CHEF: LAST WEEK ON "TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND,"
THOSE GOOD-FOR-NOTHING CAMPERS GOT SWEPT AWAY BY A RAINSTORM
THAT LEFT THEM STRANDED ON A DESERTED ISLAND.
MEANWHILE, THE CHUBBY ONE DRIFTED ASHORE IN HIS OUTHOUSE
AND MADE A NEW FRIEND WHO HAS AN I.Q. ALMOST AS HIGH AS HIS.
GRUESOME CHICK BUILT A RAFT FOR HER AND THE DELINQUENT,
WHICH LEFT MOUTHY GIRL TO FEND FOR HERSELF.
SOMEHOW, THEY ALL ENDED UP TOGETHER IN A TREE HOUSE
CONFESSING THEIR SINS.
THAT'S WHEN THEY CAME UP WITH A CRACKER-JACK PLAN
TO FIND OUT WHO WAS MAKING FIRE.
BUT ALL THEY FOUND WAS THE SECRET LOCATION
OF OUR PRODUCTION-CREW CAMP.
YEAH, THAT'S ME DOING THE RECAP. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!
SINCE CHRIS IS OFF HOSTING SOME FROUFROU AWARDS SHOW,
I'M FILLING IN AS HOST.
AND GUESS WHAT? I AIN'T HAPPY ABOUT IT EITHER.
SO SIT BACK, SHUT UP, AND WATCH TONIGHT'S EPISODE
OF "TOTAL... DRAMA... ISLAND"!
♪ DEAR MOM AND DAD, I'M DOING FINE ♪
♪ YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪
♪ YOU ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪
♪ AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪
♪ I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE TO THE SUN ♪
♪ WELL, PACK YOUR BAGS 'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪
♪ EVERYTHING TO PROVE, NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪
♪ I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ NAH NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ I WANNA BE, I WANNA BE ♪
♪ I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ I WANNA BE, I WANNA BE ♪
♪ I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
(WHISTLING)
(SNEEZES)
(BUZZING)
(SNORING)
(COUGHS)
WHAT? WHO'S THAT?
WHERE ARE WE?!
HOW DID WE GET HERE?
-CHRIS? -MOMMY!
EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP!
HOW YOU GOT HERE IS NOT YOUR CONCERN!
WHAT HAPPENED TO CHRIS?
NONE OF YOUR GOSH-DARN BUSINESS WHAT HAPPENED TO CHRIS.
I'M IN CHARGE NOW,
AND I'M GONNA MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN.
YOUR MISSION IS TO FIND YOUR WAY OUT OF THE FOREST OR DIE TRYING.
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
WE WILL DIE.
THEY LEFT US IN THE WOODS. ALONE. AGAIN.
WITH HEATHER.
I'D RATHER GO SWIMMING IN THE SHARK-INFESTED WATER.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.
TEAM ONE-- DELINQUENT AND CHUBBY.
TEAM TWO-- GRIM AND GRIMMER.
EVERYTHING YOU NEED IS IN THESE BAGS.
YOU'LL NAVIGATE YOUR WAY NORTH TO BASE CAMP.
THE FIRST TEAM TO TAG THE CAMP TOTEM POLE WINS.
AND HERE'S A TIP.
BETTER SET UP CAMP BEFORE SUNDOWN,
BECAUSE ONCE NIGHTFALL HITS,
YOU WON'T EVEN SEE YOUR TREMBLING HAND
IN FRONT OF YOUR TERRIFIED FACE
UNLESS YOU GOT NIGHT-VISION GOGGLES.
BUT YOU DON'T.
(LAUGHS)
OH, PLEASE, PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE US HERE.
I'M BEGGING YOU. WE WON'T SURVIVE!
GRAB A HOLD OF YOUR GUT, SOLDIER!
DUNCAN'S A LOT OF THINGS,
BUT HE IS DEFINITELY NOT A CHICKEN.
HE'S UP TO SOMETHING. I CAN TELL.
AND I AM GOING TO FIND OUT WHAT IT IS.
THIS IS TOTALLY BONKERS!
