1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,022 Oh, America. 4 00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:32,525 I wish I could tell you that this was still America, 5 00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:35,779 but I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people. 6 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,077 And there are no people here. 7 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,417 No! No! 8 00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:50,714 No! No! 9 00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:53,588 (Go back... fuck! 10 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,262 No, my friends. 11 00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:01,558 This is now the United States of zombieland. 12 00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:10,981 It's amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shitstorm. 13 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:14,734 And why am I alive when everyone around me has turned to meat? 14 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:17,532 It's because of my list of rules. 15 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:20,861 Rule number one for surviving zombieland: Cardio. 16 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:23,655 Fuck! 17 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:26,492 When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, 18 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,044 the first ones to go were the fatties. 19 00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:34,963 Poor fat bastard. 20 00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,676 But as the infection spread and the chaos grew, 21 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,382 it wasn't enough to just be fast on your feet. 22 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,478 You had to get a gun and learn how to use it. 23 00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:49,682 Which leads me to my second rule: The double tap. 24 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:55,480 In those moments when you're not sure the undead are really "dead" dead, 25 00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,314 don't get all stingy with your bullets. 26 00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:59,821 I mean, one more clean shot fo the head 27 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:04,947 and this lady could have avoided becoming a human happy meal. 28 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:12,083 Wasn't long before the zombies began to get clever. 29 00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:15,632 When you're at your most vulnerable, somehow they could just smell it. 30 00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:18,176 Can't a guy take a dumper in peace? 31 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,889 Don't let them catch you with your pants down. 32 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,971 Rule number three: Beware of bathrooms. 33 00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:34,226 As zombies began fo outnumber humans, 34 00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:37,358 well, that's when you had to cut all emotional ties. 35 00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:40,691 If the girls in your neighborhood are now fucked-up, little monsters... 36 00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:45,287 Well, maybe it's time to stop driving carpool. 37 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:54,538 You had to focus on your own survival, which leads to rule number four. 38 00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:56,092 Pretty basic. 39 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:07,635 Fasten your seat belts. It's gonna be a bumpy ride. 40 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:58,378 That guy down there is me. I'm in garland, Texas. 41 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:01,923 It may look like zombies destroyed ft, but that's actually just garland. 42 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:05,377 It's been two months since patient zero took a bite of a contaminated burger 43 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,133 at a gas n' gulp. 44 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:11,558 Just two months and I might be the last non-cannibal freak in the country. 45 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,636 I may seem like an unlikely survivor 46 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:17,188 with all my phobias and irritable-bowel syndrome, 47 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:21,484 but I had the advantage of never having any friends or any close family. 48 00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:25,405 I survive because I play it safe and follow the rules. 49 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:26,902 My rules. 50 00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:57,231 Shit. 51 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,114 Of course. 52 00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:41,773 Motherfucker. 53 00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:10,131 On the bright side, I had found a place to go number two. 54 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:18,639 Another rule to surviving zombieland.: Travel light. 55 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:21,187 And I don't mean just luggage. 56 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,185 I've always been kind of a loner. 57 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,107 I avoided people like they were zombies 58 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,277 even before they were zombies. 59 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,652 Now that they are all zombies, I kind of miss people. 60 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:34,367 So I'm on my way from my college dorm in Austin, Texas, 61 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:38,367 to Columbus, Ohio, where I'm hoping my parents are still alive. 62 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,699 Even though we were never really close, 63 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,410 it'd be nice to see a familiar face, or any face 64 00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:46,838 that doesn't have blood dripping from its lips and flesh between its teeth. 65 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:17,598 Thank you. 66 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:28,019 - What are you looking for? - Nothing. I just have this list. 67 00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,395 No one back there but my duffel bag. 68 00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,865 - What's your name? - Stop. No names. 69 00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,692 Keeps us from getting too familiar. 70 00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:43,997 You almost knocked over your alcohol with your knife. 71 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:48,535 - That's okay, you don't have to... - So where you headed? 72 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,833 Columbus. You? 73 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:54,551 Tallahassee. 74 00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:03,012 No, one for me. One and done, I always say. I said that once. 75 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:09,060 You know, Tallahassee and Columbus are both east 76 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,357 s07? So 77 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,935 Tallahassee, you wanna stick together? 78 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,272 - Least for a while? - Here's the deal, Columbus. 79 00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:23,036 I'm not easy to get along with, and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch, 80 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:27,787 so I give this relationship to about texarkana. 81 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:30,038 Really”? Yeah. You'll take me as far as texarkana. 82 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,580 You're a peppy, little spit-fuck, aren't you? 83 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:36,966 You might wanna buckle up for safety. 84 00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:40,466 I can tell already you are gonna get on my nerves. 85 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,591 Even though teaming up wasn't my style, 86 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:47,018 I figured I'd be safer with Tallahassee. 