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HARRY: Man, will you look at all the hot tail
running around this place?
4
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,599
Look, look. Oh, God.
5
00:00:56,682 --> 00:01:00,352
Dad, listen, could you just... Please,
please don't embarrass me today, okay?
6
00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:01,979
- Embarrass you?
- Not today.
7
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:04,065
Son, you spent the entire summer depressed
8
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:06,859
because your girlfriend ran off
with that pretty boy, Trent.
9
00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:09,862
Now, you gotta get out there
and crush some ass!
10
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,363
It's the only way to get your mind off her.
11
00:01:11,447 --> 00:01:14,158
- Yes. Yes, that is what I'm talking about.
- Yes, huh?
12
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:16,410
"Crush some ass"? Oh, come on.
13
00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:18,537
Wait, wait, wait.
14
00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:21,207
- I'll show you how it's done.
- Oh, no. No, no, no.
15
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,125
- HARRY: Watch this. Just watch and learn.
- Just please drive.
16
00:01:23,209 --> 00:01:26,295
HARRY: Excuse me, ladies? Hi. Hi.
17
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,714
- This is my son, Erik.
- Hi.
18
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:32,718
[CLEARING THROAT]
And he's moving in today,
19
00:01:32,802 --> 00:01:37,139
and we were just wondering
if maybe either of you were interested
20
00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:38,974
in showing him a good time?
21
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,935
No, thanks.
22
00:01:41,519 --> 00:01:43,187
COOZE: [LAUGHING] Oh!
23
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:44,522
HARRY: I'm sorry.
24
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,733
- He's a stallion, just like his old man!
- No, Dad, come on!
25
00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:48,818
[HARRY NEIGHING]
26
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:49,902
Well, I tried, Erik.
27
00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:51,737
Yeah, thanks.
Now I'm gonna have to transfer.
28
00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:57,368
- Son, son?
- Yeah.
29
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,744
I want to show you something.
30
00:01:58,828 --> 00:02:02,373
That is the list of all the chicks
I ever banged.
31
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:05,084
Are you serious?
32
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,586
- Is that two-sided? It is! Nice!
- It is!
33
00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:11,048
Yeah. It's a good goal for you to try
to keep up with your old man.
34
00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:14,468
Hey, Dad, why isn't Mom's name
the last name on the list there?
35
00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:15,553
Uh...
36
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:20,015
We didn't tell you, but when you were three,
we had a trial separation for a week.
37
00:02:20,099 --> 00:02:21,392
Trial...
38
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:24,937
Dad, there's like... Well,
there's 10 names here for that week alone.
39
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:27,773
Yeah, I went on kind of
a poon-tang bender, there.
40
00:02:27,857 --> 00:02:28,983
Is that my mom's name?
41
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:31,777
Yeah, you know, on second thought,
I'll just kind of hang on to that.
42
00:02:31,861 --> 00:02:34,572
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
Come on, guys. Let's get loaded here!
43
00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:37,199
- I'm sorry.
- Cooze, grab a box.
44
00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,743
- Did you have sex with his mom?
- Yeah.
45
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:40,953
How was it?
46
00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:42,246
[EXCLAIMS DISGUSTEDLY]
47
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:53,007
Wow! This place is amazing.
48
00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:55,009
Hi.
49
00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:58,095
God, there are girls everywhere.
50
00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:00,973
This is my room.
51
00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:03,267
It still kind of sucks
that we're not gonna be rooming together.
52
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,561
Dude, whatever.
You're gonna be right down the hall.
53
00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:07,438
Besides, I got a single.
54
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,356
- Hold on to this. I'm gonna find a bathroom.
- All right.
55
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,233
I'll be right back.
56
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:15,279
Hi, how you doing?
Mike Coozeman. Glad to meet you.
57
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:19,116
[UNZIPPING PANTS]
58
00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:24,038
Wow. This is gonna
take some getting used to.
59
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:25,164
[ERIK CHUCKLES]
60
00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:29,251
Yeah, isn't this the guy's bathroom?
61
00:03:29,335 --> 00:03:32,338
No, it's coed. All the dorms are like this.
62
00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:35,007
Cool, coed, yeah.
63
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:37,092
Don't worry. I won't peek.
64
00:03:37,343 --> 00:03:40,304
Yeah, I won't peek... I won't peek, either.
65
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:43,265
- ASHLEY: I'm Ashley, what's your name?
- I'm Erik.
66
00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:47,853
- ASHLEY: Well, it's nice to meet you, Erik.
- It's nice to meet you, too.
67
00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:49,104
[SHOWER RUNNING]
68
00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:53,317
Hey, do you think you could pass me
my shampoo? It's just right there.
69
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:57,571
- Yeah. Just give me a minute here, okay?
- Thanks.
70
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,462
ASHLEY: Erik?
71
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,298
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
72
00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:17,633
ASHLEY: Erik?
73
00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:19,718
A little help here?
74
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,183
[SIGHS]
75
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:28,310
[GROANS]
76
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,771
BOBBY: Ride the white whale, baby!
77
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:32,064
Ride the white whale.
78
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:34,400
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, my God. Oh, man. I'm sorry.
79
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:35,484
I'm sorry, the door was...
80
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,027
- Hey, you must be Erik.
- I am.
81
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,279
- I'm Bobby.
- Hi.
82
00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:39,738
- BOBBY: Hey.
- Hey, hey.
83
00:04:39,822 --> 00:04:41,699
- Come on in, man.
- ERIK: No, no, no. It's...
84
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:44,743
- You guys are busy. I can come back later.
- Okay, listen. This is your place, too,
85
00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:47,246
and don't worry about Margie.
She's not exactly shy.
86
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:48,872
[CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY] No, she's not.
87
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:52,418
- Sit down. You want a beer?
- No.
88
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,420
- You sure?
- ERIK: Yeah.
89
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:57,548
Are you hungry?
Margie cooked up some mean bratwurst.
90
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:58,799
[BED CREAKING]
91
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:01,593
- No, I just had a sandwich. Thanks.
- BOBBY: All right.
92
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,721
- Where're you from?
- East Great Falls.
93
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,389
[GROANING] East Great Falls.
94
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:10,394
Slow down, sassy pants.
95
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,896
All right, baby?
I'm trying to have a conversation.
96
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,148
Yeah.
97
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:19,320
- College! Yeah! Best years of our lives!
- Yeah.
98
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:20,904
Put it up.
99
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,074
BOBBY: Oh, high...
ERIK: High-five.
100
00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:25,409
[MARGIE MOANING]
101
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,744
You wanna jump in on this?
102
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,121
- Come on. Margie loves it.
- No, no, no. Margie, no, no.
103
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,123
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, I'm good.
104
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:34,251
Look, it was very nice to meet you,
Bobby and Margie.
105
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,295
Actually, I just came
to change my pants here.
106
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,714
I spilled a drink on it earlier
107
00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:41,508
[COUGHING]
108
00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:43,135
Are you role-playing again?
109
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:47,222
Say the safe word, baby. Say the safe...
Baby? Are you choking?
110
00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:49,141
- Dude, I think she's choking!
- What?
111
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,642
BOBBY: I think she's choking.
You gotta do something.
112
00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:51,727
- Do something.
- BOBBY: I can't do anything!
113
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:54,313
I'm tied up and basted
like a Thanksgiving turkey.
114
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,899
- ERIK: Hold on. From the spot.
- Come on
115
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,192
- Oh.
- Breathe.
116
00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,651
BOBBY:
What do you want me to do with all this...
117
00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:01,070
ERIK: Get out!
118
00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:02,821
- Erik? No!
- BOBBY: Sorry.
119
00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:03,864
[BOBBY MOANING]
120
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,491
All right, son!
121
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:06,533
[COUGHING]
122
00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:09,161
Yeah! That's what being a Stifler's all about.
123
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,163
- No, no, no. She was choking.
- HARRY: That's it!
124
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,664
- I was helping her.
- That's how Stiflers do college.
125
00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,501
Now, let's just give these kids some privacy.
126
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,544
[WHISPERING] Doing good. Keep it up.
127
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:24,176
I'm not trying to freak you out, roomie,
but I just totally came.
128
00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:54,331
Hey, ladies.
129
00:06:54,415 --> 00:07:01,130
Is this where
Laura Johnson and Sara Coleman live?
130
00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:05,342
Yeah, I'm Laura Johnson
and this is my roommate, Sara.
131
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:07,136
My name is Dwight Stifler.
132
00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:08,887
I'm here with the
Freshman Welcoming Committee,
133
00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:11,265
and I've been given instructions
to escort you ladies
134
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,559
on a guided tour of the entire campus.
135
00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:16,103
- That's so sweet.
- Yeah.
136
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,480
Should we wear anything special?
137
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:25,070
Dude, there is no way that everybody
in this is a student here.
138
00:07:25,154 --> 00:07:27,322
Look, he's holding her boob.
139
00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:28,574
He is.
140
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:32,453
No, man, they are.
I've had a subscription for, like, a year.
141
00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,204
That'll be good.
142
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,249
That's not a cologne ad.
143
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:40,836
I've used that exact issue
more times than I can count.
144
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,213
[COOZE EXCLAIMS DISGUSTEDLY]
145
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:44,298
[SNIFFING]
146
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,008
You smell pretty.
147
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:48,802
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
148
00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:51,597
- Sorry.
- That was so uncalled for.
149
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,686
- Wow.
- Is this Erik Stifler's room?
150
00:07:58,604 --> 00:07:59,855
Yeah.
151
00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:08,280
Welcome to college, boys.
152
00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:11,950
Yeah. No, I wouldn't lie to you.
I'm dead serious.
153
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:14,953
Most sororities won't even give you a bid
unless you've had a threesome.
154
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:17,122
It shows that you work well
within the group dynamic,
155
00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:18,790
and that you're really prepared
for sisterhood.
156
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:19,833
You know what I'm saying?
157
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,460
- Really?
- Yeah.
158
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:22,794
Oh, man. Who is this guy?
159
00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:25,506
Dude, he's the reason we came
to college here.
160
00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:29,426
Here we are, boys.
161
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,470
Oh, man, she's hot.
162
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,347
- You like that?
- That was awesome.
163
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:36,558
I like to give a little bit back
every now and then.
164
00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:39,478
- Hey, hey, shower buddy!
- Oh, hey. Hi.
165
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:40,771
Shower buddy?
166
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,815
Yeah, Erik and I met
when I was showering this afternoon.
167
00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,943
- Really?
- Yeah.
168
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,903
Oh, right, the coed bathrooms. Yeah.
169
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,947
It took me about three years
to get the board of trustees
170
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,324
to approve that one. Worth it.
171
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,076
Oh, Ashley, hi. This...
172
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:56,745
Everyone, this is Ashley.
Ashley, this is everyone.
173
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:57,871
ASHLEY: Hi, everybody.
174
00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:00,832
This is my roommate, Denise.
She just came here from Georgia.
175
00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:02,584
Hey, y'all.
176
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:06,004
Well, I do declare, a real life Scarlett O'Hara.
177
00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:07,172
[GIGGLING] Oh, my.
178
00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:08,840
Well, hey, you guys aren't taking off,
are you?
179
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:12,177
Yeah, we're going to this cocktail mixer
at the Epsilon Sigma Kappa House.
180
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:15,347
Oh, no, no, no. The Geek House?
No, trust me.
181
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:18,058
- I wanna stay but...
- ASHLEY: But we promised, so...
182
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:21,687
Plus, Ashley thinks this party
is a little bit déclassé.
183
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:22,980
What? Like sleazy?
184
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,941
Hey, baby. How you doing, sweetheart?
Grab a beer.
185
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,651
No, you got the wrong idea
about this whole thing.
186
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,529
Look, this is just a little meet and greet
that I set up to, sort of,
187
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,197
you know, demonstrate our school spirit
188
00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,825
and our, you know,
dedication to this university.
189
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,952
Beta House fucking rules!
190
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,080
[EXCLAIMING]
191
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,624
[COOZE LAUGHS]
192
00:09:44,293 --> 00:09:45,544
[EXCLAIMS]
193
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,045
Real classy.
194
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,215
- Erik, it was really nice to see you again.
- Yeah.
195
00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:52,217
- Guys, till next time.
- Yeah, see you.
196
00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:53,635
GIRLS: Bye, guys.
COOZE: Bye.
197
00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:55,554
- It's nice to meet you.
- See you.
198
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:58,557
Hey, Stifler,
what's up with this Geek House?
199
00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,975
Yeah, I never even heard of it.
200
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:04,980
I know a Geek house sounds harmless,
but they are a nightmare.
201
00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,274
DWIGHT:
They were a social club for decades,
202
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:10,527
till a group of rich geeks came in
and threw some money around,
203
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:12,237
built the house, got a new charter.
204
00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:13,739
COOZE: A geek fraternity?
205
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,991
DWIGHT: To get in,
you need, like, perfect SAT scores.
206
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,201
Transfer $2 million to my Swiss account.
207
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:21,872
DWIGHT: Then they check your family tree
and calculate future earnings potential.
208
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:25,626
No, I said buy at 60, not sell at 60.
You're fucking fired!
209
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,461
DWIGHT: They got billionaire alumni.
210
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:28,837
Hey, it's only 100 grand.
211
00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:33,759
DWIGHT: They run the student government,
and the faculty loves them.
212
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,845
But don't even get me started
on the women.
213
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:41,391
They attract the hottest women
from the entire school.
214
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:45,395
BOBBY: Who wants to hang out
with a house full of geeks?
215
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:47,439
DWIGHT: It's a new world out there.
216
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:50,359
These women realize
that the geeks are gonna be the millionaires
217
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:51,943
right out of school.
218
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:54,279
They've just adjusted their nesting habits.
219
00:10:57,449 --> 00:11:00,410
Hey, don't sweat it.
