1 00:00:03,567 --> 00:00:06,200 - HERE'S SOMETHING I DON'T GET. - YOU'RE SO STUPID. 2 00:00:06,233 --> 00:00:09,133 - WHILE MOST FOLKS MANAGE TO AVOID KILLING THEMSELVES, 3 00:00:09,167 --> 00:00:11,433 SOME OF US JUST CAN'T WAIT. 4 00:00:11,467 --> 00:00:13,367 - I AM GONNA GET SO LAID TONIGHT. 5 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:15,267 - LIKE THE GIRL WHO WENT GREEN. 6 00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:17,567 - GET OUT! 7 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,533 - OR THE COP WHO HAD A NOSE FOR CRIME. 8 00:00:20,567 --> 00:00:22,233 - LOOK AT THIS, LADIES, HUH? YEAH. 9 00:00:22,267 --> 00:00:25,167 - THERE'S THE HIGH JUMPER WHO FAILED HER BAR EXAM. 10 00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:27,733 - GET OUT! 11 00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:31,500 - THE ANARCHIST WHO GOT HIS WIRES CROSSED. 12 00:00:31,533 --> 00:00:33,867 - FOR I AM PROMETHEUS, AND I GIVE YOU FIRE. 13 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:36,800 - A MAD SCIENTIST WHO LIKED TO KILL THINGS. 14 00:00:36,833 --> 00:00:38,100 - I'M THE MEAT MAN. 15 00:00:38,133 --> 00:00:40,833 - AND A DRUG-CRAZED SUPERMARKET SHOPPER 16 00:00:40,867 --> 00:00:43,467 WHOSE BRAIN WENT FROM PAPER TO PLASTIC. 17 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:45,833 - EVERYTHING IS BEING WATCHED. 18 00:00:45,867 --> 00:00:48,067 - WE'RE THINNING THE HERD ON THE NEXT EPISODE... 19 00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:49,767 - THIS IS GONNA BE KILLER. 20 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,300 - OF 1000 WAYS TO DIE. 21 00:01:09,767 --> 00:01:12,333 DEATH IS EVERYWHERE. 22 00:01:12,367 --> 00:01:13,967 MOST OF US TRY TO AVOID IT. 23 00:01:14,067 --> 00:01:16,600 OTHERS CAN'T GET OUT OF ITS WAY. 24 00:01:16,633 --> 00:01:20,067 EVERY DAY, WE FIGHT A NEW WAR AGAINST GERMS, 25 00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:24,067 TOXINS, INJURY, ILLNESS, 26 00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:26,067 AND CATASTROPHE. 27 00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:28,933 THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS TO WIND UP DEAD. 28 00:01:28,967 --> 00:01:32,433 THE FACT THAT WE SURVIVE AT ALL IS A MIRACLE. 29 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,933 BECAUSE EVERY DAY WE LIVE, 30 00:01:34,967 --> 00:01:38,633 WE FACE 1000 WAYS TO DIE. 31 00:01:46,867 --> 00:01:49,733 RICH GIRL SHARON AND HER BESTIE JULIE 32 00:01:49,767 --> 00:01:53,433 JUST SHOPPED UNTIL THEIR CREDIT CARDS STOPPED. 33 00:01:53,467 --> 00:01:55,900 - OH, I'M SO TIRED. - ME, TOO. 34 00:01:55,933 --> 00:01:58,400 OH, MY GOSH! I CANNOT WAIT TO SHOW YOU THIS, THOUGH. 35 00:01:58,433 --> 00:01:59,733 - THE ROOMIES WERE THROWING 36 00:01:59,767 --> 00:02:02,500 A ST. PATTY'S DAY BASH THAT NIGHT, 37 00:02:02,533 --> 00:02:04,567 AND SHARON WAS GOING GREEN. 38 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,600 IT WAS AN ANTIQUE DRESS OVER 100 YEARS OLD, 39 00:02:07,633 --> 00:02:09,900 WORTH AT LEAST $3,000. 40 00:02:09,933 --> 00:02:12,867 BUT IT WON'T SHOW UP ON SHARON'S STATEMENT. 41 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,567 - YOU STOLE IT? 42 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,633 - YEAH. I WASN'T GONNA PAY $3,000 FOR THIS, 43 00:02:17,667 --> 00:02:18,967 ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 44 00:02:19,067 --> 00:02:20,800 - THE DRESS WAS MADE WITH A VINTAGE DYE 45 00:02:20,833 --> 00:02:22,967 CALLED PARIS GREEN. 46 00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:25,667 IT'S NO LONGER USED BECAUSE IT CONTAINED THE CHEMICAL 47 00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:27,967 COPPER ACETOARSENITE, 48 00:02:28,067 --> 00:02:32,300 WHICH WAS ALSO USED TO KILL RATS IN PARIS SEWERS. 49 00:02:32,333 --> 00:02:33,800 - COPPER ACETOARSENITE 50 00:02:33,833 --> 00:02:38,067 IS WHAT GAVE PARIS GREEN THAT VIVID GREEN COLOR. 51 00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:41,500 GREEN BECAME A VERY POPULAR COLOR IN FASHION 52 00:02:41,533 --> 00:02:43,400 IN PARIS DURING THE 1800s. 53 00:02:43,433 --> 00:02:45,833 GIRLS THAT WORKED AT PLACES LIKE THE MOULIN ROUGE 54 00:02:45,867 --> 00:02:47,967 LOVED TO WEAR BRIGHT COLORS. 