1 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:51,008 Testing. Testing. 2 00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:54,009 Testing over the credits. The credits that no one cares about. 3 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,349 "Ooh, we're the business people. 4 00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:01,350 "Ooh, we want our credit before the film starts, 'cause... " 5 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:03,688 Anyway. 6 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:05,982 The story you're about to see takes place in a world 7 00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:08,983 where the human race has never evolved the ability to tell a lie. 8 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:11,487 This is a typical town in that world. 9 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:14,488 As you can see, people have jobs and cars and houses and families, 10 00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:18,953 but everyone tells the absolute truth. 11 00:01:18,954 --> 00:01:21,954 There's no such thing as deceit or flattery or fiction. 12 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,001 People say exactly what they think, 13 00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,503 and sometimes that can come across as a bit harsh. 14 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:30,172 But they've got no choice in the matter. It's their nature. 15 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,133 Look, I'm not coming in to work today. 16 00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:34,802 No, I'm not sick. I just hate it there. 17 00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,803 Oh, your baby is so ugly. It's like a little rat. 18 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:41,849 Wow! I just took one of the biggest poops of my whole life. 19 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,353 What are you ordering? 20 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,354 So if you're a chubby, little loser like this guy, for example, 21 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,442 that's Mark Bellison, by the way, 22 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:52,443 then you're all alone and at the bottom of the pile. 23 00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:55,988 But later on in the story, his luck's gonna change 24 00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,576 when he tells the world's first lie. 25 00:01:58,577 --> 00:02:01,162 He doesn't even know it himself yet. 26 00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:04,163 So look forward to that. 27 00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:16,425 Don't blow this. 28 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,232 - Hi! - Hi. 29 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,776 You're early. 30 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,653 I was just masturbating. 31 00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:36,654 That makes me think of your vagina. 32 00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:40,201 I'm Mark. How are you? 33 00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:41,702 A little frustrated at the moment. 34 00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:44,703 Also, equally depressed and pessimistic about our date tonight. 35 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,541 Sure. 36 00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:50,542 I'm Anna. Come on in. 37 00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:54,213 Um... Just wait there. 38 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,717 I need to finish getting ready. 39 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,636 While doing that, I might realise I'm still horny 40 00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,680 and try to finish masturbating without you hearing. 41 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:15,111 I feel awkward now about being early. 42 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,488 Yeah, I'm disappointed that you're early 43 00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:19,615 and not really looking forward to tonight in general, 44 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,701 but the thought of being alone the rest of my life 45 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,702 scares both my mother and me equally. 46 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:27,788 Sure. 47 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:36,797 Oh. 48 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:40,175 I'm thinking you've started masturbating, 'cause it's like it's too quiet. 49 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:46,014 And you said you were gonna try and do it without me hearing. 50 00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:53,021 I'm worried the restaurant I've picked isn't expensive enough for you. 51 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,362 It's all I can afford 52 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:01,363 in my situation. 53 00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:03,159 I know I'm in my 40s, 54 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:06,160 but I haven't got any financial assets to speak of. 55 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:10,497 Also, my boss said he's probably gonna fire me this week. 56 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,341 Wow! 57 00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,843 I just masturbated. 58 00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:23,512 That makes me horny. I hope this date ends in sex. 59 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:24,847 I don't find you attractive. 60 00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:26,807 Oh! 61 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,768 Shall we? 62 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,019 Yeah. 63 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:33,020 - After you. - Thanks. 64 00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:41,653 - This is not as nice as I remember it. - What are we gonna talk about? 65 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,200 Hi. I'm threatened by you. 66 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:47,119 Mark Bellison. Table for two. 67 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,120 Of course. Come with me. 68 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:58,297 Thank you. 69 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,800 - Plastic. - I'm very embarrassed I work here. 70 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,259 - Hi. - Hi. 71 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:05,012 - Hello. - And you're very pretty. 72 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,138 That only makes this worse. 73 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,474 Can I get you two started on some drinks? 74 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,434 Yes. - I'll have a Budweiser, please. 75 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,520 I'll have a mango margarita, 76 00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:15,521 and I'll probably have three more drinks by the end of the night. 77 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,651 - Your sister? - No. 78 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,361 - Daughter? - No. 79 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,570 She's way out of your league. 80 00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:25,697 Thank you. 81 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,082 Shall I ask you some questions about yourself? 82 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:34,750 Yes. 83 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,418 How do you spend your days? 84 00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,670 I get up at 8:00 in the morning 85 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,797 because the noise from my alarm clock interrupts my sleep. 86 00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:42,716 And I lean over and just turn it off. 87 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:45,052 Turn it off. That's more specific than I thought. 88 00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,554 - Oh. What did you want to know? - Just... 89 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:49,555 - Well, do you have a job? - I have a job in an office. 90 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,058 - What do you do? - I'm an executive. 91 00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,268 - Do you enjoy that? - No. 92 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,395 - Oh! - But I enjoy the end result of the job, 93 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,021 which is money. 94 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,941 And also the hours are pretty good for the amount of money I make, 95 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:01,942 which I spend on things I like, such as clothes and hiking and drinking, 96 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,864 even though I know it's bad for me. 97 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,865 But I'd rather just get all the money and not have to work for the results. 98 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,828 Oh, sure. 99 00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:12,872 Tell me something about you, though. 100 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,874 You already know a lot about me. 101 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,875 You know I'm good-looking because, well, here I am. 102 00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,629 And you know that I'm successful 103 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:23,630 because you've seen my apartment and the clothes that I'm wearing. 104 00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:27,134 And you know I'm happy because I'm smiling. 105 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,722 - Are you always happy? - Usually. 106 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,723 Some days I stay in bed, eating and crying. 107 00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,396 - There you go. - Thank you. 108 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,397 - I had a little sip of this from right there, so... - Okay. 109 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:45,446 You guys ready to order or do you need a moment? 110 00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:46,822 I'm good. 111 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:49,823 Oh! I'll have the Caesar salad with chicken because I think I'm fat, 112 00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:53,454 but I also think I deserve something that tastes good. 113 00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:56,165 I'll have the fish tacos 'cause it's what I had last time I was here. 114 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,500 It's all I know. 115 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,003 Great. I'll get those two started. 116 00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:02,838 If I gave you my number, would you call me? 117 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,007 No. 118 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,010 Sorry. It's my mom. 119 00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:11,011 I think she's probably checking on the date. It won't take long. 120 00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:13,182 Hello. 121 00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,643 Yes, I'm with him right now. 122 00:07:15,644 --> 00:07:18,644 No, not very attractive. No, doesn't make much money. 123 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:22,522 It's all right, though. Seems nice. Kind of funny. 124 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,777 A bit fat. 125 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,778 Has a funny little snub nose. 126 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:32,783 Kind of like a frog in the facial area. 127 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:34,662 Yeah, but... 128 00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,872 No, I won't be sleeping with him tonight. 129 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,625 No. Probably not even a kiss. 130 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:42,626 Okay. You, too. Bye. Sorry about that. 131 00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,381 It's all right. Don't think twice. How is your mum, all right? 132 00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:48,382 - She's all right... - Great. That's... 133 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:57,015 Thanks for going on this date with me. 134 00:07:57,686 --> 00:08:00,686 You're way out of my league, and I know you only did it as a favour to Greg 135 00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:04,356 and I'll probably never hear from you again, but... 136 00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:08,235 I had a better time than I thought I'd have. 137 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,822 But I won't really know how I feel about you till I'm a little less drunk. 138 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,367 - Sure. - Yeah. 139 00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:16,368 Well, call me tomorrow if you still like me when you're sober. 140 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,164 I might. 141 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,709 Oh! Thank you for kissing me on the cheek. 142 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,710 I know you didn't have to do... You're very pretty! Good night! 143 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,675 ...first used roughly 4,000 years ago on Celtic chariots, 144 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:35,637 was, for the most part, unchanged by man until the late 1800s. 145 00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:44,023 Hi, I'm Bob: I'm the spokesperson for The Coca-Cola Company. 146 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,567 I'm here today to ask you to continue buying Coke. 147 00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:48,193 I'm sure it's the drink you've been drinking for years 148 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,820 and if you still enjoy it, well, I'd like to remind you 149 00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:52,031 to buy it again sometime soon. 150 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,782 It's basically just brown sugar water. 