Beta's still where the party's at, right?
220
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:05,999
Look out!
Stifler, the judging's about to begin.
221
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:07,584
[BULL EXHALES]
222
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:09,670
Judging?
223
00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,421
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
224
00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,882
[POP MUSIC PLAYING
THROUGH SPEAKERS]
225
00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:22,015
Oh, the Beta House never disappoints.
226
00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:25,602
- Are you serious? It's always like this?
- All the time.
227
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:29,189
- These girls are ridiculous.
- Ridiculous.
228
00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:30,941
Get the clipboard.
229
00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:37,280
[WHOOPING]
230
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:40,867
Sweetie, you are naughty.
I am keeping you after class.
231
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:45,163
Bring that ruler. I've also been bad.
232
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,375
And this one over here's got great abs.
233
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:51,503
They look like fresh buttered rolls
right out of the oven.
234
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:54,214
This is the best idea I've ever had!
235
00:11:56,967 --> 00:12:00,095
- No, I just... I can't handle it.
- This is chicken scratch. You're a caveman.
236
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:01,805
[BULL EXCLAIMS]
237
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,557
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
238
00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:12,607
She's pulling them out.
She's pulling them out.
239
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:14,359
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
240
00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:15,569
[ALL GASPING]
241
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,530
Perfect 10!
242
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:22,701
[BOTH WHOOPING]
243
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,828
- Beta! Beta!
- ALL: Beta! Beta!
244
00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:32,127
Ladies and gentlemen,
depravity is haunting this university.
245
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:37,215
Sex, alcohol, vulgarity, stupidity.
246
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,762
Once, this was a respected institution
of higher learning.
247
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:44,973
We are declaring a new age
at this university.
248
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,391
An age in which a student's worth
249
00:12:46,475 --> 00:12:49,227
is no longer measured
by his blood alcohol level,
250
00:12:49,311 --> 00:12:52,147
but rather, his GPA.
251
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:57,194
We formed this fraternity to change the way
geeks are thought of in this country.
252
00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:01,448
But as history has proven,
253
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:04,493
for a new civilization to emerge,
254
00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:07,329
another must crumble.
255
00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:12,876
We must destroy the Betas.
256
00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:23,094
Hey, Stacey, my hands are wet.
I can't get this beer open.
257
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:24,513
Will you do it for me?
258
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:34,397
Thanks. Those Kegel muscle exercises
are really paying off, huh?
259
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:37,025
So what do we have to do to become Betas?
260
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,778
Well, obviously, you guys are cool with me.
261
00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:42,239
What you need to do
is impress the rush chair, Wesley.
262
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,448
- Have you guys met Wesley?
- ALL: Uh-uh.
263
00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:44,950
You haven't? All right.
He's in the other room.
264
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,660
Come on, I'll introduce you. Follow me.
265
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,870
[WESLEY PLAYING PIANO]
266
00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:54,751
DWIGHT:
Don't be fooled by his appearance.
267
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:58,088
His nickname is the Blackout Menace.
268
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,172
He's a perfect student,
269
00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:01,341
except for his habit
of getting belligerently drunk,
270
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:04,678
blacking out,
causing complete and total mayhem,
271
00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,596
and never remembering a thing.
272
00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:18,233
Uh...
273
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:21,194
Excuse me. Where is this plane going to?
274
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:23,071
Detroit.
275
00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:25,866
Thank God.
276
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:31,663
All right, excuse me.
Where is it coming from?
277
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,081
Bangkok.
278
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:39,796
- Whose kid is that?
- Yours. You adopted him yesterday.
279
00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,549
Congratulations.
280
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,303
Hey, buddy.
281
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,223
Are you serious?
282
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:54,269
Yep, just dropped Sung Lee off
at their embassy this last week.
283
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,606
Kid nearly caused an international incident.
284
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,149
Wesley!
285
00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:03,820
Sorry to interrupt.
Wesley, this is my cousin and his buddies.
286
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,697
- Hi.
- WESLEY: Hey.
287
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,198
- Erik, right?
- ERIK: Yeah.
288
00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:10,410
Mike Coozeman.
How come we didn't see you last year?
289
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:13,788
I was in a Mexican jail.
I had to tunnel my way out.
290
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:18,001
But I made it back in time for finals
which is what we're all about here at Beta,
291
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,586
education.
292
00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,379
Right.
293
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:23,131
- You wanna dance?
- Yeah.
294
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:25,967
Let's get sexy.
295
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,053
[DWIGHT WHISTLING]
296
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,888
Hey, you ready?
297
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:33,558
There's a hundred hot horny chicks
here tonight. I'm counting on you.
298
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:36,061
[POP MUSIC PLAYING
THROUGH SPEAKERS]
299
00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:54,955
Get some, baby! Get some!
300
00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:07,300
[PLAYING PIANO]
301
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:13,932
[SINGING] Call me irresponsible
302
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:17,352
Call me unreliable
303
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,438
Oh, you gotta be kidding me!
304
00:16:21,106 --> 00:16:22,440
[BANGING PIANO KEYBOARD]
305
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:26,111
Are you gonna start drinking?
Because I desperately need a wing man.
306
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:29,823
No, I'm not drinking tonight, Bull.
I had a rough night last week.
307
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:32,951
Oh, really? Really? That's fine.
308
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,287
Because then I just might have
to tell these fine, young ladies
309
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:40,125
about a certain frat boy
and a Mexican transvestite!
310
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:41,334
All right, all right, all right.
311
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,212
One drink.
312
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,007
Yeah, just one.
313
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,570
DWIGHT: Hey.
314
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,155
What the hell's with you, man?
315
00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:13,616
Can you not see all this prime ass
a foot from your face?
316
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,952
Yeah, man, I see. It's... It's pretty cool.
317
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:18,997
Yeah, it's cool. You should be tearing it up!
318
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,040
You guys, it's just...
319
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:22,417
Remember last year?
We came up here, I had the time of my life.
320
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:25,879
You know, I did stuff I never would
have dreamed I would've ever done,
321
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,464
and I kind of figured it would change me.
322
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:30,467
Yeah, okay.
So you got drunk and you ran naked, right?
323
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,844
But you blew it
with a really hot sorority chick
324
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:35,055
to run home and have sex
with your little girlfriend.
325
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:37,265
Yeah, Erik. That stunt might
have won you points in high school,
326
00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:39,350
- but this isn't high school.
- No.
327
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:40,727
I guess you guys are right.
328
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:43,730
Listen, college is your one chance
to start over. Okay?
329
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:47,275
You get to hit the reset button on life.
You get to be anybody you wanna be.
330
00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:51,404
- Never thought of it like that before.
- Yeah. Here, slug that.
331
00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:57,827
- That a boy. Julie, this is my cousin, Erik.
- JULIE: Hey.
332
00:17:57,952 --> 00:18:00,830
I just wanted you to know Erik voted
for you in the hottie contest,
333
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:03,166
and since he's, like,
the ladies' man of the family,
334
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,293
I totally trust his taste.
335
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,003
Thanks, cutie.
336
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:10,006
- You want to dance, gorgeous?
- I'd love to.
337
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:13,510
[SOFTLY] Anybody you wanna be. Yeah.
338
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:16,221
[POP MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS]
339
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:27,065
Wow, you can really put that away.
340
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:29,526
You kidding me?
This stuff is like water to me.
341
00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:32,946
[MUSIC STOPS]
342
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:35,406
[ALL EXCLAIMING DISAPPOINTEDLY]
343
00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:37,867
Hey, hey, everybody,
settle down for a second!
344
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:40,245
We're just having
a little, minor technical glitch.
345
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,872
No big deal.
We'll get everything fixed up in a minute.
346
00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:43,957
[EDGAR LAUGHING]
347
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,751
I don't think so, Stifler!
348
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:50,255
You see,
you overloaded your prehistoric circuits.
349
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:53,258
I'm afraid your music won't be coming on
for the rest of the night.
350
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:56,594
Don't... Don't listen to him.
We'll get everything fixed in a minute.
351
00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:59,430
That won't matter
because by Jake's calculations,
352
00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:01,766
based on the amount
of kegs and liquor you bought,
353
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:05,103
you should be running out, just about now.
354
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:07,897
- Bullshit.
- The fucking kegs are dry!
355
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:09,274
[ALL EXCLAIMING DISAPPOINTEDLY]
356
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:11,609
We're out of fucking booze!
357
00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:13,528
[BOBBY EXCLAIMING]
358
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:14,946
WESLEY: I know!
359
00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:17,365
Settle down! It's fine. We'll make a beer run.
360
00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:18,950
EDGAR: They could do that,
361
00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:23,454
or you can all come to the Geek House
where we have enough liquor to last a week,
362
00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:26,374
along with all the champagne you can drink.
363
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,042
[EDGAR LAUGHS CONTENTEDLY]
364
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:32,046
We also have a heated pool
and enough swimsuits for everyone.
365
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,424
That is, if you even want to wear one.
366
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,675
Yeah!
367
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,345
[GIRLS SHRIEKING]
368
00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:41,472
Are you fucking kidding me?
369
00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:43,349
Oh, it's your choice, people.
370
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,935
- Stay here and get puked on...
- Okay, I'm out of here.
371
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,730
- So sorry...
- Or come party, VIP style.
372
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,398
All right!
373
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:52,984
[ALL CHEERING]
374
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:57,906
[WHOOPING]
375
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,161
Fucking Edgar.
376
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:04,287
[BULL GROWLING]
377
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,832
Prick really knows how
to throw that money around, huh?
378
00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:09,584
Oh, yeah.
379
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:12,670
Oh, but it doesn't help that numbnuts here
barfed all over the chicks, either.
380
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,255
DWIGHT: Yeah.
381
00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:17,425
- Sorry about that.
- You look disgusting.
382
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:19,469
[ALL EXCLAIM DISGUSTEDLY]
383
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:23,431
- Erik, for crying out loud, man!
- I'll clean it up.
384
00:20:27,602 --> 00:20:29,270
[SIGHING]
385
00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:33,024
Not again.
386
00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:39,113
Morning, sexy.
387
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,369
Some party, huh?
388
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,871
Hey, baby. How you doing?
389
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,541
No. No, no, no.
390
00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,669
[MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
391
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,713
DWIGHT: How you feeling there, cuz?
392
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,508
A lot better. Thanks.
393
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:01,219
No need for thanks, we're family.
394
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,096
Right now, I gotta run.
I gotta go down to the basement,
395
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:05,556
take care of some official Beta business.
396
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,059
- Have some of Peaches' eggs.
- Okay.
397
00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:10,103
All right. Thanks, Peaches.
398
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:11,688
[PEACHES SPEAKING SPANISH]
399
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:12,772
DWIGHT: Oh, buddy.
400
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:15,817
[LAUGHING]
401
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:16,943
[WHOOPING]
402
00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:19,112
- I love this place.
- BULL: That a boy!
403
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,572
- WESLEY: Yeah.
- Off the hook! Work it!
404
00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:23,449
So, guys, the hard-on champ is in?
405
00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:24,575
- Yeah!
- ALL: All right.
406
00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:26,160
BULL: Aye, aye.
407
00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:31,958
DWIGHT: Yeah, I love this guy.
408
00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:33,918
Beta? I love Beta!
409
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:35,003
[LAUGHING]
410
00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:36,963
He had the best rack at the party...
411
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:38,923
I fucking love Beta, baby!
412
00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:40,091
[LAUGHING]
413
00:21:40,174 --> 00:21:42,343
Shut up! Shut up! Everyone calm down.
414
00:21:42,427 --> 00:21:43,761
I told you I didn't want to drink.
415
00:21:43,845 --> 00:21:46,556
Look how the pig squeals!
Look how the pig squeals!
416
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:48,349
All in favor of Bobby Coolidge?
417
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:49,600
- Everyone.
- Aye, aye.
418
00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:51,019
- Aye, aye.
- Aye, aye.
419
00:21:53,396 --> 00:21:55,356
DWIGHT: All right, all right.
420
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:58,234
WESLEY: Oh, man!
BULL: Jesus!
421
00:21:59,193 --> 00:22:00,445
BULL: Holy crap! Wow!
422
00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:03,114
WESLEY: Man, this guy really knows
how to work a room.
423
00:22:03,197 --> 00:22:05,575
Give him a bid.
He'll be a pussy magnet, buddy.
424
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,243
Yeah!
425
00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:11,998
BULL: Oh, no!
426
00:22:12,081 --> 00:22:16,002
DWIGHT: Hey, hey, hey!
All right, that's my cousin. Take it easy.
427
00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:20,798
No offense, brother, okay? But I don't know
if your cousin is up for the challenge, man.
428
00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:24,093
I'm with Bull on this one.
I mean, he's a nice kid,
429
00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:26,971
but he passed up sleeping
with Brandy, man.
430
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:28,765
All right, all right, all right.
431
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:31,642
Look, I know Erik missed his big chance
to, like, sleep with the one girl
432
00:22:31,726 --> 00:22:34,645
that, I'm assuming, everybody in this room
would lop off your left nut to bang.
433
00:22:34,729 --> 00:22:36,356
- Am I right?
- BULL: Two nuts.
434
00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:37,982
All right, does that mean
he's not Beta material?
435
00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:39,650
- Yes!
- ALL: Yeah!
436
00:22:39,734 --> 00:22:44,197
[SIGHING] He was young and dumb
and in love. He's a... He's a late bloomer.
437
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,157
I think he's gonna surprise you
this semester.
438
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,659
And anyway, he's a legacy,
so he's automatically getting a bid.
439
00:22:48,743 --> 00:22:50,703
So you can all fuck off.
440
00:22:51,245 --> 00:22:53,289
- Aye.
- Aye, aye!
441
00:22:53,373 --> 00:22:55,541
DWIGHT:
Yeah, that's what I thought, bitches.