55 00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:50,867 - THE SHOPLIFTING TART WASN'T DONE STEALING YET. 56 00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:54,533 - AND THIS DRESS, IT'S GONNA HELP ME GET INTO STEVE'S PANTS. 57 00:02:54,567 --> 00:02:57,533 - ISN'T HE WITH LAUREN? - NOT AFTER TONIGHT. 58 00:02:57,567 --> 00:03:00,067 WHOO! I AM GONNA GET SO LAID TONIGHT! 59 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,833 - ST. PATTY WOULD'VE BEEN PROUD. 60 00:03:05,867 --> 00:03:10,133 GREEN CLOTHES, GREEN BEER, GREEN DRINKS. 61 00:03:13,933 --> 00:03:18,067 AS THE PARTY RAGED ON, SHARON MADE HER MOVE ON STEVE, 62 00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:19,933 HER FRIEND LAUREN'S BOYFRIEND. 63 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,600 - DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH THAT PENNILESS SKANK, 64 00:03:21,633 --> 00:03:24,067 OR THIS RICH BITCH? 65 00:03:24,067 --> 00:03:27,733 - THE PRICE WAS RIGHT FOR BOY-TOY STEVE. 66 00:03:27,767 --> 00:03:32,700 LAUREN GOT SOME BUBBLY REVENGE, AND THEN EVERYONE JOINED IN. 67 00:03:32,733 --> 00:03:33,800 - I'M GREEN! 68 00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:38,867 all: GREEN! GREEN! GREEN! 69 00:03:40,133 --> 00:03:42,867 - THE NEXT MORNING, NOTHING BUT CARNAGE. 70 00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:46,467 THE PARTYGOERS AWOKE TO PARALYZING HANGOVERS. 71 00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:48,633 OVERNIGHT, SHARON HAD TRANSFORMED 72 00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:50,700 FROM BITCH TO WITCH. 73 00:03:50,733 --> 00:03:52,633 - GET THIS OFF OF ME! - I'M TRYING! 74 00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:53,900 - AND THEN SHE THREW UP 75 00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:56,067 ALL THE GREEN DRINKS SHE HAD SUCKED DOWN. 76 00:03:58,300 --> 00:04:02,200 BUT SHE WASN'T JUST HUNGOVER. SHE WAS DYING. 77 00:04:02,233 --> 00:04:04,867 SEEMS LIKE HER CHAMPAGNE BATH THE NIGHT BEFORE 78 00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:09,167 SOAKED THROUGH HER DRESS, TURNING HER SKIN PARIS GREEN, 79 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:13,567 AND HER BODY ABSORBED A LETHAL AMOUNT OF COPPER ACETOARSENITE. 80 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,700 - ONCE THE COPPER ACETOARSENITE ENTERED THE CELLS, 81 00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:18,900 IT WOULD SHUT DOWN THE ENERGY SYSTEM OF THE CELLS. 82 00:04:18,933 --> 00:04:21,333 IN THE LUNGS, THIS WOULD CAUSE THEM TO STOP FUNCTIONING, 83 00:04:21,367 --> 00:04:23,233 THE KIDNEYS AND LIVER WOULD SHUT DOWN, 84 00:04:23,267 --> 00:04:25,267 AND THE SKIN WOULD BE UNABLE TO REGENERATE. 85 00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:28,367 AT THIS POINT, SHE WOULD HAVE NAUSEA, VOMITING, DIARRHEA. 86 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,833 SHE MAY HAVE MUSCLE TWITCHING AND CONVULSIONS, 87 00:04:30,867 --> 00:04:34,900 AND SHE WOULD ULTIMATELY PASS INTO A COMA AND DIE. 88 00:04:34,933 --> 00:04:36,700 - SHARON HAD NO SCRUPLES. 89 00:04:36,733 --> 00:04:38,367 - YOU STOLE IT? - YEAH. 90 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,567 - AND SHE HAD NO MORALS. 91 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,133 - DO YOU WANT THAT PENNILESS SKANK, 92 00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:44,067 OR DO YOU WANT THIS RICH BITCH? 93 00:04:44,067 --> 00:04:47,767 - BUT SHE FOUND OUT THAT EVEN ON ST. PATTY'S DAY, 94 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:50,900 IT AIN'T EASY BEING GREEN. 95 00:05:03,133 --> 00:05:04,567 REMEMBER THE UNABOMBER? 96 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,800 THE ANTI-GOVERNMENT LOONY WHO TERRORIZED THE NATION 97 00:05:07,833 --> 00:05:09,600 WITH MAIL BOMBS? 98 00:05:09,633 --> 00:05:12,433 IF THAT HAD BEEN A MOVIE, MEET THE SEQUEL. 99 00:05:12,467 --> 00:05:15,667 - EVERYTHING IS BEING WATCHED, ALL RIGHT? 