151 00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,242 Haven't changed the ingredients much lately, 152 00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:57,369 so there's nothing new I can tell you about that. 153 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,329 Changed the can around a little bit, though. 154 00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,956 You can see the colours are different there, 155 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,167 and we've added a polar bear, so the kids like us. 156 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,961 Coke's very high in sugar, and like any high-calorie soda, 157 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:08,962 it can lead to obesity in children and adults who don't sustain a very healthy diet. 158 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:12,259 And that's it. It's Coke. It's very famous: Everyone knows it. 159 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:15,260 I'm Bob: I work for Coke. And I'm asking you to not stop buying Coke. 160 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,181 That's all. 161 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,018 It's a bit sweet. 162 00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:24,019 Thank you. 163 00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,288 Hold the elevator. 164 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:44,289 - Hey, Mark. How's it going? - Hi, Frank. Not too well. 165 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:48,126 I went on a date last night with a girl I've had a crush on for years, 166 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,380 and she'll most likely never call me again. 167 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:53,381 Oh, and I think I'm getting fired today. How about you? 168 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,720 Oh, I'm not too great, actually. 169 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,641 I've been throwing up pain killers all night 170 00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:03,642 because I'm too afraid to take enough to actually kill myself, so... 171 00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:11,110 See you tomorrow. 172 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,111 If I'm not dead, then sure. 173 00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,699 - Good. That's settled, then. - All right. Have a nice day. 174 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,700 Cheers. 175 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:39,719 This isn't natural! None of this is natural! We're all animals! 176 00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:43,515 Why am I wearing clothes? How do you people live like this? 177 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,145 Why is there all this concrete? 178 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,939 I woke up this morning and realised, not only do I not love you, 179 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:51,525 but also the thought of sleeping with you sickens me. 180 00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:54,319 That should make me not love you, but it only makes me love you more. 181 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:09,374 I just don't want to go in there today. I just don't, you know? 182 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:15,172 All of Lecture Films' productions are written, filmed and edited on this very lot. 183 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:20,302 In fact, this building is where Lecture Films' talented writers 184 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:24,347 scour the world's past events for the most dramatic, 185 00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:28,310 entertaining and even hilarious moments from world history, 186 00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:31,897 which are then turned into scripts, handed over to our world-famous readers 187 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:36,067 to read off of teleprompters and then filmed for your viewing pleasure. 188 00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:40,363 Now, if you'll just fol low me over here, I will give you a sneak peek 189 00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:43,742 of Lecture Films' upcoming summer blockbuster, 190 00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:46,995 Napoleon: 1812 to 1813. 191 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:51,001 Coming soon from Lecture Films, 192 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:54,002 screenplay by Brad Kessler and starring Nathan Goldfrappe, 193 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:58,548 Napoleon: 1812 to 1813. 194 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:02,260 And so Napoleon invaded Russia 195 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:06,181 with a brute force of nearly 700,000 men behind him, 196 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:10,393 armed with muskets and supported by cannon brigades. 197 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:14,981 Crippled by disease and hunger, 198 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,945 Napoleon's men persevered. 199 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,821 It was then that... 200 00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:20,989 Oh, look, everyone. 201 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,990 There's Mark Bellison, one of Lecture Films' very own screenwriters. 202 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,577 Mark is one of Lecture Films' least successful screenwriters. 203 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,874 I also hear he's most likely getting fired today. 204 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:35,087 Let's go to the editing bay, where we can watch them put the final touches 205 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,088 on the upcoming Lecture Films feature, The Invention of the Fork: Right this way. 206 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,145 Morning, Shelley. 207 00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,272 Hi, Mark. 208 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,273 I realise more and more every day how overqualified I am for this position 209 00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:59,567 and how incompetent you are at yours. 210 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:00,988 Any messages? 211 00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,989 Anthony is coming up with in the hour to see if he can get up the courage to fire you. 212 00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:07,536 If he can't, he said that he'll definitely do it tomorrow. 213 00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:10,038 Anything else? Any messages not to do with being fired? 214 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,999 Well, I told everyone you're getting fired this week 215 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,625 and they shouldn't expect their calls returned, 216 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,085 so no one left any messages. 217 00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:16,962 Okay. Next time... 218 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,797 I don't think there'll be a next time. 219 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,924 ...take the message, just in case I don't get fired. 220 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,175 You're almost definitely getting fired. 221 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,594 Yeah, but I'm still here now, so... 222 00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:25,971 Seems like a waste of time. 223 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,139 No, it's not. 224 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,140 You're getting paid for it, so let's take the message in case I don't get... 225 00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,894 - But everyone knows that you are. - Hasn't happened yet. 226 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:35,895 Okay. But everyone knows you are. 227 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,818 I'll be in the office, don't... 228 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,195 Okay. I'll be searching for new jobs on Craigslist. 229 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:44,072 You should probably just get on with your work. 230 00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:47,073 No, thank you! 231 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,676 Anthony? 232 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:15,310 Come in. What? 233 00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:21,483 Come in. 234 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,863 Well, you look really depressed today. That's gonna make this so much harder. 235 00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:29,409 - Anthony, don't fire me. - Oh, Mark. 236 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,411 The 1300s, they're so boring. 237 00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:34,412 And the last two scripts you turned in were depressing. 238 00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:37,709 They were about the Black Plague. 239 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,045 It's the 1300s. What am I meant to write about? 240 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:43,046 It's not totally your fault, Mark. You got stuck with a tough century. 241 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:46,134 - No, no, I can make it work. - Mark. 242 00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,594 Just give it up. 243 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:50,595 Nothing new is gonna have happened in the 1300s. 244 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:53,973 At Lecture Films, we just want to take the big-name readers of the day 245 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:57,811 and have them read the stories that people know and love. 246 00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:02,442 I'm having... 247 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,611 Can I... Do you mind if I... 248 00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,363 - I come back and do this tomorrow? - Oh, well... 249 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:09,364 No, I just got nervous about firing you. I just don't do well with confrontation. 250 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:13,618 Hey, maybe... Maybe if I just sleep on it. 251 00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:16,790 Well, then I'll be thinking, "Will he fire me, won't he fire me?" 252 00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:19,791 - You're fired. - I am fired, yeah? 'Cause I sort of... 253 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,836 Yeah. Oh, boy. 254 00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,680 Mark, I woke up this morning, sober, and realised that, 255 00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:33,348 while I did enjoy your company, 256 00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:36,349 based on your looks, your financial situation and your position in life, 257 00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,728 I have no interest in you romantically. 258 00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:41,148 I'm just too far out of your league: Anna. 259 00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,985 Is that 'cause you just got fired? 260 00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:47,986 And 'cause I just got an e-mail from a woman who... 261 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:51,114 Yeah, my favourite part was when she said it was based on your looks. 262 00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,661 You read my e-mail? 263 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,705 Yeah. Everyone's read it. 264 00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,957 It's the best one you've had all year. 265 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,667 Not for me. 266 00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:03,668 I'm gonna get a snack. Do you want a snack? 267 00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:15,515 So? 268 00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:18,516 I loathed almost every minute that I worked for you. 269 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:23,356 So, what are you gonna do now? 270 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,774 I don't know. 271 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:26,943 But I don't hold out much hope for the future. 272 00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:29,944 I don't have a lot of hope for you either, but I wish you good luck. 273 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,615 - Bye, Mark. - Bye, Shelley. 274 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:32,782 - Mark! - Yeah? 275 00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:34,534 - Do you mind if I talk to you for a second? - No. 276 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,828 - I heard the news they were firing you, huh? - Yeah. 277 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,581 - That must be hard. - Yeah. 278 00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:42,582 Well, I just wanted to say good bye, and I've always hated you. 279 00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:44,544 - You've always... - Hated you. 280 00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:47,255 - I didn't know that. - Yeah, a lot of people knew it. 281 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,674 - What, you told other people you hated me? - Yeah. 282 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,426 I even turned some people against you. 283 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,637 Is that why you came over to talk to me? To tell me you hated me? 284 00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:56,097 No, I came to say good bye to you, 285 00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,599 and the rest of it just sort of happened on its own. 286 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,184 Came out, yeah, sure. 287 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:02,185 I always knew that the Black Plague would never work as a movie. 