1 00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:25,733 (GRACE KELLY PLAYING) 2 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:31,739 Do I attract you? Do I repuIse you with my queasy smiIe? 3 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,699 Am I too dirty? Am I too fIirty? 4 00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:36,618 Do I Iike what you Iike? Why don't you Iike me? 5 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,496 Why don't you Iike me Without making me try? 6 00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:42,082 I try to be like Grace Kelly 7 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:46,003 But aII her Iooks were too sad 8 00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:49,882 So I try a little Freddie 9 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:54,803 I've gone identity mad! 10 00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,431 I couId be brown I couId be bIue 11 00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:59,141 Gotta be everything more 12 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,226 Why don't you Iike me? Why don't you Iike me? 13 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:03,062 Why don't you waIk out the door? 14 00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:04,730 -Here you go, sweetie. -Oh, thanks. 15 00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:06,899 I tried banana nut sprout this morning. 16 00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:09,068 Thought, you know, a little change of pace, 17 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:12,446 thought somebody deserves something special for his birthday. 18 00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:13,572 Yeah. It's good. 19 00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:16,450 Okay, so I made reservations tonight at Babbo at 8:30. 20 00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:20,245 I thought maybe we could talk about, you know, setting a date? 21 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:23,791 Did you just make a plan to make a plan? 22 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,751 -Did I just do that again? -Yeah, you did. 23 00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:27,878 -Sorry. -It's all right. 24 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,047 All right, I'll see you later, okay? 25 00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:32,716 -Hey, hey, hey! Love you. -Love you, too. 26 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,593 -Bye. -Bye. 27 00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:36,762 -Happy birthday! -You, too! 28 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:39,848 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 29 00:01:41,851 --> 00:01:44,561 Hello, sir. Would you like to buy some cookies? 30 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:48,273 I would. I really would. I just. . . 31 00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:49,691 (EXCLAIMS) 32 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,110 Unfortunately, I don't have any money. 33 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:53,612 I don't have any cookies. 34 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:57,658 Jack? 35 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,786 I need a key. 36 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:08,085 Wow . 37 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,171 Wow. That. . . 38 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:13,632 A key? 39 00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:15,801 What? No! I want a key. 40 00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:18,554 Like an actual key to your apartment so I don't have to wait outside 41 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:20,806 when I'm dressed in these little slutty outfits. 42 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:23,058 I don't want to live with you. 43 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,977 No offense. 44 00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:27,604 And you know I mean this in the nicest possible way. 45 00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:31,150 You're not exactly serious boyfriend/marriage material. 46 00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,485 And I pride myself on that. 47 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,864 I gotta go. I'll see you next week. What're we doing? 48 00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:41,034 Mother of the baby saved from the fire and the sexy shirtless fireman? 49 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:43,954 I couId be brown I couId be bIue 50 00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:45,914 I couId be vioIet sky 51 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,916 I couId be hurtfuI I couId be purpIe 52 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,835 I couId be anything you Iike 53 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:51,837 Gotta be green Gotta be mean 54 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,797 Gotta be everything more 55 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:55,757 Why don't you Iike me? Why don't you Iike me? 56 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,676 Why don't you waIk out the door? 57 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,678 I couId be brown I couId be bIue 58 00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:01,638 Gotta be everything more 59 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,849 Why don't you Iike me? Why don't you Iike me? 60 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,059 Why don't you waIk out the door? 61 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:12,065 -McNally. -Chong. 62 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,650 (BELL RINGING) 63 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,277 (ALL SHOUTING) 64 00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:18,614 (COMMENTATOR CHATTERING ON TV) 65 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,033 (ALL CHEERING) 66 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:25,245 Not now. 67 00:03:25,496 --> 00:03:29,541 Hey! Hey! Hey, hey! Here we go! Yeah ! That's looking good ! All right! 68 00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:32,586 That's good form right there. Let's keep that up, huh? 69 00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:36,048 That's a beautiful veneer. Just throw that on the edge-band and we're set. 70 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:38,050 -All right! -Hey, Jack? 71 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:41,720 -Do you know what time it is? -What? I can't hear you over the saw. 72 00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,305 We're in the zone over here. I don't want to lose focus. 73 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,098 That's how people lose fingers, huh? 74 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:48,393 -You're fired. -All right. We are fired up, boys! 75 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,479 You are fired ! 76 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:53,857 All right. 77 00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:57,152 I'll play you for it. You win, I'm out. 78 00:03:57,820 --> 00:04:00,364 I win. I get a second chance. 79 00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:03,700 It's not a second chance when you've had a hundred of them. 80 00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:15,837 Oh ! Nine-seven ! Keeping my job! Yeah ! 81 00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,677 Okay. All right. 82 00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:24,179 -I'll give you one. -Do you know what? 83 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,555 You're supposed to be the future boss, 84 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,350 but you're too busy being the life of the party. 85 00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:31,270 At some point, you're gonna have to step up and be a man. 86 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:34,022 (GRUNTING) 87 00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:40,153 -Eight-nine! Unemployment! -Okay, man. You want to play? 88 00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:45,659 Nine-nine! Food stamps! Tastes so good. 89 00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:50,789 (EXCLAIMS) 90 00:04:50,873 --> 00:04:54,751 -Okay, that's not even a shot. -The boss got game! The boss got game! 91 00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:57,629 Ten-nine. This is it, Jack. 92 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:06,346 -You know what? This is ridiculous. -You know what? That's your problem. 93 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:10,892 You can't handle the pressure. As soon as you think you're going to lose, you quit. 94 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:15,647 Game over, Jack. 95 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:18,108 Don't get me wrong. You're like a son to me. 96 00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:24,031 -Dad, I am your son. -Yeah, and it's time to cut the cord. 97 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,491 Let's go clean out your desk. 98 00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:33,081 Mason has no idea, not an idea at all. 99 00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:36,960 -That you're pathetic, or. . . -What, do you think I went overboard? 100 00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:40,922 No. No, I think it's the exact right amount of board. 101 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,216 Which is what I am right now. Can we start drinking? 102 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:45,677 Of course. Okay, lookit! These are for Mason. 103 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:46,928 What's that? 104 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:49,097 Vegas? I thought you hated Vegas. 105 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,308 I do, but, you know, that's why they call it a gift tip, 106 00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:55,103 -because it truly is selfless. -Oh, thanks. 107 00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,067 Okay, everyone listen ! I'm going to bring him in, 108 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:03,320 I'm gonna turn on the lights, and that's when you yell, "Surprise!" 109 00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,864 Oh, that's how a surprise party works! I'm totally gonna write that down. 110 00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:08,658 Okay. Everyone, hide! Hide, hide, hide! 111 00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:12,788 (SHUSHING) 112 00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:15,582 -Hi, sweetie! -Hey! 113 00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:18,752 Welcome home. Happy birthday. Okay, come inside. . . 114 00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:22,047 -Listen, Joy. We need to talk. -Okay. Well, let's do it inside. Okay? 115 00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:24,466 No, no, no. I can't, or I'll never do this. 116 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:25,926 Look, there's no easy way to say this. 117 00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:27,844 Okay, then don't. Okay? Just think it, 118 00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:30,222 and then later, I'll try to figure out what it was you were thinking. 119 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:31,515 Okay? Let's just go inside. 120 00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:34,351 No, no, no, no, no, no! This can't wait, Joy. 121 00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:36,812 You know I have a really important job. 122 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:37,938 -Right? -Yeah. 123 00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:41,066 So when I come home, I want this place to be an escape. 124 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:44,361 And as of late, it's not. 125 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:48,990 Yes, the sex is great, okay? I mean, that's fantastic, 126 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:53,203 and I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the things you've been trying 127 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:54,287 with my balls. 128 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:55,372 (GASPS) 129 00:06:55,456 --> 00:06:57,833 But the rest is so exhausting. 130 00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:02,838 You're so on all the time, with all the scheduling and planning, it's just. . . 131 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:05,674 I don't want to marry you, Joy. 132 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,718 I'm leaving you. 133 00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:12,973 Well, I mean, this is my place, so technically, you would be the one 134 00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:15,892 that has to leave, but. . . Are you crying? 135 00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,522 Surprise. 136 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,192 -Oh, shitballs. -Yeah. 137 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:25,527 Hey! 138 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,696 Hey. Here. . . 139 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,615 Do you have any idea how much money I've made him? 140 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,452 You're my lawyer. Can I sue him for something? 141 00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:36,788 Well, the problem with suing your father is that he's your dad. 142 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:38,623 He'd love it. He'd think we were bonding. 143 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:39,666 (LAUGHS) 144 00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:43,378 Maybe he would be! You don't know. Take him to court. It might be nice. 145 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:47,090 -What am I gonna do about money? -You're just realizing that right now? 146 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:49,926 -Fascinating. -I could do a lot of things for money. 147 00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,344 I'm good at stuff. 148 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:54,389 I'll bet you $5 I can finish this beer faster than you. 149 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,058 Really? You're on. 150 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,480 He doesn't even deserve me. 151 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,648 Here's my thought on what we should do with this whole Mason thing. 152 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:04,816 -Okay. -Once a week, 153 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,526 we get some of my brother's loser-ass friends 154 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:09,321 to go over to Mason's house, ring his doorbell, 155 00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:12,199 and when he answers, they're just gonna, bang, 156 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,743 junkpunch him right up in his man business 157 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:15,994 and then he's gonna keel over. 158 00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:19,122 While he's writhing on the ground screaming, "Why?" 159 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,333 they'll go, "You know why!" 160 00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:24,753 Wow! Did you just think of that? 161 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,546 No, I was thinking about it a lot on the way over. 162 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:29,299 You are a child ! 163 00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:30,383 (JACK GROANING) 164 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:33,512 -What is that? What is that? -Double or nothing. 165 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,222 Joy, you're gonna need to take off this ring. 166 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,891 No, I. . . I'm just. . . I'm just gonna. . . 167 00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:40,519 I'm just going to wear it on the other hand. 168 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,646 You're on fire. Man, you are on fire. 169 00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,689 This is like. . . I mean, you're lucky. 