100 00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:17,800 - DAYLEN WAS AN ANGRY ANARCHIST 101 00:05:17,833 --> 00:05:20,833 WHO FOUND CONSPIRACY EVERYWHERE HE LOOKED. 102 00:05:20,867 --> 00:05:22,233 - DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THEY'RE DOING NOW? 103 00:05:22,267 --> 00:05:26,167 THEY PUT MICROCHIPS IN YOUR SKULL SO THEY CAN FIND YOU. 104 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,767 NOW I KNOW SOMEBODY WHO IT HAPPENED TO ONCE. 105 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,067 GUESS WHAT? CANCER. 106 00:05:31,067 --> 00:05:32,700 - HE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND ELAINE 107 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:35,233 LIVED OFF THE GRID IN A REMOTE SHACK 108 00:05:35,267 --> 00:05:38,367 WITH A WALL OF CAR BATTERIES FOR POWER. 109 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,267 - PEOPLE LIVING OFF THE GRID WILL DO IT 110 00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:42,367 BECAUSE THEY WANT TO GET AWAY. 111 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:43,667 THEY DON'T LIKE IT HERE ANYMORE. 112 00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:45,167 THEY DON'T LIKE THE GOVERNMENT. 113 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:46,700 THEY DON'T WANT TO PAY BILLS. 114 00:05:46,733 --> 00:05:48,900 THEY DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF THIS SOCIETY. 115 00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:51,733 AND WHAT THEY DO IS THEY HEAVILY ARM THEMSELVES. 116 00:05:51,767 --> 00:05:54,900 THEY GOT SUPPLIES. THEY GOT BASICALLY A SHELTER. 117 00:05:54,933 --> 00:05:58,467 AND THEY GO OFF THE GRID, AND THEY STAY THERE. 118 00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:01,367 - AREN'T YOU DONE WITH THOSE MOLOTOV COCKTAILS YET? 119 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,200 - DAYLEN HAD GROWN INCREASINGLY UNSTABLE, 120 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:07,467 AND WAS PLANNING ON FIREBOMBING A FEDERAL COURTHOUSE. 121 00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:08,800 - WHAT ARE WE DOING WITH THEM ANYWAYS? 122 00:06:08,833 --> 00:06:10,233 ARE WE GONNA HURT PEOPLE WITH THIS? 123 00:06:10,267 --> 00:06:13,633 - ELAINE WAS READY TO DITCH THIS RAGING MANIAC, 124 00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:15,900 AND THEN DAYLEN DID HER THE FAVOR. 125 00:06:15,933 --> 00:06:20,400 - NOBODY QUESTIONS MY METHODS! GET OUT! 126 00:06:20,433 --> 00:06:23,067 - BEFORE SETTING OFF ON HIS REIGN OF TERROR, 127 00:06:23,067 --> 00:06:26,200 DAYLEN HAD ONE LAST TASK TO COMPLETE-- 128 00:06:26,233 --> 00:06:28,767 HIS MANIFESTO. 129 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,533 HE PLUGGED HIS OLD SCHOOL MIMEOGRAPH 130 00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:33,100 INTO HIS JERRY-RIGGED POWER PLANT. 131 00:06:33,133 --> 00:06:36,067 BUT CROSSED WIRES CAUSED A POWER SURGE, 132 00:06:36,067 --> 00:06:40,867 AND DAYLEN GOT HIS FIRST BATH IN WEEKS... 133 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:45,867 OF BATTERY ACID. 134 00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:46,933 - THE WAY A BATTERY WORKS, 135 00:06:46,967 --> 00:06:48,900 IT'S USUALLY A CONTAINER OF PLASTIC 136 00:06:48,933 --> 00:06:50,733 THAT HAS DIFFERENT MATERIALS INSIDE, 137 00:06:50,767 --> 00:06:52,333 AND THEN THEY PUT IT IN SULFURIC ACID, 138 00:06:52,367 --> 00:06:53,700 AND THAT CREATES ELECTRICITY. 139 00:06:53,733 --> 00:06:55,667 THE OFF-GAS IS, OF COURSE, HYDROGEN GAS, 140 00:06:55,700 --> 00:06:57,267 AND IF ANYBODY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HYDROGEN DOES, 141 00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:58,667 ALL YOU HAVE THINK BACK IS THE HINDENBURG 142 00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:00,267 WAS FILLED WITH HYDROGEN. 143 00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,300 SO HE COULD'VE HAD A LARGE CHARGE OF HYDROGEN GAS IN THERE. 