288 00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:06,064 You're an awful writer, assigned to an awful century. 289 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:08,610 And you're a little man-bitch. 290 00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:09,861 Man-bitch. 291 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,862 But I've always been threatened by you 292 00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:16,117 because there's something about you that I don't understand, 293 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,537 and I hate things that I don't understand. 294 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,081 But you'll always be a loser. 295 00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:23,875 And I'll always be more successful than you in nearly every way, 296 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,794 and that's just the way it is. 297 00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:28,129 Oh, and Shelley thinks you're an overweight homosexual. 298 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,924 - No, I never said that. - Thank you. 299 00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:33,301 I said, "Fat faggot. 300 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,053 "Fatty, fat faggot. " 301 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,221 I stand corrected. 302 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,639 And I was upset with "overweight homosexual. " 303 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,432 Doesn't matter. Either way, you're a dumpy little queer. 304 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,560 Mark, try to enjoy your loser life. 305 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:46,940 He's awesome. 306 00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:48,984 Well, no. 307 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,069 Your opinion. Bye, Shelley. 308 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:54,070 I look forward to never seeing you. 309 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,918 Mrs Johnson, you have got to take your medicine. 310 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:16,175 - Hi. - Are you here to abandon an elderly person? 311 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,096 I already have. Martha Bellison, I'm her son. 312 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,684 Ooh, it's good you're here. She's not doing well. 313 00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,477 You should say your final good byes today. 314 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,980 Yeah. Someone says that to me every time I come here. 315 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:29,981 She's at the top of our death pool. 316 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,117 You look like my dead son! 317 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:42,118 Each day is worse than the last. 318 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:45,288 I'm on pills that make everything orange! 319 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,550 Oh, Mum, this is so depressing. At least look out of the window. 320 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,347 Telly's broken. 321 00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:01,473 It's not broken. 322 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,892 You probably sat on the remote and changed the channel again. 323 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,060 Yeah, you have, look. 324 00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:07,479 Gotta put it on channel three for the satellite to work. 325 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,480 I don't understand anything you just said. 326 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:13,068 That makes me scared and angry. 327 00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,987 Lost my job today, Mum. 328 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,988 I'm in my 40s, and I'm alone with no prospects. 329 00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:22,533 Things aren't much better for me here. But could be worse. 330 00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:26,331 We could be homeless. 331 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:29,332 Don't you wish you could change things? 332 00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:32,752 Don't you wish you weren't such a loser? 333 00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:35,215 Well, I don't think I'm a loser. 334 00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:36,549 You are, Mum. Definitely. 335 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:39,260 We come from a long line of losers. It's not your fault. 336 00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:41,429 You're a... 337 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,765 A loser. 338 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,767 I love you, Mark. 339 00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:47,102 I love you, too, Mum. 340 00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:50,021 Good luck with finding a job, eh? 341 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,606 I'll go. 342 00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,695 Oops. 343 00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,781 Shut up! 344 00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:02,782 Haven't even got a job. 345 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,420 - Hi. - I'm here for the rent. 346 00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,922 Yeah, I was gonna come and talk to you today. I got fired yesterday. 347 00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,923 I know. That's why I'm here for the rent. 348 00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:21,636 - Yeah, I haven't got it. - How much do you have? 349 00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,471 I got about $300 left in my ban k account. 350 00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:26,472 - The rent's 800. - I know. I haven't got that. 351 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,767 Then you're evicted. You got one day to get your stuff out of here. 352 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:32,647 Well, how am I gonna do that? 353 00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:35,648 You got $300. Rent a truck. 354 00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,324 What can I do for you today, sir? 355 00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,785 Just been evicted from my apartment. 356 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:48,786 So I have to withdraw whatever I've got in my account to move my things out. 357 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:52,125 Think I have to close my account. 358 00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:55,126 Probably gonna be homeless. Mark Bellison. 359 00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,505 Unfortunately, sir, the system is down right now, 360 00:20:57,506 --> 00:21:00,506 so I'm not gonna be able to perform an account closure until it's back up. 361 00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:04,135 But I can help you with a withdrawal. How much would you like to withdraw today? 362 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,015 - All of it. Whatever's left. - The system is down, sir. 363 00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:10,016 Can you tell me how much is in your account? 364 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:15,021 Sir? 365 00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:19,817 $800. 366 00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:25,742 Sir? 367 00:21:25,743 --> 00:21:27,827 - $800. - Pardon me? 368 00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:29,662 I have $800 in my account. 369 00:21:30,748 --> 00:21:33,208 Oh! The system just came back up. 370 00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,168 - System seems to be back up, guys. Thanks, J ill. 371 00:21:35,169 --> 00:21:38,169 Just a second while I access your account. You said you were withdrawing 800, correct? 372 00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,424 Wait a second. 373 00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:44,425 It says here that you only have $300 in your account, 374 00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:47,055 but you said you wanted to withdraw 800? 375 00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:48,431 Yeah. 376 00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:49,849 I apologise, sir. 377 00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,727 It seems our system has made a mistake. Let's get you your $800. 378 00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:55,728 Did you want large bills or small? 379 00:21:55,898 --> 00:21:58,608 - B ills, large. - All right, here you go. 380 00:21:58,609 --> 00:22:01,609 That's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, $800. 381 00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:05,698 Is there anything else I can do for you today, sir? 382 00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:06,783 Uh-u h! 383 00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:08,243 Sorry for the inconvenience. 384 00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:43,734 - What are you doing here? - Paying my rent. 385 00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:58,418 Come on! 386 00:23:00,963 --> 00:23:03,963 Today, I stumbled upon something that no man has ever stumbled on before. 387 00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:09,135 What I've done, they'll write about in history books for generations to come. 388 00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:12,930 And yet, moments ago, it was unfathomable, not only to myself but to mankind as a whole. 389 00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:17,312 It's hard to describe. 390 00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:20,313 And it was as easy as... How do I explain this? 391 00:23:21,275 --> 00:23:24,275 I said something that wasn't. 392 00:23:26,030 --> 00:23:27,947 Huh? 393 00:23:27,948 --> 00:23:30,948 I said something that wasn't. I... 394 00:23:32,494 --> 00:23:34,829 What's the word for it? There is no word for it. 395 00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:37,830 Of course there isn't. I invented it. 396 00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:41,500 Watch this. Jim! 397 00:23:43,839 --> 00:23:46,174 What? 398 00:23:46,175 --> 00:23:49,175 My name is Doug. 399 00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:53,139 - Your name is Doug? - Hi, Doug. 400 00:23:53,140 --> 00:23:56,140 That's so weird I never knew your real name. Doug is good. It suits you. 401 00:23:59,188 --> 00:24:01,356 Come on! 402 00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:02,523 What's my name? 403 00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:03,858 - It's Doug. - Doug. 404 00:24:03,859 --> 00:24:06,194 No, it's not! It's Mark! 405 00:24:06,195 --> 00:24:08,237 - Your name is Mark? - Hi, Mark. 406 00:24:08,238 --> 00:24:11,238 - Mark suits you even better. - Marko. 407 00:24:12,076 --> 00:24:14,702 Okay, you're not getting it. 408 00:24:14,703 --> 00:24:17,163 Marko. 409 00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:19,248 - I'm black. - I knew it. 410 00:24:19,249 --> 00:24:21,167 You're very light-skinned, but I can see it. 411 00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:24,168 - I always wanted a black friend. - Me, too. 412 00:24:24,338 --> 00:24:25,713 I'm an Eskimo. 413 00:24:25,714 --> 00:24:26,881 Fantastic! 414 00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:28,383 Yeah, I've never seen a black Eskimo. 415 00:24:28,384 --> 00:24:29,550 I'm a pi rate. 416 00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:32,011 - I didn't know they still had those. - Are you a dangerous pi rate? 417 00:24:32,012 --> 00:24:34,389 I'm a I ion tamer, and I'm wearing a wig. 418 00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:36,182 Aren't you scared you'll get bitten one day? 419 00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:37,725 That's a fantastic wig. 420 00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:39,894 - I invented the bicycle. - I love your work. 421 00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:41,938 Can I get a discount on a ten-speed? 422 00:24:41,939 --> 00:24:44,774 I'm a one-armed German space explorer. 423 00:24:44,775 --> 00:24:45,942 When's your launch date? 424 00:24:47,069 --> 00:24:49,112 That's a very lifelike prosthetic. 425 00:24:49,113 --> 00:24:50,905 This is incredible. 426 00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:53,906 Come on, let's up the stakes a little bit. Come on. 427 00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:56,909 If you could make the world the way you wanted it to be, 428 00:24:59,415 --> 00:25:00,581 what would you do? 429 00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:03,582 If you could change anything, if you could do anything, 430 00:25:05,421 --> 00:25:07,130 what's the first thing you'd do? 431 00:25:07,131 --> 00:25:08,881 If I could do anything? 432 00:25:08,882 --> 00:25:10,550 Anything at all? 433 00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:13,551 Anything at all. 434 00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:17,265 I would touch girls' boobs. 435 00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:20,266 Yes. 436 00:25:20,769 --> 00:25:22,186 And maybe have sex with them, too. 437 00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:25,187 Oh, agreed. That, too. 438 00:25:26,775 --> 00:25:29,775 Okay. Let's try that. 439 00:25:31,447 --> 00:25:34,447 - Where are you going? - Out. 440 00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:52,884 Don't look at me. I'm not attracted to you. 441 00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:55,136 - No, listen. - Don't bother. I've heard it all before. 442 00:25:55,137 --> 00:25:58,137 The world's gonna end unless we have sex right now! 443 00:26:01,477 --> 00:26:04,477 Do we have time to get to a motel, or do we need to do it right here? 444 00:26:09,485 --> 00:26:12,485 Motel. 445 00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:15,573 Help me get my dress off. 446 00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:17,492 Hold on, wait, wait. Let's get to know each other first. 