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Created and Encoded by --  Bokutox -- of  www.YIFY-TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet.

2
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You little motherfucker!

3
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,969
Get up, Zack.

4
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:15,950
Come on, I don't wanna be late
for work.

5
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,335
- Ahh! Get out!
- Jesus, fuck!

6
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,545
Close the door
if you're gonna take a shit.

7
00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:30,340
- It was closed.
- It was closed over, it was not closed.

8
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,217
- Close the door, Zack!
- Okay, okay.

9
00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:34,344
- God.
- Fine.

10
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,198
- What's that thing?
- It's a hand warmer.

11
00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,459
We're going now.

12
00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:20,598
- You smell that? Is that the car? Fuck.
- Oh, goddamn it.

13
00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,809
- What? What?
- Oh, it's wedged in my taint.

14
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,727
- What is?
- It got wedged in my taint.

15
00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,730
- What?
- It's stuck under my balls.

16
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:30,733
- It's between my balls and my leg.
- What's happening?

17
00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:35,238
- Please, pull over. Pull the fuck over!
- All right, all right! Jesus, all right!

18
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,323
It's about to move up to my ass.
What?

19
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,075
The movement makes it hotter.

20
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:42,203
It's tucked under them.
It's stuck under them.

21
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,091
Oh, fuck.

22
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,564
I think I burned my ball hair off.

23
00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,528
It's not funny.

24
00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:32,462
Can you help me pick out an outfit
for tonight?

25
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,714
I'm working till 6.

26
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:41,846
- Well, I can try stuff on at the store.
- The store?

27
00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:44,641
No, how about instead,
you get a friend?

28
00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:46,351
But you are my friend.

29
00:03:46,517 --> 00:03:49,812
I mean a girl friend, jeez.

30
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:34,023
Mr. Delaney,
can you work for me tomorrow?

31
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:35,275
Tomorrow's Thanksgiving.

32
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:39,028
Then you must come in the next day,
I tell you.

33
00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:41,364
- It's Black Friday.
- Black Friday?

34
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:44,492
It's the biggest mall-shopping day
of the year.

35
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:49,497
And since the mall is just up the street,
I would like you to come out and work.

36
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:52,041
- On Black Friday.
- Oh, yeah.

37
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,627
All right, you want me to work
on Moolie Monday too?

38
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,046
- I'm sorry?
- How about Nigga Tuesday?

39
00:04:57,213 --> 00:05:00,717
- Nigga Tuesday? Is this a new holiday?
- You come to a brother and tell him

40
00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:04,846
he gotta work on Black Friday. You
got any idea how racist that sounds?

41
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:07,181
Telling me to work.
What, you think you own me?

42
00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:10,435
- I never said this, I tell you.
- But you thought it, didn't you?

43
00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:11,644
You thought,

44
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,480
"I'm gonna lay down the law
for this nigga, I put food on his table,

45
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:17,567
clothes on his nigga baby backs,
and he ain't gonna say shit. "

46
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,360
- This ain't Amistad.
- You shut up.

47
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:22,822
You goddamn right this ain't Amistad.
I can't wait till the post office

48
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:26,534
settles my disability suit because then
I'm gonna be out this motherfucker.

49
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,953
I'm gonna be Oprah rich.
Y'all can kiss my ass.

50
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,081
You know what? Fuck you.
Fuck you, and suck cock.

51
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,377
- To hell with you.
- To hell with you.

52
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:40,465
- Zachary will work. Zack, my boy.
- Yeah.

53
00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:43,134
- The customer with the harelip...
- Oh, yeah.

54
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:48,097
- speak me, say you were playing
baseball here the other night.

55
00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:51,768
Wiffle ball.
And, uh, no, that wasn't me.

56
00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:54,771
Maybe the harelip
makes it sound like "baseball. "

57
00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:56,606
Yeah, maybe you hear with an accent.

58
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,608
- Fuck you, okay?
- Okay.

59
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:02,278
One day, I'm gonna put a camera
over there, and then I can tell...

60
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,405
I'll know everything you do
when I'm gone.

61
00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:07,992
Everything. Scratch your balls,
take a shit, everything, I tell you, okay?

62
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,745
Okay. Fucker.

63
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:16,793
I hate both of you ebony and ivory
motherfuckers, I tell you.

64
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:23,257
- Why is he so fucking high-strung?
- "Fuck off, I tell you. Very good. "

65
00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:26,636
Can you believe that Gandhi motherfucker,
telling me I gotta work on Black Friday?

66
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:27,804
Ain't that some shit?

67
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,847
- Yeah.
- Like I don't wanna do shopping.

68
00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:33,643
Biggest sales day of the year. I'm
getting a flat-screen TV, believe that.

69
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:37,397
That's my fault, I should tell you. I
asked for Friday morning off, I'm sorry.

70
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:40,525
- For what?
- I actually need a lot of recovery time.

71
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:43,152
Tonight is me and Miri's
ten-year high school reunion.

72
00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:46,072
I'm just gonna
get fucking alcohol poisoning.

73
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,867
- Reunion? Tomorrow's Thanksgiving.
- Isn't that fucked up that they do that?

74
00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:52,620
They say it's the best chance
to get everyone together.

75
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,664
People come back in town
for the holidays.

76
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,125
But they could have it
in the middle of the summer

77
00:06:57,291 --> 00:07:00,920
at a blowjob contest that I was judging'
and it would still be retarded.

78
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:04,549
- So why you going, then?
- Miri's making me go.

79
00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:07,176
Why you always
bending over backwards for that girl'

80
00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:10,471
- knowing she ain't giving up no ass?
- We got a good thing going.

81
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:14,016
She pays half the rent, does dishes,
she wakes me up in the morning.

82
00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:16,060
Why complicate that with sex?

83
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,563
Besides, man, I've known her
since the first grade.

84
00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:21,023
You don't fuck someone
you met in the first grade.

85
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:23,192
Excuse me,
I met my wife in kindergarten.

86
00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:24,694
We got married senior year,

87
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,363
and she has been the queen
of my world ever since.

88
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:31,033
- What if you could do it all over again?
- I'd jerk off and live by myself.

89
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,994
That woman is the bane
of my existence.

90
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:37,123
- See?
- Excuse me, can I get a coffee, black?

91
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,834
Can't you see we talking, white?

92
00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:44,338
If you're gonna continue
to emasculate me

93
00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:46,883
with this Barbie dress-up shit'

94
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,092
I'm using your laptop.

95
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,678
Don't forget to smack it
when you turn it on,

96
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,597
otherwise the screen
doesn't come on.

97
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,309
Why don't you spring
and get a new one?

98
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,312
Same reason I don't spring for clothes
for tonight, I'm broke.

99
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,398
There's a chick who works
at Teen Juice at the mall, you know.

100
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,066
I gave her a good deal on yarn,

101
00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,736
- so she's letting me borrow this stuff.
- Yo, bro.

102
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:12,658
What?
- You're buying a vibrator online.

103
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,495
- What's wrong with the one you have?
It died last week.

104
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:18,247
Look at the size
of those fucking panties.

105
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,082
Shoot that shit. Shoot it.

106
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:22,585
My God, who even knew
Amazon sold shit like this?

107
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,003
This is incredible.

108
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,256
- Those are fucking granny panties.
Okay,

109
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:30,968
A, I don't appreciate you violating the
sanctity of my Amazon Wish List page'

110
00:08:31,135 --> 00:08:33,221
and B, I'm not buying that thing
from Amazon,

111
00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:36,557
because it turns out
I don't have a credit card they take.

112
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:46,275
- Oh, shit.
- I'm sorry, guys. Am I in the way?

113
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:49,445
You're a fucking faggot, all right?
Let's go to Starbucks.

114
00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:53,950
- He's a shitty barista anyways.
- Cock.

115
00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:59,455
- And he throws like a bitch.
You know what else I throw?

116
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,375
My nut sack in your coffees,
so how did that taste, fucker?

117
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,461
We saw your girlfriend
in her underwear, cunt nugget.

118
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:08,923
Well, too bad she's not my girlfriend,
you little fuck... Oh, they're gone.

119
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,758
Are you still talking to me?

120
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:15,513
Uh, just said, I'm gonna
look up more fuck toys on Amazon.

121
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:18,140
Oh, holy shit.

122
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:21,394
- They sell the Fleshlight here too.
- What's that?

123
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,313
It's a fucking pocket pussy
that is shaped like a flashlight

124
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,982
"for discretionary jacking off. "

125
00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:28,568
That way if you get caught,
no one thinks it's weird.

126
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:31,320
You're just a guy who likes to fuck
his flashlight.

127
00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:33,114
I am totally buying this shit.

128
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:36,826
Whoa, if you've got money to burn,
how about paying the electric bill?

129
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,829
- That's due already?
- November's is probably due now,

130
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:43,833
but I was talking about September's.
Tell me this doesn't rock.

131
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,795
You kind of look
like Ronald McDonald.

132
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:49,672
That makes me want
some McNuggets.

133
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:53,217
Why would you wanna buy a
pocket pussy anyway? That is so sad.

134
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,678
What? Excuse me,
I forgot about the nobility

135
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:58,514
that accompanies coming
with a fucking vibrator.

136
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:02,351
Think a kid in Darfur gets saved every
time a vibrator makes you come? No.

137
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:04,437
- "Real feel action"? Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

138
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,772
If you start fucking machines,
I'm moving out.

139
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,150
What do you think a vibrator is?
It's a machine.

140
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,777
How come you get
to fuck something with a motor in it?

141
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:14,864
I've never met a man who can
make me come like a vibrator does.

142
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:18,367
That's bullshit. You get to be Buck
Rogers having sex in the 25th century

143
00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:20,453
with fucking Twiki and Dr. Theopolis.

144
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,955
I'm stuck to a bottle of Jergens
in the bathroom.

145
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:28,169
Holy bejesus. You do not use
my Jergens to jack it in our bathroom.

146
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:31,213
No, you know what I do
actually, is I light a bunch of candles

147
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:34,884
and I sprawl out on my sheets
and I listen to Sting.

148
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:38,429
No, I'm a guy. Give me
two Popsicle sticks and a rubber band,

149
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:41,557
I'll find a way to fuck it,
like a filthy MacGyver.

150
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:46,020
Oh, my God, I'm so glad I'm not a guy.
How about this?

151
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:49,065
I don't get why you're putting
so much effert into this thing.

152
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:54,028
I thought we were just gonna go to
sit around and make fun of everybody.

153
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:58,407
I can't wear anything that I already own
and expect to bring home Bobby Long.

154
00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:03,996
Bobby fucking Long? No way.
Didn't that guy call you "Stinky Linky"?

155
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:05,373
Yeah, that was then, okay?

156
00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:08,209
Maybe now he can save me a fortune
in Amazon bills.

157
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:11,420
Maybe you can fuck our landlord

158
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:13,673
so we can at least keep a roof
over our heads.

159
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:17,760
You don't have the rent?
Zack, it's your month.

160
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,596
Hey, I bought skates
with last week's paycheck

161
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,265
- and I need those to skate with.
- Oh.

162
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:27,561
And this week's will barely cover
the past two water bills, so...

163
00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:29,313
Is this sexy?

164
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:33,275
Yeah, in like a To Catch a Predator
kind of way, it is pretty fucking sexy.

165
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:35,861
Then we're done.

166
00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:40,074
What the fuck? Zack.

167
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,369
- You want me to come in?
- What happened to the water?

168
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:50,459
- They shut it off.
- Oh, shit. Just, uh...

169
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:54,505
Help me get this shit out of my hair.
Just use the water out of the toilet.

170
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,135
- There's poo in there.
- Not that part.

171
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:01,846
- The back part of the toilet thing.
- Oh, that makes sense.

172
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:05,224
Take the cup there
and then scoop it in, there you go.

173
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:09,270
Here, I'll lean back and you can just'
you know, pour it down like... Like that.

174
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,021
You're harshing my buzz, you know.

175
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:13,107
This is so lame.
Don't look. Don't look.

176
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,817
Don't look.

177
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,318
Whoa!

178
00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:30,458
All right, one hour tops,
then we're gone.

179
00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:31,667
Or I had an idea.

180
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:34,295
We could just not go at all,
which would rock.

181
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:38,174
Even though we're broke
and we've never amounted to anything,

182
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,342
we're still better than these people,
right?

183
00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:45,055
No. Not at all. We're probably
not even as good as most of them,

184
00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:47,600
unless one of them is a crackhead
or something.

185
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,561
Just tell me I'm prettier
than when we graduated.

186
00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:53,063
You look about the same.

187
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:56,358
Definitely not prettier,
but around the same.

188
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,527
I'm thinner, though, right?
A little?

189
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:00,696
Not really.

190
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:04,533
Well, good pep talk. Fuck.

191
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,880
- Ta-da.
- Ta-da.

192
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:24,178
- You don't recognize us, do you?
- Um, no, sorry.

193
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,138
Zack Brown, Miri Linky.

194
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,474
Were you the one they called
Stinky Linky?

195
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,393
Oh, no, no one ever called me that.

196
00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:32,645
Oh.

197
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,356
- Great. What does yours say?
- What the fuck? Come on.

198
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:39,068
- I'm sure I had a nickname. Nothing?
- All right, you have a great time'

199
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:43,531
and before you go, don't forget
your copy of The Roving Roe-Ver.

200
00:13:43,697 --> 00:13:45,241
What the fuck's this shit?

201
00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:48,410
That is not shit, that would be
our bi-monthly newsletter.

202
00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:49,995
- Awesome.
- It updates you

203
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:52,832
- on what everyone's doing.
- Finally.

204
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:56,877
I love your enthusiasm. Here you go.
Write your e-mail address on that

205
00:13:57,044 --> 00:14:00,840
and I'll be sure to add you
to our 800-member-strong mailing list.

206
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,008
We had 800 people
in our graduating class?

207
00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:07,847
Yes, and only 250 R.S.V.P.'d.
Doesn't that suck, Mary?

208
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,349
- Miri.
- You married, Bets?

209
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,435
- I am. Two kids.
- Wow, that's beautiful.

210
00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,729
- Awesome.
- You wanna fuck me later?

211
00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:18,983
- Uh, no, I'm married.
- Okay, cool. If you change your mind,

212
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:21,360
- I'll be in there getting shitfaced.
- He will.

213
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,737
- Just so you know, I eat the pussy.
- He does.

214
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:26,198
Ah, tempting. Again, no.

215
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:29,618
- Shall we?
- Sir. Bye, Bets.

216
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,288
Think about it.

217
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,127
Enjoy.

218
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:24,089
Can I get two beers, please?
You want a beer?

219
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,508
- Yeah.
- Three beers.

220
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:29,094
- Thank you.
- Here you go.

221
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:35,309
Is that Zack? Or am I Zack?
Whoa, ho, ho.

222
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:37,144
Oh, wow.

223
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,813
- Never gets old, huh?
- The other Zack.

224
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:43,525
Oh, in my world,
nobody calls me "the other Zack,"

225
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:47,154
now that this guy's not around
anymore, huh?

226
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:52,326
- Get the fuck off of me.
- There can be only one.

227
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:56,163
- What?
- Highlander, man? The Kurgan.

228
00:15:56,330 --> 00:16:00,209
Remember? I'd yell it at you whenever
we passed each other in the hallway?

229
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:03,003
Like it was yesterday, man.
Awesome. Awesome.

230
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:06,840
Awesome. God, you guys have
so much to catch up on. Whoo.

231
00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:08,884
- No.
- I'm gonna let you get to it.

232
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:10,552
Bitch.

233
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:18,477
Have you seen that big blowup picture
they have of me?

234
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:19,687
Yeah, it's...

235
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:23,899
My hair is terrible. I can't believe
I even wore my hair like that.

236
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,944
That's before I knew
about styling products, you know.

237
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:31,657
It makes a big difference in life.
But you live and learn, though, right?

238
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:36,412
I mean, ten years ago, Pittsburgh,
who knew anything about fashion?

239
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:42,167
Back in the day, our hairstyle, oh...

240
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:44,753
Hey, stranger.

241
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:51,343
- Whoa. Stinky Linky.
- Yeah. Although it's just Miri now.

242
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,721
- Give me a hug.
- Oh, okay.

243
00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:56,640
- Hi, heh, heh, heh.
- Hi.