442
00:22:55,625 --> 00:22:56,626
[BULL LAUGHING]
443
00:22:57,752 --> 00:22:59,128
[TOILET FLUSHING]
444
00:23:03,216 --> 00:23:05,259
- Hey, you.
- Hi.
445
00:23:05,343 --> 00:23:08,429
- We have to stop meeting like this.
- [CHUCKLING] Yeah.
446
00:23:11,182 --> 00:23:14,769
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I just had a really rough night.
447
00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:20,441
[CHUCKLES] You know, I think Denise has
a crush on your friend, Cooze.
448
00:23:20,525 --> 00:23:22,276
She thinks he's sweet.
449
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:25,238
- Denise thinks Cooze is sweet?
- Yeah.
450
00:23:30,952 --> 00:23:32,453
- Wait, actually...
- Erik, I...
451
00:23:32,537 --> 00:23:35,790
- [SIGHING] I was thinking...
- Look, I'm just thinking...
452
00:23:35,873 --> 00:23:38,960
- Do you wanna go out with me once?
- Yeah.
453
00:23:39,210 --> 00:23:42,380
- Really?
- Yeah. That would be really nice.
454
00:23:42,463 --> 00:23:45,883
Okay, keep...
You have really pretty teeth, by the way.
455
00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:55,351
[FIRE ALARM RINGING]
456
00:24:01,274 --> 00:24:02,608
What's going on?
457
00:24:02,692 --> 00:24:04,485
Oh, man. This sucks.
458
00:24:05,111 --> 00:24:08,156
Hey, guys. Don't go that way.
This way's quicker.
459
00:24:08,239 --> 00:24:09,240
[BOBBY YAWNING]
460
00:24:09,323 --> 00:24:12,285
I was just dreaming
about this great sandwich.
461
00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:13,870
[ALL SIGHING]
462
00:24:15,538 --> 00:24:16,706
[COOZE EXCLAIMS]
463
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:20,418
- Wait a second. Where are we?
- I don't see any sandwiches here.
464
00:24:20,501 --> 00:24:23,504
Hey, guys. You wanna see something?
465
00:24:25,631 --> 00:24:26,632
[ALL GASPING]
466
00:24:26,716 --> 00:24:28,718
- COOZE: Yes.
- That is...
467
00:24:28,801 --> 00:24:30,595
[EXCLAIMING]
468
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:46,861
Gentlemen,
469
00:24:47,445 --> 00:24:50,698
today is the first day
of the rest of your lives.
470
00:24:50,781 --> 00:24:55,953
You are the select few who have
been chosen to pledge the Beta House.
471
00:24:56,037 --> 00:24:57,663
Beta, baby!
472
00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:06,130
Now, most fraternities do the pledging thing
a little bit differently than we do.
473
00:25:06,214 --> 00:25:10,551
Most pledging consists
of hate-filled mental and physical hazing
474
00:25:10,635 --> 00:25:12,136
designed to break you down.
475
00:25:12,220 --> 00:25:14,013
But here at Beta,
476
00:25:14,096 --> 00:25:19,477
I, Dwight Stifler, your pledge master,
have devised an elaborate scientific plan
477
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,688
to build teamwork and brotherhood.
478
00:25:24,565 --> 00:25:27,401
Gentlemen, I give you your pledge board.
479
00:25:29,153 --> 00:25:30,947
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
480
00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:33,199
On this pledge board are 50 tasks
481
00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:36,410
that you and your pledge brothers
must complete by semester's end
482
00:25:36,494 --> 00:25:38,246
if you want to become Betas.
483
00:25:38,329 --> 00:25:40,456
To start things off,
484
00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:44,460
I say we begin with my personal favorite,
number 37.
485
00:25:44,752 --> 00:25:47,171
[POP MUSIC PLAYING
THROUGH SPEAKERS]
486
00:25:54,428 --> 00:25:55,596
Okay, so here's the low-down.
487
00:25:55,680 --> 00:26:01,727
One of you has got to get your ass signed
by a stripper with photo proof. All right?
488
00:26:02,603 --> 00:26:04,021
All right, we're gonna go get a drink.
489
00:26:04,105 --> 00:26:05,147
- Wesley...
- Yeah.
490
00:26:05,231 --> 00:26:07,358
Don't bother us.
491
00:26:09,777 --> 00:26:12,280
Okay, who's gonna try and do this?
492
00:26:13,489 --> 00:26:17,743
Oh, you guys, I got this. Who's got a pen?
That'll do.
493
00:26:21,455 --> 00:26:25,042
Hey, baby, how's about signing my ass
while I'm up here?
494
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,132
[CRASHING]
495
00:26:32,633 --> 00:26:34,719
- She got Cooze! We gotta help him!
- Wait, Bobby.
496
00:26:34,969 --> 00:26:35,970
[GRUNTS]
497
00:26:36,679 --> 00:26:38,639
Down goes fatty!
498
00:26:39,390 --> 00:26:40,474
[GROWLING]
499
00:26:40,558 --> 00:26:42,560
Stripper brawl!
500
00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:47,189
ERIK: Stifler, we need some help!
501
00:26:47,565 --> 00:26:50,359
Oh, cousin got clothes-lined.
That's a shame.
502
00:26:54,322 --> 00:26:56,699
That's gonna leave a big bruise.
503
00:26:59,493 --> 00:27:01,162
[BOBBY GASPING]
504
00:27:01,245 --> 00:27:03,623
Those girls are wild tonight.
505
00:27:05,875 --> 00:27:08,669
I used to fuck girls like you in prison.
506
00:27:10,838 --> 00:27:14,467
- Oh, I love a good stripper brawl.
- Who doesn't?
507
00:27:14,550 --> 00:27:15,593
[CRASHING]
508
00:27:15,676 --> 00:27:19,347
- NICK: She started it!
- Here's your fuckin' shoe!
509
00:27:19,972 --> 00:27:21,557
What? I didn't do anything.
510
00:27:21,641 --> 00:27:24,727
You charged that stripper with a pen
like you were going to shove it in her ass.
511
00:27:24,810 --> 00:27:26,687
COOZE: Maybe if her panties
smelled like waffles,
512
00:27:26,771 --> 00:27:28,022
then you would have done something...
513
00:27:28,105 --> 00:27:29,315
Guys, shut up. Shut up!
514
00:27:29,398 --> 00:27:31,108
- Fat. Say it, dude.
- Fat idiot?
515
00:27:31,192 --> 00:27:32,234
[EXCLAIMS]
516
00:27:32,318 --> 00:27:33,277
COOZE: There you go.
Bad things happen to...
517
00:27:33,361 --> 00:27:37,323
- Hey there, gorgeous. You work here?
- Yeah, sweetie.
518
00:27:37,490 --> 00:27:39,659
You see,
we're pledging the Beta House right now,
519
00:27:39,742 --> 00:27:43,287
and one of our tasks
is to get our ass signed by a...
520
00:27:43,371 --> 00:27:46,040
A professional dancer like yourself.
521
00:27:46,123 --> 00:27:49,877
So I was just, you know, wondering
if maybe you'd do me the honor?
522
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:53,631
That's a different approach
than the boys usually take in this place.
523
00:27:53,714 --> 00:27:55,841
- Bend over.
- Thanks.
524
00:27:55,925 --> 00:27:57,635
My name's Erik Stifler, by the way.
525
00:27:57,718 --> 00:28:00,137
Let me get one for the year book.
526
00:28:00,221 --> 00:28:01,806
[BOBBY GIGGLING]
527
00:28:03,766 --> 00:28:04,809
BOBBY: Nice smile.
528
00:28:04,892 --> 00:28:08,145
- You have any relation to Dwight Stifler?
- He's my cousin.
529
00:28:08,229 --> 00:28:11,023
- Hey, Stifler.
- Candy. How are you, sweetheart?
530
00:28:11,107 --> 00:28:12,692
Good to see you.
531
00:28:12,775 --> 00:28:15,361
I can see where he gets his charm from.
532
00:28:15,444 --> 00:28:18,698
- You come see me soon, okay?
- You know I will.
533
00:28:18,781 --> 00:28:21,659
DWIGHT: All right, boys.
Hey, congratulations. Task 37.
534
00:28:21,742 --> 00:28:23,828
- In the bag! Done!
- ALL: Yeah.
535
00:28:23,953 --> 00:28:27,331
ERIK: Good job, boys.
That's our first task completed.
536
00:28:27,665 --> 00:28:30,668
I think that stripper's implant broke my face.
537
00:28:42,096 --> 00:28:43,180
Task 15 is go.
538
00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:50,646
Steal an ostrich.
539
00:28:50,730 --> 00:28:53,899
- Have sex in the dean's office.
- Serenade a woman at the 901.
540
00:28:53,983 --> 00:28:57,695
- Drink a gallon of milk without pissing.
- Do a traditional dance at the international.
541
00:28:57,778 --> 00:29:00,656
- Open an illegal casino.
- Drive down to Mexico and get a tattoo.
542
00:29:00,740 --> 00:29:03,409
Get so drunk, you piss your pants.
543
00:29:37,234 --> 00:29:39,153
Sweet Caesar's ghost!
544
00:29:41,197 --> 00:29:43,449
[EDGAR EXCLAIMING IN PAIN]
545
00:29:46,994 --> 00:29:49,622
Fifteen, check.
546
00:29:49,705 --> 00:29:51,832
Sixteen, check.
547
00:29:52,374 --> 00:29:54,502
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
548
00:30:03,302 --> 00:30:04,762
Hmm.
549
00:30:04,845 --> 00:30:07,014
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
550
00:30:11,769 --> 00:30:14,522
- Who's that guy?
- He's my Swahili instructor.
551
00:30:14,605 --> 00:30:16,607
I have my proficiency exam next week.
552
00:30:16,690 --> 00:30:18,150
- Nice!
- Yeah.
553
00:30:18,234 --> 00:30:21,904
Hey, what's...
What's this golden hammer doing in here?
554
00:30:21,987 --> 00:30:24,573
It's from the Greek Olympiad.
555
00:30:24,657 --> 00:30:28,118
It was, like, a series of competitions
involving skill and deviant behavior.
556
00:30:28,202 --> 00:30:31,288
They got really out of hand,
so the university banned them for life.
557
00:30:31,372 --> 00:30:33,457
The Betas were legendary at them, though.
We never lost.
558
00:30:33,541 --> 00:30:35,543
- Cool. Yeah.
- Yeah.
559
00:30:35,876 --> 00:30:38,212
Oh, and remember, Erik...
560
00:30:39,129 --> 00:30:45,553
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
561
00:30:46,512 --> 00:30:47,721
Yeah.
562
00:30:51,976 --> 00:30:52,977
Swahili.
563
00:30:54,728 --> 00:30:57,314
ERIK: This place is swell, isn't it?
ASHLEY: [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
564
00:30:57,398 --> 00:30:58,774
ASHLEY: Look at how juicy.
565
00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:01,527
Sucking the crab? Wow.
566
00:31:01,610 --> 00:31:04,405
- This place is fun.
- Yeah. Yeah, this place is awesome.
567
00:31:04,488 --> 00:31:06,574
I thought you'd like it here, you know.
568
00:31:07,950 --> 00:31:09,702
I like this mallet.
569
00:31:10,703 --> 00:31:12,079
[BOTH LAUGHING]
570
00:31:12,162 --> 00:31:15,916
- Oh, my God. Are you okay? Here.
- ERIK: It's all right.
571
00:31:16,876 --> 00:31:18,419
It doesn't really taste that bad.
572
00:31:18,502 --> 00:31:19,503
[MAN CHUCKLING]
573
00:31:19,587 --> 00:31:22,506
Dude, I'm telling you,
this chick can't get enough of me.
574
00:31:22,590 --> 00:31:24,466
I did her again last night!
575
00:31:24,550 --> 00:31:27,511
Oh, I can't believe that. You're the man!
576
00:31:27,595 --> 00:31:29,138
I think I know that girl.
577
00:31:29,221 --> 00:31:31,348
You know,
not all frat guys are like those guys.
578
00:31:31,432 --> 00:31:33,851
I know. I guess I just have a jaded opinion.
579
00:31:33,934 --> 00:31:35,853
Really? Why's that?
580
00:31:35,936 --> 00:31:37,855
It's just the typical story.
581
00:31:37,938 --> 00:31:40,816
Boy meets girl.
Boy goes off to college, joins a frat,
582
00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:42,651
starts sleeping with every girl he can.
583
00:31:42,735 --> 00:31:45,988
Girl finds out
and dumps his ass during winter break.
584
00:31:46,739 --> 00:31:48,949
But that was high school.
I'm much older and wiser now.
585
00:31:49,033 --> 00:31:53,370
Right, older and wiser. And you're on a date
with a guy who's pledging a frat.
586
00:31:53,454 --> 00:31:55,998
I know, and I'm watching you.
587
00:31:56,624 --> 00:31:57,708
- Dine and ditch.
- Yeah.
588
00:31:57,791 --> 00:31:59,209
That's, like, one of my favorite plays of...
589
00:32:00,085 --> 00:32:02,630
ERIK: Oh, my God!
ASHLEY: Oh, my God! Are you okay?
590
00:32:03,797 --> 00:32:05,215
ASHLEY: Little help here!
591
00:32:10,220 --> 00:32:12,306
You are just the sweetest.
592
00:32:13,849 --> 00:32:16,352
You just bring it out in me, babe.
593
00:32:20,022 --> 00:32:22,274
- Perfect.
- Yeah?
594
00:32:25,069 --> 00:32:26,070
[DENISE SIGHING]
595
00:32:26,153 --> 00:32:29,990
- Careful, my feet are real sensitive.
- Really?
596
00:32:39,667 --> 00:32:41,001
Oh, my.
597
00:32:42,670 --> 00:32:45,005
I love foot massages.
