[ Music ]
[ Bell ringing ]
- Hey... hey, Carls... - Hey, what's up?
- Does any part of you itch?
- What? Noooo.
Maybe. Why?
- Look what I made in shop class.
- A dangerous piece of wood with nails?
- It's a back scratcher.
- A back scratcher...
- Take your shirt off.
- What? Noooo!
- Ah, it's all right -- the nails will work
right through your shirt.
- No... Sam, Sam I don't want to do it.
- C'mon, Carly.
- Sam, I don't want to try it!
- Just put your back--
scratchy-scratchy-scratchy.
- I've told you so many times
I don't want to try things... And then ...
- It's okay.
- Oohhh...Ohh... Oh, that's niiiiice...
- Sam made a--
- back scratcher, yeah I know.
She already made me try it.
- Hey, after school,
do you guys wanna go to...
[ Phone ringing ]
- Just a sec... Come on.
Hey t-Bo.
No, I didn't steal your shampoo.
Why would I... I'll call you back.
What? Jealous of my new phone?
- That's a phone?
- We thought
it was a windshield from a bus.
- Uh, my mother bought me this phone
and it happens to have
a dual quad-core processor.
- Freddie Benson --
no phones in the hallway.
- I know, I was just showing--
- turn it off!!!
- Yes, ma'am.
[ Music ]
- Shouldn't you girls
be getting to class by now?
- Shouldn't you be married by now?
- Well, good to see you, miss Briggs.
Her boobs really are pointy.
- They're like weapons.
- Well, she's gone, I'm usin' my phone.
- Hey!
What's that in your hand?
- It's the new Sampson gemini Max pad.
- What is - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I-I can't, I can't...
I just can't... I don't... - Ah, darn it.
- What's the matter?
- My dad emailed me back
and said he can't come.
- Awwww. I'm sorry, kid.
- Can't come to what?
- Ah, it's a father-daughter dance.
They have it every year
at macallan air force base,
and my dad used to take me
when I was little --
we always had so much fun.
- Ah, you know he'd come if he could.
- Yeah, I know.
I just wish... - Ohh, phone! Big phone!
- It's a good phone!
In 5, 4, 3, 2... [ Music ]
I know you see somehow the world
will change for me and be so wonderful
live life, breathe air I know somehow
we're gonna get there
and feel so wonderful it's all for real
I'm telling you just how I feel
so wake up the members of my nation
it's your time to be there's no chance
unless you take one it's the time to see
the brighter side of every situation
some things are meant to be
so give me your best
and leave the rest to me
leave it all to me leave it all to me
just leave it all to me
- yeah! That's my tool!
- Yo-Dee-hooo.
- Yo-Dee-hey.
- And I'm gonna go with a simple "hello".
- Carly with you guys-- - ahhhhhhh!!!!!!
- Ahhhhhh!!!!
- Is this a '64 Sterling?!
- Ya like it?
- You kiddin' me?!
That is the coolest motorcycle ever made!
It's my dream to ride one of those!
How is this here? - I'm restoring it for socko -- he's giving it to his cousin
for his birthday.
-- He's giving it to his cousin for his birthday. - Which cousin?
For his birthday. - Which cousin? - Ryder.
- Ah.
Aw man, I forgot
- ah. Aw man, I forgot to turn my phone back on.
[ Music ]
To turn my phone back on. [ Music ] - Mmmmax pad.
- Ohhhh...
Momma's butt is home.
- Yeah, check it out.
Feel the clutch.
I got it working really smooth.
[ Phone ringing ]
Oh my god, it's her!
- Who's her--
oh my god, it's her! - Who's her-- - shhhhhhhhhh!!!
Heyyyy Audrey.
- Shhhhhhhhhh!!! Heyyyy Audrey. - Heyyyy Audrey.
- Heyyyy Audrey.
- Shhhhhhhhhh!!!
- Hey, gib.
- Hey.
Did you guys know
- hey. Did you guys know this elevator stops
did you guys know this elevator stops in other people's apartments?
This elevator stops in other people's apartments? - Yeah.
In other people's apartments? - Yeah. - Doy.
- Well, I didn't.
I was just on my way up
- well, I didn't. I was just on my way up when I accidently stopped
in apartment 6-c.
When I accidently stopped in apartment 6-c. - Was anyone home?
In apartment 6-c. - Was anyone home? - Yeah.
This lady sees me
- yeah. This lady sees me and she starts yellin'
this lady sees me and she starts yellin' "please--take whatever you want,
just don't hurt my children!"
"Please--take whatever you want, just don't hurt my children!" Hilarious.
Just don't hurt my children!" Hilarious. - And that's where you got
hilarious. - And that's where you got the lamp?
- Well, yeah --
she said take whatever I want.
I thought this'd look nice
in my room.
Hey, what's that --
some kind of exercise machine?
- It's a motorcycle.
Some kind of exercise machine? - It's a motorcycle. - What's the matter with you?
- All right.
Well, I'll see you
- all right. Well, I'll see you Saturday night.
Okay.
Wooooo!
Yes!
- Who was on the phone?
- My old girlfriend!
- The one you ran over?
- No.
- The other one you ran over?
- No!
Audrey! --
- no! Audrey! -- Thee most important girlfriend
I've ever had!
The only girl I've ever really
been in love with.
- Awwwww.
Been in love with. - Awwwww. - So what's up with her?
- She's flying from Dallas
- so what's up with her? - She's flying from Dallas to Vancouver on Saturday night,
- she's flying from Dallas to Vancouver on Saturday night, and she's got a two-hour layover
in the Seattle airport!
And she's got a two-hour layover in the Seattle airport! - Ooooo! You gonna go meet her?
In the Seattle airport! - Ooooo! You gonna go meet her? - Hex yeah!