244
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,392
Wow.

245
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:00,936
- How have you been?
- Great, great.

246
00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:02,604
- Yeah?
- You look fantastic.

247
00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:07,109
Wow, that is not something that you
would have said to me ten years ago.

248
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:11,030
- Well, I've grown up.
- Yes. Yes, you have.

249
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,824
You just look...

250
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,119
Ooh, heh, heh.

251
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:22,124
- Well, listen to you. Thank you.
- No, don't thank me, just fuck me.

252
00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:37,973
Roxanne. Hey.

253
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:41,226
Someone I like, what are the odds'
huh?

254
00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:45,898
Zack Brown, we had four years
of Spanish together.

255
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,399
Why does no one recognize me?

256
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:49,985
- Am I thinner? Is that it?
- Look at him.

257
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,614
- Who?
- My stupid husband.

258
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:58,243
No fucking shit. John Butterfield?
You actually married John Butterfield?

259
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:00,662
- That's amazing.
- Don't ever get married.

260
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:04,541
It sucks. You stop appreciating each
other and run out of shit to talk about

261
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:09,171
after the first year.
But look at him now, chatty as fuck.

262
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,674
Flirting up a storm with that
cheerleader nimrod Monica Von.

263
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:17,679
You want me to maybe flirt with you
so he can see it, even it up a bit?

264
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:18,931
I don't wanna get even.

265
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:23,393
If I was gonna do anything,
I'd wanna one-up the asshole.

266
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:27,689
You can give me a handjob
in the girls' locker room.

267
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:34,738
- Fine, but make it fast.
- Fuck, yeah.

268
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,449
Are you staying in town
for a while or...?

269
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:40,327
Just tonight. I fly back
to L.A. tomorrow.

270
00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:46,208
L.A., wow, Los Angeles. Gosh,
Bobby Long, coming up in the world.

271
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:52,631
- With Mrs. Long, I bet, huh?
- No, no, no. No Mrs. Long for me.

272
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,218
- Then can I be honest with you?
- Sure.

273
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,719
Um...

274
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,682
Whew. I think I need a drink.

275
00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:04,518
Do you need a drink?
Because I need a drink to say this.

276
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:08,063
- I've got a beer already, so...
- Oh, great, thank you.

277
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,816
I think there's a cigarette butt in there.

278
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,025
Yup.

279
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:18,031
Sorry about the elbow.

280
00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,663
There can be only one.

281
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,834
Can I get a beer, please?

282
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:33,463
Thank you very much.

283
00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:36,842
Oh, Jesus Christ.

284
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:40,262
My friend's making an ass of herself
hitting on her high school crush.

285
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:42,306
Oh, God, that's so sad.

286
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:45,267
It's so Miri, is what it is.
I'm Zack, by the way.

287
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,186
Brandon.

288
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,273
Don't worry, we weren't
in the same class or anything.

289
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:55,694
- Okay. Lucky you.
- Are you a Monroe-ver?

290
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:59,114
Well, I went here'
let's just leave it at that, I guess.

291
00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:02,326
Do you have one of the large
blown-up pictures of your younger self

292
00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:05,370
- hanging around here?
- I do, kind of. Right there.

293
00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:10,292
Gorgeous.
- Good times.

294
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,794
What do you do?
What brings you here?

295
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:15,047
I came with somebody
who went to school here.

296
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,381
- Really?
- Bobby Long.

297
00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:19,801
No shit. That's who my friend's hitting
on right now. See right there?

298
00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:22,679
- Really.
- One dressed like Hannah Montana?

299
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:26,141
In L.A., we call that look
"Nickelodeon chic. "

300
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,644
- Wait, L.A.? Los Angeles?
- California.

301
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,979
That's awesome, man.
What do you do out there?

302
00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:35,108
- I'm an actor.
- Wow, that's really impressive.

303
00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,653
- Thank you, thank you.
- In fucking movies?

304
00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:40,447
"Fucking movies. " Pretty much.

305
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:43,492
Look at you. What...?
Anything I've seen? What movies?

306
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:45,661
Oh, all sorts of movies
with all-male casts.

307
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:49,248
All-male casts.
Like Glengarry Glen Ross? Like that?

308
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:53,210
Like Glen and Gary
Suck Ross' Meaty Cock

309
00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:56,838
and Drop Their Hairy Nuts
in His Eager Mouth.

310
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:02,469
- Is that like a sequel?
- Sort of.

311
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:06,181
- It's a re-imagining.
- Oh, like The Wiz.

312
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:10,519
More erotic and with less women.

313
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:13,188
No women, to be exact.

314
00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:19,528
I apologize in advance
if I am out of line here,

315
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,530
but are you in gay porn?

316
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:24,199
- Guilty as charged.
- Are you fucking with me?

317
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:27,536
- I thought you recognized me, that's...
- Oh, okay, I get it.

318
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:30,038
You're not in my demographic'
so I'm not insulted.

319
00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:33,542
- Not really. Who's your demographic?
- Do you love pussy?

320
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,460
- I do.
- Then not you.

321
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:36,795
Oh, okay.

322
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,172
I came here tonight

323
00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:42,384
hoping to seduce you
and bring you back to my apartment

324
00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:45,554
and sleep with you to, uh,
get back at you,

325
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:50,017
you know, for calling me Stinky Linky
all those years ago.

326
00:21:50,183 --> 00:21:51,226
Wow.

327
00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:53,520
That is a weird revenge plot.

328
00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:56,481
- You must be a terrible lay for that.
- What? No, I'm great.

329
00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:59,234
I mean, I've had enough practice
and everything. That...

330
00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:02,904
Wow, that sounded not good.

331
00:22:03,071 --> 00:22:08,076
I fuck a lot. That's what I meant to say.
That doesn't sound good either. Wow.

332
00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:10,996
You're a lot funnier than I remember.

333
00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:16,585
Thank you. Gosh,
you turned out to be such a nice guy.

334
00:22:18,253 --> 00:22:22,841
It just... You know, it makes it even
easier to just... To just say this.

335
00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:27,596
Would you like to come back to my
place and maybe open a bottle of wine

336
00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:31,099
and have ourselves
a real high school reunion?

337
00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:33,393
- I...
- Hello, Miriam.

338
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:34,644
Beat it, we're talking.

339
00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:37,939
- I wanted to introduce you to Brandon.
- Salutations.

340
00:22:38,106 --> 00:22:40,275
- Bobby's boyfriend.
- Bobby who?

341
00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:43,236
- Bobby me.
- Bobby Long.

342
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:50,118
Brandon is the star of such adult fare
as- What was that one called again?

343
00:22:50,786 --> 00:22:53,080
You Better Shut Your Mouth
or I'm Gonna Fuck It.

344
00:22:53,246 --> 00:22:56,291
That's right. I'm surprised I forgot that.

345
00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:57,959
Are you fucking with me?

346
00:22:58,126 --> 00:23:00,462
No, they're fucking with each other.

347
00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:01,963
Oh, my God.

348
00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:05,634
- No.
- What?

349
00:23:06,927 --> 00:23:08,303
Granny Panties?

350
00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:10,138
- Excuse me?
- How can you tell?

351
00:23:10,555 --> 00:23:11,681
This is so crazy.

352
00:23:11,848 --> 00:23:14,935
I was literally just watching you, like,
right before we got here.

353
00:23:15,102 --> 00:23:17,979
This is so crazy. This is you, right?

354
00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:19,481
TEEN 1
My name's Granny Panties,

355
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:21,942
and nobody wants to fuck me.

356
00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:24,653
Nothing's whiter than my big gay ass...

357
00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:25,821
Where'd you get that?

358
00:23:25,987 --> 00:23:28,490
Oh, I entered "gay" and "ass,"
and it was the top hit.

359
00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:33,495
It's had 200,000 views in three hours.
Honey, you are, like...

360
00:23:33,662 --> 00:23:36,331
I'm jealous right now
because you're, like, super famous.

361
00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:40,001
Baby, please take our picture.
I get a picture with Granny Panties.

362
00:23:40,168 --> 00:23:42,337
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- This is awesome.

363
00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:45,215
- All right, smile. Okay, got it.
- Did you get it?

364
00:23:45,382 --> 00:23:47,634
- Oh, thank you very much.
- E-mail me that.

365
00:23:47,801 --> 00:23:50,345
Oh, because he's the worst
photographer. Okay, good.

366
00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:52,681
- You're gay?
- Yeah.

367
00:23:53,515 --> 00:23:56,810
And I'm on the Internet
wearing a diaper?

368
00:23:56,977 --> 00:23:59,688
Who knew you'd come to Pittsburgh
and meet a celebrity?

369
00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:02,649
I'm gonna binge-drink now
until I pass out.

370
00:24:02,816 --> 00:24:06,945
Okay. She'll be fine. So you guys
suck each other's cocks, huh?

371
00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:08,530
Oh, like crazy.

372
00:24:10,365 --> 00:24:12,576
Okay, that's enough, I think.

373
00:24:12,742 --> 00:24:14,744
I'm embarrassing him.
I love when he's embarrassed.

374
00:24:14,911 --> 00:24:17,372
He's not living out loud,
so he gets all like, ooh.

375
00:24:17,539 --> 00:24:20,625
- You are totally in love, aren't you?
- Zachary, we are.

376
00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:21,960
Wow, I...

377
00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:23,879
Oh, God, I just wanna eat him up,
yum, yum.

378
00:24:24,045 --> 00:24:25,797
Save some for me, yum, yum, yum.

379
00:24:25,964 --> 00:24:28,675
- I can't keep my hands off him.
- You've had one too many.

380
00:24:28,842 --> 00:24:32,512
Although he does most of the eating in
the sack. In the sack and of the sack.

381
00:24:32,929 --> 00:24:35,557
All right, that's enough.
Look, you've drunk too much.

382
00:24:35,724 --> 00:24:38,810
You do this every time. You get too
Mary for everybody in the room

383
00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:41,563
- and you can't contain yourself.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

384
00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:45,901
And by containing myself, do you
mean containing myself in a closet?

385
00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:48,737
In a closet of denial? Is that...?
No, no, no.

386
00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:50,655
Holy shit, this just got real.

387
00:24:50,822 --> 00:24:52,908
This is exactly why
you haven't met my mother.

388
00:24:53,074 --> 00:24:55,577
You don't know how to ease people
into this situation.

389
00:24:55,744 --> 00:24:59,706
- You just force your way in every time.
- I thought, maybe for one second

390
00:24:59,873 --> 00:25:03,126
in this godforsaken town,
I could be myself. I'm so sorry.

391
00:25:03,293 --> 00:25:05,420
No, you're right, I should just butch up

392
00:25:05,587 --> 00:25:10,842
and pretend that I don't love it when
you shove your dick in my mouth.

393
00:25:11,009 --> 00:25:14,095
- This is the best night of my life.
Am I making a spectacle?

394
00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:16,723
- I could make a much bigger scene.
- You really are.

395
00:25:16,890 --> 00:25:20,227
I'm sorry. Pittsburgh.
Listen up, Monroe-vers.

396
00:25:20,393 --> 00:25:24,856
My name is Brandon St. Randy'
and I love Bobby Long.

397
00:25:25,023 --> 00:25:26,566
- Fucking A.
- Is that enough?

398
00:25:26,733 --> 00:25:29,611
Is that enough of a scene?
I could start doing worse than that.

399
00:25:29,778 --> 00:25:32,197
The reason you haven't taken me
to your mother's...

400
00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:35,951
Your mother with her makeup and
all her drinking, she's in the closet too.

401
00:25:36,117 --> 00:25:39,704
- They fight just like real people.
- I thought I'd be a conduit for you-

402
00:25:39,871 --> 00:25:40,956
Thank you.

403
00:25:41,122 --> 00:25:43,959
- Are you being sarcastic?
- No, I'm not.

404
00:25:44,626 --> 00:25:47,254
- Thank you.
- I love you.

405
00:25:48,129 --> 00:25:50,590
- I'll e-mail you.
- Zack, it was so nice to meet you.

406
00:25:50,757 --> 00:25:54,010
And I will be patient with you.
I will be there on your journey.

407
00:25:54,177 --> 00:25:57,931
I will be your Sherpa
up the mountain of gayness.

408
00:26:24,958 --> 00:26:29,879
Well, might as well see how many hits
Granny Panties is up to, huh?

409
00:26:33,717 --> 00:26:35,510
Did I do that?

410
00:26:43,101 --> 00:26:45,020
Thanks, George.

411
00:26:46,521 --> 00:26:49,899
What kind of evil fucks
turn off your power the day...?

412
00:26:50,066 --> 00:26:55,155
No, the night before Thanksgiving?
Who does that?

413
00:26:55,322 --> 00:26:56,990
Can you get an advance on your card?

414
00:26:57,157 --> 00:27:02,037
Fleshlight maxed-out my $200 limit.
Not a wise purchase, I'll give you that.

415
00:27:02,203 --> 00:27:06,207
This is bad. If we don't come up
with rent, we're gonna get locked out.

416
00:27:06,374 --> 00:27:09,127
Who the fuck wants to live there?
There's no water or power.

417
00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:12,714
Which means by the time
we get home, there's no heat either.

418
00:27:13,715 --> 00:27:17,469
Well, I think it's time we put what
we always talked about into effect.

419
00:27:18,136 --> 00:27:20,847
- You're gonna have to start hooking.
- You know, you jest,

420
00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:23,892
but these are the exact circumstances
people find themselves in

421
00:27:24,059 --> 00:27:26,478
right before
they start having sex for money.

422
00:27:26,645 --> 00:27:29,356
- Yeah.
- Or making porn.

423
00:27:43,328 --> 00:27:46,164
Oh, my God, yeah.
- What? You got an idea?

424
00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:47,749
We could make a porno.

425
00:27:48,166 --> 00:27:50,085
- Not the idea I was looking for.
- What?

426
00:27:50,251 --> 00:27:53,880
No, that is a fucking awesome idea.
Are you shitting me? That's a rad idea.

427
00:27:54,047 --> 00:27:57,967
That guy, Brandon St. Randy, who's
Bobby Long's awesome nice boyfriend,

428
00:27:58,134 --> 00:27:59,928
he said he makes
a hundred grand a year

429
00:28:00,095 --> 00:28:03,723
because he shoots and distributes
his own porno flicks.

430
00:28:03,890 --> 00:28:06,184
If it's so easy,
how come everybody doesn't do it?

431
00:28:06,351 --> 00:28:09,646
Because other people have options
and dignity, which we do not have,

432
00:28:09,813 --> 00:28:12,899
which puts us in an amazingly
advantageous position.

433
00:28:13,066 --> 00:28:14,567
Fuck you, I have dignity.

434
00:28:14,734 --> 00:28:16,945
Where? Is it hidden
in your gigantic underpants

435
00:28:17,112 --> 00:28:20,699
that are plastered all over the Internet?
Is that where you hide your dignity?

436
00:28:20,865 --> 00:28:24,786
Every woman has a pair of those
period panties. That's, like, a fact.

437
00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:25,954
Okay. Families.

438
00:28:26,121 --> 00:28:28,915
I bet people don't make porno,
because they have families.

439
00:28:29,082 --> 00:28:33,962
But luckily, your parents are dead.
Sorry. My grandparents are dead.

440
00:28:34,129 --> 00:28:35,839
- Sorry.
- Thank you.

441
00:28:36,005 --> 00:28:39,384
So who are we gonna disappoint?
Porn has gone mainstream now.

442
00:28:39,551 --> 00:28:44,097
It's like Coca-Cola or Pepsi with dicks
in it. Look at Paris Hilton.

443
00:28:44,264 --> 00:28:46,474
She throat-fucks a guy in night vision,

444
00:28:46,641 --> 00:28:48,893
now she's selling fragrances
to tweens.

445
00:28:49,060 --> 00:28:51,271
And I'm pretty sure
she's legally retarded.

446
00:28:51,438 --> 00:28:52,480
That's for tweens?

447
00:28:52,647 --> 00:28:55,400
Have you seen that Joe Francis guy
who made Girls Gone Wild?

448
00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:58,486
That guy is the biggest fucking idiot
piece of shit in the world

449
00:28:58,653 --> 00:29:00,822
and he has a jet and a fucking island.