WE'LL BE SCARFED DOWN BY A GRIZZLY!
OH, I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
YOU'LL WISH YOU SAW A GRIZZLY
ONCE YOU MEET UP WITH OLD SASQUATCHANAKWA.
HE'S ONE MEAN MAMMA JAMMA.
-(GASPS) -GOOD LUCK, TROOPS!
TRY NOT TO DIE!
THIS ISN'T LEGAL!
YOU CAN'T DO THIS! (GASPS)
HEY, PEACHES, FILE IT WITH THE NETWORK LAWYERS.
WHERE DO THEY THINK THEY'RE GOING?
THEY CAN'T SURVIVE OUT THERE. IT'S SUICIDE, IT'S--
HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.
LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU SHUT UP ALREADY.
OKAY, NOTHING WOULD GIVE ME GREATER PLEASURE
THAN DITCHING HER GRIM LITTLE BUTT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE,
BUT THIS IS THE WILD.
I NEED SOMEONE TO SHOVE IN FRONT OF ME IF A BEAR COMES BY.
I GOT TO SAY, I WAS JAZZED TO BE PAIRED WITH OWEN.
I MEAN, COME ON, IF YOU WERE A GRIZZLY,
WHO'D YOU RATHER BE DIPPING IN BARBECUE SAUCE?
(WHEEZING) WHERE ARE WE GOING?
I JUST WANTED TO GET AWAY FROM THE GIRLS,
PSYCH THEM OUT A BIT, YOU KNOW?
OKAY, LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT.
YEP, YEP. IT'S ALL GOOD.
EXCEPT ONE THING'S MISSING.
FO-O-O-O-O-O-OD!
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
(DISTANT ROARING)
WHAT WAS THAT?
WE'RE GONNA DIE OUT HERE.
WE'LL BE OUT OF THE WOODS IN NO TIME
THANKS TO THESE BABIES.
YOU STOLE THOSE FROM CHEF?!
SWEET!
WHAT CAN I SAY? I'M A HARDENED CRIMINAL.
WITH THESE BABIES, WE CAN SEE AS CLEAR AS DAY.
(LAUGHS) AWESOME. LET ME SEE THOSE.
(SIZZLING)
AH HA HA! MY EYES! I'VE BEEN BLINDED!
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH. WE'VE GOT A CHALLENGE TO WIN.
NOW, GRAB THE MAP WHILE I FIGURE OUT WHERE WE ARE.
SURE, BUT THE MAP ISN'T MUCH USE WITHOUT A COMPASS, IS IT?
(CHUCKLES)
OKAY, THE SUN ROSE FROM THE EAST,
WHICH MEANS THAT'S NORTH, SO CAMP IS THAT-A-WAY.
ARE YOU SURE?
I THINK THE SUN ROSE FROM OVER THERE,
WHICH MEANS THE CAMP IS THAT-A-WAY.
UH, YEAH, I THINK YOU'RE WRONG.
WE'RE GOING THIS WAY. LET'S MOVE.
UH...
CAMP IS NORTH, SO WE JUST FOLLOW THE RIVER.
EASY.
YEAH, AS LONG AS WE'RE NOT MUNCHED BY SASQATCHAMACALLIT.
WOULD YOU RELAX?
THAT'S OBVIOUSLY JUST ANOTHER STUPID,
MADE-UP MYTH TO SCARE US.
I DON'T BELIEVE IN SASQUATCHES. I DON'T.
AND THEY WOULDN'T, LIKE, DROP US HERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOREST IF THERE REALLY WAS ONE.
WHAT IF WE DIED?
WOULD THEY?
(ANIMAL GROWLING SOFTLY)
(GROANS) I'D KILL FOR SOME BUG SPRAY.
THESE MOSQUITOES THINK I'M AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET.
(GASPS) AH!
I THINK A MOSQUITO BIT THE INSIDE OF MY THROAT.
(GAGS) IT ITCHES.
(COUGHS)
OKAY, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS,
BUT I THINK I ACTUALLY MISS CHRIS.
ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN CHEF PSYCHOPATH.
WHY DO CAMP COOKS ALWAYS LOOK LIKE ESCAPED CRIMINALS?
CAN YOU HEAR ME, CHRIS?
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR LITTLE DAY OFF
WHILE WE PUT UP WITH YOUR PSYCHOTIC SIDEKICK,
WHO, BY THE WAY, WASN'T EVEN DOING ANYTHING.
HE JUST DITCHED US IN THE WOODS.
"PARDON, MONSIEUR." (SPEAKS FRENCH)
HMM. (CHUCKLES)
DID YOU CATCH WHAT CHEF SAID ABOUT THE SASQUATCHANAKWA?
THAT REALLY FREAKED ME OUT.
WHOA!
DID YOU KNOW THAT SOME PEOPLE THINK BIGFOOT
IS THE MISSING LINK BETWEEN HUMANS AND MONKEYS?
(GRUNTING) REALLY?
I'D SAY THE MISSING MONKEY IS RIGHT HERE.
OW!
NO, I'M SERIOUS.
WITNESSES SAY HE'S 8 FEET TALL, 400 POUNDS,
AND HAS B.O. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU HURL CHUNKS FROM,
LIKE, 200 YARDS.
(CHUCKLES) COME ON, IF HE REALLY EXISTED,
DON'T YOU THINK SOMEBODY WOULD HAVE CAUGHT HIM BY NOW?
NAH, HE'S CRAFTY.
HEY... HEY, IT'S THE GIRLS.
AND THEY'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!
TYPICAL CHICKS WITH ZERO SENSE OF DIRECTION!
HEY, HERE'S A POINTER!
TRY CHECKING A MAP!
UH, WE WOULD IF WE HAD ONE, BUT THIS COMPASS TELLS US
THAT'S NORTH!
YOU KNOW? LIKE WHERE CHEF SAID THE CAMP IS?!
UGH!
ENJOY THE VIEW UP THERE, SUCKERS!
GREAT. NOW WE'RE BEHIND.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO JUMP AND DIVE INTO THE RIVER.
AFTER MY BIG CLIFF DIVE ON THE FIRST DAY OF CAMP,
I WAS KING OF THE WORLD.
I'M GOING TO DIE NOW.
I'M GOING TO FRICKIN' DIE NOW.
I CONQUERED MY BIGGEST FEAR AND HELPED MY TEAM WIN!
IT WAS AWESOME.
COME ON, BIG GUY.
YAHHHH!
OH! CRAP!
(SCREAMING)
BUT THEN, A FEW DAYS LATER,
MY FEAR CAME GURGLING BACK UP LIKE A DAY-OLD INDIAN BUFFET.
(FARTS)
(LAUGHS) OH, NO.
UH, I DON'T DO DAREDEVIL DIVES ANYMORE.
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. NO CAN DO.
THEN NO WORRIES.
I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(SPLASH)
OKAY, LOOK, WE BOTH KNOW WE DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER,
AND WE BOTH PROBABLY WISH
WE COULD PUSH EACH OTHER OFF A CLIFF RIGHT NOW.
THE THOUGHT HAD CROSSED MY MIND.
BUT I THINK WE CAN ALSO AGREE
THAT WE HAVE TO WIN THIS CHALLENGE.
WE CAN'T AFFORD TO LET THE GUYS WIN INVINCIBILITY.
AND WHO KNOWS WHAT KIND OF EVIL BONDING
THEY'RE UP TO RIGHT NOW.
(FARTS)
NICE ONE.
(FARTS)
OH-HO! EXTRA POINTS FOR THE STINK FACTOR.
(LAUGHS)
SO WE'RE A TEAM ON THIS, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
(GASPS)
BOTH: THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!
USING THE RIVER WAS BRILLIANT.
WELL PLAYED, BOYS. WELL PLAYED.
(GASPS)
WHOA!
AAH!
(BOTH GROWLING)
AAH!
(SCREAMS)
BOTH: AHH!
AGH!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY STOLE ALL OF OUR SUPPLIES.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A KNOWN CRIMINAL.