598
00:32:45,631 --> 00:32:47,257
[DENISE MOANS]
599
00:32:48,842 --> 00:32:50,010
Oh, my!
600
00:33:02,064 --> 00:33:03,107
[DENISE MOANS]
601
00:33:03,190 --> 00:33:04,692
I can't!
602
00:33:12,032 --> 00:33:14,952
- I'm sorry.
- No, that's cool.
603
00:33:15,577 --> 00:33:17,788
It's totally fine, really.
604
00:33:19,415 --> 00:33:24,253
Here, let me just take care of you.
605
00:33:25,504 --> 00:33:26,880
Okay.
606
00:33:26,964 --> 00:33:27,965
[UNZIPPING PANTS]
607
00:33:28,048 --> 00:33:29,049
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
608
00:33:29,133 --> 00:33:30,551
Ooh!
609
00:33:37,182 --> 00:33:39,393
- You like that?
- God, yeah.
610
00:33:40,019 --> 00:33:42,229
You do that almost as good as I do.
611
00:33:50,904 --> 00:33:52,698
How're you feeling?
612
00:33:52,948 --> 00:33:55,909
Hey. Good, thanks.
613
00:33:55,993 --> 00:33:57,244
- Here, let me see.
- Oh, no.
614
00:33:57,327 --> 00:33:59,079
No, no. Ashley, it's...
You really don't need to do anything.
615
00:33:59,163 --> 00:34:01,623
Oh, my God, Erik.
You have to put something on that.
616
00:34:01,707 --> 00:34:03,667
No, it's just a little red.
617
00:34:04,209 --> 00:34:05,753
Here, let me.
618
00:34:08,255 --> 00:34:10,424
It's really not necessary...
619
00:34:10,758 --> 00:34:12,801
[EXCLAIMS]
620
00:34:13,093 --> 00:34:15,763
- Does it hurt?
- No, it's just really cold.
621
00:34:17,723 --> 00:34:20,768
- ASHLEY: Does that feel better?
- Yeah.
622
00:34:21,518 --> 00:34:23,270
Mmm-hmm.
623
00:34:23,645 --> 00:34:24,772
Wow!
624
00:34:26,106 --> 00:34:27,816
- Oh, man!
- I didn't even touch it.
625
00:34:28,650 --> 00:34:29,902
No, it's no big deal.
626
00:34:29,985 --> 00:34:32,029
I guess I should just
take it as a compliment, right?
627
00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:34,865
- I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm sorry.
- It's cool.
628
00:34:36,742 --> 00:34:38,786
Wow, that cream feels good.
629
00:34:39,620 --> 00:34:41,497
Ash, you might wanna...
630
00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:42,873
[WHISPERING] Just relax.
631
00:34:43,415 --> 00:34:44,708
[PANTING] It's still hot.
632
00:34:48,921 --> 00:34:51,256
[EXCLAIMING]
633
00:34:58,222 --> 00:34:59,807
[HEART BEATING]
634
00:35:01,767 --> 00:35:03,310
[ERIK MOANING]
635
00:35:13,237 --> 00:35:15,697
Oh, my God! Mr. Biggles!
636
00:35:25,124 --> 00:35:28,836
- This is really, really embarrassing.
- No, it's okay. It's okay.
637
00:35:28,919 --> 00:35:32,256
I just haven't seen anything like that.
638
00:35:32,339 --> 00:35:35,175
Well, I was a virgin until last year,
639
00:35:35,259 --> 00:35:39,805
and then my girlfriend dumped me
about four months ago.
640
00:35:41,056 --> 00:35:45,060
Okay. Wait, wait, wait.
Are you telling me that you haven't...
641
00:35:46,145 --> 00:35:47,896
In four months?
642
00:35:47,980 --> 00:35:53,527
Well, you see, there was this incident
that made masturbation
643
00:35:55,028 --> 00:35:58,073
very taboo in my household.
644
00:35:58,490 --> 00:36:01,827
Well, you have more self-control
than most people.
645
00:36:03,203 --> 00:36:05,205
I'm really sorry about Mr. Biggles.
646
00:36:06,165 --> 00:36:07,374
Yeah.
647
00:36:12,296 --> 00:36:14,339
- Just a little... Right.
- No, it's...
648
00:36:16,633 --> 00:36:18,594
- Oh, baby, I love you.
- Whoa.
649
00:36:18,677 --> 00:36:20,470
Baby, why won't you tell me
you love me, too?
650
00:36:20,554 --> 00:36:24,641
- Hey, Bull. Have you seen Stifler?
- He's in a meeting.
651
00:36:24,725 --> 00:36:28,061
- What meeting would he be at?
- I don't know. Something important.
652
00:36:28,353 --> 00:36:30,814
And it was after my parents...
653
00:36:30,898 --> 00:36:35,277
Well, they had to fire
the fourth landscaping crew
654
00:36:35,819 --> 00:36:37,237
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
655
00:36:37,321 --> 00:36:39,489
because they caught me with them.
656
00:36:39,573 --> 00:36:44,244
And that's when I knew that I had a problem.
657
00:36:44,912 --> 00:36:49,625
But I have been sex-free for two years now
658
00:36:49,708 --> 00:36:52,669
and, you know, never felt better.
659
00:36:52,753 --> 00:36:54,087
[WHOOPING]
660
00:36:59,593 --> 00:37:01,595
You are so brave.
661
00:37:03,931 --> 00:37:08,185
Get it in there! Yeah! Faster! Faster!
662
00:37:08,268 --> 00:37:11,939
- [SCREAMING] I'm going as fast as I can.
- Faster, bad boy!
663
00:37:12,022 --> 00:37:13,649
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
664
00:37:15,108 --> 00:37:17,069
Faster, I said!
665
00:37:17,152 --> 00:37:18,153
[MOANING]
666
00:37:18,237 --> 00:37:20,030
- [CRYING] I think I'm gonna...
- It's gonna break!
667
00:37:20,113 --> 00:37:21,114
[BOTH SCREAMING]
668
00:37:21,198 --> 00:37:22,866
Yes! Yes!
669
00:37:23,408 --> 00:37:24,451
God, yes.
670
00:37:24,534 --> 00:37:25,994
[GIGGLING]
671
00:37:26,078 --> 00:37:27,412
[MOANS CONTENTEDLY]
672
00:37:27,496 --> 00:37:29,164
Oh, boy.
673
00:37:29,289 --> 00:37:30,832
[WHOOPING]
674
00:37:30,916 --> 00:37:32,459
[SIGHS]
675
00:37:33,919 --> 00:37:35,963
[LAUGHING]
676
00:37:40,425 --> 00:37:41,843
You call yourself a man?
677
00:37:41,927 --> 00:37:45,264
Get back here and fuck me!
678
00:37:45,347 --> 00:37:47,266
[BOTH LAUGHING]
679
00:37:47,349 --> 00:37:51,311
Okay, okay. All right, listen.
I just did three times, okay?
680
00:37:51,395 --> 00:37:55,983
I'm gonna go get an icepack
and then I'll be right back.
681
00:37:56,066 --> 00:38:01,238
You know the secret,
icepacks are for pussies!
682
00:38:02,781 --> 00:38:05,993
Oh, your friend. He wants to come play!
683
00:38:06,076 --> 00:38:08,245
I'm going to see you again!
684
00:38:08,328 --> 00:38:09,871
[GIGGLING]
685
00:38:09,955 --> 00:38:11,873
[GROWLING]
686
00:38:11,957 --> 00:38:13,834
- I'm a grizzly bear!
- You're bad.
687
00:38:13,917 --> 00:38:17,379
I'm gonna steal a picnic basket
full of orgasms.
688
00:38:17,462 --> 00:38:18,422
[GROWLING]
689
00:38:18,505 --> 00:38:20,549
Okay, lay your head back.
Lay your head back.
690
00:38:20,632 --> 00:38:23,593
[WHISPERING] Ready? Are you ready for it?
Let's go, all right?
691
00:38:23,677 --> 00:38:28,765
Hands and feet inside the tram.
Next stop, penetration station, baby.
692
00:38:28,932 --> 00:38:29,933
[WOMAN GIGGLING]
693
00:38:30,017 --> 00:38:31,852
[FOOTSTEPS PATTERING]
694
00:38:32,352 --> 00:38:34,104
Hey, get back here!
695
00:38:34,187 --> 00:38:35,939
[PANTING]
696
00:38:37,357 --> 00:38:39,067
Stifler, I forgot to tell you...
697
00:38:39,151 --> 00:38:40,569
BULL: Whoa.
698
00:38:41,445 --> 00:38:45,741
- Get your ass over here, punk.
- Okay.
699
00:38:45,824 --> 00:38:47,284
[BULL EXCLAIMS]
700
00:38:47,367 --> 00:38:48,410
[BULL SCREAMS]
701
00:38:52,122 --> 00:38:55,542
Oh, dude. On her teddy bear? Really?
702
00:38:55,834 --> 00:38:58,295
Dude, he hasn't busted a nut
in, like, four months.
703
00:38:58,378 --> 00:38:59,629
What do you think I should do?
704
00:38:59,713 --> 00:39:01,548
- Man, you gotta beat the bishop.
- Yeah.
705
00:39:01,631 --> 00:39:05,302
- You need to punch that clown. A lot.
- What are you talking about?
706
00:39:06,762 --> 00:39:09,139
- You need to masturbate, dude. A lot.
- ALL: A lot.
707
00:39:09,222 --> 00:39:12,476
So next time you won't blow your load
when you're rounding first base.
708
00:39:12,559 --> 00:39:13,727
Yeah.
709
00:39:30,702 --> 00:39:32,788
Just gotta clean the pipes.
710
00:39:39,252 --> 00:39:40,587
[SIGHS]
711
00:39:51,848 --> 00:39:53,517
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
712
00:39:55,268 --> 00:39:57,312
- Who is it?
- Hey, it's Ashley.
713
00:39:57,396 --> 00:39:59,564
We were gonna hang out, remember?
714
00:40:01,358 --> 00:40:04,111
Yeah! Yeah, I remember.
715
00:40:04,194 --> 00:40:07,697
I... I lost track of time, Ashley.
I'll be right there.
716
00:40:07,781 --> 00:40:10,534
- Are you okay in there?
- Yeah.
717
00:40:10,617 --> 00:40:14,287
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Just give me one second, okay?
718
00:40:14,955 --> 00:40:16,540
Erik, are you naked?
719
00:40:16,623 --> 00:40:19,334
Just putting on my t-shirt right now.
720
00:40:20,001 --> 00:40:21,461
There it is.
721
00:40:21,837 --> 00:40:22,838
Whew!
722
00:40:23,713 --> 00:40:24,881
- Hi.
- Hi.
723
00:40:24,965 --> 00:40:28,218
- Can I come in?
- No. No, the place is actually a mess.
724
00:40:28,301 --> 00:40:30,387
- Bobby's disgusting.
- Oh, yeah?
725
00:40:30,470 --> 00:40:33,473
- But I know a cool place we can go.
- Come on.
726
00:40:34,641 --> 00:40:35,642
[DOOR CLOSING]
727
00:40:40,230 --> 00:40:44,025
All right. Right hand, yellow.
728
00:40:44,901 --> 00:40:45,902
Ooh.
729
00:40:45,986 --> 00:40:47,696
I love this game.
730
00:40:48,488 --> 00:40:50,991
Don't you fall or you're losing those boxers.
731
00:40:51,074 --> 00:40:53,160
[LAUGHING] Oh, really?
732
00:40:54,661 --> 00:40:56,371
[GROANING]
733
00:40:56,455 --> 00:40:58,665
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
734
00:40:58,999 --> 00:41:00,584
Ow.
735
00:41:00,667 --> 00:41:02,169
- Hi.
- Hi.
736
00:41:12,345 --> 00:41:14,389
[SIGHS]
737
00:41:19,019 --> 00:41:20,770
I'm sorry.
738
00:41:20,854 --> 00:41:25,025
- What? Are you a virgin or something or...
- No.
739
00:41:27,194 --> 00:41:30,822
It's just when I... When I get too excited...
740
00:41:32,199 --> 00:41:33,241
[SIGHING]
741
00:41:33,325 --> 00:41:35,327
Oh, it's embarrassing.
742
00:41:40,540 --> 00:41:41,833
Here.
743
00:41:42,709 --> 00:41:45,879
- Let me just take care of you again.
- Okay.
744
00:41:51,301 --> 00:41:53,887
Oh, wait, wait, wait. Cheers, cheers.
745
00:41:54,721 --> 00:41:55,764
Mmm.
746
00:41:56,389 --> 00:41:57,724
[COUGHING]
747
00:41:58,225 --> 00:42:01,603
Let me get that for you.
A little spillage. No big deal.
748
00:42:09,069 --> 00:42:10,904
It's not gonna go off again, is it?
749
00:42:10,987 --> 00:42:14,533
Absolutely not.
I've been practicing my self-control a lot.
750
00:42:14,616 --> 00:42:16,076
A lot? Okay.
751
00:42:36,179 --> 00:42:37,764
[ASHLEY CLEARING THROAT]
752
00:42:37,847 --> 00:42:39,057
Come on.
753
00:42:39,140 --> 00:42:42,143
Oh, just how much have
you been working on your self-control?
754
00:42:43,895 --> 00:42:47,107
I'm really sorry. It's not working.
755
00:42:47,190 --> 00:42:48,191
[GIGGLING]
756
00:42:48,275 --> 00:42:51,486
My stupid friends, they said that if I would...
757
00:42:51,570 --> 00:42:54,281
Erik, it's okay. It happens.
758
00:42:55,282 --> 00:42:56,449
Wine?
759
00:43:01,246 --> 00:43:03,081
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
760
00:43:06,126 --> 00:43:07,711
All right, boys. We got a live one here.