450
00:29:00,989 --> 00:29:05,910
Look, there's got to be a less extreme
solution to our financial woes here.

451
00:29:06,077 --> 00:29:08,663
- Give me a better option.
- Get a paper route.

452
00:29:08,830 --> 00:29:10,623
- I don't have a bike.
- Be a waiter.

453
00:29:10,790 --> 00:29:14,461
No one wants me around their food.
Would you eat food that I gave you?

454
00:29:14,627 --> 00:29:17,005
I would not eat food that you gave me,
that's true.

455
00:29:17,172 --> 00:29:19,507
I mean, nobody
wants to see us fuck, Zack.

456
00:29:19,674 --> 00:29:23,303
Everybody wants to see
anybody fuck. I hate Rosie O'Donnell,

457
00:29:23,470 --> 00:29:27,015
but if someone said, "I got a tape of
Rosie O'Donnell getting fucked stupid,"

458
00:29:27,182 --> 00:29:29,851
I'd be like, "Why aren't we
watching that right now?"

459
00:29:30,018 --> 00:29:31,311
Because she's famous. Hello.

460
00:29:31,478 --> 00:29:33,563
So are you.
You're fucking Granny Panties.

461
00:29:33,730 --> 00:29:37,192
My underwear and your ass
are famous, we're not.

462
00:29:37,358 --> 00:29:39,861
So who the F
would wanna watch us fuck?

463
00:29:40,028 --> 00:29:42,781
- At least 800 people.
- The jerks we went to school with?

464
00:29:42,947 --> 00:29:44,657
- Are you serious?
- Of course.

465
00:29:44,824 --> 00:29:46,785
If you heard
that someone we graduated with

466
00:29:46,951 --> 00:29:49,370
was in a fucking porno movie,
you'd watch it, right?

467
00:29:49,537 --> 00:29:52,040
I'd watch that guy Brandon
suck a cock, I just met him.

468
00:29:52,207 --> 00:29:54,793
With this mailing list,
we have almost a thousand people

469
00:29:54,959 --> 00:29:57,754
that would definitely buy a porno
we were in just to be like,

470
00:29:57,921 --> 00:30:01,216
"Hey, I sat next to that guy in Civics.
Look at his fucking dick. "

471
00:30:01,382 --> 00:30:05,887
We sell a thousand copies at 20 bucks
a pop, bam, we have paid off our bills.

472
00:30:06,930 --> 00:30:10,892
So, what do you think?
- I don't think I wanna fuck a stranger.

473
00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:13,561
Oh, wow,
like you've never done that before.

474
00:30:13,728 --> 00:30:17,190
How many guys have you met in a bar,
taken home,

475
00:30:17,357 --> 00:30:21,027
banged with your mouth
and then never talked to again?

476
00:30:21,194 --> 00:30:22,695
That's what we call a stranger.

477
00:30:22,862 --> 00:30:26,908
Dude, I don't one-night mouth-fuck
anybody that I pick up in bars.

478
00:30:27,075 --> 00:30:32,121
You don't wanna fuck a stranger in the
porno movie for some weird reason.

479
00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:33,581
I guess...

480
00:30:36,709 --> 00:30:37,752
We could fuck.

481
00:30:38,795 --> 00:30:40,755
- Ew.
- Fuck you.

482
00:30:40,922 --> 00:30:44,092
I mean, you're a nice-enough-looking
guy and everything...

483
00:30:44,259 --> 00:30:47,136
Holy fuck, thank you.
You're an all-right-enough-looking girl.

484
00:30:47,303 --> 00:30:49,430
- How does that feel?
- Dude, I'm just saying

485
00:30:49,597 --> 00:30:52,308
it'd be weird and wrong, you know,
like fucking my brother.

486
00:30:52,475 --> 00:30:55,228
Okay, seriously,
we're just talking about sex, okay?

487
00:30:55,395 --> 00:30:59,774
It's for a purpose. It's for getting rich.
Only my dick and your pussy

488
00:30:59,941 --> 00:31:03,778
would be doing something weird.
Our bodies and brains would be acting.

489
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:07,282
- Wow.
- Just explain to your private beforehand,

490
00:31:07,448 --> 00:31:10,618
"Look, this doesn't mean anything.
We're just doing this for cash. "

491
00:31:11,286 --> 00:31:13,621
- Oh, my God.
- What?

492
00:31:13,788 --> 00:31:17,584
You're just doing this because you've
always wanted to fuck me, aren't you?

493
00:31:18,334 --> 00:31:23,464
Yes. I've gone my whole life pretending
that I want nothing to do with you,

494
00:31:23,631 --> 00:31:26,926
just hoping one day
we'd be in such dire financial straits

495
00:31:27,093 --> 00:31:30,638
that I could use it
to finally make my move on you.

496
00:31:34,225 --> 00:31:36,477
You're just being sarcastic.
- I am.

497
00:31:36,644 --> 00:31:39,314
See, I was pretending to cry
right there.

498
00:31:40,315 --> 00:31:43,318
I guess it's not like it'd be creepy,

499
00:31:43,484 --> 00:31:47,405
like if we got way too drunk one night
and accidentally fucked, you know?

500
00:31:47,572 --> 00:31:52,160
No. We'd be going in
with the understanding that it's...

501
00:31:52,327 --> 00:31:53,661
A business decision.

502
00:31:53,828 --> 00:31:56,414
Strictly a business decision.
It's a means to an end.

503
00:31:56,581 --> 00:31:57,999
- Right.
- And by end,

504
00:31:58,166 --> 00:32:00,335
I mean, I'll be waxing your ass.

505
00:32:00,501 --> 00:32:03,504
Fuck you.
I'm not even letting you see my ass.

506
00:32:03,671 --> 00:32:07,508
I've seen your ass and the rest of you
naked around a billion times already.

507
00:32:07,675 --> 00:32:10,345
- That goes both ways, buddy.
- You've never seen my dick.

508
00:32:10,511 --> 00:32:12,847
Have you seen my dick?
You've never seen my dick.

509
00:32:13,014 --> 00:32:16,059
Are you kidding? That party we went to
where you got blasted,

510
00:32:16,225 --> 00:32:18,353
and Houls dared you
to give yourself head,

511
00:32:18,519 --> 00:32:20,813
and we all watched you try for,
like, an hour.

512
00:32:20,980 --> 00:32:25,777
Oh, yeah. Thanks by the way, for
fucking letting me do that. Thank you.

513
00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:28,363
Oh, God. We really do know too much
about each other.

514
00:32:28,529 --> 00:32:32,158
See, and this would really
just be one more thing.

515
00:32:32,325 --> 00:32:36,162
I mean, look at us. It's Thanksgiving
and we're huddled around a flaming

516
00:32:36,329 --> 00:32:38,706
fucking garbage can
like a couple of steno bums.

517
00:32:38,873 --> 00:32:42,877
I mean, this could give us a chance
to pay off our debt, pay our bills,

518
00:32:43,044 --> 00:32:46,965
get a fucking nicer apartment
with heat in it maybe.

519
00:32:49,801 --> 00:32:51,469
What are you doing?

520
00:32:53,054 --> 00:32:58,142
Miriam Linky, will you have sex
with me on camera for money?

521
00:33:05,358 --> 00:33:07,110
I will.

522
00:33:08,069 --> 00:33:09,404
A producer?
Yeah.

523
00:33:09,570 --> 00:33:13,533
- Guy who gets to finance the movie.
- You think I got that kind of money?

524
00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:16,703
We just need that. What you're about
to spend on the flat screen.

525
00:33:16,869 --> 00:33:18,913
Now I can't get my flat screen?
Fuck that.

526
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:23,001
No, no, no. With your cut of the profits,
you're gonna get two flat screens.

527
00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:25,420
One in your living room,
one in your bathroom.

528
00:33:25,586 --> 00:33:27,380
One in the bathroom?

529
00:33:27,964 --> 00:33:30,883
You know, it's always been my dream
to watch shit while I shit.

530
00:33:31,050 --> 00:33:33,678
Everyone with an ass
loves to watch shit while they shit.

531
00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:36,931
- I'm gonna make that happen for you.
- I don't know, man.

532
00:33:37,098 --> 00:33:38,558
What else the producer do?

533
00:33:38,808 --> 00:33:42,603
- Um, they help with the casting.
- What's casting?

534
00:33:42,770 --> 00:33:44,605
Finding the people to be in the movie.

535
00:33:44,772 --> 00:33:46,566
- I get to help pick the women?
- Yeah.

536
00:33:46,733 --> 00:33:50,111
Like, I can look at a titty, make sure
there ain't no moles on there?

537
00:33:50,278 --> 00:33:53,072
- You can look at both titties, man.
- Man.

538
00:33:53,239 --> 00:33:57,076
I've been looking at the same busted
titties for the past almost 20 years.

539
00:33:57,243 --> 00:34:01,789
- I'm due for another new titty.
- Please help us. Please.

540
00:34:01,956 --> 00:34:03,708
Please.

541
00:34:06,294 --> 00:34:08,796
Yes. Yes. I love you.

542
00:34:11,674 --> 00:34:13,384
Well, don't mind that smell.

543
00:34:13,551 --> 00:34:16,387
We had some homeless people
squatting in here.

544
00:34:16,554 --> 00:34:19,807
You know, they'd void their bowels
everywhere but the bathroom.

545
00:34:19,974 --> 00:34:24,645
Anyway, you pick up the poop
and you've got yourself a movie studio.

546
00:34:24,812 --> 00:34:26,522
Why don't we shoot
in your apartment?

547
00:34:26,689 --> 00:34:28,858
No power.
You wanna pay our electric bill?

548
00:34:29,025 --> 00:34:31,944
- You motherfuckers...
- We'll take it.

549
00:34:34,822 --> 00:34:37,116
Bring it back.
- Fuck, fuck, fuck.

550
00:34:38,493 --> 00:34:41,496
Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus.

551
00:34:41,662 --> 00:34:44,749
Oh, God. Come on.

552
00:34:45,500 --> 00:34:49,587
Why the fuck do I have to
do everything? Fuckers.

553
00:34:52,131 --> 00:34:54,467
Hey, what is that?

554
00:34:55,176 --> 00:34:59,847
Fucking guys. This fucking
team, man. They fucking suck.

555
00:35:01,265 --> 00:35:04,185
I'm gonna hatefuck
the shit out of you, ref.

556
00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:06,687
- Dude.
- It's cool.

557
00:35:06,854 --> 00:35:08,689
- He's my cousin.
- Hey.

558
00:35:09,607 --> 00:35:13,194
Didn't you used to videotape the varsity
basketball games in high school?

559
00:35:13,569 --> 00:35:17,365
Just the away games. I did it because
I was trying to fuck a cheerleader.

560
00:35:17,532 --> 00:35:18,533
Which one?

561
00:35:18,699 --> 00:35:22,578
Whichever one wanted to fuck the guy
who taped the varsity games.

562
00:35:22,870 --> 00:35:25,540
- Aw.
- Still know how to work a camera?

563
00:35:25,706 --> 00:35:28,793
- Who cares what the title is?
- The porn I liked when I was a kid,

564
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,629
it was always, like,
a spoof of a popular movie, you know?

565
00:35:31,796 --> 00:35:34,340
Like, um, Edward Penishands.

566
00:35:34,507 --> 00:35:38,386
Okay, so we need a mildly clever,
vaguely dirty title,

567
00:35:38,553 --> 00:35:40,138
that sounds like a real movie

568
00:35:40,304 --> 00:35:42,890
- and sums up what you're gonna see.
- Correct.

569
00:35:43,057 --> 00:35:45,184
An American Werewolf in Brenda?

570
00:35:45,351 --> 00:35:47,061
Fuckback Mountain?

571
00:35:48,229 --> 00:35:51,399
- Too soon? A Cock-in-Lips Now?
Next.

572
00:35:51,566 --> 00:35:53,693
Cradle the balls. Work the shaft.

573
00:35:53,860 --> 00:35:56,863
Jerk my come-crayon
and let me color you white.

574
00:35:57,029 --> 00:35:59,407
I need cock and I need it now.

575
00:35:59,574 --> 00:36:01,075
I'm fucking you in the puss.

576
00:36:01,242 --> 00:36:03,411
I'm fucking you in the puss.

577
00:36:03,578 --> 00:36:05,746
It's "puss" as in pussy.

578
00:36:06,289 --> 00:36:10,209
Oh, because I was like'
who would wanna fuck puss?

579
00:36:10,376 --> 00:36:16,591
I want to slam my ham in your can,
woman. Scene.

580
00:36:16,757 --> 00:36:20,469
- This guy is amazing.
- This guy's great-looking too.

581
00:36:20,636 --> 00:36:21,929
I wanna fuck him.

582
00:36:22,096 --> 00:36:26,225
Hi, my name's Delaney
and I'm a producer.

583
00:36:26,392 --> 00:36:29,437
I really don't know what it means. I'm
gonna be honest, this is my first time.

584
00:36:29,604 --> 00:36:33,774
You don't have to worry, I'm not gonna
touch you or nothing like that.

585
00:36:33,941 --> 00:36:37,069
- All right.
- I have a wife, you know.

586
00:36:37,236 --> 00:36:41,699
We're happy. I mean, not happy'
but it's cool, you know.

587
00:36:42,408 --> 00:36:46,120
Just so you know,
there will be some fucking.

588
00:36:46,370 --> 00:36:50,041
- We'll talk about that if you get the part.
- Okay.

589
00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:53,336
I mean, not- We won't be fucking,
there'll be fucking in the movie.

590
00:36:53,502 --> 00:36:56,297
Like I said, I got a wife.
She don't play that shit.

591
00:36:56,464 --> 00:36:58,966
- She is a crazy bitch.
- Yep.

592
00:36:59,133 --> 00:37:03,763
It's my job as the producer
to see what you got.

593
00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:07,141
So if that makes you uncomfortable
in any way,

594
00:37:07,308 --> 00:37:13,397
you don't have to show me anything
you don't wanna show me, because...

595
00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:16,484
I love the movies.

596
00:37:16,651 --> 00:37:18,736
- Lawrence of a Labia.
- No.

597
00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:21,072
- Oh, come on.
- Dawn of the Dick.

598
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:24,075
Yeah, but how are zombies doing it
at all sexy?

599
00:37:24,242 --> 00:37:27,036
I want to eat your brain

600
00:37:27,203 --> 00:37:29,288
and your ass.

601
00:37:30,790 --> 00:37:32,750
- Dude.
- Sci-fi.

602
00:37:32,917 --> 00:37:36,671
Yeah. Close Encounters
With a Turd From Behind.

603
00:37:36,837 --> 00:37:39,006
- I don't know what that means.
- Just asses.

604
00:37:39,173 --> 00:37:41,175
Fucking deep in asses.

605
00:37:45,137 --> 00:37:46,180
What?

606
00:37:46,347 --> 00:37:48,391
We're making a porno
and we just need to know

607
00:37:48,557 --> 00:37:51,936
what you would be or would not be
interested in doing.

608
00:37:52,103 --> 00:37:53,354
If anything.

609
00:37:54,188 --> 00:37:56,607
- No anal.
- Oh, definitely no anal.

610
00:37:56,774 --> 00:37:58,526
Anal and hugging.

611
00:37:58,693 --> 00:38:00,027
I don't do ass stuff.

612
00:38:00,194 --> 00:38:02,613
- Anal.
- Ah, fuck.

613
00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:06,033
- Oh, wait, oral. I like anal.
- Yay.

614
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:09,537
Okay, well,
so, uh, do you have any special skills?

615
00:38:09,704 --> 00:38:11,330
Special skills?

616
00:38:12,873 --> 00:38:15,543
I can get a boner really quick
and it sticks straight up.

617
00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:17,712
- Is that really a special skill?
- I think.

618
00:38:17,878 --> 00:38:20,673
- Can you show us what you mean?
- Sure.

619
00:38:28,639 --> 00:38:30,016
Oh, that is special.

620
00:38:31,726 --> 00:38:32,935
Yeah, you're hired, Mr....

621
00:38:33,102 --> 00:38:34,895
- Who are you again?
- Lester.

622
00:38:35,062 --> 00:38:37,565
Lester "The Molester" Cockinshtuff.

623
00:38:37,732 --> 00:38:38,733
- No.
- Wow.