We're gonna have dinner
- hex yeah! We're gonna have dinner in the airport
we're gonna have dinner in the airport at b.F. Wangs express!
In the airport at b.F. Wangs express! - Yeah!
At b.F. Wangs express! - Yeah! - Hey, where's the teenage girl
- yeah! - Hey, where's the teenage girl that actually lives here?
- Uh.
That actually lives here? - Uh. Carly wanted to be alone,
- uh. Carly wanted to be alone, so she went
to the groovy smoothie.
So she went to the groovy smoothie. - Yeah,
she's kinda bummed about--
- yeah, she's kinda bummed about-- - hey!
She's kinda bummed about-- - hey! Can you go with me
to the mall on Saturday?
- Gib...
To the mall on Saturday? - Gib... - Uh..I was talking.
- Yeah I know, I just --
- uh..I was talking. - Yeah I know, I just -- I wasn't that into it.
So... mall Saturday?
- For what?
- I'm gonna buy a new replica
- for what? - I'm gonna buy a new replica of my head --
since I sold my old head
to that girl at the pawn shop.
Since I sold my old head to that girl at the pawn shop. - Yeah, sure, I'll go with you
-- to buy a new you-head.
- Cool.
-- To buy a new you-head. - Cool. Well... I'm gonna go see
- cool. Well... I'm gonna go see how this lamp looks
well... I'm gonna go see how this lamp looks in my room...
How this lamp looks in my room... Next to my collection
of Jewish action figures.
- I'll walk out with you.
Of Jewish action figures. - I'll walk out with you. - Cool.
- Late!
- Later on!
- Bye guys!
- Hey, can I stay and help you
- bye guys! - Hey, can I stay and help you work on this bike?
- Sure, if you want.
Work on this bike? - Sure, if you want. - Ohhhh, momma wants.
[ Music ]
- Hey, you all right?
You look like you're in a funk.
- Yeah.
I'm feelin' pretty funky.
- Talk to me.
I'm a good listener.
- Well...
When I was a little girl,
- well... When I was a little girl, my dad used to take me to this
when I was a little girl, my dad used to take me to this father-daughter air force dance
every year.
Father-daughter air force dance every year. - Ooo, I wish I could be
in the air force!
Fly one of them big jets.
In the air force! Fly one of them big jets. But unh-uh --
fly one of them big jets. But unh-uh -- they'd make me cut off my hair
but unh-uh -- they'd make me cut off my hair and that's not happenin'.
They'd make me cut off my hair and that's not happenin'. - So,
it's a father-daughter dance...
Mostly for the military dads
and their little girls...
- Y'know,
I don't date little short girls.
I like a woman with some heft.
Y'know, some meat on her.
A woman that can eat two,
y'know, some meat on her. A woman that can eat two, three big, thick hamburgers.
- Please leave me alone.
Three big, thick hamburgers. - Please leave me alone. [ Music ]
- ...Yeah,
[ music ] - ...Yeah, so it was my first day
- ...yeah, so it was my first day at law school,
and class was about to start,
when outta nowhere,
this girl just sits down
in the chair next to me.
This girl just sits down in the chair next to me. - And that was Audrey?
In the chair next to me. - And that was Audrey? - No, it was this icky chick
- and that was Audrey? - No, it was this icky chick named velma
- no, it was this icky chick named velma who smelled like cheese.
Named velma who smelled like cheese. - I'd love to date a guy
who smells like cheese.
- I got a...
Who smells like cheese. - I got a... Ahhh,
I'm so sick!
- Yeah,
you look worse than usual.
- Hey,
is that my package
- hey, is that my package from england?!
Is that my package from england?! - What'd ya get?
From england?! - What'd ya get? - It's a choke knob!
It's the last part I need
- it's a choke knob! It's the last part I need to finish that motorcycle.
- Ooooo, I'm Spencer --
I got a choke knob --
- ooooo, I'm Spencer -- I got a choke knob -- weeeee-hoooo.
- Dude,
do you know how hard it is
- dude, do you know how hard it is to find an original choke knob
for a 19--
- ahhhhh!
For a 19-- - ahhhhh! Ahhhh!
- Ahhhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Paper towel!
- Okay!
- Paper towellll!
- Okay!
- You sneezed all over
- okay! - You sneezed all over my face and tongue!
- Ah,
tell it to your choke knob!!!
- Ohhh
now we gotta spray the door!
You all right?
Now we gotta spray the door! You all right? - Yeah.
Go grab the package!
Let's see it
go grab the package! Let's see it let's see it...
No...
Let's see it... No... No, come on..
This is the wrong choke knob!
Dang it!
- Awww.
You got lewbert's snot
- awww. You got lewbert's snot on your nose for nothin'.
- I promised socko
I'd have this bike finished
for his cousin's birthday
but it's like impossible to find
a '64 choke knob
for one a'these things.
A '64 choke knob for one a'these things. - We'll find one.
For one a'these things. - We'll find one. Now, come on,
- we'll find one. Now, come on, show me that Spencer smile...
C'mon...
Show me that Spencer smile... C'mon... A guy who's gonna get
c'mon... A guy who's gonna get his old girlfriend back
a guy who's gonna get his old girlfriend back on Saturday night
can smile bigger than that.
On Saturday night can smile bigger than that. - Hey.
Can smile bigger than that. - Hey. - Oh, hey kid.
- You all right?
- I'm okay --
- you all right? - I'm okay -- for a sad,
dadless young girl.
For a sad, dadless young girl. - C'mon, why are you sad?
Dadless young girl. - C'mon, why are you sad? You haven't been to that
- c'mon, why are you sad? You haven't been to that father-daughter dance with dad
you haven't been to that father-daughter dance with dad for the past four years.