144 00:07:02,333 --> 00:07:04,300 IF HE HAD A LOOSE CONNECTION ON ANY ONE OF THOSE BATTERIES, 145 00:07:04,333 --> 00:07:06,400 IT WOULD CREATE A SMALL SPARK, AND THAT WOULD'VE BEEN 146 00:07:06,433 --> 00:07:08,400 ONE OF THE NASTIEST EXPLOSIONS YOU COULD HAVE. 147 00:07:10,433 --> 00:07:13,067 - THIRD DEGREE BURNS FROM THE SULFURIC ACID, 148 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:18,200 AND THE CONCUSSIVE BLAST WERE A DEATH-DEALING COMBINATION. 149 00:07:18,233 --> 00:07:21,267 DAYLEN'S DREAM OF BECOMING THE NEXT UNABOMBER 150 00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:24,300 TURNED INTO A... 151 00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:25,867 UNABUMMER. 152 00:07:31,833 --> 00:07:33,700 COMING UP... - YOU ARE GOING ALL THE WAY. 153 00:07:33,733 --> 00:07:34,933 I KNOW IT. I CAN FEEL IT. 154 00:07:34,967 --> 00:07:38,500 - A FLIRTY BLOND MEETS A TRACK STAR. 155 00:07:38,533 --> 00:07:40,467 AND... - I'M SICK OF THIS-- 156 00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:43,633 - A BAD COP DOES BAD THINGS TO HIMSELF. 157 00:07:43,667 --> 00:07:45,667 - OH! 158 00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,433 - WHEN THE OLYMPICS COME TO TOWN, 159 00:07:56,467 --> 00:07:59,667 LOCAL BUSINESS OWNERS GET OLYMPIC FEVER. 160 00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:01,700 - YOU ARE GOING ALL THE WAY. I KNOW IT. I CAN FEEL IT. 161 00:08:01,733 --> 00:08:04,967 - LARRY HAD BEEN HIRED TO FIND A HOT HIGH JUMPER 162 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,233 FOR AN OLYMPIC-THEMED COMMERCIAL. 163 00:08:07,267 --> 00:08:09,233 - LOOK AT THAT. LOOK AT THIS, LADIES, HUH? YEAH. 164 00:08:09,267 --> 00:08:12,933 - IT DIDN'T TAKE HIM LONG TO ZERO IN ON THE BLONDE. 165 00:08:12,967 --> 00:08:15,400 - IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU. AND YOU GUYS. BUT MOSTLY YOU. 166 00:08:15,433 --> 00:08:16,967 - JESSE HAD PROMISED LARRY 167 00:08:17,067 --> 00:08:22,333 SHE WAS HIS FOR THE TAKING. IF SHE GOT THE PART. 168 00:08:22,367 --> 00:08:25,067 BEFORE LARRY COULD GET INSIDE JESSE'S LYCRA, 169 00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:27,400 HE HAD TO CONVINCE MR. BUSINESSMAN 170 00:08:27,433 --> 00:08:30,067 SHE WAS THE RIGHT ONE FOR HIS COMMERCIAL. 171 00:08:30,067 --> 00:08:33,100 - CAN SHE HIGH JUMP? - CAN SHE HIGH JUMP? 172 00:08:33,133 --> 00:08:35,567 LOOK AT THAT. PUT THAT IN YOUR MIND. 173 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:36,867 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT SHE DOES. 174 00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:38,833 - THE MOMENT OF TRUTH. 175 00:08:38,867 --> 00:08:41,900 JESSE COULD FLIRT, BUT COULD SHE FLY? 176 00:08:44,867 --> 00:08:48,333 SHE CLEARED THE BAR WITH EASE. 177 00:08:50,133 --> 00:08:53,267 BUT MISSED THE MAT ON HER LANDING. 178 00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:57,500 SHE GOT UP A LITTLE WOOZY, 179 00:08:57,533 --> 00:09:01,233 AND WOUND UP IN THE FAST LANE 180 00:09:01,267 --> 00:09:03,600 OF AN ONCOMING LONG JUMPER. 181 00:09:03,633 --> 00:09:07,433 HE GOT UP. BUT JESSE? NOT SO LUCKY. 182 00:09:07,467 --> 00:09:11,400 NORMALLY A COLLISION LIKE THIS WOULD HURT, NOT KILL. 183 00:09:11,433 --> 00:09:16,700 BUT JESSE'S DEATH TABLE HAD BEEN SET AFTER HER HARD LANDING. 184 00:09:16,733 --> 00:09:18,600 - WHEN THIS GIRL FELL DOWN, 185 00:09:18,633 --> 00:09:20,567 SHE HAD A HAIRLINE FRACTURE. 186 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,833 HOWEVER, WHEN THE RUNNER HIT INTO HER, 187 00:09:22,867 --> 00:09:25,900 THIS BONE, WHICH WAS ALREADY FRAGILE AND COMPROMISED, 188 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,267 NOW DISLOCATED. 189 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,433 WHEN THAT HAPPENED, OTHER IMPORTANT ORGANS 190 00:09:30,467 --> 00:09:32,933 SUCH AS THE SPINAL CORD COULD HAVE BEEN SEVERED, 191 00:09:32,967 --> 00:09:36,167 AND YOU LOSE CONTROL OF MANY LIFE-SUSTAINING ACTIVITIES 192 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,067 IN THE ORGANS, AND AS A RESULT, 193 00:09:38,067 --> 00:09:39,933 IMPORTANT BODY FUNCTIONS SHUT DOWN, 194 00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:41,233 AND YOU CAN NO LONGER LIVE. 195 00:09:41,267 --> 00:09:44,367 - JESSE WOULD SLEEP WITH ANYONE FOR A PART. 196 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,933 - YOU ARE GOING ALL THE WAY. 197 00:09:45,967 --> 00:09:47,533 - SHE USED HER GOOD LOOKS AND HOT BODY 198 00:09:47,567 --> 00:09:49,700 AS A SEXUAL COMMODITY. 