EW, I HOPE WE FIND THE CAMP SOON.
-YOU REALLY STINK. -YOU SHOULD TALK.
I CAN SMELL YOUR ARMPITS FROM HERE.
(GASPS) HEATHER, LOOK!
IT'S A SASQUATCH FOOTPRINT.
OOH, I'M SO SCARED.
PUH-LEASE, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELVES.
SHH!
AGH!
(GROWLING)
(SCREAMS)
WELL, HELLO, MR. SQUIRREL.
AND HELLO TO YOU, MR. RACCOON.
(SCREAMS)
OH, GOOD DAY, MR. SASQUATCHANAKWA.
(GASPS)
RUN!
AGH!
(ALL SCREAMING)
SASQUATCHANAKWA!
-DUNCAN? -OWEN?
-HEATHER? -DUNCAN?
-HEATHER? -GWEN?
-OWEN?
HEATHER: NOW THAT WE'VE TAKEN ROLL CALL,
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF THAT THING?
DUNCAN: I COULD HAVE TAKEN HIM.
GWEN: IS THAT WHY YOU WERE SCREAMING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL?
DUNCAN: RIGHT. WELL, I WAS JUST FAKING HIM OUT.
ANYWAY, I THINK WE'RE SAFE HERE FOR A WHILE.
OWEN: UH, THAT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU MEAN BY SAFE.
HEATHER: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS,
BUT PLEASE TELL ME THAT TONGUE IN MY EAR IS OWEN.
OWEN: NO, THAT WOULD BE THE...
BATS!
(ALL SCREAMING)
DO SASQUATCHES GET MEANER AT NIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT I DON'T REALLY WANT TO FIND OUT.
(SNARLING)
(SINGING MELODICALLY)
(GAGS)
(SNORTING)
SINCE YOU GUYS STILL HAVE SUPPLIES AND A MAP,
I GUESS YOU BEAT US.
UGH. SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
IT'S OBVIOUS THEY KICKED OUR BUTTS.
FINE, WHATEVER. YOU BEAT US.
OH, LOOK, IF YOU GUYS WANT TO BUNK WITH US, IT'S COOL.
WHY DON'T YOU SET UP CAMP WHILE WE LOOK FOR FIREWOOD?
UGH, THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS THING MADE ME WANT TO PUKE.
SHH! WHO CARES?
LET THEM THINK THEY'RE BIG, STRONG BOYS FOR NOW.
IT'S SO EASY TO FOOL GUYS.
THEY'RE LIKE LITTLE KIDS.
THEY NEVER SEE IT COMING.
I'VE GOT TO ADMIT, JUST WHEN I THINK HEATHER
CAN'T GET MORE UNDERHANDED, SHE GETS MORE UNDERHANDED.
TOYING WITH THE BOYS-- WELL PLAYED.
YOU REALLY THINK WE CAN TRUST THEM WITH OUR STUFF BACK THERE?
AS IF.
TRUST NO ONE.
HEY, I SMOOSHED THE ENERGY BARS INTO A BIG, CHEWY BALL.
ANY TAKERS?
NO.
BUT I'LL TAKE YOUR SLEEPING BAG.
(SNORING)
I CAN'T SLEEP.
I'M TOO... SCARED.
CAN I JUST...?
UH, YEAH, SURE.
I FEEL SO SAFE IN YOUR ARMS.
YOU WON'T FALL ASLEEP, RIGHT?
YEP, YOU CAN COUNT ON IT.
(SNORING)
DUDE! WAKE UP.
THE FIRE, THE GIRLS, OUR STUFF. IT'S GONE!
WHAT?!
OH, THE MAP!
(GROWLS)
(BOTH LAUGH)
DO WE FEEL BAD?
NO WAY.
THEY STOLE OUR STUFF FIRST.
ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR, AND THIS IS DEFINITELY WAR NOW.
OKAY, THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN.
I JUST WISH I COULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES.
AND FOR THE RECORD, GWEN WAS JUST AS INTO SCAMMING THEM
AS I WAS.