Father-daughter dance with dad for the past four years. - Yeah, I know,
but it's the last one
- yeah, I know, but it's the last one I can ever go to.
But it's the last one I can ever go to. Next year I'm past
the "daughter age limit".
- Awww,
who's gettin' all elderly?
- It's not funny.
Who's gettin' all elderly? - It's not funny. I really wanted to go.
- When's the dance?
- Saturday night.
- You know....
I don't have anything goin'
- you know.... I don't have anything goin' on Saturday night.
I know I'm not dad...
On Saturday night. I know I'm not dad... But...
Can I take you to the dance?
- Dude, you uhhh...
- Ehhhnn.
- But you--
- ehhhnn. - But you-- - aaahhh wahhhhh yahhhnnn!
- What are you guys...
- Aaahhh wahhhhh yahhhnnn! - What are you guys... - Nothing, nothing.
C'mon.
Lemme take you
c'mon. Lemme take you to the father-daughter dance.
- Okay!!!
To the father-daughter dance. - Okay!!! - Yay!
- I'm so excited!
I'm gonna buy a new dress,
I gotta get a mani-pedi,
I'm gonna get my hair done--
- ha!
I was savin' it up!
- Ha! I was savin' it up! it's an all-night party
that we're gettin' into
if you think it's all over
then the joke is on you
it's a dream, it's a scene--
- hey Sam...
It's a dream, it's a scene-- - hey Sam... - Oh, hey Carly!
- Hey Sam... - Oh, hey Carly! Mornin'.
- You were here all night
mornin'. - You were here all night working on that motorcycle?!
- Yep.
Working on that motorcycle?! - Yep. Spencer promised socko
- yep. Spencer promised socko he'd have it ready
for his cousin's birthday,
which is tomorrow,
so... gotta git 'er done.
Which is tomorrow, so... gotta git 'er done. - Ahhh!
So... gotta git 'er done. - Ahhh! It's already 10:30!
- Where ya gotta be?
- I got a whole list of stuff
- where ya gotta be? - I got a whole list of stuff I gotta do
before the dance tonight!
I gotta pick up my dress,
get my nails done --
fingers and toes --
oh,
and I gotta stop by
build-a-bra...
And I gotta stop by build-a-bra... - Carls...
Build-a-bra... - Carls... - I'll be back in a few!
- Yeah, but before ya go...
...And then she left
- yeah, but before ya go... ...And then she left in her jammies.
...and then she left in her jammies. - Carly's gone, right?
In her jammies. - Carly's gone, right? - Yeah.
- Gross!
- Uh-huh!
- Are you sick?!
- I'm so sick.
I have a fever...
And I'm sweaty...
And... I feel...
my country 'tis of thee...
and... I feel... my country 'tis of thee... - why are you singing?
My country 'tis of thee... - why are you singing? - I don't know!
- Why are you singing? - I don't know! I just...
Gah!
Get up, Spencer!
I'm Spencer!
No!
- Dude,
no! - Dude, how are you gonna go
- dude, how are you gonna go to that air force dance tonight
with Carly if you're that sick?
To that air force dance tonight with Carly if you're that sick? - I'll be fine.
With Carly if you're that sick? - I'll be fine. - No way,
I'm gonna call Carly
- no way, I'm gonna call Carly and tell her--
- nooooooooooo!
And tell her-- - nooooooooooo! She...
- Nooooooooooo! She... She is so pumped about goin'
she... She is so pumped about goin' to that dance...
Do not let her know
that I am sick...
...And burning up with a fever.
That I am sick... ...And burning up with a fever. I'll just rest up,
...and burning up with a fever. I'll just rest up, and by tonight I will be...
Whoa I'm so hot...
And by tonight I will be... Whoa I'm so hot... Oh, I am so hot...
But by 7:00 tonight...
...Ohhh,
but by 7:00 tonight... ...Ohhh, oh that cold air feels so nice.
...ohhh, oh that cold air feels so nice. Oh yeah...
Oh that cold air feels so nice. Oh yeah... - I left in my jammies.
- Hey, hey, Carly,
you're back!
Carly's back!
You're back! Carly's back! She's in the room right now!
- Oh hi!
Hey everyone.
Hi, Carly.
I was just uhhh...
Getting some tuna casserole
outta the fridge.
- You're having tuna casserole
for breakfast?
- It seems so.
For breakfast? - It seems so. Yup!
[ Music ]
- See!
"Get a head."
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey.
Can I help you guys?
- You sure can.
I'd like to get a rep--
- you sure can. I'd like to get a rep-- - whoa --
is that the new
Sampson gemini Max pad?
Is that the new Sampson gemini Max pad? - Yeah.
My mom got it for me.
- Wow, she must hate you.
- Havin' some trouble
- wow, she must hate you. - Havin' some trouble fittin' that in your pocket?
- Mind your business!
Fittin' that in your pocket? - Mind your business! - So, what do you guys want?
- I'd like to get a replica
- so, what do you guys want? - I'd like to get a replica of my head.
- Full dome clone?
Of my head. - Full dome clone? - Yes sir.
- Cabeza duplicada!
- Hey...
I've always wondered...
Why do you say stuff in Spanish?
- See, I speak Spanish
why do you say stuff in Spanish? - See, I speak Spanish sometimes because--
- see, I speak Spanish sometimes because-- - c'mon,
I ain't got all day here.
- C'mon, I ain't got all day here. You gonna pay by cash
or a cre... hey... hey you...
Keep it down in there,
I'm workin'.
- What kind of animal is that?
- Ah, it's a weasel.
- Awww,
- ah, it's a weasel. - Awww, well, I think he's adorable.
- Ah, he's a bum.
Well, I think he's adorable. - Ah, he's a bum. Aren't ya?
Aren't ya, ya bum ya.