447 00:26:17,493 --> 00:26:19,869 No! We have to have sex. The world is going to end! 448 00:26:19,870 --> 00:26:21,037 I don't even know your... 449 00:26:21,038 --> 00:26:22,830 Think of the children! Think of the little babies. 450 00:26:22,831 --> 00:26:25,666 Let's have a drink. You look like you'd like a... 451 00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:28,086 - $10 for a beer. That is... - Don't you understand? 452 00:26:28,087 --> 00:26:30,213 - We are all going to die! - This isn't right. 453 00:26:30,214 --> 00:26:32,256 Well, of course this isn't right, the world is going to end! 454 00:26:32,257 --> 00:26:33,591 We have to have sex right now! 455 00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:36,592 Oh, hold on. Hi, NASA. Yeah, it's me. 456 00:26:38,931 --> 00:26:41,182 I'll let her know. That is good news. 457 00:26:41,183 --> 00:26:43,267 - Now. - Thank you. 458 00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:44,727 World's not gonna end. We don't have to... 459 00:26:44,728 --> 00:26:47,605 - We're gonna live! - ... sex. 460 00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,690 We're gonna live! 461 00:26:49,691 --> 00:26:52,691 Thank you! Oh, thank you! 462 00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:57,782 - I've gotta go. - Can't you stay? 463 00:26:57,783 --> 00:27:00,284 We've been through so much together. 464 00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:11,627 Well, that was one of the worst experiences of my life. 465 00:27:12,714 --> 00:27:15,383 Did you invent a new kind of bike? 466 00:27:15,384 --> 00:27:18,384 What else would you do? If you could do anything. 467 00:27:19,805 --> 00:27:22,598 - Boob. - No, we've done boobs. 468 00:27:22,599 --> 00:27:25,599 What's the next thing you'd do? 469 00:27:26,436 --> 00:27:29,436 - Eh? - Well, what would you do? 470 00:27:31,900 --> 00:27:34,900 I'd get money. 471 00:27:35,237 --> 00:27:38,237 I'd get all the money. 472 00:27:38,907 --> 00:27:40,074 Come on. 473 00:27:40,075 --> 00:27:42,493 - Where are we going? - On a trip. 474 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:45,494 I'll drive. 475 00:27:47,624 --> 00:27:49,917 I shouldn't be d riving. 476 00:27:49,918 --> 00:27:51,836 But I don't care. I'm trying to h it bottom. 477 00:27:54,965 --> 00:27:57,425 H ere comes bottom. Pull over. 478 00:27:57,426 --> 00:28:00,426 Just stop. 479 00:28:02,222 --> 00:28:05,222 All right, do me a favour. Let me do the talking, okay? 480 00:28:05,934 --> 00:28:07,393 I think I'm gonna puke. 481 00:28:07,394 --> 00:28:08,936 Do not puke in front of an officer of the law. 482 00:28:08,937 --> 00:28:11,937 Don't tell me not to puke 'cause that'll make me puke more. 483 00:28:12,733 --> 00:28:15,733 Hello, Officer. How are you? 484 00:28:15,944 --> 00:28:18,944 Well, I'm relieved you're not a couple of black guys. 485 00:28:19,239 --> 00:28:21,324 There's a much higher probability that I'd be jumpy, 486 00:28:21,325 --> 00:28:24,243 shoot you without provocation, and then I could lose my weapon. 487 00:28:24,244 --> 00:28:25,786 That's good. 488 00:28:25,787 --> 00:28:28,122 - I don't want to go to jail. - He doesn't want to go to jail. 489 00:28:28,123 --> 00:28:30,458 Have you been drinking and operating this motor vehicle? 490 00:28:30,459 --> 00:28:33,127 - Yeah, a lot of drink. - Well, then you're probably going to jail. 491 00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:34,587 I'm gonna need you to breathe into this for me. 492 00:28:34,588 --> 00:28:36,130 Officer, you don't need to do that. 493 00:28:36,131 --> 00:28:38,466 I'm gonna say that, judging by the look of this car, 494 00:28:38,467 --> 00:28:39,842 you can't afford my bribe. 495 00:28:39,843 --> 00:28:41,594 Why? How much do you charge? 496 00:28:41,595 --> 00:28:43,429 5,400. 497 00:28:43,430 --> 00:28:44,513 That's a lot. 498 00:28:44,514 --> 00:28:46,974 That's too much, I think. Why so high? 499 00:28:46,975 --> 00:28:49,518 I have an expensive cocaine habit. 500 00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:51,604 But, you know, it's more than that. 501 00:28:51,605 --> 00:28:54,605 I feel like when I set the price up higher, it takes it out of the realm of petty crime 502 00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,319 and helps me preserve my sense of personal integrity. 503 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,821 Sort of feeling of self worth if you're... Yeah. 504 00:29:00,822 --> 00:29:02,156 Well, it was nice chatting with you. 505 00:29:02,157 --> 00:29:05,157 Anywho, I'm still gonna need you to breathe into this for me. 506 00:29:05,953 --> 00:29:08,953 You're gonna wanna blow, not suck there. 507 00:29:17,047 --> 00:29:20,047 Oh, yeah. That's pretty much off the chart. You're drunk. 508 00:29:20,175 --> 00:29:23,175 - You're going to jail. Step out of the vehicle. - I don't want to. 509 00:29:23,845 --> 00:29:26,347 Sir, I'm gonna ask you to exit the vehicle one more time. 510 00:29:26,348 --> 00:29:27,723 - Might as well. - I can't. 511 00:29:27,724 --> 00:29:30,724 All right! That's it! Get out of the car! Come on out here! You're drunk! 512 00:29:33,063 --> 00:29:35,189 - You should be ashamed of yourself! - Officer. 513 00:29:35,190 --> 00:29:36,524 I'm gonna think about this later. 514 00:29:36,525 --> 00:29:39,235 - Officer. Listen, no, no, no! - Sir, please get back in the car! 515 00:29:39,236 --> 00:29:42,236 Listen to what I've got to say. 516 00:29:42,489 --> 00:29:45,489 He's not drunk. 517 00:29:46,827 --> 00:29:48,703 I've made a terrible mistake. 518 00:29:48,704 --> 00:29:51,580 I do this sometimes. I get a little... 519 00:29:51,581 --> 00:29:52,873 It's the adrenaline. 520 00:29:52,874 --> 00:29:55,835 Well, actually, it arouses me. 521 00:29:55,836 --> 00:29:57,545 Sexually? 522 00:29:57,546 --> 00:29:59,171 - Oh, that... - I'm so sorry. 523 00:29:59,172 --> 00:30:01,716 Please. Please let me help you. 524 00:30:01,717 --> 00:30:04,717 Can you forgive me? Did you eat something? Is it food poisoning? 525 00:30:05,762 --> 00:30:08,762 - You'll drive? Yeah. Good idea. Thank you. 526 00:30:08,932 --> 00:30:10,224 Sorry. 527 00:30:11,685 --> 00:30:13,060 That was awesome. 528 00:30:13,061 --> 00:30:15,896 - Stop laughing. I'm gonna be sick. - You're gonna be fine. 529 00:30:15,897 --> 00:30:17,398 Oh, good. 530 00:30:17,399 --> 00:30:19,775 - Where are we going? - To get rich. 531 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,957 What are we doing here? We don't have any money to throw away. 532 00:30:34,958 --> 00:30:36,917 We're not gonna throw it away. 533 00:30:36,918 --> 00:30:39,211 - Good luck. Thank you. 534 00:30:39,212 --> 00:30:40,921 - Hi. - Hi. 535 00:30:40,922 --> 00:30:42,089 Chips, please. 536 00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:44,425 There's a very good chance you'll lose all this money here tonight. 537 00:30:44,426 --> 00:30:46,427 - I know. - And even if you happen to win, 538 00:30:46,428 --> 00:30:49,096 there's an even better chance that, in the long run, we'll win it back. 539 00:30:49,097 --> 00:30:51,223 - I know. - Some of the games are fixed, 540 00:30:51,224 --> 00:30:53,434 - like the ones that use computers. - I know. 541 00:30:53,435 --> 00:30:56,435 - Good luck. - Thank you. 542 00:31:02,069 --> 00:31:03,402 - Hi, guys. - Hi. 543 00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:06,403 If I could be a stripper, I would, but I'm not attractive enough. Drinks? 544 00:31:07,282 --> 00:31:10,282 We'll have two beers, and we'll take them over there at the roulette table. 545 00:31:11,078 --> 00:31:12,203 - Cheers. - Come on, 546 00:31:12,204 --> 00:31:15,204 roulette's the stupidest game of all. It's all chance. There's no skill whatsoever. 547 00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:17,208 It's all right, I'm feeling lucky. 548 00:31:17,209 --> 00:31:19,627 - You've never had a lucky day in your life. - Just watch. 549 00:31:19,628 --> 00:31:22,213 Get your bets in. Get your bets in. 550 00:31:22,214 --> 00:31:25,214 The house always wins in the long run. 551 00:31:25,634 --> 00:31:27,051 Because of the zeroes on the board, 552 00:31:27,052 --> 00:31:30,052 every bet is slightly favoured towards the house. 553 00:31:32,808 --> 00:31:34,558 35 black. No one wins. 554 00:31:34,559 --> 00:31:37,559 Look at that u n usual thing, I've never... 555 00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:41,480 It's gone now. I'm on 35 black, by the way. 556 00:31:45,612 --> 00:31:47,905 We have a winner. 557 00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:49,448 Good job! 558 00:31:49,449 --> 00:31:50,741 Congratulations, sir. 559 00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:53,742 I just won the major jackpot on that machine, but no money came out. 560 00:31:54,913 --> 00:31:56,497 Oh, I'm sorry about that, sir. 561 00:31:56,498 --> 00:31:59,498 Let me get that fixed for you. And can I say congratulations, sir? 562 00:32:00,961 --> 00:32:02,253 Thank you. 563 00:32:02,254 --> 00:32:05,254 We've got a major winner here. Would you open up the vault? 564 00:32:08,593 --> 00:32:11,593 This is the most amazing night of my entire life. 565 00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:13,848 Think how amazing it would be if you didn't smell of vomit. 566 00:32:13,849 --> 00:32:16,849 I know. 567 00:32:26,194 --> 00:32:29,194 Mark, how's it going? 568 00:32:29,614 --> 00:32:32,199 Good. 569 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:33,325 Oh. 570 00:32:33,326 --> 00:32:35,369 How's it going with you? 571 00:32:35,370 --> 00:32:37,121 Pretty awful. 572 00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:40,122 I was up last night researching on the Internet, 573 00:32:40,709 --> 00:32:43,709 like, suffocation suicide. 574 00:32:44,671 --> 00:32:47,671 I think that's what I'm gonna do tonight. 575 00:32:48,717 --> 00:32:51,717 Later. 576 00:32:51,845 --> 00:32:54,845 Frank. 577 00:32:55,223 --> 00:32:56,974 Yeah? 578 00:32:56,975 --> 00:32:59,975 Don't do that. 579 00:33:00,312 --> 00:33:02,354 Why? I mean... 580 00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:05,355 You know, I'm miserable. I don't think anyone would care. 581 00:33:05,567 --> 00:33:07,401 I'll care. 582 00:33:07,402 --> 00:33:09,862 But you're a loser, which doesn't really count. 583 00:33:09,863 --> 00:33:12,863 Things are gonna be okay. 584 00:33:13,325 --> 00:33:14,492 They are? 585 00:33:14,493 --> 00:33:16,911 Yeah. You're gonna meet someone. 586 00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:19,912 You're gonna be happy. 587 00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:24,418 I shouldn't kill myself? 588 00:33:24,419 --> 00:33:27,419 Definitely not. 589 00:33:29,090 --> 00:33:32,090 Okay, so I don't need to kill myself. 590 00:33:33,386 --> 00:33:35,763 Wow! I thought... 591 00:33:35,764 --> 00:33:38,764 I thought that like... That suffocation idea, 592 00:33:39,059 --> 00:33:41,685 I thought that was like a really good idea, you know? 593 00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:42,770 It wasn't. 594 00:33:42,771 --> 00:33:45,771 Wow! 595 00:33:46,107 --> 00:33:49,107 My night's opened up. 596 00:33:49,277 --> 00:33:51,779 Do you wanna hang out or something? 597 00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:53,572 Oh, not really. 598 00:33:53,573 --> 00:33:55,950 It's all right. It's okay. 599 00:33:55,951 --> 00:33:58,951 No! Good idea. 600 00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:02,412 Let's hang out. I'll see you tonight. 601 00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:05,707 I'll see you tonight. 602 00:34:05,794 --> 00:34:07,878 Cool, okay. 603 00:36:04,037 --> 00:36:05,204 Hello, this is Anna. 604 00:36:05,205 --> 00:36:06,789 Hi, it's Mark. 605 00:36:06,790 --> 00:36:09,541 Oh! Hi, Mark. Didn't you get my e-mail? 606 00:36:09,542 --> 00:36:11,251 The one about not being good enough for you? 607 00:36:11,252 --> 00:36:12,378 That's the one. 608 00:36:12,379 --> 00:36:14,254 Yeah, got that, cheers. 609 00:36:14,255 --> 00:36:17,255 Listen, the reason I'm calling is I want to ask you out on another date. 610 00:36:20,553 --> 00:36:21,679 Why would you do that? 611 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,680 Well, I found out I can pretty much have my life the way I want it. 612 00:36:26,351 --> 00:36:28,477 Congratulations! I gotta go. 613 00:36:28,478 --> 00:36:29,603 No, wait. 614 00:36:29,604 --> 00:36:32,604 Listen, I know you said you didn't wanna go on another date with me, ever, 615 00:36:33,900 --> 00:36:36,900 but I'm different now. I think I'm in your league. 616 00:36:38,571 --> 00:36:39,738 Are you better looking? 617 00:36:39,739 --> 00:36:42,739 No. More powerful. I think you have to see it for yourself. 618 00:36:43,493 --> 00:36:44,618 Have you been to the gym? 619 00:36:44,619 --> 00:36:47,619 No. I joined a gym, but just... Things have changed for me. 620 00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:51,709 I think you'll hardly recognise me. 621 00:36:51,710 --> 00:36:52,876 Did you buy new clothes? 622 00:36:52,877 --> 00:36:55,877 No. Sorry, can we just meet up? It'd be best. 623 00:36:55,922 --> 00:36:58,922 You did admit yourself that, you know, we got on. 624 00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:02,467 If you had an okay time, then please say yes. 625 00:37:04,347 --> 00:37:07,347 I'm just asking for one teensy, weensy little date. 626 00:37:10,562 --> 00:37:12,187 Okay, fine. 627 00:37:12,188 --> 00:37:15,023 Fantastic. 628 00:37:15,024 --> 00:37:18,024 I'll pick you up tomorrow, about 8:00? 629 00:37:18,486 --> 00:37:21,486 Most likely, though, this will be our last date, so just know that. 630 00:37:22,073 --> 00:37:24,032 Yeah. Great. 631 00:37:24,033 --> 00:37:26,577 Okay. Bye! 632 00:37:26,578 --> 00:37:27,870 Bye! 633 00:37:27,871 --> 00:37:29,371 Hang up, Mark. 634 00:37:29,372 --> 00:37:32,372 Bye. 635 00:37:35,670 --> 00:37:38,630 MALE NARRATOR... proudly presents The Industrial Revolution. 636 00:37:38,631 --> 00:37:41,631 Hello, I'm Angelo Badsmith. 637 00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:44,676 Come, watch me read about the exciting events 638 00:37:44,721 --> 00:37:47,514 that took place during the Industrial Revolution, 639 00:37:47,515 --> 00:37:50,515 written by the most beloved and esteemed screenwriter of his generation, 640 00:37:52,395 --> 00:37:54,188 Brad Kessler. 641 00:37:54,189 --> 00:37:57,189 I don't think anyone can write a better screenplay than Brad Kessler. 642 00:38:03,364 --> 00:38:06,364 No? 643 00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:30,766 Hey! 644 00:38:30,767 --> 00:38:33,310 Did you come to beg for your job back? 645 00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:34,603 Everybody! 