624
00:38:38,899 --> 00:38:41,902
That is the best porn name
I've ever heard, man.

625
00:38:42,069 --> 00:38:43,404
I can have a porn name?

626
00:38:44,238 --> 00:38:48,075
- Then I'll be Pete Jones.
- Okay.

627
00:38:48,492 --> 00:38:49,910
Are you Granny Panties?

628
00:38:50,077 --> 00:38:52,079
- She is.
- Get the fuck out of here.

629
00:38:52,246 --> 00:38:53,831
The panties
are actually in the house.

630
00:38:53,998 --> 00:38:55,041
- I'll get them.
- Whoa.

631
00:38:55,207 --> 00:38:58,753
- Star Sex 2: The Wrath of Cunt.
- We never made a Star Sex 1.

632
00:38:58,919 --> 00:39:01,589
I guess we can lose Star Sex 3:
The Search for Cock, then.

633
00:39:01,756 --> 00:39:03,591
- Cocunt.
- What's that?

634
00:39:03,758 --> 00:39:05,384
It's Cocoon with a cunt.

635
00:39:07,094 --> 00:39:11,265
So Delaney tells us
you have a special talent of some sort.

636
00:39:11,432 --> 00:39:13,934
I don't know if I'd call it a special talent,

637
00:39:14,101 --> 00:39:17,605
but it's a little something I picked up
doing bachelor parties.

638
00:39:17,772 --> 00:39:20,524
It would probably be easier
if I just showed you.

639
00:39:21,150 --> 00:39:22,943
- Great.
- The floor is yours.

640
00:39:38,793 --> 00:39:41,712
So a movie, huh? That could be fun.

641
00:39:52,056 --> 00:39:54,058
Holy fuck.

642
00:39:58,646 --> 00:40:00,815
Her name's Bubbles.

643
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:04,860
- Invasion of the Potty-Snatchers?
- That's like MAD Magazine stupid.

644
00:40:05,027 --> 00:40:08,989
Well, fuck you, okay? You try to think
of a good sci-fi porno title. It's hard.

645
00:40:09,156 --> 00:40:12,159
There's gotta be one we haven't
thought of that would say it all'

646
00:40:12,326 --> 00:40:14,328
not be ridiculously filthy
and off-putting,

647
00:40:14,495 --> 00:40:17,665
and still have instant recognition
with our audience.

648
00:40:19,291 --> 00:40:20,418
- I got it.
- I got it.

649
00:40:21,335 --> 00:40:24,213
- Star Whores.
- Yeah. It's funny, right?

650
00:40:24,380 --> 00:40:27,299
See, we figured this opens us up
to an even bigger sales market

651
00:40:27,466 --> 00:40:29,510
beyond the people we went
to school with.

652
00:40:29,677 --> 00:40:31,429
People who like comics and sci-fi.

653
00:40:31,595 --> 00:40:33,347
Comics? Like "Ziggy"?

654
00:40:33,514 --> 00:40:36,684
"Ziggy"? Is that even in fucking papers
anymore? No, man.

655
00:40:36,851 --> 00:40:39,812
Fuck you. "Ziggy" is a comic'
right next to "Family Circus. "

656
00:40:39,979 --> 00:40:42,356
No, like Spider-Man and shit,
you know?

657
00:40:42,731 --> 00:40:46,110
There's always a shitload of Star Wars
nerds at those comic-book shows.

658
00:40:46,277 --> 00:40:49,738
So we sell them a Princess Leia
they can really fucking jerk off to.

659
00:40:49,905 --> 00:40:53,993
- That'd be me, Princess Lay-Her.
- Who am I playing?

660
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:57,621
You, my friend,
are the lead role of Lubed Guy-Baller.

661
00:40:57,788 --> 00:40:59,373
Man, he's gonna be balling dudes?

662
00:40:59,540 --> 00:41:01,584
I thought you said
this was boys on girls.

663
00:41:01,750 --> 00:41:04,420
If I have to fuck a guy, okay,
but I'd rather fuck a girl.

664
00:41:04,587 --> 00:41:06,297
What's wrong with you, boy?

665
00:41:06,464 --> 00:41:09,842
- We'll change the name to Sky-Baller.
- Sky-Baller.

666
00:41:10,009 --> 00:41:12,052
I will be Hung So-low.

667
00:41:12,219 --> 00:41:15,973
Delaney, my friend,
you are On-Ur-Knees Bend-Over.

668
00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:18,476
Man, I can't be in no porno.
My wife will kill me.

669
00:41:18,642 --> 00:41:22,021
Hump me, On-Ur-Knees Bend-Over.
You're my only hump.

670
00:41:22,188 --> 00:41:24,064
On the other hand, fuck my wife.

671
00:41:24,231 --> 00:41:27,526
Unfortunately, On-Ur-Knees Bend-Over
does not have any sex in the movie

672
00:41:27,693 --> 00:41:32,490
but the droids do,
I-CUP and R2-T-Bag.

673
00:41:32,656 --> 00:41:35,075
I robot.

674
00:41:35,242 --> 00:41:40,080
And Stacey over here
is gonna play Darth Vibrator.

675
00:41:40,247 --> 00:41:42,500
- I'm the bad guy?
- She's not a guy, Zack.

676
00:41:42,666 --> 00:41:44,960
I know that
because I'm not a fucking idiot.

677
00:41:45,127 --> 00:41:48,672
In our movie,
Darth Vibrator is a bad girl

678
00:41:48,839 --> 00:41:50,341
who wants to fuck the galaxy,

679
00:41:50,508 --> 00:41:54,887
literally, and it's up to Lubed and Hung
to stop her with their cocks.

680
00:41:55,054 --> 00:41:57,097
- You and me get to have sex, then?
- Yeah.

681
00:41:57,264 --> 00:41:59,892
- Cool.
- I know. Isn't that awesome?

682
00:42:00,059 --> 00:42:03,729
Hold up, hold up. So who's all having
sex with who in this movie?

683
00:42:03,896 --> 00:42:05,981
As of last night,
I was having sex with Zack.

684
00:42:06,148 --> 00:42:11,195
What? Han Solo ain't never had no sex
with Princess Leia in the Star Wars.

685
00:42:11,362 --> 00:42:13,822
Guys, this isn't
a literal adaptation here.

686
00:42:13,989 --> 00:42:17,117
It's more of an erotic re-imagining.

687
00:42:17,284 --> 00:42:20,871
Kind of like The Wiz or like a parody.
With lots of anal.

688
00:42:21,038 --> 00:42:23,707
- Cool.
- I know, isn't that awesome?

689
00:42:24,208 --> 00:42:28,295
I have a question, do Princess Lay-Her
and Lubed Sky-Baller have sex?

690
00:42:29,630 --> 00:42:32,591
Uh, no, because
they're brother and sister,

691
00:42:32,758 --> 00:42:35,427
and according to Miri'
brothers and sisters can't fuck.

692
00:42:35,594 --> 00:42:38,013
But you said,
that this wasn't a literal translation,

693
00:42:38,180 --> 00:42:42,101
so that means Lester's character
could have sex with Miri's character.

694
00:42:42,268 --> 00:42:46,397
Because I would love to fucking eat
her ass and fuck her silly in the movie.

695
00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:48,983
Dream on, pal,
it's never gonna happen, okay?

696
00:42:49,149 --> 00:42:51,986
- No, I'm fine with it.
- See, she's fine... Wait, what?

697
00:42:52,152 --> 00:42:55,239
Yep. I mean, everyone else is having
sex with more than one person

698
00:42:55,406 --> 00:42:57,157
in this movie all of a sudden,

699
00:42:57,324 --> 00:43:02,621
so I think it's, you know,
not fair if I'm only fucking you.

700
00:43:03,289 --> 00:43:06,292
Guys, read amongst yourselves, okay?
Can I talk to you for a sec?

701
00:43:06,917 --> 00:43:08,752
Look, Miri,

702
00:43:08,919 --> 00:43:12,339
we got plenty of sex going on in this
thing, you don't have to do that.

703
00:43:12,506 --> 00:43:16,093
Zack, it's fine. I mean I have slept with
way worse-looking guys than Lester.

704
00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,929
I just wanna do my part for the movie
like everyone else.

705
00:43:19,096 --> 00:43:22,224
You're having sex in the movie,
you don't need to fuck someone else.

706
00:43:22,391 --> 00:43:24,685
- You're good.
- I'm only fucking you, though.

707
00:43:24,852 --> 00:43:28,689
So don't we need to vary it up
to keep it fair?

708
00:43:28,856 --> 00:43:31,150
Fair for...? I don't... What?
Fair for who?

709
00:43:31,317 --> 00:43:33,694
What are these,
blood diamonds we're talking about?

710
00:43:33,861 --> 00:43:37,281
Fair for everyone else
who is fucking more than one person,

711
00:43:37,448 --> 00:43:39,366
a. k.a. you, in the movie.

712
00:43:39,533 --> 00:43:42,703
- I mean, fine...
- All right. I mean, if you don't care...

713
00:43:42,870 --> 00:43:45,789
I don't fucking care if you fuck him.
Fuck. I don't give a shit.

714
00:43:45,956 --> 00:43:48,959
Like you said, you know,
you've fucked bigger idiots than Lester.

715
00:43:49,126 --> 00:43:53,547
Holy shit. Are we really gonna
shoot this in outer space?

716
00:43:53,714 --> 00:43:55,215
Maybe not bigger idiots.

717
00:44:42,971 --> 00:44:44,431
Thank you.

718
00:45:09,498 --> 00:45:14,128
- Cut. All right, guys, that's it.
- Yeah.

719
00:45:14,294 --> 00:45:17,965
Make sure you leave your costume
so we know they're here for tomorrow.

720
00:45:18,132 --> 00:45:22,010
Mostly, everybody, thank you so much
for helping us get ready, you know.

721
00:45:22,177 --> 00:45:26,223
Cleaning this place out, building the
sets, sewing the costumes, it's just...

722
00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:28,225
I mean, it's really amazing. Thank you.

723
00:45:28,392 --> 00:45:29,727
Seriously, thanks.

724
00:45:29,893 --> 00:45:34,314
But this is just the beginning, guys.
If Star Whores works, and it will'

725
00:45:34,481 --> 00:45:37,901
we are set up for sequels galore.
The Empire Strikes Ass.

726
00:45:38,068 --> 00:45:40,779
- Return of the Brown-Eye.
- The Phantom Man-Ass.

727
00:45:40,946 --> 00:45:44,450
And Revenge of the Shit:
The All-Anal Final Chapter.

728
00:45:46,577 --> 00:45:48,954
- Okay.
- Revenge of the Shit.

729
00:45:49,538 --> 00:45:52,332
- You got it?
- Yeah, no, we got it.

730
00:45:52,666 --> 00:45:53,709
Ew.

731
00:45:53,876 --> 00:45:56,378
- Fuck you, motherfuckers.
- We'll talk about that one.

732
00:45:56,545 --> 00:45:58,964
We're gonna have a lot of fun'
but more importantly,

733
00:45:59,131 --> 00:46:01,008
we're gonna make
a lot of fucking money, okay?

734
00:46:01,175 --> 00:46:03,177
- Yeah.
- So get ready for greatness, people.

735
00:46:03,343 --> 00:46:05,012
Tomorrow we start
principal photography.

736
00:46:05,179 --> 00:46:07,347
- Whoo!
- Yeah.

737
00:46:07,681 --> 00:46:10,017
- All right, good night, you guys.
- We got a movie.

738
00:46:14,146 --> 00:46:16,023
- What?
- Nothing.

739
00:46:16,190 --> 00:46:19,902
I think someone should acknowledge
how insane and amazing this is

740
00:46:20,068 --> 00:46:23,322
- and it's all because of you.
- I don't know. It's just a porno.

741
00:46:23,489 --> 00:46:27,451
You know what I mean.
You've really come into your own.

742
00:46:28,702 --> 00:46:29,953
Shut the fuck up.

743
00:46:31,163 --> 00:46:35,209
So speaking of coming into things'
ready for tomorrow? Twenty years'

744
00:46:35,375 --> 00:46:38,212
we're finally gonna know what it's like
to have sex with each other.

745
00:46:38,378 --> 00:46:39,880
You say that like
you've been wondering

746
00:46:40,047 --> 00:46:42,174
what it'd be like to sleep with me
for a while now.

747
00:46:42,341 --> 00:46:44,968
Why the fuck do you think
I started hanging out with you?

748
00:46:45,135 --> 00:46:49,139
I knew it. Here, help.

749
00:46:52,726 --> 00:46:57,022
Let's just promise that it's not gonna
change anything between us, okay?

750
00:46:57,189 --> 00:46:58,232
- Like what?
- I don't know.

751
00:46:58,398 --> 00:47:00,567
Some guys
can't keep sex in perspective.

752
00:47:00,734 --> 00:47:03,445
If anyone's gotta keep this
in perspective, it's you, okay?

753
00:47:03,612 --> 00:47:06,573
I don't want you getting all mushy
and gooey on me

754
00:47:06,740 --> 00:47:09,243
after I give you the best orgasm
you've ever had.

755
00:47:09,409 --> 00:47:11,787
Oh, like you know what you're doing
down there at all.

756
00:47:11,954 --> 00:47:14,832
I actually don't. Where's the clitoris?
Is it in your ass?

757
00:47:14,998 --> 00:47:17,751
Just, you know,
make sure you kind of whoop it up

758
00:47:17,918 --> 00:47:22,256
and act like I'm a stud who knows
what he's doing, okay? Just be a pal.

759
00:47:22,422 --> 00:47:26,218
Oh, dude, I am gonna Meryl Streep the
fuck out of this tomorrow, you watch.

760
00:47:28,804 --> 00:47:32,015
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

761
00:47:32,182 --> 00:47:34,434
No. Really, thank you.

762
00:47:36,436 --> 00:47:38,397
For everything.

763
00:47:40,107 --> 00:47:42,067
You're welcome.

764
00:47:48,115 --> 00:47:50,826
Less than 12 hours
and we make Monroeville history.

765
00:47:50,993 --> 00:47:55,706
- I really hope nothing goes wrong.
- It's a movie. What could go wrong?

766
00:48:04,506 --> 00:48:06,717
What are you doing?

767
00:48:08,635 --> 00:48:10,804
What's up?
- What the fuck?

768
00:48:10,971 --> 00:48:12,306
What are you doing?

769
00:48:12,472 --> 00:48:14,474
- What are you doing?
- Wait, wait.

770
00:48:14,641 --> 00:48:16,602
- Wait.
- Stop. Stop.

771
00:48:17,811 --> 00:48:20,981
- No, no, no.
- What the fuck is going on?

772
00:48:21,148 --> 00:48:24,234
Condos is what's going on,
as soon as this shit-hole's demo'd.

773
00:48:24,401 --> 00:48:25,861
No, you gotta stop it right now.

774
00:48:26,028 --> 00:48:28,405
We rented this place for a month
from Mr. Jenkins.

775
00:48:28,572 --> 00:48:30,782
Sounds like your Mr. Jenkins
was full of shit.

776
00:48:30,949 --> 00:48:33,410
Luxury Homesteads
bought this place a month ago.

777
00:48:33,577 --> 00:48:35,287
I'm gonna kill that lying old fuck.

778
00:48:35,454 --> 00:48:37,956
You're gonna have to go Florida,
that's where he moved.

779
00:48:38,123 --> 00:48:40,334
We've got thousands of dollars
of equipment in there.

780
00:48:40,500 --> 00:48:43,128
- Please.
- If you wanna sift through this rubble

781
00:48:43,295 --> 00:48:47,215
when we're done, be my guest.
Hey, get that fucking beam down.

782
00:49:04,566 --> 00:49:06,818
This is the last thing you wanna hear.

783
00:49:06,985 --> 00:49:08,362
If you don't get an advance,

784
00:49:08,528 --> 00:49:10,989
I don't think we're gonna keep
a roof over our heads.

785
00:49:11,156 --> 00:49:14,868
I got an advance already.
It went into all the costumes.

786
00:49:15,035 --> 00:49:17,871
- So all our money's gone?
- All your money?

787
00:49:18,038 --> 00:49:21,541
Never mind what my wife's gonna do
when there ain't no new snow tires,

788
00:49:21,708 --> 00:49:24,628
or when she sees
I charged a video camera.