- Yo dude --
aren't ya, ya bum ya. - Yo dude -- go easy on the weazy.
- What do you care?
Go easy on the weazy. - What do you care? - I like animals... a'ight?
- Gib-
- I like animals!
- Okay!
Tell you what -
- okay! Tell you what - I'm gonna see
tell you what - I'm gonna see if I can buy a case
for my new phone
at that kiosk.
For my new phone at that kiosk. - Good luck with that.
At that kiosk. - Good luck with that. - Late.
- 'Kay, lie down on the counter
- late. - 'Kay, lie down on the counter and I'll jam your head
- 'kay, lie down on the counter and I'll jam your head in that thing.
And I'll jam your head in that thing. - Right.
In that thing. - Right. - I'm required by law
- right. - I'm required by law to warn you this machine
could be dangerous
and blah...Blah...Blah...Blah.
Could be dangerous and blah...Blah...Blah...Blah. Okay.
And blah...Blah...Blah...Blah. Okay. Here we go...
- Ha ha ha ha...
It tickles...
Ha ha ha ha...
I love this!
- Ohhhhh.
Ohhhhhhhh.
- Spencer?!
- Did ya get my medicine?
- Not yet.
I was on my way
- not yet. I was on my way to the drug store,
but then I stopped off
at tubba chicken.
But then I stopped off at tubba chicken. - Why'd ya stop there?!
At tubba chicken. - Why'd ya stop there?! - For a tub a'chicken.
[ Cell phone ringing ]
- Yes!
- Who is it?
- It's the guy
- who is it? - It's the guy at the motorcycle shop!
Hello?
At the motorcycle shop! Hello? Hey! Meekalito?
Listen--do you have a choke knob
hey! Meekalito? Listen--do you have a choke knob for a 1964 Sterling motorcycle?
- What's he sayin'?
For a 1964 Sterling motorcycle? - What's he sayin'? - He's just beginning
- what's he sayin'? - He's just beginning to respond!
You have one?!?
To respond! You have one?!? Oh!
I swear, I think
oh! I swear, I think you're the only guy on earth
who has one!
You're the only guy on earth who has one! - Dude, don't tell him that --
you're gonna drive the price up!
- Shhhh.
You're gonna drive the price up! - Shhhh. I'm bargaining.
Yeah, I need this motorcycle
finished by tomorrow,
yeah, I need this motorcycle finished by tomorrow, so I'm basically desperate.
Finished by tomorrow, so I'm basically desperate. Whaaat?!
So I'm basically desperate. Whaaat?! Meekalito!
You know I can't pay
meekalito! You know I can't pay two thousand dollars
you know I can't pay two thousand dollars for a choke knob!
Two thousand dollars for a choke knob! You listen!
For a choke knob! You listen! You listen to me!
Listen. To. Me.
Meekalito!
G'bye!
- You get a good deal?
- Ahhhhh!
- I don't really like this one.
- Well, I think I have
one other case that'll fit
- well, I think I have one other case that'll fit that gigantic phone.
One other case that'll fit that gigantic phone. - Can't you just say "large"?
That gigantic phone. - Can't you just say "large"? - Here we go...
They call that case
- here we go... They call that case the side-packer.
- But... but this is a purse.
The side-packer. - But... but this is a purse. - No...
That's a side-packer.
- Uh, I dunno...
I mean, don't ya think
- uh, I dunno... I mean, don't ya think it looks kinda... feminine?
- Nah.
It looks kinda... feminine? - Nah. That case is perfect
- nah. That case is perfect for your Max pad.
- Hey.
For your Max pad. - Hey. - What?!
- Is this your shop?
- Yah.
I'm meekalito.
Whatcha want?
- Uh, I got an older
whatcha want? - Uh, I got an older Sterling motorcycle,
- uh, I got an older Sterling motorcycle, a sixty four,
that needs a new choke knob.
A sixty four, that needs a new choke knob. Got one?
That needs a new choke knob. Got one? - Yah, I got a choke knob
got one? - Yah, I got a choke knob for a 1964 Sterling.
Boom!
For a 1964 Sterling. Boom! Choke knob.
'64 Sterling...Motorcycle.
- Uh-huh.
Hey, what are those?
- Oh.
These are my rocks.
- Your rocks?
- Yah.
I collect these rocks,
- yah. I collect these rocks, and I paint them,
and I glue rhinestones on them,
and I sell them.
And I glue rhinestones on them, and I sell them. - How many ya sold so far?
And I sell them. - How many ya sold so far? - None of them.
- Ah.
Well, I'll buy ten
- ah. Well, I'll buy ten of your special rocks...
- Shut up!
Of your special rocks... - Shut up! - ...If...
- If what?!
- ...if... - If what?! - ...You sell me
- if what?! - ...You sell me this choke knob...
- ...you sell me this choke knob... - Yeah?!
This choke knob... - Yeah?! - ...For twenty bucks.
- Deal!
- ...for twenty bucks. - Deal! Yeah, I'll make that deal
- deal! Yeah, I'll make that deal with you right now!
- Great!
With you right now! - Great! - Okay!
- Awesome!
Here you go.
- Okay!
- Now...
Tell me about the rocks.
- Oh, sure...Sure!
Okay...
This one I made with red paint
okay... This one I made with red paint and purple paint.
- And this one I made
because the rock
- and this one I made because the rock is the exact same shape
as my wife.
Is the exact same shape as my wife. Don't tell her
I said that though.
This one I made the same day
that my first baby boy was born,
this one I made the same day that my first baby boy was born, back in two thousand...
That my first baby boy was born, back in two thousand... No one wants meekalito's rocks.
Back in two thousand... No one wants meekalito's rocks. - Okay...
Your head
- okay... Your head has been fully scanned.