170 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,150 -I don't feel good. -We need to capitalize on this. 171 00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,235 You know what's gonna make you feel better? 172 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:49,361 What? 173 00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:52,656 Where's the one place where you can step up and be a man? 174 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:53,865 Community college? 175 00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:57,536 Where can you go where you can forget all your troubles 176 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,579 and act like a total idiot? 177 00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:03,833 I am talking about one place and one place only, my friend. 178 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,168 Do not say Vegas. 179 00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:06,336 Please say Vegas. 180 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:08,171 -Vegas, baby. -Vegas? 181 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:09,673 -Las Vegas? -What? 182 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,633 Swish it around in your mouth a little bit. Think about it. 183 00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,385 -Vegas! -Vegas. 184 00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:15,387 -Carefree. -Say it like you mean it. 185 00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,222 -Spontaneous. -I can't hear you ! 186 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:18,890 -Vegas! -Vegas? 187 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:24,437 -Vegas! -Vegas! 188 00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:31,695 MAN: Hello, Las Vegas! 189 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,242 Wow . 190 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,327 Vegas. 191 00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:44,457 Everyone, I'm so sorry, but our computers are down right now, 192 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:47,294 so just bear with us, please. I'm sorry. I know. 193 00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,296 (LAUGHING) 194 00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,842 Okay, your fiancé is one lucky guy. 195 00:09:54,218 --> 00:09:55,260 I love Vegas! 196 00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:00,390 Time to get a big-boy drink. 197 00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:05,645 I'll have a vodka and a Scotch. 198 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,485 (EXCLAIMS) 199 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:17,449 This is where I'm passing out. Pants, you're out of here. 200 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:29,961 (ALL SCREAMING) 201 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:34,382 Did we ever tell you you scream like a girl? 202 00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:40,013 My eyes! It burns! 203 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,060 My head ! My head and my eyes are burning ! 204 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:46,603 My back! 205 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,566 My nose! My nose now! 206 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:02,077 Whoa! Whoa! Take it easy! 207 00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:04,037 (ALL CONTINUE SCREAMING) 208 00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:15,715 It's okay! It's okay! They're gay! 209 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,425 -What? -They're gay! 210 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,219 (GASPING) 211 00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:23,348 This. . . No, no, this is not what it looks like. 212 00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:25,183 We just. . . We all got booked in the same room. 213 00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:29,270 Let's just go downstairs. I smell an upgrade! 214 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:32,816 -You guys aren't gay? -No. 215 00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,776 (JOY AND TIPPER SCREAMING) 216 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:37,946 (GIGGLING) 217 00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:41,282 -I got this. -No. 218 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,743 Just let me handle it, okay? 219 00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:45,995 Okay. 220 00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:48,915 Curtis. You and I have a problem. 221 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,709 I think we both know how this game works. 222 00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,211 I complain, and you tell me there's nothing you can do, 223 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,630 but we both know that's a big, fat lie, 224 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,841 so why don't you just save us both the trouble 225 00:11:57,925 --> 00:11:59,300 and type in those special codes 226 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,261 that you know you're gonna type in eventually 227 00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:05,265 and find me two rooms that are so nice 228 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,101 that it turns my night right back around? 229 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:11,479 She's awfully hostile for a girl named Joy. 230 00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:16,484 I'm going to do exactly what you're telling me to do, because 231 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:18,737 I'm a little frightened of you. 232 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:19,988 These are penthouse suites. 233 00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,490 You can't get any higher than that without going on the roof, 234 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:26,411 and you're not allowed on the roof, because people jump. 235 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,418 Penthouse suites. 236 00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:34,878 -Nice! -No! 237 00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:36,838 -Yeah. -That's not bad. 238 00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:38,673 Well, you're welcome. 239 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:40,800 Now watch and learn. 240 00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:43,928 -Hey, buddy. -Oh, hi. How are you? 241 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,931 I think you just met my friend back there. 242 00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:48,433 Kind of a scary person. 243 00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,101 Oh, Egyptian cotton. That's nice. 244 00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,771 I want to apologize for her. For three weeks out of the month, 245 00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:54,773 we get to enjoy God's most precious creation, 246 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,608 and on week four, the bill arrives. 247 00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:59,277 (LAUGHS) I know what you mean. A period, right? 248 00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,070 (EXCLAIMS) 249 00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,615 Look, I don't want to push here, 250 00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:07,452 but I know that a man in your position is capable of producing certain amenities. 251 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:10,038 (TELEPHONE RINGING) 252 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:12,290 CURTIS: Planet Hollywood. Yeah. 253 00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:13,416 (GASPING) 254 00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:14,542 HATER: VIP! 255 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:26,679 Hey. So, you're from New York, we're from New York. 256 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:31,226 -We're going to Le Cirque, please! -Come on. 257 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,772 Look, I didn't bring my buddy all the way out to Vegas 258 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,482 so he could get his ass kicked. Right? 259 00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:39,317 So the least you could do is help me show him a good time. 260 00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:42,487 Your buddy wouldn't know a good time if it sat on his face. 261 00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:46,825 Okay, you know what, Stripper? You are kind of a disgusting skank. 262 00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,952 Driver, we'll get out here! Thank you ! 263 00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:50,119 -Okay, bye! -Thank you. 264 00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:52,914 -Use a condom, boys. -Bye-bye. Bye. Just go! 265 00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,336 Oh, come on. One drink. 266 00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:00,922 I'm a pretty fun guy. You can ask around. 267 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:04,133 Thanks, but we have dinner reservations. 268 00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:07,262 And we have to map out our assault on the Strip. 269 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:10,640 You have a plan to make plans? 270 00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:17,355 Excuse me? 271 00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:20,692 I bet you look really good with your hair down. 272 00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:22,944 -My hair is down. -One drink! 273 00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:25,822 I dare you ! 274 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,916 Did I invent hip-hop? No. But I was there. 275 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,794 -Thank you. -You're welcome. 276 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,838 -So, Joy. -Yeah? 277 00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:43,715 What brings you to Sin City? 278 00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,718 You know, just being spontaneous, 279 00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:49,178 cutting loose, like everyone else. How about yourself? 280 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:52,432 Yeah. Me? Oh, I'm here on business. 281 00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:55,393 Big business, actually. I'm. . . 282 00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:57,020 I'm a pretty important guy 283 00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:58,730 in my field. 284 00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:00,565 Really? 285 00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:02,525 No. 286 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:04,652 Actually, 287 00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:11,326 I just got fired. So, cheers to that. 288 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,666 I just got dumped, so, salud. 289 00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:22,754 Did I mention that I got fired by my boss-slash-father? 290 00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:26,341 Did I mention that I threw a surprise birthday party for my fiancé 291 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,510 and the surprise was that he dumped me in front of all of our closest friends 292 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,804 while they hid in the closet? 293 00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:33,932 Wow. Okay, you win. 294 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,517 Excuse me. We're gonna need a whole bottle. 295 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,604 I saved a baby today. I'm not a hero, though. 296 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:42,523 -You know what I mean? I'm not a. . . -He's married. 297 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:46,027 This is my lesbian sister. Tell her about your softball game. 298 00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,695 Tell her about your softball team. 299 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:53,117 What do you say we bet 1 0-to-1 , with $1 25 on the hard eight? 300 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,620 -MAN: Bets are right there. -All right. Roll them out. 301 00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:59,457 No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't. . . I wouldn't bet on me winning. 302 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,126 You roll, princess. 303 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:06,381 All right. Go, 44! 44! 304 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:07,632 (ALL CHEERING) 305 00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:10,635 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ON PA) 306 00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:12,804 JOY: This is my party trick. Here it goes. 307 00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:14,722 What are you gonna do? Are you going to cut. . . 308 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,099 (LAUGHING) 309 00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:18,977 You know, you were right about me. 310 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,186 You just cut it off! 311 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:23,815 It's like you're trying to come in first but it's somebody else's race. 312 00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:28,194 -It's like Egypt! -It's amazing ! 313 00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,531 You never felt good enough, so you took yourself out of the game. 314 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,910 To everyone who's ever been dumped 315 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:36,995 (ALL CHEERING) 316 00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:39,414 and to everyone who has ever been fired, 317 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,498 (ALL CHEERING) 318 00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,626 when I say, "Screw!" you say, "You !" 319 00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:46,879 -Screw! -ALL: You ! 320 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:47,964 (ALL CHEERING) 321 00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:49,132 Yes! 322 00:16:57,266 --> 00:17:00,101 I think I just got to the point where I wasn't even trying. 323 00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:01,728 JOY: Why should you try? 324 00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:05,148 I work 80 hours a week and I don't even know why. 325 00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,692 I've been so naughty! 326 00:17:07,776 --> 00:17:09,986 Out of my way! Out of my way! 327 00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:12,238 I'm not usually this honest. 328 00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:14,282 I'm usually not this fun. 329 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,451 (SCREAMING) 330 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,248 (ALL CHEERING) 331 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:26,836 The best part is. . . 332 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,005 -We can really talk. -Really connect. 333 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:32,717 Yeah, 'cause you're like the last person on the planet I'd ever sleep with ! 334 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:34,594 Ever! Ever! Ever! 335 00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,348 JOY: This is gonna be fun ! 336 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,073 (DOOR OPENS) 337 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,157 (DOOR CLOSES) 338 00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:08,836 Oh, God. Please be fake. Please be fake. 339 00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:10,379 (GASPS) 340 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:13,174 Oh, God. 341 00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:25,353 (GASPING) 342 00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:34,445 (SCREAMS) 343 00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:39,075 No, no, please, please, please! Oh, please, please, no! 344 00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:41,744 You can't get divorced here, okay? You gotta do it where you live. 345 00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,497 Besides, you don't want a divorce, all right? You want an annulment. 