789
00:49:24,795 --> 00:49:26,672
I'm sorry I dragged you into this, man.

790
00:49:26,838 --> 00:49:28,715
I just wanted to see some free titties.

791
00:49:29,383 --> 00:49:35,222
That's all. But there's no such thing
as free titties, is there, Zack?

792
00:49:36,306 --> 00:49:38,517
- Is there?
- Fuck this noise.

793
00:49:38,684 --> 00:49:41,395
Why don't we get another camera,
and shoot something else?

794
00:49:41,561 --> 00:49:43,981
Where are we gonna do that?
Got another sound stage?

795
00:49:44,147 --> 00:49:48,193
Sound stage? We had a shit-covered
garage we turned into a sound stage.

796
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:51,029
We find someplace new
and we do it again.

797
00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:53,824
How? Okay, I'm broke, man.

798
00:49:53,991 --> 00:49:58,495
No, make that, I was broke.
Now I am really tapped out.

799
00:49:58,662 --> 00:50:01,081
I have to get another job
to pay Delaney back.

800
00:50:01,248 --> 00:50:04,751
So please tell me,
how can I afford to start over?

801
00:50:04,918 --> 00:50:07,087
- What can I get you?
- Yeah, can I get a, uh...?

802
00:50:07,254 --> 00:50:10,590
Too fucking late. Cappuccino, 3.50.

803
00:50:10,757 --> 00:50:12,759
I don't know
what the fuck I was thinking.

804
00:50:12,926 --> 00:50:18,098
I mean, I'm a total loser
in every single other aspect of my life.

805
00:50:18,265 --> 00:50:20,142
What made me think
I could do something

806
00:50:20,308 --> 00:50:22,102
as simple as filming people fucking?

807
00:50:22,269 --> 00:50:25,105
We have no money left,
nowhere to shoot, no sets,

808
00:50:25,272 --> 00:50:27,524
we have no fucking cameras. Here.

809
00:50:29,067 --> 00:50:31,903
It's time I go back to my regular life

810
00:50:32,070 --> 00:50:36,116
where I am a quiet fuckup
who doesn't cost anybody any money

811
00:50:36,283 --> 00:50:39,369
and knows his goddamn position
behind this fucking counter

812
00:50:39,536 --> 00:50:42,664
making cappuccinos
for this fucking guy.

813
00:50:47,002 --> 00:50:50,297
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

814
00:50:55,802 --> 00:50:57,471
What are you doing?

815
00:50:59,222 --> 00:51:00,640
Oh, yeah.

816
00:51:01,266 --> 00:51:03,185
Yeah.

817
00:51:08,607 --> 00:51:10,442
Fuck, yes.

818
00:51:12,986 --> 00:51:13,987
Zack.

819
00:51:36,051 --> 00:51:40,931
You sneaky Indian motherfucker.
I tell you, yes.

820
00:51:42,140 --> 00:51:45,185
Swallow My Cockuccino.

821
00:51:45,352 --> 00:51:48,021
- What?
- That's it. That's the movie.

822
00:51:48,188 --> 00:51:51,733
Why didn't I think of it before?
We don't need sets or a stage.

823
00:51:51,900 --> 00:51:55,487
Look at all this production value,
waiting to have balls on it.

824
00:51:55,654 --> 00:51:58,365
Hold up. You wanna shoot
a dirty movie here, where we work?

825
00:51:58,532 --> 00:51:59,533
Yes.

826
00:51:59,699 --> 00:52:03,203
Fuck, yes, I do. You know how many
stories I have from working here?

827
00:52:03,370 --> 00:52:07,332
How many times I've been laid
right there after hours?

828
00:52:07,499 --> 00:52:09,126
You've never gotten laid here
after hours.

829
00:52:09,292 --> 00:52:11,378
I know. Thank you for reminding me.

830
00:52:11,545 --> 00:52:16,508
But I always wish I had,
and that's what porno is. It's fantasy.

831
00:52:16,675 --> 00:52:22,013
It's taking the normal
and making it abnormal by fucking it.

832
00:52:22,180 --> 00:52:24,558
Don't do that.
The little dog don't like that.

833
00:52:24,724 --> 00:52:26,184
How did you get a camera?

834
00:52:26,351 --> 00:52:30,230
By being a terrible, untrustworthy
employee, that's how.

835
00:52:30,897 --> 00:52:35,569
Give me today, I'll bang out a script.
Meet me back here after closing.

836
00:52:35,735 --> 00:52:40,907
We're gonna launch arching ropes of
jism all over this motherfucker. Peace.

837
00:52:42,701 --> 00:52:46,538
I like that guy but if he tries
to fuck that little dog tonight for real,

838
00:52:46,705 --> 00:52:48,874
I'm calling the Humane Society.

839
00:52:51,084 --> 00:52:55,005
It's called Bean-N-Gone,
so get the fuck out of here. Hey, Barry.

840
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,847
Stand by, Stace, picture's up.
- Okay.

841
00:53:04,014 --> 00:53:05,891
Roll tape.

842
00:53:08,727 --> 00:53:11,771
Swallow My Cockuccino,
Scene 12, Take 1.

843
00:53:19,696 --> 00:53:21,823
And action.

844
00:53:29,956 --> 00:53:33,585
I'd like a double espresso
so I can stay up all night

845
00:53:33,752 --> 00:53:36,296
because I'm in the mood to fuck.

846
00:53:36,463 --> 00:53:40,967
Well, I am a whore-ista, so I love
to fuck. Would you like to fuck me?

847
00:53:41,134 --> 00:53:45,138
Holy fuck. You mean,
after you're done with your shift?

848
00:53:45,305 --> 00:53:48,266
I mean during my shift.

849
00:53:49,142 --> 00:53:51,436
- Sorry.
- Keep going, keep going.

850
00:53:51,603 --> 00:53:53,980
With your shaft.

851
00:54:04,282 --> 00:54:08,036
Let us fuck.

852
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:13,833
Cue music.

853
00:54:19,631 --> 00:54:22,008
Okay, open up to camera,
guys. Let us see it.

854
00:54:25,512 --> 00:54:26,680
More tongue.

855
00:54:29,808 --> 00:54:31,268
Little less tongue.

856
00:54:35,605 --> 00:54:37,524
Oh, that was good.

857
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:44,364
Cue effects.

858
00:55:01,715 --> 00:55:04,092
Oh, yeah, like that.

859
00:55:04,259 --> 00:55:06,386
Oh, yeah.

860
00:55:07,554 --> 00:55:10,598
See, I told you it would work.
Didn't I tell you? It looks amazing.

861
00:55:10,765 --> 00:55:12,309
It's incredible.

862
00:55:12,892 --> 00:55:15,562
Oh, the beans hurt. Easy.

863
00:55:15,854 --> 00:55:18,732
- Move in for coverage.
- Nice.

864
00:55:19,065 --> 00:55:20,150
That's why we got him.

865
00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:23,570
- Nice. I'm impressed.
- Get in there, Deacon.

866
00:55:23,737 --> 00:55:27,073
- Come on.
- Like that? Like that.

867
00:55:27,240 --> 00:55:30,869
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah. Look at that.

868
00:55:31,036 --> 00:55:32,912
- Pull out a bit, actually.
- That's hot.

869
00:55:33,079 --> 00:55:34,998
No, not you, Lester. Put it back in.

870
00:55:35,165 --> 00:55:36,666
Kiss the muscle.

871
00:55:37,250 --> 00:55:39,252
- I kiss the muscle.
- You kiss the muscle.

872
00:55:39,919 --> 00:55:43,006
- Can he slap her ass a little?
- Don't be a fucking pervert, dude.

873
00:55:43,173 --> 00:55:47,093
- Stir, come on. Stir.
- Yeah, stir it.

874
00:55:47,510 --> 00:55:50,221
Stir it, baby.

875
00:55:59,022 --> 00:56:00,190
Hey.

876
00:56:01,566 --> 00:56:03,026
- Holy.
- Shit.

877
00:56:03,193 --> 00:56:05,403
Are you guys still open?

878
00:56:06,946 --> 00:56:10,909
No. We close at 9.

879
00:56:11,743 --> 00:56:13,953
I need coffee so I'm drive home.

880
00:56:14,412 --> 00:56:17,540
- Okay. Yeah.
Thank you.

881
00:56:18,875 --> 00:56:21,044
That's a cute kitty.

882
00:56:21,711 --> 00:56:22,879
Okay.

883
00:56:30,136 --> 00:56:31,137
Hey.

884
00:56:31,304 --> 00:56:32,972
- Hey.
- Hey.

885
00:56:33,139 --> 00:56:36,935
You guys see the game? I was at it.

886
00:56:37,102 --> 00:56:42,482
Fucking Roethlisberger,
the quarterback, was all fucking'

887
00:56:42,649 --> 00:56:48,405
"Hug it, chug it, football. All night. "
Heh-heh.

888
00:56:48,571 --> 00:56:50,907
Okay, pal, here you go.
On the house.

889
00:56:51,241 --> 00:56:53,451
- I love you.
- I love you too. Have a good one.

890
00:56:53,618 --> 00:56:56,871
- Yeah, I'll have a cold one.
- I said, have a good one.

891
00:56:57,789 --> 00:56:58,832
Oh.

892
00:56:58,998 --> 00:57:01,751
- Okay. Keep moving.
You and your little dog.

893
00:57:02,627 --> 00:57:04,796
Go Steelers.

894
00:57:10,677 --> 00:57:11,928
Action.

895
00:57:12,429 --> 00:57:16,474
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, like that.

896
00:57:16,641 --> 00:57:21,521
Oh, fuck it, chuck it, football.
Oh, yeah.

897
00:57:21,855 --> 00:57:23,189
Oh, God, this is good.

898
00:57:25,859 --> 00:57:32,157
You take it. You take it.
Take it, Barry. Oh, take it.

899
00:57:32,323 --> 00:57:35,326
Take it, Barry. Take it.

900
00:57:36,161 --> 00:57:39,539
I'm disturbed
at how turned on I am by this.

901
00:57:40,623 --> 00:57:42,250
- Shit, dude, it's almost 6.
- Oh, fuck.

902
00:57:42,417 --> 00:57:44,544
Okay, that's a wrap,
everybody, yeah.

903
00:57:44,711 --> 00:57:47,714
Let's give a hand to our hotties
with the bodies from last night.

904
00:57:47,881 --> 00:57:50,383
Stacey, Lester,
Bubbles, Barry, whoo.

905
00:57:50,550 --> 00:57:51,634
Yeah.
Nice.

906
00:57:51,801 --> 00:57:53,595
Okay, when we come back tonight,

907
00:57:53,761 --> 00:57:57,599
we finish up the venti-vulva scene, and
then we get into me and Miri's stuff.

908
00:57:57,765 --> 00:58:01,478
Again, amazing first night, everybody.
Thank you so much.

909
00:58:04,564 --> 00:58:06,774
Let us fuck.

910
00:58:09,944 --> 00:58:12,280
- Hey, how'd it look?
- How do you think it looked?

911
00:58:12,447 --> 00:58:15,909
It looked like shit going into other shit,
in focus.

912
00:58:16,075 --> 00:58:19,704
What an artist. That was Kurosawa's
motto. "Shit going into other shit. "

913
00:58:19,871 --> 00:58:22,040
Oh, man,
I can't believe you gotta work now.

914
00:58:22,207 --> 00:58:25,001
It's okay. You know, honestly,
I don't think I could sleep.

915
00:58:25,168 --> 00:58:28,505
- I'm pretty, like, pumped up right now.
- Right? It was amazing.

916
00:58:28,671 --> 00:58:30,882
It was awesome.
I think the cast and crew had a good time.

917
00:58:31,049 --> 00:58:33,259
- We were getting great shit.
- Yeah, it was so fun.

918
00:58:33,426 --> 00:58:35,887
I just wanna keep shooting
people boning all day.

919
00:58:36,262 --> 00:58:39,432
I don't think I've ever met
the ambitious Zack Brown before.

920
00:58:40,099 --> 00:58:43,394
- Well, I'm trying to pay the bills, so...
- It's not a bad thing.

921
00:58:44,604 --> 00:58:46,773
I think it looks good on you.

922
00:59:33,570 --> 00:59:37,949
Come on, hurry.
Come on, come on, come on.

923
00:59:39,033 --> 00:59:40,159
Wait a minute.

924
00:59:40,326 --> 00:59:42,745
- You guys never did it before?
It's fine.

925
00:59:43,204 --> 00:59:48,376
You know, we talked about it
and it's just for the movie.

926
00:59:48,543 --> 00:59:50,545
We're friends, you know'
we're just friends.

927
00:59:50,712 --> 00:59:54,591
And we will always just be
just friends, so...

928
00:59:54,757 --> 00:59:58,136
Listen, I have some extra lube
from last night.

929
00:59:58,303 --> 01:00:01,681
I understand it's kind of hard getting
wet when everyone's watching.

930
01:00:01,848 --> 01:00:03,683
At least it was for Barry.

931
01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:06,811
- I don't know if I am gonna need it.
- Really?

932
01:00:06,978 --> 01:00:10,440
Yeah, I think I'm just excited.

933
01:00:10,690 --> 01:00:11,941
Uh-huh.

934
01:00:12,609 --> 01:00:15,194
At the idea of people watching'
not because of Zack.

935
01:00:15,361 --> 01:00:18,489
Oh, God. Zack could never have that
effect on me in a million years.

936
01:00:18,656 --> 01:00:21,200
- Hello, Miriam.
- Oh, hey.

937
01:00:21,367 --> 01:00:22,410
Wow.

938
01:00:22,577 --> 01:00:24,370
- Your face.
- Yeah. Weird, huh?

939
01:00:24,537 --> 01:00:26,956
I don't think I've seen your face
since senior year.

940
01:00:27,123 --> 01:00:28,291
I think I made a mistake.

941
01:00:28,458 --> 01:00:31,377
I did it for you so you wouldn't
get road rash during our scene,

942
01:00:31,544 --> 01:00:34,714
but I should have asked first'
I look like a fucking beluga whale.

943
01:00:35,131 --> 01:00:37,717
I think I'll be going now.

944
01:00:39,135 --> 01:00:40,803
Okay.

945
01:00:47,560 --> 01:00:49,937
All I keep thinking is
we should've done a trial run

946
01:00:50,104 --> 01:00:51,564
at home last week or something.

947
01:00:51,731 --> 01:00:53,524
- Oh, my God. Right?
- I know.

948
01:00:55,735 --> 01:01:01,074
- You're still cool to do it, though, right?
- Yeah, um. Totally. Are you?

949
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:03,368
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, I'm, uh...

950
01:01:03,743 --> 01:01:06,204
- Honestly, I'm a little nervous, I guess.
- You are?

951
01:01:06,371 --> 01:01:08,665
- It's kind of a big deal.
- It is?

952
01:01:08,831 --> 01:01:12,752
Yeah, you know,
it's our first time together

953
01:01:14,170 --> 01:01:18,424
since our auspicious debut
on viral video.

954
01:01:19,592 --> 01:01:20,677
Oh, yeah.

955
01:01:20,843 --> 01:01:23,096
That's a fuckload of pressure
for a director.

956
01:01:23,596 --> 01:01:27,100
As a director, please. What about
the anxiety I'm feeling as an actress?

957
01:01:27,266 --> 01:01:30,603
- Did I pick the right project?
- Yeah. What about this follow-up?

958
01:01:30,770 --> 01:01:33,773
Julia Roberts followed Pretty Waman
with Sleeping With the Enemy.

959
01:01:33,940 --> 01:01:36,901
I'm following Granny Panties
with Swallow My Cockuccino.

960
01:01:37,068 --> 01:01:39,320
Only difference is
this movie's about cock-sucking

961
01:01:39,487 --> 01:01:41,572
and her movie just sucked cock,
period.

962
01:01:41,739 --> 01:01:44,784
- The only difference, yeah.
- The end was pretty rad.

963
01:01:45,410 --> 01:01:47,286
I liked that.

964
01:01:48,830 --> 01:01:51,374
- When she kills him.
- With a gun.

965
01:01:51,541 --> 01:01:52,667
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

966
01:01:52,834 --> 01:01:55,253
- She calls the cops first.
- She calls it in first.