- Awesome!
Has been fully scanned. - Awesome! - Hmmm...
Never seen this happen before.
- What's wrong?
- This uhhh...
Magnetic latch is jammed...
- Well, do something.
- Hey, is gibby all done?
- Hey Freddie,
- hey, is gibby all done? - Hey Freddie, get me outta this thing!!!
- Hey- hey let him out!
Get me outta this thing!!! - Hey- hey let him out! - What,
- hey- hey let him out! - What, ya don't see me tryin'?!
- Yeah but I--
- Freddie!
I didn't know
you were shopping here.
- Mom, hi,
listen I got a problem
- mom, hi, listen I got a problem with gibby--
- oh my gosh,
we're wearing matching bags!
- Oh my gosh, we're wearing matching bags! - Please go.
We're wearing matching bags! - Please go. - Lisa!
Did you see my son's bag?!
It's just like mine!
- Yeah! Only cuter and smaller!
- Go!!!!
- Ahhhh!
- Shut up, weasel!
- Don't yell at the weasel!
- Oh man, a hundred and three.
- Look at you!
- Heh heh heh.
- Who's all handsome
- heh heh heh. - Who's all handsome in his fancy tuxedo?
- Me!
In his fancy tuxedo? - Me! Look... I even...
I even wore my fancy socks.
You look so pretty.
- Awww, thanks.
So ya ready to go dancing?
- Pfft.
You kiddin' me?
We are gonna dance the...
We're gonna shake our...
And dance the...
- Spencer!
Spencer what's wrong?!?!
Oh my god,
you're sweating
oh my god, you're sweating and you have a crazy fever!
You're sweating and you have a crazy fever! - Are... are we dancing yet?
And you have a crazy fever! - Are... are we dancing yet? [ Music ]
- Aw, kid. It was just a dance.
- It was the last
- aw, kid. It was just a dance. - It was the last father-daughter air force dance
- it was the last father-daughter air force dance I can ever go to...
Father-daughter air force dance I can ever go to... And my dad couldn't take me...
And then Spencer got sick...
And now I'm gonna spend
and then Spencer got sick... And now I'm gonna spend my Saturday night sitting here
and now I'm gonna spend my Saturday night sitting here in this super cute dress,
all dolled up,
licking lumpy cake batter
off a spatula,
and we don't even have frosting.
Off a spatula, and we don't even have frosting. You're a good friend.
And we don't even have frosting. You're a good friend. [ Music ]
- Ahhhh!!! Get me out! Ahhhh!
- What's up?
- Hey, where are you?
- I'm at the mall, with gibby.
He was getting a new copy
of his head made,
he was getting a new copy of his head made, but now his real head
is stuck in the machine.
But now his real head is stuck in the machine. - Hilarious.
Is stuck in the machine. - Hilarious. But I gotta talk to you
- hilarious. But I gotta talk to you about somethin' important.
- What?
About somethin' important. - What? You wanna get back together?
- What?
Wait... do you?
- I... just...
What's up?
- Spencer's really sick --
what's up? - Spencer's really sick -- he can't take Carly
to the dance.
He can't take Carly to the dance. - Awww, poor Carls.
To the dance. - Awww, poor Carls. - I know -- do something.
- Look, I'll see
what I can come up with,
- look, I'll see what I can come up with, but right--
- whoa! Whoa whoa whoa whoa!
But right-- - whoa! Whoa whoa whoa whoa! - Heeeey.
- Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa whoa! - Heeeey. - Hey.
- How ya feelin'?
- Pretty good.
I think my fever's goin' down...
And there's less green stuff
comin' outta me.
Is Carly still upset?
Comin' outta me. Is Carly still upset? - Yeah.
She's up in her room,
- yeah. She's up in her room, suckin' down
she's up in her room, suckin' down another can of frosting.
Suckin' down another can of frosting. - Poor kid.
Another can of frosting. - Poor kid. - But...
I got somethin' to show ya
- but... I got somethin' to show ya that'll perk your saggy butt
right up.
That'll perk your saggy butt right up. - It's sagging?
Right up. - It's sagging? - Duh d'duh duh duh duh duhhh!
- You finished the motorcycle?
- Yep! She's ready to ride!
- Oh look at the...
Ahh!
You got the right choke knob!
- Momma gets it donnnnneee.
Woo!
So when does socko give it
woo! So when does socko give it to his cousin?
- Uh....That would be never.
To his cousin? - Uh....That would be never. - Whaddaya mean never?
- Well, socko called
- whaddaya mean never? - Well, socko called a little while ago.
He and his cousin
got into a fight,
he and his cousin got into a fight, and now he's not giving him
the motorcycle.
And now he's not giving him the motorcycle. - So... we did all this work
for nothing?
- Maybe... maybe you should put
the wrench down.
- Well, what's socko gonna do
with it?
- He said I could have it.
With it? - He said I could have it. - Wha- he just gave you
- he said I could have it. - Wha- he just gave you the coolest motorcycle
- wha- he just gave you the coolest motorcycle on the planet?!
The coolest motorcycle on the planet?! For free?!
On the planet?! For free?! - Mmm-hmm.
But... I don't think
- mmm-hmm. But... I don't think I'm gonna keep it.
- What, you're gonna sell it?
- Nah.
I think I'm gonna give it away.
- Wh--?! Are you insane?
Give it away to who?
- You.
- Wh... ?!
Why would you give it to me?!
- 'Cuz you're a great
why would you give it to me?! - 'Cuz you're a great best friend to my little sister.
And you've got a good heart.
Best friend to my little sister. And you've got a good heart. And you deserve it.
Well, come on!
Don'tcha wanna try it out?
Don't...Don't..Not...Wait..
Not in the house!!!
[ Engine revving ]
- Yeah!!