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET MYSELF GET SUCKERED BY A CHICK.
UH, TWO CHICKS.
WHAT CAN I SAY? YOU'RE WEAK.
YOU'VE SUCCUMBED TO THE PRIMAL URGES OF...
(SNIFFS) DO YOU SMELL THAT?
WHAT?
IT'S SWEET AND CINNAMONY
AND--I'VE ALMOST GOT IT.
STICKY BUNS!
(SNIFFS) MMM.
THAT'S SOME OVEN LOVIN'.
HOLD ON, BABY. I'M COMING FOR YA.
NO. NO, WAIT!
WE MADE IT!
OH, CRAP.
HA! GO FOR IT, DUDE!
STICKY BUNS!
NO! DUDE!
WE WERE SO CLOSE.
WHY?
WELL, THEY'RE FRESH FROM THE OVEN.
THOSE ARE MINE!
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THOSE BUNS!
ALL RIGHT, GAME'S OVER.
GIRLS WIN, GUYS LOSE.
WE LOST THE CHALLENGE FOR A FEW STICKY BUNS?
WHAT WAS THAT?
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY STICKY BUNS I COULD HAVE BOUGHT
WITH $100,000?
(LAUGHS) O.M.G.
THAT WAS SO PATHETIC.
I HOPE THOSE BUNS WERE WORTH IT.
WOW. WE KIND OF SCORED THAT ONE.
I THINK DUNCAN'S REALLY MAD AT ME.
MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE SAVED HIM A STICKY BUN.
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY DAY!
I HAD IT ALL PLANNED.
I WAS GONNA EAT MY STICKY BUNS
AND RELAX WITH ONE OF HEATHER'S FACIALS
WHILE I FINISHED READING GWEN'S DIARY
AND CLEAN MY TOENAILS.
THAT REMINDS ME-- YOU NEED TO SHARPEN THIS.
THEN I WAS GONNA LOOT THE REST OF OWEN'S SNACK STASH.
-(GASPS) -BUT YOU ALL RUINED IT!
SO, HERE'S YOUR INVINCI-DARN-BILITY!
YOU!
CHOKE ON THIS, GLUTTON.
YOU'RE FINISHED!
(SCOFFS) GOOD.
GET ME OUT OF HERE AND BACK TO JUVIE.
AT LEAST WITH CONVICTS, YOU KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.
LEFT, LEFT, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT!
COME ON, SOLDIER.
DO I BEAR A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO SOMEBODY WHO'S GOT ALL DAY?
WHAT CAN I SAY?
YOU HAD THE CHANCE TO ROCK AN ALLIANCE WITH ME,
BUT YOU BLEW IT.
YOU PLAYED THE GAME WELL.
SORRY YOU HAD TO LOSE OVER STICKY BUNS.
I-I-I--
(BURPS)
WHATEVER.
SO, LOOKS LIKE WE MADE IT TO THE FINAL THREE.
I JUST WANT TO THANK EVERYONE WHO GOT ME TO THE FINAL THREE.
COURTNEY, I FEEL YOUR PAIN, GIRL.
YOU SHOULD HAVE NOT BEEN CHEATED OFF LIKE THAT.
NOAH, YOU ARE ONE SERIOUSLY SMART GUY.
DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE.
AND LINDSAY, THE MOST FASHIONABLE GIRL ON THE ISLAND,
NEXT TO ME, YOU KNOW YOU'LL ALWAYS BE ONE OF MY BFFS.
I'VE GOT TO ADMIT,
I DIDN'T THINK I'D MAKE IT THIS FAR.
(YAWNS)
BUT NOW THAT I HAVE, I MIGHT AS WELL WIN.
SO... IT'S OWEN AND TWO HOT CHICKS.
(LAUGHS) PAR-TAY!
JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE.
AAHH!
(SNARLS)
(GIGGLES)
WHEW!
-(ROARS) -AHHHHH!
(GIGGLES)
WHEW!
-(ROARS) -AHHHHH!
OHH! WHEW.
NO! WHEW.
NO! WHEW. NO! WHEW.