87 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:49,437 You see, he was in the ass-kicking business, and... 88 00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,264 Business is good. 89 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:56,398 It became quickly apparent, however, that he did have one weakness. 90 00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:58,407 What are we doing here? 91 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,028 Well, take a look. It's a goddamn hostess truck. 92 00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:04,532 Yeah, I see that, a hostess truck. So what? 93 00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:05,987 I could use a twinkie. 94 00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:16,290 You coming? Yes yeah one second. 95 00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:23,384 - Are you fucking with me? - No. 96 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,345 You should actually limber up as well. 97 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,518 Especially if we are going down that hill. 98 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:29,890 It is very important. 99 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:31,979 I don't believe in it. 100 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:35,604 You ever see a lion limber up before it takes down a gazelle? 101 00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,967 Sno balls? Yeah 102 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,090 sno balls?! 103 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:08,303 Where's the fucking twinkies?! 104 00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,556 I like sno balls. 105 00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:13,559 I hate coconut. Not the taste, consistency. 106 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,150 Fresh. 107 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,694 Oh, this twinkie thing, it ain't over yet. 108 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,779 Hey, this may be a bad time... 109 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,745 But I gotta take the browns to the super bowl. 110 00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:31,447 - Really? - Really. 111 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:41,295 I know, again, so soon? What can I say? 112 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,627 I have a case of chronic anxiety. 113 00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:52,803 Truth is, I was always kind of phobic. I found lots of things disturbing. 114 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:56,389 Like undertow or department-store santas. 115 00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:57,974 Being alone with a baby. 116 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:03,856 But the thing I fear more than anything, yes, even more than zombies... 117 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:06,907 Fucking clowns. 118 00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,697 When you're afraid of everything that's out there, 119 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,124 you quit going out there... 120 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,418 Which is what happened to me before zombieland. 121 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:21,915 Friday night, third straight week indoors. 122 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,921 World of warcraft, 123 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:26,094 leaning tower of pizza boxes, 124 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:28,421 code red mountain dew. 125 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:30,757 Pride, nowhere. 126 00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,638 Dignity, long gone. 127 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:35,311 Virginity, totally justifiable to speculate on. 128 00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:36,398 Smooth. 129 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,229 My whole life, all I'd ever wanted was to find a girl 130 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,733 and fall in love, bring her home to meet the folks. 131 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:47,236 Then again, since my folks are paranoid shut-ins like me, 132 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,443 maybe this girl could bring me home to her folks. 133 00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,904 And then I'd finally be a member of a cool, functional family. 134 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,323 Four-oh-eight? 135 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,248 Please, is anyone home? Please, it's an emergency. 136 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:02,376 I don't usually unlock my door to the sounds of panic, 137 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,549 but my neighbor, 406, is insanely hot. 138 00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,125 Okay, okay. 139 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,966 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 140 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,222 Nice to meet you. 141 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:21,610 Here 142 00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,029 there you go. 143 00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:31,826 Mountain dew? Yeah code red. 144 00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:35,622 And here's some golden grahams. The ziploc bag keeps them crisp. 145 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,666 Okay. Keep that there. 146 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,248 So tell me what happened. 147 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:46,337 He was homeless and sick. 148 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:50,257 I was walking home from the bar, talking on my phone, 149 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:58,311 I mean, not running, sprinting. 150 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,856 And I thought, like, maybe he was running from someone 151 00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:06,528 or after someone, but last time I saw he was still out there going crazy. 152 00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:08,567 Drugs, maybe? 153 00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:13,068 I didn't even tell you the worst part. 154 00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:15,372 Yeah? 155 00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:17,989 He tried to bite me. 156 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:25,664 - You're right, that's the worst part. - I'm sorry. I'm just so scared. 157 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:29,842 No, no, no, you should be scared. A homeless man just tried to eat you. 158 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,170 That's the right kind of scared. That's reasonable. 159 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:36,429 I get scared for things that don't make sense, like clowns with red noses, 160 00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:41,263 or the rags they use to wipe tables when you finish eating at a restaurant. 161 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,143 Really? 162 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:46,897 Look, the point is, I am here for you, okay? 163 00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:49,946 And as long as you are by my side, I am not leaving this apartment. 164 00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:53,441 Do you mind if I just close my eyes for a minute? 165 00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,492 No, of course. Of course. 166 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,036 - Thank you. - Okay. 167 00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,324 Set aside the feverish, homeless cannibal, 168 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,535 I'm living the dream. 169 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,790 I had always, my whole life, 170 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:08,669 wanted to brush a girl's hair over her ear. 171 00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:11,717 - Good night. - Good night. 172 00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:28,570 Oh, my god. 173 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,065 Are you okay? 174 00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:38,486 Okay, okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop. 175 00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:40,457 What are you doing? 