[ Music ]
- You feelin' better gib?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, who's ugly and stupid?
- Hey -- why ya gotta be
- yeah, who's ugly and stupid? - Hey -- why ya gotta be so mean to your weasel?
- Just give gibby his head,
all right?
- Here's the head...
All right? - Here's the head... And listen...
I'm not gonna charge ya nothin'
and listen... I'm not gonna charge ya nothin' for it...
Or for you breaking my machine.
For it... Or for you breaking my machine. - Your machine almost broke me!
- I know, I know, so...
Let's just forget about it,
all right?
- Then give me your weasel.
All right? - Then give me your weasel. - Why?
- 'Cuz that guy's mean to him.
- You want the weasel?
Take it.
- I will take...Him.
Now he's my weasel.
Oh, that's right.
I'm your new daddy.
- Hey, wait a sec...
- What's up?
- Carly's really upset about
- what's up? - Carly's really upset about that father-daughter dance.
- I thought she went
with Spencer.
- Nah, he got sick.
With Spencer. - Nah, he got sick. We gotta do somethin'
- nah, he got sick. We gotta do somethin' to cheer her up.
- I could show her my weasel.
To cheer her up. - I could show her my weasel. [ Music ]
- Hey!
- Where've you been?
- I took my new motorcycle
- where've you been? - I took my new motorcycle for a little test run!
Dude, that thing's a rocket
on wheels!
- Yay for Sam.
On wheels! - Yay for Sam. - Dude, you gotta quit cryin'.
It was just a dance.
I'll get it.
Stop crying!
Niiiice.
Carly...
I believe some boys
are here to take you to a dance.
- Miss shay...
Are here to take you to a dance. - Miss shay... - May we escort you
- miss shay... - May we escort you to the dance?
- Way to go.
To the dance? - Way to go. - Wha..What the...
Carly? What's wrong?
- We were expecting
a more enthusiastic reaction.
- I'm sorry. I'm just...
A more enthusiastic reaction. - I'm sorry. I'm just... I dunno, it's hard to explain.
I'm just really upset.
- You got anything to drink?
I'll check the fridge.
- Look, you guys...
I sooo appreciate
- look, you guys... I sooo appreciate you going to all this trouble
for me, but...
You going to all this trouble for me, but... The dance was supposed
to be a father-daughter thing.
I was okay with Spencer
taking me...
...But
even if I went with Spencer...
...but even if I went with Spencer... It's just not the same.
Even if I went with Spencer... It's just not the same. And...
Now I just want this night
and... Now I just want this night to be over.
I don't wanna go to that dance
with anyone.
- Not even me?
With anyone. - Not even me? - Dad!!!!!!!!!
- Hey, snug bug.
- Oh... my... god.
- How great is that?
- So Spencer's not her dad.
- You guys, it's my dad!!!
- That is clear.
- Yeah, now.
- How ya doin', Sam?
- Doin' great, colonel shay.
- Freddie, right?
- Yes sir.
- And you're... "Gibbehh".
- Whoa, he knows my schtick!
- Hey, I heard Carly scream --
- whoa, he knows my schtick! - Hey, I heard Carly scream -- what's goin' on down...
Daddy?!?!
What's goin' on down... Daddy?!?! Ahhhh!!!
- All right. All right.
- I miss you, daddy!!!!
- Put me down.
Hey listen...
I would love to hug you all,
hey listen... I would love to hug you all, but I have to take
an incredibly beautiful girl
to a very special dance.
An incredibly beautiful girl to a very special dance. - He's talking about me!
To a very special dance. - He's talking about me! - Shall we?
- Yeah, I just need my purse.
- Oh, I think Freddie's got it
- yeah, I just need my purse. - Oh, I think Freddie's got it right there.
- This is a phone case!!!
Right there. - This is a phone case!!! [ Music ]
[ Music ]
stand up
[ music ] stand up - party!
Stand up - party! - Yeah.
- Party! - Yeah. - Whoo!
- Woo-hoo!
- Hey hey,
- woo-hoo! - Hey hey, look who's back from the dance!
- What is this?
Look who's back from the dance! - What is this? - This is a crazy hat
- what is this? - This is a crazy hat spaghetti taco party!
- Colonel shay,
it's an honor to meet you.
I'm t-Bo--
friend of Carly and Spencer's.
- Good to meet you, t-Bo.
Friend of Carly and Spencer's. - Good to meet you, t-Bo. - T-Bo lives across the hall
- good to meet you, t-Bo. - T-Bo lives across the hall with Freddie and his mother.
- Oh.
With Freddie and his mother. - Oh. So are you dating Freddie's mom?
[ Choking ]
- Soooo...
Colonel dad's in town!
What's the plan?
- Yeah! What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?
- Well, we need to take
what are we gonna do? - Well, we need to take family pictures together,
- well, we need to take family pictures together, and we gotta go
to that miniature golf place...
And we gotta go to that miniature golf place... - Baby...
To that miniature golf place... - Baby... - Ooo,
- baby... - Ooo, Spencer and I've been talking
- ooo, Spencer and I've been talking about getting a puppy!
So maybe we could drive down
together--
so maybe we could drive down together-- - Carly. I--
- yeah?
- I'm leaving tonight.
- Yeah? - I'm leaving tonight. - Wow.
Way to bring us all down.
- Y-you can't leave tonight.
- I'm sorry...
But they need me back
at the base in Italy tomorrow.
- But...But that's not fair,
you just got here.
- C'mon.
You just got here. - C'mon. This is supposed to be
- c'mon. This is supposed to be a happy night.
- But...
A happy night. - But... I just wanted more time, y'know,
- but... I just wanted more time, y'know, to have fun with you.
- Then come with me.
To have fun with you. - Then come with me. - What?