199 00:09:49,733 --> 00:09:54,400 BUT THEN HER STOCK CRASHED, AND SHE GOT... 200 00:09:54,433 --> 00:09:56,267 - NO, WAIT, WAIT! - AAH! UNH! 201 00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:58,533 - WIPED OUT. 202 00:10:09,967 --> 00:10:12,667 THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN A BAD COP. 203 00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:16,367 MEET OFFICER DAN. 204 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,400 - GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. LEAVE THE BEERS. 205 00:10:19,433 --> 00:10:22,133 - HE DRANK ON THE JOB, 206 00:10:22,167 --> 00:10:25,867 SQUEEZED DRUG DEALERS FOR THEIR STASH, 207 00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,867 AND NEVER MET A BRIBE HE DIDN'T TAKE. 208 00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:31,400 99% OF ALL COPS ARE HEROES 209 00:10:31,433 --> 00:10:34,167 WHO PUT THEIR LIVES ON THE LINE EVERY SINGLE DAY. 210 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,967 BUT THERE IS A 1% WHO WIND UP BEING CHARGED 211 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,633 WITH A SERIOUS OFFENSE. 212 00:10:39,667 --> 00:10:42,867 THESE BAD COPS ARE A DISGRACE TO THEIR UNIFORM, 213 00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:46,900 AND ARE A DETRIMENT TO SOCIETY. 214 00:10:46,933 --> 00:10:51,267 TODAY OFFICER DAN WAS STUCK WITH HIS MOST HATED DETAIL-- 215 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:52,500 BABYSITTING PUNKS 216 00:10:52,533 --> 00:10:56,167 DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE-- GRAFFITI REMOVAL. 217 00:10:59,067 --> 00:11:01,500 - PAINT, PAINT, PAINT! - RELAX, RELAX, MAN. 218 00:11:01,533 --> 00:11:02,700 - WE'RE WORKING AS HARD AS WE CAN. 219 00:11:02,733 --> 00:11:05,133 - OFFICER DAN WAS SUCH A LOSER 220 00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:07,633 HE THOUGHT HE'D PASS THE TIME GETTING HIGH 221 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:11,533 ON THE PUNKS' SUPPLY OF PAINT THINNER. 222 00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:15,867 - THE CHEMICAL NAME OF A PAINT THINNER 223 00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:17,700 IS OFTEN REFERRED TO AS TOLUENE. 224 00:11:17,733 --> 00:11:20,167 AND THAT ENTERS DIRECTLY THROUGH YOUR LUNGS 225 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,367 INTO YOUR CIRCULATORY SYSTEM, 226 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,533 AND THAT'S HOW IT ALSO REACHES THE BRAIN. 227 00:11:24,567 --> 00:11:27,967 THAT MAKES PEOPLE HAVE SLURRED SPEECH, DIZZINESS, 228 00:11:28,067 --> 00:11:29,833 DELUSIONS, IMPAIRED JUDGMENT, 229 00:11:29,867 --> 00:11:34,267 AND ALSO LOSS OF CONTROL OF MOTOR SKILLS. 230 00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:35,833 - I'M SICK OF THIS-- 231 00:11:35,867 --> 00:11:38,367 - THE PAINT FUMES WORKED THEIR TWISTED MAGIC, 232 00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:43,833 OFFICER DAN WAS DANGEROUSLY OUT OF HIS GOURD. 233 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,067 DAN WAS LUCKY THE GUN DIDN'T GO OFF. 234 00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:54,067 BUT WHEN HE PICKED IT UP... NOT SO LUCKY. 235 00:11:54,067 --> 00:11:57,567 HE JUST WENT FROM BAD COP TO DEAD COP. 236 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,800 THE BULLET PASSED THROUGH DAN'S HEAD, 237 00:11:59,833 --> 00:12:04,067 RUPTURING BLOOD VESSELS, CAUSING HEMATOMAS, EDEMA, 238 00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:07,467 AND AN ABRUPT INCREASE IN INTRACRANIAL PRESSURE. 239 00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:10,633 IN OTHER WORDS, HE BLEW HIS FRICKIN' BRAINS OUT. 240 00:12:10,667 --> 00:12:12,433 - OH! 241 00:12:12,467 --> 00:12:15,900 - A BAD COP IS A BLIGHT UPON SOCIETY. 242 00:12:15,933 --> 00:12:18,200 THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO SERVE AND PROTECT, 243 00:12:18,233 --> 00:12:20,600 NOT USE AND ABUSE. 