967
01:01:55,420 --> 01:01:57,296
- It was so awesome.
- Awesome, yeah.

968
01:01:59,549 --> 01:02:01,801
So I guess we should do this.

969
01:02:01,968 --> 01:02:06,389
I think we should probably wait just
until I lose another 20 or 30 pounds.

970
01:02:06,556 --> 01:02:09,475
Stop it. You look good.

971
01:02:09,642 --> 01:02:11,144
Thanks.

972
01:02:12,812 --> 01:02:16,566
So, what about me? How do I look?

973
01:02:17,775 --> 01:02:21,446
I mean, you look beautiful.
You always look so beautiful,

974
01:02:21,612 --> 01:02:25,825
so I guess it's not a big deal,
but you look amazing.

975
01:02:34,250 --> 01:02:38,004
- Okay. Let's go make a porno.
- Okay.

976
01:02:39,130 --> 01:02:43,009
Swallow My Cockuccino,
Scene 8, Take 1.

977
01:02:43,176 --> 01:02:45,636
- Come here.
- I'm over...?

978
01:02:46,304 --> 01:02:48,181
All right, settle.

979
01:02:48,931 --> 01:02:50,349
Action.

980
01:02:51,976 --> 01:02:54,353
Who could it be?

981
01:03:01,569 --> 01:03:02,737
- Hi.
- Hi.

982
01:03:02,904 --> 01:03:06,365
I'm a delivery man
and I have some cream for you.

983
01:03:06,532 --> 01:03:10,036
Wow, that cream looks heavy.
You must be strong.

984
01:03:10,203 --> 01:03:11,662
I work out.

985
01:03:11,829 --> 01:03:16,042
So do you want me
to give you your cream now?

986
01:03:16,209 --> 01:03:19,962
I've been waiting for it all day.

987
01:03:21,047 --> 01:03:22,048
- Fuck. Come on.
- Oops.

988
01:03:22,215 --> 01:03:23,800
Keep going.

989
01:03:23,966 --> 01:03:28,387
I spilled my cream. Do you mind?

990
01:03:28,554 --> 01:03:33,893
I don't mind.
Especially if you spill it on my face.

991
01:03:34,352 --> 01:03:36,395
Let us fuck.

992
01:03:42,652 --> 01:03:44,737
- Fix my shirt. Think I should?
- Okay.

993
01:03:44,904 --> 01:03:47,990
Let me see them titties.

994
01:03:48,407 --> 01:03:51,494
Actually, you know what? Sorry,
I don't think we should show them.

995
01:03:51,661 --> 01:03:53,955
- What?
- We shouldn't show your breasts.

996
01:03:54,121 --> 01:03:57,208
- Aren't you gonna take your shirt off?
- I'm just gonna open it.

997
01:03:57,375 --> 01:03:59,126
You're not gonna take it off? Why not?

998
01:03:59,293 --> 01:04:02,255
My tits are bigger than yours.
I don't wanna show that.

999
01:04:02,421 --> 01:04:05,383
She's not gonna show her tits?
I showed my cock and my asshole.

1000
01:04:05,550 --> 01:04:07,885
- Okay, I'll do your pants.
- Back and forth. okay.

1001
01:04:08,052 --> 01:04:10,429
- Holy shit.
- Where's that delivery?

1002
01:04:10,596 --> 01:04:15,893
I can't believe this. I was delivering
cream, and look what's happening.

1003
01:04:16,060 --> 01:04:19,856
- Jesus, what is that, a rumba?
- What's a rumba?

1004
01:04:20,022 --> 01:04:21,941
That awkward movement.

1005
01:04:23,609 --> 01:04:26,612
- Should I take your underpants off?
- Yeah, take them off.

1006
01:04:29,615 --> 01:04:31,075
What the fuck?
How does this work?

1007
01:04:31,242 --> 01:04:33,160
They're just like... I'll do it.

1008
01:04:33,327 --> 01:04:36,289
- I'll do mine, you just... You do yours.
- I'll do my pants.

1009
01:04:45,172 --> 01:04:47,425
Granny panties.

1010
01:04:49,302 --> 01:04:51,137
Just get on with it already.

1011
01:04:52,430 --> 01:04:54,307
I'm gonna fuck you with my pecker.

1012
01:04:54,473 --> 01:04:56,267
Dude, that's really dirty.

1013
01:04:56,434 --> 01:04:58,436
- That's too dirty?
- That offends me.

1014
01:04:58,603 --> 01:05:00,479
- Penis?
- Fine.

1015
01:05:00,646 --> 01:05:03,816
- I'm gonna fuck you with my penis.
- I can't wait.

1016
01:05:03,983 --> 01:05:05,818
For my penis.

1017
01:05:05,985 --> 01:05:09,447
Be careful, Miri. Okay, there we go.
Just keep rolling, keep rolling.

1018
01:05:09,614 --> 01:05:14,285
- I'll walk forward.
- Fucking cream is coming.

1019
01:05:16,913 --> 01:05:19,999
This is the worst porno
I've ever seen.

1020
01:05:20,374 --> 01:05:26,005
Get over here, delivery man.
Let's fuck on these beans.

1021
01:05:28,174 --> 01:05:29,216
- You okay?
- Yup.

1022
01:05:29,383 --> 01:05:32,720
Okay, all right.
- Just leave them. Just leave them.

1023
01:05:32,887 --> 01:05:35,348
- They're really distracting.
- You should leave them.

1024
01:05:35,514 --> 01:05:37,808
- You gotta get your... There you go.
Okay, okay.

1025
01:05:37,975 --> 01:05:40,269
- Okay, okay.
- Okay. This okay?

1026
01:05:44,273 --> 01:05:45,858
Okay.

1027
01:05:46,025 --> 01:05:47,443
Okay, uh.

1028
01:05:47,860 --> 01:05:50,696
- We'll start kissing on three, okay?
- Okay.

1029
01:05:50,863 --> 01:05:54,450
One, two, three. Go.

1030
01:06:18,057 --> 01:06:19,976
I'm ready.

1031
01:06:20,893 --> 01:06:24,397
- I'm ready.
- Okay.

1032
01:06:33,531 --> 01:06:34,573
Deacon.

1033
01:06:34,740 --> 01:06:36,993
- Deacon. Deacon.
- What?

1034
01:06:37,159 --> 01:06:40,579
Did you see Lost this week, man?
I missed it. What happened?

1035
01:06:40,746 --> 01:06:43,666
They're on the island, off the island.
Who can follow that?

1036
01:06:43,833 --> 01:06:44,959
I think they're in hell.

1037
01:06:45,126 --> 01:06:46,919
Would you all shut the motherfuck up?

1038
01:07:01,934 --> 01:07:03,561
I want you to come.

1039
01:07:03,728 --> 01:07:06,689
- I want you to come with me.
- Okay.

1040
01:07:11,610 --> 01:07:13,821
Oh, God.

1041
01:07:29,378 --> 01:07:31,464
Oh, God.

1042
01:07:44,226 --> 01:07:45,394
Cut.

1043
01:07:45,561 --> 01:07:50,316
That's it? It's over? Ain't he
supposed to come on her titties?

1044
01:07:55,404 --> 01:07:58,032
Well, it wasn't what we'd shot-listed'
but that was nice.

1045
01:07:58,199 --> 01:08:00,826
- It was so romantic.
- Way to fuck, Zack.

1046
01:08:00,993 --> 01:08:03,204
Thanks, Lester, uh.

1047
01:08:03,412 --> 01:08:07,083
It wasn't just me, though, guys. Give
it up for my radiant costar here, Miri.

1048
01:08:08,459 --> 01:08:10,628
Nice.
- Um, show's over in here.

1049
01:08:10,795 --> 01:08:12,880
Let's move out'
start lighting the next scene.

1050
01:08:13,047 --> 01:08:14,799
- All right.
- Let's do it.

1051
01:08:15,633 --> 01:08:17,551
- You looked so beautiful.
- Thanks.

1052
01:08:17,718 --> 01:08:19,637
I thought they were gonna
be fucking hard.

1053
01:08:19,804 --> 01:08:21,472
- It was pretty.
- Pretty don't sell.

1054
01:08:21,639 --> 01:08:23,682
- Good job.
- Thanks.

1055
01:08:24,183 --> 01:08:26,936
You good, Mir? You need anything?

1056
01:08:27,103 --> 01:08:29,021
I'm just gonna take a minute, okay?

1057
01:08:29,188 --> 01:08:32,525
Okay, uh. I'll just be out there.

1058
01:08:33,359 --> 01:08:34,860
Yeah.

1059
01:08:36,403 --> 01:08:39,949
- That was fun.
- Yeah, fun.

1060
01:08:41,826 --> 01:08:44,286
ZACK
"Fun. " You fucking douche.

1061
01:09:10,062 --> 01:09:11,397
Wow.

1062
01:09:26,912 --> 01:09:28,414
- Hey.
- Hey.

1063
01:09:28,581 --> 01:09:31,417
- You working on a rewrite?
- Yeah, just for tonight's scene.

1064
01:09:31,584 --> 01:09:34,170
- I'm ready to go when you are, though.
- Okay.

1065
01:09:35,921 --> 01:09:42,761
You know, before we go, I...
I'm thinking that, uh, it's a good idea

1066
01:09:43,345 --> 01:09:45,264
if we talk about
what happened last night.

1067
01:09:47,016 --> 01:09:49,727
- Oh.
- I mean, we don't have to, but I think...

1068
01:09:49,894 --> 01:09:51,061
Okay, yeah, uh.

1069
01:09:51,228 --> 01:09:53,230
I kind of dropped the ball on that,
I guess, huh?

1070
01:09:53,397 --> 01:09:57,276
- No, no. It's...
- To be honest, it was...

1071
01:09:57,443 --> 01:10:00,029
You know, I didn't realize
how weird it would be for me.

1072
01:10:00,196 --> 01:10:02,948
Weird? Like... Weird how?

1073
01:10:03,574 --> 01:10:07,203
Acting and directing at the same time.
It's a lot to process, you know.

1074
01:10:07,369 --> 01:10:11,123
For the first time, I thought my balls
didn't have enough hair on them.

1075
01:10:11,290 --> 01:10:12,791
That's not what I meant.

1076
01:10:14,585 --> 01:10:16,629
I know what you meant.

1077
01:10:16,795 --> 01:10:18,464
How you feeling about it?

1078
01:10:19,131 --> 01:10:21,050
I guess, um...

1079
01:10:22,551 --> 01:10:23,719
I feel like...

1080
01:10:25,471 --> 01:10:26,472
Like we...

1081
01:10:28,098 --> 01:10:31,435
- Holy fuck.
- The power's on. Did you do this?

1082
01:10:31,602 --> 01:10:33,604
How did this happen?
I burned the bills.

1083
01:10:33,771 --> 01:10:35,231
How could we have done that?

1084
01:10:35,397 --> 01:10:36,982
- The water.
- The water.

1085
01:10:37,775 --> 01:10:40,236
Come on, come on, come on.

1086
01:10:40,402 --> 01:10:41,737
Yeah!

1087
01:10:41,904 --> 01:10:44,615
- We can shower in our home again.
- We are liquid.

1088
01:10:50,496 --> 01:10:51,497
Greetings.

1089
01:10:51,664 --> 01:10:55,000
Have you heard the good news about
our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?

1090
01:10:55,167 --> 01:10:56,835
Oh, my God, did you guys do this?

1091
01:10:57,002 --> 01:10:59,838
We got tired of you taking showers
at our places all the time.

1092
01:11:00,005 --> 01:11:02,132
So we took up a collection
amongst ourselves.

1093
01:11:02,299 --> 01:11:04,176
And chipped away
at your mountain of debt.

1094
01:11:04,343 --> 01:11:06,470
You guys paid off
our massive utilities bills?

1095
01:11:06,637 --> 01:11:09,682
- How did you afford that?
- I stole my old lady's bingo winnings.

1096
01:11:09,848 --> 01:11:12,226
And Mistress Bubbles
did a bachelor party tonight

1097
01:11:12,393 --> 01:11:15,646
at which yours truly was a guest star,
thank you very much.

1098
01:11:15,813 --> 01:11:16,939
- Oh.
- Whoa.

1099
01:11:17,106 --> 01:11:20,859
Don't get too excited. We didn't pay off
your whole bill. Just a month of each.

1100
01:11:21,026 --> 01:11:22,945
They agreed
to turn everything back on?

1101
01:11:23,112 --> 01:11:24,822
At 9 at night? How does that work?

1102
01:11:24,989 --> 01:11:27,741
Stacey knows somebody
that works at Power and Light.

1103
01:11:27,908 --> 01:11:29,868
- You guys...
- This is amazing.

1104
01:11:30,035 --> 01:11:31,537
You didn't have to do this.

1105
01:11:31,704 --> 01:11:33,539
You didn't have to put us
in your movie.

1106
01:11:33,706 --> 01:11:35,582
- Or let us shoot it.
- Or produce it.

1107
01:11:35,749 --> 01:11:38,377
- Or put us in your movie either.
- We said that already.

1108
01:11:38,544 --> 01:11:40,713
Guys, honestly,
I don't know what to say.

1109
01:11:40,879 --> 01:11:43,007
You can start by saying
we can take tonight off

1110
01:11:43,173 --> 01:11:45,384
so we can have our wrap party
right now.

1111
01:11:45,551 --> 01:11:48,721
Guys, we're not wrapped.
We still have four days of shooting left.

1112
01:11:48,887 --> 01:11:51,557
Excuse me.
In my "producorial" capacity,

1113
01:11:51,724 --> 01:11:55,477
I'm shutting the movie down for a night
so we can get a little silly.

1114
01:12:38,312 --> 01:12:40,606
Go, go, go.

1115
01:12:40,773 --> 01:12:42,816
- Yes.
- Yes.

1116
01:12:44,360 --> 01:12:45,652
You all drink.

1117
01:12:45,819 --> 01:12:49,281
Was it just amazing with him,
after all those years of not knowing?

1118
01:12:49,448 --> 01:12:52,659
It was, um, weird.

1119
01:12:53,577 --> 01:12:55,913
- But good.
- My scene with Zack's tomorrow.

1120
01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:57,456
You don't say.

1121
01:12:57,623 --> 01:13:02,294
But I'm a little nervous. I was thinking
about trying to get with him tonight.

1122
01:13:02,461 --> 01:13:05,005
- Really?
- I mean, if you don't mind.

1123
01:13:05,172 --> 01:13:08,384
You are just friends and all'
so I didn't think it would be a biggie.

1124
01:13:08,550 --> 01:13:10,803
- It wouldn't be a biggie, would it?
- No.

1125
01:13:11,762 --> 01:13:15,766
No, no. It's not a biggie. What? No.

1126
01:13:15,933 --> 01:13:17,476
Are you sure?

1127
01:13:17,643 --> 01:13:20,312
Yeah. Stacey'
I'm not married to the guy, so...

1128
01:13:20,479 --> 01:13:25,484
I don't know. You guys just looked
kind of intimate last night.

1129
01:13:25,651 --> 01:13:28,153
- We did?
- Yeah.

1130
01:13:32,449 --> 01:13:38,497
Well, we're just better actors than
I thought, I think, so you know what?

1131
01:13:38,664 --> 01:13:41,834
If you wanna get with him'
you should just go ask him.

1132
01:13:42,000 --> 01:13:45,754
- He'd be really excited to hear that.
- Yeah? For real, you don't mind?

1133
01:13:45,921 --> 01:13:48,966
- Yeah.
- Cool.

1134
01:13:53,220 --> 01:13:56,140
All the quarters are on the ground.

1135
01:13:56,849 --> 01:13:59,643
- Hey, Stace.
- Hey, Zack.

1136
01:14:04,940 --> 01:14:07,609
Come on,
are you guys playing or what?

1137
01:15:48,460 --> 01:15:50,963
Well, I'm bummed, but I totally get it.

1138
01:15:51,129 --> 01:15:54,341
It's no problem to work
with Lester again. He has a nice cock.

1139
01:15:54,508 --> 01:15:56,176
Well, you're a trouper, Stace.

1140
01:15:56,343 --> 01:15:59,638
Oh, but if I start making weird faces
or anything during the scene'

1141
01:15:59,805 --> 01:16:02,391
it's just because
I've been constipated all day.