646 00:38:34,604 --> 00:38:36,396 That's the loser that thought the Black Plague 647 00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:37,773 would make an interesting film. 648 00:38:37,774 --> 00:38:40,774 Hey! Good luck, douche bag. 649 00:38:42,529 --> 00:38:44,947 - You can't go in there. - I've got an appointment. 650 00:38:44,948 --> 00:38:47,948 Oh, then go right in. 651 00:38:47,992 --> 00:38:50,992 Talk to you later. 652 00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:53,995 Hi. That was the head of the studio. 653 00:38:56,292 --> 00:38:58,460 Why are you here? 654 00:38:58,461 --> 00:39:01,461 Well, when you fired me, I was seriously depressed. 655 00:39:04,092 --> 00:39:06,385 - I knew it. - But... 656 00:39:06,386 --> 00:39:09,386 I went for a walk, right out of town. 657 00:39:09,556 --> 00:39:12,556 And I came across a desert, and I fell asleep under a tree, palm tree. 658 00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:17,352 I don't do well with other people's life-changing stories. 659 00:39:17,897 --> 00:39:20,897 And then when I woke up, I saw like a thing sticking out of the sand. 660 00:39:22,277 --> 00:39:25,277 And I unearthed it, and it was an ancient chest. 661 00:39:26,990 --> 00:39:29,449 Really old. Seven hundred years old. 662 00:39:29,450 --> 00:39:32,450 And in that chest was this. 663 00:39:33,371 --> 00:39:34,538 What is it? 664 00:39:34,539 --> 00:39:37,539 It's a never-before-heard event from history. 665 00:39:38,585 --> 00:39:40,377 When does it take place? 666 00:39:40,378 --> 00:39:41,587 1300s. 667 00:39:41,588 --> 00:39:43,088 Oh, come on, no, Mark! 668 00:39:43,089 --> 00:39:46,089 Mark, I've already told you, we don't do Black Plague movies here! 669 00:39:47,010 --> 00:39:50,010 It's not about the Black Plague! It's not just about the Black Plague. 670 00:39:51,097 --> 00:39:54,097 It's about... Can I just read it, please? 671 00:39:54,767 --> 00:39:57,477 Get excited. Don't tap, get excited. 672 00:39:57,478 --> 00:39:58,937 Get very excited, 673 00:39:58,938 --> 00:40:01,938 because this is one of the best discoveries 674 00:40:05,528 --> 00:40:08,528 man has ever discovered. 675 00:40:08,781 --> 00:40:10,115 And you can be part of it. 676 00:40:10,116 --> 00:40:12,826 Yes, but is there a movie there? 677 00:40:12,827 --> 00:40:15,827 The greatest movie Lecture Films has ever made. 678 00:40:18,374 --> 00:40:21,374 Start reading. 679 00:40:22,128 --> 00:40:25,128 "On the very first day of the 14th century, a momentous occasion occurred. 680 00:40:27,759 --> 00:40:30,759 "It began like any other day. The sunrose, babies began to cry. 681 00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:36,640 "But all of that was interrupted when a giant, flying spaceship 682 00:40:37,143 --> 00:40:40,143 "crashed down from the skies and landed in the heart of Babylon. " 683 00:40:42,065 --> 00:40:45,065 What? 684 00:40:47,111 --> 00:40:50,111 Uh... Get everyone in here, right now. We got a big one. 685 00:40:50,907 --> 00:40:53,907 Oh, please, Mark, continue. 686 00:40:56,704 --> 00:40:59,704 "The ninja army unleashed a giant fireball 687 00:40:59,916 --> 00:41:02,916 "and brought the robot dinosaur to its knees, saving Mars, Earth 688 00:41:04,045 --> 00:41:07,045 "and the nude Amazonian alien women, all in one sweeping motion. 689 00:41:08,591 --> 00:41:10,467 "The Earth was saved. 690 00:41:10,468 --> 00:41:13,468 "Jebediah and Aleena were allowed to marry by alien King Wanglor. 691 00:41:14,973 --> 00:41:17,973 "It was to be the first h u man nude Amazonian alien woman wedding, 692 00:41:18,726 --> 00:41:20,978 "and no expense would be spared. 693 00:41:20,979 --> 00:41:23,979 "All of Babylon and Mars were invited to join the celebrations. 694 00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:27,234 "The wedding was held on a brisk summer's day on Mars. 695 00:41:27,235 --> 00:41:29,111 "And all of the survivors of the Great Ninja War 696 00:41:29,112 --> 00:41:30,904 "and the Black Plague were present. 697 00:41:30,905 --> 00:41:33,905 "They feasted and danced and laughed, and it was a joyous occasion. 698 00:41:35,410 --> 00:41:37,119 "The moment the bride and g room kissed, 699 00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:40,120 "King Wanglor performed a mind-wipe on all the humans, 700 00:41:40,581 --> 00:41:43,581 "thereby erasing all knowledge of these events for about 700 years, 701 00:41:44,585 --> 00:41:47,585 "until one day, a great writer by the name of Mark Bellison 702 00:41:48,256 --> 00:41:51,256 "would stumble across them in the desert after being fired by his crap boss, Anthony, 703 00:41:55,596 --> 00:41:58,596 "and mocked by Brad and Shelley, two huge douche bags. 704 00:42:01,602 --> 00:42:04,602 "Lecture Films would go on to make the picture, and it'd be a huge success. 705 00:42:06,190 --> 00:42:09,190 "And Mark would become very wealthy and famous from it. " 706 00:42:22,165 --> 00:42:25,165 What are you gonna call this, Mark? 707 00:42:27,045 --> 00:42:28,295 The Black Plague. 708 00:42:31,966 --> 00:42:34,509 I want you to start immediately 'cause I think this could be 709 00:42:34,510 --> 00:42:36,803 the best screen play ever written. 710 00:42:36,804 --> 00:42:38,555 Oh, it will. 711 00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:41,556 It will be the best screen play ever written by anyone. 712 00:42:52,528 --> 00:42:55,030 Well... 713 00:42:55,031 --> 00:42:57,657 I guess congratulations on selling your script today. 714 00:42:57,658 --> 00:43:00,658 - Cheers. - Cheers. 715 00:43:01,996 --> 00:43:04,996 Tell me something about your family. I don't know that much about you. 716 00:43:06,542 --> 00:43:09,419 We're sort of what you'd call u n lucky. 717 00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:10,879 My dad was an alcoholic. 718 00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:12,172 Sad. 719 00:43:12,173 --> 00:43:15,173 Drinking got to a point where he lost his job, and with a family to support, 720 00:43:16,344 --> 00:43:18,512 he had no choice but to turn to a life of crime. 721 00:43:18,513 --> 00:43:20,180 What kind of crime? 722 00:43:20,181 --> 00:43:23,181 Burglary. Houses, mainly. 723 00:43:30,399 --> 00:43:31,566 What are you doing here? 724 00:43:31,567 --> 00:43:33,610 It's Monday at noon. You're not supposed to be at home now. 725 00:43:33,611 --> 00:43:35,695 If you must know, I'm incredibly stressed at work. 726 00:43:35,696 --> 00:43:37,864 I've come home early. I'm having a bit of me time. 727 00:43:37,865 --> 00:43:39,366 More importantly, what are you doing? 728 00:43:39,367 --> 00:43:41,076 Well, I was gonna rob your house. 729 00:43:41,077 --> 00:43:42,536 I don't like that idea. Not a fan of that at all. 730 00:43:42,537 --> 00:43:44,371 Well, I'm not gonna do it now because you're in. 731 00:43:44,372 --> 00:43:45,539 And do you know what's gonna happen? 732 00:43:45,540 --> 00:43:47,124 I'm gonna call the police, you're gonna be arrested. 733 00:43:47,125 --> 00:43:48,875 Well, I'm just gonna leave, and you don't know my name. 734 00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:50,293 - What is your name? - Richard Bellison. 735 00:43:50,294 --> 00:43:51,795 Good to meet you. 736 00:43:51,796 --> 00:43:54,796 You've got two options. Option one, I send the police to your house, right? 737 00:43:54,924 --> 00:43:57,384 Arrest you there, embarrass you in front of your neighbours. 738 00:43:57,385 --> 00:43:59,886 Or option two, you just come in and wait for the police here. 739 00:43:59,887 --> 00:44:02,139 - No, I'll wait. - Yeah? 740 00:44:02,140 --> 00:44:04,724 - Come on in then. Do you want a cup of tea? - Yeah, that'd be great. 741 00:44:04,725 --> 00:44:07,561 He spent the last years of his life in jail. 742 00:44:07,562 --> 00:44:08,937 I never really knew him. 743 00:44:08,938 --> 00:44:11,938 But I've been blessed with some luck as well in my life. 744 00:44:13,234 --> 00:44:15,068 I had a wonderful mother who raised me. 745 00:44:15,069 --> 00:44:17,904 - Oh, that's sweet. - She's great. 746 00:44:17,905 --> 00:44:19,030 Where is she? 747 00:44:19,031 --> 00:44:21,700 At an old people's home. 748 00:44:21,701 --> 00:44:24,701 But I'm gonna get her out of there tomorrow. 749 00:44:26,038 --> 00:44:27,205 I'm gonna get her a mansion, 750 00:44:27,206 --> 00:44:29,207 so she can spend the rest of her life in luxury. 751 00:44:29,208 --> 00:44:32,085 That's nice. 752 00:44:32,086 --> 00:44:34,296 - Compliments from the chef. - Thank you. 753 00:44:34,297 --> 00:44:36,798 I don't know what's wrong with him today, but these just look awful. 754 00:44:36,799 --> 00:44:37,966 They look fine to me. 755 00:44:37,967 --> 00:44:40,967 Well, you're stupid. 756 00:44:45,933 --> 00:44:47,225 I was thinking. 757 00:44:47,226 --> 00:44:50,226 Now I'm obviously rich and successful and... 758 00:44:51,439 --> 00:44:54,439 Maybe I'm in your league and that we could be together, romantically. 759 00:44:59,572 --> 00:45:02,572 What would be the point? 760 00:45:03,284 --> 00:45:06,284 We might enjoy it. 761 00:45:07,955 --> 00:45:10,955 Well, I do like you and I do enjoy your company. 762 00:45:11,918 --> 00:45:13,835 And if we were to get together and procreate, 763 00:45:13,836 --> 00:45:16,836 I would like the offspring that are carrying half my genetic code 764 00:45:17,006 --> 00:45:20,006 to be well taken care of, financially stable. 765 00:45:20,635 --> 00:45:23,635 I also think you'd make a good father and a good husband, which I like. 766 00:45:24,472 --> 00:45:27,015 Fantastic. 767 00:45:27,016 --> 00:45:29,184 Unfortunately, none of that changes the fact 768 00:45:29,185 --> 00:45:32,185 that you'd still be contributing half the genetic code to our children. 769 00:45:36,275 --> 00:45:39,275 I don't want little fat kids with snub noses. 770 00:45:41,614 --> 00:45:44,614 Sure. 771 00:45:46,202 --> 00:45:48,161 Sorry. 772 00:45:48,162 --> 00:45:51,162 Hello? S peaking. 773 00:45:52,667 --> 00:45:55,667 She what? 774 00:45:55,670 --> 00:45:57,045 Mum? 775 00:45:57,046 --> 00:46:00,046 They just called me. What's going on? 776 00:46:00,174 --> 00:46:03,174 They said I'm probably gonna die tonight. 777 00:46:03,844 --> 00:46:05,136 What? 778 00:46:05,137 --> 00:46:07,347 Hello, there. I was just coming in to check on her. 779 00:46:07,348 --> 00:46:08,723 You must be Martha's son. 780 00:46:08,724 --> 00:46:10,016 What do you mean, she's gonna die tonight? 781 00:46:10,017 --> 00:46:13,017 It does not look very good. She suffered a major heart attack. 782 00:46:13,020 --> 00:46:16,020 Her heart is very weak. Her pulse is not very strong. 783 00:46:16,857 --> 00:46:19,857 Her blood pressure is dropping rapidly, 784 00:46:19,860 --> 00:46:22,860 and she will probably suffer a fatal heart attack sometime tonight. 785 00:46:24,865 --> 00:46:27,865 Yes. Still going to die. 786 00:46:30,913 --> 00:46:32,706 Side note, 787 00:46:32,707 --> 00:46:35,707 it's fajita night downstairs in the cafeteria, 788 00:46:36,210 --> 00:46:39,210 so you might wanna grab yourself a little bite down there after Mom dies. 789 00:46:40,381 --> 00:46:43,381 Okay? 790 00:46:47,096 --> 00:46:50,096 I'm so scared, Mark. 791 00:46:50,099 --> 00:46:53,099 People don't talk about it, but death is a horrible thing. 792 00:46:56,230 --> 00:46:59,230 One minute, you're alive, 793 00:47:00,026 --> 00:47:03,026 and then just like that, it's all gone. 794 00:47:05,448 --> 00:47:08,448 This is it, Mark. 795 00:47:08,909 --> 00:47:11,909 Few more hours like this and then 796 00:47:15,374 --> 00:47:18,374 an eternity of nothingness. 797 00:47:23,758 --> 00:47:26,758 Nurse! 798 00:47:29,347 --> 00:47:32,015 Her vitals are dropping. 799 00:47:32,016 --> 00:47:35,016 I'm so... I'm so frightened. 800 00:47:37,188 --> 00:47:40,188 Oh, Mum. 801 00:47:46,447 --> 00:47:49,447 Mum, listen to me. 802 00:47:49,784 --> 00:47:51,785 Listen carefully. 803 00:47:51,786 --> 00:47:54,786 You're wrong about what happens after you die. 804 00:47:57,124 --> 00:47:59,125 It's not an eternity of nothingness. 805 00:47:59,126 --> 00:48:01,961 Huh? 806 00:48:01,962 --> 00:48:04,962 You go to your favourite place in the whole world. 807 00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:08,800 Yeah. And everyone you've ever loved and who's ever loved you will be there. 808 00:48:11,097 --> 00:48:12,806 And you'll be young again. 809 00:48:12,807 --> 00:48:15,807 You'll run and jump like you used to and dance. 810 00:48:16,227 --> 00:48:19,227 You used to dance. 811 00:48:21,816 --> 00:48:24,816 There's no pain. 812 00:48:28,322 --> 00:48:31,322 Just love. 813 00:48:33,285 --> 00:48:35,995 Happiness. 814 00:48:35,996 --> 00:48:38,996 And everyone gets a mansion. 815 00:48:39,333 --> 00:48:42,333 And it lasts for an eternity. An eternity, Mum. 816 00:48:48,008 --> 00:48:51,008 Say hello to Dad for me. 817 00:48:51,512 --> 00:48:54,512 Tell him I love him. 818 00:49:00,980 --> 00:49:03,857 - Go on. - What else happens? 819 00:49:03,858 --> 00:49:05,692 Mum. 820 00:49:05,693 --> 00:49:08,445 I'm gonna see my mother again when I die. 821 00:49:08,446 --> 00:49:10,864 Will you tell us more, please? 822 00:50:43,624 --> 00:50:48,376 Hi. 823 00:51:44,768 --> 00:51:47,768 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. 824 00:51:50,149 --> 00:51:51,524 There he is! That's him! 825 00:51:54,486 --> 00:51:56,446 Is there only one place you go when you die? 826 00:51:56,447 --> 00:51:58,406 Will everyone who has ever died be there? 827 00:51:58,407 --> 00:51:59,574 What's this place called? 828 00:51:59,575 --> 00:52:01,242 Will I get to have sex with people there? 829 00:52:01,243 --> 00:52:02,535 Are there shopping malls? 830 00:52:02,536 --> 00:52:04,621 What about smoking? Can we smoke up there? 831 00:52:06,832 --> 00:52:07,999 Hi. 832 00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:11,000 They're saying you know something different about what happens after you die. 833 00:52:13,213 --> 00:52:16,213 Twenty four hours ago, Mark Bellison was just your typical nobody writer. 834 00:52:17,635 --> 00:52:20,470 Today, people are saying he has new information 835 00:52:20,471 --> 00:52:23,348 about what happens after you die. 836 00:52:23,349 --> 00:52:25,016 Oh, this is bad. 837 00:52:25,017 --> 00:52:28,017 I just need to get... I know, I'm sorry. Pardon me. Pardon me, please. 838 00:52:28,479 --> 00:52:31,397 Oopsie! Excuse me. Um, oh, excuse me. 839 00:52:32,900 --> 00:52:34,275 Quick. 840 00:52:34,276 --> 00:52:36,235 Come in. 841 00:52:36,236 --> 00:52:39,236 Yeah. 842 00:52:40,949 --> 00:52:42,867 Just tell me what you told your mom. 843 00:52:42,868 --> 00:52:44,827 I don't think I should. Anything can happen. 844 00:52:44,828 --> 00:52:47,828 I've got to keep my mouth shut from now on. Why did I... 845 00:52:47,873 --> 00:52:50,873 Whatever you said obviously affected a lot of people. 