761
00:43:07,794 --> 00:43:10,422
Two clicks north, three clicks east.
762
00:43:10,672 --> 00:43:12,716
All right, three clicks east.
763
00:43:14,801 --> 00:43:17,137
DWIGHT: Let's blast our big giant ones.
764
00:43:17,220 --> 00:43:18,972
Fire in the hole!
765
00:43:21,808 --> 00:43:22,892
DWIGHT: Direct hit!
766
00:43:22,976 --> 00:43:23,977
[LAUGHING]
767
00:43:24,060 --> 00:43:26,146
- DWIGHT: Yes!
- Oh, my God.
768
00:43:28,648 --> 00:43:29,649
[SIGHS]
769
00:43:29,733 --> 00:43:32,235
I love the smell of boobies in the morning.
770
00:43:32,319 --> 00:43:34,654
Hey, so how's it going with Denise?
771
00:43:34,738 --> 00:43:40,744
Well, okay, so we hooked up
and she gave me a couple of hand jobs.
772
00:43:40,827 --> 00:43:41,828
[LAUGHING]
773
00:43:41,911 --> 00:43:42,954
Hand jobs?
774
00:43:43,038 --> 00:43:45,707
They're actually the best hand jobs
I've ever had in my life.
775
00:43:45,790 --> 00:43:48,168
- Oh, really?
- Shut up!
776
00:43:48,668 --> 00:43:52,839
The only problem is
I try to stick my hand down her pants,
777
00:43:52,922 --> 00:43:55,091
she keeps... Pulls my hands away.
778
00:43:55,175 --> 00:43:56,760
She says she's embarrassed.
779
00:43:56,843 --> 00:43:57,802
Uh-oh.
780
00:43:57,886 --> 00:44:02,057
- Maybe she has an abnormally large bush.
- Yeah, or maybe she's got a yeast infection.
781
00:44:02,140 --> 00:44:03,141
[EXCLAIMS DISGUSTEDLY]
782
00:44:03,224 --> 00:44:05,810
- Come on.
- Maybe she's got a dick.
783
00:44:05,977 --> 00:44:06,936
Huh?
784
00:44:07,020 --> 00:44:09,189
What? Crying Game? Boys Don't Cry?
785
00:44:09,272 --> 00:44:11,733
- That's based on true stories, boys.
- No.
786
00:44:11,816 --> 00:44:12,942
- Yeah.
- No, there's no way.
787
00:44:13,026 --> 00:44:14,694
Hey, man, maybe she's a hermaphrodite.
788
00:44:14,778 --> 00:44:17,447
Transvestite? A little Shanghai Surprise!
789
00:44:17,530 --> 00:44:18,615
Well, come on. You said yourself,
790
00:44:18,698 --> 00:44:21,534
she gives you the best hand jobs
you've ever had in your whole life. Right?
791
00:44:21,618 --> 00:44:22,619
Yeah, so?
792
00:44:22,702 --> 00:44:24,996
So, how do you think she got so good at it?
793
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:27,874
Probably from working her own gear.
794
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:32,087
So you guys think that I might have been
hooking up with a dude this whole time?
795
00:44:32,170 --> 00:44:34,798
Maybe. There's only one way to find out.
796
00:44:34,881 --> 00:44:37,342
You gotta get into those pants.
797
00:44:38,093 --> 00:44:41,388
Oh, wait. This is too perfect.
Load it up. Load it up, right now.
798
00:44:45,225 --> 00:44:46,393
- What the...
- DWIGHT: Sorry!
799
00:44:46,685 --> 00:44:47,686
[EXCLAIMS]
800
00:44:47,769 --> 00:44:49,437
DWIGHT: Yeah!
ALL: Yeah!
801
00:45:01,282 --> 00:45:03,076
[SIGHING]
802
00:45:03,159 --> 00:45:05,286
I want you to go down on me, Cooze.
803
00:45:05,370 --> 00:45:07,831
Are you sure? Because I can wait.
804
00:45:07,914 --> 00:45:10,250
No, I want you down there now.
805
00:45:13,628 --> 00:45:15,630
That's it, Cooze.
806
00:45:23,638 --> 00:45:25,348
That's it, Cooze.
807
00:45:26,141 --> 00:45:27,225
Suck my cock!
808
00:45:27,308 --> 00:45:28,601
She's got a dick!
809
00:45:29,686 --> 00:45:31,229
Are you okay?
810
00:45:32,272 --> 00:45:36,109
Oh, my God. I just had the worst nightmare.
811
00:45:36,401 --> 00:45:39,571
What was it about? Who's got a dick?
812
00:45:40,113 --> 00:45:41,281
I do.
813
00:45:43,658 --> 00:45:45,869
[SCREAMING]
814
00:45:51,249 --> 00:45:52,625
Oh, my God.
815
00:45:53,168 --> 00:45:54,627
I can't take this anymore.
816
00:45:58,757 --> 00:46:00,842
[PHONE RINGING]
817
00:46:12,645 --> 00:46:13,897
Hello?
818
00:46:14,439 --> 00:46:16,232
ASHLEY: I thought you were gonna call me.
819
00:46:16,733 --> 00:46:18,193
Oh, hey.
820
00:46:18,276 --> 00:46:20,153
Yeah. I fell asleep.
821
00:46:20,779 --> 00:46:21,780
I'm sorry.
822
00:46:21,863 --> 00:46:22,864
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
823
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:24,699
Were you dreaming about me?
824
00:46:25,575 --> 00:46:26,868
Maybe.
825
00:46:27,327 --> 00:46:29,496
Hey, can you hold on for one sec?
826
00:46:32,290 --> 00:46:33,833
Because this
827
00:46:35,794 --> 00:46:37,337
isn't a dream.
828
00:46:42,759 --> 00:46:45,678
Oh, God. That's not mine. That's Bobby's.
829
00:46:55,855 --> 00:46:57,357
That's not mine.
830
00:47:11,412 --> 00:47:12,413
[DOOR OPENING]
831
00:47:12,497 --> 00:47:13,873
[WHOOPING]
832
00:47:13,957 --> 00:47:16,292
Guys. What the hell are you doing?
833
00:47:16,376 --> 00:47:18,503
BOBBY: Number 33, baby.
834
00:47:18,586 --> 00:47:21,631
We got a chance to do number 33,
but we gotta go now.
835
00:47:21,714 --> 00:47:23,967
- Half-naked girl here.
- Sorry, Ashley.
836
00:47:24,050 --> 00:47:26,135
Dude, the manager just called.
He's got an opening.
837
00:47:26,219 --> 00:47:29,639
- We haven't even rehearsed for that bit yet.
- It's our only chance, man.
838
00:47:30,723 --> 00:47:31,975
Really?
839
00:47:33,685 --> 00:47:35,520
Ashley, it is Number 33.
840
00:47:36,271 --> 00:47:40,567
Maybe, we could just finish later
or something?
841
00:47:41,484 --> 00:47:42,527
It's cool.
842
00:47:44,821 --> 00:47:45,822
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.
843
00:47:46,281 --> 00:47:47,532
I'm coming with you.
844
00:47:49,367 --> 00:47:51,369
- We rocked that place.
- Yeah!
845
00:47:51,452 --> 00:47:52,453
COOZE: Awesome!
846
00:47:52,537 --> 00:47:53,538
[WHOOPING]
847
00:47:53,872 --> 00:47:57,584
Number 46, sex in the stacks. Chalk it up.
848
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,590
Number 26, receive a golden shower.
849
00:48:03,673 --> 00:48:06,175
Number 27, perform a Cleveland steamer.
850
00:48:06,259 --> 00:48:07,760
- Check.
- COOZE: Oh, man.
851
00:48:07,844 --> 00:48:09,888
Get a panda in the grotto.
852
00:48:09,971 --> 00:48:12,557
- Thirty, get a blumpkin.
- COOZE: Oh, you didn't.
853
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,435
After corned beef. It was disgusting.
854
00:48:15,518 --> 00:48:17,645
- All right. Yeah. That was pretty good.
- BOBBY: Yeah!
855
00:48:17,729 --> 00:48:20,481
By the power granted to me
by the great country of Canada,
856
00:48:20,565 --> 00:48:23,318
I now pronounce you life partners.
857
00:48:23,401 --> 00:48:24,986
[ALL CHEERING]
858
00:48:25,069 --> 00:48:26,946
Would you like to seal it with a kiss?
859
00:48:27,030 --> 00:48:28,031
- No.
- Yes.
860
00:48:28,114 --> 00:48:30,325
Number 41. Make it official.
861
00:48:33,369 --> 00:48:34,412
Because I'm a gentleman.
862
00:48:36,664 --> 00:48:39,459
Wow. You boys are such an inspiration.
863
00:48:41,669 --> 00:48:43,588
I think it's time we do
a little mid-semester celebrating.
864
00:48:43,671 --> 00:48:46,049
- What do you think?
- Yes. Definitely.
865
00:48:46,132 --> 00:48:48,468
[POP MUSIC PLAYING
THROUGH SPEAKERS]
866
00:48:56,059 --> 00:48:59,103
Stifler, I'm afraid I gotta see everyone's IDs.
867
00:48:59,187 --> 00:49:02,398
- What?
- Come on, Manny. You're joking, right?
868
00:49:02,482 --> 00:49:04,067
I'm afraid not.
869
00:49:04,150 --> 00:49:06,569
You see, the new ownership
of this establishment
870
00:49:06,653 --> 00:49:08,363
doesn't condone underage drinking.
871
00:49:08,446 --> 00:49:11,908
Officers, please escort these minors
from the premises.
872
00:49:12,784 --> 00:49:14,243
BOBBY: Can I touch your gun?
ERIK: All right, okay. We're going.
873
00:49:14,327 --> 00:49:17,330
- EDGAR: Bye-bye.
- You're fucking with traditions, Edgar.
874
00:49:17,413 --> 00:49:21,459
I'm not just fucking with your traditions,
I'm tearing them down.
875
00:49:23,002 --> 00:49:24,504
Take him away.
876
00:49:27,173 --> 00:49:29,676
You know, you are way too classy,
877
00:49:29,759 --> 00:49:33,846
and have way too nice of a body to be
hanging out with a douche bag like that.
878
00:49:35,473 --> 00:49:37,684
Don't listen to him, honey.
Your body isn't that great.
879
00:49:37,767 --> 00:49:39,227
I'll have a gimlet, please. Thank you.
880
00:49:41,437 --> 00:49:42,563
Stifler.
881
00:49:42,647 --> 00:49:44,273
- DWIGHT: What?
- Your lawyer's here.
882
00:49:44,357 --> 00:49:46,693
Excellent. Thanks, Marty. Send him in.
883
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:49,070
You have a lawyer?
884
00:49:51,698 --> 00:49:53,741
Thanks for coming. I'm glad you got here.
885
00:49:53,992 --> 00:49:56,828
Well, you know me.
I'm always down for the cause.
886
00:49:57,328 --> 00:49:59,789
- Betas for life, baby.
- Betas for life.
887
00:49:59,872 --> 00:50:01,499
Mr. Levenstein?
888
00:50:01,582 --> 00:50:03,209
Hey, Erik. How's your mom and dad?
889
00:50:03,292 --> 00:50:05,211
They're good. They're really good, actually.
890
00:50:05,294 --> 00:50:07,922
- Well, that's good.
- DWIGHT: Hey, guys, this is Noah.
891
00:50:08,006 --> 00:50:10,591
He's a Beta alum.
He's our House-counseling consigliere.
892
00:50:10,675 --> 00:50:14,012
This guy has gotten us out of more shit
than you can even imagine.
893
00:50:14,095 --> 00:50:17,015
Well you Beta boys do keep me busy,
that's for sure.
894
00:50:17,265 --> 00:50:19,308
Now, I've just talked to the district attorney.
895
00:50:19,392 --> 00:50:22,729
He's an old school chum of mine.
He's willing to drop all the charges
896
00:50:22,812 --> 00:50:26,858
if you promise never to set foot
in the Silver Dollar again.
897
00:50:28,026 --> 00:50:29,777
This is ridiculous.
898
00:50:30,653 --> 00:50:32,447
Where am I gonna have Sunday brunch?
899
00:50:32,530 --> 00:50:34,407
Oh, look, I know you're upset.
900
00:50:34,490 --> 00:50:36,451
They do have a great omelet bar,
that's for sure.
901
00:50:36,534 --> 00:50:40,038
- But you're just gonna have to give it up.
- No, we can't.
902
00:50:40,538 --> 00:50:44,751
These geeks... These geeks are messing
with the Beta way of life.
903
00:50:45,877 --> 00:50:47,962
MARTY: You want to step inside, Noah?
904
00:50:48,046 --> 00:50:49,797
- Oh, it's open?
- MARTY: Yeah.
905
00:50:49,881 --> 00:50:51,674
Oh, thanks Marty.
906
00:50:52,675 --> 00:50:56,012
If you wanna grab a sandwich,
I'll just be a minute.
907
00:50:57,263 --> 00:50:58,765
Look, fellas,
908
00:50:59,348 --> 00:51:02,935
there is a bigger picture here
than the Beta way of life.
909
00:51:03,895 --> 00:51:07,398
Is that what you thought
when you were in the Beta House?
910
00:51:08,024 --> 00:51:09,108
No.
911
00:51:10,443 --> 00:51:12,987
- No. It wasn't.
- So...
912
00:51:13,446 --> 00:51:18,493
So I think something has to be done here.
Within the confines of the law, of course.
913
00:51:18,576 --> 00:51:20,286
Of course. Of course.
914
00:51:21,370 --> 00:51:24,165
So what would you do?
915
00:51:24,957 --> 00:51:26,626
What would I do?
916
00:51:29,212 --> 00:51:34,133
I would crush those geeks
with every Beta muscle in my body.