1142
01:16:02,558 --> 01:16:05,519
Oh, shit, uh. We don't have
to shoot the scene tonight.

1143
01:16:05,686 --> 01:16:08,272
No, I want to. Anal's great
for when you're constipated.

1144
01:16:08,438 --> 01:16:10,774
It totally loosens you up.

1145
01:16:11,483 --> 01:16:14,319
I use ex-lax, but good to know.

1146
01:16:14,486 --> 01:16:17,990
Okay, I never thought
I would have that conversation.

1147
01:16:18,156 --> 01:16:20,450
So are we starting
with Lester and Stacey tonight?

1148
01:16:20,617 --> 01:16:22,494
We were supposed to start
with Lester and Miri.

1149
01:16:22,661 --> 01:16:25,497
I know. She... We're not gonna do that.
I don't think Miri's gonna...

1150
01:16:33,422 --> 01:16:35,007
...do that.

1151
01:16:37,801 --> 01:16:41,513
Hey. So where are we shooting this?
Over here?

1152
01:16:42,264 --> 01:16:45,142
- What are you doing here?
- Me and Lester.

1153
01:16:46,518 --> 01:16:48,645
Our scene's tonight, right?

1154
01:16:50,689 --> 01:16:53,233
Can I talk to you for a minute
in the back?

1155
01:16:53,734 --> 01:16:56,862
- Sure.
- Thanks.

1156
01:16:58,572 --> 01:17:00,282
What do you want me to shoot here?

1157
01:17:00,449 --> 01:17:03,869
Start with the close-ups of Lester
and Stacey. Give me a second, man.

1158
01:17:04,578 --> 01:17:05,662
What an artist.

1159
01:17:06,371 --> 01:17:10,167
Okay, uh. Did I do something
wrong to you?

1160
01:17:10,334 --> 01:17:11,376
No.

1161
01:17:12,044 --> 01:17:13,170
Then why are you here?

1162
01:17:13,337 --> 01:17:16,548
I'm here for the same reason
you're here. To make the movie.

1163
01:17:17,215 --> 01:17:20,719
Okay, just, like'
for your own personal information,

1164
01:17:21,595 --> 01:17:23,472
you're acting really weird right now.

1165
01:17:23,639 --> 01:17:26,224
I'm acting weird?
I think you're acting weird right now.

1166
01:17:26,391 --> 01:17:28,602
Oh, I'm acting...
How exactly am I acting weird?

1167
01:17:28,769 --> 01:17:31,438
You've been trying to keep me
from fucking anybody but you

1168
01:17:31,605 --> 01:17:33,565
since we started this thing.

1169
01:17:34,232 --> 01:17:37,194
Maybe I was thinking
about your feelings.

1170
01:17:37,361 --> 01:17:40,238
Were you thinking of my feelings
when you were banging Stacey?

1171
01:17:40,405 --> 01:17:42,741
Because that'd be really sad
for Stacey.

1172
01:17:42,908 --> 01:17:45,744
She told me that you told her that
that was okay.

1173
01:17:45,911 --> 01:17:51,041
I told her that it was okay to ask you.

1174
01:17:52,876 --> 01:17:57,214
Holy shit. I get it. I fucking get it.

1175
01:17:57,381 --> 01:18:00,425
It was a test. That whole thing
was a fucking test, is that it?

1176
01:18:01,343 --> 01:18:03,428
If it was, how do you think you did?

1177
01:18:04,262 --> 01:18:05,472
We had a discussion, Miri.

1178
01:18:05,639 --> 01:18:11,895
We had... Actually, we had many
discussions about how it was just sex

1179
01:18:12,062 --> 01:18:14,940
- and how we wouldn't let it get weird.
- I'm not acting weird.

1180
01:18:15,107 --> 01:18:18,902
You're acting like a jealous girlfriend
is what the fuck you're acting like.

1181
01:18:19,069 --> 01:18:20,946
- I am not your girlfriend.
- I know that.

1182
01:18:21,113 --> 01:18:24,866
You're not my boyfriend, so why are
we having this conversation right now?

1183
01:18:25,033 --> 01:18:29,121
Because you're about to fuck Lester
to spite me, it seems like.

1184
01:18:29,287 --> 01:18:31,665
Did you fuck Stacey to spite me? No.

1185
01:18:31,832 --> 01:18:34,042
You fucked her
like you fucked every other bitch

1186
01:18:34,209 --> 01:18:36,294
and never gave a shit
how I felt about it.

1187
01:18:36,795 --> 01:18:39,089
- Well, that was before.
- Before what?

1188
01:18:39,256 --> 01:18:43,593
Look, don't fucking pretend that the
other night, you and me, right there,

1189
01:18:43,760 --> 01:18:46,888
that that didn't mean anything to you,
that you didn't feel it too.

1190
01:18:47,055 --> 01:18:51,476
Oh. You're not getting all gooey
on me here, are you, Zack?

1191
01:18:51,810 --> 01:18:53,228
You know what?

1192
01:18:53,395 --> 01:18:56,356
If you were any other bitch
I didn't give a rat's ass about,

1193
01:18:56,523 --> 01:18:58,650
I would tell you
to go fuck yourself right now

1194
01:18:58,817 --> 01:19:02,279
because I fucking hate
this game-playing shit.

1195
01:19:02,446 --> 01:19:04,448
But you,
you mean more to me than that'

1196
01:19:04,614 --> 01:19:06,992
so I'm just gonna lay this out
on front street.

1197
01:19:07,159 --> 01:19:10,328
I know you felt something big,
something real the other night

1198
01:19:10,495 --> 01:19:13,206
when we were together
because I felt it too.

1199
01:19:13,373 --> 01:19:18,086
We tried to fuck and instead,
we wound up making love.

1200
01:19:18,253 --> 01:19:21,840
So if this is what you need to hear in
order to keep you from fucking Lester,

1201
01:19:22,007 --> 01:19:27,429
if this is what you need, then fine.
Here it is, I'm gonna say it.

1202
01:19:28,180 --> 01:19:29,931
I love you, Miri.

1203
01:19:34,186 --> 01:19:35,645
Happy?

1204
01:19:36,480 --> 01:19:37,731
Oh, Jesus.

1205
01:19:37,898 --> 01:19:40,859
You better get a hold of yourself, Zack,
because we just fucked.

1206
01:19:42,569 --> 01:19:44,279
Okay.

1207
01:19:50,869 --> 01:19:53,205
What if I didn't fuck Stacey?

1208
01:19:54,164 --> 01:19:55,791
But you did.

1209
01:19:55,957 --> 01:19:59,836
You know what?
I don't fucking give a shit.

1210
01:20:00,712 --> 01:20:02,380
Wait...

1211
01:20:07,052 --> 01:20:10,847
All right, don't forget I'm down here.
Watch that pullout, huh?

1212
01:20:11,014 --> 01:20:12,766
Yeah.

1213
01:20:12,933 --> 01:20:16,728
Mmm.
This is some damn good coffee.

1214
01:20:16,895 --> 01:20:19,231
- Where you going?
- Getting the fuck out of here.

1215
01:20:19,397 --> 01:20:21,024
We gotta finish this movie.

1216
01:20:26,988 --> 01:20:28,323
Yo!

1217
01:20:31,993 --> 01:20:33,912
You believe this shit?

1218
01:20:34,079 --> 01:20:35,455
Do you believe this shit?

1219
01:20:35,622 --> 01:20:37,332
What the fuck just happened
in there?

1220
01:20:37,499 --> 01:20:39,501
I'll tell you what just happened in there.

1221
01:20:39,668 --> 01:20:42,337
That chick frosted me
like I was a fucking cake.

1222
01:21:00,438 --> 01:21:02,190
Zack.

1223
01:21:19,082 --> 01:21:21,459
Okay, seriously'
get a picture of me right now.

1224
01:21:22,002 --> 01:21:24,129
I'm hunting humans.

1225
01:21:24,296 --> 01:21:27,299
- Dude, check it out. Ooh.
- Oh, shit.

1226
01:21:27,465 --> 01:21:29,759
Seriously,
let's shoot the shit out of this bitch.

1227
01:21:29,926 --> 01:21:32,637
- Where you aiming at?
- Cock shots?

1228
01:21:32,804 --> 01:21:34,139
Cock shots.

1229
01:21:48,278 --> 01:21:50,614
We shot you in the balls, cunt nugget.

1230
01:21:51,114 --> 01:21:54,618
Well, it's my job to get shot in the balls,
so... Oh, they're gone.

1231
01:21:54,784 --> 01:21:55,827
Excuse me.

1232
01:21:55,994 --> 01:21:58,246
Didn't you used to work at
the Bean-N-Gone in Monroeville?

1233
01:21:59,581 --> 01:22:03,793
I sure as shit hope this pays better,
I tell you.

1234
01:22:07,505 --> 01:22:10,008
So why don't they just shoot you
with a puck?

1235
01:22:10,175 --> 01:22:11,217
What do you mean?

1236
01:22:11,384 --> 01:22:15,138
I mean, what does paintball
got to do with hockey?

1237
01:22:15,931 --> 01:22:17,599
Nothing, I guess.

1238
01:22:17,766 --> 01:22:20,393
- So ain't no prizes or...?
- No, no.

1239
01:22:20,560 --> 01:22:22,520
So, what are they paying $5 for?

1240
01:22:22,687 --> 01:22:25,815
To shoot a Broad Street Bully
in the balls.

1241
01:22:27,359 --> 01:22:29,277
White people are fucked up.

1242
01:22:30,111 --> 01:22:31,446
Yup, they sure are.

1243
01:22:31,613 --> 01:22:34,532
It's a living. You've been getting
the checks I've been sending?

1244
01:22:34,699 --> 01:22:36,868
Yes, thank you very much.
I appreciate that.

1245
01:22:37,535 --> 01:22:41,623
Probably didn't save you from a
brutal tongue-lashing, though, huh?

1246
01:22:41,790 --> 01:22:45,210
You know, the wife
never found out about the camera,

1247
01:22:45,377 --> 01:22:47,128
because I paid off the bills.

1248
01:22:47,295 --> 01:22:48,838
How did you manage that?

1249
01:22:49,339 --> 01:22:53,093
- Because now I'm Oprah rich.
- No way.

1250
01:22:53,259 --> 01:22:56,388
- The post office fucking settled?
- Hundred-sixty large, son.

1251
01:22:56,554 --> 01:23:00,517
- Nice, man. Congratulations.
- A beautiful day, thank you very much.

1252
01:23:00,684 --> 01:23:02,477
I thought
you made that whole thing up.

1253
01:23:02,644 --> 01:23:03,895
No, no. It was very real.

1254
01:23:04,062 --> 01:23:06,064
You can believe it.

1255
01:23:06,398 --> 01:23:08,733
Even though she's spending all of it.

1256
01:23:13,863 --> 01:23:16,992
Well, since you ain't gonna ask me,
I'll just go ahead and tell you.

1257
01:23:17,158 --> 01:23:20,870
- No, I have not seen Miri.
- I wasn't gonna ask that.

1258
01:23:21,037 --> 01:23:24,082
Oh, I suppose you weren't gonna ask
about your movie, neither?

1259
01:23:24,249 --> 01:23:27,585
Look, that's why I came down here.
I need you to come take a look at it.

1260
01:23:27,752 --> 01:23:30,463
- I'm not interested. Sorry.
- You'd better get interested

1261
01:23:30,630 --> 01:23:33,675
- because you still owe me money.
- What's wrong with the movie?

1262
01:23:33,842 --> 01:23:36,720
The story doesn't make sense.

1263
01:23:36,886 --> 01:23:39,472
- The story?
- The story doesn't make sense.

1264
01:23:39,639 --> 01:23:42,267
It's a fucking porno movie, man.
What story?

1265
01:23:42,434 --> 01:23:45,603
It's a movie, dog,
and a movie's gotta have an ending,

1266
01:23:45,770 --> 01:23:47,397
which we don't have at the moment.

1267
01:23:47,564 --> 01:23:50,442
Come shot, credits.
There's your fucking ending.

1268
01:23:50,608 --> 01:23:52,318
Do me this favor, okay?

1269
01:23:52,485 --> 01:23:55,155
When you're done
getting your nuts blown off'

1270
01:23:55,321 --> 01:24:00,076
come back to humble Monroeville
to my crib for a couple hours'

1271
01:24:00,243 --> 01:24:03,705
check out the flick,
you tell me what's missing.

1272
01:24:04,664 --> 01:24:05,790
No.

1273
01:24:06,041 --> 01:24:09,461
I'll tell you what, you do that,
you don't owe me shit no more.

1274
01:24:09,627 --> 01:24:11,796
- Really?
- Really.

1275
01:24:11,963 --> 01:24:14,215
- Is your wife home?
- Yes.

1276
01:24:15,300 --> 01:24:19,471
- Maybe I should leave the pads on.
- You got some extra ones?

1277
01:24:31,983 --> 01:24:33,068
Hey, honey.

1278
01:24:33,234 --> 01:24:35,904
Where the fuck you been?
And who in the fuck is this now?

1279
01:24:36,321 --> 01:24:37,989
Would you calm down, woman?
Goddamn.

1280
01:24:38,156 --> 01:24:40,617
You already left one white boy
down in my basement

1281
01:24:40,784 --> 01:24:43,661
while you off gallivanting and shit.
What if this motherfucker

1282
01:24:43,828 --> 01:24:47,165
- was all grabby on me?
- Ain't nobody wanna grab on you.

1283
01:24:47,332 --> 01:24:50,168
Oh, what in the fuck
is that supposed to mean?

1284
01:24:50,335 --> 01:24:53,254
- Ain't nobody wanna grab on you.
- White boys love me.

1285
01:24:53,588 --> 01:24:54,631
White boy.

1286
01:24:56,132 --> 01:24:58,176
- I said, white boy.
- Yeah?

1287
01:24:58,343 --> 01:24:59,761
You'd fuck me, wouldn't you?

1288
01:25:00,428 --> 01:25:02,013
- Should I say yes?
- Just say yes.

1289
01:25:02,180 --> 01:25:03,848
Yeah.

1290
01:25:07,018 --> 01:25:10,230
- Why don't you, uh, head downstairs?
- Oh, okay.

1291
01:25:10,396 --> 01:25:11,898
It's just through this hallway.

1292
01:25:12,065 --> 01:25:14,109
- Nice to meet you.
- You too.

1293
01:25:16,694 --> 01:25:18,196
What the fuck you looking at?

1294
01:25:18,363 --> 01:25:20,865
Why you gotta be yelling at me
in front of my director?

1295
01:25:21,032 --> 01:25:22,367
- Oh, he's a director?
- Yeah.

1296
01:25:22,534 --> 01:25:24,536
I didn't know that.
Shit, he's a director.

1297
01:25:24,702 --> 01:25:28,623
Well, why don't he direct my ass to a
new husband? How about that shit?

1298
01:25:28,790 --> 01:25:31,209
- That's the bedroom.
Keep talking, maybe he will.

1299
01:25:31,376 --> 01:25:33,419
Oh, don't nobody
want them saggy-ass balls!

1300
01:25:33,586 --> 01:25:36,673
Saggy balls? Look at these
sagging-ass titties you got around here.

1301
01:25:36,840 --> 01:25:39,467
- You could tie these together.
- Motherfucker, we match.

1302
01:25:43,054 --> 01:25:44,514
Oh, shit.

1303
01:25:45,682 --> 01:25:47,684
Where's my paintball gun at?

1304
01:25:47,851 --> 01:25:50,562
Look at you, editor and DP.
You got your shit covered, man.

1305
01:25:50,728 --> 01:25:54,816
Please, don't ever say "shit-covered"
to me again.

1306
01:25:56,234 --> 01:26:00,029
Roll the film for the man, please,
so we can see what he thinks.

1307
01:26:00,196 --> 01:26:03,366
Just jump through it. I ain't
got all night. The bitch is on me.

1308
01:26:04,742 --> 01:26:07,537
"Nigga Rich Productions. " Classy.

1309
01:26:07,704 --> 01:26:10,165
- Yeah, DreamWorks was taken.
- Was it?

1310
01:26:10,331 --> 01:26:13,001
Plus, it sounds like an underground
gay fuck club.

1311
01:26:13,168 --> 01:26:14,878
"I met a guy at DreamWorks. " Yeah.