846 00:52:50,918 --> 00:52:52,669 I mean, I don't think you have the choice to keep it in. 847 00:52:52,670 --> 00:52:54,462 Yes, I do. I could walk out that door now. 848 00:52:54,463 --> 00:52:57,131 I could get on the first plane to Namibia. No one knows me there. 849 00:52:57,132 --> 00:53:00,132 Just tell me what you said, Mark. Please, just tell me. 850 00:53:00,844 --> 00:53:03,844 My mum was dying, she was scared, she was shaking all over, 851 00:53:04,890 --> 00:53:07,890 and she said she didn't want to just enter a world of nothingness. 852 00:53:08,352 --> 00:53:11,352 So I said, "You're wrong about what happens after you die. " 853 00:53:12,690 --> 00:53:15,690 And I told her, I said, 854 00:53:15,776 --> 00:53:17,694 "It's not a world of nothingness. 855 00:53:17,695 --> 00:53:20,695 "You go to the best place ever, where all your friends are 856 00:53:22,825 --> 00:53:25,825 "and you have an eternity of joy. " 857 00:53:25,994 --> 00:53:28,994 I made her happy. 858 00:53:32,918 --> 00:53:34,794 How do you know these things? 859 00:53:34,795 --> 00:53:37,255 Well, I... 860 00:53:37,256 --> 00:53:40,256 Oh, that makes me happy. 861 00:53:40,551 --> 00:53:43,551 You have to tell them everything you know. You have to. It's too big. 862 00:53:43,804 --> 00:53:46,264 Listen to me, you don't understand. The things I told my mum... 863 00:53:46,265 --> 00:53:48,766 Didn't you say that it made her happy to hear them? 864 00:53:48,767 --> 00:53:50,685 - Yes. - And how did that make you feel? 865 00:53:50,686 --> 00:53:52,478 - Good. - So imagine how it would feel 866 00:53:52,479 --> 00:53:55,479 to do the same for all of these people. 867 00:54:01,363 --> 00:54:04,363 Uh, okay. 868 00:54:04,783 --> 00:54:07,783 I need some time. 869 00:54:09,079 --> 00:54:12,079 You sure I should do this? 870 00:54:12,124 --> 00:54:13,958 Of course you should. 871 00:54:13,959 --> 00:54:16,959 Mark, what you know is gonna change man kind forever. 872 00:54:19,131 --> 00:54:22,131 It's the most important thing the world has ever heard. 873 00:54:25,596 --> 00:54:28,596 I'll let you work. 874 00:54:41,153 --> 00:54:44,153 Come in. 875 00:54:44,948 --> 00:54:47,366 I brought pizza. 876 00:54:47,367 --> 00:54:49,285 How come you never told me we all get mansions? 877 00:54:49,286 --> 00:54:50,870 - Uh, I didn't... - Just let him keep working. 878 00:54:50,871 --> 00:54:52,705 It's one thing that you invented the bicycle, but... 879 00:54:52,706 --> 00:54:55,041 Just keep working, don't worry about... 880 00:54:55,042 --> 00:54:58,042 I've known him for a long time, and he never told me that. 881 00:54:59,630 --> 00:55:02,630 - I got plain, and I got... - That's good. 882 00:55:03,217 --> 00:55:06,217 I got another plain. 883 00:55:09,556 --> 00:55:11,682 In London, England, they wait. 884 00:55:11,683 --> 00:55:14,683 In Rome, Italy, they wait. In New York City, they wait. 885 00:55:16,688 --> 00:55:18,898 The world has come to a standstill, 886 00:55:18,899 --> 00:55:21,234 with everyone at their televisions and radios, 887 00:55:21,235 --> 00:55:23,027 or here on this lawn, 888 00:55:23,028 --> 00:55:26,028 waiting for Mark Bellison to come forth and tell the people what he knows. 889 00:55:43,757 --> 00:55:46,551 Oh! 890 00:55:46,552 --> 00:55:49,552 Hi. 891 00:55:50,389 --> 00:55:53,389 I've finished. 892 00:55:54,268 --> 00:55:56,936 Are you ready? 893 00:55:56,937 --> 00:55:58,521 - I guess so. - Oh. 894 00:55:58,522 --> 00:56:01,522 I wish I had something better to put these on, though, like tablets. 895 00:56:02,192 --> 00:56:05,192 Or just even better paper. 896 00:56:10,075 --> 00:56:12,910 - That feels better. - Good. 897 00:56:12,911 --> 00:56:14,954 Just... 898 00:56:14,955 --> 00:56:16,789 Just tell them what you know. 899 00:56:16,790 --> 00:56:19,790 Good luck out there, man. - Cheers. 900 00:56:30,804 --> 00:56:31,929 Twenty four hours ago, 901 00:56:31,930 --> 00:56:34,807 Mark Bellison was just your typical nobody writer. 902 00:56:34,808 --> 00:56:37,808 Today, people are saying he has new information 903 00:56:37,811 --> 00:56:40,811 about what happens after you die. 904 00:56:56,121 --> 00:56:59,121 Sorry. 905 00:57:00,959 --> 00:57:03,169 I guess 906 00:57:03,170 --> 00:57:06,170 you heard about the stuff that I told my mum the other night. 907 00:57:07,966 --> 00:57:10,009 That's why you're here. 908 00:57:10,010 --> 00:57:12,303 I know some things, some very important things 909 00:57:12,304 --> 00:57:15,304 about what happens to you after you die. 910 00:57:16,725 --> 00:57:19,143 Everything you need to know 911 00:57:19,144 --> 00:57:22,144 is written on these pizza boxes. 912 00:57:31,114 --> 00:57:33,032 "Number one, 913 00:57:33,033 --> 00:57:36,033 "there is a man in the sky who controls everything. 914 00:57:38,538 --> 00:57:41,207 - "Number two... " - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 915 00:57:41,208 --> 00:57:42,875 What does he look like? 916 00:57:42,876 --> 00:57:45,876 Uh, tall, big hands for making stuff. Good head of hair. 917 00:57:47,214 --> 00:57:48,547 What ethnicity is he? 918 00:57:48,548 --> 00:57:51,548 Uh, he's a new type of ethnicity. 919 00:57:52,094 --> 00:57:55,094 He's a mixture of all our ethnicities. 920 00:57:55,305 --> 00:57:56,806 - Does he live in the clouds? - No. 921 00:57:56,807 --> 00:57:58,224 - Can we see him? No. 922 00:57:58,225 --> 00:58:00,935 He lives higher than the clouds, too high to see him. 923 00:58:00,936 --> 00:58:03,396 - So he lives in space. - Not that high. 924 00:58:03,397 --> 00:58:04,605 So then the thermosphere? 925 00:58:04,606 --> 00:58:07,606 Sorry, people. I've got a lot to get through here. Can we just... 926 00:58:08,819 --> 00:58:11,819 Man lives in the sky, you can't see him. He controls everything. Cool? 927 00:58:13,490 --> 00:58:15,741 Good. "Number two, 928 00:58:15,742 --> 00:58:18,742 "when you die, you don't disappear into an eternity of nothingness. 929 00:58:19,746 --> 00:58:22,665 "Instead, you go to a really great place. " 930 00:58:23,834 --> 00:58:25,126 "Number three, 931 00:58:25,127 --> 00:58:28,127 "in that place, everyone will get a mansion. " 932 00:58:34,302 --> 00:58:37,302 - What kind of mansion? - The best mansion you could think of. 933 00:58:38,140 --> 00:58:40,349 Ah, I was thinking of a horrible mansion! 934 00:58:40,350 --> 00:58:41,767 Well, no. 935 00:58:41,768 --> 00:58:44,311 It's the best mansion you could ever think of. 936 00:58:44,312 --> 00:58:47,312 Not the one you're thinking of right now, but ever. 937 00:58:47,482 --> 00:58:50,482 Whatever the best mansion is you'd like, that's the one you're gonna get. 938 00:58:51,987 --> 00:58:53,779 "Number four, 939 00:58:53,780 --> 00:58:56,780 "when you die, all the people you love will be there. " 940 00:58:56,783 --> 00:58:58,034 Will they have their own mansions? 941 00:58:58,035 --> 00:59:00,494 Yeah. Of course. Everyone gets a mansion. 942 00:59:00,495 --> 00:59:01,746 What if I want them to live in my mansion? 943 00:59:01,747 --> 00:59:04,747 Well, that's fine. They'll leave their mansion. They'll come and live with you, won't they? 944 00:59:05,459 --> 00:59:08,459 - What happens to their mansion? - I don't know. It goes back on the market. 945 00:59:08,712 --> 00:59:10,880 Can we... "Number five, 946 00:59:12,257 --> 00:59:15,257 "when you die, there will be free ice cream for everyone. 947 00:59:16,428 --> 00:59:19,428 "All day and all night, whatever flavours you can think of. " 948 00:59:21,183 --> 00:59:23,809 - Even bad flavours? - Why would you think of bad flavours? 949 00:59:23,810 --> 00:59:25,895 You just said every flavour I could think of. 950 00:59:25,896 --> 00:59:28,773 Oh, no. I just thought of vanilla and skunks. 951 00:59:28,774 --> 00:59:30,066 Well, don't eat that, then. 952 00:59:30,067 --> 00:59:32,276 I just thought that chocolate sauce was diarrhoea. 953 00:59:32,277 --> 00:59:35,277 Don't put that on the ice cream, then! What is the matter with you people? 954 00:59:35,947 --> 00:59:38,741 Can we... Please. "Number six, 955 00:59:38,742 --> 00:59:41,742 "if you do bad things, you won't get to go to this great place when you die. " 956 00:59:42,287 --> 00:59:44,622 Where will you go? 957 00:59:44,623 --> 00:59:47,249 A terrible place, the worst place imaginable. 958 00:59:47,250 --> 00:59:49,168 What constitutes a bad thing? 959 00:59:49,169 --> 00:59:52,169 Awful crimes, rape, murder, things like that. 960 00:59:52,214 --> 00:59:54,131 - Is punching someone bad? - Yes. 961 00:59:54,132 --> 00:59:56,926 - What if they're trying to hurt you? - Well, then it's fine. 962 00:59:56,927 --> 00:59:58,469 - Is cursing bad? - No. 963 00:59:58,470 --> 01:00:00,888 - What about being late for work? No, that's... 964 01:00:00,889 --> 01:00:03,889 I mean, you might lose your job if the boss doesn't like it, 965 01:00:04,643 --> 01:00:06,769 but it won't affect what happens to you after you die. 966 01:00:06,770 --> 01:00:09,770 What about if you forget to feed your dog? 967 01:00:10,023 --> 01:00:12,274 Well, then, if you forget, I mean, it's bad for the dog. 968 01:00:12,275 --> 01:00:15,275 If the dog dies, it's bad, but it's not... I mean, don't do it on purpose. 969 01:00:16,446 --> 01:00:19,446 Don't buy a dog just to starve it for a laugh, but... Can we... 970 01:00:20,659 --> 01:00:23,659 If I do just one bad thing, do I go to the bad place? 971 01:00:23,954 --> 01:00:26,705 No! 972 01:00:26,706 --> 01:00:29,416 You get three chances. 973 01:00:29,417 --> 01:00:31,627 Three bad things and you're out. 974 01:00:31,628 --> 01:00:32,795 Like baseball! 975 01:00:34,131 --> 01:00:37,049 Sort of. So, anything else? 976 01:00:37,050 --> 01:00:38,175 Yeah! 977 01:00:38,176 --> 01:00:41,176 - Oh, please, can we just move on? No! 978 01:00:41,513 --> 01:00:43,180 We have to know everything that's bad. 979 01:00:43,181 --> 01:00:44,765 Yeah. 980 01:00:47,144 --> 01:00:48,310 Fine. 981 01:00:48,311 --> 01:00:49,812 Is it bad to wear pants? 982 01:00:49,813 --> 01:00:52,813 Oh. What the... 983 01:00:53,608 --> 01:00:56,608 No. There is no hairstyle that can put you in the bad place. 984 01:00:59,030 --> 01:01:00,489 We've been through this. 985 01:01:00,490 --> 01:01:03,490 The main ones are things like hurting people physically, on purpose, okay? 986 01:01:05,745 --> 01:01:08,745 Taking their stuff, doing things to people they don't want done, 987 01:01:10,083 --> 01:01:13,083 murdering people on purpose. 988 01:01:13,170 --> 01:01:15,588 Okay. "Number nine, 989 01:01:15,589 --> 01:01:18,007 "the man in the sky who controls everything 990 01:01:18,008 --> 01:01:21,008 "decides if you go to the good place or the bad place. 991 01:01:21,136 --> 01:01:23,721 "He also decides who lives and who dies. " 992 01:01:23,722 --> 01:01:26,473 - Does he cause natural disasters? - Yes. 993 01:01:26,474 --> 01:01:29,435 - Did he cause my mom to get cancer? - Yes. 994 01:01:29,436 --> 01:01:32,021 Did he cause that tree to land on my car last week? 995 01:01:32,022 --> 01:01:35,022 - Yeah. - Did he kill my dad with that heart attack? 996 01:01:38,153 --> 01:01:39,320 Yeah. 997 01:01:44,618 --> 01:01:46,410 I say fuck the man that lives in the sky! 998 01:01:50,040 --> 01:01:51,290 Yeah, that guy's evil! 999 01:01:51,291 --> 01:01:54,291 That guy's a coward, hiding up there doing bad things to us. 1000 01:01:54,628 --> 01:01:55,878 Why doesn't he do it to our faces? 1001 01:01:55,879 --> 01:01:58,589 We have to stop that evil bastard before he kills us all! 1002 01:02:02,802 --> 01:02:05,802 Wait, wait, listen. 1003 01:02:05,972 --> 01:02:08,972 The man who lives in the sky and controls everything 1004 01:02:10,310 --> 01:02:13,310 is also responsible for all the good stuff that happens. 1005 01:02:14,648 --> 01:02:17,648 He's the guy that saved my life on that fishing trip when the boat capsized? 1006 01:02:18,318 --> 01:02:20,986 - Yes. - Did he capsize the boat? 1007 01:02:20,987 --> 01:02:22,154 Yeah. 1008 01:02:22,155 --> 01:02:24,990 He killed my grand mother and left me those millions of dollars? 1009 01:02:24,991 --> 01:02:26,575 You bet yeah. 1010 01:02:26,576 --> 01:02:29,576 So, he's the one who cured my mom's cancer? 1011 01:02:30,121 --> 01:02:31,497 Yeah. 1012 01:02:31,498 --> 01:02:34,498 So, he's kind of a good guy, but he's also kind of a prick, too. 1013 01:02:35,752 --> 01:02:38,752 Yeah. Right, but check this out, okay? 1014 01:02:38,838 --> 01:02:41,838 "Number ten, even if the man in the sky does bad stuff to you, 1015 01:02:42,968 --> 01:02:45,968 "he makes up for it by giving you an eternity of good stuff after you die. " 1016 01:02:49,474 --> 01:02:52,474 As long as you don't do any of that bad stuff that you mentioned, right? 1017 01:02:52,978 --> 01:02:55,978 - Yeah, of course. - So it's kind of a test. 1018 01:02:56,022 --> 01:02:57,189 Yeah. 1019 01:02:57,190 --> 01:02:59,608 Well, that's everything I know. 1020 01:03:07,534 --> 01:03:10,160 How do you know all these things? 1021 01:03:10,161 --> 01:03:12,413 Because the man in the sky told me. 1022 01:03:12,414 --> 01:03:14,915 Yeah, well, how come we're just finding out about these things now, 1023 01:03:14,916 --> 01:03:17,418 millions of years into our existence? 1024 01:03:17,419 --> 01:03:20,419 I don't know. He forgot. Got... Seen all the stuff he does? 1025 01:03:21,047 --> 01:03:22,548 Thank you. 1026 01:03:29,472 --> 01:03:32,472 Think that went well. 1027 01:05:00,814 --> 01:05:03,814 Cheers, cheers. 1028 01:05:33,346 --> 01:05:36,346 - Cheers. - Cheers. 1029 01:05:46,526 --> 01:05:49,526 Did I ever tell you about the time I saved a baby from a burning building 1030 01:05:51,865 --> 01:05:54,616 and there was a bear, and... 1031 01:05:54,617 --> 01:05:56,118 Wait, there was a burning building and a bear? 1032 01:05:56,119 --> 01:05:59,119 Yeah, well, I heard a baby crying and so I ran in there through the flames, 1033 01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:05,292 not caring about my own safety, got the baby, jumped out. 1034 01:06:06,129 --> 01:06:07,963 It was the second storey, jumped out. 1035 01:06:09,090 --> 01:06:11,383 I landed, baby safe. But then this bear... 1036 01:06:11,384 --> 01:06:13,177 - Wait, how did you survive? - Well, let me tell you. 1037 01:06:13,178 --> 01:06:15,012 No, how did you survive the jump? 1038 01:06:15,013 --> 01:06:16,930 I've seen you twist your ankle crossing the street. 1039 01:06:16,931 --> 01:06:19,931 Because on this occasion I landed in something soft. 1040 01:06:21,352 --> 01:06:22,478 - Oh. - So... 1041 01:06:22,479 --> 01:06:23,896 What did you land in? 1042 01:06:23,897 --> 01:06:25,314 - Jam. - Jam. 1043 01:06:25,315 --> 01:06:28,315 It was a barrel of jam. It was a jam factory on fire. 1044 01:06:29,402 --> 01:06:30,986 Probably what attracted the bear in the first place. 1045 01:06:30,987 --> 01:06:33,655 - Right. - You haven't heard of that? 1046 01:06:33,656 --> 01:06:36,656 The burning building, baby, bear, factory, jam incident? 