346 00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:47,834 See, what happens in Vegas, you pay for when you get back home. 347 00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,043 That's what the thing is. 348 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,838 What if she's a clinger? 349 00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:54,841 What if she's a crier? What if she's, like, a clinging crier? 350 00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:57,468 You murder her. Problem solved. 351 00:18:57,594 --> 00:18:58,719 (CHEERS) 352 00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,722 You don't have to yell. 353 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:03,224 Was there any part of the night, 354 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:06,310 I don't know, maybe, say, the part where I was about to marry the rebound guy, 355 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:07,854 that you thought, "Hey, oh my God ! 356 00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,398 "This is a really good time for an intervention"? 357 00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:11,482 -Seriously? -Yeah. 358 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:14,277 I, like, threw up in my own purse, so. . . 359 00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:18,322 This is a city built on excess and bad decisions. 360 00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,533 Vegas should be the only place on Earth where you can't get married. 361 00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:22,160 Pull it together, dude. 362 00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:24,662 You got to charm that ring off her finger, okay? 363 00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:25,788 (EXCLAIMS) 364 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,166 (SPLUTTERING) 365 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,250 (EXCLAIMS) 366 00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:35,006 -You all right? -Yeah. 367 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:38,342 (GASPS) 368 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:39,927 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 369 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,973 -Hi ! -Good morning. 370 00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:45,516 -Morning. -Good morning. 371 00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:47,351 Morning, morning, morning. 372 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:50,813 I could use some coffee. 373 00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:52,690 Oh, God, yeah. 374 00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:55,985 Well, what's mine is yours. 375 00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:57,820 (BOTH LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY) 376 00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,114 Here, well, you want to, uh. . . 377 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,783 JACK: Mi coffee es su coffee. 378 00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:11,542 -JOY: This is good orange juice. -Yeah. It's very good. 379 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,461 It's ridiculously good. The orange juice is good. 380 00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:16,422 -I don't usually like pulp. You a fan? -Not really. 381 00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:19,634 -Jack? -Yes. 382 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:22,970 -Can I talk to you for a second? -Yep. 383 00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:25,890 Yes. Yep. Talk. Sure. 384 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,226 They're so cute together! 385 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:32,021 If I could make someone dead with my mind, it would be you. 386 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:45,993 -Yo. -Hey. 387 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,289 So! 388 00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:55,336 -Great night, huh? -Yeah ! 389 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:58,506 I mean, you are a lot of fun, Joy. 390 00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:01,801 -I am? -Yeah ! 391 00:21:01,885 --> 00:21:04,428 A lot of fun. That. . . I mean, last night was 392 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:07,390 so 393 00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,517 great. 394 00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:13,896 Actually, you know, there was like. . . Maybe there was one tiny little thing. . . 395 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:16,315 I think I know what you mean. 396 00:21:18,026 --> 00:21:19,318 Okay, this. . . 397 00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:21,862 There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to. . . 398 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:24,198 Whoa, whoa. Wait. Are. . . 399 00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:26,033 Are you 400 00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:28,703 -dumping me? -You didn't. . . 401 00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:30,788 No! I was coming down here to dump you ! 402 00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:32,707 -Oh ! Jeez. . . Okay, so we're good ! -Yeah ! 403 00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:35,126 -Okay, disaster averted ! -You said it! 404 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:37,586 -Yeah, no. Bullet dodged ! -You betcha! 405 00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:39,714 I mean, pooch unscrewed ! Free at last! 406 00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:42,466 -Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last. -Okay. I got it, okay? 407 00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:44,969 -Got it. -Okay. I'm sorry. I. . . 408 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:48,055 You just seem like the type of girl who's looking for a serious relationship, 409 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:50,016 and I'm not that. . . I mean, you. . . Like. . . 410 00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:52,643 No offense, but you seem like a lot of work. 411 00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:55,896 Like it would take, like, a team of guys, and I'm not. . . 412 00:21:57,065 --> 00:22:00,776 Marriages are an outdated concept. . . 413 00:22:00,902 --> 00:22:02,653 Are you dumping me again? 414 00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:05,990 -I'm in a really weird place right now. . . -Where's that, Jack? The starting line? 415 00:22:06,074 --> 00:22:10,453 Because I have news for you, buddy. The gun went off a long time ago. 416 00:22:10,746 --> 00:22:12,913 Okay! Look at that! Good luck with the job, huh? 417 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:15,541 "Employee handles criticism poorly!" 418 00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:18,544 Well, then maybe you should teach a seminar, Jack, 419 00:22:18,628 --> 00:22:21,005 considering you can't even keep a job with your own father! 420 00:22:21,089 --> 00:22:24,383 You know, the one person who's biologically programed to love you, 421 00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,761 and even he can't stand you ! 422 00:22:26,928 --> 00:22:30,514 Look at that. You had to come all the way to Vegas and marry a complete stranger 423 00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:34,477 just to prove that you're not a robot. Congratulations, Joy! That was a feeling ! 424 00:22:34,561 --> 00:22:37,021 Oh, I have a feeling, all right! It's called nausea! 425 00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:38,856 (IMITATING ROBOT) Yeah? "Oh, I have a feeling, all right! 426 00:22:38,940 --> 00:22:40,024 "It's called nausea!" 427 00:22:40,108 --> 00:22:42,902 -How old are you, five? -Six, actually. I'm six. 428 00:22:42,986 --> 00:22:44,195 You know, this is why we'd never work. 429 00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:48,449 'Cause I could never, ever be with someone that's so completely broken ! 430 00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:49,909 -Broken? -Broken ! 431 00:22:49,993 --> 00:22:52,203 Broken. You know what? You don't even know me, mister! 432 00:22:52,287 --> 00:22:54,955 No, I don't know you, and I got a feeling that neither do you. 433 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,624 You know what? I'll call you about the annulment. 434 00:22:56,708 --> 00:23:00,002 How about this? Why don't you just e-mail me? 435 00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:02,922 Hey. Hey, hey, hey! 436 00:23:03,006 --> 00:23:05,758 -We'll always have Vegas! -Hey! That's my quarter! 437 00:23:14,309 --> 00:23:18,145 (JACKPOT ALARM RINGING) 438 00:23:25,570 --> 00:23:26,570 (WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS PLAYING) 439 00:23:26,655 --> 00:23:28,030 What the. . . 440 00:23:28,115 --> 00:23:31,492 We are the champions, my friends 441 00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:36,914 And we'II keep on fighting tiII the end 442 00:23:36,998 --> 00:23:40,334 I'm really, really rich ! I'm really, really rich ! 443 00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:41,877 We are the champions 444 00:23:41,962 --> 00:23:43,838 That was my quarter! 445 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,508 We are the champions 446 00:23:47,592 --> 00:23:50,261 -We did it! -Richest man in the world ! 447 00:23:50,345 --> 00:23:52,346 No time for Iosers 'Cause we are the champions 448 00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:55,891 A big giant check! I'm so happy! I've never been. . . 449 00:23:56,685 --> 00:23:58,352 I'm really happy! 450 00:23:58,812 --> 00:24:00,938 Oh, my God ! That was my quarter! 451 00:24:01,022 --> 00:24:02,022 (JOY LAUGHING) 452 00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:03,274 (JACK LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY) 453 00:24:03,358 --> 00:24:05,484 Congratulations! You just quadrupled your investment! 454 00:24:05,569 --> 00:24:07,319 What, you think this is all yours? God ! 455 00:24:07,404 --> 00:24:11,490 Yes, it's mine. I put the quarter in the machine and I pulled the lever. 456 00:24:11,575 --> 00:24:15,870 My quarter on the machine that I was using, the one I loosened up for you ! 457 00:24:16,371 --> 00:24:18,205 That's right! Now if you'll excuse me, 458 00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:21,208 I have a giant colofrul check to deposit! 459 00:24:22,085 --> 00:24:25,296 Whatever happened to "What's mine is yours, baby"? 460 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:29,341 We're married now, remember? 461 00:24:33,930 --> 00:24:38,517 More importantly, Your Honor, my client only knew Miss McNally for four hours 462 00:24:38,602 --> 00:24:40,186 before they "got married," 463 00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:43,063 three and a half of which were spent in a state of 464 00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:44,815 total inebriation. 465 00:24:45,567 --> 00:24:46,567 Mmm-hmm. 466 00:24:46,776 --> 00:24:49,028 You. Other one. 467 00:24:49,112 --> 00:24:52,406 You have any evidence that you both knowingly entered into this marriage, 468 00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:53,991 that it's not just a sham? 469 00:24:54,075 --> 00:24:55,409 Let me see. 470 00:24:56,453 --> 00:24:59,038 Would a note do? 471 00:25:00,248 --> 00:25:01,707 It's a start. 472 00:25:06,213 --> 00:25:09,089 And then there's a photo. 473 00:25:10,967 --> 00:25:12,092 Nice. 474 00:25:13,762 --> 00:25:15,137 (WHISPERING) I didn't know anything about that. 475 00:25:15,222 --> 00:25:16,722 There's also 476 00:25:18,808 --> 00:25:21,977 -a video. -And I am going to provide for her, 477 00:25:22,062 --> 00:25:23,938 I'm gonna Iove her, 478 00:25:24,648 --> 00:25:26,774 and I'm going to provide for her, 479 00:25:26,858 --> 00:25:29,193 -'cause we're married! -Married! 480 00:25:29,277 --> 00:25:30,361 (SCREAMING) 481 00:25:30,445 --> 00:25:32,446 We're aII gonna get Iaid! 482 00:25:34,157 --> 00:25:36,617 Was that you, Cueball? His lawyer? 483 00:25:37,369 --> 00:25:39,954 I didn't. . . I don't have my glasses on. 484 00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:42,498 (CLEARS THROAT) 485 00:25:45,126 --> 00:25:46,877 I don't like you. 486 00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:48,712 I don't like any of you. 487 00:25:48,797 --> 00:25:52,341 Your generation, with your Vegas and your Internet 488 00:25:52,425 --> 00:25:54,635 and your "I want it right now." 489 00:25:54,719 --> 00:25:57,680 You know, gay people aren't destroying the sanctity of marriage, 490 00:25:57,764 --> 00:25:59,098 you people are. 491 00:25:59,182 --> 00:26:01,809 Marriage is about love and commitment. 492 00:26:01,893 --> 00:26:07,439 Listen, I've been married for 25 years to the same wondefrul, infuriating woman, 493 00:26:07,524 --> 00:26:10,150 and granted, there are days when I want to light her on fire, 494 00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:12,820 but I don't, because I love her, 495 00:26:12,904 --> 00:26:14,321 and that would be illegal. 496 00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:16,282 And you know something? I might be old-fashioned, 497 00:26:16,366 --> 00:26:20,578 but when I said those vows out loud, I meant them. 498 00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:22,580 This guy is such a douche. 499 00:26:22,664 --> 00:26:25,374 Before, or should I say if 500 00:26:25,458 --> 00:26:27,876 I ever allow either of you out of this marriage, 501 00:26:27,961 --> 00:26:29,920 I'm going to make sure that you try everything, 502 00:26:30,005 --> 00:26:33,257 and I do mean everything, first to make it work. 503 00:26:33,341 --> 00:26:35,301 -Objection, Your Honor. You can't do that. -Objection ! 504 00:26:35,385 --> 00:26:38,304 Watch me. Now, do either one of you have a place to live? 505 00:26:38,388 --> 00:26:40,806 I don't at the moment, Your Honor, but I will. 506 00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:42,683 You see, I. . . 507 00:26:42,767 --> 00:26:44,935 My ex-fiancé and I broke up, and. . . 508 00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:48,689 You know, Mrs. Fuller, you're not helping make your case here, okay? 509 00:26:49,399 --> 00:26:52,359 What about you, pretty boy? You got a crash pad? 510 00:26:52,861 --> 00:26:55,863 -Yes. -Okay, great! We have a hearth ! 511 00:26:55,947 --> 00:26:59,366 I am freezing the $3 million for the next six months 512 00:26:59,492 --> 00:27:03,203 and sentencing you two to six months hard marriage. 513 00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:04,913 And so I can keep an eye on you, 514 00:27:04,998 --> 00:27:08,250 I'm ordering you both into weekly marital counseling. 515 00:27:08,335 --> 00:27:10,252 I want you two to listen to me. 516 00:27:10,337 --> 00:27:15,507 You better play by my rules on this, or I'm gonna tie this money up in litigation 517 00:27:15,592 --> 00:27:18,302 that is so long, so protracted, so expensive 518 00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:22,348 that neither one of you will ever see a dime of it. 519 00:27:23,058 --> 00:27:25,934 All right. Anything. . . Oh, yeah ! One more thing. 520 00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:28,562 I now pronounce you man and wife! 521 00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:35,110 Can he do that? 522 00:27:35,195 --> 00:27:37,029 Yeah, he's the judge. He can do whatever he wants. 523 00:27:37,113 --> 00:27:38,989 And he clearly wants to make an example out of you both. 524 00:27:39,074 --> 00:27:40,949 If you just do what the guy says, 525 00:27:41,034 --> 00:27:42,993 he's gonna be forced to grant you a divorce. 526 00:27:43,078 --> 00:27:44,453 -In which case. . . -You would probably. . . 527 00:27:44,537 --> 00:27:45,537 -. . .split. . . -. . .the money. . . 528 00:27:45,622 --> 00:27:47,206 . . .equally as marital property. 529 00:27:47,290 --> 00:27:48,999 You didn't do anything in there! 530 00:27:49,084 --> 00:27:50,334 -What? -You didn't do anything ! 531 00:27:50,418 --> 00:27:53,379 I called her a vixen ! I called her a vixen ! 532 00:27:54,923 --> 00:27:55,964 -So? -So. 533 00:27:56,049 --> 00:27:57,341 I can do anything for six months. 534 00:27:57,425 --> 00:28:00,719 I can not wear pants for six months. So if you aren't up to it. . . 