244 00:12:20,633 --> 00:12:23,133 OFFICER DAN DID EVERYONE A FAVOR... 245 00:12:23,167 --> 00:12:26,333 BY TAKING HIMSELF OUT. 246 00:12:37,967 --> 00:12:40,433 IT'S HARD TO HATE A GUY IN A WHEELCHAIR. 247 00:12:40,467 --> 00:12:42,567 UNLESS THAT GUY IS HARRY. 248 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,833 - SIR, CAN YOU SPARE A DOLLAR FOR A GULF VET? 249 00:12:44,867 --> 00:12:46,433 - HE WAS NO VET. 250 00:12:46,467 --> 00:12:47,833 - UH, WAIT, SIR? I HAVE SOME KIDS. 251 00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,567 CAN YOU SPARE A LITTLE MORE? 252 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,800 - AND HE WASN'T REALLY CRIPPLED. 253 00:12:51,833 --> 00:12:53,967 HIS WEAK ANKLES FINALLY GAVE OUT 254 00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:58,167 TRYING TO SUPPORT HIS FAT LARD-BUTT BODY. 255 00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,667 - I NEED A LITTLE MORE THAN THAT. 256 00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:03,200 - HE WAS A SYMPATHY-SUCKING PARASITE. 257 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,400 - SEE WHAT I GOT TODAY. 258 00:13:06,433 --> 00:13:07,967 - AND THE SUCKING WAS GOOD. 259 00:13:08,067 --> 00:13:11,267 - I NEVER NOTICED HOW MUCH STUPID PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD. 260 00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:15,700 - THE PROBLEM WAS, HARRY WAS SUCH A TOTAL DISGUSTING 261 00:13:15,733 --> 00:13:18,700 NEVER-WASHED-A-DISH- IN-HIS-LIFE SLOB 262 00:13:18,733 --> 00:13:23,067 THAT THERE WAS ANOTHER PARASITE TO WORRY ABOUT-- 263 00:13:23,067 --> 00:13:25,567 MAGGOTS. 264 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,733 - WHAT A MAGGOT IS, TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, 265 00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:29,600 IS THE LARVAE OF A FLY 266 00:13:29,633 --> 00:13:31,700 THAT DOESN'T HAVE CHEWING MOUTHPARTS, 267 00:13:31,733 --> 00:13:34,233 AND THAT'S ABOUT 100,000 DIFFERENT SPECIES. 268 00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:36,667 SO THEY'RE USUALLY FOUND IN ENVIRONMENTS 269 00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:39,133 WHERE THEY CAN FEED ON FOOD 270 00:13:39,167 --> 00:13:42,133 THAT'S EITHER LIQUID OR SEMISOLID. 271 00:13:42,167 --> 00:13:44,933 - MAGGOTS ENJOY FEASTING ON SOMETHING ROTTEN, 272 00:13:44,967 --> 00:13:48,533 AND THERE WAS NOTHING MORE ROTTEN THAN HARRY. 273 00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:50,667 - OH, GOD, THEY'RE COVERING MY BACK. 274 00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:52,733 - THEY HAD BEEN MAKING A NICE YUMMY HOME 275 00:13:52,767 --> 00:13:55,700 ON HARRY'S BEDSORES FOR WEEKS. 276 00:13:58,233 --> 00:13:59,567 - A SPECIES OF MAGGOTS THAT YOU WOULD FIND 277 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,067 IN A HUMAN WOUND WOULD BE SORT OF LIKE 278 00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:03,867 THE VULTURES OF THE INSECT WORLD. 279 00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:06,267 THEY'LL CLEAN UP THE INFECTED TISSUE, 280 00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:09,867 THEY'LL CONSUME THE BACTERIA, AND IN THE RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES, 281 00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:12,233 THAT'S ACTUALLY A BENEFICIAL THING. 282 00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:14,067 - BEING EATEN ALIVE BY MAGGOTS 283 00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:17,667 GOT HARRY TO DO SOMETHING HE HADN'T DONE IN YEARS: 284 00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:19,233 GET UP. 285 00:14:19,267 --> 00:14:23,867 HE SQUIRMED OFF HIS CHAIR AND COLLAPSED, DEAD. 286 00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:25,367 DEATH BY MAGGOTS? 287 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,233 NOPE. THEY WERE JUST GETTING A FREE MEAL. 288 00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:31,067 HARRY DIED FROM MASSIVE HEART FAILURE. 