.
- I-- - What the (BLEEP)?
- Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
I just broke Jenna's chair!
- I could leave right now and (BLEEP) you over so hard.
I am a true friend.
- Did I break her vintage chair?
Oh, my God.
- It's probably, like, an old $10,000, $20,000 chair.
- [laughing] Oh, my God. - Shh!
Do not flip the-- [Erin laughs]
Oh, my God. J. Crew's gonna kill us.
It should be a working chair.
Or at least put a sign on it.
Saying, "Don't fall into it when trying on all my clothes."
- You put the shoes on, I'm gonna put a jacket on,
and let's see if she notices.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good idea.
- Anyone who has seen that closet,
what they're thinking is "I wanna try this sh-- on."
So we're not using her toothbrush,
we're just putting on some shoes.
[indistinct chatter]
- I'm done. - Wait, what?
- No, this is ----ing stupid. I'm done.
[dramatic music] - Oh, my God. Seriously?
- No. No, no, no, no, no. No.
- What's the matter? - Brynn.
- No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Thank you so much for having us, but I can't.
- That ----ing little bitch!
[laughter] - You guys are acting?
You ----ers.
- That ----ing little bitch! - Oh, my God.
[overlapping chatter]
- I cannot! You guys are a-holes!
- I was, like, looking at what she's wearing
and I was like, "What's going on?"
- I got it from Jenna Lyons' closet.
- Did you guys go through and raid Jenna Lyons' closet?
- Are you okay with this? [laughter]
- Oh, my God. - Ridiculous.
- Careful. You might stick to each other.
When I realized that they were wearing my clothes,
fine, but the I watched them
start to go towards each other to hug.
- Oh, this is the best. [Popeye barks]
- Oh, wait, wait. - Oh!
- Oh, no.
[softly] She's gonna kill us. - Okay.
- [laughing] No.
- Do-- - Ahem.
- Oh, my God. - It was all fun and games.
- I'm just gonna not watch this.
- [gasps] - Don't--
- Sequins and lace...
do this.
I'm more worried about the shirt.
That's Valentino, but that's okay.
[clicks tongue] Not good, not good.
[quirky suspenseful music]
- It was all fun and games till we got stuck.
- On top of it, like, Brynn has that shirt on backwards.
Like, the zipper does not go in the front, my love.
The zipper goes in the back.
Not chic.
- Does anybody want cheese?
Or is that weird?
- This season on
"The Real Housewives of New York City"...
[laughter] - I feel drunk!
- I love girls night!
- Hello!
- Going to the market, going to the bodega.
[all cheering]
- I want to look like a lion.
There's a lot of hair.
Not down there. Up here.
[laughs] [bell rings]
- $62,000?
- Tom Cruise sent his kid here.
You could be rubbing shoulders with that.
- Okay, two truths and a lie.
Did I ever tell you that I had sex in a senator's office?
- The kids are in the car, so just FYI.
- Did you come out? - Oh, no.
That was done for me by the "New York Post."
- Once you're ready to get a divorce...
[Jessel laughs] I'm single.
- If you accuse me of flirting with a married man,
it's gonna really get real.
- Why are you going to Vietnam? - I need some time to myself.
- Who the (BLEEP) are you ----ing?
- Is Sai bipolar? Yes.
- The math is not math-ing!
- Get out of my face. - Uh-oh! Okay, okay.
- I am not gonna get out of your face.
Take these glasses when you're talking to me.
- Excuse me?
- Don't confuse being a bitch with being honest.
Have a good birthday. (BLEEP) you.
- Everybody likes to be mad at me.
- * Happy birthday to you! *
- What the (BLEEP)?
- I thought we were dancing and having dinner.