176 00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:45,994 Okay, okay. 177 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:51,216 Look, stay back, 406, okay? I don't wanna hurt you, but... 178 00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:52,302 Shit. 179 00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:54,596 No! 180 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,685 Oh, my god, I am so fucking sorry. 181 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,559 You see, you just can't trust anyone. 182 00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:51,017 The first time I let a girl into my life and she tries to eat me. 183 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,951 Please listen to me. 184 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,457 Four-oh-six, 185 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:12,792 if you're in there, 186 00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,005 you're just sick, okay? 187 00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:33,730 That was my first brush with the plague of the 21st century. 188 00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:37,356 That was my first brush with the plague of the 21st century. 189 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,156 Remember mad cow disease? 190 00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:42,656 Well, mad cow became mad person became mad zombie. 191 00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:46,865 It's a fast-acting virus that left you with a swollen brain, a raging fever, 192 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,041 that made you hateful, violent 193 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,870 and gave you a really, really bad case of the munchies. 194 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,875 All right, you steer, I'll push. 195 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:56,384 Okay. 196 00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,471 Okay. 197 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:04,840 I've heard there's a place that's untouched by this crap. 198 00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:07,597 - Back east, yeah? - Yeah. You heard the same thing? 199 00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:12,228 Out west, we hear it's back east. Back east, they hear it's out west. 200 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:15,481 Yeah, it's all just nonsense. 201 00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:18,062 You're like a penguin on the north pole 202 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:21,524 who hears the south pole is really nice this time of year. 203 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,359 There are no penguins on the north pole. 204 00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:27,913 You wanna feel how hard I can punch? 205 00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:31,375 So, what do you think? 206 00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:34,124 Walt, the last time I laid some pipe”? 207 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:38,049 Last time you went 20 toes, put Percy in the playpen? 208 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:38,965 Who's Percy? 209 00:19:39,053 --> 00:19:41,510 Wallpapered the closet, passed the gravy. 210 00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:44,839 - Went heels to Jesus. - Oh, made love. 211 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,765 Well, just sex. 212 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,603 Three weeks ago. Yeah. 213 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,647 In the back of an abandoned fedex truck 214 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,108 - yeah. - Shut up. 215 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,151 No, no, I was headed east. 216 00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:02,778 She, west. And we took shelter in the back of the truck. 217 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:05,951 It was full of undelivered packages. “What was her name? 218 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:08,120 Beverly. 219 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,413 Beverly Hills. 220 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:10,740 You dog. 221 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,290 So, what about you? 222 00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,667 Me? I _ 223 00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,514 Oh, my god. It makes you sick. 224 00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:29,633 It makes you sad, it makes you... 225 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,813 It makes you think if you can go back to the way things were right now, 226 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,730 you know, you'd be... 227 00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:38,935 You'd be out in the backyard, you know, trying to catch fireflies. 228 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,570 And instead this. 229 00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:47,451 - I mean, it makes you... - Hungry. 230 00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,199 I'm worried about you. 231 00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:52,498 Look, whatever you have waiting for you in Columbus, 232 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:57,079 I promise you it ain't prettier than our friend here enjoying her manwich. 233 00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:08,006 Tallahassee had a sick sense of humor when it came to zombies. 234 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:11,968 Zombies aren't the most lovable creatures, but he really hated them. 235 00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:14,599 The only thing he was more obsessed with than killing zombies 236 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,180 was finding a twinkie. 237 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:19,859 Something about a twinkie reminded him of a time not so long ago 238 00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:23,608 when things were simple and not so fucking psychotic. 239 00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:26,907 It was like if he got a taste of that comforting childhood treat, 240 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:30,327 the world would become innocent again and everything would return to normal. 241 00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:32,572 What, are you prospecting? 242 00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:35,078 Jesus Christ 243 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:37,167 you are a dangerous man. 244 00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:41,835 You're gonna risk our lives for a twinkie” 245 00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:44,713 there's a box of twinkies in that grocery store. 246 00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:46,886 Not just any box of twinkies. 247 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:52,012 The last box of twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. 248 00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:55,890 Believe it or not, twinkies have an expiration date. 249 00:21:55,981 --> 00:22:02,068 Someday very soon, life's little twinkie Gauge is gonna go empty. 250 00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:05,188 Time to nut up or shut up. 251 00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,109 When Tallahassee goes hulk on a zombie, 252 00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:13,162 he sets the standard for not-to-be-fucked-with 253 00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:15,080 no fear, nothing to lose. 254 00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:18,410 What can I say? It's like... it's like art. 255 00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:38,429 You got a purty mouth. 256 00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:51,025 Don't swing, don't swing. 257 00:22:51,579 --> 00:22:52,579 Swing. 258 00:22:58,127 --> 00:23:00,083 Thank you. You owe me. 259 00:23:02,006 --> 00:23:03,006 Yeah 260 00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:04,998 you're incredible. 261 00:23:05,092 --> 00:23:06,673 I know. Yeah 262 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,342 twinkie, twinkie, twinkie, twinkie. 