535 00:28:00,804 --> 00:28:02,471 Oh, I am so up to it. 536 00:28:02,555 --> 00:28:04,973 And if you're trying to insinuate that I'm the one that can't do this, 537 00:28:05,058 --> 00:28:07,559 then you are sorely mistaken, short bus. 538 00:28:07,644 --> 00:28:09,520 Whoa! Okay! So it's settled, then. 539 00:28:09,604 --> 00:28:11,897 All right. Think of it as a business arrangement. 540 00:28:11,981 --> 00:28:14,942 Be married for six months, get $1 .5 million. 541 00:28:15,860 --> 00:28:18,946 -How hard can it be? -I know how hard it isn't. 542 00:28:20,907 --> 00:28:22,157 Excuse me. Out of my way. 543 00:28:22,492 --> 00:28:23,492 Thank you. 544 00:28:25,995 --> 00:28:28,414 -Oh, Jesus. Here. -Great. 545 00:28:33,294 --> 00:28:34,294 TIPPER: Smile for the camera. 546 00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:36,880 Hi, hubby, it's me. Open up. 547 00:28:36,965 --> 00:28:38,215 Hiya! 548 00:28:38,633 --> 00:28:39,675 JACK: It's all the way at the top. 549 00:28:40,427 --> 00:28:41,427 She's here. 550 00:28:41,511 --> 00:28:42,553 (DOOR BUZZING) 551 00:28:42,637 --> 00:28:43,762 Okay, don't overdo it, though. 552 00:28:46,766 --> 00:28:50,853 Hey! Look what I brought my new hubby! 553 00:28:50,937 --> 00:28:54,231 'Cause I want to please him, and men, they like the beer. 554 00:28:54,315 --> 00:28:58,569 Hey, look who's being a good wifey, really trying to make her marriage work. 555 00:28:58,653 --> 00:29:00,738 Oh, muffin pants, what a wondefrul gift. 556 00:29:00,822 --> 00:29:04,408 I'm going to buy you a big box of Tampax just so I can thank you, 557 00:29:04,492 --> 00:29:07,077 'cause that's what good husbands do. 558 00:29:12,417 --> 00:29:14,126 Sorry, I can't control myself when I'm around you, 559 00:29:14,210 --> 00:29:16,253 I just love you so much ! 560 00:29:16,337 --> 00:29:17,504 Not as much as I love you ! 561 00:29:17,589 --> 00:29:19,047 (JACK SQUEALING) 562 00:29:20,508 --> 00:29:22,384 Shall we, Mrs. Fuller? 563 00:29:23,344 --> 00:29:25,095 Oh. Here. Let me get this. 564 00:29:25,180 --> 00:29:26,680 -Let me get that. Oh ! -Wait a sec. 565 00:29:28,183 --> 00:29:29,975 Slippery. Slippery. 566 00:29:34,522 --> 00:29:35,522 What? 567 00:29:35,982 --> 00:29:36,982 (GRUNTING) 568 00:29:37,859 --> 00:29:38,859 (JOY SCREAMS) 569 00:29:39,444 --> 00:29:42,029 Sorry, baby, just you're a little on the heavy side. 570 00:29:42,113 --> 00:29:44,156 Welcome home, sweetheart. 571 00:29:46,034 --> 00:29:48,619 You literally have a bar in the middle of your living room. 572 00:29:48,703 --> 00:29:49,953 It's not so bad. 573 00:29:50,038 --> 00:29:52,998 I mean, I would never live here, ever, but. . . 574 00:29:53,082 --> 00:29:55,918 What? I ran the New York City Marathon, okay? 575 00:29:56,002 --> 00:29:58,712 I can do this. I can totally do this. 576 00:29:59,506 --> 00:30:00,506 (GASPS) 577 00:30:01,591 --> 00:30:02,925 Oh, my God. 578 00:30:03,718 --> 00:30:05,302 I can't do this! 579 00:30:05,386 --> 00:30:06,887 JACK: Don't throw any of that hair away, okay? 580 00:30:06,971 --> 00:30:09,389 I'm saving it up to make you something special, 581 00:30:09,474 --> 00:30:11,975 like a hat or a sweater. 582 00:30:12,060 --> 00:30:14,102 I still haven't decided yet. 583 00:30:14,646 --> 00:30:16,396 Do you train monkeys in here? 584 00:30:16,773 --> 00:30:20,859 Seriously! It's one thing if you like a guy, you put up with disgusting stuff like this, 585 00:30:20,944 --> 00:30:24,321 but you I don't care for, so clean it up. 586 00:30:24,405 --> 00:30:27,908 I'm not here under court order, so I'm going to take off. 587 00:30:27,992 --> 00:30:29,535 -Later, buddy. -Bye. 588 00:30:30,453 --> 00:30:31,787 $1 .5 million. 589 00:30:32,664 --> 00:30:36,083 Here. These are antibacterial. Get to work. 590 00:30:44,425 --> 00:30:46,677 That looks like it's gonna be comfortable for you. 591 00:30:46,761 --> 00:30:48,554 Where's the bedroom? 592 00:30:49,597 --> 00:30:53,559 -Uh. . . It's in there. -Sweet dreams. 593 00:30:53,643 --> 00:30:54,768 Yeah. 594 00:30:57,397 --> 00:30:58,856 What is this? 595 00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:00,566 (SCREAMS) 596 00:31:02,610 --> 00:31:04,778 Ooh. That was close. 597 00:31:07,490 --> 00:31:09,867 -That stinks. -Just a little bit of me. 598 00:31:09,951 --> 00:31:13,287 -Oh, God ! -And some other people. Whatever. 599 00:31:22,297 --> 00:31:23,297 (EXCLAIMS) 600 00:31:33,641 --> 00:31:36,602 -Do you need some help? -Yeah, I do, as a matter of fact. 601 00:31:36,686 --> 00:31:38,562 You should probably call somebody. 602 00:31:38,938 --> 00:31:40,814 -What? -To help you. 603 00:31:43,234 --> 00:31:45,277 Hey, could you do that thing where you turn around on the bed 604 00:31:45,361 --> 00:31:46,737 and fix the top side again? 605 00:31:46,821 --> 00:31:48,405 Okay, can I sleep on the couch? 606 00:31:48,489 --> 00:31:49,531 No. 607 00:32:02,253 --> 00:32:03,253 (BLENDER WHIRRING) 608 00:32:03,338 --> 00:32:04,338 (EXCLAIMS) 609 00:32:06,758 --> 00:32:08,300 Smoothies! 610 00:32:12,138 --> 00:32:13,430 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 611 00:32:13,723 --> 00:32:15,307 -Hon? -Yeah. 612 00:32:15,391 --> 00:32:16,975 If I could just get in there for a sec. 613 00:32:17,185 --> 00:32:18,477 I'm almost done. I'll be right out. 614 00:32:18,561 --> 00:32:20,312 No, no. "Be right out" is not really gonna work. 615 00:32:20,396 --> 00:32:22,314 Like, be right out right now. 616 00:32:23,149 --> 00:32:24,441 I'm almost done! 617 00:32:25,193 --> 00:32:26,193 (GROANING) 618 00:32:28,696 --> 00:32:31,114 (METALLIC CLATTER) 619 00:32:35,495 --> 00:32:36,662 Okay. . . 620 00:32:36,746 --> 00:32:37,746 (JACK EXHALING) 621 00:32:39,374 --> 00:32:41,750 Oh, yeah, this is happening. 622 00:32:42,502 --> 00:32:44,586 You only have yourself to blame. 623 00:32:44,671 --> 00:32:47,214 By the way, it's your day on dishes. 624 00:32:53,262 --> 00:32:55,514 (TOILET FLUSHING) 625 00:32:57,016 --> 00:32:58,225 (EXCLAIMS) 626 00:32:58,893 --> 00:32:59,893 Freak. 627 00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:01,269 Where do you get your underwear? The hospital? 628 00:33:01,354 --> 00:33:04,064 -What? -Seriously, what's up with the P . E. bra? 629 00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:07,943 Well, it's comfy and supportive, like a man should be. 630 00:33:08,027 --> 00:33:12,155 You women. In the beginning it's all, like, laces and rainbows and trapdoors. 631 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:15,826 As soon as you get married, it's nothing but these flesh tones and PMS pants. 632 00:33:15,910 --> 00:33:17,411 You might as well wear a placard around your neck 633 00:33:17,495 --> 00:33:19,830 -that says, "We're not having sex, ever." -Ever! 634 00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:21,039 -Ever. -Ever! 635 00:33:21,124 --> 00:33:23,834 What happened to the purple bra from Vegas? That was nice. 636 00:33:23,918 --> 00:33:27,212 I'm going to save that for my non-retarded husband. 637 00:33:27,588 --> 00:33:28,588 (MOCKING) 638 00:33:28,923 --> 00:33:31,842 Well, the grownups have to go to work today. 639 00:33:32,593 --> 00:33:35,595 -What are you going to do all day? -I don't know yet. 640 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,182 I'd rather do nothing and be happy than do something I know I don't love. 641 00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:41,101 Words to live by, Yanni. 642 00:33:41,185 --> 00:33:43,186 Beat it, worker drone. Tell the man I say hi. 643 00:33:43,271 --> 00:33:46,273 -Whatever, loser. -Hey, don't get hit by a bus. 644 00:33:46,357 --> 00:33:47,649 Or do. Whatever. 645 00:33:47,734 --> 00:33:48,692 (YOU SEXY THING PLAYING) 646 00:33:48,776 --> 00:33:50,610 I beIieve in miracIes 647 00:33:51,571 --> 00:33:54,948 Where you from You sexy thing 648 00:33:56,784 --> 00:33:58,702 I beIieve in miracIes 649 00:33:58,786 --> 00:34:00,328 (ALL SHOUTING) 650 00:34:00,413 --> 00:34:04,374 Since you came along You sexy thing 651 00:34:05,501 --> 00:34:07,461 (EXCLAIMING) 652 00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:14,634 (TELEPHONE RINGING) 653 00:34:16,929 --> 00:34:18,513 -McNally. -MAN: What are you wearing, baby? 654 00:34:18,598 --> 00:34:20,599 -Who is this? -BANGER: Your boss. 655 00:34:21,726 --> 00:34:23,226 Get the Chonger and get up here right away. 656 00:34:23,311 --> 00:34:26,480 Coming right up! Okay. Banger needs to see us upstairs. 657 00:34:26,564 --> 00:34:30,192 After 1 5 years of loyal service, we're dumping Bob whatshisname, 658 00:34:30,276 --> 00:34:33,278 which means that this office is gonna be up for grabs. 659 00:34:33,362 --> 00:34:35,572 So, I'm going to promote one of you skirts out of the pit. 660 00:34:35,656 --> 00:34:38,575 And that's not sexual harassment. Believe me, I've checked. 661 00:34:38,659 --> 00:34:41,036 You're my top guns, girls. Do me proud. 662 00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:42,662 Thank you, sir. 663 00:34:43,873 --> 00:34:46,416 So! I guess I'll be Maverick and you can be Goose. 664 00:34:46,501 --> 00:34:49,586 Be whoever you want to be, you'll still gonna be my subordinate. 665 00:34:49,670 --> 00:34:52,422 -Excuse me? -It's from the Latin, meaning "my bitch." 666 00:34:52,507 --> 00:34:54,466 -What is wrong with you? -I eat girls like you. 667 00:34:54,550 --> 00:34:56,593 -Oh, you eat girls! -Not like that. 668 00:34:56,677 --> 00:34:57,677 -Makes total sense. -It shouldn't. 669 00:34:57,845 --> 00:34:58,970 -No judgments. -But I'm not. . . 670 00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:00,180 Just saying. 671 00:35:07,772 --> 00:35:08,939 Ready to do this? 672 00:35:09,023 --> 00:35:12,859 Pretend like you don't make me vomit in my nose every time I look at you? 673 00:35:13,694 --> 00:35:14,861 Yes. 674 00:35:16,030 --> 00:35:19,991 So, Jack, tell me about yourself. What are your hobbies? 675 00:35:20,952 --> 00:35:22,327 Hobbies. 676 00:35:23,121 --> 00:35:25,372 You mean, besides my marriage? 677 00:35:27,041 --> 00:35:28,291 My hobbies. 678 00:35:28,376 --> 00:35:30,460 Mostly, I just like loving her. 679 00:35:30,545 --> 00:35:32,379 It's just so easy. 680 00:35:34,882 --> 00:35:36,216 What else? 681 00:35:36,843 --> 00:35:42,389 Listening. I love listening to what she has to say. It's just. . . 682 00:35:42,473 --> 00:35:45,809 In fact, actually, I carry this notebook around with me, 683 00:35:45,893 --> 00:35:49,855 just so I can write it down, because usually it's so important. 684 00:35:50,481 --> 00:35:54,693 What else? I think just being there for her, in general. 685 00:35:56,195 --> 00:35:58,321 Loving her until it hurts. 686 00:35:59,198 --> 00:36:00,490 It hurts. 687 00:36:01,075 --> 00:36:04,870 That's. . . I don't know, that's probably most of my interests. 688 00:36:07,582 --> 00:36:08,999 Joy? 689 00:36:09,083 --> 00:36:10,667 I'd have to agree. 690 00:36:10,751 --> 00:36:13,253 And I'd have to add, you know, 691 00:36:14,297 --> 00:36:15,714 staring at him. 692 00:36:15,798 --> 00:36:20,177 Yeah. I mean, I just love watching him be. 693 00:36:20,261 --> 00:36:21,595 I love everything about him. 694 00:36:21,679 --> 00:36:24,055 Most people would be repulsed, 695 00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:27,225 you know, to find his socks and his dirty underwear 696 00:36:27,310 --> 00:36:30,103 sort of down shoved in the bottom of the bed, 697 00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:31,855 touching them in the middle of the night. 698 00:36:31,939 --> 00:36:34,274 They might want to try to, like, scrub and scrub and scrub 699 00:36:34,358 --> 00:36:38,320 and try to get the stains and the scent off of them, but. . . 700 00:36:39,447 --> 00:36:43,283 Not me. I just. . . I love it! 701 00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:47,370 I just. . . I kind of want to just roll around in it! 702 00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:52,250 Her candles smell awesome! 703 00:36:54,795 --> 00:36:57,172 You know, I do have a few degrees, 704 00:36:57,256 --> 00:37:00,884 and I went to a bunch of really expensive schools. 705 00:37:00,968 --> 00:37:04,721 Anyway, I'm not buying any of the bullshit you two are selling today. 706 00:37:04,805 --> 00:37:07,390 Now, if you want me to report back to the court 707 00:37:07,475 --> 00:37:09,267 that you're both working on your marriage, 708 00:37:09,352 --> 00:37:12,020 you're gonna actually have to do that. 709 00:37:12,104 --> 00:37:13,563 (LOVE PLAYING) 710 00:37:15,483 --> 00:37:22,239 And Iove Such a silly game we play, oh! 711 00:37:22,323 --> 00:37:26,952 Like a summer's day in May What is Iove, what is Iove? 712 00:37:27,036 --> 00:37:31,581 I just want it to be Iove Oh! Oh! Oh! 713 00:37:33,209 --> 00:37:39,339 I , I , I , I , I I can feeI it in your kiss 714 00:37:40,007 --> 00:37:44,427 It just gives me tender bIiss What is Iove, what is Iove? 715 00:37:44,512 --> 00:37:46,763 I just want it to be Iove 716 00:37:46,847 --> 00:37:50,350 Yes, that is the topping I wanted on my popcorn. 717 00:37:50,434 --> 00:37:52,227 I know that the box said "movie theater butter," 718 00:37:52,311 --> 00:37:54,104 but, you guessed it, 719 00:37:54,188 --> 00:37:57,816 what I really wanted was Jack's Sweaty Ballsack flavor. 720 00:37:57,900 --> 00:37:59,109 Thanks. 721 00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:02,195 Uh! Uh! Uh! Love 722 00:38:03,364 --> 00:38:08,159 Who can teII me I am Iost? What is Iove, what is Iove? 723 00:38:08,244 --> 00:38:11,037 I'm just giving you what you wanted, baby. 724 00:38:13,332 --> 00:38:18,295 Pay attention. See how it goes up and down. Okay? 725 00:38:18,379 --> 00:38:19,796 It goes up, 726 00:38:20,339 --> 00:38:23,008 and then it goes down. Like that. 727 00:38:23,092 --> 00:38:25,302 See that? Isn't that magical? Amazing. 728 00:38:25,386 --> 00:38:27,637 Watch one more time. One more time. 729 00:38:27,722 --> 00:38:32,392 It goes up, right? And then it goes down. 730 00:38:32,476 --> 00:38:34,144 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 731 00:38:46,741 --> 00:38:47,741 (SPLASHES) 732 00:38:47,825 --> 00:38:50,160 (JOY SCREAMING) 733 00:38:51,620 --> 00:38:54,456 No, no, no, no! Why? 734 00:38:56,292 --> 00:39:00,003 I really, really need to get in there! 735 00:39:00,087 --> 00:39:03,048 Why don't you just use your special bathroom? 736 00:39:03,257 --> 00:39:04,549 There's no heavy side! 737 00:39:04,633 --> 00:39:06,885 -You got the window! -No, that's actually the light side. 738 00:39:20,107 --> 00:39:22,567 -Where's the bathroom door? -We got robbed. 739 00:39:22,651 --> 00:39:24,944 And all they took was the door. 740 00:39:26,614 --> 00:39:27,864 $1 .5 million. 741 00:39:30,618 --> 00:39:33,161 Marriage is hard ! 742 00:39:33,245 --> 00:39:35,955 I don't know how people do this. It's unnatural. 743 00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,750 Men and women are not meant to coexist. 744 00:39:40,169 --> 00:39:43,213 And I haven't had sex in forever. I mean, forever! 745 00:39:43,297 --> 00:39:45,298 And I need to have sex, 'cause I'm good at it! 746 00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:47,550 That's a self-esteem booster for me. 747 00:39:47,635 --> 00:39:50,595 -I don't know if I can do this, man. -Oh, really? 748 00:39:50,679 --> 00:39:53,473 'Cause I haven't been sensing that at all. 749 00:39:53,557 --> 00:39:54,974 That's why I did a little research. 750 00:39:55,059 --> 00:39:56,684 I've been looking through some case law, 751 00:39:56,769 --> 00:39:58,728 you know, some precedent to help us get around the ruling. 752 00:39:58,813 --> 00:40:01,815 And I think I found one. Lafferty v. Holden. 753 00:40:02,650 --> 00:40:05,527 You know, Tip, I don't know if I can do this. 754 00:40:06,237 --> 00:40:07,445 Then we go to plan B. 755 00:40:07,530 --> 00:40:09,656 Mother's third marriage was to this 20-year-old 756 00:40:09,740 --> 00:40:12,575 club-footed Cuban bartender who came into a ton of money. 757 00:40:12,952 --> 00:40:14,744 The court said that if they both wanted the money, 758 00:40:14,829 --> 00:40:17,580 they had to remain married and prove they can make it work. Sound familiar? 759 00:40:17,665 --> 00:40:19,666 Mother wasn't going to see a cent of that, 760 00:40:19,750 --> 00:40:22,001 but then she proved that he'd been unfaithful, 761 00:40:22,086 --> 00:40:24,129 and the judge ruled in her favor. 762 00:40:24,213 --> 00:40:26,297 And gave her all the money. 763 00:40:27,258 --> 00:40:30,218 See, the judge said that you had to prove 764 00:40:30,302 --> 00:40:32,011 that you were trying to make the marriage work. 765 00:40:32,096 --> 00:40:34,514 But if we can make it seem like she isn't. . . 766 00:40:34,598 --> 00:40:36,307 I don't know why I haven't thought of this before! 767 00:40:36,392 --> 00:40:38,101 -Because you're not a very good lawyer. -Oh, my God. 768 00:40:38,185 --> 00:40:41,062 There should be a law against how bad a lawyer I am. 769 00:40:41,147 --> 00:40:42,147 But then again, I wouldn't know about it! 770 00:40:42,231 --> 00:40:45,108 So if I can get Jack to end the marriage by either leaving me 771 00:40:45,192 --> 00:40:47,569 or cheating on me. . . 