289 00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:35,267 BAD DIET AND NO EXERCISE CLOGGED HIS ARTERIES 290 00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:39,733 TO THE POINT WHERE HIS TICKER COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. 291 00:14:39,767 --> 00:14:42,067 PRETTY DUMB WAY TO DIE. 292 00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:47,100 BUT IN HARRY'S CASE, BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS... 293 00:14:47,133 --> 00:14:49,067 YA MAGGOT. 294 00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:57,133 UP NEXT... - YEAH, GET SOME! 295 00:14:57,167 --> 00:14:58,700 - ATTENTION, SHOPPERS! 296 00:14:58,733 --> 00:15:01,767 SPECIAL ON LUNATICS IN AISLE EIGHT. 297 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,267 AND... 298 00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:08,067 - A MAD SCIENTIST FINDS OUT HIS DEATH RAY WORKS. 299 00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:09,267 - WHOA! 300 00:15:17,967 --> 00:15:21,200 - YEAH! YEAH, GET SOME! LOOK AT ME NOW! 301 00:15:21,233 --> 00:15:24,400 - ELROY IS WHAT'S KNOWN ON THE STREET AS "WET." 302 00:15:24,433 --> 00:15:27,700 - WET, WET, WET, WET, WET. 303 00:15:27,733 --> 00:15:29,500 - THAT MEANS HE'S BEEN SMOKING CIGARETTES 304 00:15:29,533 --> 00:15:33,167 LACED WITH PCP, A BRAIN DAMAGING, 305 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:37,700 SCHIZOPHRENIA-INDUCING HALLUCINOGEN. 306 00:15:37,733 --> 00:15:40,433 - THE CHEMICAL NAME FOR PCP 307 00:15:40,467 --> 00:15:42,867 IS PHENYLCYCLOHEXYLPIPERIDINE. 308 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:46,067 PCP WAS FIRST SYNTHESIZED IN 1926, 309 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:49,433 AND LATER USED IN WORLD WAR II AS A SURGICAL ANESTHETIC. 310 00:15:49,467 --> 00:15:51,700 BECAUSE IT HAD SEVERE ADVERSE EVENTS 311 00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:55,733 SUCH AS HALLUCINATIONS AND MANIA, IT WAS NO LONGER USED. 312 00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:59,700 - WITH HIS MIND TURNED UPSIDE-DOWN, 313 00:15:59,733 --> 00:16:03,200 ELROY DOES THE SAME TO A SLEEPY GROCERY STORE. 314 00:16:03,233 --> 00:16:04,733 - YEAH! 315 00:16:04,767 --> 00:16:07,867 - CLEAN-UP ON AISLE THREE. 316 00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,067 FOUR. 317 00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:11,400 FIVE. - WHOO-HOO! 318 00:16:11,433 --> 00:16:14,800 - THE RENT-A-COP'S TOO BUSY CHATTING UP THE BLUEHAIRS, 319 00:16:14,833 --> 00:16:17,967 UNTIL ELROY MAKES ONE LAST MIS-STEAK 320 00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:19,200 AT THE MEAT DEPARTMENT. 321 00:16:19,233 --> 00:16:21,567 - I'M THE MEAT MAN. HA HA HA HA! 322 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,300 - HEY, YOU! 323 00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:29,700 HEY, YOU WEIRDO, GET BACK HERE! 324 00:16:29,733 --> 00:16:31,200 I'M GONNA BREAK YOU IN HALF, YOU LITTLE-- 325 00:16:31,233 --> 00:16:33,633 - THE DRUG-FUELED WILD MAN HAS NO TROUBLE 326 00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:36,067 KEEPING OUT OF THE GEEZER GUARD'S CLUTCHES. 327 00:16:38,633 --> 00:16:43,600 all: THERE HE IS, THERE HE IS! DOWN THERE! GET HIM! 328 00:16:43,633 --> 00:16:45,567 - BUT THEN HE TRIPS 329 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:50,300 AND TURNS INTO A HUMAN BOWLING BALL... 330 00:16:50,333 --> 00:16:53,900 AND SCORES A PERFECT STRIKE INTO A BEER DISPLAY. 331 00:16:53,933 --> 00:16:55,067 - GOTCHA! 332 00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:57,867 - WHEN HE SLID INTO THE STACK OF BEER KEGS, 333 00:16:57,900 --> 00:17:00,967 THE COLLAPSE OF ALL THESE HEAVY WEIGHTS FALLING ON HIS HEAD, 334 00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:03,200 CRUSHING HIS BRAIN AND HIS SKULL, 335 00:17:03,233 --> 00:17:04,500 KILLED HIM INSTANTLY. 336 00:17:04,533 --> 00:17:07,833 FORTUNATELY OR UNFORTUNATELY, HE WAS ON PCP, 337 00:17:07,867 --> 00:17:09,933 AN ANESTHETIC, A HALLUCINOGENIC, 338 00:17:09,967 --> 00:17:12,067 AND HE PROBABLY DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL. 339 00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:15,067 HE WAS NUMB BEFORE HE WAS DEAD. 340 00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:16,600 - WET, WET, WET, WET, WET. 341 00:17:16,633 --> 00:17:19,733 - ELROY DESTROYED HIS MIND... - YEAH! 342 00:17:19,767 --> 00:17:21,133 - AND THEN A SUPERMARKET... 