263 00:23:11,348 --> 00:23:12,838 Big hoss. 264 00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:22,306 Come here, big fella. Just gonna take a little off the top. 265 00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:32,274 Wow, these fellas really let themselves go. 266 00:23:32,703 --> 00:23:33,863 And they're so fat. 267 00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:36,912 I think we should probably just keep going. 268 00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:43,373 All I could think of was, what are the odds? 269 00:23:43,464 --> 00:23:46,206 Another marriageable woman to bring home to the folks. 270 00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:48,339 Come quick. 271 00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:52,253 Someone's ear is in danger of having hair brushed over it. 272 00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:56,267 Hey. 273 00:23:57,311 --> 00:23:58,311 I'll catch up. 274 00:24:01,607 --> 00:24:05,191 Rule number 22: When in doubt, know your way out. 275 00:24:14,495 --> 00:24:17,828 They're sisters. The little one's been bitten 276 00:24:17,915 --> 00:24:20,622 act normal. Try not to freak her out. Yeah 277 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,502 Columbus, Wichita, little rock. 278 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:30,207 So you did all this for a twinkie? 279 00:24:30,719 --> 00:24:35,509 No, no, no, he did. I'm just kind of like a Sancho panza character. 280 00:24:37,768 --> 00:24:39,804 Look, I don't think she has long. 281 00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:44,138 Yeah, I know. I know, and she knows it. We're just looking for a way out. 282 00:24:45,567 --> 00:24:48,024 No, no, no, no. She's just a little girl. 283 00:24:48,112 --> 00:24:50,103 Don't talk about me like I'm not here. 284 00:24:50,864 --> 00:24:52,070 Right, sorry. 285 00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:56,905 Look, I know that you're really sick. 286 00:24:58,414 --> 00:25:00,530 But your sister wants me to... 287 00:25:00,624 --> 00:25:03,206 It's not her decision, okay? It's mine. 288 00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:05,284 I made her promise. 289 00:25:07,423 --> 00:25:09,960 We already said goodbye, but we didn't have a gun. 290 00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:13,709 - We don't know that there's no cure. - You're just gutless! 291 00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:16,087 Give him the gun. 292 00:25:33,073 --> 00:25:35,780 Wait, wait, Walt. 293 00:25:38,829 --> 00:25:39,829 I'll do it. 294 00:25:57,473 --> 00:25:59,384 - I love you. - I love you too. 295 00:26:10,527 --> 00:26:11,642 You need some help? 296 00:26:12,404 --> 00:26:14,565 Now that you mention it, 297 00:26:14,656 --> 00:26:17,318 we'll take your weapons, car keys, ammunition. 298 00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:20,776 And if you've got it, sugarless gum. “What the fuck? 299 00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:24,618 Wait, why are you guys doing this? 300 00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:26,869 Better you make the mistake of trusting us 301 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,746 than us make the mistake of trusting you. 302 00:26:32,049 --> 00:26:35,792 The first hot girl in 1000 miles shows up, makes me feel like an idiot, 303 00:26:35,886 --> 00:26:39,219 steals my double-barrel, and then says I'm the one that can't be trusted. 304 00:26:44,394 --> 00:26:47,227 - Nice going, genius. - You're the one that gave her the gun. 305 00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:50,022 Those guys were dumb. 306 00:26:52,736 --> 00:26:54,601 Avoid the vanity mirror. 307 00:26:54,696 --> 00:26:57,062 Relax, okay? I just passed for a zombie. 308 00:26:59,076 --> 00:27:03,866 - What I'd give for a shower... - Do not say s-h-o-w-e-r, okay? 309 00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:06,072 Let's just get where we're going. 310 00:27:06,166 --> 00:27:08,953 - So do you think it's true? - Is what true? 311 00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:10,580 You know, about pacific playland? 312 00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:14,622 Totally zombie-free. Only place west of waco. 313 00:27:16,927 --> 00:27:18,007 Trust me. 314 00:27:21,265 --> 00:27:23,802 He's on one of these serious tour de France bikes, 315 00:27:23,892 --> 00:27:26,053 vou know, with the toeholds, right? 316 00:27:26,145 --> 00:27:31,435 And he's pedaling, and the zombie's head is, like, caught in the gear. 317 00:27:31,525 --> 00:27:35,268 You know, with the hair in the chain just, like, going around. 318 00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:37,148 Very cool. Yeah 319 00:27:37,239 --> 00:27:42,404 but zombie kill of the week? No, sir. 320 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:46,328 I saw this construction worker, I shit you not... 321 00:27:46,415 --> 00:27:49,873 He is on a steamroller, and a zombie goes down in front of him. 322 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,622 You ever roll a tube of toothpaste up from the bottom? 323 00:27:52,713 --> 00:27:57,207 - I always roll it up from the bottom. - Well, the zombie's head is the cap. 324 00:27:57,301 --> 00:28:00,589 Are you one of these guys that tries to one-up everybody else's story? 325 00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:01,964 No 326 00:28:02,055 --> 00:28:05,092 I knew a guy way worse at that than me. 327 00:28:05,184 --> 00:28:08,642 - All right, let's just try to find a car. - Which reminds me, 328 00:28:08,729 --> 00:28:11,596 I never had headaches like this till your ass came on board. 329 00:28:11,690 --> 00:28:16,480 I mean, do what you want with a man, but do not fuck with his Cadillac. 330 00:28:16,570 --> 00:28:17,810 Hey, there's a nice minivan. 331 00:28:17,905 --> 00:28:20,567 Oh, you know something”? That is nice. 332 00:28:20,657 --> 00:28:22,067 That's a beautiful Van. 333 00:28:24,203 --> 00:28:27,195 Tallahassee believes you have to blow off steam in zombieland, 334 00:28:27,289 --> 00:28:29,530 or else you lose what's left of your mind. 335 00:28:30,083 --> 00:28:33,746 If it makes him happy and keeps him from using that crowbar on me, 336 00:28:33,837 --> 00:28:35,748 then I say, "hey, go apeshit.” 337 00:28:36,465 --> 00:28:38,581 I want my caddy back! 338 00:28:39,259 --> 00:28:41,750 Stupid, little bitches! 339 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,347 Oh, I think I pulled something. 340 00:28:53,232 --> 00:28:57,225 Think the two of us are smart enough to come up with a con like that? 341 00:29:00,656 --> 00:29:01,987 You hesitated 342 00:29:04,534 --> 00:29:08,322 is it better to be smart or lucky? 343 00:29:09,539 --> 00:29:11,530 Look at what we got here. 344 00:29:34,648 --> 00:29:35,648 Come on. 345 00:29:40,362 --> 00:29:42,273 - That's nice. - Smell the finger? 346 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:48,275 Yes 347 00:29:53,083 --> 00:29:55,620 thank god for rednecks! 348 00:29:56,295 --> 00:29:58,877 This is a really big truck, 349 00:29:58,964 --> 00:30:03,082 and these are really big guns. 350 00:30:03,927 --> 00:30:04,927 Take your time. 351 00:30:29,036 --> 00:30:33,325 They say, "he who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves." 352 00:30:33,415 --> 00:30:37,579 Right. Two graves. One for the big chick, one for the little chick. 353 00:30:37,669 --> 00:30:39,159 You are scary happy. 354 00:30:39,671 --> 00:30:41,502 Yeah 355 00:30:42,382 --> 00:30:45,670 come on, why don't we just forget about those girls and head home? 356 00:30:45,761 --> 00:30:47,922 Oh, you want to talk about home? 357 00:30:48,889 --> 00:30:52,598 For me, home was a puppy named buck. 358 00:30:54,061 --> 00:30:55,551 Cutest dog ever. 359 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,527 All those fucking zombies. 360 00:31:06,740 --> 00:31:07,775 I lost him. 361 00:31:08,617 --> 00:31:13,702 And there ain't no getting him back, so I'm looking for a new home. 362 00:31:14,956 --> 00:31:19,245 Tomorrow, I may be skinny-dipping in the yellowstone river, 363 00:31:19,336 --> 00:31:23,045 or swinging from the chandeliers in the playboy mansion, 364 00:31:23,131 --> 00:31:27,625 but today, a vortec six-fucking-liter v8, 365 00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:32,088 a box full of hollow points and, lord willing, a gd twinkie. 366 00:31:33,308 --> 00:31:35,515 Gotta enjoy the little things. 367 00:31:37,854 --> 00:31:40,596 I hate to give credit to anyone who looks like yosemite Sam, 368 00:31:40,690 --> 00:31:42,681 but I'm writing it down. 369 00:31:42,776 --> 00:31:45,483 Rule number 32: Enjoy the little things. 370 00:31:53,286 --> 00:31:55,572 Knowing them, it's a trap. 371 00:31:55,664 --> 00:31:59,031 Wait here. Drive down if I signal. 