1047 01:06:37,368 --> 01:06:38,577 Shoot, no. 1048 01:06:38,578 --> 01:06:41,578 Yeah, classic. So, I land. 1049 01:06:41,581 --> 01:06:44,581 This bear is coming toward, big, lumbering, eating machine 1050 01:06:45,418 --> 01:06:47,920 like that happy chap over there. 1051 01:06:47,921 --> 01:06:50,005 - What, sleeping, ugly fatty? - Well... 1052 01:06:50,006 --> 01:06:52,674 - He's not happy. - Well, how do you know? 1053 01:06:52,675 --> 01:06:55,675 What do you mean? Look at him. He's a loser. 1054 01:06:56,763 --> 01:06:59,348 You can't tell that from just looking at the guy. 1055 01:06:59,349 --> 01:07:02,349 He could be the world's greatest poet. 1056 01:07:02,685 --> 01:07:04,728 Well, he probably is a loser. Bad example. 1057 01:07:04,729 --> 01:07:07,729 But I'm saying, it doesn't have to be, just by... 1058 01:07:09,025 --> 01:07:11,777 Okay. What do you see when you see this fellow here? 1059 01:07:11,778 --> 01:07:13,195 Short, sweaty, bald guy. 1060 01:07:13,196 --> 01:07:15,405 - Right. - Hi! 1061 01:07:15,406 --> 01:07:17,241 He's carrying a briefcase. He's in a hurry. 1062 01:07:17,242 --> 01:07:19,952 He's probably off to a really important meeting. 1063 01:07:19,953 --> 01:07:22,246 He's probably a high-powered businessman. 1064 01:07:22,247 --> 01:07:24,122 You see more than I do. 1065 01:07:24,123 --> 01:07:27,123 Well, because, if you look... 1066 01:07:27,794 --> 01:07:29,920 What do you see when you see those guys? 1067 01:07:29,921 --> 01:07:31,630 Mmm... 1068 01:07:31,631 --> 01:07:34,631 Two nerdy losers in hats? 1069 01:07:35,301 --> 01:07:38,301 Yeah. Good. Good observational skills. 1070 01:07:39,097 --> 01:07:42,097 But what I mean is, look beyond just their appearance and look at them. 1071 01:07:45,562 --> 01:07:48,562 They're holding hands. They're in love. 1072 01:07:52,485 --> 01:07:54,987 Hey, do me. 1073 01:07:54,988 --> 01:07:57,988 I mean, just what do you see? What do you see in me? 1074 01:07:58,324 --> 01:08:01,076 You're pretty. 1075 01:08:01,077 --> 01:08:02,327 You've got a wonderful smile. 1076 01:08:02,328 --> 01:08:05,328 - Well, that's what everyone sees. - I wasn't finished. 1077 01:08:06,749 --> 01:08:09,749 You're the sweetest, most caring person I know. 1078 01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:13,003 And you've got a freckle there I've never told you about how much I love. 1079 01:08:13,298 --> 01:08:15,173 You usually smile, 1080 01:08:15,174 --> 01:08:18,174 but sometimes you spend your day in bed, eating and crying. 1081 01:08:18,970 --> 01:08:21,970 You'll hold someone's hand after their mum... 1082 01:08:25,143 --> 01:08:28,143 You're the most wonderful person I've ever met. 1083 01:08:32,984 --> 01:08:35,984 What do you see when you look at me? 1084 01:08:40,867 --> 01:08:43,867 You're chubby and you have a snub nose. 1085 01:08:45,496 --> 01:08:47,372 Yeah. That's about it. 1086 01:08:52,920 --> 01:08:55,920 You're smart. 1087 01:08:56,507 --> 01:08:58,842 You're kind. 1088 01:08:58,843 --> 01:09:01,843 You're the sweetest man I've ever met. 1089 01:09:02,388 --> 01:09:05,388 You are definitely the most interesting person I know. 1090 01:09:06,392 --> 01:09:09,227 And you are fun to be with. 1091 01:09:09,228 --> 01:09:11,688 And you see the world in a way that nobody else sees the world, 1092 01:09:11,689 --> 01:09:14,689 and I like the way you see the world. 1093 01:09:15,234 --> 01:09:17,903 And you're my best friend. 1094 01:09:17,904 --> 01:09:20,904 You make me happier than anyone I've ever known. 1095 01:09:29,791 --> 01:09:32,751 - Why can't we be together, then? - Because of the whole genetics thing. 1096 01:09:32,752 --> 01:09:35,752 Little fat kids with snub noses. 1097 01:09:38,591 --> 01:09:41,591 It's a shame that being rich and famous doesn't change your genetics. 1098 01:09:44,597 --> 01:09:47,597 Because I love you. 1099 01:09:49,811 --> 01:09:52,811 Does being rich and famous change your genetic material? 1100 01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:02,864 No. 1101 01:10:02,865 --> 01:10:05,865 It doesn't. O u r kids would be little fat things with snub noses. 1102 01:10:13,876 --> 01:10:16,628 Thanks for that, Jim. Next up, Mark Bellison. 1103 01:10:16,629 --> 01:10:17,796 Does he deserve all the money and fame 1104 01:10:17,797 --> 01:10:20,797 or is he just some fat loser who hears things from the man in the sky? 1105 01:10:20,967 --> 01:10:22,175 I say fat loser, Bob. 1106 01:10:22,176 --> 01:10:24,970 It's as simple as this, Jim. Just look at the guy. 1107 01:10:24,971 --> 01:10:27,971 He's fat, he's stupid-looking. What else do you need to know? 1108 01:10:28,182 --> 01:10:30,183 And what about the hundreds of people camping out on his lawn? 1109 01:10:30,184 --> 01:10:32,227 I mean, don't those people have jobs? 1110 01:10:32,228 --> 01:10:34,146 Maybe they're all fat losers like him. 1111 01:10:36,315 --> 01:10:38,984 Stay tuned, we got weather in five. 1112 01:10:40,153 --> 01:10:42,904 And then write, "The duck flew all the way to Alaska to meet up 1113 01:10:44,073 --> 01:10:47,073 "with his friend who was a polar bear who lived there. " 1114 01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:49,494 - "And the polar bear... " How many of these have you had? 1115 01:10:49,495 --> 01:10:52,495 Doesn't matter. Uh... "The end. " 1116 01:10:52,832 --> 01:10:55,500 - That's a strange ending. - It is, isn't it? 1117 01:10:55,501 --> 01:10:57,502 And you want me to take this over to Lecture Films? 1118 01:10:57,503 --> 01:10:58,879 - Yeah. Okay. 1119 01:10:58,880 --> 01:11:01,173 Tell them to film that one this week. 1120 01:11:01,174 --> 01:11:03,383 Okay. 1121 01:11:03,384 --> 01:11:05,177 Tell them it's for kids. 1122 01:11:05,178 --> 01:11:07,220 Kids will love that, won't they? 1123 01:11:07,221 --> 01:11:10,221 Bears and ducks in cars. 1124 01:11:11,100 --> 01:11:13,894 - What's that? - It's a birthday card for you. 1125 01:11:13,895 --> 01:11:16,396 - You want it? - Thank you. 1126 01:11:16,397 --> 01:11:19,274 Oh, I came to tell you that I can't watch a movie with you tonight. 1127 01:11:19,275 --> 01:11:21,485 - Why not? - 'Cause I have a date. 1128 01:11:21,486 --> 01:11:23,945 Who with? 1129 01:11:23,946 --> 01:11:26,946 - Brad Kessler. - Brad Kessler? 1130 01:11:27,200 --> 01:11:30,200 You know what I think of him. I think he is the world's biggest douche bag. 1131 01:11:31,120 --> 01:11:32,829 - To you. Not to me. - Yes. 1132 01:11:32,830 --> 01:11:34,206 He's very sweet and kind to me. 1133 01:11:34,207 --> 01:11:37,207 Well, of course he is. Look at you! A shark would be sweet and kind to you. 1134 01:11:37,668 --> 01:11:39,795 - It would? - No, it wouldn't. 1135 01:11:39,796 --> 01:11:42,547 Do not get in with a shark. It will just... I was just... 1136 01:11:42,548 --> 01:11:45,548 - But don't go out with him. - Why not? 1137 01:11:45,551 --> 01:11:48,551 - Well, he's an excel lent match for me. - Well, don't sleep with him. 1138 01:11:48,679 --> 01:11:50,972 - Why not? - What? You were going to? 1139 01:11:50,973 --> 01:11:52,349 If I don't sleep with him, 1140 01:11:52,350 --> 01:11:54,976 then he'll find another acceptable mate who would sleep with him. 1141 01:11:54,977 --> 01:11:56,436 - Then I'll miss out. - No, he won't. 1142 01:11:56,437 --> 01:11:58,688 - Yes. - No, no, no, no, no, no. 1143 01:11:58,689 --> 01:11:59,856 You haven't thought this through. 1144 01:11:59,857 --> 01:12:01,733 Because if I was going out on a date with you... 1145 01:12:01,734 --> 01:12:03,360 And if you were attractive, like Brad. 1146 01:12:03,361 --> 01:12:06,112 Yes. Well, why... 1147 01:12:06,113 --> 01:12:09,113 But I would... I would lose respect for you... 1148 01:12:09,826 --> 01:12:12,077 - Huh? - ... if you slept with me on the first date. 1149 01:12:12,078 --> 01:12:14,204 I would because I... 1150 01:12:14,205 --> 01:12:16,498 Just chat, just talk to him, sure. 1151 01:12:16,499 --> 01:12:18,458 But, listen, do not, whatever... 1152 01:12:18,459 --> 01:12:21,459 Let him know what a wonderful person you are just by... 1153 01:12:21,921 --> 01:12:24,921 Verbally, not with... Because he will then go, 1154 01:12:25,591 --> 01:12:28,591 "Oh, I... I want to date her... I want a second date. " 1155 01:12:28,928 --> 01:12:30,595 Do not... 1156 01:12:30,596 --> 01:12:33,596 Do not have sex with anyone unless you are married to them 1157 01:12:35,852 --> 01:12:38,687 is the rule. 1158 01:12:38,688 --> 01:12:41,439 Settled. 1159 01:12:41,440 --> 01:12:44,440 - Okay. - Good. 1160 01:12:49,365 --> 01:12:50,615 What's this? 1161 01:12:50,616 --> 01:12:53,616 Birthday coupon for sex. 1162 01:12:55,705 --> 01:12:58,705 It's a coupon for birthday sex. So it's sex with you 'cause it's my birthday? 1163 01:13:00,877 --> 01:13:02,711 What do you get the man who has everything? 1164 01:13:04,714 --> 01:13:06,631 - Sorry. - Forget about it now. Sorry, I didn't know. 1165 01:13:06,632 --> 01:13:09,632 - No, no, no, stop. - We're not married. 1166 01:13:11,971 --> 01:13:14,097 Which is what you just said. 1167 01:13:14,098 --> 01:13:17,098 Do not sleep with anyone unless you're married to them. 1168 01:13:17,935 --> 01:13:20,935 That's what I said. But hold on, though. What about the coupon? 1169 01:13:21,731 --> 01:13:24,608 - The rule is... - Yes, I know what the rule is. 1170 01:13:24,609 --> 01:13:26,318 So we can't... 1171 01:13:26,319 --> 01:13:28,820 The coupon, it's just such a... 1172 01:13:28,821 --> 01:13:30,363 - Rule. - Such a shame to waste it. 1173 01:13:30,364 --> 01:13:31,740 - But, I mean, you know... - It's too bad. 1174 01:13:31,741 --> 01:13:34,284 It is, it is. 1175 01:13:34,285 --> 01:13:37,120 Now I can't redeem sex with this. 1176 01:13:37,121 --> 01:13:40,121 So you'd like what? What am I gonna get you now? 1177 01:13:40,291 --> 01:13:43,291 Can't have sex with you. 1178 01:13:43,294 --> 01:13:45,879 You probably just prefer socks, right? 1179 01:13:45,880 --> 01:13:48,757 Yeah. Shitty little woollen ones, instead of sex. 1180 01:13:48,758 --> 01:13:49,883 Hello? 1181 01:13:49,884 --> 01:13:52,594 Oh, he's coming. 1182 01:13:52,595 --> 01:13:54,512 Well, why have you invited him here? 1183 01:13:54,513 --> 01:13:56,473 I didn't. It was his idea. 1184 01:13:56,474 --> 01:13:58,642 I bet it was. It's my house. 1185 01:13:58,643 --> 01:14:00,644 - Anna. - You are so handsome. 1186 01:14:00,645 --> 01:14:02,771 I know. 1187 01:14:02,772 --> 01:14:05,772 - Mark. You look like trash. - Oh, your opinion. 1188 01:14:05,983 --> 01:14:07,359 Let's go have some fun. 1189 01:14:07,360 --> 01:14:09,861 - Not too much. - Hey! What are you doing with that? 1190 01:14:09,862 --> 01:14:11,738 That is a coupon for birthday sex. 1191 01:14:11,739 --> 01:14:13,406 - With you? - Yes. 1192 01:14:13,407 --> 01:14:15,617 But he doesn't want it because we're not married. 1193 01:14:15,618 --> 01:14:17,911 - He'd rather have a pair of socks, right? Can I have it? 1194 01:14:17,912 --> 01:14:20,912 Oh, sure. Of course, we'll have to get married to use it. 1195 01:14:21,582 --> 01:14:24,501 Well, maybe we just will. 1196 01:14:24,502 --> 01:14:27,502 Well, don't... I'm not happy for that. What... 1197 01:14:29,882 --> 01:14:32,882 I'll call you later. 1198 01:14:40,726 --> 01:14:42,560 - I thought we'd celebrate tonight. - Hmm. 1199 01:14:42,561 --> 01:14:45,063 Today I was handed a very impressive promotion. 1200 01:14:45,064 --> 01:14:48,064 Not only am I the head writer of the coveted first century, 1201 01:14:48,651 --> 01:14:51,486 but today I was handed the reins to the 18th, 19th, and 20th centuries. 1202 01:14:51,487 --> 01:14:53,989 - Oh, that is exciting. - It's very, very exciting. 1203 01:14:53,990 --> 01:14:55,573 No other writer's ever had that many centuries, 1204 01:14:55,574 --> 01:14:58,368 let alone four of the most popular ones. 1205 01:14:58,369 --> 01:15:01,369 Mark's never had more than one century. 1206 01:15:01,414 --> 01:15:02,914 Mark also has the man in the sky 1207 01:15:02,915 --> 01:15:04,416 telling him stories no one's ever heard before. 1208 01:15:04,417 --> 01:15:06,876 Yes, but does he look like this? 1209 01:15:06,877 --> 01:15:09,877 Does he have my genetics? My confidence? My charisma? 1210 01:15:13,342 --> 01:15:16,177 - No. No. 1211 01:15:16,178 --> 01:15:17,721 I'm gonna send that bottle back. 1212 01:15:17,722 --> 01:15:20,722 Not because it's turned, but because I want to appear discerning and powerful. 1213 01:15:21,934 --> 01:15:23,101 Yes, sir. 1214 01:15:23,102 --> 01:15:24,728 Also, I think we're ready to order. 1215 01:15:24,729 --> 01:15:27,689 She will have the small Caesar salad because I don't want her to get fat. 1216 01:15:27,690 --> 01:15:30,690 And I will have the fillet, rare, because it's expensive, 1217 01:15:31,068 --> 01:15:33,945 it tastes good, and I'm important. 1218 01:15:33,946 --> 01:15:35,113 Excel lent. 1219 01:15:35,114 --> 01:15:38,114 I understand why you want me to have the small Caesar salad, but I am very hungry. 1220 01:15:38,868 --> 01:15:41,868 - Maybe we could add some chicken. No, no, no, no, no. 1221 01:15:42,038 --> 01:15:44,956 We both know that one day you're going to lose your looks. 1222 01:15:44,957 --> 01:15:47,957 You know, get old, wrinkly, ugly. 1223 01:15:48,627 --> 01:15:51,627 Why throw a weight problem on top of it with delicious, fatty chicken? 1224 01:15:52,631 --> 01:15:55,631 Of course not. 1225 01:15:57,803 --> 01:16:00,803 Oh, I'm sorry. That must be my mom calling to check on our date. 1226 01:16:00,931 --> 01:16:03,349 She's very control ling and impatient. 1227 01:16:03,350 --> 01:16:04,809 Let me talk to her. 1228 01:16:04,810 --> 01:16:07,771 Okay. 1229 01:16:09,523 --> 01:16:12,442 Anna's mom, you're on with Brad Kessler. 1230 01:16:12,443 --> 01:16:15,443 - Yes, your daughter looks beautiful. - Ah! 1231 01:16:15,488 --> 01:16:18,488 No, she hasn't blown it by boring me. 1232 01:16:22,620 --> 01:16:25,163 Okay, you're annoying me now. 1233 01:16:25,164 --> 01:16:27,332 Your voice is shrill. Good bye. 1234 01:16:27,333 --> 01:16:30,333 Sorry. 1235 01:16:32,463 --> 01:16:35,463 Thank you. 1236 01:16:43,724 --> 01:16:45,308 Mmm! 1237 01:16:45,309 --> 01:16:48,144 You know, you are a near perfect match for me, 1238 01:16:48,145 --> 01:16:51,145 physically, genetically, socially, economically. 1239 01:16:52,316 --> 01:16:53,399 I agree. 1240 01:16:53,400 --> 01:16:55,026 And a large part of me just wants to bag you 1241 01:16:55,027 --> 01:16:57,070 because Mark's in love with you and I enjoy watching him fail. 1242 01:16:57,071 --> 01:16:59,697 Why do you hate Mark so much? He's a really good friend of mine. 1243 01:16:59,698 --> 01:17:01,032 Because he's a loser. 1244 01:17:01,033 --> 01:17:04,033 I'm the one who should be living in a mansion and talking to the man in the sky. 1245 01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:09,539 But I can have the one thing that he can't. 1246 01:17:09,708 --> 01:17:11,334 - You. - Ah! 1247 01:17:11,335 --> 01:17:13,211 Because you are sensible. 