772 00:40:47,653 --> 00:40:49,154 Not only would you get out of the marriage. . . 773 00:40:49,238 --> 00:40:52,699 -You will also get the full $3 million. -Oh, my God. 774 00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:55,869 -I love you ! I want to kiss you. -You want to kiss me? 775 00:40:55,953 --> 00:40:58,079 On your big, beautiful, prematurely balding man dome. 776 00:40:58,164 --> 00:40:59,372 All right! All right. Okay. 777 00:40:59,790 --> 00:41:01,875 -Game on, sister! -Game on ! 778 00:41:02,084 --> 00:41:03,793 -Game on. -Game on. 779 00:41:05,004 --> 00:41:07,422 Destroy it. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus! 780 00:41:07,506 --> 00:41:08,506 (I WANT A NEW DRUG PLAYING) 781 00:41:25,983 --> 00:41:28,151 There are some refinery problems in the South, 782 00:41:28,235 --> 00:41:30,987 -so let's keep our eye on crude oil. -JOY: Oh, that's too bad. 783 00:41:31,071 --> 00:41:32,322 And I just heard a rumor 784 00:41:32,406 --> 00:41:35,492 that the platinum futures are gonna be very active today. 785 00:41:35,576 --> 00:41:36,659 Yes! 786 00:41:37,745 --> 00:41:38,870 Yeah ! 787 00:41:38,996 --> 00:41:39,996 (EXCLAIMS) 788 00:41:40,206 --> 00:41:43,041 I mean, really, let's do this mother! Oh, my God. 789 00:41:43,125 --> 00:41:46,419 Right, guys? I mean, let's buy shit! Let's buy shit! 790 00:41:47,671 --> 00:41:49,631 Do you see that? Do you see that, people? 791 00:41:49,715 --> 00:41:53,009 That's exactly the kind of spirit I'm talking about! 792 00:41:53,093 --> 00:41:54,844 -You go, girl ! -Yes! 793 00:41:55,095 --> 00:41:56,513 (CHONG AND JOY EXCLAIM) 794 00:41:56,597 --> 00:41:59,182 Oh, my God, seriously, you guys! 795 00:42:04,271 --> 00:42:06,898 Oh, my God ! Oh, my God ! What are we doing? What are we doing? 796 00:42:09,777 --> 00:42:11,611 What's happening? What's happening? Oh, my God. 797 00:42:17,034 --> 00:42:19,369 Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch ! 798 00:42:28,003 --> 00:42:29,462 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 799 00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:32,882 -Hi. -Hi. 800 00:42:32,967 --> 00:42:35,009 We got locked out of our apartment. 801 00:42:35,094 --> 00:42:38,429 Would you mind if we just waited in here until the locksmith comes? 802 00:42:38,514 --> 00:42:41,140 He said it would only be a few hours. 803 00:42:42,351 --> 00:42:43,643 A few . . . 804 00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:45,562 Sure. 805 00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:46,771 -Thank you ! -Great! 806 00:42:46,855 --> 00:42:49,816 Also, we were supposed to have some friends over tonight. 807 00:42:49,900 --> 00:42:52,652 Do you mind if they waited in here, too? 808 00:42:53,571 --> 00:42:56,072 I'll jump on that grenade, too, I suppose. 809 00:42:56,156 --> 00:42:57,574 -Thank you. -Yeah. 810 00:42:57,658 --> 00:43:00,660 -Thank you so much. -No, thank you. Thank you. 811 00:43:01,495 --> 00:43:03,580 Welcome to my humble abode. 812 00:43:04,331 --> 00:43:05,540 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 813 00:43:05,874 --> 00:43:08,167 Those are probably my friends. 814 00:43:10,921 --> 00:43:12,422 -Hi. -Hi. 815 00:43:12,506 --> 00:43:14,173 We're the friends. 816 00:43:14,508 --> 00:43:16,968 -You look like the friends. You do. -Hi. 817 00:43:17,052 --> 00:43:18,177 (CELL PHONE RINGS) 818 00:43:18,679 --> 00:43:20,888 -Hey. -There is a hot girl party going on 819 00:43:20,973 --> 00:43:23,224 -in my living room. -What are you talking about? 820 00:43:23,309 --> 00:43:26,936 I'm talking about the fact that there are a buttload of beautiful women. . . 821 00:43:27,021 --> 00:43:30,356 Oh, my God. Okay, there's a pillow fight about to break out. 822 00:43:30,441 --> 00:43:32,275 Oh, my God. Dude, it's a trap. 823 00:43:33,902 --> 00:43:36,195 No, it's not! No! This happens! 824 00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:37,864 No! It doesn't happen ! 825 00:43:38,157 --> 00:43:40,575 Get out of the house! Get out of the house right now! 826 00:43:40,659 --> 00:43:42,118 She must have figured out the same thing we did. 827 00:43:42,703 --> 00:43:44,662 Okay, just because Joy sets a trap 828 00:43:44,747 --> 00:43:46,080 doesn't mean we can't play at the same game. 829 00:43:46,165 --> 00:43:48,291 You caII Bear, you caII every guy we know. 830 00:43:48,375 --> 00:43:50,043 And get some boring stockbroker kind of guys, 831 00:43:50,127 --> 00:43:51,544 the kind of guys you and me would beat up. 832 00:43:51,629 --> 00:43:52,795 The more boring, the better. 833 00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,006 She has no idea what she's gotten herself into. 834 00:43:55,090 --> 00:43:56,633 (HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) 835 00:44:00,846 --> 00:44:02,096 JOY: You okay? 836 00:44:07,728 --> 00:44:10,480 In here, guys. Yo, Jack, what up? 837 00:44:18,197 --> 00:44:20,823 This chick's the reason we're not spending our money right now. 838 00:44:20,908 --> 00:44:24,285 This chick is the reason I'm not having a six-way right now! 839 00:44:24,745 --> 00:44:26,329 -Hey. -Hey. 840 00:44:26,413 --> 00:44:29,832 So, look. This isn't working. I think we need to call in some sluts. 841 00:44:29,917 --> 00:44:32,335 -Sluts? I know sluts. -Make the call. 842 00:44:32,419 --> 00:44:35,755 Which one of these ugly losers is ruining your life? 843 00:44:36,882 --> 00:44:39,384 That one. The pink parade over there. 844 00:44:39,718 --> 00:44:41,552 That's your wife? 845 00:44:42,262 --> 00:44:45,598 Oh, my God, she is so f-ing hot! 846 00:44:47,726 --> 00:44:49,602 What is wrong with you? 847 00:44:51,939 --> 00:44:54,273 Pick a team. Pick a team. Pick a team ! Right now! Pick a team. 848 00:44:54,358 --> 00:44:55,858 -Come on. -Hers. Hers! Hers! 849 00:44:55,943 --> 00:45:00,446 Listen up, girls. Do whatever you need to do to get into his pants. 850 00:45:00,531 --> 00:45:02,490 Ignore her. Don't even make eye contact with her. 851 00:45:02,574 --> 00:45:05,326 Look at every girl in here except for her. It'll drive her crazy. 852 00:45:05,411 --> 00:45:07,036 Get him drunk. It'll slip right out. 853 00:45:07,121 --> 00:45:08,162 ALL: Go! 854 00:45:16,004 --> 00:45:17,046 Hi. 855 00:45:23,512 --> 00:45:24,971 Oh, I get it. 856 00:45:25,514 --> 00:45:28,099 I get what you guys are doing. Okay. 857 00:45:28,726 --> 00:45:31,561 Well, I'm going to. . . Thank you. Sorry. Excuse me. 858 00:45:31,645 --> 00:45:33,062 Oh, God ! 859 00:45:33,981 --> 00:45:39,110 If you need anybody to talk to, you know, just let me know. 860 00:45:43,073 --> 00:45:45,408 -Thanks. -Get out of here. Get out of here. 861 00:45:45,492 --> 00:45:47,869 Get out of here! Get out of here, both of you ! 862 00:45:47,953 --> 00:45:48,911 I'll give her the money! 863 00:45:48,996 --> 00:45:50,455 -I'll give her the money! -No, no, no, no, no. 864 00:45:50,539 --> 00:45:51,581 (BANGING ON DOOR) 865 00:45:51,665 --> 00:45:52,707 MAN: Oh, shit. 866 00:45:52,791 --> 00:45:54,292 I'm here about a noise complaint! 867 00:45:54,376 --> 00:45:56,127 (BOTTLE CLATTERING) 868 00:45:56,211 --> 00:46:00,131 Someone called to complain that you're not making enough noise! 869 00:46:00,215 --> 00:46:01,716 (ALL CHEERING) 870 00:46:05,512 --> 00:46:09,390 -This is the best party ever! -This is the greatest party ever! 871 00:46:16,106 --> 00:46:19,192 I'm arrested ! You guys, I'm arrested ! 872 00:46:22,696 --> 00:46:23,738 Hey. 873 00:46:23,822 --> 00:46:26,824 Sorry. I was just trying to find some quiet 874 00:46:26,909 --> 00:46:30,495 -from the craziness out there. -Yeah. Yeah, I'm. . . Beer? 875 00:46:32,873 --> 00:46:33,956 Sure. 876 00:46:37,711 --> 00:46:40,129 Do you really think that I'm dumb enough to cheat on you? 877 00:46:40,214 --> 00:46:41,631 I think it's only a matter of time, 878 00:46:41,715 --> 00:46:43,841 and, yeah, I think you're more than dumb enough. 879 00:46:43,926 --> 00:46:45,843 Thank you for the vote of confidence. 880 00:46:45,928 --> 00:46:47,386 I appreciate that. 881 00:46:47,471 --> 00:46:50,389 This must be so hard for you. 882 00:46:52,810 --> 00:46:55,061 -What? -Being in a relationship. 883 00:46:56,980 --> 00:47:00,233 Okay. I've been in relationships before, all right? 884 00:47:00,526 --> 00:47:02,151 Oh, come on, Jack. 885 00:47:02,236 --> 00:47:04,904 I know you. Don't forget, I have been living with you. 886 00:47:04,988 --> 00:47:09,367 You're not exactly serious boyfriend/husband material, okay? 887 00:47:11,453 --> 00:47:14,163 -Well, this must be hard for you, too. -Really? 888 00:47:14,248 --> 00:47:18,501 Yeah, being married to me when you're so clearly in love with your ex. 889 00:47:22,506 --> 00:47:23,965 -I'm not in love with him. -Right. 890 00:47:24,049 --> 00:47:25,508 Then why are you still wearing the ring on your finger? 891 00:47:25,592 --> 00:47:27,844 Because my current husband bought me one 892 00:47:27,928 --> 00:47:30,054 out of a vending machine in Vegas. 893 00:47:30,138 --> 00:47:33,057 All I know is, if I get dumped on my ass, 894 00:47:33,141 --> 00:47:35,393 I'm not wearing the ring unless I'm still in love with him. 895 00:47:35,477 --> 00:47:37,520 -I'm not in love with him, okay? -Okay! Right. 896 00:47:37,604 --> 00:47:39,522 In fact, I'm happy I'm not with him anymore. 897 00:47:39,606 --> 00:47:41,148 I spent the last four years of my life 898 00:47:41,233 --> 00:47:43,693 trying to be somebody else's idea of perfect, 899 00:47:43,777 --> 00:47:47,446 and you know what? I still don't feel good enough for him. 900 00:47:51,994 --> 00:47:52,994 (CHUCKLES) 901 00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:56,622 Okay, that's not what I meant, okay? I just. . . 902 00:47:56,707 --> 00:48:00,001 Hey! Don't worry! Your secret's safe with me. 903 00:48:00,085 --> 00:48:01,878 Oh, you're such an ass. 904 00:48:01,962 --> 00:48:03,421 You know what? It's irrelevant now, 905 00:48:03,505 --> 00:48:06,465 because I don't care if I ever see him again. 906 00:48:12,180 --> 00:48:14,140 Wow. Thank you, baby. 907 00:48:14,224 --> 00:48:17,643 -That makes me feel so, so, so special. -You know what? It has nothing 908 00:48:17,728 --> 00:48:19,812 -to do with you, Jack. -By the way, don't worry about me, 909 00:48:19,897 --> 00:48:21,147 -because I'm a married man. -Yeah. 910 00:48:21,231 --> 00:48:23,733 We don't need to have sex. And I'll tell you another thing. 911 00:48:23,817 --> 00:48:27,111 I'm not going anywhere, 'cause I am not screwing this thing up. 912 00:48:27,195 --> 00:48:30,531 Neither am I, 'cause I am in it for the long haul, Jack. 913 00:48:30,616 --> 00:48:33,993 -Till death do us part. -Not unless I kill you first. 914 00:48:44,838 --> 00:48:47,465 -It's like she's always there! -He doesn't do anything all day, okay? 915 00:48:47,549 --> 00:48:49,634 -Left, right, up, down ! -It's like he's not even a grownup, okay? 916 00:48:49,718 --> 00:48:51,344 -I don't have an ounce of space. . . -He does nothing. . . 917 00:48:51,428 --> 00:48:53,054 -. . .for just me! Just me! -. . .all day long ! 918 00:48:53,138 --> 00:48:55,681 -And I swear to God. . . -I think he's trying to drive me crazy! 919 00:48:55,766 --> 00:48:57,600 -The other night, we had this party. . . -He peed in the sink! 920 00:48:57,684 --> 00:49:00,269 -. . .and everywhere I look. . . -I mean, what kind of man animal. . . 921 00:49:00,354 --> 00:49:02,229 -. . .it's just hot tit and ass everywhere! -. . .pees in the sink? 922 00:49:02,314 --> 00:49:04,607 -It's like he doesn't even want. . . -It's like she doesn't even want. . . 923 00:49:04,691 --> 00:49:06,817 -. . .this marriage to work! -. . .this marriage to work! 924 00:49:08,028 --> 00:49:11,030 All right. You're arguing. 925 00:49:11,114 --> 00:49:14,367 Now that felt like a real married couple. 926 00:49:14,451 --> 00:49:16,369 You're making progress. 927 00:49:21,249 --> 00:49:23,084 What am I doing here? 928 00:49:33,261 --> 00:49:35,972 Oh, we could kidnap her until after the hearing. 929 00:49:36,056 --> 00:49:38,724 -She could stay at my place. -HATER: Oh, my God, I got it! 930 00:49:38,809 --> 00:49:41,394 We make it look like she gave you some kind of disease! 931 00:49:41,478 --> 00:49:43,854 I can have a vial of crabs here in 30 minutes. 932 00:49:43,939 --> 00:49:45,106 First, we give them to you, 933 00:49:45,190 --> 00:49:47,233 and then, you know, we get somebody to give them to her 934 00:49:47,317 --> 00:49:49,986 so it looks like she gave them to you. 935 00:49:51,530 --> 00:49:53,531 You really hadn't thought that one through, had you? 936 00:49:53,615 --> 00:49:55,658 I'll give her the crabs, easily. 937 00:49:55,742 --> 00:49:58,452 -No more ideas from you. -Oh, I've got it! It's perfect! 938 00:49:58,537 --> 00:50:00,037 This is great! 939 00:50:01,248 --> 00:50:02,248 Like that! 940 00:50:02,332 --> 00:50:03,582 -What are you doing? -What? 941 00:50:03,667 --> 00:50:06,293 No, no, no, no, no, no. Relax, relax, relax. Relax! 942 00:50:06,378 --> 00:50:08,462 Stay with me on this one. 943 00:50:09,131 --> 00:50:10,131 Huh? 944 00:50:10,924 --> 00:50:14,635 God damn it! No, you don't get it! Dude, you don't get it! 945 00:50:18,932 --> 00:50:19,932 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 946 00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:34,280 Jack, what happened to your face? 947 00:50:34,990 --> 00:50:37,158 -I fell. -You fell? 948 00:50:38,118 --> 00:50:39,285 Yeah. 949 00:50:41,038 --> 00:50:43,122 I hit my head on a doorknob. 950 00:50:43,790 --> 00:50:45,291 A few times. 951 00:50:45,375 --> 00:50:47,418 I fall a lot these days. I'm just. . . 952 00:50:47,502 --> 00:50:49,086 I'm so clumsy. 953 00:50:49,171 --> 00:50:52,214 Jack, are you sure that's what happened to you? 954 00:50:52,299 --> 00:50:55,051 Sure someone else didn't do this to you? 955 00:50:57,637 --> 00:50:59,138 I deserve it. 956 00:50:59,973 --> 00:51:01,474 I'm supposed. . . 957 00:51:02,726 --> 00:51:05,728 I'm supposed to line up the hand towels just so, and I didn't. . . 958 00:51:05,812 --> 00:51:08,647 I didn't do it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 959 00:51:08,732 --> 00:51:10,941 Then she said, "You put that toilet seat down, 960 00:51:11,026 --> 00:51:12,610 "or I will put you down !" 961 00:51:12,694 --> 00:51:17,448 And I forgot, and she said, "I'll show you how to put it down ! 962 00:51:17,532 --> 00:51:20,659 "I'll stick your head in there and I will make it stay!" Oh, God ! 963 00:51:20,744 --> 00:51:22,078 -...Iook reaI, but don't, Iike... -AII right. 964 00:51:22,162 --> 00:51:24,080 -Oh, God! -What? 965 00:51:24,664 --> 00:51:27,083 He's gotta make it Iook reaI so it seems Iike she was beating you! 966 00:51:27,167 --> 00:51:28,667 Not that reaI! 967 00:51:28,919 --> 00:51:30,211 (GRUNTING) 968 00:51:30,295 --> 00:51:32,463 -Yeah! -That sucker's gonna show, dude! 969 00:51:32,547 --> 00:51:33,923 Hey, come on. Come on. 970 00:51:34,007 --> 00:51:35,674 Can we get back to therapy now? 971 00:51:38,845 --> 00:51:39,929 Yes. 972 00:51:40,847 --> 00:51:42,223 Yes, we can. 973 00:51:49,064 --> 00:51:50,397 (TELEPHONE RINGING) 974 00:51:53,527 --> 00:51:55,111 JACK ON ANSWERING MACHINE: Hi, you've reached the happy coupIe. 975 00:51:55,195 --> 00:51:56,403 JOY ON ANSWERING MACHINE: We can't come to the phone right now 976 00:51:56,488 --> 00:51:58,447 because we're busy Ioving each other. 977 00:51:58,532 --> 00:52:00,116 JACK: And making our marriage work. 978 00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:01,909 JACK: Leave a message! JOY: Leave a message! 979 00:52:01,993 --> 00:52:03,244 (ON ANSWERING MACHINE) Hi. This is Annette caIIing 980 00:52:03,328 --> 00:52:05,329 from Dr. TwitcheII's office. 981 00:52:05,413 --> 00:52:06,789 Hello. 982 00:52:06,873 --> 00:52:08,874 -Yes, Mrs. FuIIer? -Yes. 983 00:52:09,167 --> 00:52:11,085 The doctor needed to cancel today's session, 984 00:52:11,169 --> 00:52:13,129 and she was wondering if you could do Friday? 985 00:52:13,213 --> 00:52:15,631 Do you have anything after 3:00 p.m. , possibly? 986 00:52:15,715 --> 00:52:19,135 -The doctor can do 4:00. -Oh, perfect. 987 00:52:19,219 --> 00:52:20,886 -That works for me. -We'II see you then. 988 00:52:20,971 --> 00:52:23,597 -Great, see you then. -Thanks so much. 989 00:52:24,224 --> 00:52:27,226 -She totally bought it. -Beautiful. Beautiful. 990 00:52:28,103 --> 00:52:30,062 -Beautiful. -You owe me. 991 00:52:32,274 --> 00:52:36,277 (SINGING) Come on with your come on You don't fight fair 992 00:52:36,361 --> 00:52:39,446 That's okay, see if I care 993 00:52:39,531 --> 00:52:42,658 BIah, bIah, bIah, bIah... 994 00:52:42,742 --> 00:52:45,202 Hit me with your best shot 995 00:52:45,287 --> 00:52:47,329 Fire away 996 00:52:47,414 --> 00:52:48,414 (DOOR CLOSES) 997 00:52:52,252 --> 00:52:53,836 Hello? 998 00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:55,045 Jack? 999 00:52:58,758 --> 00:52:59,884 JACK: Taxi ! 