372 00:31:59,126 --> 00:32:01,333 You're not gonna shoot them, are you? 373 00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:03,081 Not unless they shoot at me. 374 00:32:04,297 --> 00:32:06,583 Oh, let's hope they shoot at me. 375 00:32:57,893 --> 00:32:59,303 Looks like they hoofed it. 376 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:01,851 Probably headed west. 377 00:33:02,939 --> 00:33:05,851 Just drive slow, keep your eyes peeled. Sure 378 00:33:10,489 --> 00:33:12,821 they're in the back, aren't they? “Just me. 379 00:33:14,576 --> 00:33:17,192 I'm really sorry. She was like a crouching tiger. 380 00:33:17,787 --> 00:33:20,745 You got taken hostage by a 12-year-old? 381 00:33:20,832 --> 00:33:24,450 Girls mature faster than boys. She's way ahead of where I was at that age. 382 00:33:24,544 --> 00:33:27,877 Twelve's the new 20. Gun, please. 383 00:33:27,964 --> 00:33:30,171 Like you would ever use that thing. 384 00:33:30,258 --> 00:33:32,544 Don't kill me with my own gun! 385 00:33:33,678 --> 00:33:35,168 All those violent video games. 386 00:33:35,263 --> 00:33:37,128 - Yeah. - Thank you. 387 00:33:37,224 --> 00:33:39,055 Now honk your horn. “What? 388 00:33:39,142 --> 00:33:40,348 Honk it. 389 00:33:45,565 --> 00:33:48,181 It's your sister, with my gun. Hello. 390 00:33:52,489 --> 00:33:53,899 Bummer. 391 00:33:55,408 --> 00:33:56,989 Now step away from the vehicle. 392 00:33:59,871 --> 00:34:01,452 You get to ride shotgun. 393 00:34:09,339 --> 00:34:11,330 I kind of like this girl. 394 00:34:11,424 --> 00:34:13,961 She's not your typical hot, stuck-up bitch. 395 00:34:15,387 --> 00:34:18,879 Even before zombieland, Wichita was running the table on guys like us. 396 00:34:34,114 --> 00:34:36,821 - What are you looking for? - My engagement ring. 397 00:34:38,702 --> 00:34:42,445 I took it off to pump my gas, and I thought that I put it in my purse, 398 00:34:42,539 --> 00:34:45,997 but it must've fallen out, and I'm late for my flight and... 399 00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:50,043 Well, listen, I'll find your ring, and I'll fedex it to you. 400 00:34:50,547 --> 00:34:52,003 I'll give you a reward. 401 00:34:52,674 --> 00:34:53,584 Don't be silly. 402 00:34:53,675 --> 00:34:56,712 Three thousand dollars. It's worth more than my car. 403 00:34:58,597 --> 00:35:00,087 Just give me your number. 404 00:35:01,349 --> 00:35:03,214 Yeah [I'll find it. 405 00:35:03,727 --> 00:35:07,470 Yeah, I'll start looking for it right now. Because I got nothing else to do. 406 00:35:08,398 --> 00:35:10,309 I was engaged once, 407 00:35:10,775 --> 00:35:12,140 but I'm single now. 408 00:35:15,238 --> 00:35:16,523 Bye-bye. 409 00:35:19,451 --> 00:35:20,861 Hope you make your flight. 410 00:35:27,250 --> 00:35:29,241 I know it's around here somewhere. 411 00:35:29,336 --> 00:35:31,327 She's on a plane, that's the beauty of it. 412 00:35:35,467 --> 00:35:37,332 Let me call you back. 413 00:35:37,427 --> 00:35:38,917 Hey, you found my ring. 414 00:35:40,430 --> 00:35:42,216 Thanks. I've been looking all over for it. 415 00:35:43,224 --> 00:35:45,510 - Your ring? - Well, it's my friend's. 416 00:35:45,602 --> 00:35:48,344 - I'm gonna send it to her. - Do I get a reward? 417 00:35:49,022 --> 00:35:52,640 Forty, 60, 80, 400. 418 00:35:53,735 --> 00:35:55,726 That's it. That's the whole register. 419 00:35:59,074 --> 00:36:00,484 You made someone very happy. 420 00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:03,202 You too. 421 00:36:10,502 --> 00:36:11,582 Nice 422 00:36:12,712 --> 00:36:13,872 how many left? 423 00:36:15,674 --> 00:36:16,674 I et me see. 424 00:36:19,844 --> 00:36:21,709 Enough for us to get to California. 425 00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:24,758 Someday I want a ring this big. 426 00:36:24,849 --> 00:36:26,965 For the low price of 30 bucks, sold. 427 00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:32,012 It's amazing how far you can get with some costume jewelry 428 00:36:32,107 --> 00:36:34,143 and a cutthroat attitude. 429 00:36:34,234 --> 00:36:37,146 I guess we're just lucky they didn't leave us by the side of the road. 430 00:36:39,906 --> 00:36:41,771 Thank you, Wichita. Thanks, little rock. 431 00:36:47,247 --> 00:36:50,489 For fuck's sake, enough! We're being chased by ravenous freaks! 432 00:36:50,583 --> 00:36:51,948 We don't have enough problems? 433 00:36:52,544 --> 00:36:55,160 "They stole my Hummer. We have trust issues." 434 00:36:55,255 --> 00:36:57,541 We can't just fucking drive down the road 435 00:36:57,632 --> 00:37:01,796 playing I spy or some shit for hours like four normal-ass Americans? 436 00:37:01,886 --> 00:37:03,001 Fuck me! 437 00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:05,222 I know. 438 00:37:07,267 --> 00:37:08,757 I et me be the mature one. 439 00:37:10,228 --> 00:37:11,228 (Ood. 440 00:37:23,074 --> 00:37:25,907 So where are you guys headed? 441 00:37:25,994 --> 00:37:27,450 Pacific playland. 442 00:37:28,580 --> 00:37:29,615 The amusement park? 443 00:37:29,706 --> 00:37:31,196 Wait, outside L.A.? Yeah 444 00:37:31,291 --> 00:37:33,247 we went there as kids. 445 00:37:33,334 --> 00:37:35,199 That place totally blows. 446 00:37:37,547 --> 00:37:39,959 My mind. It's so fun. 447 00:37:40,049 --> 00:37:42,916 Just good entertainment for the whole family. 448 00:37:43,011 --> 00:37:46,469 Yeah, I went there as a kid too. In fact, this probably counts as off-season. 449 00:37:47,474 --> 00:37:49,886 Did you guys hear? There are no zombies there. 450 00:37:49,976 --> 00:37:51,591 Yeah, we heard. 451 00:37:51,686 --> 00:37:56,680 You know, I may not shoot you, but you have still royally pissed me off, 452 00:37:56,775 --> 00:38:00,359 and I'm not going to play with you at pacific playland. 453 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:05,022 - Don't worry, he grows on you. - Really? 454 00:38:05,116 --> 00:38:06,822 No. It gets worse. 455 00:38:06,910 --> 00:38:09,367 Okay. How about we play the quiet game? 456 00:38:09,454 --> 00:38:10,864 Yeah? Starting now. 457 00:38:13,583 --> 00:38:15,790 Oh, I've actually been meaning to ask you: 458 00:38:15,877 --> 00:38:18,118 Did you hear anything about Columbus, Ohio? 459 00:38:18,213 --> 00:38:20,454 - You never played the quiet game? - Sorry. 460 00:38:20,548 --> 00:38:22,834 No? Well, they're playing it in Columbus. 461 00:38:22,926 --> 00:38:25,212 It's a total ghost town. It's burned to the ground. 462 00:38:34,896 --> 00:38:35,976 You're Columbus. 463 00:38:37,398 --> 00:38:40,561 I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was... 464 00:38:42,570 --> 00:38:45,937 I'm not sure what's more tragic: That my family is gone, 465 00:38:46,032 --> 00:38:49,866 or the realization that I never really had much of a family to begin with. 466 00:38:49,953 --> 00:38:54,117 Either way, I can't pretend that what I'm looking for I'll find by going home. 467 00:38:54,207 --> 00:38:55,447 I have no home. 468 00:38:58,545 --> 00:39:01,582 We can get you a ride. 469 00:39:03,424 --> 00:39:08,259 You know, you can go see for yourself, or settle somewhere new. 470 00:39:09,889 --> 00:39:10,889 Okay. 471 00:39:12,433 --> 00:39:14,298 I could tell she knew what I was feeling. 472 00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:17,344 We were all orphans in zombieland. 473 00:39:31,494 --> 00:39:34,110 I know this pacific playland thing is nuts... 474 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,616 But it's just been so long since she got to be a kid. 475 00:39:40,879 --> 00:39:43,586 You know, it's tough growing up in zombieland. 476 00:39:43,673 --> 00:39:45,038 It's tough growing up. 477 00:39:51,306 --> 00:39:52,306 There. 478 00:39:52,765 --> 00:39:54,301 You could take that truck. 479 00:39:59,564 --> 00:40:04,058 Well, I hope you find whoever it is you're looking for. 480 00:40:06,112 --> 00:40:09,024 And don't let go once you do. 481 00:40:22,337 --> 00:40:25,545 It wasn't just because I had nowhere else to go. 482 00:40:25,632 --> 00:40:28,419 It was because, in that moment, it became clear 483 00:40:29,344 --> 00:40:32,928 wherever this girl was, that's where I wanted to be. 484 00:40:52,533 --> 00:40:55,946 Man, we're gonna have to pull over soon. I'm feeling cooped up. 485 00:40:57,246 --> 00:41:00,579 "Wantum your wampum.” yeah. Now, that'll work. 486 00:41:00,667 --> 00:41:04,455 Okay, but what the hell are we doing? “Just humor him. Trust me. 487 00:41:16,891 --> 00:41:17,891 Hold up. 488 00:41:19,727 --> 00:41:21,843 Who wants to go first? 489 00:41:21,938 --> 00:41:25,180 I really, really wanna impress Wichita... 490 00:41:25,274 --> 00:41:27,481 But it would be in violation of rule 17, 491 00:41:27,568 --> 00:41:31,652 maybe the most important rule of all: Don't be a hero. 492 00:41:31,739 --> 00:41:34,651 Why don't you take this one? Don't mind if I do. 493 00:41:50,049 --> 00:41:52,461 What do you think? Zombie kill of the week? 494 00:41:52,552 --> 00:41:54,634 Close, but no cigar. 