What are you talking about--
- what? What are you talking about-- - my air force base
what are you talking about-- - my air force base is right outside Florence,
beautiful little town.
Is right outside Florence, beautiful little town. Lots of the other officers
have their kids living with them
lots of the other officers have their kids living with them right on the base.
Have their kids living with them right on the base. There's a school.
Right on the base. There's a school. You can do--
there's a school. You can do-- - this is crazy.
- Why? Why is it crazy?
- This is crazy. - Why? Why is it crazy? - 'Cuz! I...
I can't leave my friends.
- He's your dad.
- Yeah, yeah...
Livin' in Italy?
- Italian smoothies.
I bet they use that gelato.
- Oh yeah.
- Gelato's good.
- Sam... ?
- Oh, dude...
If my dad asked me to spend
- oh, dude... If my dad asked me to spend some time with him in Italy,
if my dad asked me to spend some time with him in Italy, I'd say...
Some time with him in Italy, I'd say... Well, first I'd say,
"ohhh, so you're my dad."
And then I'd go.
"Ohhh, so you're my dad." And then I'd go. - But...
But what about icarly?
- The Internet'll still be here
but what about icarly? - The Internet'll still be here when you get back.
- But what about...
When you get back. - But what about... - Go to Italy.
Go with dad.
- Lotsa handsome guys your age
go with dad. - Lotsa handsome guys your age in Italy.
- I'm goin' to Italy!
In Italy. - I'm goin' to Italy! - Yay!
- Wait wait wait wait wait...
We leave in... ?
- Four hours,
we leave in... ? - Four hours, fifty-five minutes.
- Whatcha thinkin'?
Fifty-five minutes. - Whatcha thinkin'? - That we have enough time.
- For what?
- In five, four, three, two...
- I'm Carly...
- I'm Sam...
- And this is a very special--
- and I'm Freddie.
Yeah, that's right.
- And I'm Freddie. Yeah, that's right. I interrupted
yeah, that's right. I interrupted and introduced myself.
What are they gonna do, fire me?
And introduced myself. What are they gonna do, fire me? - And this is a very special...
- ...Spontaneous...
- ...Surprise...
- ...spontaneous... - ...Surprise... - ...Icarly Webcast.
- ...surprise... - ...Icarly Webcast. - Whoo!
- ...icarly Webcast. - Whoo! - Yay.
- Whoo!
- Now, if you're wondering
- whoo! - Now, if you're wondering why we're doing the show
- now, if you're wondering why we're doing the show so late at night...
Why we're doing the show so late at night... - ...It's 'cuz you need to meet
our very special guest...
- Colonel Steven shay
of the United States air force!
- My dad!!!
- Whoo!
- And now... - Baby Spencer!
- Yayyy! Yayy! That's me!
Oh, hiiiii dad-deeeeeeee!!!
- Oh my god, this freaks me out. Y'know, I paid to put this kid
through law school.
- Um... about that?
Through law school. - Um... about that? - Yes?
- Well... it's possible that...
I dropped out of law school.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
- He's kidding, right?
Tell me he's kidding.
- Uh-oh!
And now... it's time for:
The cowboy
and now... it's time for: The cowboy and the idiot farm girl
the cowboy and the idiot farm girl who thought
the cowboy's mustache
was a squirrel!
The cowboy's mustache was a squirrel! - Kootchykootchy-coooooooo.
Was a squirrel! - Kootchykootchy-coooooooo. - What in blazes are ya doin'?!
- I'm tickling your squirrel.
- Dang it!
I already done told ya
- dang it! I already done told ya a billion times!
- Tell me again.
A billion times! - Tell me again. - Will you tell this idgit
- tell me again. - Will you tell this idgit this ain't no squirrel?!
- That's a squirrel.
This ain't no squirrel?! - That's a squirrel. - This isn't really
- that's a squirrel. - This isn't really a freeze frame.
- We're just pretending.
A freeze frame. - We're just pretending. - And scene.
- And... that's all the comedy
- and scene. - And... that's all the comedy for this icarly.
We, uh...
For this icarly. We, uh... We have somethin' to tell ya.
- Now... this isn't goodbye.
- No. It's not.
But icarly's gonna be taking
- no. It's not. But icarly's gonna be taking a break.
- Carly's goin' to Italy
to live with her dad
for a while.
To live with her dad for a while. - Oh.
For a while. - Oh. - Listen...
Doing icarly for you guys...
Has meant so so much to me...
And it's changed my life.
- It's kept me out of prison.
Most of the time.
- Show's been a lot of fun.
- And um... I wanna say...
To the fans of icarly
- and um... I wanna say... To the fans of icarly ...Thank you.
- Without you guys,
...thank you. - Without you guys, we'd just be a couple of idiots
- without you guys, we'd just be a couple of idiots with a camera in an attic.
We'd just be a couple of idiots with a camera in an attic. - Which we are.
With a camera in an attic. - Which we are. - Well, yeah.
- So, 'til we see you again...
- ...Keep your sock
- so, 'til we see you again... - ...Keep your sock fulla butter.
- ...keep your sock fulla butter. - And if you're attacked
by a moose...
- ...Make sure you scream:
By a moose... - ...Make sure you scream: - Oh my god,
- ...make sure you scream: - Oh my god, I'm being attacked by a moose!!!
- He's eating us!
- Ahh!!!!
I'm Carly...
- I'm Sam...
- And this has been...
- Icarly.
- I'm gonna miss you.
- Don't.
- What?
- Don't make me cry.
Thanks for taking care of me.
- C'mon...
We both know I'm a big, tall,
- c'mon... We both know I'm a big, tall, goofy man-child.
You took care of yourself.
Goofy man-child. You took care of yourself. - Yeah... maybe in some ways.