1000 00:53:01,052 --> 00:53:03,721 Come on, man ! Hey! 1001 00:53:06,766 --> 00:53:09,018 -Hey, hey, hey! -JOY: Wait a minute. 1002 00:53:09,603 --> 00:53:10,769 Oh, come on ! 1003 00:53:13,607 --> 00:53:15,858 Twitchell. . . Twitchell. . . 1004 00:53:16,568 --> 00:53:17,943 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 1005 00:53:18,278 --> 00:53:19,695 Dr. TwitcheII speaking. 1006 00:53:19,779 --> 00:53:22,364 -Yes, hi, this is Joy Fuller. -Mrs. FuIIer. 1007 00:53:22,449 --> 00:53:25,075 Yes. I got a phone call from Annette 1008 00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:27,203 saying that our session was canceled today. 1009 00:53:27,287 --> 00:53:30,706 -I just wanted to double-check that. -Your session is definiteIy stiII on. 1010 00:53:30,790 --> 00:53:33,751 And any absence is considered contempt of court. 1011 00:53:33,835 --> 00:53:34,835 It is? 1012 00:53:36,630 --> 00:53:39,465 Asshole! Trying to get me to miss therapy! 1013 00:53:40,258 --> 00:53:42,801 75th and Riverside, and step on it! 1014 00:53:45,305 --> 00:53:46,430 Okay. 1015 00:53:47,098 --> 00:53:48,432 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 1016 00:53:49,809 --> 00:53:51,602 -What? -Hey! 1017 00:53:51,686 --> 00:53:54,146 Good luck paying for that cab without your wallet. 1018 00:53:54,356 --> 00:53:55,814 (EXCLAIMS) 1019 00:53:55,899 --> 00:53:57,733 Only five dollars? 1020 00:53:57,817 --> 00:53:59,401 You stole my wallet? 1021 00:53:59,486 --> 00:54:01,070 (TAXI BRAKING) 1022 00:54:01,154 --> 00:54:03,614 Lost your wallet, huh? Get out. 1023 00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:06,909 Come on. What do you want? We can work something out here. 1024 00:54:06,993 --> 00:54:08,744 -Show me your breasts. -What? 1025 00:54:08,828 --> 00:54:11,622 You'd be surprised how often it happens. 1026 00:54:13,083 --> 00:54:16,335 -Okay, one breast. That's all you get. -All right. 1027 00:54:17,170 --> 00:54:18,170 (TAXI SPEEDING AWAY) 1028 00:54:18,672 --> 00:54:19,672 (GRUNTS) 1029 00:54:20,340 --> 00:54:22,841 CAB DRIVER: Nothing like a nice boob. JOY: What is your problem? 1030 00:54:22,926 --> 00:54:25,135 CAB DRIVER: What? I like breasts. Sue me. 1031 00:54:25,595 --> 00:54:26,804 Is there any way around this? 1032 00:54:26,888 --> 00:54:29,848 Does it look like there is a way around this? 1033 00:54:30,433 --> 00:54:31,558 (JACK LAUGHING) 1034 00:54:31,643 --> 00:54:33,185 (ARE YOU GONNA BE MY GIRL PLAYING) 1035 00:54:33,270 --> 00:54:34,353 Go! 1036 00:54:35,397 --> 00:54:37,439 So 1 , 2, 3, take my hand and come with me 1037 00:54:37,524 --> 00:54:40,276 Because you Iook so fine And I reaIIy wanna make you mine 1038 00:54:40,694 --> 00:54:42,611 -How many for 1 0 of these? -Ten for $2. 1039 00:54:42,696 --> 00:54:44,863 -Okay. Here, take five. -Okay. 1040 00:54:44,948 --> 00:54:47,199 Now you don't need that money when you Iook Iike that, do ya honey 1041 00:54:48,660 --> 00:54:49,618 (EXCLAIMS) 1042 00:54:49,703 --> 00:54:50,911 (CAR ALARM BLARING) 1043 00:54:51,871 --> 00:54:55,624 I know we ain't got much to say 1044 00:54:56,334 --> 00:55:00,296 Before I Iet you get away, yeah! 1045 00:55:02,757 --> 00:55:06,885 TOUR GUIDE: There's Brooklyn. Very exciting. Everyone, back on the bus! 1046 00:55:06,970 --> 00:55:08,053 What a day, huh? 1047 00:55:16,062 --> 00:55:17,938 Is this seat taken? 1048 00:55:19,065 --> 00:55:21,734 Pardon. Excuse me. Sorry. 1049 00:55:21,818 --> 00:55:24,194 -You are so immature! -Please, woman ! 1050 00:55:24,904 --> 00:55:26,155 Go away! 1051 00:55:26,239 --> 00:55:28,699 -That really hurt! -Oh, no! You're hurting me! 1052 00:55:29,159 --> 00:55:31,493 TOUR GUIDE: And here we are, Central Park. 1053 00:55:31,578 --> 00:55:33,037 Yes, isn't it beautiful? 1054 00:55:33,121 --> 00:55:37,458 Half an hour, people. That's 30 minutes for those on the metric system. 1055 00:55:40,754 --> 00:55:42,755 I'll take that! You mind? 1056 00:55:45,508 --> 00:55:46,508 -WOMAN: What? -Thank you ! 1057 00:55:46,593 --> 00:55:47,760 MAN: Hey! 1058 00:55:49,346 --> 00:55:52,806 WeII I couId see You home with me 1059 00:55:53,725 --> 00:55:57,519 But you were with another man, yeah! 1060 00:55:58,313 --> 00:56:01,315 I know we Ain't got much to say 1061 00:56:01,399 --> 00:56:02,566 JOY: Idiot! 1062 00:56:02,942 --> 00:56:06,612 Before I Iet you get away, yeah! 1063 00:56:09,449 --> 00:56:11,325 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1064 00:56:11,409 --> 00:56:13,952 I said are you gonna be my girI? 1065 00:56:14,204 --> 00:56:15,454 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1066 00:56:36,810 --> 00:56:39,311 JACK SR. : No, you're wrong. You can't remember anything. 1067 00:56:39,396 --> 00:56:41,355 MRS. FULLER: You're remembering your first date with somebody else! 1068 00:56:41,439 --> 00:56:42,648 JACK SR. : No! It was not our first date! 1069 00:56:42,732 --> 00:56:45,901 You keep thinking that. You always did. You are demented ! 1070 00:56:46,152 --> 00:56:47,403 JACK SR. : It was not! MRS. FULLER: It was! 1071 00:56:47,487 --> 00:56:48,487 MRS. FULLER: Your memory. . . 1072 00:56:48,571 --> 00:56:49,947 JACK SR. : Mine? You can't remember the date! 1073 00:56:50,031 --> 00:56:51,657 Yes, it's your. . . 1074 00:56:52,033 --> 00:56:53,992 Hi, honey! Welcome home! 1075 00:56:54,327 --> 00:56:55,702 Mom ! Dad ! 1076 00:56:57,705 --> 00:56:59,081 What are you doing here? 1077 00:56:59,165 --> 00:57:00,874 Well, I got a message from your parents, 1078 00:57:00,959 --> 00:57:04,878 and I thought I'd surprise you and invite them over for dinner. 1079 00:57:07,465 --> 00:57:09,425 You know that I've never been invited over here? 1080 00:57:09,509 --> 00:57:11,510 No! Really? 1081 00:57:11,845 --> 00:57:13,262 MRS. FULLER: Why didn't you tell us you got married? 1082 00:57:13,346 --> 00:57:15,305 I know you're still mad at me about the firing, 1083 00:57:15,390 --> 00:57:17,683 but you get married and you don't tell us? 1084 00:57:17,767 --> 00:57:19,935 That is very, very hurtful. 1085 00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:21,353 -Especially. . . -Dad, I. . . 1086 00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:24,606 Especially when it's a catch like Joy here. 1087 00:57:25,066 --> 00:57:26,275 -What? -Well. . . 1088 00:57:26,359 --> 00:57:28,694 MRS. FULLER: We're so proud of you, Jack! 1089 00:57:29,696 --> 00:57:31,405 We didn't think you'd ever settle down. 1090 00:57:31,489 --> 00:57:35,576 But then we met this wondefrul girl. You couldn't have done better! 1091 00:57:36,035 --> 00:57:37,453 JACK SR. : We are very proud of you, Son. 1092 00:57:37,537 --> 00:57:40,038 -Okay. Love biscuit? -Yes, tinkle monkey? 1093 00:57:40,123 --> 00:57:42,499 Can I speak to you for one second? 1094 00:57:42,584 --> 00:57:43,876 Of course! 1095 00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:45,794 He probably just wants to give me a big smooch. 1096 00:57:45,879 --> 00:57:47,087 We haven't seen each other all day! 1097 00:57:48,423 --> 00:57:52,050 My God ! How weird is it going to be in court 1098 00:57:52,177 --> 00:57:55,137 when your parents are character witnesses for me? 1099 00:57:55,221 --> 00:57:57,389 Well, obviously, you haven't told them everything. 1100 00:57:57,474 --> 00:57:59,641 No, I was waiting for you to do that. 1101 00:57:59,726 --> 00:58:01,393 What if we didn't? 1102 00:58:03,021 --> 00:58:07,858 What would it take for you to just keep this our little secret for a little bit? 1103 00:58:09,277 --> 00:58:11,361 I want the bathroom door back. 1104 00:58:11,446 --> 00:58:14,781 And I want the toilet seat left the F down. 1105 00:58:14,991 --> 00:58:16,033 No. 1106 00:58:16,284 --> 00:58:18,118 -One time up. . . -I got it. 1107 00:58:18,203 --> 00:58:19,453 . . .and I make the call. 1108 00:58:19,537 --> 00:58:20,704 -Done. -Okay. 1109 00:58:20,788 --> 00:58:24,166 Well, Jack, Sr. , you know, it is just so nice 1110 00:58:24,250 --> 00:58:27,920 to finally meet the man who has taught Jack everything he knows. 1111 00:58:28,004 --> 00:58:30,047 -I tried. -JOY: Well, something must've stuck. 1112 00:58:30,131 --> 00:58:31,882 Do you know he made this bar we're sitting at? 1113 00:58:31,966 --> 00:58:34,384 Isn't it beautiful? I mean, look. 1114 00:58:34,594 --> 00:58:36,803 Dovetail's off on the corner. 1115 00:58:37,931 --> 00:58:39,223 It's off! 1116 00:58:40,266 --> 00:58:42,267 Well, I think it's great. 1117 00:58:42,936 --> 00:58:45,521 I actually think that Jack could sell his furniture. 1118 00:58:45,605 --> 00:58:48,023 I don't know. That would require actually finishing it. 1119 00:58:48,107 --> 00:58:50,484 Maybe you should try telling Jack you don't want him to finish it, 1120 00:58:50,568 --> 00:58:53,028 then maybe he would actually do it. 1121 00:58:53,112 --> 00:58:55,864 (ALL LAUGHING) 1122 00:58:55,949 --> 00:58:57,491 What are you doing on Saturday? 1123 00:58:57,575 --> 00:59:00,077 You've got to come to Uncle Pat's birthday in the park with us. 1124 00:59:00,161 --> 00:59:01,787 I would love to. 1125 00:59:02,789 --> 00:59:04,540 She went after my family! 1126 00:59:04,624 --> 00:59:06,708 Dude, you're letting this chick get in your head. 1127 00:59:06,793 --> 00:59:08,252 Yeah, I know. 1128 00:59:09,504 --> 00:59:12,130 Now I'm going to figure out how to get into hers. 1129 00:59:12,215 --> 00:59:14,091 You should never let a chick get in your head. 1130 00:59:14,175 --> 00:59:17,302 That's why I prefer not to even talk to my dates. 1131 00:59:22,642 --> 00:59:23,725 Yes! 1132 00:59:24,978 --> 00:59:27,980 Why didn't I think of this before? If she's going to play dirty, so am I. 1133 00:59:32,402 --> 00:59:34,736 -Hi. -Hey. Jameson, on the rocks. 1134 00:59:40,994 --> 00:59:43,078 -You're Mason, right? -Yeah. 1135 00:59:43,329 --> 00:59:45,998 I'm Jack Fuller. I'm a friend of Joy's. 1136 00:59:46,332 --> 00:59:47,332 -Joy's? -Yeah. 1137 00:59:47,417 --> 00:59:49,960 I just wanted to give you this back. 1138 00:59:50,878 --> 00:59:52,379 She threw it in the trash. 1139 00:59:52,463 --> 00:59:55,090 But, you know, guy code, I couldn't just let it end up in the trash. 1140 00:59:55,174 --> 00:59:57,259 I mean, you spent, what, like, five, six thousand on this thing. 1141 00:59:57,343 --> 00:59:59,261 Actually, thirty grand. 1142 01:00:00,930 --> 01:00:02,180 I got it. 1143 01:00:03,683 --> 01:00:05,642 All right. Well, thanks. 1144 01:00:07,145 --> 01:00:08,228 Okay. 1145 01:00:12,567 --> 01:00:14,359 Hey, how's she doing? 1146 01:00:17,739 --> 01:00:19,031 You know, she's good. 1147 01:00:19,115 --> 01:00:21,033 She's probably put on some weight, though, right? 1148 01:00:21,117 --> 01:00:22,993 From all the emotional eating due to the break-up? 1149 01:00:23,077 --> 01:00:25,245 You really lived up to the billing. You know that? 1150 01:00:25,330 --> 01:00:27,706 Joy told me what an impressive guy you are. 1151 01:00:27,790 --> 01:00:28,874 Oh ! Yeah. 1152 01:00:28,958 --> 01:00:32,169 She said she was trying to be so perfect, because 1153 01:00:32,879 --> 01:00:37,299 deep down, she never really felt like she was good enough to be with you. 1154 01:00:37,884 --> 01:00:40,594 But those insecurities are long gone now. 1155 01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:43,680 She's really come into her own. She's on fire! 1156 01:00:43,765 --> 01:00:46,516 I'll tell you what, she not gonna be on the open market for very long. 1157 01:00:46,601 --> 01:00:49,144 -It's a feeding frenzy out there! -A feeding frenzy, huh? Yeah. 1158 01:00:49,228 --> 01:00:51,188 Well, I gotta get going. 1159 01:00:51,856 --> 01:00:55,067 My Uncle Pat is having a birthday party tomorrow in Grove Park. 1160 01:00:55,151 --> 01:00:56,276 Joy and I are going. 1161 01:00:56,361 --> 01:00:59,821 Anyway, I gotta go pick up the present she got for him. Bag of weed ! 1162 01:00:59,906 --> 01:01:01,365 -Her idea! -Really? 1163 01:01:01,449 --> 01:01:03,158 -She's on fire! -Wow . 1164 01:01:03,242 --> 01:01:04,493 On fire. 1165 01:01:06,329 --> 01:01:08,080 Well, thanks again. 1166 01:01:12,752 --> 01:01:13,752 (HEY MAN NOW YOU'RE REALLY LIVING PLAYING) 1167 01:01:13,836 --> 01:01:15,545 Stripper! Hiya! 1168 01:01:15,630 --> 01:01:18,590 -I so want to junkpunch that guy. -What's with you and junkpunching? 1169 01:01:18,841 --> 01:01:20,717 -Joy? -Hi ! 1170 01:01:20,802 --> 01:01:23,011 I'm so glad you could make it. Hey, sweetie. 1171 01:01:23,096 --> 01:01:26,723 -Hi ! This is my girlfriend, Tipper. -Hi, Tipper. Judy. 1172 01:01:27,433 --> 01:01:28,809 -Thanks for calling. -Where's Jack? 1173 01:01:28,893 --> 01:01:31,770 He's over there, coaching the Little League. 1174 01:01:32,355 --> 01:01:35,273 Do you know what it's Iike to faII on the fIoor? 1175 01:01:35,608 --> 01:01:38,026 And cry your guts out tiII you got no more 1176 01:01:38,111 --> 01:01:40,195 Come on, sweetheart. I want my new daughter-in-law 1177 01:01:40,279 --> 01:01:42,823 -to meet the whole family. -Smile! 1178 01:01:42,949 --> 01:01:44,199 JACK: One, two, three, 1179 01:01:44,283 --> 01:01:45,325 -Rockets! -Rockets! 1180 01:01:45,410 --> 01:01:47,452 Who wants sugar? Let's go! 1181 01:01:47,787 --> 01:01:50,455 What is this, like a five-foot hoagie? 1182 01:01:51,374 --> 01:01:52,374 -Hi ! -Hi. 1183 01:01:52,458 --> 01:01:56,878 This is my niece, and BFF , the great Sammy Sosa. 1184 01:01:56,963 --> 01:02:01,466 Sammy, this is your Aunt Joy. 1185 01:02:01,551 --> 01:02:03,552 -Nice to meet you, Sammy. -Hi, Joy. 1186 01:02:03,636 --> 01:02:05,303 I didn't know you coached Little League. 1187 01:02:05,388 --> 01:02:08,390 Oh, there's a lot of things you don't know about me. Isn't that right? 1188 01:02:08,474 --> 01:02:13,061 Jack wore a little fedora and a leather jacket to school 1189 01:02:13,146 --> 01:02:14,646 every day for six months. 1190 01:02:14,731 --> 01:02:17,315 Who wouldn't want to be Indiana Jones? 1191 01:02:17,775 --> 01:02:18,942 I agree completely. I mean, 1192 01:02:19,026 --> 01:02:23,029 Raiders of the Lost Ark may be the greatest movie ever made. 1193 01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:31,455 -I don't think I like what's going on here. -What, are we bonding now? 1194 01:02:34,083 --> 01:02:37,419 Hey man now you're reaIIy Iiving 1195 01:02:37,503 --> 01:02:39,254 (BOTH CHEERING) 1196 01:02:39,338 --> 01:02:40,672 Yeah. 1197 01:02:40,965 --> 01:02:43,049 She doesn't seem so bad, Uncle Jack. 1198 01:02:43,509 --> 01:02:46,595 I think you guys should just split the money and stay married. 1199 01:02:46,846 --> 01:02:49,139 Make a hundred pretty babies. 1200 01:02:50,975 --> 01:02:52,392 You told her? 1201 01:02:52,560 --> 01:02:56,104 Yeah, I don't have secrets from Sammy. I tell her everything. 1202 01:02:56,189 --> 01:02:59,149 Hey man now you're reaIIy Iiving 1203 01:02:59,484 --> 01:03:05,238 WeII I just saw the sun rise over the hiII Never used to give me much of a thriII 1204 01:03:05,531 --> 01:03:09,367 But hey man now you're reaIIy Iiving 1205 01:03:09,452 --> 01:03:13,288 Well, ladies, I believe this is where we go our separate ways. 1206 01:03:13,539 --> 01:03:15,040 Thank you. 1207 01:03:18,044 --> 01:03:21,046 PeopIe sing 1208 01:03:21,130 --> 01:03:24,049 Do you know what it's Iike to faII on the fIoor? 1209 01:03:24,133 --> 01:03:26,802 And cry your guts out tiII you got no more 1210 01:03:26,886 --> 01:03:30,388 Hey man now you're reaIIy Iiving 1211 01:03:30,473 --> 01:03:31,681 Joy! 1212 01:03:32,058 --> 01:03:33,308 Mason. 1213 01:03:33,684 --> 01:03:36,478 -What are you doing here? -I was just visiting some friends. 1214 01:03:36,562 --> 01:03:39,189 -In Brooklyn? -Well, yeah. Yeah. 1215 01:03:39,273 --> 01:03:41,733 Brooklyn. The B. K. Love it here. 1216 01:03:41,818 --> 01:03:43,401 MASON: Yeah, they're artists. Yeah. 1217 01:03:43,486 --> 01:03:46,238 Hey, you want to go grab a glass of vino? Maybe chat up for a bit? 1218 01:03:46,364 --> 01:03:50,325 I can't right now. Sorry. 1219 01:03:50,409 --> 01:03:54,454 -Okay, all right. Well, maybe next week. -I have my retreat. 1220 01:03:55,748 --> 01:03:56,748 Wow! 1221 01:03:58,251 --> 01:04:00,418 You seem fine. 1222 01:04:01,796 --> 01:04:05,423 No, I mean, you look great. Doesn't she look great? You look great. 1223 01:04:05,758 --> 01:04:07,259 -Thanks. -Yeah. 1224 01:04:07,718 --> 01:04:09,219 I. . . Yeah. 1225 01:04:10,721 --> 01:04:12,889 -I gotta go. -Yeah, me, too. Me, too. 1226 01:04:13,057 --> 01:04:15,809 -All right, well, maybe some other time. -Yeah. 1227 01:04:15,893 --> 01:04:17,644 Good seeing you. Good bumping into you like that. Weird. 1228 01:04:18,771 --> 01:04:20,105 Take care. 1229 01:04:25,778 --> 01:04:27,946 -Oh, my God. You're falling for her. -What? 1230 01:04:28,114 --> 01:04:31,116 -You're falling for your wife! You idiot! -What are you talking about? 1231 01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:33,827 -She's a wily temptress. -"A wily temptress." 1232 01:04:33,911 --> 01:04:35,287 -Yes! -You just said "wily temptress." 