1248 01:17:13,212 --> 01:17:15,380 You want to marry a strong genetic match 1249 01:17:15,381 --> 01:17:18,381 and maybe one day have children that aren't... 1250 01:17:19,051 --> 01:17:22,051 Little fat kids with snub noses. 1251 01:17:22,513 --> 01:17:24,347 Exactly. 1252 01:17:24,348 --> 01:17:27,348 Exactly. Yeah. 1253 01:17:41,907 --> 01:17:44,907 The man in the sky, in his infinite wisdom, 1254 01:17:45,035 --> 01:17:48,035 has told us that we can do two bad things and still get into our mansion. 1255 01:17:49,748 --> 01:17:50,915 So I say to you... 1256 01:17:50,916 --> 01:17:53,916 No. I won't move into your mansion with you when we die. You're really smothering me. 1257 01:17:54,587 --> 01:17:57,587 The more you push me away, the more attracted I am to you. 1258 01:17:58,257 --> 01:18:00,592 Out of the way, fatty! 1259 01:18:00,593 --> 01:18:02,218 Hey, you're Mark Bellison. 1260 01:18:02,219 --> 01:18:04,220 Yeah. You gonna apologise? 1261 01:18:04,221 --> 01:18:07,221 For what? 1262 01:18:23,115 --> 01:18:25,325 - Who wants another drink? - Yeah, please. 1263 01:18:25,326 --> 01:18:28,326 I'll take one. 1264 01:18:28,621 --> 01:18:31,247 Thanks. 1265 01:18:31,248 --> 01:18:32,749 What's going on? 1266 01:18:32,750 --> 01:18:34,751 What, I can't be depressed 1267 01:18:34,752 --> 01:18:37,752 'cause I've got a big house and loads of money? 1268 01:18:37,922 --> 01:18:40,006 What about you guys? Are you happier, at least? 1269 01:18:40,007 --> 01:18:41,841 Since the man in the sky? 1270 01:18:41,842 --> 01:18:44,302 - Yeah, definitely. - Very happy. 1271 01:18:44,303 --> 01:18:46,846 Are you still lonely? Have you found someone yet? 1272 01:18:46,847 --> 01:18:49,599 - Uh, no, I kind of gave up on that. - Why? 1273 01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:52,600 Well, because I was thinking that if I get eternal happiness when I die, 1274 01:18:55,022 --> 01:18:58,022 that'll be really great because it's eternal, 1275 01:18:58,651 --> 01:19:00,693 you know, so you can't really beat that. 1276 01:19:00,694 --> 01:19:03,112 So I'm just really happy that that's gonna happen. 1277 01:19:03,113 --> 01:19:06,113 So until then I think I'm just gonna stick with the alcohol 1278 01:19:06,158 --> 01:19:09,158 and my little apartment and just kind of hang out by myself and drink and watch TV. 1279 01:19:11,330 --> 01:19:14,330 That doesn't sound like a happy life. That sounds like a long, miserable one. 1280 01:19:16,210 --> 01:19:19,210 Well, no, it won't be that long, because the more I drink, the faster I'll die. 1281 01:19:20,339 --> 01:19:22,340 And I'm just waiting for that mansion, you know? 1282 01:19:22,341 --> 01:19:25,341 That's what I'm talking about. 1283 01:19:25,552 --> 01:19:28,552 Brilliant. 1284 01:19:29,473 --> 01:19:31,933 You call him on the phone, on a telephone? 1285 01:19:31,934 --> 01:19:34,227 No, I just... He's speaking to me now. 1286 01:19:34,228 --> 01:19:35,937 - Is he saying something? - He is, yeah. 1287 01:19:35,938 --> 01:19:37,730 Well, would you please tell us what he's saying? 1288 01:19:37,731 --> 01:19:39,691 He's saying, "Why are you speaking to that idiot? " 1289 01:19:39,692 --> 01:19:41,734 And I'm saying back, "I'll give him a chance... " 1290 01:19:41,735 --> 01:19:44,237 There's got to be something better on TV than this. 1291 01:19:44,238 --> 01:19:46,781 Oh, wait, Mom, don't change it. That's my very good friend. 1292 01:19:46,782 --> 01:19:49,782 Oh, please. I know all your friends, and they're nothing like that. 1293 01:19:50,452 --> 01:19:51,577 What's that supposed to mean? 1294 01:19:51,578 --> 01:19:54,578 It means just because he's talking to the man in the sky 1295 01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:57,790 doesn't make him good enough to be your friend. 1296 01:19:59,753 --> 01:20:02,463 What if I wanted him to be more than just my friend? 1297 01:20:02,464 --> 01:20:04,590 Man in the sky forbid. 1298 01:20:04,591 --> 01:20:06,301 It would make no sense. 1299 01:20:06,302 --> 01:20:09,262 Mark Bellison is who the man in the sky chose to speak through, 1300 01:20:09,263 --> 01:20:11,306 but that doesn't change the fact that he's still a loser 1301 01:20:11,307 --> 01:20:12,724 and your kids would be, too. 1302 01:20:12,725 --> 01:20:15,393 - Well, he is more than just that. - There's nothing more than that. 1303 01:20:15,394 --> 01:20:18,394 Losers are losers. That's all they'll ever be. 1304 01:20:18,397 --> 01:20:21,024 He is... 1305 01:20:21,025 --> 01:20:24,025 He's smart, he's funny, and he's kind, and he is loving. 1306 01:20:26,447 --> 01:20:29,447 And he makes me feel special. He makes me happy. 1307 01:20:30,617 --> 01:20:33,617 You are going to be with the person who's right for you, 1308 01:20:33,996 --> 01:20:36,539 the person who'll give you the kids you've always wanted. 1309 01:20:36,540 --> 01:20:39,540 Someone like Brad Kessler. 1310 01:20:39,710 --> 01:20:42,710 Hello, Brad. One moment. 1311 01:20:43,505 --> 01:20:46,505 - S peak to him. Don't blow this. - Mom! 1312 01:20:51,096 --> 01:20:54,096 Hello. 1313 01:20:56,226 --> 01:20:59,226 Hi, Brad. 1314 01:21:07,571 --> 01:21:10,571 I miss you, Mum. 1315 01:21:11,283 --> 01:21:13,993 I know you can't hear me. 1316 01:21:13,994 --> 01:21:16,994 I know you're not up there in a mansion. 1317 01:21:18,457 --> 01:21:21,457 You're right here in the ground. 1318 01:21:22,586 --> 01:21:25,586 And I'm the only person in the world who knows that. 1319 01:21:27,549 --> 01:21:29,258 And I'm not happy. 1320 01:21:29,259 --> 01:21:32,259 I did all this, but... 1321 01:21:32,262 --> 01:21:35,262 I'm not happy because 1322 01:21:36,016 --> 01:21:39,016 no one listens to what they really want. 1323 01:21:41,939 --> 01:21:44,939 That's why I'll always be a loser. 1324 01:21:46,026 --> 01:21:49,026 That's why I'll always be alone. 1325 01:22:46,753 --> 01:22:49,672 Mark. 1326 01:22:49,673 --> 01:22:52,673 You look awful. 1327 01:22:54,094 --> 01:22:57,013 Can I come in? 1328 01:22:57,014 --> 01:23:00,014 - Haven't seen you much lately. - Yeah, I know. 1329 01:23:00,184 --> 01:23:03,184 I've been busy with work and things and... 1330 01:23:04,521 --> 01:23:07,521 Also, I tried calling you and you never answer your phone. 1331 01:23:11,445 --> 01:23:14,445 - Did you know I was getting married? - Yeah, I heard. 1332 01:23:15,741 --> 01:23:18,741 That's why I came over here, actually. I wanted to give you this invitation. 1333 01:23:27,461 --> 01:23:29,253 Don't do it. 1334 01:23:29,254 --> 01:23:31,005 The wedding is tomorrow. 1335 01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:34,006 Please, don't marry him. 1336 01:23:36,678 --> 01:23:39,678 - I hope you'll come. - Why? 1337 01:23:42,476 --> 01:23:45,476 Because it would make me happy. 1338 01:23:46,855 --> 01:23:48,648 Being around you makes me happy. 1339 01:23:48,649 --> 01:23:50,024 Then why are you marrying him? 1340 01:23:50,025 --> 01:23:53,025 I only have a certain amount of time that I can find my ideal genetic partner, 1341 01:23:54,112 --> 01:23:57,112 have the children that I've always wanted. 1342 01:23:57,616 --> 01:24:00,616 You know that. 1343 01:24:02,579 --> 01:24:05,164 One day, Mark, 1344 01:24:05,165 --> 01:24:08,165 I'll be wrinkly and old, ugly. 1345 01:24:09,836 --> 01:24:12,836 No, you won't. Not to me. 1346 01:24:17,553 --> 01:24:20,553 You'll never be ugly. 1347 01:24:21,723 --> 01:24:24,723 You're confusing me. 1348 01:24:31,608 --> 01:24:34,608 - Please take this. - Have a nice life. 1349 01:25:08,979 --> 01:25:11,022 Enjoying your ice cream, you fat loser? 1350 01:25:14,901 --> 01:25:17,901 Stop that! 1351 01:25:19,323 --> 01:25:22,323 It's okay. Forget about them. 1352 01:25:24,911 --> 01:25:26,495 What's your name? 1353 01:25:26,496 --> 01:25:29,496 Short Fat Brian. 1354 01:25:29,875 --> 01:25:32,875 Well, Brian. 1355 01:25:36,089 --> 01:25:39,089 You are so much more than just short and fat. 1356 01:25:44,306 --> 01:25:47,306 See? You're Brian with the Great Smile. 1357 01:25:48,769 --> 01:25:51,769 Thanks. 1358 01:26:00,072 --> 01:26:03,072 Ow! 1359 01:26:05,494 --> 01:26:06,911 Greg! 1360 01:26:06,912 --> 01:26:08,746 Sorry! 1361 01:26:08,747 --> 01:26:11,582 Keep the noise down. 1362 01:26:11,583 --> 01:26:13,793 Fat, ginger... 1363 01:26:16,171 --> 01:26:19,171 Shut up! 1364 01:26:56,294 --> 01:26:59,294 You haven't lost yet, man. 1365 01:27:29,911 --> 01:27:31,036 Ah! 1366 01:28:08,533 --> 01:28:11,533 Loser. 1367 01:28:12,078 --> 01:28:15,078 We are here today, sitting in this building, 1368 01:28:15,791 --> 01:28:18,209 to share in the wedding of Brad and Anna, 1369 01:28:18,210 --> 01:28:20,711 two attractive young people 1370 01:28:20,712 --> 01:28:23,712 who have come to the conclusion that this wedding will be mutually beneficial, 1371 01:28:25,425 --> 01:28:28,425 that their genetic match-up will be most likely to produce favourable offspring 1372 01:28:30,305 --> 01:28:33,305 and a lifetime of financial stability and physical security. 1373 01:28:36,561 --> 01:28:39,561 Brad, do you agree to stay with Anna for as long as you want to 1374 01:28:41,441 --> 01:28:44,318 and to protect your offspring for as long as you can? 1375 01:28:44,319 --> 01:28:46,111 I do. 1376 01:28:46,112 --> 01:28:49,112 And Anna, do you agree to stay with Brad for as long as you want to 1377 01:28:50,575 --> 01:28:53,575 and to protect your offspring for as long as you can? 1378 01:29:00,752 --> 01:29:02,628 I do. 1379 01:29:02,629 --> 01:29:05,629 Before I pronounce these two man and wife, is there anyone here in this building 1380 01:29:08,260 --> 01:29:11,260 who believes they offer a better genetic match-up to either party? 1381 01:29:18,144 --> 01:29:19,311 Me. 1382 01:29:21,773 --> 01:29:23,274 Oh, come on, Mark. 1383 01:29:23,275 --> 01:29:26,275 I mean, look at you. How can you possibly be better than me? 1384 01:29:27,612 --> 01:29:29,405 Because she's happy with me. 1385 01:29:29,406 --> 01:29:32,406 If she were happy with you, what is she doing standing up here with me? 1386 01:29:32,993 --> 01:29:35,993 She thinks her kids deserve the best possible start in life. 1387 01:29:36,288 --> 01:29:37,746 And she's right. 1388 01:29:37,747 --> 01:29:40,499 Yeah. And do you know what that makes you? 1389 01:29:40,500 --> 01:29:41,792 You're a sperm donor. 1390 01:29:44,963 --> 01:29:47,923 She's my best friend. 1391 01:29:47,924 --> 01:29:49,633 I thought I was your best friend. 1392 01:29:49,634 --> 01:29:52,634 Not now. Let's... 1393 01:29:53,847 --> 01:29:56,599 And I love her. 1394 01:29:56,600 --> 01:29:58,434 Don't do this. 1395 01:29:58,435 --> 01:30:01,186 Don't do it. 1396 01:30:01,187 --> 01:30:03,856 Is this what you really want? 1397 01:30:03,857 --> 01:30:05,357 It's the way of the world, Mark. 1398 01:30:05,358 --> 01:30:08,358 Why? Why does it have to be? 1399 01:30:08,862 --> 01:30:10,863 Who says your kids will be better than mine? 1400 01:30:10,864 --> 01:30:13,864 Who says that a strong jawline or a fast metabolism or a muscular physique... 1401 01:30:15,118 --> 01:30:16,368 He's also taller. 1402 01:30:16,369 --> 01:30:19,369 No, I know, but I'm just... 1403 01:30:19,831 --> 01:30:22,831 Please, man, I... 1404 01:30:23,001 --> 01:30:26,001 Who says those traits will make your kids better than mine, or happier? 1405 01:30:26,171 --> 01:30:27,880 I'll love our children. 1406 01:30:27,881 --> 01:30:29,048 And who says you'll make a better husband 1407 01:30:29,049 --> 01:30:32,049 just because you come from a more privileged family 1408 01:30:32,177 --> 01:30:34,803 or a better genetic line? 1409 01:30:36,306 --> 01:30:39,306 She's a prize on your arm. And your kids will be, too. 1410 01:30:41,353 --> 01:30:44,188 Anna. 1411 01:30:44,189 --> 01:30:47,189 If you tell me this is what you really want, I'll go. 1412 01:30:50,904 --> 01:30:52,071 Is this what you really want? 1413 01:30:52,072 --> 01:30:54,865 Well, now, it's not up to us to decide what we get in life. 1414 01:30:54,866 --> 01:30:57,866 - That's up to the man in the sky. - I'm talking to her. 1415 01:30:59,537 --> 01:31:02,537 Why don't you just ask the man in the sky what he wants for Anna? 1416 01:31:02,749 --> 01:31:05,542 - Surely he knows best. - She knows what's best. 1417 01:31:05,543 --> 01:31:07,753 Just tell her what the man in the sky wants, Mark. 1418 01:31:07,754 --> 01:31:10,754 Why don't you tell me what the man in the sky wants for us, Mark? 1419 01:31:11,758 --> 01:31:14,758 Just please tell me. 1420 01:31:16,429 --> 01:31:19,429 No. 1421 01:31:33,405 --> 01:31:34,530 Are we married yet? 1422 01:31:34,531 --> 01:31:37,531 - Because I have plans later. - There's a few... 1423 01:32:02,809 --> 01:32:05,809 Mark, wait! 1424 01:32:06,312 --> 01:32:09,312 Why don't you just tell me what the man in the sky wants? 1425 01:32:11,443 --> 01:32:13,318 - I did a bad thing. - It's okay. 1426 01:32:13,319 --> 01:32:16,319 - You're allowed three. - No, you don't understand. 1427 01:32:18,908 --> 01:32:21,908 There is no man in the sky. 1428 01:32:25,248 --> 01:32:28,248 Why did you say there was? 1429 01:32:30,003 --> 01:32:33,003 I couldn't stand the look on my mum's face when she was dying. 1430 01:32:34,299 --> 01:32:37,299 And things just escalated. 1431 01:32:39,471 --> 01:32:42,471 But how did you say something that wasn't? 1432 01:32:42,474 --> 01:32:45,474 I don't know, I just did. I just can. 1433 01:32:46,102 --> 01:32:48,312 But when I asked you if being rich 1434 01:32:48,313 --> 01:32:51,313 and successful and famous changed your genetics, 1435 01:32:51,983 --> 01:32:54,983 why didn't you just say yes? 1436 01:32:55,320 --> 01:32:58,320 'Cause it wouldn't count. 1437 01:33:00,325 --> 01:33:03,325 Mark. 1438 01:33:04,412 --> 01:33:05,829 I know what I want. 1439 01:33:10,293 --> 01:33:13,293 I want little fat kids with snub noses. 1440 01:33:20,512 --> 01:33:23,512 I'm your man. 1441 01:33:35,360 --> 01:33:38,360 So that's it. I got the girl. 1442 01:33:38,530 --> 01:33:41,530 Anna and I are very happy together, by the way. 1443 01:33:41,866 --> 01:33:44,866 She still doesn't fully understand how I said or did all those things. 1444 01:33:45,662 --> 01:33:48,662 No one does. I'm still the only person who can tell a lie. 1445 01:33:49,624 --> 01:33:52,624 Actually, that's not entirely true. 1446 01:33:55,713 --> 01:33:58,713 What do you think? 1447 01:33:59,008 --> 01:34:02,008 That looks good. 1448 01:34:03,513 --> 01:34:06,014 It tastes so good, Mommy. 1449 01:34:06,015 --> 01:34:09,015 - Your best yet. - I'm so glad you like it. 1450 01:34:09,394 --> 01:34:12,394 Huh? Oh. 1451 01:34:15,733 --> 01:34:18,485 I don't know where to start. 1452 01:34:18,486 --> 01:34:21,486 Just start on the bread, maybe, then work my way up there. 1453 01:34:23,366 --> 01:34:26,366 You eat that. You liked it so much. Why don't you eat some more? 1454 01:34:29,539 --> 01:34:32,539 You eat that. You liked it so much. Why don't you eat some more?