1312
01:26:15,044 --> 01:26:19,424
All right, so we got
Lester and Stacey fucking.

1313
01:26:19,591 --> 01:26:21,384
Then we got
Barry and Bubbles fucking.

1314
01:26:22,760 --> 01:26:25,013
And then this boring bullshit.

1315
01:26:30,101 --> 01:26:33,479
Okay, just, uh, go to the next scene,
would you?

1316
01:26:34,856 --> 01:26:35,899
Uh...

1317
01:26:36,065 --> 01:26:39,235
- What next scene?
- The one with Miri and Lester?

1318
01:26:39,402 --> 01:26:41,321
We never shot it.

1319
01:26:41,946 --> 01:26:44,449
- Why not?
- Because after you left that night,

1320
01:26:44,616 --> 01:26:47,535
Miri came out of the backroom
and said she couldn't do it.

1321
01:26:47,702 --> 01:26:51,706
- We wrapped after that.
- Wrapped? So...

1322
01:26:53,082 --> 01:26:56,127
- Wait, so Miri...
- Never fucked nobody.

1323
01:26:56,294 --> 01:26:57,378
Just you.

1324
01:26:58,963 --> 01:27:02,634
Now, I wonder why she did that.

1325
01:27:02,800 --> 01:27:05,094
- Hm.
- Hm.

1326
01:27:06,304 --> 01:27:10,725
You see, there was a time when I was
just a bitter old fuck making coffees,

1327
01:27:10,892 --> 01:27:12,852
and Stacey was just a lap dancer

1328
01:27:13,019 --> 01:27:15,021
and Barry and Bubbles
didn't know each other

1329
01:27:15,188 --> 01:27:18,483
and this fool here,
hell, I don't even know what he was.

1330
01:27:18,650 --> 01:27:21,736
- A white supremacist.
- Man, fuck you.

1331
01:27:21,903 --> 01:27:23,738
Then two people come along

1332
01:27:23,905 --> 01:27:27,116
and showed us something
we didn't know existed.

1333
01:27:27,283 --> 01:27:32,288
A world of possibilities
where plain old people just like us

1334
01:27:32,455 --> 01:27:34,707
could do something special.

1335
01:27:34,874 --> 01:27:38,628
Even if it's something as simple
as filming people fucking.

1336
01:27:49,472 --> 01:27:52,767
Sometimes we just need someone

1337
01:27:52,934 --> 01:27:56,938
to show us something
we can't see for ourselves

1338
01:27:59,565 --> 01:28:01,985
and then we're changed forever.

1339
01:28:13,204 --> 01:28:16,457
So as you can see'
our movie ain't got no ending.

1340
01:28:18,042 --> 01:28:20,086
Every movie needs an ending'
don't it?

1341
01:28:24,799 --> 01:28:25,842
Peace.

1342
01:28:28,344 --> 01:28:32,098
Delaney,
you're a slick cupid motherfucker.

1343
01:28:32,557 --> 01:28:34,434
Ain't love grand?

1344
01:28:34,600 --> 01:28:37,645
Why the fuck is this white boy
running through my goddamn house?

1345
01:28:39,022 --> 01:28:40,732
Sometimes.

1346
01:28:53,703 --> 01:28:55,330
Miri.

1347
01:28:56,039 --> 01:28:58,458
- Miri.
- Zack?

1348
01:28:59,625 --> 01:29:01,085
Miri. I'm sorry.
Get out.

1349
01:29:01,252 --> 01:29:02,754
- Close the door.
- It was closed.

1350
01:29:02,920 --> 01:29:06,132
- It was closed over...
- Just close the fucking door, Zack.

1351
01:29:06,299 --> 01:29:10,970
I never slept with Stacey that night,
okay? I swear to God.

1352
01:29:11,137 --> 01:29:13,264
When we got into my room,
you know what we did?

1353
01:29:13,431 --> 01:29:18,019
We talked about you, and us
and how things were different

1354
01:29:18,186 --> 01:29:21,189
and how I was
too much of a fucking pussy

1355
01:29:21,356 --> 01:29:23,941
to just tell you how I felt about you.

1356
01:29:24,650 --> 01:29:29,030
And I know... I know that that's only
because of all the stupid shit we said

1357
01:29:29,197 --> 01:29:34,494
about how we wouldn't let sex
change us, but it did. It changed me.

1358
01:29:35,286 --> 01:29:37,747
That has to be love, right?

1359
01:29:38,039 --> 01:29:40,333
It has to be love

1360
01:29:40,833 --> 01:29:44,962
and just so you know, I can't go back
to being just friends anymore,

1361
01:29:46,297 --> 01:29:48,132
- because I just can't.
- Good.

1362
01:29:48,299 --> 01:29:50,259
And I think...

1363
01:29:51,594 --> 01:29:53,221
I think that you feel the same way.

1364
01:29:54,055 --> 01:29:58,976
Because that night after I left,
you didn't fuck Lester.

1365
01:30:02,480 --> 01:30:04,315
What's up, Zack?

1366
01:30:14,700 --> 01:30:15,743
You know what?

1367
01:30:15,910 --> 01:30:18,621
I don't care that you're fucking
Lester, okay? How's that?

1368
01:30:18,788 --> 01:30:21,499
- Oh, shit.
- I don't wanna be with anyone but you.

1369
01:30:21,666 --> 01:30:26,462
So I will wait forever for you, okay?
I will wait the rest of my life

1370
01:30:26,629 --> 01:30:29,924
because I love you, and I have
for as long as I can remember.

1371
01:30:30,550 --> 01:30:33,803
And I would rather die
than be without you, Miriam Linky.

1372
01:30:33,970 --> 01:30:35,596
Miri's last name is Linky?

1373
01:30:36,431 --> 01:30:39,016
You're gonna fuck a guy
who doesn't know your last name?

1374
01:30:39,183 --> 01:30:42,019
Or that you beat up Carl Roth
in the sixth grade? I know that.

1375
01:30:42,186 --> 01:30:45,106
Or what your senior prom dress
would've looked like had we gone

1376
01:30:45,273 --> 01:30:48,192
but we decided not to,
and we got drunk alone instead.

1377
01:30:48,359 --> 01:30:50,361
Or that you washed your hair
in the toilet.

1378
01:30:50,528 --> 01:30:51,696
We're not fucking, Zack.

1379
01:30:51,863 --> 01:30:53,781
Or that you're not fucking Zack...
What?

1380
01:30:53,948 --> 01:30:56,033
I asked her to fuck me.
She wouldn't do it.

1381
01:30:56,200 --> 01:30:59,203
I even tried to talk her into giving me
the fucking Dutch rudder.

1382
01:30:59,370 --> 01:31:01,080
Shot me down on that too.

1383
01:31:02,206 --> 01:31:05,209
- And a Dutch rudder is?
- Don't know what a Dutch rudder...?

1384
01:31:05,376 --> 01:31:06,878
All right, you grab your dick,

1385
01:31:07,044 --> 01:31:09,088
then you have someone else
work your arm.

1386
01:31:09,255 --> 01:31:10,548
Here, let me show you.

1387
01:31:10,715 --> 01:31:13,885
All right, grab my arm. I'm grabbing
my dick, you're grabbing my arm.

1388
01:31:14,051 --> 01:31:17,221
Now work it. Work my arm.
See that shit? Work it up and down.

1389
01:31:17,388 --> 01:31:19,432
It's like someone else
is jerking you off.

1390
01:31:19,599 --> 01:31:20,641
Okay.

1391
01:31:20,808 --> 01:31:22,435
There's the double Dutch rudder,

1392
01:31:22,602 --> 01:31:24,896
which, I grab my dick,
you grab your dick,

1393
01:31:25,062 --> 01:31:27,648
you work my arm, I work your arm'
same time.

1394
01:31:27,815 --> 01:31:30,193
It's like jerking off together
but not gay.

1395
01:31:30,359 --> 01:31:32,862
We're not touching dicks,
each other's dicks anyway.

1396
01:31:33,029 --> 01:31:35,948
I'm touching my own dick.
You're working it, and I'm loving it.

1397
01:31:36,115 --> 01:31:39,035
It feels good, sir. Try me, come on.

1398
01:31:39,202 --> 01:31:41,787
Sorry to change the subject on you,
Lester,

1399
01:31:41,954 --> 01:31:47,627
but if you're not fucking Miri,
why is your dick out right now?

1400
01:31:47,793 --> 01:31:50,838
Because I live here now,
and I like to be naked.

1401
01:31:51,422 --> 01:31:52,924
- What?
- When you moved out,

1402
01:31:53,090 --> 01:31:56,511
she couldn't afford to pay her rent
by herself, so I moved in to help.

1403
01:31:56,886 --> 01:31:58,763
But you just came out of her room.

1404
01:31:58,930 --> 01:32:01,098
That's my room now.
She moved in your old room.

1405
01:32:01,265 --> 01:32:03,935
Wait, wait, wait. She changed rooms?

1406
01:32:04,101 --> 01:32:07,772
Yeah, she said she did it because she
missed the smell of you or some shit.

1407
01:32:10,107 --> 01:32:11,859
I don't smell anything.

1408
01:32:12,026 --> 01:32:14,946
But you know what?
That probably means she loves you.

1409
01:32:16,781 --> 01:32:19,825
- Night, Zack.
- Night.

1410
01:32:24,121 --> 01:32:25,248
Do you?

1411
01:32:28,167 --> 01:32:29,377
Then why are you crying?

1412
01:32:30,211 --> 01:32:32,672
Because I missed you so much.

1413
01:32:33,464 --> 01:32:35,132
Me too.

1414
01:32:36,384 --> 01:32:38,427
I love you.

1415
01:32:42,515 --> 01:32:44,308
- I love you, I love you.
I love you.

1416
01:32:44,475 --> 01:32:45,977
I don't mean to alarm you

1417
01:32:46,143 --> 01:32:48,646
but I think I just jerked off Lester
a little bit.

1418
01:32:49,730 --> 01:32:52,066
- The Dutch rudder?
- Yeah, it's ingenious, right?

1419
01:32:52,233 --> 01:32:55,611
If you ask me nicely, I will
Dutch-rudder you the rest of our lives.

1420
01:32:55,778 --> 01:32:59,156
Good. I'm getting tired
of fucking the Fleshlight.

1421
01:32:59,323 --> 01:33:00,700
- You fucked it?
- Yeah.

1422
01:33:00,866 --> 01:33:03,411
- What'd it feel like?
- Like fucking a flashlight.

1423
01:33:03,995 --> 01:33:07,957
- Wrong room.
- Oh, God. That's gross.

1424
01:33:09,166 --> 01:33:11,836
Let us fuck.

1425
01:36:11,515 --> 01:36:14,018
Hello.
Welcome to Nigga Rich Productions'

1426
01:36:14,185 --> 01:36:17,062
home of
Zack and Miri Make Your Porno,

1427
01:36:17,229 --> 01:36:18,981
the production house for the couple

1428
01:36:19,148 --> 01:36:21,776
looking to put a little spice
in their sex life.

1429
01:36:21,942 --> 01:36:25,404
- Shall we take a look around?
- Fuck me so hard. Oh, God.

1430
01:36:25,571 --> 01:36:29,533
First, you'll meet for a consultation
with one of our romance-ologists,

1431
01:36:29,700 --> 01:36:32,203
who'll coach you
through that initial awkward stage

1432
01:36:32,369 --> 01:36:33,913
before you're camera-ready.

1433
01:36:34,079 --> 01:36:38,626
So we will start off
with some erotic massage and some...

1434
01:36:38,793 --> 01:36:41,754
Dude. Some light petting.

1435
01:36:41,921 --> 01:36:43,464
That sounds good.

1436
01:36:43,631 --> 01:36:47,551
Are you guys sure you don't wanna do
some, uh, butt-sack work too?

1437
01:36:47,718 --> 01:36:49,762
- Uh, let's move on, shall we?
- Why?

1438
01:36:49,929 --> 01:36:52,223
From their break-out hit,
Swallow My Cockuccino,

1439
01:36:52,389 --> 01:36:54,850
to the multi-million selling
Swallow My Cockuccino II

1440
01:36:55,017 --> 01:36:57,102
and the award-winning
Star Whores saga,

1441
01:36:57,269 --> 01:37:00,231
including Revenge of the Shit:
The All-Anal Final Chapter,

1442
01:37:00,397 --> 01:37:02,233
Zack and Miri have proven
time and again

1443
01:37:02,399 --> 01:37:05,152
that they know how to shoot hot sex.

1444
01:37:06,111 --> 01:37:12,827
As an actor, I've sometimes brought
my work home with me inappropriately.

1445
01:37:12,993 --> 01:37:17,414
When you're telling your real-life lover
in the bedroom'

1446
01:37:17,581 --> 01:37:20,167
to, you know, bend over
while you cake your hand in K-Y,

1447
01:37:20,334 --> 01:37:22,837
it is a sign that the romance is dead,
I think.

1448
01:37:23,003 --> 01:37:26,507
Then we turned to the professionals
at Zack and Miri Make Your Porno.

1449
01:37:26,674 --> 01:37:29,802
Oh, my God,
they totally saved our civil union.

1450
01:37:29,969 --> 01:37:32,429
They filmed what was inside of us

1451
01:37:32,596 --> 01:37:35,182
and not what was coming out of us
necessarily.

1452
01:37:35,349 --> 01:37:37,768
It helped me see his asshole

1453
01:37:37,935 --> 01:37:42,648
as not just a come dumpster,

1454
01:37:42,815 --> 01:37:46,277
but a sign of his beauty, his flower.

1455
01:37:46,443 --> 01:37:50,114
It became a, uh, gorgeous orchid.

1456
01:37:50,281 --> 01:37:54,451
Orchids grow
in sort of the filthiest conditions.

1457
01:37:54,618 --> 01:38:01,250
That's what his asshole became to me.
This beautiful flower amidst shit.

1458
01:38:01,417 --> 01:38:03,961
- Honey, they get the metaphor.
- I don't think they do.

1459
01:38:04,128 --> 01:38:06,922
Let's just say,
thank you to Zack and Miri.

1460
01:38:07,089 --> 01:38:09,675
It's helped us out,
it's helped our friends.

1461
01:38:09,842 --> 01:38:12,011
Enrique? Park?

1462
01:38:12,177 --> 01:38:15,264
Park? Enrique?

1463
01:38:15,472 --> 01:38:18,809
Can we get a little love
for Zack and Miri?

1464
01:38:19,977 --> 01:38:23,564
They don't even know what's going on,
they're so pilled up.

1465
01:38:24,189 --> 01:38:28,152
But don't take his word for it.
Just ask our co-founders.

1466
01:38:28,861 --> 01:38:32,031
- Hi. I'm Miri Linky Brown.
- I'm Zack Linky Brown.

1467
01:38:32,197 --> 01:38:35,075
Here at Zack and Miri
Make Your Porno, we're dedicated

1468
01:38:35,242 --> 01:38:37,244
- to committing your love...
- Or lust.

1469
01:38:37,411 --> 01:38:40,497
- to high-end, quality production
digital video.

1470
01:38:40,664 --> 01:38:42,750
A forever keepsake of your passion.

1471
01:38:42,917 --> 01:38:45,878
That's right, Miri. Why set up a camera
at the end of your bed

1472
01:38:46,045 --> 01:38:48,714
and settle for one unflattering angle,

1473
01:38:48,881 --> 01:38:52,092
when you could let the professionals
dazzle and delight your senses

1474
01:38:52,259 --> 01:38:55,012
with an array of shots
so masterfully rendered

1475
01:38:55,179 --> 01:38:57,598
you'll swear
Martin Scorsese snuck into your room

1476
01:38:57,765 --> 01:38:59,475
and caught you fucking?

1477
01:38:59,642 --> 01:39:01,852
And remember'
we're not just the presidents

1478
01:39:02,019 --> 01:39:04,188
of Zack and Miri Make Your Porno.

1479
01:39:04,355 --> 01:39:06,774
We're also clients.

1480
01:39:08,192 --> 01:39:10,027
Call now to set up your appointment

1481
01:39:10,194 --> 01:39:15,324
or find us on the web
at www. ZackandMiri.com

1482
01:41:26,330 --> 01:41:28,624
Way to fuck, Zack.