917
00:51:36,803 --> 00:51:38,638
But that's just me.
918
00:51:39,472 --> 00:51:42,058
See you boys at homecoming.
Say hi to your folks, Erik.
919
00:51:42,141 --> 00:51:43,976
ERIK: I will. Thank you.
920
00:51:53,361 --> 00:51:57,323
- What are we doing?
- We've got to find their trophy room.
921
00:52:12,088 --> 00:52:14,507
Freeze, human.
922
00:52:16,676 --> 00:52:18,010
[GROWLING]
923
00:52:19,011 --> 00:52:20,680
[EDGAR EXCLAIMS]
924
00:52:24,183 --> 00:52:29,063
[SPEAKING MOCK-ALIEN LANGUAGE]
925
00:52:29,147 --> 00:52:33,025
Uphold the galactic alliance with my cock.
926
00:52:33,192 --> 00:52:34,610
[GROWLING]
927
00:52:36,154 --> 00:52:37,780
[GIRL SCREAMING]
928
00:52:39,282 --> 00:52:41,075
What the hell is going on in there?
929
00:52:41,159 --> 00:52:44,620
Sounds like a dog with its dick
stuck in a vacuum.
930
00:52:44,704 --> 00:52:47,456
- All right, this way.
- I'm a husky ninja.
931
00:52:52,837 --> 00:52:54,797
ERIK: There it is, the motherboard.
932
00:52:59,886 --> 00:53:02,305
Guys, I really gotta take a dump.
933
00:53:02,388 --> 00:53:04,223
Oh, come on. Not now.
934
00:53:04,307 --> 00:53:06,559
That fast food I ate put me over.
935
00:53:06,893 --> 00:53:08,561
Oh! I can't wait.
936
00:53:10,146 --> 00:53:14,233
Well, hurry up, then.
God, that guy's disgusting.
937
00:53:16,652 --> 00:53:18,905
Okay. All right.
938
00:53:21,532 --> 00:53:23,075
[AIR HISSING]
939
00:53:25,077 --> 00:53:26,245
[WHISPERING] Okay.
940
00:53:33,502 --> 00:53:34,503
All right.
941
00:53:34,921 --> 00:53:36,505
[ALARM BLARING]
942
00:53:38,132 --> 00:53:39,759
BOTH: Bobby!
943
00:53:42,803 --> 00:53:43,846
Ooh!
944
00:53:43,930 --> 00:53:47,350
- Bobby, what are you doing, man?
- Upper-decker, baby!
945
00:53:47,433 --> 00:53:49,101
[WHISPERING] Upper-decker, baby.
946
00:53:49,894 --> 00:53:51,687
Oh, my God.
947
00:53:51,771 --> 00:53:52,897
[FLUSHING]
948
00:53:52,980 --> 00:53:55,942
COOZE: Betas, we are leaving. Go, go, go!
949
00:54:01,614 --> 00:54:03,115
What's happening?
950
00:54:11,791 --> 00:54:13,459
DWIGHT: Well, pledges,
951
00:54:13,918 --> 00:54:17,421
you completed every task
on the task board in record time.
952
00:54:18,089 --> 00:54:24,470
I, along with every other Beta in this room,
are proud to call you our brothers.
953
00:54:24,804 --> 00:54:27,223
Congratulations, you're all Betas!
954
00:54:28,015 --> 00:54:29,308
COOZE: Oh, yeah.
955
00:54:29,809 --> 00:54:31,143
[CHEERING]
956
00:54:32,561 --> 00:54:33,980
DWIGHT: Hey, cuz.
957
00:54:34,146 --> 00:54:35,189
[WHOOPING]
958
00:54:35,273 --> 00:54:37,650
- BOBBY: Yeah.
- DWIGHT: Here you go.
959
00:54:42,863 --> 00:54:44,824
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
960
00:54:46,742 --> 00:54:49,078
So it sounds like you got yourself
a pretty good girl there, buddy.
961
00:54:49,161 --> 00:54:51,497
Oh, yeah. You know what?
Now that pledge is finally over,
962
00:54:51,580 --> 00:54:53,457
we can spend a lot more time together, too.
963
00:54:57,211 --> 00:54:58,212
What? Are you kidding me?
964
00:54:58,296 --> 00:55:02,008
Edgar, get you and the Mensa rejects
out of my house, now.
965
00:55:05,011 --> 00:55:06,679
[EDGAR WHIMPERS]
966
00:55:07,221 --> 00:55:10,308
You have crossed me
for the last time, Stifler!
967
00:55:13,561 --> 00:55:16,397
We're gonna settle this once and for all!
968
00:55:18,524 --> 00:55:20,026
Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!
969
00:55:20,151 --> 00:55:21,319
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
970
00:55:21,402 --> 00:55:23,738
Oh! What the fuck?
971
00:55:28,034 --> 00:55:29,952
[SCREAMING]
972
00:55:30,036 --> 00:55:34,081
We, the members of the Geek House,
challenge you, the Beta House,
973
00:55:34,165 --> 00:55:36,000
to the Greek Olympiad.
974
00:55:36,083 --> 00:55:37,376
DWIGHT: The Greek Olympiad?
975
00:55:37,460 --> 00:55:39,670
As much as I'd love to kick
your Geek ass up and down the field, Ed,
976
00:55:39,754 --> 00:55:43,591
I hate to tell you, the Greek Olympiad's
been banned for like 40 years. So...
977
00:55:43,674 --> 00:55:44,842
[EDGAR LAUGHS MOCKINGLY]
978
00:55:44,925 --> 00:55:49,722
What's the matter?
Afraid to get into a little trouble, Stifler?
979
00:55:50,056 --> 00:55:51,390
Afraid?
980
00:55:52,683 --> 00:55:55,144
- Let's do this.
- Oh, but there is one catch.
981
00:55:55,227 --> 00:55:57,396
We are playing for charters.
982
00:55:57,897 --> 00:56:02,151
If we win, you give up your charter
and you move out of the Beta House.
983
00:56:02,902 --> 00:56:04,570
And if you win,
984
00:56:05,363 --> 00:56:07,907
we move out and you take our house.
985
00:56:08,574 --> 00:56:10,368
This place against your mansion?
986
00:56:10,451 --> 00:56:13,704
Consider it another tradition
I plan to tear down.
987
00:56:15,414 --> 00:56:16,749
You're on.
988
00:56:19,085 --> 00:56:21,087
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
989
00:56:21,170 --> 00:56:22,755
Are you out of your mind?
990
00:56:22,838 --> 00:56:26,300
The Greek Olympiad
has been banned for life.
991
00:56:26,384 --> 00:56:28,260
You'll all get thrown off campus.
992
00:56:28,344 --> 00:56:33,474
- That's a chance we're gonna have to take.
- Oh, but the Greek Olympiad is crazy.
993
00:56:33,557 --> 00:56:38,479
I mean, yes, it's a combination of skill,
endurance, athleticism granted,
994
00:56:38,562 --> 00:56:40,731
but there is a degree of perversion
in these games
995
00:56:40,815 --> 00:56:44,193
which I don't think
would serve you kids well.
996
00:56:44,276 --> 00:56:46,278
Do you happen to remember the name
of the last captain
997
00:56:46,362 --> 00:56:47,988
to ever win the Greek Olympiad?
998
00:56:48,072 --> 00:56:50,199
Well, I haven't the foggiest
because it was so long ago.
999
00:56:50,282 --> 00:56:53,119
His name was Noah Levenstein.
1000
00:56:54,829 --> 00:56:56,330
Uh-huh.
1001
00:56:56,414 --> 00:56:58,749
Well, I knew that would
catch up to me one day.
1002
00:56:58,833 --> 00:57:01,794
But, you know, fellas,
I didn't know what was going on back then.
1003
00:57:01,877 --> 00:57:03,254
I was just a dumb kid.
1004
00:57:03,337 --> 00:57:05,297
Mr. Levenstein, we need you.
1005
00:57:05,381 --> 00:57:09,051
Tradition states
that the last team captain to win
1006
00:57:09,135 --> 00:57:10,886
comes back to officiate.
1007
00:57:10,970 --> 00:57:12,721
I know it's tradition.
1008
00:57:13,973 --> 00:57:17,017
I... I suppose I could do it.
1009
00:57:17,101 --> 00:57:19,353
I'd have to call in
and take a few personal days.
1010
00:57:19,437 --> 00:57:22,064
Excellent. You will not regret this.
I promise you.
1011
00:57:22,148 --> 00:57:24,900
- Stifler! This just came for you, man.
- DWIGHT: What is it?
1012
00:57:29,822 --> 00:57:31,574
This is interesting.
1013
00:57:32,491 --> 00:57:33,659
[ECHOING] Hello!
1014
00:57:36,704 --> 00:57:39,331
I'm here. What's this big bombshell?
1015
00:57:47,423 --> 00:57:49,091
Are you sure you weren't followed?
1016
00:57:49,175 --> 00:57:51,886
You? What the hell are you doing here?
1017
00:57:55,556 --> 00:57:57,933
- Well, well, Stifler.
- Rock.
1018
00:57:58,017 --> 00:57:59,435
Looks like we meet again.
1019
00:57:59,518 --> 00:58:04,231
- All right, this is a set-up. I'm out of here.
- Just relax, ass clown.
1020
00:58:04,315 --> 00:58:07,276
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
1021
00:58:07,359 --> 00:58:10,279
What we had was a rivalry,
1022
00:58:10,362 --> 00:58:13,282
but what Edgar did
got us kicked off campus.
1023
00:58:14,617 --> 00:58:16,452
Wait, how do you even know the guy?
1024
00:58:16,535 --> 00:58:17,995
[ROCK SIGHING]
1025
00:58:18,078 --> 00:58:21,248
He tried to pledge
our house three years ago.
1026
00:58:21,332 --> 00:58:24,835
He was the first regular sized guy
to rush the little person frat.
1027
00:58:25,586 --> 00:58:28,923
ROCK: They used to have this tradition
where we put a sheep in the basement...
1028
00:58:29,006 --> 00:58:29,965
Be gentle.
1029
00:58:30,049 --> 00:58:31,509
ROCK:
They'd tell us we had to bang the sheep
1030
00:58:31,592 --> 00:58:35,179
and that we couldn't come out
until the rubber was used.
1031
00:58:35,262 --> 00:58:37,056
Now, one of two things happened.
1032
00:58:37,139 --> 00:58:38,432
[BOY SCREAMING]
1033
00:58:38,516 --> 00:58:40,226
Either they would come out crying,
1034
00:58:40,309 --> 00:58:41,310
[CRYING]
1035
00:58:41,393 --> 00:58:45,397
or they would beat off in the rubber
and say they did the sheep.
1036
00:58:46,732 --> 00:58:50,277
And then there was Edgar.
1037
00:58:52,112 --> 00:58:53,531
Good luck.
1038
00:58:53,822 --> 00:58:55,574
[GROANING]
1039
00:58:56,659 --> 00:58:57,743
[EDGAR CHATTERING]
1040
00:58:57,826 --> 00:58:58,827
- EDGAR: It's okay.
- What the fuck?
1041
00:59:00,996 --> 00:59:02,998
We gotta check it out.
1042
00:59:03,082 --> 00:59:04,667
[EDGAR PANTING]
1043
00:59:08,587 --> 00:59:10,130
[SCREAMS]
1044
00:59:10,214 --> 00:59:12,508
For the love of God, man!
1045
00:59:13,592 --> 00:59:17,263
That sick bastard fucked the sheep.
1046
00:59:18,055 --> 00:59:21,058
That's a great story
but I'm a little unclear on how it helps me?
1047
00:59:21,141 --> 00:59:22,184
[ROCK SIGHING]
1048
00:59:22,268 --> 00:59:24,770
I'm sure you'll figure something out, Shitler.
1049
00:59:30,693 --> 00:59:32,111
[CHEERING]
1050
00:59:34,947 --> 00:59:36,407
[WHISTLING]
1051
00:59:43,497 --> 00:59:46,125
Welcome to the Greek Olympiad!
1052
00:59:54,216 --> 00:59:57,386
Competing today in this ancient tradition
1053
00:59:57,469 --> 00:59:59,346
are the Beta House...
1054
01:00:01,473 --> 01:00:03,267
- Beta! Beta!
- ALL: Beta! Beta!
1055
01:00:03,350 --> 01:00:05,185
And the Geek House.
1056
01:00:08,314 --> 01:00:12,860
Now, when we think of the term
Greek Olympiad,
1057
01:00:12,943 --> 01:00:16,822
we hearken back to ancient traditions.
1058
01:00:17,865 --> 01:00:21,827
We conjure up images of mighty warriors
1059
01:00:22,244 --> 01:00:25,956
in their little skirts, getting all oiled up,
1060
01:00:27,249 --> 01:00:28,876
writhing around with each other.
1061
01:00:28,959 --> 01:00:34,173
Some called it wrestling,
others called it something else.
1062
01:00:34,715 --> 01:00:39,678
But enough history. On with the games.
1063
01:00:47,436 --> 01:00:50,773
The first event is called
The Release of Venus.
1064
01:00:51,398 --> 01:00:56,028
The man who undoes all the brassieres
on his side the quickest, wins.
1065
01:00:56,528 --> 01:00:58,155
You know, Ed,
1066
01:00:58,697 --> 01:01:02,159
it's really a shame all that practice on your
sister's training bra is not gonna pay off.
1067
01:01:02,242 --> 01:01:05,954
Please, Dwight. I spent a season
in Milan dating lingerie models.
1068
01:01:06,038 --> 01:01:08,082
It was before I met you.
1069
01:01:08,165 --> 01:01:09,917
[FANFARE PLAYING]
1070
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:12,336
Gentlemen, are we ready?
1071
01:01:12,419 --> 01:01:15,214
Decline and fall, Dwight. Decline and fall.