343 00:17:21,167 --> 00:17:23,567 - I'M THE MEAT MAN! WHOA! 344 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,667 - AND FINALLY HIMSELF. 345 00:17:29,233 --> 00:17:32,100 - CLEAN-UP ON AISLE SIX. 346 00:17:43,900 --> 00:17:45,333 - LIONEL WAS THE KIND OF KID 347 00:17:45,367 --> 00:17:48,667 WHO ENJOYED PULLING WINGS OFF FLIES. 348 00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:53,833 NOW THAT HE'S MATURED NICELY INTO A GEEKY, ANTISOCIAL MISFIT, 349 00:17:53,867 --> 00:17:55,600 HE STILL WANTS TO KILL THINGS. 350 00:17:55,633 --> 00:17:57,333 - THIS IS GONNA BE KILLER. 351 00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:59,667 - THE HOMEMADE MAD SCIENTIST CAME UP 352 00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:02,067 WITH A DESIGN FOR A SOLAR RAY 353 00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:05,333 THAT WOULD PUT THE BURN ON ANYTHING HE AIMED AT. 354 00:18:05,367 --> 00:18:08,400 - FOR I AM PROMETHEUS, AND I GIVE YOU FIRE. 355 00:18:08,433 --> 00:18:11,300 - USING A PARABOLIC DISH 356 00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:13,733 COVERED WITH HEAVY DUTY TINFOIL, 357 00:18:13,767 --> 00:18:15,367 THE SUN'S RAYS WOULD FOCUS 358 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,700 INTO A LASER-LIKE BEAM OF DESTRUCTION. 359 00:18:22,667 --> 00:18:24,967 - LIONEL WAITS UNTIL HIGH NOON 360 00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:28,533 TO TEST OUT HIS WEAPON ON TOP OF HIS APARTMENT BUILDING. 361 00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:33,933 HE STARTS OUT WITH A TOY SOLDIER WHO QUICKLY GOES INTO MELTDOWN. 362 00:18:33,967 --> 00:18:37,767 THEN THE TWISTED SADIST TURNS IT ON THE INSECT WORLD. 363 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,967 FIRST A GRASSHOPPER, THEN A BUTTERFLY GET TOASTED. 364 00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:43,233 - HEY, BUDDY. 365 00:18:43,267 --> 00:18:45,167 - A VISIT FROM A CURIOUS NEIGHBOR 366 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,700 GIVES LIONEL A CHANCE TO TEST IT ON A HUMAN. 367 00:18:48,733 --> 00:18:50,633 - FEELS REALLY GOOD, MAN. I WAS JUST DOING IT. 368 00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:52,133 IT'S TOTALLY AWESOME. RIGHT THERE. 369 00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:54,533 - OW! - YOU'RE SO STUPID. 370 00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:58,067 - ALL THIS KILLING AND BURNING HAS MADE LIONEL HUNGRY. 371 00:18:58,067 --> 00:18:59,767 - BEANS, BEANS, THE MUSICAL FRUIT, 372 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,867 THE MORE YOU EAT--WHOA! 373 00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:05,067 - HE NEVER WAS MUCH OF A CHEF. 374 00:19:05,067 --> 00:19:09,233 BUT WHAT'S THAT SMELL? SOMETHING'S STILL COOKING. 375 00:19:09,267 --> 00:19:13,533 OH, IT'S LIONEL. 376 00:19:13,567 --> 00:19:16,233 HOMIE'S WEAPON FOCUSED THE SUN 377 00:19:16,267 --> 00:19:19,233 TO A SIZZLING 6,000 DEGREES. 378 00:19:19,267 --> 00:19:22,800 WHEN LIONEL GOT KNOCKED OUT WITH HIS HEAD IN ITS PATH, 379 00:19:22,833 --> 00:19:25,500 IT WAS LIKE RUNNING A MOLTEN PIECE OF STEEL 380 00:19:25,533 --> 00:19:27,700 RIGHT THROUGH HIS BRAIN. 381 00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:30,967 AFTER TWO MINUTES, IT EXPLODED HIS ARTERIES, 382 00:19:31,067 --> 00:19:34,267 AND DESTROYED A FATAL AMOUNT OF BRAIN TISSUE. 383 00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:38,400 HE WENT FROM BRAIN DEAD TO DEAD-DEAD. 384 00:19:38,433 --> 00:19:41,867 LIONEL THOUGHT KILLING THINGS WAS FUN. 385 00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:43,133 BUT IN THE END... 386 00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:45,100 - WHOA! 387 00:19:45,133 --> 00:19:48,633 WE GOT TO HAVE ALL THE FUN... 388 00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:51,333 WATCHING HIM DIE.