495 00:41:54,721 --> 00:41:58,259 Zombie kill of the week goes to sister Cynthia knickerbocker. 496 00:42:03,479 --> 00:42:04,810 Poor flat bastard. 497 00:42:27,295 --> 00:42:29,286 Perfume? “What? 498 00:42:29,380 --> 00:42:30,620 Is that perfume? 499 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:33,835 It's Cologne. 500 00:42:34,218 --> 00:42:36,254 I'm thinking... 501 00:42:36,345 --> 00:42:38,961 - Lancome magnifique. - Why don't you speak up a little? 502 00:42:39,057 --> 00:42:41,343 I think they might have missed it in Santa fe. 503 00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:47,853 - Oh, my god. - Okay. 504 00:42:48,733 --> 00:42:51,395 You're thinking about fucking Wichita. 505 00:42:52,612 --> 00:42:56,104 Wish granted. She spent the last 24 hours fucking us both. 506 00:42:57,075 --> 00:42:58,075 Hey. 507 00:43:00,244 --> 00:43:01,950 Good luck now, Petunia. 508 00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:09,920 Okay. 509 00:43:10,797 --> 00:43:14,540 Let me begin by saying you're a wonderful human with great potential. 510 00:43:14,634 --> 00:43:20,004 It's okay, but fyi, I beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that 511 00:43:20,973 --> 00:43:25,512 - I'm sure. - You get 45 percent power. 512 00:43:25,603 --> 00:43:27,059 Thank you. 513 00:43:27,939 --> 00:43:30,055 Yeah. Come on, break another one. 514 00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:36,693 Nice 515 00:43:39,951 --> 00:43:41,407 doesn't that feel good? 516 00:44:31,294 --> 00:44:34,377 Tallahassee's right. You gotta enjoy the little things, 517 00:44:34,463 --> 00:44:38,047 even if that means destroying a whole lot of little things. 518 00:44:41,929 --> 00:44:43,339 Smells like perfume. 519 00:44:46,684 --> 00:44:49,175 - You don't know who Willie Nelson is? - No. 520 00:44:51,063 --> 00:44:52,553 Willie Nelson? 521 00:44:52,648 --> 00:44:54,479 Yeah, no, I don't. 522 00:44:54,984 --> 00:44:59,318 I shave every morning, but sometimes by, like, 4:30, I'll have a thing. 523 00:44:59,405 --> 00:45:02,363 It's called 5:00 shadow, but sometimes I'll get it prematurely. 524 00:45:02,450 --> 00:45:06,693 Since it's a freeway, you can get it up to 65, but don't go more than 75. 525 00:45:06,787 --> 00:45:08,277 You don't wanna go more than 20. 526 00:45:08,372 --> 00:45:10,613 Don't worry about a blind spot. 527 00:45:10,708 --> 00:45:14,371 Blind spots are for other drivers. “It's like the first time that I've ever driven. 528 00:45:15,546 --> 00:45:18,913 So do you never strap in, or it's just on long road trips? 529 00:45:19,926 --> 00:45:24,670 It's just there's zombies everywhere. I think the least of my worries... 530 00:45:24,764 --> 00:45:26,720 - Yeah, that's true. - Is seat belts. 531 00:45:26,807 --> 00:45:28,547 Yes, but, no, she's not. 532 00:45:28,643 --> 00:45:31,885 She's only famous when she's Hannah Montana, in the wig. 533 00:45:31,979 --> 00:45:33,059 Right. Only then. So 534 00:45:38,319 --> 00:45:39,479 It's kind of freeing. 535 00:45:40,529 --> 00:45:41,529 Yeah 536 00:45:44,158 --> 00:45:48,322 for the first time in a long time, we were having fun. 537 00:45:48,412 --> 00:45:50,778 So even though it ran counter to our strategies, 538 00:45:50,873 --> 00:45:53,580 we decided to stay together as far as pacific playland. 539 00:46:22,989 --> 00:46:26,197 Sleep deprivation is the number-one health problem in America. 540 00:46:26,284 --> 00:46:28,650 Now I think it might be number two. 541 00:46:29,287 --> 00:46:32,370 - Number two. - That's adorable. 542 00:46:32,456 --> 00:46:35,744 - I think we should find a place to crash. - Oh, I got an idea. 543 00:46:35,835 --> 00:46:38,668 We're in Hollywood, let's sleep in style. 544 00:46:44,552 --> 00:46:45,667 Grab a map. 545 00:46:52,310 --> 00:46:53,310 Come on. 546 00:46:53,644 --> 00:46:56,056 Hurry! Hurry! 547 00:46:56,147 --> 00:46:57,147 Good job. 548 00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:06,855 Looks like anyone who's ever been in a movie lives on this block. 549 00:47:06,949 --> 00:47:10,533 What exactly you think we're doing in the 90210, Sally? 550 00:47:10,619 --> 00:47:13,736 I pictured Tom Cruise living somewhere nicer. 551 00:47:17,626 --> 00:47:20,743 We're going to the tippy-top of the a-list. 552 00:47:20,838 --> 00:47:22,624 Who? You'll see. 553 00:47:29,472 --> 00:47:30,632 Hey. There's a big bm. 554 00:47:31,891 --> 00:47:33,882 And it ain't Bob Marley. 555 00:47:40,566 --> 00:47:42,181 This place is incredible. 556 00:47:53,287 --> 00:47:59,624 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to la mancion de Murray. 557 00:47:59,710 --> 00:48:02,326 - Bill Murray. - God, no way. 558 00:48:02,421 --> 00:48:06,005 This guy has a direct line to my funny bone. 559 00:48:06,092 --> 00:48:08,048 - Everything... - Wait. Who's bill Murray? 560 00:48:08,135 --> 00:48:09,966 I've never hit a kid before 561 00:48:11,430 --> 00:48:14,012 all right? I mean, that's like asking who Gandhi is. 562 00:48:14,725 --> 00:48:15,805 Who's Gandhi? 563 00:48:16,602 --> 00:48:17,842 She's 12 564 00:48:22,024 --> 00:48:24,060 - no twinkies. - Shit, fuck! 565 00:48:24,151 --> 00:48:26,642 See? I told you we should've gone to Russell Crowe's 566 00:48:26,737 --> 00:48:29,479 - no one listens to me. - Hello, inside voices. Okay? 567 00:48:29,573 --> 00:48:31,109 Until we know we're alone. 568 00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:34,692 Tallahassee, Wichita, take that way. Little rock, come here. 569 00:48:34,787 --> 00:48:36,493 Why do I get stuck with her? 570 00:48:40,334 --> 00:48:41,790 It doesn't seem to end. 571 00:48:48,092 --> 00:48:49,092 Hey, come here. 572 00:48:51,345 --> 00:48:53,131 He has his own movie theater? 573 00:48:57,768 --> 00:49:00,180 Okay, I'm gonna teach you something about bill Murray. 574 00:49:02,148 --> 00:49:03,888 A king slept right here. 575 00:49:05,985 --> 00:49:07,316 Dibs on the bed. 576 00:49:10,698 --> 00:49:12,438 Too soft for me, anyway. 577 00:49:20,124 --> 00:49:23,366 Oh, this is so exciting. You're about to learn who you gonna call. 578 00:49:23,461 --> 00:49:24,792 It's ghostbusters. 579 00:49:43,772 --> 00:49:44,887 This is pretty catchy. 580 00:49:46,734 --> 00:49:48,315 Come on. 581 00:49:48,402 --> 00:49:50,984 Help me with the boots. Come on. 582 00:49:51,071 --> 00:49:52,607 Help me with the boots. 583 00:49:52,698 --> 00:49:55,565 Okay. I'll get them myself. 584 00:50:15,930 --> 00:50:18,046 Shit. 585 00:50:23,562 --> 00:50:25,018 Bill Murray, you're a zombie? 586 00:50:31,237 --> 00:50:32,522 I'm on fire! 587 00:50:32,613 --> 00:50:33,613 Ouch! 588 00:50:33,697 --> 00:50:37,110 You're not a zombie, you're talking, and... you're okay? 589 00:50:37,660 --> 00:50:39,070 The hell I am! 590 00:50:39,161 --> 00:50:42,745 I'm sorry. I didn't know that it was "you" you. 591 00:50:42,831 --> 00:50:44,913 Are you...? What's with the getup? 592 00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:47,992 Oh, I do it to blend in. You know. 593 00:50:48,087 --> 00:50:50,043 Zombies don't mess with other zombies. 594 00:50:50,130 --> 00:50:52,291 Buddy of mine showed me how to do this. 595 00:50:52,383 --> 00:50:55,841 Cornstarch. Some berries, 3 little licorice for the ladies. 596 00:50:55,928 --> 00:50:58,886 Suits my lifestyle. I like to get out and do stuff. 597 00:50:59,431 --> 00:51:03,765 Just played nine holes on the riviera. Just walked on. Nobody there. 598 00:51:03,852 --> 00:51:08,266 Goddamn it, bill fucking Murray! 599 00:51:08,357 --> 00:51:10,564 I had to get that out. I don't mean to gush. 600 00:51:10,651 --> 00:51:14,894 This is so surreal. I mean, you probably get this all the time. 601 00:51:14,989 --> 00:51:17,651 Maybe not lately, but I'm such a huge fan of yours. 602 00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:19,106 - Thank you. - I mean, I swear, 603 00:51:19,201 --> 00:51:22,819 I've seen every one of your movies a million times. 604 00:51:22,913 --> 00:51:27,532 I even love your dramatic roles and just everything. 605 00:51:27,918 --> 00:51:31,706 Six people left in the world, one of them is bill fucking Murray! 606 00:51:31,797 --> 00:51:35,506 I know that's not your middle name. I been watching you since I was like... 607 00:51:35,593 --> 00:51:39,006 Since I could masturbate. I mean, not that they're connected. 608 00:51:39,096 --> 00:51:42,179 "A former greenskeeper about to become the masters champion.” 609 00:51:47,062 --> 00:51:49,178 Well, that's why we do it. 610 00:51:50,482 --> 00:51:52,393 I love you, bill. I love you. 611 00:51:52,901 --> 00:51:54,186 I thank you. 612 00:51:54,278 --> 00:51:55,278 Thank you. 613 00:51:56,113 --> 00:51:58,354 You are staring at me. It's a hairpiece. 614 00:51:58,449 --> 00:52:02,067 I'm sorry. No, it was just that you look remarkably like Eddie Van halen. 