1072
01:01:17,007 --> 01:01:18,759
Start unsnapping.
1073
01:01:34,983 --> 01:01:37,986
You know, I still hold
the record in this event.
1074
01:01:38,070 --> 01:01:39,238
Hands of a surgeon.
1075
01:01:44,535 --> 01:01:46,537
- ERIK: Oh, what's up with Edgar?
- Chick's got double Ds.
1076
01:01:46,620 --> 01:01:49,665
Squad clasps are really difficult to deal with.
1077
01:01:51,083 --> 01:01:53,085
[EXCLAIMS ANGRILY]
1078
01:01:55,087 --> 01:01:56,171
Done.
1079
01:01:56,255 --> 01:01:57,256
Done!
1080
01:01:57,339 --> 01:01:58,465
[SCREAMS ANGRILY]
1081
01:01:58,549 --> 01:01:59,675
I knew it!
1082
01:01:59,758 --> 01:02:01,260
Betas win.
1083
01:02:04,847 --> 01:02:06,432
DWIGHT: Yeah!
COOZE: Yeah!
1084
01:02:07,808 --> 01:02:09,351
Hey, nice try, Edgar.
1085
01:02:10,227 --> 01:02:13,439
Oh, sorry, sweetheart.
I guess I was just in the zone.
1086
01:02:13,772 --> 01:02:16,608
You know, with a little more to work with,
I might have won.
1087
01:02:17,109 --> 01:02:20,821
The next event is The Battle of Ares.
1088
01:02:21,780 --> 01:02:25,826
Two men fighting to the death,
1089
01:02:27,953 --> 01:02:31,331
or until one knocks the other into the water.
1090
01:02:32,541 --> 01:02:34,251
MAN: Yeah! Ride that!
1091
01:02:34,835 --> 01:02:38,172
You guys are so done, Edgar.
Bull is an animal with this thing.
1092
01:02:38,255 --> 01:02:40,841
Why don't you just save some face,
give me the deed to your place now.
1093
01:02:40,924 --> 01:02:42,676
Not quite yet.
1094
01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:45,763
You haven't met our new initiate, have you?
1095
01:02:54,313 --> 01:02:56,148
His name is Dave Maul,
1096
01:02:56,231 --> 01:02:58,734
and he is the number-one rated
light saber fighter
1097
01:02:58,817 --> 01:03:00,819
on the science fiction convention tour.
1098
01:03:00,903 --> 01:03:02,571
Oh, he's a virgin.
1099
01:03:02,654 --> 01:03:04,198
LEVENSTEIN: Are you ready, boys?
1100
01:03:05,073 --> 01:03:06,408
Joust!
1101
01:03:06,492 --> 01:03:07,993
[ALL CHEERING]
1102
01:03:15,417 --> 01:03:17,044
Come on!
1103
01:03:24,927 --> 01:03:26,220
Oh, shit!
1104
01:03:32,559 --> 01:03:34,478
MAN: Take him! Take him!
1105
01:03:35,938 --> 01:03:37,356
Finish him.
1106
01:03:39,358 --> 01:03:40,526
Go! Come on!
1107
01:03:42,319 --> 01:03:43,904
[EXCLAIMING]
1108
01:03:43,987 --> 01:03:45,405
[CHEERING]
1109
01:03:46,156 --> 01:03:49,701
- Geeks win!
- I need a beer.
1110
01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:53,580
The next event is called Demeter's Feast.
1111
01:03:53,664 --> 01:03:57,042
Now, in ancient Rome,
the pig was considered sacred.
1112
01:03:57,125 --> 01:04:01,088
And often sacrificed
to the goddess of agriculture.
1113
01:04:01,547 --> 01:04:04,800
Today, we've taken a pig, greased it up,
1114
01:04:04,883 --> 01:04:08,011
and the first one who catches it, wins.
1115
01:04:08,095 --> 01:04:09,429
[GRUNTING]
1116
01:04:09,513 --> 01:04:11,223
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
1117
01:04:12,558 --> 01:04:14,184
Hey, you sure you're up for this pigging?
1118
01:04:14,268 --> 01:04:17,229
Stifler, I grew up on a farm with 652 pigs,
1119
01:04:17,980 --> 01:04:20,566
[WHISPERING]
I can tell what the pig is thinking.
1120
01:04:21,358 --> 01:04:22,901
[SQUEALING]
1121
01:04:28,365 --> 01:04:29,992
[ALL EXCLAIM]
1122
01:04:30,075 --> 01:04:31,577
Silly, little, fat man.
1123
01:04:31,660 --> 01:04:34,496
Hey, Edgar, what's the deal with
Captain Sulu? He afraid to compete?
1124
01:04:34,580 --> 01:04:36,790
You haven't heard of parkour, have you?
1125
01:04:36,874 --> 01:04:38,584
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
1126
01:04:43,130 --> 01:04:44,131
What the...
1127
01:04:44,214 --> 01:04:45,173
[BOBBY EXCLAIMS ANGRILY]
1128
01:04:45,257 --> 01:04:46,758
DWIGHT: Go! Go! Go! Go!
1129
01:04:47,551 --> 01:04:49,845
Come here, piggy. Come here, piggy.
1130
01:04:51,513 --> 01:04:53,056
[ALL CHEERING]
1131
01:05:09,114 --> 01:05:10,115
Damn.
1132
01:05:24,296 --> 01:05:26,715
[WHISPERING] Come here, pork chop.
1133
01:05:27,466 --> 01:05:28,717
Geeks!
1134
01:05:52,699 --> 01:05:54,284
[ALL CHEERING]
1135
01:05:56,954 --> 01:05:58,497
[PIG SQUEALING]
1136
01:05:59,498 --> 01:06:00,916
LEVENSTEIN: Geeks win!
1137
01:06:04,711 --> 01:06:06,546
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
1138
01:06:07,631 --> 01:06:12,970
Greek Roulette is a very dangerous game.
Not for the faint of heart.
1139
01:06:14,471 --> 01:06:17,599
One of these chambers contains a capsule
1140
01:06:17,683 --> 01:06:21,436
with aged horse semen.
1141
01:06:21,520 --> 01:06:23,689
[EXCLAIMING DISGUSTEDLY]
1142
01:06:23,772 --> 01:06:26,608
Gentlemen, let us begin.
1143
01:06:26,692 --> 01:06:28,777
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
1144
01:06:39,871 --> 01:06:41,957
[EXCLAIMING DISGUSTEDLY]
1145
01:06:42,874 --> 01:06:44,251
MAN 1: Disgusting.
MAN 2: Oh, come on.
1146
01:06:48,171 --> 01:06:51,216
MAN: Come on, come on!
WOMAN: Come on, Dwight!
1147
01:06:54,136 --> 01:06:55,512
MAN: You're busted. Come on.
1148
01:06:55,595 --> 01:06:57,597
- It's gonna be...
- MAN: We're not in it. Come on!
1149
01:06:59,599 --> 01:07:00,726
You know, I gotta hand it to you, Edgar.
1150
01:07:00,809 --> 01:07:02,644
I really didn't think
you'd have the huevos for this.
1151
01:07:02,769 --> 01:07:04,938
I thought you'd probably
recruit one of your lackeys.
1152
01:07:05,022 --> 01:07:09,443
I wouldn't miss watching you shoot
yourself full of horse semen for anything.
1153
01:07:11,361 --> 01:07:12,446
MAN: Come on, man.
1154
01:07:12,529 --> 01:07:14,031
Come on, Stifler!
1155
01:07:14,114 --> 01:07:16,408
- Stuff it in there.
- MAN: Do it.
1156
01:07:17,993 --> 01:07:18,994
[GUN CLICKS]
1157
01:07:19,077 --> 01:07:20,829
MAN 1: Yeah!
MAN 2: Yes!
1158
01:07:21,663 --> 01:07:24,499
- We can do this! Yes, yes!
- MAN: Come on!
1159
01:07:26,877 --> 01:07:28,170
MAN: That's how we do.
1160
01:07:28,253 --> 01:07:29,588
MAN: Oh, boy!
1161
01:07:30,088 --> 01:07:32,257
- Come on! Come on!
- MAN: Edgar!
1162
01:07:34,676 --> 01:07:36,344
Come on, baby. Eat it!
1163
01:07:39,431 --> 01:07:40,515
[GRUNTING]
1164
01:07:40,599 --> 01:07:42,059
[GUN CLICKS]
1165
01:07:43,810 --> 01:07:45,187
Yeah!
1166
01:07:45,270 --> 01:07:47,939
- Put two canisters in there!
- Two? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Two?
1167
01:07:48,023 --> 01:07:49,900
That's too many, Dwight.
Come on, two? He's not worth it.
1168
01:07:49,983 --> 01:07:53,904
Unless Edgar's afraid, put in two canisters.
1169
01:07:53,987 --> 01:07:55,739
Fine! Put in two!
1170
01:07:57,491 --> 01:07:58,992
Put in two.
1171
01:08:02,454 --> 01:08:03,663
MAN: Oh, man.
1172
01:08:03,747 --> 01:08:04,873
Go!
1173
01:08:05,123 --> 01:08:06,249
MAN: Go!
1174
01:08:07,501 --> 01:08:09,544
- MAN: Be a man, huh?
- Ready. Go!
1175
01:08:10,962 --> 01:08:12,964
MAN 1: Warm it up.
MAN 2: Hey! Hey! Hey!
1176
01:08:15,175 --> 01:08:17,094
All right, all right! All right!
1177
01:08:17,177 --> 01:08:19,930
- All right!
- Everyone quiet!
1178
01:08:20,013 --> 01:08:22,224
MAN: We're good? Back to the match.
1179
01:08:22,307 --> 01:08:23,558
MAN: You're good baby.
There's nothing in there.
1180
01:08:23,642 --> 01:08:24,810
MAN: Oh, no. I can't watch this.
1181
01:08:26,186 --> 01:08:27,562
[DWIGHT SCREAMING]
1182
01:08:27,646 --> 01:08:28,730
[GUN CLICKS]
1183
01:08:28,814 --> 01:08:30,565
Yeah! Yeah!
1184
01:08:30,649 --> 01:08:33,276
- Yeah! Yes!
- ALL: Yeah!
1185
01:08:33,360 --> 01:08:36,780
- Yes! Yes!
- MAN: All right! Yes! Yes!
1186
01:08:36,863 --> 01:08:38,490
You're up.
1187
01:08:39,533 --> 01:08:40,826
Come on!
1188
01:08:40,909 --> 01:08:42,452
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
1189
01:08:42,536 --> 01:08:44,454
- Do it.
- Let's go.
1190
01:08:44,538 --> 01:08:47,374
MAN: Do it!
DWIGHT: Do it! Do it!
1191
01:08:47,457 --> 01:08:50,001
- Do it!
- MAN: Do it, now! Pull the fucking trigger.
1192
01:08:50,085 --> 01:08:54,464
- Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
- MAN: Pull the trigger.
1193
01:08:58,301 --> 01:08:59,511
Oh, boy.
1194
01:09:01,555 --> 01:09:04,599
Yes! We won! Sucker!
1195
01:09:05,225 --> 01:09:06,768
Betas win.
1196
01:09:06,852 --> 01:09:10,021
- Enjoy Mister Ed's jizz.
- How does that semen taste, there?
1197
01:09:13,150 --> 01:09:15,569
Tough loss, there, Edgar,
but you know what they say, son.
1198
01:09:15,652 --> 01:09:18,488
You've got to get right back
up on that horse.
1199
01:09:18,572 --> 01:09:19,614
So to speak.
1200
01:09:19,698 --> 01:09:21,199
[EDGAR CRYING]
1201
01:09:21,908 --> 01:09:23,785
[FANFARE PLAYING]
1202
01:09:24,953 --> 01:09:29,207
The ancient game of the Wife Carry
has been around for centuries.
1203
01:09:29,958 --> 01:09:33,378
The first couple
to complete the course wins.
1204
01:09:34,588 --> 01:09:37,215
- You owe me big time for this.
- I know.
1205
01:09:38,717 --> 01:09:40,760
- Okay.
- MAN: All right. Ready?
1206
01:09:45,265 --> 01:09:48,393
[SCOFFS] How pathetic. Now!
1207
01:09:52,063 --> 01:09:53,273
What? What...
1208
01:09:53,356 --> 01:09:55,150
Really? You trying to give Bandhu a hernia?
1209
01:09:55,233 --> 01:09:58,361
Oh, once again your pathetic little brain
has let you down, Dwight.
1210
01:09:58,445 --> 01:09:59,905
Bandhu, up.
1211
01:10:04,576 --> 01:10:07,370
All right, Erik. We got this. Let's go.
1212
01:10:07,871 --> 01:10:09,456
We're fucked.
1213
01:10:09,831 --> 01:10:11,541
[STARTING PISTOL FIRES]
1214
01:10:11,625 --> 01:10:13,960
Come on, Erik! Go, go, go!
1215
01:10:14,044 --> 01:10:15,128
We can beat those Betas.
1216
01:10:15,212 --> 01:10:17,255
Pick up the pace. Faster, faster!
1217
01:10:17,339 --> 01:10:20,091
How'd you feel about that...
1218
01:10:26,473 --> 01:10:29,100
Come on! Come on!
1219
01:10:40,403 --> 01:10:42,781
Maybe I should have carried you.
1220
01:10:44,407 --> 01:10:46,785
Man, that is one scary chick.
1221
01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:48,286
That's a chick?
1222
01:10:48,495 --> 01:10:49,537
MAN: Okay.
1223
01:10:51,957 --> 01:10:54,834
And now, the Peloponnesian War.
1224
01:10:54,918 --> 01:10:58,338
The first team to consume
an entire keg wins.
1225
01:10:58,421 --> 01:11:00,340
Throwing up does not disqualify.