1233 01:04:35,371 --> 01:04:37,247 Yes, I did, because that is what she is. 1234 01:04:37,790 --> 01:04:40,125 And what do wily temptresses do, Jack? 1235 01:04:40,293 --> 01:04:44,337 They tempt in a wily fashion. And then they play you. 1236 01:04:45,006 --> 01:04:49,217 Tempt, play, tempt, play. And she's playing you, my friend. 1237 01:04:49,302 --> 01:04:52,470 Don't let her play you out of what is rightfully yours. 1238 01:04:52,555 --> 01:04:56,641 Keep your eyes on the prize, Jack! Eyes on the prize. 1239 01:05:05,735 --> 01:05:08,695 Hey, McNally. What'd you do, take the weekend off? 1240 01:05:08,779 --> 01:05:09,905 -Oh. . . -Have fun? 1241 01:05:09,989 --> 01:05:12,157 No, I remember when I didn't care about my career, either. 1242 01:05:12,241 --> 01:05:16,244 I'm sorry, I just had this thing this weekend with my husband's family. . . 1243 01:05:16,329 --> 01:05:18,163 Your husband? You got married? 1244 01:05:18,289 --> 01:05:20,498 Well, thanks for the invite. I didn't even know you had a boyfriend. 1245 01:05:20,666 --> 01:05:22,876 Yeah, no, I'm married. I didn't tell you that? 1246 01:05:23,002 --> 01:05:25,962 No, you didn't. I guess you're not a big sharer. 1247 01:05:26,047 --> 01:05:28,298 Now, listen, Joy, I've been in this business for a long time. 1248 01:05:28,382 --> 01:05:31,468 And the thing that I value most in my employees is honesty. 1249 01:05:31,552 --> 01:05:35,013 So I'm gonna be honest with you. Right now, you and Chong are tied. 1250 01:05:35,097 --> 01:05:38,016 Now, Chonger is bringing her husband to the retreat. 1251 01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:41,686 -I think you should bring yours, too. -He will be there. 1252 01:05:42,521 --> 01:05:44,814 -You can count on it, sir. -Good. 1253 01:05:50,655 --> 01:05:51,655 No? 1254 01:05:53,574 --> 01:05:56,034 No. I have a lot of stuff to do this weekend, 1255 01:05:56,118 --> 01:05:57,994 and while the idea of hanging out with you and playing house 1256 01:05:58,079 --> 01:06:02,248 in front of all your boring co-workers sounds not fun at all, 1257 01:06:02,583 --> 01:06:04,417 I'm going to have to pass. 1258 01:06:06,545 --> 01:06:09,923 This is really important for my promotion. You see, 1259 01:06:10,549 --> 01:06:13,885 my boss said that he wants to meet my husband 1260 01:06:15,304 --> 01:06:17,514 so I just promised him that you would be there. 1261 01:06:17,598 --> 01:06:19,933 Maybe you should have asked me first. 1262 01:06:20,977 --> 01:06:22,185 Okay. 1263 01:06:23,396 --> 01:06:26,398 -I need this, Jack. -I need a lot of things, Joy. 1264 01:06:31,570 --> 01:06:32,779 So let me get this straight. 1265 01:06:32,863 --> 01:06:36,449 She asked you to come to a retreat for her job. 1266 01:06:36,534 --> 01:06:37,826 Yeah. 1267 01:06:37,910 --> 01:06:40,870 The most important thing to her in the world. 1268 01:06:41,998 --> 01:06:44,624 Do you believe that? I was like, "No!" 1269 01:06:46,627 --> 01:06:52,507 'Cause I'm like. . . I'm like, "Hey, what are you still doing here?" 1270 01:06:53,384 --> 01:06:56,344 Jack! You have got to get your ass down there, 1271 01:06:56,429 --> 01:06:59,055 pretend to be the perfect husband, charm them all, and then, 1272 01:06:59,140 --> 01:07:01,933 when you have them eating out of the palm of your hand, 1273 01:07:02,018 --> 01:07:03,935 you make her sign this. 1274 01:07:05,312 --> 01:07:07,605 -What's this? -This is a document, okay, 1275 01:07:08,399 --> 01:07:11,192 relinquishing all the rights to the money. 1276 01:07:11,652 --> 01:07:16,865 Right? You tell her if she doesn't sign it, you're gonna out her in front of everybody. 1277 01:07:19,285 --> 01:07:20,410 Yeah. 1278 01:07:22,329 --> 01:07:23,872 I mean, that's not, you know. . . 1279 01:07:23,956 --> 01:07:26,082 It's not pretty, but we can. . . 1280 01:07:26,667 --> 01:07:28,334 I can laminate it. 1281 01:07:31,922 --> 01:07:35,800 -I don't know. -Okay, look, Jack, the hearing's in a week. 1282 01:07:35,885 --> 01:07:38,011 Okay? This is our last shot. 1283 01:07:58,866 --> 01:08:00,992 -Hey, McNally. -Mr. Banger. 1284 01:08:01,327 --> 01:08:02,577 So, where's this husband of yours? 1285 01:08:02,661 --> 01:08:05,497 I just met Chonger's husband. He's a very smart guy. 1286 01:08:05,581 --> 01:08:07,665 He's a tool, but he's smart. 1287 01:08:08,167 --> 01:08:09,501 He's. . . 1288 01:08:09,585 --> 01:08:11,711 (PEOPLE LAUGHING) 1289 01:08:11,796 --> 01:08:15,465 So the spaceman says, "I don't even have a vagina!" 1290 01:08:15,549 --> 01:08:16,925 He's there! 1291 01:08:18,511 --> 01:08:20,637 I'll just take this to him. 1292 01:08:22,973 --> 01:08:24,891 Mr. Banger, I just wanted to take this moment 1293 01:08:24,975 --> 01:08:27,519 to express to you my gratitude. 1294 01:08:28,938 --> 01:08:30,730 I'll be seeing you at the. . . 1295 01:08:31,148 --> 01:08:32,357 The dining table. 1296 01:08:32,983 --> 01:08:34,359 -Hey, hey! -Hey. 1297 01:08:35,361 --> 01:08:36,945 (LAUGHS) 1298 01:08:37,029 --> 01:08:38,071 I'm so glad to see you. 1299 01:08:38,155 --> 01:08:39,823 Muffin, I've been looking everywhere for you. 1300 01:08:39,907 --> 01:08:43,368 This is why everyone should have their wife on LoJack. 1301 01:08:43,869 --> 01:08:46,871 Let me introduce you to my friends. This is David Young, your CFO . 1302 01:08:46,956 --> 01:08:48,957 Mr. Young. An honor. Hi. 1303 01:08:49,208 --> 01:08:51,709 And this is the rest of your board, actually. 1304 01:08:52,002 --> 01:08:54,921 Great people. Wealthy people. Sit down, sit down, sit down. 1305 01:08:57,174 --> 01:08:58,633 So you're the lucky guy. 1306 01:08:58,717 --> 01:09:01,344 -Hi. Jack Fuller. -I'm Richard Banger. 1307 01:09:02,346 --> 01:09:04,055 You're in my seat. 1308 01:09:05,141 --> 01:09:07,600 Wait, your name is Richard Banger? 1309 01:09:08,060 --> 01:09:10,061 Your name is Dick Banger. 1310 01:09:10,187 --> 01:09:11,980 Dick Banger! Dick Banger? 1311 01:09:12,106 --> 01:09:16,109 You, sir, have just provided us with jokes for the whole weekend ! 1312 01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:22,824 Well, you must be Jack. . .off! 1313 01:09:22,908 --> 01:09:24,659 Jack-Off! Give it to me, baby! 1314 01:09:24,743 --> 01:09:26,953 -Jack-Off, buddy! -He has a comeback! 1315 01:09:27,830 --> 01:09:29,789 McNally, where have you been hiding this guy? 1316 01:09:29,874 --> 01:09:31,666 You know, I've just been keeping him all to myself! 1317 01:09:31,750 --> 01:09:33,084 Well, you gotta learn how to share. 1318 01:09:33,169 --> 01:09:37,297 All right, everybody, let's sit down. Brainiac, Chonger, move over. 1319 01:09:37,965 --> 01:09:41,384 "Jack-Off." How about it? Oh, boy. 1320 01:09:41,468 --> 01:09:45,680 I don't know what made you change your mind, and I don't need to. I just. . . 1321 01:09:45,764 --> 01:09:47,098 Thank you. 1322 01:09:50,102 --> 01:09:53,062 -"Jack-Off." I love that. -Yeah, I do, too. 1323 01:09:56,650 --> 01:10:00,236 I love that, that you said that. Because it was. . . 1324 01:10:01,780 --> 01:10:03,114 For a moment there, I. . . 1325 01:10:03,199 --> 01:10:04,532 I'm so sorry. 1326 01:10:05,326 --> 01:10:07,035 MAN: Joy, come on over! Joy! 1327 01:10:07,119 --> 01:10:08,369 (PEOPLE CHEERING) 1328 01:10:08,454 --> 01:10:09,871 I'm on it! 1329 01:10:10,831 --> 01:10:13,041 -Yeah ! -I'm on it. 1330 01:10:15,836 --> 01:10:17,462 Yeah ! Yeah ! 1331 01:10:17,546 --> 01:10:19,547 (ALL CHEERING) 1332 01:10:19,632 --> 01:10:21,049 (ONE LOVE PLAYING) 1333 01:10:21,133 --> 01:10:25,136 One looks for happiness One longs to find a partner 1334 01:10:25,387 --> 01:10:29,307 One knows that nowadays One love will be the answer 1335 01:10:29,975 --> 01:10:30,975 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 1336 01:10:31,060 --> 01:10:33,728 One sees a crazy world One needs a fresh perspective 1337 01:10:33,812 --> 01:10:35,521 -Hey. -So what's up? She sign it yet? 1338 01:10:35,606 --> 01:10:37,899 -No, not yet. -You better not be pussying out on me! 1339 01:10:37,983 --> 01:10:40,652 Don't get your panties in a bunch. I'm just waiting for her to get down here. 1340 01:10:40,861 --> 01:10:42,737 Got to warm these people up, you know? 1341 01:10:42,821 --> 01:10:44,948 All right, well, call me when it's done, okay? 1342 01:10:45,032 --> 01:10:46,241 I'm holding down the fort in the meantime. 1343 01:10:46,325 --> 01:10:47,367 -Yeah. AII right. -Bye. 1344 01:10:51,330 --> 01:10:52,622 Lavender. 1345 01:10:53,832 --> 01:10:55,541 You get on my head. 1346 01:10:59,213 --> 01:11:03,132 Oh, my God. That is slick. That is something else. 1347 01:11:37,543 --> 01:11:39,919 -Can you believe this? -No. 1348 01:11:42,089 --> 01:11:45,550 I guess I was wrong. You do clean up pretty well. 1349 01:11:49,638 --> 01:11:50,763 What? 1350 01:11:52,349 --> 01:11:54,309 No, you just. . . You. . . 1351 01:11:55,060 --> 01:11:57,145 I like your hair like that. 1352 01:11:58,105 --> 01:11:59,355 Thanks. 1353 01:11:59,898 --> 01:12:01,691 Can I get two shots? 1354 01:12:02,067 --> 01:12:03,860 You know what? Make it three. 1355 01:12:03,944 --> 01:12:06,446 Hello, McNally. Jack-Off, how are you doing? 1356 01:12:07,906 --> 01:12:09,115 -Hey, Mr. Banger. -How are you? 1357 01:12:09,199 --> 01:12:10,241 Good. 1358 01:12:10,743 --> 01:12:11,909 Cheers. 1359 01:12:14,997 --> 01:12:18,166 "Hello, my name is Joy's Bitch." 1360 01:12:20,586 --> 01:12:23,546 How's it going tonight? You guys having fun? 1361 01:12:24,673 --> 01:12:27,759 That's a good one, McNally. I had no idea you were so much fun. 1362 01:12:27,843 --> 01:12:29,052 She's very serious at work. 1363 01:12:29,136 --> 01:12:31,512 You don't know her that well. This one's a wildcat. 1364 01:12:31,597 --> 01:12:35,641 -I wouldn't lie to you, Big Dick. -Well, if you did, I'd have to kill you. 1365 01:12:35,726 --> 01:12:37,852 -Seriously. -There's nothing this woman loves 1366 01:12:37,936 --> 01:12:39,228 -more than a good dare. -Really? 1367 01:12:39,313 --> 01:12:41,189 Yeah. You ever see what she can do with a champagne bottle? 1368 01:12:41,273 --> 01:12:44,734 -Unbelievable. Shocking. -No, it's just. . . It's a party trick. It's not. . . 1369 01:12:44,818 --> 01:12:46,194 I dare you. 1370 01:12:52,951 --> 01:12:54,952 -I hate you. -You love me. 1371 01:12:56,288 --> 01:12:57,830 (EXCLAIMING) 1372 01:12:57,915 --> 01:12:59,999 Very good ! Very good ! 1373 01:13:00,084 --> 01:13:02,960 Terrific! You know, had I seen this side of you before, 1374 01:13:03,045 --> 01:13:06,297 I probably would have promoted you a long time ago. 1375 01:13:10,594 --> 01:13:13,012 (SINGING) Get down on it 1376 01:13:13,097 --> 01:13:15,056 -That's a lot. -Your turn. 1377 01:13:15,140 --> 01:13:17,433 How you gonna do it If you reaIIy don't wanna dance 1378 01:13:17,810 --> 01:13:19,560 By standing on the waII? 1379 01:13:19,645 --> 01:13:21,771 You know what? You shouldn't do that. 1380 01:13:22,815 --> 01:13:24,649 You've got this, okay? 1381 01:13:25,692 --> 01:13:27,276 Throw the dice. 1382 01:13:28,153 --> 01:13:29,779 You've got this. 1383 01:13:31,824 --> 01:13:33,491 -We need what, a seven? -A seven ! 1384 01:13:33,617 --> 01:13:35,410 -Okay. -Throw a seven ! 1385 01:13:38,163 --> 01:13:39,288 DEALER: Seven. 1386 01:13:39,373 --> 01:13:40,790 Oh, my God ! 1387 01:13:41,083 --> 01:13:42,917 -Thank you. Thank you. -You're welcome. 1388 01:13:43,001 --> 01:13:45,294 We're done. Can we quit? Can we quit? We're. . . Okay. 1389 01:13:45,379 --> 01:13:46,546 Throw it in there. 1390 01:13:46,630 --> 01:13:50,383 Thank you. Ladies and gentIemen, wouId you pIease gather round? 1391 01:13:50,467 --> 01:13:51,426 (CELL PHONE BEEPING) 1392 01:13:51,510 --> 01:13:55,763 BANGER: Come on. Don't be afraid. This year's Golden Handshake Award 1393 01:13:55,848 --> 01:13:59,183 for best team spirit goes to a new face, 1394 01:13:59,810 --> 01:14:04,063 and one of the funniest son of a bitches I've ever had the pIeasure to know. 1395 01:14:04,148 --> 01:14:06,357 And I think you know who I'm taIking about. 1396 01:14:06,442 --> 01:14:11,529 -Jack-Off! Jack-Off! Jack-Off! -Jack-Off! Jack-Off! Jack-Off! 1397 01:14:11,613 --> 01:14:13,656 BANGER: Get up here! Come on! 1398 01:14:15,284 --> 01:14:17,618 Congratulations, Jack-Off. 1399 01:14:19,538 --> 01:14:22,790 WeII, thank you aII for an amazing weekend. I... 1400 01:14:25,002 --> 01:14:27,211 I have to thank my wife, Joy. 1401 01:14:32,301 --> 01:14:36,012 She probably never told you all the story about how we met. 1402 01:14:41,560 --> 01:14:44,604 It might come as a surprise to many of you 1403 01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:49,442 that we didn't know each other for very Iong before we got hitched. 1404 01:14:56,241 --> 01:14:58,951 What can I say? You know? When you know, you know. 1405 01:15:01,038 --> 01:15:05,291 On our wedding night, we were so busy running back to the honeymoon suite 1406 01:15:05,375 --> 01:15:10,046 that we never reaIIy got a chance to have a first dance. 1407 01:15:10,672 --> 01:15:11,756 So... 1408 01:15:14,927 --> 01:15:16,219 Ladies and gentIemen, 1409 01:15:16,303 --> 01:15:19,514 for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Jack FuIIer! 1410 01:15:19,598 --> 01:15:20,973 (CROWD APPLAUDING) 1411 01:15:25,771 --> 01:15:26,729 (PLAYING WHAT A FEELING) 1412 01:15:26,813 --> 01:15:30,399 (SINGING) First, when there's nothing 1413 01:15:30,484 --> 01:15:34,904 but a sIow gIowing dream 1414 01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:37,865 That your fear seems to hide... 1415 01:15:37,950 --> 01:15:38,991 (GLASSES CLINKING) 1416 01:15:39,076 --> 01:15:40,785 You hear that? 1417 01:15:40,869 --> 01:15:43,996 -They're clinking. -Yeah. They are clinking. 1418 01:15:44,831 --> 01:15:47,583 I think that means they want us to kiss. 1419 01:15:47,793 --> 01:15:50,503 Well, if that's what the crowd wants. . . 1420 01:15:51,296 --> 01:15:54,674 Yeah, but if you're not up for it, you don't have to. It's fine. 1421 01:15:54,758 --> 01:15:58,636 In a worId made of steeI 1422 01:15:58,720 --> 01:16:02,306 Made of stone 1423 01:16:06,478 --> 01:16:10,022 WeII, I hear the music 1424 01:16:10,232 --> 01:16:13,818 Close my eyes, feel the rhythm 1425 01:16:14,319 --> 01:16:15,903 Wrap around 1426 01:16:15,988 --> 01:16:21,117 Take a hoId of my heart 1427 01:16:21,994 --> 01:16:23,869 What a feeIing! 1428 01:16:25,414 --> 01:16:28,291 Being's beIieving 1429 01:16:29,251 --> 01:16:35,756 I can't have it aII Now I'm dancing for my Iife 1430 01:16:36,925 --> 01:16:38,843 Take your passion 1431 01:16:40,304 --> 01:16:43,014 And make it happen 1432 01:16:46,018 --> 01:16:47,852 Go. Go. 1433 01:16:54,192 --> 01:16:57,695 Okay, people. Party like you mean it. 1434 01:16:57,821 --> 01:17:00,865 And what happens in Tujunga FaIIs 1435 01:17:01,575 --> 01:17:03,909 stays in Tujunga FaIIs! 1436 01:17:03,994 --> 01:17:05,077 (CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING) 1437 01:17:05,162 --> 01:17:07,872 ALL: We love it! We love it! We love it! 1438 01:17:08,165 --> 01:17:11,500 Now I hear the music 1439 01:17:11,835 --> 01:17:15,338 Close my eyes, I am rhythm 1440 01:17:15,881 --> 01:17:17,214 In a fIash 1441 01:17:17,382 --> 01:17:18,966 It takes hoId 1442 01:17:19,384 --> 01:17:23,220 of my heart 1443 01:17:23,972 --> 01:17:25,264 What a feeIing 1444 01:17:25,349 --> 01:17:27,016 All right, look. 1445 01:17:27,559 --> 01:17:30,686 When's the last time you were, like, really happy? 1446 01:17:30,771 --> 01:17:32,772 -Really happy? -And don't say Vegas, 1447 01:17:32,856 --> 01:17:36,233 because if you do, I'll just. . . I'll have to cry. 1448 01:17:38,111 --> 01:17:39,236 Okay. 1449 01:17:40,989 --> 01:17:42,907 There was this one day, 1450 01:17:43,867 --> 01:17:46,285 before the Exchange, before Mason. 1451 01:17:48,080 --> 01:17:52,166 I was feeling really adventurous, so I took the ferry 1452 01:17:52,250 --> 01:17:55,086 -about 30 miles east of the city. -Mmm-hmm. 1453 01:17:55,629 --> 01:17:57,380 There was this great lighthouse. 1454 01:17:57,464 --> 01:18:01,092 I mean, it was just right on the beach, off the boardwalk. 1455 01:18:01,510 --> 01:18:03,511 -You went there by yourself? -Yeah. 1456 01:18:03,595 --> 01:18:06,389 You know, I just, like, sat on the beach, 1457 01:18:07,432 --> 01:18:10,810 listened to the waves, watched the sunset. 1458 01:18:12,396 --> 01:18:16,857 God ! I had no concerns, you know? I had, like, no responsibilities, 1459 01:18:16,942 --> 01:18:18,734 no job stressing me out. 1460 01:18:18,819 --> 01:18:21,946 I had no one to please but myself. 1461 01:18:22,948 --> 01:18:25,408 -That's that photo you have. -Yeah. 1462 01:18:26,702 --> 01:18:29,704 That was a great day. 1463 01:18:46,972 --> 01:18:49,390 I did take myself out of the game. 1464 01:18:55,313 --> 01:18:57,356 If you stop betting, 1465 01:18:58,442 --> 01:19:00,317 you never have to lose. 1466 01:19:13,749 --> 01:19:15,541 I'd bet on you, Jack. 1467 01:19:29,639 --> 01:19:32,183 So, long day, huh? 1468 01:19:32,768 --> 01:19:34,143 Yeah. 1469 01:19:37,022 --> 01:19:39,899 So, we should probably get to bed. 1470 01:19:42,027 --> 01:19:43,068 Yep. 1471 01:20:03,048 --> 01:20:05,382 Can you undo my zipper? 