615 00:52:02,161 --> 00:52:03,571 I just saw Eddie Van halen. 616 00:52:03,662 --> 00:52:05,744 Really? Yeah 617 00:52:05,831 --> 00:52:08,117 - where? How was that? - At the Hollywood bowl. 618 00:52:08,208 --> 00:52:09,618 He's a zombie. 619 00:52:09,710 --> 00:52:11,792 That's a tough break. 620 00:52:11,879 --> 00:52:14,621 So how about a little west coast hospitality? 621 00:52:14,715 --> 00:52:17,582 Can I get you something? What would you like? 622 00:52:29,063 --> 00:52:30,098 Smooth, isn't it? 623 00:52:31,357 --> 00:52:34,849 Oh, hurry. Hurry, he's on the ceiling. 624 00:52:34,943 --> 00:52:38,310 - Come get him. Avoid the chandelier. - Light him up, ray! 625 00:52:38,697 --> 00:52:42,940 - See you on the other side, Pete. - Oh, he's so disgusting. 626 00:52:43,035 --> 00:52:45,651 Looks like slimer. Don't cross the streams! 627 00:52:45,746 --> 00:52:47,782 - I don't wanna cross... - Oh, no, he's awful. 628 00:52:47,873 --> 00:52:49,534 Don't cross the streams! 629 00:52:53,128 --> 00:52:56,620 Thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately 600 pounds. 630 00:52:56,715 --> 00:52:57,795 That's a big twinkie. 631 00:52:58,467 --> 00:53:00,378 Your sister is single, right? 632 00:53:00,469 --> 00:53:02,926 There's nothing long-distance or anything? 633 00:53:03,013 --> 00:53:04,878 - No. - Oh, good, good. 634 00:53:05,933 --> 00:53:09,266 And if she had, like, a type, you know, 635 00:53:09,353 --> 00:53:12,311 if you can have a type, what would that be, you think? 636 00:53:12,398 --> 00:53:14,764 She kind of goes for, like, bad boys. 637 00:53:14,858 --> 00:53:15,858 Really? Yeah 638 00:53:16,276 --> 00:53:18,562 that's cool. “What? 639 00:53:21,699 --> 00:53:25,191 - So Columbus is the scared one? - Yeah. He's like a little bunny. 640 00:53:26,954 --> 00:53:27,954 I'll get him. 641 00:53:31,041 --> 00:53:32,076 Watch this. 642 00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:43,466 No! 643 00:53:43,554 --> 00:53:45,966 No, no, it's okay, it's okay. I got him. 644 00:53:51,437 --> 00:53:54,520 Is that how you say hello where you come from? 645 00:53:55,357 --> 00:53:58,849 Oh, my god. Oh, my god, I can't believe I shot bill Murray. 646 00:54:00,988 --> 00:54:05,448 - Mr. Murray? - I'm just bill, I think, now. 647 00:54:06,243 --> 00:54:07,528 Bill? Yeah? 648 00:54:08,620 --> 00:54:11,737 I don't think we're gonna be able to stitch this. 649 00:54:13,500 --> 00:54:15,036 That's still tender. 650 00:54:15,627 --> 00:54:17,458 You think you might pull through? 651 00:54:21,008 --> 00:54:22,214 No 652 00:54:22,301 --> 00:54:25,418 If it means anything now, I am so sorry. 653 00:54:25,512 --> 00:54:27,719 It was just instinctive. 654 00:54:27,806 --> 00:54:32,675 It was my bad. I was never a very good practical joker. 655 00:54:32,770 --> 00:54:34,761 So do you have any regrets? 656 00:54:38,192 --> 00:54:39,432 Garfield, maybe. 657 00:55:05,010 --> 00:55:07,126 I'm sorry, he just gets me. 658 00:55:09,598 --> 00:55:11,429 But it still is sad. Yeah 659 00:55:14,353 --> 00:55:16,890 - okay. - Oh, shit. 660 00:55:17,981 --> 00:55:20,142 Okay. Okay. 661 00:55:20,818 --> 00:55:23,981 Okay. Shit. Okay. 662 00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:34,907 Sorry. One second. 663 00:55:34,998 --> 00:55:36,659 It's a double-barrel. Sorry. 664 00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:38,960 Okay. 665 00:55:44,299 --> 00:55:47,006 Three, two, one. 666 00:55:49,346 --> 00:55:51,132 You guys want some purell? Yes 667 00:55:51,223 --> 00:55:52,554 please. Yeah 668 00:55:52,641 --> 00:55:53,676 around the world. 669 00:55:57,813 --> 00:55:58,928 Yes 670 00:56:00,732 --> 00:56:02,848 oh, free parking. Yeah 671 00:56:02,943 --> 00:56:05,480 which is the best thing about zombieland. 672 00:56:05,571 --> 00:56:08,529 No, best thing about z-land, no Facebook status updates. 673 00:56:08,615 --> 00:56:11,732 You know, "Rob Curtis is gearing up for Friday." 674 00:56:11,827 --> 00:56:15,945 - Who cares? - The best thing is no more flushing. 675 00:56:16,039 --> 00:56:19,497 - Epic. - And the worst thing about z-land? 676 00:56:19,585 --> 00:56:21,951 Other than the fact that I shot bill Murray? 677 00:56:22,045 --> 00:56:24,502 That's easy. Losing buck. 678 00:56:25,424 --> 00:56:26,459 That's his puppy. 679 00:56:27,634 --> 00:56:31,877 I'm gonna tell you, I never thought I could love anything like buck. 680 00:56:31,972 --> 00:56:36,011 He was just... the day he was born, I just lost my mind. 681 00:56:38,145 --> 00:56:39,180 Sorry. 682 00:56:41,815 --> 00:56:43,476 We were two peas. 683 00:56:43,567 --> 00:56:49,688 He had my personality, my laugh, my appetite. 684 00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:50,941 Laugh? 685 00:56:51,033 --> 00:56:54,776 That's when it hit me. I felt ashamed that it had taken me this long, 686 00:56:54,870 --> 00:56:56,576 me, with the best cardio in the business, 687 00:56:56,663 --> 00:56:59,780 to realize I wasn't the only one running from something. 688 00:57:06,256 --> 00:57:10,590 Oh, there it is. There you go. 689 00:57:10,677 --> 00:57:13,259 Oh, you like the syrup. Yes. 690 00:57:15,432 --> 00:57:16,432 Okay. 691 00:57:24,024 --> 00:57:26,811 We made this wallet together out of duct tape. 692 00:57:32,991 --> 00:57:34,322 Take away a man's son, 693 00:57:34,743 --> 00:57:37,280 you've truly given him nothing left to lose. 694 00:57:47,881 --> 00:57:50,668 I haven't cried like that since Titanic. 695 00:58:09,778 --> 00:58:10,778 Hi 696 00:58:32,759 --> 00:58:33,759 A hint. 697 00:58:34,594 --> 00:58:40,385 Why don't you exhale slowly, squeeze the trigger? 698 00:59:15,135 --> 00:59:16,716 Don't make me drink alone. 699 00:59:16,803 --> 00:59:17,803 Okay. 700 00:59:24,352 --> 00:59:28,561 It's a 1997 georges? 701 00:59:29,691 --> 00:59:32,933 I never took French. Georges de latour? I don't know. 702 00:59:33,945 --> 00:59:37,233 Oh, it's a '97? Yeah 703 00:59:37,324 --> 00:59:39,690 - was that a good year? - Oh, my god. 704 00:59:39,785 --> 00:59:41,446 It was great. Are you kidding me? 705 00:59:41,536 --> 00:59:45,279 I saw my first r-rated movie that year. 706 00:59:45,373 --> 00:59:47,830 Yeah, anaconda. Anaconda 707 00:59:50,170 --> 00:59:52,582 first tattoo, porpoise. 708 00:59:52,672 --> 00:59:53,957 - Really? - Fake. 709 00:59:55,050 --> 00:59:56,165 First kiss. 710 00:59:57,844 --> 00:59:59,004 Scotty lynch. 711 00:59:59,638 --> 01:00:02,300 You guys used tongue? 712 01:00:05,102 --> 01:00:06,217 Maybe. 713 01:00:07,813 --> 01:00:09,474 You jealous of Scotty lynch? 714 01:00:11,399 --> 01:00:12,479 Yes, I am. 715 01:00:13,735 --> 01:00:17,273 Actually, I think I'm jealous of your whole 1997. 716 01:00:18,365 --> 01:00:19,445 I et's see. Mine 717 01:00:22,285 --> 01:00:24,617 first orthodontist. 718 01:00:24,704 --> 01:00:27,946 The bastard gave me headgear. Yeah. I got my first b. 719 01:00:28,041 --> 01:00:29,952 Oh, no. 720 01:00:30,043 --> 01:00:31,749 Frightening as anaconda. 721 01:00:33,296 --> 01:00:36,663 In woodshop, which doesn't really count as a class anyway. 722 01:00:36,758 --> 01:00:37,758 No 723 01:00:39,678 --> 01:00:42,090 Had my first school dance. Oh, thank you. 724 01:00:42,180 --> 01:00:46,344 It was a Sadie Hawkins, so girls' choice, you know. 725 01:00:49,521 --> 01:00:52,513 - What, and nobody picked you? - It was girls' choice. 726 01:00:53,316 --> 01:00:55,932 - Those bitches. - I know. 727 01:00:56,027 --> 01:00:58,894 No, I will not stand for this. No you know what? 728 01:00:59,656 --> 01:01:05,401 On behalf of all the eighth-grade girls, I would like to make it up to you. 729 01:01:08,248 --> 01:01:09,328 Relax. 730 01:01:09,416 --> 01:01:11,202 Scotty's old news. 731 01:01:47,078 --> 01:01:50,787 I don't even know your name, but this is actually really nice. 732 01:01:51,875 --> 01:01:55,868 You know, between you, me and what about Bob? 733 01:01:57,797 --> 01:02:00,834 You're actually kind of cute. You think so? 734 01:02:02,093 --> 01:02:03,093 Yeah 735 01:02:04,137 --> 01:02:06,093 I mean, you got the guts of a guppy... 736 01:02:07,724 --> 01:02:08,964 But I could hit that. 737 01:02:13,438 --> 01:02:14,438 Really? 738 01:02:15,815 --> 01:02:18,773 Or at least give you the intentional walk to first. 739 01:02:29,621 --> 01:02:31,737 Hey, a little help moving the couch? 740 01:02:33,041 --> 01:02:34,247 We're making a fort. 741 01:02:40,090 --> 01:02:42,081 - Yeah. - Yeah, that's probably for the best. 742 01:02:42,175 --> 01:02:44,131 - Right. - Because 743 01:02:46,054 --> 01:02:47,054 I like you... 744 01:02:47,973 --> 01:02:51,056 Columbus, but my sister and I are gonna do 745 01:02:51,142 --> 01:02:53,224 whatever it takes to survive, so... 746 01:03:05,031 --> 01:03:07,943 I was hoping Wichita was just playing hard to get, 747 01:03:08,034 --> 01:03:10,446 but I realized she had more trust issues than I did 748 01:03:10,537 --> 01:03:13,620 when I woke up the next day and she was leaving. 