1226
01:11:00,423 --> 01:11:04,010
Gentlemen, inside this cylindrical
casing of aluminum,
1227
01:11:04,094 --> 01:11:07,305
lies 55 metric liters of malted alcohol.
1228
01:11:07,931 --> 01:11:10,183
Remember, fellas,
don't underestimate these Geeks.
1229
01:11:10,267 --> 01:11:12,352
Most of them are lonely problem drinkers,
all right?
1230
01:11:12,435 --> 01:11:15,397
Beware, gentlemen,
these men know how to drink,
1231
01:11:15,855 --> 01:11:17,732
but we are more than they are.
1232
01:11:17,816 --> 01:11:19,693
We are more than men!
1233
01:11:19,776 --> 01:11:22,404
We, sirs, are Geeks!
1234
01:11:22,487 --> 01:11:24,698
- EDGAR: Yes!
- All right, boys. Battle!
1235
01:11:26,658 --> 01:11:29,995
- Gentlemen, chug-a-lug!
- I can out-drink you fucks!
1236
01:11:33,832 --> 01:11:35,083
EDGAR: Drink!
1237
01:11:37,127 --> 01:11:39,337
We are geeks, we can do this.
1238
01:11:40,714 --> 01:11:42,340
Edgar!
1239
01:11:44,342 --> 01:11:45,969
I only have one thing to say to you.
1240
01:11:46,052 --> 01:11:48,179
What's that, you philistine?
1241
01:11:56,521 --> 01:11:59,190
Puking doesn't disqualify!
1242
01:12:00,191 --> 01:12:03,194
- Geeks, attack!
- DWIGHT: Boot and rally, boys!
1243
01:12:10,035 --> 01:12:13,121
Come on, Edgar.
Let's see what you got, bitch.
1244
01:12:15,332 --> 01:12:18,335
That's all you got, huh? That's all you got?
1245
01:12:27,052 --> 01:12:29,137
Go back to the keg!
1246
01:12:29,220 --> 01:12:31,181
We got a man down!
1247
01:12:31,264 --> 01:12:34,309
Gentlemen, we need to attain
maximum efficiency.
1248
01:12:34,642 --> 01:12:37,103
Irene, attach the device!
1249
01:12:41,900 --> 01:12:44,110
- What the hell is that?
- What is that thing?
1250
01:12:44,194 --> 01:12:45,737
Open valves.
1251
01:12:45,862 --> 01:12:47,364
[WHOOSHING]
1252
01:12:47,447 --> 01:12:52,243
That's the Geeks taking the lead.
It's time for our secret weapon. Wesley!
1253
01:12:53,203 --> 01:12:56,581
- MAN: Let's go!
- Keg stand! Now!
1254
01:13:01,628 --> 01:13:05,715
Open the valves all the way.
We need warp speed on this, motherfucker!
1255
01:13:05,799 --> 01:13:07,509
[ALL SCREAMING]
1256
01:13:08,259 --> 01:13:10,553
- Yeah!
- Yeah! Yeah!
1257
01:13:10,637 --> 01:13:12,097
Betas win!
1258
01:13:12,180 --> 01:13:13,807
[ALL CHEERING]
1259
01:13:20,230 --> 01:13:24,317
With the Greek Olympiad tied,
we now go into sudden death.
1260
01:13:30,240 --> 01:13:34,452
The final event is called
The Rise of Aphrodite.
1261
01:13:35,245 --> 01:13:37,914
Quite simply, the first man
1262
01:13:39,582 --> 01:13:44,546
who excretes his manly juices,
1263
01:13:44,629 --> 01:13:48,716
in the ejaculatory sense,
1264
01:13:50,051 --> 01:13:51,261
loses.
1265
01:13:52,804 --> 01:13:54,389
[ALL CHEERING]
1266
01:13:59,978 --> 01:14:02,272
I cannot wait to see you come in your pants.
1267
01:14:02,605 --> 01:14:03,815
Let's do this.
1268
01:14:15,493 --> 01:14:17,704
Pi is equal to 3.1415...
1269
01:14:17,787 --> 01:14:19,831
- No big deal at all.
- 5978...
1270
01:14:19,914 --> 01:14:22,417
I feel like Santa Claus
at the local shopping mall.
1271
01:14:25,587 --> 01:14:26,588
[PANTING]
1272
01:14:26,671 --> 01:14:28,465
- That was nothing. I'm okay.
- That was nothing for me, either.
1273
01:14:28,548 --> 01:14:29,591
No big deal.
1274
01:14:29,674 --> 01:14:31,342
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
1275
01:14:31,843 --> 01:14:33,595
MAN: Shake that thing.
1276
01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:47,942
- I like your boobs.
- BOBBY: Look at this.
1277
01:14:48,026 --> 01:14:50,778
Pretend you're sucking my man breast!
1278
01:14:51,654 --> 01:14:54,949
Give it up, Stifler.
This is a game of mind over matter.
1279
01:14:55,033 --> 01:14:57,452
And my brain is way bigger than yours.
1280
01:14:57,535 --> 01:14:59,037
I've got experience on my side.
1281
01:14:59,120 --> 01:15:02,832
I'll take that over
your Vulcan mind tricks any day.
1282
01:15:02,916 --> 01:15:05,418
We shall see. Bring her in!
1283
01:15:06,544 --> 01:15:08,796
We flew this young lady in from Las Vegas.
1284
01:15:08,880 --> 01:15:11,799
She's the number one stripper
in the Emerald City.
1285
01:15:11,883 --> 01:15:13,384
Enjoy, Dwight.
1286
01:15:16,554 --> 01:15:17,764
Oh, no!
1287
01:15:19,224 --> 01:15:20,600
Good luck.
1288
01:15:24,771 --> 01:15:27,023
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
1289
01:15:27,106 --> 01:15:29,567
I'm in trouble here, boys.
1290
01:15:29,651 --> 01:15:32,362
This chick is ridiculous. Bring her in!
1291
01:15:32,445 --> 01:15:34,864
Code Red! Code Red!
1292
01:15:38,409 --> 01:15:39,827
[BLEATING]
1293
01:15:43,039 --> 01:15:44,040
[BLEATING]
1294
01:15:44,123 --> 01:15:45,750
What the fuck?
1295
01:15:46,834 --> 01:15:48,419
[MOANING]
1296
01:15:49,420 --> 01:15:51,839
Look at my tail, Edgar.
1297
01:15:51,923 --> 01:15:53,925
Look how fluffy it is.
1298
01:15:55,552 --> 01:15:57,220
Somebody make her stop.
1299
01:15:57,303 --> 01:15:59,722
Edgar, you got a little wool fetish, buddy?
1300
01:15:59,806 --> 01:16:03,268
No! Make her stop!
1301
01:16:04,686 --> 01:16:06,354
[MARGIE BLEATING]
1302
01:16:06,896 --> 01:16:08,231
[CRYING]
1303
01:16:10,358 --> 01:16:11,734
He's done.
1304
01:16:19,909 --> 01:16:21,286
Betas win.
1305
01:16:24,789 --> 01:16:29,919
ALL: Beta! Beta! Beta! Beta! Beta! Beta!
1306
01:16:39,470 --> 01:16:44,475
To the winners,
I now present the Golden Hammer!
1307
01:16:44,976 --> 01:16:46,686
To Beta House!
1308
01:16:46,769 --> 01:16:48,271
[ALL CHEERING]
1309
01:16:48,354 --> 01:16:49,564
Beta, baby!
1310
01:16:49,647 --> 01:16:53,401
Congratulations, Stifler.
You've kept the Beta traditions alive.
1311
01:16:53,484 --> 01:16:56,738
- Thanks, Noah. Betas for life.
- Betas for life.
1312
01:17:05,788 --> 01:17:07,749
Now this is a frat party.
1313
01:17:07,832 --> 01:17:10,293
No. This is a Beta party.
1314
01:17:11,878 --> 01:17:14,213
[RAPPING]
1315
01:17:32,690 --> 01:17:36,194
- Hey, I got a little surprise for you.
- Yeah?
1316
01:17:38,529 --> 01:17:41,824
A little present for you being
so patient and understanding.
1317
01:17:42,367 --> 01:17:43,534
Okay.
1318
01:17:44,077 --> 01:17:47,622
- Are you ready for your present?
- [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] I'm not sure.
1319
01:17:48,456 --> 01:17:52,669
I'm really confused right now,
and I'm trying to keep an open mind but...
1320
01:17:52,752 --> 01:17:56,589
Oh, man this is fucked up even for me.
1321
01:17:56,673 --> 01:17:58,383
DENISE: Here it comes.
1322
01:17:58,466 --> 01:18:01,469
Oh, my God. If it's bigger than mine,
I swear, I'm gonna pass out.
1323
01:18:01,552 --> 01:18:03,888
[GIGGLING] I'm not wearing any panties.
1324
01:18:05,306 --> 01:18:07,975
Easy, Cooze. Everybody can see you.
1325
01:18:08,059 --> 01:18:11,145
Well, I'm sure we can find some place
around here with a little privacy.
1326
01:18:11,229 --> 01:18:13,189
- Okay.
- Let's go.
1327
01:18:14,691 --> 01:18:15,692
Come on.
1328
01:18:19,237 --> 01:18:23,074
- Where are you taking me?
- It's a surprise. You're gonna like it.
1329
01:18:33,376 --> 01:18:34,794
I'm nervous.
1330
01:18:35,336 --> 01:18:38,756
What are you talking about?
Everything's gonna be fine.
1331
01:18:38,840 --> 01:18:40,675
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
1332
01:18:47,724 --> 01:18:51,602
Why don't I take care of you.
1333
01:18:54,147 --> 01:18:55,606
Okay.
1334
01:18:56,774 --> 01:18:58,025
Okay.
1335
01:19:09,829 --> 01:19:11,122
Oh, my.
1336
01:19:12,957 --> 01:19:14,250
[PANTING]
1337
01:19:14,333 --> 01:19:16,711
I can't! I can't!
1338
01:19:16,794 --> 01:19:18,421
Look, just let yourself go, baby.
1339
01:19:18,504 --> 01:19:21,549
There's nothing you can do
that's gonna surprise me. Okay?
1340
01:19:21,632 --> 01:19:23,384
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
1341
01:19:24,177 --> 01:19:25,386
Okay!
1342
01:19:27,638 --> 01:19:29,223
[BOTH GIGGLING]
1343
01:19:29,307 --> 01:19:31,058
Why are you bringing me in here?
1344
01:19:31,142 --> 01:19:33,227
Well, this being our new house,
1345
01:19:33,311 --> 01:19:37,064
I thought I'd come up with my own task
for the pledge board.
1346
01:19:37,315 --> 01:19:39,734
Okay. What's that gonna be?
1347
01:19:39,817 --> 01:19:40,943
[ERIK CLEARING THROAT]
1348
01:19:41,027 --> 01:19:43,529
Well, I think it's kind of better if I...
1349
01:19:43,613 --> 01:19:45,239
If I show you.
1350
01:19:50,828 --> 01:19:51,871
ASHLEY: Hmm.
1351
01:19:51,954 --> 01:19:54,081
Sex in a movie theater.
1352
01:19:54,165 --> 01:19:56,918
I like the way you think, Erik Stifler.
1353
01:20:04,342 --> 01:20:06,010
[MOANING]
1354
01:20:09,847 --> 01:20:11,682
[MOANING LOUDER]
1355
01:20:13,017 --> 01:20:15,603
I'm coming! I'm coming!
1356
01:20:15,686 --> 01:20:17,355
I'm coming!
1357
01:20:17,855 --> 01:20:19,232
[SPLASHING]
1358
01:20:19,315 --> 01:20:20,566
Oh, my...
1359
01:20:24,320 --> 01:20:26,823
Okay. I was a little surprised by that.
1360
01:20:26,906 --> 01:20:28,282
I'm sorry.
1361
01:20:29,033 --> 01:20:30,535
It's okay.
1362
01:20:33,162 --> 01:20:36,499
- It was actually really sexy.
- Really?
1363
01:20:36,582 --> 01:20:39,043
Yeah. Can you do that every time?
1364
01:20:40,086 --> 01:20:42,547
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah?
1365
01:20:42,630 --> 01:20:44,006
Oh, my God.
1366
01:20:54,725 --> 01:20:57,603
- Hey, buddy, take a little dip in the pool?
- Nope.
1367
01:20:57,687 --> 01:20:59,480
Oh, wait a minute.
1368
01:21:01,607 --> 01:21:04,944
Yes. The elusive female ejaculation.
1369
01:21:05,361 --> 01:21:07,446
Not a lot of girls can do that. Congrats.
1370
01:21:07,530 --> 01:21:09,073
[SINGING]
1371
01:21:28,968 --> 01:21:30,511
[BULL LAUGHING]
1372
01:21:30,595 --> 01:21:32,680
Beta House fucking rules!
1373
01:21:32,763 --> 01:21:34,140
[CHEERING]
1374
01:22:35,076 --> 01:22:36,077
[LAUGHING]
1375
01:22:36,160 --> 01:22:37,495
Yes!
1376
01:22:39,497 --> 01:22:40,873
[TOILET FLUSHING]
1377
01:22:46,671 --> 01:22:48,255
Hey, big boy,
1378
01:22:49,006 --> 01:22:51,968
ready to fill me up with some more protein?
1379
01:22:53,386 --> 01:22:55,972
No, no, no. No!
1380
01:23:00,351 --> 01:23:03,187
Yes, the Blackout Menace strikes again.
1381
01:28:00,484 --> 01:28:02,820
[POP MUSIC PLAYING
THROUGH SPEAKERS]
1382
01:28:10,536 --> 01:28:13,038
Wear this for your next dance, honey.
1383
01:28:13,122 --> 01:28:14,331
Thanks.