But
- yeah... maybe in some ways. But you've always made me laugh...
And feel safe...
You've always made me laugh... And feel safe... And shown me
and feel safe... And shown me that being a grownup
and shown me that being a grownup doesn't mean you have to stop
being silly,
creative,
and fun.
Creative, and fun. - Well, now ya made me cry.
And fun. - Well, now ya made me cry. - I love you.
- I love you too, kid.
- Hi.
- Oh hey, how goes it?
- I'm leaving in a few minutes.
- Yeah, I know.
Better not be late
- yeah, I know. Better not be late or your dad's gonna be
better not be late or your dad's gonna be wazzed off.
Or your dad's gonna be wazzed off. - Y'know,
you don't have to take
- y'know, you don't have to take all your tech stuff home
tonight.
All your tech stuff home tonight. - Yeah, but I figured
I might as well
- yeah, but I figured I might as well get a head start.
Tomorrow, I promised gibby
I'd help him do some research
tomorrow, I promised gibby I'd help him do some research on the proper care and feeding
of weasels,
so I figure the sooner I get
all this equipment out of here
the sooner I can take it down...
All this equipment out of here the sooner I can take it down... - So, I'm gonna get my bags
and head downstairs.
- Why don't I help you
with those bags?
- Yeah, that'd be nice.
With those bags? - Yeah, that'd be nice. - Oh, here they are.
- Sorry.
- Oh, no worries,
- sorry. - Oh, no worries, we're right on time.
Okay, I'll, uh,
take these bags down
okay, I'll, uh, take these bags down and put 'em in the car.
Take these bags down and put 'em in the car. I figure you wanna say
some good-byes before we go.
- Thanks, dad.
Some good-byes before we go. - Thanks, dad. - You woulda been
- thanks, dad. - You woulda been a great lawyer.
- I woulda been
the worst lawyer.
- I know.
The worst lawyer. - I know. - Just keep sendin' money.
- See you all soon.
- Bye.
- See ya.
- See ya in a second.
- Okay.
Bye Spencer.
- Bye, dad. Take care.
Wow -- your dad
- bye, dad. Take care. Wow -- your dad is a good- lookin' man.
- Goodbye, you guys.
Is a good- lookin' man. - Goodbye, you guys. Awwww, gibby...
C'mon.
Don't cry.
One more for the road?
- Gibbehh.
- I'll ride down with ya.
- I love you guys.
- Love you too.
- Love ya too, kid.
- Why don'tcha take this
- love ya too, kid. - Why don'tcha take this with ya?
Ya just... push a button...
With ya? Ya just... push a button... If you ever need a laugh...
Cheer...
Random dance...
- Aw, Sam...
- Hey!
Who stopped the elevat--
- hey! Who stopped the elevat-- - get out!
- Attention passengers.
- Get out! - Attention passengers. It looks like
- attention passengers. It looks like we're going to be taking off
it looks like we're going to be taking off in about twenty-five minutes.
We're going to be taking off in about twenty-five minutes. Until we close the doors,
please feel free
until we close the doors, please feel free to continue using
all approved electronic devices.
To continue using all approved electronic devices. Aloft airlines
welcomes you aboard
aloft airlines welcomes you aboard our non-stop flight
from Seattle to Florence.
Our non-stop flight from Seattle to Florence. Our approximate flight time
will be 11 hours and 31 minutes.
Please enjoy our complimentary
Wi-Fi during the course
please enjoy our complimentary Wi-Fi during the course of the flight.
- Evening everyone.
Of the flight. - Evening everyone. This is your pilot speaking...
- Hey there people of earth!
I'm Carly shay,
- hey there people of earth! I'm Carly shay, and this is
our very first Webcast
of a little show we call
icarly...
Of a little show we call icarly... - And...Um... you're gonna need
a technical producer, right?
To set up the lights, audio,
work the camera...
- So listen, I need a favor.
Work the camera... - So listen, I need a favor. - Shoot.
- Would you let me borrow
- shoot. - Would you let me borrow your video camera?
- I can't.
Your video camera? - I can't. - Why not?
- I made it into a squirrel.
- Would it mean I have to do,
like, work and stuff?
- Well, if you're gonna do
a show
- well, if you're gonna do a show you gotta prepare for it.
A show you gotta prepare for it. - You do the work.
You gotta prepare for it. - You do the work. I'll just show up
- you do the work. I'll just show up and be your amusing
little side-kick.
And be your amusing little side-kick. Once upon a time
there was a Carly.
- Who met a wandering freak
named Sam.
- Fun with bacon!
Named Sam. - Fun with bacon! - Random dancing!!
- Now look down.
- Back up.
- Look out your window.
- Think about cheese.
- Gibby parmesan!
- I'm Carly.
- I'm Sam.
- Yo, yo, yo
- roasted weenies!
- Gibbbbehh!!
- Roasted weenies! - Gibbbbehh!! - Ahhhh!
- Oooo weeee!
- Fleeben, flarben, oksha,
- oooo weeee! - Fleeben, flarben, oksha, dooshka, varben?
- Oooo weee!
Dooshka, varben? - Oooo weee! - Eggs!
- Floss my toes!
- Ahh!
- Ahhhh!
- Baggles!
- I'm a snowman!
- What?!?
- The blowing.
- Kelly Cooper.
Terrible movie.
- Wahhhh!
- Oh yeah!
- Ahhhh!
- Ahhh!
- Ahh
- ahhh! - Ahh - ...And this has been...
- ...Icarly.
- ...and this has been... - ...Icarly. - And...We're clear.
- ...icarly. - And...We're clear. - Spencer shay, are you ready?
T-Bo, are you ready?
Then blowww...
- Yeah! Wooo!
[ Air horn ]
- Mmm...
Captioning performed by aegis rapidtext