749 01:03:18,211 --> 01:03:20,327 You are like a giant cock-blocking robot. 750 01:03:20,422 --> 01:03:22,913 Like, developed in a secret fucking government lab. 751 01:03:24,009 --> 01:03:25,009 Hey. 752 01:03:25,343 --> 01:03:27,629 I can't believe I almost kissed him. What's our rule? 753 01:03:28,513 --> 01:03:31,346 - Trust no one, just you and me. - Just you and me. 754 01:03:32,142 --> 01:03:33,973 Yeah you and me. 755 01:03:47,907 --> 01:03:50,444 You have just survived the zombie apocalypse 756 01:03:50,535 --> 01:03:52,491 and drove halfway across the country. 757 01:03:52,579 --> 01:03:54,285 Where are you gonna go? 758 01:03:54,372 --> 01:03:56,784 I'm going to pacific playland! 759 01:04:16,186 --> 01:04:17,801 Open sesame. 760 01:04:28,281 --> 01:04:31,318 This is the problem with getting attached to someone. 761 01:04:31,409 --> 01:04:34,071 When they leave you, you just feel lost. 762 01:04:34,162 --> 01:04:36,027 Having Tallahassee around didn't comfort me, 763 01:04:36,122 --> 01:04:38,283 it just made me feel more alone. 764 01:04:38,375 --> 01:04:42,243 Hey. You weren't exactly gonna score, anyway. 765 01:04:42,337 --> 01:04:45,204 You weren't storming the trenches before I came along. 766 01:04:47,550 --> 01:04:51,042 That's why I don't let people close. You only get burned. 767 01:04:51,137 --> 01:04:52,137 You don't say. 768 01:04:53,890 --> 01:04:55,801 Mexico. 769 01:04:55,892 --> 01:04:58,383 You know what they call twinkies in Mexico? 770 01:05:00,105 --> 01:05:03,643 That's where I'm headed, amigo. “Whatever. 771 01:05:59,414 --> 01:06:01,120 - Oh, my god. - I know. 772 01:06:01,207 --> 01:06:03,493 This is really fun. Oh, my god. Yeah 773 01:06:27,817 --> 01:06:29,102 Oh, no. 774 01:06:33,156 --> 01:06:34,521 I'm going after Wichita. 775 01:06:34,616 --> 01:06:38,154 Look, you ever read that book she's just not that into you? 776 01:06:38,244 --> 01:06:40,360 You can't make yourself too available. 777 01:06:40,455 --> 01:06:42,571 I don't care, all right”? I wanna be with her. 778 01:06:43,583 --> 01:06:44,789 Have fun in Mexico. 779 01:06:50,965 --> 01:06:52,455 Come on. Hurry! 780 01:06:56,596 --> 01:06:57,596 Get in! 781 01:07:07,357 --> 01:07:08,517 Come on, go! 782 01:07:10,443 --> 01:07:11,808 Go, go! 783 01:07:24,749 --> 01:07:28,742 On the count of three. One, two, three! 784 01:07:43,434 --> 01:07:46,426 You okay? Come on. Hurry, get up. 785 01:07:46,521 --> 01:07:47,601 Come on, let's go. Yeah 786 01:07:53,528 --> 01:07:54,528 There! 787 01:08:14,382 --> 01:08:17,419 I'm not great at farewells, so... 788 01:08:20,013 --> 01:08:21,093 That'll do, pig. 789 01:08:22,015 --> 01:08:25,428 That's the worst goodbye I've ever heard, and you stole it from a movie. 790 01:08:29,647 --> 01:08:30,978 Tell the ladies I said hey. 791 01:08:31,816 --> 01:08:34,478 You know, their pictures were in someone's wallet too. 792 01:09:00,136 --> 01:09:01,922 Hop in the car, evel knievel. 793 01:09:02,013 --> 01:09:05,301 Let's go ride the roller coaster. Thanks. 794 01:09:16,194 --> 01:09:17,194 (Go! 795 01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:19,416 Not as fun as I remember. 796 01:10:25,304 --> 01:10:26,714 Shoot the control box 797 01:11:00,006 --> 01:11:01,416 Columbus? “Tallahassee? 798 01:11:01,507 --> 01:11:05,967 I think they might actually require our assistance this time. 799 01:11:06,053 --> 01:11:09,045 - Buckle up. - Yeah. I'm way ahead of you. 800 01:11:11,517 --> 01:11:14,099 Time to nut up or shut up. 801 01:11:18,399 --> 01:11:19,605 Holy shit. 802 01:11:42,089 --> 01:11:46,458 My mama always told me someday I'd be good at something. 803 01:11:46,552 --> 01:11:49,214 Who'd have guessed that would be zombie killing? 804 01:11:49,305 --> 01:11:50,305 Probably nobody. 805 01:11:51,849 --> 01:11:52,849 I ook. 806 01:11:56,187 --> 01:11:58,223 We better start working on our apology. 807 01:12:13,329 --> 01:12:15,320 Oh, no. No. 808 01:12:24,340 --> 01:12:25,796 - Hey! Over here! - Ohio! 809 01:12:27,844 --> 01:12:29,084 - Help! - Oh, my god. 810 01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:31,680 Hey! 811 01:12:32,849 --> 01:12:34,430 Help! Hey! 812 01:12:34,517 --> 01:12:38,009 - They're up there. They're okay. - What are you waiting for? 813 01:12:38,104 --> 01:12:39,435 That's your gal. 814 01:12:40,773 --> 01:12:42,058 Over here! Help! 815 01:12:44,902 --> 01:12:48,315 Come on! Come get a piece of Tallahassee! 816 01:12:48,406 --> 01:12:50,567 Anybody hungry?! 817 01:12:50,658 --> 01:12:53,821 Tallahassee's nice this time of year! 818 01:12:53,911 --> 01:12:55,492 Come on! 819 01:12:55,580 --> 01:12:57,662 Come on, you ugly bastards! 820 01:13:15,933 --> 01:13:17,013 Holy shit. 821 01:13:19,353 --> 01:13:20,353 Holy shit. 822 01:13:21,063 --> 01:13:22,223 Hey! 823 01:13:48,674 --> 01:13:49,674 Motherfucker! 824 01:14:19,455 --> 01:14:20,455 Fuck 825 01:14:21,165 --> 01:14:23,156 shit I'm out of shells. 826 01:14:27,171 --> 01:14:28,377 Bingo. 827 01:14:36,806 --> 01:14:37,806 (Set off! 828 01:14:39,183 --> 01:14:40,183 Oh, yeah. 829 01:14:50,403 --> 01:14:51,403 Here we go. 830 01:17:23,973 --> 01:17:24,973 Oh, shit. 831 01:17:26,642 --> 01:17:29,475 - Wichita! Little rock! - Hurry! 832 01:17:32,565 --> 01:17:33,771 Oh, my god. 833 01:17:34,984 --> 01:17:36,599 Look at this fucking clown. 834 01:17:40,239 --> 01:17:42,981 Of course. It had to be a clown. 835 01:17:43,075 --> 01:17:44,075 Fuck 836 01:17:46,579 --> 01:17:50,492 no, it had to be a clown, and it had to be Wichita 837 01:17:50,583 --> 01:17:51,948 for me to finally understand 838 01:17:52,626 --> 01:17:55,242 that some rules are made to be broken. 839 01:17:59,133 --> 01:18:00,623 Time to nut up or shut up. 840 01:18:05,055 --> 01:18:06,135 Fuck this clown. 841 01:18:51,227 --> 01:18:52,888 - Thanks. - Hey. 842 01:18:52,978 --> 01:18:55,264 Get your gun. Here you go. Hi. 843 01:18:56,774 --> 01:18:57,774 Okay. 844 01:19:06,909 --> 01:19:07,989 Krista. 845 01:19:42,444 --> 01:19:45,231 Okay. We should probably head out now. 846 01:19:50,619 --> 01:19:53,076 Finally got to first base. 847 01:19:53,163 --> 01:19:55,950 Not bad for that scrawny, little spit-fuck. 848 01:20:03,882 --> 01:20:04,962 Where's Florida? 849 01:20:09,388 --> 01:20:10,753 I have a little hunch. 850 01:20:12,933 --> 01:20:16,767 Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards? 851 01:20:16,854 --> 01:20:18,219 Where are you? Yo. 852 01:20:23,152 --> 01:20:25,313 False advertising. 853 01:20:28,782 --> 01:20:29,988 Jesus Christ 854 01:20:31,327 --> 01:20:33,283 you want a sno ball or something? 855 01:21:00,856 --> 01:21:01,971 Oh, god. 856 01:21:09,031 --> 01:21:11,113 Words cannot express. 857 01:21:12,743 --> 01:21:13,778 It's too soon. 858 01:21:13,869 --> 01:21:17,908 Think you could maybe just pick out the buckshot and eat around it? 859 01:21:17,998 --> 01:21:19,454 Okay, yeah. 860 01:21:21,585 --> 01:21:22,585 No! 861 01:21:28,425 --> 01:21:29,881 That face? 862 01:21:29,968 --> 01:21:33,381 That's me realizing that those smart girls in that big black truck... 863 01:21:34,723 --> 01:21:37,510 And that big guy in that snakeskin jacket, 864 01:21:37,601 --> 01:21:40,092 they were the closest to something I'd always wanted, 865 01:21:40,187 --> 01:21:41,893 but never really had. 866 01:21:42,564 --> 01:21:44,270 A family. 867 01:21:44,358 --> 01:21:46,519 I trusted them and they trusted me. 868 01:21:50,614 --> 01:21:53,481 Rule number 32: Enjoy the little things. 869 01:21:54,201 --> 01:21:55,486 Tallahassee got his twinkie. 870 01:21:56,412 --> 01:22:00,451 And even though life would never be simple or innocent again, 871 01:22:00,541 --> 01:22:03,783 as he savored that spongy, yellow log of cream, 872 01:22:03,877 --> 01:22:05,242 we had hope. 873 01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:06,622 We had each other 874 01:22:07,965 --> 01:22:12,004 and without other people, well, you might as well be a zombie. 875 01:22:12,678 --> 01:22:14,714 - Thank you so much. - You had us going. 876 01:22:14,805 --> 01:22:15,805 Yeah 877 01:22:18,642 --> 01:22:20,132 that was very funny. 878 01:22:20,227 --> 01:22:21,967 So until next time, remember: 879 01:22:22,062 --> 01:22:25,145 Cardio, seat belts, and this has nothing to do with anything, 880 01:22:25,232 --> 01:22:27,268 but a little sunscreen never hurt anybody. 881 01:22:29,653 --> 01:22:33,487 I'm Columbus, Ohio, from zombieland, saying good night. 882 01:26:58,422 --> 01:27:02,882 In the words of the immortal Jean-Paul sartre. 883 01:27:08,557 --> 01:27:11,594 In the... in the ilmmortal... How do you do it? 884 01:27:11,685 --> 01:27:13,016 Just give me a little hint. 885 01:27:13,103 --> 01:27:18,689 In the words of the immortal philosopher Jean-Paul sartre 886 01:27:20,902 --> 01:27:23,018 au revoir, gopher. 887 01:27:23,113 --> 01:27:24,113 Okay.