1472 01:20:06,009 --> 01:20:08,886 -It gets stuck. -Yeah ! Yeah. 1473 01:20:09,763 --> 01:20:11,138 Absolutely. 1474 01:20:16,311 --> 01:20:17,645 All right. 1475 01:20:31,493 --> 01:20:33,702 All right. Okay. There it is. 1476 01:20:38,625 --> 01:20:39,834 Thanks. 1477 01:21:08,405 --> 01:21:10,614 Hey, I. . . These. . . 1478 01:21:10,699 --> 01:21:14,285 -I wasn't in your things. -It's okay. Just leave them right there. 1479 01:21:14,369 --> 01:21:16,120 I can put them back. 1480 01:21:22,127 --> 01:21:23,961 Good night, Mr. Fuller. 1481 01:21:24,546 --> 01:21:26,463 Good night, Mrs. Fuller. 1482 01:21:53,783 --> 01:21:55,659 (IT'S ALRIGHT PLAYING) 1483 01:21:56,828 --> 01:21:58,287 It's aII right 1484 01:22:00,665 --> 01:22:02,041 It's okay 1485 01:22:02,125 --> 01:22:03,125 (GASPS) 1486 01:22:03,335 --> 01:22:04,460 Everything's aII right 1487 01:22:04,544 --> 01:22:05,544 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 1488 01:22:08,506 --> 01:22:09,924 It's aII right 1489 01:22:10,884 --> 01:22:13,177 Everything's aII right 1490 01:22:19,726 --> 01:22:20,726 It's okay 1491 01:22:22,854 --> 01:22:26,106 Okay, I'm on my way. I know. 1492 01:22:26,191 --> 01:22:27,691 It's almost over. I'm about to be a free woman. 1493 01:22:27,776 --> 01:22:30,402 -Joy. Joy! -What? 1494 01:22:31,696 --> 01:22:33,155 I have to go. 1495 01:22:33,490 --> 01:22:34,949 -Mason? -Yeah. 1496 01:22:37,369 --> 01:22:40,746 I can't talk right now. I'm sorry. I have to get going. I just. . . 1497 01:22:40,830 --> 01:22:42,665 I want you back, Joy. 1498 01:22:44,209 --> 01:22:46,961 -What? -I made a huge mistake letting you go. 1499 01:22:47,045 --> 01:22:48,712 I see that now. 1500 01:22:48,797 --> 01:22:52,007 Seeing you the other day, you had this glow about you. 1501 01:22:52,092 --> 01:22:54,843 Not that you didn't before, it's just. . . 1502 01:22:54,928 --> 01:22:57,054 Sometimes it takes losing something 1503 01:22:57,138 --> 01:22:59,473 for you to realize what you had. 1504 01:23:00,183 --> 01:23:03,102 I want to make up for the wrong I did to you. 1505 01:23:04,562 --> 01:23:06,063 This is yours. 1506 01:23:06,731 --> 01:23:09,608 I gave it to you, and I want you to have it. 1507 01:23:11,778 --> 01:23:14,154 -Where did you get this? -And Joy, 1508 01:23:15,907 --> 01:23:18,117 you are good enough for me. 1509 01:23:30,338 --> 01:23:31,588 I mean that! 1510 01:23:48,148 --> 01:23:50,232 JUDGE WHOPPER: Court is called to order. 1511 01:23:51,067 --> 01:23:54,111 Well, lookie here, lookie here! The happy couple! 1512 01:23:54,195 --> 01:23:57,948 Six months down the road. Did you learn anything? 1513 01:23:58,533 --> 01:23:59,575 We'll see. 1514 01:23:59,659 --> 01:24:02,786 Now, Dr. Twitchell, in your opinion, did the couple, 1515 01:24:02,871 --> 01:24:04,913 Jack Fuller and Joy McNally, 1516 01:24:04,998 --> 01:24:07,708 obey the court order to live together as man and wife, 1517 01:24:07,792 --> 01:24:11,211 and do you believe they put sufficient effort into the marriage? 1518 01:24:16,217 --> 01:24:17,718 These two have 1519 01:24:20,638 --> 01:24:22,264 a lot of issues. 1520 01:24:22,682 --> 01:24:26,310 A lot of deeply unsettling issues 1521 01:24:26,728 --> 01:24:30,105 that, as individuals, they seriously need to work on. 1522 01:24:31,107 --> 01:24:32,441 Seriously. 1523 01:24:33,985 --> 01:24:36,820 But together, in my honest opinion, 1524 01:24:38,198 --> 01:24:40,491 they're perfect for each other. 1525 01:24:41,076 --> 01:24:42,326 It's the real thing. 1526 01:24:43,286 --> 01:24:44,620 Go figure. 1527 01:24:46,331 --> 01:24:49,166 Well, thank you, Doctor. You may step down. 1528 01:24:52,003 --> 01:24:53,337 Tipper! 1529 01:25:00,512 --> 01:25:02,096 Hi, Your Honor. 1530 01:25:02,931 --> 01:25:04,515 Have you lost weight? 1531 01:25:06,601 --> 01:25:08,352 Gotcha. Let's begin. 1532 01:25:08,978 --> 01:25:14,066 Although Ms. McNally ran up $25,000 in credit card debt in my client's name, 1533 01:25:14,150 --> 01:25:16,819 my client recently spent the same amount 1534 01:25:16,903 --> 01:25:19,863 for materials for his new furniture business. 1535 01:25:20,198 --> 01:25:23,242 Therefore, we propose the following settlement, Your Honor. 1536 01:25:23,493 --> 01:25:25,869 The original $3 million, deduct half for taxes 1537 01:25:25,954 --> 01:25:28,664 and $50 ,000 that's already been spent, 1538 01:25:28,748 --> 01:25:31,750 that leaves $1 .45 million to be divided. . . 1539 01:25:36,714 --> 01:25:37,923 equally. 1540 01:25:38,007 --> 01:25:41,885 Now that's the spirit! You've learned to share! Do you accept? 1541 01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:50,602 No, Your Honor, we do not. 1542 01:25:50,687 --> 01:25:51,687 (COUGHS) 1543 01:25:51,771 --> 01:25:53,522 (WHISPERS) Gold-digging whore. 1544 01:25:53,606 --> 01:25:57,568 My client has advised me that she doesn't want any of the money. 1545 01:25:58,486 --> 01:26:00,445 She just wants a divorce. 1546 01:26:01,364 --> 01:26:03,490 Miss McNally, are you sure? 1547 01:26:06,452 --> 01:26:07,995 Yes, Your Honor, I am. 1548 01:26:08,079 --> 01:26:13,083 Well, then I hereby grant the divorce and award all the monies to Mr. Fuller. 1549 01:26:13,585 --> 01:26:15,377 Court adjourned. 1550 01:26:20,925 --> 01:26:22,509 You win, Jack. 1551 01:26:22,594 --> 01:26:25,095 I officially want nothing from you. 1552 01:26:32,061 --> 01:26:33,604 Oh, my God. 1553 01:26:33,688 --> 01:26:36,732 I won a case! Jesus Christ! 1554 01:26:36,816 --> 01:26:38,859 Dude, we won ! 1555 01:26:39,110 --> 01:26:40,360 I won ! 1556 01:26:40,445 --> 01:26:43,197 Yeah ! I'm the law, bitches! 1557 01:26:43,281 --> 01:26:44,865 I'm a lawyer! 1558 01:26:45,533 --> 01:26:46,783 HATER: To me! 1559 01:26:47,535 --> 01:26:49,369 Anybody need a lawyer? 1560 01:26:49,454 --> 01:26:51,330 (TONIGHT I HAVE TO LEAVE IT PLAYING) 1561 01:26:51,789 --> 01:26:53,916 And tonight I have to Ieave it 1562 01:26:54,209 --> 01:26:56,543 It's hard out there, isn't it? 1563 01:26:57,503 --> 01:26:59,379 Time heals all wounds. 1564 01:27:03,134 --> 01:27:07,971 Now that you guys are officially done, is there any chance I can get her number. 1565 01:27:09,557 --> 01:27:10,974 E-mail is fine. 1566 01:27:12,685 --> 01:27:14,478 Go ahead, run it. 1567 01:27:18,191 --> 01:27:21,985 Have any idea what her plans are going to be for the future? 1568 01:27:25,949 --> 01:27:27,324 Yeah, okay. 1569 01:27:27,742 --> 01:27:30,452 You don't have to answer that right now. 1570 01:27:34,540 --> 01:27:36,667 MAN: Hey, I have a question. 1571 01:27:37,835 --> 01:27:39,920 How much does an island cost? 1572 01:27:48,096 --> 01:27:51,181 BANGER: Now we come to the final item on our agenda. 1573 01:27:53,101 --> 01:27:55,102 Congratulations, McNally. 1574 01:27:57,855 --> 01:28:00,482 Thank you, sir. I won't let you down. 1575 01:28:06,406 --> 01:28:09,366 Okay, I think I'm gonna have to let you down. 1576 01:28:09,450 --> 01:28:11,952 Why don't you just give it to Chong, you know? 1577 01:28:12,036 --> 01:28:13,453 She's good, she deserves it, 1578 01:28:13,538 --> 01:28:15,998 and besides, I think she just enjoys being miserable. 1579 01:28:16,374 --> 01:28:18,583 -Yes! -You sure you know what you're doing? 1580 01:28:18,668 --> 01:28:21,628 No, I don't. But I think that's the point. 1581 01:28:22,922 --> 01:28:25,549 I would rather do nothing and be happy 1582 01:28:26,426 --> 01:28:29,011 than do something that I don't love. 1583 01:28:42,025 --> 01:28:43,817 Well, I lost her at happy. 1584 01:28:43,901 --> 01:28:45,652 I don't know what the hell she was trying to say anyway. 1585 01:28:45,737 --> 01:28:48,238 Well done, Chonger. The job is yours. 1586 01:28:52,035 --> 01:28:53,327 Thank you. 1587 01:28:53,911 --> 01:28:55,996 So! Jack made a piece of furniture. 1588 01:28:56,998 --> 01:28:58,415 He finished it. 1589 01:28:58,499 --> 01:29:00,167 Okay. Go ahead, Dad. What's wrong with it? 1590 01:29:00,251 --> 01:29:01,710 Nothing. It's good. 1591 01:29:01,794 --> 01:29:04,087 It's really good. I'm proud of you. 1592 01:29:07,258 --> 01:29:08,467 -Thank you. -But. . . 1593 01:29:08,551 --> 01:29:09,509 Here we go. 1594 01:29:09,594 --> 01:29:11,178 . . .you royally screwed up when it comes to that girl. 1595 01:29:11,262 --> 01:29:15,057 It was a big, stupid mistake. Okay? The entire marriage was a lie! 1596 01:29:15,141 --> 01:29:17,684 The marriage might have been a mistake, but it was not a lie. 1597 01:29:17,769 --> 01:29:20,562 And I think that anybody who has spent time with you two recently 1598 01:29:20,646 --> 01:29:21,730 could tell you that. 1599 01:29:21,814 --> 01:29:25,025 So why don't you get your head out of your ass 1600 01:29:25,109 --> 01:29:27,277 and go do something about it? 1601 01:29:27,904 --> 01:29:31,281 Or should I tell you not to, and then maybe you will? 1602 01:29:34,577 --> 01:29:37,245 -TIPPER: She's gone, man. -Gone? What do you mean, gone? 1603 01:29:37,330 --> 01:29:41,666 She, like, lost it. She quit her job, shut off her phone. She took off. 1604 01:29:41,918 --> 01:29:43,919 Look, I don't really care much for you, 1605 01:29:44,003 --> 01:29:45,837 and I want to cut your friend Hater. Seriously. 1606 01:29:45,922 --> 01:29:47,172 But for some reason, 1607 01:29:47,256 --> 01:29:50,217 you're, like, the only man that Joy can actually be herself with, 1608 01:29:50,301 --> 01:29:54,262 so I wanna tell you where she is, I really do. I just don't know. 1609 01:29:54,847 --> 01:29:56,848 -What do you know? -I don't know. If you were miserable 1610 01:29:56,933 --> 01:30:00,435 and you wanted to get happy again, where would you go? 1611 01:30:02,188 --> 01:30:03,313 What? 1612 01:30:05,024 --> 01:30:06,358 Thank you. 1613 01:30:09,612 --> 01:30:11,947 Okay, tell you what. We both go. 1614 01:30:12,240 --> 01:30:13,448 That way, when she sees us both, 1615 01:30:13,533 --> 01:30:16,076 she can make up her mind on who she wants to be with. 1616 01:30:16,160 --> 01:30:20,038 I've loaned you my band saw, I've loaned you my beer tap. 1617 01:30:20,123 --> 01:30:21,665 Do you even know how to drive an automatic? 1618 01:30:21,749 --> 01:30:23,417 The keys. Give me the keys. 1619 01:30:23,501 --> 01:30:24,918 Here. Sorry. 1620 01:30:25,461 --> 01:30:27,838 Go get your future ex-ex-wife. 1621 01:30:27,922 --> 01:30:29,756 (I'M NOT OVER PLAYING) 1622 01:30:37,473 --> 01:30:40,559 What're you doing later? You like trance music? 1623 01:30:45,523 --> 01:30:49,359 What a waste of time The thought crossed my mind 1624 01:30:49,444 --> 01:30:52,112 But I never missed a beat 1625 01:30:52,905 --> 01:30:56,992 Can't explain the who or what I was 1626 01:30:57,368 --> 01:30:59,744 Trying to beIieve 1627 01:31:00,288 --> 01:31:01,955 What wouId you do? 1628 01:31:03,875 --> 01:31:07,043 What wouId you do? Do you know? 1629 01:31:07,378 --> 01:31:11,256 I once had a grip on everything 1630 01:31:11,340 --> 01:31:14,426 It feeIs better to Iet go 1631 01:31:14,510 --> 01:31:16,553 I'm not over 1632 01:31:18,389 --> 01:31:21,975 I'm not over you just yet 1633 01:31:22,059 --> 01:31:24,060 Cannot hide it 1634 01:31:25,730 --> 01:31:29,232 You're not that easy to forget 1635 01:31:29,609 --> 01:31:38,867 I'm not over 1636 01:32:02,558 --> 01:32:03,934 You found me. 1637 01:32:05,937 --> 01:32:07,729 You left this behind, 1638 01:32:08,940 --> 01:32:12,817 and I wanted to bring it back to you. 1639 01:32:18,282 --> 01:32:22,160 Do you know how many lighthouses there are 30 miles east of the city? 1640 01:32:22,245 --> 01:32:23,995 -How many? -Five. 1641 01:32:24,080 --> 01:32:26,957 -Really? -Yeah, just in case you're wondering. 1642 01:32:27,041 --> 01:32:28,083 So. 1643 01:32:29,293 --> 01:32:34,839 Did you come all the way out here just to give this back to me? 1644 01:32:35,800 --> 01:32:38,510 I did. So I'm going to get out of here. 1645 01:32:41,389 --> 01:32:43,223 All right. Here it is. 1646 01:32:44,183 --> 01:32:46,810 When we were married, I was horrible. 1647 01:32:47,603 --> 01:32:50,230 Sick. Just wrong. 1648 01:32:52,441 --> 01:32:55,026 And it's the best time I've ever had. 1649 01:32:58,698 --> 01:33:01,032 You bet on me, Joy, 1650 01:33:03,661 --> 01:33:06,288 and you made me want to bet on myself. 1651 01:33:06,706 --> 01:33:10,000 So don't think about anyone else 1652 01:33:10,501 --> 01:33:13,503 and just answer this for you. 1653 01:33:22,221 --> 01:33:24,556 Do you want to be married to me? 1654 01:33:25,641 --> 01:33:26,808 Again? 1655 01:33:29,395 --> 01:33:30,687 You know, 1656 01:33:32,023 --> 01:33:35,191 for so long, I've just. . . I've tried to please everybody. 1657 01:33:35,693 --> 01:33:38,778 And by not trying to please you, 1658 01:33:41,407 --> 01:33:43,658 I think I became myself again. 1659 01:33:46,871 --> 01:33:47,912 I do 1660 01:33:49,040 --> 01:33:52,876 want to be married to you again. 1661 01:34:19,403 --> 01:34:20,862 I quit my job. 1662 01:34:22,073 --> 01:34:23,281 I heard. 1663 01:34:23,532 --> 01:34:26,951 I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do. No clue. 1664 01:34:27,078 --> 01:34:31,706 Well, it's a good thing that I have. . . That we have a ton of money. 1665 01:34:31,791 --> 01:34:33,458 Oh, my God ! 1666 01:34:35,211 --> 01:34:38,421 That's right. We hit the jackpot. 1667 01:34:39,173 --> 01:34:40,507 Yeah, I did. 1668 01:34:45,596 --> 01:34:48,515 Now, Joy, do you take this young man 1669 01:34:49,684 --> 01:34:54,270 to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, 1670 01:34:54,605 --> 01:34:55,605 Uh-huh. 1671 01:34:55,731 --> 01:34:57,774 for richer or for poorer. . . 1672 01:34:58,776 --> 01:35:00,068 I do. I take him. 1673 01:35:00,152 --> 01:35:01,986 WOMAN: Naughty! Naughty! 1674 01:35:02,071 --> 01:35:04,989 Jack, would you put the ring upon her finger? 1675 01:35:05,908 --> 01:35:08,368 -Was that the one? -That was it! Oh, my God ! 1676 01:35:08,452 --> 01:35:10,245 You may kiss the bride. 1677 01:35:10,329 --> 01:35:11,996 (CHEERING) 1678 01:35:12,248 --> 01:35:13,915 This is the greatest day of my life! 1679 01:35:14,375 --> 01:35:18,002 -This is the greatest day of my. . . -What? What? 1680 01:35:19,880 --> 01:35:21,005 Oh, my. . . 1681 01:35:21,215 --> 01:35:22,716 This is marvelous, simply marvelous. 1682 01:35:22,800 --> 01:35:24,843 -Bye! Thank you ! -Bye-bye. 1683 01:35:24,969 --> 01:35:26,678 Have fun, you guys! 1684 01:35:26,762 --> 01:35:28,388 It's so much fun in there! You guys are gonna love it! 1685 01:35:28,472 --> 01:35:30,557 -JACK: Woman ! -Holy shit. 1686 01:35:30,641 --> 01:35:32,684 -JACK: Woman ! -I'm coming ! 1687 01:35:34,645 --> 01:35:35,812 Hey! 1688 01:35:39,150 --> 01:35:40,108 (I HATE YOU (MY FRIEND) PLAYING) 1689 01:35:40,192 --> 01:35:43,778 No one here Iikes you Go away get a clue 1690 01:35:43,863 --> 01:35:45,822 Go back to your. . .zoo 1691 01:35:45,906 --> 01:35:46,906 (SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST PLAYING ON STEREO) 1692 01:35:46,991 --> 01:35:48,783 And now we're standing face to face 1693 01:35:48,868 --> 01:35:50,160 (DOORBELL RINGS) 1694 01:35:50,786 --> 01:35:55,081 Isn't this worId a crazy pIace 1695 01:35:56,125 --> 01:35:58,001 (GRUNTS) 1696 01:36:00,337 --> 01:36:01,337 Why? 1697 01:36:01,422 --> 01:36:09,095 You know why! 1698 01:36:10,306 --> 01:36:15,018 No one here Iikes you Go away, get a clue 1699 01:36:15,186 --> 01:36:19,355 Go back to your. . .zoo or whatever it is you do 1700 01:36:19,440 --> 01:36:23,735 I don't know why I don't Iike what's in your eyes 1701 01:36:23,986 --> 01:36:26,279 And I'd Iove to spIit them wide 1702 01:36:28,032 --> 01:36:30,366 I couId pretend 1703 01:36:30,743 --> 01:36:34,871 Can't you understand I hate you my friend 1704 01:36:36,499 --> 01:36:39,209 Some call it an obsession 1705 01:36:40,753 --> 01:36:43,713 And some caII it a good hate 1706 01:36:44,882 --> 01:36:47,842 And I'II just caII it pathetic 1707 01:36:48,719 --> 01:36:51,679 But some totaIIy reIate 1708 01:36:53,724 --> 01:36:57,852 I'd rather go to heII than shake your hand or wish you weII 1709 01:36:58,395 --> 01:37:00,271 In case you couIdn't teII 1710 01:37:02,399 --> 01:37:06,444 Go ahead, boy, drink your drink Go ahead, boy, do your thing 1711 01:37:06,695 --> 01:37:10,365 Can you learn the words to every song I sing 1712 01:37:10,991 --> 01:37:13,034 I couId pretend 1713 01:37:13,661 --> 01:37:17,747 Can't you understand I hate you my friend 1714 01:37:36,642 --> 01:37:39,269 Some call it an obsession 1715 01:37:40,771 --> 01:37:43,606 And some caII it a good hate 1716 01:37:45,025 --> 01:37:47,944 And I'II just caII it pathetic 1717 01:37:48,737 --> 01:37:51,781 But some totaIIy reIate 1718 01:37:53,325 --> 01:37:58,079 No one here Iikes you Go away, get a clue 1719 01:37:58,163 --> 01:38:02,250 Go back to your. . .zoo or whatever it is you do 1720 01:38:02,501 --> 01:38:04,502 I couId pretend 1721 01:38:05,087 --> 01:38:09,299 Can't you understand I hate you my friend 1722 01:38:11,343 --> 01:38:18,224 I hate you my friend 1723 01:40:42,286 --> 01:40:43,953 You like to party?